Loss of an Adult Child

[dhathc00]

Hi Daniel's Dad, and sorry, so sorry that you lost your beautiful Boy. My girl, Erica was 19 when she died. Her car was hit by an Amtrak at a broken grade crossing in Michigan.We live in Chicago. This was in 2003, so I have a view from a different perspective than you, your loss so new.

I think that I would involve your Daughter in this decision. Part of what is so damn hard for the siblings is that all the control is gone from their lives, (for us too) but to give her some choice in this might be a good thing. I would also be in touch with the school counselor or social worker to see if they can weigh in or give suggestion but essentially, I would let her decide. I would also tell her that her Brother has inspired the town to take this action, but that her Brother would honor any decision she had to attend or not. She should have her cell on hand to contact you or another adult to come home if it gets too heavy. Is she going to therapy at all? I know it is not easy to get that age kiddo in therapy, but it may be the best for you all, or some sort of group grief group.

I am glad that you found us, we were previously called, " Beyond Indigo" but our new name is much more generic sounding. If you see us calling each other Indigos, you will know why.

When you are ready to tell us more about Daniel and your family, please do, as we find that the best way to travel this road is to share both the Beauty and the Heartache of these Children we lost. We do not get afraid from the graphic aspects of each others losses, those not in this situation often do, not us. We get it.

Go easy on yourselves as far as allowing your grief, and remember the simple things like drinking plenty of water to replace the tears and take a vitamin to keep your immune systems healthy. There are many phases of grief, there are people here that can help you see that you are not alone in any of them even when you are feeling quite alone.

Be well.

Carol, what a nice thing to see your post tonight. I have missed your smiling ways. Yes, you told us many of those facts however I was unaware of the surgery date. Good for Mike that it is between your baseball dates...Love you Girl.

thank you ericasmom,, I took her to lunch today and mentioned it to her and described some of the aspects,, but she is so young,, and such a trooper, she may feel obligated or confused on what she should do. I do intend to discuss it more with her,, she's with her mom tonight, so i thought i'd look for perspective but I know I am still to clouded to see clearly.

[robyn]

Hello, I am new to posting on a forum, I have spent about an hour trying to figure out how to initiate an introduction of myself. I am only going to explain what I am having trouble with and hope someone can help. I want to tell everyone about how my son died and the devastation it has brought to me, but it just seems like it would be useless. I have a problem facing me today that I would like to ask advice with though. First we live in a small town of about 2000 people, and we have been here through all my kids lives. We lost Daniel 11-2-11, he was 18. My daughter is fifteen, She has been doing pretty well, she has had to come home a few times because the kids at school would talk about her brother and it would upset her. (this occured recently when the driver of the car that he was killed in had another court appearance). There is controversy over the handling of the case against the woman who was the driver, It gets discussed within my daughters hearing and of course upsets her. We have found ways to help her deal with the kids in school. But today I found out that because of Daniel and his best friend Daltons deaths the fire dept here is going to do a "every 15 minutes program" here at the school April 10th,, If you are not aware, this is a program that very graphically demonstrates the devastating effects of drunk driving on the lives of all who may be involved in a drunk driving wreck. There is a website -- "every 15 minutes" google that and it should give a link, sorry like i said i am new to this. I am debating weather to have my daughter attend school that day. It has been about 5 months since we loss Daniel,,, I am in conflict because I kinda want her to see ALL of what can happen with a simple choice to drink and drive to all who are invovled. But torn with the fact of what we are going through and how raw it is. I want her to see how everyone can be effected but am afraid it may be to much for her. Daniels wreck involved him and is friend as passengers in a truck crashing into a tree and the truck catching on fire both boys were burned badly, I can only hope they were unconscious. sorry to be so blunt but i dont know how else to desrcibe what the factors involved are. I can see how others here may have a better perspective on what I should consider. I am between it being totally inappropriate to have her go and scared she might not get a piece of information that might save her life someday. any comments would be appreciated.

I went to the website to see what this program entails and it seems very intense. Anything that encourages our kids to make the right decisions before getting in a car seems like a good thing. I do agree with Dee, though, in allowing your daughter to help in making the decision to take part. Her suggestions about talking to the school counselor and giving your daughter immediate access to you are also very good- no improvement on that advice!

Don't be hesitant in talking about your son or what happened. We have all lost children here, so we can hear you and, maybe, help a little.

Robyn

[robyn]

I know you've all gone through the death certificate hell. Sorry to bring it up for you all to re-live. But I know if anyone understands, you all do. So thanks for the stories and kind words. I appreciate it!

Chrissy's husband has the certificate and the ME's report. I don't want to see it. We have her certificate of cremation. That sat on the counter, sealed, for weeks until her ex-husband needed it for Ava's school. I have put it away and won't look at it again....don't need to.

Robyn

[robyn]

So I am excited about the thought of this this morning and wanted to tell you guys. I have a friend who sculptures beautiful statues of people. She posts pics of them on FB. I am very lucky because I have many many artist friends and when I view my newsfeed on FB, I usually get to see various beautiful artwork on a regular basis. Anyway, since I have changed my major at school, I am going to have to take a sculpture class. I started thinking how I could make a statue of some sort as a tribute to Rachael to place in our back yard in the garden we are going to make. I am enjoying thinking of the possibilities. Perhaps some sort of angel. Or perhaps a statue of Rachael with angel wings. I do not know all the partculars of what I will learn in the class, but I know I will like doing the type of sculpture my friend does. I did do a pastel piece of Rachael with an angel in it the first summer that Rachael died. But it ended up being very painful for me and I sat and cried while I did it. So after that I have not tried to do anything with her. Anyway, I am excited about the possibilities in doing something and placing it in a memory garden in our yard. So I just wanted to share that, as I see how it helps me to do something to honor her and then I do not feel depressed. Thanks for listening.Love,Maddy

How exciting Maddy! I know it will be gorgeous, whatever you decide. Will you post pics of it when you are done?

Robyn

[mikesmum]

Vivian ~ I love that image...don't know how you did it but its amazing.

Greg ~ Those videos do give validity to the 'craziness' of grief.

I have just spent 5 amazing days in Robe, a coastal town in the next state over, South Australia. There is something about the ocean that draws me, always has. Since Mike died I have found much solace from being near the water. I believe with all my heart that Mike is now part of the majesty of nature. The waves crashing, the wind rushing through the dunes...the sun that warms my bones and the clouds that seem to speak to me in ways only Indigos would understand.

