Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

http://www.bridgeschool.org/

This link is to the Bridge School and the benefit concert held each year. I post it because of our Parents here who have loved and lost a Child with Special Needs. Neil Young is one of my heroes in life, both musically and for what he does with his music to help sustain the school that he and his wife began years ago. The school was built for Children with communication and movement issues, it is a beautiful place and the parents whose kids attend can do so without worry about fees as the benefit concert each year raises the money needed for the school to operate.

[ericasmom]

Debbie, it is not selfish for you to not post, checking in to let us know you are out there is great, when you are wiped out and can't really get into posting, you simply need not add that to your anxiety. Read and relate when you feel like it. We get it.

Caty, I am glad for the good Soninlaw you have, that your Girl had that support in addition to you. I am glad that you and he are working on this together to support those kids and yourselves. Prayers for you All.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Caty,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Daughter, Angie. As other have said, you have found a good place full of compassion and understanding. This place and the people here have saved my life in so many ways in these first months without my Daughter. I lost my Trista on June 1, 2013. It's been seven months. This is such a hard journey but being able to come here and know that I'm understood has helped me make it, one day at a time. Please keep sharing Angie with us as you're able.

Debbie,

It's good to see your post. You and Sam have been in my thoughts.

Dee,

I love the picture of Erica as a little Girl. What a beautiful gift from your Sis. I love the story of the sparrow at the window.

It's sub zero temps here and so cold. I'm still dealing with my crappy health issues. I'm feeling a little better each day.

Kate,

It got cold enough that Aiden and I were able to try the frozen bubbles... really neat. He loved it.

I was laying on the couch today feeling like crap (excuse my language but I feel awful)and trying to rest when I got a call from our local news paper. The same journalist that has continued to write about this intersection over the past few months wanted to talk with me about Ashley's petition and our feelings on the dangers at this intersection. I was half asleep and coughing my head off but I think I did ok. I hope so. It helped me today to know that Trista is still being thought of and people are still supporting changes there.

I'm thinking of all today. I keep reading but I am spending most of my time on the couch still and it's really hard to post from my phone.

Shannon

[daveydow1]

Caty----I am so sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Angie. This is such an early time for you, on this grief road, that you most likely are still in shock. We don't always see ourselves as being in any one grief stage, but sometimes feel like we drift in and out of them. This is common, sad to say. I hope that you can continue to come to this site where you will find understanding from those who know the pain and devastation of losing a beloved child. I, along with Dee, have been here 10 yrs. already. It has been a lifeline for me since losing my 31 yr. old son, Davey, in a terrible wreck, and baby girl Lisa who died years ago. I wish that there had been a site like this at that time, but that was before widespread use of computers. Please come back to BI (formerly called Beyond Indigo.....shortened to BI). Sending prayers for you and your family. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Shannon, just rest now, it is YOU GET BETTER TIME. How nice that the reporter called today, it is good that this intersection keep being reported on. The place where Erica was hit had been in the news on and off for 12 years, the townspeople so tired of the dangerous intersections...she was the first death due to train on car there, so now that whole intersection is converted and safe.

A lawsuit or a class-action suit against the township for negligence perhaps?

Debbie, Love the photos of your Boy and your Grandgirls, in regards to finding a lawyer, what we have found is that to come against the RR is almost impossible, but if you plan to go forward, get a lawyer from the area that is all about wrongful death and RR accidents.

Just heard how very cold you Texans have it. The cold and sub-zero windchills all the way to Georgia. Huge cold vortex from the Artic. No school again tomorrow across the whole area, colleges, public and private schools. Windchills in the morning should be -40 with actuals being -15 again. Wednesday there is a promise of above 10 degrees! Hooray. I love being home, LOVE IT! but I miss my students.

[Jeff's Mom]

Caty, I too am very sorry for the loss of your wonderful daughter. You have come to a great place where you will be welcomed with open arms. Dee, those icicles do indeed look lethal. Make sure you don't walk under any. I have been watching with interest the news reports about the Arctic air sweeping the States. I hope everyone that is affected will be safe and warm. It is still quite cold this evening and the temp is -32C. The good news is that it is finally going to warm up and the end is in sight. By Thursday the high is supposed to be -8C. (20F) Bring it on! Jan I am envious of your summer! Thinking of everyone and wishing you all a peaceful and warm evening. Kate

[SamDsmom]

Dee.. Thanks for the advise. I found a firm in Kansas city that deals only with railroad cases. I intend to contact them tomorrow.

Shannon..I hope you get feeling better soon. Glad to hear the reporter is continuing to follow up. I'm sure you did great.

Kate...I can't imagine being excited about 20F, although it does sound good right now. We lived in the upper peninsula of Michigan for several years. I absolutely loved the snow and for the most part the cold didn't seem that bad. We lived close to Lake Superior. There wasn't much wind. The trees blocked most of it I guess. This weather we are getting right now is insane.

Debbie

[wgreenlee]

Finally back...thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Long, tiring, emotional trip. Wish I could have read more of the posts as they were happening...not much access. I'm sorry for not being here to offer support for the emotional grief and the physical ills some of you were going through. Thought about all of you though, and wondered how everyone was dealing with the holidays. Makes me even more grateful for the support that all of you offer every day, and the words of comfort and wisdom that help each of us through the rough days.

