Loss of an Adult Child

[rlolheiser]

Dee, feeling at a loss, it feels like since we started this psychologist counciling with Sena, she has become more misbehaved. She calls people names, she talks back to me more than ever, and yesterday she called 911 just becauses she wanted to. The sheriff came knocking on my door wanting to know if we were ok. I was on the phone, my niece had just called. I looked at him questioningly... why would you ask. He said a 911 phone call came from here. I called the kids up from the basement and sure enough my Sena... just felt like it. I asked the officer to talk to her, but she didn't seem to care she wasted his time. I don't know if this is normal behaviour, and really don't know if I want to talk with her psychologist.. our life was so much better before this... just don't know what to do.

Betsy, I am glad you have had rain that way. I would like to win the lottery :-) not much chance, gotta buy a ticket to win. I leave it up to my brother, he told me he would always share with me. Good luck at going through everything, it is hard for me when I attempt even the few things I have saved here. My dad wrote so little, that I saved all the paperwork he had, just to bring back memories.

Kate, so glad you and your husband had that special time together, it makes life seem a little sweeter in tough times.

Lora, a month isn't long, I am sure your angel is proud of you for the strength you show. Many ways I think we are actors.. because it is a new script we are given to go on stage with. It is nice that you walk an hour a day, I need to get back into that, be kind to yourself and thank you for being here.

Carol, thinking of you and Mike, I hope all is going well for you both... hugs

Colleen, as Brian's birthday approaches I hope you feel his presence, and you find strength in all you do. It is so hard to go through these special times

It was 96 yesterday.. they say it will be hotter today. Hope we get some rain. The fields are so dry.

[ericasmom]

Lori, when we returned from Kalamzoo where ERi died, I resumed my daily walks the next day. Walking has always been my cnnection to spirituality, like taking a walk is my church, it is where I see and feel the world around me and can make the most sense of things.

Leah, Sena heard some things she was unsure of and now is testing the limits because she is upset with everyone...she also might want to see who will have the strength to find her limits because she can't find them right now. A child acts out for reasons and I would definitely let the psychologist know about this recent change and let them know too that what was said to her last week might have tipped this scale. You have the right to wonder aloud to them.

Colleen, I know that the dates can send you into the blues, I sure get that, we all do. No matter where you are, Brian is also there.

[517958]

Monday was my first day back to work. It will be a month tomorrow that I lost Cara. It is so hard to keep going on without them and watch everyone go on with their lives. I ask myself every day why it was not me. She had so much more to do in life. I am surprised how well I do at work. I feel like an actress, and just going through the motions. I have walked everyday since the second week for an hour a day, I think it does help me. I have not posted a lot but read the post daily. I love to read about your children and your stories. I feel comforted and know you understand what I am going through. I take it day by day. Does anyone have any suggestions of books to read to help? Have a good evening.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I went back to work after 3 weeks and I also felt like an actress playing the part of "Angela - the grieving mother." I felt this way for quite a long while. I've found for me working was a little bit of a break from the devestation. I didn't expect to see Charlotte around every corner like I did at home. Of course I still thought about her every minute of every day. There is hope though. I now don't think of her every minute of the day and when I do think of her, it's not always in dispair. I'm able to laugh at funny memories of her now. Be good to yourself. Some good ones I've read are: Surviving the Loss of a Child - By Elizabeth Brown. There's a good Elizabeth Kubler Ross one that I can't rememeber the title but she's a renowned grief expert. I also read CS Lewis' A Grief Observed. It's about the loss of his wife but a quick read. I'll go through my book collection later and see if there were any others that were helpful to me.

[Jeff's Mom]

Lori, when we returned from Kalamzoo where ERi died, I resumed my daily walks the next day. Walking has always been my cnnection to spirituality, like taking a walk is my church, it is where I see and feel the world around me and can make the most sense of things.

Leah, Sena heard some things she was unsure of and now is testing the limits because she is upset with everyone...she also might want to see who will have the strength to find her limits because she can't find them right now. A child acts out for reasons and I would definitely let the psychologist know about this recent change and let them know too that what was said to her last week might have tipped this scale. You have the right to wonder aloud to them.

Colleen, I know that the dates can send you into the blues, I sure get that, we all do. No matter where you are, Brian is also there.

