Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Kate, sounds like a very cool interview, I will look for it. Thanks.

Goodnight All, so tired, a busy day and went to the warm water pool at the gym for a while after school, felt good but I have little left as far as energy. Eyes are slamming. Hope that everyone has sweet thoughts that rock them to sleep. Maybe one of us will have a visit dream tonight.

peace in this world,

[Susie_q512]

Lorri - Thinking of you and holding you close to my heart today. Not a good day for me either as it marks 8 weeks since the accident that took Shannon's life.

[Guest msnher]

Good morning, Indigo's,

The weather predicts a sunny day in the 60's. By all appearances, at this moment, I would say they're wrong. It looks and feels like snow. The mountains are hidden by clouds and the cool, crisp air is still. However, the whether changes faster here than I change my mind...so, who knows.

Carol, I kept you and Ralph in prayer all day yesterday. I almost called you around midnight, just to check. Still sending prayers. I know you'll let us know the results of his tests when you are comfortable doing so. Hugs!

Lorri and Susan - No words of wisdom, just love and hugs! I cherish Fridays. That marks the last time I hugged my daughter. She kissed my cheek and said "I love you, Mom." I close my eyes and can still smell her. As I type this a tiny little thought whispers, "I'm still with you, Mom". Brings a sad smile to my face. I hope both of you, indeed all of us, feel our children today!

I babysit 2 yr old Little Curtis and 3 yr old Kaylee on Monday nights while my son and daughter in law go bowling. Since we brought Peanut home most Monday evenings are spent trying to save the kitten from the preschoolers. He's (the cat) has calmed down and doesn't mind being carried and loved on and is really quite patient with the children. When he's had enough he hides. Last night, however, Little Curtis was faster than Peanut. I was in my chair, wrapped in my electric blanket, when I heard frantic hissing. Curtis had caught Peanut by tail and picked him up using same tail. Not sure what to do he held on for dear life as the kitten hissed and slapped at him. Trying to get unwrapped and out of my chair quickly, I yelled "LET GO!" several times. Curtis was able to drop the cat about the same time I was able to free myself from the blanket. The cat ran for its life and Little Curtis burst into loud sobs. I held him and we talked about how scary that was and how we never catch the cat by the tail because it hurts him. All evening he would quietly remark...."Never catch the cat by the tail." Or he would say "The cat's mad at me." True enough the kitten was...everytime Curtis came close to the kitten it would hiss and run away. I thought Curtis had learned his lesson until his mom and dad showed up. He recounted the whole story to his mom explaining why you can't catch the cat by the tail. Then he climbed up on his dad's lap and his dad asked him if he was mean to the cat..."No!" he said "That cat is a bad cat...it was mean to me!" LOL

[westleysmom]

I've been trying to hard to stay caught up with everybody and by the time I get most of the posts read, I don't have time to post anything. Sunday was one year and 10 months. We are in the countdown to two years and it seems that every day is the anniversary of a "last" and we didn't even know. I wonder if this will always be so hard to go through the holidays and try to be happy for everyone else's happiness and family togetherness.

Lorri-I hope that you are doing okay today, you are in my thoughts.

Susan-You are in my thoughts too and I hope that you make it through the day okay.

Izzi and Angela-I'm so sorry for the losses of your angels. It helps so much to talk to those who understand and everybody here gets it. I don't know what I would have done without the friends I have here.

Carol-Thinking of Ralph today and sending him big hugs. Loved your pictures as always.

Betsy-I'm like you, I could eat a baloney sandwich on Thanksgiving and be fine, but my family wants to do the whole 9 yards. I suppose we'll go, we went last year. It is just very hard to stay in the moment at those times and not think back to when he was here and what it would be like if he was here now. God, I miss my boy.

Colleen-I hope that you are feeling better. Thinking of you.

Leah, Dee, Susannah, Amy, Betty, Kathy, Kate,Polly,Trudi, Greg, Dan, everybody- hoping that the day is kind to you all.

[rlolheiser]

Susannah.. I am still here. Still enjoy reading all bout you and your precious family. Your always in my thoughts.

Things are kind of quiet, not sure it is a good sign. Somebody promised to get my daughter out of jail wednesday, and again, not sure it is a good thing. It is sad, but I am not looking forward to my first conversation with her one on one. I fear, she will lie to me.. I really pray God makes her be painfully honest with me. It is the only way our relationship will work or her rehabilitation.

I do so love to read each and everyone of you. Somedays it gets sad sitting alone. Just not any time to go out and find a life when you take care of a parent as I know a lot of you know. Mom is becoming more and more confused, she has a little cold, but I got her meds and hopefully they will do the trick.

Lorri, you are on my mind a lot today.. I know your heart is hurting.. all I can do is tell you what a blessing you and your angel Kourtney are.. hugs

I will leave you with a humorous story. (not so funny when I went through it)

I get up before anybody else in the house get coffee.. lunches.. breakfasts.. I stopped at the sink and turned on the cold water for coffee. I couldn't figure out why my water wasn't coming out of the tap. I swear I could hear it.. I stepped to the right.. and received a shower of cold. The water was coming out of the hand sprayer on the sink. I was in shock.. and turned off the water.. picking it up.. found a rubber band holding down the triggerspray. I cleaned up the mess.. and wondered which one of my little ones thought this would be funny. I thought for sure it was my boy.. but JaBoa's sister, Sena, had done it. We had to have a long talk about why this wasn't funny.. and after it was all said and done.. and kids off to school.. my husband asks with a grin.. was it cold? I had to laugh too..

I guess what I am saying is I am thankful that I have this little one with me.. she keeps me hopping.. and so glad that she has a chance at a good childhood..

hugs to you all

[designer2]

Dear friends, My name is Cindy and I have posted my Dylan's story here. I have received wonderful replys from some of you and the comforting words are worth so very much to me. I find that since my son died, I feel all alone in my grief. I never realized that I would not only have to suffer the pain of losing him and the gut wrenching feeling of loss, but also the realization that I have been pigeon holed into an awful place of isolation, where people like us get tossed. Somehow after I suffered the death of my son, I thought that many kindnesses would pour out of the people that I love, but strangely enough, just the opposite has happened. They don't exactly snub me, but they don't go out of their way to console me either. Its like an unspoken taboo (to talk about the dead child) I'm sure you all know of this. God it hurts. I am in a prison of my own tears.

Before my son died, I was a hub for most of the people in my life ... I took care of them, listened to them, made them laugh, held them up. Now it seems that I am a pariah, a misfit and someone to be pitied. I find myself trying hard to be something of the person I was before, just to keep them in my life. It is such work when grief is my constant burden. What is not understood by those that don't know this journey is that one must "bleed out" this grief some each and every day in order to go on with it; and that there is a physical need to speak of it's presence. I have to talk about my beautiful son!!! I need to know that people care about me and the fact that he died ... he died!! I hardly believe it even still.

