Loss of an Adult Child

[Jeff's Mom]

The laws here are so so it's the penalty that is a JOKE the driver had a suspended DL for over five years and drove anyway and now LAPD wants to STOP impounding cars that is crazy. People will drive a friends

car or relatives car because the penalty if caught with no DL or suspended DL is a joke. The sad part is we have something called Watson Murder Law but to use it yuo have to KILL someone will DUI and then sign you have been told about the law and when you kill again you will be charged with second degree murder .. so my child is like a pass or learning experiance?

Amber...that is just awful. What is the matter with the system? Changes need to occur and now. People need to be more vocal about their opinions and no more sitting on the fence. Lives have been lost and lives are at risk. Laws need to be reformed. Where do we start?

[rlolheiser]

Haven't been here for awhile.. seems it is always run run run... and I am just feeling old.

Carol, I am so happy for you and Mike.. I think of you always and hope that the two of your next steps with all the strength possible. I hope you feel your angel Mike next to you each step of the way.

It is been a long school year.. my son is doing great in school and I am so happy for it. My grandaughter however is doing terrible, she refuses to do her work and the teacher is telling me that she should be kept back in the 4th grade. It must be a lot for her.. I don't know.. she has come to the milestone of 10.. I wonder if it bothers her.. the same age her sister was when she passed. I know it bothers her mom. I gave her a big party, the first she has had in years, it seems every other year something always stopped it. Her mom didn't come, that broke my heart, her father showed up playing father of the year.. I hope he keeps it up but I hear from to many other people that he is back into the drug scene. My daughter is drowning herself in work.. not sure what to think.. I see Sena being lost and there isn't anything I can do but love her. doing homework takes us forever each night but I won't let up on her, I want her to pass.

I know I am missing posts on this stupid computer, there are times I just can't keep up. I can't find certain posts that I should be able to and get lost in the conversations or maybe it is just my unstable mind

I think about the question Maddy stated about beliefs.. wow.. I have seen my beliefs go from one end of emotion to the other. I have a love hate relationship with God.. and question so much of the religion of my youth. I just know I miss the little girl so much even after all these years.

I've done something to my knee, I bought a brace and it helps get through the day.. it sure slowed me down. Mom is more and more needy and the more I fall apart the more my mind thinks about putting her in a home. Sadly.. I don't know who would be more messed up.. her or me.

I really hate seeing so many new people here.. I wish I had some words of wisdom.. but there are none. We all have different steps we take and different outlooks on our lives and our angels, and I will always say this place has helped me so very much. If I ever get off dial up I hope to be able to contribute more. It takes so many tries to get here .. but I do get here at least to read.

I think of you all daily.. Dee, Trudi, Kate, Rhonda, Susan, Diane, Greg, Dan, Betty, Betsy, Kathy, Lori, Becky, Vivian ... and I apologize for not remembering everybody's name.. your all important to this site and next to your angels, I am one of your biggest fans.

[ericasmom]

Hello Leah, sorry that Sena's Mom is not getting more involved with Sena, but sure am glad that you are. Homework, sometimes if it is more than an hour battle to get something finished, the child is either making a decision or the child cannot do the work. Either was, sometimes not going on to the next grade is where the motivation gets started. I have one student this year who really should not pass to 4th grade because he is very immature socially and is unable to do anything at grade level adn is in fact doing two grade levels under in reading. It is very hard on his ego, on his sense of self...but imagine going to 4th grade without the skills of even a 2nd grade child. It simply sets him up each year for more failure. So I have told those in charge that he needs to repeat 3rd grade...we'll see. If a child simply refuses to do the work, she/he needs to talk to the social worker at school. Social workers will see kids when something is in the way of them being successful at school. Leah, call the social worker at the school adn see if they will see Sena. Good luck Kiddo.

I want to talk about denial and lonliness Maddy but I am so tired, up late and must get some rest. But I will quickly say that sometimes we deny the whole truth of the matter until our minds and hearts and spirit can handle the whole truth, much like was stated earlier by ???, it is similar to how shock provides a buffer of sorts, we know that our Child died, but he shock serves to allow our functions to continue for a time, until it begins to wear away, and we are left splayed and broken. While we don't feel ready for the reality, for the ache adn weight of grief, we go through it anyway because it is a continuum. We can't go back but we try in our minds to go back and save our child, we play that out a thousand times sometimes before we even realize taht we are doing that, and then when we realize we are doing that, we get pissed again, and then deal with the anger and the sadness on a new level. Each time, we reach a new level within the loss, we go through stages and soemtimes repeat many of them, sometimes get through many and get stuck on some.

In it all we have a lonely heart, we are now separate from all we were and knew, we are people with our feet in two or more worlds: the world of before the loss, the world of loss of one so precious, and the world of where they are. We don't live any one place for a long time. We keep darting back and forth from one to the other. Sometimes we lose friends along the way because what they do no longer has meaning or visa versa. Some of our friends and family cannot handle our new persona. they cannot support us and we are all alone with our broken pieces. We sweep them up and look at the edges of them, and wonder how will they ever be fit together again?

We do fit those pieces though, and while our parts are seamed with injury, with absolute loss, those seams are the scar tissue that binds our hearts, reminding us that the beat in there is for a reason, that we do absolutely still have a purpose here. We may not know why yet, but we find out, I promise.

Sleep and dream well.

PS I love the dream someone had yesterday...your Son leaned into you... i also loved the locket with the angel wings adn need to say that I hope that the out patient stuff went well.

[mikesmum]

What a difference a day makes.

Dee ~ I call you our Earth Mother ~ You are the voice of calm and reason borne of experience and a knowing that comes with time.

Carol ~ YES YEAH ALRIGHT!! :D :D Benign, what a nice word.

Maddy ~ "You know my deepest pain". That is such a truth that goes to the very core of this site. Here we share our deepest pain, our most frightening thoughts, our biggest fears.

The law is they say an ASS. In so many ways over and over its a proven fact. The loss of your child seems to amplify the inconsistences in the way the law is applied.

We fight hard to find the 'truth' in the story of our childs last minutes. We fight even harder to make those involved accountable. While we struggle to find the energy to get up and face each day, we never weary of seeking out the truth. I think it comes from honouring our children.

