Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest msnher]

Rhonda - thanks for remembering Amanda. I'm truly touched. Yes, her surgery is still scheduled for next month. However, because the surgery has been pushed back to October (instead of the original August date) I don't think I'll be going. That is a busy time in Gary's work schedule and his patience with the kids hasn't been as "gentle" as is his normal nature. With the stress already on his plate, I don't want to add "single father" to the mess. The only other people I absolutely trust with them work.....so...after talking to Amanda we decided I would stay at home for this one and then be there for the next one. As I type this I'm not sure I'll be able to pull it off. I'll have to pray and meditate about it.

Thanks for remember!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmomrs]

Susannah: Please know if there is anything at all that I can do to help you with this surgery for Amanda. Have you thought about a Care Pages for her, so that someone can update it for her and people can offer their support? It is really easy to set up, and I know that it lifted Ralph's (and mine) spirits so much, just to know that so many people were "checking in" on him. I know It will be difficult for you to be so far away, but if I am able to do something for you, I will. Of course, I don't know from day to day about Ralph, but if he is doing better and it is a consistent better, I could even drive up there one day to see her. It is a little over two hours from here, and if I can do it on a Sat or Sun, Cathi can come with me. Is Amanda married (I don't remember)? Is she living up here with family, friends...?(I think you said she is living in Meredith, but I don't remember the details.) If so, will she have support from them? I think one of the most important things to have when you are facing this is someone to be with you, and if need be and I can swing it, I will go there even if it is only for a day.

Bonnie: It is such a wonderful thing that you are doing...Chance will have what his name implies...a chance at happiness, and as Dee and others have said, those days spent with you and Rich will stay with him and hopefully help direct him in his future life. Pinnacle Days is next week...unbelievable!!! I so wish I could be there. Maybe one of these years...

Trudi: What the flim flam? I will be right behind in that line of whoop ass if they don't give you that house!?!?!? We can write letters for you, if needed, and if they will help... I love your "Welcome KMart" statement...do they have KMart there? I so hope that Steven and Kelly find her ring...at least they know it wasn't just "set down" absentmindedly, if he put it somewhere safe. Kelly sounds like a wonderful mom and wife, and I hope that she is able to slow down sometime soon and have some time to herself...difficult, I know with all she's carrying, but hopefully a window will open for her.

Kathy: Have a sweet time at the beach, all of you. I am glad that Tavian didn't pick up on the cruelty of the co-campers...I just hate it when innocent children are exposed to some of the ugly parts of life by people who are not thinking right!

Colleen: I so much hope that your days are better and your pain has lifted some. I hope you are able to enjoy the weekend coming pu.

Dee: You too, I hope that you can find some restful time this weekend to recharge your batteries. I loved your "It's a bird, no a plane... no, run, it's a big sweating woman in her mid-fifties."

"RUN AWAY..." you are a trip, woman!

Rhonda: Yes, Cathi is doing better. She still has some muscle spasms, but they come much less often. Thank you so much for asking... As for your statement "All of the light isn't gone out of the world, it just sometimes is hard to see it. We have to help each other see the light that is left and feel the warmth of it." I do so agree. I met someone today who absolutely fit that description of "we have to help each other see the light that is left..." She is one of the pharmacists where we pick up our meds. There weren't any other customers there today when I was there, and she and I were talking about costs, insurance, etc. The discussion led to my telling her about Mike's having just got accepted for his health insurance when he was diagnosed, and she took the time to talk to me, really TALK to me, asking me questions (not out of curiosity, but just out of human kindness) about his illness, his family, how they are doing, how WE are doing...etc. When she asked me how long ago it happened and I told her four years next month, she actually gasped and said "Oh, that is just so short a time ago...I am so very sorry." While we were talking, another pharmacist came over and asked me if I used to live in Lee. When I told her yes, she said, "Oh, I thought I recognized you, and what you were saying (about Mike's illness) sounded familiar." Then she said "I was the team leader who coordinated the group from church that brought over the meals for those last two weeks when Mike became bedridden." (they left the meals anonymously, but she knew me from church.) It felt so good to be able to thank her in person and tell her how much their efforts meant to us...how much easier it made everything during that time to not have to worry about one of the essentials of every day...meals! Both of those women provided some of that "light" you spoke of, and helped me to feel the warmth of it. I was blessed to have them take the time to talk with me.

