Loss of an Adult Child

[Jeff's Mom]

Poor old gal has lost so much weight that she really feels the cold. You should see me trying to put this getup on her at four in the morning if she has to go out. I'm wide awake by the time we come back in.

The plant loves a sunny location and we place it in our sunroom. I will try to post another pic in a day or so with more flowers out. I have had to stake it up a couple of times. Ross feels that by tomorrow it will be almost two feet tall. Also will try to post pics of my grandies. Love to all, Kate

[ericasmom]

Hugs to pretty pup Kate, so cute in boots and what a pretty blossom on your plant. My kids used to have their own when young, and each year we would keep the seed in the basement where it was dark until the time was right to put her in the sun again...fun process. 

Big moon out there, nearly full, it kept me from sleeping well last night. I can usually tell that it is moon waking as I was not tense but just fully awake.

 

Tomorrow we go to the Art Institute of Chicago for a field trip. It is always a wonderful trip, we have gone every year for 12 years now, with the whole third grade so we have nearly 100 kids, some years 120. Should be fun, tiring but fun.

[daveydow1]

Dee-----Wow...100 kids!  The trip to the Art Institute should be fun for all.  Thanks for the music video. 

 

Kate-----Your amaryllis blooms are just lovely. I had bought a bulb for my husband one year at Xmas, and he

was thrilled when it bloomed. It has bloomed a few times since we first had it.  Thanks for the lovely

pics.   It's plain to see how much you love & care for your dog.  She looks cute with her winter outfit.

I have not transferred any of my pics to the new computer yet......another task to master  . I hope

I can do it successfully.

 

 

PEACE    TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Tbear, thinking of you today as this is just a short time into your journey. That feeling of unreality sticks for a long time...I believe it is part of the emotional buffer...

 

Shannon, I am sorry you had the mess regarding your dad and his new wife...as if you don't have enough of your own worries. Of course it would be different if your dad were be willing to pursue a life of sobriety, but I think the Serenity Prayer is well to keep in mind.

 

Sherry also good to see your post. It just cheers me up.

 

Kate, the dog looks so warm in her coat and boots...we have a five pound chihuahua now, and I would like boots for her but don't think they make them that small.

 

Susan, I am sure you were the boy's hero for letting them put up that skate ramp....

 

Dee, thanks for posting the music...

 

***************************

 

It was a hard day, had to take my daughter in to the doctor's today. I think she is having severe anxiety but wanted some medical tests to rule out anything else. I will be scheduling a counselor's appointment for her, I think she needs someone to talk to about her brother...and I do not think she can talk to me...I think it would be better someone else outside our circle of pain....

 

Have to sign off, was a very busy day and have to pick her up soon from her job as she was not able to drive.

 

Wishing everyone a decent evening...found this for those new to this journey and also a reminder for everyone to take care...

 

 

Grief Journey Tips

Grief is a normal response to any loss. Each person’s grief journey is unique, yet the process of grief is

similar . The intensity of your grief is directly related to the strength of your attachment to what was lost.

 

Recognize your loss:

After a significant loss, you may be numb for awhile. Being numb allows us to accept the

loss a little at a time. It is important to acknowledge the loss and the pain.

 

Be with the pain:

You are hurting. Admit it. Feeling the pain after a loss is a normal part of living and loving.

Denying the loss does not lessen the pain, it prolongs the suffering.

 

Accept all of your feelings, even the feelings you don’t like.

Fear, anger, guilt, sadness, depression, despair, heartbreak, and an overwhelming feeling of disorganization are characteristic reactions to a significant loss. Avoiding your feelings, means your feelings will be expressed in unexpected ways.

 

It is okay to feel anger:

Everyone feels angry at a significant loss. Channel it wisely and it will go away as you

heal. Walk, run, and exercise. If you find yourself more irritable, journal and explore what your anger is about.

Anger is also a way for some people to avoid feeling the more vulnerable feeling of sadness.

 

You are vulnerable, be gentle with yourself:

Invite help only from people who you know will be gentle with your feelings and can accept all of your feelings.

 

You are not alone, seek comfort as you need it:

Although you feel alone (grieving is an individual process), you are not alone. Grieving is a sad part of life that everyone experiences. Accept support from others. Let them know what they can do to help. Do not expect comfort from a grieving partner as he/she may not be able to give you what you need due to their pain.