Back from a couple of lovely days it didn't take long for the shine to wear off. Woken from my nanna nap by step son, girlfriend & toddler. They have a 'new' car. I could barely keep my eyes open let alone oohhh and arrrr over this new purchase.

Today was 'crazy hair' day at my grandies school It was also 'reap the harvest' day. The first was easy....coloured my hair purple, teased it and bunched it with coloured ribbons...its to raise funds for Leukemia research. The second was to cook lunch for 32 students and their teachers using the 'crops' from their school garden. Potatoes, corn and leeks were our main stay. So we began with potato and leek soup followed by corn & potatoe fritters and lashings of potatoe chips. Zak (eldest grandson) was my helper.

I came home exhausted. Turned on the TV to see Ellen talking to the family of a young boy who had been bullied. He had taken his life, his dad found him. I cried...they spoke of the emptiness left in their lives. They also talked of their 'fight' to highlight the problem of bullying and subsequent suicides. More tears....

All in all a very emotional and physically draining day. Muttley and I just sat for the last hours of the day.....it was all a little too much.

I have 2 days before we head off to South Australia for another short break. This time to Robe, where they have dunes and ocean.....I'm thinking I will be in my element..

Be kind to each other Indigos....we are connected by more than our beliefs.

Zak Preping

Our fritters

Winners of the Crazy Hair Day. The man at the back will be Shaving his head and donating his locks to the wig makers for cancer patients.....Great guy.

[Maddy6]

@

[ericasmom]

Earth Mother!!! I am honored to be called such. Life has a way of unfolding that has allowed my spirit and soul to rest in some of the madness and recharge and in that, I have views of things I might not have been privy to had I shut that door. So, in some ways I have always been one who sees many sides. Not always possible but mostly.

Speaking of mother earth, you are seeing some glorious parts of her this season Trudi. I am happy that you will be able to align your heart rhythms to the sea again. I know that there is nothing that compares to that sound and vision and in all the ways it fills your senses especially the way it fills your soulful connections. Photos for us to feast our eyes please. Is Sir Muttley attending?

Maddy, I am so happy that you felt that freedom of not having to return to the past but to move forward now. It may double back again and you may feel confused by it, but the clarity we sometimes glean is a gift and to be treated as such, knowing that if we felt it once, we can and will feel it again. It is the act of moving forward. Trudi posted about a month or so ago about the stages of grief by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. So many new parents joined so she felt it would be helpful to all, and it is and was. Those stages Kubler/Ross wrote about are RIGHT ON true, and she wrote the book long ago. It was from Elizabeth Kubler/Ross that I quoted about anger. She is a wise woman and I would suggest just getting a hold of a book of hers to help when the times are rough. She gets this path.

Love you all

[Jeff's Mom]

Earth Mother!!! I am honored to be called such. Life has a way of unfolding that has allowed my spirit and soul to rest in some of the madness and recharge and in that, I have views of things I might not have been privy to had I shut that door. So, in some ways I have always been one who sees many sides. Not always possible but mostly.

Speaking of mother earth, you are seeing some glorious parts of her this season Trudi. I am happy that you will be able to align your heart rhythms to the sea again. I know that there is nothing that compares to that sound and vision and in all the ways it fills your senses especially the way it fills your soulful connections. Photos for us to feast our eyes please. Is Sir Muttley attending?

Maddy, I am so happy that you felt that freedom of not having to return to the past but to move forward now. It may double back again and you may feel confused by it, but the clarity we sometimes glean is a gift and to be treated as such, knowing that if we felt it once, we can and will feel it again. It is the act of moving forward. Trudi posted about a month or so ago about the stages of grief by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. So many new parents joined so she felt it would be helpful to all, and it is and was. Those stages Kubler/Ross wrote about are RIGHT ON true, and she wrote the book long ago. It was from Elizabeth Kubler/Ross that I quoted about anger. She is a wise woman and I would suggest just getting a hold of a book of hers to help when the times are rough. She gets this path.

Love you all

Morning Everyone,

Our weather has turned in slightly chilly today with some cloud. We desperately need that rain to wash down the dust and freshen everything up. My gardens sure could use that moisture. I woke this morning just listening to the birds chirping outside. Music to my ears. Hubby returned last night from Calgary on a business trip and had an opportunity to see our grandbabies for a brief visit. I wore him out asking every imaginable question about them. Gosh, I wish they lived closer.

Dee...glad you had that evening out last night. I do think of you as a Mother Earth in many ways. Sort of like our den mother offering up bits of wise advice and encouragement. You are definitely a ray of sunshine on this site.

Trudi...loved the pics. That hair!! Hope you continue to enjoy the outings.

Susan...hope things are a bit brighter today. Thanks for your kind words of support. You are a real sweetheart.

Diane...how are you today?

Maddy...glad you are feeling more upbeat and a little stronger.

Gosh I feel as if I am standing on stage at the Academy Awards thanking everyone. I'm sure I have missed many...but think ofyou all.

Becky...I was reading in our weekly community newspaper an article that I thought you may find of interest. In our Interlake area we have what is called a Youth Justice Committee...where youth who have broken the law are brought before them to face community justice. Under the Youth Act, the RCMP have the power to send the youth directly to the committee without going through the court system. Probation services also refer youths to the committee when they have no criminal record. They must be referred by The Crown or the RCMP. It is a restorative justice rather then punitive take. Youths are coming face to face with the impacts of their crimes. As a condition, they have to admit they've done the crime. They take responsibility for their actions. It brings about more of a lasting change. The committees are made of of community members from the community at large,reps from the town councils, a youth rep, and a member of the RCMP. They have the authority to order curfews,counselling,retribution in form of repayment (destroyed property, etc.) or apologies...they can even assign essays.

It is great for the community and takes the pressure off of the courts.

A lot of kids can learn from their mistakes without going through the justice system...It's not that they are necessarily bad kids. They've just made mistakes." It gives a kid a second chance without a record to his name. It is proving successful.

I know this woman is beyond that age...too bad they don't get to these people before this type of heartache happens. Hope you are having a better day today.

Peace and love to all.

