Loss of an Adult Child

[alice24]

Thanks to everyone for the comforting words. I really appreciate the love and concern. Just talking to everyone helps.

It does not seem like a year has passed already. Most of the time I just don't want to be happy; I too would love to go to sleep and wake up in March. If only November and December were not here already. I know Hiram is fine and I love talking to him, but I am selfish.... I don't want just "signs", I want the real thing. I want to hug and kiss him and hear his voice. I do appreciate his watching over me and I praying he will get me through his "angel day", Christmas and his birthday in February.

Again, thanks for all your help.

Hiram and Nick are probably "riding" together now and flying high in the clouds.

[julsmom]

Dear Guest/Alice - I am sorry for your lost. Remembering those "last times" together is so very hard. I would look at each day on the calendar and try to remember what we were doing the year before. (My 27 y/o daughter died in a one car crash 10/13/03).

To All - as Thanksgiving and all the holidays descend upon us, may you each take time to remember your child or children, and to remember their lives and the joy they brought us rather than to focus on their deaths.

May each of us find peace. Lynda

[nicksmom21]

Alice, I'm sure they are riding together and looking over us..We have a motorcycle etched into Nicks headstone...About 20 of his friends led his procession on theirs....He died doing what he truly loved.....

[alice24]

Julsmom, I do the exact same thing. I am reliving the last days of 2004. I am going to try to focus on the happy and not dwell on the hard part. Every Thanksgiving after dinner my son, Hiram, and I would sit at the table, have some wine, laugh and talk. Then he would be the one to help me clean the table and wash the dishes. We enjoyed this time together every year. After that he always went outside and play in the yard with his Godchild. Tomorrow will be very hard. My oldest daughter is trying to start new ideas. We are going to attempt to make eggnog ourselves and then play a new board game she bought. I know there will be many tears, but also I pray many smiles and rememberance of our "angel". I know for sure he will be there and I have already asked him to let us know he is at the table with us.

Blessings to all. May we all have a peace filled and loving day. Trust in the Lord.

[heartbrokendad]

Dear friends,

If you want something that will make you feel better, read the book Journey of Souls by Michale Newton.

[briansdad]

May all of you find something to be thankful for tomorrow.I know it's hard but somewhere maybe we can smile at some fond memory.As for me I'll set aside a turkey leg for Brian just like I always did.I'll think of the smile that he had like he knew something I didn't.I'll listen for his laugh when he saw his daughter do something funny.And more than anything I'll be looking for that penny to know he's there with us.

I miss ya B

Love Dad

And may God bless all of us

[daveydow1]

Dear Friends,

For those looking for books to read, I found the book

"When Christ Comes" by Max Lucado to be very helpful

for life after death questions. I bought the book, so I could have

my own copy. It should be available at most book stores

or Amazon.com. May each and every one of us find peace

in the holidays, and feel the love coming from the spirits

of our dearly beloved children, and know that their spirits

feel our love which will always be there for them.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

To everyone, may your hearts have peace through the holiday. Our children touched our lives forever with love. Have a beautiful day.

Jennifer, although I could never see your face, I'm thankful you came into our world. I'm thankful for the little ray of hope that I can someday see you in eternity. Happy Thanksgiving. I love you.

[ashleysmom]

To all,

Peace to you on this Thanksgiving day, Dottie

[kathy714]

To All,you will all be in my thoughts today,and i will pray that you my find some peace.T/C Kathy,Nates mom

[mattsdad]

Hope everyone can manage through today...my husband had me up at 4:00 this morning so already its been a long day. You all are in my heart and prayers as you try to make it through this holiday. Be good to yourselves and your missed loved ones. Matthew will be on my mind all day-looking at his smiling face. We had to run out to get extra bread for stuffing at 6:00 this morning. On the way out of the store, Jeff found a penny! Matthew is with us.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Jeff (mattsdad) and BettyAnn (maskott)

[julsmom]

To all may we all find peace today. Remember to be thankful for our children no matter how short of time we had them for. They brought us love, happiness and joy.

To Alice - sounds like a good thing to try new things. But don't forget to have that glass of wine and laugh, both are good for the body and the soul.

Lynda

Julie - know that your presence is missed today, but we remember your laughter, your smile, your love for all (sorry no deviled eggs). love MOM

[daveydow1]

To Everyone on BI,

I too wish all of you a peaceful Thanksgiving. My thoughts

are with all of you.

