Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Kate----Yes, I so, agree that the change of seasons can bring on a

'blue' feeling. Glad that your husband is home, and can imagine that

he feels better just being in his own bed as opposed to being in the

hospital, and having you for his private nurse will help also.

I hope that warm memories of your sweet son, Jeff, will

make your heart & soul feel a bit better. Peace & prayers, friend.

[JD99501]

..o_O dropping in to say hi...............Hi.............Anyways it is good to see everyone chatting along and the hardworking members who offer strong support are still doing their thing. I would like to thank those who took a few minutes to respond to my small cry for help. If your new here please read over some of the responses that these people have given. There is no price that can be given for their help.

Love from your local crazy..........

[dsmurph]

Good to see you on here surreal. You have been in my thoughts and prayers.

[Jeff's Mom]

..o_O dropping in to say hi...............Hi.............Anyways it is good to see everyone chatting along and the hardworking members who offer strong support are still doing their thing. I would like to thank those who took a few minutes to respond to my small cry for help. If your new here please read over some of the responses that these people have given. There is no price that can be given for their help.

Love from your local crazy..........

Surreal, it is good to hear from you. I too have been thinking of how you are. Please keep posting when you can. You have been missed. And NO you are not crazy. Just stressed like the rest of us that have lost a loved one. Talk to you soon. Have a good day. Kate

[Guest]

...

[dsmurph]

Thank you Cara's Mom, Lora. You have a good day too.

[daveydow1]

Debbie-----So good to see your post. Hope you are doing ok.

Come back soon to BI. Peace to you.

Surreal---Also good to see your post, and I agree with Kate, that we miss

you when we don't see your posts.

Don't have too much to say today, and I'm in a rush with a ton of

things to take care of, so I'm signing off, and wishing everyone

a restful night, and maybe some pleasant dreams.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Surreal and Debbie, good to see you both. I hope that the days lengthening find you feeling well. I know our friends in Australia are dealing with the opposite and I know if early in grief, that shorter day is hard to deal with. Hang tight and know that the ups and downs of this life makes us feel at times that we have lost our minds, but we haven't we have lost our Child and our hearts are in many pieces. I promise that those pieces will reconfigure over time and with effort and while never the same shaped heart, it is larger in order to hold all the love for that Child in the center.

[BrendaDup59]

Hi, well I did OK today until Traci sent me pictures of the kids at Brian's grave they wrote notes to their dad and tied them to balloons and let them go .. I am so glad she did that I feel they needed it, and she said they would always know who their dad was. Then I got my cedar chest today for Brian's things my sister's husbands BIL Kenny hand made it for me .. I just love it. and then to top off my day I had a bird I have never seen before land in my yard .. I had to take the picture so quick it is not as good as I had hoped but it was a Immature Red Wing Blackbird ..

Kale I don't know how you stand the winters . we have been so lucky this winter it has been fairly mild .. now it is spring here but I think someone forgot to tell Mother Nature .. we may get snow on Sunday .. I sure hope not ,glad your husband is home and mending well.

Surreal .. good to see your post , take Care of yourself.

Sherry, I hope you are doing better .. thinking about you

Lora , Dee, Del, Susan and anyone else I missed I am thinking about you all and thank you all for the sweet comments on my bird pics .. well everyone have a good night Love Brenda

for some reason it will not let me attach the photos of the kids and the balloons I will try another time .

[Mike's dad]

My twenty year old son was killed in Iraq eight years ago, he and his friend were inspecting a truck when my son noticed the man had a bomb. He shoved the other young man down before the truck blew up, it killed hi and saved the other boy.

It caused a riff in my already damaged marriage, my ex wanted counseling where she admitted to cheating on me for years. I already knew, I stayed for the kids. She married him a year later.

Three years later I met a girl at work, she was closer to my kids' ages than my own but we hit it off and started seeing each other. The first night we ever stayed together I ruined it by talking about my son. I cried the whole time. I apologized the following monday, and said I understood if she didn't want to continue the relationship. She told me I didn't need to apologize. That she got it, her dad is a general.

She's the only person I've ever really opened up to about my son. It's still hard to talk about.

My daughters don't like her, but they don't have a reason not to. I've been told by my oldest she's not welcome to come with us. So she tends to stay away.

My problem is, she's pregnant, with a boy. I'm so happy it makes me smile just thinking about it. I'm worried people will think I'm trying to replace my son. I know my new baby will be his own person, not a reincarnation.

I also don't want to tell my daughters. I don't want to hear what they might say about my baby. My youngest will be easier to explain it to. My oldest will just scream and yell.

Is there anything I can do?

[Jeff's Mom]

My twenty year old son was killed in Iraq eight years ago, he and his friend were inspecting a truck when my son noticed the man had a bomb. He shoved the other young man down before the truck blew up, it killed hi and saved the other boy.

