Loss of an Adult Child

[shorty16]

Indigos

Has anyone ever hear of "The Peter Principle?"

This principle is: you promote to the level of incompetance.  The government does it all the time.

Someone does a good job, they promote them into management, because promoting up a technical ladder does not exist.  They are great technically, but their management skills suck.

Just a funny name for a standard practice.

Colleen

[nicksdad]

Carol...I understand this totally "thinking how sad it is that we even have a reason to be there"..Last week when I got done early to decorate Nicks area i'm driving and all I could think was "why" do I have to be doing this...Thought it last nite again when I went to see him in the dark and just sat there thinking it's insane...

Briansdad...i'll have to tell my sister about the "So I guess it proves if you can't teach they send you to administration"...haha She has been a principal for about 5 years now...Actually this is her last year and then into retirement..

Terrie...I can pretty much guess what will happen as they read the letter (as I wipe the tears)...very beautiful...and thought out...so true......My only fear would be they would call me I could not handle that.

[mpsmom]

Carol, I too cannot 'catch-up" on the postings, but love the idea you came up with for the phot books, I think Dan told us about Picaboo, and now they send me emails announcing their specials , i think i i will try to make one for Bethanys birthday for my folks, I gave thought to doing it at ChristmaS, but never made time to do it. 

I totally understand not liking the reason we 'do those htings for our kids', a few months after Bethany died I was at a large shopping center and couldnt quite remember where I parked, we have a Jeep Commander and it looks like every other SUV to me, I finally saw the yellow "in loveing memory" decal on the back window, I hated that I HAD TO HAVE one of those on my car, I love the decal, a boy from Bethanys school made a bunch of them and brought them to me, (this is someone we hardly knew, but she touched his heart sometime in her short life) ....'Why me?? Why does my car have to have a 'in loving memory' decal on it???????

Now when I see these on the windows of cars my heart goes out to the owner of the car, we were behind a kid ( maybe19) at costco the other day getting gas, he had a decal on his back window, a boy only 19 with a firefighter emblem on it......so very sad, this was wither his brother or a friend, the boy must have been a firefighter.. 

It is cold here and we are on the third day ( and last day ) of no heat in the house, I am sitting near the gas fireplace trying to stay warm, we bought a space heater for the bedroom, it doesnt do alot of good.  We are having our hydronic heat system replaced before we go away for the holidays, I could not stand to have the water lines burst and come home to a completely flooded house.  Two in our neighborhood have done that, the water here is so bad they tell me it has corroded the coils that the water runs thru ( in the ceilings) In it's day I guess this was a very effecective system.  When they pulled the coils out, the HVAC guy said we might have made it thru one more year.....nope... did not even want to try.  Now we can go away and know the house will stlll be here when we get back.  Well i have rambled enough ......today at 12:45 we have an appt with the orthopedic surgeon, he is going to take the latest cast off and x-ray again, I am hoping ( and praying) that I come home wearing the 'air-splint' .... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, Ihave to be able to get up and around, this last 7 weeks has sent me back in to a tailspin of darkness. 

I will try to post some pictures of our candlelighting soon. My pics are not that great, the photographer from the newspaper said he will email me his pics.  Today is the day for the article to come out, I dont think it is online, if it is I will send a link.

All my love to all my BI family,    Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[daniellemom]

Just wanted to say hello to everyone. I've been cleaning house all week. This may not sound like much to everyone here but this is big for me. Danielle and I would always clean together and this is the first time that closets and drawers and things have been really cleaned in a long time. It has made me feel pretty good. Also, If you could think about me Sunday night at about 6:00 say a pray that the children's play goes on and I don't end up in the rubber room. They are calling for sonw tomorrow and Saturday. 1-3 inches, for us here that will close the town down for several days so I hope it holds off because I have to start my shopping tomorrow and Saturday. Mattie would not understand not having something under the tree Christmas morning. LOL. I love all the picutes.

Terri - Love the letter.

James is coming home today and I can't wait! We are putting the Christmas tree on Danielle's grave tonight or tomorrow morning. I found a tree that had battery operated lights already on it. It's very pretty.

I'm thinking of you all.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[ericasmom]

Carol Dear, Dorothy is a beauty indeed, kind of like her Sis Carol. WHat great older photos, I could definitely see 'you' in YOU. A nice big family, though I am sorry that you have lost siblings. Yeah for Davis, and how nice that you spent the time with him. I agree with you and all that have said the same; that we are in this position is mind boggling.

I do love the crack about moving the incompetent ones up. Seems to work that way in the school systems and many other systems as well.

Well I have no salt in my body, I have cried it all out today as we had the dress rehearsal for our Big Winter Sing. I tell you what, there isn't another school that does a Winter Sing like ours, and it is quite a mixed feeling today as Mr. J, our music teacher, is retiring so it is the last Winter Sing as we know them. And I know them since Jonathan was 5 years old, (28 now). So really, that he is retiring is a good thing for him, he is ready but he puts a show on that is worthy of selling tickets to and making money. He makes sure that each year is completely different from the years prior. He repeats one song each y ear for 5th grade and that is an African Folk Song, (Eri had a solo spot for a little verse when she was 11), so each time that song is sung, I weep, even before Eri died. The 5th also did a piece today from Coldplay; Clocks.

