Loss of an Adult Child

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda, that dil sounds like a very destructive woman. Is there any reaching out to her mother to find out what the problem is? I'll bet she wove a story that her mom believes and has no idea that her girl is responsible for no contact. I wonder to if she fabricated some kind of story for your Son while he was away in Iraq so that he feels that being with you would be detrimental to his life. I am seriously thinking that this woman is not just a control freak but a boarderline kind of personality where she believes she is at the center of all things. I am so sorry for this sad time in your life. Is there any way to send your Son a message to his place of employment so that she cannot intervene?

Dee, unfortunately the apple doesn't fall from the tree..if you know what I mean, her mother has been rude to me and my family, ever since he married her he has been pulling away from his family, I remember one Christmas Brett was getting in the truck, and he looked over to her and said "Tomorrow I will spend time with my family" she just looked straight ahead , well he never showed up! Sarah called me a few weeks ago all friendly and it caught me off guard, she said this is the story and began telling me my sister was at fault when the argument happen, and how none of us sent him anything to him while he was in Iraq, well I set her straight, I sent Brett 2 boxes Brian sent him a big box of stuff my mom sent him money and when my sister ask what he could use she was told not to send him anything as she (Sarah) was sending him boxes and she could get him something when he came home on leave, so when I reminded her of this she quickly said well he didn't get any of it! well I told her YES he did because he thanked me when he called the 1 phone call I got in a year that he was gone,, and he wrote my mom thanking her fro the money, she got quiet! she knew I had her there, then she said well he would probably come around for you but not the rest of the family, well I guess I played right into her hands I told her nobody tells me who I have to choose I love my son, my sister and niece , they did nothing wrong Sarah hasn't liked them from the beginning .she has my sons head so messed up I think he stays away just to make life with her easier, Dee every time we had a cook out she came in a bad mood would not speak to anybody , so we quit having them, I was even acussed of costing her a job because I would not baby sit! , well I told her it wasn't my job to babysit , I have Brett's little brother to raise, I have been acussed of loving my sisters grandson more then their children because I took Kaleb to my nieces at Halloween instead of staying here and going out with them, my niece fixes dinner and all the kids go out , they were invited, but what I'm saying is I can do nothing right nor my family. I knew the minute I hung up she would twist every thing I said around and I was right he never called me I tried his cell , and his home and cannot get him to talk to me, I am trying so hard to not send my soul to hell because of her ,I just keep trying to pray about it, Brian tried to get Brett to call me , it just hurts so much to think I raised someone who can be so heartless as much as I want to blame it all on her he is a man and he knows right from wrong it's just hard to except he doesn't love me or my family enough to stand up to her. I'm sorry I probably wrote more then you wanted to know, this is just so frustrating.

[Jeff's Mom]

My friend Marion called at 9:00 to see if I wanted to walk over to the old parking lot a block away where the lumber yard used to be. Most years, several families and folks gather there as it is prime for viewing the next town over's fireworks display. So she brought chairs, I brought mosquito repellent and we went to our spot. Well, we were the only two there, hilarious. And the show started way late, and seemed pretty meager, so we got up and put the chairs in the bags and all of a sudden there was the show. So we got comfy again and watched, the show was quite nice. I know our Angels had such good views of the fireworks. Eri loved going to see the show each year, every year deciding which kind was her favorite. I tried to guess tonight, which ones she would have liked best.

Happy Fourth All, may we see a peaceful world one day soon.

Dee, it sounds like you two had front row seats under the stars. How nice!

Colleen...yes, I am just riding the wave these days. Taking each day and working with it as best as I can. Jeff's birthday is on the 16th. For me right now it is to see the time slipping away even further. If only he had left a note. We will never have our questions answered. It sometimes drives me crazy trying to figure it out.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. I'm sure the holiday was a tough time for anyone new.

Carol...hope you were able to get some sleep last night.

Trudi...thinking of you. Hope things are going well.

[ericasmom]

WELL Brenda, you confirmed it, she is so full of herself and so controlling that she cannot stand her husband to love anyone but she and her family. I had, HAD a friend like that, came to our yard parties and acted miserably toward everyone there and basically it was because it was not about her. I am so sorry that she is in your lives,and I pray that your Son will one day stand up and tell her what is what. She is extremely unkind. You keep on keeping on, something good will come.

[BrendaDup59]

Well I was not having the best day until I checked my mail and my granddaughter Jayden age 8 (Brian's daughter) sent me a card telling me she loved me with hearts she had drawn and a smiley face. it made my day!!! I will forever treasure this card and I would not be surprised to think her daddy had something to do with it because I know he knows how much I am hurting.

[ericasmom]

Brenda, sometimes the good news is in the tiny little packages carried in the hearts of children. Bless that Girl, she gave you some light.

Carol? Any news of getting home soon?

Today was so hot that the streets began to buckle in the city...that is HOT!

[mrsduc]

I have had a long talk with both of my boys and told them that I did not expect them to be Robert and that I love them for who they are but I just wish that I was in their life and them in mine. I did not get alot but I had to say it one last time. I road my excersize bike for 3 miles. I usually only do 2 so I am pretty proud of myself for that. I brought up two laundry baskets and folded the clothes. That was all I did., I want to do more but do not know what to do for I feel so lost without Robert calling me everyday and all day long. yesterday was the 6 month anniversary of him killing himself. I still am having a hard time dealing with it. I keep trying to tell myself that he is just mad at me. Because when he was about 20 he and I butted heads and he would not talk to me or have anything to do with me for 3 years. So that is why I think that way. He has yet to come to me in my dreams and I don;t even dream about when my boys were younger when they lived with me, like I use to. I am looking at my house and it is really in bad shape. I just do not know where to start or if I will have the energy to do it. I really do not know how to start. I wish someone could tell me what to do and how to do it. I use to be a great housekeeper and housewife. I do not cook for my husband. He either cooks for himself or buys something. I sweep and mop the main level of our house and I try to keep the kitchen somewhat clean but really everything is half ass now. All I do is lay in the bed and sleep all the time. The thought of trying to start anything just overwhelms me and I don;t know where to start. I think I need help but not sure where to get it. I am so embarrassed about my place. I never get out fo my nightgown for I feel why should I because no one comes to our house so why get dress. I and my husband have no friends. We do not alot of things. he lays in his bed and I lay in mine. It is a boring and dumb life and if god would take me I would be happy. Heck at this point I would take the devil in taking me.