Davey, We missed you today, but felt your spirit. We

know that you are safe and happy in heaven. We love

you forever. Mom

[Artina]

To All- We finished up our Thanksgiving at 2:00 today. My living son, husband and I sat around our oval table with Chris's table setting and picture placed in his forever reserved spot at the family table. We made it through another Thanksgiving (#3) and I am proud of us for pulling it off for our living son. He reminded me this year just exactly why I go to the trouble that I go to- he said, "I love this time of year; are you going to make that jello that you make"? His heart is pure and he heals my torn heart with his love and hope for life!

Christopher- we missed you so much today... I can just imagine how wonderful it would be to have you sitting at the family table with us- laughing and talking about Mike's challenge match this Saturday. We know that you are with us and we appreciate your efforts- but we miss your energy so much.

Love, mom

Peace to all, Tina

[aprilsmom]

Hello everyone, I have not posted in awhile. 11/17 was the one year mark and I was very emotional; how did a YEAR go by? April would eat all the trimmings on Thanksgiving because she was a vegetarian, I miss planning different foods for her whenever we ate together. Dec '03, the year before the accident, I was complaining to April that I couldn't get into the Christmas spirit. She showed up on a Sat. morning early in December and walked in my front door armed with a Christmas tree and told me to get busy, she got me going again. She was a busy, young married woman who gave of her time to others; even the morning of the accident she would not have been in that area had she not been doing a favor for a co-worker. I will never forget that tree and I feel obligated to carry on the love she shared with others. We have a huge family all over the US who always exchanges names for Christmas. I e-mailed everyone that in lieu of our gifts to them that we are making a playground donation to the special needs kids for a wheelchair swing. I have to confess tho, I feel good about not having to go shopping for the individual gifts. We tried keeping our Christmas the same as usual last year and it just did not work for us. We are spending this Christmas in Denver, none of us have been there so we will be busy. We will think of her with love because she enjoyed the mountains and wanted to travel. Just never got the chance..........or did she? I believe what the Bible says about us not being able to imagine how wonderful heaven is. I have to hold on to that! Take Care, thanks for listening, Renee

[maskott]

Well, I have endured my first holiday since I lossed Matthew. It was more difficult than I thought it would be. I know others have talked about the difficulties but until you go through it, you never know the pain that a holiday without a loved one is going to be. I broke down and sobbed.

BettyAnn

[kathy714]

To All,Ihope everyone made it through the holiday,this was the 1st thanksgiving for me without Nathan,and it was tough,i think the week leading up to it was even tougher.In the morning ,my husband and i hugged,told each other how much we missed Nate,then had a good cry,Iworked all night so we kept it quiet,just my older son,his wife to be and my grandaughter,i told everyone who wanted to come over that i was having an early night and i would see them over the

weekend .Also it snowed here yesterday morning and Nate knows how i love snow on Thanksgiving,it's like an offical start to the holiday season,maybe it was his way of letting me know he was here.T/C Kathy,Nate's mom..

[mamabets]

Hello Everybody!! I have missed you all, and welcome, with a sad heart, our new people. I have been so very sick with this season's flu-I am just today feeling alive again, although missing Danny refuses to ease up . I know, without a doubt, that he IS in a better place, for he is not feeling this pain where he is.Nor, will he ever. I hope all of you are starting to get through these holidays- They bring with them alot of hurt, however I do remember all of you and know that others, too, are hurting just like me, some if not worse. We are all different at all times, yet so close together always. Just be kind and gentle with yourselves and your loved ones- Be kind to all and know that our angels are just where this place called eternity exists, with all of it's beauty and more. I believe that there is a place way beyond this world where all things are perfectly perfect... I love you all and hope to hear from you!! xoxo mamabets JEFF AND BETTY ANN FOUND A PENNY ON THANKSGIVING!!! YEAH!!!! xo

[aprilsmom]

Hi all, I need your opinions. I dreamt about April early this morning, it has been about 9 months since I dreamt about her, or at least that I woke up remembering. I walked into a simple room, didn't recognize it, and she was sitting on a plain couch. We held each other and said we loved each other. I asked her about what would happen with Bobby (her husband) and what happened at the accident and she kind of blew me off like she didn't know. She was not all excited about how great it's supposed to be in heaven but just wanted me to have a chance to be with her. I am worried now that she is not happy because I am so darn SAD. This was all very different from a "dream" it was so real, as if I could almost feel her. I know she wasn't in my bedroom though, I would have recognized it! Any help here?

Great hearing from you mamabets - I LOVED THAT PICTURE of you and your family holding the dogs on your deck--and the scenery is gorgeous there. Danny was one handsome brute!

Kathy- did they determine your son's actual cause of passing?

