Loss of an Adult Child

[mom2angels]

Oh Rose! Whew! Thank God! I'm so glad that I misunderstood! I thought that I had said something to hurt you, and I was just so sad to think that I might have done so. I lit a candle for you and Nicholas last night and prayed about it, and this morning, I just felt that I should apologize and leave. I would never ever in a million years want to say a harmful, hurtful word to anyone, and especially not to any of the parents here. You don't know how relieved I am! My heart was so heavy thinking I had upset you.

Rose, I'm sure that Nicholas saw me too, and I know that he and all of our beautiful angels heard their names as we lit candles for them on Sunday.

Let me share with you something about tears~ After Michael passed, as I sat beside his bed, I looked across at our wonderful chaplain, Rosa, as I began to weep and sob. When I could catch my breath, I said to Rosa, "Is it wrong for me to cry? I'm happy for Michael that he is released from his lifetime of pain and suffering, and I rejoice that he is once again in the arms of God. But it just hurts so much to let him go."

Rosa reached across Michael and gently took my hand answering softly, "The tears from a Mother's heart are holy tears. Each tear is a diamond of love for your son."

Even though I had shed many tears in my lifetime, the tears I shed following Michael's transition, to this day, are different than any I have ever wept. I cannot find the words to explain the difference. Tears just come unannounced and spill from my eyes. I no longer try to repress them, for I know that each tear is a diamond of love for Michael, and each tear cleanses my soul and leads me toward healing.

A friend told me that God has a bottle in which He collects my tears. That must be a HUGE bottle!

So, I understand your tears, Rose. They are diamonds of love for your Nicholas. And God is collecting them for you.

I have just lit a candle and said a prayer of healing for you, Rose, and gratitude that I misunderstood your message. {{{HUGS}}} Blessings, peace and comfort to you today and every day~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

PS~ I am also known as Rose to most of the people in my life, but I used my full name here, when I saw your name before I joined, to avoid any possible confusion. Just wanted to let you know...I love your name!

[mattsdad]

To all who have shed tears,

Remember that God has also lost a son, and He has also shed tears for His Son.

We are not alone in our sorrow.

But we are in really good company.

Jeff

[mattsdad]

Julsmom,

Lynda,

I know it does not need to be said, but know that you and John are in our hearts and prayers as Julie's birthday comes tomorrow.

We hope that Thursday will come and go peacefully. But, always remember that you will not be forgotten.

On behalf of Betty Ann we wish you peace.

Jeff

[mattsdad]

To Dougsmom,

I think your nephew pretty well summed up how the holidays will be for many, if not all of us.

But, believe it or not, we will endure the next few weeks and maybe things will slowly get better.

From what I hear, they may get worse before they get better.

Be that as it may, we are all in it for the long haul... And if any of us fall to the side, one of us will be here to pick the other up and carry them along.

We are now one big family who not only cares for each other, but feels and hurts together as well.

p.s.

I just heard one hour ago that my cousin passed away suddenly at age 53. If anyone has a spare prayer offer one to my cousin Susan.

Thanks.

Jeff

[daveydow1]

Kevsmom,

I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son in a motorcycle

accident. At the 6 mo. stage afterwards is such a terribly

painful time, especially with the holidays coming up. You

said your son passed at 12:32 pm 6/21/05. My son also passed

away about the same time of day 6/14/03 in a semi truck crash.

You are in my prayers and I wish you peace.

[daveydow1]

Mamabets,

Thank you for your kind words of support regarding not

decorating for the holidays. This will be our 3rd Christmas

without Davey who passed over 6/14/03. In ways, it is more

painful than the first one. I did hang a couple of wreaths

in the window/door. That's about it. Davey's passing leaves

a hole in this family that is indescribable. As you say---

if you can't bring yourself to get into the spirit to do

all those holiday preparations, then it is best to just not

do it. I find that grief is a lonely thing to bear most of the time.

That is another reason why I find this site so helpful. Peace

to all who come here.