[daveydow1]

Brenda----Now that the 4th is over, I hope your poor dog, Baily, can get back to normal.

Loud noises seem to frighten most pets. So sorry about the way your DIL, Sarah, has

been treating you. It must be very painful to be separated from your son and the grandies.

So glad that little Jayden sent you the card that said 'I love you'. A good sign that not

everyone in the family has the hateful attitude towards you that Sarah seems to be

harboring. This kind of ill-will does no one any good...that's for sure. Wishing you peace.

Dee----So nice that you had a nice view of the fireworks from the parking lot. YIKES....

102 degrees !!!........I've been watching on the news how Chicago is just sweltering.

We had temps in the 80's today, and it seemed like heaven....., but we're in for it tomorrow,

as it is to be 97 degrees. Yep-----all our angels had the best view of all the fireworks

going off in the U.S. at once. We got some more rain last night.

Carol------Oh-----so very glad to hear that Ralph is out of ICU now, and in a private room.

The 'bed alarms' must be something newer. I had never seen them when I worked in

hospitals, but then that has been quite some time ago, since I finished up my career as

a librarian......(quite a switch, I know). Ralph's remark to the nurse who came running

into the room was hilarious. Yes----he has a wonderful sense of humor. Your words to

Kate about just sitting in that lovely garden for Jeff and talking......or not....was so very

insightful. Sometimes we just don't need to talk when we are with someone who shares

the heartache of losing a beloved child. My mom and I recently visited my aunt, who has

lost 3 children (out of 13). I had hoped to talk to her, and she seemed open to some bit

of dialog about our shared grief (her son was killed 8 mo. before Davey). But, my mom

chattered on & on, so that was the end of that. Mom loves to domineer the conversation,

but she's 92 yrs. old, so I'm just grateful I still have her. I, so, know how rough it must have

been for you to go to WalMart after dear Mike passed. My Davey worked at that same

WalMart where I had the shocked inaction in the storm. He was working there while going

to college. It was particularly painful to go to that store, but it was the one nearest to us....

the other one in the area was quite a distance farther to drive. Since moving, there is a

different WalMart within 5 mi. that we go to. I'm continuing to send prayers.

Take care, friend.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[shorty16]

It's funny - we talk about dogs freaking-out over the fireworks, I have 2 cats that do the same. They crawl really close to the floor and then I just do not see them for several hours. They hide some-where.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Robert's Mom

After I read how productive you were today, I looked at Robert's angel date - January 2012. In my opnion, you are doing really well - I know you do not feel well AT ALL. But to express yourself to your son's the way you did is really something.

My Brian was very phycally coordinated. He could so things most could not. After he died, I kept comparing Aaron to Brian. Aaron is NOT physically coordinated. Scott (my husband) sat me down and nicely set me straight. I just missed Brian so much, it was hard not to compare.

I got over that pretty quickly - but I still think about it.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda----Now that the 4th is over, I hope your poor dog, Baily, can get back to normal.

Loud noises seem to frighten most pets. So sorry about the way your DIL, Sarah, has

been treating you. It must be very painful to be separated from your son and the grandies.

So glad that little Jayden sent you the card that said 'I love you'. A good sign that not

everyone in the family has the hateful attitude towards you that Sarah seems to be

harboring. This kind of ill-will does no one any good...that's for sure. Wishing you peace.

Dee----So nice that you had a nice view of the fireworks from the parking lot. YIKES....

102 degrees !!!........I've been watching on the news how Chicago is just sweltering.

We had temps in the 80's today, and it seemed like heaven....., but we're in for it tomorrow,

as it is to be 97 degrees. Yep-----all our angels had the best view of all the fireworks

going off in the U.S. at once. We got some more rain last night.

Carol------Oh-----so very glad to hear that Ralph is out of ICU now, and in a private room.

The 'bed alarms' must be something newer. I had never seen them when I worked in

hospitals, but then that has been quite some time ago, since I finished up my career as

a librarian......(quite a switch, I know). Ralph's remark to the nurse who came running

into the room was hilarious. Yes----he has a wonderful sense of humor. Your words to

Kate about just sitting in that lovely garden for Jeff and talking......or not....was so very

insightful. Sometimes we just don't need to talk when we are with someone who shares

the heartache of losing a beloved child. My mom and I recently visited my aunt, who has

lost 3 children (out of 13). I had hoped to talk to her, and she seemed open to some bit

of dialog about our shared grief (her son was killed 8 mo. before Davey). But, my mom

chattered on & on, so that was the end of that. Mom loves to domineer the conversation,

but she's 92 yrs. old, so I'm just grateful I still have her. I, so, know how rough it must have

been for you to go to WalMart after dear Mike passed. My Davey worked at that same

WalMart where I had the shocked inaction in the storm. He was working there while going

to college. It was particularly painful to go to that store, but it was the one nearest to us....

the other one in the area was quite a distance farther to drive. Since moving, there is a

different WalMart within 5 mi. that we go to. I'm continuing to send prayers.

Take care, friend.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

Sherry, boy am I glad the 4th is over and we have a burn ban so the neighbors hopefully will not set anymore off but she now thinks she can sleep in our room instead of her kennel, ..oh well, as for Sarah you would think I would get use to turning the other cheek I have done it so much, I am just going to have to pray a lot that my son will see how much hurt his absence has caused. but I have always said he is so much like his dad(my X) so Sarah's days are numbered.. I know he is not happy but I also know he cant afford to leave but maybe someday. I just miss my grand kids so much . and getting the card from Jayden today was very special. when I called to thank her my DL said she didn't know what she had done she just brought it down and ask her to call and get my address, and when I got it it said where my name should be Little Grandma.and my address .. .. they call my mom Big Grandma . I just love them so much each one has something that reminds you of their daddy. and I am so grateful at least I have them, I feel like when I hug them I am hugging Brian. ..

[mikesmomrs]

Not much time to post much tonight...really, really tired, and the hips AND back are on fire tonigt.