Took down the Christmas decorations at Brooks' site. Was really nice to see that many of his friends had added to them. They also let me know that Brooks wasn't alone on Christmas and New Years. Some of them took pictures toasting Brooks and then added them to Facebook. I even had a small glass of champagne at my brother's...I don't drink so that was different for me. Lots of sharing of pictures and songs with my family, but we kept it low key. I didn't want to get really emotional, and they understood. Renea had a wonderful talk with my mom and really opened up to her and that was good for her. Sometimes we don't do that together because it always ends up with us sobbing. My mom even stayed up with her way after her bedtime. We put about 2500 miles on the rental in snow and cold. Drove from Duluth to Milwaukee...about 420 miles...going 45-50 mph the whole way. Yuck. -30 degrees a couple of days in northern MN so that was crazy too. Got out of there just as the governor ordered all schools closed today because of the cold.

Finally got up the courage to open Brooks' personal effects. Renea, Shauna, and Chad, his best friend, and I met at his site and each opened an envelope.

Another mile to travel in this long journey. I still wake up sometimes and really feel like it was a dream...almost ready to call him up and tell him to have a good day. Especially days when he's always around me in pictures and song and words from family and friends. I guess that's a good thing, but so emotionally draining...you all know.

Here's a few pics of our evening. Missed you all and am glad to be back at work...safe and warm.

[ericasmom]

Wade, I am glad that you are home and safe from your long journey, the photos say so much about Brooks and about your hearts. Yep, another mile, another step, another piece of time. Lord knows 'it don't come easy.'

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade...good to hear your travels were safe and you are home and working...I think you made a great decision to have loved ones near when you opened the packages...it was shared..and on this grief journey...the more you share...the layer of comfort grows.

Debbie...as Dee has posted....no one on this site 'requires' someone to post or answer ...we know there are days where even the energy to say 'hello' is out of bounds....for this grief journey is so exhausting...tiring....heavy....our eyes are blinded by the tears. You have a plate full of different issues....not only your grief....sometimes the best one can do...is stay still.

Shannon...you do need to 'stay still', too.....what a positive message that the reporter called and there is more attention to that intersection....I do believe that awareness of the dangerous speeds will bring about some correction...one never knows how far reaching 'one seed' planted will grow.

It is a good sign....a good beginning...and your sweet Trista is turning on some 'lights' in many hearts.

Kate...how is your dog ? My daughter and family have to have their 'sweet Lacey' put to sleep...it is so emotional for all of them...especially our Pebbie...but we have been 'talking to her' for many weeks...so she understands..as much as she can....and I told her all my animal stories...of my Lucy, Sandy and Oche....Oche was our cat...the boys named him after some Surfing champion....and I buried her in my garden...and even have a cross...Pebbie remembers for she was 4 when that happened....so we have told her we will bury Lacey and put a cross for her, too. Austin is home now for his college break...so that will give her a cushion.

Lora....how are you ? I was watching the news and people shoveling snow and thought of you...

[Tbearw58]

I work nights at a local hospital and am the Engineer there. My shifts are one man 4 nights a week and I find myself alone 6 hours a night of my 10 hour shift. I think of my son Nick all the time and cry even here at work. It is still so hard to get that he is and angle now and never will he walk through the door and say there is nothing to eat in this house as he stares into a full refrigerator. The sound of his car I seem to here go past the house but I know it is not his its one that sounds like it even the dog gets up and looks toward the door thinking he is home I cry then to. I have learned in the almost 2 months that he has been gone that he had touch many lives and help the to be better people. The stories they tell are very heart warming but they make me cry and thats ok. There is even one girl who says he saved her life from drugs and destruction. what a great man my son Nick was and he is still helping people to be better even in death I miss him

[Mermaid Tears]

TBear...there just isn't anything easy on this grief journey....it is just so darn hard...and yes, crying and sobbing and tears are part of the journey...you are so new on this journey...so just be very kind and gentle to yourself...for there isn't any right or wrong...there is no manual...we call it 'self care'...for grief is so heavy...dark...and sad. You will need to just 'go with the flow'...and do whatever you think will help you get by for the next 24 hours....don't try to think too far ahead...just take it one day at a time....even one hour by the hour. This isn't a marathon....and there are no awards for being stoic....or holding it all together...or being 'strong'...this isn't a test....you get no grades.

I had a chuckle when you said he would say 'there is nothing to eat in this house..standing in front of a full fridge'.....so 'typical of boys'.....mine did the same thing. You have a gift when friends and others tell you how your boy helped them....it may be bittersweet now....but that is testament to the love he was given....he had so much...it had to flow into others.

One evening my husband and I were on the patio...and a Pearl Jam song came on...my husband started sobbing...he said that song was a John David song....yesterday I had Pandora playing...the same song came on....I was going to turn it down...but...I caught myself...for I shouldn't want to keep him from crying....it helps him in his healing...like my tears help me.

Please read over past posts....you may find a word or words that will help you in that you are not alone....and we may not have the answers....but we do have common ground in our grief for our child...and we can give you a hand up while you are knocked down to your knees. Your grief will be as unique as your child was unique....everyone has their own style in wearing their mourning.