I took my new camera with me so I will share with you my novice shots.

One thing that never gets easier....coming home and not being able to pick up the phone and share these things with Mike. He was the child who 'got me'..... ...

[mikesmum]

Just my two cents worth on the death certificate. Firstly I had to apply for one, then because I wasn't next of kin I needed to prove who I was in relation to Mike.

When I got it I began to read through the details....mother, then fathers name. My first husband had bailed out on us when Mike was barely 3, his sister almost 2 and a new born Steven. When I remarried years later, my then husband adopted the kids, changing names etc. The bio dad signed the kids over without much effort. It meant no more child support .

The details of the certificate were filled in by Mikes partner Amanda. She had taken it upon herself to update Mikes parentage. She had the bio dad's details 'reinstated'.

I took the certificate to the Birth Marriages & Death office in Melbourne. To say I wasn't happy is an understatement.

I took Mikes amended birth certificate from the adoption and all the certificates I could find to have this rectified.

First mistake made by the 'government offical' ~ "You're not the next of kin". Second ~ "Fill this out and we'll get back to you". Third ~ "You can't just stand here, you're holding up the line". After a short but fruitful debate the Senior manager was summoned. He offered to speak with me in a little room to the side so they could keep the lines moving. I declined offering to leave once the 'amendments' were finalised and not before.

By this time lots of people were gathering. There was also a whisper of what was happening.

I eventually I got Micheal Shane Hendrie's death certificate. As I climbed into my car I collapsed in a heap....Bureaucracy had reduced my boys life down to one lousy piece of paper with names and dates. The upside, Amanda had to 'reapply' for the new certificate...It was a hollow victory, but it was also early in my 'angry phase' of the this journey....None of it reflected my son, his heart, his soul his person....

[darlenestark]

Woke up to rain this morning, but it's a good thing. Everything's blooming early this year with all the summer-like weather and is need of nourishment. Today I am baby-proofing my house, because Ali's wife and baby River are coming down for a visit tomorrow - first time I've seen them since the funeral three months ago. I'm preparing myself for the initial devastating blow when they first arrive and he isn't with them, and I know there will be lots of tears as his wife and I share with each other our stories of life with Ali, and life without Ali. River looks just like her daddy...

Trudi - I've been learning a lot about Australia this past year. My oldest daughter Yasmene met a guy from Sydney who now works and lives in Chicago. When she first met him, she told me "He's the one!", and when I met him at Christmas I knew she was right - good-looking, great personality, and that lovely accent. And when he looks at my daughter, I get the feeling that she's his "one" too. He took her home to meet the parents last month, and she fell in love with Australia. I'm not much a traveler, but whenever someone goes on a trip, I take a virtual trip to their destination online. It's amazing! They took a trip up the eastern coast to visit friends and family, and because she's such an animal-lover, she just had to go to the Koala hospital. They're going back in September - I told her about Robe and how beautiful it is there - I love your pictures...And I know what you mean about Mike being the child who "got" you. I have 8 - yes, 8 - children - and Ali was the only one who "got me"...

Daniel's Dad - I am so sorry for your loss, but am glad you came to this place, and I hope you find comfort and understanding here as we all try to find our way through this most difficult journey. My son was killed in a car accident 12-29-11. His 7 siblings have all handled the loss of their brother in their own way. One of my sons put the newspaper with the front page story and picture of the crushed car up on the wall of his room. My 16-year-old daughter won't go in there anymore - she gets upset anytime there is a car accident on TV or in a movie. She would have nothing to learn from a program like the one at your daughter's school - she knows all too well the devastating effects of a car accident (though alcohol was not a factor in my son's case), she knows the nightmare, she lives it every day...

[shorty16]

Daniels Dad

I can only speak from my experience, but your daughter is seeing the aftermath of your son's death. See is living the devastation - Seeing what her brother actually went through may cause more harm then good.

I say that, because my daughter, Michelle got to the scene of my 16 year old son, Brian's accident. She held him before the parametics arrived. She had flash-backs for over a year and still has nightmares --- almost 4 years later.

I honestly believe that if Michelle would not have seen the crash scene, she would not have flash-backs or nightmares to the extent she is.

I can only speak from what happened to me.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[Maddy6]

.

Trudi,

The pictures are beautiful (loved the lighthouse especially) :-) as was your phrase....The waves crashing, the wind rushing through the dunes...the sun that warms my bones and the clouds that seem to speak to me in ways only Indigos would understand.

Thank you, :-) I could feel myself on the seashore with you through your words. And I understood completely :-)

Love,

MADDY

[westleysmom]

Trudi-I'm so sorry that you had to go through that with the death certificate for Micheal. Such a hateful piece of paper to have to deal with. I loved your pictures, the new camera is apparently wonderful and worth it, not to say that its all the camera, your pictures are always good, like Betsy's. That is a really good picture of you and Muttley and such a beautiful beach. I'm so glad that you enjoyed your time there.

Carol-Thanks for saying I'm not crazy, I think that was you. I am happy to hear that things are going well for Mike's treatment plan and hope that the PT goes as planned. Today is CJ's birthday, he is 22 years old. We got him a grill and the stuff to go with it and his friends have planned a party iwith a cookout. I hope they don't burn the house down. I made him some cupcakes, but didn't send them to work because I knew the other guys would either tease him about his "Mom" sending cupcakes with him to school for his birthday, OR expect cupcakes from me on their birthdays! I was making them last night, and all of a sudden it occured to me that I could make all the cupcakes I wanted to for his friend's birthdays, but it wouldn't bring Westley back. It hurt very much, that thought, and it just came out of the blue. I wonder sometimes if I'm trying to do enough things so that things can go back to the way they were before, which I know is not possible, or if I'm just doing things because I can't think of anything else. I suppose that trying is better than not trying, which I do some days, just give up for a time, because I"m tired of trying.

Daniel's Dad-I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Daniel. Everyone here understands your pain and the trying to find the right words to say when posting. Sometimes the words just won't come. My heart to you in your loss.

Colleen-Good to see you. I hope that you are all doing okay.

Hugs to all, today is my year-end at work and got a lot to do.

[Maddy6]

I think I may have found a new counselor that is really going to help me. He will counsel me over the phone......because he is in another state. The other counselor was good too, but long story how I happened upon this guy and I think he is going to really help me. This is what I wanted to share.............

