Loss of an Adult Child

[briansdad]

Well a friend of mine has lost her 4 year old to cancer this morning. I found this song.He hadn't even lost any of his baby teeth.

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda, look at you, welcoming another and in the face of so much ache and pain yourself, you are there, just steps ahead of Traci on the timeline...it is in that reaching out that we sometimes find some strength.

Traci, as Brenda said, we wish you did not have to find a place such as this, though this is a good place to be when one is grieving a child. Don't worry about the age of your lovely Daughter, we have had parents of very young too as we are a very active thread and people feel comfy with us. Do tell us more when you are able, let us know more about your lives. The fog you speak of is a bit of protective gauze, as it wears away, you may feel an increase in intensity, you may not...either way, being here and letting folks know how you are and what you are feeling is quite helpful in finding your way through this maze. I love the way you spell your Daughter's name, Raivyn. So pretty. How are your other Daughters doing? Did any school counselors help them initially? I understand your peace with Raivyn's ability to give life to those waiting on lists, she was able to help many and I am sure that she is proud of you for helping her fulfill this. I have been here a long long time, though have taken breaks here and there, but find that it is here that I feel at home and also a sense of purpose. Erica died nearly 9 years ago at the age of 19.

Thanks Dee , I try, some days are better then others.. just breaks my heart to see others hurting as bad as I am.

[BrendaDup59]

Well a friend of mine has lost her 4 year old to cancer this morning. I found this song.He hadn't even lost any of his baby teeth.

So heartbreaking , I will keep her in my prayers ,maybe you can get her here someday. God Bless her and her baby girl.

[BrendaDup59]

Goodbye baby

I hope your heart's not broken

Don't forget me

Yes I was outspoken

You were with me all the time

I'll be with you one day

Traci ~ I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, 2 months its so early in this journey. I'm glad you have found your way here. I love your daughters name. If you are able please tell us more of her, her siblings. Our children are so much of our lives.

Dee ~ "Music for my grieving soul" I saw Stevie Nicks here, 2006, before Mike died....hypnotised by her haunting voice...lost in the lyrics of her song.

Losing a child seems to make lifes challenges just that little harder. As I sit here tonight I feel as though I am being taken back 17yrs.....A husband about to enter a treatment facility...this time for PTSD, back then it was aqueduct stenosis. Both times I lost the man I knew.

I listen to this often, another Stevie Nicks lyric that tugs at my heart....

http://youtu.be/ydZshIK3IjA

And the rain comes down

There's no pain and there's no doubt

It was easy to say

I believed in you everyday

If not for me

Then do it for the world

Posted this on FB.....Irony ~ A child stays silent for fear of 'disappointing' a parent, A parent on finding the truth fears they failed their child...

I am so sorry to read every thing you are going through, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.

[rlolheiser]

Yesterdays meeting with the social workers was strange. They first had the meeting about my grandson and his father was there. I guess he is still in a half way house and will be free in 2 weeks. I heard the social worker tell him how wonderful he is and nothing but negative to my daughter. I could hear his hatred in his voice when he found out I have been seeing his son. In fact at the end of the meeting he told the social worker to call him he isn't happy. I know it is going to be a long battle, but I am up for it.

Then when it came to Sena's turn they tried to call her father but he wasn't available. Right away she started to attack me about my leaving Sena with her mom. I jumped in on her and told her that I heard what the judge said, she looked me in the eye and told me the rules and I looked her back in the eye and said I understood. I didn't need her telling me anything. Now they are suddenly backing away from me, they said they won't be taking me back to court to regain custody of Sena, unless I let her mother have her.. talk about repetitive.. like she is threatening me or daring me. I just said in my cheerfull voice, I do everything for Sena's good, she won't be needing to worry. So.. the hard part comes.. lawyers court.. the social worker basically told me my daughter will be lucky to get my grandson back by next year if at all... to be continued I guess

Traci, I am glad you found yout way here, The ages of our angels doesn't matter, they are our children, I am the grandmother of Angel JaBoa, she joined the ranks of the angels in 2006 at the tender age of 10. I have been welcomed on this site from the start, I have had my breakdowns and good times, and times I just was silent, but the constant was I have here to come to. Thank you for sharing your little Rai of sunshine.

Trudi, thoughts go your way

Kate, I'm not going to work to hard, no ambition left, the meetings took a lot out of me this week. Now I need to figure how much I will do for our 4th of July celebration. I would rather forget it, but can't with the kids.

Sherry, what kind of scenes do you paint mostly? Do you do any people? Not sure if you told us before, my brain isn't what it used to be. Sometimes I remind me of mom and can have the same conversation two days in a row :-)

Thoughts and prayers for all the newcomers and their Angels.. praying for the family that lost their little one at the age of 4, may they find their strength in this time of heartbreak.

May you all find a peace in your hearts.

[daveydow1]

Greg------So sorry to hear of your friend's sweet angel child who just passed

away from cancer at age 4. Thank you for the beautiful song you posted....

"Jealous of the Angels".'

Dee----So glad that you got some rain. Yes...the little birdies must have loved

the shower,.....along with all the people too. We have not had a drop of rain

since about June 12th. This hot week.....in the 90's everyday, will probably

just about finish off the garden. I see on the weather channel that there is

100 degree temps all over the country...including your area. I will check out

the Fleetwood Mac songs on the internet music sites.

Kathy------Sure hope you're enjoying the camping trip, and Tav and everyone

will no doubt love the water toy you got him. Put a 10 yr.-old boy, a place

to swim, and hot temps, and you have a perfect combination of summer fun !!

(throw in the hot dogs and S'mores.....what coud be better ? )

Raimom...Tracie------I am sorry for your loss of your sweet daughter Raivyn. While

no one here ever wants to see a new grieving parent coming here, we all welcome

them when the greatest of life's tragedies occurs......the loss of a beloved child.