Mr.J. makes sure that he covers as many cultures as he can in a sing. He has kids playing the instruments many of which are authentic from the culture represented in the music. We combine art which agian, Big bittersweet, our art teacher is retiring with him as are 5 more teachers, our beloved social worker, and they were all here when my kids were. Oh sadness, oh joy. See the thin line. Anyhow art is used and scanned to be a backdrop slideshow when our 92 third graders sing. The slides are the picutres the 3rd grade painted from the story of the Snowman. They are breathtakin pieces of work that invoke your earliest years playing in snow, or your childs' and hence my tears again. So the song they sing is from the movie Snowman, a beautiful piece says; We're walking in the sky, we're walking in the midnight ice...

Several years ago, I asked mr.J. if he could please have the kids in 3rd grade sing the Chrissy Hynde song that is my fav Christmas song in the world. I asked him this just a few months before Eri died, so the following school year, I was deeply grieving but managing to be a good teacher adn was blessed with a golden class of kids that were able to understand the balance I used to live in the day, they were old souls so many of them. They were a great team that whole group that year. So they would not tell me what they were singing or performing, and of course it was 2000 miles by Chrissy Hynde. Mr. J. dedicated the song to Erica Reith who left too soon, and who loved Christmas. WeeP? Oh my, John Conmy was there with me both of us crying at the magical sounds my children produced using xelephones and bells and bass and Scott, a little boy with a talent in EVerything, he is so very gifted, played violin in such a way to make th ewhole audience (hundreds) stop in their tracks. Amazing work and inspired by a wonderful man who believes in Children and Music as the two things all countries have in common. Wow! what a rant, ah but I am not done.So I ordered 92 tuxedo style shirts for our third graders to wear tomorrow for the show. Mr. J. wears a tuxedo for the big show every year for 30 years. So I sent a note telling the parents that we want to surprise this wonderful man, put a smile in his heart, but I would not tell them what the surprise was, nor the kids, just that it would be something the child could keep, and to please send 5.00 to cover the cost. So tomorrow, right before we are called down to sing in front of our parents and grandparents, the kids will be given the shirts and they will walk in making quite a wonderful vision for Mr.J. My heart is filled by the beauty and wonder that goes into the day to day and it is filled by the love that aches deep in the well of my soul where my Little Girl rests for all of time. Sing a song today Everyone, sing from your hearts.

dee

[ericasmom]

Here are the lyrics from the Chrissy song, the utube seems to be gone saying due to copyright issues?

He's gone 2000 miles

It's very far

The snow is falling down

Gets colder day by day

I miss you

The children will sing

He'll be back at christmastime

In these frozen and silent nights

Sometimes in a dream you appear

Outside under the purple sky

Song text taken from stlyrics.com

Diamonds in the snow sparkle

Our hearts were singing

It felt like christmastime

2000 miles

Is very far through the snow

I'll think of you

Wherever you go

He's gone 2000 miles

It's very far

The snow is falling down

Gets colder day by day

I miss you

I can hear people singing

It must be christmastime

I hear people singing

It must be christmastime

[shellbellsmom]

Dee; (2000 miles by Chrissy Hynde) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWjVCyNWs1o  here is one that plays. 

[lolynbo]

SO WHILE IM AT KOURTNEYS KLOSET WORKING TODAY 2 VOLUNTEERS WERE TALKING AND I HEARD THEM SAY "JUST NOT LOOOKING FWD TO CHRISTMAS MY DAUGHTER CANT MAKE IT IN...OH MINE EITHER..A MOMMA JUST WANTS ALL THE LIL BIRDIES IN HER NEST FOR THE HOLIDAYS!".....IM LIKE SHUT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF UP....

WENT TO WALMART AND DID SUM SHOPPIN SO IN A DAZE AND I JUST DONT CARE WHAT OR IF I GET ANYONE ANYTHING..(MOOD TODAY ANYWAYS)

AND THE LADY CALLED ME WITH THE MUSTANG.."IM READY TO LET YOU HAVE IT AND SELL IT TO YOU" (VOICE MAIL)...AH IM NOT CALLIN HER BACK IM DONE SHE MISSED OUT..NOT ME...

YA IM IN A MOOD I WILL GO AWAY TIL I IMPROVE IT...HOPEFULLY I WILL TALK TO YAL AGAIN....

[kekoasmom]

I don't know how to use this site, how to upload a photo of my son, etc. All the links I click on go to error pages. Could someone tell me how to use the site? My beautiful son died Nov 12, 23 years old. I want so much to tell his story but can't find the way to do it here. Please help

[lolynbo]

WELL U GOTTA PIC POSTED SO YOUR DOING GOOD...WHEN YOU TYPE WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY...AND ADD A PIC....RIGHT CLICK AND COPY IT..THEN PRESS SEND...AND YOU SHOULD HAVE IT...WITH PICS IT SOMETIMES MESSES UP IF YOU DONT COPY IT...