 

Weekends and Holidays can be very hard. Make plans with others.

 

Suicidal thoughts are a symptom of your pain:

Sometimes people feel survivor guilt or that they wish they had died instead of their loved one. If your thoughts of dying persist and you feel they are out of control, SEEK HELP AT ONCE by going to your local emergency room.

 

Healing does not occur on a timetable:

Healing occurs in phases where you move in and out of different feelings. Remind yourself that you can get through this. If it feels like you have been there long enough remember there is no way around grieving. You can only accept where you are in each moment and continue on your journey.

 

Heal at your own pace:

Never compare yourself to another grieving person. Each of us has our own timing.

Most grief ebbs and flows over a 2-3 year period with more non grieving days as you get into the second year.

The intensity of the grieving days also fluctuates, so just accept where you are.

 

Expect relapses:

There will always be certain things that trigger sadness again. This is normal.

Do Your Mourning Now: Allow yourself to be with your pain-it will pass sooner.

Postponed grief will return later.

 

Keep a journal:

Putting your thoughts and feelings on paper is a good way to get them out and both understand

them and let them go. You can also look back and see where you have been, how you dealt with it, and get an

idea as to where you are headed.

 

Take good care of you.

 

Explore your beliefs:

Clarify what is important to you…what brings you meaning. Reaffirm and explore your

faith, spirituality, and values. This is a time for you to Grow.

 

You are a beautiful, worthwhile person:

You are much more than the emotional emptiness you are now experiencing.

 

Give yourself praise and praise everything you do small or big:

When you do something hard, pat yourself on the back. Give yourself credit. Today, maybe it is just that you got out of bed and got dressed. Praise yourself, today it was hard. Every day you do new things, get through difficult things, and make hard decisions so give yourself praise. You can count on yourself. You are courageous even though you may not feel it.

 

You will grow:

As you work through your sadness you will learn that you can survive. The pain eventually

lessens – healing does occur. You may begin to understand that change and separation are a natural part of life.

You are a better person for having loved.

 

BELIEVE:

You are all the beautiful, wonderful things you ever were with new dimensions added. You are

richer, deeper, wiser, softer, more compassionate, and more caring. Believe in your ability to survive, to heal, to

change, and to grow.

 

Be open:

Give yourself opportunities to meet new people, places, ideas, experiences, but do not forget to build

on the past. Do not throw out what has been worthwhile to you. Small changes are best at first.

 

Begin to give of yourself:

When you are ready, giving can bring you the greatest joy. It is one of the best ways

of healing yourself after you have felt your pain, sadness, and anger.

 

Tips for Coping:

•

Physical exercise along with progressive relaxation will improve sleep and concentration.

•

Keep a journal: write through your sleeplessness and change the ending of your nightmares.

•

Talk to people; talking is one of the most healing activities. It is how we let go of stress.

•

Give yourself permission to feel rotten and have a grieving day. Remember on these days to share

your feelings with others.

•

Resist the temptation to isolate yourself. Spend some time with others.

•

Give yourself permission to escape from your new reality and have moments of happiness.

•

Get plenty of rest and eat regular meals even if you don’t feel like it.

 

 

 

[wgreenlee]

Laurie…

 

I’m sorry about your bad day.  Praying for your daughter.  I think it is good to seek a counselor…my principal’s office manager thought I could use that too, but I’m just a little afraid of talking with a stranger…I think I do OK letting it out a little each day…maybe not…she said I wasn’t ok…others sometimes can see things we cannot.  Talking with Brooks’ real close friends is safe for me.  They feel some of the same pain, but also know how deeply I grieve.  Does she have any of those friends to share with?  Thank you for the other “tips.”  It helps to know that I’m normal, although “our normal” isn’t the same anymore.

 

Dee…

 

You mean your district will let you do “fun” things?   Seems like we don’t let the kids be kids anymore.  Have lots of fun and take some pics of the museum stuff if you can.  When “Beauty and the Beast” came out there was a traveling ballet-type show in Vegas, and we took all of our students.  Being teenagers all they could talk about was the tight clothes and the “things” they could see.

 

Sherry…

 

Hope all goes well with the computer.  And Peace back to you.