[ericasmom]

Susan said this: Please read over past posts....you may find a word or words that will help you in that you are not alone....and we may not have the answers....but we do have common ground in our grief for our child...and we can give you a hand up while you are knocked down to your knees. Your grief will be as unique as your child was unique....everyone has their own style in wearing their mourning.

so well said Susan, and TBear, it is so. We are holding you and your tears and screams and fears won't scare us away, we know what they are and we also know that you need to allow them. Your Boy is loving you from wherever he is, and sometimes he is sitting right next to you.

[Jeff's Mom]

TBear...Susan and Dee are correct in their posts. Please read over past posts and also remember that this is your own personal journey. It is unique to your own life and family. I still listen for a car at the same time every evening at approximately the time Jeff would pull into the driveway. I can still see his headlights so vividly. Wade, it is good to hear from you. I am really glad that you were able to take that long drive with Renea. It sounds as if Renea and your Mom became close over that period. Thanks for sharing your pictures at Brooks site. I had to do a double take when I saw the cross. It was almost identical to Jeff's. Hope you are safe and away from the bitter Arctic air. Susan, yes Annie is our best friend and constant companion. We had lost our other dog...a dalamation...lovely dog, but high maintenance...two years previously. I had given her things away and decided not to have another dog. Christmas morning the back door opened and in she walked with my son and his GF. She had a red velvet bow tied around her neck. She was only two months old. I was delighted to see her as I felt he had bought her for his GF. Not so...she was for me. I nearly had a fit as I was busily stuffing a turkey and preparing for a house full of people for dinner. He closed the door and told me he would be back late afternoon. Oh my, it was a crazy day. That evening I found her upstairs on the floor tucked into the side of our bed and against the wall just shaking. I picked her up and cuddled her when she nestled into my shoulder. I fell in love with her that moment. She has never been a spot of trouble. Never. No accidents in the house, rarely barks, and was trained to walk off of the leash immediately. When anyone would take sick she never left their side. Without training she would stay at the foot of the door to my MIL's bedroom when she visited and escort her to the bathroom and back during the night. She and Jeff got along famously. He loved to take her for long walks and play with her. Tomorrow we take her to the Vet to see how she is doing. We have nursed her through diabetes and blindness, a near fatal infection when she got ahold of something in the woods that was diseased. I lay on the floor and hand fed her for two weeks. Along with excellent Vet care she made it through. We believe that just because she requires a ton of care and many would deem it inconvenient...that it does not give us the right to have her put to sleep. Not until we have the Vet's assurance that she is uncomfortable in some way and it is hopeless. She's earned her Brownie points. We also know she can't live forever. We shall see tomorrow. Wish us luck. It is slowly warming up and there appears to be relief in sight by the end of the week. Thank heaven! Thinking of everyone and sending love your way. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate...let us know what the Vet says....I will never be without a dog...I may go a time between dogs...for I also grieve when one passes....but I do believe they are 'Man's Best Friend'....and I need a dog as much as the dog needs me...

Becky....how are you doing..?? Have you had your MRI....? How are you getting around with that 'broke ankle' ? I am just full of questions today, aren't I ? Besides your health issues....how was your Christmas ? For me....I am just so grateful the holidays are over....I was a Grinch this year...although I still had my Christmas Gratitude in my heart for my blessings....I just couldn't get my Christmas battery charged up to light up my attitude. I call it my attitude..but maybe it has more to do with where I am on my grief journey. Let us hear from our Warrior Mom....

[Steve s mom]

In this cold weather we all wish our angels were here to keep us warm.

[Jeff's Mom]

Steve's Mom, thanks for your poem. You can't help but reflect when you look up at that sky at night where they are and what it is like. Susan, Becky goes n the 10th. for her MRI. As to Annie, well, I would also like to add that she is still able to find her way around the inside of our house quite well. She eats and drinks really well. Greets us at the door when we arrive home with her tail wagging. And also just after the time she almost died and we nursed her back to health...Ross was up putting Christmas lights around the eves of the house in the fall. We always do it before it gets too cold. Anyway, she had recovered and was running circles in the yard and having a ball. She kept running up to us and bumping into our legs to play. She was glad to be alive. We have complete faith in our Vets opinion. When she tells us it is time we will do what we have too. She's my beauty.

[Mermaid Tears]

Steve's mom....thank you for sharing that poem....besides when I go to that dark..sad place where I ask 'Why'....

I also go to another foreign and phantom place and ask..'Where'...

Thank you Kate for the info about Becky....and from just what you tell me....your sweet friend is in fine shape...I will relate later the very 'strange' episode we had with our Cowgirl around the 1st of December....she was John David's dog....but he had to let her 'live with us awhile' when he was moving....and she has been with us since then....he called her his 'girlfriend'....and would 'fuss' at us cause she was overweight....(too many treats)....

Dee...do you have any good books about letting pets go...for Pebbie's age group..she is 10....

Laurie....what is the name of the book by C.S. Lewis you have mentioned...?

Wanda....how are you doing? I am so proud of you taking your daughter to Las Vegas and starting the journey of making a new memory....it takes a lot of courage to step out of the grief box and let new things in...for we tend to hold on tight to all that is past and precious..

[ericasmom]

Susan, The 10th best thing about Barney is a great book of letting a cat go,

There is also Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven. All of them good.