Dee, I think you are right about keeping as active as you can. When you are busy you don't have the time to sink into depression in the same way.

Leah...so sorry that you are having this difficult time with Sena. She is testing things to see just how far she can get. There is a lot going on in that little head of hers right now. Sorry you have to take on the responsibility of sorting it out and also looking after your Mom at the same time. Combined with that intense heat...it must be very, very stressful. You are doing an excellent job by the way. Make sure you take care of yourself as well!

Colleen, Brian wil always be with you wherever you are. Special dates will always pull at the old heart strings. Guess it will always be that way.

Carol...thinking of you today.

Brenda...hope you have started working on your painting. Look forward to seeing it.

We woke up this morning to a slight drizzle falling and it is overcast. Thank heaven, as it is supposedly going up to 35C in the city. It is usually a few degrees cooler up here. Keeping very busy this week. Our church is having their 125 year anniversary tea on Sat.. I have been recruited to make sandwiches, etc late week. Good thing the Church Hall is air conditioned. Hope everyone has a decent day.

[westleysmom]

Colleen-Thinking of you as you travel and carry Brian with you. Hugs

Betsy-I can hardly open a drawer or closet that doesn't send me into a tailspin. I kept a lot of the kids papers and things when they were little because I'm a sentimental packrat, and I come across things everywhere that Westley wrote or made and it is just too much. Good luck with the sorting.

Lora-When There Are No Words by Charlie Walton was a good book that I read early on. He is himself a grieving parent, and I read the book several times, very quick read. Work is my escape, too. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart to you.

Leah-You are ever in my thoughts. I hope that things start to improve soon with Sena.

Carol-Hoping that Mike is doing okay and you are too.

Kate-When I go to the cemetery on Sundays (usually), my BIL and SIL put a bench at the foot of Westley's grave, and I sit there. Sometimes I talk to him and sometimes I can't. My husband doesn't usually come with me, so its my time alone with Westley. When he does come, we usually don't talk much either. I'm glad your husband is okay.

Angela-Sometimes I still feel like an actor playing a part in a play that I hate. But sometimes, I am able to feel almost okay, and then I feel badly that I felt okay. Its the strangest thing, this kind of loss. Its the kind of thing you don't want to "get over" because, well, hell, its all we have left of them in a way. Not that we don't have our love for them, but our grief keeps them in our lives. I'm not explaining it right, but I hope you know what I'm saying.

Got a "bored" meeting today so leaving in a few. Just wanted to check in with everybody. We did finally get some rain the past few days and cooler temps. Thank goodness! Have as good a day as you can.

[ericasmom]

Books that I appreciate:

The Worst Loss, written by two moms who lost their children

Name All the Animals, written by Alison Smith a memoir of her lost brother

Paula, written by Isabele Allende' a memoir of the loss of her beloved Daughter

The Sum of Our Days, also by Allende' memoir of the years since Paula died

Three Dog Life, written by Abigail Thomas memoir about a woman whose husband died- (while not the same loss, very poignant and helpful)

Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott about her life and spiritual path and loss that happens in our lives

[ericasmom]

Betsy, I suck at sorting! I begin and just get way-laid by the amount or the emotions and end up just making new piles with different headings. I am not linear in any way and so I tend to be disorganized in my approach. Good luck with the sorting.

As far as finding ways to honor our Kids, I probably would not have a fund if I was not teaching at the very school that Jon and Eri attended K-6. It just was the right fit for such a fund and helped me to find a way to use the outpouring of funds that came our way in her loss. From there it was kind of set, we didn't necessarily know that we would hold an ERI-fest each year, but as we inched closer to the first anniversary and my head began to swim in pools of sorrow, I thought, okay, fill the yard as we did after her funeral, fill it in a free kind of way so that emotions can wander the garden with us and be surrounded by the folks that Eri loved so dearly. We put a collection box out and explained what the ERI-fund had already accomplished and now 9 years later...well it is an event that is near and dear to my heart. You are right though, it is exhausting both physically and emotionally. I am home from a walk, going to tutor in a while, and then going to indulge with some Tai-Chi at the gym. Realign my spirits. I went for a good bike ride yesterday and that rhythm of peddling through town with the breeze in my face, just feels good. My brain travels to mostly good things and I am more peaceful for it.

