Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Thanks so much Rhonda, I don't always look beyond, just thought that Lance was showing up on everyone else's computers. Oh he is a sweet Baby-Boy, so adorable.

Rhonda, it is good of you and your Husband to continue to foster the ideas that will help CJ become a more responsible person. I hope he can take your examples and your care and adopt these in his heart. I am sorry that you are extra sad right now and my hope is that your time with your friend helps unwind those tensions somewhat.

Amber's Mom, I know that you are aching with the sentencing on the person behind the wheel. I wish that there was something I could say to help...I am glad that you pursued this case and that you are standing where Amber cannot, making your voices heard and framing what justice ought to be. She must be proud.

Peace Everyone

[missinglance]

Hey everyone I made some changes to my profile, hopefully now everyone can see Lance's sweet face. Also I have added several more pictures of him to gallery. He was happy happy little boy, you will understand this when he see his pictures. Hope you enjoy!

Becky: You photos are beautiful I enjoyed seeing them I hope to one day have something as amazing as that

Lately my friends have been telling my husband I we need to have another baby. My friends are really considerate of our feelings about children because of our situation. I know they mean well when they say something. These friends are like family to us and they just want our children to be close in age. They made a comment tonight at dinner again. I we never really say much when they say something because we really don't want to say much about it until we cross that bridge. Things are not as easy for us when it comes to making the decision to have more children. Sometimes I'm not sure they understand that. I don't think they really understand that it is a really big decision for because of Lance having a extreme medical condition. Some days I think I'm ready to have another baby, and other days I'm scared to death.

[mrsduc]

Robert is really working miracles for me. I got a call from my middle boy named Tom to let me know he was at the hospital and I said do you want me to come and he said no but sure could use you yesterday when I was here. I said I am sorry but I did not know. I told him if I had known I would of been there. He said I know. Well he got off and then called me back and asked if I could come over to his place and just hang with him. I said do you think that you will feel up to us coming. He yes that I can lie on the couch. So Robert has started something on Tom.

Well I decided that I was going to call my ex, the kids father (Roberts too) and I said to him that I very much would very like to be called when one of my boys are taken to the hospital even if he thought it was nothing. I told him that I am trying very hard to get a relationship going and not knowing hurts it. I told him that Tom said that he did not want me there tonight but he sure could of used me last night. I told him I would of been there if I had known. So my ex said that he would tell me. But I do not know if I can believe a word of what he says. But all I can do is tell my boys that if I know about what is going on that I would be glad and I would want to be there for them. I told Tom that he needs to give his girlfriend my cell and home number so if no one in the family calls atleast she could. So I have to leave it at that. So I have a busy weekend which is wonderful for me since my husband and i have no friends and so we are always alone with nothing to do. My husband has decided that we are going to ride from MD to VA on his trike. I am excited but scared at the same time. Not the greatest on an old women's butt especally on too long of trips. But that is ok. Least we are not riding all the way to see Chris since that is about 2 hours or more. I have taked to Robert all day and I know that nothing else or no one else is invovled with all that is happening. Robert wants me to have someone and he wants me to be happy and he wants his brothers to get comfortable with me as he did. I do not see that becaause they are so different from Robert. But if they would come or call and let me in it would be alittle change. Going with no expectations tomorrow or Sunday. There will be an issue that I will have to keep to myself when I do go to Chris's house for he has my dog that he took when Donald had his accident and said he would give her back with her sister when Donald and I were back on our feet and when we went to get them Chris was staying at his mother in-laws house and they all bullied me and Chris turned on me like I was nothing to him and would not let us have our dogs. So they killed one of the dogs but the other one will be there and I have to be on my best behavior and not try and steal her back. Because I sure do especially after a video he showed me of Kylie going after her in a fenced in family room so Nikki the dog could not get out and Kylie coudn't either. And Kylie would pull her tail and hit her and Nikkie would run to try and get away and runs and jumps up into CHris's wifes arms and she throws her back down to have to put up with it again. And all they are doing is laughing. I just think it is so cruel. Nikki is a chihuahua. Chris also has two hugh dogs and I know Nikki well enough to know that she does not the big dogs at all. So I wish to God that Chris would allow me to take Nikki back. So I can get her out of there. It hurts me to see a dog being treated like that for someone elses amuzement.

[tobyfreefoot]

WOW LINDA! robert is working overtime!!! that is fabulous!! btw iss robert from a different father? forest has a different father than my other 3 causing his personality to be way different than their's causing us to be exceptionally close like you and robert. can never probably get that with my others so i get what you mean. still you can have a great relationship maybe just not as intimate. i am so happy they are reaching out to you!!!!!

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, just wanted to tell you again how much I am enjoying looking at your pictures of your beautiful property. The tree that is so large and beautifully shaped that is in the background near the playhouse...what is it? It looks very mature and quite old. I also noticed that you colour the nectar for the hummingbirds. Have you considered just boiling water with sugar? The dye apparently is not good for the birds. Also, thery will still be drawn to the sweetness of the sugar and water mixture. We were told this by a bird specialist. Your gardens must really attract hummingbirds and butterflies. How lovely!

Also wanted to mention that we walked into the site again a couple of times this week. I sat on the bench overlooking the lake and wondered how it was possible that so much time has passed. Days turning into weeks and then months. And now two years. In many ways it seems just like yesterday that he was with us. I feel him all around me. I sat in quiet reflection and talked to him as I often do. A single hummingbird flew past several times and landed gently on the flowers. It was so calming and serene. I also noticed the hostas had been eaten down to the ground by something. I had carefully planted deer resistent flowers. I did not know they would eat the leaves of hostas. Perhaps it was a rabbit. There is an eagle's nest in the trees above and the pelicans are also plentiful. Never a dull moment in God's country. He chose well when he picked this final resting spot.

Woke up this morning to a very overcast sky that is heavy with grey cloud. More rain in the forecast. Made a to do list and then promptly lost it. Typical.

Carol... I hope that you and Ralph are doing okay. How is your back?

Dee...how are you these days? I'm sure your garden is thriving as well.

Susan...hope you are getting along as well as can be expected.

Maddy...I'm sure you are very busy with the kids these days.

Well, things are way to quiet out there. He must be running into trouble with the lawnmower. Off to help out. Take care everyone.

Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Hey everyone I made some changes to my profile, hopefully now everyone can see Lance's sweet face. Also I have added several more pictures of him to gallery. He was happy happy little boy, you will understand this when he see his pictures. Hope you enjoy!