[mamabets]

For Daveydow and Kevsmom- My Danny's accident was 6-15-04, his life support was disconnected on 6-21-04, mperhaps your dates show that we really are always connected, whether on this side or the other. I love the courage that continues to surround me here and just promise that we will all check in as much as we can, as we all try to get through each day. With love from my heart to yours...xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Mattsdad- More loss for you... I am so sorry about Susan, but once again- I will never doubt that the better of the two places is where they are, and where we are all trying to get to. I am thinking of you and Betty and know that we are all carrying each other always!! xoxomamabets

[kathy714]

Dear Rose,i to want to apologize for my response to your post,i think i was too harsh,and i truely am sorry,i just have been so sad,and my anxiety level has been through the roof.This is the first holiday season without my son Nathan,and i just feel so lost right now,like someone here said ,i never know when my tears are going to start.When i absolutly feel like i am losing it ,i can come here to this site and read the post,there is always something that touches my heart,i get so much inspiration and valadation from reading what others here post.Iam truely sorry for the loss of your son and you will be in my thoughts and prayers,i do hope you continue to visit BI and post whatever feelings that you are going through,we all need to get these feelings out somehow....T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Everybody please pray for my husband,we went to his oncologist today and the f/u CT SCAN showed new spots on his lungs,i love him so much it is killing me to watch him go through the pain of losin his son Nate,and to have go through all this chemo and surgery,this will be his third time.I don't want to sound selfish but i can not live without him,Please pray for him to find the strength to go on and for him to get well ,THANK YOU ALL ..,Kathy,Nate's mom

[Artina]

Kathy,

I said a prayer and I also send you a hug.

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

Mamabets,

Thank you for your kind words.

Peace to you, Tina

[mamabets]

For Kathy714- No one person should have to be as strong as you are trying to be right now... If and when you feel like you just can't be, please come home here to us and we will hold you in our hearts and carry you through the moments of this ongoing shock that seems to be all around you now. I, too, send you love and a big hug. xoxoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Artina- Are you doing as well as to be expected now??? xoxomamabets

[aprilsmom]

I say we celebrate Christmas with a new tradition. All of our kids gave gifts to the world, let's share them with each other:

One of April's gifts - her giggle, sometimes it had this mischievous note to it.

Whose next? You can only put one at a time!

[briansdad]

I'm sitting here holding my dog.I have to put her to sleep tomorrow.Of all the dogs we've had Brian liked this one best.Why does this hurt so bad? It seems I'm ultra sensitive to things like this.It really affects me when I read about other peoples losses.More than it ever did.I love this dog but you know it's only a dog and this is so hard.I hope the rest of my life isn't going to be like this.You know the ultra sensitive crap.I've always cared about other peoples pain but not like this.Then when something happens to me it's like 10 times worse than it was before Brian was gone.Some one who's a few years down the road tell me this subsides.I just can imagine feeling this way the rest of my life.I guess if it doesn't I'll have to learn to deal with it like everything else that comes with the territory.

[briansdad]

Brian's smile.

http://brian-klocke.memory-of.com/about.aspx

[aprilsmom]

Dear Brian's Dad, that just stinks big time about your dog, they are just so full of unconditional love for us. I'm sorry you have to put him down it's going to be tough on you.

[aprilsmom]

I saw Brian's site - yes, definitely his smile.

Gotta go again on April - her reminding ME not to gossip (ouch)

Who's next? Come All Ye Scrooges:)

[dougsmom]

To BriansDad

I just viewed Brian's website . . . what a beautiful, loving tribute to Brian!

Your sensitivity to the loss of your dog is understandable too. Our pets give us unconditional love and we return that love so, of course, we mourn their loss too. Your grief may be compounded by the fact that Brian liked this dog too. It might feel like you're losing yet another link to Brian; losing something that Brian loved.

When I see Doug's dogs, I am reminded of how much he loved them and how much he enjoyed watching them play; how much pleasure they provided him. I find it comforting to be in the company of his dogs.

