Loss of an Adult Child

[Artina]

Mamabets,

Please know that we send our prayers to your family as you approach Danny's Birthday. These days can be a more difficult, because they are filled with such wonderful memories that leave us feeling empty the days following the event.

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

Jajjaaj,

It is okay for you to feel like you can't support your friends while your grieving the loss of April. You may never be able to offer the type of support that you feel would be appropriate of a friend- not after losing a child. Good friends will understand- share with them that you "want" to be able to support them, but you just "can't". I believe they will understand. I know that I have sent very confusing messages to my friends- because I don't always tell them that I am having a bad day- thus they go on and on and on... My fault. Truthfully, if I shared with them that I was having a bad day and needed total support- they would support me. Some days I just want people to figure me out; "they sould know that I am having a bad day". However, that's just not how it works. And to be fair to them, I have to ask for what I need.

Please know that we are here to support you. It's okay for you to do what you NEED to do to take care of yourself and your children.

Peace to you, Tina

[teardrop1947]

I have not been on this site for some time but I need all the support that anyone can give. I have lost 2 of my sons one to accidental and the other to suicide. My youngest son shot himself 3 days before the date of his older brothers anniversary date he died in 1991. The hurt and pain that I feel is overwhelming and I feel as though I have lost the will to live. I would never do anything to myself but I feel i died when my youngest son took his life. I think I was just a shell of a person after my first born drowned but was surviving. Now i do not want to even survive.

teardrop1947

[mamabets]

For Teardrop 1947- My God, how many of my tears today must be for you too...?? You lost one child in 1991 and just recently lost the other, or did you lose your second in 1991? Either way, we all know your despair all too well and we are all here to help you- I was having a desperate meltdown, came to check on my friends here, and found you. There is any and every kind of tragedy imaginable within the pages here- Some that, too, have lost 2 children. You will be hearing from them soon, I have no doubt. My son died in June of 2004, his birthday is on Monday. I am getting so many messages from him today that I am walking around my house saying "I know, honey- I know"- The pain is unbearable, and I can only speak for my angel that is flying around- He gets all nervous and sad when I am falling apart... I feel it every time and I just can't help it. Please e-mail me at huntross4@aol.com if you need to talk, anytime. Find me here to- I have met wonderful friends here since this has happened- They all remember you, in spite of their own agony. You are never alone... Do you have any other children?? I am so sorry for you and I am also glad that you reached out to us. I am mamabets- My name is Betsy!! xo

[rhonda68]

Dear Teardrop1947 how awful this would be very devastating. Please know I am here for you and my thoughts and prayers are with you. My first born was killed February 23,2005 and I can hardly function and my youngest is giving me all sorts of problems and I live in fear all of the time that something is going to happen to him I can almost feel it I dont know if I am over reacting or what. Please hang in there we are all here for you!

Richards mom October 9,1985 - February 23,2005

[mamabets]

For All.... A shiny penny found it's way to me today during my travels...I smiled for all of us, while we are struggling to believe in a new kind of hope, but I am peaceful in knowing that someplace Beyond Indigo, our angels travel over and under their rainbows, together in perfect rhythm, watching us, as we all try to always believe in their dreams for us!!! However, for today, I miss having this believer of mine here... Today, life has ached all day - Just this terminal ache for him and all of my new angels that I have personally become acquainted with here and all that hear my fear from afar.... I am sorry!!! I have about done all that there is for a Mom to do for her Halloween baby turned man. Does anyone have any ideas that could include all of us that are available at 2:52 on Monday??? A thought written down, a fun Halloween story about your angel, a funnier one about you perhaps- My little Julia was an angel when she was 2- Maybe we could all plant a white little pansie or something- You know, something that at the end of the day made all of you feel a little bit better. That, would make me happy it would be a good memory for us, and it was the magic that Danny worked in peoples lives. Lets have a party for free, separated by millions of miles, so our hearts can feel for all of these kids that could rejoice with each other!!! I love you! xoxomamabets

[donosmom]

Mamabets, we built a garden pond and very large garden in memory of Matthew so I would be very honored and proud if you would allow me to plant a pansy in the memory garden for your Danny.

