Loss of an Adult Child

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia, thinking about you. Please keep us posted.

[NiquesMom]

Luckily for us the storm turned. We had drizzles yesterday and strong wind overnight, but not much today. Currently it is heading out to the ocean so i think we already had our worst. Feel awful for those who have lost their homes and cars, havent heard about deaths. Hoping its minimal since we knew the storm was coming. I kept asking Nique and Christopher to protect us.

[Michael Rodriguez]

1 hour ago, NiquesMom said:

Luckily for us the storm turned. We had drizzles yesterday and strong wind overnight, but not much today. Currently it is heading out to the ocean so i think we already had our worst. Feel awful for those who have lost their homes and cars, havent heard about deaths. Hoping its minimal since we knew the storm was coming. I kept asking Nique and Christopher to protect us.

and they sure did.....i was watching the news last nite and it was horrible.....was thinking about you guys.....as a matter of fact you guys were part of our dinner conversation 

[Changed]

Virginia,   that is a huge relief, thank goodness you were spared.           My daughter’s friend lives at Fort Myers and that looks terrible but they are safe.     Roz x 

[Mason’s Mom]

Wake me when  September ends, Mason's Birthday Dinner  with  family is tonight.  A small gathering of friends tomorrow and we made it through the 5th Birthday without Mason. This hit hard. 

[Changed]

Carol,   I’d like to think that Mason will be part of it all  - watching and laughing along with you all.   It’s the perfect opportunity to retell stories and share all that love there is for him.     It will hurt , of course it will ,  but I hope that you can also take something warm from it.   Roz x

[Danielle Masata]

So glad you're okay Virginia. I came here to check on you!
I've been traveling, seeing family and hosting guests. That is to say, keeping busy. I'm afraid I was a little too, too busy so as to avoid my sadness and overwhelming grief.

I'll soon be having an acquaintance stay here while her house is being renovated. I hope it'll be good for both of us. She also lost her husband recently. I dread the encroaching cold weather and shorter hours of sunlight. 

[NiquesMom]

Carol, it is so hard to believe its 5 years, right?? I am so happy you can have family dinners and remember the good times. I am sure mason was right next to you the entire time.

Danielle, I understand the trying to stay busy to avoid the sadness. How kind of you to allow your friend to come stay.

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, it is heart warming to see everyone continue to come together to celebrate Mason.  

Danielle it is very nice to host your friend,  I hope it helps both of you. 

Virginia,  it is very hard to believe in December it will be 5 years for  both of us. Time is so strange,  when I think about it sometimes it seems  like  yesterday and then when I think about how long it has been since I have seen that smile it feels like a lifetime...

Peace and comfort, 

Carol

[NiquesMom]

Had a really rough night. Kyle started crying at bedtime, telling me he is forgetting Christopher. Nothing I said was right, he told me I was just making things worse. Cried for an hour before he wore himself out.

Once I got him to sleep I just cried and cried. Kept crying this morning driving to work.

Feel so alone and helpless, overwhelmed. All the same emotions when Nique died. I know it will get better bit by bit, but the difference is we are both stuck in grief. When Nique died it was just me that was stuck since Kyle was only 4 and Christopher wasn't her dad. This loss has sucked all joy from our house. I think that's what I am really struggling with, there is no one to pull us out of it, we have to do it ourselves.

[Changed]

Virginia - I feel for you and Kyle so much and all that you are facing.

I sent you a message on the last page that you may have missed …

have you heard of Valerie’s House? They are in Florida - in different areas and they are there for kids that have lost parents or siblings or both.   They sound so right for Kyle - to make friends with other kids around his age who are dealing with huge grief themselves and to assist them.   

may not be useful or accessible to you but worth a look.   Please let me know what you think.

Roz x

 

 

[Changed]

Jackie - so unusual not to have heard from you for a couple of days.  How are you? Silly question , I know.   

you may just be feeling quiet and taking stock.     Hope your not any worse.   Roz x

 

[NiquesMom]

Hi roz, I did see that and looked into but its not near us. It sounds perfect, I wish they were closer.

