Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

I love Gingy, love the story of Gingy and the memory you shared with us. Thanks Bonnie, the stories of Christmas make these days leading up to it very close, as though we are all sharing one tree, and all of our memories are hanging on it in shiny patterns of our most fond moments. Shiny decorated moments that remain shiny for Them and Us. A gift.

Betty, I like shopping for the little ones too, it opens up my world so much, making me smaller and my role in it a part of the whole. I like being a part of something bigger. When my kids were littelwe would adopt a family the same way my class did. Jonathan, Eri, adn I would traipse to ToysRUs and choose things for the little ones on the list. Jon was about 4 when he said," how come Santa might not bring them anything?" I said, "well Santa needs supplies and that costs money so when he runs out, we become his elves, we help him out because there are soooo many humans in the world..." Hell I was happy he didn't need more, sweat running down my back, impromptu white lies in the truck aisle of the toy store. JOn was satisfied withthat and took joy each year for many picking things out, as did Eri. When I was first married to John C. (almost 11 years ago) Eri and I called the local shelter/foster care center in town and asked what was still on their list...well they need African American baby dolls and pajamas for 4 kids. We dashed to the stores and found what was needed, and John C. opened a card that Christmas morn stating that his gift was being opened by 9 children at the foster care center bought in his name. His eyes were filled with tears and that moment Eri and John were connected, it was what he wanted and it was what Eri could happily take part in with a stepfather she did not want to have.

Betsy, Rich looks reflective in that photo, his posture of stretching perhaps after a tiring day? He is such a handsome Man. HE is with you, all around you.

I have to go out for a walk before I do a million eerrands today, but I will come back later on this evening. Until then, peace and joy in the moment, no guilt for feeling joy either, because as we all really know, OUR ANGELS want us to hear the bells and smile, even if we smile through our tears, They understand, but if you feel some joy or a thin crescent of happy in your moment, let it be without guilt, let it be pure like the love we hold for all time.

Peace

[hotrod]

Betsy  Thanks so much for the story  I had not seen it.  Rich looks very handsome in the current picture.  I am so sorry that you did not get to see him, when he passed  but your pictures are a better reflection of who he is and is life.So sorry about the mix up on the cause of death,  When EMT came for Stephen they did nothing as it was also too late.

  I too have been out of my mind but do not think I have yet returned

 

Sue Thanks for the web site  I did send a card.  That made me feel better about the Holiday.

 

Dee Beautiful share about your family and the selection of toys for children .  Your "Helping" Santa with supplies made me smile and Your Daughter's bonding with her new dad priceless.

 

Bonnie  What a beautiful share about "Gingy".  I do wish I could find those priceless decorations!!!  So precious and what a wonderful project to remember Jason.

 

Suzzannah  and Marcia  Take Care of yourselves and Carol have fun at the Birthday   

 

Have a warm, safe Day Indigos

[homeschoolmom]

I haven't been posting, but have been reading, caught in this tangled world of grief and life; pressing forward with the other kids, hanging back with Rohan. I am so desperately trying not to let the tears drown the blessings, or erase the glimmer of hope I sometimes feel, but my heart records on a moment by moment basis just how far I've come...and how far I have left to go.  I am realizing that whether I go kicking and screaming, railing against my "lot in life," or whether I submit to the "every cloud has a silver lining" view, life still goes on. And I with it.

I have this plan in my head. I will play some Christmas music, light a fire in the fireplace, get the kids to help me trim the tree, while the smell of gingerbread cookies waft through the air...In reality?  Actually, now that I have written it, I'm going to get up, dust myself off, and go make for a memorable day with my children who deserve to have happy memories.

14 days to go. Christmas, the birth of God's Son, and the death of mine.... Lord, may I celebrate the one, and look forward to that time when death shall no more be...

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[Guest]

SIGNS FROM STEPHANIE:

*The night BEFORE Stephanie’s accident, Amanda – my oldest daughter, had a dream that Stephanie was on a four-wheeler, crashing into a barbed wire fence.  In her dream, there is someone on the back of the four wheeler apparently pushing Stephanie’s neck into the fence.  Amanda had the same dream every night for the next week.  She hated going to sleep, because of the dream.  The Friday night after the service, Amanda fell asleep on the love seat in the living room while her youngest sister and I visited on the other sofa.  Amanda was in a tight ball.  I anointed her head with some oil and prayed she would have a peaceful night’s sleep.  Within 30 seconds, right in front of me and Jennifer, she stretched out, saying, “Oh!  I love you.”  The next morning I asked who she was saying I love you to.  “Stephanie.  She came to me and explained my dream.  She said, ‘I’m okay, Amanda! The reason I was screaming is because I was scared.  The person on the back of the four-wheeler was Jesus.  He took my spirit before I ever hit the fence.  I will never leave you.”

*Stephanie died Sunday morning.  Sunday night, around midnight, a wild bird landed on my shoulder.  It went through a lot of trouble to get there, too.  I even had a lit cigarette in my hand.

*The next morning, a hummingbird fed at our feeder within inches of my son’s head.  It then perched on a nearby branch.  It is the only hummingbird we have seen all year.  I’ve been told only female hummingbirds perch.

* A month later, I explained to a friend about the birds.  In the middle of the day.  As soon as I told her about the birds an owl landed on a light pole at the end of our driveway.  As we admired the owl, another one landed on the other pole.  Shamans believe owls are messengers from the other side.  There are thought to bring courage to help us walk through the night.

