Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Hello all Indigos.....I have not been on here for a couple days......due to problems with my computer,

so I am a bit behind.

Dee--- Your dinner with Jon, Shannon, and her family sounds so nice, and such good food. Also,

sending prayers for Earl.

Emelia21----Thanks for the cute pics of the baby hedgehog. Where did you buy them? Oh....boy

hedgehog turns out to be a girl.....with the 'expected results'.....yep,....that is a happening that many

people go through.

Sue----So nice you got yourself a new camera lens. Stacy will be smiling down on you when you

are getting all those great shots. So nice that you received the Rose of Sharon bush from a kind

friend. They are lovely shrubs, and the pink will be so nice. Let us know where you decided would

be the perfect spot to plant the bush.

JOEY.......JOEY.........JOEY.......SAYING YOUR NAME, AND REMEMBERING YOU.

Peace to you Claudia.

Diane----Thanks for the "Just For Today" writing.

Colleen-----Creme puffs look YUMMY. !! My son, Dave, was not an organ donor. There was too much blood loss.

They could not ask us about the possibility of organ donation, as we were out of town that day, and David died in

surgery only 1 hr. after the wreck. He was tranfused with many pts. of blood. His drivers license did not have an

'organ donor' designation. They said it would not have mattered anyhow, as there was too much trauma & blood loss.

I do, so, know what you mean about not being able to fully comprehend the circumstances that took Brian's life. I guess

it's because our minds want to reject their deaths as just inconceivable, and totally unacceptable. We hate the reality, so much

we just want to reject it, though, of course, the other part of our minds knows that it is reality. So difficult, I know.

Lorrie-----Hoping you will be pain-free after your surgery, real soon. We also are having a drought.....no rain for 3 full weeks.

Your right-----this heat wave is lousy. We're not as hot as OKLA. though. Feel better soon, friend.

Sus----It's good you saved Stephanie's last phone message. I, too, saved the message on Dave's answering machine that

he used. I can't listen to it very ofter.......too painful,.....but I will always keep it. Prayers for Melanie, and family; and the

motorcycle accident ones.

Betty-----Canning time is not here, for the things I can. (tomatoes, beans, grapes). The garden is really at a standstill now,

due to the lack of rain. No rain for 3 wks. now. We should be picking so much right now, but nothing is coming on due to

the drought. We're not able to water too much because we have a well, and don't want to cause shortages there. No pond

or lake to draw from, so we're at the mercy of Mother Nature. . They're calling for rain (possibility) tonight. We're hoping.

We don't have any hay.........the land is in corn this year....soybeans last year. The farm that rents it has hayfields in another

location on their several farms, so they just rotate between corn & the beans, at least so far. No sightings of animals to speak

of........guess they are laying low in the woods, due to the heat.

My computer formatting is still a bit messed up.........now refuses to use colors...GRRrrrrrr, so will have to try & straighten it out.

I better post this before I lose it altogether....

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Guest msnher]

I think it's great that Brian and Brian (Brain) were able to live through several, too. We wanted to donate Stephanie's organs and it didn't occur to me until recently why they couldn't. She completely bled out and the organs died.

Tony, I can look at pictures of Stephanie without crying most of the time these days. Most of the time I just get a melancholy emotion. Sometimes I surprise myself by actually laughing when I remember the situation around the picture. And, then, there are those times her picture still takes me by surprise and shock...."she died? Really?" Weird. I still "introduce" people who didn't know her. Her urn, gold plated with her face etched on the front, sits in my corner curio cabinet..."See? This is my Stephanie." I can see how odd that must seem to the unsuspecting visitor, but, that is what I have to do right now.

This morning, while I sat outside smoking and drinking my coffee, I asked Kraig (Melanie's son) to comfort his momma....I then sighed and said "Stephanie." I reached over to pick up my coffee cup and this heart was there, by my cup. I hadn't even spilled any.

[lolynbo]

HA HA HA, SO THERE MY STATE BEAT UR STATE IN THE HEAT WAVE YEST....WE SET NATIONS RECORD (SO THEY SAID) 108 LAST TIME IT WAS THAT HOT IN JULY WAS 1923....

THIS STUFF BLOWS...EVERYONE IS POSTING TODAY THAT THEIR CAR SAYS 113-123'

[ericasmom]

HI ALL,

sitting in our little hotel room after a great dinner and a wonderful day. I went swimming this morning in the hotel pool, nice and had the whole pool to myself, took a walk, then because it kept threatening rain, we went to town to the shops and JOHN sat outside while I ventured in all those that looked interesting. Then we went and had a lunch on the beach adn sat in our beach chairs and read our books for a long while. There was a beautiful lake breeze and we both felt so happy to be on a beach on a hot overcast day just chilling. Lovely. We both kept smiling. Then I walked down the beach about A mile and got some more exercise. We went back to our room for naps and then got ready to go to dinner. A just lovely time.

Sherry, boy, Chicago is supposed to get rain, we have rain here, I am in awe that you are in a drought, so odd this summer.

Col, ERi too is in so many others, and the same thing, not her major organs as we had to pull the life support and that means that her major organs were in oxygen deficit so her organs could not go but her eyes and bones used to repair those in need, and her major joints such as knees and shoulders were put into others, and everything that could go to others did. I have the form somewhere in my Eri files that tell me how many folks she helped, it is heart warming and makes me grin to know how she wanted to be able to assist others if ever the time came.

Thanks for calling me the Beyond Indigo mother, I am most flattered Betty and Trudi.

Hope everyone is well, hang tight to the knowledge that our Babies are safe and made perfect again;.

[mikesmomrs]

My indigo family: I have been reading over the posts of the past couple of days and trying to catch up, but know that it will not be possible. So, I just say to all of you, that I hold you all dear and close in my heart, everyday I think of all of you. You all are always in my prayers. Those who are feeling the piercing pain of new loss, you all know that we here all hold you close...send strength to you, and we think of your angel. Tony...yes, one day you will be able to look at a picture of your precious Brendan and your heart will smile with the memories held within your very being. I know that is inconceivable to you right now, but it will come, we promise.

Dee: So glad for your wonderful day with John...sounds like a really nice vacation for both of you. I am glad that you were able to get online.