[arc4ever]

Hello my dear friends. It has been quite some time since I posted, but thought of you today when a friend asked for assistance in helping another friend who had lost a child recently. I immediately thought of all of you and how wonderful and supportive and helpful you have been and so I passed along this message board information. Hopefully, she finds her way here and I know you will be of great support to her as you have been to me. Don't have long to "chat" today, very busy at work these days. A hello and an I love you to the folks on here I do not know. I am deeply sorry that you are on this message board as I am sorry any of us are. I keep you in my prayers daily. My husband and I are working this this journey as difficult as it is. Trying to find our way. Love to all - t

[ericasmom]

Terry, am I right? How nice to see your Boy's smiling face, so beautiful. I hope that your friend comes this way as well and how are y ou? Are you doing okay? Husband? Prayers go with you as you find your way.

[daveydow1]

STACY------STACY------ SWEET STACY--------SAYING YOUR NAME, AND REMEMBERING YOU.

[mikesmomrs]

Hello all: Just a quick word or two (yes, from MOI...just a quick "word or two") for now...got to get some things done...Mike is doing much better...we are in a rehab hospital now. will fill you in later. Thanks so much for keeping us in your thoughts. Love you all!

[hessley0503]

Hello all! Well all the extra "teenagers" have gone to their other homes now. So for the first time in 2 weeks its just Jason(my husband), Autumn(our oldest daughter), and me at home. Its kinda nice to have the house to ourselves except we our middle daughter Kaitlyn is visiting family and friends in Texas and wont be home till Tuesday so things still are out of sorts. Other than that all is ok. I go to my first individual grief counseling session in the morning nervous about that. Have finally started getting things lined up to start college in August I know that will help a lot. I will be fulfilling my dreams and doing it all for little miss Rai!! Some of you asked where in Florida we live. It is in north Florida. Very close to Georgia. We did go through Raivyn's room this week. Packed up all her things and went through her clothes. We kept some that the girls and I could wear and gave some to her best friends and then some to my best friend's little girl that was the inspiration for me to make sure Raivyn's entire heart was transplanted. Autumn and Raivyn were extremely close and she felt she wanted to move into Raivyn's room to be closer to her again so I told her whenever she was ready and I guess this was the week. It wasn't as hard as I expected but then again nothing was really thrown out either and I had autumn and 2 of Rai's best friends helping so we kept our spirits up. I have another goal set for myself this week will let you know if I achieve it! It will be a big one and maybe the hardest one yet so say a prayer!!! I find it strange at times how as much pain I'm in some of the things I need to do that should just break me seem to make me even stronger but the simplest things tear me apart. I don't get it. Sigh oh well what a ride we are on!!

There was a book that was sent to me from the tissue bank and it was called The Dash. It helped me. Its a short read but so inspiring too.

Eri's mom I love the idea of Eri fest so heart warming!! Brings a smile to my face of how you honor your sweet angel.

[ericasmom]

The dash is amazing for sure. Very helpful. It sounds like you and husband are putting forth a good deal of effort and that your Daughters are too. This is great, do what you can when you can. When you feel overwhelmed, stop adn give yourself a break. The emotions are like the tides, they come in and they go out a ways and then they come in again. Be very kind to yourselves, eat and drink plenty of water and juice. Keep your energy up. School is a wonderful way to give your life a focus that is new. Once again, go easy on yourself, start slowly. GOood luck in grief counseling, just let your thoughts out like you do here, it may be hard to do but until you try it you just don't know. It helped me greatly.

Let us know how you are and keep posting.

[shorty16]

It is Brian's 21st birthday today.

Celebrate in heaven with the other angels

Mom and Dad

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

BRIAN

BRAIN

BRIAN

HANG OUT WITH MOM TODAY, LET DAD KNOW TOO THAT YOU ARE BOPPING AROUND. LET AARON KNOW YOU ARE IN HIS CORNER AND GIVE MICHELE A HUG IN YOUR BRIAN WAY. LET THEM ALL KNOW BRIAN, THAT YOU ARE ALWAYS NEAR THEM, ALWAYS THEIR BOY, THE BOY OF THEIR HEARTS FOREVER. PARTY WITH THE KIDS YOU ARE HANGING OUT WITH IN HEAVEN.

Colleen, hold tight today, it is a beauty of a day to have brought your Boy to you. Blessings.