ALSO ADD YOUR BEAUTIFUL SONS PIC TO YOUR PROFILE CLICK ON AVATAR AND SELECT YOUR PIC OF HIM AND YOU CAN CHANGE IT..I DO THAT ALOT WITH MY GIRL WHO WAS 22 DIED FROM BRAIN TUMOR JUNE 17 2008 (ITS IN MY PROFILE IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ IT)..

[kekoasmom]

I think some of the areas of the site are out of order due to site updating, so I'll describe my son here instead of on the form I've seen before:

My son was 23-years-old, living in San Diego. On Jan 30th of this year he left our state and moved away on his own. This is the 1st time he had lived somewhere away from me. It was very sad to see the light of my life leave, but his own journey was starting. We were very close, and I was a single parent for most of his life. He is my only son and my ony child.

On November 12 I spoke with Chris (Kekoa is his middle name) around 12 noon. He was buying a car to take the place of his motorcycle (which was his sole transportation) that evening and was very excited about it. So was I. I had helped him make the purchase. We talked for awhile, about his plans, his desire to come back home next summer to help us build our house, etc. At the end of the conversation I told him I loved him very very much (as I always told him), and we ended the call. I had asked him to take a mechanic friend to see the car with him, and he texted me later that his friend was doing that.

That was the last time I will ever talk to my little bug. "Little" being a relative term, he had grown to a beautiful 6'1 1/2" tall. He purchased his new car and had to transport his motorcycle home to park it, and have someone drive him to his car to bring it home. He never made it. At around 8:30 that night something happened on I-5 and my son lost control of his bike and went head first into one of the only guard rails on that stretch of road. He was fully geared, as always. On such a busy stretch of interstate, there was only 1 witness who didn't see anything but Chris going into the guard rail. My beautiful son was gone. He suffered 2 catastrophic injuries to his neck and brain. He was kept alive until we arrived in California, and died the next day. As was his wish, he became an organ donor.

I have no answers and am finding it impossible to look ahead to life without my son. He was my life. I recently met, and married, a wonderful man who became the first true father in Chris' life, and they truly loved each other. My husband has been my rock but I'm lost without my little bug.

Chris was a nearly expert rider, having taken numerous classes and contemplated teaching safety classees himself. He had many hours on his bike. He was riding in the slow lane that evening when this happened. One day he was here, alive, planning his trip home to celebrate Christmas with us, and the next day my son is gone. This is too wrong for words to express. I don't know why he's gone and I'm still here.

No one can explain this. Not the coroner, not the CHP, not anyone.

There is no joy for a holiday that was always special to me, particularly with Chris in my life. We're taking some of his cremains back to Maui to scatter in places that he and I enjoyed together. He was born there and is part Hawaiian, and I lived there for 16 years.

Chris was an Army reservist who recently was able to switch to the Air Force reserves. He had been in the military for 5 years. He was a beautiful soul who found the most pleasure in helping others. He told me 2 weeks earlier that he was searching for his path in life, that he wanted to do something that would help people in a large way, and had so many questions. The questions of youth.

How do I survive this? I feel like I'm falling off a cliff. My husband stretches out his hand to me to pull me back up. How long he can keep his hand out is what I wonder.

It's been just over a month now, but feels like it was last night, at midnight, that we got the call that was my nightmare for as long as he owned a motorcycle: The hospital telling me that Chris had suffered the worse case scenario in a motorcycle accident earlier that evening (why no one had tried to contact us earlier is something I also have no answers for) that he didn't survive from. They were keeping him alive until we got there.

I don't know what to do. I'm in counseling but it doesn't seem to be helping. As I said, he was the most important being in my life. I had my greatest joy in watching him grow at every age, loved being his mother and was so very proud of him every step of the way, and was looking forward to being a part of the rest of his journey as he continued.

What happens now?

[lolynbo]

I have no answers and am finding it impossible to look ahead to life without my son. He was my life. I recently met, and married, a wonderful man who became the first true father in Chris' life, and they truly loved each other. My husband has been my rock but I'm lost without my little bug.

IM TRUELY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR LIL BUG.. THERE IS NO ANSWERS NO REASONS...WE JUST DONT NO....I HAVE NO ANSWERS FOR YOU OR EVEN MYSELF...

WHAT A GREAT LOOKING BOY HE IS THOUGH...VERY NICE SMILE ALL THROUGH HIS FACE..AND EYES...

IM GLAD YOU FOUND OUR WEB SITE...IT SURE KEEPS ME IN LINE FROM JUMING OUT THE WINDOW...HOPE IT HELPS YOU

[ericasmom]

Kekoa's Mom, I think that you are a brave and wonderful woman to be reaching out in this early fashion, finding ways to breathe withing the confines of this all encompassing grief. It is a box in many ways, a box that we learn to live in until we are ready for a bit of sunlight and bird song again, but that often comes later. One thing certain, whatever way you grieve, you are not doing it wrong, there is no wrong way to mourn and grieve, only thing that could be wrong would be doing damage to yourself. We are all here following the tragedies that took our adult Children, and as wrong and backward as this is, it is what is true adn so we must find a purpose for being here still. That comes with time as well and while I say this I realize the ridiculous element of time. Time has a non-reality issue when you are early to grief adn still, 6.5 years later, time still causes a disbelief or science-fiction kind of feeling to it.