Kate

[mysonrich]

hello Indigo's, here is a picture of my new alarm clock! I found that taking small steps , driving about my small North East Pa town,( I have sinced moved in 2010) allowed me to find beauty in the world again. It took some time and encouragement from a friend here at BI,but it allowed me an avenue to healing. So, there are times I take pictures that mean nothing to others,maybe this one, but it was the thrill of the "hunt" this time! And many times what is reflected in a photograph,most times I should say, can also be a mirror of my feelings that day. The 2nd picture is January 18,2012. Three years after Rich died. I see a beautiful river, a later afternoon sun and a empty bench. Reflection I think.

[daveydow1]

Carol------So glad that the tumor is benign.....YAY!! Sending prayers to you & Ralph.

Dee----So nice that you had a nice evening out with your friend Mari. Good to

just kick back & relax with good friends in a calm setting.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[shorty16]

Betsy

Thanks for posting pictures of your "Alarm Clock"

Each morning, I hear "Dualing Cardinals" 2 male Cardinals singing away trying to out-do each other.

I love it

Thanks for sharing

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[mysonrich]

Hi Colleen, it's nice to see Brian today and everyday. This cardinal has a beautiful song but I don't hear an answer in return yet. I have a cockatiel. He was my mom's and when she couldn't care for him any longer,well..he is mine now. Since the cardinal is so close to the window of the house, ( window in pic is garage) I wonder if they talk to each other.

Leah, I think of you and JaBoa often. I know perfectly the spot you are in in the decisions that must be made for your mothers care. Its a hard place to be in mind,body and heart. I still follow the oil patch boom news and forum for ND. I see they found Sherry Arnold. What a horrible tragedy. Though I guess we all knew of the outcome before she was found, may her family,friends and community find some peace in the fact that she will soon be home.

Trudi, crazy hair day looks like a lot of fun ! The trail has ended in a quilty verdict for Dharun Ravi, the Rutgers student that spied on his roommate Tyler Clementi. Tyler committed suicide after learning of this hidden web cam(viewed from another dorm room by classmates), combined, I have read to believe, his homosexuality and family reaction when learning the truth. . Dharun was 18 years old at the time he pulled this stunt. Of course he was wrong but I don't feel 10 years in prison is appropriate as a sentence. I've kept up with the news and we all know the anguish ,pain, grief of Tyler’s parents. I also feel that Dharuns life is pretty much ruined now. Very torn on this verdict.

Carol, did you get my WOOT! WOOT! On carepages? Hope so.

My, aren't I full of good thoughts today . Ok, on a better note, I did make the decision to take a leave of absence from my position at the hospital on Saturday's. Its not so much I need a break. I enjoy working there. Spring is in the air and I have felt the need to just get out more. Our new hospital opens May 22. I was asked to help in moving . Maybe I'm just going to rest up for the big day.

Thinking of you all. ((((hugs))))

[mikesmomrs]

Betsy: It took me a few seconds to find the alarm clock, but I saw the "heart" right away, before I even opened the picture... loved the pic of the lake.

Trudi: Love the pics, but where's the one of your purple hair tied up in rags...THAT I want to see!

Maddy: so glad to hear that you felt "there" for your kids again. Asmyou said, it my not last, but it definitely will come again.

Kate: So good to see your posts. I know what you mean about the rain...our area is so very dry due to the lack of snow. Unfortunately, if we get a lot of rain through spring, it may cause flooding, because the ground is so very dry, a lot of it will likely runmoff instead of seeping in.

Leah: Good to see you also. So sorry that you are feeling more stress regarding your mom. It would be difficult to make the nursing home decision, you are in my prayers. I wish you luck with Sena, and will keep her in my prayers that school will change for her and she will be helped where necessay, in the way necessary to actually help. One of our grnadsons was essentially "pushed through the system' despite many teachers conferences, supposed 'special plans' put into place, etc, but wound up not graduatung high school due to his grades. He went back in the fall to do his senior year over, but the pressure was too much, and he finally just left in November of that year. He eventually got his GED, but he has such lapses of knowledge and it is so evident in his everyday functioning. I honestly don't know what happened...we did everything we could to get him help, but every time we were told that he 'didn't need' special ed or an IEP, that he just 'was't working up to his potential.' Come to find out, later, from another parent who had an autistic child and had to fight tooth and nail for every program he needed, that the school did not want to use their funds for 'extra money-draining programs.' They didn't get away with it for long, though because when that came out, there was a huge shake-up, with many firings, etc., but it was too late for Davis, unfortunately. I wish Sena well, and with you in her corner, she definitely has a fighting chance.

Colleen: Thanks for sharing your cardinal duo...we have some of that here, but I don' know what type of birds. We don't see many here unfortunately. We do miss seeing them, as we saw lots at our old house.

Sherry: good to see yiu also...hubby must be really busy with the spring yard stuff. I've noticed some signs around the outside of the house...hostas beginning to show, calendria (sp?) are about 2" high. I wish so much I had gotten some daffodil and crocus bulbs in last fall..we had tons at our old house, but none here yet and I do miss them a lot. We also had a lot of forsythia, with one bush we had planted for our 25th anniversary, that was right close to a weeping cherry tree that bloomed a beautiful pink and was so pretty in contrast with the bright yellow of the forsythia. Wow...all this flower talk...I will be sneezing up a storm soon just thinking about it!

