I Miss Him So...

[rodless]

Anna, I have a friend who has a wasp problem.... they live in the ground & dig tunnels under the sod. Don't know if you have that kind in your area. She finally called a pest control person as she had trouble getting from her house to garage. I hope you feel better by tommorrow. Stings like that can be dangerous. Mary Jo

[missyouhoney811]

Thank you all for trying to make me feel better. I have decided to go on my trip to Vegas. The past few nights since I have been home I have been too sad. I think the best thing for me is to get out of this house. I have also decided when I come home I will put my plan in motion and start looking for my condo and once organized with all of John's things that I must sell I will put the house up for sale. I see no reason staying here any longer.

The main man from Camp Bow Wow called yesterday and asked permission to donate money in Sherman's name. They are starting a new charity to help prevent dogs from getting cancer. I believe it will be some type of pre-screening for all dogs. They also want to put Sherman's name and picture up mounted in gold. I

I have also decided to see Josh Groban on Saturday. So what if I cry? That's normal - isn't it?

Anna, be careful stay away from the wasps. I hope the cold water in your pool helps you out.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[amberi]

Dorothy - bless you for being so strong and a great example I think you are absolutely right about getting out of the house. I made plans tonight to go stay at a friends for the next two nights with my kids to get away a little. When I read your post I picked up the phone. thank you

I did get some good news my home loan got paid and they said it would be pulled out of foreclosure, yeahhhh now I just have to figure out how to come up with money to pay all the bills until I can get it refinanced. But man what a relief. Now if I could just get those jerks out of my life I will be better.

April thank you for the support, I really think it helps if you know people are pulling for you, when you feel like everyone has left you broken down and dont care it makes it really hard to continue, so thank you, and thank you all for the support that is exactly why I come here ever day.

Bless you all

amber

[missyouhoney811]

Amber - I am so happy your home is no longer in foreclosure. I think I'll open up a bottle of wine and have a toast in honor of you for getting good news. Somehow, someway I am sure you will find a way to keep a float until you get refinanced. I remember when John became paralyzed.............what a chore I had just keeping a roof over our heads. I did it even tho it meant borrowing before our creditors found out how bad things were for us...financially. I remember chasing an employee from the light company away from our house she was going to disconnect. She ran away from me ...... I called the light company and explained that all of my husbands equipment needed electricity and if they disconnected me I would sue.....it worked. I did sue the doctors and hospitals but it took three years before we received anything. But, the attorneys were great with their letters to the various bill collectors. I actually wonder how I kept my head on.

Enjoy yourself when you stay at your friends house. God Bless.

Dorothy

[mishknit]

anna..

omg! how horrible! i am sure there is some sort of soothing balm you can put on those stings! I rememeber tom getting stung by a bee when we were with a bunch of friends at a party. One friend, who smokes, emptied the tobacco out of her cigerette, wetted it, and applied it to the sting...and it worked wonders! i hate that she smokes, but that night it was good.

amber..great! You know....i found early on, even now, that if you sort of throw yourself on their mercy, poor widow, didn't know, that people will help. I had no qualms doing that....it didn't make me feel bad, actually felt empowered! I had people explining EVERYTHING to me, helping me, and now I know what;'s what...that is empowering.

and dorothy, how great about the honor for sherman! and i am so glad you're going to both vegas and josh groban.

god knows there would be no way i wouldn't cry during his concert...so feel what you feel! and vegas....well, i can't wait to hear about it.

oh, and anna... my birthday is august 9.....a fellow leo to ishaq. I am having a colonoscopy next tuesday, the 7th, but i had it all set up for the 9th..LEAVING the office..when a little voice reminded me what day it was...so i switched it. but...shows how much i care about bdays now, i guess!

peace and hugs to you all,

michele

[missyouhoney811]

Hello to everyone. I ran around today and did my last minute item pick up for Vegas. Yesterday got my hair done.............today toenails and fingernails. My suitcases are opened and ready to be packed...tomorrow at 4:00 I will go to Mass afterwards have a lite dinner and on to the concert with Josh Groban. My flight leaves out of Pittsburgh on Sunday at 8:55 AM and arrives Las Vegas at 10:25 AM. I must say I am now getting excited. I hope I win BIG TIME...........I am on medication, I picked up a bug in New York so my dear doctor called a prescription in for me. I am also taking airborne four times a day hoping to keep the germs away from me on the plane. It just seems when you get down and depressed the germs attack.