I guess, with most people the issue must seem so scarey and unnatural, but it is for me too. I am glad that there are havens like here in Indigo where sadness, loss, despair, frustration, indignation, anger, and profound love for the lost have their place. A place where no-one is forgotten or cast away and a little lamp light burns brightly in the dark.

[blkbarbiett]

ON JUL,11,2011 I STARTED MY DAY AS NORMAL AND GOT READY FOR WORK, I TRIED TO GET DRESSED QUIETLY SO THAT I WOULDNT WAKE UP THE BABY.

MY FIANCE GOES TO WORK A FEW HOURS AFTER ME AND HIS MOM COMES TO WATCH THE KIDS UNTIL I GET HOME. FOUR HOURS INTO WORKING A POLICE CRUISER

ZOOMS UP TO THE FRONT OF MY JOB, HE TELLS ME THAT ONE OF MY KIDS HAD BEEN HURT, TO MAKE A VERY LONG STORY SHORT IM GOING TO SUMMARIZE WHAT HAPPENED, MY

MOTHER-IN-LAW PUT MY ONE YEAR OLD IN A TUB FULL OF SCALDING HOT WATER IT BURNED ALL OF HIS SKIN OFF, HE WAS FLOWN TO A HOSPITAL AN HOUR AWAY BY PLANE AN 8 HOURS BY CAR.

I STAYED WITH HIM FOR 86 DAYS AS I WATCHED HIM SUFFER, HE LOST A LEG, HAD OVER 10 SURGERIES WAS CONSTANTLY IN PAIN, AND SOMETIMES HE WASNT EVEN ALLOWED PAIN MEDICINES CAUSE HIS HEART WAS TOO WEAK AND IT WOULD KILL HIM, HE DIED IN MY ARMS ON OCT,5,2011. MY MOTHER LAW IS IN JAIL, SHE HASNT BEEN SENTENCED YET BUT THEY SAY SHE IS FACING MURDER CHARGES

OF 25 TO LIFE.

I HATE HER SO MUCH, SHE HAS EIGHT KIDS AND HAS GOTTEN A CHANCE TO SEE ALL OF THEM AT LEAST REACH 18, AND MY POOR BABY WILL NEVER SEE HIS SECOND BIRTHDAY,

I HATE THIS WORLD ITS A CRUEL EVIL UNJUST PLACE

I ALSO HAVE A 4 YEAR OLD SON AND A 5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND THEY KEEP ASKING ME WHEN IS HE COMING HOME, AND WHY DONT GOT MAKE HIM BETTER SO THAT HE CAN COME HOME.

SHE HAS RUINED MY LIFE, AND MY FIANCE IS A WRECK BECAUSE HIS MOM KILLED OUR BABY, AND HE RECCOMENDED SHE WATCH HIM.

THE OTHER NIGHT MY FIANCE RAN TO THE CEMETARY WICH IS AN HOUR WALK, HE RAN ALL THE WAY THERE IN THE RAIN HOPPED THE FENCE AN LAID ON OUR BABYS GRAVE UNTIL THE SECURITY MADE HIM LEAVE. HE SHOULD BE WARM IN HIS BED NOT COLD IN THE GROUND. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.

[Guest msnher]

Xavier's mommy - I'm SO sorry for the tragic, senseless, cruel death of your baby! You have a long journey ahead of you. I am glad you found us to help hold you up during this, the darkest night of your soul. We can't take away your pain, we can't even soften it....but, we will help carry it. My husband and I legally adopted and are raising my three young grandchildren. They were taken from us one Saturday in January 2008. My daughter's ex husband picked them up for icecream, saying he would have them back in an hour. He never returned or called. For over a year we didn't know where they were. 13 months later we were notified that the state had them. All three children had been severely abused, tortured and raped by my daughter's ex husband's current girlfriend. For over a year they endured unfathomable abuse. My daughter died six weeks after she was reunited with her children. The ex's girlfriend is in prison...he lost all his rights and the judge gave the children to us. I'm not trying to make this about me and my story....I'm trying to let you know I understand your hatred. Please talk to us...about whatever you want to talk about...your baby, Xavier...your surviving children, your boyfriend...your job....It doesn't help everyone, but it helped me to write and write and write some more.

My heart breaks for you, your baby...your family! Again, I'm so, so sorry!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[517958]

I'm so sorry Xavier's mom. I saw your story on another thread and I've been thinking about you since I saw it. A dumb lady who made a stupid decision took the life of my little girl but at least she didn't try to harm her on purpose. It's bad enough to lose a child in any way but the fact that your MIL hurt him on purpose is beyond words and beyond terrible. I'm so sorry.

I want to thank everyone on here for inviting me in and welcoming me to talk about my beloved Charlotte. I miss her terribly. She was a special child in so many ways. She was outgoing and would talk to anyone, young or old. outwardly, I'd say that made me nervous that she'd talk to literally anyone but inwardly I was really proud of her. I figured by the time she got to high school, she'd probably have hundreds of friends. As it was, when we took her to Kindergarten Round up in the spring, she already knew all the kids. Pretty much nothing scared her except heights and she would jump into new situations without a blink of an eye. She was so smart. I noticed she remembered things from very early on. She learned to read before her 5th birthday and was so excited to go to Kindergarten. She tried to squeeze every ounce out of her short life (we realize it now). She would fight going to sleep every night and would be the first to get up even from a young age. From the time she was 3 years old, she started playing the "How old?" game with everyone who would participate. She would ask, "How old will I be when you're 45?" and "How old will you be when I'm 15." I thought it was an odd thing but she did it for most of her life. She was also very kind and loving and really felt for people. So many people have told me that when they were feeling sad, Char would make a point to try to make them feel better. She loved her little sister deeply and was just getting to know her little brother, who she was so excited to be born. She touched so many lives in such a short time. I sometimes still can't believe she's gone and that I don't get to see her grow up and that my daughter doesn't have the sister she deserves to have. This is just so bad. I'll attach some pics of my beautiful girl.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dear friends, My name is Cindy and I have posted my Dylan's story here. I have received wonderful replys from some of you and the comforting words are worth so very much to me. I find that since my son died, I feel all alone in my grief. I never realized that I would not only have to suffer the pain of losing him and the gut wrenching feeling of loss, but also the realization that I have been pigeon holed into an awful place of isolation, where people like us get tossed. Somehow after I suffered the death of my son, I thought that many kindnesses would pour out of the people that I love, but strangely enough, just the opposite has happened. They don't exactly snub me, but they don't go out of their way to console me either. Its like an unspoken taboo (to talk about the dead child) I'm sure you all know of this. God it hurts. I am in a prison of my own tears.

Before my son died, I was a hub for most of the people in my life ... I took care of them, listened to them, made them laugh, held them up. Now it seems that I am a pariah, a misfit and someone to be pitied. I find myself trying hard to be something of the person I was before, just to keep them in my life. It is such work when grief is my constant burden. What is not understood by those that don't know this journey is that one must "bleed out" this grief some each and every day in order to go on with it; and that there is a physical need to speak of it's presence. I have to talk about my beautiful son!!! I need to know that people care about me and the fact that he died ... he died!! I hardly believe it even still.