Everyone here knows firsthand, the sorrow and pain of such a loss. Please come

back and post/read when you want to. Once you come on this site,.....you are

always welcome. I, along with Dee, have been here 9 years. Peace & comfort , friend.

Brenda-----Yes.....I agree that even though you are new to this grief journey, and have so

much sadness of your own, you are still reaching out to others in an effort to give

sympathy and understanding. Each voice here on BI is heard, and is comforting

no matter where they might be on the timeline of grief. Sorrow can sometimes be

a lonely thing, but being with those who truly understand can help so much.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Leah-----We must have posted about the same time. Sorry that the meeting with

the social workers was unpleasant. I sure hope that in due time, that all this

can get sorted out for you, and that you can get some peace with the situation.

I haven't done any artwork to speak of since David died, really, and I am only a

"sunday painter", I guess you would call me. But the real joy in artwork is not

specifically the end product, but the joy of doing it. I'm going to start with a

still life, maybe, or possibly an animal. I also like to do some landscapes,

seascapes, and buildings. ( I must sound so ambitious.......but really, I'm not.)

Maybe just wishful thinking on my part. I feel lazy and unmotivated right now.

Sherry

[Jeff's Mom]

Sherry, had a message from my SIL in Dayton. Apparently it went to 103F yesterday. I imagine your basement has become a popular place to spend the day. If you can please post any pics of your painting. I'd love to see them.

Leah...I am really sorry they gave you such a hard time yesterday. It's tough. You can only do the best you are able. Good luck.

Greg...I am so sorry to hear of this young baby passing away. So very sad.

Trudi...how are you today?

Carol...how are things going with Ralph? When you have a chance please let us know,ok? We are thinking of all of you.

Dee...Hope your weekend is a good one and you manage to get out fopr another long ride on your bike. When does the camp start for the kids?

To all the new people that have posted...welcome. I am really sorry for your loss and sorry that you have had to find this place. I lost my son very suddenly on December 12, 2009. He suffered from depression. Rather then talk about how he died I would sooner focus on what type of person he was. A caring, sweet, loving, and loyal son and friend to everyone. I miss him more then words can convey. Yet I hope that you will be able to take heart in the post of others further along in their journey. Life does indeed begin to get better. The pain slowly begins to subside and the anger diminishes. There will be happiness in your lives again...but this is a long and slow process. And so for now...one day at a time is all you can ask of yourself. Take care.

Kate

[ericasmom]

IT's Raining again, how nice, not if it were everyday but after no rain in June to speak of, this is welcome indeed. Sherry, I hope some of it gets to you.

Someone asked about the flowers I posted, I don't think that I answered...they are deep red day-lilies, we have many color and variety, I love them for their long blooms and intense color.

Greg, how incredibly sad, what kind of cancer took this child? Beautifully poignant music. My friend lost her 4 year old many many years ago, to brain cancer. Alice, the sweetest red-haired little beauty. Prayers.

[BrendaDup59]

IT's Raining again, how nice, not if it were everyday but after no rain in June to speak of, this is welcome indeed. Sherry, I hope some of it gets to you.

Someone asked about the flowers I posted, I don't think that I answered...they are deep red day-lilies, we have many color and variety, I love them for their long blooms and intense color.

Greg, how incredibly sad, what kind of cancer took this child? Beautifully poignant music. My friend lost her 4 year old many many years ago, to brain cancer. Alice, the sweetest red-haired little beauty. Prayers.

Dee I wish we had some rain, they said the storms are just at the edge of KY ,I think my mom said more north it is so hot and dry ,I hate to see my water bill trying to just keep my flowers alive. this is one of my Lily's I waited 2 months to see, was worth it, it is a lily tree my mom got me didn't do a thing last year and this year only had 1 bloom,moms had about 10 flowers maybe next year..

[ericasmom]

Brenda, that lily is breath-taking. I bet next year it will yield three or more blossoms. Our day-lilies yield more each year, the plants getting bigger and more lush. I will attach some others here. The water bill will be outrageous that is for sure. I hope that you get some of this little rain, it gave us enough that I don't have to water today which is nice.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee I wish we had some rain, they said the storms are just at the edge of KY ,I think my mom said more north it is so hot and dry ,I hate to see my water bill trying to just keep my flowers alive. this is one of my Lily's I waited 2 months to see, was worth it, it is a lily tree my mom got me didn't do a thing last year and this year only had 1 bloom,moms had about 10 flowers maybe next year..

Brenda, what a beautiful bloom! It is called Dot Com or Strawberry Cream depending on the nursery you purchase it at. A truly stunning color combination.

Dee...your flowers are just beautiful as well! Ours have not come out into bloom yet. Glad you are finally getting some of that much neded rain for your garden.

[517958]

Tracie - I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my 5 year-old daughter Charlotte last July 6th. She drowned in a swimming pool while I was at work. My husband stepped away for a minute to care for my then 4 month-old son and a woman there took off Char's life jacket and didn't watch her. So I know the pain you're feeling now. One day your life is going along just fine, and in one awful second, everything has changed. The first weeks and months are terrible and the following days/weeks/months are a mix of glimpses of what your new unfamiliar life will be intertwined with the yearning to be back before that terrible day. I'm glad you have supportive family and friends. You'll need all the help, prayers and love you can get. No, most people don't understand and thankfully, will never have to. That's why the people on this site will help you because you will understand that you are not alone. My husband and I have also been helped by a group called Compassionate Friends. If you have one in your area, you could check that out as well. Again, I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee I wish we had some rain, they said the storms are just at the edge of KY ,I think my mom said more north it is so hot and dry ,I hate to see my water bill trying to just keep my flowers alive. this is one of my Lily's I waited 2 months to see, was worth it, it is a lily tree my mom got me didn't do a thing last year and this year only had 1 bloom,moms had about 10 flowers maybe next year..

