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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Michael Rodriguez

virginia, i also hate the holidays ,,,,,that is one week of the year that i wish i could just hibernate by myself.....nikki, is coming over on dec 16 going back on the 23rd. i know that she is only coming because we have not seen each other all this year...i guess she feels guilty as twice that i try to make it to portland she was not available ......

it will be year 4 since i last spent xmas with B ....3years ago he spent it with his gf in vegas and at nikki's and this will be his second since he left.  well, i guess i just took it upon myself to feel sorry for myself and it is not fair with everytghing else going on with everybody else. 

virginia, a believer or not a believer , you have no choice but to have faith that everything will be fine !!

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Mason’s Mom

Virginia,  it is okay and understandable for you to be concerned.  My husband has had skin cancer,  deep  aggressive he had to have lymph nodes removed. He is now  2 years cancer free and doesn't have to back every 6 months for exams,  just once a year.  I think we need to be honest with our children especially if they ask. Sometimes if they  sense something is wrong it is worse than knowing you are concerned. You mentioned how Kyle and Nique have so much in common,  my granddaughter seems so much like Mason. Others notice and comment,  she looks a bit like him but it is her actions that are so like him. You are doing a good job as a Mom. 

Roz it is that time of the year for us.  Shorter, cold dark days. One month and it will be five years since we lost Mason, Virginia will be facing the same amount of time just a few days after me. I haven't figured out how to focus on his life and not  his death either. My husband and I were talking and he said it seems that we are a minority as parents because we lost a child.  I think there are several of us but it seems to be a taboo subject. Like the book I read "The Unspeakable Loss". We all come together here to be able to discuss our pain because others want to ignore or dismiss us because they are uncomfortable. 

I am glad we can all have the support I of one another. 

 

 

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I had a dream last night. Christopher was home but still in the hospital bed. I remember thinking in my dream "when was his last shower? How is the pressure sore doing? I need to check that."

Very strange, haven't dreamt of him being home for months.

Heading to the beach for a week with kyle. Thinking we will do thanksgiving in the hotel because seeing happy families may be too hard. Last year we went to the hospital to visit Christopher and stopped at a park on the way home. We only stayed about 15 min because it made kyle too sad to see everyone smiling.

I should get my results next week and I am trying to just remember that if it is cancer they found it early and it should be treatable and fine. 

I am so tired of feeling tired of this. I wish I could figure out a way to enjoy life again. Its exhausting to be sad.

Hoping you all have peace this upcoming holiday (and for those of you not in the US just peace in your days).

Love to all!

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Michael Rodriguez

i hope you enjoy the week , you will be fine ......as far as happy people .......as far as seeing people happy and having fun, i will repeat what i was told by one of my priest .......our loved ones live in our hearts , every smile that we remember, every enjoyable moment , every laugh, those first steps, first day at school .....i am sure  we can all remember them , because they are there, in our hearts and souls forever..... will it change my feelings toward the holidays , dont think so .....but let us try and avoid the gloom; at least  that much 

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Dearest Virginia,

I am thinking of you.  I am a cancer survivor.  Good luck with your results

Love and hugs,

Jackie

 

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Hello Everyone,

Thinking of you all as the holiday season begins.   I hope that you all find some peace and comfort even if for just a short while.   I still cannot celebrate, perhaps next year.  

Love and hugs to all

Jackie

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ButterflyFabi
On 11/10/2022 at 12:54 PM, Michael Rodriguez said:

well hello to everybody ,it has been a while since i have posted ......but i am still here; not getting rid of me that easy. 

Fabi´s mom , in my case, i was at work just a couple of days after B left us .....i had to run away from home , i could not deal with it ....it is still very hard. when i walk upstairs and look at Brian´s room down the hall way ....ill say "love you son" or "i miss you son" .

BTW , B´s girlfriends´ name was also fabiola and we also call her fabi, she is an architect and she does a lot of remodeling , she has not found a new boy friend and she comes over quite often ....last nite she came home and made some nachos and tonite we are having a pizza as ill be watching football. we love her , and she has become like a daughter to us , her parents moved to the states years ago , but she decided to stay in honduras ....so we have become her extended family and our adopted child. although most of B´s friends still show up at home quite often. 

i guess i just spoke about me and not about your issues at work.....if you rather stay home and work remotely , just do it. maybe you need that time alone where you can scream and yell and get it out of your chest ....do what is best for you.

