Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmomrs]

Sharon: We here all know how your heart is hurting...we all also hold you close in thought...sending love and strength. I am so sorry that you have to walk this journey.

Rhonda: the story of your little one's "nebber coming back, not ebber" brought tears...you had every right to cry, even if you had to wait til later when you could do it by yourself. You are so kind to visit Westley's friend. I pray that your daughter will understand...likely, she does.

Betty: Love your bargain dress...sounds like a great deal, so glad for you that you found it.

LorrI: So very sorry that you are having such problems with your church community...I pray you will find something that suits you, as I know that you are a person who is strong in your faith and you have shown by your posts that the sharing of that faith is important to you. We have been very fortunate...we have been in the same church now for 24 years (since coming home from Italy), Catholic, and over the years, we've had some good pastors. The one we have now came here just a week or so before Mike was confined to bed, and he was so loving and kind to us, enveloping us in prayer and comfort, visiting, etc. He still is and remembers ever year when it is Mike's angelversary. One of the first things he said to me after Mike passed was "You are in a lot of pain now, but you know where he is and one day that will help your heart." He understood that I could not find comfort in that then, but encouraged me to know that one day that would help me. We were and are blessed to have him in our lives.

Colleen: I am so sorry to hear that you have been so sad...I am glad though that you are taking steps to get out there and look for something to smile about...have fun on your hike...you know that Brian will be right there, walking with you.

Pam: Thank you so much for sharing your good things...and good for you that you are looking for them...

The snow we got yesterday (about 6 inches) is melting fast...good watering for the new life that spring brings that is trying to push through the ground to find the sun.

Sherry, Betsy, Dee, Lynn, Sus, Trudi, Sharon, all of our "Crystals" and all of our indigo family...sending love and good thoughts to all of you...thinking of you and holding you close in my heart.

[daveydow1]

Sharon-----I'm sorry that you are in that dark hole that goes along with this road we're on. Wish I had a

magic wand to wave,......and all our hearts would feel better. Just remember that here at BI.......we

all understand the sorrow and despair that clutches your heart right now. We're here for you, friend.

Rhonda----I think that CJ looks forward to your visits, and it is so kind of you to go to the workhouse

to visit him. Peace to you.

Betty------Wow......a CK summer dress for only $20. !!!! That sure is a bargain. Also,.....that the dress

fit perfectly !!. I'm glad that you bought it, and I'm sure it will be worn a lot during the summer months.

Dee------It has been so cold here.......my husband did a bit of raking out next to the patio where some

crocuses and primrose and hyacinth are bravely trying to brighten our days......but with temps in the

teens at night......they keep getting frozen. You will always have that beautiful memory of Mike's

peaceful passing to go to ERi, and also the lovely pink clouds after ERz took her wings & went up

to heaven.

Sus-----Oh.....prayers for dear little Mariah. Bless her buttons.

Kathy-----The last line of your 'Club' writing says it so well........'We can't pretend that it doesn't hurt or be

hurried along'. So true. I think other people somehow think that there is some time limit to our grief,

and that if they try to hurry us along, that we will reach that 'time limit' that they have set up in their minds

for us, and then we'll be 'back to normal'........Or, that they compare our loss with way less life losses....

such a loss of a job,.....loss of a relationship......financial problems.....etc. We all know that there is no

comparison to the loss of a child.

Pam----I'm so happy for you that you had a decent day.......seeing 2 red-head woodpeckers and the other

things. These are the steps that we all look forward to each day when we get up. Of course, we don't

always realize these positive steps.....and may even go back a few steps......but I'm proud of you and so

glad for you. Peace, friend.

Lori------I, too, am a follower......not a leader. I do so hope that you are able to 'connect' with a church that

you feel its where you belong. Feeling comfortable in one's church is a major comfort. I feel a bit

'religiously adrift' right now also. Peace & prayers, my BI friend.

Colleen-----We do not see red-headed woodpeckers either, but my husband did see one not long ago

at the area metropark. We have the downies, yellow-bellies coming to the feeders on a regular basis.

Since winter just won't give up here, ....we do have the benefit of having all the birds coming to the feeders.

The amount of birds at the feeders dwindles remarkably whenever it gets warm. The goldfinches still

come during the summer for the thistle seed, but other birds seem to prefer their own foraging skills

when it's warm. I hope that you are feeling somewhat better now. Those 'black hole' days do have a

way of grabbing us, don't they? But, you are right......we will make it together.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS...........ESPECIALLY ALL THE NEW PARENTS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[shorty16]

Betty,

What a great list of things that made you feel good or smile yesterday. I love this assignment.

Somedays this list will be long, other days - just breathing is on the list. But - we can do this.

My fam is still laying around. I did some shopping, got my car washed and saw the sun try to peak out - even if for a second.

Thanks Betty

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Col, our day is more cloudy than expected, but when the clouds part, it gets nice a warm-ish. John and I raked some areas, but like Sherry said, some plants are not ready as it gets too cold at night. We are supposed to be in the 50's everyday but one for the next week, so hopefully, this will mean we can uncover all the areas of our gardens. Did you go walking the two miles? I am bundled up somewhat and am going to go sit on the deck and read. The bird sounds are my solace. I don't see red headed woodpeckers often, but downeys and maybe a hairy woodpecker as well as flickers. There is an owl nearby as I hear him in the wee hours of the morning lately. Love thinking of a nest of owls. WE have many finch, sparrows galore, cardinals galore, blue jays, and so many robins that their music at times is a symphony. We don't feed in the summer months, letting them forage for themselves, but as soon as it gets cold out, Octoberish time, we feed until we are consistently warm.

Betty, what color is your new dress? I do like CK very much, his lines and simplicity make everything of his very classic.

Sharon, hold on to our hands as you feel you are sinking, we will pull you up.

Sus, I am glad that Mariah is still seeing her people. It is great that you have her involved in therapy and social work. Learning at a young age that there are folks to help you decipher the anger and sadness in you life is a great asset. She has a lot ot deipher. I think that she is lucky along with her bro and sis, to have landed in your arms and hearts.

[ericasmom]

HEY, how was opening day for you Amy? Carol is yours next week or did you go yesterday?

[mikesmomrs]

Dee: our opening day at Fenway is next Friday...opening day for the season was yesterday, the Sox played the Rangers in TX and lost! crummy pitching...hope it is not a portent for the season, although they did say that the last time we lost our opening game, 2007, we won the world series in October.