Brenda...I have asked Dee to post a few pics for me when she has the time. I found one that I think may be of your beautiful lily. I know you are going to enjoy seeing it bloom every year.

I had mentioned to a few others I would post a pic of the bench and also the view of the lake. Another couple of pics are of a lovely walk I like to take in the mornings along an old boardwalk in a small town south of here. The old water tower is still standing after all of these years. I'm not too sure why they left it there. This is the site of a tv program that was called Falcon Beach, and it was filmed here for a few years. Very popular with the young ones.

I also wanted to wish everyone here on the site from Canada a great long weekend.

HAPPY CANADA DAY! BON FETE DU CANADA!

Thinking of all of you. My thoughts and prayers are sent your way.

Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda, that lily is breath-taking. I bet next year it will yield three or more blossoms. Our day-lilies yield more each year, the plants getting bigger and more lush. I will attach some others here. The water bill will be outrageous that is for sure. I hope that you get some of this little rain, it gave us enough that I don't have to water today which is nice.

Dee your flower are beautiful, I need to get out side and water ...I didn't yesterday so I bet they are dry this morning, and it's already getting HOT!! hope you have a great day.

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda...I have asked Dee to post a few pics for me when she has the time. I found one that I think may be of your beautiful lily. I know you are going to enjoy seeing it bloom every year.

I had mentioned to a few others I would post a pic of the bench and also the view of the lake. Another couple of pics are of a lovely walk I like to take in the mornings along an old boardwalk in a small town south of here. The old water tower is still standing after all of these years. I'm not too sure why they left it there. This is the site of a tv program that was called Falcon Beach, and it was filmed here for a few years. Very popular with the young ones.

I also wanted to wish everyone here on the site from Canada a great long weekend.

HAPPY CANADA DAY! BON FETE DU CANADA!

Thinking of all of you. My thoughts and prayers are sent your way.

Kate

Kate, I will be looking forward to seeing the pictures. and I may post a few of my yard I try so hard to keep alive, it's been hard this year my heart just isn't in to it , my husband wants to make a memorial garden for me and I wanted to put Orange roses and Lily's , Brian's favorite color . for a guy my son loved flowers, I have been able to trim my spiral Trees because every time I look at them I see him doing them last year for me. I hate Saturdays I get up with such dread because I got the awful news on that Saturday the 17 (St. Patrick's Day) at 2.30 , I just wish I could get past this. I guess in time, my DL posted a video of my grandson Joseph Brian's youngest son just turned 3 talking about missing his father. broke my heart. . well I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Take Care Brenda

[ericasmom]

Brenda, I know it must break your heart to see the video of your Grandboy missing his Daddy, your Baby. This is the very hardest thing in the world so be easy on yourself. Let your husband plan a memorial garden with your suggestions and maybe move on it slowly. Don't rush anything right now. Go out and water and know that you are being loved for all of time by that Boy of yours.

two photos, one a view of yard from deck and second, a bee balm attracting its namesake

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda, I know it must break your heart to see the video of your Grandboy missing his Daddy, your Baby. This is the very hardest thing in the world so be easy on yourself. Let your husband plan a memorial garden with your suggestions and maybe move on it slowly. Don't rush anything right now. Go out and water and know that you are being loved for all of time by that Boy of yours.

two photos, one a view of yard from deck and second, a bee balm attracting its namesake

Yea Dee it did break my heart, I guess I am going through some anger as I keep thinking had Brian just listen to me ,when I had seen a picture of the bike I just got sick and when I called him I told him Brian your going to get killed on that bike and then what are your kids going to do? he said "Mom I'm an adult I will be fine" well it wasn't but a few weeks later it happen. so I feel bad that I get mad because I know right before it happen he was having the best time ,enjoying himself, so then I get mad at myself.. such a vicious cycle.. I just miss him so much . and so does his wife and children, I now have to worry whats going to happen to them. Just saying a lot of prayers. and trying to get back into my drawing, just to keep my mind busy, I had gotten into a habit of staying in bed and I decided my butt was getting too smart! if ya know what I mean lol ...well have a great day ..Brenda

PS. a few of my flowers

[daveydow1]

Kate-----Yes....so very hot here in Ohio. The Dayton area and southern Ohio got a terrible

storm, causing widespread power outages. My older son lives in southern Ohio, and

the power is still off in his area, although some of it is beginning to come back on in

the area. Downed trees also causing problems, but crews are working hard to restore

everything. Of course, no cooking for anyone with electric stoves, and probably lots of

food loss with no refrigeration. The storm was this past Thurs. My son got caught at

a distance from home and needed gas, but nearly all stations were without power, so

he finally found one that happened to have power, and waited in line nearly 3 hours to

get enough gas to get back home (an hour away). He used flashlights and candles at

night. His dog died recently, so no watchdog. The outage extends down into WVA also.

The crews, working round the clock, should have power on pretty soon.....in most areas.

HAPPY CANADA DAY !!

Brenda-----thanks for the lovely flower pics.

Dee-----We got a small bit of rain last evening......not enough to help with the drought,

but some nice cool air came with it......probably from the storms that hit Southern Ohio,

so it at least cooled things off a bit. 95 yesterday......a bit cooler at about 89 today.

Thanks for the flower pics.

Peace to all INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Hollyhocks near my back patio.

[BrendaDup59]

Hollyhocks near my back patio.

Sherry they are beautiful, I could never get them to grow.. bought them a couple of times .but right now everything is drying up

[BrendaDup59]

Well this is what I spent my time on and off this week,it's my DL new kitten she got and the first one I have drawn. I am going to try and get a good picture of my sons favorite cat to draw, he s an awesome cat I will put a picture she sent me yesterday of both of them,the kitten is the one I just did. I am trying to get back in to my drawing to try and keep my mind busy but Brian is in my every thought miss him so much.