 

Kate…

 

What a precious pic of Annie.  Like her, I’m sure, can’t wait for spring.  Praying for good things at the doctor for Ross.  

 

Susan and Kate…

 

Brooks’ friends have been so special these last four months.  Always talked with them before, as students too, but now it’s a different relationship…more personal.  Their empathy meter is off the charts, and I thank them so much for that.  I hope to keep those relationships, partly to keep the memories alive for Brooks.

 

Ted…

 

Those dates are etched in our lives now…thinking of you.  I looked at the pictures of Nick in his gallery.  Friendship is so priceless.  I pray that they are helping you through this, and you them.  Here is a pic of Brooks with his friends from last summer…

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Laurie, I am sorry that your daughter is having such a hard time. I am certain that you are on the right course by finding a counselor. Perhaps she will be able to feel more comfortable in opening up about her feelings to them. And "thanks" for taking the time to post about Grief Journey Tips.

Dee, I wish I could be with you tomorrow. I remember from last year how much you looked forward to your outing with the kids. Have a great time!

Sherry, thank you for your compliments about my Annie. We do dote on her quite a bit. She makes it worth it! So friendly and loving. It's a real pleasure. How are you doing? Are you enjoying your new computer? Nice to be able to do all the fancy stuff. I managed to post two pics sideways. Go figure. Oh well,that's me.

Susan, I do wish we lived closer. I would love to meet for a nice cup of tea and a visit. One day when you have time please let us know the story behind the skateboard ramp in your backyard. Something tells me Jeff would have been up front and center helping John David.

Holding everyone close and hoping your evening is peaceful. Love to all...Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Wade...just saw you had posted. Have a few pics for you tomorrow. Hockey Hall of Fame. I'm knackered tonight... so will do so tomorrow. As Jeff would have said about your pic of Brooks last summer. SWEET!

[wgreenlee]

Kate...

 

Brooks would say the same thing...  Looking forward to the pics.  One of my dreams is to hit all the Hall of Fames.  Thanks.

[Guest]

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[Mermaid Tears]

I am going to 'say' this....I feel so loved by all that is on this site....the 'moon' outside in that blank blue black sky....and then....I have 'all of you' ....thank you....

Laurie....I do know that with you and your spread of knowledge....your sweet daughter will find a place where she can put her 'words and feelings'....and we...on this site....know that a parent wants to give our children here with us...a measure of compassion...and hope and healing...we aren't the only ones dealing with grief....

[wgreenlee]

Although we seem so far apart 
You're always here within my heart 
You filled my life with joy and pleasure 
You were to me a precious treasure 
A little while shall pass and then 
We'll see each other once again 
Loved, remembered and held so dear 
In minds and hearts you're always here
Until that day a thousand times
I'll think of you...your favorite rhymes
And even though today I'm sad
I am so proud, son, to be your dad.

All my love, Brookster!

 

I am Pooh...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tRepZdoRmY

[Sholl1955]

Missing my Sarah so much tonight.  She always loved Pink Gerbera Daisies.  I have only seen them as cut flowers but yesterday I found a Gebera Daisy Plant.   It has 4 flowers on it, and beautiful leaves.  I had to buy it and now I hope I can keep it alive, I kind of have a brown thumb.   Very weary tonight so will go to bed.

 

Sandy

[wgreenlee]

Sandy...

 

I will pray for your brown thumb to turn green.  I, too, have a few plants that I'm trying to keep going until spring and can plant them at Brooks' site.  Sleep well and know your Sarah is with you.

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade...I have written that for my children...and now...I wrote that from me to Austin...as he spreads his wings....

but now....the words seem to be so much more....'for now'

it seems as if our children write that to us...

for it has always been the timeless story...

how our children really do....teach us....thank you...for sharing....wishing you some peace and comfort....for all the love you had....spilled over to him...and filled him up...to the brink...and then it over flowed to others...

as it should be...