Amy: I hope you and Katie were able to stay warm and dry and had a good time.

Sherry: we don't have many birds here, we are too close to the roadway, I think...a lot of traffic. We are planning on putting up a couple of birdhouses, though, as the sparrows nested in our rollup window covers last year and made an awful mess on the windows! Yuck! We used to have tons of birds at the feeders in the winter at our old house, but it was more in the woods.

have a good rest of the weekend, everybody...

[mikesmomrs]

I forgot to share something yesterday...the day before, we had gone up to Mike's memorial site to put up something "Red Sox" for opening day. As I stood there, looking at his stone, it was so eerily quiet and empty there...just me and the markers surrounded by the trees (ralph stayed in the van because of the chilly wind). Cloudy, windy and chilly. As I pulled my jacket closer around me, I whispered, "Mike, I know you are not here, but I hope you are 'here'." (as in, around us). As I turned to go, I heard the distant, loud, melodical sound of a bird, just at the edge of the woods surrounding the field...distinct, attention-getting...almost as loud as the crows can be, but not the sound a crow makes...more melodious...I smiled, as the song ended...I held it close in my heart all the way back to the car, hope renewed, at least for the moment.

[kmb22]

Hi everyone,

Carol – Glad you didn’t get the storm to badly. We lucked out here as well. Though disheartening to see the ground covered in white again, it is melting quickly. Thank you for sharing the story of your visit with Mike, I love to hear the ways he shows you he’ll always be there. I too hope opening day goes better here.

Dee – Glad to hear it’s warming up for you today as well. I hope you enjoy your time out in the yard preparing for the spring blooms.

Sherry – I love to hear all of the stories of your feathered visitors. The bird feeders brought back a memory from the first time I saw a hummingbird. I was in upstate NY at a quaint little log cabin restaurant which had feeders outside every window. I was in such awe I could hardly eat. Thank you for the memory.

Pam – Thank you for sharing the positives in your day.

Susannah – Glad to hear you’ll be enjoying some warmth and sunshine in your day. I’m sorry to hear Mariah is struggling. I’m not certain what suffices as qualifications to help but, there’s no doubt in my mind, they couldn’t be in better care.

Lorri – I completely understand your disappointment and am sorry they upset you. I’ve never been a part of organized religion, more due to my upbringing than my beliefs. However, it allowed me the opportunity to form my own beliefs which have always been more spiritual rather than the organization or the building they meet within. I’ve tried many over the years but was disappointed in each one until I finally gave up. Recently I found a spiritual church, in my area, which I feel, fits my beliefs. The pastors (or ministers I’m sorry I don’t know the correct terminology) are also mediums who at the end of each sermon perform mini readings. The members all hold the belief that we are never truly separated but also understand how very much we miss and long for them here. I agree with others, you have to find what feels best for you.

Rhonda – I’m glad you were able to spend some time with your precious little one. Oh how true out of the mouths of babes sometimes come the words our hearts long to scream. I hope your visit goes well with CJ. Love and compassion are shown by example and you, my friend, are one of the most loving and compassionate woman I know. I’m certain your daughter is more grateful for that than any shopping trip. “She is going to find out soon that while your heart beats outside your body once you have a child, its split in two when you have another.”….and when our child is lost, there it still lies…in pieces. {Hugs}

Colleen – I understand the added sadness of the season when our souls cry out for the sun and warm breezes. I hope you’re able to get out and enjoy your hike, and hope the sun shines down brightly on you.

Crystal (Megsmom) – I too offer you a sad welcome and am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious daughter Meg. I’m glad you found your way here. I’m so sorry for the pain you’re in and too wish I had some words of comfort. I have to say I admire your ability to pack it up and start over. So often wish I could do the same but the added pressure of what to do with the house is too much to deal with right now so I sit…feeling stuck. I hope you’re able to come back and share the memories of your daughter with us. We may not have the answers but we will never tire of listening, even if you just need to vent.

Sharon – I’m so sorry for the aching in your heart, as Carol said, we understand. I’m glad you were able to spend some time with Steven. Holding you close friend.

Betty – Thank you for your warm words I’m sorry we’ve shared the lack of good motherly example. I too was more lenient than I probably should have been but I also believe children should have a childhood; rules and responsibility come too quick to not enjoy the few precious years they can truly just be a kid. I’m glad you were able to get out and enjoy some of the beginning signs of Spring, may we be in full bloom soon. Thank you too for sharing the positive light in your day and for lighting a candle for our precious angels.

Writing about the thoughts of how we chose to bring up our children reminds me of how incredibly difficult it was at times. All the decisions and choices, all the questioning to whether or not we handled each situation the best way we could. I just had a conversation with someone about this today. We were talking about at what age we felt it was appropriate for certain lessons of life. I tended to try and shelter my boys from a lot of these lessons early on. He believes they should be taught early on life isn’t always rainbows and fluffy clouds. Who’s right, and who’s wrong, who really knows. Parenting is a humongous book of questions without all the answers in the back of the book. But, it was worth every moment…even the heartache.

I'm sorry to those I missed. I've tried all day to catch up but keep getting distracted away...so much so I had to change the beginning of this from Morning everyone. Gosh my mind is just mush these days.

[ericasmom]

Hope renewed indeed Carol, never far away that Boy, always surrounding you with his infinite love. I know he must love the red for the Sox. Yes, opening day here yesterday for our Cubs was a loss too, but that is how the Cubs are. They lose a lot but they are so loved. I know that My Mom was hovering over the field, loving her Cubbies.

Karen, that church sounds amazing. I love that they do readings. What a nice thought. I am glad that yoru newest snow is melting quickly. Today the sky kept changing but all in all we spent most the day outdoors raking and pulling weeds. It felt mighty good but husband is afraid that it is too early to uncover more. WE'll see. I woke in the night, always leave a window open a bit adn it smelled of spring, I could smell the sweetness. OH how I love that.

So I want to just quote the book I am reading as this line keeps reverberating in my heart: I could not stop talking because now I had started my story, it wanted to be finsihed. We cannot choose where to start and stop. Our stories are the tellers of us.

It is so isn't it, the stories we tell here, are telling all about us, giving each other a more detailed view of our lives. Our stories tell who we are now, who we were before we met one another, and our stories will keep evolving telling us who we have become.

[mikesmum]

Lite a candle in church in Thanksgiving for being Stephen's mom for so many years and another for all our Indigos angels

Sometimes I forget that I was blessed to have my son for 31ys..thanks Betty for reminding me

I love the 'assignments' that come from the Indigo family.