[daveydow1]

Beets I got from our garden this morning.

[daveydow1]

Our garden area.

[ericasmom]

Wow Sherry, so beautiful---your garden area is huge, like Becky's. Love it, so green. I love your holleyhocks, ours get attacked and ruined lately by Japanese beetles, and yes, we have tried everything from natural to caustic, nothing eats them and they just travel through the preventative materials. ICK> I find them in my butterfly bush, ravaging, on daisies eating away and making lace of the leaves of our guara which will kill it. OH I DISLIKE THEM very much.

Brenda, the drawing is beautiful you are a very talented woman. If it helps you to draw, then do so, maybe draw a portrait of your BOY>or have you already done so? I went outside in the 95 degree day adn brought my tablets and colored pencils today...I am nowhere near your level but it did feel good. And Sherry, have you been creating with your paints?

[BrendaDup59]

Wow Sherry, so beautiful---your garden area is huge, like Becky's. Love it, so green. I love your holleyhocks, ours get attacked and ruined lately by Japanese beetles, and yes, we have tried everything from natural to caustic, nothing eats them and they just travel through the preventative materials. ICK> I find them in my butterfly bush, ravaging, on daisies eating away and making lace of the leaves of our guara which will kill it. OH I DISLIKE THEM very much.

Brenda, the drawing is beautiful you are a very talented woman. If it helps you to draw, then do so, maybe draw a portrait of your BOY>or have you already done so? I went outside in the 95 degree day adn brought my tablets and colored pencils today...I am nowhere near your level but it did feel good. And Sherry, have you been creating with your paints?

Hi Dee, thank you for your kind compliments, I started drawing 4 years ago, I laugh when I look at my earlier drawings, I have just worked really hard at it. I just started doing portraits I just did Elvis for a friend..lol she loved him. I hope to someday to do Brian, I tried but it's just too hard , I still cant look at his pictures for very long I cry my eyes out. ...as for the Japanese Beetles I am having the same problem, they have really destroyed my Purple Plum, and a weeping Cherry , and now on all my Crape Myrtles oh and my Hibiscus... I hate the things. if your interested I have a couple of Art web sights I go to if you would like the info on them let me know. they are wonderful. very helpful . well have a good evening. Brenda

[mysonrich]

The stereo is gone. It's been sitting on a bookshelf for over 3 years glaring at me. With it's broken CD player, dual cassette player and radio. 2 great speakers with massive sub-woofers. It's gone. Rich asked me at one time if he could have it, before it started to fail, before the jammed CD. I told him no. It had been many years for us w/o a good sound system, I decided to spend on myself and he could us it and listen to it but he could not have it. IT. It sat upon my bookshelf as a form of self-punishment. A memory glaring me in the face everyday that took me to a dark place as I made judgment of myself, listening to the voice,my voice,taunting me with what I POS I was for not giving it to Rich. I bagged IT up and out IT went. The words of a 4 very wise women helped me with this. Thank you!

[BrendaDup59]

timestamp='1341107042' post='88495']

The stereo is gone. It's been sitting on a bookshelf for over 3 years glaring at me. With it's broken CD player, dual cassette player and radio. 2 great speakers with massive sub-woofers. It's gone. Rich asked me at one time if he could have it, before it started to fail, before the jammed CD. I told him no. It had been many years for us w/o a good sound system, I decided to spend on myself and he could us it and listen to it but he could not have it. IT. It sat upon my bookshelf as a form of self-punishment. A memory glaring me in the face everyday that took me to a dark place as I made judgment of myself, listening to the voice,my voice,taunting me with what I POS I was for not giving it to Rich. I bagged IT up and out IT went. The words of a 4 very wise women helped me with this. Thank you!

Betsy fist off your Lily? is beautiful one of my Favorite colors, as for the stereo, I have some regrets with my son Brian, my last phone call.. he had once again called for money and I wasn't thrilled about having to go back out to send it as I had been shopping all day and we had words, but at the end I told him I loved him and he told me back the last words I ever heard from Brian was I love you too mom, There are times he ask me and I said NO , I relive every time I hurt him over not taking his side when they had a fight I just wanted to stay out of their fights, but in doing so he thought I was siding with his wife,,, I cant even sit here long and think about it that all that matters is my son knew I loved him we all have regrets but you did the right thing in getting rid of it you didn't need the reminder. Have a good night Take Care Brenda

[Sholl1955]

It has been such a hard week. All I seem to be doing is crying. Had an argument with my youngest daughter and hate it that it happened. I have 2 daughters and since Sarah died it has been hard on both Rachel and I. We are very close, and both grieving but we should be closer not disagreeing. My emotions are all over the place and pop up at the most inopertune times. I dont think I am handling the loss of Sarah well at all.

[BrendaDup59]

It has been such a hard week. All I seem to be doing is crying. Had an argument with my youngest daughter and hate it that it happened. I have 2 daughters and since Sarah died it has been hard on both Rachel and I. We are very close, and both grieving but we should be closer not disagreeing. My emotions are all over the place and pop up at the most inopertune times. I dont think I am handling the loss of Sarah well at all.

Sarah's Mama, I had a bad day also, my son was killed on a Saturday, and I get up with such dread, and end up crying my eyes out at 2 pm ,usually gut wrenching sobs , my heart is so broken this is still so new to you I have days I do better then others ,I feel like my 10 year old has lost his mom too, I am just not able to do things I should be doing Oh I take Care of him but I have gotten into letting the Xbox entertain him I Just don't have it I find I just really want to be by myself. ,But I am trying . I have been told it just takes time, hard for us to see that right now as the pain is so strong, Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Brenda

[ericasmom]

Brenda, I am amazed that your just began drawing 4 years ago. Your work looks like those that spend their lives creating. Cool, a natural talent.