Kyle and I are taking our first vacation since july 2021. I am taking him to orlando for the weekend: waterpark, crayola experience, mall. Told kyle I am nervous because I feel weird traveling and staying in hotels without Christopher. But told him we need to keep going forward. Told him we are going to kick lifes a**  🤪

This website helps me so much. I appreciate all of you.

Jackie, michael, carol, danielle, ramona, yvonne, theresa, dustins mom and everyone else hope you are all ok, muddling thru this mess called life 💜

[Dustins Mom]

Hi Niques Mom - really love to hear you’re planning a trip for you and Kyle. One day he’ll be able to appreciate just how much of a bada** his Momma is! Sounds like a fun trip and you’ll be making new memories to him to cherish.
I know how trying it can be but you seem to be doing everything in your power to show him it’s okay to be happy and sad at the same time. Big hugs to you both! 
Angie 

[Michael Rodriguez]

good for you virginia.....please do enjoy !!!

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz,  life is dark and this is one of the most difficult times I have faced.   I miss Garrett and love him so deeply   thank you for asking.

[NiquesMom]

Well we did the water park. It was harder because I couldnt do any of the rides (hurt my knee and can barely walk) so I had to ask other people to let kyle ride with them. It was painfully obvious how small our family is now. This photo was at the pool at the hotel, truly a happy smile I think. Weekend of reminiscing as we stayed at the same hotel we stayed at the first time we took him to disney 3 years ago. Nice but also sad.

Jackie, glad to hear you are hanging in there. I was a bit worried not hearing from you.

[Dustins Mom]

Awwww great job Mom! Kyle looks so genuinely happy! You should feel awesome about that. It’s a difficult lesson to learn but an example for all of us. Grief and pain can still co-exist with joy. ❤️

[Judith fay]

This is Judith son Brent. My mom is now reunited  with my sisters Dasha and Christina. Mom took her life a week ago today. I have been going  over her personal stuff and this site was on her phone. She had been suffering since my sister passed. Now she can finally have her daughters again. My mom was a big part of the reason I changed my life around. I have been sober 7 years now. Mom rest in peace

[NiquesMom]

Oh brent! I am so sorry for your loss. I have no words to make anything better and am crying as I type this. I pray for strength for you.

[Dustins Mom]

Oh my God Brent!!! I’m so incredibly sorry! Life can be so hard and so cruel. I hope you are doing okay and have people who love you to help. 💔 This makes me so sad. 

[KsMom]

Brent

I didn't really know your mom but have read posts of her to others offering a helping hand with their suffering as she was going through her own. As Virginia said....No words

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

Brent i am michael , and i am so sorry to hear about your mom....i have no words of how to tell you how bad i feel. 

when ever i had a bad spell she was always there with kind words....again, i am so sorry for you , but i guess she finally found some peace in this world that we all share. 

friday will be 18 months since i last saw my son.

[Mason’s Mom]

1 hour ago, Judith fay said:

This is Judith son Brent. My mom is now reunited  with my sisters Dasha and Christina. Mom took her life a week ago today. I have been going  over her personal stuff and this site was on her phone. She had been suffering since my sister passed. Now she can finally have her daughters again. My mom was a big part of the reason I changed my life around. I have been sober 7 years now. Mom rest in peace

I am so sorry. Thank you for letting us know. 

[Changed]

Dear Brent,  I am so sad to read your message about your mum - it must be an agonising time for you all.
  If you feel that it would help for you to speak to anyone here on this group please feel free - we would embrace you in your grief.

It must have taken a lot to let us know what has happened to your mother - it was very thoughtful of you.    My kindest thoughts to you and your family at this awful time.   Love,  Roz 

[Changed]

Jackie, are you ok?  I know you had a strong connection with Judith Fay.  
It is so tragic.   It was all too much for her.  Bless her.

love Roz x 

[Dianas Mom]

Dearest Brent- My heart goes out to you in the loss of your Mom. She sent encouraging posts to others here even as she struggled with the sorrow and anguish of losing Christina. She must have been very proud of you for turning your life around. We will never forget her. None of us know why things happen in life the way they do. Wishing your future will be one of courage and strength going forward. 