Take Care all, Renee

[mamabets]

For aprilsmom- My advice, Renee, is that you go and go get the book "Hello From Heaven" because it explains in great detail the different kinds of dreams, the different kinds of visits and more regarding after life communications. It puts so much of the ADC communication stuff into perspective for us. I read it, I think, in an afternoon and all made such perfect sense after doing so. I know that you are so open to it all- Do yourself a favor this weekend and go get the book- Glad that you enjoyed the pictures and thank you for your sweet comments. Danny loved coming to North Carolina and we believe that his home is now here, before he goes there and everywhere... Much love and blessings to you...xoxomamabets..Betsy

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,it is so nice to hear from you,i was worried about you,i am glad you are feeling better,and try to stay strong through the differcult holidays T/C Kathy,nate's mom

[kathy714]

Dear Renee,i think what you had is called a death vision dream,it is different then a regular dream, a dvd,is when a loved one comes to you in a dream,it feels real ,you remember every detail,and you never forget it.Ihave had one since Nate has passed,he came into the room where i was sleeping,and he was so happy,I was telling him i knew he would be back,and he was telling me everything that was going on with him ,it was like we were catching up,because we hadn't seen each other.Also you asked what happened to my son,they found him in a bank parking lot on his 21st birthday,last jan.It is a long complicate story,but the medical examiner was being pressured by the media for cause of death ,so they stated,hypothermia r/t alcholol intoxication,we still haven't got report.I have to contact them the detective said it would take 9 monthes and it has been almost a year.T/C KATHY

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Renee,

What you had was a visitation, there are dreams of our loved ones, and there are visitations, you had the latter.

I had a dream where CarrieAnn came to me and told me to tell others about what happend to her, to tell kids, parents about drug abuse, and how easy it it to become and addict....thats what I'm trying to do...

Take care ..

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[kevsmom]

I was very interested in Renee's post and the answers you've given. My son Kevin died 5 months ago - during the first days and weeks I just desperately needed to know where he was and that he was ok...that he knew how much we missed him (he knew he was loved). Approx 2 months later, in a dream, I was sitting in a chair - alone in a room when I could feel Kevin standing to my left. I stood up and hugged him...I could feel him - it felt so good. He didn't speak - that was the end of the dream. Although I dream *about* Kevin all the time, I haven't had that experience again. I would love a visitation.

I read a lot of grief books after the accident, now I'm more interested in what happens next. I ordered two books - Journey of the Souls by Michael Newton and One Last Time by John Edwards. I too have consoled myself with the *fact* that someday I will know.

Hugs....Irene

[Artina]

Renee,

My son has been gone almost four years come January 4. I have had two visits from him in that time. The first time he visited me; I could see myself in his room crying and I could see him watching over me as I cried. He was telling me that he was right there, but I kept weeping in my hands sitting on his bed. He was so frustrated. The second time he visited me; we were in a parking lot and he came up to me with such a pure glow in his face. He didn't say a word, he just kept a soft smile on his face. I was yelling, "oh my God, your alive- but I don't understand, they took all of your blood out of your veins- how can you be alive". My mind was trying to make since of all of it... but he was alive. He just kept smiling and I kept touching him and trying to make since of it all. He didn't say a word- I felt what he was saying, which was that it was okay and that life does continue and that we will see each other again.

My husband has only had one visit from him. My husband is much more closed emotionally than I am. His dream came about two and half years after the loss of Chris. My husband was sitting at a table and the room was completely empty and was all white. Chris sat at the table with him and just smiled at my husband as they shared a soda that was in a green liter container. My son's favorite soda was mountain dew and he always got it in the liter container that was green. Nothing was ever said, but my husband felt Chris's presence and felt the Chris was okay. He just smiled that smile... as they shared a soda. My husband didn't ask any questions, because he could feel the answers.

Our dreams were the best confirmation to life after death. However, we do get a lot of hello's- through the appearance of his number 42 and his favorite color orange. We value those with all of our being too.

Peace to all, Tina

[care4u]

Aprilsmom,

I just wanted to put an offer out there for you. I know I am no Sylvia Brown or John Edward for they have had far more years of experience than me, for I am only 26, but I feel that my gifts are alot more developed than I believe. I know that my gifts are there and are very strong, I just need to believe in myself more. Anyways, I thought that it might bring you some consolation if I were to do a reading for you. (I have been successful in my group). I can't guarantee that April will come through for someone else might have a message for you, but I really don't want to see you sad and thought it would be worth a try. If you were interested I would need to look up how to do this with it being long distance, but I could post it right here, I do not have to have any contact with you other than this. I think we may need to make the timeing right though. Both of us would maybe need to light a candle at the same time, but we would have to make out our time differences in different locations. I'm not sure, but I will go ahead and look it up anyways and let me know if you would like to do this. I don't want to ask you to do anything you are not comfortable with, so I just thought I would put it out there for you. I really just feel for you and the pain you are going through, that's why I wanted to post this. So I will leave this with you and take care. God bless.