My flowers and tomato plants look terrible. At this point I could care less about my yard. Although, my neighbor said he would cut my grass tomorrow. Maybe he will take pity of my plants and water them. I no longer have the desire. I must move to that next step in my life........whatever it may be.

Many hugs to all.

Dorothy

[amberi]

Dorothy - I hope you enjoyed the wine thank you so much it made me smile. I cannot wait to hear about your trip it sounds wonderful, I am leaving for VA in Sept. for work but then get to go to Boston to see my family. It is so hard being on opposite costlines when you are going thru a tramatic exp. I cant wait to see them I only get to go every couple of years, funny though I get to go this year and my kids just got back, probubly driving them crazy with two show-up's in a year!! haha, its good for them. But your right it makes me so excited thinking about going I cant wait. I am so happy you pampered yourself hair nails and toes, that is wonderful. Stay well and have fun.

Michelle - thanks for the advice I havent really done that yet but I had to when it came to the house, I cannot loose the house. out here even if I sold and bought a new one it would not be worth it house prices are so bad. but thanks for all the support.

well you know me its fri, so I wont be back till mon. have a great weekend as much as you all can.

take care and god bless

amber

[missyouhoney811]

I have something to share with all of you. My husbands male care giver hit on me. I never mentioned this before to any of you. The nerve of the ass thinking that he could possibly come close to walking in my husbands shoes. He actually went as far as saying that he got permission from my husband when he visited him at the grave site. You really never know a person. For awhile I was actually scared because it felt as if I was being stalked. I took care of it I got BIG BALLS and I told him where to go. I actually made a CD of his last message he left on my home phone. I was going to give it to the cops but, things have been quiet and he has not bothered me for a month. He is 37 I am 60.........(a young 60).......spooky world out there.

I had to share the above.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Amber, I am sure your parents will love seeing you. Enjoy yourself. We all know too well that life is short and we must figure out ways to make us happy. Safe traveling.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Michele, I already plan on having a box of tissues with me. The great thing about the concert I will be sitting in my son's company's box (American Eagle). So I can be completely comfortable. I believe it will be just the three of us in the box. I probable won't get home until midnight. I have to be at the airport by 6:45 AM which means I will be leaving home around 6:00 AM. Wonder if I'll get any sleep??

Oh well, maybe after a bloody mary on the plane I'll fall asleep.

God Bless,

Dorothy

[samrtb]

Dorothy - its amazing how bold men can be, especially in trying situations. I had several male "friends", (who were also "friends" with russ, might i add) hit on me after his death. one of them had the nerve, 2 weeks after russ's passing, to get annoyed that i was "obsessed with my dead boyfriend". excuse me? i could have hit him. there are men who really have some nerve.....

anyways, I hope you enjoy your concert.

also, i was wondering if anyone had read "the grief recovery handbook"? russ was in the military and they have a special secution of employees whose only job is to help bereaved familys. they send me this book, and it has actually been very helpful. there is some writing, etc, but it has definitly helped me, so i thought id recommend it to anyone who is interested.

anyways im heading to bed........i hope everyone is having a good night.

steph

[samrtb]

Dorothy - its amazing how bold men can be, especially in trying situations. I had several male "friends", (who were also "friends" with russ, might i add) hit on me after his death. one of them had the nerve, 2 weeks after russ's passing, to get annoyed that i was "obsessed with my dead boyfriend". excuse me? i could have hit him. there are men who really have some nerve.....