Well, I did not sleep ONE wink last night...and all day I've been SO tired but when I try to close my eyes, "BING" they open right back up! However, right now I feel as though my body weighs 500 lbs, and I am getting sleepy, so I am going to strike while the iron is hot. Of course, having to spend over five hours in the ER with Ralph today didn't help my strength...he is okay, but was having some potentially serious side effects from the medication and his PCP wanted him to go to the ER and be checked out. They were extremely busy, but were very nice, as usual. It just took soooooooo long for the lab work to come back. The "numbers" that are supposed to be going down are up some, but they are going to keep a good watch on it and he is off this med on Sunday, so hopefully things will move down again, where they are supposed to. The GFR (function of kidney) is the number that is supposed to be going up, and while it went down in the hospital, it is now back to where it was early last week. And his heart rate has slowed down considerably and stayed that way. I never knew that the body had such a complicated, complex and "touchy" system of chemical balances...each one thing can impact the other, even if the "one thing" isn't that important, it may impact something really important. We WILL get him to where he is supposed to be...it is just going to take time.

Take care everyone, sending peace and love to all of you...

Carol mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

Yep this is the place where we can question vent and imagine. The rental agreement is for first last with a 12 month lease. The agent rang today to say she could get one of my referees on the phone. She wanted me to 'think hard' as I must have rented sometime in my life.

She was right. I did rent a room in the Nurses quarters back in 72. It was $9 per fornight. It was run like a military barracks. As I told her, the place has since been leveled and whatever staff were there are now dead. Not sure if she took it the right way, but I don't tolerate as well I as once did, or did I ever??

The owners are going down to the agent this weekend to 'checkout' my application and the information gleaned from my referees. Should know by ??Monday.

Miss Dee - look up in the sky is it a bird, a plane no its MEN-O-PAUSE WOMAN. Decked out in lycra no doubt, sweating away. Let me be your side kick HOR-MONIE. Her moods change faster than a speeding bullet, able to pee 50 times a day (whether she wants to or not), enough angry energy to light up a small country town. I think deep purple lyrca with cotton gussetts for the tights!!!

Carol - Hoping your eye lids win this one. R&R for you my lady. Ralphs visits and check ups only, no extra, you need to replenish you energy. Its Melissa who has lost her ring, partner Jeremy has put it away. Steven did ask Kelly to marry him once. She said she wasn't ready to get married.....12yrs together, 2 kids, a dog and a mortgage...NOT READY.

Well back to the Calligraphy. Practice Practice Practice. We are on break till the second week of October so will need to keep it up....

Trudi

[ericasmom]

Trudi, I don't see why these folks insist that you must have rented in your life when you have lived where you have for th eyears you have...GET A CLUE FOLKS!

Anyhow, Ms. Meno had a good night sleep with only one wakeful hot zone, so I am happily greeting the day rested.

A grand day to all, and may good news come to each.

[lostwoher]

HaPPy Heavenly BirTHdaY BJ!!

Thinking of you and holding you in my heart Deneace

[shorty16]

Dee - I am laughing hysterically in my office over you Meno-Pause Woman description. I love it. I needed a good laugh.

Rhonda, I do not know if our basement is completely dry or not. I have not been going through the boxes to tell - Scott has taken that burden from me (What a guy). He knows I cannot. I send my friendship to you Rhonda, in my opinion, you are in the most hurtful time of this grief. Shock is wearing off and reality is pulling you off the shores of sanity and trying to drown you. Then the waves of grief throw you back up on the shore - only to do it all over again. I hope we have been able to make this terrible time even a bit softer for you.

Anyone in that 4-12 month mark after the death of a child - to me - is the worst. The physical pain I felt literally made me sick to my stomach. My mind would not allow me to keep a thought. I was exhausted all the time. My emotions went from sad to utterly devasted and back again in milli-seconds. That - to me - was thw worst time of my life.

As far as dumb-a** goes - A little over a year after Brian's death, I was in the church office and one of the staff asked me "So, when did it stop hurting?" I replied "I do not know, that has not happened yet."

Another time I was at a bible study meeting and the person running the bible study said to me "I am suprised you are still so upset over your sons death, it has been almost 2 years, right?" My response "I will always be upset, sad, cry, and morn the death of my son."

We should write a book - What NOT to say to a berieved person.

It would sell millions of copies

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Deneace,

Thinking of you today, and always. Happy Birthday BJ.

Deneace, may the wings of all our angels brush against your cheek, may the sun shine on you face. Consider yourself hugged.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

DENEACE, as Coleen said, a gentle brush against your cheek, a kiss and a hug from BJ the Beautiful.

Colleen, remember we said we would write a book entitled, "Oh No You Didn't Just Say That" or what you should never say to a grieving person.