Matt's Mama Mary

11-3-79 - 7-13-03

[mamabets]

For Artina- You are an answer to my prayers everyday.... A new baby {or two} in your home could be in the works, it seems like, after reading your story on other sites. My niece just became pregnant after s tough battle with infertility- NO medical reason for her to be, but she is..... Baby Sarah, due on my mother's 80th birthday!!! I would love to hear your story, as I have no doubt that this will be a banner baby year for many of my loved ones.... I get strong vibes with this... STRONG!!! xoxomamabets

[Artina]

Teardrop1947,

I am so sorry for your loss's. I can't imagine... please know that Beyond Indigo is a great place to share your grief. I lost my 19 year old son almost four years ago and have been part of Beyond Indigo for about three and a half years. I have found that the parent's here understand my grief. We are all at different stages of our grief and thus are able to offer a variety of tools. I take what works and leave what doesn't. Since you have gone through the grief process before, I am sure you are familiar with the different stages. At this point, feeling like you just want to give up, I would suggest that you just make a promise to yourself to put your feet on the floor tomorrow. Each day you will need to make that promise to yourself until you no longer feel the need to leave this world.

Please check in with us tomorrow and let us know how your night went. I will be checking the forum tomorrow and will be especially concerned about you.

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

Mamabets,

I pray that I become pregnant... I have had a dream that says that I am the parent of six boys and the date was September 2006. I don't really know what it means, but I am hopeful. It has been almost a year and four months since my husband had a vasectomy reversal- he is 42 and I am 39. Our fingers are crossed. I love being a parent and with my son graduating in one year I have decided that I want that role to continue after he goes off to college.

Thank you for your prayers and the hope that you have shined my way!

Peace to you, Tina

[daveydow1]

Jajjaaj,

My prayers are for you and your family. Please come

back to Beyond Indigo and be assured that all of us

will help if we can. God bless you and yours. Peace

be with you.

[daveydow1]

Teardrop1947,

I am so sorry for your loss of your dear sons. The heartache

you are going through is unimaginable. It has been 28 mo.

since my son, David was killed in a truck crash. I also lost

a baby girl, Lisa, to accidental choking many years ago. I

miss them both. Please come back to Beyond Indigo and post

and let us know all your feelings. I know everyone here feels

such sorrow for you. My prayers are for you.

[daveydow1]

Mamabets,

My thoughts and prayers are for you in the upcoming days,

and for Danny's birthday. We have planted an herb/flower

garden out back, and call it Davey's Garden. It is left to

grow wild & free------no weeding or manicuring on this garden.

It has thrived, and was beautiful all summer and last. I feel

that Davey's spirit, and the spirits of all the children of

my friends here at BI are free and enchanted. I pray that

you will find peace.

[daveydow1]

Artina,

I hope all your plans work out. When Lisa died at 6 mo. of

age,(1970), we went on to have our dear David the following year.

We were so glad to have another baby to love & care for, and

although no child ever takes the place of another child who

has passed over, he was a blessing all his life. So, I will

say a little prayer for you, that all goes well.

Peace be with you.

[mamabets]

For Donosmom- How wonderful!!! The seed was planted, and the gardens will bloom!!! I thank you and I love you- I just spent a week in Florida with my brother Danny's new pond... My Danny called me Mama and I loved it- Mama when he was just so filled with happy and "Hey, Ma" when it had to be tended to now!!! He was born at 2:52 in the afternoon, and I can almost guarantee that if you do this act of love at about this time, close your eyes and feel the difference that you just made in a life here in NC, you will be thanked...Just be still and know that they will be there. We have lots to do here at BI- Tina waits for babies, new life with her incredible courage, Mark needs to see us doing stuff like this now- He is upon a tough time again...I will dream pansies tonight and feed our birdies first thing tomorrow- Outside birds that bring lots of messages. I loved Matt's site- We remain completely linked to Liana, Danny's love of 15 years. She is involved with a wonderful, patient young man- Just met him and I love him. So did Danny- My phone, by the way, is always open-704-892-8386. I do have miracle photos and stories that all are welcome to!!! Thanks again, Mary.... xoxox mamabets