anyways, I hope you enjoy your concert.

also, i was wondering if anyone had read "the grief recovery handbook"? russ was in the military and they have a special secution of employees whose only job is to help bereaved familys. they send me this book, and it has actually been very helpful. there is some writing, etc, but it has definitly helped me, so i thought id recommend it to anyone who is interested.

anyways im heading to bed........i hope everyone is having a good night.

steph

[samrtb]

Dorothy - its amazing how bold men can be, especially in trying situations. I had several male "friends", (who were also "friends" with russ, might i add) hit on me after his death. one of them had the nerve, 2 weeks after russ's passing, to get annoyed that i was "obsessed with my dead boyfriend". excuse me? i could have hit him. there are men who really have some nerve.....

anyways, I hope you enjoy your concert.

also, i was wondering if anyone had read "the grief recovery handbook"? russ was in the military and they have a special secution of employees whose only job is to help bereaved familys. they send me this book, and it has actually been very helpful. there is some writing, etc, but it has definitly helped me, so i thought id recommend it to anyone who is interested.

anyways im heading to bed........i hope everyone is having a good night.

steph

[samrtb]

ok why did that post three times???? sorry!

[rodless]

Michele, today is my birthday - another Leo - and I didn't even think about it until around 10am so I guess I'm in the same frame of mind. Who cares? Just another day in the life. Oh..maybe my mom does. (lol) I've had several nice surprises.. a huge walking balloon from a friend ( I feel like there's another person in my office), phone calls, movie tickets etc.

Dorothy.. good for you! GO ahead and shed a few tears for me too.

Amber.. glad stuff worked out. I just refinanced my house to do some needed repairs and am going to treat myself to an automatic garage door opener. My house really is in good condition, just a little frazzled from being neglected the last few years. Rod was a jack of all trades and did the repairs, plumbing, painting etc. so things got behind while he was sick. I even bought a new bird bath.

Steph.. Sometimes I wonder about guys. Guess I had one of the good ones, but there's a lot of garbage out there.

Have a good weekend ervybody. Mary Jo

[missyouhoney811]

Happy Birthday Mary Jo...........I hope you do something special for yourself today. No matter what you say....BIRTHDAYS ARE STILL IMPORTANT....we are still important and we should treat ourselves in a special way. It is your day so be good to yourself. Try to have a happy one. God Bless.

How many candles are you putting on your cake this year?

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Just in case I get lost in Vegas and unable to get near a computer.......HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELE.......DO something wonderful on your special day.

Same question....how many candles?

Anna, I hope you are OK.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[armaiti]

Dorothy, Have a great trip! I'm doing better, still a little stiff in my neck and still afraid to water out front except after it gets dark! Hopefully next week the landlord can find the nest.

I'm feeling pretty good today...went out to garage sales and found a Coach leather laptop case for $3!! Pretty happy about that. And I went and got new sheets, shams and duvet covers at Macys to redo my bedroom, and that felt good, though it may not when the Macys bill comes! Oh well, I need to treat myself sometimes...

Happy Birthday Mary Jo! I agree with Dorothy, she got on my case back in May when I said my birthday wasn't important, so I went ahead and celebrated with friends and I'm glad I did. After all, it's the day you came into the world and from that start you met Rod and were the love of his life, so that's a good thing to celebrate, right?

Gonna go make some lunch and relax, I couldn't get to sleep until arouond 2 am and then woke up at 7:30, but I don't feel tired (yet).

