Loss of an Adult Child

[heartbrokendad]

The lasat thing I wanted was to make you feel bad, I was actually trying to show how wonderful that you have something of hers....I know it pales in comparison to what we could have had.....

Your so right about things changeing, my life is one of waiting to be re-united with mt kids...not much else matters anymore...

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[tinasdad]

heartbrokendad, nothing you said made me as sad as my own reaction. My daughter was adopted, and her mother never told me she was even born in 1974. She finally told me in 1997, while dying of an overdose. I searched for Stacey, only to find she was killed during a rape in 1996. The only things I have of hers are her purse and its contents, and four e-mailed pictures. I cherish them beyond all the world's wealth. I fully understand your pain and emptiness from not having something of theirs to hold, and it elevates my feelings of empathy for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I pray can you find peace in your heart. Mark

[momofbrandon]

My brother found this website. It has been a hard time for my family lately and I guess I need to share with those who know how I am feeling. We lost our son/brother/friend on June 20 of this year. Brandon was 20. He was on his way home from a rodeo when the driver of the car he was in crossed the center line. In a flash we lost our son, his best friend, Casey (who we also considered a son), and Casey's brother. The driver of the other vehicle also died. My heart hurts so bad at times I feel like it will explode. I am looking for ideas just to make it through the day sometimes.

[rhonda68]

Hello friends my heart is so heavy I am missing my son more and more everyday. I feel so empty. I keep trying to fight to stay alive I just dont want to do this anymore life is nothing anymore and it just doesnt make sense. I need to have a drink all of the time just to knock the edge off. I will never rest again or be happy without my son. I am doomed!

Richards mom

[tinasdad]

momofbrandon, I am so deeply sorry you have lost your son and his friends. Would the other parents consider meeting together to discuss all the personal grieving for these boys as a group. My daughter was killed during a rape, and I recently met two other families effected by the actions of one. . .(I hate to use the word person). We talk about our daughters' deaths, how we are addressing our grief, and many other things. We have found this to be healing for us. I hope you feel welcome and comfortable in this website. We are here to listen to you, and help you all we can. Mark

[griffinsmom]

MomofBrandon-

That's alot of people in one accident. I have joined Compassionate Friends, I search the web endlessly for places like Beyond Indigo- search under bereaved parents and youll find many places to go for information and interaction with others in this situation. I read books- have been to a medium or two....everything has its place in the helping department- but really- I just want my kid back- as does everyone else, and you too- nothing really takes the incomprehensionableness (nice word) away.

https://griffin-schwartz.memory-of.com/about.aspx- My Son Griffins' website, another thing I have tried...

[tinasdad]

Rhonda68, it sounds like you need a little more help than can be given here. Are you seeing a grief counselor? If insurance is an issue, some offer a "sliding fee scale," so you can pay according to your ability. Unfortunately, those things we think are going to take away our suffering all too often add to it. Please understand I'm not writing to offend you, but help. Mark

[julsmom]

momofbrandon - good suggestions have already been offered. Our 27 y/o daughter died in a one car crash 10/13/03. Compassionate Friends is good. Counseling or a bereavement group is also helpful.

Rhonda68 - I am sorry you are having such a hard time. tinasdad is correct - please see a counselor.

May we all find peace, Lynda

[kirksdad]

Mom of Brandon, I agree, Compassionate Friends might be helpful. To lose a child is unimaginable, but some of the ways our children are killed really do add to our grief. What you are going through is terrible, your son's friends family has double grief and the passenger of the other vehicle's family is torn now also. So much pain and hurt. It really does help to talk personally with others that have experienced this type of loss, it is devastating for such a long period of time. This is a great site to talk about our loss, it is also good if one seeks out a person that they can talk face to face with. I am so sorry for your loss.

[robertsmom]

MomofBrandon

I'm so deeply sorry to hear of the loss of your son and his friends. My heart goes out to your family and the family of Brandon's friends.

I just recently found this website and have only posted a few times. There are alot of nice people here. It does help to be able to communicate with others who have lost children.

I lost my son Robert age 29 on March 28th 2003. Although I have never experienced anything like this in my life I am gratful to still have Roberts younger siblings 2 brothers and 1 sister. Roberts youngest brother was driving when the he lost control of a suv and it rolled over numerous times.