Looking at pictures....we have lived in this house for almost three years, moved just over 2 years after Mike died, from that house to this one. I used to have family pictures all over the walls. Had a graduation picture of each of the kids on one separate wall. Had photos everywhere. I still don't have my "picture wall" created over my sofa...when you come in my house, you see a huge blank wall behind the sofa. I finally got some pictures together and put some on the bookshelves in the dining room, but there are so many that held places of honor in our old house, and I just haven't had it in my at any point to pull them out and put them up again. I do look at pics...have tons on the computer, and see them often. We have the picture that we posted at Mike's memorial, hanging in the dining room. It is a large picture, 20 x 17 or something like that. It was quite a while before I could hang it up. Now, I don't know how I would manage its not being there. We have Mike's ashes in an urn on the shelf in the dining room (as well as the keepsake urns that each of us have). Sometimes I am able to look at the urn, and sometimes not. I know that putting up the rest of the pics would be a good thing to do, but I just cannot seem to start. I don't often cry when I look at the pics on the computer (we have scanned in many of the older ones), and I do look at them frequently. I cry mostly when I think of how Mike is no longer here on this earth, and that this earth is still moving ahead, still spinning, without him here. How can that be? I know many of you have asked that same question...how can this world continue without our child here any longer?

Mike was not able to donate any organs due to his illness. He wanted to. I would love to know that somewhere, someone is looking out through his eyes, seeing the world, that someone else has a heart beating inside their chest that used to beat for him, that others had benefitted from his donations, but all of that was not meant to be. I do however, try to think of the memories and love that he left behind in all of those who knew him. Most of the time this is enough. Sometimes it is not. Like Bonnie said "Baby steps love and deep breaths."

Sus: I love the heart that Stephanie sent to you...so perfect and so timely. She is close to you, but I don't have to tell you that, do I?

Trudi: Love the way Mal took care of business while you were at class...a nice thing to come home to. I think if I put a mop into Ralph's hands, he wouldn't know what to do with it, though I must admit, he is good at doing the laundry. So glad you had a good morning out with Mal, as well.

Bonnie: Wish so much we could be there for Pinnacle days...just not possible. We will be there in spirit. Will you be hanging the flags this year?

I am so sorry to hear of the painful news posted about the loss of yet more angels...my prayers to their families. We had a young girl, 11 yo, Celina, go missing here early last week. They searched everywhere all week, and finally found her body just about 1/2 mile from her house, in a water catch basin, I think it was 5 days after she went missing. No word on the details, but the pain on the family's faces was palpable through the TV screen.

On a brighter note, I meant to post on Sunday about Kameron's birthday that we had here. We weren't able to have Chandler's birthday in June, so we had a birthday celebration for both boys on Sunday. Kameron and I had gone to Walmart early in the day (he had spent the night) because he had already gotten his birthday money, and wanted to pick up the game he had decided to buy. I don't usually buy a cake at Walmart, and we had intended on stopping at our local supermarket for the cake on the way home. When we went into Walmart, I thought we might as well get it there and we wouldn't have to make another stop. I told Kam he could pick out the cake. Turned out they didn't have anything that met his criteria: white cake, with chocolate frosting. So, we left the bakery, intending to go to the supermarket near home. As we walked by the end of the cake shelf, Kam spotted the cake he wanted. It was actually about 2 dozen cupcakes, formed in a "Peace" sign, with "tie-dye" colored frosting spread over them to make a continuous line, Sitting right on top of the cake was a 1967, Bright Red punch buggy, trimmed in the "flower power" trim of the day, and right on the front of the hood was a yellow heart. The cake was about twice what I had planned on spending, but there was no way ever I could have walked away from that cake...Mike's birthday gift to his two older boys...as it turned out, I had bought a punch buggy identical to that one, about two months ago, so when we got home, I put the punch buggy I had from before next to the cake, so they both had one. After our birthday celebration, we all went swimming in the pool down the street. Had a really, really good day. We measured Chandler and Kameron, at 15 and 14 respectively, they each are 5'10"...I think they have a pretty good chance of reaching their goal of topping out at 6'...the same thing that their dad wanted when he was their age, which he did, finally, around his 20th birthday.

a pic of the cake is posted below.

Cathi and I went to a ballgame tonight...the Red Sox played the Cleveland Indians...and we won (though we lost last night). Thought of you, Amy, and your Katie, and knew you were likely watching the game at home... It was a good game, and we got really good seats, because there was a huge deluge of rain in the early evening causing a two hour delay to the start of the game, and many there wound up having to leave the game early because by the time it was into the 6th inning, it was already 10:30 pm. The driving down was pretty scary at times...huge, HUGE collections of water on the roadway, and of course, many who seemed to not notice that the water they were flying through was cascading over the cars on either side of them because they wouldn't slow down!

I have a busy rest of the week coming up...yearly physical (that I haven't had in probably 4 years) tomorrow, Damon tomorrow, Jameson tomorrow night into Thursday. Damon again on Friday and another doctor's appt, though can't remember who/when.

Ralph got some painful news this morning...his brother Clifton, who just turned 82 on July 28th, (he lives in Mississippi and he and Ralph have always been very close...they talk on the phone every other day or so), was told this morning that he has likely less than a year to live. Clifton has had many cancers over the past 15 years or so, and now his kidneys are not working very well...the lab reading is supposed to be between 0.1 and 1.30, and his is 5.2, very high. He is trying to decide whether or not to do dialysis...doctor says it may not make much difference at this point, as far as adding time to that year or not. Please keep him and his family in your prayers...his children (he has four, and 10 grandies, and 15 great grandies) are heartbroken...they lost their mom/grandma/great grandma to breast and lung cancer the year Mike was diagnosed...2005. Clifton has bravely fought the cancers that have plagued him over these years, and he told Ralph this morning "I have lived a good life, and a long one. I don't know if I want to prolong my time here by going through all that (dialysis) only to add maybe a month to my time." I think he is tired and ready to go and meet with his Louise. They were married for over 50 years.

Need to try to get some sleep before it is time to get up...take care all...sending love and good thoughts.

[mysonrich]

IN memory of Nick. Saying your name out loud,

Nick

,

Nick,Nick !!!!

This is for you Nick. loving son and brother. I can't do the fancy stuff like you dad.

[Guest msnher]

Remembering and honoring Nick and his family today! I, too, wish I could do the fancy stuff like you, Dan.

[shorty16]

Nick

Nick[/size]

Nick

Nick

Nick

Nick

Nick

Dan and Mary - Thinking of you today and always. Our son's are so much more than the one day they became angels - May the breeze hold his name, may the skies sing with his memory, may your day be peacefull in the knowledge of his company.