It caused a riff in my already damaged marriage, my ex wanted counseling where she admitted to cheating on me for years. I already knew, I stayed for the kids. She married him a year later.

Three years later I met a girl at work, she was closer to my kids' ages than my own but we hit it off and started seeing each other. The first night we ever stayed together I ruined it by talking about my son. I cried the whole time. I apologized the following monday, and said I understood if she didn't want to continue the relationship. She told me I didn't need to apologize. That she got it, her dad is a general.

She's the only person I've ever really opened up to about my son. It's still hard to talk about.

My daughters don't like her, but they don't have a reason not to. I've been told by my oldest she's not welcome to come with us. So she tends to stay away.

My problem is, she's pregnant, with a boy. I'm so happy it makes me smile just thinking about it. I'm worried people will think I'm trying to replace my son. I know my new baby will be his own person, not a reincarnation.

I also don't want to tell my daughters. I don't want to hear what they might say about my baby. My youngest will be easier to explain it to. My oldest will just scream and yell.

Is there anything I can do?

Mike, first of all I do not see this as a problem. I see this as a gift. I am so happy that you have been give another chance at life to enjoy and I hope that you will use it to the best advantage. Congratulations on this news! Bring your other children into this scenario by including them in your thoughts and happiness about the new arrival. Make it clear that the baby will not be replacing your other son. We all know that it will never happen. Look on it as a beautiful gift to be shared by the whole family. Good luck, and enjoy that baby! Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi, well I did OK today until Traci sent me pictures of the kids at Brian's grave they wrote notes to their dad and tied them to balloons and let them go .. I am so glad she did that I feel they needed it, and she said they would always know who their dad was. Then I got my cedar chest today for Brian's things my sister's husbands BIL Kenny hand made it for me .. I just love it. and then to top off my day I had a bird I have never seen before land in my yard .. I had to take the picture so quick it is not as good as I had hoped but it was a Immature Red Wing Blackbird ..

Kale I don't know how you stand the winters . we have been so lucky this winter it has been fairly mild .. now it is spring here but I think someone forgot to tell Mother Nature .. we may get snow on Sunday .. I sure hope not ,glad your husband is home and mending well.

Surreal .. good to see your post , take Care of yourself.

Sherry, I hope you are doing better .. thinking about you

Lora , Dee, Del, Susan and anyone else I missed I am thinking about you all and thank you all for the sweet comments on my bird pics .. well everyone have a good night Love Brenda

for some reason it will not let me attach the photos of the kids and the balloons I will try another time .

Brenda...the four seasons of the year are clearly distinct in my part of the country. Each season has its own particular characteristics. I enjoy the warmth of summer, the colours of autumn, and the freshness of spring, but winter too has its beauty. Though our winters can be long and cold, the clear fresh crisp air...rich blue skies and brilliant sunshine are prevalent here then in many places. The night skies in winter can show a profusion of stars and we frequently enjoy beautiful displays of aurora in the northern areas. Clean white snow adorns the branches of trees and snowdrifts become works of art with their graceful lines and curves. Birds return from wintering grounds in the south and we begin to look forward to the signs of all things springing forth as new life begins. Just the other day as I took my dog for her walk and stood watching her eating her loved freshly fallen snow...the caviar of snow...I was certain that I heard a new sound coming from the trees across our property. Even in this new climate change I see the return of old familiar routines. Birds returning to find things not quite as they had found familiar from old times past.

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda...the four seasons of the year are clearly distinct in my part of the country. Each season has its own particular characteristics. I enjoy the warmth of summer, the colours of autumn, and the freshness of spring, but winter too has its beauty. Though our winters can be long and cold, the clear fresh crisp air...rich blue skies and brilliant sunshine are prevalent here then in many places. The night skies in winter can show a profusion of stars and we frequently enjoy beautiful displays of aurora in the northern areas. Clean white snow adorns the branches of trees and snowdrifts become works of art with their graceful lines and curves. Birds return from wintering grounds in the south and we begin to look forward to the signs of all things springing forth as new life begins. Just the other day as I took my dog for her walk and stood watching her eating her loved freshly fallen snow...the caviar of snow...I was certain that I heard a new sound coming from the trees across our property. Even in this new climate change I see the return of old familiar routines. Birds returning to find things not quite as they had found familiar from old times past.

Kate , I have never read such a beautiful description of winter in my life.. Your in Canada ? I have always wanted to go there. but I have to say I am a sun person.. I would love to live somewhere warm all year round where I can have my flowers and birds .. I never get tired of them.

[Mermaid Tears]

Hi, well I did OK today until Traci sent me pictures of the kids at Brian's grave they wrote notes to their dad and tied them to balloons and let them go .. I am so glad she did that I feel they needed it, and she said they would always know who their dad was. Then I got my cedar chest today for Brian's things my sister's husbands BIL Kenny hand made it for me .. I just love it. and then to top off my day I had a bird I have never seen before land in my yard .. I had to take the picture so quick it is not as good as I had hoped but it was a Immature Red Wing Blackbird ..