[westleysmom]

Dee and Trudi-I think I can be your backup waiting in the wings to take over when you're done, Peri-Menopause! You are killing me with the visual of the molten-lava hot woman and her trusty sidekick in the sensible shoes. Thank you so much for the laughs!

Susannah-Sorry you won't get to go with her, but it sounds like you haven't much choice. Carol is so sweet to offer to visit Amanda. Please keep us informed so we can keep all of you in our thoughts and prayers as the day comes.

Carol-I hope you got your much needed rest. Glad to hear that Cathi is doing so well.

Colleen-I so hope you're right about this being the worst. Every time I think its the worst so far, I've been wrong. Thank you for the encouragement and your friendship.

Got to get on a conference call, but will be laughing to myself about purple lycra capes and such. They probably already think I'm over the edge, so it won't hurt my reputation at all.

Love to all and Happy Birthday BJ!

[ModKonnie]

As far as dumb-a** goes - A little over a year after Brian's death, I was in the church office and one of the staff asked me "So, when did it stop hurting?" I replied "I do not know, that has not happened yet."

Another time I was at a bible study meeting and the person running the bible study said to me "I am suprised you are still so upset over your sons death, it has been almost 2 years, right?" My response "I will always be upset, sad, cry, and morn the death of my son."

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

I am open-mouth shocked at the insensitivity of some people. My brother died 31 years ago. I showed this to my mother, and she was outraged. She still grieves for Dennis. She always will. She has never stopped loving him and missing him. How can people be so thoughtless?

Konnie

[heartbeataway]

As far as dumb-a** goes - A little over a year after Brian's death, I was in the church office and one of the staff asked me "So, when did it stop hurting?" I replied "I do not know, that has not happened yet."

Another time I was at a bible study meeting and the person running the bible study said to me "I am suprised you are still so upset over your sons death, it has been almost 2 years, right?" My response "I will always be upset, sad, cry, and morn the death of my son."

We should write a book - What NOT to say to a berieved person.

It would sell millions of copies

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

My response to the ignorant statement, "I am suprised you are still so upset over your sons death, it has been almost 2 years, right?" would have been, "Well, he's still dead and until the day I see him again, I'm gonna be a mom in mourning."

Colleen, you've had so many insensitive comments to deal with.

Good Lord .......

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[heartbeataway]

♫ ♪ ♫ ♫ ♪ Happy Birthday BJ !!! ♫ ♪ ♫ ♫ ♪

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[Guest msnher]

I just wrote a long post and hit delete instead of enter and the rest is history!! (I see you whispering "thank God" )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BJ!!

[mpsmom]

Happy Birthday BJ !!!!!!

heart cloud.bmp

[lolynbo]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BJ....HEAVENLY BJ.....

TODAY MY BROTHER LARRY HAS BEEN GONE 6 YRS, AS WELL AS MY DAD HES BEEN GONE 45....YES THEY BOTH DIED ON THE SAME DAY....WEIRD HUH.....LARRY WAS A DIABETIC...DAD HAD A BRAIN TUMOR LIKE KOURTNEYS ...WEIRD AGAIN HUH....

[mysonrich]

BJ,

[rlolheiser]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BJ

[rlolheiser]

just wanted to let you know I am still alright. I am just without time right now, it seems like a never ending job lately. I am not complaining. I asked for this. I still worry about a few things. My daughter's boyfriend goes to court on tuesday, I am so anxious to see what happens. Terrified in a way, I really can't say why. I sure wish it was all over with.

I have read about the stupid people we have to deal with daily. I have to agree, I think that is why I am so happy to just sit home. I have a little to do with the school system, but they are all great here. They have known me for sometime since I took care of some of my older grandchildren, and they knew about JaBoa, and they still give me a reassuring hug, or tell me how great I am doing .. they seem to say just enough.

Carol, I am glad things are going well for you and Ralph and happy that Cathi too is doing well. Don't forget to take care of you!

Susannah, losing your post was not a reason for us to be happy (I love to read everything you write)

Dee, I hope you get through this stage in life fast :-).. me I seem to have a flare-up every year or so.. takes my body awhile to figure out it is getting old ;-)

Bonnie, still waiting on the flag.. we are still trying to think of things to do with it. I doubt it will make it for pinnacle days.. but it will make it eventually :-)

Westleysmom, I love your comment about over the edge.. I think there is probably a few of us that people think are there already.