*One week after Stephanie died, I dreamed she was standing in front of me (outside) smiling.  I couldn’t touch her.  I looked at her with pain and longing and she just kept smiling.  She then began to ascend backwards towards the sky.  Her smile never left her face.  Her gaze never left mine.  The further away from me she got, the brighter she became until all I could see was light.

*Two weeks after Stephanie died, I sat outside, late at night, sobbing over the way she died.  All of a sudden I sensed her presence and “heard” her voice.  She was wiping the tears from my face and saying, “Mom, I’m okay.  I’m okay, Mom”. 

Maybe I’m a kook.  Maybe I’ve totally gone off the deep end.  But, no matter what else people think, the bird things happened, always in front of someone else.

And, everyone that visited the crash site, no matter what their spiritual belief, has stated with conviction, “this is the spot her spirit left her body”.  Exactly as Amanda’s dream showed.  People who never knew about the dream.

My sister, when visiting the crash site said, “Divinely orchestrated” keeps going through her mind.

The sherrif’s deputy who was the first to respond said he’s been on a lot of crash sites, but never has he experienced the kind of positive energy that was surrounding my daughter’s body.  

Just wanting to send some hope to you all.

Oh.  About Michael the arch angel.  Now, I’ll really sound like a kook.  In a legal setting for my grandchildren, I “got a picture in my head” where I could clearly see Michael standing in the room and Stephanie was beside him. 

[hotrod]

Shelly  It was so  wonderful to see Rohan's beautiful little face again.  I have been missing you and thinking of you each day.  

I pray that you are able to have a memorable day with your children  I know how very hard this season is for you 

Suzzanah Many great signs  Glad you listed them  I really liked Saint Michael standing there

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[heartbeataway]

Shelly,

It is so, so , so GOOD to see your post.  You, like Dee, have a gift for writing so eloquently. Your post today really touched my heart. I have been teetering on this whole Christmas tree thing ...... we did look and finally order a new tree.  It was delivered. But, I've not really had the desire to open the box and put it together or bring up the boxes of decorations from the basement.

And then I read your post and realize what Christmas means to you....... the anniversary of the death of your precious son.  That's a tough mountain of emotion to climb!

But yet, you have held your living children close to your consciousness and realize that they need sweet sounds and smells in their memories of this precious but sad holiday.

In doing so, you honor your Rohan. 

Bittersweet blessings .........

I will think of you often today and every time I do, I will send you strength for the days ahead.

Such love ..... you have so much love.

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[Guest]

Even after relaying all those signs, I'm sad today. 

Jonathon, age 5, said he is going to go to church with "Daddy" tonight even though he has twisted ribs. 

This will be their first time alone with him since we got them.  They well remember the last time they lived with me and they had time alone with "Daddy".  We didn't see them again for over a year and their lives were hell.

Hopefully, this time will be different.

I wish I had enough faith and strength to rely on my faith all of the time, but I don't. 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Susannah,

Therese, a friend of Scott's from work (Kohl's Department Stores) asked him if she could walk him out to his car, she had something to tell him.

Scott said, Sure.  Therese began to tell him that she had been "feeling" a message and had to tell us.  She stated this message was from God.  And that Brian did not suffer.  Brian's spirit was taken from his body shortly after he hit the ground. 

She then told Scott she has "Seen", "Felt", "Heard" things like this before.  She "felt" this about 6 months earlier, but had no idea how to approach us.  Therese had alot to loose.  Presenting this information at work to an employee could get her in trouble.

I do believe her.  We have not talked with her since.  I do not seem to have the strength to ask any more.

Similar stories to grieving parents.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

I am so lazy today.

Slept until 10:30 and did nothing else.

What a bum I am.

Anybody else being a bum today?

Colleen

[mikesmum]

I'd like to be a bum today - but its Jeya's 3rd birthday and we are off to a picnic party in a park!

While I miss my son, hate that I lived and he didn't I have been blessed with two other children who have given me grandies;  something I am acutely aware of when I read here. 

  May this Christmas carry you away in memories of laughter and love.  

Bonnie - I love gingy and the verse in the card  A memory of a young Jason bursting at the seams, gingy held high, so proud of his creation...a memory for you.  A memory for me was the card that came with the "Empty Chair" book and the "Space Between breaths video" - A random act of Kindness in memory of Jason Michael Holloway.....That and the word "Honour" - a memory of love for you both.

Dee - John C. opened a card that Christmas morn stating that his gift was being opened by 9 children at the foster care center bought in his name. His eyes were filled with tears and that moment Eri and John were connected, it was what he wanted and it was what Eri could happily take part in with a stepfather she did not want to have.  A connection borne from a Random Act of Kindness.   Take care you errand runner you....

Sue - Posted on the website for the guys who keep us all safe worldwide.  Did the card to Walter Reed as well. Trying to find out where we send for our troops who like yours are scattered throughout the world.

Betsy - Love Rich's pic, the musical note on the tree.   Not sure if Rich looks sad or pensive about what's under the tree (lol).  The beard and the hair, Mike had the same Christmas 2006.

Shelley -  I am realizing that whether I go kicking and screaming, railing against my "lot in life," or whether I submit to the "every cloud has a silver lining" view, life still goes on. And I with it.  Great to see Rohans face again.  You are so right and you know I flit between the two like a sprite! 

Leah - Not sure if I missed it but did you just put an Avatar of your granddaughter?  There is a lovely young girl with a baby I see now?

Carol - Hope you have a great time with Damon on his 5th birthday. Is that young man a red head?  He has grown so much......Will think of him as we celebrate Jeya's 3rd.