Becky: You photos are beautiful I enjoyed seeing them I hope to one day have something as amazing as that

Lately my friends have been telling my husband I we need to have another baby. My friends are really considerate of our feelings about children because of our situation. I know they mean well when they say something. These friends are like family to us and they just want our children to be close in age. They made a comment tonight at dinner again. I we never really say much when they say something because we really don't want to say much about it until we cross that bridge. Things are not as easy for us when it comes to making the decision to have more children. Sometimes I'm not sure they understand that. I don't think they really understand that it is a really big decision for because of Lance having a extreme medical condition. Some days I think I'm ready to have another baby, and other days I'm scared to death.

Lance is really a beautiful baby boy! I'm sure your friends and family are well intentioned. It is a very personal decision to have a child. I'm sure when and if the time is right you will both know it. This is now a time for healing. Take care.

[ericasmom]

Lance's Mom, I am sorry that your friends are making you and your Husband feel uncomfortable, I know that they are well-meaning but it may be time for you to just say, " this is such a very delicate decision and one that we have been struggling with for some time, but we of course appreciate your encouragement and support, we just need to find the answers within ourselves."

I adore the photos you posted and love that smiling face each time you post. Yes, a very happy Little Beautiful Boy.

Colleen and Sherry are facing dates this month, probably others, so my thoughts to you as you march forward. Sometimes the march is the hardest part, feeling as though quicksand is pulling you down. Yesterday marks one month from the date ERi was struck by the Amtrak...9 years ago. Time still is the most abstract entity to me since she left.

[Jilly's mom]

I Think of You

In the morning, before I even open my eyes, I think of you.

As I lay there and say my prayers morning and night, wondering what Heaven is like, I pray for you.

When I hug or talk to your sisters, we still all want to pick up the phone and call you. We miss you.

In family photographs, there is an empty space. We long for you.

Throughout the day, I am reminded of you.

You are in our... thoughts, even as we work, go to school, and function day to day.

To the outside world, it looks as though we are coping well and healing.

Are we? Who can tell us if we are? Who knows? I wish I knew.

I do not know. This road is so rocky. We fall often…and that hurts. We cry. We get back up and try again. The only light we can see on it is His….God, who has you in His safekeeping until we get there. We are thankful for that. Sometimes, through our tears, it is hard even to see His light, though it is always on. Going into the church your funeral was at brought all of us back to that day…and those tears. Although our relationship with God has never ever been closer, the church building itself still brings painful reminders.

There is no map on this road of grief; there is no set time to arrive at the end of it, because the end will be when we see you again. We don’t know when that will be, but we all look forward to that day. Until then, we mourn for you.

We go to the cemetery, where your earthly body lays under the ground. We try not to imagine what it looks like there, but sometimes we can’t help it. We try to make the ground above your body’s resting place as beautiful as you were, but we can’t. There is no comparison. We daydream about holding you in a Jilly hug again, feeling and hearing your loud kisses against our cheeks. I can only spend a few minutes in your room, inhaling your scent before it overwhelms me and I must shut the door again and vow to try again another day. Our arms ache for you.

There are good moments, and sometimes, even a good day. These are the days when your presence is felt, not just by us, but by friends and other family…and even by total strangers in faraway places. Sometimes, you will drop a quarter (how do you DO that, anyway???) or perhaps you coax a butterfly to land near, or sometimes even ON us. We know you are doing your best to let us know that as we think of you, you are right there by our side. We are so grateful that God allows us to have these mercy gifts and signs. We smile for you.

We get out old movies and watch your dry sense of humor, your dancing, and your sneak attacks. Your love shines through. I actually ran out of ketchup last week. That hasn’t ever happened. We laugh for you.

Where you are in Heaven, we are told there are no more tears, no sickness, and no sadness. Only light, joy, contentment, peace beyond our understanding and the greatest LOVE that could never even be imagined here on Earth. No one who has glimpsed it ever wants to return to their human bodies. You probably don’t miss us, because there is no such thing as TIME in Heaven. We are already at your side and have never been apart. You can see the future. We can’t. We envy that view.

Our sweet, funny daughter, sister, grandchild, niece, BFF, co-worker, student, and teacher….our Jilly Bean… We miss you. We’ll love you Forever, we’ll love you for Always, as long as we’re living, our Jilly you’ll be.

[Jilly's mom]

Amber's mom....

Hugs! Keep us posted. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry he didn't get what you were hoping for. Jilly's driver will be sentenced in 2 weeks. I will try to catch you on chat.

Love, Louise

So much to catch up on here and my brain doesn't work like it used to. I am sure you all understand that.

I see many new members and while it is so sad you have to come here we are all here to listen and support you.

Seems the chat is quiet lately or maybe I am on at the wrong time. My dad 92 has been in and out of hospital or

rehab more than home this year. Currently he is home. I think the loss of Amber took a lot out of him

The sentencing for the person responsible for killing Amber was one week before her would be 21st birthday.

It was an emotional day and the defendant got 6 years. What I pretty much expected but not what I hoped for.

The only court part left is criminal restitution, money doesn't change or undo what has happened. I just have a

hard time dealing with only 6 years when the defendant chose to drive on a suspended license, chose to drink, chose

to do drugs and because of those choices my daughter is dead. Not to mention after only five months he has almost

a year credit because of " good behavior" SMH he has been in a wheelchair, received multiple surgeries at tax payers

cost, and been in the med ward so how can he really get in trouble? Yet photos of him have been posted from jail

on Facebook ( what happened to no cell phones or cameras?) and he has "trash" posted for him and notes left at the

crash site. The only thing I realistically hope for is he never injures or kills again, if he does I will be in the front row

of the court room. If any of you are in California I am trying to get some legislation changed or stopped you can see

more about that on my FB http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100003822515339&sk=wall

Now that it's been almost 6 months it seems the numb is slowly wearing away and reality slowly creeping in.

Thanks for listening, I will try to be on more often I miss you all

Love hugs PRAYERS

Amber's mom

[Jilly's mom]

Amber's mom....

Hugs! Keep us posted. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry he didn't get what you were hoping for. Jilly's driver will be sentenced in 2 weeks. I will try to catch you on chat.

Love, Louise

So much to catch up on here and my brain doesn't work like it used to. I am sure you all understand that.

I see many new members and while it is so sad you have to come here we are all here to listen and support you.

Seems the chat is quiet lately or maybe I am on at the wrong time. My dad 92 has been in and out of hospital or

rehab more than home this year. Currently he is home. I think the loss of Amber took a lot out of him

The sentencing for the person responsible for killing Amber was one week before her would be 21st birthday.

It was an emotional day and the defendant got 6 years. What I pretty much expected but not what I hoped for.

