Loss of an Adult Child

[mysonrich]

 Mike ,  

 

[hotrod]

Happy Birthday Mike

May memories of this special day and your beautiful life warm your mom's heart this day and every day.

Love

 

Betty

Stephen's Mom

[mysonrich]

Thanks Greg, that is great.

Thanks Dan, pretty neat.

[pknight]

Happy Birthday Mike!

I don't know you yet;but I am sure I will.

Your mom will make sure you live on & so will we!

Hugs

Pam - Kenneth Ryan Furlow's mom

[mikesmomrs]

Greg and Dan:  Thanks so much for all your hard work with the videos/pics from MN...you did such a great job!  I am so glad that everyone is enjoying them, and you've added to that enjoyment...

Dan:  Thanks very, very much for the pic you did of Mike...it is just great, and everyone else,  Betty--the Wally is just perfect...the happy birthday wishes from you all, and the comments on Mike's website,  just great, so heartwarming...I shared them all with Mike's dad, and he was really pleased that so many took the time...he is amazed at the support here...I share everything/everyone with him here, and he is as keenly aware of all of our sorrows and our joys as I am....he asked me to tell you all thank you so very much

I would like to share with you all what Mike sent to me today---we had to go to Damon's other grandmother's house to pick him up for Mike's b'day dinner...(his mom was going to join us later, but turned out that she had been sick all day and wasn't well enough to go)...we had Cathi's (my daughter's) youngest with us when we went to pick up Damon.  As I was getting out of the car when we got there, he said "Look nana, there on that branch by your window...there is a dragonfly...Mike is telling you he is happy you are here to pick up Damon for his birthday!"  After we left the parking lot, with Damon ensconced in his seat, we passed a pretty little ice-blue car, and the license plate on it said "Drgnfly."    (ice-blue is my favorite color)  On the way home, we stopped at WalMart to pick up the birthday cake, and a plant for Mike's memorial site.  When I went to the bakery, there on the shelf, was a "Vanilla bean" cake, with "vanilla bean" frosting!  (I've never seen one before)  Mike LOVED "Vanilla bean" coolattas at Dunkin Donuts, and it wasn't until this summer that his sister and I were able to finally share one in his memory...Mike must have had 20 of them that last couple of weeks---just about everyone who came to visit brought one to him---his passion for them was well-known!  So, all in all, my spirits have been lifted by all of your wonderful wishes, and by sharing the memories of the gifts that my precious son sent to us today!   Thank you, thank you, thank you all of you, for being here, for being "you" and for caring...and thank you, Mike, my sweet and wonderful son, for all you gave to us, for all you are, for YOU...I pray you are sailing among the angels, and partying like all get out!!!

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

MIKE----Happy Birthday Beautiful Boy. Fly freely and sweetly as this special day touches all that know and love you. Bless them with gorgeous memories and touches of you throughout the day. The day you came to your family was  a day of great celebration. You are missed Sweet Boy, you are loved for all time, and you will be missed. It is only a sign of how much love.

Kisses to your Momma,

dee

[ericasmom]

Shelly, did not get a chance to get on earlier...let me say that the photos you posted brought tears to my eyes. Such beautiful children, and boy, A Gorgeous Mom. You are as pretty as they are. The photo of Rohan and baby sis, blow it up and frame it. It is breathtaking. I hope that the photos bring you more sweet than bitter.

 A horse? my goodness. Well, Sherry rode horses growing up, she may be able to give you some hints.

To All who have commented on the video and the photos, you were in the room with us, not just during that time while we spoke the names of our Children, but the whole time, while we were making the boards, while we took walks, and sat about talking... We were there, the six of us, but somehow you were all there too, as well as our Angels. No wonder Marcia's room was a mess.

Dawn, it was my pleasure to say your Son's name. You needn't post a lot to be loved and supported. We get it. You are here, and we know what that takes, we know what it means if we have come to this place. Rest in us knowing that we are holding you in our hearts.

Bonnie, I am sorry that your Pops is ill, I know that he faces a difficult time, and so I will send prayers to the heavens that he not spend time feeling poorly, but to leave easily when it is time. I know that Jas will help him. I do love that photo of Jason and his Grandpa. Keep us posted.