So here goes my 'what made me smile today'.......

My first was being reminded that Micheal was in my life for 31yrs.

Second was logging into FB to see my daughter had post a pic from way back.

Third, travelling through farming country to a little craft market made up of local farming women.

Homemade tomato relish, home made magnetic pegs to hang pics on the fridge and

watching them do intricate needle work and talk at the same time.....

Finally, opening my books and realising that I am opening myself to uncharted territory and that's okay..

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Hung upon your wall for the world to see

Pictures of you, pictures of me

Remind us all of what we used to be

Yes Dee

"I could not stop talking because now I had started my story, it wanted to be finsihed. We cannot choose where to start and stop. Our stories are the tellers of us."

[aim630]

Busy couple of days-I'll need to catch up on reading tomorrow, but a couple of things:

Opening day was cold, brrr...about 40 degrees, but sunny. The Tribe was losing 14-0 by the 4th inning, but made it a little more exciting by scoring 10 runs (still lost 15-10). If they just would have started the game in the 6th inning, we would have won 10-1! They lost pretty badly today also. Oh well, no one expects much from this team. We had fun anyways. I won a buy one get one free ticket to another game, and Katie won an Indians snuggie

Today as we were going through more of Ashley's things. I found a mostly blank notebook, and was flipping through it. I said out loud, I don't know what this notebook was for, then I came to a page with a few math problems, and written across the top of the page was "Freakin A stupid math". That was so Ashley. It must have been for one of her college math courses. One time, while working the drive-thru at McDonald's my 2 brothers (who are 20 yrs younger than me, and were Ashley's age) came through and ordered 40 McNuggets. Ashley said to them "Why the Hell did you order 40 McNuggets???" Of course the other employees working around her had no idea those were her uncles (more like her brothers) and were shocked!

As time goes by I am able to smile more thinking of the memories of Ashley, but I'll never stop wishing she was here to make more memories.

Monday is Katie's 18th birthday, so today we went to Olive Garden for her birthday dinner. Tomorrow is the family birthday party, and next weekend is a sleepover for about 8 girls. We still have a lot of work to get the basement rec-room in order for a party, so will be busy the rest of the week. We have used this as a giant storage room for all of Ashley's things. I haven't felt much like cleaning the past year. Plus, my allergies are crazy when I'm down there. We're pretty much done other than washing the walls, and cleaning the carpets.

I hope to catch up on everything tomorrow morning. Thinking of everyone.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Guest msnher]

Hello Indigo's;

I've had a fabulously fantastic day. Who'd a thunk it? I never thought I'd feel this love, peace and connectedness to life again. Yet, here it is. I haven't read any of the posts, yet, but I wanted to post this before I forget...it was said to me just a few minutes ago by a dear friend over tea. "Quit judging yesterdays mistakes by what you know today." Powerful! I'm going to read now. In case I don't post again tonight please know you are all in my heart and thoughts. I hold your children and each of you in that sacred, tender place that only we understand.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

Not many posts to catch up on, but I fear I'll leave someone out. Today has been quiet in Indigo land.

An assignment! I didn't take it as an assignment. I'm up for the task. Cool. There were too many things that went right about today for me to mention. Beginning with my grandchildren, doing laundry, going to the holistic fair and ending the day with a surprise visit from one of my closest friends.

I have known Terri for years. Tonight we both tried to remember how our friendship began and neither one of us can remember. We were supposed to get together for coffee the day Stephanie died, but Terri called and told me she was still in Rock Springs (4 hours away from Casper) and wouldn't be home until later that afternoon.

On the way home from the hospital, that horrible morning, I called Terri. "Where are you?" I asked...not wanting to give her the news that my daughter just died if she was driving. I was driving, but that didn't concern me. "At your house." was her reply.

That morning, after she hung up the phone from cancelling our time together, she said she literally heard a voice tell her to leave Rock Springs NOW. She said she was just driving over the hill, into Casper, when she got the call from another mutual friend. She didn't even go home. She just came straight to my house.

I don't know how all my friends found out about Stephanie. I didn't call any of them. I was still standing over Stephanie's body when another friend called and just said, "Is it true?"

Within minutes of my arrival home my house was inundated with people offering love and support.

Tonight Terri and I talked about the difference between that day and today. I talked about how mad I was at God for so long and yet during the whole time I was surrounded by love.

There will be a better day, new members of this club none of us wanted to belong to. There will be a better day. Hold on.

Amy - Ashley is an angel after my own heart! Just today I declared that I was one of God's "street people". It just seems impossible for me to not tell people that love is the answer but if there is an injustice I am right there wanting to kick ars. I would spell it out but then it doesn't show. But, now I want to know, why the hell did her uncles/brothers order 40 mcnuggets!

Dee - I love it! I can't stop talking because I'm telling my story and I want to finish it.

Trudy - Love your blessing list. Love the picture!

Oh...my mind is wandering and my eyes are drooping and I don't want to leave anyone out. Please know it's not intentionally. May you all feel some peace and get some rest tonight.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

There WERE more posts. I missed them. Not sure how. I'll catch up tomorrow. Nite.

[ericasmom]

Trudi said: Finally, opening my books and realising that I am opening myself to uncharted territory and that's okay..

Love that line Trudi, and you are the maker of this new territory, the captain of the uncharted trip. It is good to let yourself find new discoveries as you go along and putting yourself on a new trajectory...

Betty, thanks for lighting candles for our Angels, how very dear of you. I can almost smell the inside of your church, the deep smell of candles and old wood. I hope the sun shone just right through the stained glass.

Amy glad that you went to the game and that you not only had fun in the cold but that you and Katie won things. That snugglie probably came in handy. Sounds like you have much to do this weekend. Let Kate know that we wish her a happy birthday on Monday. What a great date she was born.

Things that have made me smile today? All the many birds and their music,

the warmth on my back as I raked and weeded,

picking out items that we will use to decorate the tree in the school's park,on Monday, Eri's birthday. I bought two kinds of pink riboon, pink pipe cleaners, yarn, and some balsa wood objects, birds and butterflies, to paint with a little kit of outdoor paint so that we can hang them in her tree branches. The kids can all add some color or dots to the figures adn then we will go out to decorate.

Receiving a call from Patrice, my friend whose husband is ill. It was so good to catch up with her.

Coming here to see all of you.