DEE......"going home" isn't even in their vocabulary yet, but of course, we know that can change. Right now, he still has the ng tube in...they are planning on clamping it off tomorrow for a 'trial run,' for 4 hours. We'll see where it goes. He got up in the chair for a bit today. Still is pretty weak...still only allowed ice chips. They put a clavicle sling on his broken clavicle today...not happy with it...it is very uncomfortable. But they said if he doesn't wear it, it may heal "short" and that would not ge good.

LINDA: I'm sorry that all this is going on between you and your sons. As for the 'just wqnting to stay in bed," I know that many here have experienced the same thing, especially at the six month mark...a terribly sad time, when the realization is really hitting us and the pain is so very intense. I was working at the time so I had to get dressed, but many weekends found me in pj's all day, much housework errands, etc., undone. I had to put my bills on auto pay because I couldn't remember to pay them. The paper statements just piled up in a box, and I just didn't care. We still haven't filed them...it's been so long now that I guess we could just throw most of them away now. My house was a disaster, pretty much all the time. Going to work every day took everything I had, and I finally retired two years later...coildn't do it anymore.

Maybe you and your husband could trygoing to a movie now and then...did you ever do much of that? I know you can't go around much, what with your husband's ankle being broken, but maybe after it is healed, you could do some walking. I think that one of the most important 'drivers' for us to finally 'do things' was that we knew that was what Mike would have wanted us to do. In fact, he told us so...he came up to me one day

and putting his hands on my shoulders, he looked into my eyes and said "You can't die because I do, mom." I've tried very hard to remember those words, especially when ALL I WANTED to do was to die.

But, there are still days when I will just stay in my pj's all day, not doing much of anything. We all have those days, no matter how far out we are from the day we saw our life end as we knew it. Thinking of you and praying you find some joy in your day, even if only for a short while.

Got to go, hubby needs me to change his johhny.

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda, sometimes the good news is in the tiny little packages carried in the hearts of children. Bless that Girl, she gave you some light.

Carol? Any news of getting home soon?

Today was so hot that the streets began to buckle in the city...that is HOT!

Dee she sure did make my day..

[517958]

Well I guess I survived the first year without my beautiful, wonderful Charlotte. The butterflies lived so we will release them today into the heat at Char's grave. I wish I could be like my Julia. For her, today is just another day without her big sister around and no different than the other 356 days we just lived through. I'm trying not to relive that terrible day but it's hard. Jon went to work crying. I hope his boss notices and sends him home. What else can I say but that I miss her terribly.

[Wanda]

Just reading here about the animals & fireworks, my dog 6 months old cries,my 1 cat runs you don't see him for many hours........ many many hours!!

I thought this would make you all laugh!! Lord knows we need to laugh right!?!

My other cat, sits & watches them, eyes wide.. he's so fascinated not the least bit afraid but will cry if I don't stand there & watch them with him, he gives me looks like he wants to say something..

I told my husband if he could talk it would be

"did ya see that huh huh huh!"

though he's 23lbs. long hair w/grey tops underneath white , so he'd probably sound like Darth Vader? LOL

[ericasmom]

CHAR-CHAR-CHAR

We are calling your sweet name so that you know that we all love you, knowing you through your Momma whose heart is aching. Give she and your Daddy your peace when they release the butterflies to the world. You fly freely now Sweet Child.

[Jeff's Mom]

CHAR-CHAR-CHAR

Wrap your sweet angel wings around your family today and send them your love. Butterflies are FREE!

[shorty16]

Char

Char

Char

We are saying your name as you have spent 1 year in heaven with our angels. Char's Mom, may the wind be at your back at you step forward into life.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Wanda

A cat that likes watching fireworks!!! WOW, How fun! My family has 3 cats and a dog. The dog is outside when the kids light-off fireworks. But we have to be carefull, because he will chase after them. Funny, how animals are as different as people.

I wish my cat would sit with me and watch the fireworks!!?!?! That is funny.

Thanks

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[rlolheiser]

Char.. Char.. Char.. thinking of you today with all our angels, wishing that today your mom and dad feel you closeby to them in their hearts and always

[Jeff's Mom]

Wanda

A cat that likes watching fireworks!!! WOW, How fun! My family has 3 cats and a dog. The dog is outside when the kids light-off fireworks. But we have to be carefull, because he will chase after them. Funny, how animals are as different as people.

I wish my cat would sit with me and watch the fireworks!!?!?! That is funny.

Thanks

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

Animals sure are as different in personality as people. Our last dog loved to sing when we sang Happy Birthday. She would sit beside us in the dining room and howl as we sang before blowing out the candles. It was hilarious. And speaking of insects and anything other than human. I woke up last night at 4:00 am to a single solitary mosquito buzzing around my head. It was like Chinese Water Torture. On went the lights and the kill was on. How can something so small make so much noise? By the time I finally got the little perisher I was wide awake.

Leah...how are you today?

Carol...hope things are improving in your neck of the woods.

Well, as I type my hubby is spraying himself from ankle to tip of his head with repellent. He just came in like a mad man. Claims they are horrendous after a few weeks of heat and rain. I stick with my mom's theory that they should give us a tax exemption for living here! Sorry for sounding grumpy...lack of sleep. God help anybody lost in the bush! We wait this long for sun and heat and then the insects drive us indoors. Yikes.

[BrendaDup59]

Well I guess I survived the first year without my beautiful, wonderful Charlotte. The butterflies lived so we will release them today into the heat at Char's grave. I wish I could be like my Julia. For her, today is just another day without her big sister around and no different than the other 356 days we just lived through. I'm trying not to relive that terrible day but it's hard. Jon went to work crying. I hope his boss notices and sends him home. What else can I say but that I miss her terribly.

Angela, I wanted you to know I was thinking about you today and what a beautiful idea about the butterfly's, I hope to think of something to do at my son's grave in March, I hope you feel Char's little arms wrapped around you today. you are in my thoughts and prayers , sending you Hugs Take Care Brenda

[westleysmom]

Sorry I haven't been able to be around much lately. Here are the highs where I live for the last week:

June 28-106

June 29-109

June 30-107

July 1-105

July 2-102

July 3-98

July 4-103

July 5-105

The forecast high for today is 105, tomorrow 102 and a relatively cool 94 on Monday. We have had terrible thunderstorms the past two afternoons, which knocked the server out where I work and we are not sure we're going to get it back. Big Trouble for a small office that has lots of work to get done by few people. We do have our outside IT people working on it, and hopefully they'll get us back in business soon. Some people around town are still without power, at least we have that. But another thuderstorm is forecast for this afternoon.