Dee: Cathi's Jamie had to stay back in third grade due to social immaturity, but we've been fortunate in that he had friends in both his third grade and the second grade at the time, so it wasn't as huge a 'watching all my friends move on' thing as it could have been. He is now in 7th instead of 8th, and seems to be doing fairly well, though Cathi recently had to buckle down with his homework, making sure he was 'working' it instead of racing through it just to get it done. Knowing what kind of person you are, I know that it is very difficult for you to see a child not succeed. you are such a good teacher and each child is a person in his/her own place for you, instead of just another child to move through the system. Right now we are expeiencing a huge problem with little Damon, who is having a problem with one of the others kids in his 1st grade class, and Damon is being told by his teacher that he is 'tattling' when Damon comes to her for help with this problem. I know that Damon is one of the sweetest little boys I've ever known, and while I also acknowledge that I am somewhat prejudiced in his favor, it seems there is a real problem here. Sarah went to a meeting with the principal and his teacher on Wednesday, and was basically told that it is their practice tomlet the children 'work out' their own 'little issues' rather than have the teacher step in. Well, I do agree with that to some extent, but when the child with the problem comes home after school, depressed and not happy...a child who loved school before all this began... I think that it would seem that some 'stepping in' of the teacher might be warranted here. It sounds to me that it is almost on a par with bullying by this other child. Damon has said that when the teacher is there, the kid will say "I don't have any problems with Damon, I love Damon." And then, when they are out of earshot of the teacher, the kid will say to Damon "I hate you Damon!" and then do something that if Damon tells the teacher, Damon is told, by the teacher, in front of the class, that he "shouldn't be a little tattletale." Well, my view on that is that if the kid is, say, putting gum under their chair or something, and another child says "teacher, susie is putting gum under the chair," then that might be considered tattling. But when a child is having a problem with another child, especially at the young age of 7, then the teacher should be stepping in. Am I, in your opinion as a teacher, incorrect in thinking this way? I had something similar to this, to a larger extent, when Mike was in 7th grade, where a kid was giving him a hard time, and when Mike couldn't handle the kid, he went to the teacher, and was told he was "tattling" and should handle it himself. Well, we didn't find out about this til the end of the year, when Mike told us he didn't want to go to school for the last day. After much discussion about it, he finally told us about the kid who had been bullying him ever since Mike got there in March, when we came home from Italy, and the kid had told him he was going to beat "the crap" out of Mike after school on this last day. It seems that shortly after Mike got there, this kid started harrasing him, and would sometimes do things like throwing Mike's backpack over behind the lockers, making Mike late for class cause he would have to climb over and get it, or the kid would throw Mike's gym shoes there, and the first few times this happened and Mike tried to explain, he was told to settle it himself, etc. The abuse got worse over time, and Mike was afraid to tell anyone because he was afraid of being made fun of. Of course, this just fed into this other kid's sense of power. Anyway, sorry that was such a lengthy digression there...I mainly wanted to ask your advice as to how we might help Damon to handle this. Sarah is beside herself about it, and so worried that this is going to influence Damon's outlook on school in a negative way. My feeling is that if a 7 year old can't feel that he can depend on the adukts around him in school for help when he sincerely thinks he needs them, then that is surely going to impact his future as a student. I know that teachers can be driven crazy with kids 'tattling' about evey little thing, but where do they draw the line between tattling and honestly seeking and needing help? I wish Sarah had asked this question at the meeting. Maybe she could follow up with a letter...

Well, I went way far in this post with my ranting...sorry guys...it's just such a worry to us.

I mostly wanted to tell everyone how much we appreciated your support and prayers for hubby. It has meant a lot to us to know that you all have been pulling for us.

I know there were a couple of other posts I wanted to mention, but on my tablet I can't see previous posts whenI am posting, so will check back later. My computer is still in the shop...got a call this am telling me it was going to cost $210 to fix it...it is a software issue and not covered under our extended warranty! Bummer! This, after just having our van fixed, twice, for a total of TWO GRAND!

Oh, well, it's only money, right!. We are still riding high emotionally from the news about hubby's nodule being benign, so I am not going to let a lttle thing like twenty two hundred dollars bother me...! :-)

Got to go fix lunch. Have a nice day everyone...it's near 80 here again today, though they predicted a high of 60. Winter temps are supposed to return by Monday.

[mikesmomrs]

Betsy... Yes we got your woot woot...thank you so much. Thank you to all who come on to hubby's care pages and post a message...he loves reading them (If anyone here would like to know the address, let me know. ) I think,itmis great that you are taking more time for "YOU" Betsy. Good for you!

[mysonrich]

Carol, do you mean the branches lit up by the flash? If so, I didn't see it until you pointed it out. And, I I am wrong,what do you see?

[tobyfreefoot]

thanks everyone for sharing their pics! it is a beautiful day outside. the sun and your pictures are uplifting! btw does anyone know how to add pics to your signature? i see some people have done that but i can't figure it out. all i have is jpeg files not url's. i am not too computer savvy. can someone help me?

[ericasmom]

I have to go meet my sisters and nieces for Laura's birthday, (niece) she is 26 on the 26th this year, just two years younger than ERi, they were pretty close. I am pooped out though so I do believe it will have to be a very early evening. It is rainy and the barometer is weighing my head down, but we sure needed that rain.

Carol, I think that you are right 100%, 7 year olds need help with these things, and it is too bad that the adults are not willing to show them how this can be worked out. Not all problems can be handled by the students, especially ones so young. I would call another meeting for sure.

[tobyfreefoot]

not to intrude on your conversation but on the topic of bullying- i think damon is right to report it. i agree another meeting is in order. he is way too young to deal with someone who consistently treats him like this, then be ignored or worse ridiculed as a tattletale. unless the teacher is pretty old school she should realize that she has to be the one to reinforce positive behavior and bullying at such a young age unarrested may lead to serious consequences later for either of them. it is lucky for damon he has an involved caring family to help him with this. i may be pretty old school myself when i wonder where a child that age learned to be so conniving and use the word hate. can i brag on my bullied child for just a moment? forest had his arm broken twice, staples in his head and endless verbal assaults clear through high school. i always taught my kids not to hit so he wasn't too good at defending himself. i would like to relate two stories if it is ok?

there was a girl he didn't know well in high school that had been raped and tried to kill herself at school. an ambulance had to come and get her so everyone knew. when she returned to school some boys started calling her a whore at which point forest laid into them. the first and only time he threw the first punch and the only time he ever won. later he took her to the high school dance letting her parents pick him up and chaperone. i never got a chance to meet her because i was working but i was proud of my son. hopefully she will know that not all men will abuse her.

the other story is not to be proud of but one to take heed from. when the columbine shootings happened forest told me if he had a different personality (he did get the sweetest kid in preschool award) he would have done that already. i use to worry because he had no friends and he would just say "mom why would i want to be friends with people like that?"

as i mentioned before, his funeral was packed with kids that he had brought out of their shell. his professor told me when she walked in all she could think of was it looked like "the island of misfit toys" he has one rather obnoxious acquaintance that my daughter's husband had said something unkind about. my daughter said "well we have to be nice to him because he was forest's friend. i don't think he has any other friends so think how sad and lonely he must be now." my kids are probably not going to be money makers but they have hearts of gold. thanks for letting me be boastful. i'm sorry but i feel like the only thing i'm good at is being a mom. my contribution to the world was to put 4 really good people on the planet. when one was taken so soon i felt so cheated and like great, my gift is gone. but when all those kids came and told me their stories i stood up at the funeral and told them let anything forest taught them or encouraged in them let it flow like the recent tsunami in japan (they are a bunch of anime fans) bowling over all obstacles in their way to make the world a better place. that way it insures me that my son did not live in vain and my gift continues on. thank you for letting me share. i'm sorry if i sound like a braggart but you know...my son is dead and i love him so.