I guess, with most people the issue must seem so scarey and unnatural, but it is for me too. I am glad that there are havens like here in Indigo where sadness, loss, despair, frustration, indignation, anger, and profound love for the lost have their place. A place where no-one is forgotten or cast away and a little lamp light burns brightly in the dark.

Cindy...I got a chill as I read your words. I felt as if I was reading my own story. I can't explain why people draw away. Not everyone has that happen. They are the lucky ones! When Jeff died there was a momentary out pouring of support. And I do mean momentary! It was twelve days before Christmas. Everyone was caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holidays. We sat in our home in complete shock and disbelief. Not one invitation for Christmas. Truth be told...we could not have imagined attending anyway. My sister got on a plane and left with her family to celebrate elsewhere. My brother took his family on vacation. We were numb with grief. And hurting too badly to even notice their absence. But last year it was the same. This time we did notice. And we were I am afraid to say... pretty ticked off! A close friend and her husband asked us to join their family...we declined, as we felt as if we were intruding. Still, it was so kind of her. My other son and his wife spent Christmas day with his in-laws. We were not included...again ticked off! Not a nice way to feel over the holidays. We make every effort to be upbeat and pleasant...still no invites. We no longer care. We have started to make new traditions for ourselves. Thanks heaven I have the support and love of a very amazing husband. It's just the two of us in this. We're doing OK. You will too!

I don't know why people are so uncomfortable in hearing us mention the name of our dead son. But when we do...watch them squirm and make some brief comment followed by a hasty retreat. He lives on in every breathe I take. I could no more not mention his name then stop breathing. You are going to find yourself making new friends because of this. It happens. Many people today I am afraid to say are just so darned self-centered and selfish. Keep on talking about Dylan...he is after all your son. They are the ones with the issue.

[Jeff's Mom]

I'm so sorry Xavier's mom. I saw your story on another thread and I've been thinking about you since I saw it. A dumb lady who made a stupid decision took the life of my little girl but at least she didn't try to harm her on purpose. It's bad enough to lose a child in any way but the fact that your MIL hurt him on purpose is beyond words and beyond terrible. I'm so sorry.

I want to thank everyone on here for inviting me in and welcoming me to talk about my beloved Charlotte. I miss her terribly. She was a special child in so many ways. She was outgoing and would talk to anyone, young or old. outwardly, I'd say that made me nervous that she'd talk to literally anyone but inwardly I was really proud of her. I figured by the time she got to high school, she'd probably have hundreds of friends. As it was, when we took her to Kindergarten Round up in the spring, she already knew all the kids. Pretty much nothing scared her except heights and she would jump into new situations without a blink of an eye. She was so smart. I noticed she remembered things from very early on. She learned to read before her 5th birthday and was so excited to go to Kindergarten. She tried to squeeze every ounce out of her short life (we realize it now). She would fight going to sleep every night and would be the first to get up even from a young age. From the time she was 3 years old, she started playing the "How old?" game with everyone who would participate. She would ask, "How old will I be when you're 45?" and "How old will you be when I'm 15." I thought it was an odd thing but she did it for most of her life. She was also very kind and loving and really felt for people. So many people have told me that when they were feeling sad, Char would make a point to try to make them feel better. She loved her little sister deeply and was just getting to know her little brother, who she was so excited to be born. She touched so many lives in such a short time. I sometimes still can't believe she's gone and that I don't get to see her grow up and that my daughter doesn't have the sister she deserves to have. This is just so bad. I'll attach some pics of my beautiful girl.

I'm really sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing the pics. She is an absolutely beautiful child.

[Jeff's Mom]

Xavier's mommy - I'm SO sorry for the tragic, senseless, cruel death of your baby! You have a long journey ahead of you. I am glad you found us to help hold you up during this, the darkest night of your soul. We can't take away your pain, we can't even soften it....but, we will help carry it. My husband and I legally adopted and are raising my three young grandchildren. They were taken from us one Saturday in January 2008. My daughter's ex husband picked them up for icecream, saying he would have them back in an hour. He never returned or called. For over a year we didn't know where they were. 13 months later we were notified that the state had them. All three children had been severely abused, tortured and raped by my daughter's ex husband's current girlfriend. For over a year they endured unfathomable abuse. My daughter died six weeks after she was reunited with her children. The ex's girlfriend is in prison...he lost all his rights and the judge gave the children to us. I'm not trying to make this about me and my story....I'm trying to let you know I understand your hatred. Please talk to us...about whatever you want to talk about...your baby, Xavier...your surviving children, your boyfriend...your job....It doesn't help everyone, but it helped me to write and write and write some more.

My heart breaks for you, your baby...your family! Again, I'm so, so sorry!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

Susannah, the tears came when I read your account of your tragedy. I am so sorry to think that good people have to endure such suffering. You sure have been through a lot. Thank goodness we have this site, eh?

[ericasmom]

Xavier's Mom, I am so very sorry for your heavy heart, your tragic story. I am appalled that someone could be so evil and yet we hear of such evil and many of us have had evil folks in our lives. You have endured so very much and your loss is so new so please understand that yo uwill go through so many phases in your grief, try not to be afraid of the phases, they are all necessary pieces of the road. I only know that you and your Husband and children are aching beyond any words. Do you have family that can help out to take care of dinners and lunches and laundry on days that you cannot? Are you able to go to therapy with husband to help you b oth through this awful time? The guilt your Hubby is feeling is HUGE and he is going to need some help. I wish we could all come to your home taking turns to give you the breaks you need to get away when you need.

Let us know what we can do and until then, keep posting as we have all found it to be the lifeline we so need.

Charlotte's Mom, what a beautiful little lady Char is. She always will be that beautiful little lady.

A Native American saying:

Every human and animal is born with a certain number of days to their circle. Some lives are long and some are short, but each one is complete.

[aim630]

Xavier's mom & Charlotte's mom-My heart breaks reading about your losses. I wish I could do something to help ease your pain, but I know right now you just want your angels back. We will be here to help you through this as much as we can.

Cindy-I agree that it makes people uncomfortable to bring up our child's name. I don't care, I do it anyways. Our children lived and we NEED to talk about them.

Lorri-Sending hugs and prayers your way as you get through this day, and remember hearing Kourtney's sweet voice for the last time.

Carol-Hoping Ralph is okay. Please let us know. Thanks for asking about Katie. She comes home a week from today, and goes back to school January 2nd. she got a job helping UPS drivers make deliveries. Don't know how often she'll work, and it will be a cold, tiring job, but it pays well. She remembers that 2 yrs ago today is the last we heard Ashley's voice also. Next Saturday, 2 days after Thanksgiving, will be Ashley's 25th birthday. wish we could skip through to March!