As far as words and regrets...we all have them, goodness knows how many ways I disappointed my Girl, so many times and ways, but she knew I loved her and I knew she loved me too. Brenda, I too spoke to Eri just about a half hour before she was struck by the Amtrak, we laughed and chatted and said I love you, I love you too, before hanging up. If I could take back all the arguments we had in our days, I would, but then we wouldn't be us. Eri hated school, of course I am a school teacher, but she hated school from the time she went to nursery school-hated formal training of any sort. When you hate school, generally you don't do well in it and so many of our arguments were about school.

Sara's Mama, I am sorry that you are extra weepy and feeling at loose ends, and that you and your Daughter Rachel had an argument. You are both grieving in your own ways and of course will be more sensitive and argumentative. It is normal in this new not-normal world. Is there any way the family can go to a group meeting with a social worker? Even just once or twice to help each other understand what it is your body and minds are trying to do in order to handle and live in grief?

You said that maybe you were not really handling this well, I disagree, you are handling the loss of your Dear Daughter the best way you can, one damn step at a time. You and Brenda are new to this and the final layers of shock are wearing away, this is a typical time for irritablility and the need to be alone occur for many. when the shock goes, it leaves you RAW and feeling like there is no place that feels right anymore. I assure you both that there will be in time, but time is needed in all of this. I so wish that you never had to feel this ache and pain. My heart and hope to you.

Sherry, so glad that your Son is fine after so much damage in your area last evening. Goodness! Your beets look delicious, I just read a recipe for beet salad that was mouth watering.

Betsy, sometimes letting go is what the message is from our Angels, letting the things go, the love stays firm and strong forever.

[mysonrich]

Sherry,I love the flower pictures and the beets! A few years ago while outto lunch with a 2^nd cousin I ordered pickled beets. Mycousin looked at me rather strange and commented that the only personshe know that liked pickled beets was a great aunt. I guess its a DNAthing ! Fresh is best but I do have a jar in the cupboard now.

Dee,your yard and garden are very inviting. Is it cool under the tree?And is that a water-color?

Brenda,you are very talented. And your flowers are beautiful ! I understandabout arguments and words we wish we could take back. A couple ofmonths before Rich died I had a chat with him about his choices inlife. What it came down to in the end is that he was happy. I wasable to patch things up with him.

Carol,word's fail me at the very time when I wish I could say just theright thing. (((hugs)))). Would you like a kiss too?

Kate,I don't see your pictures. Am I looking in the wrong place ? I wouldreally like to see the beautiful spot that you describe. jevous remercie de l'offre de l'aide si Sarah devrait-il besoin de toutsur ​​ses voyages.( Isuppose this is only spoken in Quebec? ) Google translate makes usall multilingual.

Heartbreaking tragedy on the news and for that matter, I feel news crewsare far too invasive. Poor Mother was playing with her two youngboys, 3 and 5, when she feel asleep. She woke up screaming. I dobelieve it's the umbilical cord, 6^thsense, that allows us to know things before we actually know them.Her 2 boys climbed over 2 fences and got into the neighbors pool.When they were found, it was to late.

WhenI was married to Sarah and Rich's dad we had an in-ground pool. I hadto fight tooth and nail with him to put up another fence around thepool. The yard already had a 4ft fence. But when kids see somethinginviting, fences don't stop them and like sweet Char, it happens soquickly.

Prayersfor that family.

Thepast couple of weeks I have been sorting through my belongings.Again. I still have my dad's things to go through, mostly a largefile cabinet. I have a box of things that belonged to my mother to gothrough. Her bother was holding on to the box and it has made it sway back to me.

Thinkingof you all Indigo's. Stay cool.

[mikesmomrs]

Please, please, everyone, pray, pray and pray some more. hubby is in the hospital...blood pressure is currently 67/40...they dont know why...he is having a lot of belly pain, and they are trying to find out why. scary, scary night...been here since 2 am when the ambulance brought him in. he is in ICU. will try to keep you posted.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Dear Carol I am so very sorry for the additional pain that Ralph is enduring. I am on my way to Church and will light a candle and pray very hard for a positive outcome.

Betsy I am so glad that you have made your decision and are able to let go a little more. Continue to take care of you and go slowly.

Sherry, Dee, Kate and all who posted pictures and flowers They are beautiful.

Sherry I agree with Dee your garden is huge Just as I thought it might be

In my thoughts and prayers

[rlolheiser]

Carol, I hope and pray and everything else in between for Mike and you. I hope you get some rest my friend and keep up your strength to keep up his. hugs for you both!

Brenda, wow.. I love your drawing, the kitty's eyes just grab me, I love cats but can't have any since I am allergic.

Sherry, I hope you find your drive to do your painting again. I used to dabble in the arts, but I never caught on to it. When I draw anymore it excites my young guy, but bursts my bubble when he says.. What a neat dog.. and it was a horse :-)

Dee, You surely have a green thumb, not me. Nothing grows in my garden, sometimes by accident and that is about it. That was only once that I got a bluebell to grow, it was when I first starged JaBoas memory garden. Now it only seems to grow weeds and a little grass.

Betsy, holding on to things, how I know how that feels, I have a room full of junk my dad gave me. :-) while he was sickly, he went through his stuff, and everytime I went home I had a truckload of stuff for my hubby. We never used it, but we saved it cause it was from dad. I keep trying to go through it, but it still gets saved.

Sara's Mama, Try to be kind to yourself, your holding on pretty darn good, give yourself a break. this is really tough what your going through, the pain is like no other. I am so sorry for your daughter, losing a sibling is hard to understand. It takes awhile for them too as I am finding out. Sena was only 4 when she lost her sister and at the age of 10 there is still so many emotions coming out so she can try to understand. All we can do is be there for them and like Dee says.. maybe some time of talking to somebody else might help.