[mom2angels]

Hello & {{{HUGS}}} to all~

I just joined BI, and this is my first post on these forums.

My beautiful son, Michael, received his wings on May 30, 2003 at the age of 32. Since then, he has contacted me in a multitude of incredible and wonderful ways. Dreams are an exceptionally powerful mode of communication, and I invite Michael to visit me every night, as I am drifting off to sleep. He visits me often.

My heart goes out to each of you, who are struggling along this path, especially those of you who are in the earliest stages of grieving. I can relate deeply to what you are experiencing.

I have lost the majority of my family, including my parents, and several friends. But nothing compares to the grief and the pain of losing my child.

Michael's visitations, his signs and assorted methods of communicating with me comfort me immensely. We have developed a blessed spiritual relationship.

Keep your eyes, ears, and hearts open, and I guarantee you that your children will let you know that they are always with you and that they really are "in a better place."

May God grant each of you peace and comfort today and every day~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[daveydow1]

Mom2angels,

I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son. Reading the

date your son passed over, and his age, was very close to

my son, Davey's, passing (June 14,2003) at age 31. I like

to think that they are friends in eternity. Thank you for

your encouraging words. I hope you come back to BI. Every-

one here knows your sorrow, and will offer a compassionate

ear to whatever you wish to share in posts. I have been on

this site for two and-a-half yrs. and have found it to be

so very helpful to read & post with all the people here.

Peace be with you.

[Artina]

Roslyn,

Thank you for sharing your comforting wisdom with us. Nothing feels better than to hear parents, who have had a child cross over, share stories of after life communication. It confirms so much of what we believe.

[aprilsmom]

Yes, welcome Roslyn. This board shares peace and hope for all. I am grateful for every single one of you.

Care4U- wow, that's very generous of you. I will think about it; I am so afraid of straying from my Christian roots. Thank you.

Kevsmom, you helped me too.

[mom2angels]

Thank you so much David's mom, Tina, and Renee for your kind welcome. I don't know why it took me so long to join here. I met Kirksdad on another loss forum after Michael passed, and I have visited here periodically. I believe that everything happens for a reason, so there must be a reason why now is the time for me to join you.

My situation is likely different than most of yours with respect to the circumstances surrounding Michael's transition.

Michael was born with a progressive neuromuscular disease resulting in severe developmental disabilities. At the age of 10, he developed a seizure disorder, and for the next 22 years, including while he was dying, Michael had many different kinds of seizures several times every day. The seizures robbed him of all of his skills; he had pneumonia frequently; he was chronically constipated; his spine was curved; he was hospitalized many times throughout his life and survived every time against all odds.

I cared for Michael, and his older brother, Jonathan (older by 1 year), who was also born with the same condition, as a single parent through their preteen and adolescent years. When my sons were 22 and 23, I met my current husband, who was Michael's school bus driver. We've been married for 13 years, and he and I are our sons' full time careproviders. We sleep in shifts to give 24 hour care.

In 1999, Michael developed aspiration pneumonia, was hospitalized 3 times for 3 weeks each time over a period of 3 months, and had a Gtube placed in his tummy to receive his nutrition, fluids and medications. We transformed our family room in the center of our home into Michael's room, and we slept on a futon in our living room to be near him.

Michael actually did quite well in general, although his seizures changed and worsened. A status seizure on Christmas Eve 2002 was the beginning of Michael's health decline.

On Mother's Day, May 11, 2003, Michael coded in the ER. I agreed to intubation, because I didn't know what was wrong with Michael. His lungs were filled with fluid, and his body was riddled with infections.

Two weeks later, my husband and I decided that Michael had had enough. The prognosis was grim, but the doctors offered to put a trache in Michael so that he could be hooked up indefinitely to the ventilator and probably transferred to some kind of "vent facility." After great prayer and soulful discussions, we decided to extubate Michael. Family and friends gathered around his ICU bed, offering prayers, songs, scriptures, and memories as we touched him and loved him.

Michael was relieved by the removal of the tube from his throat, and he immediately rallied. He was moved to hospice care on another hospital floor. Five days later, Michael returned home to God as he left our arms.

Having cared so intimately for Michael all of his life, you can imagine the incredibly huge void in my life with his physical absence. Michael (and Jon) and I were very rarely separated, and this separation was/still is gigantic for me.

For the most part I have coped by channeling my grieving energy into a positive spiritual experience with Michael. I am close to him, and I feel his presence always in many ways. I am closer to God now, closer to Jonathan, my husband, remaining family and friends.