Kale I don't know how you stand the winters . we have been so lucky this winter it has been fairly mild .. now it is spring here but I think someone forgot to tell Mother Nature .. we may get snow on Sunday .. I sure hope not ,glad your husband is home and mending well.

Surreal .. good to see your post , take Care of yourself.

Sherry, I hope you are doing better .. thinking about you

Lora , Dee, Del, Susan and anyone else I missed I am thinking about you all and thank you all for the sweet comments on my bird pics .. well everyone have a good night Love Brenda

for some reason it will not let me attach the photos of the kids and the balloons I will try another time .

As always Brenda.....you send such a cheer to my heart when I see your postings....hope the 'memory chest' is going to give you lots of comfort.....but more....thank you for all the 'nature' photos you send to all of us....that just don't have your 'eye'....for they do give me such a sweet flavor to my day....seeing them....gee...all those pretty birds that are in His Arms.....

[Mermaid Tears]

My twenty year old son was killed in Iraq eight years ago, he and his friend were inspecting a truck when my son noticed the man had a bomb. He shoved the other young man down before the truck blew up, it killed hi and saved the other boy.

It caused a riff in my already damaged marriage, my ex wanted counseling where she admitted to cheating on me for years. I already knew, I stayed for the kids. She married him a year later.

Three years later I met a girl at work, she was closer to my kids' ages than my own but we hit it off and started seeing each other. The first night we ever stayed together I ruined it by talking about my son. I cried the whole time. I apologized the following monday, and said I understood if she didn't want to continue the relationship. She told me I didn't need to apologize. That she got it, her dad is a general.

She's the only person I've ever really opened up to about my son. It's still hard to talk about.

My daughters don't like her, but they don't have a reason not to. I've been told by my oldest she's not welcome to come with us. So she tends to stay away.

My problem is, she's pregnant, with a boy. I'm so happy it makes me smile just thinking about it. I'm worried people will think I'm trying to replace my son. I know my new baby will be his own person, not a reincarnation.

I also don't want to tell my daughters. I don't want to hear what they might say about my baby. My youngest will be easier to explain it to. My oldest will just scream and yell.

Is there anything I can do?

Wrap your arms around yourself....say a prayer of gratitude....yell out.."God is Great"....and then go ahead and have the best life...yet...to come....enjoy...celebrate every Tuesday....whistle...have balloons for breakfast.....applause for you...and your Mom and New One to come...please let us know when He Decides To Be Here...we will celebrate with you.....no looking back....we are moving forward.....yes...yes...we are....

[ericasmom]

Susan I am so deeply touched by the lovely advice to MIKE'S Dad. It is forward moving now, and when we do take that look back, we remember always what was and take with us all the love as we try to live our best lives. We try to live it for ourselves and for our Child who left. Live it in the light they left for us and if they were right here able to speak this language again, they would more than likely tell us to go forth with as much joy as you can make.

Mike's Dad, I am sorry for the loss of your Boy-a brave Soldier. My Girl Erica was 19 when she was killed nearly 10 years ago, she is buried near a Boy-Soldier who died too in the line of duty. I always touch his stone and say Thank You to him, for his bravery and sense of duty. His name is Shawn Christopher and his birthday is two days after Erica's. They were the same age. He got to his 20th birthday, she did not.

I wish you deep happiness but I do know that when a child is unhappy in your choice of partner, it causes that static in one's life. How old is your Daughter that is having a hard time with this? Has she always had trouble with change? I am glad for your Son to be born, and your Son will be near you in this lovely time.

Getting ready for work, the cardinals and finch are singing the sun up, but it is only 21 degrees. It's okay though, they know that warm temps will eventually be here.

[Mike's dad]

My daughter is thirty, Mikey would've been 28 next week and my youngest is twenty two. The girl in seeing is twenty five.

I'll admit that young girls with older men is weird and it took me a long time to get over it. I've never seen someone so beautiful in my life.

I think our ages bug my daughter the most. She's always blamed me for the divorce, her mother told her I was the cheater. I never thought of cheating even when I knew about her relationship.

My baby is the only thing I think about. What he'll look like. The sounds he'll make, I am so in love with him and we've never met,

I think I deserve him, that's what makes me worry about other people thinking my new child is disrespectful of my brave son.

[Mermaid Tears]

My daughter is thirty, Mikey would've been 28 next week and my youngest is twenty two. The girl in seeing is twenty five.

I'll admit that young girls with older men is weird and it took me a long time to get over it. I've never seen someone so beautiful in my life.

I think our ages bug my daughter the most. She's always blamed me for the divorce, her mother told her I was the cheater. I never thought of cheating even when I knew about her relationship.

My baby is the only thing I think about. What he'll look like. The sounds he'll make, I am so in love with him and we've never met,

I think I deserve him, that's what makes me worry about other people thinking my new child is disrespectful of my brave son.