Yvonne

 

 

 

 

[Jacqueline3]

My dearest Brent, I am so so sorry for your loss, my heart cries tears of pain.   I am sorry.... i adored Judith.  I know she suffered horribly and I worried about her.  Honey, If you need anything please reach out.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I know you Mum was proud of you love.  I am so sorry.  Do you have someone to lean on Brent?   We are here any time you need.  I am just... I am so sorry love.

Jackie

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz, I have not been good since I passed a year.  I have been struggling to keep my head above water.  there are days I can hardly function.  I miss my Garrett.   We now have covid, which I did not want my oldest to get since she was in critical condition a few short months ago.  She tested positive yesterday.  I was always a strong woman, now I am just a broken, useless shell of a person.

Thinking of you,

Jackie

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

5 minutes ago, Jacqueline3 said:

Dearest Roz, I have not been good since I passed a year.  I have been struggling to keep my head above water.  there are days I can hardly function.  I miss my Garrett.   We now have covid, which I did not want my oldest to get since she was in critical condition a few short months ago.  She tested positive yesterday.  I was always a strong woman, now I am just a broken, useless shell of a person.

Thinking of you,

Jackie

 

no you are not !!! you got to pick up the pieces as we all do and find a way to be strong !!! come on jackie , as you just told brent , we are all here for each other ....just reach out to us ........

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you, Michael, I have cried so much these past months and I am crying now.   I folded in on myself and withdrew from everyone since August 30th, the horror of that day a replaying nightmare.   Those few short words Michael were like a bucket of ice water or a slap to wake up....  I am not sure why they reached through when so many other words did not but Thank you!!.  We are all here for one another.... thank you.

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Jackie, many of us expect things to get better with time. We set expectations, if I can make it a month, 2 months, a year things will be all better. Things will change and we can find ways to cope and move forward. Don't shut down. I am so sorryto hear you have Covid. We had it last year and it wasn't easy. Don't hold it all in, that is why we are all here.

Peace and Comfort, 

Carol

[Michael Rodriguez]

2 hours ago, Jacqueline3 said:

Thank you, Michael, I have cried so much these past months and I am crying now.   I folded in on myself and withdrew from everyone since August 30th, the horror of that day a replaying nightmare.   Those few short words Michael were like a bucket of ice water or a slap to wake up....  I am not sure why they reached through when so many other words did not but Thank you!!.  We are all here for one another.... thank you.

Jackie

tomorrow it will be 18 months since B left us.....and i am sure i feel the pain as much as you do .........but i have you guys to reach out too !!!!! i have alsoo been down and feeling sorry for myself , but , just as you have too , we just pick up the pieces and go want step at a time , one day at a time ......and move forward

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you all, I know all of you miss your children, best friends, spouses, mother, as much as I do.... I have hated everyone, this world, my life.  I have raged and ranted and cried until I couldn't breath yet Garrett is still not here and it has not made anything easier.  I have experienced great kindness and great cruelty but I am just a simple Mum missing my child wondering how the hell I live a life I don't recognize or want to recognize.. Garrett and my girls and my husband are such a big part of it.  I never really wanted anything else just my babies.  I don't think Garrett likes how despondent I had become either, that red-tailed hawk nearly took my head off walking into work..  My eldest is doing okay so far with the covid, she really worries me... she is all of 80 pounds and still recovering from her recent ordeal.  Thank you all,

Jackie

Dearest Brent, I am thinking of you,

[NiquesMom]

This is one of my favorite pics of Nique. We were at an Out of Africa park and she fed the giraffe like this (that is celery in her mouth!). I took kyle to a farm today and he got to feed cows and I was telling him about this pic. I got to talk about nique with other people in the train about this experience and it was really nice.

[Mason’s Mom]

Love this, Virginia. Glad you had a chance to talk about Nique.