How is everybody else doing? i was on a business trip and i saw quite a number of comments but i was just able to read a few.

 

Hello Michael, that’s okay. It is really cool that you keep in touch with Brian’s girlfriend and friends. Fabi’s friends are constantly texting me. Also I go by her room and say something like “I love you Lola” which is how I used to called her. : ( 

Work was better these passed three days I went there, but I have been working on exercises from my therapist and try to focus more on my tasks and let things go. There’a not much I can do about other people, but about myself. 
 

Thank you and hope you are doing better!

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ButterflyFabi
On 11/10/2022 at 1:19 PM, Changed said:

Michael,   how happy that made me to see you post again.   Your ongoing relationship with B’s girlfriend and his friends is wonderful and says a lot about your family.    Take care , Roz x

Jackie,  you are very quiet - please let us know how you are.   Roz x

Fabi’s Mom ,  your supportive boss is exactly as it should be.  Sorry that your colleagues aren’t pulling their weight  though.    Your daughter will have to make her own decision but I understand how delicate you have to be about giving her advice - maybe chat through her choices and the possible consequences but stress that’s it’s her own decision to make.   Be gentle with yourself ,  Roz  x

Hey Roz, 

Thank you for you thoughts. It is true what you say. Sometimes we ignored the big picture and forget to take care of ourselves. 🙏🏽

I hope you and everyone have a good Thanksgiving. Is going to be tough for me. 

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Michael Rodriguez
17 hours ago, CHiraldo said:

Hello Michael, that’s okay. It is really cool that you keep in touch with Brian’s girlfriend and friends. Fabi’s friends are constantly texting me. Also I go by her room and say something like “I love you Lola” which is how I used to called her. : ( 

Work was better these passed three days I went there, but I have been working on exercises from my therapist and try to focus more on my tasks and let things go. There’a not much I can do about other people, but about myself. 
 

Thank you and hope you are doing better!

as a matter of fact i have just been informed that we will have thnksgiving dinner with most of B's crew !!!! it will be tough because that was his special day for cooking .......BTW willys, our new puppy, has done miracles for my wife. 

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Mason’s Mom

Michael,  I am  happy to hear the puppy is making things better for your wife.  Did you pick the name because of  B's love of Jeeps? If so how  fitting. 

CHiraldo you are so right we can't control what others do and it is hard enough to just show up some days. I have to give  myself  pep talks from  time to time and remember I can control how I react to most situations.  I  can't  control the situation only how I respond. 

Virginia,  hope your trip to the beach is a welcome change for you and Kyle. Let us  know what you hear from the  Dr.

Roz, I know this is  a  dark time for you.  We are here if you need to talk,  we will  listen. 

Jackie,  I  know how hard  Thanksgiving is for us.  Everyone telling about all they have to be Thankful for and our hearts are in so much pain because we have lost one of our babies and it is hard to think of any thing other than what we had and lost.  Hang in there. 

Peace and comfort, 

Carol

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Michael Rodriguez
10 hours ago, Mason’s Mom said:

Michael,  I am  happy to hear the puppy is making things better for your wife.  Did you pick the name because of  B's love of Jeeps? If so how  fitting. 

CHiraldo you are so right we can't control what others do and it is hard enough to just show up some days. I have to give  myself  pep talks from  time to time and remember I can control how I react to most situations.  I  can't  control the situation only how I respond. 

Virginia,  hope your trip to the beach is a welcome change for you and Kyle. Let us  know what you hear from the  Dr.

Roz, I know this is  a  dark time for you.  We are here if you need to talk,  we will  listen. 

Jackie,  I  know how hard  Thanksgiving is for us.  Everyone telling about all they have to be Thankful for and our hearts are in so much pain because we have lost one of our babies and it is hard to think of any thing other than what we had and lost.  Hang in there. 