Yesterday I talked to him and he said "Where your daughter is...............would she want to come back if she could?" I thought for a moment and knew the answer. No, no, no, no.......she would not. Something about that question got through to me. Something about the answer gave me tremendous peace. Something about considering what Rachael would "want" in all of this gave me peace. Something about considering her wishes made me realize. And something about this counselor putting it in present tense and acknowledging that she IS somewhere else right now. She just is not with us.

Each day as I strive toward healing I find a little piece, a small token of healing. As I heal more and more, I am assured of my 2 sons who have struggled so much, healing more and more. I also think they will be able to be at peace and move on when they feel confident their mom has. Thank you all for your help in this journey for me. For your guidance and tolerance.

Love,

MADDY

[Jeff's Mom]

Daniel's Dad and Sarah's Mom...I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you will feel comfortable coming here to talk to others that are going through this.

Trudi...I loved your pics. How peaceful and the beach looks wonderful.

Greg...thanks for sharing the videos. I really enjoyed watching them.

Have not posted for a bit. Afraid I was not up to it. I will say that I am now truly feeling the full impact of Jeff's death. Now I just need to find my way and where to go from here. It seems so empty this house without him in it. Gosh I miss him. But I have to keep on plugging along. It is now a full 839 days since he died. I know he is not coming back and that is the most difficult thing to face. If only he had not given up. Well, life goes on.

[ericasmom]

Trudi, I love your photos, the novice? Hardly, these are gorgeous depictions of a serene place in your life. I love the you and Muttley photo, your hair is so long now. The light bouncing off the land in one of the photos was so pretty. I am glad that you were able to feel the peace that happens to you when near the sea.

Daniel's Dad, the imput from everyone really offers many views of this topic. I wish you well in your decision.

[Susie_q512]

Daniel's Dad - First, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. We all understand the magnitude of this event and the devastation that follows. My daughter, Shannon, was killed in a car accident on Sept. 20, 2011....just over 6 months ago. She was 16. My other daughter was escorted by the police to join me at the accident scene. She was 18 at the time of the accident. Although she wanted to be there at the time, she has since expressed that she wishes that she had not gone. The images are a constant in her mind, and it brings her much pain. I was there too, so I understand what it's like to be haunted by those images and scenes. I agree with Dee about discussing this with your daughter, and with Maddie about having a plan of escape in place should she need it. But, like Colleen, I would caution against allowing her to take part in this so soon following her brother's passing. She is living the consequences of that choice, and she probably already has imagined images in her mind....to give more life and reality to those images may not be in her best interest at this point in time....a little farther down the journey, but now may be too soon. Prayers that you and her Mom can speak honestly and openly with her about this decision. My heart to you and your family.

Kate - Thinking of you, my friend, as so many of us struggle through this nightmare of a journey.

[hoosiermom]

Trudi--Sir MD gets my vote as the official BI mascot I can't decide which looks more appealing.....the beautiful beach shots or the lovable, gentle dog just waiting to jump in your lap and snuggle....both are beautiful!

Youngest daughter got home yesterday evening, I wasn't home from work yet so her dad escaped a punch in the face.....many thanks to you all for your support. She has decided that is the last vacation she will ever go on with him and I don't blame her. I felt so bad because I encouraged her to go. I guess some people just need a big dose of leavin' alone, even if it is your own father.

Love to all....

Jenn

Brianna's momma

[Jeff's Mom]

Daniel's Dad - First, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. We all understand the magnitude of this event and the devastation that follows. My daughter, Shannon, was killed in a car accident on Sept. 20, 2011....just over 6 months ago. She was 16. My other daughter was escorted by the police to join me at the accident scene. She was 18 at the time of the accident. Although she wanted to be there at the time, she has since expressed that she wishes that she had not gone. The images are a constant in her mind, and it brings her much pain. I was there too, so I understand what it's like to be haunted by those images and scenes. I agree with Dee about discussing this with your daughter, and with Maddie about having a plan of escape in place should she need it. But, like Colleen, I would caution against allowing her to take part in this so soon following her brother's passing. She is living the consequences of that choice, and she probably already has imagined images in her mind....to give more life and reality to those images may not be in her best interest at this point in time....a little farther down the journey, but now may be too soon. Prayers that you and her Mom can speak honestly and openly with her about this decision. My heart to you and your family.

Kate - Thinking of you, my friend, as so many of us struggle through this nightmare of a journey.

Daniel's Dad. Thinking about you this evening. I was wondering if you would be able to approach the school and ask to see the video before she sees it? Then you would be able to determine if she is able to deal with it ..how can I say this? Why should she have to? Has she not already lived with the nightmare of this very real tragedy? She will never be able to forget. You must do what your conscience tells you to do. Let your gut instinct and heart lead you. Best of luck.

Kate

[mikesmum]

Dwayne ~ Its hard to know what to say when you first come here...its also hard to find the words that say welcome. Living in a small town with your kids attending the same school there will be much discussion not only on the accident but any further charges and such. Its hard to monitor all the things your daughter will be subjected to in her own circle.

As for the presentation from the Fire Bridage. Here my husband (Paramedic) used to present a very similar program for schools. One of the major supports for the program was a psychologist who was there primarily for those who had been "touched by the road toll". Prior to the commencement of the main and heavier part of the presentation classes were asked if anyone had experienced loss or injury due to road trauma.

Perhaps if this is available to your daughter it might lessen the impact on her.

Either way its a tough decision. She does sound like she knows when she needs to step back from all that is going on at this time.

Indigos tonight I am off to pickup my grandies....another motorbike accident sees my son-in-law in hospital. Though not badly injured, the call after hours and the sound of my daughters voice sends a wave of dread through me.

I used to be so strong and able.....Maybe I'll just flick through the pictures of the ocean one more time.....

[Maddy6]

@

[Susie_q512]

Daniel's Dad - I've already responded once to your post, but wanted to add something to it. My daughter came to me last night to tell me that she has been contacted by the head of the fire department. They have a program called Ghost Out that addresses reckless and distracted driving, as well as driving under the influence. They also re-enact scenes and show video. They are planning to do this at the high school that the girls attended. At 19, my daughter is unsure whether or not she is ready for this. She stated that she would like to speak to the kids there, because Shannon was known by everyone, but she wants no part in witnessing the re-enactments or videos. I am going to speak to the gentleman to find out if there is a way in which she can participate yet still be protected from the flashbacks the visuals will cause. (Shannon was the victim of distraction and inexperience.....just reaching for something in the car, probably the passenger seat....ran off the road and over corrected.)