Physically beautiful, with strawberry blonde hair like a crown, and sky blue eyes, a cherub face, pure and innocent, delicate, courageous, and full of grace, that is Michael. A nurse once said to me, through tears, as she was looking at Michael, "It's like looking at the face of God."

I am deeply connected with both of my children, and I am blessed to be their mother, because as my screen name states, I am the mom of two angels.

Jon nearly died from a twisted colon in August 2004, had a septic infection and now has a colostomy. On Christmas Eve last year, Jon was admitted to ICU with pneumonia and a broken hip from undiagnosed osteoporosis. We spent the holidays in a room 2 doors from the one where Michael made his transition.

And Michael was there. He saw Jon through, and he held me up through both of these crises. Nonetheless, all of this has caused me to "pre=grieve" the expected loss someday of my equally beautiful and courageous first born son.

That is the briefest introduction I can manage! It's a long and complicated story.

My daily prayer is that God will grant peace and comfort to all parents whose children have left their arms and returned to His Arms.

Blessings to you~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[mamabets]

Hi Kathy714- I thank you and love you for your kind words-xoxo And, welcome to you, Rosalyn, our mother of 2 angels- One still with us here, God bless you for being their forever angel in how magnificently you have loved and cared for them both. Your beautiful inspiring story, in spite of this horrific grief, will enlighten many dear, lost souls here with us. These poor parents do not know what to do with their grief, and when someone such as yourself , and others here, appear with such strong stories about connections to our angels, my constant hope is that they first- believe, and second- experience!! Seems as if there has been a "penny" chain going on lately- You will meet Greg soon, Brian's dad and he had written a copy of a beautiful poem about pennies from Heaven and how when you find one, they are sent from our angels- ALL it seems, have started finding pennies!!! Welcome to you and to all of our newcomers- Let's hold hands and hearts as we stumble our way through- I, Ros, lost my Danny in June of 2004- He was, and is 25, and fabulous- He comes to me in many, many ways, but his start was with hearts and I have two photo albums fully loaded of photos of his miracles- I often hear loved ones say "If we could just see him and hold him one more time" I tell them- But, to have to say goodbye again- I was forever blessed in that my goodbye was an "I love you- Call me when you get home"- Keep sharing your stories, everyone- Our angel spirits ARE still alive, just on a completelt different dimension- But, they know and love us tremendously, still, and want so for us to believe in them as they now are. At least my Danny does, and I would only assume that it is true for all of our little angels. I love and bless you all-!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

And, one last thing- I do not know where I would be without all of you- Thank you for your love and steady support!! xoxo mamabets

[mamabets]

Would it not be wonderful if we could all meet one day?? But, then, I often think- WE would have to say "see ya" and get back to our lives, wherever they may be...!! That would be hard to do- To be together and then have to leave- For now,we must hang out here- BUT, my doors are always opened here in Charlotte, NC- ALWAYS for ANYONE!!! xoxomamabets

[jaysdad]

Hi everyone.

I lost my 20 yrs old son Jay Lee Cortes from a motorcycle (sportbike, Suzuki 600gxr)this last May 13, 2005. Our lives have not been the same since then. Jay\'s surviving brother, Brannon, got along so well with him...

My son Jay had recently bought his bike and him and his friend, who also had just bought the same bike, were heading back home on Interstate 4 (I-4) from Orlando when a drunk driver raced right behind them and hit one of the bike\'s, presumably Jay\'s, my son and his friend instantly lost control and my son ended dead in the middle of the road, he also lost his left foot from the ankle down, and his bike caught fire at the edge of the ramp guard and was totally destroyed. My sons friend, Kevin, had an injured leg and was airlifted to the hospital.

It was a terrible night, all this happened at about 1:35 am. My son\'s girlfriend had been following them on their trip and she was the one that awoke us in the middle of the night to tell us that she had lost sight of the motorcycles on the way back home... What ensued after that was the terrible nighmare full of confusion and hope, and ended in the confirmed tragedy of our son\'s loss.

Jay would have been 21 this past September 2005. As a father, I am facing the daily nightmare of awakening to this new grim reality. To me, he was my pride and joy, the biggest accomplishment of my entire life.

Just so many times since Jay\'s death I have felt how meaningless our daily affairs sometimes seem. I think what helps me carry on is that I have my other son Brannon to care for. And of course my wife also.

My pain is not only for myself but also for the loss that my other son had to bear in losing the only brother he will ever know or have. My pain is also for my wife, Yolanda, for she is such a loving mom, she did not deserve to have lost her pride and joy, the one who always made her day when she came home from a long day at her childcare center...