[Changed]

Virginia, what a happy photograph.   That conversation on the train must have sounded so natural - just as it should.  
You are helping Kyle make lots of new happy memories - and ones for yourself as well.   You’re  a really good mum , Virginia , and I know you won’t always  feel up to outings and such but it’s obviously so worthwhile .   Strength and respect to you.   Roz x

[Changed]

Jackie,  has covid left your household now?   I hope you are all recovered - my husband still has an irritating cough every now and then.   I feel back to ‘normal’ .   Although we both had the same sourced covid -  he was hot and I was shivering under duvet and fleeces - how odd.   

i don’t like you being so quiet - please check in here and let us know how you are.  
It is so normal that as time goes on that we don’t have as much to say - it feels as if we are on repeat ( we are)  and that quietening probably appear to others that we are recovering .      We all know the truth that we are still grieving with all the same thoughts and emotions - even though we are not saying it out loud as much .
  There will still be times when we need to fully voice our feelings - usually if something further troubles our lives or when we are trying to help someone else in their grief and our experiences can be useful.   
 I hope that you are coping as best you can.  Roz x

[Changed]

Last week I saw David in a dream .  He walked into a room wearing all his walking gear - healthy and strong .  He is tall, 6’ 2” - I reached up to his lovely face and took it in my hands and kissed him. I said to him  ‘sorry, I’ve been eating my cereal !?’    He looked so well and calm ( as he always was)  - it was good to see him and hold him - so very real and welcomed.

The few times I have seen him in dreams over these six years have all remained with me unlike normal dreams.   ( that being said , I don’t usually remember my dreams in the first place)

That is the strength of this site - and the fact that I can share this with you all and know you will be happy for me.     If I were to tell a friend who hasn’t lost their child then I suspect their response would be pity or discomfort.   
Take care everyone,  Roz x

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

2 hours ago, Changed said:

Last week I saw David in a dream .  He walked into a room wearing all his walking gear - healthy and strong .  He is tall, 6’ 2” - I reached up to his lovely face and took it in my hands and kissed him. I said to him  ‘sorry, I’m been eating my cereal !?’    He looked so well and calm ( as he always was)  - it was good to see him and hold him - so very real and welcomed.

The few times I have seen him in dreams over these six years have all remained with me unlike normal dreams.   ( that being said , I don’t usually remember my dreams in the first place)

That is the strength of this site - and the fact that I can share this with you all and know you will be happy for me.     If I were to tell a friend who hasn’t lost their child then I suspect their response would be pity or discomfort.   
Take care everyone,  Roz x

 

i also had a dream with B acouple of nights ago and i am pretty sure my dad was also in the dream. and every time i insist on going to a doctor and i tell him we will fix it. and every time he tells me not to worry that nothing can be done and that he is ok. 

and i also can not remember my dreams , very rarely do i do, except with B´s even if they are kind of vague after i wake up. 

miss my son so much ......

Virginia that is a wonderful picture and so happy for kyle ..... i have found that when people really do not mind that you talk about your child with out judging or feeling sorry for you but being honest and listening , it is a nice experience.

Jackie, we are waiting on you 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz, Covid has not left entirely.  We all three are still fighting with its lingering effects and positive test results.  Being sick and not being able to breath correctly always makes me think of Garrett because he had asthma  But there has been so many reminders of his struggle to breath when I rushed him to the hospital, that had nothing to do with his asthma and the insidious undiagnosed element that took him.   I am a struggling, broken-hearted wreck.   I really do not know how to live this life.  thanks for asking.

Thinking of everyone,

jackie

[Lisa M.]

I agree,  the silence here is awful.   I come on every day, even though I don't post.  I  am still in shock with the news of Judith.  My heart is with her family.  Jackie,  I  too am waiting for you.   Roz,  I  don't know what I would do without you.  Your words have helped me get through so many bad days.  Many days you have brought the only smile to my face.   Virginia,  keep making memories with Kyle.  He will treasure them always.  The days before Don passed,  we took a walk down  memory lane.   He remembered some things that I thought were so little at the time, but apparently meant so much to him.  Kyle's smile says so much.  You are all in my thoughts every day.   Please remember that. 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Michael,

I have had a few dreams, but not dreams as well....   Garrett has told me too that I could not have seen what happened and that he is okay.  He loves me and he is not going anywhere 

Think of you all so often,

Jackie

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Lisa, the silence has been awful.... I too am saddened over hearing of Judith.   I think of her all the time.   I think of all of you and this road we must walk.   I am struggling to find ground but I am still fighting.  I love and miss my Garrett so much...