[tobyfreefoot]

dee- my mother cut the entire story "the tenth good thing about barney"

out of a magazine and kept it for me for years and gave it to me when my first cat died--she was 16. later i found the book and bought it. a good children's book for all of us is called "badger's parting gifts" the animals all tell what badger taught each of them demonstrating how he lives on in their lives.

t-bear i work nights 11-7:30 as a machinist in a room completely alone. i see my coworkers 30 minutes. i really have found i'd rather be in there alone than have to deal with anyone. i'm so sorry you lost your son. my 28 year old and his girlfriend died in a car wreck when she fell asleep at the wheel and hit the back of a parked semi at a rest stop going 67 mph. my son forest would be 31 on jan 30. i hope you will find some help and comfort here.

caty you also. i am glad you and your son in law are working together to pull each other and the kids thru. i lost my cousin to breast cancer in a similar progression

as for me i have yet to recover since last time i was here. i did realize what slammed me down so hard. i came across my old photo album of my very close group of friends since jr hi and hi school it is only a few pages, the first picture i saw was of one of lynn and dave's anniversary picnics. les who designed forest's memorial was in the foreground just next to him was david (josh's dad) who was killed by a drunk driver about age 44, then lynn, next to her her son- joshua (died last month age 37) about 3 years old with a little red cape on, then lynn's brother rus, then my fiance bruce who was killed in a motorcycle accident at age 21 . i turned the page and there is rus sitting in front of my house with dan who died about age 40, flip the page and my sweet friend mack standing in my living room when he was 18-died age 30. turn the page oh my friend lynn trudeau--dead in the 80's from aids (along with 14 other friends and co workers including mack) turn the page--oh yes gary z who always was excited and smiling even though when he was 18 he got his arm cut off in a factory accident, both his parents already dead and called me gretch since we were 12 standing with rus and i on the way to dallas for a springsteen concert--dead a few years back-hep c. next- my best friend rusty mitchell (who died when i was 19 and he was 22 from diabetes complications) his friend sheryl, (suicide age 17) and our dear friend paul (aids) all at the lake when we were about 15-18.

then not pictured are my friend and best boss ever gary (28-aids) and keith (alchoholism-42)

of course i also have the expected deaths of my grandparents, aunt, uncle, father (and 55 year old cousin- breast cancer, one of only 2 cousins i have,) and casual friends and acquaintances like everyone else.

it took me a day or two to figure out why i had suddenly become almost comatose but i bet that is it. it didn't strike me at the time because it has always been like that. Marshall saw a shirt once that had a dinosaur on it and it said "all my friends are dead" he laughed and said "hey i should get that for you! it's kinda sad but it's kinda funny too" so it didn't dawn on me i haven't seen that photo album or thought much about it very deeply since forest died and didn't think anything about it then but shortly after i was completely immobile. i think it tapped some place inside i'm not sure i want to open, anyway thus explains my absence, i tend to isolate when things are at their worst and i'm just up for a gasp of air and i'm going back down. love to all of you and thank you so much for everything you have done for me. when and if i get better i'll be back.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Tbear, my husband does the same thing you do at work, since he is not around someone else he can cry there, and on the way to work and on the way home. Please share more about Nick as you are able, we are very good listeners and this has been a wonderful place to share about our beautiful children gone too soon.

Wade, glad to hear you made it back home okay. It would be an emotional time opening the contents of the envelopes…my son’s wallet is still upstairs in the envelope along with some of his hair I cut at the hospital… don’t worry about how much you are posting or not , sometimes there is a time of silence where one is in a big black hole and we all know. It was sweet that his friends stopped at his gravesite.

Susan, the book is A Grief Observed

http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Observed-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652381

"I think I am beginning to understand why grief feels like suspense. It comes from the frustration of so many impulses that had become habitual.

Thought after thought, feeling after feeling, action after action, had H.* for their object. Now their target is gone. I keep on through habit fitting an arrow to the string, then I remember and have to lay the bow down. So many roads lead thought to H."

Note: *”H” is CS Lewis’s wife

I still re-read this book and return to it. For us, so many parts of our lives centered on Jesse. And like Lewis, those roads in our life lead back to him. For me it is absolutely overwhelming to think of everything we dreamed of for a future with him has been zeroed out...so in my heart I run away from this reality...

I think CS Lewis matured after this, previously in some of his books he made alot of assumptions about how others should be (in regards to loss), but when his own loss finally came he knew it was easy to say certain things but not so easy live it.

Will post more later...wanted to say more on pets...

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, thanks so much for letting us know where you have been...you will get better Sweetie, but right now is what matters, you are in need of the rest and quiet you are finding. Repair will come, slowly. There is a book I bought for .25 cents at a library sale about 7 years ago called The Mickle Woods. It is a childrens book that brings me to great tears when I read it as it speaks of grief. The King is so depressed and will not allow the adopted boy speak of his Queen as he cannot bare to think of her, and when finally the boy urges him to the great bear in the woods, the great holder of truth, the bear says, " can you bare not to remember?"

That piece always causes my voice to crumble, as we find that we cannot bare to not remember, but remembering can be more overwhelming than we know. You have had so many losses in that one thin book, all there smiling out at you---you may find in a month or so that seeing those smiles will end up being that piece that connects the dots.

I too have a long list of losses prior to Erica's death and since. So many way way early. We are loved then, by many among the stars.

Please honor your heart and spirit Gretchen, everyone here wants you to feel better when you can.

I love that your Mom cut out that story for you Gretchen, she sounds like a very cool mom.