Take care everyone,

Anna

[mishknit]

Happy birthday mary jo! sounds like it's ok....glad you remembered! lol! i have no idea what i'm doing yet...i think my son wants to treat me to dinner..i'll let him!

have a great trip dorothy, keep us posted all the way., and i hope you win too...you are lucky!

anna...i keep longingly looking at new bedspreads, etc for my bed. It's interesting, becaus ei have an urge to change it since i'd judt like to change what tome and i had...but the bigger urge is to keep it, and not because of tom, because i just really like it! I picked it all out and tom didn't think it was too 'girly"..lol....

so i'm being torn by wanting the change becasue of tom and not wanting the change because of me..very different feeling from usual, you know?

I want a new laptop..perhaps the money i save on new bedding can go to that..priobably a better deal for me!

peace all....

i already finished one little wedding this am, have about an hour and then have to head out for another...busy, busy..

michele

[mishknit]

oh, and i forgot...

for NOSY dorothy....54.....

feel like it should be 30 today, tho i ceratinly have my 85 days too!

peace, michele

[missyouhoney811]

Just got home from the concert. Josh Groban was FANTASTIC. What a great performer.

I must finish my packing and try to get a few hours sleep.

Stay well.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[samrtb]

happy birthday!

[rodless]

IF I put candles on the cake there would be 57. Did a little shopping and dinner with friends and got home in time for a tornado warning and huge thunderstorm. A little water in a corner of my basement. Can't wait to get the new roof and gutters.

I bought new comforter etc. at the beginning of summer. Made me feel good although I kept the other set that Rod & I chose together and will switch when winter comes. They have same basic colors but one has roses and the other a darker pattern. So I guess I have the best of both, Michele. Sometimes I feel guilty making changes in the house but one of the zillions of books I've read said you need to accept the fact that you are going on and a small way to start doing so is to make changes to your living space.

Dorothy, I'm so glad your trip went well...and good luck with the decisions about condos etc. Mary Jo

[aprilmoonflower]

happy belated bday maryjo!!!

sorry I haven't been on so much, my mom is in town visiting.

as far as comfortors go, I still have the same one on my bed. I did get a new duvet cover though! also last summer my bedroom flooded so my parents redid it fo rme (floors and paint) it was a nice change, though our bedroom was never really decorated too much to begin with!

Dorothy- I'm so glad you went!

btw did I tell you all that I am starting paralegal school? I also am training as a scopist and should be working by early next year (at home!) doing legal trasncription. I'm so excited! I am kind of a dreamer/artist type so this is so out of my box but I love it and am becoming more and more facinated with law. who would of ever thought I'd go into law? lol.

I am still writing for AC and publishing more and more each week! yay! I haven't worked in 5 years so it kind of gives me some self worth I've neeeded! (I used to work as a hairstylist for over 10 years then injured myself halfway through massage school- i finishe but won't be able to ever do it full time) I also got real burned out on the hair gig and the injury is exasberated by it anyway. I will get SSA death bbenefits until I am 48 which is nice (I'm 33) but I need to find a career in the interim! also need to add some income as they kids get older and become more expensive! but anyway, my point is, I am so excited! right now I am entering an associates program but will likely go on after that if I am able.

[aprilmoonflower]

one of my articles is being showcased on the front page of www.associatedcontent.com right now! (it's the unassisted pregnancy one!) woohoo! I am so excited!

[armaiti]

April, congratulations! I went and clicked on the article, though I haven't read it all. I haven't written much more for AC, I've been working off and on writing a book about this first year without Ishaq, and how I've created new ways of dealing with his passing that are "out of the box". And I'm trying to get back into writing fiction again.

Today is the annversary of Ishaq's son's wedding. It was so hard last year to for all of us, the wedding went on, it had to and in a way it was good because the whole family could be together. And it's his younger sister's birthday. I had a watch made with one of my art pieces featuring Ishaq (the red and black woodcut of him and our cat) and sent it to her for a present. I spent a good part of the day cleaning out the carport here, a fairly disgusting task. The house is so quiet at night without Ishaq, I think that's been one of the hardest things to get used to. He was always playing his guitar, watching TV, talking to the cat - he was big presence here in the house. It still feels strange to not have him here, I don't know if that will ever change.