Tonight I felt like drawing, haven't really grabbed a tablet in a long time, a long time. I have about 10 tablets, differnt sizes adn kinds of paper and many pencil sets because i love to use pencil...So I grabbed one that I knew I had drawn in/written in, but did not know from when. So I went downstairs and began to go page by page, the poems and drawings were from 6 years ago this week. Wild, it is all about Eri, and it was 1year and 9 months after her death, it was approaching her 21st birthday. I was in deep pain and as I recall, that pain hit quite a crescendo at the 2 year mark. I was fully functional the whole way through, but the pain I was experiencing and the lack of sleep were very much like that of those new to this place.Some of what I wrote back on April 1st and 2nd of 2005:

It is serious you know-

this pain is serious-

it is miles deep and

so deep and wide that there is a horizon line.

It is where the loss meets the sky

where there is some stupid explanation

of why she had to die.

Below the frozen earth, flowers prepare

the miracle of the rebirth bring us up,

like new shoots

filled again with hope

The garden is different now,

but still hopeful.

Sometimes it is the sheer weight of loss that finds me aged and reclusive,

speaking this heavy mass would make others want to be elsewhere,

anywhere but this place where the dead seem to have taken the light from our eyes,

Sometimes...

These were all written during the first two days of April 6 years ago, I remember sitting in my home drawing and writing these as though it was yesterday. That instability of time again, the lack of sense it makes anymore...

Night all, dream sweetly.

[ericasmom]

In the time it took me to write my very long post, Sus, you wrote three so I will say goodnight with my comment to your day, how nice for you to have had a wonderful day and that your old friend was there to share time with. Lovely, and how was the fair?

Have a good sleep

[Crystal Rogerson]

I just want to thank you all for all the SUPPORT you have shown me just in the last 2 days. My "support" system is thousands of miles away and they won't really talk to me about Meg anyway. They feel awkward about saying anything. What they don't realize (and have told them) is I need to talk about her and hear what they have to say about her. I need to be able to enjoy the memories instead of having them creep up on me and blind side me. For those of you who told me that they wished they could move or that it was a brave thing to do...running didn't help. The pain followed me. And I don't know about it being brave. If you ask my brothers and sisters...it was the stupidest thing I could have done. But I met my current husband here, and what a wonderful thing that was. He has never had children, so doesn't really understand, but he supports me emotionally the best he can. I am worried because, he has never said so, but I know if I don't "group my poop" that I might lose him, as he is a very up beat person...just as I used to be.

Meg was the oldest of two girls. She had long, chestnut colored hair. When she was little she was shy and quiet but mischievious. (ie: swore up and down that it was not her that wrote "Megan" in green crayon on the side of the dresser). She is the only person I have ever met that could hit the high note in Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody". She fell out of the swing in 2nd grade and broke the growth plate in her arm...and never said a word. I didn't even know she had hurt herself for 2 weeks after she did it. She liked to quote the movie Wayne's World and Tommy Boy. She loved anything and everything tie-dyed. When she was in the 5th grade she wanted to join (AND DID) the wrestling team. She was the only girl on the team...and won several of her matches.When she got into her teens, she really was hitting her stride. People were drawn to her. She was just so easy to be around and she made everyone feel comfortable when you were around her. She would have been a wonderful adult. Her best friend , Kristen has helped alot. She stepped up to be around me when Meg passed and when her mom passed away, I stepped up to help her, so I now call her my cabbage patch kid. I don't see Kristen often, as she lives in another state but when we do get together we always look at photos of Meg and remember back to when she was here.

There is so much I want/need to say here but I'm tired and I'm going to go to bed. I will get more into Meg and why I'm here at a later time. I wish you all peace. I have the utmost respect for all of you here and again, THANK YOU. I think I finally found a place I belong.

Goodnight

Crystal (Meg's mom)

In the time it took me to write my very long post, Sus, you wrote three so I will say goodnight with my comment to your day, how nice for you to have had a wonderful day and that your old friend was there to share time with. Lovely, and how was the fair?

Have a good sleep

[mysonrich]

Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter Sarah. 25 years old today.

Good- by to my Sister in-law Laura. I'll see you on the other side.

[aim630]

Crystal-Meg's mom: Your Megan sounds a lot like my Ashley, even down to the part of writing her name on her desk. She was about 5 and wrote Ashley all over her desk, then swore it wasn't her that did it! As she was an only child at the time, we told her it had to be her, then she said well, it wasn't really her, but it was her hand that did it (like she had no control over her hand)! Ashley was very easy-going and had lots of friends. I love that Megan joined the wrestling team, even though she was the only girl. I'm glad you and Kristen have been able to help support each other through your losses. I'm sorry you don't have a lot of support where you are, but please come back here & tell us more about Megan. We'd love to hear it. I found the most support here than anywhere else, because no one else really "gets it".

Dee-I know Katie is lucky to share her birthday with your angel, Erica. I've told her several times about Erica. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I'm sure you and the kids will decorate the park in pink and Eri will be watching and smiling.

Susannah-Glad you had a good day yesterday and had a good visit with Terri.

Betsy-So sorry for the loss of Laura. I'm sure Rich was there to greet her. I know you'll be a big support for your brother and his family. Happy Birthday to Sarah!

Amy/Ashley's mom

[ericasmom]

Happy Birthday Sweet Sarah, may you enjoy this pretty day, made pretty by your birth.

Betsy, I am so sorry about Laura, though glad that she is out of her anguish, a new kind of anguish for your brother and for you all. Prayers and hope and peace to you all.

Crystal, so glad to see your post, I do think that joining with us will help you find your time to talk about all of Meg's delights and sadnesses so that the memories don't blindside you. Where is your other daughter, with you? I am glad that you met a good Man as your partner, and I know the light heartedness that you used to have, but maybe being here will help you find that again. Also, some of the angst and blues may be hormonal if you are at all in the same age group that many of us are. I am going to be 55 this month, and menopause has really tipped me inside out in several ways. Yikes, but finding my way through that too, moods definitely are affected.

Amy, happy birthday to Katie, thanks for sharing my Pink Girl with her. Give her a squeeze for me.