The only court part left is criminal restitution, money doesn't change or undo what has happened. I just have a

hard time dealing with only 6 years when the defendant chose to drive on a suspended license, chose to drink, chose

to do drugs and because of those choices my daughter is dead. Not to mention after only five months he has almost

a year credit because of " good behavior" SMH he has been in a wheelchair, received multiple surgeries at tax payers

cost, and been in the med ward so how can he really get in trouble? Yet photos of him have been posted from jail

on Facebook ( what happened to no cell phones or cameras?) and he has "trash" posted for him and notes left at the

crash site. The only thing I realistically hope for is he never injures or kills again, if he does I will be in the front row

of the court room. If any of you are in California I am trying to get some legislation changed or stopped you can see

more about that on my FB http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100003822515339&sk=wall

Now that it's been almost 6 months it seems the numb is slowly wearing away and reality slowly creeping in.

Thanks for listening, I will try to be on more often I miss you all

Love hugs PRAYERS

Amber's mom

[mrsduc]

Robert, Tom and Chris all came from my first husband. Robert was a JR. but Tom looks so much like his dad it is not even funny. Donald (my husband of 22 years) and I rode his trike from MD to VA on back roads to Tom's condo because he called me last night and I found out he was at the ER and he would not let me come. But I also found out he had been there the night before too. Apparently he has a kidney stone that he is trying to pass. So I wanted to go over and see him and he had asked me to come over. When I got there he was doing pretty good. He said the pain was not bad at that moment. But I had gotten him this sun catcher that you hang on your rear view mirror in your car that had Robert's ashes in that I had gotten for him. I first told him that if he did not like the present I was going to give him it would not hurt my feelings at all. I know some people have trouble with things like ashes and all. But once Tom knew what it was he was so happy. He said he never thought he would ever get any of the ashes. SO I had a necklace too that I had wanted to give him with the letter R for Robert with his ashes in it too and Tom loved that too. I told him even if you don't wear it you atleast have some of Robert with you always. So I am glad that I was able to give that to him in private. Then when we left there we went over to my ex in-laws house. As much as I believe that they killed my son because of all they said to him to make him feel like crap and cruel things he told me that she did to him and when he came out at 16 and told them that he was gay them and his dad said every bad name in the book. But I had a very special necklace with diamonds in it for her with Robert's ashes. You may ask why I would do that to someone that took not only my kids away from me and made it impossible for me to see them so caused me so much pain, and then all that she did to all three of my boys, I just knew that she was hurting too for Robert. And Robert told me many times that he did not mean to hurt me but he loved his grandmother very much. So I gave her the necklace and told her that his ashes were in it and she started crying and I told her I did not want to make her cry I was trying to give her something so she would feel like he was close to her. I also showed them my tattoos that I had gotten to honor my son. Then she told me of two times of things that she could not explain and we both knew it was Robert letting her know he was watching her. Yes there is a part of me that cannot figure out why he loved that women so especially after he told me so much of the things she did to him, but when they say you can't help who you love, it is true for Robert and his love for his grandmother. And of course Donald hates these people with a passion. And when I finally gotten out to the trike he said to me "as much as you say you hate these people you sure talk and laugh with them". It really hurt my feelings because I thought he knew me better than that. So when we got home I told him that I am the better person and have a heart and compassion that they do not have. I am not trying to be the better person though. I just do not like anyone to be hurting as badly as I do and I know that she does. Its just the way I am, I am a caring person. That is the way Robert was too.

I am so excited about seeing Chris and Kylie Marie. Notice I did not mention his wife. But I know how to pretend, but what he sees in her I do not know. But I did tell her something that I never thought I would say but when they were at my house last SUnday they seemed to get along very well and they seemed happy. So I told her that and because of that I loved her because Chris loved her. And as long as you make him happy you are all right in my book. And really that is all that really is important. I don't really have to like her at all as long as Chris is happy. That is all that matters to me and that my granddaughter is treated right. So Robert is really doing some miracles. He had written in his suicide video that he wanted this family to stop fighting and just get along. And maybe that is what will happen. If it does it is not because they know what he wrote. Tom saw the videos but no one else wanted to see them.

Well thank you for listening to me and praying for me. I know that I still miss Robert just as much this moment as I did in Jan. but I must think about my other two boys and if they are willing to try then I am willing to try again, even if they hurt me again and leave me again and don't want me back in their life. I will have to deal with it one more time. But I know that I want them in my life and I want to be in their life but I also know that RObert wants us to be together.

WOW LINDA! robert is working overtime!!! that is fabulous!! btw iss robert from a different father? forest has a different father than my other 3 causing his personality to be way different than their's causing us to be exceptionally close like you and robert. can never probably get that with my others so i get what you mean. still you can have a great relationship maybe just not as intimate. i am so happy they are reaching out to you!!!!!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Louise, just wanted you to know I hung on your every word in your letter to Jilly. That was beautiful! I know she thinks so too! Thanks so much for sharing, I love the part about the timeline not existing in heaven. That helps me to think of it that way Only a moment, a breath away! The picture is beautiful as well.

Kate, I am so glad you enjoyed my garden pictures! This was but a wheat field when we built this house here, and that will be 18 years this next October. I don't know that I really planned the gardens, they just kind of evolved! I planted everything, even most of the trees, but my hubby helps me weed and prune, and Jared used to be a big help in the garden around the pool. He loved to dead head the lillies for some reason. I will miss him doing that this year, like so many other things. We would trim the trees, and pile the clippings on my zero radius tractor, which has the deck on the front, and Jared would sit atop the pile, leaning on my legs as I drove to the woods to throw the clippings away. I miss him so much.

[ericasmom]

Loise, I so agree with Becky, a most beautifully written letter to Jilly. My hope with you all as you travel forward and find little treasures among the broken pieces.

Linda, I am glad that you had a fine day reaching out to those family members that you have had little time with. May the communication continue and an ease be won between you all.

[ericasmom]

Prayers for the families and friends of the college kids killed last night in violence in Auburn...no way anyone should have to worry about people carrying guns to parties. Let's end this conceal and carry.

[Jilly's mom]

Kate,

Thanks for the email. For some reason, I can't respond on here to them! I will have to ask ModKonnie why? Looking forward to chatting with your privately.

Louise

Thanks Becky, your pictures are just lovely. Obviously you have spent a great deal of time working on your property. The trees are growing so beautifully. Do you do most of the gardening and planning yourself?

Our propery is an old one. Our home is about to celebrate a hundred year anniversary. We have spent the last couple of years restoring it. The most important part for us is that it is where we gathered for family summer celebrations. All good memories. I can totally relate to your attachement to the land. Nature has a way of giving us the most amazing freedom...if we can open ourselves to it. In the end it all about harmony and being at peace with all around us.

Thinking of everyone. Please do take care of yourselves. God Bless.

Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Hi , well I thought I would try and give everyone a laugh .. I hate Saturdays since I lost my son on a Saturday, it's like I wake up with such a heavy heart and just gets worse as the day goes by so yesterday I decided to try and keep my mind busy after I finally drug myself off the bed I did this baby gorilla and then didn't like her I just got board with her clothes ..lol so I just sent it to a couple of friends and they liked it so I thought I would show her to you all. I have not had my heart in to my drawing since Brian I use to work on it every day but I just find myself doing what I have to do and then pile back up on my bed.. and bury my head into my computer . so needless to say my butt is just getting bigger! .. well Just wanted you all to know I am thinking about you Love all the pictures that are posted . Love Brenda

[Jeff's Mom]

SPECIAL WISHES FOR A SPECIAL LADY! ONE THAT HAS GIVEN US SO MUCH SUPPORT OVER THESE LAST FEW MONTHS. MADDY, MAY YOUR AMAZING GIRL WRAP HER ARMS AROUND YOU AND SEND YOU HER LOVE TODAY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RACHAEL!

We cannot control the movement of time...

nor can we control our own destiny

or the destinies of those we love.

But we can take comfort in knowing

that those who have lived in our hearts are never really gone

As long as we keep them with us...in our hearts and our thoughts

They will be with us always

For love which is timeless

will never cease to exist.

[BrendaDup59]

Becky I have to tell you your home is beautiful, I just kept looking at your pictures ,your gardens and ponds are wonderful.

Maddy ,I just wanted to wish your beautiful daughter Happy Birthday Rachael.

[ericasmom]

RACHAEL

RACHAEL

RACHAEL

We say your name to let you know that you will always be in the hearts and minds of many. Please sweep through your Momma's day, enter her dreams tonight, visit with your siblings and let them all know that you reside in their love for all time.

[ericasmom]

Brenda, I love the little chimp, so adorable, you are an very good at what you do, but I sure do get not being as motivated as you once were. Your talent was there, it still is, but motivation ebbs and flows...you will find more consistency at some point. Hang in there, you may find a new edge or subject matter in your drawings that comes from this life-altering change.

[Sholl1955]

It is nearing the third month mark since Sarah died. It does not get better, but seems to get worse each day. Many family and friends feel I should be "Over It" How do you get over losing your child? Watching my grandbabies 3 and 5 grieve for their mama is heartbreaking. Life is just so sad right now

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Rachael !!!

My thoughts are with you, Maddy. I pray God will bless you and your family, and that you will feel her presence near you.... your beautiful girl.... now your beautiful angel.

((hugs)) <3 <3

[mikesmum]

Happy Birthday Rachael

Maddy ~ thinking of you and your girl today...

Becky ~ Amazing pics of your beautiful garden.

Brenda ~ I so get that, do what I have to do then pile back into bed...somedays I don't even think there is much that from my perspective that needs doing

Dee ~ Prayers for the parents....prayers for some kind of legislation with regards to guns. I remember here there was a girl (sorry can't remember the detail) who was 'accidentally' shot by her boyfriend. He had bought the gun at Walmart for his birthday. What happened to taking a cake and drink to a party, buying CD's or clothes for birthdays...a true waste of a young life.

Have been reading but with no retentive memory to speak of please forgive me for dates I might have forgotten or not mentioned.

Its our winter here. My review by the Workers Compensation psychs has come and gone leaving in its wake a burnt brain beyond repair.

Sadly my other half is now off work indefinitely. He spent 10yrs in the Army (Vietnam part of this) then 34yrs in Ambulance. The toll of those years of traumas has hit hard. Tomorrow we go to the PTSD unit at our VA hospital. The plan is to admit him for up to 3 months for treatment. Over 5yrs ago he went to Mike....our married lives began 6 weeks earlier. We have never been the same for a number of reasons....but seeing this strong man crumble is hard.

Peace out Indigo's

[BrendaDup59]

Michael Shane, mom, I will keep you and your husband in my prayers .

Sarah's mom, I know where your coming from ,I lost my son Brian 3 days after your Sarah, March 17,12 . and it doesn't get any better ,I miss him more every day, I too get pictures and hear how my grand children he had 6 ages 20 months to 15 , are taking it so hard and I think the 4 year old Jordan is taking it the worst. my son was 32 when he was killed and would have turned 33 April 3 . of this year . some days I cant believe he is gone I forever hate Saturdays ,have a hard time going out any where. I guess it's a long road before we feel the pain softening everyone talks about. I don't think I will ever feel that. I am concerned about Brian's friend that was with him when he passed he is having a hard time with it. and I don't think I can help him as I am in too much pain myself. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you . Love Brenda

Ericasmom, Thank you for the compliment on my baby monkey .

here are the kids at his grave last week, I will be so glad when we get a head stone .My DL is doing a wonderful job keeping them busy . we are going to see them this coming Saturday she is giving one big B-day party for 4 of them since there Birthdays are in June and July so I cant wait to see them.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

‎36 weeks today, Jared. ♥ U Infinity! Like grains of sand in an hour glass, as the days trickle on, time will reveal what is true. Justice is not limited to this earth and the blindness of men, but God, who sees and knows all, will be the judge in the end.

[lilysmommy]

Happy Heavenly birthday Rachael!! Wrap your wings around your momma and hug her tight so that she feels your presence. I wish i wouldve had the privilege to meet you, im sure we would have been great friends. im thankful for all the great advice your mom has given me & im so thankful for her. I hope we all get to meet one day, but until then i ask you watch over my princess.

A little update on whats going on..i left the abusive boyfriend and came home to my parents. Im glad they dont ask me questions about it cause I hate disappointing them. Now i have to start all over, but good news is, this is the closest my boys have been to me. Justin is in summer school. Turns out he has the worst eyesight ever and we didnt notice until the last week of school, so after alot of yelling at teachers and principal, he was given a chance to pass. Jared is in summer rec..its for a month and it was only $30. Mon- thu 8-1..coaches and high school athletes watch them and play sports with them. He absolutely loves it. Hes also in summer track..great thing is the coaches take them to practice since its durin hours of summer rec. so he had his first track meet friday. 3rd in the 100m and 5th in the 50m dash. He was so excited. This is the most involved ive been and i can see how much theyve missed me. They always wantto be with me. When we watch movies, one is on top of me and the other will be nextto me jus huggin my arm or leg or scratchin my head. They cant even sleep without me. They tell me everyday how im the best mom in the whole world. And thats the best feeling. I really try to stay busy becaue right now is the most alone ive ever felt. I have no friends i can talk to..i guess theyjuststopped knowing what to say. My family, well thecousins i was closest to, have all betrayed me. They do nothin but talk about my mistakes and look down on me. But to me, after losing Lily, nothing can bring me down. Sorry for all the rambling. Im jus thankful i have this site. Hugs and love to everyone.