Greg and Dan, thank you both so much for the work you do to provide the technology and art that bring our Children to us in video and photo. Thanks Greg for the music, each time you choose, you choose so well.

As far as BP, I don't think I will be able to attend both events (BP and Beyond Indigo), so for now, if Beyond hosts again, I will probably attend again, and they are pushing for one more year in Minneapolis so that the creator of BI can attend to details and such. Following years, we can figure out who wants to host and make arrangements in the city or town where they live.

[lostwoher]

Carol, thank you for sharing the marvelous gifts you recieved from your precious Mike. Its his birthday and there he is giving gifts to you. What a special son you have . Love and Peace.

Lynn

[franklyval]

Hi Kathy, Just signed on to this site...not really sure what to do; where to write and what to write...so much too say... I'll figure it out or may be talking to you for assistance. Thanks again for listening the other night.

[hotsauce]

Happy Birthday Mike!!!!!

Carol i hope you can have a good day with all your memories

hugs

mary ann

[franklyval]

I'm 5 minutes new to this site and 5 months, 21 days new to trying to get through each day without crying. My beautiful 28 year old son thought he had a rib injury from playing soccer. When it didn't get better, but worse, 3 weeks later, he had an MRI. A tumor was discovered on his spine and causing tingling and partial paralysis. That was on a Friday. Doctors operated on Saturday, said it was cancer...but we still had hope. Had to wait to see which type of cancer. Sunday night Matthew's kidneys were failing so they did dialysis. Sunday morning at 9:05am, I spoke with the oncologist who informed me that dialysis did not work; 80% of his liver was gone;kidneys as well and he was going to die. I asked how long he had and was told probably 24 to 48 HOURS! My whole world fell apart at that very moment...Can't write any more right now through the tears...Oh how I miss you Matt!

[ericasmom]

franklyval,

Are you a friend of Kathy's? Welcome. I know that learning to talk here may feel a bit odd, but once you begin to feel comfortable, you will glean great support and find this place a safe haven where you can release absolutely all of what is inside. WE have done so, and we keep coming back, some of us many times a day, others check in weekly, and still others read more than chat, all of which is fine. I am sorry that you have found yourself on this path, but since you have, you are in the place where many begin to see the light of day again.

My daughter, Erica, died in July of 2003. She was 19. I wondered how there might ever be any joy left in the world, but there is. Erica would want us to live strong in where she cannot, and we do.  It was a lot of work, but it is work worth putting the energy into.

Peace,

dee

[4everjoeysmom]

Matt's Mom, Val, I'm so very sorry... HUGS!!!

[ericasmom]

Just read your second post Franklyval, and my tears are falling at the sadness of losing Matt. The raw pain that you feel now is a very real and physical entity. All of us here understand how difficult it is sometimes to even get out of bed or to even go to bed in the first place. You are at that time on your journey that many of us found ourselves RAW. The layers of shock are wearing away and you are left now with a shattered heart. I will, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, advise you to get up and get a glass of water and take sips of water throughout the day. When we cry and grieve, our system gets dehydrated and beat up. Go take a vitamin C while you are at it, immune systems get depleted when we are beat-up as we are in early stages of mourning and grief. As much as you may not feel like taking good care of yourself, your Matthew would insist on it wouldn't he? You will always be his Momma, and he will always love you. So please try to take care of the body as we cannot separate body and mind and spirit. As many wonderful people here have advised, one hour at a time. Don't expect a great deal from yourself right now. It is normal and fine to cry each day, most of us do. As time moves, (and time is a whole other odd thing when grieving), but as it moves, you will cry less often, but those tears are a way of release and important to your health. Let them out, though we all know they get in the way of social norms, we learn to regulate them later on.

Be kind to yourself,

dee

[hotsauce]

franklyval,

i am sorry for the lost of your son Matthew, i will keep your son and your family in my prayers.

i lost my son Brian to leukemia, he was 22 y.o. on 5-1-09. it's not easy.

mary ann

[hotrod]

Matthew'sMom

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of Matthew.  I know how painful and sudden this is.  Please know you ae in my thoughts and prayers

Betty

Stephen's Mom.