I checked out the website, and viewed some of the videos. Tears were flowing and memories of that day were flashing in my mind. The dead at scene,the efforts to resuscitate, the body bags, the removal of the bodies, the toe tags, the placing them in holding at the morgue, the telling of the mothers and family.....all part of the reality of our experience. Although it speaks a truth, it was difficult to see the re-enactment.

Just my thoughts. Continued prayers for you and your family.

Trudi - So very glad to read that your son-in-law was not seriously injured.....must have been a terrible phone call to receive. (((hugs)))

[Jeff's Mom]

Daniel's Dad - I've already responded once to your post, but wanted to add something to it. My daughter came to me last night to tell me that she has been contacted by the head of the fire department. They have a program called Ghost Out that addresses reckless and distracted driving, as well as driving under the influence. They also re-enact scenes and show video. They are planning to do this at the high school that the girls attended. At 19, my daughter is unsure whether or not she is ready for this. She stated that she would like to speak to the kids there, because Shannon was known by everyone, but she wants no part in witnessing the re-enactments or videos. I am going to speak to the gentleman to find out if there is a way in which she can participate yet still be protected from the flashbacks the visuals will cause. (Shannon was the victim of distraction and inexperience.....just reaching for something in the car, probably the passenger seat....ran off the road and over corrected.)

I checked out the website, and viewed some of the videos. Tears were flowing and memories of that day were flashing in my mind. The dead at scene,the efforts to resuscitate, the body bags, the removal of the bodies, the toe tags, the placing them in holding at the morgue, the telling of the mothers and family.....all part of the reality of our experience. Although it speaks a truth, it was difficult to see the re-enactment.

Just my thoughts. Continued prayers for you and your family.

Trudi - So very glad to read that your son-in-law was not seriously injured.....must have been a terrible phone call to receive. (((hugs)))

Susan...I can't begin to imagine hiow difficult it must be for all to view this video that have experienced such a painful loss. The kids that are taking Drivers Ed up here are given this video to watch. Again, it is a personal decision for anyone if they have experienced this type of loss.

Trudi..Very sorry to read that your son-in-law was injured. I hope he will recover quickly. Enjoy your Grandchildren.

I was up several times last night with our black lab standing outside during the night with her. As she is blind she requires someone to actually take her out these days. The night was absolutely beautiful. The air smelled so fresh and clean and the sky was filled with a million stars. It had rained earlier finally giving my gardens their much needed moisture. I just stood there with her and knew it was good to be alive. Plan to get out with Jeff's camera and take some pics this next week. Hopefully I will be able to figure out how to post them

Hope everyone has a decent day.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Susan, I hope Ragan can add her knowledge and experience prior to the film and I think that her words with the film later will be hugely felt by the audience. whatever she decides, may she know she is standing in the light of her beloved Sister.

Trudi, so glad that your SIL is not badly hurt. Heck, when the phone rings at night I jump nearly out of my chair, so frightened of that voice and message on the other end...last night a solicitor called at 9:00PM, which some nights finds me in bed, so I jumped fast and picked up, my heart in my ears pounding away, when a woman so casually introduces herself and her aim...I yelled at her, " HOW DARE YOU CALL US AT THIS HOUR DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS TO SOME PEOPLE????" Not to mention that we are on a no call list. So I too have a very hard time with night calls. Our call about Eri's accident came at around 9:15PM that night so long a time, so short a time ago. I don't however look at it as a weakness, but a built in alarm system, mine is overactive, but it is simply the reflection of our experiences. I don't think any of us to be weak, quite the opposite in fact. Tears don't mean weak nor do panic or nervousness, they are the ways our bodies and minds have adapted in order to survive.

I hope that you had some sleep with the little ones over.

[Jilly's mom]

Susan, Our high school does a mock car crash around prom time every year as well. My youngest daughter, who just turned 17, has expressed an interest to speak someday at this event as well. She did not go with me to the accident scene, but she did ask to see the pictures about 2 months after the fact. (this is a child who hunts with her dad and is able to process a deer almost by herself. She is not real squeamish, and has aspirations of becoming a nurse as well.) We had the pictures from the police. I let her read the report first wtih me sitting next to her, answering questions. I then previewed the pics alone first. (Although I was at the scene, I didn't see Jilly until they had removed her from the car, and cleaned up her chin a little bit.) When I went through them, I looked at them one at a time so that I would have some warning as to what was coming next by the description. It was hard, very hard. It also put my mind to rest about some things...like that her face showed peace and that she didn't look like she had any idea of what was coming. When my other 2 daughters wanted to see them, I did the same thing....went one by one, saying Ok. the next picture will show her car from a distance.....or the next pic is closer up of her in the car, you will see some blood on her chin, etc. They thanked me afterwards for showing them because their imagination was so much worse.(so was mine after my years of working in ER!) DM didn't have the luxury of someone going through the pics one by one giving her warning. Her lawyer thrust the handful of pics at her and never said what was on them. She still cries every night. I think the way it is presented makes a big difference, but Every case is unique,and Jilly didn't look that messed up, except for her chin having a gash in it, and her head being bent a bit too far backwards. If she had been worse, I never would have wanted them or myself to see it. Some of her friends have asked to see them as well. These kids watch shows like criminal minds and CSI...even the shows at the movies are way more graphic that they were when I was a teen!!!

Jilly's car looks horrible, and it still amazes me that DM made it out alive. When we asked about making a presentation for the mock car crash, the principal at the high school said he thinks it would re traumatize the kids who knew Jilly if we do it too soon. Our idea is to eventually have the driver, DM and the boy who let them have the alcohol, CC, do a presentation...after THEY have had counseling and when they are ready. YES it will be very very emotional, and the kids who see it will never forget it. But if we can make ONE kid think twice.......maybe another parent will not have to join this website! .I agree with Dee, that having Ragan give her knowledge and experience would make a big impact on those kids. If she wants to go through with watching the film, perhaps you can do it together privately first. If she doesn't, that is really really ok too. Her sister is proud of both of you just for surviving...nothing else is needed.

Susan, I hope Ragan can add her knowledge and experience prior to the film and I think that her words with the film later will be hugely felt by the audience. whatever she decides, may she know she is standing in the light of her beloved Sister.