[ericasmom]

Trudi, I did not know that Mal was in Vietnam. Wow, so many we grew up with were there and changed for all time, as we are in our loss, in our shocking world. I wish him th every best treatment possible. I wish you some peace my dear dear friend.

Brenda, the kids are lovely but yes, suffering. I told one early to grief about a camp for kids that I volunteered with last summer and will again this summer, called Heart to Art which is for kids who have lost a parent. There are two two week camps, one for young ones and one for older kids. This takes place in Chicago but there are camps all around the country for kids in grief.

Lily's Mom, I am so glad that you left he abusive one. So glad. As far as those talking behind your back, oh well, like you said, you already know the deepest hurt, this won't even come close, however being lonely does matter. So I do hope that you will find some new friends that can support your efforts. I am so glad that your parents are not judging. The boys are in good hands with you free from abuse and in the shelter of your parents home.

[ericasmom]

The Math of it All

The birth, a date- a time stamp-

a weight

and an APGAR Score-

Count the toes,

How many letters in the name?

Bring baby home, an address, an absolute place on the map, latitude and longitude- new life to a family of how many members?

She grows-how big, how long, what gains and learns 120 words by age 2,

And then more and then 220 words strung into two and three word sentences

and each year another candle, more photos for the book,

A new mark on the wall for heights,

I remember the marks on the wall.

He goes to school and makes a number of friends and learns to read

And falls short or above or right on the money for how many words per minute- even though that is not really reading,

and he writes and does math problems,

First grade now, then second and all of a sudden tenth grade and hoping they make it strong through 12th, some do and some do not.

Will they go on?

Higher education, get a job, make money?

We count on our fingers, we count on the calendar pages,

we count on our luck, to see them again

tomorrow or the next week, seven days or seven weeks later,

as long as we know that we will see them, that they are okay,

Until they are not.

Until we cannot count on that and all of their numbers are in the past-

A timeline with an early endpoint.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you Dee, how very true. That was nicely written.

Trudi...thinking of you and hoping for the best outcome. Take care.

Maddy, you are in my thoughts and prayers today. Good luck with the photography class.

Brenda...I liked your baby monkey too!

Lily's Mom...it took courage to do what you did. Good for you! Square those shoulders and hold your head up. It was a huge step...the best is yet to come.

Sarah's Momma...I know the pain is hard. Stay strong. It will soften in time. You will get through this even though right now it may not seem like it. Take care.

Colleen...how are you getting along these days?

Carol, I hope you are feeling a bit better. How is Ralph doing?

We have had four days straight of rain on and off. From almost drought like conditions to almost flooding. My gardens are drowning in water. I'm bracing myself for a mosquitoe infestation when this clears up. Drat! One bonus...cottagers have headed back to the city by the droves. There's positives in everything. Still the temps have again dipped to only 9C. today. Calling for frost tonight. Back to covering the plants. The foothills in Alberta had snow yesterday so we should not complain. Crazy weather. Last week it was 31C. At least it gives us a good chance to get caught up on things indoors. Trying to figure out what to do for Fathers Day for hubby as we are alone. Have a couple of things in mind. We'll see.

Thinking of everyone. Hope you are coping as well as possible. Take care.

Kate

[mikesmomrs]

On my way out the door, but didn't want to let the day pass without wishing beautiful Rachael a happy heavenly birthday!

Sweet Rachael, please surround your mom with your precious spirit and have a very happy birthday in heaven with all of our angels celebrating with you!

Maddy, thinking of you and Ragan, surrounding you with love and support on t his day. Maddy, may you remember the joy that this birth brought to your life and revel in the sweet comfort of those preciosu memories. May Ragan remember the sweetest of the sweet memories of having her sister in her life.

love to you, Carol

[ericasmom]

Kate, hope the rain stops and gives the plants time to take it in rather than drown. We are in drought phase and rain is promised. I will keep my fingers crossed but what happened to you usually happens here too, no rain no rain, then too much rain for the ground to accept.

[daveydow1]

Lily----I'm glad to hear that you have left the abusive boyfriend. Many times the abuse

does not stop, and only gets worse. Now you are in a safe place for yourself and your

dear little boys. Never mind what others say about you. You know what's best for you

and the boys, and you've taken the steps to move on with your life. So glad that the

boys are participating in the summer activities, which will help them, and they enjoy

it so much. Please keep coming to this site. Wishing you good luck.

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, SWEET RACHEAL.

Thinking of you, Maddy, and wishing you peace.

Trudi------Sending thoughts & prayers for your dear husband, and the family, my friend.

Sarahsmom------My heart is with you as you are in such a dark and painful place now.

No one can tell us that we should "get over it". As we all know........we DON'T 'get over it'.

A precious one we loved ....our child/children.....has gone from our lives, and we can't just

forget it as others may think. Hoping that you can somehow find some strength and

comfort in the coming minutes, hours , and days. Peace to you.

Dee-----I love the poem you wrote......about the numbers. Yes,.....we count all our lives, and

especially with the birth, and growing up of our children. Very lovely poem.

Kate----Also love your writing that you posted. Love is timeless. I agree.....as long as we

remember, (and we never will forget)......our dear child/children are with us, and time will

never erase that. Yikes! Drought,.....then too much rain....now frost warnings. Very hard to

do gardening under those conditions, for sure. We're supposed to get rain tonight. We sure

do need it.......garden is so dry.

BrendaUp------Sending thoughts & prayers for you in this painful time. At this stage, for you,

it is difficult to believe that in time, it will get 'softer'. Keep coming to BI......we're here for you.

Robertsmom-----Praying that your son will recover from the kidney stone bout very soon.

Ambersmom------I'm glad that the person who caused your sweet Amber's death has gotten a

6 yr. sentence, although I understand, so well, your anger that he was not sentenced to more

prison time. My goodness.......they have access to cellphones to put stuff on the internet/UTube etc ???

So awful that they can do this. I wish you good luck with your quest to get changes in some of the

legislation in California.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Sherry, I just walked inside from taking all of my hanging plants and putting them indoors. Some of my planters are just swimming in water. My hands look like a prune from all the water.

Dee...I would be happy to send some your way...but I think you would be ready to strangle me before long. This is just nuts. I actually had to pull out a polar fleece to wear. It has dropped to 6C already. I can never remember in my lifetime this type of up and down weather pattern. Simply unheard of.

Take care everyone.

Kate

[shorty16]

Hello my Friends,

Well, our youngest graduated from High School this weekend. Out of 3 kids graduating, this is the first graduation party we had. Brian died 4 days after Michelle's graduation (needless to say, no party). Brian died before his senior year and now it was Aaron's turn to finally have a graduation party.