 

 

[briansdad]

[user=35419]franklyval[/user] wrote:

Hi Kathy, Just signed on to this site...not really sure what to do; where to write and what to write...so much too say... I'll figure it out or may be talking to you for assistance. Thanks again for listening the other night.

The fact that your here is a sign that you have taken a step in the right direction.Don't expect too much of your self. More importantly don't be disappointed with yourself for your lack of progress though this terrible path we have to walk.I'm sorry you have to be here. This site was a God send for me on many of my sleepless nights.

Take Care,

Greg

Brian's Dad, Miss ya B

[ericasmom]

Going to work in my classroom, just a big hug to everyone again, for the wonderful feeling of family here.

my heart,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Matt's mom, Val, welcome to BI...I wish so much you didn't have to be here, but you have found a place where comfort flows from all here...tears fell as I read your post of how you lost your precious Matt...we all know the heartbreak you felt, Val, and please know that you are being carried in our hearts and we all send you love and strength.  My son, Mike, also died of cancer---a brain tumor--- found when he was being evaluated for increased seizure activity.  Dee and others have already told you of how much we understand the rawness of your pain, the feelings of helplessness and heartbreak, and it is true, though terribly hard to understand now, but the time will come for you when the piercing pain will soften some and the tears will become less hot, stinging, and less often, though still daily...it takes time, Val, a long time, but we will be here for you as you travel this journey that no one buys a ticket for...you are not alone--we are here with you, each step of the way. 

love and peace to you, carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

Dee:  I love the new pic of Eri...as usual, she transcends life into an ethereal presence...I can see how it was so difficult for you to pick which picture you wanted to send for the board at the reunion...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[lolynbo]

MATTS MOMMY,

THATS EXACTLY HOW E WERE, WITH KOURTNEY (U CAN READ MY PROFILE OUR STORY/NIGHTMARE IS ON THERE) WE WENT IN FOR A HEADACHE WE NEW SHE HAD A TUMOR AND HAD SURGERY SCHED. BUT SHE WASNT FEELING WELL AND JUST WENT IN TO SEE IF SHE NEEDED MORE MEDS B4 SURG...AND THE TUMOR BURST AND SHE FOUGHT FOR 7MO AND 2 DAYS HOLDING ON, IT WAS LIKE A BOULDER ROLLING TOWARDS US AND IT KEPT GETTING BIGGER AND THEN IT JUST ROLLED OVER AND FLATTEND US...WE NEVER GOT AHEAD..

IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF MATT, I TRUELY NO HOW U FEEL, OR THE LACK OF FEELING..I NO YOUR NUMBING..

[heartbeataway]

Hey Thank Greg!  We made it to You Tube!  I LOVE the song!

It made me happy.  Such a sparkly, peppy little tune!

What would I do without you guys?

Love on this, our journey,

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

I really like the new avatar of Miss Eri ....... I want to see it bigger.  She looks so much like her Momma!

I miss her for you .......

I'm in my "why our children" mood today.  We were suppose to leave for New York this morning and Rich has to put together a "justification" for why his job is relevant and then be available to discuss it over the weekend.

Of course, they didn't use those exact words but all in all that's what it is.

And my sinus infection is not going away ..... I feel like a "whipped puppy".  I don't have the energy to get out of bed hardly.

Then, I had to take Jackson, our (Jay's) boxer to the vet yesterday.  He has blisters on the inside flaps of his ears.  Bless his little heart.  They look painful!  Not sure what or why.  Could be auto immune ..... might have to biopsy.

Dad has been given about two months ...... found this out yesterday too.  He has a tumor on his spine.  As it grows, it will bring paralysis. I don't think he will be here long and I pray that he doesn't have to endure too much pain.

This game of life ........ sometimes it's just no fun and it would be easy to throw in the cards and fold.

Love for this, our journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[heartbeataway]

Val,

I am so sorry!  To lose a child is lifes hardest blow ......

