I Miss Him So...

[missyouhoney811]

ANNA, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" - Hope your day is peaceful and happy.................

God Bless,

Dorothy

[mishknit]

hey anna...

happy birthday! I hope you're having a nice time with your friend, and that ypu'll come back a little refreshed.

and to everyone else,

,my thoughts are always with you all,

peace,

michele

[fourleafclover]

Firstly, happy birthday Anna. May God bless your day and keep you safe.

Naz, I'm in South Africa (winter just starting) and it seems to be the coldest ever. Rainy and miserable too. I've had an okay day...my husband and I aren't talking at the moment and the kids are just too much right now. I know how you're feeling, but just remember that you are coping and that is enough. I hope that people who are close to you realise that and know how much love and support you need right now.

Have a peaceful evening and that you feel better tomorrow. (Without anybody stuffing up your day.)

[missinmyhubby]

Hey Anna!!! Happy B day!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to all of you for the support with the new job coming up. You are all so great!!!!!

Big (((((HUGS)))))

Angel

[aprilmoonflower]

Happy Bday Anna! Hope you had a good day!

I have been down with horrible allergies (They are kicking my butt these days) I am still lurking here though!

[lindat]

Allergies suck, hope you feel better soon April.

Happy Birthday Anna!! Hope you are having a great time and lots of peace....

Angel - Your new job is so cool, congratulations! I will really miss your posts when you get too busy to come back often.

Michele, Hope you are doing well, you are in my thoughts.

Dorothy, Hope your arm is finally getting better! I am walking 6 - 8 miles every day now, have lost 30 lbs since Feb and hope to lose 30 more by August. It is the one thing in my life that seems like it is in my control

Naz, I think you were right to say what you did and I hope that you have a good day tomorrow. This too will pass, it just doesn't seem possible right now. I remembering feeling homeless and so lost without my Terry after Katrina - driving and driving across the country crying all the way. Not sure how I survived, but somehow I did.

Fourleaf, Sorry to hear about your fire, hope you didn't lose too much. It does seem as though things are piled on us extra high sometimes - hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Wishing peace for all....

Linda

[naz496]

happy birthday anna

have had a better day today but kept the glasses on as I am a bit swollen

naz

[missyouhoney811]

Linda, wish my hand/wrist/arm were better BUT the doctor I had made a BIG TIME GOOF with me. I tried to take the brace off last week (6 weeks) I still have bad pain and unable to touch thumb to baby finger. I called the doctor 3 times but he never returned my call. I am going to a specialist on friday I hope he does not suggest surgery. In reference to falling -------------- I went to a foot specialist last week told him about my falling and also stated I believe it is because of my left foot that seems to be weak and from time to time it swells. He checked me out and tomorrow I have to have a MRI of my left foot, leg, calf. He thinks I have a perineal tendon tear (lucky me) - if damn doctors would have x-rayed my foot when I was in the emergency room complaining about foot pain and weakness this all could have been resolved. Instead they gave me MRI's of the brain (2) Heart work-up. Goes back to what I have said for years - Doctors are asses. Dorothy is not happy at all. Also, this morning I woke up crying and missing John. The morning tears have not happened for awhile.

God Bless and Take Care,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Linda, congratulations on the weight loss. I bet you are VERY proud of yourself. As you should be. My membership at the health club has been on hold but I spoke with my trainer and possibly I'll be able to do some type of class. After I get my testing done this week I will know better what I can and can't do. I still have that dream in my head for a little sexy dress for holidays whild I am in San Juan, PR...............

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Forgive typing errors---------------not easy typing with one hand...

[lindat]

Dorothy, Thank you so much for taking the time to give me support. I am proud of myself and very determined to be much slimmer in August when I see my guy. I am so sorry about your arm and the pain that you are in - hopefully they will figure out how to fix you up soon. When are you going to San Juan? Linda

[missyouhoney811]

Linda, I'll be going to San Juan on 12/23 and return 1/2/08. Christmas, my birthday and New Year's.............I already purchased my tickets and I am flying First Class (both ways). I think I mentioned before my son's girlfriend (they met in college) is from San Juan, PR..............they have been a couple for over four years now. She is such a sweet person. I was planning on staying at hotel but, her mother would not hear it. So I'll be staying with Vanessa's family. I already met her mother as a matter of fact she met John while he was in the hospital in 2005. She actually insisted on going to the hospital with me. My other plan besides trimming down is taking a brush up course on Latin dancing. In my much younger days I was a dancing instructor. So far I have not made my reservations for Vegas. I am still planning for August. I have a Mass for John on 8/15 and the church candle will be lit for him from 8/5 to 8/18. So I think the date for Vegas will be leaving Pittsburgh on 8/17 and return 8/24.

Have a peaceful day.