Take care . . . my thoughts are with you.

[mamabets]

For Briansdad- You know where I am when it comes to you and Taz- Right there with you, and as I fell asleep tonight, it was with tears for all of you and Jan on my mind. I knew exactly where you would be and what you would be doing tonight. My God, I am so sorry. It reminds me of the time that Danny was driving and called me just sobbing and he said "Oh, Mom a little dog just like the one on Frazier was hit by a car about two in front of me and I saw it run across the street- Oh, Mom do you think that it is alright?? I said "Well, honey, I am not there, but if it was running, let's believe that it was running home" And he said "Oh, maybe so Mom" All of a sudden he was carrying on this conversation with someone and I said "Dan, who is that" And he said "Oh, the lady who was in front of me- I rear ended her because I was so worried about the little dog. She's OK and her Mercedes needs a new bumper, but she doesn't care. Do you really think that the doggie made it home. I can't see it" I said "There is no doubt that it made it home" He said "That was a cute dog on Frasier- What kind is it" I said "A Jack Russell terrier" He was about 22 at the time and that was what Danny was all about. xoxoxomamabets

[mamabets]

Danny's heart of gold ...He always took the time to make sure that you knew that he cared about how you felt, whether it was physical or emotional. A great trait and it really looked good on a young man... I love and miss you Danny, and am so happy that you are mine because you always make sure that I know that you are carrying me in the palm of your hand...xoxo Mom , mamabets

[mamabets]

For Aprilsmom- GOOD IDEA!!! We can keep this going forever!! I have this vision of all of us one day living in the same place, like North Carolina!! That's where I am and for some reason you hear how so many people want to live in North Carolina!! Mattsdad and Maskott were on their way to South Carolina when Matt passed- Life interrupted, big time, but they are coming to see me in the spring, and hopefully staying here.Imagine if we could all be close to each other, as we kept Beyond Indigo going!! It is a real fantasy of mine and I have this vision and see it one day becoming a reality- Am I crazy?? I know that it would help to make our journey a little easier if we could hang out together!! xoxomamabets

[jaysdad]

To IRENE (KEVSMOM)

I too feel so sorry I did'nt got that last hug from my son Jay, but, how can anybody know what's to happen? We had dreaded Jay buying a motorcycle for so long, and, we thought that being 21 yrs old gave him some maturity, it was not to be the case.

I wrote a poem that was originally for my father-in-law, but I have re-dedicated it to my son Jay:

LOVE EVERLASTING

A soul has left

to a better life, you see.

No pain, no sorrow, no anguish or fear.

There's peace, there's love

and great happiness, my dear.

We know life is precious

for we are unique.

No flower, no treasure, precious stone

or gem can even compare

to the love we have shared.

In life and beyond our love will endure

for it's born of pure feeling

of passsion, of wanting and needing

and great happiness, my dear.

Go now in peace and be free

I know you'll be waiting

on the other side for me.

Don't fear, don't ponder

as only a moment, it seems life to be

I promise I Promise

that soon I'll be with thee.

To All:

I know the "holidays" are very tough on us all. I HAVE A GIFT FOR ALL OF YOU RIGHT NOW! There is a book called "The Urantia Book"; it is, according to the book itself, the "latest revelation to mankind". This book has, as it's second half, the ENTIRE LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST LIKE IT'S NEVER BEEN TOLD BEFORE.

You can read the book online at: http://www.urantia.org

In addition, the first half of the book explains practically everything you wanted to know about life and why we are here.

The book is controversial, but I think it's worth exploring it. I don't mean to push religion of any kind here, I just want to make you aware of a source of possible comfort, Please Give It A Chance. God Bless.

Fred C.

jaysdad

[ashleysmom]

Aprilsmom, I'm next! Ashley stood up for all she believed in. She didn't care what others thought.