Hold on tight.  It doesn't feel or seem like it now but it will get softer.

Pour your heart out with your keyboard.  We will be here listening with our eyes and responding with our broken hearts and our sad mutual experiences.

When you can, share Matt with us. I've heard that Grief is the price you pay when you love do dearly .....

I like to think that it's a pretty cool thing to be loved that much and that our children are fortunate to know that love.

Early on in my journey, I was given some advice that really helped me and I pass it along to others.  Take one hour at a time, if that's too much, take five minutes at a time. Plan what you will do for that hour and when the time is up plan the next hour.

Don't be hard on yourself.  Eat, drink and rest as much as your weary bruised soul needs.

This will get softer on your mind and your heart.  It's going to take time.  Five months is not very long on this journey.  You're just getting started.

There are going to be many, many road blocks and detours.  But the journey goes on, it never ends.  Now, you're in a place where others will guide you and if need be carry you until you can walk again.  A place where understanding is found, hope is nurtured and encouragement is given.

I'm sorry you're here but I'm also glad you found us.

Love for this, our journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[shorty16]

Aug 20th  Happy Birthday Mike.  

Carol, so sorry I missed the date, yesterday, but I am saying his name now.

Happy Birthday Mike

Colleen

[lolynbo]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE, MIKE , MIKE

[daveydow1]

 

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, MIKE !

[k8smum]

I've been away for over a year; moves/life/no 'net etc have gotten in the way of posting. Bill just finished treatment for prostate cancer (10 weeks of 5 days/week trips to clinic for radiation) and the prognosis looks good.

Coming back, tho, while it breaks my heart to see so many new travelers on this sad, dreadful path, it helps me to read that others who are in the same time frame as myself are going thru the same 'things': time has almost become non-existant, I accomplish things at a much slower rate, my own stuff doesn't matter but Cait's means everything, and on and on...

I have been living near family for 3 years now, and not one of them has ever mentioned Caitie or the fact that she is gone! I am tired of hearing from others that my brothers and their wives just don't know what to say. I knew what to say to people before Cait got leukemia and before we lost her; why don't they? All one needs do is say "I am so sorry" and mean it. It's not a difficult task. I have stopped apologising to the world if they are uncomfortable with my grief. My older brother, whose only daughter is alive, well, married and the mother of 2 boys has told me that I need help, that it's time I got on with my life...WTF does he think I have been doing for 3yrs 9 months? This from a man who sent a card when Cait died, no phone call, no flowers...nothing else.

OK. I know I have some issues still.  But at least I have a good reason for having them, y'know?

Blessings on all of us here, as much peace as we can muster, and when we cannot stand the thot of tomorrow, try at least for the next minute and the next and then the next.....

love to all,

annie

http://caitlin-mayes.memory-of.com/

[mikesmomrs]

Annie:  I am so glad that you decided to post again, though of course, so very sorry that you have a reason to be here in the first place...I visited your sweet Cait's site, so many memories, so much love, she is a beautiful person...I am so sorry for your pain and the lack of understanding from your family...move on?  No, move through, maybe, but always with the pain and joy of our memories living deep within our hearts and part of our very souls...

we lost our son, Mike, on Oct 14, 2006, after 17 months of a courageous battle with brain cancer.  He was our light, and will always shine within all of us. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[arc4ever]

Franklyval

Please know we are here for you, and am so very sorry you have had to join our "club".  Share more about your wonderful boy when you can, we all care, we all will 'listen' we all share in your sadness.

Much love,

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Annie, I was glad to see your post again too. It does help to realize we are kindred and all those flakes out there that think we should be "over it" are the ones with issues. Our only problem is we lost a child. I would love to say that to someone sometime and see what the look on their face might be... Hope to see you again here. HUGS! ~Claudia

[summergirl]

Valinda - I am sooooooo happy that you found your way to BI - you are going to do just fine and all here will walk you through what ever problems you come up against in posting and otherwise.   I am so glad that we talked the other night and look forward to talking to you again soon. Always here on BI almost every night.  You will find that all will welcome you although everyone HATES why we are here but as you can see you have already been welcomed with open loving arms.  Talk soon and remember any questions just ask!!