[ericasmom]

Louise, what a nurturing and supportive way to take your girls through the ordeal. I think it is such a fine idea to offer up your story to the school, and I am amazed beyond words that the school actually took the kids into consideration as far as it being too soon for those who are friends to Jilly. Good for all. Blessings along the way.\

Eri's friends and family all were able to say good bye to Erica as she lingered for 6 days before we took her off support. Like Jilly, Eri looked like Eri except for the position of her neck, but beautiful sleeping girl and that has gone a long long way for her buddies and cousins who thought seeing her would have been so much more traumatic. They were all thankful knowing that what they imagined was far worse than who lay before them.

[dhathc00]

Thank you for your replies and advice,, Right now I'm leaning to wards her not attending. I think we will go on a little road trip or something so she isn't just setting at home thinking about not being there. I think it would be more harmful than informative. I believe she is very aware of the consequences,, and the program is aimed more at the kids that have little exposure to this type of event.

I am glad that I came to this site as I find it difficult to let those around me know just how much I think about the loss. Its nearly constant except when I am very engaged in work that I get moments of relief or something. Its also amazing to me that people are so quick to advise me how moving on is the best thing. Sure of course but they don't really know how very little I have moved. Right now I am angry about the way the woman was let free to go home that night. was later charged with two counts of first degree manslaughter and leaving the scene,( while two burned to death in her truck) and received a 2500 bond but not arrested. she has not spent time in jail and is still free to do whatever.

The first judge set the initial bond of 2500 (there is a two judge law here) At the next hearing nine witnesses testified and her bac was entered as evidence to be .08 and that was taken five hours later after the wreck, she had hid in a nearby barn. and positive for marijuana. He ordered her charges and when the DA requested a higher bond to him he said he would leave that to the next judge (which was to be that Friday, that day being Monday)

The DA requested a higher bond to the next judge which he responded saying that at that point the bond would be punitive. He also added very sternly that it would not have been the bond he would have set, but the girl was again allowed to go free till her next court date of May 25th. An eternity for me. Sorry but very few seem to grasp why I am so angry. My son never would have left his friends to burn just to save his butt. And I doubt he would have been allowed to go home after being found and admitting to being the driver.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you for your replies and advice,, Right now I'm leaning to wards her not attending. I think we will go on a little road trip or something so she isn't just setting at home thinking about not being there. I think it would be more harmful than informative. I believe she is very aware of the consequences,, and the program is aimed more at the kids that have little exposure to this type of event.

I am glad that I came to this site as I find it difficult to let those around me know just how much I think about the loss. Its nearly constant except when I am very engaged in work that I get moments of relief or something. Its also amazing to me that people are so quick to advise me how moving on is the best thing. Sure of course but they don't really know how very little I have moved. Right now I am angry about the way the woman was let free to go home that night. was later charged with two counts of first degree manslaughter and leaving the scene,( while two burned to death in her truck) and received a 2500 bond but not arrested. she has not spent time in jail and is still free to do whatever.

The first judge set the initial bond of 2500 (there is a two judge law here) At the next hearing nine witnesses testified and her bac was entered as evidence to be .08 and that was taken five hours later after the wreck, she had hid in a nearby barn. and positive for marijuana. He ordered her charges and when the DA requested a higher bond to him he said he would leave that to the next judge (which was to be that Friday, that day being Monday)

The DA requested a higher bond to the next judge which he responded saying that at that point the bond would be punitive. He also added very sternly that it would not have been the bond he would have set, but the girl was again allowed to go free till her next court date of May 25th. An eternity for me. Sorry but very few seem to grasp why I am so angry. My son never would have left his friends to burn just to save his butt. And I doubt he would have been allowed to go home after being found and admitting to being the driver.

Daniel's Dad...first of all you must not say you are sorry for this. You must definitely go with what you feel in your heart is the right course to take regarding your daughter. I am so truly sorry that you have experienced such a horrible loss such as this! I know we can tell you that it will get better with time. But I also know that at the beginning when we hear this it does not seem possible. I do not wish to tell you how to go about this grieving process except to say...that we are all different in our experiences and life experiences. We all have to travel this road and there are no short cuts. It hurts like hell and yet when the fog lifts we will slowly begin to find our feet again. It takes time and patience. Good and bad days. Ups and downs. People come into our lives for support we never dreamed would be there. Others leave...can't handle it! Stay strong. Be patient...and keep posting here. Many others have had experience from years of living with this loss. Listen to them. Thinking of you and best of luck.

Kate

[Susie_q512]

I am exhausted tonight...more so than the usual exhausted. I went to work Thursday and had to work the front office and look after the bosses' 22 month old daughter. She's a real beauty and a sweetheart, but I have avoided close contact with younger kids since Shannon's passing. Anyway, she was tired and needed a lot of my attention. She likes me....most kids do....so she wanted to be held or in my lap the entire time. Her sweet baby voice, words and smile. Her chubby cheeks and the soft squishiness of her little baby body. Her hands, fingers, feet and toes. The feel of her wrapping her arms around my leg whenever I had to put her down to help a client.....all these things brought back a flood of memories. I did well at work, but by the time I got home, I was a mess. I sat in the car for about 15 or 20 minutes just crying....then crying off and on the remainder of the night. Around 11 or so that evening, my husband told me that we would be babysitting his 3 year old nephew the next day....I wasn't looking forward to it at all. When they arrived, they brought in bags of toys and clothing and his car seat. It was then that I found out that Jeff had committed me to an all-nighter. I managed to get through it. He wasn't the problem; it was the emotional weight of it that I struggled with. I woke up at 4 this morning. Took him to his Grandma's at 9:30, and then slept most of the afternoon.....absolutely worn out. I've always enjoyed children, so I'm hoping that this phase of my grief journey doesn't last long. I don't know why remembering Shannon as a baby and toddler is so difficult for me. Before, her baby pictures didn't bother me at all, but now I'm finding that they open up a whole new level of pain and heartache and missing.

Ragan is missing her baby sister more and more as time passes. I've noticed that she is becoming more forgetful and emotional....seems to have much less patience than normal as well. My husband is pushing her to go on a family trip soon, and she wants no part of it.....can't say that I blame her. She became very angry at him, and stated that we weren't a family anymore. She probably feels as though she has died too....the old Ragan is gone, and she is now having to find herself in all of this. Breaks my heart that I cannot make this easier for her....that I cannot pick her up and carry her through this....that I cannot heal her hurt or ease Shannon's absence. Her only sibling, the witness to her life, her partner in crime and calamity, her go to person, is gone. Breaks what's left of my heart. She did finally talk to her dad and told him that she simply is not ready to do family things. My hope is that he will respect her own grief journey. But, he does have a point in stating that his time is limited....he just doesn't know when his health will take another turn....guess I can understand his need for wanting to spend time with and make memories with Ragan.