The redecorating has been normal for me, as he always let me handle that stuff. He hated shopping, was happy to let me decide about what colors for sheets, towels, curtains and all. I did take the sheets off the bed shortly after he passed and packed them away in a box. I couldn't bear to wash sheets that he had last slept on, and that we had last made love in, so I keep them in a little box in the closet, along with all his clothes and papers.

My cats love the new, clean sheets and duvet cover of course, I've been closing the bedroom door when I go out so they don't get them too dirty, but I don't want to bar them at night because I like to have them sleep with me. Akbar at my feet, and Mckenzie likes to curl up above the pillow at my head!

Have a peaceful night,

Anna

[amberi]

Michele n Mary Jo Happy Belated Birthday

April - hope this question isnt to personal, but I get SS benefits for the kids but only till they are 18 which for my daughter is in two years, do you also get some for you or only the kids. People keep telling me I should be getting some for me and some for the kids but all they have given me is for the kids. And glad to see you are going to school and still writing. Be very proud of yourself that is awesome.

So how did you all who have kids deal with taking out your husbands/boyfriends stuff? I have a garage full of furniture from when I was separated and a brand new bed. but my kids dont want me to move anything yet Iam trying to do the right thing for them and give them time, since he was their father but our old bed is so old and broken down it hurts my back. Part of me dosent want to move it either but I dont know what to do and then there is all of his clothes and he loved clothes so there is allot.

anyone got ideas????

Dorothy so glad to hear the concert was great, good luck in Vegas and have fun you deserve it.

hope everyone else is doing good, I think I have pulled myself out of the depression for now, hope it doesn’t come back for a while.

take care

amber

[aprilmoonflower]

Amber- if you guys were married you definitley should be getting a payment. I'm not sure how it works if you weren't married though.. also your kids will continue getting payments if they go to college from what I understand. as for the stuff in your garage and his clothes, just go deal with one thing at a time..can you get a friend to come help you?

Anna- that is so exciting about your book! what a wonderful tribute it will likely be.. I can't wait to read it one day!

[aprilmoonflower]

oh and Michele- happy belated bday.

[armaiti]

Ugh, I feel like "crapadoodle" today, as Ishaq used to like to say! I seem to have a touch of the stomach flu. I'm feeling better, but it came on really fast, I was fine this morning then WHAM I'm praying to the porcelain god. Yuck. It's these days when I feel like it is so damn unfair that Ishaq isn't here taking care of me, selfish I guess, but that's how I feel. Luckily we have a Pony Express Restaurant Delivery and I just ordered some Chinese soup to feel better to have delivered. I'm just watching reruns of Gray's Anatomy and Sex and the City, at least the DVDs take my mind off stuff. And I love the outfits on SATC. (I'm a total clothes/shoe/purse addict). I think I was the first partner Ishaq had in a long time that liked to get dressed up in heels and nice lingerie and stuff, it was always fun to dress for him, he really would give me compliments.

Oh, and my scooter is stuck in the shop, because it was leaking oil. I haven't even ridden it 200 miles! Should be covered by the warranty though...

Hope you all have a healthier day than me

Peace,

Anna

[mishknit]

anna...

i am on "prep" day for my colonoscopy tomorrow..i may not be sick, but i sure can identify with you!

and the worst part is that there is no tom to keep me laughing, and laugh at me, during this!

and he's not here to drive me tomorow and take care of me when i get home.

oh well.....i guess we are constantly learning how to cope through different circumstances.

and now, nack to the bathroom for me too...

ugh!

peace, michele

[samrtb]

anna - sorry youre sick! in my opinion, stomach flu's are the worst sick ever. i would rather have a cold for three weeks than throw up once. yuck. i had a really bad one in high school, and one trick i learned to stay hydrated is to suck on ice chips if you can't hold anything else down. but SATC and Grey's are good remedies to just about anything. so excited for the movie and kinda sad that Addison is leaving (wasn't so much a fan of her new show!)

and michelle.......i feel for you as well. after my bad stomach flu went on for a couple weeks, I had a colonoscopy because they thought it was more than just the flu. thankfully it wasn't, but it was not a pleasant experience! but whenever i am sick, or sad or anything for that matter, it always makes me sad to think of how much better a situation would be if russ were here to cheer me up, or to share it with me if something good is happening.

but i hope you both feel better soon! Take care!