I know in my heart that life goes on... but my thinking mind still gives me doubts. There were a few strange events that happened in the days before my sons\' tragic death... One night we all went to bed when suddenly, in the wee hours of the morning, a sherif comes knoking on our door... they said that they had received a 911 call dialed from our home phone just a few minutes earlier! No one at home had done this! Then a few days later, we received a call from \"Florida Hospital\", that call came in at exactly 5:13 pm, the exact numbers of Jay\'s tragic accident - 5/13/2005! The thing is that NO ONE WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LINE!

Well, I have to go now, I hope to meet some friends here. I need to talk more with someone...

I feel for all of you... Take care and hug your children often.

Fred C.

JaysDad

[kathy714]

Dear Jaysdad,i am so sorry for the lose of your son,i think you will find BI a very supportive place to come share your thoughts.Ilost my son Nathan last Jan on his 21st birthday,and i found this site about a month after he passed,and i truely think it has saved me,all of the people here truely understand your grief,and because everyone here is at different timelines,there is always someone who can help.I will say a prayer for you and your family, and i do hope you find some peace here,T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,i think that would be awesome if someday we could all get together and meet,it could be like a BI convention.Wouldn't that be so nice,well until we meet..T/C Kathy Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Mom2angels,i am so sorry for the loss of your son,and welcome to Beyond Indigo,reading your post you have a nice spiritual background,and it is nice to hear of the visits from your son.I think you will find everyone here to be very supportive,not a day goes by that i don't at least log on to read the post,i would be lost without this site.It is sad that so many of us have to be here,it is a sad world sometimes,I to have lost many family members,my mom in 2001,i lost 5 close relatives in 2001,sometimes i wonder if it was to prepare me for this[my son crossed in jan on his 21st birthday],although there is no pain that can prepare us for the loss of a child,you will be in my prayers...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[maskott]

I have been very emotional because of the holidays. I've been reading about so many people seeing psychics. Most have had good results, others were just alright. I'm tempted to see one just so I'm sure everything is alright. Who has seen one and what were the results and how do you find one that is legitimate. Need to know. thanks

BettyAnn

[kevsmom]

Dear Fred (Jaysdad)

Your post is so close to my son's accident it was eerie. My 25 year old son, Kevin, died in a motorcycle accident on 6/21/05. He too was riding with a friend - they were going back to work after lunchtime. They were riding in a a residential area - they had the right of way - a van stopped at a stop sign wasn't paying attention (I do not accept he didn't see TWO motorcycles) and pulled out right in front of the boys. Kev's friend managed to avoid the van - only because it never stopped, but because of that, my son hit the side of the van causing multiple fatal injuries. Technically he died at the scene at 12:32 p.m., but wasn't pronounced dead until later, on the operating table.

We also had several weird things happen in the days before - I would love to talk more with you. I feel like I'm only half functioning - feeling so tired a lot of the time and some days that are a complete melt down, like yesterday. Two of Kevs' friends stopped by - different times, it's so nice yet so draining. Hugs, Irene

[julsmom]

I have a question for those parents who are a few years from the death of their child/children. This will be our 3rd Christmas without Julie. The first was just 10 weeks after her death. Last year I did ok, was looking forward to the holidays, being "normal" (whatever normal is) again. But this year I really could care less. I have no desire to decorate, buy or recieve gifts, or celebrate in any fashion. Have others experienced this too? I know the greiving process is a roller coaster ride, but my expectation for myself was that I could do this better this year and I'm not. Any comments, similar feelings or suggestions would be appreciated. Peace, Lynda

[Artina]

Jaysdad,

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been part of Beyond Indigo for over three years and it has been a saving grace. I hope that you will find it helpful. Take what works and leave what doesn't. As grieving parents we understand that everybody grieves differently.

I understand what you are saying about the "hints" before your son crossed over. I focused on the time 11:44- it was the end of my phone number when I was a teenager, so when ever I saw it I would say, "there's that number; I wonder what it means". Everybody in my family new that I thought that number meant something. My son died on Jan 4- 1 and 4. This may seem far fetched, but I have to say I knew it meant something- I just didn't know that. I'm not sure what to make of it now either- other than my Spirit new something that my physical mind didn't.

I too put my feet on the floor everyday for my living son- who was 12 at the time of his 19 year old brother's death (snowmobile accident). My living son is now 16 and makes me smile everyday. I too feel bad for him and my husband, along with myself. It's hard. Chris's 4 Angel date is Jan 4. I have learned to live a life with my grief. We do get excited about things and have hope again. Be sure to drink plenty of fluids, eat, get your rest, and exercise. I know these seem like, "why should I do those things, Iv'e lost my son", suggestions. But, in some small way they help the mind keep the light on in a very dark time.