[briansdad]

21??? I wonder if they card in Heaven? I'm sure my Brain aka Brian is sharing a Captain and Coke with your Brain aka Brian.

Hang in there Colleen.

[mysonrich]

Brian ,

[mysonrich]

Still sorting.......Kate, Sarah and Richie's k-12 report cards,projects etc., are bundled up. It's the rest of the stuff that's a pain!

I know one of the things that Rich would have loved to do when he reached 21. have a beer with his Dad. 5 months short of that day.

Sarah, having a blast in Cork,Ireland. That she can enjoy her life after the loss of her only sibling brings joy, much excitement and a happiness in my heart for her.

"Just me. On the town wall. Built in the sixteenth century. Watching out for the town. No worries, there's an archer's walk nearby. We got this."

[mysonrich]

Colleen, I've had this song in my head ever since I read that you would be in Miami. Party on Brian!!

[BrendaDup59]

It is Brian's 21st birthday today.

Celebrate in heaven with the other angels

Mom and Dad

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

Happy Heavenly Birthday Brian.

[Wanda]

Hi All, Not been able to post for a few days, I've missed reading all your post & saying little prayers for each of you!

Our A/C went out & it's been over a 100 degrees in this house. Landlord has his own opinion of how things are so it stayed out for 4 days.

My poor cat has always been an indoor cat & very fluffy LONG HAIR!!!!! in a controlled atmosphere so finding cool spots or warm ones is just not in his instinct I bathed him with a wet cloth & kept a fan on him. I was so afraid a few times I thought I was going to loose him. Threw the puppy in the shower about every 2 hours to keep him cool. Poor little guy hates baths but after the 3rd trip to the shower he was jumping in the tub, smart little one HUH?

My computer sounded like a jet taking off I was scared to have it running.

Last time air went out it was 3 weeks before someone came so after a day & it being over a 100 outside my oldest son brought a friend an A/C guy over to look at the unit & was going to pay him out of his own pocket but the landlord got hopping mad used words I didn't even know & shook his fist in our face & now we have to move!

yesterday was my birthday a bitter sweet day but all my friends & family made it a little sweeter & kind.

There a song I'd like to share with you all go to youtube & click on if you've ever heard it then you know it will tear you down & build you up all in one!

"someone's praying me through" there's several version & artist but the best & most like original is Verne Phifer,

Listen to it & know he's talking about us for all of us!

Love hugs & prayers for all of you!

[mikesmum]

My dear friend Colleen and your man Scott...words aren't enough....hope the lanterns fly high. Know that Brian is in great company with the best band playing for him on high

hAppY 21sT bRiAN

HaPpY 21St BrIaN

hAppY 21sT bRaIn (in joke)

[Wanda]

ooops !

That's "somebody's praying me through"

[westleysmom]

Dear sweet Colleen-Westley's 21st birthday was 6 days after he died and I don't know how I got through it. It was warm for January and I remember sitting outside on the porch. My husband had to work and I never felt so alone in my life. Like I was the one who had died almost. I hope you are okay, and all your family too.

BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN-Happy 21st birthday in heaven.

[tobyfreefoot]

BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN 21! WOOT WOOT

[rlolheiser]

Happy Heavenly Big 21 Birthday Brian! thinking of you and our angels.. thinking of mom and dad and hope they feel you close!

[BrendaDup59]

ooops !

That's "somebody's praying me through"

Beautiful Song Wanda , thank you for sharing it.

[Jeff's Mom]

Brian-Brian-Brian- Happy 21st. birthday!

Colleen, thinking of you and your family today.

Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Still sorting.......Kate, Sarah and Richie's k-12 report cards,projects etc., are bundled up. It's the rest of the stuff that's a pain!

I know one of the things that Rich would have loved to do when he reached 21. have a beer with his Dad. 5 months short of that day.

Sarah, having a blast in Cork,Ireland. That she can enjoy her life after the loss of her only sibling brings joy, much excitement and a happiness in my heart for her.

"Just me. On the town wall. Built in the sixteenth century. Watching out for the town. No worries, there's an archer's walk nearby. We got this."

Betsy, love the pic. She really does look happy! Hope you will share any others as they are sent your way. Thanks.