Thinking of everyone else. Hope you have sweet dreams of your angels tonight.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Guest msnher]

Char's mom , love the pictures of your little girl....precious!

[summergirl]

Xavier's mom - The tears fell as I read your post about your beautiful baby, I am so sorry for your tragic loss and the pain and suffering you and your family are enduring....I pray for you and I hope that you come back here and post when you can....this is the place to be as we all do what we can to walk you through this horrible journey as best we can......We lost our daughter Jessica at age 26 almost 6 years ago so I am long on this journey compared to most......I never imagined losing my child, none of us did....but the tragic way you lost your baby is almost beyond my comprehension.....EVIL, EVIL people in this world. Please try to hear the words others say here as there are many who are much wiser then I with their words.....Hugs to you and your family and as Dee said I wish we could all be there with you to help you through and give you breaks and big shoulders to cry upon, big ears to hear you and open arms to hold you....but we will do it virtually through this site...we are here, we are here....Kathy, mom of Jessica always

[ericasmom]

Lorri and Amy, both of your Girls have this date in common and I so wish that it was not for reasons that break your hearts. Prayers and hope to you both and to the families and friends that are left with wounds of missing such sweet humans. I am holding you both close and whispering Ashley and Kourtney's names...

[summergirl]

Well, to use Greg's words "I am in a FUNK" - seems as though there are way to many things going on and I do not want to think or deal with any of it Just want to stay at home, curl up in my pj's and watch sensless movies.....on the other hand I want to keep busy, move, move, move so I don't have time to think.....aaaarrrrgggghhhh....

Kate - wow, your family sounds like some of those ones I know....how could they possible go off on vacations, celebrate elsewhere when you were in such pain !!! I just don't get it and never will ....It is so sad when friends treat you better then family....Been there and done that and you can forgive but believe me I NEVER forget... I LOVE that you and hubby are making new traditions. Keep saying your son's name as much as you want !!! Saying his name out loud - JEFF, JEFF, JEFF....

Hubby is at a fire, hope it is not to bad....just had one the other night, house burnt down...people went shopping and left muffins on the stove and their 2 lab dogs decided to jump up and get the muffins and turned the stove on !!! Poor dogs died but thankfully no people...

I will say good nite as I must get Tavian off to bed....he will fight me tonight as he gets nervous when Pop-Pop goes to a fire, always wants to wait for him to get home.....maybe I will let him stay up a bit longer......

Love, Strength and Prayers to all, Kathy

[Susie_q512]

Cindy - Dylan sounds like a wonderful and very special young man; Thank you for sharing with us. I am always so sorry when someone new comes along to this site, but also very glad when they find their way to this very sacred place. Extraordinary people reside here. Their acceptance, understanding, wisdom and encouragement have been a tremendous help to me. Hoping you too will find some solace here.

Terraca and Susannah- I will never understand why wicked people are allowed to harm others, especially innocent and defenseless children. I am thankful that the criminals responsible for causing such pain are behind bars....I try hard to avoid feelings of hatred toward others, but monsters like this get no sympathy from me. If it were up to me, I would send them on their way straight to Hell.

Angela - Your description of Char reminds me so much of my Shannon. The pictures are beautiful. Her spirit truly shines through.

As for me, the day has been pretty rough. I woke up feeling heavy and depressed, but was making an effort to get a little more done with the clean-up and reorganizing. Then the "Emotional Vampire" that exists in my life got up and sought me out. Down hill from there. This person, who shall remain unidentified at this time, drains me dry some days, and today was one of them. Seems I'm like a magnet that draws this person to me even though I am typically sending telepathic energy outward to repel them. Didn't accomplish anything other than getting angry and staying angry. The heaviness is heavier. The depression is deeper. I keep thinking, "Has it really been 8 weeks since the accident?" It seems like an eternity, and yet when I look into the future it seems like just a little bleep in time. Time will keep ticking. One day it will be 1 year. Then two, then three...can't begin to fathom the amount of time without her that lies ahead of me. I finally got angry with God....good and angry. And I didn't hold back telling Him exactly what I thought and felt about the death of my daughter. If I could get to Heaven, I think at this moment I could take Him....just win the battle and bring her back. Not much use to anyone tonight....Sorry

Lorri - Been thinking about you all day.

[ericasmom]

Kate, I agree, our children do live in every breath that we take, and what a pretty way to state that. Saying the names of our Babies lets folks know that they are real, they walked this earth, laughed, cried, rode bikes, all the things others do, but they died. It doesn't mean that they are erased. Goodness knows that we all have watched the squirming reaction, but as I have said about other things, that will then have to be their problem, not mine. I speak of Eri each day and it is 8.5 years later and if I couldn't I don't think I would be able to laugh and enjoy the world as I do, and I do. Erica would be damn mad if I didn't take part in this world, and she probably wishes I would not bring her name up as often as I do, " mom, you are embarassing me" but truly, our Children's names and stories are with us just as our friends and family members whose children are still walking this earth, and so we tell their stories. It is our right and their legacy.

Kathy, how is BJ?

Carol, how is Davis?

Bonnie, are you out there?

[blkbarbiett]

Xavier's mommy - I'm SO sorry for the tragic, senseless, cruel death of your baby! You have a long journey ahead of you. I am glad you found us to help hold you up during this, the darkest night of your soul. We can't take away your pain, we can't even soften it....but, we will help carry it. My husband and I legally adopted and are raising my three young grandchildren. They were taken from us one Saturday in January 2008. My daughter's ex husband picked them up for icecream, saying he would have them back in an hour. He never returned or called. For over a year we didn't know where they were. 13 months later we were notified that the state had them. All three children had been severely abused, tortured and raped by my daughter's ex husband's current girlfriend. For over a year they endured unfathomable abuse. My daughter died six weeks after she was reunited with her children. The ex's girlfriend is in prison...he lost all his rights and the judge gave the children to us. I'm not trying to make this about me and my story....I'm trying to let you know I understand your hatred. Please talk to us...about whatever you want to talk about...your baby, Xavier...your surviving children, your boyfriend...your job....It doesn't help everyone, but it helped me to write and write and write some more.

My heart breaks for you, your baby...your family! Again, I'm so, so sorry!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

thanks it really means more than you know, to know that i am not alone.

[rlolheiser]

ok.. 4th time..

tired of getting booted.

My heart goes out to the newcomers and their angels. Be kind to yourselves, it is a long road you travel and you will have ups and downs. This place is a lifesaver.. come here often and share when and what you can.

(maybe it is a good thing I lost my other posts.. I tend to ramble)

Hugs to those who want them

[blkbarbiett]

Cindy - Dylan sounds like a wonderful and very special young man; Thank you for sharing with us. I am always so sorry when someone new comes along to this site, but also very glad when they find their way to this very sacred place. Extraordinary people reside here. Their acceptance, understanding, wisdom and encouragement have been a tremendous help to me. Hoping you too will find some solace here.