[mikesmomrs]

Oh, Gretchen, didn't we tell you? "braggart's rights" comes with the membership, :-) Thank you for sharing your son, I wish I could have known him, and I am glad that you are sharing him with us. Those kids will always hold him dear. Mike also sought out the "outsiders" and taught anyone who knew him about how to be nonjudgmental, etc., towards people we meet in our lives.

Betsy, yes, it is the lighter branches...I didn't know it was because of the flash, but, yes, that is what I was referring to. Thanks for sharing.

Dee, hope you have a good time with your sisters and nieces. Thank you, I will try to encourage Sarah to ask for another meeting.

[tobyfreefoot]

thanks for allowing braggart's rights. you guys are making me feel like friends. so nice of everybody.

[Jeff's Mom]

Just watching Selena tonight. I remember walking along the sidewalk in Corpus a few years back and seeing a statue of her. I actually never did know who she was. J Lo was so good in this part. I just love her. She is so genuine and real. I am not having a very good night. Not at all. What is it like to have a mother's love? Not once in my life have I ever know a hug or kiss. It is the music that get to me. It makes me feel as if I can actually feel .

[mikesmomrs]

Kate...I am so very sorry that you are having a bad night. I am even more sorry that you didn't know a mother's love. So very, very sad. I have friends and had coworkers who never could say a kind word about their moms. I found it hard to identify, and there were some instances when I felt downright uncomfortable. but since Mike died, I guess I have learned to identify more emotionally with someone elses's pain, no matter the origin of the pain, so I feel more outward empathy, I guess. Anyway, I offer my heart to you, praying you will find peace filled moments tonight.

[mikesmum]

Well this is one exhausted Indigo. Today was to be a simple wander through some markets, maybe lunch then back home. I forgot it was youngest grandsons school fete. So off we went. I see the grandies for about 20mins, if that, before they hit the rides and stalls. About an hour in we do lunch...not the quiet by the river one I was envisaging...no the one in the 'community courtyard' where the band is playing...nothing I recognise, but they play it LOUD!.

A blur of red hair in a black and white footy jumpers flies by me....I think its Caleb.

A total of 3hrs later I'm off. Found a camera sale and after much beating around the bush I finally get the camera, memory card, extra lens, lens covers, case for the same price as the camera was advertised a month ago. So now I'm working through the book of instructions. Its a Cannon EOS....so I think I might need to do a course...

Betsy ~ I love your images. They do capture the essence of what you are feeling at any given time. The second image is kinda of where I am .... serenity.

Carol ~ Its so wrong. Children being bullied then ridiculed by those who should be guiding the mediation between these young people. I realise it is in some circumstance better to let kids sort things out, but when its ongoing causing distress then someone needs to step up. Hope Damon finds some way to deal with this gaining strength along the way.

Well people I'm off to bed....its early but I'm pooped. Take care of yourselves...

[tobyfreefoot]

brought to mind the help being offered to each other here. made me think perhaps our children are doing the same for each other in heaven

[mikesmum]

brought to mind the help being offered to each other here. made me think perhaps our children are doing the same for each other in heaven

That image is beautiful. I believe with all my being that my son is keeping company with those children whose parents found their way here.

[luvvanurse]

its 6am and i slept poorly last night, i was supposed to work today but luckily got an on call day. i dont visit this site often but find comfort in it when i am having a tuff day (or night). i miss my kids, i miss being a mom. i miss my old life. its been 3 years but sometimes it seems like only yesterday. i used to enjoy getting up early, before everyone else and having my coffee and quiet time before the day started. now my life is quiet all the time. thanks for listening to my rambling. i have no one else to talk to, after 3 years people who havent lived this dont want to hear how sad it is to be me. i am going to go back to bed a try to slee a little more, hopefully i will and will feel better when i wake up. thanks again for listening. its nice to know that others that have suffered losses simmiliar to mine are out there with their ears open.

julie mom of liz and adam

[mysonrich]

changed my mind.

[tobyfreefoot]

its 6am and i slept poorly last night, i was supposed to work today but luckily got an on call day. i dont visit this site often but find comfort in it when i am having a tuff day (or night). i miss my kids, i miss being a mom. i miss my old life. its been 3 years but sometimes it seems like only yesterday. i used to enjoy getting up early, before everyone else and having my coffee and quiet time before the day started. now my life is quiet all the time. thanks for listening to my rambling. i have no one else to talk to, after 3 years people who havent lived this dont want to hear how sad it is to be me. i am going to go back to bed a try to slee a little more, hopefully i will and will feel better when i wake up. thanks again for listening. its nice to know that others that have suffered losses simmiliar to mine are out there with their ears open.

julie mom of liz and adam

we do hear you. as someone that is only 9 months in i can imagine that the isolation is even worse 3 years in. will be thinking of you. come back so maybe life won't be so silent for you. i'm so sorry to see you lost both of your children. my heart goes out to you.

[robyn]

It's just past the 4 month mark since Chrissy left. We are a bit shaky, but holding on. She is the true heart of this family and we lost so much when she left. It will take all of us- Dad, brother, sister, son-in-law, and me- to try to fill her shoes and keep the family moving forward.

It doesn't matter how sad I get, my eyes look upward, even without thinking about it, "grace and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life."

[daveydow1]

Betsy-----I think that your photography is so good, and that it can be a very positive way to

help with the sorrow that one feels when they've lost a beloved child. I, too, love to take

pics, and 'look' for things that can inspire me, and make me feel better. I'm not an adept

photographer, and am only learning to use the digital camera I got a couple yrs. ago. But,

taking pics.....especially of nature, flowers, and some of my grandies helps ease the pain.

Keep up the good work with your photography----you have a 'knack' for it.