The day was bitter-sweet. I missed my boy, terribly, but I know this day was about Aaron and not about how much I miss Brian.

Thinking of you everyday

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[JD's Mom, Becky]

OMG, a Mallard has laid 11 eggs in the flowerbed right next to the pool! What are we supposed to do for 28 days?

Just since yesterday, these purple balloon flowers are blooming like crazy! Sure wish the duck had chosen this flowerbed! Every time someone walks out to the pool, she flys away, but so far, keeps coming back.

I am afraid to move the eggs, that she won't come back at all. She must think the pool is her own private lake!

Colleen, I understand you completely. I have other kids too, and it's hard finding a balance between the grieving and trying to celebrate the success of the still living. ((hugs)) My heart to you as you approach Brian's day.

Thinking of you, Maddy.. ((hugs))

[ericasmom]

Wow Becky, I wonder if you could lift the nest and put it near the balloon flowers and the pond. What if she watched you move them? Do you think she could be cool with it? Maybe call the local animal care league or animal refuge. So cool though. Life right before your eyes.

Love the baloon flowers too, don't see ours this year, but so much else is blooming right now, it is pretty amazing.

Goodnight All, sleep well.

[Maddy6]

Thank you all so very much for remembering Rachael's birthday. I was so touched when I read each of your birthday wishes. I was so comforted and reminded of Rachael. Thank you so very much to each of you. I appreciate your kindness and caring.~~~~~~~~~~~~~We were going to plant a tree on her birthday in her honor to begin the garden we want to make. Well it was so sweet because her brother Skippy, who was so close to her, was insistent it be this exact certain type of tree that had pink flowers and looked fun like Rachael. So instead of buying the tree, we ended up going to about 5 plant nurseries trying to get the right one. Anyway, we decided to take a little longer to get the right one and we are going to plant it together on Father's Day.~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lilly's mommy, your words blessed my heart. I know you would have been friend's with Rachael. I am so glad you have freed yourself from the abuser. You deserve so much more. Your relationship with your sons' sounds so very special. You are blessed. Way to go by sticking up for for them and keeping enjoying them. They sure do love you :-)~~~~~~~~~Dee, as usual your writing is beautiful and I loved the poem.~~~~~~~~Colleen, I am so happy for you to have had the graduation party and feel perhaps a little like things are right in the world again to accomplish that.~~~~~~~~

Thank you all of you wonderful people, your words meant the world to me today. Thank you for keeping her memory alive.~~~~~

Love,Maddy

[missinglance]

So today has just been a bad day. You know sometimes I feel perfectly fine. I feel like my life is getting back into a "normal" routine again even though I know my life will never be normal again without Lance being present. Since Lance has passed away I've felt like my life hasn't had much purpose. I lived to be Lance's mom. I was good at being a mom and I feel like my life doesn't have much purpose without him. I want want my life to mean something again. There are two things that I think about all the time, Lance and having another baby. I feel like I'm missing out on something because that is all I think about. Before Lance passed away there were so many things that I wanted out of my life, but since then I just can't get back into focus. The only thing I've done in the last two years that I've really stuck with is losing weight and you know why I did that, I want to have another baby. I feel like that is what my life is revolving around. Even though Lance is no longer here, I want to give him a brother or sister. Does this seem crazy, cause right now I just feel blah! I just want to feel normal, I want to be like other people who don't have to deal with this kinda stuff. I know that sounds so selfish. At this moment I feel bananas!! I just would give anything at this moment to have my Lance back, but that will never happen. I try not to question God's plan for my life, but sometime I just ask why. Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished for something I've done in my life. It is like the best thing that ever happened to be was taken away because I did something wrong. I know that is crazy thinking. I'm a very rational person and I know what I think sometimes is not true, but it doesn't stop those thoughts from coming into my head. On top of it all I miss my husband. I'm going to get to see him more, but I just want him here all the time. Sometimes I feel too needy. Anyways that is my rant. I just needed to have a moment of release, a moment when no matter what I say I will not be judged because I know you have all had these moments of just pure Blahness!

Just added some pictures of Lance's headstone.

[shorty16]

Becky

That is so cool that a Mallard layed eggs in your yard. If you have dogs, keeping them away may be a challenge. But a good challenge.

Please keep us posted on their progress.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4-ever

[westleysmom]

Maddy-I'm sorry I didn't get to wish Rachael a happy heavenly birthday on her day. I just haven't felt like posting much lately and miss days at the time, but try to go back and read posts. I hope you are able to find just the right tree. The only tree we've planted since Westley died was (appropriately for me anyway) a weeping willow. Its doing okay, although we haven't had as much rain during that time as it probably needs.

Colleen-I'm sure it was bittersweet and Brian was never far from your thoughts. So proud of Aaron for sticking with it, I know how hard that last year was for Westley to get through.

Becky-Such a lovely garden and poem. I have a black thumb, so gardening is not my thing.

Kate-It seems like all of us have had strange weather lately. Polar fleece in June is beyond weird, huh?

Lance's Mom-I am so sorry that you are struggling with the blahs right now, but I know what you mean exactly. Except for the part where you are trying to decide when (or maybe if) you are going to try to have another baby. I can't imagine how hard that is, and I saw a few days ago I think, where your friends were weighing in on your decision. That is something that has always gotten on my nerves. I think if you are not going to be there when the child is conceived, you have no decision making role to play at all, and especially in your case where the decision is already hard enough. I'm sure your friends mean well, but it is really presumptious of them to say anything one way or the other. This is a decision that only you and your husband can make. As far as feeling like you're being punished, I think that all the time (that I am being punished, not you). You are not crazy, or I am too. One minute, I'll be okay, and the next I'll be crying my eyes out. Lance's headstone is beautiful, although that looks strange, even as I write it, but I hope you know what I mean. I told someone after Westley's was set that I would gnaw it to the ground with my teeth if it would mean that we didn't need it anymore. The most beautiful piece of granite that I paid for that I hate with all my heart and wish I'd never had to see.

Sherry-We got some rain yesterday, although not nearly as much as we were supposed to according to the forecast. It had been supposed to rain all weekend, but we didn't get any until yesterday to amount to anything, and it didn't amount to much. Hope your garden gets enough to keep going.

Dee-I also enjoyed your poem about numbers and counting.

Amber's Mom, Robert's Mom, Lily's Mommy, Brenda-Thinking of you all and sending hugs.

[hoosiermom]

Hello Indigos....