Greg & Claudia - Cindy Bullins story and her music is something I remember from the first years after Mike died, memory fails me as to how I know her.  Love her music and that of Steve Chapman.  The ability to put the pain into sweet words and music something of a gift, something I cannot do, but feel a peace when I listen to their stories.

Its misty here, mild temp, hoping for sunshine.......:dude:  Yeah party day!!

 

 

[heartbeataway]

Trudi,

I can help with the memory of Cindy Bullins.  Her music is featured in The Space Between Breaths video.    I had forgotten I sent that to you.    How’s that for a malfunctioning memory? I still use the cards on occasion.

I love that you have “grandies” and that you share them!

Dee,

I love the “gift of giving” you gave John.  How special.

Carol,

Damon is such a beautiful child!  And the Santa in the picture was near perfect!

Way back when, I started the tradition of putting our Christmas picture in a Christmas frame and then displaying as a grouping during the holidays.  With each passing year, it became more special. Now, that will be a tough bin to open.  Along with the stockings.

I’m trying to be find “merry”  ....... :?

Colleen,

Nothing at all wrong with being a bum every now and then!

Not sure what to think about the message from Scott’s friend. I guess its the part about it being from God ........ maybe it was Brian. Not sure it matters who it was from.  It was comfort for a weary mind that there was no suffering.  Sweet comfort.  

Susannah,

I love forward to hearing that your babies are home with you safe and sound and that you enjoyed the prime rib.:?

Betsey,

I think Rich looked like he was hoping that if he leaned back far enough, he wouldn’t be in the picture.

I made a big pot of navy bean with ham soup and corn bread muffins for dinner tonight. Yum!  I am a southern Virginia girl ........

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason’s Mom

[rlolheiser]

Hi all,

Bonnie, mmm I was just asking mom how she made her beans with ham, and she told me she doesn't remember ever making it.  I guess she has forgot a bit over the years..... Just love gingy, makes me smile

Carol, yes the avitar is my girl JaBoa, she is with my little guy Raymond.  She loves him so much.  This was his 3rd birthday, a little over a month before she left us.  I was really upset, I couldn't find many pictures on this computer.  I think the grandkids decided to get rid of mine and put their pics on.  At least I had a couple.

I hope you all know how important it has been for me to be hear and share your sorrow and your joys.  With my good computer down, I can't get online as easy as before.  What a difference in computer.  Anyway...  you all help me in  so many ways.  I sit here on the farmstead with 3 people, my husband, my son and my mom.  My husband (bless him) isn't one to stay in the house, there is always something somebody needs and often he forgets I need things too.  My son, needs me probably to much maybe somedays, and not enough others, (no happy medium) but I am signed on for the duration, I love him so much.  Then I have mom, I watch her become more frail each week.  I listen to the dr tell me she isn't a well woman, and though she is healthy enough now, you just never know what to expect...  I guess I am rambling...  :-)...  I just want to thank you Indigos for being here and letting me share.  I don't always respond to each of you, but I do read you, I do cry with you, and I do laugh with you. 

When I got into the computer (which has been down for 2 1/2 years.  I came across a picture of my dad, one that I thought I had erased, it was from his last Christmas, I couldn't stand to look at it, he didn't look like my dad.  Leave it to my little guy... he saw the picture and he lit up and was so excited.. yelling... thats my papa... my papa... my papa....   I guess I forget that in his eyes this man was one of the greatest things since sliced bread.  He knew my father while he became sick, and never knew him healthy....  made me stop and think that I didn't have the right to take away the memory from my boy and I won't destroy the picture.  We all look at things so differently...   I would like to look at things the way he does.

Blessing on all of you, and your angels... 

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, I will be right over for dinner. YUM! and as far as my writing, I think that your words have been found nestled in the hearts of everyone here. You have  away with your pen my dear, quite pretty. I know you are looking for MERRY, you are getting warmer. Sometimes we have to understand that getting warmer is pretty damn good. Love you Bon. I might get a tree, we'll see.

Trud, errands done and husband waiting downstairs to watch a movie, so I will return to him and return to you all in a while.

Shelly, my heart leaped when I saw the lovely face of Rohan. I have missed you Dear, and I felt your difficulty with the season deeply today. How you face this has got to have you balancing like an acrobat. We are with you all the time and we hope that we can keep some of the balls in the air for you as you manage many things at once, anniversary of the saddest time alongside the the celebration of Christmas for the children. Blessings and strength to you, knowing that YOur Little Man is beside you.

It is suddenly raining here, warming up, which is good since our furnace died today and a new one will be installed on Monday. All I want for chiristmas is my new furnace. Hmmm, what an expensive gift.

[heartbeataway]

Leah,

I "pick" the navy beans and then soak them overnight. Rinse them and cook them with ham hocks, minced onion, peppercorns and garlic for a couple of hours.  Then I add diced potato and carrot. I take the ham hocks out.  If they are meaty, I pull the meat and add it back into the pot.

I prefer to use a ham bone but since I rarely ever buy ham that doesn't happen very often.

I didn't make the muffins from scratch tonight.  I used Jiffy mix and added a box of instant vanilla pudding.  Just increased the milk.   They were so good!!

We all look at things so differently... I would like to look at things the way he does.

 When you looked at the picture, you saw someone who had once been so vital reduced to frail, when your son looked at him he saw the person who he had known all of his young life.  Both of you saw love. I  think he got his thinking from you!

Strength for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

How many of you are lighting a candle tomorrow night?  Are you putting them outside or lighting them inside?  Last year, we put ours on the front porch ...... we're expecting winter weather tomorrow. 

[summergirl]

shelly - so wonderful to see Rohan's sweet face tonight when I came on. Have missed you and wish you peace.