Terraca and Susannah- I will never understand why wicked people are allowed to harm others, especially innocent and defenseless children. I am thankful that the criminals responsible for causing such pain are behind bars....I try hard to avoid feelings of hatred toward others, but monsters like this get no sympathy from me. If it were up to me, I would send them on their way straight to Hell.

Angela - Your description of Char reminds me so much of my Shannon. The pictures are beautiful. Her spirit truly shines through.

As for me, the day has been pretty rough. I woke up feeling heavy and depressed, but was making an effort to get a little more done with the clean-up and reorganizing. Then the "Emotional Vampire" that exists in my life got up and sought me out. Down hill from there. This person, who shall remain unidentified at this time, drains me dry some days, and today was one of them. Seems I'm like a magnet that draws this person to me even though I am typically sending telepathic energy outward to repel them. Didn't accomplish anything other than getting angry and staying angry. The heaviness is heavier. The depression is deeper. I keep thinking, "Has it really been 8 weeks since the accident?" It seems like an eternity, and yet when I look into the future it seems like just a little bleep in time. Time will keep ticking. One day it will be 1 year. Then two, then three...can't begin to fathom the amount of time without her that lies ahead of me. I finally got angry with God....good and angry. And I didn't hold back telling Him exactly what I thought and felt about the death of my daughter. If I could get to Heaven, I think at this moment I could take Him....just win the battle and bring her back. Not much use to anyone tonight....Sorry

Lorri - Been thinking about you all day.

And im not even an angry person usually but his death has made me so hateful, my heart is so full of hate and extreme sympathy for the pain xavier had to experience, i wouldnt want her to be in front of me because i would not be able to control my actions, i would just think about what she did and would black out.

[blkbarbiett]

Xavier's Mom, I am so very sorry for your heavy heart, your tragic story. I am appalled that someone could be so evil and yet we hear of such evil and many of us have had evil folks in our lives. You have endured so very much and your loss is so new so please understand that yo uwill go through so many phases in your grief, try not to be afraid of the phases, they are all necessary pieces of the road. I only know that you and your Husband and children are aching beyond any words. Do you have family that can help out to take care of dinners and lunches and laundry on days that you cannot? Are you able to go to therapy with husband to help you b oth through this awful time? The guilt your Hubby is feeling is HUGE and he is going to need some help. I wish we could all come to your home taking turns to give you the breaks you need to get away when you need.

Let us know what we can do and until then, keep posting as we have all found it to be the lifeline we so need.

Charlotte's Mom, what a beautiful little lady Char is. She always will be that beautiful little lady.

A Native American saying:

Every human and animal is born with a certain number of days to their circle. Some lives are long and some are short, but each one is complete.

thank you so very much, your words of kindness are bringing tears to my eyes, the feeling that you feel when someone that you love dies is helplessness you want to help them, take away there pain and just embrace them in your arms, and i also think whats making his death so much harder for me to deal with is because his life was taken by his grandmother someone that i trusted, grandmas are supposed to love and protect their grandkids even better than they did there own, but she ended my precious babys life, he loved me so much when i would get home from work he would jump up and down saying mama, i would pick him up and he would lay his head on my chest, i want that feeling back so bad ( CRYING ) my other kids are in kindergarden and first grade they dont want to be babied any more, also my tubes are tied i envy pregnant women and i get so mad when i see someone yelling at a little one year old, how lucky they are to have there child and they dont even appreciate it

[blkbarbiett]

Xavier's mom - The tears fell as I read your post about your beautiful baby, I am so sorry for your tragic loss and the pain and suffering you and your family are enduring....I pray for you and I hope that you come back here and post when you can....this is the place to be as we all do what we can to walk you through this horrible journey as best we can......We lost our daughter Jessica at age 26 almost 6 years ago so I am long on this journey compared to most......I never imagined losing my child, none of us did....but the tragic way you lost your baby is almost beyond my comprehension.....EVIL, EVIL people in this world. Please try to hear the words others say here as there are many who are much wiser then I with their words.....Hugs to you and your family and as Dee said I wish we could all be there with you to help you through and give you breaks and big shoulders to cry upon, big ears to hear you and open arms to hold you....but we will do it virtually through this site...we are here, we are here....Kathy, mom of Jessica always

Thank you so much i havent been on this site very long but the time that i have been here it has helped me see that i am not the only mother that has had to go through the pain of seeing them close the lid on your childs coffin, it just doesnt seem fair, parents are not suppossed to outlive their children. sometimes i think i am going crazy, at night i hear babies cry. On TV everything has his name in it somehow. every dream i have he is in it and i am taking care of him and i will leave to make a bottle or something and when i return he is gone. these dreams are so cruel because they feel real. it sucks because no matter i wish or pray he is never ever ever coming back

[blkbarbiett]

I'm really sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing the pics. She is an absolutely beautiful child.

THANK YOU, ITJUST ISNT FAIR ALL OF OUR KIDS SHOULD BE HERE.

[aim630]

Xavier's mom-I will never understand the cruelty and evil of some humans. Jail is not enough punishment for some monsters. I am so sorry . I hope you and your fiancé are able to find some peace.

Angela-Just like Susan said, your Char sounds a lot like my Ashley at that age. she knew everyone in the neighborhood, who was getting divorced, who had a boyfriend. she was very friendly with everyone. I was so proud of her for not being so shy like I am. I'm so sorry you didn't get to see Char grow up. All I can hope is she's found Ashley, and the other angels here, just like we've all found each other. The pictures are beautiful.

We have 3 cats and 3 dogs, and apparently some mice. We just killed the 4th one today. (The cats killed one). I am terrified that there are more in the basement, the garage.

I am sitting here bawling, because of the date, thinking about the little ones whose parents are new here, and now the stupid mice.That is the least of my problems, yet one more thing to worry about...

Amy/Ashley's mom

[517958]

Thanks again everyone for the support and condolences. I'm just sorry we all have unwillingly joined this club that nobody wants to join. But, here we all are anyway. So I'm obviously new here and I'm trying to navigate and figure out all the stuff. I can't seem to be able to change my Angel Date. I was distraught when I first signed up and my info is messed up and I can't figure it out. Also, how do you add pictures to your Gallery? I'm sure it might be obvious but my brain doesn't work really at all these days.

[Guest msnher]

Getting ready to call it a night but wanted to check in. My heart is heavy for the new members here, but I am so grateful you found us!

Oh gosh....this comedian is not for everyone, but I have been laughing so hard I could hardly breath. I'm speaking of Bill Maher's "The new new rules" book. I have never listened to him before so I can't call myself a fan. He was a guest on The View today and the controversy he ignited sparked my interest. He's offensive and crass and funny as hell! He doesn't like Republicans, that's for sure. I am one...a republican, but I still think he's funny...and, he's right about a lot of things. But then I also think George Carlin is funny. I never listened to comedians before. My sister turned me onto it. She said that sometimes reading good clean jokes got her out of the intense sorrow after her son died. She's a deeply religious conservative so I don't think she meant for me to tune into the likes of George Carlin. I found him on youtube. I know he's died and he was/is offensive, too...but, he's so funny! I don't think anyone has ever made me laugh as hard as Julie Sweeney, though. I found her after Stephanie died and I decided I would be an atheist. Which lead to George Carlin. I still believe in God....but, if you can stand to laugh at your own beliefs...they are worth listening to.