[mamabets]

For Tina-I am having very cool feelings about this- Danny is speaking to me loud and clear!! He, "hears you hope when it is strong- He says- Have no doubt, because babies are really great and there are plenty of them flitting around here, waiting to make their happy news known!!!" I feel that my Jackie will be pregnant soon-If you want to give me your e-mail, I do have some photos that you would love to see right about now...I am at huntross4@aol.com.What month did hub have reversal?? Your other son, going to college-? What is his name?? I think that there could be some connections here that could help you in your process- My Danny- Due on Halloween, remember, and born on Halloween. Born on his due date- He has always know more about the unknown-!! I can so relate to that now- Call me if you want, at any time- I am at 704-892-8386!! Is your son going away to college?? Where to?? There are some connections brewing around here- Stay tuned!!! Have you read Hello from Heaven?? xoxomamabets, Betsy

[donosmom]

Mamabets, I would love to see the pictures, my email is

marylebeau@msn.com. Thank you. I will plan to plant the pansies Monday around 2:52. I will be thinking of you and your son. Matthew always called me Mama too.

Matt's Mama Mary

11-3-79 - 7-13-03

[ashleysmom]

Betsy,

I cannot plant pansies as I live in New England, but I will be thinking of you on Mon. at 2:52. Your energy is so uplifting. I just received news yesterday that a baby is coming into our lives! I am going to be a grandmother @ 42. Tina, I will be praying for you. I think it is wonderful. If I could have a baby, I would in a heartbeat. I had to have a hysterectomy in 1999 on Ashley's 13th birthday. Peace to all,

Dottie

http://ashley-rose-bailey.memory-of.com

A work in progress

[julsmom]

Tina - watch what you wish for (LOL!!). Mine friend's son and d-i-l, had one child, did in vitro, now are parents of 7 under age of 3 (first child and 6 more)!!!!! I wish you well and peace and children. Peace to all, Lynda

[aprilsmom]

Okay, tell me I'm not nuts with all this talk on penneys!! I dried off after my shower this morning; in which I spent the whole time sobbing. I threw the towel on the floor and when I turned to pick it up a few minutes later a penney fell out. Holy sh.....; it WAS NEAR the laundry basket but how did it get inside? This was an especially miserable morning because I found out that my 13 year old son is failing 3 subjects in school ------WHY WHY WHY DOES everything have to go back to my daughter being gone and what do you do when you don't care about ANYTHING and just want to be OUTAHERE?????????

[aprilsmom]

sorry i'm such a psycho; I'll go find some flowers to plant too:)

[julsmom]

aprilsmom - you're not a psycho - you're a grieving parent.

Peace, Lynda

[mamabets]

For Aprilsmom- Go get the book, please "Hello From Heaven"- Or, send me youe e-mail so you can feel what is happening to you with the pennies!!! I have some cool stuff to e-mail you!! xomamabets- E-mail me too at huntross4@aol.com

[mamabets]

For Julsmom- That you can say for all of us, and we will always be there for you!!!!That feels so right so much of the time- You are not nuts, you are a grieving parent!!! I love you!!

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Teardrop,

Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your children, I also have lost two of my three children, both due to drugs, my daughter Carrie died Nov 3rd, 2002, and my son Matthew died 8 months later July 16th, 2003...try and ahng onto their memories, and know that they are near you at all times....