Remembering Matt in my heart - I just know that my Jessica is introducing your handsome Matt to all of our Angels - hug Matt tight for us Jessica and an extra big hug for his mom!!!       I love you my Angel !!!!!!!!

Thanks to all of you my friends - you are the best!!!

Much love, Kathy

[lostwoher]

Hi Annie, my name is Lynn. I joined BI oct 08. I lost my daughter Kayla 8/12/08 from a drowning accident. I too have issues but usually they are kept to myself. No sence in arguing or explaining to those who just dont/wont get it. We here will say her name- Catie Catie Catie. Welcome back. Look forward to hearing more from you.

Val, as others have said- welcome welcome welcome. Yes, so sorry you have to be here like the rest of us. Its a horrible journey but one we will get thru together. Some days are good others not so much. I am one who usually reads more than posts but I do like to acknoweldge on occasion. Do know that someone is usually here at all hours day/nite and will listen with open arms and a big heart.

Looking forward to hearing more from both of you.

Lynn                Kayla, be sure to check out Amanda's new tattoo she had done for you today. Its a beautiful blue (sleepytime) carebear and has your name wrapped around it. Thank you for sending her to me. Love and miss you so much xoxoxoxoxox

[daveydow1]

Franklyval---I am so very sorry for your loss of your dear son, Matthew.

I don't have to tell you that this is a tough and painful road to be on,

especially in the early times of being on it. BI is the place where you can

read/post any time  of the day or night. Everyone here knows, firsthand,

the pain and sorrow you are in now. Pleace come back to BI, and I am

sorry for your pain.

 Daveysmom, Sherry

[lolynbo]

HIGH ANNIE, IM GLAD YOUR BACK, W THINK WE CAN GO ON OUR OWN THEN WE COME BACK, IVE BEEN HERE WELL I GUESS SINCE SEPT 08' BUT MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER KOURTNEY DIED JUNE 17 2008, FROM A BRAIN (FN) TUMOR...THATS WHAT IT IS ITS A "FN"TUMOR....(YOU CAN READ ABOUT US ON MY PORFILE)

WELL IM PACKED, I WENT THROUGH MY SHOE SUITCASE AND IM ONLY TAKEN ONE PAIR OF BOOTS AND 2 FLIPS, 1 TENNIS SHOE, SO I REALLY CONDENCED ALOT...I HAVE KOURTNEYS PIC WITH ME IN THE SUITCASE DO YAL THINK THAT IS SILLY OR SHOULD I LEAVE IT? (I FEEL LIKE I WANNA TAKE IT) I HAVE HER HAIR SO WE CAN RELEASE IT AT EVERY PORT, AND MY OWN SISSORS...

I WILL CHECK IN WITH YAL IN THE MORNING...THE BABY BOY RACES TOM NIGHT PRAY HE WINS..OR JUST PRAY HE'S SAFE...

GOD BLESS I LOVE YAL

KOURTNEY LYNNS MOMMA

[daveydow1]

Annie---- I'm sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Caitlin. I visited  Caitlin's,

 memorial site. She is such a pretty girl. I especially liked the sweet poem on

the memorial page. I'm glad you came back to BI. Peace to you.

Daveysmom,  Sherry

 

[tanmanmymagicman]

Collen; was not surprised; but I WAS  pleasantly  surprised; to see Tanner's picture by Brian's ; of all the kids here;?I have told you before how much alike our boys were; Brian probably told Tanner "way to go mom; see Tanner I told you my mom was cool.........

Again all you girls should be so proud of yourselves......YOU DID it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next year for me I hope.......thank you again Collen for saying my Tanner's name..... Blessings to EVERYONE new and old on this site.....Its the best place to be to  recover to your new normal ;  I have been helped almost daily and in the beginning I don't think I could of made it without some of you kind ladies........and the dad's here that are posting.....thank you so much for adding such color to our site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luv to you all; Cindy; Tanner's mom forever and ever and I will see him again.....tks Collen:dude:

[mpsmom]

Lorrie, I will pray for Kody to be safe, you tell tell him I said to get out there on that green light and kick some b*tt.  AS far as your shoes ---- I think I took at least that many pairs of shoes to MN for 3 days, and I bought a pair of purple short boots, you are doin' good. 