Peace to all, Tina

[Artina]

Lynda,

I think my experience may be different than yours, because I had a 13 year old a year after Chris crossed over. If it would have been just Art and I at home I would have probably been in a different space in time. Infact, I'm sure that my time is coming- Mike we be off to college in less than two years. I fear that I will start the grieving process all over. In some ways, time does not matter. I believe that there are circumstances that lead us, or keep us, out of the dark or in the dark. Mike has helped my grieving process, yet when he moves out.... I can't even imagine.

Is your son coming home for Christmas? Would it help you if he was? Maybe you could give yourself a Christmas gift and fly him home for YOU. Just a thought... I know this is about missing Julie, but sometimes it helps to have your "child's" energy around to help EASE the pain and sadness.

To sum it up- we celebrate the time with our living son. We don't have family or friends over- to much pressure to celebrate and too many chances that we will be left holding a painful comment or experience that would have been avoided by not having people around. We do our own little get together and it has worked since day one.

Peace to you, Tina

[kirksdad]

Julsmom, this will be our 6th Chrismas without Kirk and each one has been different emotionally and I am guessing that will be happening for quite some time. We have changed our traditions as far as Christmas has gone. We use to go home Christmas Eve, my side of the family, but after Kirk's death we just couldn't handle it anymore. We stay here, have a nice meal, go to Christmas Eve service, open presents and then watch our Christmas movie, this year, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We have been doing that for 4 years now. The first Christmas we didn't even get a tree up and were no where near family, just the 3 of us at home. Then, the second one we got a tree up, but didn't decorate it. Since then we are trying, but it is hard and each year brings a new set of emotional change that we simply seem to go with.

[mamabets]

ForAll- As we head into the holidays, for whatever it is worth, we plan on doing nothing. There is nothing wrong with doing what you can after this tragedy, and if that means doing holidays differently, so be it. I have no intentions on doing anything different than any other day. I believe that, for me, it will take the focus off of what is expected to be a very painful time, on top of what is already painful. That is the plan for us, God willing!!! xoxo Love to all!! mamabets

[donosmom]

Lynda, I know where you are at, this is my third Christmas without Matt too. The first we went through all the motions of past Christmas's, last year we tried to do the same but it was a huge mistake and very painful. Nothing was the same, even the stockings brought nothing but pain. This year our other 3 kids won't be home so we bought a small fiber optic tree and I decoratged it Saturday mainly because I buy the make a wish ornaments in Matthews memory. That is all I have the energy or desire to do. The old traditions and way we did the holidays no longer work for us.

I would like to go fast forward past the holiday's!

Matthews Mama Mary

11-3-79 - 7-13-03

[rhonda68]

This is the first Christmas without my son Richard and I really dont know how to deal with it. I do know I have to try and put the tree up and get presents for my 16 year old. I found this poem:

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,

With tiny lights,like heaven's stars,reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular,please wipe away that tear,

For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,

But the sounds of music can't compare with the choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,

But I am not so far away. We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear,

And be glad I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift,from my heavenly home above.

I send you each a memory of my undying Love.

After all,love is a gift,more precious than pure gold.

It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please Love and keep each other,as my father said to do.

For I can't count the blessings or Love He has for each of you.

So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.

Remember, I'm spending Christmas with jesus Christ this year.

[julsmom]

to all who posted, thanks for the advice/comments. We do try to do something different but it is not always possible. Since my husband is a minister that means Christmas eve services (2) and since Christmas is a Sunday this year, there will be a service that day too.

Tina, our son is coming home which is bitter sweet as they say. Good to see him hate to see him leave. He was home for Thanksgiving too, but as we all know the time is way too short.

Jim as always wise words for those of us who follow.

Peace to all, Lynda

[mom2angels]

Hi & {{{HUGS}}} to all~

I hope you don't mind if I take up a little space here, as I really wanted to respond to each one of you. I guess I didn't realize until now how much I have been needing to connect with other grieving parents. Each of you spoke of something which touched my heart.

{{{Betsy~Mamabetts)}}} ~ Thank you for welcoming me. What kind of hearts does Danny send to you? Michael sends me heart-shaped clouds, and on the sidewalk on the greenbelt adjacent to our backyard, a perfect heart appeared in the concrete a couple of months after Michael crossed over. I would love to see your photo book of Danny’s miracles. Yes, I often wish that I could hold Michael one more time, but I am not sure that I would be able to let go of him again. Knowing, and I do know, that Michael is still living is my greatest comfort. His body, the vessel holding his spirit, died. But he is still and eternally very much alive.