[lolynbo]

IM HEADING TO SAN ANTONIO TODAY TIL TUESDAY WITH MY MOMMY AND WERE GOING TO MEET KIMMY UP THERE ON HER COMPANY DIME (CEPT MY FOOD AND ETCS.) WONT BE ON MUCH BUT KNOW IM THINKING OF YAL...PRAYERS TO ALL... MOMS ALMOST 70 AND NEVER BEEN MANY PLACES AND NEVER SA...SHOULD BE FUN LIL TRIP WERE DRIVING WILL TAKE 5 TO 6 TO GET THERE

KODY RACED LAST NIGHT BUT HIS MOTOR WAS SLUGGISH SO HE SAID IT JUST DIDNT FEEL RIGHT NOT MUCH POWER SO HE PULLED OFF B4 HIS RACE RACE....BUT HE DID GET TO CARRY THE FLAG..AND YES THATS BROOKES FAT HEAD HANGING OUT THE WINDOW...

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Betsy I am so sorry to hear about Laura's passing . Thanks for the beautiful music for remembering. I know Rich and your MOM were with her and I pray that you and your brother find peace.

Happy 25 th Birthday beautiful Sarah

Amy I really laughed out loud about" Ashley's"Hand" all over her desk. These are the sweet memories that really touch my heart when they surface

Crystal(Megan's mom} I am so glad you feel welcomed and able to talk about Megan She too sounds like a delight

Lorrie I love seeing pictures of Kody's race car It reminds me of Stephen and his race car that he named " Little Victories. I remember all the difficulties in getting that motor right (many times he would call screaming that he was pushing the car into the ocean after he had renamed it "Big Fat Mistake" Thanks

Trudie and Dee I loved your positive actions yesterday. Crafts fair, leafing, remembering all so touching

Rhonda I do admire your dedication to that young man in the work house he too is very fortunate.

Karen Thanks for sharing your thoughts and heart. In hind sight The qustions do seem so much clearer. but as Sus friend stated the idea that we did the best with what we knew at the time and that was good enough.

Colleen see what you started.

Well Indigos my companion and I must really be getting senile. We have season tickets to off Broadway plays in the neighborhood. We both have the dates written on our calendars but some how we showed up at the theater yesterday with our April 9th tickets. It being April 2nd someone was in our seats!!!! After much confusion on the part of ushers and staff it was discovered we were there the wrong day!!!! I must say everyone was very gracious and they made room for us and we had better seats than we would have had we taken our usual seats!!! I guess that was the most positive/ negative thing I did yesterday

Sherry and Dee did walk in Central Park after and saw my favorite birds the beautiful RED Cardinals

Hope everyone has a day filled with warmth. Diane, Crystals, and all new indigos please keep coming and posting It really helps all of us

[lolynbo]

I HAD A IDEA....WHY DONT WE POST SOMETHING ABOUT OUR CHILD OR OUR FEELINGS THAT NO ONE ELSE KNOWS..BUT US..OR FEELS....IF I COULD TODAY OR THIS WEEK MINE WOULD BE

KOURTNEY LYNN...WHEN YOU WERE TAKING YOUR LAST BREATH AND I CLIMBED IN BED WITH YOU...MONA (MY SISTER INLAW) PUT YOUR ARM AROUND ME, AND SHE LET GO AND YOUR ARM FELL TO YOUR SIDE...IT ALMOST KILLED ME, I KNEW THEN YOU WERE LEAVING ME.....

[ericasmom]

Lorri, I like the assignment, and I ache for what it is you shared, thanks for sharing what is so close to your heart chambers, the nest we build there that is both filled with loss and joys...I can feel the weight of Kourtney's arm falling. I t nearly killed you, strong sense of loss in that small powerful statement.

I hope that you have a rockin good time with Mom and Kimmy in San Antonio. I have never been but have heard that it is a fun city. I would imagine Lorri, that it will be more fun with you in it. Have fun, you know Kourt is riding shotgun.

Love Brooke's fathead remark. Sorry my Kody Boy could not race however.

Betty, love your story of the wrong date at the theater. How synchronized you and your friend are to have both thought it yesterday...glad too that you strolled the park and saw the wonderfully melodic cardinals.

Amy and Crystal, I love the stories of your girls saying it wasn't them that wrote on the desk, they both sound a bit like Eri...stubborn or as Jon used to say as a little one, Stubrun.

They had a lot of zip in them, attractors of friends, most wonderful laughs...oh those girls of mischief.

Be well all, a good day, heard there is snow in Wisconsin, I hope Colleen, that you are to far south for it.

[mysonrich]

Rich would ride his bike all over the place with friends. When I thought he was gone to long without making an appearance for food,drinks,snacks for himself and friends, I would take the dog for a walk. Upon finding Rich at friends,outside,he would say, “ Mom, why are you checking up on me”. I told him I wasn't, I was just taking the dog for a walk. He knew better. He saw through me.

On the day Rich died,while stopped at a red light, I just started to cry and cry and cry. My thoughts were, “ Rich, that is why I always came looking for you”. Afraid of something happening to him. At that point in time I did not know Rich had died.

Thanks Dee , Betty and Amy. Anguish is right. Laura’s and my brothers. She fought a heartbreaking battle till the end.

Betty, Rich,my mom and Patrick were there to greet her. Laura’s mother also died from breast cancer at a relatively young age. Laura is 57 I believe. My little brother married and older woman.

Indigo's, I have been reading and am so sorry that I could not reply. Just very tired. Thinking of you all.

[andy88]

Good Morning Friends,

Lorri - I love your idea! Here's mine:

Andy, my most cherished memory of you is our bedtime ritual when you were little. I love that we called it "the ritual." Remember that I would read you a story, very often "The Very Best Home for Me" by Jane Werner Watson? I could never get away with skipping a page, cuz you would catch me. I've been reading that book a lot lately before I go to sleep. Then I would sing you "You Are My Sunshine", then the best part, where I would tell you a fairy tale starring YOU, and it always ended with "...and Andy and Mommy fell fast asleep."...and you always DID! You made my life wonderful beyond anything I could ever have imagined. Thank you for the best 22 years of my life baby. I'm counting on you to help me get through the rest of my life until we meet again. What a glorious day that will be!

Happy birthday Sarah. May you have a beautiful day in heaven today.

Wishing all Indigos a peaceful day and may you find a small ray of sunshine today. You are all in my prayers.

With love,

Pam/Andy's Mom

[westleysmom]

Happy 25th Birthday to Sarah.

Betsy-I'm so sorry to hear about Laura's passing. Rich welcomed her with open arms I'm sure, but your family will be in my thoughts.

Betty-I forgot to thank you for lighting the candle for our angels.