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,thank you for replying to my post,you are such a warm and kind hearted person.I also live in New England,so i can not plant pansies,but i will be thinking of you and your Danny,i will light a candle and say a prayer,and think of all the wonderful Holloween memories i had with my Nathan,even last year,Ihave pictures of Nathan and his friends all dressed up and i was dressed as the wife from Married With Children[bundy],and my grandaughter came over.Halloween has always been one of my favorite holiday's,also my newphew's birthday!Ialso have a memory garden that i planted over the summer for Nate,in my backyard because he always hung out there with his friends,and i feel that is where his spirit is.My older son Kevin gave me a plaque for Mothers Day that read's"If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane ,i would climb up to heaven and carry you home again",and that is also in the garden.Well i better get going to bed ,i worked all nightT/C tomorrow and i will be thinking of you...Kathy,Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Dear Artina,i wish you the best,and if i thought there was chance i could have a baby ,i would in a minute,and never give it a second thought...t/c Kathy Nate's mom.

[Artina]

You guys are so supportive... I appreciate your thoughts and prayers on the subject of getting pregnant.

Ashleysmom/Everybody (this is an example of a hello from the other side)- you don't even know what you did. My son's way of saying hello to me, or giving me the thumbs up, is by his football number 42... if you look at your post to me on getting pregnant... you will see that without even knowing it my son said hello and thumbs up to me- through you. What a pleasant surprise!

For those of you who don't know- my husband had a vasectomy reversal on June of 2004. We just kind of decided that we were too young to spend the next twenty years without children when we enjoy them so much. This was a difficult decision to make... it took us a year to make it happen, but we decided to throw our hands in the air and do it. We have left the rest to God... if I get PG than great- if not- than so be it.

My youngest and only son is 16 years of age. He is a blessing.... we totally enjoy him. We spend a lot of time following him around watching him play football and wrestle. He is a middle and outside linebacker. I love football... both of my boys were and are linebackers and wear the number 42. Looking at Mike play football is exactly like watching his brother play football. What a great feeling. I know that Chris is at every game.

Here is another BIG HELLO that I don’t think I shared with all of you- It was Chris's birthday on September 30, and Mike also had a football game that night, which was a Friday. We were looking for HELLOs everywhere, but there were no BIG ones. We knew he was there, but there just wasn't the big and obvious hello. We celebrated Chris birthday on Saturday- the day after his actual birthday and talked about there being no really BIG hellos this year. We were kind of bummed, but we figured that maybe we missed something. Anyway, on Monday morning I went into Mike's room and put some things in his "hope" chest and thought to myself that Mike has never been in the newspaper, where as Chris was always in the newspaper. I felt bad for Mike, but thought nothing much about it. Well.... Monday night came and my newspaper was delivered (the paper publishes Friday night games in the Monday newspaper). I opened the paper up to the sports section and as big as it could get was a picture of #42, Mike Wentworth making a tackle at Friday nights game- THE PICTURE WAS TAKEN ON CHRIS'S BIRTHDAY. The number 42 on his jersey was plastered across the paper. A BIG HELLO FROM HIS BROTHER! It was an awesome big hello. I just wanted to share this with all of you.

Julsmom,

I am ready for a couple of those rug rats... I would love it. Not quite that many though.

Peace to all, Tina

my e-mail is uwaygc@atnet.net

[rhonda68]

Dear Aprilsmom I feel the exact same way. Everything is always wrong nothing to be excited about anymore and I am feeling quite hopeless. All my energy is sucked right out of me. My 19 year old son was killed in February and my 16 year old is causing me alot of trouble and I am so tired of people they dont get it. But maybe we can support each other through this awful time.

Dear Stu nice to see you here again I have been wondering about you I only hope I can help somebody someday like you are. I give you lots of credit there are alot of people out here that need your advice and help. I had trouble with my 19 year old son and drugs but finally he decided to give it up on his own and was actually taking alot of responsibility and comming along quite well. When he was going through the drug thing I feared for his life all the time. Why when he was doing so well did a semi truck take his life? Anyway sure wish I had someone like you to understand when I was going through that. Right now I fear for what my youngest son is doing!