Kekoa's Mom, your Son is Gorgeous, his good looks and loving smile are imprinted in your vision, you will not forget him. I say this because so many of us were very worried early on that we would forget our Kids. We don't.

You and I have a common person; Colleen wrote to tell me of your extremely horrendous loss, and Colleen and I have known each other for 28 years, our Son's ages. My name is Dee, from Oak Park, River Forest, Illinois where Colleen lives. My girl, Erica, was killed when her car was hit by an Amtrak at a broken crossing in Kalamazoo, Michigan in July of 2003. Changed forever? of course, I was by her birth so I am in her leaving, but must add that life will not always ache as it does now. Down the long road you go, and along the way you will travel big falls and big climbs and both are normal in this new normal world. You will make it, and even if you don't want to right now, Christopher wants you to, wants the Mom of his dreams and his new Stepdad to find a life that is good. As far as his wanting to do big good things, he did when he offered his organs to those who would not see another day without them. Eri was a donor as well.

There are  several Moms and Dads here that have also lost their One Child. There are several here that are fairly new to us and new to grief as well so as you get to know us, you will see that we all share so very much in common. There are many of us here, so don't feel you need to learn us all in any fast way, the best way is to just take your time and read posts when you are up to it and eventually you will learn who we are. Our Beautiful Children will greet you when you open this page and slowly you will learn who we are. Eventually, you will find yourself feeling a bit stronger, and then the next day you may feel that that was a false sense of things, but really, it takes time and those little glimmers of feeling better are one smidge of your broken heart finding a piece to fit into the puzzle that your new world is. It takes time. We are here, some of us late at night, some of us live across the Earth and it is day when it is night in your town, so there is often someone ready to respond.

Breathe in and breathe out and know that in all of this pain there will be a time when you will feel your Boy near, you will sense him and know that he is blessing you with his love. I am wishing you luck and  love on this journey/

We are journey men and women,

searching for the light that might guide us

to a place in this land that feels less barren,

and we are changed by this time,

changed

but always the parent of our Little One.

[mikesmomrs]

Kekoasmom:  I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son, Chris.  It is such a tragic loss, and so very new to you...you are still raw with that piercing pain that comes every time you take a breath...Your handsome son sounds like a wonderful young man, who really had himself together and knew what he wanted out of life.  There are many on this site who have been here longer than others, a few as much as more than 6 years, and those who have been here longer, while they don't have the answers, do have experience to post about...many times it has been said that the pain never goes away, but that over time, it softens somewhat...enough that we can breathe, perhaps even smile again, though that likely sounds pretty preposterous to you right now.  I am sure that the holidays looming is likely adding to the pain you already feel.  While I am so very sorry that you had the need to look for us, I am glad that you have found us, and please keep posting, or if you find you cannot post, or feel you've nothing to add, keep reading.  Sometimes reading is very helpful...we find out that things we thought were just not normal, ARE normal for us who walk this journey.  Poeple sometimes think we need to "get over it" after just a few short months, and those people don't know what they are talking about, and I pray never will.

I am very glad that you do have a husband who is offering his hand to help you climb back up...sometimes a spouse just doesn't seem to be able to help or express the feelings that we need...especially a fairly new spouse such as yours.  You are blessed to have him there by your side. 

Please know that you are in my prayers and thoughts for peace and sweet memories to comfort you...even if it is only for a minute at a time...our memories are what sustain us, and though they are so very bittersweet, what would we do without them?

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

[ericasmom]

Sue you doll baby, thanks, I don't know why the school computers just won't cooperate. Maybe they were made by my administrators.

Sonya, so good to see you here, and i am sure that you will find gifts to put under the tree. I think that your play will be a smash hit, and I believe that the holidays will find a peaceful place in your hearts.

dee

[lolynbo]

JUST FIGURED OUT WHY TODAY IS A CRY FEST...ITS 1 1/2 TODAY SINCE MY GIRL DIED...NO WONDER...IM JUST SO SAD:(

[Guest]

Kekoasmom - I am so sorry for your loss!  And, I am so glad you found us.  Here you won't have to walk through this, the shadow of death, alone.  We are all walking through the valley of the shadow of the death of our child. 

There are absolutely no answers when this kind of thing happens.  And, even if there was an answer, it would be insufficient and inadequate. 

My 28yr old daughter was killed in an ATV accident on Sunday, August 9, 2009 at 10:55am.  She was on a four wheeler, lost control and crashed into a barbed wire fence.  Her neck was slit and she died within seconds.   She left behind three young children that my husband and I are now raising. 

Stephanie's death, so far, has been the most difficult, painful experience of my life.  I couldn't breath.  The pain was devastating.  I had the same questions you so eloquently expressed. 

Again, I am so sorry you have to be here, but I am so glad you found us.  Chris is a very handsome young man.  He has given you much to be proud of. 

Wishing you a moments peace and rest.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

[Guest]

Lorri - You've been here longer than me so you probably already know you don't have to go away until your mood improves.  Unless you want to (go away).   Thinking of you and Kourtney on your 1 1/2 yr mark. 