Colleen

[Guest msnher]

Gun control. What do you think? I'm torn. Our country was founded on freedom of religion and the right to bear arms. I don't like guns. However, we have several in our home. All empty and locked up. I know how to shoot. I'm a good shot. I know I could use a gun to protect my family. After what my grandchildren went through I know I am capable of pulling that trigger. But, why have a gun in your car under the seat? It's legal here in Wyoming. You don't even need a concealed weapons permit to carry a concealed weapon anymore. This is "cowboy" country. Talk softly and carry a big gun. Ranchers need guns to protect their livestock from predators. True enough. But, do we (people) need guns to protect ourselves from predators? "If we outlaw guns only outlaws will have guns". A common bumper sticker here in Wyoming. "Take my gun? Over my dead body." is another one with the picture of the gun owner fighting to keep his guns. Most of the people I know own guns. I dated an armored car security guard once. He transported a LOT of money every day. He claims it is rediculous to keep an empty gun. What good is it in a hurry? Will the "hood" stop long enough for you to load your weapon? We had many arguments about his guns.

Whose at fault? The two boys who broke into the car, stole the gun and then stole the car or the person who kept the gun under the seat of his car? One of my foster dad's was a Las Vegas motorcycle cop. He kept his loaded gun on the top shelf of the coat closet. We all knew better than to touch it.

Is education the key?

If we take away our guns have we regressed to where we were when our founding fathers fled England? Do we make laws that enable the smaller, the weaker, to carry guns to protect themselves against the bigger and stronger?

I'm just venting. I honestly don't know where I stand on this issue. Or maybe I do. I believe in personal responsibility. I believe in accountability. I doubt I would ever carry a weapon, but I would fight for the right to do so. Wouldn't I? Hell. I don't even know.

"Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Another bumper sticker. Hunters, ranchers and law enforcement....that's most of my friends. I don't even like toy guns. I took them all away from the kids. Jonathon wanted to buy a toy gun with his allowance and I wouldn't let him which always gets a rolling of the eyes from my son and husband. Until yesterday. yesterday Curtis took the toy gun away from his son, too.

Cowboys and indians. We all played it when we were kids. John Wayne.

I wanted Julia Roberts character to shoot her husband in "SLeeping with the enemy." I cheered with Jodi Foster learned how to shoot and became a lone vigilante avenging her fiance's death and her severe beating. Yep. That's the answer. All the good guys need to get guns and go kill all the bad guys. (sarcasm)

I'm so sad. My friend's son is dead because he and his friend stole a gun and the friend was trying to prove it wasn't loaded. A sixteen year old's life is over....and, so is the boy who shot him. My heart goes out to him and his family. He looks like such a scared kid. He should be. His life will be very different for a long, long time. His life needed to change. So did Kraigs. Drugs, booze and stealing. It didn't just begin with that night.

Now, who do we blame? The parents? Lord knows I blamed myself enough when it came to Stephanie and Curtis addictions. As for my friend, I've heard her cry for the last few years about the son she and her husband (now ex husband) who they couldn't reign in. Not for lack of trying. They tried. I tried with my kids.

It's sad. Very sad. And, I think there are no answers.

[ericasmom]

I am for gun control Sus, and while our country may have been based on these and other truths, it does not mean that this is what they meant...who could have known that guns would be in the hands of many pre-teens in our inner cities and that automatic weapons were used to kill so many in drive-bys in Chicago this summer, every summer in the last many years...who would have thought that someone would use the religious freedom to include marrying a twelve year old and having sex with her and fathering her child and many others...

It is important to me to have accountability too ,however the jails are filled adn the courts are too and pedophiles get out of jail in a fast way if they even go there and some kid who smoked a joint is stuck in jail for a year...we need change!

Yes, it all does come down to education, that which we provide at home and that which we provide in schools. We must do better than what we have done, kids need to learn accountability at home first and then reinforce it at school,.

gun toting folks kill and if they did not have a gun on them, probably would get in a fight and still be violent, but with less reprucussions.

Just my two cents-

I pray and pray for your friend Sus, so sad.

[ericasmom]

NICK

NICK

NICK NICK NICK

swoop around your family today letting them know you are with them.

[mysonrich]

Growing up there were several rifles in the house. They were used by my step-father for hunting. We did not touch them. Ever. My paternal grandfather was a antique gun collector, NRA member and if there were other guns around, rifles or handguns, I was not aware of the fact. I learned to shoot a .22 rifle in Vermont during the summer. I was told to never point a gun at anything unless you intended to kill it.

I know many people that hunt. These are people that still rely on deer,bear,pheasant etc to get through the winter. I believe we lose track of the many reasons to own a gun.

BUT, I do not believe our forefathers expected or could have imagined the weaponry on the streets now. The desire, insanity , fear that exists now, an enemy within, lacking conscious thought of dead is dead.I believe in our right to bear arms. My feeling is one that we must have the right to protect ourselves, sometimes to protect ourselves from our own government as witnessed throughout history. Our country’s history.

New laws may help. There will always be a black market. There as a gun runner sent to prison just of couple of months ago in this area. Of all places, guns coming up from Virginia.( Well why not )I remember the Virginia rifle. The Kentucky long-rifle.

The insanity to won a gun, one of fear of another that owns a gun..and it goes on...;

No easy answer.

I am sorry to hear of the sad news of your friends son Susannah.

I'm sorry that little Zachy is no longer alive because of a terrible accident with a gun.

I don't have a solution,just thoughts.

From one extreme to another. This is probably a weed ,but I liked it.

And it was a monster of a ride on the roads today.

[Guest msnher]

Intelligent thoughts Betsy and Dee. No easy answers.

The picture of the unknown pretty flower, Betsy, reminds me of a true story that happened in my sister's church. The women's group was having a "share your garden" day. One woman, who lacked a green thumb and didn't know the names of plants, but didn't want to be left out (sounds like me but it wasn't me) kidnapped the huge, beautiful plant from her teenage son's room for the church presentation. So happens one a local police office, also a member of this particular church, happened to be walking down the hallway at the same time and recognized the plant. He was kind as he explained things to the naive mom and less kind as he explained things to the not so naive son.

[lolynbo]

I SAW THOSE SAME GATOR RIDES WHEN WE WERE GOING ON OUR CRUISE LAST YR HEADING TOWARDS FLORIDA....FUNNY STUFF I TOOK PICS TOO....SMALL WORLD

SUPPOSE TO BE HOTT AGAINN TODAY...SO SICK OF IT..