I don't mean to ignore anybody.. I didn't get a chance to tell Betty I was happy for her trip.. praying for her safety.. Kathy, I hope things work out for you, I think about you often. Lorri, I am so jealous of your upcoming trip :-) wish i could go in your suitcase :-)Coleen, thinking of you today Hugs... Krichie, CJsmom, Sherry.. everybody that my mind can't name right now.. I can't seem to find my brain somedays.. just want you all to know I am thankful for each of you.

[lolynbo]

.. Lorri, I am so jealous of your upcoming trip :-) wish i could go in your suitcase

WELL COMON...I WILL LEAVE A PAIR OF BOOTS OR TWO AND A SWIMMY ULL FIT...

[mikesmomrs]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BJ...

please surround your mom with wonderful memories...and have a happy birthday with all our angels.!

sending love and strength to you, Deneace.

love, Carol mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

Sus: I love to read your posts, too...you are wise, insightful, witty, loving and honest, among many other attributes, and it all shows in your writings...

love to you, Carol mikesmomrs

[daveydow1]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, BJ. Thoughts & prayers for you Deneace.

Susannah------Keeping Amanda in prayers as her surgery approaches in October.

Carol------I Hope that you are able to get some good restorative sleep tonight. Peace & comfort to you, Ralph, and the family.

Colleen----That is just outrageous what that woman at bible study said to you. How very nervy & cruel. Sometimes it seems as

though people will say hurtful things on purpose, just to see your reaction------almost as if they see only slight reaction.....then

they can breathe sigh of relief and say to themselves "she's finally getting over it & moving on, Thank goodness". But who knows

what goes on in their pea-sized brains?

Kathy------I think you are doing the right thing by just 'cooling it' with the friend. The burden for repairing the friendship is definitely

on her, since she's the one who insulted and hurt you. If she apologizes, then you can decide if she's sincere etc. If she doesn't,

and you don't hear a thing from her, then you've lost nothing. Hope I don't sound too harsh. I guess I have a 'jaded' eye anymore.

It's good that a lot of what happened just went over Tavian's head........his child's innocence has protected him from unfeeling

people. Peace to you, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sus, I echo the others here, hoping that he surgery in October for your Amanda is a smooth going event, that the docs figure out the many facets of Amanda's internal works and make her feel so much better.

And so what was the jist of your lost post?

[nicksdad]

Happy Birthday BJ

[lolynbo]

CHINESE CALL NICKS DAD "THE POST MASTA"....

[Guest msnher]

Well, if you insist......

This is the first chance I've had to get back on for any length of time.

Carol Although I appreciate your generous offer to be of help with Amanda, I wouldn't dream of adding anything else to your already full plate. However, when I DO finally get to New Hampshire, myself, I do hope to rent a car and drive to meet you and Ralph in person....??? I am feeling better about my decision to stay home with the kiddos. Right now, anyway...who knows what will actually play out...

Trudi I retired from property management almost 4 years ago. I don't know what the laws are in Australia (they vary from state to state in the US) . We had strict procedures and policies we followed for each applicant, regardless of whom the applicant was. (No landlord wants to ever be on the wrong side of Fair Housing). There is an application process, which the prospective tenant pays for...we did a complete background check on each and every applicant......criminal background, credit check, employment, rental history. Felons are not a protected class, so we were able to weed them out quickly. However, if we said yes to one, we'd better have a good reason for saying no to the next. Worker's comp, unemployment and/or child support were not viable income sources. No credit was sometimes a bigger concern than bad credit. Bad rental history was grounds for immediate denial....we wouldn't even allow a cosigner with derogatory rental history. No rental history could be grounds for denial or the offer of a cosigner who would also have to go through the whole background history check, which they would have to pay for as well. When Fair Housing came to visit we had better have crossed all our T's and dotted our i's......

Any landlord with their salt in rentals follow the same process. One bad renter can cost the owner thousands of dollars. They have the ability to bankrupt private owners. Worse still.....when Fair Housing decides to investigate the manager, complex or owner.......said owner pays for all their expenses even if found innocent or not at fault. (I've experienced this one personally to the tune of $3500.00)

If it is done correctly, renting can be a mutually satisfying experience for the owner, manager and the renter. Unfortunately, the process can also eliminate some would be desirable tenants because they don't meet all the qualifications. I remember one incident in which the newly widowed younger senior citizen had no income, no credit history and had never rented. They paid cash for their home, so there wasn't even any payments we could draw upon to verify if she paid her bills on time. They were "old school" and everything had been in her husband's name. She was deeply offended when I told her she would need a cosigner. Later her son came in, yelling at me, telling me all the virtues of his mother and what an insult it was for me to put her through so much added stress when her husband had just died.