Another way I passed the time after Stephanie died was to watch what the stars were wearing on the red carpet. I wasn't able to concentrate on anything, so reading was out...except for near death experiences, visits from the dead and how to contact the dead...I read all THAT stuff.....

Oh ya....I tried to conjure my daughter up. Didn't work. Scared myself though.

Anyway, that other stuff...the comedians and what the stars were wearing helped occupy my mind and gave me a bit of distraction. My laptop became my security blanket. When I couldn't hide from my pain I wrote (typed). Most of it is in my journal, but a lot of it was to everyone here. Oh...I also became inactive and ate lots of carbs. I don't recommend that. I am not quite 5'2" and went from 110 to 150. I'm a short round grandma, now.

But, in good health, I might add. My doc didn't seemed too worried about my weight gain. Well, he wasn't worried at all. I am determined to lose a few pounds, however....as soon as I eat the rest of the carbs in the house.

I hope you all get some rest tonight!

[lolynbo]

WELL I WANT TO THANK ALL YAL FOR THINKING OF ME TODAY...SO FAR IVE MADE IT THROUGH BY KEEPING BIZZY...TANNED, HAD DINNER JUST KODY AND I, WENT TO WM, AND MONTY CAME HOME FROM HIS "BIKER MEETING" WITH $220 FOR TSHIRTS AND BRACELETS FOR WEAR GREY IN MAY (PPL ACTUALLY CARE)....

THE HOUR IN WHICH THE TUMOR BURST IS WITH IN MINUTES AWAY AND I HAVE MY "F*** F*** F*** F*** CANCER" SHIRT ON SORRY BUT THATS HOW I FEEL

I STARTED MY DAY BY GOING TO KOURTNEYS KLOSET AND HELPING OTHERS AND THEY INSTEAD HELPED ME....SO HUMBLELING....

AMY THINKING OF YOU , WHAT A DAY WISH WE CLD JUST CRY TOGETHER .....HUGGS MY SISTER

IM SO BAD AT NAMES

BUT WITH THE MOMMY THAT THE MOTHER INLAW DID WHAT SHE DID....IM FRICKN SPEACHLESS, I HOPE AND PRAY SHE GETS HER COMUP INS.....PRAYERS FOR YOU MY DEAR FRIEND...WHAT A SAD SAD SINCLESS DEATH DEATH...GGGZZ

PRAYERS AND HUGGS TO ALL...YOUR WORDS ARE THE BEST BANDAGE IN THE WORLD

[ericasmom]

Angela, at the bottom of the gallery pages there is a place that asks, NEW PHOTO? So hit that and add your new one and keep adding in that manner. I forgot how to change the vital info, I would like to know as well to add Erica's birth date. Other more accomplished tech members will help...(Betsy, Carol, Dan, Greg, Trudi, Col, and other wonderful parents here). Did I see that you are from Minnesota? Where about in Minnesota? I love Minneapolis and St. Paul area, and the little towns that border the Wis/ Minn. border. I am just outside Chicago, in River Forest, Illinois.

Susannah, if you eat all the carbs now, you can start fresh tomorrow.

Lorri, you never need apologize for saying fu to cancer. We will all join in and say it too. FU CANCER, for taking the lives of so many good humans and prayers to all the doctors researching cancer cures, may your hands and minds be guided by those you tried to save.

[mikesmomrs]

Hello, my Indigo family...first let me please apologize for not coming on sooner to report about our doctor's trip on Monday. Truth be told, I could not find words. We were there at the hospital for pretty near five hours before we even saw the doctor. Tests started at 11:30, then drink stuff for 2 hours, then another test at 1:30. Dr appt at 2:20. Get taken in at 3:40. Lots of people in his office, waiting. some very impatient. One guy even got up and went into the hallway when the receptionist wasn't looking and went looking for the doctor. We have been there before, and know that he takes a VERY long time with his patients, and this sometimes leads to very long delays and delayed appointment times. There's no sense in getting upset about it. You will appreciate it when you get into his office and you see the time and caring he provides to you. He is an oncologist, and therefore sometimes has to take more time with patients when they are reporting bad news to them.

Anyway, we didn't even leave the doctor's office til almost 5:30. We left on shaky legs. Ralph has to go back on Thursday, for a procedure involving an endoscopy, which may wind up placing a stint near his pancreas/liver area, redirecting the bile that may be being blocked by something, which is causing him to be jaundiced. Don't know what is causing the blockage, perhaps a gallstone, perhaps not. The doctor was not very forthcoming with information, as he said "I really don't know. It could be a lot of things, and we want to find out what it is." So, of course, my brain is racing, processing thoughts faster than a shredder does paper. I feel as thought I am holding my breath til Thursday.

I ask again for prayers, for good thoughts, for strength. I am so sorry for being so late in telling you all this, but as I said, each time I sat down to post, my mind went blank. I didn't want to unduly alarm anyone, but it finally came down to that I just had to talk to "my family" about this, because I know that you all will understand my anxieties. Of course, my brain is taking me to all of the dark places that are "possibilities" and much as I try, I cannot stop the thoughts from forming. I have not spoken of my fears to Ralph. We have talked briefly about it, but have tried to just put it on hold til Thursday. The doctor who is doing the procedure is the director of the Gastro department, with a specialty in oncology, etc., been there for over 10 years, so we do feel confident that he will do a good job. I went to see my therapist today (previously scheduled appt) and it was a really good timing thing. We talked about it a lot, my fears, my guilt, my worries, etc. How this opens up so many doors and boxes I had locked away, kind of like last year when they diagnosed him with kidney cancer. My therapist is so good, I have been seeing him off and on for over ten years, and of course, when Mike was diagnosed and then after Mike died, I was in his office every week. He even had seen Mike for a half dozen visits, when Mike first started to really show signs of the disease advancing. We talked today for almost two hours, and in between tears and breakdowns, and what-ifs, I did come out of his office a little calmer. I will let you all know as soon as possible on Thursday what is happening, and hopefully I will just say "he is fine, it was nothing serious." I pray for God's help in this. I need His strength, as always, but more so now. Thank you for the strength that you all give me with your support, caring and prayers. I am forever thankful for all of you.