Thinking of you all tonight, as always.

[517958]

Does anyone else experience coincidences that make you think your babies are telling you something? It happens to me and mostly I try to brush it off thinking that I just want so baddly to have some sort of relationship with Charlotte that I make up stuff and I manufacture coincidences that aren't there. Sometimes I just can't ignore them. Here's my latest:

Shortly after Char died, we went to a cabin up north with my husband's family. One evening at sunset, we were sitting out by the fire just 20 feet from the water’s edge. Out of nowhere a beautiful bald eagle flew right along the shoreline and plucked a fish out of the water right near the edge where we were sitting. It then circled around to fly in front of the setting sun and flew away. None of us had ever been that close to a bald eagle in the wild. It was beautiful. We were all breathless and felt it must have been a message from Char that she was okay - that she was flying into the setting sun and like the sun, we would see her again on a new day. Fast forward to last night as I drove home after being laid-off from my 12-year career at Best Buy. I was asking Char, is this a gift from you? Getting paid to spend the summer with Julia and Will to get more TIME? TIME I lost with you? Then I saw it…a bald eagle perched on a tree branch next to the 8 lane highway I was driving! I’ve driven this way home from work for 4 years now and I’ve NEVER seen a bald eagle there. I thought, YES Char, I will take this gift of time with your beloved brother and sister. Thank you Charlotte!

I've been brushing off all these "messages" from her before so maybe she decided to send me an obvious one! I've decided to accept her messages if/when they come.

[tobyfreefoot]

Does anyone else experience coincidences that make you think your babies are telling you something? It happens to me and mostly I try to brush it off thinking that I just want so baddly to have some sort of relationship with Charlotte that I make up stuff and I manufacture coincidences that aren't there. Sometimes I just can't ignore them. Here's my latest:

Shortly after Char died, we went to a cabin up north with my husband's family. One evening at sunset, we were sitting out by the fire just 20 feet from the water’s edge. Out of nowhere a beautiful bald eagle flew right along the shoreline and plucked a fish out of the water right near the edge where we were sitting. It then circled around to fly in front of the setting sun and flew away. None of us had ever been that close to a bald eagle in the wild. It was beautiful. We were all breathless and felt it must have been a message from Char that she was okay - that she was flying into the setting sun and like the sun, we would see her again on a new day. Fast forward to last night as I drove home after being laid-off from my 12-year career at Best Buy. I was asking Char, is this a gift from you? Getting paid to spend the summer with Julia and Will to get more TIME? TIME I lost with you? Then I saw it…a bald eagle perched on a tree branch next to the 8 lane highway I was driving! I’ve driven this way home from work for 4 years now and I’ve NEVER seen a bald eagle there. I thought, YES Char, I will take this gift of time with your beloved brother and sister. Thank you Charlotte!

I've been brushing off all these "messages" from her before so maybe she decided to send me an obvious one! I've decided to accept her messages if/when they come.

oh my gosh!! surely so! enjoy your summer with your other babies!! i also brush them off and think i'm reading too much into things but i desperately need signs so i'm going to start looking!

[mikesmum]

Indigo's ~ Thanks for thinking of us last night. When we got to my daughters house she was heading back to hospital. Seems the split on the knee, which exposed his patella was nothing. The haematoma over his left hip extending around to his abdomen and covering most of his left side (size of a dinner plate) was cause for concern...something about shadowing on the CT, might be spleen. I turned off about then, gathered my grandies, hugged the stuffing out of my baby girl and headed home.

We sat up till after 1am watching movies. Smurfs aren't really my kinda movie, but hey anything to distract. I remembered it was the end of daylight savings so we stayed up another hour.

SIL was discharged this morning a little sad and sorry. They were happy the bleeding had stopped.

But here's the oddest part of the day. We take the grandies out for breakfast. We sit and read the papers talking about the news (the stuff that's lighter than world news) and I read the horoscopes. Caleb listened as I read his, Em's, Mal's, mine then asked if I would read Micheals. So I did. At the end of the prophecies he turned to me and said "ahh so that's what he would be doing today".

Given he was all of 3 when Mike died I was dumbstruck.

Have been toying with the idea of flying overseas. Trying to work out frequent flier points, costs etc. My stars...."Now you have the information you need, its time to make some decisions about your travel plans". Sometimes I think Mike is watching me saying, just do it!!

Night Indigos

[Susie_q512]

Trudi - A trip overseas sounds like a wonderful idea. Also, glad to hear that your SIL is out of the hospital and on his way to mending. I remember the Smurfs,and in remembering them, I also remembered eating the icing off a Smurf cake when I was a teenager.....it came out the same color.....Smurf blue

Angela - We do get signs, and it's normal to question whether they are really signs or simply our need for them to be signs. I choose to believe that they are signs sent from above to comfort and support us along our life's new journey. I stopped trying to figure it out, and simply chose to accept these signs.....mostly because there are no other logical explanations for them. I call them "Mercy Gifts".

[ericasmom]

Trudi, love that Caleb was so inquisitive into his Sweet Uncle, wanting to know what he would be doing right now is a wonderful connection to Mike. Glad that you have good news from the SIL and that your stars are directing you to travel. Yes, Mike is at the helm.

Char's Mom, I have long believed in signs from our babies or loved ones...Eri has definitely let me know her presence or her love through signs and I take them with great heart and appreciation.

Yesterday marked thre years since Jonathan and Erica's Dad died. I spent spring break in the hospital with Michael as he was dying. At first, i didn't let him know I was there, being there for JOnathan and Mike's sister, Carol, being there as support, but then I went in his room and pulled a chair up and he and I talked and talked...our issues that caused us to divorce years earlier were not a barrier at all, it was what we shared over the years that mattered here. He was afraid and I knew that, so we talked about fear, he was not good at talking about feelings, never was but it was time to do so, we talked about where he would be going when his heart had its final beat, I told him that I still firmly believed that Eri would be coming for him. I said that she would come in a pink sky and whisk you to your new home and he said, " I sure hope you are right."