Carol-I cracked up over Mike's comment to the nurse. I hope you both get some rest soon.

Dee-Glad your power is back on.

Char's Mom-You are in my thoughts.

CHAR-Sweet girl that is forever loved and missed.

[tobyfreefoot]

Forest went three days ahead of your darling daughter. She looks like a pistol, so is he. He was great with children so i'm hoping he greeted her and they set out to explore their new surroundings together.

CHAR

CHAR

CHAR

[mysonrich]

Char

Charlotte,

Char

the light that will always burn bright in your mama’s

heart.

[ericasmom]

Linda, I am so sorry that you are feeling so down right now. Our lives sometimes feel not worth the effort of learning how to live them again, I do hope that you will find ways to step forward with some hope.

Rhonda, ridiculous heat indeed.I hope you cool off sooner than expected and that the much needed rain rinses the air.

We did get to 105 yesterday, like walking through oatmeal, heavy air and energy zapping effort. I went to the gym with Shan early today but did not feel well enough to do much...thought there was something wrong cause I felt odd. Then I realized that I think I was having some panic, I did not sleep well at all and today marks the last time I saw my Girl just as she was, so I was kind of flattened. Now I am cleaning like a maniac as tomorrow is ERI-fest and with the heat, though it will be cooler, there will be folks spending some time in the house and I was never known for my housekeeping. So I am trying to get it all done. My husband had the big jobs getting the yard ready and the yard furniture cleaned and ready. I will go to the Grocer later and get the fruit I will need for the giant fruit salad along with other items. I will make a giant black bean salad, a giant fruit salad, two peach cobblers, and by enough Italian beef to feed about 80. Lots to do but right now, I just want to hang out in this house and hold memories close. July sure does grab me by my heartstrings.

Gretchen I forgot to tell you how much I loved that photo of Forest, so handsome.

I like the cat watching the fireworks too. My old dogs from my past were not skittish from the fireworks...oddly though, Mazzy who was Eri's dog when she was little, hated trains. She would cower and not want to go under viaducts. Our two cats (passed away years ago now) would hide during the fireworks. Stormy could be found behind the toilet, no matter where we lived, he his there for big storms and fireworks. Bullet simply hid, sometimes for days. Never found where.

Carol, I know that the situation has been so draining. I hope that your back can relax and loosen up some. Give Mike a kiss and a hug for me.

[mrsduc]

I am not here to offend anyone and I want to say that right up front. But I have a question to any of the parents that their kid killed themselves and do you feel like you could have stopped it and if you now see the signs that were right there in front of your face that you did not see before. That is what is going on with me today and i realize that I feel like I am in a way to blame for his death. I feel like I murdered my son. For a whole month he kept telling me about his infected arm from shooting up and using the same needle over and over again. I tried to talk to him, but now i know that I should of gone to CA and helped him more. I do not know if it would only of prolonged the day he would fo killed himself. But atleast I would not feel so much to blame. I just feel so much like a faillor as a mother. I wish that I could of done anything to make him feel better inside, and I know that I spoke to him almost everyday about it, but sometimes I know he just was in so much pain he could not seem to hear it. I was just wondering if anyone else has felt this way or am I sicker than I think I am. I do not understand how my son can say he loved me and leave me and have me in so much pain. I know that suicide is a very selfish thing and I do know that it has nothing to do with anyone but themselves but I just know how my brain takes things in. I guess that is why Robert and I thought alot alike. he was suppose to be on anti depressants like I am on but he refused because he said it made him gain 15lbs and in Los Angeles that was more important to look good even if you were not emotionally healthy. I just feel so alone and lost without him even though I have my husband. My husband is the one who has been with me through alot of the times when Robert was alive back in the day and he would throw a fit and stop talking to me for a year or so. I had a birthday party for his younger brother and I thought we all were having a great time but all of a sudden Robert decided to cause a seen. But that was Robert. We always would call him a drama queen. Not so much me but his brothers. But Robert had to have the attention even if it was negative and he could not stand that his brother was getting the attention that day because it was his birthday party. But I still miss him so much. I understood him better than anyone else did. I knew that he was lost and then also his grandmother caused alot of the way he was because of the way she treated him as a toddler. She allowed him anything he wanted and if he changed his mind she would then ask him ok what do you want then and get him that, instead of saying sorry you asked for that so that is it. so he learned very young that his grandmother would give him anything he wanted, little did he understand what strings were attached to it. By the time he really understood it was too late and he was too messed up. But I still feel like I kind of murdered my own son and that is why I can't dream about him or he does not come to me in my dreams. Just not a good day. But I can say I got out of bed today and got dressed and went out alittle in the morning with my husband. So I am proud about that. But completely drained from crying so much. thanks for listening.

[rlolheiser]

came on earlier, just didn't have a lot of time. I wanted to wish everybody a good weekend. We had a good 4th, kids were a little crazy :-) which equalled to being Leah a little crazy. We went up and watched the fireworks at my brother-in-laws. Got home about midnight, my little guy was helping and one of their boomers went into a field and started a fire. We are always prepared and had water out and lots of people. My poor guy went into hiding, blamed it on himself. I told him that it was nobody's fault, it happens, and that is why we were ready for it. Always prepared, I wonder if it will make him not want to do it again, he wanted to quit and go home, but I made him sit with me and watch. I know he was tired, with the night before having extra kids. Just glad it was a safe time for all.

I am having a hard time bouncing back. I am tired out, two nights of late plus the next night getting hubby up at 3 am to help his nephews on a job out of town makes me tired.. guess I am getting old.

JaBoa's mom called on the 4th crying, it breaks my heart. All she could do is tell me she wants JaBoa back... so do I. I let her cry and cried with her. The missing just never stops, we sent off some memory lanterns with notes to JaBoa, I took some pictures, but haven't put them online yet. I saw lots of lanterns that night, more than ever before, they are beautiful when they cross above you.

We had about an inch of rain, sure needed it.. I hope everybody else gets some relief from the heat.. it is actually in the seventies here. I saw pictures on the news of Chicago streets buckling.. yikes.. I think I will keep my potholes here ..

Stay safe Dee.. thinking of you.

Thinking of all of you.