Peace and comfort, 

Carol

yep !!!!! that is how he got the name willys ....B's was the special edition jeep willy´s that came out in 2016 , but still , i do not think i can bare trying to enjoy the holidays i miss my son way too much

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 Lately,  I am struggling to make it through each day.  I just miss Don so much.  Thanksgiving was our holiday.   He spent Christmas with the wife's family.  I am  cooking this year and my granddaughter is cooking for Christmas.   First Christmas in her new apartment.   I honestly would love to just sit this one out.  Seeing people so happy is sooooo hard these days.  Along with all the holidays, I have his birthday right in the middle.   I had someone ask me the other day  "why do I still get so emotional ". It's been a year and a half.  I just walked away.   Not trusting myself to say anything.   I still see his face at the table telling me how good everything is.   I am making all his favorites.  It helps somehow.   I have been reading all your posts every day.  Hello to the new group.  I know this time of year is rough on us all, so I just wanted to thank you all for always being here.  You truly are the only thing helping me to get through each day.   I am not very good at writing my thoughts.   So much of what you all write are the same feelings that I am experiencing.  It truly helps to have these feelings validated.  I appreciate you all.   Love,  Lisa

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Dearest Lisa and Michael

I cannot do the holidays.  Christmas was always my favorite and Garrett would help me lift the boxes from the basement and anchor my tree.   I just cannot do it.   I give credit to all of you who are making an effort to do the holidays.  I feel like I am betraying Garrett, I know I am not, nor is anyone, but I cannot rid myself of this personal demon..   I did roast a turkey (my husbands favorite) but told him I would not do it on Thanksgiving.   I heard several of our more seasoned companions say the second year was harder for them... perhaps that is not true for some but for others I have a feeling it is....... I have definitely taken a nose dive since August 30th.   I struggle some days to just do the basics.and I have had to add additional medication from the doctors to get through the days.  I feel like I was stabbed the day I lost Garrett and I am just slowly bleeding out day after day..  Sorry to be so grim at this time of year...  I just wanted  to share in case there are others feeling the same way, you are not alone. We are out here in the same boat of misery.   I think of Judith so often and hope she has found her peace.

Love and Hugs to all,

Jackie

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I’m feeling full of dread as we inch closer to Thanksgiving Day. This one is going to be extra hard this year for so many reasons. 
1. The most obvious is it will be my first Thanksgiving without Dustin - it’s been barely 6 months since he died, just 12 days since his birthday he wasn’t here for.
2. My older son and his wife will be heading out of town to her Dad’s for the weekend which is okay, this was their normal routine anyway. 
3. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. I grew up in a large extended family but it seems to have continued to dwindle down over the years. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister who live not that far from me but even though I’d say we were close, they haven’t invited me to their respective families’ celebrations. Maybe it’s just too painful for them too? I don’t know. 
4. To top it all off, the last Thanksgiving I shared with my husband of 35 years, fell on this exact date, 11/24, in 2011. Exactly one week later he died tragically in a car accident less than a mile from our home. 
So what I’m going to do, and where I can find at least some peace and gratitude, is host a dinner at my house for my boyfriend and his lovely Mother. Just the three of us. It won’t be anything like the Thanksgivings I so fondly remember when me, my husband and our 2 boys would be coming together at my Mom and Dad’s house along with at least 25 other family members. My parents are gone, my husband and now one of my boys. There’s just a soul-deep longing and an emptiness that remain in their place. And memories. Lots and lots of memories that I will draw on to get me through the day. I send you all my love and hope for you to just look in your hearts and find the happiness that still lives inside you even after your tragic losses. It’s up to us, and only us, to hold those memories up in the light and try to remember our loved ones with more joy than pain. It will never be easy, but it will hopefully bring us some peace. - Angie 

 

 

 

 

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I do too Lisa, so much harder... and I did not think that was possible given the agonizing hell of the first year.

