Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 thank you.....for some reason I have had little portals opening in my memory of my Mama coming in strong...she loved parties and giving a party....so we would always have a big celebration before Thanksgiving for her....there are times I feel somewhat of an orphan without my parents ...they were my umbrella of love and care and attention...I try to keep a vision of them and John David together...sometimes I cry...' Mama - Daddy - I lost my little boy'. Here I am 69 years old...still needing their support. Dee.....have fun with those babies and the snow !! We are getting a very cold front coming in tonight...putting us in the low 30's.....geez.....that doesn't happen often before Thanksgiving....a friend commented yesterday....'wow...we won't be having Thanksgiving with the air-conditioner on'.....John David loved the cold....he knew I did not like the cold...and a lot of teasing about me fussing about having to wear a coat and many layers... Francesca....girl....you have been working on that house !! The work will pay off when you get an offer....we don't have storm shelters here...but I like the flowers in it. Now....your heart will be turned homeward bound. I, too, think home is where healing is best felt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted November 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 Susan, what a beautiful mom you shared with us. I am sure she has watched over John David as he learned the state of heaven. She made sure her grandson was well taken care of. Francesca is right, heaven is such a wonderful place for our angels.. Francesca, good luck on selling your house and moving back home. I hope both your heart and your head can both bring you some comfort. Good luck with the new job. Your Michael is smiling down at you and will give you the good vibrations to do well. He will always want his Momma happy. Dee, we are getting that snow a little after you. Now they are saying NWI will see this until midnight. It is wet and heavy out there. I just cannot share snow enthusiasm. I would rather be anywhere warm. But I would love to also be with my granddaughter. Enjoy your grandchildren. Georgina, thanks for sharing the music, it was beautiful. This next week is leading up to a crescendo of emotion. The start of the holidays is bad enough but the times I have had to be out, I just don't even look but nothing helps the thought of 7 more days until that marker. I just want to have enough strength to get through this. I am just not sure I do. I know you all have been through this and come out on the other side. I so hope that is what happens for us. I miss him so much. This month I have daily relived every single moment we had, conversations, texts, etc. I know you all have gone through the same. How do I do it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 Diane....thank you for your kind words.... here I am in my 3rd year.....some days I can keep my balance....some days....my emotions are all over the place like paint spilled on the floor....some days are good...some days are better..some days are bad...some days are worse...the shock suit does not fit as tight....I think that is why I am remembering more memories... we all wish we could be with you in human form...but we are a circle of care and compassion for you and all on this site... helping us trudge up and down this grief journey....there is simply no easy way to traverse this new normal...just take a lot of deep breaths...do not be afraid of having dozens of meltdowns....I think it is very normal....and we SHOULD wrap our mourning around us and let the natural ways of grief have it's way. I think people that try to be stoic or put it away...or ones that become very unhealthy....I do believe that people that allow themselves to grieve will become more balanced in the way they learn to carry it. Do you like to send your little granddaughter 'sprise' packages ? If so...I have some ideas for you I will post later.... I decorated for the Candlelight Dinner on Monday and Tuesday...I have not done that since 2011....but my friend, Susan, really needed me.....I did not attend the dinner....I just cannot take the music....not yet....but I bought tickets for Miss Audrey and her friend to attend.... it is ok to say 'no'.....especially around the holidays...don't push yourself...if you want to eat Post Toasties instead of Turkey....do it..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted November 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 Dianne, one moment at a time is how you are doing it, and that too, is how we did it...one moment and some that seem to last days at a time, especially the nights as you approach that marker of time that changed all things. Hold your own hand and let yourself feel Michael holding you, talk to him outloud, tell him what you are afraid of and ask him for his help, I found and still find talking aloud to Erica helps me feel her closer to me, and it lets me know that I will not forget her ever. In the fog of that first year is the biting pain, and then when some of the fog lifts, it is just biting pain. You make your way as best you can and realize that Michael is not far from you, his spirit goes wherever you go. I know that that is not what we want, but it is what we will always have and one day, that will be a sweet knowing. Holding you in my heart Dianne. Francesca, really cool that you decorated and revamped the house, now we all pray that you sell it quickly and you can get home. While home is different than it used to be whether we moved or not, still it will be where you learn to breathe anew. I am wishing you the very