Steph

[armaiti]

Thanks for your well wishes, I'm much better today! Still going to take it easy though so I'm in good form to go to Sufi Camp next week, since I'm lead musician for the camp. I'm really looking forward to going, there are people who come I only see once a year, it's in a beautiful place with creeks and a great swimming hole and our camp cook is an amazing gourmet chef. Her Hungarian Mushroom soup is awesome.

I had a really bad stomach flu in Feb 2006, one so bad I pulled most of the muscles in my stomach. Ishaq was there to take care of me, and I was so grateful for that. I'm hoping I never get that sick again.

Steph, glad to hear there's another SATC and Grey's fan out there too. I'm realy excited about the SATC movie as well, and I agree, I didn't like the pilot wtih Addison in LA at all.

Michele, hope all goes well for you today.

Blessings,

Anna

[aprilmoonflower]

Amber- I was thinking more about your SS question and I'm betting the reason why you aren't getting a payment for yourself is because you work and make more than that said payment. if you aren't sure call SS and they will help you or google for the website, there's lots of info there! hope this helps!

Anna- glad you are feeling better!

[amberi]

ok that was wierd I was going to post and the whole screen went blank and I have to re write.

April thank you for the info, I think your right, and they said my kids only get it as long as they are in HS, so Sadye will get it till she is 181/2. but I could use the help when hers runs out but I dont think I will get any.

but I will look on the website and see if there is any more info I missed. thanks for that.

Anna n Michelle hope you both feel better soon,

ok I love Grey's but what is SATC?

Hope you all are doing well today

take care

amber

[armaiti]

SATC is short for Sex and the City.

Ok, I'm definately feeling better now...I needed to get some office supplies and stopped at the St. Vincent's thrift store for fun and ended up with a pair of what look like brand new Ralph Lauren strappy gold sandals - for $2.87. Can't beat that! Ishaq is smiling on me I think, he got a kick about how I loved to find great bargains at thrift stores and garage sales, though he wouldn't go with me.

Peace,

Anna

[rodless]

I'm glad it is almost the end of the day...just one of those that comes up and smacks you from nowhere. Stupid little things got me thinking about Rod this morning and it went downhill from there and ended with chocolate ice cream. SO.. back to the pool tomorrow with an effort to look at the brighter side again. The sunset helped. It was gorgeous... think how beautiful heaven (or whatever) must be!

Anna, I love thrift shops and garage sales. Have found some of my best "stuff" at them. Rod made fun of me until he found a few tools, an antique radio for $5, a battery charger etc. Then he was always ready to go. Well that made me smile so thanks!

Been through a few colonoscopies myself, Michele, due to ever present gut problems. Prep is the worst part.

Hope it was a good day for everyone. 13 months today for me.. maybe that was the problem? Didn't think of it until just now. My subsconcious must recognize the 7th of the month. Mary Jo

[amberi]

ok so I feel dumb, I should have figured that out, but I dont watch that show so maybe thats why I didnt get it.

Well I have been feeling better the last few days I forgot that I get bad post ms, instead of pms, I think that might have added to my downward spiral along with the rest of the crap going on.

Michele hope your doing ok, and its over so hope your feeling better.

amber

[mishknit]

thanks for the good wishes..

all went well, i have a very lovely colon...i was awake and watching the whole thing...like katie couric lol!

pretty fascinating stuff!

anyway, just chcking in....

tomorow is my bday..ugh!