My point is..........and, I always have one.........maybe take it easy on the prospective landlord. One bad (past) experience can make a landlord very skeptical. ALL prospective renters appear desirable in person, when they want to rent from you. It is extremely difficult to get an undesirable tenant out after the contract is signed..............

I hate to say it isn't personal.....but, it isn't personal. If you think you're being discriminated against, here in the states, contact Fair Housing or the equivelant. I've personally given their phone number to prospective tenants when I've heard some of the stories regarding their prior landlord.

Maybe that will help and then again maybe the prospective landlady is just neurotic.... Oh..family members were not considered viable references....

You know? I was good at my job and I enjoyed it but I don't miss it one bit! Someone was always mad at me.

I've lost my train of thought...

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[heartbeataway]

Bonnie, still waiting on the flag.. we are still trying to think of things to do with it. I doubt it will make it for pinnacle days.. but it will make it eventually :-)

I'm really sorry! Maybe the holiday interfered with delivery? Please let me know when it arrives. It shouldn't take but a couple of days .......

If it doesn't make it in time for Pinnacle Days. It will be at the next event.

Anyone else who would like to put one together to represent their child. They are awesome and captivating ........

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[heartbeataway]

Happy Birthday BJ

Wow! Dan, you outdid yourself on this one! Very cool tribute!

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[heartbeataway]

WELL COMON...I WILL LEAVE A PAIR OF BOOTS OR TWO AND A SWIMMY ULL FIT...

All jokes aside, wouldn't it be fun to do a cruise together??

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[ericasmom]

I just posted two photos under my Eri gallery, of the flags out at Eri-fest. Going to bed, eyes are slamming. Love you all.

dee

[heartbeataway]

I just posted two photos under my Eri gallery, of the flags out at Eri-fest. Going to bed, eyes are slamming. Love you all.

dee

Thanks Dee Love!

I just spent some time visiting with Eri ( via your gallery) ...... what a lovely young lady! Each picture just precious!

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[Guest msnher]

Lest we forget...........

[Guest msnher]

Dee - Thank you for posting the flags again. This gives me a better idea of how to proceed with Stephanie's flag.

May I present our princess room....

[Guest msnher]

9 - 11 - 2001

I was at work. My boss told us to turn on the radio. We brought a television in the office so we could watch. We sang "God bless America" as tears streamed down our cheeks....horror across our faces. We watched the skies as we listened to the quiet due to no planes being allowed to fly. I filled my car with gas, loaded my little 22 revolver - ready to fight for my country--planning our meet point for family. We stocked up on batteries, candles, non-perishable items, water .................and............duct tape and plastic..............I would fight the terrorists with my 22 and survive with my duct tape and plastic....

We watched in quiet sorrow as the news showed people posting pictures of their loved ones on walls and poles.........................

We watched in loud rage as the news showed people in the middle east dancing and singing in celebration over the attack on U.S. soil. "BOMB THEM OFF THE MAP!" I yelled at the TV.

I felt confidence we would "get them" because Dick Cheney seemed to be the only level headed man in charge. After all, he's from Casper. "Go shoot 'em, Dick!" We chanted.

And, then we bombed Iraq. What? Iraq? Really? Is Osama bin Laden there? Hey.....why are you sending all our men away from us? Duct tape and plastic? Really? Is that our best defense? I unloaded my 22 and put my gun away. A humanitarian mission? Seriously? If we're interested so much in human rights why don't we focus more on the country just south of us? Oh, ya....they don't have oil.

More anger. More rage. This time at my own country. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? Pictures of our troops humiliating prisoners of war. Pictures of mothers crying for their children on the streets of Iraq. Pictures of children with no parents............

My conservative son tries to join the Marines. They won't take him because of all the hardware in his arm and leg. He's just 18 ready to go blow the muslims to hell. Disappointed he won't get his chance. My mind races backwards forcing myself to face the reality that I raised my children to be intolerant of other belief systems. How did that happen?

I offer sympathy as I receive keys from several of our Muslim residents. They must go somewhere safer. I feel the guilt as I accept the fact that I, myself, have questioned them in my heart.

I raise my eyebrows as airport security practically strip searches my senile mother before she's allowed through the gate. She's terrified of their magnetic wand. I go through the motions with her, as I would a child, so she will copy my actions. "See Mom...like this" as I hold my arms out and spread my legs. "It's alright, Mom...they aren't going to hurt you. Keep your eyes on me. You're safe. I promise." Her eyes wide with horror.