best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL AND SWEET STORY TO SHARE WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ON THIS SITE.... About two weeks ago....Laurie sent me a photo of a 'Sea Angel'...she was browsing in a Resale shop and saw it and she thought of our John David...she asked if I would like to have it.....I said yes. I have never seen a Sea Angel like that...so unique. She kindly went back...packed it up and shipped it to me. So...this Thanksgiving....my heart is touched by the care and compassion of a Mother who thought of me and my boy....I have a touch of sweetness on this holiday because of her 'lovingkindness'....I am humbled with the kindness of strangers. If Laurie knocked on my door I would not know her....but....I do know her boy, Jesse David...I have photos of him...I think of him....and all the children who left this earth home....too soon....leaving the parents with shattered hearts but come to this site to find some layer of comfort and healing with the assurance that we are not alone with this kind of grief. I shared this info with Laurie...She has her Jesse David..I have my John David..I have a Jesse..Jesse David died on October 10thMy Essie died on October 10My twins..Taylor and Hunter Bear were born October 10..She has her Taylor..I have my Taylor... When I joined this site...certain 'dates' stood out....in my brain fog I did not write them down....but it does seem as if we have such a connection... My children are so touched with the gift Laurie sent...I will find a special place in my home for 'Her'....she already has a special place in our hearts... Thank you, Laurie for giving me a smile this Thanksgiving... As always...I love the gift...but love the giver more... you can see John David's photo in the background....I will post the special place I create for her.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted November 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Beautiful Becky, thank you. How are you and your Family doing? How is your health? I love the story of receiving the lovely sea angel from Laurie, Susan. Just the kind of thing that happens here in this family of ours. My Grandies: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Francesca, I too have found that reading has aided me through this journey, it is one of the very few tools that are useful to me...wishing you the best as the move takes place... Dee, I heard that your area got a blanket of snow...my mom I think got about 5-6 inches...but she thinks it will melt by tomorrow...me, I am not ready for the white stuff yet...but I am sure the kiddies will love it. Dianne, I did the same thing, reliving every moment of the previous year...rehearsing all of that last year of Jesse's life here...I took extra care, and had planned a resting area...my overstuffed corner chair, with soft throws, and books to read, and favorite teas...my place of retreat for the hard days. Becky, thank you for sharing the writing...I think of you and Jared often...sending you gentle thoughts this evening... Kate, it was good to hear from you, is your lake starting to freeze over? My kiddie pool was a solid block of ice, but my grandson had fun playing with it...how nice that you were able to get out with your friend and share a day. Susan, thank you for the posting of your mom's heavenly birthday...I always marvel at how women in those days were able to have their hair in such fashionable hair styles...Thank you for the nice story you posted about the Sea Angel...it brought me a measure of happiness to be able to do that for you...and for some good to be spread, is indeed a gift for all.You had me thinking about common dates, Your John David transitioned the day after my Jesse's birthday (August 2nd)...and I thought about when my Taylor passed, it was a Friday, in August, but his was one of the 2nd or 3rd weeks, but I believe your son also had a Friday for leaving... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Also thank you Dee, Sherry and Kate for continuing to share on this site. The gift of your presence here has meant more than words can say. Wishing all Indigoes a peaceful night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Georgina-----James and Peter are surely together....I believe that ourdarlings are all in association with each other...just as circumstances oftheir deaths brought all of us Indigos together here, where we've founda caring community of people who truly understand each other. Thanksfor the Elton John song. He's always been a favorite of mine. Susan----Thanks for the delightful story, and for the pic of the Sea Angel.It is just lovely. You and Laurie share a lot of dates on your timelines. Thekindness of strangers is really shown here on this site.....where none ofus had met before our sad reasons for coming here, but now we share akinship and bond that is so strong. Sharing one's grief with those whounderstand completely is something that we are not always able to findin the everyday existence since our darlings left. We do find it here. Happy Heavenly Birthday to Baby Doll.....she's is a beautiful lady, and easyto see why she got the nickname early in her childhood, and wasalways known by the name. Laurie---thanks for your kind words. Kate----Yes,....time does end up being our friend. The sharpness of our lossgets 'softened' with the passage of time. Glad that you had a nice outingwith Xmas shopping & lunch with friends. Thanks for your prayers for myaunt. Have not heard anymore about how she's doing.....it's early though. Sandy----So kind of you to reach out to the mother who recently lost a child.I think she will appreciate the sentiment....knowing that it is coming