 

[summergirl]

Good Evening Indigo's - another late night with Tavian, he has this thing about bed time and it is making me crazy.....hopefully his therapist will be able to help with the problem.

Kekoa's mom - I am so very sorry for your loss of you beautiful son, so sad that you have had to find your way here but so very glad that you did. My name is Kathy and I have been here for 2 years now, lost our beautiful daughter Jessica, age 26, on Feb. 18, 2006. Jessica passed from ARVD, sudden heart death while out to dinner with friends, we got the "knock on the door".  The first days, weeks are like a nightmare, you honestly believe you are having a nightmare and will wake up and all will be "normal" again.....grief has no limits, no set way in which each of us do it. When I first came here I read for a while and then began to post and talk and found the "family" I needed so badly....here we are able to say what we want, when we want, how we want, no one tells us how to do anything....it is compassion, understanding, love, anger and yes, laughter too....the days are dark for you now so early on this journey and although you may not believe it now or even a few months from now I and all those here will tell you that the day will come when you will find that ray of sunshine, you will breath in and out and find a peace within yourself. For now, take care of yourself, take the hand your husband is offering and hang on tight. Come here when you can and talk to us about your son, we want to get to know him and you......I pray that you hold tight to the knowledge that your son did many good things with his life and he was a donor....that in itself speaks as to what kind of wonderful young man he is.  Bless you.

Lorrie - right there with you today......2 women talking in the grocery store that they would "just rather go out to dinner, but no, all the kids have to bombard them with their presence for Christmas"  OMG, I wanted to turn around and scream at them that they had no idea how lucky they were but all they could do was complain that their children wanted to come for Christmas???????   I know they do not know our pain but I do not care I still wanted to tell them to shut the F.........K UP.  You and I must have been on the same wave length today!!!!!

Dee - beautiful story, beautiful woman you are.

Marcia - so glad that your house will be safe and "dry" when you get home from your trip.  I am praying that the cast is off and you are "free to move about".   7 weeks is way too long for a sister like you to be doing nothing;)   The decal....yes, one on Barry's truck and it too is the first thing I notice when we come out of the store, I have noticed other's reading it when we walk to the truck and they turn away as though embararssed by it....makes me want to scream and at times I want to take it off because it "should not have to be there".......I have one for my car (thank you Monty) but have it still in the envelope until I get my new car next year....did not want to put it on and then ruin it by having to peel it off.   So many things we do not want to have to do but cannot imagine not keeping my Jessica's memory alive...so we do what we must don't we???  Thinking of you always.

My good friend's husband got the swine flue shot and had a terrible reaction to it 11 hours later...he now has 26 lessions on his brain, is walking a bit with a walker and many problems with speech....the doctor's do not know how much of his losses he will regain but he is home and improving a bit but has a long way to go. Please say a prayer for him and his family, wife and 2 children, Brody and Ella.

Too all Indigo's have a peace filled night with wonderful dreams.

JESSICA, JESSICA, JESSICA.......I MISS YOU MY GIRL.

[lostwoher]

Evening Indigo's. Its another one of those days here too

Rest well,

Lynn                I miss preparing for the xmas celebration and all the shopping with

                       you Kayla Kayla Kayla. xoxo

[mikesmum]

Kekoasmom - I am glad you found you way here and seems you have a connection to Dee, the healer of the heart here on BI

There is no time frame, no plan, nothing that makes sense of such a strong, handsome young man leaving far too soon.

Being with a counsellor is something that you need to be comfortable with.  If it doesn't feel right, try to find one you fit with.

Come here as you need, read, post and please tell us about your son....

Trudi - Mikes mum. 

[lostwoher]

I dont think I posted the finished wreath that was taking me 3 hours to make so here it is:

[mikesmomrs]

Lorri, I am so sorry that you are having to think of any dates as “that’s when Kourtney…” and your heart breaks yet again…I pray you will find some peace soon.

Dee:  Your description of the "sing" and the music teacher, Mr. J., just wonderful…you always go so deep down in your soul for your words and they come out in just the best way possible…you put people in the place that you are describing…thank you so much for sharing…tears with you on Friday when the “real show” is presented.  That is just so cute about the shirts…he will be so delighted!  Such a wonderful idea!

Sonya:  very nice to see you here and to see sweet Danielle’s beautiful smile…I am sure your shopping will fall into place…the smile on your dear Mattie’s face will encourage you…

Lynn:  The wreath is beautiful...your hard work shows...

Marcia:  Many prayers for you today…I so hope that the healing you needed has taken place…I know what it’s like to be tied down…I was flat on my back for 10 weeks and just so miserable.  Most of the time I was in so much pain, I didn’t know up from down, but when the healing started, the monotony set in and all I could think about was “all that I needed to do.”  I am glad you are getting a new furnace so that you can be sure to come home to a house that is still intact.  We are getting a new furnace this summer.  New windows the first of January….brrrrr, that will be a cold fix up!  They said they can do it in one day…hmmmm…we’ll see. 

Tonight we are being graced with a full 3 degrees outside, and it is supposed to go even lower, to minus...brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

I hope that all get a good night’s sleep tonight, and have a nice day tomorrow…though it doesn’t matter to me, I know that many of you delight in the fact that it is Friday…so, delight in your TGIF…

Came across these the other day when searching for pics for my sisters and brother...