To you Michael, who did indeed fly away in a pink sky upon the sunset on March 31, 2009, smile on us as we live our best lives...Michael was burried on April 4th, 2009, which was ERi's 25th birthday.

[tobyfreefoot]

dee--i do wish there was a like button! the tale of your ex's leaving was so beautiful!!!

i bought a book yesterday called life after death by deepak chopra. i didn't read it straight through. i looked up something about communicating with spirits or something. all i know is pages 110-115? changed my perspective sooo much. or maybe clarified and reinforced what has been trying to organize in my own mind for a long time. anyway i was lying in the tub reading and i couldn't put it down. i flipped around in it and ended up reading about half the book. i went to bed thinking if i can assimilate this philosophy i can be connected in an ethereal way and i still have locks of his hair and can go to the cemetery and lie on his grave just feet from his body, i have all his stuff so i can connect to the physical that i miss so much. this book made me feel happy for my son. i know, very strange but so encouraging! some of you know i have been trying to find a way to believe my son lives on by trying to understand quantum physics (a bit too deep for me) this book kind of connected the dots. i just loved it. granted you have to have an open mind and probably a very flexible religious belief system so it isn't the answer for everyone but for me it was perfect. hope it might help someone else here. love to all!

[ericasmom]

Thank you Gretchen, there is so much more to that story but suffice it to say that everyone in the room saw him leave in a flurry of pink peace after leaden gray skies for two days straight. It was a lovely knowing.

The book so unds great, I do think there is so much to be learned from Deepak Chopra and others who have a deep connection to the spiritual world.

[Susie_q512]

It's prom and spring break time here in our neck of the woods. Pictures of all the girls dressed up for prom and pictures of the beach cover facebook.....as does all the status updates. Reminders are everywhere.....brings me down. Although it is an absolutely beautiful day here, I have stayed inside and in my pjs all day. Suppose I'm hiding from the world. Wishing I could escape this reality....the memories and missing my girl have been running deep the last couple weeks....it only gets worse. (Sigh)

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Here's my son, Jared, in his favorite colors. 6 months tomorrow. Unreal. Feel like I am just going through the motions, like I am in some alternate state of being, not really living.

[dhathc00]

Susan, so sorry for your pain. I too have stayed in all weekend,, and it was beautiful weather outside, just wasn't for me this weekend. I don't know why this has been worse lately. I would normally be getting the boat ready or already have it done, we would have went to the lake or something I like to think. It just sucks.

[dhathc00]

me, nikki and daniel afew days before his death

[Sholl1955]

I just found this site yesterday and posted a couple of times and have been directed to this thread. I am not the best on computers so hope I am doing this right. Today was such a hard day, I couldn't seem to focus on anything, but had to try to stay on top of things for my Grandbabies 3 and 5 years old who miss thier mama so much. Yesterday we put messages on balloons and sent them up to thier mama. They seemed to like that and I hope it creates an avenue that they can feel connected to her. Their needs are immediate and take precedence over my own feelings but we do cry together and talk about how we are feeling. I want to help them the right way but don' know what that is. I know I am rambling but people are not around as much since the funeral a week ago, and many have problems knowing what to say. Just wanted to join this thread to get help as I walk through this road of missing my beautiful daughter. We did alot of things together. Now that will never happen again. I will stop rambling for now.

[ericasmom]

Sarah's Mom I will write tomorrow, it is late adn I am needing to go to bed but take heart, you are at the right place. Hang on, it gets harder still, but hang on, we are here to help. Keep reading, keep posting, keep on getting up and finding a tiny scrap of hope...

Daniel's Dad, i love the photo, the three of you...reminds me of my Kids with their Dad...they called themselves The Three Musketeers. Time becomes a real burden in grief, it becomes an abstract for many of us and it takes a lot of it before you begin to find a new way to live. Be kind to yourself, allow the grief as there really is no way around it.

[Susie_q512]

Becky - Loved seeing Jared's face in the beautiful picture you posted. I think of you every day, but will hold you especially close to my heart tomorrow....the passing of time sucks, but it also places us one step closer to that day of reunion.

Sarah's Mom - Glad to see that you made your way to this more active forum. It's late now, but I have no doubt that many will be reaching out to you over the next few days. Prayers for you and your family.

Daniel's Dad - Beautiful picture of you and your kids. Glad you shared it with us.....we love to see pictures of our angels.

Dee - Hope your week back to the classroom goes well.

[tobyfreefoot]

I just found this site yesterday and posted a couple of times and have been directed to this thread. I am not the best on computers so hope I am doing this right. Today was such a hard day, I couldn't seem to focus on anything, but had to try to stay on top of things for my Grandbabies 3 and 5 years old who miss thier mama so much. Yesterday we put messages on balloons and sent them up to thier mama. They seemed to like that and I hope it creates an avenue that they can feel connected to her. Their needs are immediate and take precedence over my own feelings but we do cry together and talk about how we are feeling. I want to help them the right way but don' know what that is. I know I am rambling but people are not around as much since the funeral a week ago, and many have problems knowing what to say. Just wanted to join this thread to get help as I walk through this road of missing my beautiful daughter. We did alot of things together. Now that will never happen again. I will stop rambling for now.

i am so sorry you have need to be here but glad you found your way to this forum. i lost my 28 year old son forest 9 months ago when his girlfriend fell asleep at the wheel and went under a parked semi.

putting messages on balloons was a wonderful way to help your grandchildren! i am just feeling my way down this dark hallway. i am drawn to the true caring of people here that know the loneliness of an absolutely broken heart. i do hope you continue to come back.

[tobyfreefoot]

becky-the picture seems to really portray your son's passions. i like it a lot. i remember thinking no one even noticed or cared when i crossed that date. i will definitely be thinking of you tomorrow.

daniel's dad- so glad you have such a wonderful recent photo of you together.

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky...thinking of you today. Hope you are holding up, ok.

Susan...hope today is a bit better for you. That sentence we all have come to hate so much...one day at a time.

Daniel's Dad...thanks for sharing the lovely picture of your family.

Dee...will be thinking of you on Wednesday. Eri's birthday I believe?

Sarah's Mom...so sorry that you have had to find this place...but glad that you did. The balloons were a lovely idea for your grandchildren.