God Bless,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

I don't know if I metioned before but San Juan, PR was our first vacation together in 1972. Who would have though our son would have met such a wonderful girl from our first vacation spot. As a matter of fact her parents married the same month and year as we did (9/75) - On my birthday (12/29) I plan on going to the hotel/casino where we actually stayed in 1972 - maybe John will bring me luck.....Must run and get my X-rays (from two hospitals) for my doctors apt for tomorrow.

God Bless All,

Dorothy

[armaiti]

Hi everyone, I'm back safe and sound! Thank you for all the birthday wishes!

Jamila took me out to a really nice restaurant in Ashland called Cucina Biazzi. They do a four course dinner presentation and it was awesome. Antipasta plate, then pasta (I had a ravioli with browned butter and crisped sage that was one of the most amazing things I've ever tasted! I do gourmet cooking for fun, and have done some catering, so I'm always looking for new taste treats to try out!), meat course and then salad course. Then she had told them it was my birthday so they brought their signature chocolate pot o creme out and it was incredible. We had a great bottle of wine with it too. Yesterday I went shopping in downtown Ashland and bought myself a topaz bracelet from Nepal and some really fancy organic skin care (Eminence, all in their rose scent) and then Jamila and I and her ex, who was one of Ishaq's best friends, all went out to yet another great restaurant which they've know the owners since they were little kids. The father was killed in a car accident when they were all young and the mother and now the kids keep it going and it's in a little house with an arbor you can dine in (it's called the Arbor House) and I ended up taking most of my main dish home because they gave you soup and salad and biscuits first and I was so full before I even got my catfish!

So I had a good time, mostly...there were sad times too of course, my first birthday without Ishaq. I didn't dream of him when I was down there but I don't dream of him usually when I'm in someone elses house. Then I got home to my own bed and he came in one of the lucid dreams and we hugged and talked, and I feel like it was my birthday gift from him.

Oh, and one other cool thing, with birds - I went for a long walk on my birthday - Jamila lives out in the country - and asked Ishaq if he had any feathers or a present to send me from nature. I was walking back to her house when I hear something and I turn and a blackbird flies right up to me, hovers flapping its wings in front of me like a hummingbird and then circles my head twice and then goes and sits on a telephone wire above me, looking down. I sat down and looked at it and pretty soon there were six blackbirds that had gathered all looking at me. Then one flew back down and did the hover thing again. When I started walking again, they followed me partway home! Pretty cool. I looked up blackbird as what they mean as a medicine animal/bird and it was about crossing over between the worlds, seen and unseen, here and underworld or place of spirits, and also about bringing the balance of nature into being. So it sure made sense and was a very cool experience!

Lots of love to you all,

Anna

PS, Linda, congrats on the weight loss! I need to start exercising again too...Jamila and I went to Wellsprings Hotsprings pool and I hadn't brought bathing suit and all she had were bikins...I felt a bit self conscious and realized I need to lose some weight too!

Dorothy - so sorry about your leg, I'll keep you in my healing prayers!

Angel - I know about those allergies! Have you tried Flonase? I don't do any drugs usually but this is a lifesend for me. I get it from New Zealand where it is legal over the counter and called Flixonase. Here it costs $75 or more a bottle and you need a prescription, but through the pharmacy in New Zealand I got three bottles for $45 and free shipping. It's a nose spray and I use it once a day and it pretty much keeps my allergies totally under control, unless I have to mow or something. Othersie I wouldn't even be able to go outside in the summer. Let me know if you want me to email you the online store address.

Naz - sorry you are still having problems with the estate stuff. That just adds more stress to everything!

Peace,

Anna

[rodless]

I'm back from a long weekend in Albuquerque. It is a beautiful city and I enjoyed it, but I could never live in the desert, too much of a waterbaby. Would miss the lakes, creek etc. Zeroscaping just doesn't quite do it for me. It was a welcome break from the norm.

I am also hitting the exercise trail - my way is swimming laps. When Rod got sick I was swimming/walking combination at least 2 miles a day. Really let it go through the fall and winter, gained some weight back and now am paying the price. Just couldn't face coming home from the pool and not having him there to say "How did that go?" Still miss it but not as painful.

Hope you're all having a good day. Mary Jo

[missinmyhubby]

LOLOL Anna!!! I think you meant the allergy stuff for April. I am glad to hear you had a good time!!!! I went to Ashland once when I was quite a bit younger. My mom used to live in Happy Camp. Beautiful countryside!!!! Gotta go study...Blessings to everyone!!!!

Angel

[Guest Guest]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum but not to the loss. My husband of 30+ years passed in Dec of 05 and I just found this site. I have registered but I'm showing up as guest right now. Anyhow I 've read many of the posts in various forums and think this site will be of value to me as I learn to walk alone in this life. I have one adult daughter who lives about an hour from me and she has been a great help considering she lost her father.