LORRI: You were on my mind all day, along with you, AMY, and your precious angels and your pain and sorrow that began and ended with even more pain and more sorrow. I hope that all of the good thoughts sent to you today from all of us helped. I am sorry mine are late, but please know that, as always, you are in my prayers. And I agree, it is okay to say fu to cancer. I am glad you were able to find a way to get through the day. Amy, I am glad that Katie will be coming home over Thanksgiving and will have a long break til she has to go back. Funny enough, Mike also had that Christmas delivery helper job...he was SO excited when he got selected. Then he found out he had to ride a bike, even in the snow. I think it was the third day out on the job that it snowed about 5 inches and he still had to go and pick up the packages and get them delivered. The regular driver would leave packages at a "drop trailer" where the helper would go and pick them up, one or two at a time, depending on size, and deliver them on a bike. This, of course, in New England in December. But, he still liked it. Didn't you say once that Katie had gotten a job at the mall for the summer, at Spencer's? I don't remember if it was you or not, but Mike worked there, also, part-time, every night after work he would head out to the mall and work til 10. 3,4 nights a week, and of course more during the holidays, after working in the wood cutting shed all day. He worked there for something like 5-6 years. I wondered sometimes how he ever did it.

To those new to the site, I welcome you, and wish that you never had reason to find us, but so thankful that you have. You will find much support, caring, understanding, and acceptance here. We all "get it." We all understand. The sorrow. The pain. The love. The anger. The missing. The longing. The wanting to change things. The loss. The empty part of us that we will always be there. Eventually the rawness will become less so, eventually, at some point you will hear yourself laugh...you will be shocked, and even may feel guilty. Please don't. It is what your children want you to do. As Dee says, to stand in their place when they can't. To live life with them in your heart, experiencing your love, adventures, daily life. All of it. That is what they want. It will be a while, but eventually it will come just a little easier to do that for them and over time, you will see yourself healing...over a long time, but it will come. We promise. My son, Mike, died of brain cancer, on October 14, 2006. He left behind three young boys who are now 15, 14 and 6 (7 next month). His wife, mother of his almost 7 year old, has been a gift to us, and for that we are so thankful. We do see the boys often, and are so blessed for that. Please, come and share your child with us. We love to hear about your angels. Share your sorrow. When you can, share your memories. We will say their names. We will remember them with you, and we will help you when your only thoughts are sorrow-filled ones. We will celebrate with you when a joyous memory makes it way into your heart and you want to tell about it so you can feel that joy again.

DEE: Thank you for asking about Davis. Not good. I have to say, "tough love" is just that....TOUGH. Really tough. He comes over, but nothing has changed, and he knows that he cannot stay here until there have been significant changes and we have reminded him that only HE can make those changes. We cannot do it for him. We tell him that we love him and that we care and that we stand ready to help him, but can only help when he is helping himself, and he has chosen not to do that yet. He has had two months to save enough money for a month's rent and deposit on a place for himself and we told him that if he saved a significant amount and it still wasn't quite enough AND he had stopped using and was getting ongoing help, we would help him with the rent/deposit. It is now less than two weeks until he is supposed to move out of where he is staying, and he has NOTHING saved, and in fact is in debt now, which he wasn't before. I fear how I will handle it if he doesn't have a place to stay and it is December and he is homeless. How can I ever handle that? I don't know how firm the person he is staying with is planning on being when it is time for him to leave (She set it at Dec 1) and she finds out that he truly has nowhere else to go.

So, there it is...my drama. I am sorry for "dumping" but I do appreciate that you all will allow me to come to you and ask for strength and prayers. I truly do.

Good night, my dear friends, though I imagine you are all likely already in bed for the night. I wish you a smile for tomorrow, just a sweet memory, even if only one. It's a start.

[Jeff's Mom]

Carol, just read your post. My goodness, you guys definitely do have a lot on your plate. I am keeping you in my prayers and will keep my fingers crossed for a good outcome from the endoscopy test on Thursday. I have had two over the years and found the procedure to be a great relief in the long run as it does show so much. They gave ne a mild sedative or twilight type of sleep med and it was over before I knew it.

I do understand the long delays at Doc. appts. these days. They are so maxed out with patient overload. Our own family doc is great but over the years our waiting period has stretched to ages beyond the appt. time. Yet, when we are in his office he gives us his whole attention and there is never a sense of hurry. That is very important to have that kind of patient/doctor relationship. It's really important to feel that they are truly listening to you and concerned about your situation.

Stay well yourself and good luck on Thursday. Hang in there Ralph.

Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Carol, just read your post. My goodness, you guys definitely do have a lot on your plate. I am keeping you in my prayers and will keep my fingers crossed for a good outcome from the endoscopy test on Thursday. I have had two over the years and found the procedure to be a great relief in the long run as it does show so much. They gave ne a mild sedative or twilight type of sleep med and it was over before I knew it.

I do understand the long delays at Doc. appts. these days. They are so maxed out with patient overload. Our own family doc is great but over the years our waiting period has stretched to ages beyond the appt. time. Yet, when we are in his office he gives us his whole attention and there is never a sense of hurry. That is very important to have that kind of patient/doctor relationship. It's really important to feel that they are truly listening to you and concerned about your situation.

Stay well yourself and good luck on Thursday. Hang in there Ralph.

Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Oops! Posted twice! Typical me! Should have put my glasses on. I'm definitely getting worse without them. Patience my friends. Woke up this morning to a picture postcard scene. The snow is falling lightly and has covered everything in sight. It is so very still and quiet up here. There is a deer path beside our bedroom window and obviously they were back again during the night looking for food. I'll have to get some more oiled sunflower seeds for them. I'm pushing my sleeves up today and making my mother-in-laws infamous scottish shortbread today. So, I'm on a roll. I love the traditional Christmas touches. You won't find a designer tree in our house. This one is full of years of memories. Decorations collected from family, kids at school, etc. Each one has a memory attached and it takes me ages to put the thing up. I pour myself a lovely cup of eggnog and put on the carols. Well, not the past two years. This time I will put on classical and drink my eggnog. One day at a time is all you can do, eh? Have a good day everyone. Thinking of you.

Kate

[lolynbo]

GET READY FOR PPL TO START MAILING "HAPPY FAMILY CHRISTMAS CARDS". I WANT TO PUT ON MY FB. PLZ DON'T SEND ME ONE.

[Guest msnher]

My dear friend, Carol; Hugs! I wish I were there to wait with you both. We have had so many emergencies that took the doctor away from his scheduled appointments to save Amanda that I try to be patient with them when we have to be the ones waiting. I can imagine the patients in the waiting room wondering where the doctor is while he is busily saving my daughter.