To Mike's Dad......you have a lot of water under those bridges...and if I read right.....issues from the divorce have never been settled...and what I have learned....may never in your lifetime....there are many people that carry old baggage around like it had a million dollars in it....or it just feels comfortable to carry it and never put it down or away....it becomes the 'calling card' so to speak......the subject that always comes up in conversation...and many just don't have anything else going for them except 'the past'. Who knows why some people keep scratching a scab so it will never heal.

You are still grieving for your son...and you love your daughters....and you love this lovely woman that came in your life....and now you have this Gift given to you...I have known a few May-December relationships that have worked out very well....I know a few 'older woman-younger man' relationships that have worked out....it is simply up to the individual and their relationship....it other words...it is up to you and her.....no one else...not your daughters...your other family...and it is all up to you and her to welcome and embrace and enjoy this Baby Boy.....if you really think about it....you have a lot of freedom...to do what is right and good for yourself...and him...and her. If people are 'that sick in the head' to think it would be disrespectful for you to have 'another' son....please...run..not walk...away from them. You still have Mike....he isn't gone....he has just 'gone' before you...and he can still be a part of your life....my son will always be a part of me and my family.... our Angel Children do not want to see us suffer. It is hard to move forward and give ourselves permission to 'live again...live a full life...smile..celebrate..and even love again'....but life goes forward. If you think I do a bang up good job of 'going ahead'....I will tell you it is simply not true....good days..bad days...worse days are all on the calendar....I don't have a handle on much of anything but a door handle most days....but I do know He is with me...He does bless me....and He is blessing you. After John David passed....we had a new GRANDson born...and he was a real miracle...and so will your new son be also.

[shorty16]

Hello my friends,

Life is going OK. I read often, but just take it all in. The change of seasons seems to affect me. I know life is rejuvenated in Spring, but for me...Brian is forever 16 and forever an angel.

I miss him more than words can say. Over the last 4 years and 9 months, we have learned to start to live again. This is a different life, but a life that does have laughter and happiness, but will never be as it was.

I send my love to those traveling this road after me...

Thanks for listening

Colleen Brian's Mom 4 ever

[Mermaid Tears]

Hello my friends,

Life is going OK. I read often, but just take it all in. The change of seasons seems to affect me. I know life is rejuvenated in Spring, but for me...Brian is forever 16 and forever an angel.

I miss him more than words can say. Over the last 4 years and 9 months, we have learned to start to live again. This is a different life, but a life that does have laughter and happiness, but will never be as it was.

I send my love to those traveling this road after me...

Thanks for listening

Colleen Brian's Mom 4 ever

I hear what you are saying...and all is true....yes..we do go on....the 'new normal'....it is always like..'that was then..this is now'....the 'before...he passed....after...he passed'.....like Dee said...the hole in our heart....but I do think we are all very, very brave...

[daveydow1]

Brenda----Thanks.....I'm feeling ok now. The cedar chest that your BIL, Kenny,

made for you must be just lovely, and will hold so many things, along with

your love for Brian. It is so nice that Traci took the children to Brian's grave,

and that they tied notes to balloons. It's good that Traci says that she will

keep their daddy's memory alive. This will help the children so much.

Kate----Yep---I agree---your description of the seasons and especially winter

is so picturesque and lovely. I, too, like the changes in the seasons. As

others have said....sometimes the changes can bring on melancholy and 'blue'

feelings, but we seem to push ahead.

Mikesdad----I am sorry for your loss of your dear son, Mike. He was, indeed, a

brave soldier. Of all the turmoil in your family, the fact that a new little life will

be coming into the world.....your baby boy....may bring about some harmony

for all concerned. It may surprise you, that babies have a magnetic attraction,

and can work their little magic in the hearts of so many people. We here at this

site know that one child never can take the place of one who has died, and you,

too, know this as you have said. The new little baby boy can bring joy and

harmony and love into your family. Peace and prayers.

Dee----

Yes, this has been a cold March, but I guess it is like the ones we knew

when we were growing up. The 80 degree days we had in Mar. of 2012 caused

a lot of damage in agriculture. Fruit trees blooming prematurely, then getting

hit with frost later hurt the crops. As much as we look forward to spring, I guess

that it is better to just 'wait' for nature to take its course.

Shelly----How are you? I've been missing you here at BI.

Colleen-----

Hello, friend. Good to see your post. You are right.....our lives will

never be as they were before we lost our children. We realize that we must go

on without them, and that is agonizing and painful to be sure. But, we somehow

make a new and different existence for ourselves. I wish you peace, friend.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sherry, no truer words...I talked to my students about this today, that this cold weather is okay, it is like what I remember as a kid too, and it is so much healthier than the 80's we had last early spring. Healthier for the crops and the bees, the birds migrating, the everything. Today we reached 39 and full sun, bright blue skies. We took a nice long recess as it has been a crazy week and very bitingly cold so today adn yesterday were gifts with sunlight. I saw two hawks on my lunchtime walk today going back and forth from an a huge elm tree to another where their large nest was. Light color underneath as they flew, that is the only color I could get from them as they were pretty high up. I heard the squawk sound and looked up and voila, there they were. Cooper hawks maybe?