Mike wasn't too fond of Santa during this visit...

And my two precious girls...just babies here, now beautiful women...40 years after this was taken...

[ericasmom]

Lynn, the wreath is gorgeous, and no sign of bow-issues that I see. Really quite pretty. I know what you mean about shopping and preparing for the holiday with Kayla. I loved shopping with ERZ, we would wander the aisles and separate and look at things coming back together with things to show one another. We would go eat something and have a coffee together. I deeply miss those times. That first year, I went to Nordstrom's junior department and stood there almost pretending that she was in another aisle. When a young lady asked if I needed help, I realized I had tears streaming and shook my head no and wandered away. I stood across the aisle staring into the junior department watching mothers and daughters shop, a grieving stalker, wanting to join in and pick things out too, to hang on her door in the dressing room. I would never be the mom in the dressing room again. I deeply miss those times too and I am deeply grateful for having had them.

Sleep tight,

dee

PS Trudi, thank you Dearheart

[ericasmom]

Carol, we were writing at the same time, Great Minds...

Thanks Carol, I hope that the shirts put a huge smile in Paul Jacobsens heart and that the memory of it is a sweet place to visit. Hopefully Jon will come to the show, which will bring many memories to him as well. (he is home from Detroit).

Carol, love the photos, the inquisitive Boy on Santa's lap, so adorable. And yes, your beautiful Daughters. Was it yesterday?

[lolynbo]

WELL I LIED IM STILL HERE...THANKS GUYS...HAVING RUFF TIME WITH OTHER CRAP TOO (LEGAL CRAP OF KK)...FOR YAL THAT KNOW..

LYNN LOVEN THE WREATH U DID MOST EXCELLANTA JOB....

KATHY IM SORRY U HAD TO HEAR THAT CRAP TOO...WHY CANT PPL JUST BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THEY HAVE ....(I NO WE SHOULD TOO BUT WE SHOULD BE THE EXCEPTION)...ITS LIKE WHININ U GOT A MILLION AND NOT 20 MILLION...

I PRAY FOR KK AND THE PROB TO WORK ITS SELF OUT...

[ericasmom]

Praying alongside you Lorri. I know what those dates can do to a soul. I think that all of us that are ahead of you on this road found ourselves moody right around the date each month, and so really the mood thing is normal enough, and combined with holidays, compounded. Talk to Kourtney tonight, it may help you to feel a bit more relaxed. She hears you. She listens.

Love,

dee

[lolynbo]

THANKS DEE...I NO YAL NO....IM SORRY ALL YAL NO HOW BAD IT IS...WE ARE ALL ONE SAD HEART BREAK...

[hotrod]

Good Evening Indigos.

 

Dear Kekoasmom  Welcome  I am so very sorry for your loss.  You have found a wonderful place to visit, talk and find love and solace.  Chris is a very handsome young man , and I do understand how devastating this loss is. Please come back often, tell us all about Chris, share pictures and just connect.

 

I lost my  Only Child, Stephen 2 years ago and this board has been my life line back to the world.

 

I am praying for you peace

 

Lorrie  So sorry that you are in a sadder place tonight.  Dee is right, your girl is right there with you.  Try to rest. 

 

Sonya  Loved seeing Danielle picture, I do hope the house is all clean, that tree is shinning bright at Danielle's site and that Mattie's play works out this week end and most important that you enjoy James's return

 

Carol My doodness missed you!!! Loved the pictures of you  and your entire family.  You and your sisters are all lovely.  The pictures of Mike with Santa were very special. I do love all the pictures that are posted.

 

Dee Thanks for your inspiring words. Glad Jon is back  Stay warm

 

Marcia  Good to hear from you.  Pray that the air cast goes on and the houses remodel get finished.

 

Betsy  Hope the Chili kept you warm this evening.  Love crock pots!!

 

Lynn Loved the Bow  It was perfect.  !!!

 

Colleen, Trudi, Bonnie, Claudia, Mary Ann, Beth, Shelley, Sue  i thinking of you during these difficult days.

 

Today was a bad day.  Just did not want to do anything so I did very little.  Came here and did get connected to my life line 

 

 Thank you  

 

Betty

Stephen's mom:)

[mikesmum]

I start the days with the best of intentions.  I went for a review on my Carpal Tunnel.  My appointment was 45mins from home.  When I arrived they told me they booked it at the clinic closer to me....bad news, they had written the other clinic details instead....Good news, the splint I have been wearing at night has eased the symptoms for now so no surgery.....the tummy tuck and butt lift are still on the agenda!

Bought my candles centrepiece for this year....will set it up and post a pic later...

Haven't been able to do more than put the presents into piles.  Have wrapping, have ribbon, have tags, but tears just keep welling up.

Love the bow on Kayla's wreath....some pretty fancy bowing there.

Carol - I love that deer in the headlights look from Mike.....knows there's something not quite right, but hey, don't want to blow it in case he is the real deal.

Also love the wedding picture.....you guys have great genes.  Whoo hooo Davis has wheels....sounds like he got a great deal and grandma got freedom.