Mambets, Ashley died July 4,2004. This is my second Christmas without her. I really don't remember the first except that I tried to keep everything the same, Big Mistake!! I'm having a much harder time with the shopping, the chaos that Christmas seems to be. I am planning low key with my family for the holiday, where we can share memories of Ashley and others aren't there wondering when "we will get over it". We will have a Christmas eve get together, but that is something I started last year. This is also low key,It was very helpful to be with people who truly missed Ashley.

To all, I have been through two sessions of a faith based support group called "griefshare" It has been very healing for my daughter and I. The program reinforced our faith and hope. Just thought I would share in case

anyone is interested.

Jaysdad, What a beautiful poem.

[mamabets]

For Jaysdad- How special this poem is and how special you are to be with us... How long ago did our angel leave us?? I applaud you for reaching out and trying with all of your might to cope... Peace, however you may find it... May it somehow be with you and yours. Welcome, with an open heart, to you and yours...xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Ashleysmom- Our Ashley joined the angels right after my Danny... God love you. Take it as easy as possible, and know that we will all be here for you forever, in any way that we can. I intend to spen my holiday right here with all of you!!! xoxomamabets

[julsmom]

So many postings, so much heartache

TO JEFF AND BETTYANN - thank you so much for the kind words it is good to be remembered today. I am sorry about your cousin, Susan.

TO DAVEYDOW1 - you are right this is our 3rd Christmas without Julie and it seems to be the hardest

TO BRIANSDAD - we had to put our 17 y/o dog to sleep at the beginning of summer. It was so hard. I wish you much peace.

TO ALL - 30 years ago I gave birth to a wonderful daughter, who lived life to the fullest and would have done more if I wasn't a typical MOM (MOM stand for Mean Old Mother, our joke) putting the brakes on some things. As with all our children's death, we do not know what light she would have brought in the years to come, but while she was here Julie was a shining light. Our hearts and lives will never be the same and the hole in our being some times has no boundries, just an endless canyon.

May we all find peace as we travel this road. Lynda, mother of Julie 12/15/75-10/13/03.

[maskott]

Betsy...thanks for thinking about me. I haven't felt like posting lately...don't have much to say. It's been hard these past few days, especially this morning. We had left a picture of Matthew out after we had a candle lighting ceremony on Sunday. I've been avoiding looking at it but this morning when I saw it I just started sobbing. Kristin and I were out shopping yesterday and we bought Matthew a Christmas present-we will put it in his bedroom.

Lynda...our hearts and prayers are with you today...big hug....wish we could ease the pain.

Briansdad...it's just as hard losing a pet especially if it meant so much to Brian. A few days before Matthew died, Jeff watched as Matthew put a pillow under our dog's head when he was sleeping on the wooden floor. A week after Matthew died, we had to rush him to the vet for emergency surgery. The thought of losing both within a short time was unbearable. Luckily, the dog pulled through...too bad Matthew couldn't. You are in my thoughts today.

Kathy...I'm also sorry for what you are going through. It's hard enough to go through the grief, but to have to deal with your husband's illness just magnifies all of the heartache and pain. May you find some peace soon.

Matthew's smile is what comes to my mind. He could light up a room with his smile.

May all find some peace and solace as we go through this holiday season. If I don't get to post again...Merry Christmas to all and hoping you find some comfort to get you through. Peace....

BettyAnn

[maskott]

Just had to let you know...I was feeling so lousy I decided to hit the candy machine...a co-worker told me they had ring dings (my favorite) I am so exhausted and its only 8:45am. As I walked to the machine I couldn't believe how awful I felt. Just then....a penny. I still feel awful but it has brightened up my mood. Thank you Matthew.

BettyAnn

[rhonda68]

Briansdad I feel that exact same way about everything too. I am sorry about your dog. I have a dog also and I dont know what I would do without him they help so much when your in pain they are the ones that love us unconditionaly. People out in the world are very hurtful and I just dont want to be around them! I have seen how my youngest son lights up when he comes home from school and the dog is there to greet him. So that dog means alot he is really helping us. My son was killed in February of this year so this is our first Christmas without him and I just want this holiday over! Take care and Love you all!