Col, good to see you here. Yes, the seasons changing can throw one off. It does me each time, especially spring as Eri's birthday is coming on April 4th. She would be turning, 29. Hard to fathom. Just really hard to fathom.

Mike's Dad, you are happy with this woman, you are happy with this little Guy that is coming, live in that happiness. Not to say to ignore your Daughter, but to firmly and finally tell her that nobody could take the place of your Mike, just like nobody could take the place of her. Your choice in girlfriend and partner is not her business and if she has issues with it, that will have to be her issue because it is not yours nor your girl's. I agree with Susan, there are issues going way back to the divorce and her opinion of you was tainted by her Mom. That is sad but boy it happens plenty. Maybe you can say to your Girl that the family has sure been through so much ache, it is time for some joy and if it comes in a different package than you imagined, well it does not mean it isn't Joy.

[Guest]

.

[BrendaDup59]

Hi ,I finally got the pictures to attach to this ,here are the kids notes to their dad and at the grave and the balloons as they released them .. and a couple of pictures of the Cedar Chest I had made . I did OK untl I saw the pictures of the kids at Brian's grave and then I could not hold back the tears any longer I miss my son so much I still a year later cannot believe I am living this awful nightmare .. well Have a good evening Love Brenda

[Mom of Chip]

Hi ,I finally got the pictures to attach to this ,here are the kids notes to their dad and at the grave and the balloons as they released them .. and a couple of pictures of the Cedar Chest I had made . I did OK untl I saw the pictures of the kids at Brian's grave and then I could not hold back the tears any longer I miss my son so much I still a year later cannot believe I am living this awful nightmare .. well Have a good evening Love Brenda

Love the pictures, Brenda....your grandchildren are so cute...and the cedar chest is beautiful....

I never thought about storing Chip's things in a cedar chest...You inspired me. I have one...think I'll clean it out and put away his things that I want to keep.

[Mermaid Tears]

Hi ,I finally got the pictures to attach to this ,here are the kids notes to their dad and at the grave and the balloons as they released them .. and a couple of pictures of the Cedar Chest I had made . I did OK untl I saw the pictures of the kids at Brian's grave and then I could not hold back the tears any longer I miss my son so much I still a year later cannot believe I am living this awful nightmare .. well Have a good evening Love Brenda

after seeing the photos....I know how surrounded you are with your 'SONshine' and his children....I am not going to worry about you anymore....what love...comes from every corner....and the children are really the ones that can teach us........isn't it something.....to learn.....when we have the babies.....we are to be the teachers....and then we find out...later....that they were the ones that taught us......the circle of love...and life....you are loved and blessed....

[ericasmom]

Brenda, lovely photos. THe kids are doing something that they will remember each year to be a source of healing. A way to acknowledge Daddy with one-another.

DEl, how goes the sewing machine business?

[ericasmom]

The sun is shining brightly, the frost on my neighbors roof is dissipating, and bird songs fill the air. Cold but the promise is there. No matter what season we move toward, it will harbor that movement without your Child. But it is that promise of change and rotation and return that we can also find some peace, some knowing that in the spin of the World, our Children witness it all and we will return to them one day.

May it be a day filled with good stories.

[Mermaid Tears]

The sun is shining brightly, the frost on my neighbors roof is dissipating, and bird songs fill the air. Cold but the promise is there. No matter what season we move toward, it will harbor that movement without your Child. But it is that promise of change and rotation and return that we can also find some peace, some knowing that in the spin of the World, our Children witness it all and we will return to them one day.

May it be a day filled with good stories.

Now that is simply profound...and beautiful....

[Mom of Chip]

DEl, how goes the sewing machine business?

Thanks for asking, Dee..It's moving along quite well...I have sold some of the less expensive machines and now learning about the higher end ones...embroidery and sergers...Hopefully I will be getting some nice commissions in the coming weeks.

Sorry to not be posting much lately...but I have been reading everyone's posts...very inspirational and comforting...Keep up the good work, Indigos....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Hi ,I finally got the pictures to attach to this ,here are the kids notes to their dad and at the grave and the balloons as they released them .. and a couple of pictures of the Cedar Chest I had made . I did OK untl I saw the pictures of the kids at Brian's grave and then I could not hold back the tears any longer I miss my son so much I still a year later cannot believe I am living this awful nightmare .. well Have a good evening Love Brenda

What a beautiful cedar chest, it is an incredible work of art. The children's letters, words are so inadequate here. May God's special peace rest with you and your family and his angels watch over you.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dear Ones,

Sorry I haven't posted for a bit, but I still come on and read. We just finally got some of the info that we have long awaited, and it is very lengthy and most disturbing. Will this nightmare ever have an end?