Sonya - lovely to see Danielles smiling face... is that an iPod?  I have finally worked mine out (I think).  May you have clear skies for the tree placing.  Home James is home safe.

Marcia - wishing you an  'air-splint' for the holidays....

Betsy - we might be a few seasons behind.  Nick is with Bridgette for the moment.  Oh poop I've been found out....Stephanie is having a stroke, I remember her back when she was married to Bill Horton on DOOL (1969/1970) 

Called in to see Melissa on the way to the out of the way appointment.  Caleb has completed his first year of school. They made a DVD incorporating all the things his class was involved with.  He put it on and sat on my knee introducing me to all his friends and explaining what they were doing.  Precious time...tears.  "Dont worry Granma I'll go back next year"  Love ya Calebson.........

It 22C (77F) here today.  The rain eased this morning and the hills are greening.

Take Care my Indigo Family.....never underestimate your importance....

 

[mikesmum]

Shows how stop start I have become.  Got out Mother and Father Christmas ornaments then played dress up with Muttley.  It only took one treat for this shot....

Hope the sunshine warms you all and the Muttley brings a smile to your faces....

[lostwoher]

AWWWW such a cutie. It gave me BIG smiles . Thanks, I really needed that.

[hotsauce]

Dear Kekoasmom,

i am sorry for the lost of your son, CHRIS, my name is mary ann and i lost my only child BRIAN

at the age of 22 y.o. to leukemia, on 5-1-09.  long hard road ahead, but being here is a great start.

mary ann (hotsauce)

BRIAN'S momdukes

[hotsauce]

good morning to ALL here at BI.  i hope EVERYONE has a good day and weekend.

they are calling for snow again, i am sick of it already. 

hugs to ALL

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[Guest]

Good morning, Indigo's;

So many contradicting emotions all at once fill our home.  There has been so much loss this year and so many miracles.  It's impossible to notice one without bringing attention to the other. 

I hope you all have the best possible day under the circumstances.  I pray you all comfort and a moment's peace.

Much love!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmomrs]

Trudi:  the "stop and start" routine is well known at this address...my Christmas boxes are still scattered about...it was the day we started to open them that i got started on the photo book for my sisters and brother...nothing else done since.  Hubby is ready to leave home...we did get the lights on the tree yesterday...a major accomplishment...now comes the teary part of taking out the ornaments...of course, the very first box I open, the very first thing I see, is Mike's Star Wars ornament that I got for him that horrid first year of living with a severely and forever broken heart...my thankfulness is directed at all on this site for my still being here...  I am sorry to hear that the clinic messed up so much, but so very glad to hear that the splint worked.  Have been down that road, more than once, with the complete agenda of therapy, etc.  Mine is related to fibromyalgia, though, so no surgery, thank goodness.  Hubby has had both hands done. 

Lorri;   of course, we are still here for you...remember where you are?  "Understandingville." 

Bonnie, Claudia?  okay? 

love and peace, and all have a good day...

carol  mikesmomrs

[hotrod]

duplicate post

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I am going to try to finish shopping today.  I too have tissue paper , gift shopping bags and cards collected in Stephen's bedroom.  Have not been able to just stuff bags yet:(  But I will get there.

Trudi thanks for the smile this AM Mutley is so very charming.  Glad your arm is healing now the tummy  and hips will have to disappear.

Decided to change my picture again.

Have a good day

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[shellbellsmom]

Happy Friday Everyone.  One week before Christmas arrives- definitely not ready or looking forward to that day.  Gifts still need to get wrapped.  Just can’t seem to get myself motivated to do it.  Maybe it’s because that was always Michelle’s job.  That, and doing windows….and they haven’t been cleaned well since she died either….so it kind of reminds me of how we look at life now….through cloudy (mine- dirty) windows that make the world’s hues’ appear so muted and lifeless.  Wish this grief was as easy to get rid of as washing the windows.   Betty, my plan is also to TRY and get something accomplished today too….even if its just one gift.  My family arrives on Monday and need to have everything finished before than.

Kekoasmom, welcome to BI….just wish it wasn’t because you lost your precious son though.  What a handsome son Chris was too.  Now, he is hanging out with our children…we have often said here that we believe our child have directed us to find this site so we can be a supportive of each other.  At least that is what I believe.  My daughter Michelle died at age 22 from a short battle with leukemia.  She just completed her 4^th year in college and had the whole world ahead of her when the cancer destroyed everything for her….and us too.

Carol as always great Christmas pictures of your kids.  Trudi your Muttley is too darn cute…there is no way, even with treats my Scruffy would pose for a picture like that.  I do admit he’s the first dog I am a Facebook friend with.  Lynn you son’s Chihuahua is darling too….love the pink sweater.  I think Kayla’s wreath turned out perfect and the silver bells are a nice added touch to the beautiful bow you made. 

Dee I hope the school musical production is fabulous and that the music director is ecstatic with your little 3^rd graders prancing in their tuxedo shirts to surprise him.  Enjoy your long break….try and relax if you can.  Marcia hope the cast is history now so you can get around better especially while on your little get-a-way.  Lorrie wishing you a better today…. Kathy sending prayers to your friend and his family…it’s got to be a terribly scary time right now for them.