Miss 2 days and again more posts then I can handle at one time. I read them all but unless I print them out I mess up names, events, etc.  Love all the pics and poems and the words of "visits and signs from our Angels"

Barry and I went Christmas shopping yesterday and actually had a nice time, I had a moment or 2 but took deep breaths and kept on moving.  I found the one thing that my grandson B3 wants and Angel has not been able to find, she was so upset as he has wanted it for a few months and now they tell her none till after Christmas - we went to several different stores and the last one we went to there were 2 left, I was so happy and saying thank you, thank you out loud......a few people gave me the look but I did not care....bringing happiness to the babies makes me happy.  Alexis just wants jeans with pink on them....last year we sent her 4 pair, one with butterflies on then and she still wears them. We get them one present to open and send a gift card/credit card to them so they can go get what they need or something special.

Tavian has been great this weekend....the tree is up and the lights are on but could not do decorations....will finish tomorrow....too much, the tears come when I open the box of "Jessie ornaments", so many memories of laughter, love and peace. I now will make new memories with Tavian.     Two nights ago Tavian said his prayers and then looked at me and said "mi-mi, can I tell you what I said to God" and of course I said yes so he said "I asked God if he would just send my mommy, Kaylie and Sassy back then I wouldn't even know how to say thank you";)  the words that come from the little ones never ceases to amaze me.

Yes, I love the message on the board from Tavian and glad that I took a pic of it. I like to think I am his rock because he sure is mine.

Lorrie - sorry about the EX but sure glad he is an EX..........some people just suck big time.........loser.

Very cold but supposed to warm up a bit tomorrow....I just want to stay in my comfy clothes as I did so much today I am exhausted....maybe sleep late.

I am going to go buy the CD by Steven Curtis Chapman - I am anxious to hear it.

I am sort of lost tonight so I will say good nite and wish all the best to all Indigo's, my friends, my saviors, my sanity.  Peaceful dreams, sweet memories. Kathy

[lolynbo]

IS IT REALLY A WONDRFUL LIFE???

[Guest]

Is it really a wonderful life?  Tonight I think it is.  Not sure how I'll feel about it tomorrow.

We all made it through our night apart from the children and we were all happy to be reunited.  I ate ALL of my prime-rib, potatoes, vegetables and even dessert. 

I'm in a forgiving mood right now.  Thinking maybe I will invite the grandkids dad to spend Christmas with us. 

I've been isolated for so long I forgot that there are really good people out there.  The couple that sat across from us also lost a child almost 20 yrs ago.  They also have a son serving in Afghanistan in the Marine's.  It was a night of counting blessings, sharing heartache and promising to remember the other in prayer. 

I talked about this site and how wonderful you all are and how much you've helped me.  She talked about the support group she joined all those years ago that meant so much to her.  We're never alone.

Thank you all for being there.

I pray a restful night's sleep for each of you....including the dads on the site.  I haven't really gotten to know you, but I'm glad you're here!

Much love!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[summergirl]

susannah - yes it is a wonderful life......I am glad to hear that you are in a "forgiving" mood...not always easy.   I have forgiven but I do not forget.  There are many ways to define a "wonderful life"....some days it "was a wonderful life" when my family was whole, happy and no one would ever come knocking on our door and change our lives forever..............a wonderful life now is Tavian, Alexis and B3.....and all my beautiful, sweet memories of Jessica..........

JESSICA, JESSICA, JESSICA....I SAY YOUR NAME, I LOVE YOU.

[ericasmom]

Leah, JaBoa is lovely, as is your Little Guy. I do hope that you are somehow able to feel some sense of goodness knowing that youtouch the lives of those around you in wonderful ways. That you see what your Little Guy sees, he helped you see it, but you opened your eyes and spirit to his suggestion, that is a gift. When we can see and hear and feel the ways children do, we are made closer to pure. Children have the keys to clarity, to the simple purity, uncomplicated and unencumbered in their vision, in their beliefs. Rest Leah so that you can find the strength to carry on for those who need you.

Kath, sleep easy tonight. If you don't want to hang the ornaments from the past, make new ornaments with Tav, or buy some new ones creating a totally different looking tree. Sometimes when need to, we change it up and try it on for size.

Bonnie, I will put some candles inside in the windows.

Didn't watch a movie, husband was tired and we just watched an HGTV episode and that was that. I need sleep, extra tired this week, excessive school stuff. Rest time.

Sue, I sent two cards, thanks for the opportunity. I sure wish there was no need, no war, no more war.

Lorri, I know it is hard to think that it is a wonderful life, but Kourt had a wonderful life adn then she became ill. We don't know why, won't get to know that until you are with her again, and until then she wants you to know that she had a wonderful life, and she is well beyond wonderful now.

Susannah, glad that you were able to connect with another family and have a meal with others. There are many good humans out there in the 'other' world. I still contend that there is far more good than not.

To all of our Indigos that are grandparents raising your Grandies, my hat is off to you all as you find the energy and perseverance to move forward in grief/joy with your Little Ones in your footfalls. Blessings for this and each day.

Peace in our time,

dee

[zachysmom]

Hi all,

 still taking it day by day. I am planning on going to the local gathering of National Children’s Memorial Day. I will never let my Angel be forgotten by anyone. I know I'm going to break down but heck i know i won't be the only one.

I was standing in line friday to drop off some papers at the local job and family services and someones son began crying and i started crying. I didn't care i figured if it bothered anyone they could look away or leave and if they had anything to say I would tell them they could make comments about my behavior the day they walk in my shoes and feel what i feel for just one day. but no comments were made though a few looked the other way.