If you don't hear from me, just know that I am delving in with both feet and all of my heart to try to find what will bring justice for my son.

Love to all,

I understand, I just wrote a lengthy letter to the District Attorney about Jesse's death. If you have trouble with the reconstruction of the accident, you can hire your own accident reconstructionist. They can review the material and serve as an expert witness. The man I hired used to be the head of the Wisconsin Reconstruction Unit for the state before he retired.

I have found to get justice you really have to do your work. In our case, the person who ran over my son doesn't have any money. So it has been difficult to find an attorney because all they want to know is if they can tap into the insurance money. Once they find that isn't an option, they lose interest. What a crazy justice system. The victim crime unit hasn't even called me, I called them. And then she had the nerve to act snotty with me. OUR FAMILY IS THE VICTIM is what I would like to shout at them.

What I have not shared on this forum yet, is that in 2002 my older sister was ran over also. The person ran from the scene and was missing for days. Her body flew onto the freeway and there she was struck multiple times. The third vehicle had enough sense to stop. I had to deal with stupid media then and I really don't think law enforcement cared. I only now understand the depth of my mom's sorrow walking in the parent's shoes.

I have been very aggressive with trying to get justice since really not much was done in regard to my sister. The person who ran her over never even financially compensated my parents.

My sister was 43 years old when she was ran over and killed.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Broken Chain

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.

In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone;

For part of us went with you the day God called you home.

You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,

and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side.

Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same,

But as God Calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

by Ron Tranmer

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I agree sometimes you have to fight your way through so much BS to get to the people that need to hear the issues. I am so sorry that you have to do this to find some sort of justice for both your Sis and your Son. Not right and yet, it is how the justice system is set up. We had to fight Amtrak and of course, you don't fight a federally supported entity and win. We fight until we feel we are done with that aspect of things. Good luck.

[shellyku]

Hello Indigos! I have been having such a hard time logging on under my new email address. That's why I haven't been posting. Sherry, thanks for asking where I've been! My heart to all of you til I figure out how to get this done. Does anyone have any suggestions? Here's my problem: I want to create a "new account" under my new email address. Every time I try to do that, it won't accept my password.

The only way I can get on now and then is if I use a different search engine, but that's a pain because I have to log out of google and go onto internet explorer. Does this make any sense? Does any one know how to contact the administration, Modkonnie?

Please know that I pray for all of you each and every day and hope to get this problem solved so I can add my 2 cents now and again! Love, Shelly

[ericasmom]

Shelly, lovely to see you today. Leave a message for ModKonnie, I think you can find her picture and name on the page where all the kinds of losses are posted; loss of child, loss of adult child...I will let her know too, that you are experiencing issues.

I have my Beyond Indigo link on my page, so I just click it each day to see all of you. I have not one tech skill in me, so beyond that I can't help you. But I sure am glad to see you are out there.

[Mermaid Tears]

Hello Indigos! I have been having such a hard time logging on under my new email address. That's why I haven't been posting. Sherry, thanks for asking where I've been! My heart to all of you til I figure out how to get this done. Does anyone have any suggestions? Here's my problem: I want to create a "new account" under my new email address. Every time I try to do that, it won't accept my password.

The only way I can get on now and then is if I use a different search engine, but that's a pain because I have to log out of google and go onto internet explorer. Does this make any sense? Does any one know how to contact the administration, Modkonnie?

Please know that I pray for all of you each and every day and hope to get this problem solved so I can add my 2 cents now and again! Love, Shelly

I am on the same page as Dee...not one bright techno gene in my strand of DNA....if you can find a 10 year old kid...they know just about everything...

[Guest]

...

[ericasmom]

Yep Susan, my third graders are far better on the computer than myself. I have never had an iphone, an ipod, a smart phone, nothing like that...soon however, I will have to as there will be nothing old and easy like what I have now. Oh well, old dog, new tricks-I will try.

Lora, take good care of you, some tea and honey maybe? Or a hot-toddie? I know a snow event hit the plains states and is heading our way, we are supposed to get some but further south more, and then I hear it is hitting the mid-atlantic states on Monday. I hope you have some time off tomorrow to further healing from your cold.

[Sholl1955]

Hello to all. I have been reading everyday but haven't been able to post much. I don't seem to be able to find the words to express myself. Kind of like early on but not as dark if that makes any sense. Friends and family believe I should be over this and have closure, and instead of once again trying to explain there is no getting over it or closure, I have just decided to let it go and and not discuss Sarah with them.

Brenda the pictures of you grandchildren speak volumes. My little granddaughters have sent similar precious notes to their mama too. They miss her everyday and talk of her several times a day and I encourage them to share how they are feeling. I was declared to be the best Mimi in the world this week, and on another day the prettiest Mimi in the world so it was a good week. They do make the hard times easier with their love. We are truly blessed to have them.