[wgreenlee]

Sleep evades me tonight, Brooks.   So many thoughts of things undone with you.  Memories I will never have.  One of those days I dread where I see no light at the end of the tunnel.  Maybe too much of you, if that's possible.  Probably shouldn't think that way.  Any little bit of you is better that none, huh?  Like the nights I waited for your phone call and word that everything was ok.  And it came and I was able to sleep...but not tonight.  Nothing will ever be ok anymore.  I watch TV and there is death...I read the news and their is death...everywhere death.  How did I stay so immune before?  Because I thought my prayers would protect you.  I don't blame you...I know you were doing what I had taught you.  But why couldn't you just have stayed home that night?  Five minutes...ten minutes...might have made a difference.  I long for you so much...  I just can't fix this, buddy.  I know you are ok, but I am not.  The immense heartaches have come back and I am having a hard time finding my way through them.  Please help me, Brooks.  I have so much faith that God will allow that, but I don't see or hear you.  My dreams are nightmares and I want a part of you...any part to visit me and tell me it's going to be ok.  Four months seems like such a long time...but there are so many more to go.  I don't like this!  I think of you and how happy you were no matter what, because you knew...you knew everything was going to be better...  I need that from you now.  My love for you grows daily, my precious boy.  Love of my life...you made me so happy no matter what.  Your smile always brightened my day.  I hope I did the same.  Hope to see you tomorrow...somewhere.  Be Solid...be good...I am more than proud of you....I am your dad, Brooksy!

[Tbearw58]

to wgreenlee 

 

I am here at work and this is the 2 month to the minute since my son was killed. I have the same feelings as you are describing in your post. I am asking for a sign some thing anything but nothing comes. Sleep only when I can go no longer not because I want to. Why I ask all the time if we could change this I know we would. The pain is ever lasting and so so deep. I pray for you to maybe find some comfort and a sign our young men are ok with god. 

[Jeff's Mom]

Ted and Wade, we understand how you are feeling and so wish we could help to ease some of your pain. It is small comfort to hear this right now...but please hold on tightly to the fact that after a period of time your pain will soften. You are both at the initial beginning stage when you are still in shock and walking in a kind of fog. The pain is intense.

Please continue to keep posting and know we are here to help hold you up through this most difficult time. One day at a time. One step at a time. On days like this just breathe. And yes Wade...they will always be with us.

Karen...I am also truly sorry for your loss. Please come here and join us. It does help to know that we have others that are walking this same path.

Lora, I am so pleased that Todd is making a good recovery. That must give you a huge sense of relief. I remember you mentioning your next door neighbor a while back. She sounds as if she is a very nice lady.

Becky...please let us know how you are doing. We are all thinking of you and hoping your tests went ok.

Laurie...sending prayers and wishes for a better day with your daughter.

Betty...I hope that you will find the next few days more peaceful.

Thinking of everyone...Sandy, Shannon, Jan, Wanda, Colleen, Carol, Trudi, Susan, Greg, Susan( Shannon's Mom) Leah, Surreal, Brenda, Diane, Gretchen, Maddy, Angela, Debbie, Jenn and everyone else. Love, Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

thank you, Laurie for posting the 'help with grief'....and I have to remind myself many times that the journey is ongoing...there is a 'start time' but there is no finish line for us to cross...no marathon to run...there is no winners ...just survivors....

    I hope that your daughter will find someone who she can feel safe to relate to....that kind of trust is so important....and...I will be the first to say I am not a Guru for my children....I know there are many things they wish to share but....it still is not the 'right' time for me....and I do know they talk to each other a lot....we (our family) know there are some things we have put on the back burner for now.....but will be able to talk about later.....one simple reason is:

  I can start crying in a nano second.....like they can say just 'one' word.....and if they hear silence....they know I can't talk....

   the strange thing is I cannot determine what my tolerance is on any given day..hour..minute...

I do not control my 'start' or 'stop' button...

and I do not know 'how'...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I so agree with the post from Kate...thinking of everyone too.....

Wade, That was a beautiful posting to Brooks, sent a copy to my husband at work....thank you for sharing...
 
I also have to mention Susan's posting last night...and say back you'all have meant so much to me...there is no other place I could go to share...
 
***********************************************

Christina is now resting, had her sleep in the chair I used in the corner of the living room...first tests came out okay...think it is just emotional exhaustion. Big Thank you for all who responded... 

Yesterday my husband received a book from a well meaning co-worker entitled, "Forgiveness". It is a collection of stories of such very small grievances I am thinking "really??" Also this co-worker has a very good life, all his children (five), great marriage, on and on..people really don't get it.....I often think of Becky's story when I hear this kind of nonsense being offered...I love her poetry that she has written...
 