Much love,

Jackie

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Mason’s Mom
2 hours ago, Lisa M. said:

 Lately,  I am struggling to make it through each day.  I just miss Don so much.  Thanksgiving was our holiday.   He spent Christmas with the wife's family.  I am  cooking this year and my granddaughter is cooking for Christmas.   First Christmas in her new apartment.   I honestly would love to just sit this one out.  Seeing people so happy is sooooo hard these days.  Along with all the holidays, I have his birthday right in the middle.   I had someone ask me the other day  "why do I still get so emotional ". It's been a year and a half.  I just walked away.   Not trusting myself to say anything.   I still see his face at the table telling me how good everything is.   I am making all his favorites.  It helps somehow.   I have been reading all your posts every day.  Hello to the new group.  I know this time of year is rough on us all, so I just wanted to thank you all for always being here.  You truly are the only thing helping me to get through each day.   I am not very good at writing my thoughts.   So much of what you all write are the same feelings that I am experiencing.  It truly helps to have these feelings validated.  I appreciate you all.   Love,  Lisa

Lisa, seems like so many people expect us to put a time line on our grief. Doesn't work that way. Sometimes it is best to walk away. There us always that place at the table or any other space that is empty including our hearts.

22 minutes ago, patrickmorrow said:

Thanks for sharing your heart Angie! God bless you...

IMG_0001.JPG

Patrick, is this your son?

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Michael Rodriguez
3 hours ago, Jacqueline3 said:

Dearest Lisa and Michael

I cannot do the holidays.  Christmas was always my favorite and Garrett would help me lift the boxes from the basement and anchor my tree.   I just cannot do it.   I give credit to all of you who are making an effort to do the holidays.  I feel like I am betraying Garrett, I know I am not, nor is anyone, but I cannot rid myself of this personal demon..   I did roast a turkey (my husbands favorite) but told him I would not do it on Thanksgiving.   I heard several of our more seasoned companions say the second year was harder for them... perhaps that is not true for some but for others I have a feeling it is....... I have definitely taken a nose dive since August 30th.   I struggle some days to just do the basics.and I have had to add additional medication from the doctors to get through the days.  I feel like I was stabbed the day I lost Garrett and I am just slowly bleeding out day after day..  Sorry to be so grim at this time of year...  I just wanted  to share in case there are others feeling the same way, you are not alone. We are out here in the same boat of misery.   I think of Judith so often and hope she has found her peace.

Love and Hugs to all,

Jackie

be honest year 2 is just as bad as year 1 for me......as an example, i take an interstate from home to work and vice versa everyday......on saturday i just had to stop on the side of the road and cry my eyes out .......i miss my son so much ....miss his smile and his stupid remarks .... i miss his "morning dad" every morning when he got into the office. all of our conversations of cars and football.....the things that would make us so close and now i miss all of them so much......i yearn to see his smile one more time 

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Patrick, your boy is beautiful!  I know your heart is broken! I really hear the pain and sorrow in all our stories and the holidays just accentuate our losses.  I relate so much to all your posts. Jackie, I carry the same feeling of betrayal for not picking up the pieces "better".  Betrayal to the son I lost and to my two boys and husband still with me.  I try to be patient with myself, but still feel badly.  When I'm with people I feel numb and/or in pain in the inside while trying to put on a happy face.  

My heart goes out to everyone and some of you have suffered multiple losses.  Thank you for sharing.  I don't feel so alone and wanted to express my gratitude to you all!

Diane

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3 hours ago, Jacqueline3 said:

I do too Lisa, so much harder... and I did not think that was possible given the agonizing hell of the first year.

Much love,

Jackie

Hi Jackie - just wanted to send you a picture of my tattoo that has 2 red-tail hawk feathers. I got it done for my 60th birthday 5 years ago. My first and only. As I look at it now I’m deciding how to incorporate Woody (my late husband) and Dustin - my two feathered angels - into the design. The irony of the two feathers isn’t lost on me. You have no idea how hard it was trying to take a selfie of my arm. Lol! But when I look at my face I see the weariness and the sadness that are always just under the surface.