[Jeff's Mom]

Linda, I am so sorry that you are feeling so down right now. Our lives sometimes feel not worth the effort of learning how to live them again, I do hope that you will find ways to step forward with some hope.

Rhonda, ridiculous heat indeed.I hope you cool off sooner than expected and that the much needed rain rinses the air.

We did get to 105 yesterday, like walking through oatmeal, heavy air and energy zapping effort. I went to the gym with Shan early today but did not feel well enough to do much...thought there was something wrong cause I felt odd. Then I realized that I think I was having some panic, I did not sleep well at all and today marks the last time I saw my Girl just as she was, so I was kind of flattened. Now I am cleaning like a maniac as tomorrow is ERI-fest and with the heat, though it will be cooler, there will be folks spending some time in the house and I was never known for my housekeeping. So I am trying to get it all done. My husband had the big jobs getting the yard ready and the yard furniture cleaned and ready. I will go to the Grocer later and get the fruit I will need for the giant fruit salad along with other items. I will make a giant black bean salad, a giant fruit salad, two peach cobblers, and by enough Italian beef to feed about 80. Lots to do but right now, I just want to hang out in this house and hold memories close. July sure does grab me by my heartstrings.

Gretchen I forgot to tell you how much I loved that photo of Forest, so handsome.

I like the cat watching the fireworks too. My old dogs from my past were not skittish from the fireworks...oddly though, Mazzy who was Eri's dog when she was little, hated trains. She would cower and not want to go under viaducts. Our two cats (passed away years ago now) would hide during the fireworks. Stormy could be found behind the toilet, no matter where we lived, he his there for big storms and fireworks. Bullet simply hid, sometimes for days. Never found where.

Carol, I know that the situation has been so draining. I hope that your back can relax and loosen up some. Give Mike a kiss and a hug for me.

Dee, I will definitely wish you success tomorrow. I know it is going to be terrific. And I hope the weather will cool down just enough to make it tolerable.

Leah, hope you can catch up on your rest. I'm the same these days. Not as much energy as Ionce had. I think that the heat can sap a ton of energy as well.

Well, I'm certainly thinking of everyone that is struggling today. Angela, I can just imagine how beautiful the butterfly release will be today. Thinking of you.

Just heading out to work in the garden. At least at my age I no longer worry about making a fashion statement when outside. Anything goes...particularly when trying to keep insects at bay. I have the excuse now that it is my age and advancing menopause that has driven me into this slippery downward slide. My husband can just tell them I am at that time of life! They in turn shake their heads as if in total understanding ..."OHHHH, that explains it!" I feel totally free now. Take care everyone.

Linda...I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I am glad however that you were able to get outside a do a few things with your husband. As far as know in advance about my son? I was constantly worried about him. Particularly the last several months. He looked tired and appeared to be sleeping an awful lot. We called the Doc a few times for his help but were told he was old enough to make his own appt. Too late now. I do not feel responsible in the least. He suffered from an illness that finally became to much for him to handle. He was not thinking clearly and so neither he or I are at fault. Nor are you. He is at peace. Robert would truly want you to try very, very hard to make an effort to move forward and find new interests again in your life. He would want you to be happy. I'm sure of that.

[westleysmom]

Dee-I'm so sorry that it is hitting you so hard. I hope that Eri-fest goes well and you all have a nice time. It sounds like you'll eat well anyway! Sending love to all at Eri-fest, most especially you.

[mikesmomrs]

CHARLOTTE....CHAR, beautiful girl, surround your mommy with your beautiful spirit. Angela...sending love and strength. So glad the butterflies lasted...hope the release went well...such a special thing to do.

[mikesmomrs]

Leah...I am on my tablet, at the hospital with hubby, and cant access "info" from here, so cant look up the dates (avatars and info don't show up on my tablet), but you said in your post that you sent up lanterns for JaBoa...is it her angel date or birthday So sorry that I dont know, but if it is, I didnt want it to be missed. My love to you.

[mikesmomrs]

Dee....wishing you well for tomorrow. Wishing also that I could be there with you. Please dont wear yourself out. If I could be there, I would help with making that giant fruit salad...we all would! Love to yoi.

Rhonda...WOW...thats some hot hot days...I forget where you live?

Linda...so glad you got outwith your husband today. Baby steps.

Kate: goodness, stay away from those mosquitos! Have you ever tried those mosquito repellent thingies that youmhang on your belt or wear on your wrist?

Oops got to go, hubby is on a 'trial' of having the NGtube clamped off to see if they can remove it and they will be coming in shortly to run the 'test drive' of unclamping it to see how things go. complicated. Praying he does good

[mysonrich]

Dee, I fixed the weather for Eri-fest. You may need a sweater.

37°C°FH37° L26°

Chicago

• • Today
  • Clear
  • High37°
  • Low26°

  [*]

  • Tomorrow
  • Isolated Thunderstorms
  • High34°
  • Low21°

[ericasmom]

WHOA Betsy, what a difference that would be!!! Thanks for the weather adjustment. A sweater sounds like a lovely thing to need in the evening. Oh well, it is what it is, but I will be thinking cool thoughts.

Carol, you all will be there with me, and I will happily make that fruit salad with you and this wonderful group. We are like a fruit salad aren't we? We are all different but we blend so well together, and our experiences too: the sweet and the bittersweet and the heart songs we all sing to keep alive the light of our Babies. So if we are all in a fruit salad, which fruit would you be?

I might be the watermelon, or maybe the peach...

send your fruit thoughts here, it will be nice to see before I make that salad.

By the way, there is a shortage on helium around the world, I don't get that though, isn't it an element? How do we find a shortage? Anyhoo, that means NO BALLOONS, and with the drought and being two blocks from a forest preserve, don't know that we can do the lanterns. It is a different year and we have to bend to go with it.

[mysonrich]

Raspberry; any color. Plum; purple. cantaloupe with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

ice cream on the side

Edited July 7, 2012 by mysonrich

[daveydow1]

CHAR..........CHAR.........SWEET, SWEET, CHAR.

Wrap your little pink wings around your dear mama's heart.

Wanda-----Good to see your post. How funny------your big cat who loves fireworks. Funny & cute !