Robert was wearing his seatbelt, his youngest brother was not - he was thrown from the vehicle and released from the hospital within hours.

Once again I am so sorry for you loss. I hope these posting help you also. May peace be with you

Robertsmom

[briansdad]

I'm sorry that some of you have nothing from your children.That's the ultimate hurt.I'm lucky if you can call someone in our situation lucky.My son Brian and his brother used to kid about what they were going to get of mine when I as they put it- kicked off.I thought how ironic that here I was going through my 24 year old sons stuff.At first I didn't think I wanted his things now I'm glad I have them.His daughter who is six now saw his golf shoes and said she wanted to put them on her window sill.So that's now where they sit.Next month It's going to be a year and I have no idea where the time went.I'm sorry for all the new people on this site but I guess it's never going to end is it.About all I can say for the new people is that I've survived ,but not with out help of family,friends and many of you here.I still miss him as much if not more but I'm still here so I guess that says something about the human ablility to handle the worst.

I hope all of you can find some peace even if it's for just a moment.

[jscmom]

Dear Richards Mom, I know how you feel, as for myself that is 99% of my day. I wish I did drink to get the edge off but I am afraid i would need the entire case.

There is no easy answer to heal us to ease the pain to stop the hurt or emptiness. I talk, scream, cry mostly but it doesn't seem to do much good. I go and sit with my son more often and there is where the edge eases. I find myself staying there longer with him and know leaving him letters.

I do not feel this 9th month of Johnny's death has gotten easier, I think (know) it has gottten harder, numbness has worn off.

No one wants to talk about him which makes me lost in my own word. If I do bring something up about John the subject changes or there is no response, so it is dropped.

Thanks for listening,

[jscmom]

Another correction my last post was for Rhonda68

Mom of Brandon, I am so sorry for your you and your family. Life seems to be so ugly and unfair.

Stu you sound like such a loving dad I do NOT understand how mean people can be.....

Mark my heart goes out to you....

And to the rest of us please may we find our way

[rmcaggiano]

To the mother of Brandon

I can't say or put into words how sorry I am

for the loss of your son, I just lost mine May

8th of this year, the time isn't any better. Just

know this, you will only get by minute by minute and

you will and only pray that one day you will wake

up from this "Horrible" nightmare, I'm still

waking every morning and believing even if

for a couple of seconds that is what it is

until "Reality" kicks in and my son (Nicholas) is

still gone. It has been three months and I miss

him so much.

I recieved his Autopsy repost a couple of weeks ago

and he didn't go the way eveyone thought he did,

the detectives have re-opened the investigation

to find out why everyone lied. I do know this, I

will never know if he went to sleep peacefully. The

Autopsy showed his liver exploded and he choked on

his own blood, since I've found this out, I can't

cope with anything. The drug everyone said he took

wasn't what they said. I knew my Nicholas wasn't a drug

user.

Can I ask all and everyone of you a question..........

What happens to us minutes before we die? Do we all

go peacefully, or what? I have been searching and trying

to find an answer, and I can't. I AM SO SCARED THAT

MY NICHOLAS NEEDED HELP AND I WASN'T THERE. HE WAS PROBABLY

SO AFRAID.

[momofbrandon]

Thank you to all for your kind words. We have been meeting periodically with the family of the other boy. The driver of the vehicle my son was in is their third son. He is still with us. I would like to share a couple of stories with you. Rhonda, maybe this will help a little.

. I want to share the poem that my son and daughter wrote for their brother Brandon (they wrote this shortly after the accident.)

Farewell to our brother: Someone once said that love has more to do with letting go than holding on.

Brandon lived each day of his life like it would be his last. Though he was with us for such a short time, he still touched and influenced so many people. He lived his life on the edge, one adventure after another; whether it be riding a bronc, chasing a storm, playing sports, or just spending time with the people he loved.

Although he is already missed, we’ll try and stand tall like he’d want us to. Even though we bid him farewell, we’ll never forget all his accomplishments.