Bad start to the weekend. I came home Friday evening to find my sweet little dog escaped from the yard and had been hit. One look in her eyes and I knew....there was nothing I could do. I wrapped her in a blanket and held her until she passed. I can barely type the words right now without breaking down I rescued her about three years ago, just a few months before Brianna's death, and she was there for me during some of my darkest days. Losing her plunged me back down into the abyss....but we had a wedding on Saturday and graduation on Sunday, so I had to put on THE MASK and get thru it. I did feel happiness for the bride and groom and the graduate, but deep inside I wanted to find someplace to just sit and cry my heart out. She was the sweetest dog ever and I miss her so terribly. I'm tired of losing everything I love

Colleen---congrats to your grad, and a pat on the back to you my friend

Maddy---I hope sweet memories of your girl wrapped you in softness all day for her birthday

Becky--the garden photos are so beautiful and breathtaking, thank you for sharing

Love to all,

Jenn

Brianna's momma

[BrendaDup59]

Jean I am so sorry for your loss of your precious dog ,your in my thoughts and prayers . Brenda

[ericasmom]

Jen, the sadness of losing a pet is huge, and made bigger by the deepest loss in your life. I am sorry. Yep, that old mask is what allows so much of our movements from activities and to events.

Rhonda, good to see your beautiful Son smiling out at us today. How was your time with your friend, Susan,(think that is her name). Is this your friend that also lost her Boy?

NO RAIN, the rain promised, the thunder in the distance, the gray skies and heavy humidity...all gone, not a drop here, it dried up before it could hit the earth and we are rainless again. No rain in sight for another week and then we'll see. SO we are in a drought cycle it seems. Our water bill ought to be interesting. At least today is much cooler and allows one to be outside without baking.

Maddy, maybe you can live-cam the mallards.

[daveydow1]

Becky----Thanks for the pics of your lovely garden area, and the duck eggs. My guess is that

the mama duck will just keep on coming back to the eggs.....no matter how many times she

gets scared away during the day. Ducks ( and birds of any kind) seem to have a determination

that is given to them by nature to go about their reproduction process. Love the balloon flowers.....

beautiful.

Colleen------Congrats to Aaron for graduating high school. I sure know what you mean about

it being bittersweet. Sometimes it takes all the strength we can gather up to go ahead with

other things in our lives when our hearts always are hurting for the child who was lost. Peace to you.

Maddy------Such a good idea to plant a tree in the area of the planned garden for dear Racheal.

Also,......nice that you will be planting it on Fathers Day. Your sweet girl will be smiling down.

My son, Dave, was killed the day before Fathers Day 2003. He was on his way to buy his dad a

Fathers Day gift, and get fitted for his tux for his sister's upcoming wedding. Thoughts & prayers, friend.

Missinglance____So sorry that you are having a rough time of it missing your dear sweet baby, Lance.

I agree with the others who said that the decision of whether to have another baby is something only

you and your husband can make. After my baby, Lisa, died......years ago.....my husband and I decided

to have another baby, and the next year our David was born. Of course he enriched our lives so much......

not because we wanted to replace Lisa, but just to have another little one in the house, along with

the two other kids. We had him 31 years, and now he has been gone 9 years. As someone said.....your

friends mean well with their suggestions, but the decision is yours to make, and I wish you luck and

send thoughts and prayers as you come to your decision.

Rhonda----Good to see Westley's smile. We, too, got a little rain last night. It was a nice steady soft

rain, so would sink into the ground where it would do some good, rather than just running off when the

rain is a downpour. I think it will be enough to keep the plants/crops/ flowers going for awhile until we

get another rain. Know just what you mean about wearing the 'mask', when attending the functions

that we are obliged to go to. I usually skip all weddings that I am not obligated to go to. ( I once got an

invitation to a wedding and did not even know who the people were..........turns out it was the second

wedding of a cousin's daughter......hadn't seen the bride since she was 8 or 9 yrs. old ) Needless to

say.....I skipped that one.

Dee-----The rain just seems to go around us. But, the rain that we had last night should help some.

The field corn and soybeans seem to be holding their own. Last night I was in bed reading, and heard

owls very close by. They must have been in the chestnut or locust trees in the backyard......closer

than I usually hear them.......usually from the woods way back there. They hooted several times, then

were gone. I love to hear them.

Carol-----Sending prayers for Mike, you, and the family.

Kate------Wow! Crazy weather for sure. Hope it gets better soon. There seems to be a lot of crazy

weather patterns all over anymore.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[tobyfreefoot]

posted by ashlie's (forest's girlfriend) father on facebook: Today my little Lacee whom I love like she is my own. Text me and told me she had a little girl today( I hope I'm not blowing your announcement Lacee if I am I'm sorry) what she told me next brought me to tears. Her little girl is named Jordan Ashlie. Lacee I can't thank you or love you enough. My Ashlie would've truly been honored. Thank you so much

my reply: oh derrick allison's little girl is madelyn dayne after forest dayne and now there is jordan ashlie! what an impression our sweet babies must have made on this world and now their names live on. hospice was called for my father today. i was told he will live 3-5 days. the timing is so hard for me as i have been having a quiet battle with grief these last few weeks as we near our children's "angel date" the news of my dad tapped the bottomless chasm of grief in this mother's soul. if it weren't for my other children and madelyn i would so gladly lay my burden down and lie down beside my beloved son and have peace in my heart after this long season of crushing pain. sending you the love that echos in my memories of ashlie's beautiful smile, giggle and bubbling enthusiasm.

lance's mom-i have never been good at anything except being a mom. if you choose to have another baby you will be giving lance a brother or sister. you are not being punished, you were even aware you were a good mom. perhaps that is why you were given lance-since he was going to have hardships and a short life it was important to have an absolutely wonderful mom to give him the extra love and care his smiling little self needed and deserved. being a great mom made his life joyful and his sweetness made you know by that overwhelming warmth and softness in your heart, whether you have another child or not that you are a competent and loving mama.

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, your Dad is going to Forest, Forest will be the first to greet him and he will be out of pain and discomfort and all that has befallen, including grief. He will be out of grief. I know it will be hard to say goodbye, but he will be in very good hands.

I love that the names are being used, it is so in our family and friends as well. We have a great niece named Aerieannah, goes by Aeri, we have a great niece named Nayeli Erica, we have a friend that named her baby using Erica as the middle name as well and yet another great niece in Costa Rica whose name is Erianna, goes by Eri. Our children are kept alive by those that carry them in their everyday. Forest lives in all who love him and keep him in their hearts. This I know is comforting but not so much when you are facing that first anniversary. I know, we know how hard that is, the march to that date is so very hard, we are marching alongside you so you can lean on us whenever you like. We get it.