Richards Mom

[mamabets]

For Artina- I knew that something was brewing, just did not know when it would appear!!! #42 is big for you, #5 is big for me now. Look at your post on 10/28/05- Talking about your husband being 42 and the time was... 5:42!!!! There is alot going on here- Call if you want-704-892-8386!!! This is too cool!! Where do you guys live?? We are in NC!! xomamabets

[aprilsmom]

Can we please all meet in say my living room in California on Monday evening? Do you find that we have met the most unlikely people since the deaths of our kids. I feel this love line running between us; our kids might be having a group meeting of their own setting this all up. Have to share this on numbers though - April was #11 on her high school soccer team, married on Nov. 11, passed away in 11th month with song #11 (Missing You) in her CD player when the crash happened. In Feb. of last year I was asked to house a Serbian basketball player by the college coach who I've known for years. I jumped out and said yes (something I would NEVER have done before losing April.) The college does the team laundry so I didn't see her # until she pulled off her warm up jacket at the first game. I almost fell out of the stands when I saw Sasa wearing #11. This 23 year old girl has been so healing to have with our family. The first time my 24 yr. old daughter came home, Sasa was sitting with her back to the door. Jami ran upstairs crying, I went after her and she said, "God mom, you should have prepared me for that red hair and fair skin." My two daughters and 2 sons love having her here; also, never would have happened before.

YES TINA - BABY, BABY, BABY. My oldest daughter is trying to get pregnant with her first, so I'm sending you extra fertility prayers, it would be my first grandchild; I've put in my order for a girl.

On the younger brothers in trouble- we have to keep reminding them about the high expectations and love the older siblings had and still have for them - and pray like crazy; sounds easy, I am on the verge of giving up some days.

Semi trucks------hate 'em, hate 'em. I get to see the one that hit April pretty often and think I finally saw the driver yesterday; funny though, I feel sorry for him - his life has to be totally destroyed as well.

Finally, what is it when the cause of death is "still undetermined"? I don't understand that. I am on the phone list for compassionate friends for our area and a lady called about meetings, so upset. She the same thing. How can they not know why a 23 year old young man just dies? Where are the coroners and did they do their JOB?

love to all of you, Renee

[Artina]

Aprilsmom and Mamabets,

It's amazing how much our kids communicate with us from the other side. There is NO WAY that any of our stories are just a coincidence! 11, 5, 42.... HELLO to our children and thank you for trying to ease our pain. What an amazing HELLO Renee- your story brought tears to my eyes... BIG HELLO!

Thank you, both of you, for sharing your "hellos" with us.

Peace to you, Tina

[mamabets]

For Tina AND April- "The pshchic told me to be aware of # 4- Just know that he is with you when it comes to alot of 4's-" I said "Well, we have the four dogs-" " Hmmmm- No, dofferent- It is the #4"- Look at the time that your thread posted , Tina!!!!! Renee- My best friend lost her mom this morning- We have been waiting- She was ill and OLD!!! Carol's birthday is April {4} the 11th!!!! Now, we must keep on listening because when this happens like this, Danny just hammers stuff out, one by one by one!!!Stay on your toes and call me, please, or I can call you guys!!! My phone is there somewhere!!!!!xomamabets

[mamabets]

You guys are so supportive... I appreciate your thoughts and prayers on the subject of getting pregnant.

Ashleysmom/Everybody (this is an example of a hello from the other side)- you don't even know what you did. My son's way of saying hello to me, or giving me the thumbs up, is by his football number 42... if you look at your post to me on getting pregnant... you will see that without even knowing it my son said hello and thumbs up to me- through you. What a pleasant surprise!

For those of you who don't know- my husband had a vasectomy reversal on June of 2004. We just kind of decided that we were too young to spend the next twenty years without children when we enjoy them so much. This was a difficult decision to make... it took us a year to make it happen, but we decided to throw our hands in the air and do it. We have left the rest to God... if I get PG than great- if not- than so be it.