It is easy to love God and quote faith trivia when all is well, but what happens when you find God's back turned and evil is allowed to touch your life, what then?
 
Early on, I had read the story of the Spafford family from late 1800's, Horatio Spafford is the author of the hymn "It is well with my soul". He lost 5 children in all, four girls in a drowning, and one boy later....most people love to stop with his song he composed as he passed over the spot where his daughters drowned, but there is so much more to the story than that. All the ongoing grief faced in the daily life...they had experienced supernatural signs too, the one daughter knew she would not return from the fateful voyage that took her life and her sisters...also some supernatural occurrences the rescuing ship's captain experienced that found the ruined ship with survivors.....the Spafford family only had two children survive and they founded a center in the Holy Land that promotes humanitarian issues...it still exists today...You can see the change over time in the dad's faith from being so simplistic and somewhat harsh to embracing a more loving concept....
 
Book is OUR Jerusalem, an American Family in the Holy City, 1881-1949, by Bertha Spafford Vester. was a little hard to read since it covered their whole life, so I just took the parts of most interest to me...

 

Excerpt of daughter's Maggie's knowing:

"Mother had been reluctant to go to Europe since she found Father (Horatio Spafford) could not accompany them, and Maggie  evidently shared this feeling. Maggie adored her mother so much she dreaded being separated from her even for a night, but she had been willing to stay at home alone and in fact begged to be left behind.

She must have had a strange foreboding, for when my sorrowing parents returned to their silent home they found a little note written by Maggie and left in the children's play post office in one of the tall elm trees:

Goodbye, dear sweet Lake View. I will never see you again."

[Guest]

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[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....you have opened the book to the 'page' that eludes the highest thinker...

...the subject that seems to get glossed over....

and yes...that sick feeling that comes over me when I 'hear' or 'read' what 'a thinker' has discovered in their quest for divine understanding....and then will have the audacity..to tell us 'the way forward'.....

what a ship of fools....what hypocrites...to be the Teacher in front of MY classroom !

 

I am in the Pre-school class of grief...but at least I know it....

my Dad use to tell me 'all the time'....

it's important to know what you know....but  more important to know what you DON'T know...

 

I love what you just shared....for we don't know the deep grief that some have suffered...

and the dark night of being angered at God and Heaven and the Angels...and have been forced to drink from the cup of bitter.....

how do they...or I...or we....come to the fork in the road...that slippery slope of being bitter or better.

 

I was just thinking this morning about the parents that have missing children...what hell on earth for them. And you, Laurie...you have lost your sister and two sons...

   I am glad to hear that your daughter is getting some rest...for only with rest...can we start a measure of healing....maybe she just needs a space of 'self care'....and someone to talk to....she probably feels that if she says 'too much' to you...it will upset you...and she knows your world has already been turned upside down...and it is not on it's axis yet.....please let us know how she progresses...

Thank you again for sharing your knowledge...you always give me food for thought.

[Mermaid Tears]

thank you, Lora....what 'words'.....so true..

[Guest]

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[Mermaid Tears]

Lora...thank you for sharing....it reminds me that no culture or religion...or island or country...or mountain or ocean is spared from grief...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

From Susan,

"my Dad use to tell me 'all the time'....it's important to know what you know....but more important to know what you DON'T know..."

 

Your dad was a wise man, I have known many who offer their thoughts too quickly and burden the other even more

 

...thank you for your get well wishes for Christina....don't know what happened with her...my guess is another one of the layers of the onion came off leaving raw grief again...

 

Lora, I am thankful that your brother has been moved out of the trauma hospital...how is he coming along? I thought you mentioned his legs being broken, sending healing prayers..

 

Also, liked the peoms you posted, saved them to my computer...

 

Susan's mom,Shannon; thinking of you today...sending you hugs...

 

TBear, it is good that you and Wade can share together, these early times are so raw...take care of yourself, allow for extra rest time...

 

 

Sandy, I am glad that you found the flower that holds memories of your sweet Sarah.....

 

Shannon, how are you today...

 

Kate, let us know how Ross is doing...looking forward to some more pictures of grandkids...