The cedar chest is absolutley beautiful and what a lovely idea to keep all your special items together in a special spot.

I feel I need to start doing things to get healthier such as losing weight, exercising and ect. Dee, I like the idea of walking, but have had pain in my calf and leg along with muscle spasms since January so walking is difficult, even though I can still work every day, just painful. The doctor sent me for an ultrasound of the leg on Sarah's angelversary as the pain increased and it did not show a blood clot, but it has been really bad the past couple of days, so not sure what the next thing will be. So, whenever this clears up I hope to be able to start taking care of me a bit. Something that I am terrible at I know.

Sandy

[Mike's dad]

My girlfriend and I get along perfectly. I'm head over heels in love with her and our child. But,I'm pretty sure I'm more excited than she is.

My ex always tries to add to the tension between my daughters and I. One time my girlfriend went with us to dinner. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I went to the bathroom and while I was gone my ex made sure she knew all my faults. My oldest helped her, I honestly thought it was the last night I'd hear from her again.

I didn't talk to my kids for awhile after that. My girlfriend even longer than that. I worry about what they might do now...

[Mermaid Tears]

Brenda , love the pictures of your grandchildren and their notes to their daddy. The cedar chest is beautiful.

Laurie, Cara,s boyfriend and a friend gave me a gift this Christmas with this poem on it with a picture of Cara in the middle. Broken chain is beautiful. I am sorry that you have to deal with all of these obstacles and I am sorry about the loss of your sister.

Del, I am glad that this job is working out for you.

Shelly,good to see you and I hope you can get your tech problem taken care of. How is you Smiles for Sarah coming along?

I have a cold and today, I just felt out of it, just tired, not myself, so after work I came home and I am laying around with my cats and burning a candle. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Have a peaceful night.

hope your tomorrow is a better day....thinking of you....I think laying around your cats has a very beautiful way for you...I love to be on my couch...and see Cowgirl...Sue Ann...(my dogs).....then Margaret Ann and Garage Kitty...( my cats)....all around me....on chairs...couches...pillows....all around me....and I think....'maybe this is alright'.....for now....they know I need healing time....and just...be with me....and they just stay with me....and be with me....

[Mermaid Tears]

hope your tomorrow is a better day....thinking of you....I think laying around your cats has a very beautiful way for you...I love to be on my couch...and see Cowgirl...Sue Ann...(my dogs).....then Margaret Ann and Garage Kitty...( my cats)....all around me....on chairs...couches...pillows....all around me....and I think....'maybe this is alright'.....for now....they know I need healing time....and just...be with me....and they just stay with me....and be with me....

I named one of my cats after my BEST friend...for I missed saying her name....Margaret Ann.....now I say it during my day.....

[ericasmom]

Susan, love that you named a cat after a friend...saying their names is important which is why Sandy, you can find yourself here saying Sarah's name in bright colors, large font, anyway you like as she is with you, we get to know her through your sweet heart and memories, and you never have to think of closure here. Closure is a nice idea for things like buying a house, or moving from one job to another, or moving away from your hometown, but closure when a Child dies? No, we find a new way to live that includes them in our everyday, and we say their names aloud so that we can hear the music of them, so that we can let others know that we will never put them away just because they are uncomfortable with our joy and ache in naming them in our conversations. Our Children lived, and they live on in our hearts for all of time so anyone that thinks we should just be over it, find closure???well kiss my _________.

Sleep well all,

love ya

[BrendaDup59]

Love the pictures, Brenda....your grandchildren are so cute...and the cedar chest is beautiful....

I never thought about storing Chip's things in a cedar chest...You inspired me. I have one...think I'll clean it out and put away his things that I want to keep.

Thanks Del, Glad it inspired you.,I too think they are pretty cute... just wish I lived closer but that will never happen, Traci will never leave from there and I could not live up there as I have a lot of issues with her family and how my son was treated buy them ..anyway I want to get a lock of some kind and a name plate put on.

[Mermaid Tears]

We hear the word 'closure'...and it has become a catch phrase for situations concerning loss of a loved one...

I have not heard that since John David left for his Heaven's room....but I have heard a recurring theme....'please don't change'....in letters...cards...conversation....even my daughter saying that to me.....

I have been pondering on this.....and one issue I have with myself is that I have to learn to deal and live with 'my change'....the 'that was then...this is now'.....for I have changed...and I have to deal with it...and then I will be comfortable in meeting people with my 'new clothes'...it is still a hazy subject for me....I haven't quite got a handle on it...it is forming..and the concept is still vague....and comes with the 'move forward'.... I feel as if I am becoming a better person....who now has a layer of empathy on my heart and reach out to others that are hurting....a filter has lifted from my eyes and I see different......the thing I feared the worse came to happen and I have to adjust but I am still standing....I am still off balance in these shoes...right now I don't know ...am wondering if you, Dee or any on this forum discovered you simply had to 'change' to move forward......what a learning curve this has been....but I need to know this face that I see in the mirror.