My youngest and only son is 16 years of age. He is a blessing.... we totally enjoy him. We spend a lot of time following him around watching him play football and wrestle. He is a middle and outside linebacker. I love football... both of my boys were and are linebackers and wear the number 42. Looking at Mike play football is exactly like watching his brother play football. What a great feeling. I know that Chris is at every game.

Here is another BIG HELLO that I don’t think I shared with all of you- It was Chris's birthday on September 30, and Mike also had a football game that night, which was a Friday. We were looking for HELLOs everywhere, but there were no BIG ones. We knew he was there, but there just wasn't the big and obvious hello. We celebrated Chris birthday on Saturday- the day after his actual birthday and talked about there being no really BIG hellos this year. We were kind of bummed, but we figured that maybe we missed something. Anyway, on Monday morning I went into Mike's room and put some things in his "hope" chest and thought to myself that Mike has never been in the newspaper, where as Chris was always in the newspaper. I felt bad for Mike, but thought nothing much about it. Well.... Monday night came and my newspaper was delivered (the paper publishes Friday night games in the Monday newspaper). I opened the paper up to the sports section and as big as it could get was a picture of #42, Mike Wentworth making a tackle at Friday nights game- THE PICTURE WAS TAKEN ON CHRIS'S BIRTHDAY. The number 42 on his jersey was plastered across the paper. A BIG HELLO FROM HIS BROTHER! It was an awesome big hello. I just wanted to share this with all of you.

Julsmom,

I am ready for a couple of those rug rats... I would love it. Not quite that many though.

Peace to all, Tina

my e-mail is uwaygc@atnet.net

**TINA_ YOUR POST # is ID 29142, mine after is #29155- I was born in '55-!!!!

[mamabets]

For Tina- Your hub had his reversal in June of 2004- Danny crossed over in June of 2004- What date for your hub, do you remember??? xoxomamabets Another KEY here- I come from a big "Thumbs up " family- Was just looking at pictures earlier of my niece at her wedding- Thumbs were up on the bride!!! Renee is in California, I am in NC, where are you??? Also, April passed right after they had visited the west coast of Florida- Danny lived there...!!

[Artina]

Mamabets,

My son passed away on January 4...I live on the west coast in Washington State (eastern part). I think the date was June 8.

Peace to you, Tina

[mamabets]

For Artina- Mt friend Carol, who's mother died today had her first, miracle, grandaughter on June 8, 2004. My Julia, {grandaughter} had her 5 birthday on the 7th, Danny's accident was on the 15th, kept on life support until the 21st.June 8th was HUGE here because Carol's Caroline was NEVER supposed to be able to have kids- Juvenile diabetes- and we have Baby Gracyn- Just perfect!! xoxomamabets Plus, Danny's Superman funeral was all around the # 8- "Funeral for a Friend",,,

[maskott]

mamabets...just wanted to let you know that I'll be driving home from work at 2:52 but at that exact time I will say a prayer for Danny. You are in our thoughts and prayers all the time. I wish I could respond to Matthew being in touch but I haven't seen any signs yet. I told him this morning that we have to figure out I sign that I would definitely see. Still looking for pennies though. In fact, Jeff found one last night in the dryer when he took out his clothes.

BettyAnn

[donosmom]

About 2 months after Matthew died, his fiancé went to a psychic for a reading. During the reading she kept mentioning the penny with the heart cut out of it, Deanna didn’t have a clue what she was talking about and finally told the medium that she didn’t have a special penny from Matthew but the psychic was adamant and told her to keep her eyes open. I did not know she was having this reading, we weren't really close then and hadn’t talked to her much before Matthew died as she lived in Las Vegas and we live in Oklahoma, but the Saturday before she had the reading we were cleaning out Matthews and Michaels room (they shared a room from the time Michael came home from the hospital even though we had an extra room) We were pulling up the carpet and Michaels girlfriend brought me this penny with a heart cut out of the middle. It was dated 1998 and that was the year Matthew and Deanna started going together. I told Heather she could keep it but not to lose it that is was a special find. Well then the next week Deanna had this reading and there were many things she didn’t understand so she emailed me with all these questions. As I read it there were numerous things that made sense to me and then I got to the part about the penny with a heart cut out of it. I almost lost it. Deanna didn’t know anything about this penny but the psychic was so adamant that she mentioned it in her email. Needless to say pennies are very important to me and I even made a pennies from heaven jar to keep them in.