Then someone boards a plane with a bomb in their shoe. "Hell, strip search all of us!" I'll do anything for my country. Even getting naked and allowing everyone to watch as my skin falls south! For my country, I would do anything.

Time passes.................Dick Cheney is still hailed as a hero in most circles in Wyoming. George Bush is someone we'd all like to sit down and have a cup of coffee with. Barack Obama is thought to be the anti Christ. I have to admit, a little bit of fear rose in my gut as I punched the hole to vote for him....He was going to unite our country again. Make us friends with the world again. "We are the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!" "YES, WE CAN"

Now, all I hear is everything is the Republican's fault.

And, a young soldier will be awarded the highest medal of honor that can be awarded a soldier. I look closely at his face. So many lost. All but Osama bin Laden.

Mother Teresa said not to invite her to an anti war rally. She wouldn't attend. But, she would attend a pro peace rally.....

I get it now.

I use my duct tape and plastic as tarp while I paint. It's no longer "my country" I'm praying for.

It's my world. If there is a silver lining to 911 and the wars going on right now (for me) it's that it's made the world smaller....and enlarged my views.....from a distance you look like my friend, even though we are at war.............

Where were we on 9-11-2001...............where are we on 9-11-2010?

[ericasmom]

Morning All,

WOW, Sus, Jasmine must love her super-pink-princess-room. How nice for her to have this place that she fantasized of.

Your welcome on the flag post, I think that they are beautiful and inspiring.

Bonnie, thanks so much for the visit down Eri's life. Miss her wo much, needless to say but, sometimes just have to say it.

It is rainy and chilly here this morning, quiet too. I need that quiet after getting used to a week filled with kids. The class is good, I really like them and yesterday gave them a bit of my love of storytelling, telling them with voices and actions one of my most dear stories; Sylvester adn the Magic Pebble.

When Jon was about 3 I read this to him, he loved it, and I cried tears each time the parents in the story could not find their little one. I have always been subject to tears with things...so i story tell that story and several others. I have not done it for a crowd in a while, used to story-tell for large groups(30-50) once in a while.

[Guest msnher]

1 1/2 yrs ago. I'm in the bathroom fixing Mariah's hair. Jasmine and Jonathon are colloring at the kitchen table. We over hear them. Jonathon is 4 - Jasmine is 6.

Jasmine, "Jonathon, how do you spell 'I love you'?"

Jonathon, "A" there is a quiet pause as Jasmine writes "A"

Jonathon, "16" there is a longer pause as Jasmine writes '16' and as she then stares at her paper.

Jasmine, "Jonathon A-16 does not spell 'I love you'!"

Jonathon shrugs and goes on with his coloring..........Mariah and I burst into laughter....Mariah exclaims, "Ha! She's asking a 4yr old how to spell I love you!"

A 16 my indigo's!!

[ericasmom]

A-16 to you too! So cute.

[heartbeataway]

1 1/2 yrs ago. I'm in the bathroom fixing Mariah's hair. Jasmine and Jonathon are colloring at the kitchen table. We over hear them. Jonathon is 4 - Jasmine is 6.

Jasmine, "Jonathon, how do you spell 'I love you'?"

Jonathon, "A" there is a quiet pause as Jasmine writes "A"

Jonathon, "16" there is a longer pause as Jasmine writes '16' and as she then stares at her paper.

Jasmine, "Jonathon A-16 does not spell 'I love you'!"

Jonathon shrugs and goes on with his coloring..........Mariah and I burst into laughter....Mariah exclaims, "Ha! She's asking a 4yr old how to spell I love you!"

A 16 my indigo's!!

Sweet story! I "A 16" it!!

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[heartbeataway]

Dee - Thank you for posting the flags again. This gives me a better idea of how to proceed with Stephanie's flag.

May I present our princess room....

I "A-16" the princess room! Good job!

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[westleysmom]

Dee-I haven't thought of Sylvester and the Magic Pebble since January and now that I have, I'm almost crying. My daughter's kindergarten teacher always had books to give the kids in her room, and since my daughter could read in kindergarten, she let her pick one out to bring home. That was the book she picked, and I cried every time I read it. She would read it aloud in her sweet little voice, and sometimes I would read it to them. So I would love to hear you tell that story.