Randa , my daughter, has had a hard time dealing with his passing....and now her oldest son..Austin....is going to be moving out to go to UT in Austin....she has been over boo-hooing the fact....she went on an apartment hunting trip with him and it was so hard for her to think he would be living someplace else ...I told her....when she left for college I could barely breath and I cried in every corner of the house....but I put up a very brave face for her...for she was starting a new adventure....this is a part of life....my son, Jeremy, called and said he had listened to John David's music and was having a hard time....and we had a good talk....and I say words to console and comfort...and it is like someone is saying it through me...not really me.....for I am simply not the same. I think sometimes I exhaust myself trying to figure it all out at once.

[shorty16]

Ok everyone...it is snowing right now..ALOT

.Scott and I went to church this morning..I know that does not sound very special, but for our family..it is huge.

Brian's funeral was at our church and since then..I could not get my husband or our 2 surviving children back to church.

About 1 month ago, Michelle (our daughter) and I went to a new church..very different from the traditional Lutheran services. Then, I asked my husband if he wanted to go to church this morning..expecting a "no". But, he said "yes" and we went.

Took us 4 years and 9 months, but we did it.

Yeah!!...I wanted to share that with my on-line family

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[Mom of Chip]

Ok everyone...it is snowing right now..ALOT

.Scott and I went to church this morning..I know that does not sound very special, but for our family..it is huge.

Brian's funeral was at our church and since then..I could not get my husband or our 2 surviving children back to church.

About 1 month ago, Michelle (our daughter) and I went to a new church..very different from the traditional Lutheran services. Then, I asked my husband if he wanted to go to church this morning..expecting a "no". But, he said "yes" and we went.

Took us 4 years and 9 months, but we did it.

Yeah!!...I wanted to share that with my on-line family

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

I know the feeling about going back to church where your son's funeral was held...I was the same way...however, we did go back a few months later..We are Methodists and there was an All Saints Celebration the last Sunday in October and a bell was rung and hung on the cross for all the members who had died during the year..one was hung for Chip. We felt we had to be there.....and after that it was easier.....but I still do shed tears every Sunday that we go...This morning I was in tears after we all marched in waving palms.....I felt him he was there with us. I just wish I could have seen him.

[ericasmom]

Hey Colleen, it snowed here too but not a lot, though the potential exists for more. About 25 miles to our south and beyond, lots of snow and it is moving east and northeast. This is much more typical to the mid-west spring than those high temps of the last few years. Generally speaking, this kind of weather makes for a nicer output of flowers and blooming trees. I am so glad that your Husband joined you at church.

Lora, how are you feeling today?

Del, adding this as you and I posted at the same time...I am sure that it was powerful and holy walking through the procession of palms. I know that you wish you could see Chip. He could see you and I'll bet he was smiling.

Peaceful sleep to Everyone here, maybe a dream that lets us visit with our Angels.

[Mom of Chip]

We hear the word 'closure'...and it has become a catch phrase for situations concerning loss of a loved one...

I have not heard that since John David left for his Heaven's room....but I have heard a recurring theme....'please don't change'....in letters...cards...conversation....even my daughter saying that to me.....

I have been pondering on this.....and one issue I have with myself is that I have to learn to deal and live with 'my change'....the 'that was then...this is now'.....for I have changed...and I have to deal with it...and then I will be comfortable in meeting people with my 'new clothes'...it is still a hazy subject for me....I haven't quite got a handle on it...it is forming..and the concept is still vague....and comes with the 'move forward'.... I feel as if I am becoming a better person....who now has a layer of empathy on my heart and reach out to others that are hurting....a filter has lifted from my eyes and I see different......the thing I feared the worse came to happen and I have to adjust but I am still standing....I am still off balance in these shoes...right now I don't know ...am wondering if you, Dee or any on this forum discovered you simply had to 'change' to move forward......what a learning curve this has been....but I need to know this face that I see in the mirror.

Randa , my daughter, has had a hard time dealing with his passing....and now her oldest son..Austin....is going to be moving out to go to UT in Austin....she has been over boo-hooing the fact....she went on an apartment hunting trip with him and it was so hard for her to think he would be living someplace else ...I told her....when she left for college I could barely breath and I cried in every corner of the house....but I put up a very brave face for her...for she was starting a new adventure....this is a part of life....my son, Jeremy, called and said he had listened to John David's music and was having a hard time....and we had a good talk....and I say words to console and comfort...and it is like someone is saying it through me...not really me.....for I am simply not the same. I think sometimes I exhaust myself trying to figure it all out at once.

What you wrote could have been me writing....I share all your sentiments....My daughter is moving on okay, but my other son still has moments that overwhelm him.

Thank you for posting this..You said it much better than I ever could have.