I was wondering how many are feeling extra sadness this past few days with the upcoming holiday? Saw my hyusband sink into a slump yesterday and become very quiet. We walked into the memorial site on Saturday. We constantly feel as if we are pulled there, and yet once there we leave hollowed out. A kind of flatness and dull heartache. Days turn into weeks and then years. It seems like only last week in many ways. I'll be glad when Easter is over.

We woke up this morning to a dull, heavy, grey sky that mirrored our feelings. Tomorrow they are calling for sun for the rest of the week. Glad that the weather will turn nice for everyone's family gatherings. Hope everyone has a decent day.

:(Kate

[Maddy6]

Thinkng of you today Becky, and hoping you will be comforted.

Tomorrow we take Carson for the 2nd opinion for his surgery. Please pray for us. If we like the 2nd opinion doctor better, we are going to go with him. This hospital is in Dallas and has a top ranking hospital for childrens cardiology. Thanks :-)MADDY

[Susie_q512]

Kate - I've been struggling the past few weeks too. Seems I am gradually sinking deeper into that nothingness. Occasionally, tears will flow....seems more so now than before. Don't know if it was the 6 month mark that did it, or if I am just transitioning into the next phase of this journey? I am also aware that Easter is approaching, but we have no plans other than to ignore it as best we can. I will get Rae something, but I won't give it in the usual manner.....even at their ages, my girls still enjoyed "being kids", and we continued the tradition of baskets of candy and gifts placed in their rooms while sleeping. I also have some decorations for Shannon's grave, but boy! do I hate the thought of decorating her grave! I am sorry to hear that you and your husband are also struggling with such deep sadness. Our skies are overcast,but no rain yet. I don't ever check the weather, so I never know what to expect from one day to the next. Until recently, the sunshine seemed to improve my spirit to some small degree, but not so much anymore. Hoping the sun in your area over the next few days will lighten the load of sadness you two are experiencing. I've found that the need to continue nurturing and parenting Shannon did not die with her, and often wonder if that is what leaves me feeling as though I don't know what to do with myself....I still need to be her mother, but she is not here for me to interact with and care for her needs. Is it possible that this is contributing to the sadness that you and your husband are feeling? The need to continue nurturing, but no real avenue to go about it? My heart to both of you.....I am so sorry that you are hurting.

Becky - Holding you close to my heart today, and lifting silent prayers on your behalf.

Maddie - Prayers and much hope for Carson's appointment tomorrow.

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan...sorry to see that you are hurting so much this past few weeks. As far as the Easter holiday is concerned I have been told by a few to start new traditions. Well, we have done that. But it just does not seem to flow right somehow. There is this huge elephant in the room named Jeff that follows me everywhere I go... particularly at special event time. My whole life has been devoted to being a mother and caregiver. Now there is nothing. I was never into having a professional career and now I am paying the price for this emptiness. I have done and still do volunteer work, but the heart is just not in it for me right now. Let other people take care of their own families for now, I'm tired.

I walked out of a grocery store yesterday feeling emptied out. The store was filled to the brim with busy shoppers pushing their carts filled with hams, baking stuff, etc. Brought back memories of only a couple of years ago. Now Jeff gone and my MIL dead all in this short space of time has cleaned out the family. One son a thousand miles away with their two kids. We are not able to go and visit them and so we sit here alone at Easter again with only memories to hold close. I am only in my fifties,. What will it be like when I am eighty? I know I should probably offer to have people in for dinner. But why? They have avoided us like the plague once the rumour circulated about cause of his death. I can't stand this self pitying I feel right now. I need to pull up my boot straps and force a smile on my face. I have to be happy. It is so much harder then most people could ever imagine. With no support it absolutely is 100% harder to get through this. Family and friends can help beyond measure. Are they really so ignorant of a person's pain? Yet they are so busy with their own lives that they do not stop for a moment to pick up a phone or just to check to see if you are OK. I'd lie. I'd tell them I am fine. That's what they want and demand to hear...makes it easier for them to enjoy their holiday.

Susan...your daughter needs you to be strong for her. She needs to have happy memories to hold on too. Is it possible to take her out or get away for the day just to focus on something else? It may help to bring something new into focus and divert your attention for that period. We plan to try to get out and even just drive for the day to get it over with. Anything not to be here alone. Whatever.

[tobyfreefoot]

i have that continuing need to parent forest. at 28 he still counted on me in emotional crisis, major decision making and just general mom stuff. we were so close. i couldn't quit shopping for things to decorate his grave with because it was the only thing i could do for him. now no decorations are allowed until oct. so i am sunk. i was working voraciously on his memorial. a man i knew forty years ago in high school is a stone mason and stained glass artist. i took the lion's share of what was left of the life insurance money to have him make the monument. he lives in new mexico, in the bad snow in dec. he was hooking up his car to be towed when someone slid into him crushing him between the two cars. he had 16 breaks in his ribs, pelvis and collar bone. needless to say the memorial is on hold so i'm left with nothing i can do for my son. it leaves a terrible void and feeling of spinning around trying to find something i can do for him.

[Jeff's Mom]

I know what you are saying! I feel the same way too! Jeff was the same age as your son. Only yesterday my husband went through all of his hockey and baseball card collection in boxes. He took out his hockey pucks from his shut out games( He was a darned good goalie) He just stood there looking at everything just lost. He didn't know where to go from there. Should we keep them? Yes. Definitely.

We were close too. He was so liked by everyone. A real goofball. He could imitate different celebrities to the point he could have made a living at it. He had us in stitches most of the time. I painted his room last week. Kept telling myself that he would not mind the new colour, but in truth it is a little too tropical for him! So now the pucks are lined up with the trophies on his desk.

I see little kids that often remind me of him in one way or another. Something they may say or do,or just the way they are acting... brings back a flood of memories. It hurts just too much to allow it in. I have to shut down. Will this ever go away this pain? Will I ever stop asking why did he do it? Why? Is suicide the worst way to lose a child? Does it really matter in the end. They are gone. Wow, don't I sound like a cheerful person today. He have me in a serious headlock for this. And he would be right. Time to shape up.

[Amber37]

Death certifiicate last week. Bill from the coroner this week. The hell never ends! I don't know how much more I can take. I know the police report is coming soon too. I feel like I'm going crazy. How do people get through this?! I'm dying

[Jeff's Mom]

Hang on...you'll get through this. I know I was somewhat out of sorts this past few weeks,. so don't go by me. A bit of a meltdown. But things will slowly begin to ease somewhat. Try to stay as strong as you can. It won't be easy, but you can do it! Keep posting.

Kate