Trying to keep myself busy by cooridinating a couple of projects for my hubbys' judo dojo and the church that allows us to use space there. One is a holiday party and the other is providing the supplies for the breakfast one sunday for kids from cincinnati who probably never get a hot breakfast at home. gotta stay busy

[ericasmom]

GO BETH, I think that your energy placed in the ways you are thinking can only help both you and those in deepest need. What a smile your Boy beams in your direction.

Good to see you.

[hotrod]

Hello Indigos

 

I am getting ready to go to try to  sleep but I just wanted to touch base before tomorrow.  Without  all the talk on here lately regarding signs from our angels, I might have missed a sign today as I was out shopping. 

 

A little background  - When Stephen was little, his favorite Christmas cartoon was Frosty the snowman, His favorite Christmas song was Frosty,  He would walk around singing it all day.  When he bought his house  the first outdoor decoration he purchased was a huge Frosty for the front lawn which he put out each year.

 

Today as I shopped in the supermarket  I heard Frosty playing in the background  Went to Best Buy and the same song was playing.  I did not really process the thought until my third stop at the card store and again Frosty was blasting over the store.  I finally connected it to Stephen and smiled and said" Thank You "

I needed that. Thank you all  for reminding me to look for signs.  Today I was sure this was my sign.  I do miss him so.

 

Beth  So good to see your little angel and to hear from you.  I agree with Dee. Please do go to the srvice and let us know how it went.

 

Dee Thak you for your kind inspiring words  They mean so much.

 

Bonnie  Thank you for your recipe.  It sounds perfect for a cold night in NY   I will light my candle and put it in the window.

 

Leah  I too  love the Avatar and am glad you were able to find the picture of your little angel, Jaboa

 

Trudi and Carol I hope the Grandies birthday parties were  fun :dude:

 

Susannah  Glad the Company Party was successful and that you could connect with others.  Yes, there are some wonderful people out in the world.  So many right here on this site.

 

Shelley, Terrie, Mary Ann, Kathy, Colleen, Betsy, Claudia,Lorri  and all other Indigos  Sleep well tonight

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[mikesmum]

The mist cleared and the sun came out....pics of Jeya's day up in the Dandenong Ranges....

Miss Jeya on her bike in her new crash helmet

Nanny (the other grandma) baked Dora the Explorer Cake

Emily Jade (10) with Granma

Jeya and Zak playing badmiton (sp)

Steven John......My how he has grown........

Snoozzeee time for granma........

[mysonrich]

Just a little something to lift the spirits. BRB, I smell Folgers

 

[Guest]

Betsy-Enjoying a cup of coffee with you!  I was impressed with what the dogs were able to do with the sheep.  Can you imagine taking time to put lights on each of those sheep? 

Trudi - Jeya is adorable in her new crash helmet!  Dora is the rave for three  to six year olds!  Love the cake.  What a lovely picture of you and Emily Jade.  So much love!  And, Steven John?  Is he your son?

Betty - I would agree that Frosty playing in three different stores is definitely a sign!  Maybe Stephen's way of sending some Christmas cheer your way??

Beth - I am so glad to see you here.  I have been sending extra prayers up for you.  I'm so impressed that you are so busy.  Good for you!

Mariah, my 8 yr old grand-daughter, once said "There are bad people out there, but there are a lot more good people.  Bad stuff happens, but mostly good stuff happens."  This from a child who had been raped, tortured and starved for almost a year.  A child who doesn't know her father (and probably never will) and just lost her mother. 

She went on to say, "God just keeps chipping away what Tina did little by little.  He takes away the bad and puts in the good until pretty soon there will be nothing left of Tina in us and only good will stay.  That's how God does it."

I was amazed at her wisdom.  I asked her counselor if she was the one who told her that because she didn't learn it from me.  The counselor had also heard her say that and thought I had taught her.

May each of us find and hold onto the hope that a little 8yr old girl has managed to find.

What's the deal about lighting candles?

Much love!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

MARCIA THINKING OF YOU....

HOPE EVERYONE SURVIVES THE CANDLE LIGHTING...AND HAS GREAT WEATHER FOR IT

[heartbeataway]

Trudi,

Love the picture of you and Steven John ....... looks like a good birthday for the grandie.

Susannah,

Glad you enjoyed the Christmas party.

Lorri,

I have always loved the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life".  I have a big plaque that hangs on the wall that says the same along with some  other things.  I packed all of those things away after Jason left.  What was wonderful about my life?? 

Last night watching the show for the umpteen time, I couldn't help but think of Jason as George.  And all that we have now because of him. 

And taking all of that into account, yes, even though he's no longer here, it has and we will do our best to continue feeling like, "It's a Wonderful Life".

And I also sometimes think that of all the Mom's in the world, I was chosen to be the Mom of the amazing creature that brought us so much love and laughter and now hope.

We called him Jay ........ and without a doubt, I know he's earned his wings.

Today's going to be a busy, busy day.  A cold, rainy busy day!

Hope for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[ericasmom]

First off, MY GOODNESS I ENJOYED  the sheep, the work that went into so great a video. Thanks Betsy, you are great at finding wonderful jolts of joy via utube. Many smiles to you.

Betty, Frosy sang you through the aisles of stores and your day just as Stephen did, he is in step with you, traveiling alongside adn inside of you, and he is so very proud of those steps you are taking, knowing how bittersweet each one is. HOoray.

Bonnie and Lor, I hate rewatching most movies, but since I was little, I have been watching and rewatching IT's a Wonderful Life. Each time I weep, each time I think of how each human is here for a reason...and I too am so grateful for the ones in my life.