I WORKED AT KOURTNEYS KLOSET YEST...I WAS HURTING WHEN I GOT HOME, I THIK I OVER DID THE DAY B4 WITH MY SISTER BEING HERE...

14 DAYS TIL OUR CRUISE AND I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO...IM STARTING TO PANIC AND OVER THINK CRAP....I NEED TO JUST BREATHE

A 16 YR OLD FEMALES BODY WAS FOUND TODAY IN A HOUSE PLZ PRAY FOR HER FAMILY AND ALL INVOLVED...DONT NO THE STORY YET ON THIS...

XXXOXOXOXOXO TO ALL KEEP COOL IF U CAN

OH AND DEE ENJOY YOUR SERINITY....HAVE A BLESSED TIME...

NICK NICK NICK THINKING OF YOUR ANGEL TO DAY....HUGGS

[shorty16]

Sus - That story is too funny - made me laugh - Thanks.

Many years ago my Mom purchased a necklace with a "pretty" leaf on it. Well, when I told her what that leaf was, needless to say she stopped wearing the necklace.

Thanks for a good memory of my Mom

Colleen

[raren30]

Hi everyone,

Haven't posted for a couple of days but have been reading posts. It's so sad to hear about all these new losses.

I went to the farmers market on saturday haven't gone for awhile. This one tent had these beautiful hand made rings and i fell in love with one and couldn't walk away from it. so i bought it. later on that night I was snuggling with my daughter and i realized something. the ring i bought is emilias birth stone and i never realized it till then.

I'm leaving for comox tomorrow morning and I wont be able to post, I will miss all of you, you all have helped me so much in reading your posts or answering mine. It's been 3 weeks yesterday that I lost my baby girl and my baby blues have really kicked in. I cant remember how long baby blues last for.

Ive had 4 days of good days so far thats the most ive had in a row.

Finally sold all the baby hedghogs YAY.

But I should get going gotta make some chocolate peanut butter cupcakes to take with us for the trip.

I hope everyone has a good day. Hugs to all

[westleysmom]

Emilia's Mom-Have a good time, I hope it helps to get away.

Dee-Your trip sounds nice. Enjoy the time before school starts back. Our kids are going this Friday (!) It seems very early to me.

Carol-I really enjoyed the little video of Damon, so cute.

Susannah-Funny story about the plant. I'm so sorry to hear about the shooting death and motorcycle death. I think I have it straight. So very sad. Last night on our local news, there was a story of a young man who lived in the area that was in the Navy and on a ship near Somolia. His family was told a few days ago that he was lost at sea. When he was supposed to go on watch, he didn't show up, and they haven't found him or his body, so I guess they have to assume he fell off the ship and no one was around to see. I can't imagine how hard it would be to not even be able to have the remains. It seems that it would make that sense of "He's dead? Really?" even harder to overcome. His name was Matthew Bergman and he was 21 years old.

Tony-Hugs to you. It is so hard to move forward when all we want to do is go back.

I know there's more I wanted to say something to, but lose my train of thought. It is a little train, but its my train. You are all in my thoughts daily

[westleysmom]

NICK-You are loved and never forgotten on this and every day.

Dan-Never Lose Faith. You are a true friend. I hope the day is kind to you and your family and you feel Nick's presence in your hearts until you see him again.

[ericasmom]

LOVE the plant story...love the necklace story...love the ring purchased and it was the birthstone...love the conversation about gun control...love you guys.

Betsy, that plant may be an oak leaf hydranga. Not sure but looks somewhat like that. pretty.

[ericasmom]

Rhonda, i can't believe that kids have to return to school this early unless it is a school on a full year rotation...Some schools in the south started going back early so as to provide kids air conditioning in the worst of summer, but so many schools up north do not have air so starting earlier each year is getting to be just plain stupid.

We sat on the beach today, the waves were a constant and fun to be near. It was very ocean-like today. There were storms over lake michgan last night and the result were these awesome waves. A red flag was flying meaning NO SWIMMING, but folks were indeed swimming. Not us however, content to walk in the surf about a mile up beach and back and settle in the chair to read. LOVELY.

[aim630]

KellyRyan87

Hello and glad you found a place to ask this question.

I lost my 16 year old son, Brian in a completely preventable car accident on 6-19-2008. And yes, I am just now beginning to live.

If my daughter had a son and named him Brian, I personnaly would be honored. Yes, it would be hard in the beginning to say his name and look at this little face, but knowing that my son's memory lived on in the life of a little child would be so great to me. This is just me.

Medical science has come very far in dealing with early gestation babies. I am praying for them and you.

This is just one persons opinion - an opinion of a mother who is still and always will be on this grief journey.

Good luck to you

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[aim630]

Colleen-I have no idea how I just reposted your reply to someone else-but as always you have good advice for other parents. I agree that I would be honored to have a namesake for Ashley, although it would be difficult to say the name at first. My step-granddaughter has Elizabeth for her middle name, same as Ashley's.

Carol-of course we are watching the Red Sox-Indians game. I'm sorry my Indians lost last night, but I'm glad you and Cathi were there to watch your Red Sox win! Katie and I have been to a lot of games this year. We enjoy going, even though lately they lose every game we go to.

I will catch up reading later, thinking of all of you, especially Susannah as she helps her friend deal with this tragic loss. I hate the thought of any other parents going through this.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[aim630]

Nick-Let your family feel your presence and surround them with your love.

Dan-thinking of you and your family today.

[shellyku]

Good Evening Indigos - I hope everyone is having a nice evening. Dan, my prayers go

to you and your family. May Nick flutter by and give you all a heavenly hug. Sus, I pray

for your friends Melanie and the fella in the motorcycle accident (forgot the name). Diane

and Dee, enjoy your getaways. Bonnie, Pinnacle Days sound wonderful. We'll be having

the second annual Kuti Klassic this month. It is a golf tournament for Sarah. Last year

she helped us plan it but she died 4 days before it. We went ahead with it anyway and

it turned out to be a love fest...truly inspirational. Tony, my prayers are with you as you

struggle with thoughts of not wanting to be here. Truth be told, I uttered those words aloud

yesterday. Colleen, so wonderful Brian is living in all those people he helped. Sarah could

not donate anything as her body was full of leukemia, even though she was an organ donor.

Makes me sad as that is something she really believed in.