[mishknit]

welcome guest (who we will soon know!)

I am sorry for your loss, and glad you found this site. it is helpful. keep reading and posting.

Anna..sounds like a fabulous trip! Ceratinly there were ard moments, but how lovely your friend was, and those restaurants sound incredible! I always wanted to go to ashland...wanted to go to the shakespeare festival..maybe one day i'll make it! anyay, glad your bday was good. Amd i love flonase too...i'm losing part of my insurance soon, may need to get that address from you!

linda..how great! 30 lbs! good for you..you really committed and it worked out...shows how much we really have, huh? How is your 'FREIND", BTW....hope his doctors reports are better.

mary jo..my very good friend, nancy, recently moved to albequerque..i miss her so much! She likes it, but she misses her friends here...she and her hsband moved there and bought a great home. she's an actor, and is getting in with the local theatre companies, so that helps...but i'm a native Scal girl...i don't know what id' do without water..love the beach, but would at least need a lake. I spent a few days in the desert a few weeks ago..reaally enjoyed it, but..it was days. I'm trying to plan a getaway to visit nan, so i'll let you know what i think of it.

not much goimg on with me..my son graduates middle scool in 2 weeks..just busy with that. i had to have corporate taxes done, and saw a big chunk of security fly right to the government (and i just KNOW that my portion does not even contribute one penny to that stupid war!)...but it's scary. i have some work to do, nd have to get real about it. I've been involved with the oss fo so long, it's time to get back into life and the future, because it's looming!

peace to you all,

michele

[armaiti]

Angel - oops, you are right, I meant the allergy info for April! I also get spacey from the allergies!

Guest, we welcome you and are so sorry you have had to come here as well.

Just got back from another dinner out with a friend who wanted to treat me for my birthday. Guess I'll worry about losing weight later...

I picked the first few raspberries today, but had to run back inside as the wind here is up and I can't stay out long without sneezing. Glad this part only lasts about a week for me and then the Flonase starts working again!

Peace,

Anna

[naz496]

well girls

had a nice day today. I took montanna to my sisters and I went to a scrapbook fair got a few things for Mal album. even went window shopping. Took montanna to specialist and she has to have her tonsils out. poor thing has been sick for months.

even had a propper dinner. Not chocolate, even though I have had one choc for desert. Does that count.

Hope this finds u all with some piece today

naz

[justamom]

Guest, Welcome, we are so sorry for your loss but glad that you have found your way here. Kindred spirits we are.

Mary Jo I am leaving for Albuqurque on Tuesday! My sister and I and our 4 kids road trippin! We are doing the Great Sand Dunes first then Taos, Sante Fe, Albuqurque for 3 days, On to Aztec, Durango and last Pagosa Springs. We should be home in about a week, sooner if it is too many kids! Hockey boy is on a motorcycle trip right now with one of Steve's (My husband) really good friends and they are going to see one of my brothers. It is all a little nerve racking for me so I am trying to stay busy and not think of all of the things that they could be doing together and talking about! I am sure that my brother and Steve's friend are giving him the standard lecture - not to hurt me, take care of me we'll break your legs if not! HA!

Michele, I have an Aunt and an Uncle who now live in Albuqurque who worked for Disney on Broadway for many years. They just built a movie studio down there and I know my Aunt has been involved in some of the productions down there. (She was John Travolta's personnal dresser on Wild Hogs most recently) If your friend were to be looking for more stuff like that to do I would be happy to try and hook her up with my aunt!

Linda, Congrats on the weight loss! That is great. Exercise makes your brain work better too, in my opinion. I was walking that big ol puppy of mine but now my boys are home every day so we don't get it accomplished as much!

Dorothy, My 7 year old nephew just broke his arm at my house this week. The 1 arm thing is no fun. I feel so bad for him. He is even having a hard time pulling up his pants! I am feeling for you too. Hopefully better soon. Your trip for Christmas sounds fun. I think it is good to have something to look forward to.

Naz, there is nothing wrong with Chocolate for any meal in my opinion! I am glad that you are having a good moment. Enjoy it.

Anna, sounds like a great trip. Happy belated birthday! It sounds like you made the best of it. My birthday is July the 4th so it will be my second one without Steve. Last year wasn't too good so I think this one will be better. I have a good friend in Ashland and another in Northbend. Such a beautiful place.

Angel, Congratulations on the new job! That sounds great. I bet your hubby is smiling on you! Good luck in the training, It sounds so exciting.

April, I didn't think people had allergies in the desert! That really sucks. Hope they are getting better for you.

Hope you all take care. Thinking of you all! Lisa

[mishknit]

lisa...

thank you for your offer....i will definietly email my friend..who knows, they may have already met!