fromsomeone who has also lost a beloved child. Peace to you. Francesca-----I, so, know what you mean about it being too soon to go tosee "Christmas Carol". It's too soon ....brings back too many memories,and the tears would fall. My husband used to go to many Cleveland Indiansgames with Davey. He has no interest in it anymore, and doesn't even followthe team that brought so much interest and excitement for him and Dave. Justdo what you feel that you can do in relation to holidays, traditions, andfamily things. One cannot make themselves enjoy certain activities whenthe pain and sorrow is too fresh ........or maybe even never again, as in thecase of my husband and the baseball games. Sometimes we have to justdevelop new traditions. Each must do whatever they think is best for themselvesand their family. It's an individual thing....everyone grieves in their own way.I know that sometimes others will try to 'push us along' into activities....thinkingthat they are 'helping'. But, it's ok to just go along at one's own individual pace.Peace to you. WISHING PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Yikes.....don't know how I got duplicates....sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Hope I erased the duplicates..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Georgina, thank you for the beautiful song that you sent the other day, I listened as I got ready for school and thought of you so many miles away and yet, right here in my hopes, your song bringing your James so close to you and to us. Laurie, didn't you also get the snow that we have? We thought that you in Wisconsin would have gotten more than us. North and west of us received way more than us, we have about 5 inches. It is wet and heavy and windblown. Pulling Erica on her little sled was a job alright, the snow gathered underneath the carriage and boy, with wet snow it was no easy task pulling her through. It was however great fun. Little Guy was with his Mom at a little toddler class. The frozen pool sounds like fun. Sherry, you may be getting some of the snow tonight. I hope whatever your weather, you are well and feeling a sense of peace. Kate, I loved reading that you had a day with an old friend last week. Sometimes, days like those just fill us with a wonderful sense of connection. Hunker down on the cold windy nights and enjoy your walks on the sunny and snowy pathways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Diane,The markers in our life, now are so tough. One step at a time ....one breath at a time, that is how we make it through.It is like a movie in our head that just keeps playing over and over. Each of our movies are different, but they all have the same ending...our babies become Angels.As time goes on (a lot of time), those markers do not have the control over us that they used to. I realize that this thought does not help you now, but One breath at a time is how I dealt with the markers.Please know, I call all angels to carry you and yours on their wings.We will surviveColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Sandy, Sarah's Mom,I had to respond to your kindness is talking with your fellow employee who's nephew committed suicide. No one can understand this pain like someone who has been through it.About 3 months ago, the son of a fellow employee (Linda) of my husband died from a heroin overdose. Linda had attended the funeral of our Brian 7 years earlier. Our Brian died from risky behavior, so did Linda's son. Scott was "compelled" to go to this funeral. When I say compelled, we changed our weekend plans so he could attend. My husband does not talk that much about our Brian. The pain is evident on his face. I was so proud of him that he felt "compelled" to help Linda and say "I understand your pain." From one parent to another who lost our sons to the choices that they made.Sarah, your are an angel to that employee.Thank youColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Colleen...I agree with you when it comes to a child committing suicide....and Kate understands how the stigma of it can make family and friends turn away...it is so horrific...and a heavy layer of guilt and shame on loved ones...and they also have to deal with the grief... I think we receive an extra helping of empathy when we lose a child...we 'see' with different eyes... I read this this morning....and realized how true this is..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 have to share this one.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted November 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Susan, Dee, Laurie, Colleen thank you all for reaching out to me in my desperation the other day. I appreciate the pep talk, the comforting words and all the heartfelt wishes that they carried. I do talk to Michael alot and it does help. I actually had reached a point where I would tease (he used to do that with me when he was here). These countdown days are just so hard. I think part of it is because while I realize he is gone, it just seemed like such a "time warp". But come Saturday, all I think about is I now know what the word forever means. I guess that is a weird correlation but I think about that alot. I think that--okay, I put in a year on this and now we can go back to our regular life where my son is alive and well. I know how foolish this sounds. I know and accept ( well as best as anyone can accept) that he is gone but this date just makes it seem like the last step off the cliff. The plan for this year was that he was taking a job with my son in law's company and we were all going to actually be living close. That has not happened since they went away to college. I wasn't sure where my son in