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh how I wish we could learn as children that death is a natural process. That we should not fear it and keep it hidden, but talk openly about it as it occurs around us. Gretchen, I am sorry that you are having such a tough time. Hardly surprising. Yes, to open that book and see so many of your friends now gone. When I cleaned out Jeff's room I found his High School Year Book. I sat on his bed and started to fan through the pages. What hit me was that he was the one no longer alive and that his friends were moving on with their lives and were mostly happy. My heart ached to realize this was true and there was nothing that I could do to bring him back. We do feel sad as we reflect on loving relationships with friends and family no longer with us. We miss their presence and the opportunity to connect as we once did. In time those memories that now hurt so much will begin to give you comfort. As Dee mentioned in the story..."How could you bare not to remember". Many years ago my best friend's father owned a Funeral Home that they had in their home. They lived above the business. I used to go to her place to play and we would run through the place as if it was natural. Obviously, if there was a funeral... we had to use another set of stairs. I remember the first time I saw a dead body. He seemed ancient. But I was only eleven and he could have been actually quite young. He was in his coffin and ready for viewing. The funeral was to be held that afternoon. I remember how everyone always mentioned that they looked so natural. Well, not to me! He looked dead. Definitely. The two of us stood and looked at him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. There was a program on TV called Six Feet Under a few years back. Their life was pretty much like that. Not long after she fell ill with a heart ailment. Today they would most probably be able to help her. But in those days it was a death sentence. She was twelve years old at the time. That summer my other friend and I lined an old wooden wagon with cushions and pillows. It had a back on it. We put Michele in the wagon and pulled her everywhere we went...as long as she could make it. We were at the lake and it was summer time. Things to do and explore. No daytime TV in those days. It was a good time for all of us even though we knew she was dying. That fall she went into the hospital and remained until December 5th when she passed away. I was not allowed to visit her as kids could not go to visit at that time. I was a honorary pallbearer at her funeral. We girls walked beside her small white coffin with white silk ribbons attached to the coffin. They were embroidered with red small roses. I remember vividly the scent of the flowers permeating the cathedral. But what I still remember as if it were just yesterday was seeing her in her coffin. It did not seem possible. That was my first introduction to death( as she was young) and to me it came to old people like the ones I had seen with her in the home. I have witnessed many, many since. It was because of her youth that I felt over the years that she had been robbed. Not so! I have convinced myself that she went to the party early. Hold on. Time is a great healer.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kate, very well written what you said, in the death of our children, family and friends we reflect upon our own mortality...I can picture that beautiful little girl in the white coffin with embroidered roses...

Gretchen, I understand the need to isolate in order to process everything, may you know that I have very much appreciated your warm comments and help since signing up for this forum...

On Pets, they have such a special place in our hearts. In the following pictures the dog is Teko, a stray my youngest son found on the highway, our "free" dog turned into a $650 dollar dog by the end of one week...but she was the love of my life and adored in our family. The second picture is of Betty, Jesse's cat. We put her down not long ago, she and Teko, are with Jesse now.

Thinking of so many today...

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you, Kate for sharing your story...very moving...

[daveydow1]

Kate----Thank you for writing about your young friend's death, and how it affected you. Yes,....we are a society where death is usually talked about in hushed tones. I guess that is because it is such a very devastating event when it's a close family member or friend.....especially if it is a young person. When that is the case, we feel as though they've been cheated out of years of their lifetime. We never know the 'whys' of it all, and I guess that is when faith comes in. That is not at all easy............especially in the early times after the death of a child, and sometimes we may not be able to find it. At the age of 12, the passing of your dear little playmate was very traumatic for you. When I was a first-grader, one of my little friends was hit and killed by a car after she got off the school bus, and was crossing the road. It was difficult for me, at that time, to think that she was no longer with us in the classroom and on the playground. This happened many years ago. This unfortunate fatality of this little child brought about the state law in Ohio that requires ALL cars/traffic to stop for school buses. Gretchen-----I'm sorry that you are having a rough time of it. I agree that sometimes coming upon an article , photos, or other things can start the tears to flowing, and make us go into a spiral of sadness. I, so, know what you mean about Forest's friends moving on with their lives, and feeling such despair that he is not with you anymore. I have also done that same thing many times in the past ten years since David's death. I hope that you can get some quiet and restful times so that you may begin to feel some strength after your sad experience. As Dee has said........we have lots of love shining down from among the stars above....where all our angels dwell. Peace & prayers to you, friend. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Play, smile, .......Think of me, pray for me. Let my name be spoken without effort..... Without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever was, ...There is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval.....somewhere very near........Just around the corner........All is well. (Author Unknown)

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen....your Mom knew you so well....she knew there would be a time...when you would need to read that story...what 'Mama Love' !!!

What you are experiencing is what I call my 'When All The Boogie Men Come Out of The Closet'...they are named...'What Was' and 'What Is'.....I can nail the door shut with nails...and try to keep it closed....but there are times the winds of my mind will blow the door open....and I then have to sit and entertain them...converse with them...sit with them...sit up all hours in the night while we go down some very back roads...argue 'what happened' ..'how it happened'..who is to blame...who is innocent...we then will debate just what the hell is going on now. I have to stay with them til they get ready to leave. During that time...I, too, have to be quiet and still.