So, Brandon, good luck on your newest and most exciting adventure. We’ll always love and remember you. (Chris, Megan, and Benjamin)

Hello to all from the Benedictine Living Center. I can not believe how fast summer is going and that school will be starting again in less than a month. Way less than a month for those of us sending a child off to college. In times of trial it is difficult to remember the blessings we are given each and every day. Lately, I have had to make a conscious effort to remember that life is not all bad. God does take care of us if we open our hearts and let him in. My 18 year old son had to remind me that sometimes we all need to open our hearts to the love that others are offering and to let deceased family members fill up the cracks we have in our hearts. As I have been pondering this I realized how smart my children are. They have surpassed their parents sometimes and that is a very powerful thing, and a blessing knowing that we have accomplished a goal- growth of our children’s hearts and minds. I have noticed many blessings lately right in our facility. Staff taking that extra minute to make a neighbor smile, staff going that extra mile and grilling after hours to make an awesome picnic on the patio, neighbors taking time to visit and welcome other neighbors, this list could go on and on. I challenge all of us to find and thank God for those blessings that we take for granted.

This is a little of what I have been trying to get through the day. Sharing about Brandon.

[tinasdad]

Rmcaggiano, facing the deceitfulness of the investigation of my daughter's death, I have lost faith in the police. I have been told several "stories" from them, so I feel like I still don't know the truth. I have a sad lack of understanding about the final moments of life. I learned some, but it isn't sufficient to answer your question. What I have learned is that the moments before a person's death become very peaceful. May this offer you some comfort. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you search for so many truths. Mark

[daveydow1]

Jcsmom,

I know exactly what you mean about people clamming up or

changing the subject when we mention our grief & loss

over our lost children. That has been my experience also.

I am lucky,though, that I am able to talk to David's older

brother, and two sisters. They are a better source, really,

than my husband (David's father). He sometimes gets upset

about any talk of our son. It depends on his feelings. I

do understand this, but sometimes grief is a lonely thing.

I'm grateful I have the other ones to talk to. I hope and

pray that there is someone who is willing to talk to you

about your son, and that you may find some peace.

[daveydow1]

Momofbrandon,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Auto accidents are so

very shocking and tragic. My son died in an accident 2

years ago. I pray for you and your family in this very

sorrowful time, and wish you peace.

[robertsmom]

daveydow1

I actually believe the way others respond makes the greiving process harder. At least in my experience. I feel like I'm being avoided all the time. Guess we do have to try and understand that they don't know what it feels like (lucky for them).

[kathy714]

Dear Rmcaggiano,to answer your question about whether your loved ones leave this world peacefully to enter into the next,i believe so .Iknow when my mom passed i was sitting with her and just before she passed,she had the most peaceful smile,then just left peacefully.Ialso hear from many that a loved one from the other side comes to take you back with them when you pass,so you don't take that journey alone.This is my belief,and it helps me get through this tough time.I also feel ,like you i wonder what happened with my son during his last few hours on earth.Nathan was found jan31,2005,his 21st birthday,in a bank parking lot lying next to a van,medical examiner is stating he died from hypothemia[it was 15 degrees that night],but we still don't know what happened.I too ,wonder and have visions of my poor son crawling around the parking lot calling for help and no one there to answer his calls.It's so sad that most of us will never know these anwsers,so i try to believe Nate went peacefully ,and my mom came to get him. My prayers are with you and others who visit this site,T/C Kathy, Nates mom.

[rmcaggiano]

To Kathy, Mark, Daveydow and Stu

Thank all of you for just listening to me, I know ALL

of you indeed know how I feel. I don't understand why

we are all here, this "God" that is quite evident, seems

to know too how we feel, sometimes I wonder if it's to

see how strong mankind really is. Our children are the

one and only thing that can make any human feel this

way, and it can't be described, as all of you know.

Kathy, what you said about our Loved ones meeting us

when we too go, I never thought about that, but, I

lost my Father two and a half years ago and right before

he went to sleep, he said he saw my nephew, who our family

lost to a brain tumor about ten years ago, and my Dad said

he saw (Eric) my nephew. Thank-you for saying that,

I know if today would be the day if myself or "all" of

us would go then I would see my Nicholas again. He too

is 21, life is nothing anymore, I know as you all do

a part has been torn away and it seems the "bleeding"

never stops.

Again, Thank-you all for keeping my Nicholas in your

thoughts, I do believe all of them are some where together.