Richards Mom

[rhonda68]

Dear Kathy I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through right now and I pray for you and your husband and I will be thinking of you. You mean so much to me as we hit this dreadful site about the same time. You have been a friend to me all year walking the same path beside me.

Love,

Richards Mom

[aprilsmom]

Dear Betty Ann, I remember those mornings of sobbing uncontrollably; they will get further and further apart. To me, you and Jeff are amazing, I NEVER would have been able to be helpful to anyone else that first 6 months. Don't be hard on yourself - allow the grief to come so that it will GO! I hope I'm not making this seem easy; believe me, I still have days where I expect April to call me, I still ACHE that I can't touch her physically. OOOOkkkay, see, the tears are always just right there - I have a meeting this morning and can't cry. Take Care, Renee

[aprilsmom]

"Come All Ye Scrooges"....

April's love for the underdog - she actually brought home a deaf dalmation called "TANK". She would run outside and bang on his house to wake him up so that he'd know it was breakfast time. Tank had to be put down just a few weeks after the accident. Thank God it was Bobby that had to do it and not me.

Who's next?

[aprilsmom]

Dear Mamabets - hope I'm invited with Jeff and Betty Ann; spring right? I'm a teacher and they owe me off track time! :)Renee

PS I can just see those big pines off your deck - are they filled with snow yet or doesn't it get cold there?

PEACE to Everyone here today!

[aprilsmom]

Happy Birthday Julie, you filled your mom's life with love!

[mamabets]

For Julsmom- Happy Birthday, Julie... They will have a HUGE party for her in Heaven today and all pets included!! Greg and his family had to put Taz to sleep this morning, but there have been amazing signs here so far all morning long... Including a penny!! It is still a huge loss... But,keep the faith, for they are all together, all of our angels, and they watch out over us each and every second of each and every day, although it often doesn't seem as if they possibly could. There are too many sing{Typo, but I will leave it there- They will "sing" for Julie today} signs to be anything more than messages!! xoxoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Aprilsmom- No snow here yet, although we do get it every so often- Sometimes just enough to enjoy how pretty it is- Melts by noon!! Always invited, for these doors are always opened!! Beware of the ankle biters!! 16 feet as in 4 doxies CHARGE and Rosie, the blind one, loves ankles!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Maskott- Pennies from Heaven are here today too... I sent the poem to a friend in the middle of the night and Dean put one on the carpet this morning while he was shampooing the spots where the naughty doggies decided to go instead of outside- It is raining and they do not like the rain!!! Dean was marking the spot!! NEVER has he done anything like this!! xoxomamabets

[briansdad]

Gift # 2

Brian's generosity. I don't ever recall him ever saying no if someone needed to borrow some money and he had it.You need a car and his extra one was running you had it.He never crabbed if someone was slow paying it back.

[kevsmom]

Briansdad

Your post about your dog really grabbed my heart this morning. A month ago Kev's dog got cancer in his paw - he's had surgery and is still recouperating - it's been an emotional and difficult month - like you this dog is a connection to my son. I told Kevin "I know you love this little dog, but, let him stay with us a little longer,we need him more than you do right now". My Kev was also very generous - almost to a fault because he'd then have to borrow money from me.

I looked at Brian's site - what a warm sincere smile. Thank you for sharing. My son also had an infectious smile - it was hard for me not to smile, even if I was mad at him.

JAYSDAD

Thank you for sharing your poem - one of the few thoughts that keep me slightly sane is the hope that I will see Kev again. I take a look at The Urantia Book - I'm open to anything that will give me comfort.

The last couple days have been more emotional and usual...sick dog, holidays, who knows. Kev's girlfriend left yesterday on a trip to Mexico that was planned last year - they were going together for a family reunion, then were going to sight see for 2 weeks - he was so excited and planned to get a passport.