I overnighted Deanna the penny and she wears it to this day.

Mamabets, My thoughts are with you today and I am still planning on planting that pansy. Matthews birthday is Thursday and I am going to plant forget-me-not seeds around his headstone.

Matt’s Mama Mary

11-3-79 – 7-13-03

[teacher1]

I am new here and not sure how to start. Just want to introduce myself. I am a teacher, little children, have been for 32 years.

My son Matt died Oct 11 after a week in Shock/Trauma for massive head injuries. He and his girlfriend were ddrinking and she was driving and they were arguing and he grabbed the door of her car and opened it and fell out--at 35 miles an hour. Not a scratch on him-a black eye and head injuries. If he'd lived he'd have been about 10 % of himself--not something he would have wanted.

I am so angry at them both. At him for his stupid drinking and getting into her car with her drinking. With her for not trying to stop him from opening the door.

The report said it was an accident not suicide and she is being charged. God what a mess.

I also love him beyond all measure and would give anything to have him back.

My concern is that I am working and going about my daily routine with so little

crying! Some,yes. But it's like I feel--Oh well, I can't change this so move on.Is this normal?

Everyone is admiring my strength, but I want to choke the next person who says so.

Is this just another type of grieving? This feeling of Oh well.

I went through a horrible divorce--where my husband left me after 35 years for another woman. That I raged about and cried continuously. I also tried to "fix" things. This I know I cannot fix, so I figure I just need to move on.

But it worries me.

I have been reading some of the posts here. I will keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers.

S.

[Artina]

Mamabets,

You are in my thoughts and prayers today!

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

Mary,

Thinking about you as you approach Matt's birthday this Thursday. Thank you for sharing your story in regards to the psycic and the validation of communication from the other side.

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

Teacher1,

I am sorry for your loss. Please know that Beyond Indigo parents are some of the most understanding and caring people you will ever meet on your grief journey. Please take what tools will work for you and leave what does not. We are all at different stages of our grief and offer different tools from our life experiences. Each grief journey is unique to each one of us.

I personally think that each one of us grieve in our space and time. It is true; some of us keep ourselves so busy that we are continually stimulated by outside forces that keep us from going within. Is this a good thing? Maybe short-term. However, I don't think it would be good for any of us long term. I believe that if we don't do the "grief" work than that pain will show up in our health or in our relationships with others. It is painful to "just be" and some days I don't want to do the pain- so I don't. But, then there are those days that I have to make myself stop- turn on some emotional music and sit in my pain- so that I don't close doors that give me axis to the softer side of me. I don't want to be so hard that I don't let people in... Maybe you shut doors to the emotional part of you, after you grieved the loss or you 35 year marriage. I would imagine that one could become pretty hard from that painful experience. Maybe that shield is keeping you from the tears that you are searching for. This is just a thought.

Start with a therapist. You may have to invest some time into "feeling" the feeling. Maybe do some music therapy... or visualization therapy. Those two types of therapy could gain you axis to the parts of your brain that maybe closed off from "feeling" the total pain of your loss. These are just some random ideas, but you should do what you are most comfortable with. That is the most important key to your grief- do what works for you.

Please tell us about your son.

Peace to you, Tina

[mamabets]

FOR ALL, WITH LOVE...My Danny says... "Hey, Ma- Spread the word" -Here I go, as we celebrate all of you together...

1. My husbands name is Dean

2. My best friends son's name is Matthew

3. Bonnie's two girls - Leanne and Dana

4. His love- Liana

5. Jackie and Danny's best friend -Heather

6.I come to all of you in "hearts"

7. My mom hates to do laundry!! So, Dean does it!! And, finally...

8. Thank you, to a Dr. Daniel Amen, for believing in the hope that we all need.

For details, just look up and believe.... xoxoxmamabets

[briansdad]

Teacher1

In my bereaved parents meetings I go to once a month there were several parents who said they have not cried much.One gentleman said that he has never cried.