I kind of dreamed last night a bit of that; I was talking to Jon in my dream trying to shake him into understanding the importance of his seeing his steps, seeing his purpose, understanding that Eri and his Dad are with him. Then I saw Michael in my dream, I talked with him a  bit. It felt so good to see him. And then Eri was a little one, about 4 in my dream last night, tny little Campbells Soup Girl sitting on  a bus of sorts car sick. I ran into a place to get her some ginger ale. I touched her hands. I am blessed by the dream cause I was able to see them.

Susannah, it is the purity of thought, the smartest humans in the world are Children. Sounds like your Girl, is a seer. She is one of those humans that will rise above the hiorrendous and lead.

Going to the gym, doing some work around here, watch a movie this evening.

Love to EVERYONE,

Dan adn Greg, how are you guys?

Marcia, many wishes as you light the candle tonight.

[iansmom]

Does anyone here know about the lighting of candles that takes place tonight across this country at 7 pm? I just found out yesterday about it. People will be lighting candles at 7 pm your time in honor of those that went to heaven before us. I think it's a really kool idea to have a holiday time set aside to remember our beautiful family and friends. To lite a candle in their memory across the nation like a wave is so awesome.

Ian Allen James Brasseaux, We love and miss you buddy, can't wait till we meet up again.

Iansmom, Faith

[shellbellsmom]

  Faith here is a website to go to that talks about it. 

http://compassionatefriends.org/WCL_Misc/2009_services.aspx

  

[lolynbo]

YES WORLD WIDE FOR PPL THAT HAS LOST A CHILD...7PM. I WILL LIGHT ONE FOR MY GIRL...IF YOU CAN NOT ATTEND LIGHT ONE AT HOME...KIMBERLY IS

[shellbellsmom]

Susannah yes if we only could learn from the children how to survive we would have a much easier time on this journey.  Many times since my daughter’s death I have been sat near a complete stranger who has also lost their child….it is then through our conversations that we share our experiences and hope with each other.  Probably not a coincidences either.  You must first be open to signs in order to receive them….and obviously you are turned in.  Glad to hear Betty you were turned in too yesterday while shopping. I think what they are referring to with the candle lighting which is tonight.  The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle at 7Pm Tonight Dec. 13^th.  You are asked to light a candle for one hour in memory of all those children who have died.  Many locations throughout the US are having ceremonies and many parents here are taking part in their local chapters.  We don't have one here in our area any longer so I will do it on my own, and ask all my FB friends to join me. 

Bonnie loved the story of Gingy…we too have some ornaments that have special memories attached to them….The 1^st Christmas I made photo ornaments for everyone in my family including nieces and nephews, now I always check to see if they have it hanging on their trees.  Hope you find the energy to put up the tree…and properly place Gingy onto it. 

Cute video Betsy.  Shelly yes we must find that glimmer of hope and make happy memories for those who are still here. 

Trudi loved the birthday pictures….she will always remember the birthday she received her new bike….and I guess Dora is big in your country too. 

As for is it a Wonderful Life….all I can hope now is that my daughter felt her life was wonderful.  Last night I watched the movie again.  IT was actually my daughter’s favorite Christmas one.  She loved Clarence the Angel.  We have several bells on our tree and had an old Santa Claus decoration that had seen much better times (my husband’s when he was a child) that wouldn’t play music anymore but would ring its bell if the hutch that it was placed on was shook.  We used to always brush against it and make the bell ring…and Michelle’s eye would light up…and say someone just got their wings mom. 

Yesterday I was asked to take pictures at a Christmas Party (mostly children) who attend a place that teaches people to ride horses that are physically, mentally, or socially/emotionally challenged. This therapeutic riding helps people who have many disabilities like Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, Autism, Brain injuries or who are visual or hearing impaired.  The whole Christmas party with kids at first through me off but I am one who finds it hard to say no so I agreed.  What a wonderful day it was seeing these challenged individuals eyes light up when they got to ride their decorated horses….they were smiling from ear to ear.  Each person got to demonstrate to their family their skills (groups) they have learned…much like a dance recital but with horses.  Sure made for a nice day…..and we all know how much our photographs mean to us now.  Some of these children probably won’t see a long life and what a gift for their parents of a picture when they were experiencing their “Wonderful Life”.  

Thanks for sharing all the pictures, stories, poems quotes and thoughts.....its great knowing we really don't walk alone when we have others that are on the same path as us.  Take Care everyone and don't forget to Light your candle tonight ~ wishing everyone a flickering flame tonight to let us know our love one is by our side. . Sue

[mysonrich]

Susannah, I had my coffee and a warm bowl of oatmeal and went back to sleep. It's that kind of day weather wise. A warm 36 now and rainy but sure beats the bone chiller of the last 2-3 days with the wind howling.

I have mixed feelings now about not seeing Rich. One , I probably would have been able to process his death "better" if I was able to see him. Two, maybe it would have pushed me over the edge forever. Our funeral director, I say "our" because he , his father and others there have been our directors for a couple generations. I asked if I could see Rich there. He told me that I shouldn't, not after an autopsy. I took his advice.

Rich's dad, always thinking money, wanted to have Rich's service in Pa. to save transport costs, wanted to have Rich's service in a "strange" funeral home. I put my foot down and said "no, he is going to Wilson-Apple" the ex's parents were also taken care of there. Rich had no life insurance. He was a rider on my policy but that ended at 18 years old. I didn't know how and wasn't thinking of cost at that time. His dad isn't bad for thinking that way, he lost his mind days after Rich died. It just the way he is.