Sherry, how lovely to hear the owls at night, what a marvelous sound, a magical music. We have a robin building a nest on the light outside our bedroom door on a little balcony. This must be the second nest for them, and each day both mom and dad gather materials and swoop up to the little balcony and work their magic. Oh I have long loved robins, Jon and Shan had a nest on their basketball hoop in early spring and now we have one right outside our door. Lovely.

[aim630]

Maddy-Sorry I also missed Rachael's birthday. I hope you were filled with peace that day and felt Rachael's presence.She was surely smiling at all the progress you've made recently.

Jenn-I am so sorry about your sweet dog. Our animals sure do help ease the grief for us by being there to comfort us. My 13 yr old golden retriever still gets around pretty well, but can't hear or see very well anymore. She can't bark either. I know it's just a matter of time, but I'll sure miss her when she's gone. Hugs to you.

Gretchen-I'm sorry about your father. My dad passed away from lung cancer 6 yrs ago today. My heart goes out to you as you face this difficult time. Forest will be there to greet him.

Katie is in NYC with her friends. She is staying with Ashley's best friend. She'll be home Thursday.

Jeff, my husband, went in for a biopsy today for prostate cancer. There's a 25% chance he has it. He had kidney cancer 2 yrs ago, right after Ashley died, but they were able to remove part of his kidney and that has not returned. The doctor is confident they'll be able to cure him if it is cancer. I hope so.

Thinking of you all,

Amy/Ashley's mom

[mrsduc]

I had a strange and nice weekend. Donald and I rode his trike over from MD to VA to see my middle son Tom because I found out that the night before he had been at the ER and he did not want me to come then so I needed to see if he was alright. He had kidney stones. I felt so bad for him, but he looked and acted like he was in no pain. But I did not stay long because I did not want to make him not rest. But I told him I had something for him but I would not be hurt if he did not want it. I had a necklace with a R on it for his brother Robert and a sun catcher in the color blue (Robert's favorite color) and both had Robert's ashes in it. I thought Tom would cry. And he does not cry. He told me that he thought he would never get anything from his dad so that he just figured he would never have any of Robert. So he was very happy with it. Then I we went over to my ex in-laws to give Robert's grandmother who for reasons I cannot understand he loved her very much. And I gave her a necklace with fake diamonds on it and I told her the samething I told Tom that if she did not want it I would understand. Yes it had Robert's ashes in it too. She started crying and I felt so bad. I did not know what to think. I have known this b%%$h since I was 16 and anything I have ever given her she has never cried. So I did not know whether she liked it or not. I called and asked Tom when I got home and he said it meant she liked it. But we were talking for awhile and Donald was ready to go and he started mumbling that he just could not understand how I say I hate these people but yet I continue to talk to them. It kind of hurt my feelings and I ended up crying for Robert and being upset that my husband did not understand me as much as I thought he did. I do hate these people but I can't help that I know that Robert's grandmother hurts almost as badly as I do or about the same. I do not know why I felt the need to reach out to her even though I know they would never even think of reaching out to me. As a matter of fact I sent her symphathy flowers with a card. But none of them have not once called me to see how I am or let me help in planning my son's memorial. But I just know that I cannot help it when I know someone is hurting I just want to make them feel somewhat better.

Then on Sunday I was invited to my youngest son's house (Chris) to see my granddaughter Kylie. It was so hard to pay attention to Kylie when Ikept looking at my dog that Chris was suppose to give back to me and she remembered us and wanted us so badly to take her away from there. She was so scared and I had seen a video that Chris took pride in showing me that they treated her like crap. She is a chihuahua. I wanted to take her but I knew that if I did then I would never see my son or my granddaughter again. It was a hard. And also they are the worse parents that I have ever met. They believe in putting Kylie in this room that she cannot get out of and turn the TV on and leave her alone. Let the TV be her babysitter and entertainer. I think that is crappy and lazy. I feel so badly for her. I had more fun with her at my house because the TV was not on and we had her full attention. She kept staring at the tv. There house was not taken care of and his wife never came down until we were leaving, which did not hurt my feelings any. So that is what I have had on my mind since Sunday. Wanting my dog and feeling so badly for her. I do not know how to get her out of there and get her back without loosing my son and granddaughter. See Chris was suppose to give me Nikki and Molly my other chihuahua back after Donald's accident and my surgery last year as soon as we could take care of them. We went to get them and he said that he never said that and that I could not take them. I started to but I could not get in the car because it was locked and so I ended up putting the dogs down and he grabbed them and took them back inside and that is when he stopped talking to me and kept the birth and almost her first year from me. So it is a hard place for me to be in. Thanks for listening.

Nikki

Kylie and her babysitter the TV

[Jeff's Mom]

Gretchen...thinking of you and sending prayers your way.

Jenn...I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious little dog. I know how close they can become to us. Take care.

Amy...keeping my fingers crossed for a good outcome to the biopsy! Let us know.

Dee...beautiful clematis flower. The colour is stunning. Well, I woke up to yet more rain! They changed our forecast for the umpteenth time. From one extreme to the other. My hanging plants are safely tucked indoors where they will be saved from more water. We've had about four inches of rain so far. The humidity is just killing my arthritis. Much moaning and groaning as hubby and I toss and turn all night.

Becky, I loved the pics of the eggs. That is just precious to see how nature is oblivious to our human habitat. If they choose to build a nest over the entrance to a door way, or beside a pool etc. Well, nothing stops them. Keep us posted as to how mom and babes are doing.

Trudi...how are things going your way? Hoping the time spent in therapy for your husband will bring you both some much needed peace. Take care of yourself.

Colleen....know your angel date is fast approaching.

Maddy...let us know what kind of tree you finally decided on. Hope it is a fun and colourful tree to honour Rachael.

Sherry...how are things going your way? Have you had any rain for your garden?

Carol...As always...hoping you are keeping well. How's the back?

Leah...any news?

Louise...how are you?

Susan...you are in my thoughts.

Wishing everyone as good a day as possible.

Robert's Mom...thanks for posting the pics of Nikki. So cute.

Kate

[hoosiermom]

Hello Indigos

Robert's mom--I think what you have done for your ex in-laws is very kind and thoughtful....and the way you have been able to put aside your own feelings for them and feel their pain is a good thing, IMO. It is healing for you and for them. Robert is proud of you for reaching out to comfort them in the midst of your own sadness. Heck, I'm proud of you and I just met you! ((hugs))

Amy, Carol and Gretchen--prayers being said for the men in your lives...for their comfort and their well-being, and prayers for you ladies as well

Here in Indiana we are scorched....lawns are dry and look like hayfields.....one of the local reservoirs popular for swimming, boating and fishing has not opened for the season due to low water conditions. We sure could use a nice gentle soaking rain. The corn fields look great though!

Take care,

Love to all

Jenn

Brianna's momma