I'll let you know after i talk with her

peace,

michele

[aprilmoonflower]

Dorothy- your trip sounds so cool! =)

Annna- what kind of symptoms is Flonase for? I looked on the net but now wonderinf is it more for nasal woes? (I have puffy eyes and a sore throat, sneezing and sinus pressure and messed up glands, but not much nasal things going on but sneezing) yes definitly email me the site if you don't mind! I think you have my email, but if not it's

az _ mama @ hotmail . com (no spaces) I don't have a reg dr and getting desperate here. I am currently taking claritin but it's not cutting it some days. I may just see if I can see my kids pedi if I get any worse.lol.

Lisa- have fun! make sure to hit the hot springs while in NM! (DH and I went on a hotsprings honeymoon in NM and went all over the state- it was so frigging awesome!) I love NM!!!!

naz- you sound a bit better. how are you doing? busy is good I have found..

Michele- I love your part of Cali. I need to take a trip over soon! btw I lived in Fresno for a time (DH traveled back and forth yearly as he was in produce..we also met in the Ventura Beach area..CAl just reminds me of great times!

maryjo- sounds like you had a good trip! I think you either love or hate the desert! I grew up in the great lakes area so I do miss the water but I will take 350+ days of sunshine any day! hehe. I do think I had seasonal mood disorder when I lived back east!

linda- I hope everything is well with you..any updates on your friend?

[armaiti]

April - the Flonase is for general hay fever symptoms - sneezing, itchy eyes, runny nose, the works. I'm just going to post the website here because other people were interested too:

www.pharmacydiscounter.com

They also carry Allegra and other allergie meds at a really low cost compared to the US cost. Until I found it I couldn't even go outside for April - June,now it's bad during late May/early June but I take an Allegra with it for the bad days and it keeps it under control. The Flonase is a stearoidal base you probably should get checked out and make sure it's ok to take...I had Flonase as a prescription when I had insurance, so I know it's safe for me to take, but Ishaq couldn't take it because of his diabetes.

I'm feeling pretty tired today...I thought my old cat was having trouble getting in the cat door at 3:30 am, making all kinds of racket...I get up and turn on the light and see a raccoon poking its head through the cat door! I had to block off the cat door but it still tried to get in and kept me awake. But it didn't get my strawberries that I found for breakfast!

Peace,

Anna

[naz496]

hi all

for those looking for cheap pharmacy meds over the counter there are many here in australia hayfever ones are beconase, nasonex and a few others. If im able to send them os Im happy to get them for u and post. I dont know if u can by through these web sites but try

oharmactbymail.com.au or pharmacydirect.com.au.

I find rhinocourt hayfever good or beconase allergy. I can buy these over the counter. I think both are around $15 australian, about $12US. hope this helps.

Naz

[ripzuck]

Mary Jo,

What you said was so close to my heart about swimming. My husband had been on the board of education for our local school district and pushed to have an olympic pool built in the H.S., which is a mile from the house I swim laps there regularly ,but it's tough coming home to an empty house because he would always ask how my swim was afterwards and tell me how relaxed I look.( He wasn't into swimming himself, preferred outdoor endeavors.) I had a beautiful choclate lab who died 7 weeks after my husband last June 8 and the two of them would always look so happy when I came home from my swim. It's amazing how life can change. Now I come home to two precious cats, acquired last July from a shelter.

Swimming does amazing things for your body and mind so enjoy your swims and know that your husband would be (is?) so pleased to know you are taking care of yourself.

Rita

[sweetwilliam]

I wanted to let everyone know that for my husband's birthday (last Saturday) we started the memory garden. My family and I found it very peaceful to be together planning and planting the garden. I read the posts from the last three days and pray that eventually

I find the strength to do the things many of you are doing. You all have given me hope that while this is not the path I wanted to take, I will eventually find a "new" way of living...

God Bless,

Susan

[missyouhoney811]

Susan, being around nature for some reason makes me feel closer to John. As I mentioned in the past his Maple Tree that he planted in 1996 is very tall, strong and beautiful. I have my wind chimes on the tree, stepping stones around it and I'll try and plant my flowers and rose bush around the tree tomorrow. (providing someone digs the holes for me - can't do that with one hand) Keep on reading and posting - somehow, someway the strength does come but we all are still doing this on a day to day basic. If a stranger were to walk into my house they probably would think I should be committed the way I go about talking to John. In my heart, mind and soul he will always be with me in spirit. If I need the conversation talking with him to make me feel good I probably continue it forever.