 

Bonnie, I think I will try your recipe. It sounds really good. Before i go to work in the morn I sometimes make something in the crockpot. I like Washington Brand Muffins but they are harder to find here.

 

Dee and Bonnie,  Trudi you all are probably( how does Lorri say this ya'll? it does sound better) the picture, mostly likely right, any of those thoughts. feelings on that day. Some times we look for things that explain why and how.

 

Trudi, adorable grandchildren. What a great expression of joy on Jeya as she looks upon her cake.

 

Lorri, I watch the movie last night as I set up my tree. The lights are on but no decorations yet. Maybe today.

 

Yes, our angels earned their wings.

 

Faith, I remember you son's smile.

 

Betty, you have my weather so getting out should be a bit more pleasant today. Out of our minds. hmm, a new mind set, the old mind is gone I think.

 

Sue I;ll check out the site. I'm sure there is a location nearby, if not, I'll light a candle.

 

Leah, cute picture, such a beautiful smile. Kathy and Shelly, two very busy ladies enjoying grand babies and children. may they ease your pain in a small,wondrous way. Marcia, thinking of you, health and healing.

 

When someone, Bonnie I think, mentioned candles, I remembered my mom's tradition on Christmas Eve. The Bayberry candles and they had to be REAL bayberry. Here is a poem I found. I'll try to find candles for myself and Sarah. My mom is still in the same condition after the stroke and we had to sell her home and land to cover the cost of care. A very sad day for her, if I'd only win that PowerBall, I would buy it alll back for her.

This bayberry candle comes from a friend

so on Christmas eve burn it down to the end.

For a bayberry candle burned to the socket,

will bring joy to the heart and gold to the pocket

" It became the tradition to burn your bayberry candle on Christmas or New Years eve to bring blessings of abundance in the coming year"

 

Betsy,mysonRich

 

 

 

[shellbellsmom]

 FAith here is a better website that explains it better;

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/News_Events/Worldwide_Candle_Lighting.aspx

Believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift to the bereavement community from The Compassionate Friends, creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.  

I also visited your son's memorial site- what a beautiful child Ian was....and what a wonderful tribute to your child this website is.  Sue (mother of Michelle)

 

[mysonrich]

Sue, who sings the song in the Youtube video on the link?

[ericasmom]

FAith, what a handsome young man your Boy is. Blessings in all you do. LIght up, light up.

dee

[mikesmum]

 Faith - Great to see Ian's smiling face.  Candles buring around the world for those angels we know so well...

Sue - Love the Santa pic of Michelle......

I bought a 3 pack of DVD's - Bells of St Mary's, White Christmas and Wonderful Life.  Movies of a bygone era, mine.  Haven't played Wonderful Life - will do that when the other half is out......

Betsy - I am learning so much from being here - not the least about Bayberry Candles......

Susannah - Steven John is my 'baby'.  Last born, a true test of my strength, spirit and love...Dad to Jeya. 

The music from the Candle lighting is by Karen Taylor Good.......The  link from Youtube is for all who, every minute of every day think of their child

You will need tissues..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZCmct2eZDg 

(there is message across the video..its not mine).

 

[daveydow1]

YIKES!!  I miss a day or two on BI, and I am way too far behind .

Lorrie & Dee---Such lovely & heartfelt poems. Thanks for sharing them.

Trudi---"The weight of life without our child"......that says it all....sometimes

it does feel like a ton of rocks smothering down the spirit. Love little Gingy.

Sonya---Oh, thanks for the kind words. Yep, it would be nice to trade recipes !

Sue & Betsy----Thanks for the nice pics. I always enjoy them.

Shelly----Good to see sweet Rohan's face.

Betty---I agree---shopping for little ones will bring a smile to your face no

matter how "down" one may feel. To see their smiles makes it worthwhile.

Yikes----Christmas will soon be here---I'm not ready yet.

Faith----Thanks for the reminder about the cnadle lighting today at 7 p.m. I had

forgotten about it, and thought that the date had already passed. Your Ian James

is indeed a very handsome guy. Hope you can come back to BI soon.

         Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[daveydow1]

YIKES!!  I miss a day or two on BI, and I am way too far behind .

Lorrie & Dee---Such lovely & heartfelt poems. Thanks for sharing them.

Trudi---"The weight of life without our child"......that says it all....sometimes

it does feel like a ton of rocks smothering down the spirit. Love little Gingy.

Sonya---Oh, thanks for the kind words. Yep, it would be nice to trade recipes !

Sue & Betsy----Thanks for the nice pics. I always enjoy them.

Shelly----Good to see sweet Rohan's face.

Betty---I agree---shopping for little ones will bring a smile to your face no

matter how "down" one may feel. To see their smiles makes it worthwhile.

Yikes----Christmas will soon be here---I'm not ready yet.

Faith----Thanks for the reminder about the candle lighting in memory of our beloved

 children is today at 7 p.m. I had forgotten about it, and thought that the date had

 already passed. Your Ian James is indeed a very handsome guy. Hope you can come

 back to BI soon.

         Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[lolynbo]

JUST A QUICK POST OF MY CHRISTMAS PUPS..THERE IS 4 OF THEM SO I HAD TO MOVE FAST..ALL WITH CHRISTMAS COLLARS ON

[daveydow1]

Lorrie----

      CUTE.......CUTE......CUTE PUPS !

[hotrod]

Hello Indigos

 

I am all ready to light my candle.  I have the music playing and warm beautiful thoughts of Stephen are in my head.