Warm wishes to you all

Irene

[kevsmom]

Dear Daveydow1

Thank you for your message. I think what I'm struggling with now is where I am in my grief - still trying to grasp the enormity that I will NEVER see him again....never....ever. The reality is just starting to sink in and I'm in shock and denial all over again. I've been replaying the accident, seeing him in OR after he was pronounced dead....he looked perfect - like he was sleeping. I wish I could turn back the clock and relive that Tuesday morning again - this time I would wait to see him - tell him to have a good day...my intuition told me to, but I didn't listen to it - that's a regret.

I am sorry for the loss of your son - those big trucks scare me so much I avoid driving on the freeway if possible. Ideally cars and trucks would each have their own roadways. Kevin's car slid into the side of a semi truck tire a few years ago and bounced off - if he had been a few feet further back he would have gone under the wheels. I remember him calling me from the side of the freeway - he was shaking so bad he could hardly talk.

Sending you warm wishes and thank you for caring.

Irene

Kevsmom,

I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son in a motorcycle

accident. At the 6 mo. stage afterwards is such a terribly

painful time, especially with the holidays coming up. You

said your son passed at 12:32 pm 6/21/05. My son also passed

away about the same time of day 6/14/03 in a semi truck crash.

You are in my prayers and I wish you peace.

[mamabets]

Danny's gifts were always given, too, with a gorgeous smile. He loved to laugh, was a real prankster and during our last time spent together, we laughed until we cried. Let's promise each other that we know these angels of ours are all smiling forever together, with all sweet angels, in a place called here, there and everywhere. Danny taught me about this place as he, on June 16, 2004, held my hand and walked into heaven. It was as vivid as his birth was and it will be our story to share for the rest of my days here. xoxomamabets

[Mazey2]

Oh, Brian's Dad, my heart aches for you and your family, with the loss of your pet today.....You asked if those tender, heartbreaking moments get a little bit less painful, ya know I think once our hearts are broken these heartwrenching moments are stronger, or harder to bear....maybe, some easier in time...it depends on what it is. I know I can watch some sad movies and not end up sobbing as hard, but then something else will just grip me and take me to heartache city! There is no way losing an animal, our pets, can take on anything but opening up that deep wound of loss. God be there special with you as you pass thru yet another loss of a loved one....(Both of our dogs are aging and just the thought of losing them brings me to brink of desparation)

Kathy, You are certainly being handed more than should be...and your husband going thru ALL of this......My prayers are with you.

MaMabets, You are like the Mama of this site.....so great of you to dedicate so much feeling and time here. You do a really nice job....share your pain, but offer up encouragement. Glad to see that.

Artina, You are the "GRAND MAMA"! of the site....you just hang in here for all these years and know how to touch so many in positive ways.

The controversy earlier brought alot of voices out that haven't posted for awhile, it was ?nice to see some of the "older ones" come on and post. At least to know, even down the road a ways many of us are still hanging here and reaping help from the site. If only, we could offer more help and comfort...

Sharing, Linda

[mamabets]

For Mazey2- Aren't you a dear- Remember, if you weren't all so willing to open your hearts to me, I would not be able to connect with all of you. I feel especially touched by your post... Danny used to call me Mama... This is where mamabets came from. God bless you, Lynda, and thanks for the vote of confidence. We are all doing great, even with a little snag here and there!! Our Rose is really struggling and I have faith that she will be coming to see us more and more and we will all be able to help her through some of this. I have been suicidal, acted on it, and it was beyond explanation...xoxoI love you- mamabets

[mamabets]

For Mazey2- Aren't you a dear- Remember, if you weren't all so willing to open your hearts to me, I would not be able to connect with all of you. I feel especially touched by your post... Danny used to call me Mama... This is where mamabets came from. God bless you, Lynda, and thanks for the vote of confidence. We are all doing great,trying to reach out to each other, even with a little snag here and there!! Our Rose is really struggling and I have faith that she will be coming to see us more and more and we will all be able to help her through some of this. I have been suicidal, I know what it is like. I acted on it, and it was beyond explanation...xoxoI love you- mamabets