I took the kids to a parade yesterday, they had a really good time. I got a really good sunburn, and a good time. I was able to stand for over two hours (I wore my knee brace) and I wasn't totally wiped out. Mom stayed home with hubby and was glad when I got home so she could go to bed, I don't I think she thought she was taking care of him.:=)

Tomorrow is the day we meet with Sena's psychologist again, I hope something positive comes out of this.

the weather has been in the low 90s, no rain. I hope we get something before Wednesday.

I hope you all take care of yourselves, and I want you to know I appreciate everybody here. Through your sorrows you all take time out for somebody else, that is something our angels are very proud of.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Hi Indigos,

I am home from hospital, kept me four days, not feeling very well, very dizzy and sick to stomach. They removed C6 completely, and chipped at bone spurs on C5 and C7, and removed both of those discs, so more than they had planned to do. I didn't keep any food down at the hospital, very dizzy and sick. Came off all meds yesterday afternoon, didn't feel as sick this am, but still dizzy and eyesight very blurry. Bloodsugars all over the place, monitoring every few hours. Hand and arm still useless, but hopefully neck pain will be better when I get through this. Felt my Jared right there with me throughout. When I got home the house alarm for his bedroom window started going off, something that had not happened while I was gone, and continues to sound off at least once a day, even though the window and the alarm were replaced a month ago...... he's here.

Love to all.

[ericasmom]

Becky, so glad that you are home and that Jared is there to watch over you. So glad that you know it is him. The nausea sounds like horror, I can't have any of the usual drugs for surgeries due to my inability to process them and I get exceedingly ill. Have they given you some antrivert for the nausea? I hope that by tonight, your vision feels back to normal and that the pain subsides. Do what the docs say.

Leah, both my husband and I are gardeners but with my back not like it used to be, he does most of it now, we have a mostly perennial garden so that makes it easier now, everything comes up on its own, but weeding is a pain. Husband does most of that now. Good luck at the therapy session tomorrow. The parade sounds great, glad you wore the knee brace.

Carol, love and prayer rolling all the time...for you both. For your whole family.

[shorty16]

Kathy – I am so glad my virtual grandson is at home where he belongs. I sure hope camping and snuggling with the ones he loves will make him feel better.

Becky – Wishing you well thoughts and that you may recover quickly. JD and my Brian are watching over you and sending you love.

JaBoa’s Grandma – So glad you had a good time at the parade. I see you live in North Dakota. It is really hot here in Wisconsin and sitting outside for a parade may be tough without shade or a light breeze. It seems you had a good day. We need those – don’t we!!!

Carol – I am Calling All Angels to be with your hubby during this time. You both have gone through so much. I am thinking about you, my friend. Love to you.

Sherry and Betsy – I LOVE PICKELED BEETS!!! My Grandma used to make them and can them. They were like candy to me until I noticed my pee was red!!!. Freaked me out, called in Mom and she informed me of the power of beet juice!!!! Thanks for the awesome memory!!!!

Sarah’s Momma – Arguing, in the beginning of grief, is normal and hard to avoid. Keep in mind that everyone around you is very wounded. Their minds are in a protective mode, and that makes the mouth move first and the brain catch-up!!..The entire dynamic of your family has changed. Our middle child, Brian (16) was killed 4 years ago and we have finally learned to live with 4 instead of 5. Be kind to yourself and sometimes we have to just stand there and let them yell and get it out. I am praying for you.

Brenda – Boy, can I relate to guilt and reliving conversations!!! Even though my son was 16 and I did not have his wife to deal with, I had his reckless behavior and the bullying of his little brother to deal with. Many times, I was hard on Brian, because I knew if I did not get him under control, the situation would escalate. Brian became really good at covering-up his acts (with the help of him friends). This is normal that you feel guilt. You will, until you beat your head against the wall so many times you just cannot do it anymore. That time is different for each of us. I analyzed and analyzed and again analyzed all situations in our life until I just could not analyze anymore. It has been 4 years since Brian became an angel and I am happy to say I have conquered the guilt. You will too. Be patient and kind to yourself. What you are doing is normal and you will sort it out, but it takes A LOT of time.

Dee – Thinking about you as Erifest approaches. Also, I hope you and your family are surviving this heat and draught. Not much rain in a while with really hot temps. Hope you have been staying cool. I send my love to you.

To all my friends

Scott and I went to see the Scorpions at Summer Fest last night: 7th row isle seats – AWESOME. We had so much fun!!!. I am really trying to not physc myself out for Brian’s 21st birthday coming up (7-12). And it seems to be working. I do feel tremendously sad, but the elephant is spending less time sitting on my chest. I credit that to this site and my friends who help me. I hope that I can pass it forward and help those after me in this grief process.

Colleen, Brian’s Mother Forever

[Maddy6]

I need some advice. I have a friend whose daughter has been in and out of drug use for the last couple of years. I worked with her. Anyway, she messaged me recently and told me the daughter is now using meth. We were planning on going to lunch soon and I was going to talk with her. Anyway, I saw her at the gym tonight and talked to her. She put the daughter out a few weeks ago when she found out about the meth. The daughter is 18 yo. She said the daughter was stealing from them and she was not going to allow their other daughter to put up with any more of the abuse. She said she has to protect her other daughter who is 16 yo now. The other daughter is 2 years younger, easy going and compliant.

My friend wants to go out with my husband and her husband, but she told me I must promise her I will not try to convince her husband to "save" their daughter. She said I am the "only" one who has told her to fight and try to save her. She said everyone has counseled her otherwise. She told me she is tired of the abuse from her (verbal abuse and stealing). When I went to tell her that I am the only one because I am the only one whose child has died, she interrupted me and reminded me of a mutual friend's son who died of meth. This lady told her that there comes a point where you must let them go and let them decide what it is they want. She said she is going to listen to that lady.