Have fun in San Antonio Lorri. We took the kids there on spring break several years back and its a beautiful place.

I'm going to church today so have to run but think the idea to find something wonderful in every day is great. I will try to post more later.

[Guest msnher]

It's snowing! Yesterday it was in the 70's and we woke to what looked like a blizzard outside today. It isn't sticking to the pavement and it's supposed to get up to 40. We always get a heavy spring snow in April. Last snow of the season. I don't think this is it.

Betsy - I am so sorry for the loss of your sister in law. Your brother has certainly had his share of sorrow. Prayers. And Happy Birthday to your Sarah!

Dee - The holsitic fair was nice. The kids had a grand time. Lots of positive energy. The poem you wrote in 2005 spoke to my soul. That's exactly how it feels. What would the poem say differently if you were to write it today...all these years later?

Betty - Glad they were able to find seats for you. What play did you see?

Crystal (Meg's mom) - Thank you for sharing some of your beautiful Meg with us. I look forward to hearing more.

Amy - I failed to wish Katie a Happy 18th birthday yesterday. Eighteen was my ticket to freedom. No more foster homes. I went a bit wild for a couple of years.

Carol - Love the story of the bird's beautiful song. Not only a sign from Mike but a sign from God that you are surrounded by angels. Cheering you on. A line from the book, "The Shack" just popped into my mind sending a surge of joy to my tummy and shivers down my spine, "She's one of my favorites". You are, you know....one of God's favorites.

Lorri - Have fun in San Antonio.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

Pam - "You are my sunshine" is "our" song, too.

[shorty16]

Hello my friends

We did go for our 2 mile walk down Bugline trail, yesterday - it was wonderful. The sun really tried to peak through, but clouds were the norm.

My favorite memory with Brian is - In about 2004 - Paint-balling was becoming popular and I wanted to be the first to paintball with my two boys. One Sunday, we drove to Paintball Dave's in Milwaukee and I had to sign my life away to get AJ (11 at the time) to play. About 16 people (including us) showed up - we split into 2 teams of 8. Brian did NOT want to be on our team - so it was AJ, me and 6 others against Brian and his team. We had never met these people before, but they helped us create one of the best memories I have.

Our team won, and we had a blast, I shot Brian in the butt!!!!

When I was young, I would have never imagined my parents doing something like this with me.

Thanks

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[crystalann]

I have run around since friday gettig a crib for my house for lil Will and all the bedding night light ect.... All trying to avoid today. I figured I would just stay in bed today Something woke me up last night went to the kitchen it was 4:28 tHat is the time they say he died. I just cryed myself back to sleep. You are my sunshine I sang that to him when he was little it made him smile so big! I put that on his memorial program. The sun did shine brite for a week after! I thought no wonder I feel so bad I lost my sunshine!!!!! I cant believe thats it thats all I got with him 18 he wasnt even 18 a year I guess to

uch negativity about to come out Love to all ,Crystal

[Guest msnher]

Stephanie was born with jaundice and had to be under the blue light in the nursery. I was supposed to stay laying on my back because it had been a difficult delivery. All was quiet in the hospital and I put on my robe and slippers and made my way to the nursery, standing outside the window, watching my baby. Two nurses came running to me telling me I wasn't supposed to be up and telling me I had to go back to bed. I started to cry, telling them I just wanted to see my baby. They knew my first child, Amanda, had been born with several anomalies and I didn't get to hold her until she was four days old and that was only for a minute. The nurses escorted me back to my room and then surprised me by bringing Stephanie to me. They laid my little bundle in my arms, where they left her for several hours. I just stared at her. Much the same way I did when she died.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[charsng1234]

My favorite times with you Shane was when we were home alane and would scare the pants out each other,, I loved the quite of the house the closeness I felt from you. I know you were so much like me loved scary movies scary things but not when someone scared us..lol you would get me though always I miss you laugh and your little arms holding on tight when I did get you. Miss you every day shane.. love mom..

[daveydow1]

Carol-----I so relate to your visit to the cemetery. I nearly always go alone (husband won't often go ). The last time I

was there,......it was cold, lonely and desolate......not another person there. Sometimes I also hear birds......the crows

usually,......but not this time. I'm glad that Mike gave you the sign of the nice red cardinal.

Karen-----that was such a nice story of your sitting in the restaurant by the window, and hummingbirds came around ....

surely Shawn just coming by to say "hello.Mom.....I'm OK."

Betty-----thanks so much for lighting a candle for all our angels.

Amy-----So nice that you went out to dinner for Katy's birthday. The sleepover will be great fun & lots of commotion.

Sus----Touching story of nurses bringing baby Stephanie to you to hold and adore.

Betsy-----So sorry to hear of your sister-in-law, Laura's passing from this world. Prayers for your brother, you, and the family.

Thanks for the UTube video. BST.....always a fav of mine.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH.

Crystal----Thanks for telling us all about Megan. Such a lively girl. I'm sorry that you live far from those who would be your

support system. I do understand that so many people just will not talk about our dead children. I find that I just don't

mention my son or daughter anymore.......very few people will hear me mention them. They must think that all is well, and

that I have "gotten over it".......as they say. This road, for me,......is a solitary, lonely one. The BI family here, is a lifeline.

I hope you keep coming back to this site, friend. Peace to you.

Dee----What beutiful writings. Do you also do sketching?

PEACE TO ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[crystalann]

Shane's mom- sounds like me love scary movies watched them all the time with the kids. The scaring the crap out of each other then laughing. Tyler was like me arms strait out when the scare came.We would even plan out movie like scares for the kids on all Halloweens till they figured it out and the cops were called the last time there were so many kids and parents here that didnt know what was going on alot of screaming must have scared the new people next door. Any way thanks for taking my mind somewhere fun and making me smile! I wish I had a computer so I could respond to every one I do read every thing and smile and cry with you all. Love to you all,Crystal

[charsng1234]

your welcome crystal it helpes me to tell everyone about shane..

[ericasmom]

Crystal and Sharon, good that you both can remember the great things you have in your hearts about your Boys. It is so important to be able to share those memories as well as the missing. Crystal, I apologize, you are scrambling to get a crib for little Will and I don't know who that is. Is this a grandchild? Waking to the time of your Son's death is pretty amazing.

In our family, my sisters and nieces and me have always dealt with insomnia. So long before ERi was even concieved, I would wake at 4:44. So did my sister Eileen. ERi, was born on 4-4-84. When my niece Kari was pregnant, she woke at 4:44. I love those numbers.