As far as taking Kourtney's pic withyou, If we are not sleeping in our own home, I take a framed 5 x 7 pic of Bethany with me to keep on the bed table.  When we go in the motorhome, I take  2 -3 of my favorite pics from the house... Not silly at all in my opinion.   You have a great time !!!!!!!!!!   Soak up the sun and come home refreshed and relaxed.  

Just woke up from a much needed nap, it is 110 here and not much that can be done outside, the inside of the house can wait.... still recovering from "airline flu'.

Love to all, Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[daveydow1]

Just want to say THANK YOU! to all of you who attended the reunion....

for  the great pics, and for remembering the names of  all our

dear babies in HEAVEN.  You're all so kind and thoughtful.  

Sherry 

[ericasmom]

Lori, nothing silly about having a photo with you of that Beautiful Daughter of yours. She is traveling with you you guys, and cutting her locks to spread her energy in places she did not get to travel in this lifetime is a great way to honor her.

Annie, I have a poor memory, worse since losing ERica I know, but I don't feel I know you or your Lovely Daughter. Did you post here or on loss of Teenager? It could be that I was off for that time period that you were here. I lost my 19 year old Daughter, Erica, in July of 2003. I came here at around 5months inot the process and stayed a long while. Left for a bit of time to do some intense work in therapy and came back. ERi's car was hit by an AMTRAK in Kalamazoo Michigan about a half hour after she and I spoke. The fuse was broken, it had been for over 11 months, so the light was not working. A four dollar fuse.

Annie, I went on th esite where you have your Daughter's memorial. Beautiful, and I was stopped by the music, it is what i am listening to right now, George Harrison's Art of Dying. I posted the words to All THings Must Pass a few weeks ago here, when we were talking about lyrics that make a difference, and those do for me. My favorite Beatle. He wrote from his deep soul, an old soul. YOur Girl fought so hard to be healthy, we must all look at that tenacity and learn. What lessons she has taught. You must be so very proud of her. Your poetry is so wonderful.  I write poetry as well, but yours certainly could be put to music and sung. You are an artist I see too from your memorial page. The drawing is beautiful.

VAlinda, the shock wearing away is what made me search for a grief website, but staying is due to the healing properties this place has, and the opportunities it offers we older to this grief, to give evidence that you will live through this horror. There will be times that you wish that you wouldn't  I know, but we do. We stand where our Kids no longer can. What is really cool to see is how those newer to this road begin to nurture the new people on the site, and then they realize how far that they have traveled.

Life is not easy, but it is a circle in which we all take turns lifting the next person.

Peace,

dee

[arc4ever]

Lorri

are you kidding me?  It is not crazy at all to take Kourtney's pic in your suitcase.  Heck everytime we are away from home overnight I pack a candle and photos and I light the candle (the kind that are meant for devotions and can be left burning) and we sit a picture of adam up in our hotel room.  It stays there and stays lit the entire time we are away from home.  I bought another case of one-week candles today at the catholic gift store (it is always hard to buy another case, I guess it is the realization that 24 more weeks have passed).  As you know we are leaving on another motorcycle trip this time circling lake erie.  I packed very lightly for me, but I would rather leave some of my necessities at home and be able to have room for the candle and photos of adam with us.

AND TO ALL:  We leave a candle light 24/7 in the front window of our dining room.  It sits beside a large St. Michael statute along with many photos, adam's handprint in plaster (or something like that) that was done at the hospital after he passed.  All of these things are in our front window for everyone who drives by to see.  We leave the candle lit for our Adam and we leave it lit for those who drive by to remember him.  Sometimes they honk as they drive by.  That is always nice.