When I lost John David I wondered if by losing my dearest friends..Ginger, Carol, Zane and then my Margaret Ann....my grandparents and parents...many aunts, uncles..school mates..etc...was preparation for me losing John David ? Of course, that is a crazy thought...but...I went a little 'crackers' when he passed. I then decided...nothing could have prepared me to lose a child.

For me.....this grief is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.....

and when I couple that by looking back on all the others I have lost...

it will take the wind out of you....suck all the oxygen from your life....

and I have to be still til I can come up for air.

I think it is very normal to 'camp out' on the grief path awhile...not going backwards...not going forward....just 'being'....

[SamDsmom]

Dee,

I love the story about the king. I find myself avoiding people places and things at times because it is just too painful. Your story really hit home.

Kate,

Your story was beautiful. I know that my older grandchildren have helped me so much with this. They know Sam is with Jesus. Very simple. If I get teary around them, I can count on a little hand in mine or a squeeze on my shoulder. They always tell me not to worry, Sam is happy.

We have always made our pets part of our family. It's always so sad to loose one. Hopefully you'll be able to keep Annie a little longer.

Wade, Thank you for sharing your pictures. I know Brooks is very proud of how you have honored him.

Susan, I can so identify with going crackers. Exactly the way you described.

Shannon, thinking of you and your family.

I am trying to just make it through the day. Still just trying to keep breathing. Sam was so awesome. I just miss him crazy.

I hope everyone is safe inside. We are creeping across Indiana at a flying 15 MPH in the interstate.

[Sholl1955]

LAURIE, the idea of the GPS is great idea. I will definitely check into it. Thanks for suggesting it. Also thanks to all of the support from all of you. GRETCHEN you are in my thoughts and prayers as you work through this hard time. I was off of work again today but our organization will be open tomorrow so will go in The roads are still terrible with lots of ice. The temp has been too cold for the salt to work. But by the end of the week it is supposed warm up and start melting. If it happens fast there may be flooding. Crazy crazy weather I put all of the Christmas stuff away and cleaned on these days off and am glad to have that done.. I am thinking about trying to attend the Compassionate Friends National Conference I think in the spring. It is being held in Chicago. I don't attend meetings as they run too late with work an all, but since it is close I would like to go. Has anyone attended one? Wishing a restful evening for all. Sandy

[~ocean~]

I'm so very sorry for all your losses. The pain of losing a child, would be horribly difficult. I happened onto this thread and since you are animals lovers, thought I would share this lovely poem that my sister sent me when my cat, Leo was run over.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Peace to you all. ocean

[SamDsmom]

We just passed a bad accident on the Highway. 5-6 state troopers, ambulance, rescue. Flashing lights everywhere. My mind went to what the scene must have been like when Sam was hit. I am so tired.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I'm so very sorry for all your losses. The pain of losing a child, would be horribly difficult. I happened onto this thread and since you are animals lovers, thought I would share this lovely poem that my sister sent me when my cat, Leo was run over.

Thank you Ocean for your kind response. I noticed when you first joined the community of Beyond Indigo, I had prayed for you as soon as I read of your lost dear one at sea while there was a search. My condolences to you. Will pm this to you as well. Wishing you a peaceful evening.

Yes, I believe in animals in heaven to give loved ones comfort...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

We just passed a bad accident on the Highway. 5-6 state troopers, ambulance, rescue. Flashing lights everywhere. My mind went to what the scene must have been like when Sam was hit. I am so tired.

Will send a prayer for them...be sure to rest yourself...

[mikesmomrs]

Hello: I HAVE MY COMPUTER BACK!!! I feel as though I hadn't seen an old friend for a while...it had been on "safe mode" for 6 weeks and then in the shop for 10 days. Finally got the manager of the repair dept to work on it and he knew right away what was wrong and fixed it and got my email back. I have many subfolders in my email files, mostly my bills, receipts, emails from friends, etc., and I felt so terrible about losing all of that. But, it is back, and I am very glad. I still can't use any of the text changes or do paragraphs here, and it is windows that I am using. UI will just keep on using my space bar to move ahead to try to make new paragraphs,. I have been dealing with this cold/sore throat all weekend and thought I was starting to see the end of it yesterday, but it was right back again last night. Right now, it is late and I just wanted to come on to say that I hope everyone in this arctic cold wave is staying safe. DEE: I LOVED your picture....you haven't changed a bit since I saw you last...can you believe it's over 4 years ago!!! I was doing a little walking with Lucy before this cold grabbed me,and hope to get back to it soon. Sometimes if it is really cold out, Lucy keeps lifting her paws off the ground and sometimes will just hunker down and lay there shaking, and I wind up picking her up and carrying her for a bit. She finally stops shaking from the cold after a couple of minutes and will get back down to walk. I am so sorry to see more new parents here...it is always so sad to see new people posting here, but it is inevitable. I so wish no one else ever had to look for such a support group, but I am very glad that this one exists. GRETCHEN: So sorry you are having such a difficult time...thank you for checking in and you are in my prayers. I wanted to share something that happened last night...a lovely dream that I had...it was about my husband, so I hope you all don't mind my sharing it. I rarely have dreamed that I am dreaming, but last night I became aware that I was dreaming while I was still asleep. I was at an awards banquet being given for my husband. there were 4-5 awards, all having to do with his military career. When he came back from the podium, he was finding it difficult to carry all of them and started to walk to the hallway outside the room we were in, to place them on a ledge that was out there. I followed him out there to help and as we were standing there, I reached my hand up to touch his face and as I did I turned his face to me and we kissed. I remember thinking at that moment "I want this to be a long, sweet kiss so that I can remember it when I wake up." I woke up at that point. I called my daughter to tell her about it and while I was telling her, I could feel him beside me. It was truly a wonderful way to start my day. I know that we all have those visits and signs from our loved ones....we've had many from young Mike, and they do give us that oxygen we need to go on. DEE: wanted to share a picture with you that I saw on facebook...it is supposed to be a current picture of a lighthouse on Lake Michigan....but it looks like I can not post pictures any longer. I am going to contact Eric to see if he can help . My keyboard does not seem to work very well, either, but is okay with typing in any other program on the computer, Love to all..you are all in my prayers always.