Today, I booked another trip for myself. I am going to a Broadway Show to see the performance of CURTAINS ----- in New York City (7/25 - 7/29) my son will be on his business trip that week in New York. My niece will be joining me and we will celebrate her birthday on 7/28 (she is from Georgia). I am trying my new way of living without John because I can't continue being sad and crying all the time and staying in the house as I once did (still do from time to time). It is not a healthy way of life and I know John would want me to be happy and at peace.

God Bless and Take Care of All of you (My Sisters in Grief)......

Dorothy

[lindat]

Hi April,

The FDA did not approve the treatment that his doctor was wanting for him, so now they are looking at a treatment called cyber knife - it is a new, non-invasive way of operating on tumors, even inoperable ones. I don't understand much about it except that there is only one machine in MI - only 70 in the world. I am biting my tongue, I just want him to do the surgery and stop taking chances - but it is his life. He is still doing the holistic treatment while he is deciding, and I am staying out of it unless asked. It is hard enough to have a long distance relationship without all this too. I guess I have more life lessons to learn or something

Dorothy, You are right, John would not want you to be unhappy or sad. Just as we would not want them to be unhappy and sad if the situation were reversed. Terry used to tell me - give it a week and move on - it will do no good to grieve longer than that. He never had a clue how hard it would be and I am pretty sure that he would have had just as hard a time, I would not have wanted that for a moment. Since almost all that I have from him is gone because of Katrina, I feel closest to him in the car - that is the only place that I talk to him. We went home to MS for his doctor visit only 4 days before he died and it was such a great trip. I drove all the way there and back - he usually drove, but he wanted to look out the window for signs of progress. I can still see him in the passenger seat with his hand on my knee I miss him so much, but I can't stay sad any longer, we need to live again - life is short.

Susan, I am so glad that you found peace with the memory garden. You will be able to find strength for a new way of living when it is time - I couldn't even think until I got past the first anniversary. It may be different for you - it is an individual thing, but it still takes time. Sometimes, I still have to go back to taking one day at a time, but it is so much easier now than it was the first year.

Lisa, Thanks, it is a struggle to get out there every day. When I get up in the morning, I put on my shoes and head out the door - don't stop for coffee even.

3 - 5 miles later, I can have my coffee. When I get home from work - I head out the door to do it again. Good days, I am up to 10 miles - never less than 6 miles. I would be lost without my ipod - music makes it bearable. I started strength training at the Y also.

Michele, I was doing South Beach, but hit a plateau. On Monday I decided to only eat negative calorie foods this week - lost 7 pounds so far. Determination helps, I have been trying to lose weight for 15 years and this is the first time that I have been successful. I HAVE to do this - only 2 1/2 months to go

Anna - Bikini??? That makes me shudder - I have a long way to go So glad that you had a good time for your birthday, the food sounds amazing (as most food does for me these days).

Mary Jo - so glad you are back. I know what you mean, Terry was great support whenever I did good things for myself. A few days before he died I asked him to make me a CD for walking and the next day when I went to walk I played it. It was supposed to be upbeat, fast music and it was all love songs. I still regret that I was SO angry with him when I got home - now I treasure it, I so wish I could tell him that - I can only hope that somehow he knows.

I read every day, you guys really keep me going.... Hope we all find some peace this weekend. Linda

[armaiti]

Linda - I looked up the cyber knife treatment online and it looks like an amazming new treatment...I have a friend whose husband has had prostate cancer so I'm always interested in hearing about something new as well. It sounds pretty non-invasive so hopefully he'll do it.

Susan, the memory garden sounds wonderful, what a wonderful honoring!

Have any of you heard the song "Naked as we Came" by Iron and Wine? What an amazing song! The words are:

She says "wake up, it's no use pretending"

I'll keep stealing, breathing her

Birds are leaving over autumn's ending

One of us will die inside these arms

Eyes wide open, naked as we came

One will spread our ashes round the yard

She says "if I leave before you, darling

Don't you waste me in the ground"

I lay smiling like our sleeping children

One of us will die inside these arms

Eyes wide open, naked as we came

One will spread our ashes round the yard

It makes me think of Ishaq, and of all of us, every time I hear it.

I went with a friend yesterday to her daughter's dance group recital. My friend's ex-husband (who met a woman online and then cheated with her and left my friend for a this person he hardly knows) was going to be there too and she asked a bunch of us to come as support since she hadn't seen him for months. I went to be with her but ended up being amazed by her daughter's dancing and the general quality of the group. They did a lot of dance to modern and hip hop music, and her daughter was one of the best - an incredible dancer! After that we all went out to dinner and then out for dessert. So it was a good day, even though my allergies are still kicking my butt. I've got allegra now to add on and that should help. My garden is a jungle because I can't work in it, but a friend who does landscaping is coming over Tuesday and going to help me get it in shape.