Nothing any of us do that helps us thru and in remembrance of our angels is wrong. (other than maybe drug addiction or alcolism), but admittedly I drink more than I did before and take xanax to keep the panic attacks at bay and to be perfectly honest an ambien most nights as sleep is not easy to come by and the visions while laying awake at night can be more than a mother should have to bear.  We do what we can to make it thru another day without our beloved children by our side.  I don't care who thinks we are crazy, who thinks we should be "better" by now, who thinks we should be over it.  It is not going to happen, we will never be over the loss of Adam, just as you all will never be "over" the loss of your children.  The pain has softened in the last 17 months, but with the school year beginning next week and Adam would have been a senior things are hittting a bit hard.  Maybe that is why we subconsciously chose to be out of state next week.

Say a prayer for our safety (or at least if something is going to happen, please God take Paul and I both at once) I'm done worrying about it.  I spent all of Adam's life worrying about his and our safety.  It didn't help in the end.  We are not wreckless types, but I have learned to let go of the fears as my worst fear has happened, I am stronger, I am wiser and I can do anything I set my mind to. 

So can you all, look -- you have all reached out even if at first it was out of your own needs, but we worry about and have made friends here on BI and we check in with them and we pray for their angels and celebrate their birthdays.  We welcome in with open arms and love any new members as we have walked the path they are walking, and will continue to walk along this path until the day we too die.

I love you all so very much,

Terrie (Adam's mom)

a photo to share this is Adam and his best friend since 1st grade, Rachel - also a redhead.  We used to take them shopping and swear they were brother and sister.  Rachel is who called me the morning of the accident sobbing and telling me Adam had been in an accident.  I hear her beautiful voice in my head when I think of that moment. Rachel is a Godsend to us now.  We love her so much.  And her parents are the only parents of all the kids that treat us like normal people, they knew and loved Adam like their own.  And I thank God for all their friendships.

[katant]

Reading the recent posts, I will tell you my "things" I keep of Anthony around.  I have his wallet under my pillow from the night of the crash, the nurse gave me when I was leaving the hospital to go home.  I was having a very bad day and I have looked in that wallet 100 times.  But that day, there was a metal angel in a little side pocket, don't know where it came from, but I take it as it is what it is.  I have Anthony's hockey jacket with me always.  I have his pillows, his blanket close as well.

My family put up a star on a tree outside a few days after Anthony's crash and it illuminates at night, it has been on every night since December 17th, 2006.  He received a star named after him...dated April 17.  He was 17 when he was killed.  His date of birth is 1-7-89.  The telephone pole in our front yard has the number 17 on it.  Every time I look at a clock, it is always 17 past.  Everything revolves around the number 17.  Even on his liscence, it was issued on 3/17.. so does it mean anything...not sure but I take it as many "hello's" from my bud.

luv u bud...miss u  xoxoxo

k

[ericasmom]

Hi All,

Kat, I too take the repetition of '4' as hello from ERica whose birthday is 4-4-84. Long before I was ever pregnant, I woke often at 4:44. Then when I was pregnant with Jonathan, I had so much insomnia, I woke at a myriad of times, however when pregnant with ERi, I work at 4:44, and so did my sister Eileen, she started waking at 4:44. I do think that some numbers are somehow attached to our Children, another connection to their existence. Another something to be understood when we see them again. I like that you have his wallet and that there was an angel in the side pocket. I love the photo of the two of you, very sweet. You are a pretty lady.

Terrie, I love the photo of Adam and his best Bud. The love between friends from youth is so very dear, and those friends definitely need to stay connected.I am very grateful for the continued connections I have been blessed with, to Erica's Buddies. She and Jonathan have always had such dear friends in their lives.

I love the candles and the honks as folks pass. May your trip be lovely for you and Paul. I hope you both feel the energy of Adam as he rides along with you.

Lori, have a blast, know that you are loved and supported by us all.

Bonnie, thanks so much for the thumbs up on Eri's photo. Aren't you sweet to say that. It didn't change yet for me, so I will be surprised probably when it comes up as the new one. This one is a photo her friend Caitlin took while riding the El train to Chicago. Eri was wearing Bridget or Suzannah's sweatshirt. This photo became a drawing as well as Caitlin sat in the Trauma ER drawing from the photo during those days back in 2003. How on Earth could six years have passed since I last saw this charming girl?