I just came here quickly to connect and to say I will also be lighting a second candle and remembering all the angels here that I love and think of daily. 

Lorrie Love the picture of the puppies

Betsy Thanks for the poem on Bayberry candles  Will make sure I burn mine down this year

Sherry  Great to see Davey's smile

Susannah  I was very touched by Mariah beautiful thoughts on how God works.  Children are so special  Thanks

All Indigos Have a special night thinking of your special angel

Betty

Stephen'smom:) 

[nicksdad]

Weather H

as been nasty here but we finally got everything setup. Here is daytime & night time look. Pic does not do it justice for how nice it looks at night.

 

[Guest]

OMG Nicksdad!  Totally awesome!!  Took my breath away!

[mikesmomrs]

I've lit our candle, plus an extra for all our angels.  Tears.  Smiles.  Memories... bittersweet...   Heart racing.  Heart feeling like it's going to stop...how have we all come this far without our children...how...with each other---that is how we do it, I think---  Mike is with us, I know, and that eases the pain somehow...got two hearts this weekend...one yesterday, one today, both while eating...Mike loves to eat!!!Also, heard the Christmas song that we have on Mike's website, "I'll Be Home for Christmas," three different times this weekend  (certainly not unusual for this time of year, but those were the ONLY times I heard music that was being played.   (Betty, they are up to something, eh?)  At first I was taken aback, but then when I read your post, Betty, I realized that I was missing this connection being sent my way....I usually don't even hear "background music" and once this song was over, the rest was just noise to me again...thank you Mike, my son, my precious son, I love you so very, very much.

love and peace tonight, as we light the world with our memories....Carol  mikesmomrs

ps:  I will post later...so many posts this weekend...so glad to "connect"...

[arc4ever]

We just returned home from our Compassionate Friends Candle lighting.  I wrote a little message on the table for our Beyond Indigo angels.  I am so sorry I know I left off so many names, but my mind just wasn't thinking clearly.  I tried to take a picture.  Maybe you can read it.

Love to all, and sleep well my friends, Terrie (Adam's mom)

[mikesmum]

The Candlelighting starts in NewZealand and travels across the time zones in such a way that there is a 'wave' of light as each time zone reaches 7pm Sunday.  Oh to be on the space shuttle and see the light of love ripple across the world. 

Terrie - Its that you thought of all our kids, that important. Thank you

Went down the line to place gifts under the KMart Wishing Tree.  It felt good to give something back.  As we left town there was a huge ad at a local winery for a twilight outdoor cinema this Friday night.  Its to raise funds for the Healesville Interchurch Community Care Inc. (HICCI).  Here's the link to let you know whats showing.

https://www.rochfordwines.com.au/WebShop/defaultplane.html?red=whatson.aspx

You guys sending msgs down under?

Later - Trudi

[lolynbo]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYN HER NAME KOURTNEY.....TERRI SO VERY SWEET OF YOU AND THOUGHTFUL

IT IS SO HARD TO THINK CLEARLY I GOT UP THERE WITH MY 11 X 8 BLACK AND WHITE PIC OF KOURTNEY AND I OF COURSE SAID "IM LIGHTING THIS CANDLE FOR MY DAUGTHER KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT CARGAL....AND IM ALSO LIGHTING A CANDLE FOR A FRIEND THAT COULDNT BE HERE HER DAUGHTERS NAME IS RACHEL..........(AH) RICHARDSON....(FINALLY REMEMBERED HER LAST NAME..)

WENT GREAT WE HAD ABOUT 15 PPL OR SO FOR KOURTNEY...MY CANDLE STAYED LITE THE WHOLE TIME...BUT NO BIG DEAL IF IT DIDNT (KOURTNEY JUST DIDNT BLOW IT OUT)....

I PRAY EVERYONE IS BLESSED...AND HELD UP BY OUR ANGELS...

THIS IS THE PIC I TOOK, MONTY BLES IT UP AND IT WAS OF COURSE AWESOME..

[summergirl]

The candle has been lit and the words spoken...the heartache overwhelming, the saddness of life without our Jessica.  I was reading some of the rememberances and there was a posting from a lady who just wanted to say that she is praying and thinking of all of those who have lost a child, she has 2 children and she cannot even beging to imagine what it would be like to lose them.....it brought me to tears to know that there are people out there who take the time to let us know that even though they are not walking this path they think of us who do.

Dee - the tree trimming went fine, used all of the old ones and Tavian and I talked of each one that held a special memory, he wanted all of them on the tree....talking about the sweet memories with him made it easier and brought a smile to his face. It looks very pretty. Then we decorated his room with 2 hanging stars that lite up...right over his bed...he loves it.

It has been a rainy, windy day but no snow and that is a good thing although Tavian believes otherwise

Love all the pics.   Lorrie - Kourtney's place is just beautiful, peaceful...what a great job you did....the love shines out at you.

May each of you tonight find a little peace with the lighting of your candle, sweet memories and maybe a bit of healing.....I say all of your children's names out loud and bless each one of you for being here to get me through another year. I love you all and hope to meet you all one day.   Restful sleep my friends, Kathy

[lolynbo]

I FORGOT TO SAY...KODY WASNT IN LINE AND I SAID "ARE YOU NOT GOING TO GET IN LINE TO LIGHT A CANDLE? HE SAID " THE LINES TOO LONG"....NEXT THING I KNEW HE WAS IN LINE AND ON STAGE AND HE SAID "IM LIGHTING A CANDLE FOR MY BIG SISTER KOURTNEY BRACKETT, I LOVE YOU"!...

HOW FREAKN SWEET AND HEART BREAKING IS THAT????