Kate-----Those terrible mosquitos and insects.......hard to put up with, I'm sure. Your dog

who "sang" (howled) his Happy Birthday greeting is so cute. Yes----animals have their own

personalities, and like people......are all different.

Rhonda-------Oh goodness !! Those temps are just unbelievable. So many over 100 degree

days in a row ! I sure do hope you get some relief. It was 97 here today.

Colleen------My kitty, Brownie, (since gone to kitty heaven 6 mo. ago) was so very afraid

of storms, thunder, and any sort of loud noises. She was a timid cat, and would meow

outside the bedroom door if she even heard a hint of thunder in the distance, and I would

get up and let her go into the small walk-in closet, where she would stay until she thought it was ok

to come out again.

Dee------I send loads of good wishes that the ERiFest will be a big success, and your food sounds

just yummy. What fruit would I be???? Well----almost all fruits are round & plump, so in order to

minimize, I guess I would be a blueberry. Never heard of a helium shortage, so no balloons.....huh?? what ??

Just hoping you have a good day tomorrow, with the gathering of so many friends and relatives

to honor your wonderful girl, Erz. She'll be smiling down from her pink heaven.

PEACE TO ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee. when I make a fruit salad it is like painting a canvas. I do whatever appeals to me at that time. It is like a smorg of fruit. Use what you have in the fruit bowl and fridge. Every time it is different.

Peaches...Ripened to perfection. Oh, so juicy as it drips down your chin.

Cherries...chilled and crisp and slightly sweet.

Kiwi ..crisp and mellow.

Strawberries...bright red ...ripened in the sun to just the perfect sweetness.

Bananas...sweetness with a soft texture.

I'm signing out...off to make a salad. With a large COLD bowl of FREEZING VANILLA ICE CREAM.

Thinking of you tomorrow. Good luck.

Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

CHAR..........CHAR.........SWEET, SWEET, CHAR.

Wrap your little pink wings around your dear mama's heart.

Wanda-----Good to see your post. How funny------your big cat who loves fireworks. Funny & cute !

Kate-----Those terrible mosquitos and insects.......hard to put up with, I'm sure. Your dog

who "sang" (howled) his Happy Birthday greeting is so cute. Yes----animals have their own

personalities, and like people......are all different.

Rhonda-------Oh goodness !! Those temps are just unbelievable. So many over 100 degree

days in a row ! I sure do hope you get some relief. It was 97 here today.

Colleen------My kitty, Brownie, (since gone to kitty heaven 6 mo. ago) was so very afraid

of storms, thunder, and any sort of loud noises. She was a timid cat, and would meow

outside the bedroom door if she even heard a hint of thunder in the distance, and I would

get up and let her go into the small walk-in closet, where she would stay until she thought it was ok

to come out again.

Dee------I send loads of good wishes that the ERiFest will be a big success, and your food sounds

just yummy. What fruit would I be???? Well----almost all fruits are round & plump, so in order to

minimize, I guess I would be a blueberry. Never heard of a helium shortage, so no balloons.....huh?? what ??

Just hoping you have a good day tomorrow, with the gathering of so many friends and relatives

to honor your wonderful girl, Erz. She'll be smiling down from her pink heaven.

PEACE TO ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

Thanks Sherry, her name was Magic. She was a dalamation and we loved her to bits. I love the meet and greet routine they all have. It becomes quite a ritual for them.

The insects are a huge problem right now as we sort of got used to not having any. We were in a drought for three years. So, no bugs of any kind. Then we got hit in a big way this past week. The good thing is they never last long. A week or two and the huge influx is over. A friend of our older son joined a group that portaged to Hudson Bay a few years back. We are talking the real stuff. Trekking through dense forest and portaging over rapids, etc. It was filmed by CBC. They learned many practical ways to fend off insects by the local First Nation Peoples. Some day I will bore you to death with my trivia on how to survive in the wilderness.

[Jeff's Mom]

Sorry I haven't been able to be around much lately. Here are the highs where I live for the last week:

June 28-106

June 29-109

June 30-107

July 1-105

July 2-102

July 3-98

July 4-103

July 5-105

The forecast high for today is 105, tomorrow 102 and a relatively cool 94 on Monday. We have had terrible thunderstorms the past two afternoons, which knocked the server out where I work and we are not sure we're going to get it back. Big Trouble for a small office that has lots of work to get done by few people. We do have our outside IT people working on it, and hopefully they'll get us back in business soon. Some people around town are still without power, at least we have that. But another thuderstorm is forecast for this afternoon.

Carol-I cracked up over Mike's comment to the nurse. I hope you both get some rest soon.

Dee-Glad your power is back on.

Char's Mom-You are in my thoughts.

CHAR-Sweet girl that is forever loved and missed.

Rhonda...how are people managing without power or air conditioning? Are they talking about this heat wave breaking soon? It covers such a vast area. Stay safe and hopefully as cool as you can.

Kate

[517958]

Thanks everyone for the wishes, thoughts, prayers and for just saying her beautiful name. She had lots of names. To us she was Charlotte, Char, Char-Bunny, Sharlie, Charlie, and "Char the Star" (her personal favorite).

The butterlfly release went really well. A couple of my dad's sisters came along with my mom and her husband, Larry. Even the butterfly with the goofy wings that I wasn't sure could even fly did eventually fly away. One landed on Grandpa Larry's shoulder for a while and then jumped to Julia's hand before flying away. We decorated her grave with flowers all over and it was beautiful. We sang Amazing Grace and Jon read something he wrote when he went to work this morning. Then we all went out to lunch. It felt good to be with people chatting about whatever with Char stories drifting in and out of the conversation. I cried a little and laughed a little. We feel we have accoplished something. To survive the first year and we do feel better now than we did those first horrible weeks and months. We know the pain will never fully go away but we know that we deserve to live a wonderful life and we will with Julia, William and whatever other child or children we are blessed to have if it is God's plan for us to have them. We are thankful for everyone who has helped us get this far, including everyone on this site. I hope I can be helpful to others on this journey as you have all been a great help to me. Thank you.

[tobyfreefoot]

the party on the 3rd

me showing what the long awaited memorial will look like hopefully by the end of august

everyone getting busy to start the decorating

[mysonrich]

Great pictures Gretchen and a beautiful tribute to Forest. If I see lot's of fireworks in the photo's I'm sure Rich was around too. You have a very handsome family.