Sherry, yes I draw faces mostly, faces and sometimes they look like folks I know but they are just from my head. I often sketch trees and birds too. I draw in pencil and add color sometimes with my lovely colored pencils. I like to do collage as well, draw adn add things that are cut from magazines or special papers to add some fun to the pictures. Ezra Jack Keats, one of my favorite childrens authors/illustrators used a lot of collage in his images. He wrote Whistle for Willie and Snowy Day among others. I adore his work. Would love to write books like him.

[ericasmom]

Col, love your fav memory. Sounds like a good time was had by all adn no, my parents would not have joined in either. I think it was more our generation that decided to do things with our children, take part in the fun with them. It was great fun growing up with my kids. I will have to find just the right memory of Eri that I want to post. Glad that you were able to get that nice walk in yesterday. Sus, snow after 70's...sounds like Chicago.

[charsng1234]

Its a windy Sunday here in AZ I am sleeping alot today Dont want to seal with this hell I am in. I had to go pick up my son Shawn from his job cried all the way there. He is my oldest son I have only seen him cry 3 times in his young life,one was for his brother and that was the last time. I know he has a hard time dealing with my pain I try not to cry in front of any of my kids. I just feel like another day went by?? I dont feel like some ppl say its another day closer all I know is its Sunday I dont know what day and could care less what month it is.. Life is way to hard and I am a coward !! I want to take the easy way out but my brain keeps telling me to push on. My heart says stop fighting and quit. The pain is to much..

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

I have realy enjoyed reading all the favorite memories. You are My Sunshine was also a favorite of mine, In fact my father used to sing that to me so that I would sleep. Wonderful rememories. Colleen, Shane'smom and Chrytal certainly had fun memories to share Colleen you are so right my parents would never have done any fun stuff like that!!!'

A sweet memory of Stephen that pops into mind was whn he was about 3 years old.

Daddy (as you not doubt can image was not a morning person) Stephen would wake up at around 5 30 AM and run into my room----So very happy and full of life. He would jump on the bed and shout "Mommy wake up cook bacon and eggs---Daddy stay asleep and have a nice rest. " It made me laugh everytime a great way to start the day. What I would not give for One more day!!!

[ericasmom]

Sharon, maybe crying in front of your kids is okay...you know? it is what it is, it is the way you are feeling and hiding that probably is not fooling the kids and why should you right now? YOu are newly bereaved, there is no shame in crying.They know that you are extremely sad, let them see you cry and maybe they will cry with you and maybe you all will feel united by this loss. I am just guessing here, but what the heck Sharon, I would blow up if I could not let my tears flow when they needed. I hate that you feel so much despair though, I wish I could help with that. I know it feels like too much to deal with, but please hang on.

I just saw a butterfly on the deck, it is cloudy but 71 degrees out. I was out a lot but now a butterfly, or moth more than likely. So pretty, pale yellow. My first of the season.

[crystalann]

Erica's mom - Lil Will is my first grandbaby from my oldest daughter Tiffany she is 21 and has been married 3 years this month, Lil Will is 8 months now I try to keep him when she needs a break so I needed a crib loved getting it ready. Shane's mom - I feel every thing you are feeling right now everything hang on! Crystal

[summergirl]

Hello dear indigo's - stopping in too read and try to catch up with all....not an easy trying to read so many as the days have gone by but I do my best and you are all in my thoughts.

Things that made me smile today:

Talked to my dad for the first time since he has been sick

Started working on "Jessica's Garden"

Watched Tavian playing with his friend and laughing outloud

Knowing each and everyone of you are here have a special in my heart.....

Strength, love and prayers.....Kathy

[Guest msnher]

Gary will be home tomorrow. I'm babysitting 2yr old Little Curtis and 3yr old Kaylee along with my other three grandchildren. I'm keeping them all night. They are both out of cribs so I made them beds on my floor....they play too much if I put them with the other kids. I babysat Kaylee for the first four months of her life. She was the best baby as long as I was holding her. I'm Grandma so I held her. I made up a song about her to the tune of "You are my sunshine" instead it begins "You are my Kaylee". I've sung it to her for over three years now. She's never said a word about it until tonight. "Sing Kaylee's song, Grandma."

That's the best part of my day today.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmum]

Woke this morning after the longest sleep. Sunshine, gentle breeze and a rainbow spanning the ocean as Muttley and I ran yes I said ran on the beach. The orchid Mike Lisa and Steven gave me for my 40th, many many moons ago has survived my splitting it this past November and is in flower....these things make me think more of Mike.....they make me smile...he makes me smile.

One memory, of many, Micheal taking Miss Em to the Yarra Glen Craft market. Its held at a racecourse and everyone there must make the things for sale....yummmmy things...

This is her, fresh of the plane from Sydney....decked out with Unca Mikooool.

Today is a good day.....

[mikesmomrs]

Betsy: Prayers and love going out to your brother and your family. He has been through a lot…I am glad that he knows you are there for him. I know I am late, but please wish Sarah a happy birthday for me…she is blessed to be your daughter, as you are blessed to be her mom.

Amy: I am glad that you and Katie got to enjoy the opening day game, even though they lost…the memories are what count…lucky you winning a free ticket and a snuggie! Please tell Katie happy birthday! I hope she has a wonderful day! I loved the story about the McNuggets! Thanks for sharing.

Sus: thank you for your kind words…you spread such love when you write down your thoughts. I am so glad you had a good day with your friend…bittersweet memories, shared with someone who understands. Thanks for sharing your precious memory of the nurses helping you to hold your new beautiful daughter. I can’t believe that you’ve added two more little ones to your charges…I hope you were able to have some fun with them!

Betty: I loved that your friend and you showed up at the theater and wound up getting good seats…how kind of them…must have made you both feel special. Thank you so much for lighting the candles…the church you go to…is it St. Patrick’s? (I think I remember your saying you are Catholic, but I may be mistaken.) They don’t have candles to light in the churches around here any longer…such a beautiful tradition…so sad it went by the way. I can still smell the wax and the smoke from when I was a child.

Trudi: Loved the picture of the kids and also the good things of your day that you shared. LOVE that you are having a good day, and love that the breeze was warm on you and Muttley while you RAN! Hooray for you! The pic of Micheal and Miss Em…so, so cute…a treasure.

Karen: I agree…who knows the right way, the right answers…we can only do the best we know how to at the moment.