{{{Fred~Jaysdad}}} ~ Please accept my deepest sympathy for and empathy with you, Yolanda and Brannon in the loss of your dear Jay. I hope that you will find comfort here with others who understand your pain. The events you describe prior to Jay’s accident certainly appear to be omens. Like most, if not all of us, here, there are so many unanswered questions.

{{{Kathy 714}}} ~ Thank you for welcoming me. I’m so sorry for the loss of your son, Nathan. Oh, and on his 21st birthday as well, how difficult for you. And now you are facing the “firsts,” my heart really goes out to you. You are so right, nothing in this life can ever prepare you for the pain of losing your child.

{{{BettyAnn~Maskott}}} ~ The holidays are already stressful, but adding the loss of your beloved child to the emotional mix can make it incredibly difficult. With regard to consulting a psychic, I haven’t done so since Michael’s passing. Our close friend is a spiritualist, and Michael often contacts him, and he tells us that Michael is blissfully happy and very powerful. Some larger metropolitan areas might have psychic centers or metaphysical centers, where psychics, spiritual counselors, etc. meet, hold “fairs” where they offer readings, and possibly even nondenominational services. Check your yellow pages for “spiritual counselors.” Another option might be to find a shop in your area, which sells crystals, gemstones, and other spiritual tools. They would likely have names of reputable spiritual counselors. Trust your immediate instinct when you meet a “psychic,” as it is always correct. God bless you in your search.

[mom2angels]

(Continuing my individual replies to you~)

{{{Irene~Kevsmom}}} ~ I pray that you are feeling a bit stronger today. You are still early in the process, and everything is raw. Those meltdowns are expected, natural, and I think, necessary. While it is important to continue functioning as best as you can, it is also important to feel the pain and experience your grief. The expression “no pain - no gain” applies here, in that the more you stuff that pain down, the bigger it gets and the less progress you make toward healing. By allowing myself those meltdown days, I was better able to function on the “good” days. And the good days are those when it all doesn’t overwhelm you. I pray for more of those as time goes on for you.

{{{Lynda~Julsmom}}} ~ Feeling worse rather than better this year sounds familiar to me. However, this year, I vowed that I would not do what I did last year. I put intense pressure on myself to find the perfect gifts, and I also craft bead bracelets and candles for gifts. I sent out cards for the first time in years. I overcommitted, thinking I was compensating for my depression about another Christmas without Michael here. On Christmas Eve, our tree was up, with no decorations, and our son, Jon, was in ICU with pneumonia and broken hip. I was wiped out and not strong enough to endure that ordeal, but I had to, so I did. This year, we have told all of our loved ones that we are making donations to charities for Katrina/Rita victims as our gifts to them. Everyone loves that idea. We made donations in Michael’s memory as well. I’ve taken off the pressure, and I’ve planned to decorate our entire house this year, bake, possibly craft, but if I decide that I don’t want to do that, then I won’t. Give yourself permission to feel however you feel, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says about how you should be feeling. You are Julie’s mom, and no one can understand how you feel, but everyone around you should respect how you feel.

{{{Tina~Artina}}} ~ I’m sending healing energy your way as Chris’ 4th Angel Date approaches. You are so wise about advising us to take care of ourselves. It’s very easy not to do that. Some days, I didn’t get out of my nightgown, brush my hair or teeth or wash my face. That made me feel worse, as did not watching my diet and fluid intake. Also, I recommend taking a good multivitamin. Stress depletes a lot of vitamins and nutrients. Coping is far more difficult if your body is weak. I’m sure that none of our children would want us to become ill or neglect our own well being.

{{{Jim~Kirksdad}}} ~ I agree, wise words, Jim. Going with the flow is the best way to manage and minimize the demands on your energy. Sometimes the passage of time is only a reflection of how long you have been apart from your child. My husband suggested that we view each day of separation as one day closer to being reunited with Michael. That is definitely a better approach, but not always that easy to accomplish.

{{{Mary~Donosmom}}} ~ Everything changes immensely in your world when your child passes, and holiday traditions just seem to emphasize the pain of those changes. We also have developed new traditions, and we ensure that we include Michael in those new traditions. Just as you have purchased Make a Wish ornaments in Matthew’s memory incorporates Matthew into your holiday and lovingly honors him by helping another child.

{{{Rhonda 68}}} ~ You also are experiencing your first Christmas, and I feel for you, for all of you. Such a beautiful poem. Friends gave us this poem and an accompanying ornament with Michael’s name engraved on it our first Christmas without Michael. May you feel Richard very near you during this holiday season.

For all of you, I pray that God will grant you peace and comfort ~ now and always~

Love & Light,

Roslyn