Carol------I'm glad that I am not especially bothered with allergies. This time of year can be

so difficult for people with that condition. My husband sneezes like crazy, and is bothered

by dust, pollen, etc. We cleaned out the barn yesterday. I had to do the sweeping due to the

dust. Also, put out mouse poison.......mice running all over out there. One was trying to build

a nest in the hoot owl that we place on a post to scare off raccoons and birds in the vegetable

garden. About Damon and the bully kid.........I feel so very sorry for Damon. I have a tender spot

for these kids who are bullied and pestered in school. David used to be bullied in elementary

school. NOT all the time, of course, but enough to make it a problem from time to time.

He, too, had a kid bullying him in 6th grade, and doing the threat of 'beating the crap' out of

Davey. I went to the school principal........no help whatsoever. Then, the bullying stopped because

the other kid moved, and Dave got some peace. You are right to say that Damon's mom should

keep after the principal if the problem persists. It could indeed affect how Damon views his

school experience. I do hope that some progress can be made with this problem. My heart goes

out to Damon.

Gretchen-----Such a nice pic of Forest. He is a very handsome guy. Thanks for posting it..

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

And I agree with Trudi, our Kids are hanging out with one another, joined in a union shared here at Beyond, and in the beyond. Trud, i too want to see your hair for the crazy hair day. Sounds like a wonder-filled day.

Newbie, I am sorry for the lonliness you feel, i sure do get that. You have posted that you have been here before, have you posted here in the past? You have your two Children, I am achingly sorry Dear. Please let us know about your Kids when and if you like.

Kate, I am sorry that you are feeling the ache of having had a life without a loving Mom. What a sad and hard way to live and yet here you are, a loving MOM who learned how to love fully.

I have been flitting about the last few days, out with a friend the other night, out with the sisters and nieces last night, out this afternoon with Shannon. I am officially on spring break and I am ready for some rest and housework and bill paying and reading and gardening...all the things I have no time to do thoroughly when teaching.

Sherry, that is one smart mouse to be able to know that that old owl is a fake and build a nest in his hollowed out body.

Betsy, pretty photos, peaceful and a way to get quiet inside.

Gretchen, I love the figure you posted, it is beautiful.

Robyn, holding on and gazing upward, it is the posture so many of us have, we ache but we hold on as there is reason there, and we gaze upward looking for confirmation, looking for hope, looking for encouragement. We are holding your hands and your hearts as you make your way through the mark of time. It is so long a time and yet it is so early on the timeline...feet in two worlds really.

[mysonrich]

Thanks Sherry, I just play around. I have a little point and shoot. I just found the instruction booklet and the user can do quite a bit with one. Now, if I were to get really serious, I would buy a Canon EOS Rebel Trudi?? I've been looking for a couple of years but the cost would have to justify the use. Lots of classes near and a meet-up group I belong to . I haven't met up yet due to Saturday work schedule but...with a canon rebel I might . I hale from a long line of Nikon users though. This could take some serious thought.

Lizandadam's Mom, Yes, Our ears,hearts and compassion are here. You are not alone.

And Sherry, racoons are noisy and a pain. Maybe you can find a Peregrine Falcon with built-in sound effects???

http://www.hark.com/...imal-sound-bird

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigos, my friends....it has been quite some time since I have been here but as always I think of you often and always in my prayers. It is busy around here with Tavian starting the Little League season, practice 3 nights a week and first game next week...Went through a rough time at work but got through it.....stomach virus has hit our household but got through that also. Tavian had his Spring Concert the other nite and it was so great....hard to believe he is 10 and sitting up on the stage playing the clairnet....the girl in his class that also plays the clarinet always sits next to him and her nickname is "mi-mi" ... lol

My dad is back in the hospital in ICU, he has pneomonia, a urinary tract infection and COPD....My sister is keeping in touch with me as much as possible as there is talk of moving him to another hospital if his breathing does not improve, may have to put him on a ventilator...doctor said right now his is doing ok, one day at a time. If he has to go on a ventilator I will fly home to be with him, I do not want to wait for "the call"..Please say a prayer for him.

The weather here has been beautiful, actually went to the beach the other day, slept and got a sunburn !! Hard to believe that it is March. It makes me miss my Jessica even more than I already do as she and I were the "summer girls"....I can just hear her saying "Oh mom, I love this weather".....6 years and it seems like just today....the pain is softer but my heart is beyond repair.... Hubby and I were talking that it is time to go to the cemetery and get it ready for Spring....so many things I want to do there but am limited by the "rules"...sucks

I have to say good nite as I have a few things to do. Please know how much I love you all - you are and always be a part of my life...Peace, love and strength, Kathy

Tavian loving his BBQ chicken wings....lol

[mikesmum]

Kathy ~ Thinking of you and your dad...prayers he avoids the ventilator. Love the pics of Tavian...yes hard to believe 6yrs can be gone in the blink of an eye.

Thinking today of Adam Carter and his family. Terri (his mum) was one of the Indigos I connected with in my early days.

Its 4yrs ago today (25th) since Adam took flight. Thoughts with his family. Saying his name out loud......

ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM

[mikesmum]

Betsy ~ I have longed for an EOS..my step sons partners, both in their early 20's have them. I couldn't afford one. BUT THEN....there was this sale called the March Madness Sale. The EOS Rebel T# 1100D (basic) was being sold for $380AU as opposed to around $790~$890AU. We went to 2 stores, sold out. We got them to ring the next one down the line and they had one left.

So off we went. The young salesman didn't know what hit him. I also wanted the 250mm lens, lens filters, case & memory card. The lens was marked at $450, the covers $50 each, we got 2, the case marked at $55 not sure what the memory card cost. After putting it all together he told us he could probably do the lot for $890, told him that was too much So with a little more haggling I got the entire shabang for $850

I am booked in to do a course as well as running the how to DVD provided with the camera. Ahhh a new focus

Photography is my escape. The ocean and photography my version of heaven. When I get that 'shot' of earth, sky an energy comes over me and I feel closer to Mike....some say odd, I say not so much...Take Care Indigos..I'm off to the Limestone Coast of South Australia. Puppy and EOS with me all the way..

[ericasmom]

Trudi, a wonderful trip to you my Dear, and to Sir Muttley. I look forward to the photos with your new camera. Your ocean and sky shots are supreme.

Peace Deary.

Kathy, I do hope that your Dad has good care and that he is comfortable.