Rose

[griffinsmom]

A medium described to me the moment of Griffins' passing- my father snatched his soul, and Griffin had never met him in person, so he didn't know who it was. Now, he is "Gramps", who told Griffin he couldn't come back, because his injuries were so severe he would not be the same, and none of us needed to learn that lesson.

When I met the coroners van with Griffins lifeless body in a bag,

I repeatedly told him to find my dad, because I knew my dad would take care of him, and they would really like each other.

Imagine how I felt when the medium told me my dad got Griff right away. The medium described the accident just as it most likely was- Griffin in the back seat of his own car, happily freestyle rappin' and texting his friend on the phone. Like he told me through the medium- he didnt know what happened- then my dad was there. They were maybe 2 minutes from their destination. I asked him why did he get in the car when his friend had been drinking- after all our conversations...he said he was just stupid. It was just a stupid decision. He said he was so sorry.(among many other things)

https://griffin-schwartz.memory-of.com/about.aspx

[tinasdad]

griffinsmom, there are times I want to know how Stacey died, but, because my daughter was raped, I know it would bring up a burning anger. I'm happy you heard from him, and know he is well, and his passing to the eternal a peaceful voyage. I would guess that most of us have seen or heard things from our children, whether by an assisted or direct visit. I know Stacey is well and happy. She visits me occassionally, and touches my right shoulder, where I was shot. Strange, but it's happening on a regular basis.

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Rose,

This god you speak, of the one who is testing us? If he is god, dosent he already know how strong, or weak we are? I could tell him if he wants..I want to go inside one of his houses, and tell him what I think...I may do that soon.

I know that our children are waiting for us, just as I know CarrieAnn was there waiting for Matthew. I said that in his eulogy, that I know Carrie was waiting there to take her little brothers hand and welcome him home, just Like they will be there to welcome me.

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[griffinsmom]

Heartbrokendad-

What happened to Carrie and Matthew?

I have a hard time believing we're being tested- God is all knowing, I thought.I can't explain the why of any of it- but bottom line, it is done, and they are - wherever they are- and I guess....we just have to continue on until out times come. I find that very difficult- but I have a baby to take care of- she would be very upset if I left her to be with Griffin. I think I will be with Griffin soon (30 yrs??) and then for all eternity. What a concept. Day by day, is the only way to make it through this hell on earth.

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Griffinsmom,

Carrie died from a massive overdose of heroin, the autopsy showed levels of opiates 2000 times normal...thats right 2000 times. She died on Nov.3rd 2002, in her apartment all alone. I really have a hard time telling this, Matthew died 8 months later from a massive blood clot, called a bi-saddle-emboli. He was in rehab for ,what else, drug addiction. He had gone to Fla, to be with his mother and thats where it happend. I had his remains brought bach here to Ma, and after talking with Carrie's husband,to get permisison to open the grave, placed him with her. About 8 months after this, her husband wrote me a letter and told me that he really didnt want Matt's ashes in the grave with Carrie, as he never liked Matt.And he also said that he didnt like my leaving things at the grave, like toys, lights, any thing that I thought they would like. And if I wanted to continue to grieve for my children in this "unacceptable" manner, maybe I should move them.

I did, I bought a plot in the same cemetary, hired the vault co. and had their remains moved to my plot....It was very hard, but I got to see and touch their coffins and to say goodbye and I love you to them one last time.

That, in a nut shell, is what happend to Carrie and Matthew.

Did I mention that she was 35, and Matt had just turned 31.

Thats why I doubt the existance of any god, but I do think we will be together again, just cant wait...

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[tinasdad]

Heartbrokendad, Stu, I have no answer, no amazing words of wisdom for you, except that, father to father, we know a pain that never stops. On the night my daughter was conceived, her mother shot me with heroin and, well, you get the sick picture - I was only thirteen then. Seven months after Stacey was killed, her mother overdosed on heroin. I haven't lost any great love by her overdose and death, but I feel a different kind of loss, because she's my daughter's mother. I fail to understand why some people get involved with and addicted to these drugs, but the choices they make effect their parents, siblings, through an extended family, and into society. If our society could do one thing in self-preservation, my vote would be for the elimination of drugs, not just limiting access to them. The pain you feel is far beyond my loss of one child, and my heart is touched by all you endure. I hope that you can find the peace you need for the day. Mark