I fought for Rachael. My other children watched me fight for her with everything I had. I lost in the end, I was giving up at the end, I feel in many ways that was why she was free to leave because she knew I was giving up. I was tired of the battle. I regret that, but I will always know, and my kids know, that I fought to save Rachael. If I had to lose her to death, at least I know I fought for her.

NOW, here is where I need advice. Any suggestions on what I should do? She won't listen. I understand she is tired and angry. Her daughter stole all her jewelry. Her daughter is on meth, she is dying already if she is on such a drug. If her daughter dies she will realize how trivial and insignificant that jewelry is. She also will remember me repeatedly trying to convince her to fight for her kid and she would not listen to me. She will also realize her daughter was crying out for help and she was not listening. How can I convince her to fight for her daughter. Death is forever and she doesn't realize it. She is tired. What should I do? Any thoughts?

ALSO, do you guys think I am wrong in trying to convince her to fight? I realize I don't know a lot about this type of situation, even though I went through something similar, but if I had a do over Iwould have fought harder. I regret that I got tired and let go and Rachael sensed it.

Thanks and love,MADDY

[shorty16]

Maddy,

In my personal opinion, your friend is fighting. She is fighting to keep a family together when it is being torn apart by the demon of drugs. The friend of addition is enablement. By not enabling, your friend is fighting off the demons of drugs.

This is just my opinion. How do we feel when people told us we should feel or act a certain way when we are greiving the loss of a child? It is hard to know what is going on until we lived through it yourself.

Just my 2 cents

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Maddy6]

Colleen,That's just it. I DID live through it exactly. Rachael never, ever stole from us. But she thanked me repeatedly for saving her life after she had gone to rehab, was clean and got out. It was when I was tired of the battle that I began to give up and take the attitude I couldn't fight for her anymore when we lost her. She sensed I was tired. I sensed she was using again. It was pain pills, not meth, but it was drugs. That is what concerns me for my friend. She is accepting that her daughter has chosen to do drugs. I feel like we can always fight while they are alive. Death is final and it is too late. I don't want to see her lose her child and it hurts to watch. Actually for so long I had had self blame and reaching out to this friend is reminding me of just how hard I did fight for Rachael and I am glad I did. She was worth it.Love,Maddy

[Sholl1955]

Thank you for the encouraging responses to my post last night. I have come to the conclusion that it is impossible for my family and friends to understand how I feel and I don't ever want them to understand it, but I also cannot seem to find the right words to explain what I am feeling and why I am not "over" some of the pain by now. I am so tired of trying to explain something I don't understand myself. I have to "appear"to be doing ok much of the time. I am a Registered Nurse and my job requires me to focus on what I am doing as I care for my patients, and I can do that pretty well, however with friends and family it is harder to disguise my feelings. I have many distractions as my husband has early onset Alzheimers Disease and we also live with my son in law and help care for my grandaughters 3 and 5 years old. It is a huge blessing to be with them and at the same time the most heartbreaking thing in the world to watch them grieve for their Mama. I can do what I need to do for all of them but at the end of the day, the pain of losing my dear Sarah is more than I can handle. I have come to the realization this weekend that I will never be able to explain my heart to family and friends so I intend to stop trying as it is just too hard. This is a very lonely journey but one that I have no choice to go down this road. Again thank you for caring and responding and my prayers are with each of you that have to deal with the same issues that I do. Oh, and my name is Sandy.

[RonnieAlt]

Hello all, just saw this article about grieving and mourning. Thought it may help someone.

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/07/01/is-there-such-as-thing-as-good-mourning/?intcmp=features

God Bless you all.

My daughter's first birthday away is Saturday7/7 .I don't know what to do, but all her sisters will be here with me and we are going to be together in a cabin close to a lot of places Cherry loved to hang out. I got some wish lanterns and we are going to play all her favorite music all weekend and hang out with her memory. I just want to cry and be with my 3 surviving daughters, in solitude, reverence, and remembrance. My oldest daughter, Cherry's only big sister is bringing the scrapbook she has been making. Cherry's younger sister is bringing all the stuff to make anklets, and a jigsaw puzzle of something beautiful that Cherry loved. Cherry's baby sister is bringing a collection of shells from passion island where we spread some of Cherry's ashes last November, to use in the anklets. We are packing incense and candles and wine. From there I don't know what we will do. It is so sad, and harder than hell. I miss my little baby girl so bad. I have been crying for the past 2 weeks preparing for dealing with this day. It has been exhausting. Pray for me please, I am in such pain.

Thank you,

-Ronnie

[mikesmum]

Maddy ~ Its a tough spot to put you in even for a friend.

First, the daughter who stole the stuff...isn't her daughter its the addict. Its an entirely different survival mindset of addiction. As for saving her, well unless the addict sees that there is a problem and wants to break the cycle not much sticks.

Best I can offer...With my youngest, if he wanted cash it was no. If he needed something like clothes, bus tickets, even food, I would buy them for him.

We had an agreement that he would ring me every couple of days (we have a reserve call service I got on my phone at the time) so I knew where he was at. The guilt of his addiction has been something I didn't think much on till recently.

Bottom line is you can offer a shoulder, an ear but as for advice....well its a bit like the grief journey, something will be the same, but the rest is specific to that person.

Today I had my husband admitted to the PTSD unit. As we walked through the doors he became detached and I became invisible. I left there not sure what the process would be, but relieved he is now under care.

My youngest son who has been struggling for the past months has now been admitted to a psych unit closer to home. He has been an addict for many years with a long period of non using. In that time he managed to qualify as a plumber, buy his house and have two children...He has been hearing the voice of his brother Mike talking to him, telling him he'll die if he wasn't careful. So after a myriad of calls to place that say they are 'crisis units' and being told they couldn't help for weeks, Melissa took him to the local hospital.