[ericasmom]

ADAM, may your days be filled with serenity, joy, laughter and beauty. Swing past your family and let them feel your sense of peace.

ADAM,ADAM,ADAM

[Maddy6]

Adam Adam AdamSend heavenly peace and comfort to your mom (Terri), sweet memories mingled with your love.

[hotrod]

ADAM, ADAM, ADAM

REMEMBERING YOUR SWEET SMILE AND WARM HEART. TOUCH MOM TODAY WITH THE JOY OF YOUR SPIRIT

[tobyfreefoot]

hopefully i will be able to communicate via my nook tablet. i am on my way to stay with my dad to try to bring him back up. he has alzheimer's and i was not able to see him for about 7 days and now he is catatonic. he barely responds and is extremely rigid. so i am hoping if i take fmla and stay with him for most of the week i can get him to interact. there are some of messages i want to respond to but it will be delayed. just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you and will be back as soon as i can.

[ericasmom]

Good luck Gretchen as you try to give your Dad what may help. I wish you well as you travel another difficult path.

[mikesmomrs]

Julie, mom of Liz and Adam...my heart to you as you grieve the loss of your beautiful Liz and Adam. I am so very, very sorry for your loss and the pain you feel, as well as the sense of loneliness. Loneliness can be devastating, and get so much in the wayof healing. Please come to BI more frequently, I know it is not the same as having someone sitting there with you, but atleast you will be connecting to people who understand and who will hold you close in their thoughts, prayers and heart.

Trudi: you are a woman after my own heart...bargain them down to the least and relish in the conquest!!! Do enjoy your trip, take a walk on the beach for me, my friend, and envelope yourself in the sense of peace and "connectivity" to your Mike that the peaceful place where ocean meets sky can offer you. Oh, yes, my dear, he will be waiting there for you.

Terri and Paul...thoughts are with you both and your beautiful son, ADA M......ADAM! ADAM! ADAM! saying your name, remembering you, always.

Kathy, so good to see your post, and thank you for sharing the picture of Tavian. I so understand your feelings of amazement at him; Mike's boys have grown so very fast...the older two are in a race to see who reaches 6' first, and recently the younger of the two overtook the older by 1/2 inch, so he is now 5' 10 1/2" tall. I expect they will both top out at 6' before the end of the year! It is difficult, as I am sure you experience with Tavian, to see them growing so fast, and wishing so much that Mike (and your Jessica with Tavian) could be here to see them growing. I know that these past few days of summer like weather likely has you looking forward to those glorious days at the beach with Tavian and Barry.

Sherry, thank you for sharing, and for your advice for Damon...(and my thanks to all,of you who weighed in on this sad problem) I agree, Sarah needs to ask for another meeting, and I so hope she does, soon. I think that part of the problem, from overhearing Damon, and sometimes just talking with him while he is here visiting, casually talking, some of his comments lead me to believe that his teacher is a "screamer." In fact, there have been a few occasions when he has actually said that she was screaming at so and so, and when we've asked him what happened in the end, he will sometimes just shrug and say"nothing much, she just yells at the kid and says "GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT! NOW!" Damon had a wonderful teacher in kindergarten, really nice, fair, and related very well to the children. Damon would often speak of her in loving terms..."Mrs. Ames did this, or Mrs. Ames did that...and when we would say how awesome that was, he would say, Yes, she is really nice, all the time." When he started first grade, things went along okay for a month or so, til I guess what could be described as the teacher's first "screaming episode." Damon was with us that weekend, and he mentioned his friend at school and how much he liked him. Then he told us about the friend "getting into trouble" and how the teacher got "SO MAD at him, and screamed at him to "GO SIT DOWN!" This teacher was out on sick leave due to knee surgery for about six weeks, and one day when Damon was here, I asked him how school was going. He said "oh, it is much better now, with Mrs. X not there. The new teacher doesn't scream, ever." These are the words from the mouth of someone who wasn't even 7 yet. "Out of the mouths of babes," often so very true.

Well, enough on that. I need to get lunch for sweetie...we missed church this morning, as he wasn't feeling well, and we will be going this afternoon, so I have to get some food (well, a protein shake....he has not been eating much solid food these last few days) so he will feel better enough to go.

Weather is SO different here now than just a few days ago...Thursday it was 87, and today it is barely 47!

Have a good afternoon, everyone, Kate, Becky, Susan (I hope you are doing better), Maddy, Dee, Lori, Gretchen, Amber, Deanna, Lorri, Robyn, Betty, Louise, Rhonda, Leah, Colleen, Greg, Dan, Betsy, Rachael, Lynn (how's the hand?), Diane, Karen, Susannah, and all here on BI.....holding you all close in my heart, as always.

[mikesmomrs]

KATHY and GRETCHEN...good luck with your dads, strength and love to you both.

[daveydow1]

ADAM.....ADAM........ADAM..........SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING.

Kathy-----Prayers for your Dad.

Dee-----Yep....smart mouse. As I was holding up the owl, and saying to my husband....

"there's probably a mouse nest in here".......he pointed out to me that there was the

actual 'Mouse Resident'.......poking his head out the hole, as much as to say "what's

going on?" When I put the owl down, he bounded out of the hole, and ran into the

barn. Hope you get a much-needed rest while school is on its spring break. I'm

now involved with painting my sewing room......ugh.......I don't enjoy painting rooms.

Betsy-----I'm like you......I just play around with taking pics. I'm not considering buying another

camera with more features. This camera is enough for me to figure out.....that's for

sure.

Gretchen----Sending prayers for your Dad......Bless him.

Carol-----David usually had good teachers. My older son once had a K teacher who was expecting a

baby. She spent a lot of time sending kids to the principal's office, and crocheting booties. I

believe her contract was not renewed at the end of the school year. She was nice, though. ...

just more into new babies than students.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[robyn]

hopefully i will be able to communicate via my nook tablet. i am on my way to stay with my dad to try to bring him back up. he has alzheimer's and i was not able to see him for about 7 days and now he is catatonic. he barely responds and is extremely rigid. so i am hoping if i take fmla and stay with him for most of the week i can get him to interact. there are some of messages i want to respond to but it will be delayed. just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you and will be back as soon as i can.