Susannah-I was at work, but we left early. When I got home, I just sat on the couch in a stupor, I guess you'd call it. We had cried all morning watching the horror that was unfolding. My daughter had been to the DMV to get her driver's license, she had turned 16 two days before that. My husband took her, and when they called to say she passed, I asked them if they knew what was happening. They'd heard something about it, but didn't know how bad it was. What a horrible day. We live in the country and went outside that night to look at the sky and it was so quiet and still without the planes. It was eerie. But it had been such a beautiful day, hardly any clouds, so the stars were shining so brightly. So long ago it seems, we lived in a different world.

We finally got some rain yesterday but its gone today. Hot and muggy again. Have a good day all my friends.

[daveydow1]

Dee----Love to hear that you do story-telling to the class, and I think that many times, going back to some

of the older stories is great, and the kids seem to like them. I have a couple of 2nd grade readers from

when I went to school (long ago ). I read them to my kids when they were little, and now I often read

them to my grandies....age 4 & 5. The reader is all stories of animals in human situations.....no people

in the stories. There's Dudley Duck, Polly Pig, Tim Chick, Eddie Elephant etc. I let them choose which

story they want. At bedtime, I will tell them a story, and ask if they want "Three Pigs", or "Three Bears".....

they always say "Three Bears". I'm glad that the weather is becoming more temperate there so that the

classrooms are not so hot & uncomfortable.

Susannah-----Such a cute story about Jasmine & Jonathan and the spelling......A-16. Kids do say the cutest things, don't they?

Nicksdad-----I agree with the others......you have a great talent for the graphics for birthdays, and I do so enjoy them. Thanks

PEACE TO ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Hope this pic comes through. I've been practicing.

[daveydow1]

Wasn't sure that the pic would come through. This is a pic of my grandies...... Trenton David, and Canyon at the fair recently.

Sherry

[westleysmom]

Sherry-What cutie pies! Thanks for showing us their beautiful smiles.

[ericasmom]

Sherry, they are beautiful- those boys are. My Goodness there is a strong sense of Davey in the smiles of them both, and in the coloring of Trenton. Sweetness.

Who said it the other day, and said it so well? Was it you Rhonda, or was it Krichie, that there are still so many good and lovely things in the world, it is just that we have this heaviness to carry forward with us, sometimes it is hard to see all the wonders that are in place in our lives.

I think that the little ones cut right through the film of our sadness and through sheer force of kid-energy, bring the sunshine into the day.

[ericasmom]

Rhonda, a fellow crier I see. I have always been brought to tears through text, music, art, beauty of nature, and I am that, only more so now.

Going to a Gay Club tonight with my Son, his Girl, my nephew, to see another nephew dress in a transvestite competition...the money raised will go to their softball team, so I will see four nephews tonight in addition to Jon and Shan. Husband John is not feeling well, sore throat, or he would be going too. Should be fun.

911 invokes so many terrible memories and ache that I can only wish that we could have acted differently as a country when it occurred. I wish that our presiden't focus was not on the wrong people, and I wish that in the wake of so much hatred, there could be lessons of peace and unity, because as naive as it sounds, we do all share more in common than not, and to hate for reasons of difference negates all the beauty in difference, but also the qualities all humans share. I pray that one day, soon, enough people will drive the forces of evil away with pure hope and acting on hope, we can stir the energies of this world enough to really mean it when we say, PEACE. . We will have a wall of peace at our school, a place for us to all add our words of hope and peace, songs of peace written on paper, photos and pictures, doves, symbols, all grade levels and all staff, for world peace day on the 21st of September. HOpefully the wall will produce a future of kids working toward a common good.

[lolynbo]

SOUNDS FUN DEE.KIMBERLY AND CODY HAVE SEVERAL GAY FRIENDS AND DO STUFF LIKE THAT....

HEADING TO THE TRACK FOR KODYS LAST SESONAL RACE WISH US LUCK #22K

[lostwoher]

A 16 !!

[ericasmom]

Hey All,

ended up that my nephew Paul, the one who is going to be in the contest this evening is not going on stage until later on, 11:00 ish and there is no way that this old girl is going to make that time. So I went out locally to dinner with Jon and his Girl, a nephew and a friend of theirs. It was a good happy dinner, good conversation and laughter. Jonathan and Jared, Paul's brother, will be going down right about now. I, on the other hand will be going to bed. Sleep well everyone, and may the Angels we so Love fly through our dreams and into the bright forever.

[Guest msnher]

Love the A-16's!!