[Guest]

.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Carol, thank you for sharing your special dream about Mike with us. Those help bring us comfort and ease our pain.

Lora, the picture of Cara is lovely. I could see getting a large reprint of that. The sparkles from the sunshine and her walking in it are beautiful.

Dee, thanks for sharing the information about the Neil Young benefit concert. Looked up the school, it seems like they do many good works for children with special needs.

Shannon and Becky, how are you feeling?

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora and Gretchen, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of both of you today and wishing you a better day. I know that this walk is a difficult one. There are so many peaks and valleys to cross. Some days we think we are doing pretty good and then we hit a low point again. Lora, Todd must have scared you silly when he suffered his accident. I am sorry to hear that your Gram also died due to a car accident. Of course this would trigger memories back to your Cara and Gram. Yes, we do sometimes feel we should be provided with a temporary respite from grief. I can't answer why this does not happen. It does not provide us with any time to build our strength again. You both know the old story of taking good care of yourselves. Easier said then done when you lose heart. Try to hold on and know that you have us to help you along this difficult path. Ocean, thank you so much for reaching out with your poem. It is lovely, and helps to give comfort. We shall see what our Vet has to say this afternoon. Annie still sleeps by Jeff's room every night and waits for him. I know when her time comes he will be there to greet her. Debbie, thinking of you and hoping for a better day. Carol, hope your cold and flu bug soon improve. That is quite the picture of the ice on the lighthouse! Supposedly tomorrow we are to have warmer temps. Laurie, thank you for your devoted input and helping all of us here on the site. We'd be lost without you! Love, Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....I would have that framed....yes...your girl looks so free and peaceful....and she is walking on....priceless.....

The news of your brother's recovery is good...although he faces an uphill battle with surgeries and rehab....and factor in all the time...how is his family doing ? I can see how this knocked you down to your knees....emotional stress is so very exhausting...and one can feel like they keep walking into walls.

Your daily schedule is very tight....I hope you can find time for yourself and give yourself a gift of a 'vacation at home'.....just some 'R&R'....so you can regain some self energy for yourself....your posting seemed like you were so tired...wish I could have a coffee visit with you.

My GRANDson, Austin, is home this week...he goes back to Austin on Sunday...to resume his college studies.....it is so good for my daughter to have him home....he is like a balm to her heart.

How far away are you from Jared ? Knowing he is doing so good in his school and is happy makes the 'missing' a little better.

[ericasmom]

Lora I agree with Susan, I would also frame that lovely photo. Lovely.

 

Is it totally quiet here today or is the system not working?

 

Laurie, it is a great site, the Bridge School Site, and yes, they do amazing things there.

 

I feel badly, was it Susan or who, that sent a photo of an ice covered lighthouse? Loved it!

Finally some warming, tonight going down to 3degrees, that is a huge improvement. Tomorrow, should see 24 degrees. Wonderful.

[ericasmom]

Carol it was you who posted that great photo!!! I looked at it this morning or was it last night and then could not log on at work for whatever reason, and I just could not remember who sent it. Thanks Carol. Aren't you kind to say I hadn't changed, oh my I think I look a lot older but you know, I am grateful for each gray hair I am finding.

Love you

[Sholl1955]

Hello all.  Is it ok to say I am ready for spring?   I am sure just like everyone else here.  I was getting ready for work and my hubby started having difficulty breathing and had a really bad asthma attack.  He has had a cold which probably caused it. So, instead of going to work, I took him to the doctor.  The streets and roads are covered with thick ice so getting around was a challenge. After a treatment, xray, and injection and prescriptions for an antibiotic and nebulizer treatments we got back home about 3:00.  The steroid shot and the treatments he is getting seem to have calmed things down. Hoping he rests tonight.    I have been reading on this site about the signs that several of you have had from your child and think it is awesome,  I have not had many and have been wishing for one that I would know was from Sarah.  Well, today I got the mail and was going through it. I picked up an envelope that had a window across the entire front of it.  It was addressed to Sarah, with her maiden name (she hasn't had that name for going on 9 years)  The address is ours (We have only lived here since July)  The question on the letter said "GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS" and beside that was the Geico camel and above him was written "SARAH, SARAH, SARAH"        I have always liked the Geico Wednesday commercial, just makes me chuckle.   I have never seen anyone write our loved ones name 3 times except on this site.   When I saw this I laughed so hard and could truly say I felt her presence with me.  There is no doubt it came from my girl.  It is something she would do.   I am a thankful mama tonight.     I need to go help hubby.  Wishing you each a restful night.       Sandy

[mikesmomrs]