As you know, in addition to Dustin, I’ve lived through the loss of my husband 11 yrs ago. And oh my God yes! The second year was so much harder for me. It’s as if the numbness from heart Novacaine wears off and now you’re expected to feel everything. It was absolutely grueling and I’m so sorry you’re having to experience the depth of this kind of pain. Please know I think of you often - every time I feed my wild birds and read your stories about the cardinals (my folks were from St Louis), the Woody woodpeckers haha!, and of course the red-tail hawks! I only see them occasionally where I’m out here in California but every time I do, I’m awed. Such magnificent creatures. 
So please know that you have touched my soul and my heart and have made me feel better when you may not have even known it. 
Much peace and love ❤️ 

Angie 

Ugh! I need to resize the photo first then I’ll post it. 

DB137FAE-6E45-4D45-89BB-D235E4FAA0A5.jpeg

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Patrick, that's a wonderful photo!

Angie, I know what you mean about the holidays getting smaller. We used to have my entire husband family over, so usually about 15 of us. This year is just me and Kyle. I feel the empty spaces where my parents, husband, daughter should be. I just keep trying to truck along, fake it till I make it.

Roz, the beach is lovely. It makes me feel peace. My stepmom is here for a few days to see us, so that was an added bonus! Kyle is having fun swimming and beaching, hopefully Thursday is not too hard. I am just going to go about like it is any other day on vacation.

Michael, I am so glad the puppy is helping. Having a living creature to fuss over helps distract us I think.

Jackie, I remember year 2 being harder. Being almost 5 years in now, the time just kind of runs together. I have to sit and count to think how old Nique would be. I used to count the time from when she had died in days, weeks, months, now its years.  Give yourself time to get to a somewhat ok place. I believe you will find it, it just takes time.

Called my dr, no cancer!

This is a picture of me and my stepmom at the beach today. She is lonely too, my dad died 8 years ago. It is a nice visit.

 

 

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Michael Rodriguez

glad you are having fun !!!! yes , the puppy is helping a lot . my wife is going to copan ruins for the weekend , she has been hired as a consultant for a new hotel in the ruins , so willys will take his first road trip !!!!!

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Michael Rodriguez
2 hours ago, Lisa M. said:

Love the tattoo! So super glad you are cancer free.  Love to all

me too!!! on both the cancer and tattoo !!! i need to get some more , i just have not had the time to get to it !!

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Kyle has been stuck in his feelings. I thought coming on vacation was a good idea, and I know he is having fun, but he is noticing all the siblings playing together and he is unhappy being an only child. I know I cannot change anything, and he has to go thru the feelings, but it makes me feel like I have failed him. No sister anymore. No dad anymore. He got a crappy deal with our family. I wish I could make it different for him.

 

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patrickmorrow

I am so sorry… I lost my Alex

last month and have the same situation. I will pray right now. 

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Michael Rodriguez
14 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

Kyle has been stuck in his feelings. I thought coming on vacation was a good idea, and I know he is having fun, but he is noticing all the siblings playing together and he is unhappy being an only child. I know I cannot change anything, and he has to go thru the feelings, but it makes me feel like I have failed him. No sister anymore. No dad anymore. He got a crappy deal with our family. I wish I could make it different for him.

 

IMG_20221124_170528.jpg

IMG_20221124_170543.jpg

well....that smile looks rather genuine , i think he might be enjoying it more than you give him credit for !!

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Michael Rodriguez
15 hours ago, patrickmorrow said:

I am so sorry… I lost my Alex

last month and have the same situation. I will pray right now. 

pray .....it does help . i have made it a habit to pray while i am getting dressed everymorning.....it does take me longer to get dressed , but its ok 

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Mason’s Mom

Virginia,  you haven't failed him. He has you and even when it is hard to carry on he knows you love him.  