I think that your point about knowing that you can never change what happend is a valid one.In every situation in life there is always hope.Except when you lose a loved one.That's what hurts the most.Knowing that you can never see them or hug them on this earth again.Then when you do leave this earth and get to see your loved one again you have to leave loved ones here.It's quite a conflict to deal with.Wish I had a pat answer for you but I don't.I'm sorry you have to be here.Keep in touch here.It does help.

Briansdad

[teacher1]

Thank you Artina and Briansdad. I do feel like I may have closed off some part of me. I was helped by your replies. I am told to think positive thoughts, not to dwell in sad thoughts, but I think I knew all along that that path wasn't right somehow.I feel also that I need a day to just "be" and see what flows.

My school only gave me 5 days after my son died to get back to work. I took sick leave to be with him in the hospital, which I was hugely grateful for and had thought they'd let me take a few days more. But they will not. I had to use the 5 days to travel to MO. to clean out his apartment and have a Celebration Of Life with his friends and co-workers out there. It was horrible--worse than the veiwing and the Celebration Of Life I had here in his hometown.

Maybe I just need to call in sick!!! Because I really am.

Artina, you asked me to tell about my son. He was super intelligent, but had little common sense for the longest time. He was a computer whiz and an artist of some talent. He was sensitive, enjoyed sports but was not a jock--which drove his father crazy. He wrote poetry (which also drove his dad nuts), valued all life, worried constantly about not pleasing his father. He loved reading.He and I read many of the same books. We both had long, deep philosophical discussions and his take on things was sometimes really out there! I loved that about him. He collected strays, both animal and human. He would befriend people that society had little use for. I was so proud of that part of his character. However, one of those strays robbed his apartment after he found out Matt had died. Another violation of my son.Though when I was in MO I was amazed by the number of people whose lives he touched. That helped after I got back. Hearing all of it then was so painful. I kept thinking that his death was such a horrible waste. Yet his life was not.

He loved his girlfriend, but they had huge problems, some of which came out the night he died.

I have another son who is married and I have 2 grandchildren. They were 7 years

apart and didn't really get to know each other well until just 18 months ago. My older son is devastated and so remoerseful he wasted time getting to know Matt.

Matt did, on occasion, drink way too much and this was what contributed to his death. It is a hard truth to face.

I am rambling--I'm sorry. My thoughts are so jumbled.

Bless you all.

Scotti

[Artina]

Scotti,

You can ramble on all you want... that is what this site is all about. Your son sounds like he was delightful. His character sounds admirable... one that the Universe would have been worse off without. It sounds like he loved a lot of the same things you loved. Thank you for sharing.

Life is just not fair- is it!

Peace to you, Tina

[briansdad]

Scotti,

What part of Missouri did your son live.

If I were you I do think I would get some sick time.

It's really screwed up though when you can get six weeks maternity leave but no one gives you any bereavement time off except maybe few days.

[mattsdad]

Teacher1,

You have come to the right place if you need compassion, consolation and direction. The members here at Beyond Indigo are among the best people I have ever met.

Once you come here you will never be alone again. I have gotten so much from this site. Myself and my wife(maskott) would be lost without it. I am so sorry that you have been put in the position of being a grieving mom, but we are all here for you.

Jeff

[mattsdad]

Mamabets,

Betsy,

It was wonderful to talk to you this afternoon. You are one amazing woman!

I will take what wisdom you gave me and continue on this winding road of grief.

We are all a part of a group of individuals that know not where this journey will lead. Ultimately, we all pray that we will be reunited with our loved ones. But until that day arrives we will all support and give love and encouragement to each other.

Again, happy birthday Danny!

(p.s. next time the phone bill is on me.)

Love,

Jeff