[517958]

Happy Birthday Brian!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy heavenly birthday, Brian! Hugs to you, Colleen! I still wake up with thoughts of the night that Jared left us. I don't know when if ever that will go away. I hope our boys have met and are friends, as they have that free and adventurous spirit in common....

I forget who asked, but yes, my surgery was from the front of my neck, completely removed C6 vertebrae, and the discs in C5 & C7, put in a cage, filled it with my removed vertebrae after crushing it, and also took spurs off the C5 and C7. I have to stay in the hard collar for four more weeks, then if xrays show proper healing, I go to a soft collar for four more weeks. Groan...

Hand and arm still numb, so that part didn't work, but my neck pain is better than for many years. May have to do a second surgery on my elbow to help the arm and hand numbness and weakness. Something to do with repositioning the nerve.

Kate, all the duck eggs got eaten by something.... no more ducks, they're gone, but plenty of yellow finches at my dining room window everyday. They drive our year old kitten, Maine Coon mix, crazy!

Yesterday was my daughter, Jasmine's 22nd birthday. Bittersweet without her brother here, but we tried to make it happy for her. Family over for dinner, and cake and ice cream and presents (mostly $$ since I can't drive anywhere). I got her a card from Jared that played a rock and roll band when you opened it up, and you could touch the drums and make drumming sounds. Pretty cool, and something that made me think of him when I card shopped, as he was so good at the guitar hero and rock band games. Any video game, really, he would master them quickly and take them back to trade them in on something else....

It is Brian's 21st birthday today.

Celebrate in heaven with the other angels

Mom and Dad

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[hotrod]

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY BRIAN

TOUCH MOM WITH THE WARMTH OF YOUR LOVE

[mikesmomrs]

BRIAN, BRIAN, AND OF COURSE, BRAIN! HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY. CELEBRATE WITH ALL OF OUR ANGELS, AND SURROUND YOUR SWEET FAMILY WITH YOUR WONDERFUL SPIRIT AND LOVE.

Colleen and Scott and Michelle and Aaron....sending love and strength to all of you today.

[mikesmomrs]

Well, when i posted last night, I told you all I would be back with more details. I did do an update on Mike's Care Pages site (the address is www.CarePages.com and the name of his site is HOWSRALPH if anyone else is interested in registering. When I do an update, an email goes out to notify those who have registered that there is an update. Then you can go in and read, and/or leave a message.) and am going to just copy it into here, and then edit. i am on the computer at the rehabilitation hospital, where Mike was transferred to yesterday. The "getting here" of course, carries a story. Those of you already registered on Care Pages have already read this, so bear with me. This is a lengthy post, but lots has happened.

Mike had been doing pretty well in the hospital, but nutrition has been a serious issue. Just cannot eat. Over the weekend, he maintained pretty well, but when they tried food on Sunday, it didn't go over so well. He did start some walking, minimally, on Monday and then on Tuesday they talked about his being transferred to a rehab center. They said it could likely be before the end of the week. The doctor (surgeon) gave him a talk about how important it is for him to try to eat, so very important for his recovery, etc. She also said, by the way, that as far as his being able to have the "up to 2 good years" that the pancreatic cancer surgeon had told him was possible after the pancreatic surgery, she "didn't see ANYTHING in there that was suspicious" and so, she said "We have cases where things can't be explained. Maybe this is one of them, and you do have more time than the average." But she added "Get better, get strong, and go home and live your life; do what you want to do."

After she left, he ordered pancakes and a banana and ate about 1/4 of the pancakes and all of the banana later, but then lost it almost immediately. AAArrrrgggghhh!

Later, I went out and looked at the three rehab places nearest to us. The first one was a dump. "Okay," but old and tacky, not updated, though it was clean. And, I know that "dumpy" doesn't necessarily mean poor treatment, but the guy who gave me the tour also gave me the creeps. Now, keeping in mind, that when I got to the place, there was a red, convertible punch buggy in the parking lot, so I had to keep my options open. (For those of you who do not know, a red punch buggy for me is a good omen...young Mike's favorite color and favorite car, along with his favorite game!) Next place I went is a brand new place out at the old Air Force base nearby where we were stationed three different times. We've heard that it is "state of the art," "gold standard," etc., etc., and provides more "medical" type care, as well, which is really what Mike needed. It only has 33 rooms (all private), so it is sometimes difficult to get a bed there. While I was there interviewing the director, I noticed that one of the nurses from the hospital where he had the surgery was there, working. I called her aside and asked her to tell my up straight if this was a good place (remembering the admonition: "all that glitters is not gold!") and she told me that, yes, it was the nicest place to work and they gave very good care. So, later, while talking to the director again, I mentioned to her that Carmen (the nurse I saw) had treated my husband at the hospital, and she said to me "Well, that's a good omen." I thought to myself "Weeelllll, a "good omen" would be a yellow punch buggy about now," (Mike's personal 'good omen,' but I didn't say anything.) We talked some more about Mike's medical history, and she showed me around, and I did like very much what I saw and heard. They seemed to have a very good PT program...FOUR times a day! So, I left, and of course, you KNOW what's coming next. I turned onto the road, and at the Stop sign, yes, a bright shiny, new yellow punch buggy, parked in the lot right across from where I was sitting! But, to be fair, on I went to the third place. And, after all, now I was confused, what with the RED punch buggy at the 1st place, and now the YELLOW one here! :-)

So, I went on to check out the third place, of which I had a little bit of knowledge, having visited somone there a short while ago. It is old, but has been renovated, and sunny and bright, and everyone was very nice, including the director, who took me into her office to sit down and talk, and where I came face to face with not one, but FOUR dragonflies in a picture on her wall in front of me. (For those new to BI recently, young Mike and I have a history with dragonflies as being good things.) So, after the interview, I left. I said out loud to myself in the car "Okay, God, I KNOW which one I WANT, but YOU are going to have to make this choice...please direct us to whichever one will be the better for him, and oh, please, if You choose the first one, we are going to have to talk!" Back at the hospital, the social worker comes to tell us that the dragonflies place does not take our insurance. Well, now we are down to the dump and the "gold standard." Still trying not to "run this show," I just stayed quiet. Mike and I discuss what I've seen and since it is past business hours, we have to wait til morning to see if the evaluator from the yellow punch buggy place (I use this to describe the places because I don't want to be sued for slander or whatever...lol) The next morning finds the evaluator at the nurse's station, reading Mike's chart...the WHOLE CHART! TAkes her 3 hours! She then comes and tells us that Mike does meet the criteria and they would be very glad to receive him for treatment and rehab. (The "criteria" includes medical needs as well as physical therapy needs, as this place is a Rehab HOSPITAL, not just a rehab center/nursing home, as the others were.) Now we wait for approval from the insurance. I am still trying very, very hard to NOT try to "run" this, and just let it be up to the Powers that Be to allow the right decision to be made. If this doesn't fly, then it's to the "dump," and I was really going to have to silence myself on this. I was trying very hard not to let my opinions get in the way of the best treatment for him. A "pretty place" doesn't necessarily mean he would get good treatment, I tell myself...a few times more than once! FINALLY! Approval comes. They come in, at 2:30, to tell us he will be transferred over at 5:00 pm...that same day!! I begin to question my sanity! Cathi (our daughter) asked me, with a worried frown, if we REALLY would have made the decision on the placement based on the particular location of a yellow punch buggy vs a red one and I tell her that now I don't have to; the decision is made, 'omens' or not. :-) (Personally, I truly do place MUCH more stock in prayers than omens, but those signs that we believe we see from Mike are something else, and we are ever grateful for every one!

So, here we are, in the "gold standard" rehab place, otherwise known as the Northeast Rehabilitation Hospital, located at the Air Force Base that used to be here, Pease. A brand new, one year old building, with top quality programs for rehab and medical care.

It is indeed, very nice. And so far, the staff has been excellent. The first night (last night) he was settled into bed, and I came out here to post and email, I wasn't here 5 minutes and the nurse came to tell me "your husband has vomited, and his temp has spiked at 101.5. We've called the doctor." I went back in and spent the night, holding my breath; just holding my breath, silently holding on to that faith that keeps me going when the road seems to have run out. They took blood and sent it to the lab (they don't have a lab here, so they sent it to the hospital). His fever went down to 99, but then shot right back up to 101. The surgeon had told us that one of the things we had to be very careful of during his recovery was possible infection, as that could possibly be his undoing. So, I've got to tell you, I was SCARED. They kept checking his temp and it never went up past 101.5. Somehow, I fell asleep and when I woke up Wednesday morning, the sun was up, and they were taking his temp and it was 98.6!!!! He was feeling so much better, and you'd never know he'd had a fever. He has not had a fever since, but has had another episode of vomiting, though much milder. . His labs had come back showing no signs of infection. AND!!!! HE ATE!!!!! He had a bite of sausage patty and english muffin for breakfast.. And at noon he ate a "fruit plate." It had cottage cheese, pineapple, oranges, blueberries, melons, peaches, and a tiny bit of watermelon. He ate about 2/3rds of it. That is the FIRST "plate of food" he has eaten since EASTER!!!! (He's been living mainly on protein shakes and yogurt.) And more importantly, he kept it down all day. He also ate a small bite of ham at supper time, and some small amount of rice, with pudding after. He has had a REALLY busy couple of days, poor guy. Assessments all day long Wednesday, and his first day of "curriculum' today. unfortunately, at the beginning of his second session of PT, his blood pressure dropped to 60/40 -something, and they had to put him back to bed. After his BP stabilized, they came and finished the PT with him from his bed. He didn't feel well for a while, but then around 3 ordered lunch and ate it. After supper, I took him out to the garden, a really beautiful place here, and the night was a beautiful summer night, so perfect and a gift...a blessing to shore us up. Mike is a tired puppy tonight. OT is also working with him to teach him how to dress, etc., with one hand., due to the broken collarbone. I am trying hard not to get too excited because it can turn in a heartbeat, just like today, with the blood pressure drop. But, I try not to think that way...keep thinking positive thoughts. Live just for this moment, etc. And, pray. And be thankful.

So, we are settling in here. Everyone is super nice and right there when you need them. We don't know how long we will be here (I do have a place to sleep here, as well, like at the hospital). They said at least a week, maybe 10 days, but could be less (or more). Their plan is to return him to his "baseline," but it's been so long since he's been there, we wonder, what is that?!

Meantime, please accept once again, our thanks for your messages, your prayers and your love. It is so good to know so many are behind us, offering their support and prayers.

And, I must leave with a bit of humor. Yesterday, while in the PT room, Mike was lying on the huge platform they have for stretching. Huge enough for two or three people. There was a tiny elderly lady there, in her 80's. She had had one leg amputated below the knee. She was lying on the platform/bed, next to Mike. When he leaned back to lie down, he reached over and touched her outstretched hand. He said "Hi, my name is Ralph." She turned to him and smiled. This tiny little lady, so 'dainty and proper' looking, said "Well, hello there, my name is Alice. My mom always told me it is good to know the name of the person you are in bed with."

Good night all, and may your dreams bring peace to your heart.

[mikesmomrs]

PS: Tomorrow, I will come on and post a regular post...communicating and trying to offer support to those who are having a hard time. Someone is waiting for the computer and they've been very patient! love to all!

[ericasmom]

Carol, I read it last night on the Hows Ralph page, but reading it again just reinforces what we know about you two, about the love and tenacity of a couple whose lives are intertwined like branches of a tree. Beautiful and unique, one starting where the other leaves off. You are an inspiration.

Betsy, I love the photo of your Girl in the tower. Thanks for sharing.

Becky, I am sorry that the arm is not responding but glad that your neck feels better. What a lot of strength you have going through this knowing the time involved in healing. Good for you.

Goodnight All, be well and sleep deeply with good dreams.

[hessley0503]

Colleen I pray that you and your family felt surrounded today by Brian's love and wonderful memories. <3

Carol so glad that your husband is making some great steps to recovery! Will keep you both in my prayers!

Today wasn't so easy for me. It was the 12 week mark since the accident. I went to grief counseling this morning then went and had something special designed with Rai's fingerprints for all her close friends then went and had lunch with a friend who is the victims advocate for our sheriffs dept. which she has also lost her son 7 years ago so she worked Rai's case and we have a close relationship and shared experiences. Makes it nice. I then went to the accident site and was there till about the time the accident occurred. Oh I did also go see the first responders to and thank them and give them great big hugs for all they did. So as busy as I was it was all about Rai...it was a healing day but a hard one too. Next week begins our 5 day long nightmare it will be the 3 month mark. Just trying to be the little engine that could attitude. Our middle daughter Kaitie comes home Tuesday and I can't wait we miss her!! I am posting off my phone but I will see if I can upload pics of all the girls.