Yesterday guys I had a total meltdown. I think it's the fact that August is upon us and it

brings back all those awful memories of Sarah's decline and all that that involved. God, I

miss my girl. As you said Diane, why our child, why do these things happen? My heart is

breaking. To all the Indigos I have missed, I pray for peace for you tonight and may all of

us have sweet dreams of our angels. Good Night. Shelly

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

Just returned and have not caught up but as so gald I did not miss Nick's Day

NICK, NICK, NICK REMEMBERFD WITH MUCH LOVE AND DEEP RESPECT

NEVER LOSE FAITH

WAS THE DRIVING PRINCIPLE OF YOUR LIFE

WE REMEMBER

[summergirl]

NICK, NICK, NICK.....SAYING YOUR NAME OUT LOUD. I KNOW YOU ARE SMILING DOWN ON YOUR WONDERFUL FAMILY AND BRINGING LOVING THOUGHTS TO THEM...

DAN - I AM THINKING OF YOU AND YOURS ON THIS DAY.......NICK IS SO PROUD OF ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE, KEEPING HIS MEMORY ALIVE EACH AND EVERY DAY....

[summergirl]

DEAR INDIGO'S - IT HAS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I HAVE POSTED...I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH AND FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE TAKEN MANY STEPS BACKWARDS ON THIS JOURNEY - IT HAS BEEN A BUSY SUMMER AND THE "TIME OUT" I HAVE TAKEN HERE HAS DONE ME SOME GOOD BUT ALSO AT TIMES HAS LEFT ME FEELING EMPTY SO I HAVE DECIDED TO COME BACK MORE OFTEN AS I NEED YOU ALL....

WE HAVE BEEN BUSY WITH CAMPING, FISHING, CRABBING, SWIMMING AND EVERY DAY LIFE AND I FIND MYSELF VERY TIRED AT NIGHT BUT AS ALWAYS SLEEP ELUDES ME MOST NIGHTS.....TOSS AND TURN WITH THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH MY BRAIN.....THEN WHEN I FINALLY DO SLEEP IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IT IS TIME TO GET UP AND START THE DAY....SIGH...

TAVIAN IS GROWING FAST....HE HAS BEEN DOING SO MANY THINGS THIS SUMMER - US MOVING HERE HAS BEEN A WONDERFUL THING AS HE HAS BECOME FRIENDS WITH THE BOY NEXT DOOR... WILL IS THE SAME AGE AND HIS FAMILY MAKES THEIR LIVING AS FISHERMAN WHICH MAKES TAVIAN A VERY HAPPY BOY. HE HAS SPENT MANY DAYS WITH THEM GETTING UP AT 5 AM TO GO PULL TRAPS AND NETS. HE ALSO HAS BEEN GOING ON THURSDAYS ON A SHIP CALLED "THE VIKING" WHICH TAKES PEOPLE OUT FISHING.....HE GOES FROM 7 AM TO NOON AND HAS BECOME QUITE FRIENDLY WITH THE CAPTAIN...LOL I THINK I MAY HAVE A FISHERMAN ON OUR HANDS AND I WAS THINKING MORE ALONG THE LINES OF A DOCTOR !!!!

THINKING OF GOING CAMPING ON SUNDAY FOR A WEEK WITH TAVIAN - IT IS AUGUST ALREADY AND NOT TOO MANY DAYS LEFT BEFORE WE WILL BE CLOSING IT UP FOR THE WINTER SO LIKE TO GO AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE...

I AM AS ALWAYS MISSING MY JESSICA.....SHE IS ALWAYS NEAR AND I CAN FEEL HER PRESENCE NOW AND THEN WHEN I LEAST EXPECT IT....BUT THE MISSING HER AND WANTING HER HERE IS A CONSTANT ACHE IN MY HEART.....I HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE AGAIN BUT WILL NEVER BE "TRUELY HAPPY"..

WILL POST A FEW PICS OF TAVIAN FOR ALL YOU "VIRTUAL GRAMMIES" AND SAY GOOD NIGHT.....WILL BE BACK TOMORROW. LOVE, PEACE AND STRENGTH, KATHY

[mysonrich]

Lorri, funny about the gator ride! I couldn't get around the trailer to get a better shot. I thought it was kind of funny, they have funny,smiling faces. I got a butt picture.

Emiliasmom, the ring, enjoy. Maybe not a coincidence..

BTW, there is a show on tonight, ABC, Beyond Belief , “ The Other Side”. Think I'll watch.

Dee, sounds like a beautiful day.

Betty, hope you are ok.

Carol, your days and nights sound full of family and fun. I realize you have the sadness of missing Mike combined with the enjoyment of his family. Very special and at time,complex.

Diane, I wanted to thank you for the beautiful poem. Thank you.

Shellyku, you are about an hours drive from me . I am between Princeton and Trenton NJ. There is a group you may be interested in. I joined and hope to “meetup” some day...

http://www.meetup.com/Exploring-Photography-in-NJ-NY-and-PA/

I came home today and took a nap. My dream, I was driving my mothers car while looking for a parking spot at the train station. I found out I was at the wrong station. I found the correct station and parked but could not find “something”? I left the car hoping it would be ok. It was in the fall,there were fall leaves on the ground. I boarded the train and was looking for my ticket. ( In real life my purse is a bottomless pit). The ticket taker wanted my ticket and while sitting on a small bed,not a seat, I was digging through my purse looking for it. I has to be in the right bed/seat. Of course the phone rang, I woke up and wonder, where was I going?

Ok, getting sleepy. A wish for a restful night for all.

[daveydow1]

Hello all INDIGOS......computer is still acting up.. ...Must make this quick.

NICK.......NICK.........NICK.........SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOU ON YOUR ANGEL DAY.

Dan.......Sending thoughts & prayers to you & your family as you draw from your memories of your dear son.

May he smile down & warm your hearts.

Dee-----So good that ERi's eyes and bones were made available to others who needed them., although I

know that it must be bittersweet for you, in ways. We got some rain today, and it cooled off also. Nice.....

Lots of humidity, but not so darn hot. Picked a basket of green beans and cooked half of them....pretty good.

Must pick them when they are on the smallish size because when they get to regular bean aize, they are

getting tough-skinned, due to lack of water. Hope this rain helps some. Probably only got less than a half

inch. I had to re-pot the cemetery pot on my dad's grave. Was there yesterday, and found that the caretaker

crew got too close to the pot, and ripped large holes in the plastic pot, with the weed whackers. Brought it home,

persuaded my husband to re-pot it in another, larger, pot. Took it back down to the cemetery today.......my dad's birthday...

He would have been 99 yrs. old . Visited with my mom......we reminisced about the tiny town we used to live in.