 

Thinking of you Becky....

 

Still reading the posts, yesterday everything was so upside down...

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora...was thinking of you yesterday....one of my 'Forever Young Forever Girls'...(Randa's friend) her husband had surgery yesterday....8 hours....he came through fine...but a long road to recovery...and have heard from many that have had issues with a long recovery ahead of them...is your brother a patient man ? What I have found is that the 'attitude' a person has in their recovery will either help or harm them...so praying he has a good attitude in the days ahead. Hope your muscles feel somewhat better today.

[Mermaid Tears]

That saying came from my Dad when I was in the 7th grade...my math grades started slipping so he decided to 'backtrack' me...to find out what I didn't understand....it came out in our study sessions that I was 'becoming shy' of raising my hand in class to ask questions...(typical 7th grader).....so that is when he told me...'it is important to know what you know....but more important to know what you don't know'....so...after that....I was never afraid to ask questions....

[Jeff's Mom]

Wade, these are for you. The Hockey Hall of Fame was relocated to an old bank building in downtown Toronto. The stained glass is on the ceiling in the main banking hall where all of the cups are kept.

[Jeff's Mom]

Just sending a few pics of my grandies. Also an update on my Amaryllis. I threw in one of Jeff's pics from his last U2 concert in Toronto. He just loved that band. I could not listen to their music for over two years. I would cry like baby. Today I enjoy hearing them sing again. It truly does soften with time.

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh Kate...'if you think my arms are full...you should see my heart'....what 'Sweethearts' you have there...look at those eyes...sparkle and shine....if I could grow flowers like that I would be President of the Garden Club.....

   the bench looks 'at peace'....

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks, Susan! My baby dolls! Cute as can be. My son is sitting in the chair behind proudly watching his girls. Note the red hair.

Wishing everyone a truly peaceful evening and a night filled with beautiful and comforting dreams of your angels. Love to all, Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kate, Lovely pictures of the grand kids....they are so entertaining at times...the picture of the bench looks so peaceful...

 

I took the picture from the stained glass dome and used it for my desktop background...looks really pretty....

 

I wonder how Dee did with the field trip, are you still here after being with over 100+ munchkins?

 

Lora, so sad for the Amish family...I did not realize that you lived near a community...Jesse's one job was helping haul loads of amish can milk (on a regular truck modified)...he would have to lift the full milk cans which is why his arms got so muscular....this job also gave a person insight into their world...that happiness is found in the simple things of life...this is the philosophy he embraced...There is one milk truck that he had worked on, he had modified the hauling box...for awhile I would pass that truck on the road and feel like my heart was going to blow apart...

[daveydow1]

Dee-----Hope that the trip to the Art Institute went well, and that  all the kids enjoyed the experience. Such

a wonderful place to visit.

 

Lora-------Yes, I agree about the kitties.  They are so much comfort and offer unconditional friendliness.

(Not to slight the doggies........they're wonderful pets too)  . So sorry to hear of the Amish boy's death.

What a sad thing to happen. Thank you for the pics.   Prayers for the family.

 

Kate-----It is so understandable that you take extra-good care of  your old dog. I think that when our pets

get old, we have such a special place and love for them because of their age & condition. I was the same

way with my old kitty---Brownie.....when she was old & failing.  (She had a cancer & had to be put to sleep

a couple yrs. ago).  I still have lots to learn with the new computer.......soon I'll have to get busy and

try putting my pics onto the new PC.  Thanks for all the pics you posted.

 

 

TAKE CARE, AND MAY EVERYONE GET A RESTFUL NIGHT'S SLEEP TONIGHT.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry                                          

[Steve s mom]

Wade loved the Winnie the pooh video

Steve loved Winnie it reminds me of him

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wade loved the Winnie the pooh video

Steve loved Winnie it reminds me of him

I had read your story about your son's watch that was posted...

Wishing you well this evening...it is a hard journey....

***************************************

Sherry good to see your post, we look forward to some pics maybe after you learn more about the new computer...

[Guest]

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Edited February 26, 2017 by Guest

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, we honestly do not know for sure how Ross is doing. Because they stopped the chemo at only four months instead of six we are very anxious. We simply don't know for sure. Hence...regular testing and appointments.