Love comfort and strength to you all,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

i think we all are shocked and overwhelmed by judith decision ...... i woke up thinking that it had been so quiet here the last few days .....it is a hard road to travel and so hard for people to understand, even to those close to you .....but what else can we do ....not a day goes by that i dont shed a tear for brian. love him so much

[Jacqueline3]

What you have said Michael is so true and I as well do not go a day without crying for Garrett, missing him continually.  While we do our best to support and hold each other on this nightmare road,  it is still a very solitary one in so many ways.  Each journey is different (personality, life experiences, our relationship and the support we receive all play into how we cope and survive.) and it can be so very isolating.  One of the hardest parts is not sinking into that ugly, isolating tar pit that is always ready to suck us in.   It is a life now with this haunting darkness that just floats around like an entity all its own and feeling helpless to it all.  Just my thoughts this morning....  Been very worried about Joe and Jolene with covid, both are immune compromised. They both seem to be doing okay, which is a blessing.

Hope everyone is finding some comfort,

Jackie

[Changed]

I have found Judith Fay’s suicide very depressing- that poor woman .    I feel so bad for her family.

The grief that each of us is experiencing has so many different dimensions to it.        Within ourselves and different from each other.       I have been thinking about how we survive something that is so bad but is impossible for us ever to put right.    Something we know will never be ok.  
Please , if anyone feels that ending it all is the escape they are looking for - then reach out .   Do you have an organisation like our Samaritans ?   People on the end of a phone line who are trained to help in desperate moments..

love to you all, Roz.          

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz,

I too am having a very difficult time knowing Judith's pain reached a point where she has taken this final step.   I know how badly she was suffering and having no luck finding even ground.  I have had my share of very dark moments in the most recent months.   I am not suicidal and I can honestly say the thought of suicide never crossed my mind until I lost my Garrett.   I never acted on those thoughts but I can understand how people reach that point when they just want their child and  the pain to stop.  .  The pain is unlike anything even remotely manageable. 

I agree with Roz, please if you are reaching that point where you can see no way out, please call the suicide hotline, a doctor, a friend, family.... someone who is close enough in distance to come to you and help you weather the darkest, unbearable moments of this horrific journey..

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie.  

[Mason’s Mom]

Michael, Roz and  Jackie,  I  agree it has shaken me to learn that Judith reached that point. She was so kind and supportive. I haven't felt suicidal however my fear of death has changed.  I have always been afraid of death but I have a different perspective now. My son went before me and now I can only hope  when the time comes I will be with him.

For those who have joined since Roz, Virginia and I, we have made it this far. In the beginning I didn't know how to navigate this new life, it isn't a path any of would choose but we are still here for  some reason. If anyone is having thoughts of suicide please seek help. 

Jackie,  my birds have not been around much however the cold front that is moving through our area has brought a few back. Did I tell you that my bird feeder is a Mason Jar? Store bought but it has his name on it. 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Carol,

My birds are still here but some days not as much.  I still have a plethora of cardinals and woodpeckers (Garrett and my favorites) that come at the most needful of times.  One cardinal in particular looks like a pudgy punk rocker.  He is as round as he is tall and the feathering on his head stands up like a disheveled mohawk.  He is adorable, a little clutsy but my Garrett could be a little clumsy, part of his charm.  I love that Mason's name is on your bird feeder!  Those birds have been one of my greatest life lines.   I had one particularly sparse day at the feeders and that is always so hard for me.   I went to work and cried on the way as I always do.  A large turkey vulture flew out of now where and paralleled the car halfway to work... It was eye level for me, I did not have to crane my neck to see it flying.  It was beside the car.  That is my boy, I know it...Still, god I miss him.  Since hitting a year, I have been in a very dark, depressed place... but slowing working my way through it.  I still cry every day and Garrett is the last on my mind when I sleep and the first when I wake.   I really do hate this life without all of my children.

Wishing everyone comfort,

Jackie