I really just don't care, you know? Partly because tom isn't here, but partly because i'm getting tired of birthdaays! I'd just like to stop now..or rewind to about 40, and then keep that age. Wish it was possible!

anyway,

peace,

michele

[samrtb]

im glad your colonoscopy went well. when i had one i screamed and cried so much (i was fourteen ) that they put me under half way through. i was in no way interested in being awake for it! so i give you (and katie couric!) credit for your bravery!

and i know what you mean about your birthday. im normally a birthday person, i think you should celebrate it the whole month but this past year, all i thought as well was, ugh. it was just one more thing i had to experience without russ. my dad sent me and some friends on a cruise to help cheer me up, and it was obviously an amazing time, but the whole time i couldn't help but thinking, why isnt he hear to share this with me? especially since the last vacation i went on was with him (too jamaica.....sooooo much fun!) well michelle, its after midnight, so happy birthday! just know tom is still with you.....i hope you have a great day!

[armaiti]

Happy Birthday Michele! I hope you do something special or have some fun today! And I'm glad things went well for you at the doctors.

Now it's my turn to ask a question - who's katie couric?

Feeling better, turns out it was not the stomach flu, apparently I now have a full blown allergy to wheat. Wierd, I used to have a stomach like a goat, I could eat anything. But more of my friends are also noticing they are having trouble digesting wheat. Ishaq's dad's wife, Georgeanne, is a close friend and she has Celiac's which is hypersensitivity to even minute amounts of wheat, but she and I spoke and she said it sounded like an allergic reaction, the way it came on so fast after eating a wheat pastry. So I'll just cut wheat out and see how I do.

I've been feeling down lately, the leaves are turning and while I look forward to camp next week, it's the second one without Ishaq. "without Ishaq" seems to be the catchphrase now, where last year it was "first year anniversary of..." Now it just seems a long drawn out future that just feels empty without him. I know it had to be this way, that otherwise he would have lived longer but probably have died in a hospital from kidney failure which he would have just hated. So that gives me some comfort, but I am defintely lonely, and I couldn't even imagine being with anyone else, so there's nothing I can do about it. I have lots of friends, but sometimes I feel more lonely doing things with them than by myself, because if I'm by myself at least I can talk to Ishaq and spend time remembering him. Does that make sense to anyone else?

Hope everyone has a peaceful day,

Anna

[aprilmoonflower]

katie couric used to be the host of the today show (I think that's the right one?) her husband died of colon cancer probably like 7 years ago or so. If I remember correctly she did a colonoscopy on tv to show that it's not that bad and to promote awareness.

so guess what!?!? I got a freelance writing job! yay! someone contacted me through AC for freelance work. I'm so excited!

tomorrow is my daughter's bday. she will be two! how did that happen? I feel like ger babyhood was a blur. I am always so sad when it's her bday too which is awful. I just relive the whole 2 weeks from her birth up to 2 weeks later when DH died. I hate it and feel guilty that my grief overshadow's her day at times (to me anyway!) at least this year I won't be picking up DH ashes at the PO like i did last year though! I just have to laugh at some of the crap that has happened as it's almost comical if it wasn't so rediculous!

anna- I totally understand the wanting to do things by yourself. sometime's it's just easier..

[aprilmoonflower]

Happy Birthday Michele!

[rodless]

Anna, I completely understand what you're saying. I feel the smae way. I have a friend who is going through the 2nd year and struggling. We've talked about it a lot.

April, eventually maybe your daughter's birthday will be better for you. At least she's go little she doesn't understand that it is sad for you.