Lora...perhaps Todd will learn how to relax after this experience. Yes, the Amish are a very admirable and hard working people. My heart goes out to the families and friends of all concerned.

Dee...I imagine your day was hectic... but nevertheless terrific! Sleep well.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora, so sad for the Amish family...I did not realize that you lived near a community...Jesse's one job was helping haul loads of amish can milk (on a regular truck modified)...he would have to lift the full milk cans which is why his arms got so muscular....this job also gave a person insight into their world...that happiness is found in the simple things of life...this is the philosophy he embraced...There is one milk truck that he had worked on, he had modified the hauling box...for awhile I would pass that truck on the road and feel like my heart was going to blow apart...

 

of course...me...this southern Texas friend would not have known..but....I have so many memories of John David here in Brenham...and I feel like you...my heart is going to blow apart...but then I have my family here....and want me to be brave...but I can 'understand'...and also...as strange as it may seem....I feel as if I am with you there....and you are with me....and I feel you...and know how hard it is....

 

for some strange reason....I simply don't know where this comes from...the song...'True Love' by Glen Frey....came up...whatever...this morning when I woke up....the other morning...'A Simple Kind of Man'....and ....believe me...I had to reach for that song...for it was never on my compass of songs....ever....

[ericasmom]

Hi Gang- yep, the trip was FABULOUS. I came home, went for a windy walk, made dinner and then husband and I pretended it was the weekend and watched a movie. The one about the navy seals, based on a true and very sad story, Mark Wahlberg was the lead actor. Wow, powerful. Some words said at the end reminded me of all of us, he said, " a part of me died up on that mountain, I will always be with my brothers there, but a part of me lived because of my brothers too, and there are many painful times and great times but one thing is, I will never stop fighting.

We never stop fighting for the honor of our loved ones.

I am going to bed with hope that I can catch up with everyone's posts, and be able to respond in kind.

 

Lora, you come to Chicago, I will meet you for whatever beverage and a meal you'd like.

 

Laurie, I am glad that your Daughter has been able to lean on you and to let her exhaustion show, she needs time to just be, to find who she is now.

 

Love to all----

 

PS TBear, 2 months is 2 months way too long, I am sorry.

Today is 10.5 years for us, 3,832 days. One day is too long, so we sure do get that ache so deep in your heart.

[wgreenlee]

Kate...

 

Thank you so much for the pictures.  Lots of Canadien's gear...  But you threw in some old school Blackhawks...Bobby Hull, I believe.  I used to pretend I was Tony Esposito in net.  Or Bobby Orr, of course!  Maybe one day I will get up there to see it all.  Some things seem so distant now...new memories I hope to create.

 

Today, Renea went over to Brooks' site to exercise and saw Chad, Brooks' best friend, there.  He had brought a couple of baseball holders for Brooks' baseballs.  She invited him over to dinner tomorrow.  Him and his sister, Ronnie.  He is taking this very hard.  We talk often.  Don't know if I ever mentioned this...his girlfriend gave birth to a beautiful little girl a week after Brooks died.  His girlfriend lives in CA so he went there to be with her prior to Brooks' celebration...anyway...he was nervous, of course, so we talked and texted on the phone for hours that early morning as he was waiting for that special moment.  Brooks was helping him get his GED so we did a whole bunch of math that night on the phone.  There were a few complications, but everything turned out wonderful.  And little Zoey is born.  He really wanted Brooks to be there...I am so glad I was there in his place.  Chad is the same friend that Brooks would bring over for lunch during HS.  And Chad was a big help for Brooks during some rough parts of his addiction.  I know this friendship will last a lifetime and beyond.  His birthday is one day after Brooks and mine, and they always celebrated together.  What will this one be like?  Thank you, Chad!

 

Peace to everyone!  You are my lifeline and I am grateful!

[Mermaid Tears]

Has anyone woke up with a song playing in their thoughts ? I don't know where they come from...for they are not my 'favorites'....but for sure I have heard them....the strangest one is 'A Simple Kind of Man'....I had to do some searching for that one...it wasn't even on my radar...and I think it came out in '71......maybe it is just the way my mind is wired now...but so unusual.

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, yes indeed! I have frequently had a song play over again in my head for days on end. Barry White and.. You're my First, Last, My Everything...was one that I simply could not forget.