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This year was the first Thanksgiving since Diana's passing. I didn't want to go to the family get together, but reluctantly went, wanting to put the first gathering without her behind me. Not one person even mentioned her name or the fact that she was missing. Our culture is so inept at talking about death. I understand that people are uncomfortable, they don't know what to say and believe that bringing up the person will make the grieving worse, Nothing can be further from the truth. Although I understand why people avoid it, it is even more hurtful when nothing is said. I felt like my daughter's death was a non-event to them. Worse yet, they are all relatives, In spite of that, I am finally able to function, whereas before I thought of nothing else but the loss 24 hours a day. Functioning provides distractions, keeping busy, a temporary reprieve. Yet, I have a long way to go to get to the place where I can incorporate the loss and have a renewed sense of life. When I wake in the morning, my first thought is---another day in my life that Diana will never be in. It feels so sad, so empty, so alone. I would like to post a picture of her here, but can't figure out how to do it? I hope you all are making it through this grief journey knowing your child is with you, in your hearts forever. It is two steps forward, one step back. Although I don't post as often as some others here, I read the posts every day. It has been and is the best source of comfort I've found. It has been more helpful than my therapist, guided meditations, I journal daily, the books on grieving, etc. Lastly, my heart is with you all and I send my love to each of you. 

Yvonne

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22 minutes ago, Dianas Mom said:

This year was the first Thanksgiving since Diana's passing. I didn't want to go to the family get together, but reluctantly went, wanting to put the first gathering without her behind me. Not one person even mentioned her name or the fact that she was missing. Our culture is so inept at talking about death. I understand that people are uncomfortable, they don't know what to say and believe that bringing up the person will make the grieving worse, Nothing can be further from the truth. Although I understand why people avoid it, it is even more hurtful when nothing is said. I felt like my daughter's death was a non-event to them. Worse yet, they are all relatives, In spite of that, I am finally able to function, whereas before I thought of nothing else but the loss 24 hours a day. Functioning provides distractions, keeping busy, a temporary reprieve. Yet, I have a long way to go to get to the place where I can incorporate the loss and have a renewed sense of life. When I wake in the morning, my first thought is---another day in my life that Diana will never be in. It feels so sad, so empty, so alone. I would like to post a picture of her here, but can't figure out how to do it? I hope you all are making it through this grief journey knowing your child is with you, in your hearts forever. It is two steps forward, one step back. Although I don't post as often as some others here, I read the posts every day. It has been and is the best source of comfort I've found. It has been more helpful than my therapist, guided meditations, I journal daily, the books on grieving, etc. Lastly, my heart is with you all and I send my love to each of you. 

Yvonne

Oh Yvonne - sounds similar to my story. It was my first Thanksgiving since I lost my youngest son 6 mos ago. The difference here is not one of my siblings (3 live relatively close by) even invited me to spend the holiday with them in the first place. God forbid my presence might make them uncomfortable? I honestly don’t know and have given up trying to understand. None of them (extremely gratefully 🙏🏼) have had to walk in my shoes but they’ll never know how much a simple Thanksgiving text would have meant to me and to my older son. Sending you much peace and love and understanding. -  Angie ❤️

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Mason’s Mom

Yvonne, I completely agree I want to hear other people mention Mason. I will spend the rest of my life making sure he us not forgotten.

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No one ever talks about nique anymore except me. Makes me so sad.

This is my favorite photo from vacation, he is the only reason I put one foot in front of the other.

IMG_20221128_193709.jpg

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I know what you mean and am sorry you lost your girl. Never forget that Kyle is as incredibly blessed to have you as his Mom, as you are to have him as your son. ❤️❤️

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Michael Rodriguez

i see that i will soon get to that point , that the only ones that will talk about B or really remeber B are......his mom and dad ......eventually all others move on ....it is a way of life ....we, as parents , will wake up and go to sleep with broken hearts for the rest of our living days  because, for no other reason, that we love and miss our kids and we want them right here next to us..-.. 

BTW....great picture of kyle !!!1560671629_BrianR-min.jpg.50e952145beafe0456716ee1ac580e86.jpg

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Dec. 1, 2022 is almost over. Was a very bittersweet day, the 11 year anniversary of losing my husband Woody. And the first year I didn’t get a text from Dustin to tell me how much he still loved and missed his Dad and how much he loved and appreciated his Momma for being there for him for his entire life. Now he’s been gone himself for just 6.5 months. I cried my eyes out this morning but was able to enjoy a great dinner with my older son and my daughter-in-law. We found a way to honor them both with our choice of food and our conversation. We’re all able to talk relatively openly about the 2 missing plates at the table and remind ourselves we’re all still here for a reason. 
At the same time I have a dear friend on Hospice who is approaching his final hours. Grateful I was able to spend the day with him yesterday. Bless you Hip E., the coolest hippie to walk the streets of Ventura CA for so many years. You will be greatly missed my friend.  
❤️💔❤️