Rhonda: How did the visit with Westley’s friend go? I know he was happy to see you and I am so glad that you were there for him on his birthday.

Dee: I loved the poems you shared…such heartache, but such truth being put down in words…”It is miles deep…” so very, very true. I am so glad you got to spend time with the warm sun on your back…likely John is right….too soon to uncover the tenderest of the upcoming plants. We can’t do anything yet…much too cold still… I also love that you shared about the children decorating Eri’s tree tomorrow…I hope the sun shines on you all. Eri’s love will be there with each decoration, and I will be there in my thoughts. Such a beautiful tradition and such a beautiful lesson for your charges.

Crystal: (Meg’s mom) I haven’t welcomed you here yet…I am so glad you are here, though very sad that you have a reason to find us. You will find much comfort, caring, love and understanding here. Thank you for sharing your beautiful, daughter…she sounds like a lot of fun, and we look forward to hearing more about her. I am very happy for you that you have a wonderful husband who supports you. I don’t know if I could have picked up and struck out like you did, but I am glad that you met someone who made the trip worthwhile.

Lorri: Enjoy your time with your mom and Kimmy in San Antonio…we haven’t been there in quite a while, but that is where MIKE was born…he always wanted to go back there to see it but never made it as an adult. We lived there for almost five years…Mike was 2 when we left. It was one of our best assignments while in the Air Force. A couple of months after Mike died, his middle son, Kameron, who was 9 at the time, told me that he dreamed his dad had come to him in the night and taken him on a flying trip to San Antonio (flying through the air…not a plane) and when they got through there, they went to New York and flew over there, too. These were two places Mike always wanted to go, but Kameron didn’t really know anything about that. Loved Kody’s car and your comment…hope he gets it tune up soon.

Colleen: So glad that you have that memory of Brian and the paintball experience…Mike loved paintball, though he only went with his friends…guys from work. He had all the paraphernalia, clothing, etc., just loved it!

Crystal (Tyler’s mom) So glad you enjoyed getting ready for Little Will…have lots of fun with him…he sounds precious.

Sharon: Thank you for sharing the cute story of you and Shane sharing the scariness of scary movies…a good memory for you! I’m sorry that you cried all the way to pick up Shawn…as Dee said, though, perhaps it would be better to allow your children to see your tears…perhaps it would help them release their own. Shane wants you to keep fighting, Sharon, he wants you to live your life as best you can…it will be a while before you can do that, it will be a while before you can even think about doing that…but please hold onto that, Sharon…as you may know, Mike died of brain cancer, and so we knew ahead of time that he was leaving us. One of the most important things (he felt) that he said to me was that he did not want me to die because he did. I have to honor that, it has been pretty hard at times, but as time has gone on, it has gotten to be my mantra…I pray this comes to you, as well, and you are able to live your days in honor to Shane…for now, he understands this is not possible for you, the pain is too keen and new. Please know that this will change over time…a different “time span” for each of us, but it will happen. The day will come when you will realize that it is changing, slowly, but changing, nonetheless.

Kathy: I am happy for you that you got to talk to your dad and that you started work on Jessica’s garden…I am sure it has been on your mind all winter and now you are ready to go and the weather is changing to accommodate you! Also glad that you hear Tavian laughing out loud…such a heart-lifter!

Well, my post has been lengthy…sorry, that’s what happens when I don’t post…my thoughts build up and my “story needs to be finished.” It is quiet here now, the boys and Cathi came over to watch Wrestlemania and they just left a while ago…cutting it short because of school tomorrow. Ralph and I went out for a quiet dinner while they watched…the dinner was good, the time alone was nice and relaxing.

And that is part of my sweet things of today…

Sharing dinner out with hubby; getting to see two of my grandkids and my daughter Cathi; the sweet smell of clean sheets on the bed and snuggling down into the comforter; the brightest sun against the bluest sky that greeted us this morning as we left the house to attend church.

I am still working on my memory of Mike to share…I will have to think more on it.

Dee: Thinking of you tomorrow as you celebrate the birth of your beautiful Eri…so glad that you have rituals to honor her with…I know she will be surrounding you with her sweet spirit as you and the children decorate the tree. I hope you take a picture of it when it is done and share it.

Good night to all of my Indigo family...I am so glad that I get to spend time with you and know that you are always there, each one of you, special in your own way, just like our angels.

[ericasmom]

How wonderful that you had a long sleep Trudi, and that today has been a good day. That photo is a delight to be sure. The orchid in bloom, the soft breezes and the rainbow all make for a marvelous day, oh and you running with Mr.Muttly...perfection.

May it be so tomorrow as well, or may the thought of today bring smiles to the next day.

I am raising a glass of red wine to you all as I type up here before bed. The wind is howling, really howling as storms are moving toward us in a fast and furious manner. It is apropo as Eri loved storms, never was afraid of them, never woke from a storm in her whole 19 years, and tonight is the eve of her birth. Here she comes with her birthday storms, the spring zephyrs that brought her to us.

I think of where I was 27 years ago, in the hospital wondering if I could sleep knowing that I was having a planned c-sec in the morning. My sister Eileen was going to come early in the morning to be with me during surgery, she is a nurse and had to get written permission and what not, but she was there bright and early. We laughed and giggled throughout the day, me in my 192lbs before delivery, and only 12lbs lighter one week later when I was able to go home. I really gained weight with my Girl.

When she was born, my sister's eyes, blue as can be, opened big, BIG, like Lucy's when something was a surprise to her, and all she could mutter was, "it's not Andrew, it's not Andrew." ( Andrew or Roy were my boy names).

"A girl? Do you mean I have a girl?" I asked.

Indeed I had a girl, a funny little bug of a girl, a sweet and kind and funny little sprite who at times resembeled the CAmpbells Soup Girl...my funny little pink loving , brother adoring, cursing wonder, loud as can be, storm loving, school hating child, who I love so much. Who I miss so much. Who will always be my Daughter, who will always be in my heart, always.

Thank you Erica and Lord for letting me be the Momma of Erica Eileen, for giving me the time to know so fine a girl. Thank you for helping me go out into each day with her smile inside me, her loud laugh, and when I must cry, my tears run freely as they too mark the girl of my dreams.

Peace out- - - - - - - - - - - - -

[mysonrich]

Happy Birthday, Erica !

[ericasmom]

Thanks Betsy, the butterfly is perfect for my Girl.

[hotrod]

Happy Birthday

Beautiful Erica[/color]