She fell recently....on the knee that she had a knee replacement done several years ago, and it still gives her a lot

ot problems/pain, so falling on it did not help. Luckily she did not break any other bones.

Praying for all the victims of the recent accidents and their families.

Will post this before something else goes wrong with this computer.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[nicksdad]

We appreciate the thoughts from everyone. Hard to believe 3 years but if anyone can understand it's you all.

[Guest msnher]

Dan, Your Nick is a very handsome fellow. The tribute of love expressed on his body's final resting place is beautiful. Three years. Deep sigh.

I watched all but the last ten minutes of Beyond Belief last night. Very interesting. I didn't know that the reporter, Bob Woodruff, had a NDE. I found it interesting that they all had NDE's that coincided with their particular set of religious/spiritual ideas. I was grateful the doctor/scientist said their experiences can't be a hallucination or dream because the brain has to be functioning to dream or hallucinate and there was no brain activity...these people were clinically dead.

I also found it comforting that they all said they would rather be *dead* than be here. The pastor said he didn't mind being here and he's excited about life, but life after death is much better. I also was grateful for their description of the moment of death. "I took a breath in my car and the next breath I took was at the gate".

All of the NDE's reported no pain and no fear.

That is comforting.

[Guest msnher]

Kathy - Yes, I think you have a fisherman on your hands.

[shorty16]

My Indigo Friends

Well, I think I am strong enough to share my weekend story with you.

On Friday, July 29th at approx. 2 pm, my husband called and said Aaron was in a car accident. Scott had talked with Aaron and he was crying. I was in a total panic. I left work and drove to the accident scene in Susex, WI. Aaron had rear-ended a truck. Aaron was turning radio stations and the truck stopped in front of him. Aaron was not paying attention and hit the truck.

All are OK - Thank you Jesus!!!!!

The cavalier is totalled - That car was worth more sentimentally than financially.

Aaron also had two other boys in his car. Aaron had a probationary liscence and was only allowed one other person not related to him in the car. I AM ONE MAD MOM!!!

Right after I found out Aaron and everyone else involved in the accident was OK, I drove to the DMV and withdrew my sponsorship of Aaron's liscence. Aaron no longer has a valid driver's liscence until he can sign for himself at 18 (11-17-2011).

I am still shook-up. All these horrible things ran through my head. But, thankfully non of them happened.

Just so happens that the junk yard had a 1998 Chevy Cavalier with 61,000 miles on it for sale. With our junked trade-in, we purchased the car. Aaron will have to sit and stare at the car for 4 months before he can drive it. Scott and I are united in ensuring he learns that driving is a priveledge, not a right.

Sorry for long post, but I have hesitated telling this story, because of my issues with guilt from Brian's death. I keep asking myself, "How did I not communicate to Aaron the importance of safe driving?" We waited until he was well into his 17th year before even starting driver's ed. I, personnally, took Aaron out driving in all types of weather and in all different vehicles. This is my demon on my shoulder telling me I am a horrible parent. I know the demon is trying to bring me down and I cannot let it. But it is hard sometimes.

Please join me in thanking the Lord that Aaron and everyone involved is OK.

Greg - We bought yet another cavalier!!!

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[echofc]

Dear Shorty16,

So sorry to hear about the accident and thank you Lord no one was hurt. It sounds like you were more than a responsible parent. We tend to beat ourselves up for things that are out of our control. Aaron made poor decisions and hopefully by paying the price will learn. We cannot live their lives for them even when all we want to do is protect them. I find, myself, that grieving being such an emotional state, puts us in that place where we second guess everything. You did not make the decisions that led up to the accident. Don't take that. Take a very deep breath, sit down and maybe cry to let off stress and then hug Aaron and thank God he and the other kids are okay. Not being on the road will give him time to think. My love to you and your family.

Sue

[mikesmomrs]

NICK...NICK...NICK...SAYING YOUR NAME...REMEMBERING YOU...thinking of you...

Dan: So very sorry I missed Nick's birthday yesterday...please know that you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts as you celebrate your beautiful son's birthday...his memorial sites looks very beautiful...many evidences of the care you give to it and the love that you put into it.

[ericasmom]

OH COL,

I am sorry that Aaron had the accident and I am sorry that he decided to take on two friends when he was to have one...but none of that is you, none of that is YOU> it belongs to Aaron, it does not at all mean that you did not prepare him, and chances are, this waiting and the memory of the accident and the WHAT-IF's will serve him well when he is 18. Now he sees up close and personal that life can change in an instant. Now he can say to himself, My mom and dad told me but I did not think it meant me. Teenagers don't think that it will ever be them even with the loss, not until later when they are full adults, maybe 25 or so before the weight of decisions are able to be fully examined. You did good Girl, and I can easily imagine your angst, my arms are wrapped around you.

Shelly, the anniversary is breaking your heart, the end of one year and the unbelievable abstract life that it feels you are living as you approach this mark of time. I had a total breakdown on year one and year two was my biggest breakdown, and then I began to feel more whole...we all have a hard time as the dates approach, you are not alone we march along in front of you, alongside of you, and some are marching in your footsteps as they find their way with your help.

Love to all,

[echofc]

Dear Sus,

I also watched the Beyond Belief on Primetime last night. I also found it comforting when they talked about the peace and no pain. When they described meeting people who had already passed on and they are whole and happy, it spoke to me. My Stacy had chronic illness from the time she was 15 months old. They actually think she was born with the cancer that made her first kidney transplant a necessity. After 31 years of surgeries, meds, pain and fear, and finally the cancer she suffered through....the thought of her being whole and free is very comforting. I will be thrilled to see her that way when it is my turn to leave this earth.

Sue

[mikesmomrs]

Colleen: so very sorry that you had to go through all of that with Aaron...so very, very glad that all are okay. Of course we immediately "take blame" for anything that goes wrong...it is a difficult demon to live with and learn to let go of... I hope that Aaron will become more seriously aware of his responsibility as a driver. It is difficult to get them to understand at such a young age the huge responsibility we have in our hands once we take the wheel of a vehicle. I think that what you did about pulling his license was probably what I would have done. I agree with Sue---not being on the road will give him time to think. Holding you close, dear friend.

Emilia'smom: Such a gift, the ring...I have learned that there are no "coincidences." These are wonderful gifts to our grieving hearts and keep me going when sometimes I have thought that I cannot take another step.