Yes, Dee, it was me.  Actually, I thought maybe it hadn't posted for some weird reason, but when I came back, it was there...voila!  I am having problems using BI and sent an email to Modkonnie to see if they could do anything.  They haven't fixed the paragraphing, using color, font or size issues, but they did fix the issue that I could hardly input from my keyboard.,  I thought it was the keyboard at first, so changed it, but it didn't matter.  On other things...email. using Word, etc., the keyboard input was fine.  So, anyway, today the keyboard is working fine, but nothing else has changed.  I will have to email her to let her know as that is what she asked me to do.  She also asked that I ask Kate and Sherry, who also have these problems, if theirs has been fixed at all.  

oh, wow, I just hit enter and got a new paragraph!  that is amazing!  Now, if they could just take care of the rest of it...  I would like to post, but have to run to take care of some things.  I will be back tomorrow, and my love to all.  I am going to try to pm Sherry and Kate and ask them to try their posting abilities so I can let Modkonnie know.

love to all. 

[Jeff's Mom]

Carol, yes I have had trouble with paragraphs, colour, etc. Let's see how it works now.

Yes, it is working! What do you know. Excellent! Thanks, Konnie and Eric. Still no colour or able to change size, etc. But paragraphs... I'm good with that.

[Jeff's Mom]

Sandy, sorry to hear you had such a hectic day with your husband. I was however thrilled to hear about your pleasant sign from your sweet girl. Just lovely. Thinking of everyone tonight. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh geez Dee....you should know this South Texas gal can't send a photo of a lighthouse like that....just teasing....that came from Carol.....isn't it impressive....?? I think there is something going on with our site....I tried to get on a couple of times and was met with...something strange on the internet....some kind of 'strange letters'......

anyway....it is up for me....now....

    just had Randa and Austin, Taylor, Hunter Bear and Pebbie for dinner....George has been in Barcelona...Spain...he is to be home late tonight....we have had a warming today....but wind and rain....and we do have Winter ....but not the winter my Northern Sisters are having...know I wish you to be ...first...safe....second...warm...third...in comfort....

     Are your schools open now? My Taylor has a Soccer tournament starting tomorrow night...she is a sophomore...but plays on the varsity....and last year, too.....

tonight....she asked me....if I could be at least for one of her games...

   I forgot...that I did not go to one of her games last year.....

and for Hunter Bear's football games....I could only stay for 'about' two innings...(so hard to see him in that #62...and that was John David's #).....

     am reminded of 'how out of it' I was last year....and really....I did not care at all....

I am not in that place anymore....

and...of course...I will be at her game...

I have a little more energy...or maybe...I have a little more muscle to carry that grief load...a little more stamina to walk with the sorrow...and the ability to balance it all....and walk forward...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Carol, yes I have had trouble with paragraphs, colour, etc. Let's see how it works now.

Yes, it is working! What do you know. Excellent! Thanks, Konnie and Eric. Still no colour or able to change size, etc. But paragraphs... I'm good with that.

 

From Laurie-

I was looking at this problem as well. When upgrades of software happen they are not always compatible with browsers. This forum uses a software called IP Board  version 3.4.6, I noticed there were issues that happened when people tried to use Internet Explorer version 10 and above, some issues were using the rich text editor for colors and formatting paragraphs. (These browser versions came automatically with Windows 8). However, it looks like some kind of patch was applied tonight since the functionality of this board is slightly different.

 

I use Internet Explorer 9 and am able to use the editor fully. This might be something to pass along to the tech people here.

Now I notice the quote function is a little messed up. hmmm had to fix that another way.

 

Kate and Carol,it is good that you can make paragraphs now, that would be hard to type that way.

[ericasmom]

Oh how nice that Konnie and Eric were able to adjust for paragraphs for those of you that had been unable...let's see if color comes next. And cool that they did something so that your keyboard responds with ease now Carol.

 

Sandy, I am thrilled for the message you received today: Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. How truly magical. I like the Hump day commercial as well.

I am glad that you were able to get the care for your husband that he needed. This weather is playing havoc with many. May you both get a good night of sleep. And dream sweetly of that sweet message.

[mikesmomrs]

Kate...Thank you for letting me know...I will forward the info to Konnie. LAURIE...I believe I am using IE 9 but am not at my PC right now--I will check later.

DEE, I am glad you enjoyed the picture.

SANDY...I am so happy for the message you received from your beautiful SARAH. SARAH SARAH!!!

LORA: I agree with the others...it is a beautiful picture, definitely deserving of being framed.

SUSAN: I am glad to hear that you are feeling a little stronger. ..I know the children will be overjoyed to have you attend one of their games.

Good night to all...hope you have a good/decent day tomorrow. Supposed to be a tad warmer here tomorrow...up near or in the 20's!! Don't remember if I had posted this picture before...This Lucy with Cathi's dog Patchouli, on Christmas day at Cathi's house...Lucy is looking back over her shoulder as if it say "hey! 'Chouli, look, I think it's Santa!" Too cute!

[Mermaid Tears]

Sandy....how sweet for you...and how we rejoice with the 'you and your girl'...for we...here...

know...how the messages you/we receive can only  mean what they mean ....

but...I do believe....I have not  posted the messages...or...what I have been given....not to be selfish...but...to savor...and 'know'...what they are....

your sweet Sarah is around and about you....wouldn't she be? of course...and she is...and she is working for your good...and all her loved ones...