[ashleysmom]

Stu,

My heart aches for you as I read what has happened to you. I cannot imagine the loss of two children, let alone someone giving me more grief. I truly wish peace for your heart,

Dottie

[momofbrandon]

I have been sitting here crying most of the afternoon. Started to clean Brandon's room today. How hard and unfair life can be. I started reading the other posts. One thing I try to remember is that Yes I do believe that there is a God- but I also believe that God allows us to be human and make human mistakes. I keep trying to tell myself that I know the driver made a human mistake- I am very angry, but who to be angry with. Ryan has his own prison to live in and we just found out that he is being charged with a mitagated homicide. When I hear you all talk about being lied to by the police- I can definitely relate to this. We were lied to. I am also still very upset at the local law enforcement. It took them over 8 hours to notify us. We live in a small community and there was no reason for this. The other family was notified over 5 hours before we were. We wrongly had assumed our son had spent the night where he was going as he told us that was one of the options and he had no cell phone service that night. I know that I am rambling and I apologize. It helps for me to write. My husband has his own demons and sometimes it is hard to talk to him.

[tinasdad]

momofbrandon, I read your post in shock, that such an injustice and discourtesy has been dealt to you. You have no need to apologize when you speak from your heart. We all feel loss and pain, and when you write, a little of that is released. Be patient with your husband's way of grieving, because we men tend to be quiet about how we feel sometimes. Most men have someone outside our family who we talk to, so we don't let it out at home, even though our wives can see our stress and true feelings.

[heartbrokendad]

Mark,

Thank you for your understanding, I know it comes from your heart, and also from one who knows the pain as well..

[ericasmom]

Hello Everyone,

I have not been here for several weeks and now that I am I see new names which is disturbing. It isn't that I thought that i would not see you here, allof you new to this grief and ache, it is just a little hope i have that nobody else need do this. Life is filled however with joys and sorrows and we are all here to help each other with the sorrows and to remind each other never forget the joys of the past nor ignore or dismiss the tiny joys that exist still.

there was a question put out by I think Nicholas's mom, wondering about our children's last moments. Are they peaceful? I think so, I think that even in violence our children are heloped through the tunnel from life to the next place. I sat with my daughter for 6 days as she died. She was struck by a train and died after we had her taken off the respirator. She would have died in a few more days likely maybe a week, but why keep all those plugs and measures in her, she would so hate this. She was never coming back so we (her brother, her dad, and me) decided to let her go on the 14t of July of 03. Twenty five months ago today. She looked so pretty, not as one would think after such a violent crash. WE sat then that last hour and 20 minutes holding her and weeping our prayers into her, our promises. A small bird was on the windowsill during that time and when she took her final breath, the bird flew off. Later on during the sunset we stood in a parking lot amazed and sobbing at the spectacular vision. Here we were in a small town in Michigan, we live in Chicago, and there she was, Erica in the sky. She was a huge cloud, the shape of our girl, her dreads were floating all around her head, her arm was extended to an even larger mass of cloud that was shaped as a large man whose hand was firmly around her wrist. The sun went through them lighting them bright orange and red and finally pink and purple. We sobbed and yelled to her that we see her. My phone rang and on the other end were my sisters in Indiana (driving home to Chicago after her death)and they were screaming tht Eri was in the sky. So Eri gave us that early beautiful sign that she was not alone, that she was free. After the last of the color was gone and night was all around, i went inside a crappy hotel room and the tv was on. First time in 6 days i heard a tv. What did i hear. It was a weather person stating that the next hurricane to come out of the Atlantic would be named Erica. How could I not grin through my sobs... miracles do exist even in the depth of extreme pain. Since then there have been many signs that let me know she is peaceful that she is more than fine. I know I will always ache, always. But i do not wonder if she is okay, she let us know.

I pray for allof us here, that somehow we find peace and on our darkest days we know we are loved forever by our little ones.

dee

[Artina]

Dee,

Thank you for sharing your story. I know that it will bring hope to a lot of parents. I too share your thoughts on life after death and the signs we receive from our children from the other side.

Peace to all, Tina

[griffinsmom]

Ericasmom-

What a great experience- really.

I hope everyone gets to read that.