I am proud that he put his hand up and said I'm not coping and I need help, proud that he is staying the distance with the treatment, but heartbroken that he still struggles. Tears as he tells of hearing Mike's voice......

Well my Indigo's its coming up to your 4th July...warm weather and hopefully fond memories for you all.

Winter here, flooding around our town is to peak sometime tonight....the snow on the mountains needs to stay put!!

Peace out Indigos.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

‎39 weeks today, Jared. ♥ U Infinity

My eyesight is really blurred, hoping that will clear up soon, but otherwise pain is tolerable. Hand and arm still numb. Gotta get myself together for the legal battle that is set to begin.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thinking of you today Carol. My prayers are sent your way. Becky....glad you have had the surgery done.

Here are a few pics of the memorial bench for Jeff set in the woods.

Kate

[mysonrich]

Kate,far more beautiful than I imagined. Beautiful, tranquil . Thanks forsharing.

Becky,take care of yourself lady ! the stronger you are physically and emotionally, the stronger you fight.

[BrendaDup59]

Thinking of you today Carol. My prayers are sent your way. Becky....glad you have had the surgery done.

Here are a few pics of the memorial bench for Jeff set in the woods.

Kate

Kate ,

your pictures are so beautiful , and the bench is wonderful , I cant wait to have a head stone on my sons grave, we just dont have the money right now and last time I was with my DL she said "when I get my taxes I am getting Brian's headstone with it and I will get what I want put on it!".. so I knew what she was implying since I am not paying for it I will not have any say as to what it looks like , and that's OK, just kinda hurt that she said it like she did, I didn't have a say in what he was buried in or where he was buried, the only thing that really bothered me was I would have liked him buried in a dress outfit ,she just put jeans and a blue shirt, he just looked so good dressed up , I wanted him buried where his children would be able to go see his grave when they wanted , I do wish I lived closer to where I could visit his grave, anyway have a great day

[BrendaDup59]

‎39 weeks today, Jared. ♥ U Infinity

My eyesight is really blurred, hoping that will clear up soon, but otherwise pain is tolerable. Hand and arm still numb. Gotta get myself together for the legal battle that is set to begin.

Becky I sure hope you heal fast, I was a hairdresser for over 25 years and have arthritis and herniated disk in my neck and a couple of summers ago I was pretty much bed ridden as I could not sit straight up in a chair , and when I went to see a Neuro surgeon my C3-through my C6 were herniated it finally got better but I have trouble sitting for very long periods of time. but my left arm was the worse. anyway I will keep you in my prayers . Take Care Brenda

[daveydow1]

Dee-----No rain here, at all......unles you count about 14 drops last evening. The beets

are doing ok, probably because my husband has been watering them faithfully. Oh...those

horrid Japanese beetles......We used to get them all the time at a place we used to live at.

They would just decimate the Rose of Sharon bushes and all sorts of other things. We don't

get them much around here. Not too sure why......maybe it's becuase of all the raccoons

who come into our yard in spring and dig these little tufts of grass up....all over the place.....

to get at the beetle grubs. So I think that the raccoons wipe out the grubs population, and

they, in turn, don't get a chance to turn into the adult beetles that do so much damage to

just about any plant, flowers, leaves etc. They are dreadful things. I read where they were

not native to the U.S. , but was introduced here by well-meaning people who thought that

they could be predators to some other pests of agriculture. Now.....they are everywhere.

I used to use Sevin dust to try to control them.....also hand-picking them and putting them

into soapy water. But, they are very hard to get rid of. No artwork yet for me.....(haven't

been too motivated yet)

Betsy-----Getting rid of the old stereo system that didn't work anymore was probably a

good thing. I believe that we all will hold onto some things (I know I do ), and that the

'things' can evoke feelings of guilt. I guess it's good when we are at the point of finally

parting with them. I guess that in the big picture,........they are just 'things', but of course

each must decide when and if they wish to let the stuff go. Glad that you are feeling better about it.

Brenda-----I agree----we all have our regrets. I guess we wouldn't be human if we didn't

have them. I do, so, understand your sorrow being keenly felt....especially on Saturday,

since your dear son was killed on Saturday. My son, Dave, also was killed on a sunny

Saturday, and for quite some time, I felt uneasy and shaky on Saturdays. Peace & prayers.

Sarahsmom....Sandy.....Sorry to hear that you and your daughter argued, but as someone

said, this type of conflict is sometimes part of the road we are on now. The baby steps

that are taken so early on in this journey will somehow become bigger steps as time

goes by. Time......it seems to be our enemy, and then it can be our friend on this road.

Yes......trying to explain how you feel about the loss of your dear Sarah, to other people,

can be so tiring. Sometimes well-meaning people can be very exasperating when they

try to 'help', by telling you how, and when to be 'over' your loss. I think that you are right

to just not try to keep explaining. Not possible to put the loss into words, really. Thoughts

& prayers, friend.

Carol-----I am praying hard for Ralph to recover, and for your whole family, in this scary time.

Leah-----Can't seem to get 'with it' lately on the artwork. It will hit me sooner or later, though.

Have all the stuff out, so just seeing it sitting there may motivate me. Keep at your sketching....

if you can find the time...it is relaxing. (Listen to me.........telling YOU to do drawing,

when I'm such a slouch right now.)

Becky------Sending prayers for your recuperation from surgery. JD was with you all the way.

Colleen------I just boiled the beets, and we've been eating them cold. I, too, love pickled beets.

Nice that you and Scott went to the enjoyable concert.

Trudi-----Prayers for your husband, that he can find his way out of the depression, with the

help of the experts at the facility. Peace & comfort, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry