Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

ERICA EILEEN

BEAR

TINK

BIRD

MONA

ERI

ERZ

SIS

BING

MY LITTLE LOVE

PETUNIA

PEANUT

SNOW-GIRL

HOW dearly all of your names come to me in shining color, announcing you LOUD and clear. I love you forever, and I will miss you forever.

Thanks to All who give thought to my Girl and to our Family today. May we see pretty in pink skies.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

ERI, ERI, ERI..... let you momma feel your presence today. My heart to you, Dee.

**************************************************

Carol, you had quite an ordeal, but this last bit really made me laugh! Thanks for that, and you and Mike will be in my prayers!

*********************************

And, I must leave with a bit of humor. Yesterday, while in the PT room, Mike was lying on the huge platform they have for stretching. Huge enough for two or three people. There was a tiny elderly lady there, in her 80's. She had had one leg amputated below the knee. She was lying on the platform/bed, next to Mike. When he leaned back to lie down, he reached over and touched her outstretched hand. He said "Hi, my name is Ralph." She turned to him and smiled. This tiny little lady, so 'dainty and proper' looking, said "Well, hello there, my name is Alice. My mom always told me it is good to know the name of the person you are in bed with."

Good night all, and may your dreams bring peace to your heart.

Carol Mikesmomrs "You can't die because I do, mom."

[517958]

ERICA! Such a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.

Dee, thank you for continuing to post on this site and be there for the parents newer to this journey than you. I don't know if you still "need" this site as much as we do, or if you come now mostly to help others but I appreciate your words and advice. Eri is smiling down on you for sure.

[mysonrich]

Erica !

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, hope you feel the love and warmth sent your way today from your precious daughter and from your family here at the forum.

Kate

[rlolheiser]

ERICA ERICA ERICA thinking of you and your mom... may she and your brother feel your closeness today and everyday

[daveydow1]

ERICA...EILEEN.....SWEET LITTLE PINK ERI.....SEND YOUR LOVE DOWN TO YOUR

MAMA, BROTHER JON, AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY, SO THAT THEY FEEL YOUR

DEAR SPIRIT WITHIN THEIR HEARTS. ALWAYS LOVED, ALWAYS REMEMBERED.

THINKING OF YOU, DEE, AND SENDING PRAYERS.

SHERRY

[BrendaDup59]

Thinking of you today Dee, and your beautiful daughter ERICA, I hope you feel her loving spirit surround you today You are in my thoughts and prayers .

[aim630]

Eri, Eri, ERIShine down on your mom and family today, to let them know you are always nearby.

[ericasmom]

Thanks to you all for making this difficult date remind me of the family I have here that I can lean on when I need. Angela, I think you wondered if I still need to be here or am here mostly to help with those new to this loss, well it is a bit of both. Once we make family, we want to keep close to them, that part is the need piece. The other piece is the absolute sense of lending my hand and heart to help lift others as I too was lifted early on in this place. I love that I can use my experience to assist with others, for me, no better way to serve. I think of you each everyday, and I send what hope and prayer I have in your directions. I walked tonight with my camera looking for angels in the clouds hoping for pink skies to prevail. Eri was with me, there were the pink skies of ERICA. All around the tinge of pale pink gave way to intense pink brights and medium pinks and oranges. It was lovely. For those of you new to this place, 9 years ago tonight, my husband and I ate a meal after leaving the hospital after 6 days. Prior to that evening, we had eaten in tiny bursts at the hospital, carry out and cafeteria, small bites just to keep going. So that night, after ERi died, I did not want to drive home to Chicago, I wanted to visit the site where she was struck, I wanted to stay in the town she loved. John and I got a room and went next door for a meal. I was hungry and needed food. When we were about done John said, " LOOK< LOOK AT THE SKY." We ran out of the restaurant and stood in the parking lot between the hotel and the restaurant in Kalamazoo, Michigan. We were weeping because there in the sky was a giant cloud in the shape of a girl with many skinny clouds around her head, (Eri had dreads) and the girl had one arm and large hand reaching upward and one hand at her side. She was on a diagonal, and she had feet, big feet just like Eri had. Her hand that was reaching was very near a giant other cloud of a giant man's face, a big beautiful man. The sun was setting through the figures, starting with ERi's feet and through her trunk and torso and into her head and arms and bled into the man. While we stood there weeping, we were exclaiming, " look now, now look her face is bright pink, is it God she is reaching, is she showing us she is reaching Heaven?" My husband by the way, was never a believer in these things, so for him to witness this miracle and call it so, was a wonderful affirmation of Eri showing us. Then while it was still going on, my cell rang and it was my sister Eileen in the car in Indiana screaming with my sis Mary Anne and nieces, " ERI IS IN THE SKY, ERI IS A CLOUD ALL PINK IN THE SKY<"

So there we were until the last drop of color left the sky and knowing that my family another state away going home to Chicago saw her too, I pulled my tired bones up the stairs to the hotel room. I turned on the TV, hadn't seen TV for more than 5 minutes in the previous 6 days, and the first thing on was the weather where the meterologist announced that there was a new hurricane in the Pacific named ERICA.

OKAY, how many ways ERi let us know that she was there reaching Heaven, she was all around us, she was always going to be with us.

And for that I say thank you Eri for all you give us each day. Thank you thank you my sweet GIRL.

[mikesmomrs]

DEE: You are probably already signed off for the night, and i just now got the computer at the rehab center. I hope that you had a sweet day, filled with the sweetest of memories of your Girl...I know that the memories of the day you saw her in the sky bring much warmth and love to your heart and i am so thankful that your Girl sent you that beautiful pink angel, showing her reaching her eternal life. How wonderfully awesome that all was, a beautiful memory, etched forever, no camera needed, in your mind and your heart. Thank you, Eri for giving your family that wonderful gift; thank you God, for allowing this gift to be given.

ERI, ERICA; ERZ, and all of the sweet names that live in the heart of your wonderful momma...I am so glad that she has all of those wonderful memories to keep her heart beating, to allow her to think of you with the love that lives there and gives her strength to continue each day. She is a blessing to all of us here, and her wisdom and love carry us forward, as we live this new "normal" and she helps to lead the way.

love to you, Dee, and John and Jon and Shannon and all of your family.

[tobyfreefoot]

ERI ERI ERI beautiful story of your lovely pink girl in the sky!!!!! may she continue to share her presence with you!!!

[hessley0503]

Eri Eri Eri thank you for making today so full of wonderful and precious memories! Thank you for letting her and all your family feel so much love and comfort knowing you are up in Heaven painting a beautiful pink sky for them!! Dee thank you for staying here with all of us newbies in the most unfortunate "club" to belong in. But I have to say being a newbie myself I am so very thankful to of found such a wonderful place to be. Dee you are an inspiration to all of us and thank you! Eri is definitely up there with our angels pointing down at you going yeah that's MY mom!!

Tracie

Missing my "Rai" of sunshine

[shorty16]

Angela

Good question for Dee and I would like to add my 2 cents.

I continue to come to this page, because I want to let people who are new to the loss of a child that we can survive this. We can be productive citizens. We can be happy again. Yes, it is a different happy, but it can happen.

Thanks for asking.

Colleen, Brian's Mother 4ever

[Maddy6]

ERICA - thank you for always being with your mom and helping her to bless so many parents with soothing words of hope and comfort. Your mom is an awesome lady and I know you are so very proud of her.

DEE- thank you for sharing your story of the clouds with Erica. It was beautiful and gave me goose bumps. How absolutely amazing -)

[shorty16]

Tracie

I too am sad you have to be here, but here is the place to be if you want to talk with other parents who have lost children of any age and from any reason. We are in this together.

It has been 4 years since we saw our Brian smile. Those 4 years have been the hardest of my life. Not only for me, but for my husband and 2 surviving children.

None of us want to be in this situation, but here we are - trying to breath in a place where little air exists. But we can make it.

I made it by crying, screaming and reading the posts from those who walk this path before me. Without these people and this site, my life would be very different.

Consider yourself hugged

Colleen, Brian's Mother 4ever

[daveydow1]

Colleen-----Your so right----NONE of us ever wanted to be in this place, if we could have

had our wishes, but as we all know, since we're on this lousy road, we have to somehow

find the strength and will to keep on going. BI is sometimes the only family of people

who truly understand our sorrow and anguish. At any rate, we can come here anytime

day or night and say how we are doing, what kind of a day we've had, and we will find

understanding and compassion from those who know. BI is never closed.

Dee----Hope you are feeling ok, and glad that the ERIFEST went well. We had a few

sprinkles of rain-----not much at all. The only things that survives very well in the yard/

garden are those that we water regularly. The other day, I picked a handful of green

beans from the one surviving green bean plant. I cooked them anyhow, and they

tasted very good. We're battling chipmunks now........pesky things are digging big

holes around the house and under the rose bushes. I hate them.

Rhonda----Have you gotten any relief from the heat,......and have you had any rain lately?

Carol------Thinking of you, and sending prayers for Ralph's health.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sherry,the chipmunks have dug up our yard as well, there are so many this year, climbing trees adn causing havoc. Still very little rain but we did get about an inch total last week. fingers crossed that we get some more today. We water the deck plants each day as they are in pots and the garden every two days or so. I am sorry about your dying bean plants but glad that you had a tasty few.

Colleen, I am always glad that you stay and give that hope to others newer to this. I remember when you were a newbie and your pain, like everyone's was palpable. I met Sherry here when I came, and Kathy, Trudi, Carol, and many others that are not here now, and I met you. I miss the others that used to come, but I sure get it that they needed to have a break or to break away completely. Those of us who stay have that same goal that you describe, to show that life is worth your time and effort again, that there is goodness waiting to be made.

Peace All, and again, thanks for the love,

dee

[hessley0503]

Colleen

Thanks for the hugs! Much nreded today. I went to the accident site today with one of Raivyn's best friends and her family. It was their first time out there. Breaks my heart to see these children and their families in so much pain from missing our beautiful Rai. But I promised my little angel to be there and comfort all her friends and family through this so that is a promise I intend to keep. Have a couple more to take tomorrow. I pray that eventually they all find this place to be a comforting place like we do. I swear I can feel her there. That was the last place she was living life to the fullest with her amazing smile we all loved and the place where she first caught a glimpse of God's face. I say this because we didn't lose our sunshine there, she flew home at the hospital. So I have been trying to give the kids a different way to look at the site than a negative one. Anyway sorry for the rambling. Hope all has had a great and blessed day! And thank you all for being here for us!!!

[ericasmom]

Tracie, you are not rambling and never need to apologize for telling what is up in your world. I find it wonderful that you are offering this time with the kids, the beloved friends of your Rai. Giving them time and a new way to think of things could be what allows these kids to move forward with hope in their hearts rather than guilt and anger. Your Girl must be so proud. Keep talking here, you have seen how much we can talk, so please feel the ease of talking to us, we are listening and we are happy to learn more about you and your experiences.

Carol, any news?Thanks the names for ERi are not unlike themany names we have for our kids. Each name given during an event of some sort during their early years.

Maddie, and Brenda and Gretchen and Leah good to see you, Betsy and Betty, Angela and Sherry and Col, good to see you and Amy, long time no see.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

‎41 weeks today, Jared. The pain of missing you unrelenting, the promise that I will see you again is the vine that I cling to. ♥ U Infinity.

[westleysmom]

Very busy weekend. My Grammy would have been 100 years old on Friday, so we had a family reunion Saturday in her honor and most of the family made it in. It was sad for me as all family gatherings are, since Westley wasn't there, it always seems that I'm watching the door waiting for him, even though I know it won't happen. I get the feeling that nobody there really cares about my feelings. I told my husband that morning that mostly I just wanted it to be over. My Mama was very pumped about it though, and it was a nice day. We have been getting some rain and relief from the heat, which is good. We were inside, so it was okay that it rained off and on that day. Today is the anniversary of my Daddy's death. He died early in the morning of July 16, 2006, after a battle with cancer. He was the best daddy in the world and I miss him still, and I suppose I always will. It was so hot the day we buried him that you could hardly breathe and when they did the military honors, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I didn't make it to the cemetery yesterday because of the family being in. He is not buried where Westley is, I hardly ever go to Daddy's cemetery.

Dee I'm sorry I missed Eri's angel day. We had to get the room set up for the reunion and clean up afterward and I was worn out when I got home that afternoon. The story of the pink girl in the sky always gives me goosebumps. I am so glad you are still coming here, whatever your reasons. Love to you.

Sherry, Leah, Becky, Betty, Betsy, Colleen, Tracie, Gretchen, Maddy, Kate, Carol, Trudi-All I failed to list because my mind is slipping-I hope you all are having a good day.

[Jeff's Mom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEFF! LOVE YOU, BUD!

[517958]

Happy Birthday JEFF!!!

[briansdad]

Sorry I'm late but i always do a Marley tune for Eri.

[517958]

Thanks Dee and Colleen for continuing to come and post for us. I hope I can be some kind of hope for another grieving parent someday.

Dee, yesterday I was on a long car trip with my family so I decided to log-in from my husband’s phone while we drove. I've never looked at this site while on his phone before and when I did for some reason it popped me back to posts from January of 2005! I didn't realize it for a while because the screen was so small and because I saw your posts on there so I thought I was in the right place! There was a different picture of Eri on your posts and I couldn't figure out why your tone was so different. You expressed so much more sadness and emotions were so raw coming from you, much like the things I'm posting now. Oddly, when I realized that I was looking at posts from 2005, I was comforted. I see the change in you since then and that gives me hope. I also saw posts from MomofJustin back there but I'm not sure if it's the same one that posts now (sorry mom of Justin, I can't recall your name just now).

There have been a lot of drownings and child deaths near us lately. Whenever it gets really hot (like today it's supposed to be 100+) I get a sick feeling knowing all the kids that will be swimming today. I just keep praying that another family doesn’t have to go through what we did but I know it will continue to happen unfortunately. I don't know if it made national news but just across the border in WI, a man murdered his 3 little girls - one just 5 years old like Charlotte. It's one thing to lose a child to accident (however preventable it is) but to have someone that is supposed to love and protect them harm them is unfathomable. I get sick thinking about it. That poor mother must just be - I don't know. I can't imagine. It's terrible.

[tobyfreefoot]

Happy birthday JEFF!

[westleysmom]

Happy Birthday Jeff! Let your Mom feel you close by her side.

[mysonrich]

Happy Birthday Jeff..........!!!!!!!!!!

[BrendaDup59]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks so much everyone for your kind thoughts. I really appreciate it. We just arrived back home from a trek into the memorial bench. We sat there for ages just looking out over the lake. The day reflects my mood today. Flat and dull. We had six hours straight of pouring rain last night and it was very wet on the path walking into the site. I took some beautiful lilies from my yard that just came out into bloom yesterday. It was a good thing I picked them last evening. Had I waited until today the petals would most probably have been washed off.

Ok, so this is his third birthday since he died. The memorial gathering was held on his first birthday. It still does not seem real. As we drove back home and I watched the passing scenery of all that was familiar to me over the years it is definitely obvious that my life will never be the same again. it is just a series of days and how hard I can work to make them as good as I am able. The life has gone out of me with his death. How can I put the pieces of this puzzle back together when one of the most important parts is forever gone? It's hard. My kids were my life.

I'm still in denial about all of this. It often does not seem possible what I witnessed that night. I keep hoping to wake up from a bad dream. I know that won't happen. I do know he is at peace. But I will never be. Not now.

[mikesmomrs]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEFF! JEFF...JEFF, JEFF...

Please gather with our angels and celebrate your birthday. Fly high, fly free, and let your mom and dad know that you are there with them, surrounding them with love and your sweet spirit.

Kate: so sorry this is late. have been having a rough few days with hubby and time is difficult to grab. I put an update on his Care Pages site, but just didn't have time to come here and do the same. I know you are all praying for us and sending us your love and your strength. We so very much appreciate that. He has not been able to do any PT or OT yet, due to fevers, vomiting and very low blood pressures.

I know I posted this before, but the web site is Care Pages. When you go to it, click on "visit a patient site" and then write in HOWSRALPH. If you have not been there before, you will have to register, but it is very minor, just your name and age or something like that. There you will find more details about what's been happening. Each day is trying, found myself in a huge pity party of one today. Have been extremely emotional and the other day I stopped by young Mike's memorial site and just sat there and melted into a pool of emotion and tears.

My love to all here and know that i keep you close to me and you are all in my prayers every day.

[ericasmom]

Carol that is not a pity-party, rather your being sad and exhausted and worried. I am sorry that there are so many hurdles and the toll it takes on Mike must be so hard to watch and I know you, you are trying to keep him going while your body and mind are so wiped out byt the events of the last few weeks. Please God, watch over our friends Carol and Mike and help them to receive the gift of good health and strength. Let them get home one day soon to spend some time finding their rhythms there again.

Angela, yes, so many drownings this summer in the Chicagoland area, so many on Lake Michigan due to the rip-currents. I know that this will always catch you in the heart, we all are extremely sensitive to the ways that Children die, especially if it is the same way as our Kids.

Interesting that you were on 2005 page and you could sense the difference in mood and level of hope. Proof that over time, with help, with energy, with choice even, we do move forward into a much more liveable place. Thanks for sharing.

Oh, Mom of Justin used to post with Sherry and me and a few others from longer ago, but has not been here for a long long time.

Rhonda, thank you for your thoughts on Eri's anniversary. I know that your are hurting with the thought that family does not seem to notice your loss anymore. As though the loss is no longer affecting you???

I am glad for the better weather in your area. It is HOT in Chi-town alright, but heck, that is just the way it is going to be. The lack of rain is most difficult on trees and crops.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

God bless you Kate. I know exactly how you feel when you said those last lines. I know that time may soften the pain, but my spirit will never be the same. My heart to you, and birthday wishes to Jeff.

Thanks so much everyone for your kind thoughts. I really appreciate it. We just arrived back home from a trek into the memorial bench. We sat there for ages just looking out over the lake. The day reflects my mood today. Flat and dull. We had six hours straight of pouring rain last night and it was very wet on the path walking into the site. I took some beautiful lilies from my yard that just came out into bloom yesterday. It was a good thing I picked them last evening. Had I waited until today the petals would most probably have been washed off.

Ok, so this is his third birthday since he died. The memorial gathering was held on his first birthday. It still does not seem real. As we drove back home and I watched the passing scenery of all that was familiar to me over the years it is definitely obvious that my life will never be the same again. it is just a series of days and how hard I can work to make them as good as I am able. The life has gone out of me with his death. How can I put the pieces of this puzzle back together when one of the most important parts is forever gone? It's hard. My kids were my life.

I'm still in denial about all of this. It often does not seem possible what I witnessed that night. I keep hoping to wake up from a bad dream. I know that won't happen. I do know he is at peace. But I will never be. Not now.

[ericasmom]

JEFF JEFF JEFF

please smile on your family today, sitting with them as they sit on the bench that honors you, their precious Son. Visit with them when you know that they need it most, lending them the hope that sometimes falls short when we miss our Beloved Children. Have a celebration with our Angels and dance and sing and zip about. Know that you are forever loved.

Kate, I know that it will never be quite right that Jeff is not here on so wonderful a date, however, that date will always remain a magical day that brought such a love to your world.

[summergirl]

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF.....FLY HIGH AND THEN SIT UPON THE MOON AND SMILE DOWN ON YOUR FAMILY

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Friends - stopping in to say hello to all....Very hot and humid here but you know me...not complaining...love it

For some reason I cannot change my fonts or the color of my posts and it really bugs me as you know I love to write in different colors !!! Guess I will figure it out

Been going to the ocean almost every night after camp with Tavian as he LOVES to swim and as it is so hot it is nice to feel the ocean breeze as I watch him ride the waves....most times my thoughts are with my Jessica - wishing she was sitting beside me talking and laughing, telling me how wonderful a swimmer her Tavian is, then we would go home and BBQ some dinner, sit on the patio and just enjoy.....Miss her so much but you all know how that is.....Her birthday is this Saturday, the 21st... she would be 33 but will forever be 26....We will be camping so we will celebrate by sending lanterns into the moon lit night as we sit around the campfire...I am going to make a cake for her and each of us will say a memory we have of her or just say her name, whatever they choose to do......You know my girl LOVED her birthday.....sigh

At the ocean the other night I experienced my first "almost drowned child" !! It was Yellow Flag (caution) and I was sitting watching Tavian and there was a woman just a few feet away from me with a small child and another of about 6 or 7....I turned away and the next thing I saw was the little boy was gone and the next I saw him being swept out further and further....(the lifeguards had gone home at 5) The woman was still talking to the small child but turned and realized the other one was not there...I stood up and yelled for someone to help the little boy - 3 men stood up and I pointed to where I could see him bobbing up and down through the waves....all 3 men ran into the water and finally after fighting the huge waves they got him and brought him in....he was shaking and coughing up a lot of water but he was alive....The mother was a mess but we calmed her down and told her to take him to the doctor to have him checked out.....I was thanking God and all Angels for the miracle I watched. Later that night I asked myself "what if no one had been there ??" I do NOT know how to swim, what could I have done....so I have decided it is time for me to learn how to swim...I know you are probably thinking "are you kidding me, beach loving summergirl does not know how to swim !!!" well it is true but I am going to learn !!!

Time to put Tavian to bed as he has camp tomorrow and is very tired.....I love you all and think of you often....

Peace, love and strength, Kathy, Jessica's mom always

[Maddy6]