[mamabets]

For Mazey2- How long ago did you become a part of this club? xoxomamabets

[mom2angels]

Hi Everyone~

Well, once again, I just wanted to respond to all of you, so that’s what I’ve done! I’ve been writing these responses throughout the day, in between taking care of Jonathan and my daily tasks around our home. Sending all of you healing energy~ Love & Light, Roslyn

{{{Mamabetts}}} Betsy, thank you so much for your encouragement. Sometimes, no matter where I am, I feel out of place, because my situation is rather unique. That’s only me allowing myself to feel that way, not anything that anyone particularly says or does to “make” me feel that way. I ordered (and have received) Hello From Heaven, and I am looking forward to reading it. I also ordered Life After Life. I’ll dig into them after the holidays. Sorry we can’t move to your neighborhood…we need to stay here for Jon’s (our son) docs and hospital. But I’ll be your cyber neighbor! J

{{{Mattsdad}}} Jeff, I am so sorry to read of your cousin’s passing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you grieve yet another loss. May you find comfort in knowing that Susan and Matt have found everlasting peace and rest in God’s arms.

{{{Kathy}}} Sending prayers of strength and healing for your husband. May his treatments remove all of his cancer and may he remain pain and cancer free. Kathy, are you familiar with Flax Seed Oil? A couple of my friends are taking 1-2 Tablespoons of Flax Seed Oil with either 1/2 cup of milk, yogurt, or cottage cheese, and they are having tremendous success in shrinking and eradicating cancerous tumors and lesions. The oil is better than the seeds or capsules, and it is utilized more efficiently by the body when taken with dairy protein. Here’s a website explaining it a bit more: http://www.budwigflax.com/Articles/Dr%20Budwig.htm If you do a Google search for Dr. Johanna Budwig, you can find lots of sites discussing the benefits of Flax Seed Oil. It can’t hurt, and for many people, it is helping them beat cancer. Actually, it is beneficial to everyone for many reasons. Many {{{HUGS}}} to you.

{{{Aprilsmom}}} Renee, what a great idea of describing our children’s gifts! April sounds like a lovely young woman. Your pride shines through your words. My son, Michael, had so many incredible gifts, so it’s difficult to narrow it down to one, but I will begin with: teaching. Michael’s Earthly mission was to teach others about “The Big Picture.” Unconditional love and acceptance of others for who they are, courage in the face of immense odds, and never taking anything for granted were just some of his lessons. He left us a legacy of love.

{{{Briansdad}}} Greg, I’m so very sorry that this day brings you more sadness as you let go of Taz. I’m sure that Brian was there to greet Taz and that they are together having heavenly fun. But, oh, so very tough on you. In answer to your question as to whether the ultra sensitivity subsides~for me, yes. But I think that is dependent upon how one copes and how far into the healing process one is as the years go by. The first year is truly rough, with all of the “firsts,” the shock, disbelief, denial, bargaining, anger, guilt, and other stuff we have to sort out. The second year seems to bring a new reality, which has its own sort of shock, but the wound is not as raw and bleeding. I think the proximity of your losses is also a factor. When you are already in deep grieving, another loss just hurts so much more. Our pets are part of our families, so do know that you are experiencing a loss. Our 17 year old cat passed 5 months after Michael, and it was far more painful I think than if she had gone before him. As has been said many times, we are forever changed. For that reason alone, we will be more sensitive always. I also visited Brian’s site, what a handsome wonderful guy.

[mom2angels]

{{{Dougsmom}}} Just wanted to say hello to you and that I am glad to see you are posting. How are you doing? Are you holding up okay? Thinking of and praying for you.

{{{Jaysdad}}} Fred, thank you so much for posting your lovely poem. Very touching. As soon as I get the chance I will check out the website that you mentioned.