Gretchen,

My prayers for you and your dad. My father has ALZ, as well, so I understand what you are dealing with. I will be thinking of you.

Robyn

[mysonrich]

Adam,

Adam,

Adam

,

saying your name out loud !!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

25 weeks today, Jared. I love you and miss you so much.....

[briansdad]

Here is another tool for your walk through grief.

[ericasmom]

Greg, so nice to see Brian's beautiful smile today. I think that what you posted here will help our newest members as they begin to sift through the many well meant words that sometimes irritate and hurt. Most often these are words that are spoken in hope and in heart. This is what I mean about how we simply do not teach about grief in our society. If we did, we all would have better tools to use when those we know and care for lose a Child or a Sibling.

Carol, are the boys on spring break? II have been thinking about the bully situation and I would just advise Cathi to send an email and cc it to the principal and possibly the social worker so that it is evident that she is serious and intends to not let this go. I would kindly insist for a time in which to meet concerning the recent bully events and the ways the boys have been guided to work it out on their own, and the sense of worry that Damon has as well as not enjoying school right now.

[Susie_q512]

Haven't been able to watch the youtube videos....for some reason they aren't loading....but I have enjoyed the pictures.

Gretchen (?) - I think it was you who questioned how to post a photo to your signature. I obviously didn't know the correct procedure, and not Shannon's beautiful face takes up a lot of space....can't figure out how to make it smaller.....so that's why she appears super large whenever I post.....maybe one of the administrators can give some "how to" advice?

Kate - Thinking of you and the absence of your mother's love and kindness. My guess is that your suffering caused you to be a mother who expressed love and affection to your son.....I know that the things I lacked from my own mother and family caused me to do things very differently with my girls.....they never lacked love, affection and attention. To this day people comment on how many times we uttered the words I love you and hugged or touched each other. Ragan (at 19 years old) will still come sit in my lap or snuggle with me while watching TV....I am so thankful that I was able to demonstrate that love and affection to my girls.....my childhood was very lonely and lacked such things.

The last week and a half for me have been emotional and sad. Working on changes to the monument, visiting her at the cemetery, going through pictures that now cause such heartache and tears....at first they didn't, but now they do??? Shannon's room had become a "catch-all" for things I didn't want to go through or work on, so Saturday I spent the day getting all that stuff out and into it's proper places. Her room is now back the way it was the day she left us. Boy was that difficult. While going through things, I found cards and letters from much younger years, and the lock of hair from her first haircut. I stumbled across the newspaper that had the original article about the accident. The title and the picture of her car really did a number on me....yes, I had seen it several times before, but this time I SAW IT....I opened my mouth in a long and silent scream as my body was racked with sobs. Took many breaks that day to pull myself together, and then go at it again. Ragan and I are both glad that her room is back in order. I turned her TV on and plugged up the Christmas lights she kept up around her window for the past several years. Her room doesn't seem as desolate and empty now.

Yesterday was housework and yard work. My mom and sister spent the day with us. My sister also brought 2 scrapbooks that were made for us.....memorial scrapbooks. One is huge and contains pictures of Shannon throughout her life. The other contains cards that were sent to us and personal notes from her friends which were collected during visitation at the funeral home. Both are very beautiful and mean so much to me.....much love was put into the making of these books, and it wasn't easy for my sister and nieces to do this, but 6 months later, and I have a beautiful work of art and love. I am so thankful for this blessing.

Shannon's boyfriend celebrated his 18th birthday with us....had many teenagers in the house that night, and they brought lots of laughter. He got his first tattoo. It is the Bible verse which will be on Shannon's monument:

Therefore you now have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice,

and your joy no one will take from you. John 16:22

Very sweet of him to do this in honor and memory of his first love.

Thinking of all of you always.

[westleysmom]

Susan-I always love to see Shannon's beautiful smile when you post. I can imagine how hard it was to work on her room. I still haven't touched Westley's and I don't know when I will be up to it.

Gretchen-So sorry to hear that your Dad is not doing well. Forrest sounds so much like Westley. He hated school, I think I didn't realize how much he hated it at the time. He said the people were all fake and I don't think he had a lot of friends at school, although he made good grades and didn't get into too much trouble. Most of his friends dropped out of school, and I had a hard time that last year keeping him in long enough to graduate. He even tried college for a little bit the next year (not the year he would have gone right out of school, but the next year), but he didn't like it any more than high school. A lot of his friends had a hard time in life, and we still keep up with several of them and try to help them as much as we can. I'm sure our angels have found each other, as we have.

Kathy-Loved the picture of Tavian, don't all guys like wings? I think you mentioned the stomach bug, it has been going around here too. My daughter and my husband both have come down with it this weekend. I had a touch last week, but not as bad as them. I hope I don't get the new improved version, too! I'm sorry to hear about your Dad not doing well.

Liz and Adams Mom-I'm so sorry for the loss of your two angels. Westley was my baby, and he was nearly old enough to move out, but I'd give anything if the quiet in my house was because he had moved out and not what happened. If they were only gone for a while, it would be so much easier to bear, wouldn't it? I hope that you come back and post more if you feel it will help you. It has helped me so much to have people to talk to who understand.

Trudi-I don't know what that camera is, but it sounds FANCY. I used to love to take pictures with my 35 mm, and it took me a long time to come into the digial age. I'm still not very good with it, but its just a little Pentax, which is the 35 mm brand that we always had. I look forward to pictures when you get used to the new one. Hope your time at the sea is good.

Dee-Enjoy your spring break, you deserve it.

Becky-Sending you hugs, I know those weeks seem so long since he's been gone.

Betsy-Loved your pictures, especially the water and the bench.

Greg-So true what was said in the video, and hard to remember sometimes.

Betty-Good to see your post. I hope you are doing well.

I'm sorry I missed Adam's angelversary. I didn't get to the cemetery this weekend, lots of stuff going on yesterday with my daughter sick and having the grandbaby with me. Friday afternoon, on the way home, she had a dum-dum pop and it was blue, but when it got small, it was purple inside. She said "Nana, look, I'm magic!" and I looked over my shoulder to the backseat where she sat in her 3 year old perfection in the car-seat holding her two-tone sucker, and my heart almost burst. She is magic, if she can make me smile and feel happy, even if just for a few seconds. I hope everybody has something magic in their day today.