Dee: I am so glad that you are having a peaceful few days away. That is what Ralph and I need to do, but it just doesn't seem to get worked out....maybe next month we can take a few days and just go away for a bit.

my indigo family...our family is going through a very difficult time right now...I cannot go into the details right now, but will let you all know how things are going when we see a clear path. For now I just ask that you include us in your prayers that we are able to know what needs to be done and be able to do what needs to be done at this time and also, most importantly, that the final outcome will make things better for everyone. I have tried to remain "centered" and focus on only "the moment" but it has been difficult. I am seeing my therapist again and he has been very helpful and encouraging. However, the strength to make the decisions necessary to correct the situation (and to carry them out) is difficult to maintain. We all here know how much the decisions of others can impact our lives, and the decisions of one in our family is impacting everyone of us right now, and we are trying to find the best path to take. Please keep us in your prayers. sending love to all.

[hoosiermom]

Hello Indigos

Yesterday the computers at work were down, so I was sent home around noon. I got my youngest daughter busy with me cleaning her room and getting things ready for school in a couple weeks. As I cleaned, I kept picking up pennies and I told Brandi, "If the saying is true, pennies from Heaven, then your sister is all over this room!" We laughed about it, but I had a thought, and I asked Brandi to count the pennies as we found them. Total count from her room was 39--my age when Brianna died...then while cleaning out her closet I found two more pennies, totalling 41--my age now. And that was all the pennies we found

I miss Brianna every day of course, but back to school time is always hard for some reason. This year she would have been a senior...she was in special education so she would not have received a diploma but a certificate of completion, and I had every intention of attending graduation with her and wheeling her across the stage, if they would have let me.

Hello and a sad welcome to all new people here...so sorry you have cause to be here in the first place but you have found a safe haven where everyone will understand your thoughts and feelings. Yes there will come a day when you can look at your precious child's pictures without completely breaking down, but there will also be days when the grief comes out of nowhere and slams you to the ground. My thinking is that you do not "get over" the death of your child....as if it were a cold or the flu....but you do learn to live again. I lost my 15 year old Brianna on July 5, 2009, she was born with spina bifida and had many chronic health issues her whole life, her death was natural causes due to septic shock.

My oldest daughter, who is 23, just moved into her first apartment by herself, thought I would be more upset about it but I have handled it surprisingly well. I am very proud of her for being so grown up and self sufficient. She found a very neat and tidy one bedroom apartment with a small patio/sliding glass doors and she is very happy in her new place. My youngest daughter will start her sophomore year of high school in a couple weeks and I am wondering where the time goes.

It has been scorching hot here in Indiana, we've had no rain for at least a month, maybe longer. I've had to water my tomato and pepper plants every evening to keep them going and I haven't had to mow my yard in quite awhile either. I love summer time so I won't complain

Love and light to all Indigos, Jenn

[Guest msnher]

Oh. My. God. Colleen - I'm not his mother and I want to hit him upside the head. This has nothing to do with you and your parenting skills. Neither did Brian's death. But, I know you know that in your head. Getting the facts into your gut is another matter. Kids are just stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Ugh! They're stupidness (is that a word) comes from thinking they're invincible. I'm so glad no one was hurt. I hope it will serve as a valuable lesson for Aaron.

Just yesterday I was tempted to text while I was driving. Sometimes I get a case of Stupid too. I was going somewhere and remembered I forgot to respond to someone about something that seemed important at the time. So important I can't even remember what it was now. I have NEVER texted while I was driving before. Yesterday, I literally reached for my phone thinking I can text AND watch the road at the same time because, well, I am such an alert driver. "That's what they all thought, Susannah" was my responding thought. The text waited until I reached my destination.

You are a good mother, Colleen! You were a good mother to Brian! I know it would help if you could find the exact word, sentence or action you took or didn't take that made Brian think car surfing was a good idea. To accept there just aren't any answers is, well, unacceptable...but, it's all we have. Is "it was just an accident" sufficient? Here's one I've used - even on you - "it was his time" or "He's in a better place" or "He's happier now"

While those things may be true, they do little to comfort our broken hearts. In fact, sometimes they ignite our wrath.

But, maybe...just maybe...they're true. How is it that it can be a 5yr old's time to die by a self inflicted gunshot wound? How can it be for a purpose that he die in his mother's arms? How does one make sense of that? I can't.

I can make sense out of two teenage boys, strung out on drugs, breaking into a car, stealing a loaded gun hidden under the seat and accidentally killing his friend. They were stupid. But, what about the owner of the gun? What the hell? Why does he need a loaded gun in his car? But, his car was locked. He thought it was safe. Ugh! Do we take away everyone's guns? How? How do we do that? How do we get everyone to put down their weapons? Even if we were successful in taking away ALL the guns, only allowing the police force and military to have them...I'm not comfortable with that.

Well...I got off track, didn't I? Don't know where that came from. Back on topic...my topic... the whys and what ifs will destroy us because there are no adequate answers.

"I don't know" is the only honest answer we have. What I do know, though, is there is nothing you could have done different, Colleen.

I'm done.

[rlolheiser]

wasn't on yesterday.. sorry I missed Nicks birthday.. Nick.. hope your family felt and feels your presence always..

Dan, Nicks site is so beautiful.. Bless you

Carol, hoping all goes well for you.. last couple days everytime I look outside I see so many hearts in the clouds.. thinking of you, Ralph, and Mike.

Coleen, so glad that Aaron is ok, you are too.. you are a wonderful mom! I wish you didn't have to go through the fears, but so proud of how you handle them

I don't have much time.. they say no time for the wicked.. I just can't remember what I did that was so wicked..

anyway..

Love you to all

[shorty16]

Thank You all

I know Scott and I are good parents. We really try hard. But when we lose a child in such a senseless and preventable way, it hits us to the very core of our self esteem.

I must have told Aaron 10X that "I am so glad you are OK." I sat with him and we talkedabout what could have happened and what we could be doing right now if things were different (planning a funeral for him or his friends.)

We also told him that we are not being "MEAN" we are just trying to get him to THINK about his actions and how they affect others. We all know too well how the actions of our kids have turned our lives upside down. These laws are in place for a reason and you are not above the law.

I know in my heart that we are good parents. We love each other and our kids. We do alot of things with them (even when they do not want to be with us). I am getting stronger now and I am able to tell that demon to go back where it belongs and I am not going to listen to its untruths.

Thank you my friends. SUS if you were her I would allow you to wrap Aaron along side the head. But like I said, he can sit and stare at that other car for 4 months.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Guest msnher]

Overheard a few minutes ago while the kids were eating their lunch in the kitchen...10yr old Mariah..