law would end up(okay it was Wyoming!) but my husband and I were going to sell the house and move close enough to have us close together. Fade to black.... that didn't happen. So now we have to try and find our way down this path and feeling very old and alone. But, with the grace of God we will find our way. Thank you all for listening. I feel like I got one of those group hugs, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Dianne...we do understand....for me and many of the parents on this site...that moment was like our life was a glass dish that was thrown upon a wall....shattered into many, many pieces....and we are picking up those shards and trying to make a mosaic of our life now....plans gone....future not known...and sometimes...not even knowing where we are now....are where we will end up....the 'spirit guides' on this site...the ones that have been here for years are the ones that gave me a stabilization...that I could survive...like they had to survive...and I would hang on for 'one more day'....and I could 'hang on' for one more day....that is how I take it all now...one day at a time....you are not 'old'.....I did feel as if I was 300 years old....the exhaustion of grief....is overwhelming....if I left this earth home first....instead of John David....I would not only want him to survive...but thrive...and that is what he wants for me....and what your boy wants for you...but in the pain of it all....the message can be difficult to hear..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted November 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Group Hugs are good for us all and extra important for those of you who are facing dates that are most difficult. You are being held in our hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted November 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Thank you friends for asking about me. I'm afraid I'm experiencing yet more health issues. I've just recently found out that the osteoporosis is not only affecting my hands and feet but also my jawbone, causing me to start losing teeth. So far I've had 4 that had to be pulled, and have 3 more scheduled. What measures they will take after that is done I still don't know. Then on top of that one day about 2 weeks ago I woke up and couldn't see out of my right eye. I called and made an appointment and they saw me right away to discover that I have a cataract on that eye. Normally cataracts are very slow growing but as it turns out nothing is normal when you have type 1 diabetes, which I have had now for almost 30 years. All I can tell you is that it was always in control before losing Jared a little over 4 years ago. I was active I was working, and now I can't drive between my shoulder injury and my neuropathy. My daughter and my husband don't want me to walk outside by myself as I have had several Falls that were the result of sudden muscle weakness which now the doctors have attributed to diabetic neuropathy. Medication for that, but it makes me very sleepy as do any type of pain medications. I did do physical therapy for my shoulder and for my wrist but haven't made much progress. I have now ordered a shoulder pulley and therapy putty to do those exercises at home. If not, the doctor that did my shoulder surgery will have to put me under and manually break the adhesions that have formed since surgery. The pain and immobility are one issue, but the fear of losing sight in my other eye is really scaring me. I hope they will schedule the eye surgery sooner rather than later, as I am so afraid of having the same thing happen in my good eye.Thank you Dee, for asking about Jasmine. She is still working on getting through cosmetology and hoping to get a good job. However we all have to get through the court date next month where the driver that killed my son charge jasmine with assault and stalking which is ridiculous as it never happened. I don't know what is wrong with that woman but God knows I will be happy when this court date is over and hopefully we can make known the real truth which is the fact that she harassed us for nearly three years after causing the crash that took my son's life. She was never charged with anything, and I think that is part of the problem, that she feels guilty, but in an attempt to have her friends think she is innocent of everything, she is trying to make herself out to be the victim instead of the murderer that she is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 Becky..our Warrior Mom...always good to hear from you....but we don't like the bad health issues you are experiencing...I so remember when I came on this site....you were active...healthy....that 'go-getter attitude'.....and now we warn parents that this kind of grief can impact one emotionally and physically....as it has done you...I do hope in the coming days you will find answers and a good Dr. and treatment for your eye issues....and we will pray for Jasmine and her court date coming up enough is enough...I think all this ongoing trouble with 'that person' has been a big reason you have not been able to heal...for now...you have fear for your daughter...please keep us updated....and please try to find some comfort and healing for your body and soul.