July 4^rd I took a ride to the shore/beach. A spur of the moment notion. I took the back roads, tires didn't touch the Garden State Parkway once. I didn't realize the extent of the storm damage in southern NJ until I rode through. Many,many,many tree's down in one wide area. I hope they get power back soon. 105-115 degree today with the heat index.

I spent the night at the shore. Took a swim in the ocean. Sarah asked me once why we didn't have beach chairs. I told her we just never did. We used a beach blanket. So, I bought a beach chair and lugged that thing across 1000 feet of sand. Wildwood, NJ has a verry wide beach. Later I walked the boardwalk and stayed for the fireworks. It was a nice getaway though I didn't sleep well. I swear the bed had rocks in it. Up early for the drive back. Went out of my way a little. Not lost but not where I should have been. I was going to fly Rich's kite but I now have a giant blister on the ball of my foot under my 2^nd toe. Sand induced? Walking the “boards”. It's all ok.

On the way back I stopped at one of many of the fruit/veggie stands. picked up tomatoes,peaches,corn,raspberries,cherries and blueberries. In Wildwood the population is 5k in the off season and swells to 250,000 during the summer months. I do have lots of memories from this place because my family has gone down for more than a couple generations. Sarah and I like another part of town, still Wildwood.

When Rich was a little over 1 year old and Sarah 3, I carried Rich and hung on to Sarah's hand while we walked across that wide beach. Kept after Rich cause he kept running towards the surf. Anyway, in later years it wasn;t such hard work and I have many great memories, lots of mom there mostly.

A couple pic's from my cell phone. Took my #2 camera but the SD card didn't fit.

Stay cool everyone. I will probably be back later.

Update on Sarah. She arrived in Ireland just fine. Took a bus to Cork and is staying with a H.S. Friend; Sara, studying for her PhD. in Cork. ( lots of baby girls were named Sarah that year)The temps; a nice 50-60ish. Great timing.

the last pic of a small cottage that was once a part of a larger community/town. Before the new bridge there was an old 2 lane wood bridge. I remember the traffic on Sunday as everyone flowed in and the heat. No a/c in the car as a kid.

North Wildwood. Sarah and I like this area.

[rlolheiser]

good morning to all.

I think I finally caught up on some sleep, I hope so, I am tired of being tired. I ordered some new vitamins and hope maybe they will help me out. A day isn't supposed to end by 6 pm but that is how I have been feeling lately.

Dee thinking of you today hoping everything goes beautiful and you feel your beautiful angel everywhere!

Carol, no .. you didn't miss anything.. just our sending off the lanterns to include JaBoa, we try to include her on most things we do, writing notes on them and watching them until we can't see them. The kids are so sure, the heavens open up and she grabs them, just like the baloons.

One of my nieces was telling my son and grandaughter that Heaven doesn't exist. They were getting upset. I jumped into the conversation and told her that is was to bad she never experienced the angels looking down at us and grabbing up the gifts we give. Her mom jumped in and started scolding her, I told her not to scold, because not everybody was lucky enough to see it. Not sure I handled it the right way but I didn't want my group to quit believing, not until they are ready, hopefully they are never ready, cause for me.. it helps.

Rhonda.. read your temps.. I think I would be melted.. I just don't do well in the heat.

Betsy, glad you got out and enjoyed yourself. lovely pictures, glad Sarah is doing ok.

Gretchen, I enjoyed your pictures, thank you for sharing.

Kate, your salad sounds good and refreshing.. wish I had some fruit here in the house, gotta make it to the store :-)

Guess I better get moving, while I still feel awake :-) take care everybody

[Jeff's Mom]

Morning All, thanks for the great pictures! i always enjoy hearing about everyone's outings.

Leah...hope those vitamins work and hopefully you will find yourself more alert for longer periods of time during the day. Stress can really take its toll.

Betsy...your account of your outing for July 4th. sounded so nice. The way you described it I felt I was walking alongside you.

Gretchen...what a beautiful tribute to Forest.

Angela...so glad that the day went so well. I hope you felt a source of healing and strength surrounded by so much love from family and friends.

Trudi...Thinking of you and hoping things are helping with the therapy for your husband.

Carol...how is Ralph doing today? Is it really hot your way as well?

Sherry...and more rain for your crops?

We woke to a brilliant sunny sky. Temps are supposedly climbing to about 30C(86F) today. Just nice and warm. Last night it cooled off to 13C. I had to pull a light blanket up during the night. We don't have air-conditioning up here at the lake. Just ceiling fans and my portable R2D2 as I fondly refer to him. A portable air conditioner on wheels. Most nights the temps drop to pretty cool and so we don't see a need for anything else. Spoke to my son yesterday in Calgary and the Stampede has started this weekend. Looks like it is going to be really hot for them. And it usually heads our way.

Dee...thinking of you as you celebrate your girl today and I sure hope the weather co-operates. I'm sure your fruit salad will be yummy.

Linda...hope you are able to get out again today and do something nice with your husband.

Becky...how's the hand?

Take care everyone. Thinking of you today.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Thanks Kate, the fruit salad is made and in the fridge, three gallon bags of cut up fruit and watermelon shells in which to hold it. The bean salad was made last night, and I made the peach cobblers this morning. So now I have to change and get to the Italian store where we get our Italian Beef. The store has been in the near west side neighborhood for 50 years. Charming old place with great service. The weather is hot HOT right now, but they said that by around 5:00 a cold front eeeks in and cools us down. Thank you LORD and ERI for your heavenly ways, and Michael, (eri and jon's daddy) and thank you to all of our Angels. When we celebrate one life, we lift up all of their lives. What heavenly light we share.

This was Eri's last full day of life as she loved it nine years ago today. Bless you My Sweet Daughter, I thank God each day that you were here for us to know and love and that you left knowing that you will always be loved and honored.

Love all the photos Betsy and Gretchen.