[julsmom]

Dee what a wonderful story. I always feel a kinship with you especially since Julie died on 10/13/03. I don't know if I ever told you, but we had lived about 30 miles north of Kalamazoo from 1994-1998. Julie was still in college, but would come home on breaks. It was where she returned to when she left the Peace Corps. She bought her first car from someone in Kalamazoo. Our son went to Univ. of Chicago for 3 years. So many ties between your family and mine. May you continue to find peace on this journey. Lynda

[julsmom]

Don't know why but feel the need to post again. I feel such a dark cloud trying to surround me today. I could pull all the shades down, turn off all the lights, find the darkest corner of the house and stay forever. I know, however, that Julie would not like that and would be dragging me out, saying look at the sun, go to the beach, to the pool, do something. So I will. Friends have invited us for a barbeque, so I will put on the "happy" face and go, although I know if I did not go they would also be very understanding of my decision. I believe that by forcing myself out of the house on these days I can continue to find peace on this road we all travel. Kind of like the little engine who could, "I think I can, I think I can" and I will.

Lynda

[shoregirl]

I am new to this, I wanted to introduce myself, and tell all of you bereaved parents how very sorry i am for your loss. There is no greater loss then losing your child. My son Richie was murdered, he was 23 yrs. old. He was beaten and choked to death. His murderer is free, he walks the streets, while my son lays in the ground. My son was just in the wrong place, at the wrong time. My boys, I have 2 of them, were my whole life. There father died when they were 3 and 8 yrs. old. I had to raise them by myself, and I swore i would raise them the best i knew how. My boys grew up to be good men. They were never in trouble and did well in school. It wasn\'t easy, raising them alone, but it was rewarding as well.My son was very bright, funny, caring, sensitive, and a very giving person. A couple of days before he died, he said, [ Mom there\'s gods plan and there\'s our plan in life],well his plans were never to be. When my son died a huge part of me died with him. I miss him beyond belief!! When our child dies, so does our future. We never get to see them become successful, and we are robbed of grandchildren as well.We bereaved parents are given a life sentence of horrific pain.It\'s a pain like no other, i can\'t even explain it. I had all i could do to go to his viewing. I dreaded seeing my baby lying in a casket. i just wanted to wake him up, and take him home with me. Seeing him in that casket will forver be etched in my mind. every single day i go over how he was killed, violently, and I wonder if he was in a lot of pain as he fought for his life. No one can ever hurt my son again, rest in peace sweetheart. How i wish it were me and not him. No parent should ever have to bury their child, God help all of us, as we go thru this painful journey of life. I\'ll never be the same, Feeling all of your pain, Casey My heart goes out to all of you , if you want to talk, please contact me.

[daveydow1]

Shoregirl,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only try, in some small

way, to extend my sympathy. You are right---when we lose a

child, part of us dies also, and we will never be the same.

My son died in a violent highway accident. We're all here

on this site for the same reason, and the posts have helped

me on some of my darkest days since the accident. I pray

that you can find some comfort somehow. Peace be with you.

[Artina]

Shoregirl,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my child from the hands of another person. I don't know what to say... other than I am completely sorry.

Peace to you, Tina

[tinasdad]

Shoregirl, I'm sorry your son has been taken from you, and taken like this. I'm praying for your peace, and strength. I understand the pain parents feel from this, because my daughter was killed by a rapist. Violent death is so difficult to come to terms with, so completely senseless. In the darkest, most painful moments, take them as they happen, with the hope and faith that the next moment will be better. Give yourself space, so you can grieve as you need to, and don't feel bad when you're told that it will pass soon, or that you should be over it in a few days. Take this in stride from those who want you to feel better, not that they are being negative. Mark

[ericasmom]

Shoregirl, i can not imagine your horrific ache as to how your boy was killed. I am so sorry. Each of us have different stories, but each of us are united in loss. Tell us your story if you like, no matter if you feel it is long, we are here for you. I agree too, with tinasdad, people say things ussually because they do care or want to extend their concern, it does not always feel good however because as we have all experienced, there is no getting over it. There is however better days ahead. I cannot say when, they will only begin with better moments and often they are quite few and far between. Try though when you have one good moment to know that they can adn will occur again. I think that without this site and one other, I may have wanted to stay in the dark for all time, now i know that one of our new purposes in life is to assist the next person on this road. You can't sleep, come here, you can't talk to others about this because they just don't get it? Come here. There is no cure, but there are many great listeners who above anything else, know the kind of pain you carry.