The CD playing in Jeff's car at the time of his death was Coldplay. The song was Viva La Vida. I still choke up when I hear that song. It is as if he is in the room when I hear it. I'm not sure why that happens. Could somebody please be kind enough to post it on this site for me? Thanks. Just watched it again a few minutes ago on UTube. Was this going through his mind at the time? St.Peter calling his name? Listen to the lyrics.

[tobyfreefoot]

wade thank you for the pooh video.  forest's birthday is coming up.  i am going to post it on his fb page

 

[Guest]

.

[Jeff's Mom]

Gretchen...thinking of you as Forest's special day is just around the corner. Hope you are ok.

LORA...THANKS! Our home was always filled with music when he was alive. We are now just able to leave the radio or stereo on for a little while. I have always loved Gladys Knight, Dionne Warwick, etc. The music that I can sing too.

Today I am going to take a piece of my own advice and get cracking! The depression is definitely starting to settle in. Always does just around Christmas time and following. So I have had a serious talk with myself and plan to get out more despite the weird weather. It is too easy to cocoon when it is miserable outside. We woke up this morning to temps climbing to supposedly +1C. Not too shabby if you ask me. They had called for yet another storm last night but so far no dice. It is snowing lightly, but a decent day so far. So we are heading out for the day.

It is the hardest thing to lose a child this way. Always pushing back the why's and if only's. We could not have loved him more. How could he have done this? If only he had not given up on life. How do I live with this? By taking my own advice. Loving him for always and knowing I will see him again. Getting out and keeping busy. Holding you all close today.

Shannon...Susan...hope your week is ok. Holding you all close. Love, Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....thanks for sharing that....I have never seen a headstone like that....I have always had music in my life...although when I was going through a very rough spot in my previous marriage...I called a time in it..'the years when no new music came in'.....what is unusual is that I wake up to some song 'playing' in the background...some are songs I never think of...am sure I have heard them somewhere...for how would I be able to replay them....very strange.....

   There are many songs we call 'John David songs'....and some days I can listen...some days I can't.....

    Just driving through town some days...it is so hard to see certain landmarks...and that feeling like my heart squeezes so tight...

   Wade....so glad that you got to have that get together with Chad....it is so hard for our children's friends to meet up...face to face....they are young and don't know 'what or how or when' to say things...their hearts hurt so...and they know we are hurting....

 

Dee...happy to hear about the field trip going so good....Pebbie and her 5th Grade class were to meet Barbara Bush at the President's Library in College Station...and she would read a book to the class....but she was hospitalized over the holidays...so the class did go to the Library but Mrs. Bush read the book over a Tell-Prompter....that was yesterday...must be a popular day to have field trips for schools....also....Pebbie was elected Mayor....she had to campaign and big brother Austin created  some amazing posters....her friend, Travis, was elected Judge....they learn how a town is governed.. and then they go to Houston for some competition....when Taylor was in the 5th grade..she was elected Mayor....following in big sister's footsteps...

[Mermaid Tears]

Maybe it is just 'January' time of year....I was in some kind of 'place' yesterday....got nothing done...na da...'O'....and that is not typical of me....but..it is what it is...and got up too early this morning....but we have sunshine and blue skies....

 

 

Here is a photo of our Pebbie....she was in the King's Court of Maifest last May....

presenting Madam Mayor....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wade, I know how much that meant to have Brook's friend visiting his gravesite...there are some friends that we so appreciate as parents that they keep our children in their heart...wishing you and Renea a good time tonight...I know it will be bittersweet...

 

Susan, had to look up the song you mentioned...it looks like A Simple Man was recently redone....the song seemed to say to me of the relationship between a mother and her son...and giving him advice on not living your life too fast........

 

Memories are etched in our surroundings, sometimes it is good and sometimes I want to run away from them...

 

Dee, it sounds like you had a wonderful time, share when you can....

 

Kate, read your post last night. Continue to hold your hand...have a good time out today...

 

Lora, do you not have as much snow there? Or was this picture taken earlier? We had another 8 inches dumped on us yesterday...

 

Shannon and Gretchen thinking of you...

 

Sandy, how are things with you?

 

Will post more later...

 

Holding everyone close...

[tobyfreefoot]