Much love my friends!!

Tracie

Missing my "Rai" of sunshine

[shorty16]

I want to thank each and every one of you for remembering Brian's 21st birthday.

Last night we lit Sky Lanterns and they were BEAUTIFUL. The lanterns formed the Big Dipper when they were flying. It was really cool.

Our family had less tears this year than in years past. I attribute that to my friends on this site.

Words cannot express how thankful I am for all of you. And I love it when Brian's name is spelled Brain. That will forever make me laugh.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Col, so glad that you felt surrounded by love from here, and that the family felt united in the love of Brian. I did not do sky lanterns due to the drought and being near the forest preserve, so one day I will send some up. How cool that they made the dipper. Lovely.

Love to all,

dee

[rlolheiser]

Carol, so glad that you found a good place for Mike Sure think about you two a lot, sending you both lots of love and prayers.

Colleen, would have loved to see the lanterns, sounds beautiful.

Tracie, thinking of you as these days come upon you, its a hard journey. always remember baby steps, and take care of you. Looking forward to see your pictures.

Becky, glad that there is some relief, still hoping that more comes your way. You have been through so much, my heart goes out to you.

Betsy, thanks for the great pictures.

Rhonda, thinking of you.

Kate, my prayers are with you as you go through this coming week. I hope you take good care of yourself

On another note... my son had lost one of his turtles about a month ago. I searched high and low for that thing, I kind of thought he had accidently flushed it down the toilet. Today as I sat her typing I kept hearing strange sounds... and low and behold.. the turtle was sitting next to me... not sure how he survived or where.. but he is back in his tank. My son thinks we should reward him for surviving and put him in the creek, not sure if that is a good deal

Hope everybody has a good weekend

[ericasmom]

Leah, I love the turtle survival story. Tell your Son to write the story about the turtle and write down where turtle may have been. If he lets him go in the creek, he can add that in for his finale. Love it.

There is a line of thunderstorms going through right now, the second one today, with REAL rain. REAL rain. I almost forgot what it smells like when it falls. It is nice to have. I went to the cemetery today to bring some more flowers to ERi, and once there, saw that the container holding Monday's flowers was crushed, flattened, and all the neighbors flowers are fine. I WAS SO MAD. I marched to the office, CLOSING TIME< LOCKED, so I waited as I knew it had just closed and accousted a woman as she left, poor thing, but I yelled and cried and said that I was sick of losing every damn decoration I put there to their mower, and none of the neighbors seem to lose them. She said, " it is unfortunate that it happens sometimes." I cut her off, UNFORTUNATE? It is downright disrepectful, unfortunate would be if it happened once or twice, disrespectful is when it happens almost monthly. So I went back to the gravesite crying, I know Eri doesn't care one way or the other for decorations, (though we know she loved them when here and I can't help but think she gets a kick out of them) but it is the last tangible thing I get to adorn her with each time I go. Ribbons, or flowers, a balloon or a windsock, all of them gone or crushed over the years. Oh well, she probably is laughing her butt off at my rant. Love you Girl.

[daveydow1]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY,......BRIAN.

Colleen----Sorry I missed Brian's birthday. My thoughts are with you in

this very difficult time for you and your family. Prayers for everyone in the family.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Guest]

...

[ericasmom]

Yes Lora, I do remember feeling like Eri should not have gone...but the thought that there is a purpose still here for you is important, there is and as you move forward you will find what there is for you to do here. I hope that reading some of the books brings some measure of solace and that shopping tomorrow is good for you all.

[Guest]

.

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora...Cara is just lovely. What a beautiful smile. Hope your shopping excursion is a success.

Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

ERI-ERICA-EILEEN

Wrap your angel arms around your family tomorrow and send them your love.

Kate

[Guest]

.....

[hotrod]

[color="#FFC0CB"] ERICA ERICA ERICA

STAY CLOSE TO MOM TODAY AND REMIND HER OF THE BEAUTIFUL

REMEMORIES THAT YOU SHARED.

DEE IN MY THOUGHTS TODAY AND ALWAYS

[shorty16]

Erica

Erica

Erica

May the light of your daughter shine through any clouds today.

Colleen, Brian's Mother 4ever