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted November 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 24, 2015 Diane I know how desperate your feeling as James's first anniversary approached I was desperate to relive every moment of the of his last months he was here. It was like I didn't want the accident to happen and I kept going over and over the what ifs. It's his birthday on Thursday and I still can't comprehend he's not going to be here. I'm trying to gather his friends and family together to mark the day but it will be what it will be. His girlfriend contacted me to tell me she's met a new young man and that he's lovely, she's moved on, it only took a year and I'm happy for her she's young and I know in my heart James would want her to be happy but I'm hurting so bad for what could of been, the lost future and what would of been.Dee thank you for your kind thoughts and words. I love that piece of music. I will attach the link for another song that makes me have hope for where James is. I don't know if it's normal or not but I'm finding it so hard to concentrate, focus or think that's why I've been so quiet. Just missing James so much and where we once loved this time of year I now hate all the memories it brings. God Bless Geirgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted November 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 24, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted November 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2015 Another beautiful song, thank you Georgina. Tiny steps and many falls, we find out how to stand again in the light from our Sweetest Babies. Becky, I so hope that you are getting the absolute best care; you have been through so much with your physical health which makes it very hard on your spiritual health; they are connected of course. I wish you full sight again, and ways to ensure your bones strength. Do the doctors have you on osteo-meds? I will celebrate your Daughter getting past this huge obstacle that has been in her path, and then she can pursue her dreams as she dreams them. Jared is holding you for all of time just as you are holding him. Sun is out, a warmer day melting what is left of the snow. Sounds of busy lives outside. May this be a day where some wonderful signs occur. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2015 Gratitude Doesn't Erase Grief December 08, 2014In your grief, have you been told by family and friends to be grateful? I imagine the answer is a resounding yes. If so, I'll be very clear: we need to stop this madness.In the work I do with people facing trauma, I’m told over and over again how those around them just want them to be grateful. They might even make an attempt at utilizing the advice, but it almost always incites anger, not comfort. Promoting gratitude is one of the most misleading—and harmful—offerings you can make to someone in the throes of grief. Yet it remains as popular as ever; it’s become a mindless, pervasive drug.It's well-meaning bullshit, but it's still bullshit. Why? Because it’s based on two fundamentally flawed assumptions: first, it assumes that gratitude has the ability to fix grief. Second, it assumes that grieving people are less prone to be grateful than those who aren't grieving. Both of these assumptions are ludicrous.Gratitude and grief serve fundamentally different purposes. Using gratitude to wash away grief is like telling someone who’s received a cancer diagnosis to take an Advil. Their purposes are completely incongruous.Ungratefulness generally arises in response to the trivialities of life, not life-changing events. The person who complains about every ridiculous detail of their job, or seems to be incapable of appreciating anything, is ungrateful. The person who’s lost the love of their life? First, they are often profoundly grateful: for their family, the friends who care for them, the love they receive. They may not actively show it, but it’s often there. Yet even this leads to a further assumption: that grieving people should be grateful. They shouldn’t. The immediate aftermath of tragedy is not the time to find things to be grateful for. It is a time to find solace not in happy things, but in grieving itself. This also addresses one of the most foolish assumptions many make about the purpose of gratitude: that it exists to make you feel good, which is narcissistic and ends up defeating the purpose of being grateful in the first place. Being grateful might lead to you feeling good, but that’s a byproduct of doing the work involved in creating the conditions by which you might find a peaceful heart. Cultivating a grateful worldview probes the depths of your being. It widens perspective, increases your capacity to listen, encourages self-reflection, and leads to a more honest, gentle disposition. All of these things may very well result in your feeling better, but how you feel isn’t the goal. A lack of gratitude is often the outworking of a selfish mindset, not the result of tragic circumstances. This is an important but often neglected distinction.So the next time you’re faced with someone who’s life has been torn apart by loss, please do not tell them to be grateful. It’s useless and dismissive.Being with a grieving person is profoundly uncomfortable. When someone attempts to come to the aid of a person in pain, they often try to mask that lack of comfort with ridiculous bromides. Gratitude is the most fashionable of these. Unfortunately it almost never makes it better. If anything, it makes it worse. The advice attempts to “get somewhere”, instead of honoring the pain that exists in the here and now. Instead of offering some sort of gratitude-infused platitude, stand with your loved one in silence. Be uncomfortable with her, no matter how awful it makes you feel. Listen to her, hold her, stand with her. Doing any of this will foster a thousand times more peace than any sort of gratitude exercise ever could.Gratitude doesn’t erase grief. Nor should it. It is not an antidote to loss, nor could it ever be. You don’t honor grief with gratitude. You honor grief by grieving. I hope all the parents on this site can get a lot of comfort in reading this.....for I, too, believe that we should bend into our grieving...we should mourn...cry...wail....and dip deep into that grief when we lose a child....I have many blessings...I also have a Mother's heart...still trying to find the balance between 'Grace and Grief'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2015 that article is by Tim Lawrence... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted November 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2015 It has been awhile since I got the chance to post, but wanted to say everyone here is in my thoughts and prayers as Thanksgiving marks the formal kick off of the Holiday season. May you be gentle with yourself and make room to rest if needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted November 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2015 Thank you Dee such beautiful words. Laurie thanks for sharing the words so so true. Susan the Tim Laurence artical is so right I feel you have to grieve to heal, there is no way round, no way out, just straight through the middle. Just to let you know the Investigation Authority of the police are now looking into our complaint, which was upheld by the IPPC, it's all so upsetting going over and over every detail but as I explained to the third person who said to my "you know this won't bring James back by doing this"! We're fighting for Justice for James because he deserved better than he got that day he had a right also to be treated fairly and the same as every other person is treated when they are unlawfully killed. His birthday tomorrow, the day I gave birth to my sweet beautiful boy. I miss him. God Bless Georgina. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted November 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2015 Thinking of all the parents and families that are facing that empty chair....here is a photo of my GRANDson, Austin...wearing John David's cap.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 I just would like to wish my American "neighbours"... or "neighbors"... as you say... a very Happy Thanksgiving. I know how difficult this time can be for you as you grieve the loss of your beautiful child. I hope the love you hold so dear will fill you heart with peace on this special day. Love to All, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 Hello to all Indigos. Having some snags to work through on my computer,so I'll try to post before something else happens. HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY..........JAMES. ......ANGEL IN HEAVEN. Georgina----Thinking of you. I know how difficult the special days are.Wishing you peace & comfort. Glad to hear that they are investigatingdear James' death accident more closely, and praying that you can getjustice for your dear son. Kate----Thanks for your best wishes. Dee----We haven't gotten any snow yet. Today it was in the 50s. It getspretty low at night though. Becky----So sorry to hear of all your health problems. You are right.....stressdoes affect one's health negatively.....and grief is stressful. Sending lotsof thoughts & prayers. Laurie-----thanks for the screen shot ..."As Long as I Live". So true, andwe will always remember. Susan-----thanks for the writing. It sure sends a message about what is,and what is not important, and how we are grateful for all the loved oneswe have. WISHING EVERYONE A PEACEFUL THANKSGIVING DAY. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 Happy Heavenly Birthday James, it is a tough one for those who love you so dearly, they want you at the table, they want to bestow gifts and eat cake with you, they want to hear your hearty laugh and see that smile shining back at them...So please tomorrow and each day, breeze into their windows and doors and sit a spell, let your spirit be felt and realized so that they have affirmation that being on the other side is not so far away. Georgina, a most special and wonderful date in which to hold your sweet Son for the first time, you will carry him with you always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 Sherry, it was in the 50's here today as well, tomorrow maybe the 60's...crazy, it is going to rain a good deal. I hope that you have a lovely day, some good energy to fill your heart. Kate, thanks for your nice wishes for us. I made two pumpkin pies, a pecan chocolate pie, and a gluten free Norwegian Almond cake. Smells good in here. Had the day off and spent it quietly. Susan, I will read the article later but in the mean time, love that photo of your handsome Grandson. My husband's sweetest uncle in the world was rushed to the hospital today, where he remains tonight and while he is very old, 85, and very sick, cancer in many areas, we are sad that he is so sick. I wish he could let go and Go. I don't want his little self to go through anymore medicines, falls, pokes, chemo, and loss of independence. My husband tends to him daily, twice and three times, Uncle lives in a retirement home nearby. But today when John went over he called the ambulance as Uncle was partially conscious. His heart rhythms were all over the place and his white blood count is no where to be found. Husband just got home after leaving this morning at 9:00. He has a wonderful relationship with his uncle, and these months of illness have afforded them time to discuss everything on such a personal level. Uncle never had children, just like my husband never has, they are very aligned in their thinking and I am grateful for the solace they bring to one another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 James,As your mom and dad hold their remembrance of you on a day that will always be so special for them, hold them, hug them and with the birthday thoughts let them know that you are near. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 To all,Happiness is something we have to seek now, it may not find us easily.I want to send a smile to each of you on this site and wish you a Happy Thanksgiving .May a bit of happiness find you todayColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Momma Bear Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 Not sure if I'm doing this right but here I go. Good Morning to All I'm new, but not really. I joined awhile ago and read everyday but have never written that I can remember. My name is Brenda and I'm another Matt's Momma as well as Jeana's. Time had never been right to write but now I want to, no need to thank Each and Everyone of you. November 27th, 2005 was the day Matt died so this is a big Angelversary for us. I'm still here because of Jeana, a few, very few close friends and all of you. There were many times I would rather not have been here anymore and still have those times but you've helped me to hold on. In the beginning it felt like I had been cut off at the ankles and was left to drain, 10 yrs. later I don't constantly drain anymore but I never stop trickling. When Matt died and 80yr. old woman who had lost 2 sons of her own relayed a message to me thru my bff and said Brenda, it never get's any better, it just gets different. She was so right. I still do not know much about my new life except I am here and so is the boy only I can't see him or touch him now but I will some day when I get the puzzle right and get to move on and join him. But for now I have to stay here for Jeana and to make sure no one ever forgets Matt. Just one other thing, Jeana and I have made some new traditions. I didn't want Christmas after Matt died but it was one of his favourite holidays so now on Nov. 27th, Jeana, Matt and I put up the tree have a few beers and decorate for Christmas, we tell funny stories' reminisce about when and eat his favourite foods. His Birthday is spent the same way. I also find that the Birthday is harder than the angelversary. This is a long one so I'll just close by saying once again. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 Brenda, welcome...always welcome. Yes, that 10 year mark is quite a number, it is very otherworldly to me. I sit at 12.5 since Erica left here. How old was Matt when he died? Tell us what you can in your own time. How old is Jeana? Finding new traditions has been important to me since Erica died, and keeping those that remained important to my spirit. I continue to have a relationship with my Daughter, it is a quiet one, a very personal place that she and I share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 Dianne, thank you for your pretty photo and tribute...this is a poem I wrote the first year after Erica left this plane- Missing From the Table Warm lights pour outdoorsFrom the well lit dining room within where they gather-Around a large table,Laughter is heardAnd everyone is smiling-I am a voyeur.And from the wet pavementI walk with my memories-Remembering our warm lights and the clatter of silverware-The faces and the laughterAround our large family – But now a void, an empty chair,She is missing from the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 Dee, thank you for sharing your poem --it is indeed very lovely. You have such a way with words. A year later I still use as a visual the image you painted of your daughter sitting on a star with one leg over. I just cannot believe how difficult today is. How will I get through 11/28? To all my indigo friends and mentors---You have all helped me so much as I navigated through this first year. You gave me strength when I needed it and listened when I felt so alone. For all of that I am truly grateful. Welcome Brenda. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted November 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 26, 2015 ❤ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted November 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 Thank you so much Dee,Diane and Sharon for the birthday wishes for James. In the end Work allowed me an hour off to go to mass so that was good. We had his friends and most of the family round tonight to raise a heavenly biryhday toast to James. We then let Five rockets. Ans lastly 32 balloons. It as very special a real tribute to such a special young man. God Bless gx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted November 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted November 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 Susan, thanks for sharing the picture Austin with John David's hat. Hope all went well with the visit to your Aunt today. What a special treat for her. Kate, thanks for the Thanksgiving wishes sent to us today...sending warm thoughts your way...