‘There is a road no simple highway between the dawn and the dark of night. And if you go, no one may follow. That path is for your steps alone’  - ‘Ripple’ - Grateful Dead 

 

 

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Mason’s Mom

Angie, having family to spend time with and talk about those empty chairs at dinner is so helpful. I know we all feel alone in our grief and being able to share our thoughts and pain is so helpful.

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Mason’s Mom

Everyone is so quiet,  I think about each of you and I hope you are coping with the holidays. December is such a hard time,  just 10 more days and it will be 5 years since I have seen, heard or hugged my Mason and 12 days until the day we got that life changing call. My mind keeps hearing lyrics from the old Merle Haggard song "If we make it through  December"  If we make it through December Everything's going to be alright, if only the lyrics were true and I knew everything would be alright. 

I find things and I believe they are signs from Mason,  Saturday I was walking out my front door to go shopping with my girls and I  looked down as I stepped off my porch and I saw a penny.  It was corroded and had some pieces missing. I don't know a lot about coins but I wonder what force it would take to chip away parts. It makes me also question what it means.  Is he saying Mom, you have to let go? My dreams of him just 2 in 5 years have left me feeling the same way as if he is trying to tell me let go of the pain.

 

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Big hugs …. I agree about December. Lost my husband on 12/1 eleven years ago. On 12/2, just days ago, I lost a dear friend. And it will be my first Christmas without my son Dustin. It just sucks, plain and simple. On 12/1 I went through Dustin’s Facebook posts to try and find one I could repost about his Dad. Every year he would post a picture of them together and write the sweetest messages about how much he missed his ‘Pops’ and how he couldn’t wait to be able to see him again. What I found instead was a message he’d sent to me, that I had never seen, one year after my husband’s accident. He’d posted the song, ‘She Talks To Angels’, and said ‘Momma this is for you and said it was ‘our song’. I’d completely forgotten how important music was to us all.

Dear Dustin - My dear sweet boy, I don’t know why anyone ever thought I’d be strong enough to handle losing you and your Dad both. And now I’m so worried about your brother’s state of mind because I don’t think he feels very strong right now either. Please please please watch over him and help him see he’s still here for a reason and give him comfort when you can. I love you so incredibly much and I promise I will never stop missing you and thinking about you. 
Your heartbroken ‘Momma’ 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

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Mason’s Mom
On 11/7/2022 at 8:58 PM, Mason’s Mom said:

Yes, it is shocking and I talk to my son daily. He has been gone almost 5 years and I still cry not as much as in the early days.  It comes in waves some small ripples and some like a tidal wave that knocks me down. I  want to talk about him and want to hear others talk about him. I never want him to be forgotten. 

 

1 hour ago, Dustins Mom said:

Big hugs …. I agree about December. Lost my husband on 12/1 eleven years ago. On 12/2, just days ago, I lost a dear friend. And it will be my first Christmas without my son Dustin. It just sucks, plain and simple. On 12/1 I went through Dustin’s Facebook posts to try and find one I could repost about his Dad. Every year he would post a picture of them together and write the sweetest messages about how much he missed his ‘Pops’ and how he couldn’t wait to be able to see him again. What I found instead was a message he’d sent to me, that I had never seen, one year after my husband’s accident. He’d posted the song, ‘She Talks To Angels’, and said ‘Momma this is for you and said it was ‘our song’. I’d completely forgotten how important music was to us all.

Dear Dustin - My dear sweet boy, I don’t know why anyone ever thought I’d be strong enough to handle losing you and your Dad both. And now I’m so worried about your brother’s state of mind because I don’t think he feels very strong right now either. Please please please watch over him and help him see he’s still here for a reason and give him comfort when you can. I love you so incredibly much and I promise I will never stop missing you and thinking about you. 
Your heartbroken ‘Momma’ 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

I ask Mason to watch over his dad and sisters.  Maddie says she feels his presence and knows he is still there for her.