Yes, Jasmine loves her pink princess room. Mariah now has a purple/lavender tinker bell room. I'll post a picture when it's complete. "Complete" is a pretty strong word since we still have to put trim up and finish some odds and ends that never seem to get done. Yesterday, while I painted, I marveled at how Gary and I begin so many projects and rarely fully complete any of them. When we're "gone" I can just hear the kids or whomever walk through our house and ask why we didn't put the finishing detail on this or that. It brought a smile to my face. I don't remember which culture it is (Perhaps a specific Native American nation?) Anyway, they intentionally make a "glitch" or so a mistake into their work.....nothing's supposed to be perfect.

I also marveled at how I'm even able to focus on decorating a room now. That certainly would NOT have happened just a few months ago. I look back and marvel that I accomplished anything during that time. I felt so paralyzed. I carried my laptop with me from room to room with the empty stare of the bereaved. No one questioned the fact that my laptop had become an extra appendage to my being. I wrote (typed) and wrote. I wrote everything.....letters to Steph.......journals......

Day 49: "My daughter died."

That's all I wrote.

Time was my enemy. It took me that much further away from Stephanie. Time was my friend. It brought me that much closer to Stephanie. I could not eat, sleep or think.....and, all I did was think. Life had become a series of contradictions. At it's worst I wished for my own death. At it's best I marvelled at the wonder of death. All of it I found quite interesting. "A Grief Observed". I understood C.S. Lewis' title for his book.

Last night, as Gary and I climbed into bed, after making sure the house was securely locked up. We still take extra precautions in keeping "our" children safe. The same procedure we have followed since the first night we got them. Now, it's routine. Always in the back of our minds is their safety. "She's" out of jail, now. I don't go into a panic as I've done before......I just tell the children she's out. Their counselor told me it's important we always tell them the truth and they need to know what to do if they ever happen to see her. I wasn't going to tell them but when I couldn't find Mariah the other day (when I went back to pick her up from tutoring at school) I DID panic. Turns out they cancelled tutoring and Mariah didn't bring the note home and she chose to play on the playground for 45 minutes instead of calling me. I was almost in tears when I got to the almost empty school. I found her in what appeared to be the locked up office. I couldn't respond to the one teacher in that school who gets on my nerves as she kept repeating that tutoring was cancelled. I would have attacked and I needed time to cool down. At dinner Gary and I explained the importance of not being alone on the playground or anywhere else. I wasn't heartbroken that I had to remind them of some of the realities of life. They've lived it. They know it's there. I just told them it's our job to keep you safe and we have to KNOW where you are at all times....."if that ever happens again go to the office and call me immediately."

I digress...........last night as Gary and I cuddled into our usual sleeping position - spooning...yes, we still spoon even at our age in our flannel pajamas....I mentioned that we really should talk about what will happen to the kids if something happens to us....put it in writing. We have a will........a trust......but, that was made before we adopted the kids. In it we stipulated that Stephanie had to maintain a year clean and sober to inherit anything from us...otherwise her portion would go to her children. So, they are taken care in that effect. We need to put it in writing who would take care of THEM. We need to make sure their needs are legally taken care of if something happens to us. He agreed.

"And, Honey.." I continue..."We need to talk about what will happen to them if something happens to me."

There was silence. I told Gary I absolutely believe what's going on with me now is more of an irriation, an annoyance, than it is life threatening....but, what would happen to them? I presented several options to consider. I realized he was crying as he tried to find his voice. "I will keep them and do my best to raise them." That wasn't one of the options I presented to him.

It's not such a big deal. Probably just endometriosous (sp?). I talked to the doctor's office late Friday and will call back and schedule an appt Monday. They found a cyst on my ovary right after I found y'all but I refused to let them do anything about it. I went through the tests to insure it wasn't cancerous and it hadn't caused me any trouble so far and if I was given a free ticket out of here I was taking it anyway. But, discomfort and bleeding and so much time to think made me think about those kids. They've been through so much. It is my prayer that my Creator allow Gary and I the strength, fortitude and health (and prosperity) to allow us to get them raised before we're called home.

I had such a strong desire to die when Stephanie died. Now I have such a strong desire to live.

I never thought I'd get here. I know the ugly side of grief will hit now and then, but I'm enjoying a reprieve for now. I have you all to thank for that.

A-16 indeed!!

Okay. I'm getting on my own nerves now.

Oh...Bonnie...last night as I drifted off to sleep it suddenly occured to me that Monday is the 13th. I am not going to get my banner done in time for Pinnacle Days. But, I WILL get it done and then send it to you so Stephanie can join our angels in the flag line.

OUR angels. That's how I feel about your children. They're now part of me, too!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

Susannah/Stephanie's mom