Hope you all have a peaceful Sunday,

Peace and Blessings,

Anna

[mishknit]

hey linda,

like anna, i looked up the treatment, because it soundd so much like what i had several years back. in reading the description, i had the gamma knife, and it was pretty limited to brain problems (couldn't you all guess i have some brain problems??LOL!!). This looks very similar, yet so much easier..i hope it works out for him. when i had my radiation brain surgery, even though it was more in volved....i went in the hospital at 6 am, and was home by 7 that night! it is amazing what can be done, where we have evolved to.

i do know that song anna..it alwyas moves me.

peace,

michele

[missyouhoney811]

Anna, I just listened to the song Naked As We Came. I agree a very amazing song. I actually listened to bits and pieces of all the songs on the CD entitled Numbered Days by Iron an Wine. I priced it on Amazon but since I will be going out today I plan on stopping by Best Buy to price it out (I have a $10 coupon). It was great that you gave your friend support.....everyone needs that from time to time. Hope your allergies improve.

Linda, It's amazing the things that our husbands (partners) did when they were here we did not appreciate and yet they are the things we now love. Life and human nature--------------figure it out.

My flowers that I planted from seed to attract butterflies are so beautiful......I barely moved the dirt when I planted the 3 pound bag of seeds. I have many different colors. Flowers make me happy.

Peace to All,

Dorothy

[bsnurse76]

Hello! My big test(my board exam)is on Wednesday. My stress level is so high that I have stomach aches every night. All I dream about is this test. I am so ready for it to be behind me. It makes it more stressful that Darren isn't here to give me encouragement. I would just love to hear him tell me that I will do just fine. Everyone else has given me encouragement but it isn't the same. I miss him. It will be 7 months tomorrow that he has been gone. I also put my cat to sleep last week, so I am sad about that. Life will be so much better after Wednesday. Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Take care. Brandi

[missyouhoney811]

Brandi, Good Luck on your board exam. I am sure you will do FANTASTIC. Try to keep your spirits high and know that Darren is watching you from up above. I am sorry you are feeling so sad this evening. We all know that missing to well. I remember in 2003 within a period of 3 weeks I had to put my dog of 13 years and cat of 20 years to sleep. It is a very hard thing to do. I also know that they were both suffering and it had to be done. Life will get better once all the stress is behind you.

God Bless and Take Care,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Naz, from your posting you sound so much better. You seem to be relaxed and stress free. Whatever you are doing - keep it up girl. Let no one get you down.

God Bless,

Dorothy

[bevincali]

Hi everyone, I am guest of a few days ago. I was gone for the weekend in Bullhead City AZ. to play on the river a little. It was really hard going back to the river after I lost my husband, it's different but still so much fun. We spent most of our river time in Havasu and now I go to Bullhead, similar but the little differences helped. Have not managed to go back to Glamis yet.

I did get good news this weekend, my daughter and her husband are expecting thier first, so here comes grandma hood. I have been waiting for this and couldn't be happier about the upcoming event. Thanks to all who welcomed me and I look forward to getting to know many of you.

[rodless]

Hello, bevincali. I hope this board will bring you some consolation. It has helped me a lot through the past 10 months. I hate that we all have to be here but am glad there are people out there who understand.

Thanks, Rita, for the comment on swimming and coming home to an empty house. It was one of the worst things to overcome and I still have a tough time with it. At least my dog is still here and happy to see me. Rod was so proud of the progress I was making. Yesterday I did 1/2 mile of laps so I am working myself back up again. After my divorce years ago I used to meet my kids and sitter at the pool after work. I couldn't wait to dive to the bottom of the 10 ft. and clear my mind... looked forward to it all day. Have always had an affinity for water.

I'm taking off for Nashville this week. I haven't gone anywhere big for so long and now two trips so close together. Still don't care much for the noisy, crowded flying. Mom will be with me again. She has two artificial hips, a knee and a bra with lots of metal (result of breast cancer) so security is always a challenge.

Crashed tonight into tears... miss him so much. Mary Jo

[rodless]

Linda.. I am so impressed with your determination!! You go girl!! MJ

[missyouhoney811]

Bear with me everyone and please don't think I am crazy. Today, I purchased a new key ring from "Things Remembered" I almost ordered it off the internet last night but they would only engrave 2 lines with 5 characters on each line. I wanted the words Ego Ti Amo (as engraved on our wedding bands). The key ring has a beutiful purple butterfly on it and they did engrave Ego Ti Amo on the Heart. My son put my husbands key ring on with mine (also purchased about 3 years ago at "Things Remembered") and also my husband's house key. At 11 PM the clock went off playing Unchained Melody. 11:15 I was trying to do my mental exercises (tapping into my own psychic ability) by John Edwards. I could not relax went on the computer checked on site - went into my email clicked on subject River Songs Hello clicked onto "Dentro Mi Corazon (Spanish)" I had no clue what I was going on because I do not read or speak spanish. Music starts to play, a gold locket opens, inside the locket on the heart "Te Amo". (John use to say Ti Amo sexy and low and nibble on my ear. He was quite the romantic in his days) At that moment I felt John all around me at 12 midnight the clock played Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Trust me my mind is perfect. I do not imagine things. I felt him so close tonight. I am crying but I think they are happy tears. (I lost my car and house keys on Friday) Check out riversongs.net/rsjtsJune4.html.