 

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Agreed December sucks.   My sister passed  on December 9th, 10 years ago and Don's birthday is December 16th.   My second without him.  I am having a harder time this year it seems.  I still can't believe he is gone.   I miss him so very much.  Think of you all every day.  Just trying to stay above water.  

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patrickmorrow

So sorry, I lost my 18 year old a few months ago and I really never got to say goodbye:(

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35 minutes ago, patrickmorrow said:

So sorry, I lost my 18 year old a few months ago and I really never got to say goodbye:(

So sorry for your recent loss Patrick. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my husband or my son. But then I think about how awful it would have been to actually look them in the eyes knowing they were dying and I think that maybe, just maybe, I was spared that extra pain. I honestly don’t know and will never find out for sure, but I have come to find just a little bit of peace there. Praying for you on your journey 🙏🏼

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I need some input.   I lost my precious son, Garrett, one year and four months ago very unexpectedly and very quickly.    I just lost my  55 year old brother this weekend to cancer, a long battle with cancer.  I am so broken.  I have really gained no ground with losing my son and now losing Rick brings it all back to the forefront..  His wife and I get along but are not chummy. She was good at telling what I was doing wrong and what was wrong with my children.  I just got my brother's obituary which my sister in law did not sent to me but to my sister.and she gave it to me.     My issue is this and I know to some it will seem petty and perhaps it is.   Those who preceded my brother in death were listed with relationship and name and tacked onto the end of that list was ... a nephew... no name and no respect given to my son.  My son was looked over and bullied his whole life and this just seems like a petty play I should look over but it has stabbed me anew.  Please, Help me find some way to look at this and make this not feel like a major dishonor to my Garrett.   I talked to my mother and she said oh, I didn't really think about it.  What?  Doesn't any body give a ****?!

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Dear Jackie,  I’m sorry about your brother - it’s a shame that it’s not given the family a deeper understanding about your grief and feelings.   Try and let it go about your sister-in-law not naming Garrett - I don’t say that glibly, I say it to try and protect you.  Nothing that anyone can say or do could possibly be worse than loosing your son , could it ?     Hurtful , yes , but not as bad as what you are living with every day.   
  I think you may find that as time passes you will become accustomed to people , even family,  inadvertently upsetting you .   It’s not easy but I deal with this differently depending on who it is.   My brother never mentions David or asks about my grandson (David’s son) - you know, I can’t be bothered trying to remind him .   How hard would it be just to ask how we are doing ?  After six years I won’t hold my breath.     My  friends have definitely moved on and recovered from the shock of my loss six years ago - if they are too obvious about it in our conversation, I will , occasionally , bring David up but I think it only serves to make them a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable at their forgetfulness.

You love Garrett so much and these slights can wound you, naturally.     Is it possible that you could put up an announcement of your own in the paper speaking of your brother and signed from your immediate family , of course including Garrett.    Would that help you at all?    I can only reiterate that nothing is as bad as losing your son - keep that in mind and acknowledge that other things can be hurtful but save yourself the extra pain .  Love Roz x

 

 

 

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Dear Virginia,  How is everything going ?  December will be tough, I know.    I hope the holiday gave you a rest and fun for Kyle .  I think that you’ll be getting your results soon too .  Thinking of you, Roz x 

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Dear Carol ,  Five years almost for you  - how miserable that cloud is that hangs over us around these anniversaries.  The days leading up to our dreaded dates are usually worse than the day itself.  
Thank you for your message at the end of last month - I was hurting hard.   My daughter kept checking in to see how I was —  I told her what is true -  that David is not going to die again and that she should not tap in to how we felt when he did - that isn’t now.  It was as if I was giving her permission to remember ( as she always does) but not to relive the horrific emotions of that day.   
Our gas man chose that week to fit our new boiler - he was in every room throughout three days so there was nowhere to hide anyway.  He probably did me a favour.

I hope that you are coping ,  love Roz x

 

 

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