You and Ralph are in my prayers always, but even more so this week. I even got on my knees and sent a special request out (a couple of times). Each time I whisper your names a gentle peace sweeps over me. Even reading your words and understanding your anxiety...sharing your anxiety...a peace drifts into my fears. "Be still and know that I am God." I'm not big on trusting that because the last time that scripture floated in my being my daughter died. That doesn't help lift your fears, does it? Oh, my friend, I know that your faith is a huge part of your existence...I know your beliefs and your love. God's got your back. Even in the worst of circumstances, he's got your back. I believe that. I don't like the circumstances, but I do know I am made strong enough to make it through...even though I don't feel strong. Unfortunately, we know that the worst thing we can imagine happening does sometimes happen. Everything in us screams, "Please, I don't want to do this again!" The fear that it might happen again is overwhelming. Sometimes it's so overwhelming that we forget the times we were spared the pain of loss. My Amanda is a perfect example that miracles do occur. Of course, I'm going on the assumption that their being able to stay with us is the miracle. She wasn't supposed to live to be one. When she passed one years old, they said two......when she turned 15 there were times I said she wasn't going to make it to her next birthday ( ) and here she is 32yrs old now. Why God spared her (and I am SO grateful) and yet took Stephanie when things seemed to be going so well will remain a mystery. A mystery that I sometimes think I have the answers for, but still a mystery. I am so glad you exposed your fears to us. Please keep talking to us....keeping them bottled up inside seems to give them more power. Pretending they don't exist doesn't eliminate them. We don't fool our fears when we ignore them. Our fears disappear when we stand up and face them head on. You don't have to face them alone. We are all here to face them with you. I've preached. I apologize. I love you both deeply. Deep breaths....Oh. About Davis. Addicts are great survivors. God has no grandchildren. He's got Davis' back, too. Well, aren't I just so full of faith and wisdom (gag - I'm done....maybe we're all just screwed!) There. I like that side of me better.

[lolynbo]

CAROL I AGREE WHAT A FULL PLATE...BLESS YOUR HEART...JUST BREATHE...ONE DAY AT A TIME, ONE CHALLENGE AT A TIME

[daveydow1]

I probably won't be posting for awhile. My cat, Brownie, had to be put to sleep yesterday......Nov. 15....

which was also Lisa's angel day. I'm having a terrible time of it.

So very sorry to see new parents here at BI. My heart & prayers go out to you.

Izzi-----I'm glad that you feel less alone when you come to BI.....you are now part of the BI family.

Everyone here understands your devastation and sorrow.

To all new parents at BI....please come back . Prayers for all of you.

Carol-----Praying hard for you & Ralph and your entire family. Hugs to you, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[lolynbo]

I probably won't be posting for awhile. My cat, Brownie, had to be put to sleep yesterday......Nov. 15....

which was also Lisa's angel day. I'm having a terrible time of it.

RUFF DAY NOV 15, SHERRY LOOK AT IT AS LISA WANTED A GIFT AND THATS WHAT SHE CHOSE....WHEN I HAD TO PUT TRIXIE SUE TO SLEEP, LAST A YR AGO LAST SUMMER I KNEW KOURTNEY WAS GOING TO BE THERE TO RECIEVE HER AND SHOW HER AROUND AND I KINDA FELT LIKE I GAVE KOURTNEY A GIFT AS WELL AS TRIXIE BEING WITH KOURTNEY AGAIN...

HUGGS TO YOU..

[ericasmom]

Sherry, so much heartache but I do like Lorri's take on the Kitty passing, it was a day to see his little Lisa, time to be in the arms of family angels. Blessings Dear Sherry.

Carol, I read this AM but took my walk and then have had no time to write but plenty of time to send my prayers streaming like water from a river, tumbling out of me to you. Both prayers for healing and guidance for Davis, and for great outcomes for Ralph and calmed nerves for you all. Oh I prayed up and down the streets at dawn and hope that the sunrise brought good things to you. Never ever apologize for the delivery of your news, whether it be the day of or many days later, we all need our own time to digest and restate and sometimes it just takes more time. We are with you in all you face just as you have marched along with all of us.

Peace,

[ericasmom]

LISA, LISA, LISA...

Saying your beautiful name as your Momma and Dad find ways to face once again the dates that took you from them. It may be long ago, but the ache is ever present. In you there is love, a love that taught your parents what unconditional means. Hold onto Brownie and let your connection be felt Sweet Child.

[Guest msnher]

Sherry - I'm so sorry I missed Lisa's angel date! And, I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat, Brownie! Take all the time you need, but I hope you won't be gone too long. I love your posts and will miss you. Prayers!

LISA...LISA...LISA...LISA.....................

Much love!

[mikesmomrs]

Sherry: I also am so very sorry that I didn't remember Lisa's date. And of course, I am so sorry about your sweet Brownie's passing. I hope that you are able to see, through your grief, that perhaps as others have said and Brownie is romping with little Lisa, and also Dave. I know that when we are in a horrible place, it is difficult to think that way. My prayers and thoughts to you, my friend. Holding you close.

LISA...LISA...LISA...sweet little one, know that we all remember you and that especially your mommy and daddy have you in their hearts, always, every moment. Precious child, let your parents know that you are with them, also.

love to you and hubby, Sherry

[Chads Mom]

Sherry,

Sherry: I was working yesterday and did not have time to post but I want you to know I thought of you and your angel Lisa as I went about my work day. I wish I could have been there yesterday to offer you a warm hug and some comfort. Someone so extraordinary can never be forgotten..

I have not had much time the past few days to read and catch up with everyone but my Indigo family and our angels are never far from my mind..I will try to catch up later....

Love and Peace..

Polly--Chad's Mom

[Jeff's Mom]

I probably won't be posting for awhile. My cat, Brownie, had to be put to sleep yesterday......Nov. 15....

which was also Lisa's angel day. I'm having a terrible time of it.

So very sorry to see new parents here at BI. My heart & prayers go out to you.

Izzi-----I'm glad that you feel less alone when you come to BI.....you are now part of the BI family.

Everyone here understands your devastation and sorrow.

To all new parents at BI....please come back . Prayers for all of you.

Carol-----Praying hard for you & Ralph and your entire family. Hugs to you, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

Sherry, I am sorry about Brownie. I know it is hard, and time does not erase the pain. It just changes it. Someone posted that they were dreading Xmas family cards. Me too! Hard to read how lives continue when we are going through this. I wish there was something I could say or do to help lift your spirits up, even if only for a short while.

Who was it yesterday that mentioned or asked why people are not supportive? I feel it is because we often remind them of the person that has passed away. I still wish people would chance it and say something rather then walk away.

Carol, thinking of you guys tomorrow and saying my prayers for a good outcome.

[lolynbo]

SHERRY YOU KNOW I LOVE THIS PIC I THINK OF YOUR LISA AND MY LIL BB BEFORE KODY WAYNE WHEN I SEE IT

[Susie_q512]

My husband, the "Emotional Vampire", just told me that it's my fault that Shannon is dead, because I own a deck of tarot cards. He told me that I brought evil into the home, and God took her as punishment.

[Jeff's Mom]

My husband, the "Emotional Vampire", just told me that it's my fault that Shannon is dead, because I own a deck of tarot cards. He told me that I brought evil into the home, and God took her as punishment.

Good grief...you know that's not true! I was just thinking about you earlier this afternoon. How are things going..apart from the tarot cards?

[westleysmom]

Sherry-I'm so sorry I missed Lisa's Angel Day and that your kitty cat had to be put to sleep. Will be thinking of you until you are feeling able to post again.

LISA LISA LISA-Beautiful angel baby girl, never forgotten and always missed