My son has his last exam today and then he is done with this bachelor’s degree (Pre-law) from Michigan State.  I am so very proud of him.   Just wish he was as excited as mom is.  I think the whole thought that his sister should have graduated first is difficult on him.  I wanted to plan an evening out with my family to honor his accomplishments but he said don’t bother.  He’s acting like his bachelor’s degree is nothing…and says- it’s not like it used to be mom, when jobs were just waiting for you to get.  So sad for my boy….so sad that he feels that his dreams of landing that great job right after school is shattered due to the economy- he had planned on paying his way through Law School and taking night classes.  Now, he wants to take a break for a bit….Congratulations to my Matthew. 

Wishing everyone a wonderfully peaceful day… God Bless You All,   Sue 

[arc4ever]

Kekoasmom:

My heart aches everytime we get a new person on this message board. But I am so thankful that you found your way to us.

My name is Terrie, my husband and I also lost our only child, our son Adam on March 25, 2008. Adam was driving to school, he was a very busy young man, with school, he was the stage manager for the high school musical which they were in the throughs of late night practices and also at the time track practice had begun. Typical, busy teenager. We do not know exactly what happened with Adam. We have been told he may have dozed off, he went left of center and hit a full size dump truck that was carrying a full load of gravel. From what we have been told, the dump truck driver, never saw Adam's face. We do not know what happened. It will be 21 months on Christmas day and every day is a struggle to breathe, to find our way. Please, try to reach out and let your husband help you as best he can. Be thankful that he is reaching out to you. If nothing else, let him hold you while you cry.

My husband and I have been to many counselors, have taken grief courses, have attended Compassionate Friends. We have tried to do all the so-called right things, maybe just trying to search for an answer. What I personally have learned is there are no answers and I must learn to accept that fact. It is what it is no matter how painful but there are no answers. I find my comfort getting on this board and venting or talking or whatever and I have a couple of good friends who are wonderful and I have my husband. We have grown closer thru our loss and for that I am so thankful. That doesn't mean it is easy, it is so difficult to watch someone you love as their heart breaks, but we are there for each other.

Come here often, talk about your son we want to know about him. We are, strange as some people may think, a family here and we understand like no one else is able to.

I will wish you peace and a small bit of comfort today. Learn to not push yourself, if you are able to do something then do it - if you are not, then that is okay. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

Much love, Terrie (Adam's Mom)

[arc4ever]

Okay, the photo below is me and Adam Myrtle Beach, summer 2005, I'm gonna post a few pictures that were taken of us and my family.  We are a bit of a freaky family (as most are), and I just thought it might bring a smile to your faces today.

As a side note, we did this type of crap to each other all the time, just for fun.  At the end of the evening after Adam's calling hours, my wonderful younger sister tried very hard to sneak and do one of these photos - with her jumping in front of Adam and the casket.  Ive never known if this picture was actually taken, and to be honest it kinda makes me smile now because that's just how our family is.  I think Adam would even have laughed a bit at how bizarre that would have been.

Love to all, enjoy the photos.

Terrie (Adam's Mom)

[arc4ever]

Me and Adam with my mom in front.

[Guest]

Hello Indigo's,

I had such big plans for today.  Wrap presents.  Finish shopping.  Buy a nice box of candy for Family Services, the DA's office and The Child Advocacy Project.   Make the house spotless, maybe even make fudge and divinity.

Here I sit.  Tears just behind the surface.  Feeling exhausted.  Laundry needs to be folded, dishes need to be done.  Dog needs to be bathed.

And, I have no energy or motivation to do anything but sleep at the moment.

So, I think I will....sleep.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[arc4ever]

My younger sister and bestest friend and her wonderful husband with my oldest sister in front

[arc4ever]

My parents with Adam in front

[arc4ever]

Okay, last one for now.

My family with Adam in front.

Thanks for being patient, I needed a little smile today.

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[Guest]

Terri - I love the photos!  So much happiness and love and sense of family.  Thanks for sharing!

And, I forgot to say thank you for adding Steph's name the night of the candle lighting.  I gasped with gratitude and the tears fell.  It meant a lot to me.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lostwoher]

Great photos Terri. Adam and the rest of your family are 'hams' for the camera? I love it!

Lynn

[shorty16]

Kekoasmom

So sorry you have to be here.  1 months into this grief is not a long time at all.  Be kind to yourself.  You are around people here who know what you are and will-be going through.

Our 16 year old son, Brian died from blunt-force-trama to the chest and abdomen when he was riding on the hood of the car.  His friend, Mike drove very fast, lost control and hit a tree.  Brian flew off the hood and died within minutes of hitting the ground.

Every day I ask myself "What the %# were you doing on the hood of that car?"  Why did Mike drive 68pmh in a 25mph zone?  Mike is now a felon and Brian is dead.

I have learned so much from my friends here.  I have learned that life does go on after such an earth-shattering event.  I have made friends-for-life here.

I do realize I am lucky, because I have 2 other children.  They too are changed forever, because of the death of their brother, Brian.

This place is amazing.  You will find so much support here.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[lolynbo]

WE LOVE THE PICS POST AWAY...