[tobyfreefoot]

betsy-i love the cottage under the bridge!

angela-i guess our days went as well as can be expected. i sort of refused to let myself think of that horrible day and enjoyed the company of forest's friends & listening to their stories.

sadly i discovered many of his friends are having a hard time not hating his girlfriend, blaming her for his death.

i have been so busy i haven't kept up here. hope everyone is ok. it is really hot everywhere huh? my air has been out in my car since the beginning of summer and was out in the house for two days.

i got a chicken coop built but haven't got the chickens yet. the grasshoppers look like they came from an old horror movie-like the size of the house and have eaten up everything i worked so hard for.

thanks for asking how i was after my father's funeral. i got a bagpipe player and the military did a gun salute and color guard. i started sobbing during the quiet respectful moment when they folded the flag. mostly i am relieved he is out of misery. i feel guilty like i didn't do enough. that kind of makes my guts twist inside. other than that what would have been incredibly traumatic for me in the past barely phased me. forest's death has caused me such deep grief nothing seems to touch me now. there is a line in an elvis costello song that says "i can't stand up steady but you can't show me any kind of hell that i don't know already" so i haven't really suffered from his loss. i saw an old pic of him graduating from college at my daughter's this week that gave me a pang and made me know i am sad but it was expected and follows life's pattern so...idk

my house now has all of forest's possessions, all of my dad's, a lot of my kids and large part of my mother's. it is terrible. no room to walk or breathe. i am overwhelmed.

[BrendaDup59]

Thanks Kate, the fruit salad is made and in the fridge, three gallon bags of cut up fruit and watermelon shells in which to hold it. The bean salad was made last night, and I made the peach cobblers this morning. So now I have to change and get to the Italian store where we get our Italian Beef. The store has been in the near west side neighborhood for 50 years. Charming old place with great service. The weather is hot HOT right now, but they said that by around 5:00 a cold front eeeks in and cools us down. Thank you LORD and ERI for your heavenly ways, and Michael, (eri and jon's daddy) and thank you to all of our Angels. When we celebrate one life, we lift up all of their lives. What heavenly light we share.

This was Eri's last full day of life as she loved it nine years ago today. Bless you My Sweet Daughter, I thank God each day that you were here for us to know and love and that you left knowing that you will always be loved and honored.

Love all the photos Betsy and Gretchen.

I hope you have a wonderful day Dee, Hugs to you

[tobyfreefoot]

dee-so glad you can mark this day as a wonderful summer day with your lively girl enjoying it. hope you will revel in her most beautiful memories today. btw i picked blackberries for 3 days and put them in whipped cream to feed everyone at the decorating. i am loaded with thorns and chiggers but it was a labor of love. not much i can do for forest but i'm always looking for something.

[BrendaDup59]

betsy-i love the cottage under the bridge!

angela-i guess our days went as well as can be expected. i sort of refused to let myself think of that horrible day and enjoyed the company of forest's friends & listening to their stories.

sadly i discovered many of his friends are having a hard time not hating his girlfriend, blaming her for his death.

i have been so busy i haven't kept up here. hope everyone is ok. it is really hot everywhere huh? my air has been out in my car since the beginning of summer and was out in the house for two days.

i got a chicken coop built but haven't got the chickens yet. the grasshoppers look like they came from an old horror movie-like the size of the house and have eaten up everything i worked so hard for.

thanks for asking how i was after my father's funeral. i got a bagpipe player and the military did a gun salute and color guard. i started sobbing during the quiet respectful moment when they folded the flag. mostly i am relieved he is out of misery. i feel guilty like i didn't do enough. that kind of makes my guts twist inside. other than that what would have been incredibly traumatic for me in the past barely phased me. forest's death has caused me such deep grief nothing seems to touch me now. there is a line in an elvis costello song that says "i can't stand up steady but you can't show me any kind of hell that i don't know already" so i haven't really suffered from his loss. i saw an old pic of him graduating from college at my daughter's this week that gave me a pang and made me know i am sad but it was expected and follows life's pattern so...idk

my house now has all of forest's possessions, all of my dad's, a lot of my kids and large part of my mother's. it is terrible. no room to walk or breathe. i am overwhelmed.

Gretchen,I enjoyed your pictures, what a wonderful way to celebrate with Forest, you have certainly have had your share of sadness , and I'm sorry you have had to go through it. I sure do understand your comment about Forest death causing you such deep grief , once again it's Saturday and I hate them, I sure hope one day they wont be so bad. well I hope you have a good day. just know your in my thoughts and prayers. Take Care

[BrendaDup59]

Morning All, thanks for the great pictures! i always enjoy hearing about everyone's outings.

Leah...hope those vitamins work and hopefully you will find yourself more alert for longer periods of time during the day. Stress can really take its toll.

Betsy...your account of your outing for July 4th. sounded so nice. The way you described it I felt I was walking alongside you.

Gretchen...what a beautiful tribute to Forest.

Angela...so glad that the day went so well. I hope you felt a source of healing and strength surrounded by so much love from family and friends.

Trudi...Thinking of you and hoping things are helping with the therapy for your husband.

Carol...how is Ralph doing today? Is it really hot your way as well?

Sherry...and more rain for your crops?

We woke to a brilliant sunny sky. Temps are supposedly climbing to about 30C(86F) today. Just nice and warm. Last night it cooled off to 13C. I had to pull a light blanket up during the night. We don't have air-conditioning up here at the lake. Just ceiling fans and my portable R2D2 as I fondly refer to him. A portable air conditioner on wheels. Most nights the temps drop to pretty cool and so we don't see a need for anything else. Spoke to my son yesterday in Calgary and the Stampede has started this weekend. Looks like it is going to be really hot for them. And it usually heads our way.

Dee...thinking of you as you celebrate your girl today and I sure hope the weather co-operates. I'm sure your fruit salad will be yummy.

Linda...hope you are able to get out again today and do something nice with your husband.

Becky...how's the hand?

Take care everyone. Thinking of you today.

Kate

Kate , well it sounds like you have better weather then we do hopefully after tomorrow it is suppose to drop down to the 80's ..tomorrow is when Brian's friends are doing a bike ride benefit they are hoping for a thousand or more bikers to show up I sure hope so for my DL & grand children, sadly I wont be able to be there, I sure hope they have a great turnout my DL sure needs the money. well I received another card this time from Jordan Brian's 5 year old he wrote his name and drew me hearts all over the inside. so I have another card to treasure , what was funny it got all the way here with NO STAMP, so we did get a laugh as Brian was working for the post office a few months before he passed. and it was addressed to to "Little Grandma" lol . so I figured my son made sure I still got the card. Oh how I miss his face, his calls ,I would give anything to see him again. well have a great day.