{{{Ashleysmom}}} Low key holidays without a lot of demands is the best way to handle them now, I’ve found. We started new traditions for the season with our first Christmas without Michael’s physical presence. We had to make adjustments last year as our other son was in ICU from Christmas Eve to Jan 15. This year we also made adjustments, and they are excellent, because we have removed all of the stress. Sharing memories of Ashley is a beautiful tradition for your Christmas.

{{{Julsmom}}} Lynda, Happy Birthday in Heaven to Julie! My thoughts have been with you today, Lynda, and I’ve prayed for your peace and comfort. I just lit a candle and sang Happy Birthday to Julie. I’m sure that she was surrounded by a glorious chorus of angels with beautiful voices.

{{{Maskott}}} BettyAnn, I understand avoiding looking at Matthew’s photograph, although I do that with our videos of Michael. In time, that will get a bit easier for you to handle. I think it’s wonderful that you and Kristin bought a gift for Matthew. We still buy gifts for and from Michael. Physically, he isn’t here, but spiritually, he is and always will be. I think Matthew let you know that today by giving you a penny. Sounds like a gift exchange to me.

{{{Rhonda68}}} I know this holiday season is really difficult for you, and I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a great job managing it all. I’m glad to see you here and hope that you will continue talking with us.

{{{Kevsmom}}} Irene, I hope your dear dog will recover fully from his surgery and be cancer free. Plenty of things happening in your world to increase your emotionality. I imagine that seeing Kev’s girlfriend leave for Mexico was hard on you, and likely hard on her as well. I’m so sorry. I pray that your heartache will lighten. You will see Kev again, Irene. And even though you cannot “see” him right now, he’s right there with you and he will never leave you. Believe this, for it is so, it is true, and you will feel comforted.

{{{Mazey2}}} Linda, I don’t think I’ve met you yet, so I just wanted to say hello. I just read your profile and learned your story. My 32 year old son died of septic pneumonia also. He had severe developmental disabilities from birth (as does his brother), intractable seizures for 22 years. Gtube feeding the last 4 years of his life. He also became ill suddenly, and coded in the ER, however, I agree to intubation. We agreed to extubation after 2 weeks, and he passed 5 days later. I think I might have some idea of what you went through with your son, and my heart goes out to you.

God Bless you all and grant you peace and comfort.

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[Mazey2]

Mamabets, My Son, Chad died 4/3/02...3 1/2 years ago. I have been coming to this site almost as long. I tried everywhere, everything to find anything that would ease the pain, suffering and hopelessness. At that time, there were several "veterans" here that helped alot...just to hear that others had felet the same pain and survived..Kirk"s Dad, Jim, was one of them.( I guess I should have called him the "Big Daddy"??!! and I apologize for leaving him off the pat on the backs.) He was only a few years down the road at the time I came here, but his influence was very significant. Artina, another positive influence had lost her son only a few months earlier. He had been in a snowmobile accident. We had a common thing w/ that, and seeing a significant # to our families, that feels like a message from our boys. My son had been injured in a snowmobile accident 2 1/2 years before his death, leaving him paralyzed from the chest down, but he had rehabbed and could drive, went to work, went out with friends..tried to live as normal a life as he could. I believe his courage and attitude with his huge loss has inspired me to TRY and have courage and attitude with my huge loss...his life. I have posted here several times about the common personality traits our kids/angels shared . Kindness, thoughtfulness, loving, gentle, happy hearts..all the good stuff. They must be around each other there beyond. I posted last week that this site was one of the biggest helps in my life those first years, and even today. I have met several Moms here that I am in contact w/ via email, and it is very helpful. There are very few in this world that can empathize with us...I often have to think...forgive them for they do not know.. Luckily, I have some very supportive/caring people in my life, but even they can't "get it" enuf, but it's not their fault they don't know how to help. So, most of the time I grieve in private, that may not be right, but it is how it is. I have a strong Faith and that helps me ALOT.

Thanks for your interest. (My Son called me Mama alot, or MOTHERRRRRR if he really wanted my attention for something!) Sharing, Linda