Jeff~~Jeff~~Jeff~~ ~~~~~~~~

Happy Heavenly Birthday

~~~~~~~~~~ Send comfort and love to your family who will forever miss you.

[mysonrich]

[tobyfreefoot]

dear kathy bless your heart!!! thank you for saving the little boy. because of you attention and prompt action that mother will not have to join us here today.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

<3

[BrendaDup59]

4 months ago today I lost my son, Brian it feels like yesterday when I got the horrible news,I still feel like my heart is in a million pieces and my life has changed forever. I would give anything just to see him again . I miss and love him more everyday

[daveydow1]

Brenda-----Thinking of you as you come to the 4 month mark of losing your dear son, Brian.

This is such a painful point......4 months.......so new and sorrowful, I know. Sending thoughts

and prayers, friend.

Dee-----Chipmunks.....ARGggggghhh. I guess that the dry weather makes them dig that

much more. I am getting my live trap from my sister and see if I can catch some of the

creepy little critters. They might be funny in cartoons (Chip & Dale ??? ), but not so

much fun when they're tearing up flower beds/gardens etc. and digging holes everywhere.

Hope you are able to get rid of your invasion of the little rodents soon. Hot there in Chicago

again, I see on the weather channel. It's about 100 here today. I went to the garden early

this a.m. and picked the remaining beets. Had so many, because my husband has been

watering them. I froze 5 pints. The rest of the garden is looking so stressed due to the

extreme heat. I don't hold out much hope for the potatoes...not sure about the tomatoes...

although they seem to be holding their own. My husband waters them too. I baked a peach/ blueberry pie.

I know.........crazy of me to run the oven with this heatwave, (and no A/C) but the peaches & blueberries that I got at the

nearby farm were just at the right stage of ripeness, so I just got busy and baked the pie.

Becky-----Thinking of you as you have come to the 41 wks. point after the loss of your

dear son, JD. So difficult and sad, I know. As you say,...the hope of seeing our kids

again is something that keeps us going. Peace to you.

Rhonda-----My dad would also have been 100 yrs. old this August, same as your dear Grandma.

So nice that the reunion was in her honor.....she must have been dearly loved by all. I

know what you mean about the feeling that no one seems to remember that you have

lost your dear Westley. I, too, had that feeling at our family reunion...quite some time

ago. It's a long distance to travel to it.... I no longer attend anymore. It just seemed too

painful. As you said.......it's difficult to go and really get 'into' the spirit of all the fun and

jolly atmosphere when inside your heart is hurting so much.

Kathy------Thank goodness that you were so observant when the child in the water

was in trouble......and thank God that he was rescued by the lifeguards. We had 3 drownings

over one weekend in our area.....all young people in there 20's. Also, a little boy

12 drowned a day or two ago. Boys were jumping off an old railroad bridge into

a river, and he drowned. His poor father is so distraught. He says that he has heard

that the other boys pushed his son off the bridge because he was dared

to jump, but was afraid to do so. It is under investigation. So very sad.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[mysonrich]

That's amazing Becky! Did you add JD Or was he really there? (someone once said that there are no stupid questions) I'd like to think he was really there.

Brenda, I'm so sorry. (((Hugs)))) We now count the days that they have been gone as we once counted the years that they were here. We are here. We hear you and know of your deep heartache. I like looking at Brian. I like his smile and confidence.

[daveydow1]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY , DEAR JEFF.

Kate.......Sorry I didn't include this in my last post.......not thinking too clearly, I guess.

May Jeff smile down from heaven and warm your heart.

[ericasmom]

Hi Guys, using my husband's laptop, and it is not cooperating well, so I will only say that I think o fyou all and hoping everyone is doing okay, well as okay as you can right now. There will be bad days, some that are actually are better and some that feel good and productive. Hang in there.

[summergirl]

Just lost my post (aaarrrggghhh) !!! Thanks my friends, it was very scary but so happy that all turned out ok. My heart beats faster each time I hear the ambulance being called to the Ocean.....It is the only part of summer that I hate - way to many drownings.....sigh

We were at the Ocean again tonite as it is still hot and Tavian just had to ride the waves...he had a lot of fun and got some nice waves but I still have that fear in my heart.....trying to not let him see my fear is not always easy....

I have to make this short as I am very tired......Hope I sleep tonite, been restless the past few nites

Prayers, hugs and love, Kathy, Jessica's mom always

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks, to everyone for your kindness. I guess I kind of bottomed out yesterday. This is in all truth the first birthday that I was able to actually think about him. I always had somebody else that needed me...which I resented deeply. I held it against other family members for not stepping up to the plate to carry their share of the load. And in the end...their conscience held it against me. This was my own son that I had not had time to grieve for. Wow...it hit like driving into a wall full force. When the anger surfaced it was FULL force. I wanted to clean the carpet with them all! I actually started to hate them for putting this responsibility on my shoulders while they walked away and worked on their own goals in life. But at what loss? A human being lost their life because I was too busy looking after other elderly family members that they were to busy to look after. Building that HUGE retirement package. Now you surface with your tail between you legs and quietly look for what? Acceptance? Forgiveness? Why? He's gone. They are all gone. Now when it is all over and you think you can gain what? ABSOLUTION? Come back another day. Not now. Ask God for forgivness. Or did you think you were God at some point? You sure acted like it. I will not be your judge. He will do it for me. Good luck! May God forgive you.

[mysonrich]

Kate, I hear 'ya.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

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