I wonder what we'll all be like 5 years from now? Better, I hope! Mary Jo

[amberi]

Anna - my friends dragged me along camping we do it all the time during summer but they are a "whole family" everyone has their partner and children and I felt left out I try to have some fun but it is short lived, the guilt and jealousy kicks in. So I too know how you feel. My best friend also is allergic to wheat, it is really hard for her cause you dont realize that it is in so much food, she is also allergic to corn syrup that is in everything even ketchup! So I watch her try to shop for food or to go camping its really hard to see I feel so bad for her. At Christmas I make everyone candy and I cant for her with out trying to figure out new ways to make the good old stuff she used to love. I wish you lots of luck with that. let me know and I can get lots of info. from her if you need.

Samantha - I too went to Jamaica with Al. we went to Negrile, such a beautiful place.

have a good day all

amber

[armaiti]

Thanks, Amber, where I live in Eugene, Oregon is like health food store heaven, we literally have nine main health food stores here, plus Trader Joe's, which has lots of good wheat free stuff.

I have used Xylitol, made from birch tree cambian bark, and Agave nectar, both to sweeten things. The Xylitol is more the consistancy of sugar, and works good for cakes and brownies, the Agave nectar is more a syrup and works good for liquid (makes great margueritas). Both are low-glycemic and healthier than cane sugar. I haven't tried making candy, but I have made brownies, muffins and cookies and all have come out great.

I actually have been cooking wheat-free stuff for a while, because of having so many friends who are wheat sensitive. Now I'm one too, I guess.

Blessings

Anna

[mishknit]

anna...

what you said about the second trip struck a cord in me.

my birthday has just been the pits..besides the colonoscopy (which was at least interesting!). i had lots of love and attention adn offers to do things, but i just didn;t want to.

i took off for a drive, but it was hopeless.

last year there was so much about "getting thru" the first bday without him...this year i just look at this day and say,,who the heck cares? this is my life from no on, without him.

and it makes me unutterably sad.

i willl be going to bed as soon as my son gets home (he's been gona all day too..doing tech for an acting camp...not even a nice dinner with ,my son today!)..and getting this stupid day over with.

some days I REALLY HATE MY LIFE!!!!

michele

[armaiti]

Michele, I'm sorry you're having a bad day today. Sometimes I wonder if this second year is harder than the first year...there was so much to do, to plan for and take care of, and now like you say, this is our lives without them here.

Hope tomorrow is a bit better for you,

Blessings,

Anna

[samrtb]

anna - i know what you mean about wanting to be by yourself. sometimes i feel that being around people helps, but most of the time i end up just looking forward to time along because then i can think about russ, talk to him, cry if i need to, etc.

amber - russ and i went to negril also! we went march 2006, and absolutely loved it. when did you go/where did you stay>

hope everyone is doing well.....

steph

[amberi]

Steph - dont know why I put Samantha sorry, Alex and I went for our honeymoon back in 95' actually I won it at a bridal expo, I went for two years to the expo entered both times but the first time I went cause it was super bowl sun. and I was bored. the second time was really for our wedding, they called me and I thought it was a joke and hung up on them. It was one of the best times in my life. We stayed at Sandals for 6 days and in Montigo Bay for the last day since it was near the airport. that one wasnt as fun. How about you, We always talked about going back for our 10th or 20th but on our tenth he was screwed up from the drugs and in rehab so we didnt get to now I want to go back but dont think I ever would cause it would be much to hard.

Michele Im so sorry you b-day was hard, I hope today goes better for you.

So everyone I need some help or support or a beer j/k those jerks came back last night from Sturgis and have already started with the drama. Sometimes I feel like I should just move away but I dont think my kids would ever forgive me, they love their home and school. I think Im getting in that mode again cause his 3mo ann. is next week. and my sister-in-law still wont speak to me she really believes I cheated on him, it hurts so bad cause I have been faithful the whole 18years but I just cant get her to listen to me, she is totally believing what those jerks are saying and she doesn’t even know them that well. ahhhhhhhhhhhh me too Michele I really hate my life. but then I also know it can always get worse.

hope everyone else is having a better day. and its fri so I wont be back till monday. have a great weekend all.

amber