=) Is Jeff's tree picked out yet for the hospital garden area? Dee, I especially like this thought you posted, "I continue to have a relationship with my Daughter, it is a quiet one, a very personal place that she and I share." The poem is lovely too, I remember it from before and how it spoke to me.How is your husband's Uncle doing? Prayers and thoughts for him today. Sherry, I cannot believe it is still that warm by you...how is your mom doing? Were you able to visit with her today? Dianne, this "place" helped me immensely, I am not sure how it would have been without this group of parents. Colleen, good to see your posting. Thanks for the holiday wishes and continued support. Lora, how I loved seeing your girl's face today. You were one of the first people to reach out to me on this site, and I so appreciated that. Thinking of everyone tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members imisslauren Posted November 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 My wife insists that I post to this forum. I've done therapy, I've done the anti-depressants. I tell everybody what they want to hear but at the end of the day the real truth is one unescapable fact: my problem is unsolvable. To fix it, I need my daughter. She's dead. She's not coming back. How can I reconcile that? She's been gone about 14 months. I still can't really come to grips with it. Why her? Why not me? I've done plenty of things that could have (and in some cases should have) cost me my life. She was such a better person than me. So much more potential, so much more clarity on who she was and where she wanted to go. Instead of her plowing forward into the future I'm I'm left to mourn her. There is not explanation for this. Its random #*&^%*T bad luck. Just one of those things. One of those things that every parent dreads...that we nag our kids about. One of things that I STILL do all the time. However it cost my most precious...my only positive contribution to the universe...her life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted November 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 imisslauren...I am really sorry for your loss. When I read your post I wondered how best to respond to help you. There is not one of us on this forum that has not asked the same questions a million times over. Why them? Why not us? If only we had the answer. I can only offer that you have given the universe her life. As hard as this is...honor her life by continuing to move forward in as positive a way as you can. Make her proud of you. This is coming up to almost six years since my Jeff died. I will not kid you. It has been pure hell for quite some time. That ache and sadness you feel will always be with you. It is how you pick it up and carry it that will define the rest of your life. It does not honor them for you to be miserable for the rest of your life. I can assure you that my son would kick my sorry butt if I dragged myself around for whatever time I have left. If you read the posts written by those that are further along in their grief you will see a common thread. A lightening of spirit that comes very slowly at first. We all go about it in our own way and time. But eventually it will lighten and the days will start to have meaning again. Truly they will. Trust me...I thought I was a hopeless case and felt lost such as you. Today I can laugh and smile and enjoy things again. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted November 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 Laurie, here is an older picture of Jeff's tree from a couple of years ago. We were asked to use only light colors as they are able to keep it standing in The Healing Garden until the spring. The tree arrived today, but has yet to be placed in the garden. The first couple of years it was hard to see it...but now it gives us a great sense of comfort. Jeff loved this time of year and I know he would love that tree. Dee...your baking sounded yummy. Hope everyone had a great day yesterday. This is the beginning of our Christmas weekend celebration in our little town. Tonight we will go to the parade and watch the lighting of the town tree. I had lunch this afternoon with a couple of ladies at a local coffee house. One of the ladies is dying of cancer. She is frail but determined to keep going as long as she can. She walked in with her friend all decked out in a white and red striped hat and mittens. It brought a huge smile to our faces. We talked about the Adele special on TV the other night. Life does indeed go on. And the wheels keep turning. Love to All for a truly peaceful weekend! Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted November 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted November 27, 2015 Laurie thank you the poem is beautiful I too found Dee's poem spoke to me. I wish I had the skill of writing in that way. I said I would tell you about the Compassionate Friends retreat we went to. I just can't describe how it felt from the moment we walked through the doors we were embraced with such love and support. It was so nice to be among other grieving parents and grandparents that 'Got It' they understood because every single person there was going through thie same awful journey. To be able to talk about James was such a release for us, people asked us about him and as the weekend progressed it became easier to open up. We both left with so much to reflect upon, lots of answers, still quite a few questions but definitely in a calmer state of mind, with some hope because we met parents who were 23 and 26 years down the line and were able to draw from their experience. Kate the tree is beautiful. You say it is Jeffs tree is it one he planted ? What is the healing garden ? It sounds so nice Your words are so heartfelt and decribe exactly how I feel. XxImisslauren I'm so sorry for your loss I lost my son on the eleventh of September 2014 so I too am new compared to others on this forum. But I just wanted to say that you've come to the right place because I can honestly say that I would not of coped without the support, care guidance and compassion I have been shown here. The mums and dads here will help you day by day, just post when you can and you will be supported through the difficult and tough times. Take care XDianne I am keeping you close in my heart tonight XxGod Bless Georgina X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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