God Bless all of you and please trust in the spirits.

Dorothy

[armaiti]

Dorothy, you are so NOT crazy! These things that happen are our beloveds gifts to us, to let us know they are with us still.

I am so happy to hear of others who are still getting messages and visits from their beloveds!

Peace and Blessings,

Anna

[missyouhoney811]

Anna, thank you. It is a great feeling just knowing his spirit is here with me. The clock played at 11:00, 12:00 and 1:00 AM. What a great gift.

Peace,

Dorothy

[missinmyhubby]

Anna....Naked As We Came is just beautiful!!! I also noticed something in that video...I know, I am horrible..lol. First the floating dead fish, then the ants all over the table, and then the fish were alive again at the end. The fish alive again was cool!! LOL

Brandi...It was nice hearing from you. We on here tend to get a bit worried when we don't hear from one another for awhile. I know it's not the same as hearing it from Darren but, I bet you will do wonderful!!! I too am struggling with the same thing right now career wise. I know it's so hard. We are TOUGH girl, hang in there!!!

SPEAKING OF...DARLENE, WHERE ARE YOU?????????????????????????????????????

Bevincali...It is hard going back to "the places" we shared with our loved ones. My DH has been gone almost 4yrs (wow, I can not believe that!!!), and I have some places still to go. I have not been back to the gardens where we got married. They are in the next town from where I live, and I have just not been able to do it. However, I am going to be forced to this week. I am moving and it will be the last chance I get before I go. I don't know how long it will be, or if, I get to return...so, I guess it's now or never!!! I know what you mean about it being easier to go places just a little different. Hence, when I finally came back to Florida, I moved to this town just 30 minutes up the road instead of back to where we lived together. It meant I was close enough to go visit "our places" when I was ready, but living a little further away meant I didn't HAVE to be thrown into it....like our favorite dining places, stores, and just places. As for you good news...CONGRATS GRANDMAMA!!!!!

MaryJo...I hope you have fun in Nashville. I was a little bummed you are going to bet there 8 weeks before I move to Memphis!!!! When you come back that way you have to let me know so we can do lunch!!! I had to laugh at the "noisy, crowded flying" part, as you know I am a pilot...it just made me giggle. Be safe on your trip!!!

Dorothy...DID YOU FIND YOUR CAR???? Lololol...just kidding!!! You know, when he first passed away I use to get signs of his being near all the time. I don't get them much anymore and it makes me sad. I know part of that is because I have remarried and he sees the kids and I are being well taken care of. I also know that because I get so busy that my mind is not as open to it as it was before. Not that I have closed him out by any means, but because my life is moving again and I just don't see it as much. I think you know what I mean. Then, I also think it is because sometimes it hurts too much. I miss him and want him here still. At times when he is near it makes me smile, others it hurts so damn bad I can't stand it. I think part of it is that I don't want to be so down and have closed it out to avoid some of that pain. However, as I was just typing this my computer made a DINGING noise for NO REASON...LOL. Ahhh, that made me smile and shake my head. He was always a jokester and still is (I bet he is giving God one helluva time). During his funeral services, they were knocking a building down nearby, and just when the preacher said his final statement that we will always love him and he will be forever near the dynamite went off and made a HUGE noise...the whole church laughed. That was my DH making himself heard!!!

There was a line in a song today that I heard that gave me pause...If you want to hear God laugh, just tell him your plans. Oh, how true that is, huh?

On another note...my sister's 18 year old son joined the Marines and graduated boot camp this past week. He is home for two weeks and then he is off to special training for two months. After that they are deploying him to Iraq. Like all the others who die for our country, he is too young. I am soooo scared we won't see him again!!! I know, keep it positive right...I am trying my best. Please keep him in your prayers...

Well, I leave in one week...whoooooooooooooooooooooo...I can't wait until it's over!!! My husband is freaking out, but hiding it well. I will be leaving for 7 weeks with minimal contact. He will be left to handle the house, the packing, the bills, and all four kids by himself. If they are all still alive when I get back, I will consider it a miracle!!! LOL I don't expect the house to be clean or the bills to be up to date, but hey, as long as he and the kids don't kill one another, I guess I will be one up, right?!?!?!?!?! Anyone want to call and check on him...LOLOL????? The nerves are getting taught and I just keep telling myself..I KNOW I CAN, I KNOW I CAN..chugga chugga chugga chugga...I KNOW I CAN...hehe. I am trying to just breathe. Okay....that makes me feel a little better....