"I'm almost a teenager and I get really, really hungry. And, I'm trying to slow down my habitat so I don't gain weight."

[ericasmom]

Prayers being sent and surrounding you Carol-you and the whole Family. I hope so that the problems are resolved and that the long view can be seen and that it is a good view.

Lord and Mike, and all of our Angels, please try to direct the energy of the One so embattled to find the fork in the road, choose the right path, and find those hard steps rewarding as they go, so that the struggle serves as the teacher to this One who so needs the ability to take charge in a good way.

We are home. It feels good to be home but oh, so glad to have gotten away just for a few days. I have not been able to travel much, my worry-self gets in the way, but so glad that we did.

I have to find the show you all are talking about with the near death experiences, sounds very good. Last night I watched something that I was unsure that I should and yet could not stop myself: Lovely Bones. I read it soon after Eri died as someone sent it to me thinking it might be uplifting. Well it is a horrendous story but the heaven part is uplifting, and those pieces ofboththe book and the movie sound very much like what gives me hope as well the peace, the purity, the calm adn the beauty. Makes my heart less heavy in thinking of Eri gone 8 years now.

[briansdad]

Colleen said....Greg - We bought yet another cavalier!!!

That's what I'm talkin about!!!!! Cavaliers forever.

[ericasmom]

Jenn, love the pennies story. Where in Indiana are you? Way south? We are just outside Chicago adn we have had so much rain throughout July and some already in August.

Back to school or any other kind of reminder that our Baby is not partaking can make things extra hard, I know.

Greg, love the Cavalier.

[daveydow1]

Dee----So nice that you were able to get away for a nice rest. We did get a little rain.....and they

are forcasting more for the next few days, so we are hopeful. The little we did get helped refresh

the garden,....at least for a short while.

Colleen-----So very sorry to hear of Aaron's wreck. You must have been frantic...to put it mildly,

until you found out that he, and the other boys, were not injured. Yes,......teens do make some

very bad decisions. I think that you are a great mom, and that the 'grounding from driving' for

Aaron is appropriate. As you say....he will have 4 full months to see the Cavalier sitting there

in the drive, and not be able to use it. The 4 months will no doubt weigh very heavily on his

young mind, and seem like a year. When I read the first line of your post, .....I thought OH, NO !

and was fearful, then relieved when you said that Aaron and the other boys were OK. Distracted

Driving is so very serious. A distracted driver killed my son, Davey. His distraction .........Driving

While Sleeping. All distracted driving is dangerous. Thoughts & prayers for you, friend.

Shelly-----One year is a rough time on this journey. Sending prayers.

Sue-----Stacy is surely free of pain, and smiling down on you.

Jenn----Those milestones are so painful indeed. God Bless Brianna's sweet heart.

Leah----You are not a wicked person....Leah. That is so evident in your posts where you reach out

to help others with your kind and sensitive words, even though you have your own heartaches,

and problems to deal with. You still reach out and send kind words to all Indigos.

Sus----As you say....maybe the words we hear are true......( "he's/she's in a better place"...."it was meant to be", etc.)

Of course it can rile us when we hear those words....especially when the one who is speaking them has never

walked in our shoes. But, in the strictest sense of the phrase/words.....there is some truth in it. I missed the program

on Primetime, but have seen similar ones before. Dave said to his sister.........."all I know is that I was sitting in traffic

one minute, and was in heaven the next". I, so, believe that, and it was the most comforting thing that anyone said to

me right after Davey died. You are so right.

Carol-------Peace and prayers for your family in this difficult time., friend.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[hotrod]

Good Evening Indigos

Dear Dee Thank you for the beautiful prayer that you expressed in Carol and her family name . I wish to add my Amen and add - Dear Heavenly Father please keep Carol and all she hold dear in the Palm of Your Hand. .

Sue you hit the nail the head the reason I cannot lose these 10 pounds that I gained when I stopped smoking is because I must get my Habitat in order Thank Mariah.

Colleen glad Aaron is safe.

Leah I agree with Sherry you are not a wicked person you are kind and generous. Hope your Mom is holding up in this weather and that you and your family will feel the warmth of JoBoa's love. Good to see JoBoa when I sign on.

Sleep well Indigos

[Guest msnher]

I watched "Lovely Bones". I can't remember when in this journey that I watched it...maybe the first year. Like you, Dee, I couldn't not watch it. I don't know why. I think of the movie often. I would not choose to watch it again. It is one of those shows that is stuck in my thoughts. Not the fact that she lived after she died...the way she died is stuck.

By the way, our reading routine (with the kids) is not as difficult as I thought it would. Nor is it as time consuming. They enjoy reading to me. Even Kaylee and Little Curtis have joined in, bringing me books to read to them. Our favorite is "Duck on a bike" by David Shannon. Mariah and I are reading Nancy Drew together.

Tomorrow is my friend's son's funeral. 2pm. His friends held a candle light vigil for him. They are also putting on a memorial concert at the Venue tomorrow night. I know those are things my friend will cherish.

Sending you all love.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[summergirl]

Colleen - YOU are wonderful parents that did all they could to protect your children from the moment they were born - I am proud of both of you for doing what you are doing for Aaron.....I think the 4 months staring at the car is better then the "smack up long side the head" but then again that might not hurt either. How well we all understand the "guilt" that comes with this journey we walk......so it was good to read your post about putting the demon where he belongs.

Carol - my prayers are with you and your family during this stressful time....whatever it is you all will make the right decision no matter how hard it is...hugging you

Suz - I have to say what I believe - I believe that your time is set in writing from the day you are born but I do not believe that "how you leave this earth" is set...I do not believe that God would allow such horrible things happen, I believe it is at the hands of humans that chooses the way we leave.....The people who murder, planes that crash, guns that are bought, drugs that are made....all made by humans.....Anyway, I do not know if I am making sense to you but I will leave it as it is.

I too read Lovely Bones and also so the movie.....loved the Heaven part but was so disturbed by the "how she passed"......I am still waiting to see the "Rabbit Hole" with Nicole Kidman....heard it was very good and I know I will cry but def want to see it.

Dan - what a beautiful tribute to your son....you are an amazing man - father of Nick...

Well, Tavian is about ready for bed....he had a long day at camp, they went to the Aquarium for 4 hours, came home and went fishing with Will until 8, dinner and now he is a tired boy.... LOVE, HUGS AND STRENGTH TO ALL, KATHY