I pray for you on this and everyday, and for your son who must also be struggling with his brother's death. Your son who was killed is rooting for you, holding you forever in his everloving heart.

peace in small and miraculous moments,

dee

[ericasmom]

Lynda,

it is funny how many ways our children's paths have kind of crossed, how our lives have been similar. How old is your boy? Where is he now? Are you living in Michigan now? I do hope our girls are hanging out, I would like to think they are alongside each child here helping the next one crossing over, just as we now help each other on earth.

I am looking out my window, the moon is half with illuminated clouds all around it and I think it is Mars shining brightly to the right of the moon. I look to those powers and I pray the names of all of you and your children. I so deeply hope for messages of peace.

dee again

[julsmom]

Dee, thank you for responding. Our surviving son , who will be 31 on the 18th lives in Ohio, we live in New Jersey. He was in West Virginia at the time of his sister's death, and knew practically no one as he had just moved there for a clerkship with a judge. Yes I saw the beautiful half moon last night. It was good to be with friends. Julie was a real social person, and would talk with everyone, I'm sure she knows everyone by now. I too pray our children's and our names and for the peace that we all so long for. Lynda

[shanesmom]

I can relate to julsmom, and others to, I am having some dark days lately, I would like to go away, to a place where I would not have to think, -I AM SO TIRED OF SO MANY THINGS, and know not what to do.

[kathy714]

It is so strange how i wake up everyday feeling like i am the only person in the world this has happened to ,then i come on this site and see so many new names.My heart and prayers go out to all the new parents here,i am so sorry for your losses,i hope you can find some comfort and support from those who have been on this journey...Today i feel as dark and glummey as the weather outside here.I miss my Nathan so much,and the house feels so quiet and lonely....

[robertsmom]

Shoregirl

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. Especially the manner in which your loss took place. My heart goes out to you and your surviving son. This site is very helpful. All here are so compassionate and understanding, I find it very helpful and don't feel so alone anymore. Hopefully this site will bring you some comfort also. Reading all the posts I realize we are all good people but for some reason choosen to go through this tragic loss of a child. Some on here even two children. I can't even imagine.

My son Robert age 29 was killed in a automobile accident on March 28, 2003. His little brother age 22 at the time was driving Roberts Suv when he lost control and it rolled a number of times. Robert did leave me a grandson now 9 yrs old.

Robertsmom

[daveydow1]

Ericasmom,

Thank you for your post. You have a gift of putting things

into words that conveys the mystical feeling of seeing it

firsthand. Peace by with you.

[tinasdad]

Robertsmom. There's something so sweet about grandchildren. I light up so much when my grandson calls me on the phone. For a short time, he makes me leave behind the pain of Stacey's death: I'm Grandpa, his hero. He's not Stacey's son, but still, I'm so blessed with that little guy. May peace be yours.

[robertsmom]

Tinadad- You are so right about grandchildren - They are who really keep me going - I have four granddaughters and one grandson right here within blocks. Another new granddaughter in Wisonson. And Roberts son in Cali, Even though I might never understand why I had to lose my first born I do have my little ones to watch grow. Our family was so close though - I really do still have a very hard time with this everyday - especially when I first wake up and realize it's not a dream. Use to think enough time has gone by and he can come home how - but that hasn't happened. I truley hope when I go I can be with my son once again. And my other children will join us when their time comes. It\'s just so hard to not have all the answers. I miss my son so very much - it just hurts terribly.

Robertsmom

[jscmom]

It\'s late, can\'t and don\'t want to sleep. It has been such a hard couple of weeks. Guess I am not as strong as I thought, doctor rhinks I may need to be put in the hospital for intensive therapy. It\'s been a little over 10 months since Johnny died and I am stuck back then. How can I move on how do we do move on?

I miss my son so much and the fact he is never coming back I can\'t handle this. Antidepressents don\'t seem to be working, and God sure in the hell isn\'t helping, counseling isn\'t working,,,whats left?

To all of us I can only hope we find our way. Wish we didn\'t have to meet this way.

Why our children why? It is so wrong life sucks