Off to hit the books...BIG BIG (((((HUGS))))) to all...nighters!!!

[missyouhoney811]

Angel, my fingers moved faster than my brain waves. I lost my keys not car. Good Luck and Best Wishes on your move. I am sure your husband will survive taking care of the children, house, packing and bills. If not just think how much they will appreciate you once you are together again. LOLLOL.............I will add your nephew to my prayer list. You are so right he is too young. My nephew put five years in the Marines but has been out since 2002. At present time my sister is happy that he is back in the USA but she has no idea what he does for the CIA.

Mary Jo, have a safe, fun filled trip to Nashville. I can relate to the metal setting off security. Before John became paralysed in the early 90's while traveling he had a special card from the doctor listing various parts of his body that had metal. I can only imagine what they put you through now. I hope you have a peaceful day.

God Bless and Take Care,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Mary Jo, I always become sad and cry a few days before the actual anniversary date and when the day is here I seem to be more relaxed. Does that make since? I get this build up that another month is passing and the tears are like a relief valve. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. Take care of your Mom in your travels. I was the daughter that was close so taking care of Mom was my responsibility. Mom passed 2/05 miss her but it is not like the longing for a spouse. As close as I was to my mother the tears were different. Maybe because she was 92 and she was getting sooooo tired and it was time for her to rest and for me not to be selfish and it was time for me to tell her it was okay if she gave up on making it to 100.

God Bless,

Dorothy

[bevincali]

MaryJo, Have fun in Nashville. It's one of my favorite towns. I was just there May 12th and 13th for a surprise b-day party for my sister. We had a blast. Be sure a give a little extra time for your mom, Chris had an artifical hip and flying was a pain, he always got wanded. I always teased him about it, he took it all in stride.

[winds60]

Good Morning to All: Dorothy, I can relate to you, it's different with a spouse. Was telling my sons, about the way I was feeling when my parents passsed, it is much harder with my husband. The pass couple weeks have been hard, think of my husband and still wish he was with us today. William was one to putter around the house and yard fixing or building things, I miss that so much. My sons are trying their best to help out, they just finish putting a roof over the deck, so I could have place to sit when it rains and look out at the garden and birds. We are slowly working on fixing up the yard and getting ready to move our trailer down to camp for the summer. I know that will be hard for me, William and I spent a lot of time camping and fishing. Some days are harder than others, but I know I must take it one day at a time. Hope everyone has a wonderful week.

Winds60

[rodless]

Just a quick book recommendation for those who are interested... Grieving Forward by Duke. Definitely Christian. I found it very helpful and hopeful as it talks about looking forward and not getting stuck. Author lost her son but has a lot to say about the grieving process that applies to all.

[Guest Guest]

I'm not sure how I can start a post so I apologize if I'm suppose to respond. Went to the tell my story board but not excepting new stories has of the moment.

I hope it's o.k. to post mine here.

I'm 46 years of age and was in the best relationship for 15 years. Rather verbal and emotionally abusive. I finally had the courage to get him out of my life. I'm a very good woman--maybe to good--that's why I stayed. Well, it took me 3 years to move on. Last November god fianlly put someone into my life. I was on top of the world, but God took him from me on May 5th just one month ago.

I don't know what to do. I'm so heartbroken I can't breath. He pasted of a heart attack. Very sudden. We were'nt living togeather but was planning on it but was taking things one day at a time.

My hopes and dreams just vanished. I'm so beside myself. I don't know what to do without him. I just want HIM BACK. I can't even read this has I type, the tears are consuming me. I just keep thinking WHY. WHY!! I try and understand by saying to myself God Givith him to me and god taketh him away. but why!!! I just Want him back. I keep prayeing to dream of him. I want to hold and kiss him again. Pleaase help me. if you have any advice, i sure do need it now. I have my first counsling session June 11th. I have had death alot in my life but this is just to much.

[Guest Guest]

Oppps meant to type WAS"NT in the BEST relationship for 15 years.

[aprilmoonflower]

Guest- I'm so sorry. ((hugs)) I have no answers at all for you either. I don't try to understand it anymore or make sense of losing my partner. (it's been almost 22 months for me) Just take it one day at a time. If that's too hard take it one hour at a time. also I like to think of that quote- "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all", also I like the serenity prayer (though I am actually atheist) I still find comfort in it..I don't pray per say, just read the prayer and reflect on the meaning. it helps me a little..and always come back here and post! it will make you feel better knowing there's others out there who know exactly what you are feeling!