I worked at school for several hours and felt so exhausted that I went home, went to bed at 4:00-6:15. I thought that it was 6:15 tomorrowmorning, I freaked! So I am feeling achy and sinus-y. Ick! John too. It could be the blooming of goldenrod, of which we are allergic, but it also could be the bug going about. I need to be bright eyed on Monday when my school year begins. Bonnie, I am sorry that you are not quite feeling well yet. So is the trip to NYC canceled? I sure hope that Rich is able to make clear why he is needed for the position they hired him. Keep us posted. Maybe you should call the doc and see if you need another dose of meds?

Carol, how are you feeling? Marcia, still scratchy too?Purple boots? Love that idea.

sleep well all,

dee

[hotsauce]

Hi Annie, my name is mary ann and i am sorry for the lost of your daughter Caitlin.

the website was beautiful.  love the portait you did of her.  my son Brian died on may 1, 09 2009 of leukemia ALL (lymphoblastic)  so many different kinds of leukemia, but they all mean the same blood cancer. 

your are in my prayers.

mary ann

hotsauce

[4everjoeysmom]

I travel with Joey's picture. I travel with my surviving son's photo. They are both my sons forever, and that's just the way it is. I set up my pics, and they soothe me.

I have an area in my bedroom where Joey's photo (11x14) hangs on the wall. Below it is a small shelf where I have a little stuff monkey I gave him the last time I saw him before coming to Ecuador. That monkey hung on his bedroom door knob, where he could see it all the time. I found the monkey, 3-1/2 months later, when I was going through his personal things at his dad's house--where he had been staying for the summer. It was in his knapsack, along with all of his other most personal items, and a letter I had written to him. On that shelf I also have two small Scripture verses in pewter frames, and a silver easel frame that holds a photo of me and Joey sitting on a dirt bike when he was 15. There is a shelf above the portrait where a little pouch sits. It hold his lip balm as well as a few other small items that he used often. I apply that lip balm from time to time--when I want to send a kiss to heaven, knowing his hands and his lips also touched that balm.

I use Joey's kitchen utensils daily. I use his bath towels daily. His throw blankets are in my room, being used. I have and use many of Joey's things, when I easily could buy nicer things. It's my way of having him around me by seeing and touching tangible things that he used and liked.

Is any of that silly. Not to me! And I don't care if it seems silly to anyone else. He's my son. Not theirs. If he were their son, they wouldn't think it's silly. Nuff said!

So Lorri, enjoy your cruise with Kourtney's photo at your side. Kat, sleep with Ant's things. I LOVE hearing that other people do that, because I know what comfort it brings to me using Joey's things. What can we say? The love goes on, and we wrap ourselves in it in all spiritual and tangible ways...

LOVE & HUGS!

Joey's Mom

[lolynbo]

GETTN READY HERE WITH FINAL DETAILS OF PACKEN...JUST WANTED TO SHOW YAL QUICK PIC OF TRIXIE (15 YR AND BLACK AND WHITE) AND PIXIE (THE BLONDE SHES 10) U THINK THEY ARE READY FOR THE CRUISE? THEY ARE IN THE SPARE SUITCASES..

[4everjoeysmom]

CUTE!! You know I love Shihtzus. I have a 3 year old male...His name is Jo-Jo, after my baby boy.

[lolynbo]

SSHHHHHHHHHH DONT TELL MONTY BUT WHEN WE GET HOME I MAY GET ANOTHER...I THINK I LIKE THE NAME "PATUNIA"...OR "KOOKIE" BUT IF I GET KOOKIE IT WILL DRIVE PRINCESS CRAZY (SHE WASN T IN THE PIC SHE WAS ON THE COUCH OR EATING)  SHE LOVES HER COOKIES....DANCES ALL AROUND...AND BEGGES

[ericasmom]

Beautiful photo Claudia, you are so very pretty.

Have a beauty of a day everyone, we are going to spend the day in the south suburbs with John's family.

It is 70 degrees out and blue skies, september blue. It is breezy and really lovely.

Love to all,

dee

[ericasmom]

One of Eri's nicknames is Petunia. Love that.