Loss of an Adult Child

[kathy714]

Dear Rhonda68,I am also having a differcult time Christmas shopping ,every thing i see reminds me of Nathan,i do feel him with me though,alot lately,i think it's because i think of him so much,i actually feel like i have spent time with him.You will be in my thoughts and prayers during these differcult days,Like mamabets,says I hope all are angels are together ,looking over us and giving us the strength to get through..T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[mamabets]

For Kathy714- I think of Danny when you speak of signing cards- I always sign all of our names, dogs included, and then sign... "And, a little touch of Heaven"- The first time I did that, it was a card to his girlfriend, Liana... It was shortly after he had passed and I heard him, as clear as a bell, in a very beautiful, calm voice say, "Oh, that is so awesome, Mom"- Our little angels are with us always- As we all know, Danny has appeared in many ways, my sister heard him laugh a couple of weeks ago!! Be sure to read "Hello From Heaven"- You will be blown away at how many things have happened to you and Nate since he has gone to play with the angels- Like you said, once you are opened to it, the possibilities are endless- How is your hubby??? My thoughts and prayers are right there with you!! xoxo I love you and will go back to bed with a vision of Nate, running around his tree with the blinking lights, just loving it!!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Runnersmom- It was just "brought to my attention" that I had said to Kathy- "I will be thinking of Nate, running around his tree with lights"- In re-reading, Steven is our runner!! He must be leading them all, as they are all "running" around, getting ready to have a happy Christmas together!! Maybe Steven can give me a little nudge, and get me running, as in exercise!! I do think that exercise would be a great thing for me, and for all. Those that do it on a regular basis, swear by it and say that it is a tremendous help in the grief process!! Come on Steven, give me a SHOVE!!! Merry Christmas- I am thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs and love... How many other kids do you have??? xoxomamabets

[runnersmom]

Mamabets: (and everyone)

Have you noticed we have the busiest message board around? When I get on site and see the time of the last entry in the forums, it is always someone from this group that has been on most recently. I think that is a good thing, there is an incredible group of people here who are so helpful to so many.

Thank you for the hugs and love, I feel it come through your writings; it is true that exercise is supposed to help, but I used to get mine trying to get from the start to the finish of his races in time to see him at both(and I took shortcuts!). When Steven started running road races(age 9), I asked his Dad if he would be running with him and he told me he couldn't keep up with him - after that we just watched!

I have one other boy, Brian, who is 22 - he has always (only somewhat jokingly) been the "stable" one in the family. He came home from college after Steven's accident and went back 2 weeks later to take his finals and then graduated. I am happy to have him home now.

Merry Christmas to you all - there are two new angels on my tree this year, and many many more that I have found here are in my heart.

Steven's Mom

[mamabets]

For Runnersmom- I am so glad that you are here with us- Please stay, as this is such a hard walk to do alone- And, I am finding, that with the time that has passed, I am realizing that I AM getting by. I AM doing this, in spite of myself. I don't know where I would be without my family here at Beyond Indigo...My oldest sister I visit all of you in the middle of the night when we can't sleep. Brian... What a beautiful name... We have Briansdad with us here. My belief system was strong before this experience- It is what it is now, andI know where they all are, our angels... I have been shown so many, many signs. There is no question, and therefore no doubt. Have a peaceful day, knowing that, and remember that we are always here for you.xoxomamabets

[julsmom]

TO ALL - May we all find peace and comfort in the coming days. May we be renewed and strenghtened by each other. May we lift each other up when one is down and may we be lifted by others when we are down.

Peace to all my new found friends. Lynda

[rhonda68]

Hello to my extended family here love you all and thinking of you!

Love,

Richards Mom

[mamabets]

Remember, all... Be not afraid to test the waters, keeping your hearts and arms always open to any and all possibilities when it comes to communicating with our kids that have left this place called life, here on earth. My theory is this... If my Danny's birth gave me the chance to share his miraculous life with him while he was here , then I can only be fair, with all of my sorrow, and find comfort that this part of his journey will always hold miracles for me as well. He fully expects for me to share his stories with all of you, for now they are shared with your kids too. With each new chapter of this book of his, one thing remains the same... These angels of ours are now in a constant state of peace, love and happiness, and will always be. I will pray, that as our lives continue to unfold, and they will, the confirmation that their celebration continues, no matter where they may be in this place called here, there and everywhere!! xoxomamabets

[robertsmom]

Mamabets

You post of miracle photo's - I'd love to see some. I can't say that I've been blessed with any communication from Robert. Robert wasn't very spirtual, do you think that may have anything to do with it? A co-worker had said to me she wondered if her grandfather went to heaven as she did not know if he was Christian enough. I just wonder, is that the case?? One thing that did happen a few weeks after Robert passed is there was a new Rose bush introduced. It's called Stairway to Heaven. Robert was very much into music and that is one of the songs I use to have him practice from the time he was about 14 or so. He did finally learn to play it. The hospital he worked for made me a collage of pictures from the time Robert was a baby to being a young adult. In the middle they put music notes and the lyrics to Stairway to Heaven. He must have told to story to his co-workers. During his services the minister was giving his sermon and said "and surley".....Anytime any one said surley Robert would come back and say "why yes, but don't call me shirley". Are those signs? I so much hope to get signs. Please send me some of yours. Thank You Robertsmom

Jeanene@mygalaxyexpress.com

[mamabets]

For Robertsmom- If you think they are signs, may you be CERTAIN that they are!!! You have shared some BEAUTIFUL stories here tonight- Stairway to Heaven is a wonderful one, and my opinion is that everybody gets to Heaven that has walked this walk with a kind heart,#1, wants to be there someday, #2 !! As for the rest, I don't know and it certainly is not my job to find out, thank you very much!!! I just make sure that I don't have those kind of people in my life today, for the most part. I will get some of these pictures that I have to you before the night is out... May you find peace in them and may you always feel my Danny near you too!! xoxomamabets

[robertsmom]

Mamabets

Thank you so much for the pictures. You truley have been receiving signs!! I'm going to have to pay closer attention to what is around me. Your Danny, what a handsome young man. What a precious picture of your family. Thank you so much for sending them.

Robertsmom

[mattsdad]

What else could be said on this Christmas Eve?

Merry Christmas to all of our friends here at B.I.

May God bless us all...

Jeff

[briansdad]

I suppose I'll be the first to say Happy Birthday Jesus.Just another who was called before his time but without him we would never get to see our children again.

Peace on Earth Good Will Towards Men

Merry Christmas To my son.

Till we meet again.

Dad

[mamabets]

It is 12:05, Christmas morning... Merry Christmas, Danny and to all of our friends here at Beyond Indigo... I know that all of you have at least one funny story to tell about our kids on Christmas morning... I'll go first- Danny and Jackie shared a room together in one of our houses and one year Danny announced that "he knew that it was very late when Santa came, because when he woke up Santa was peeking under their door and breathing really loud". He talked about it every chance that he got from then on, well into his teens and 20's. EVERY year Danny and Jackie watched A Christmas Story together and both last year and this year, Jackie felt so, so sad because she really misses sharing that with him. They would laugh until they could not breathe, and tonight Jackie and her Josh and Julia went to church in Illinois, and I called my brothers house to chat. When the phone got passed to Emily, my godchild, she said to me "Oh, I am just watching "A Christmas Story- Have you ever seen it?"- I haven't, but I sure couldn't wait to e-mail Jackie and tell her that their story continues... ! xoxomamabets

[kathy714]

Merry Christmas to all my friends,i just wanted to say you will all be in my thoughts and prayers today,i will be thinking of all our little angels while i go through today,and i will be back tonight to share about my first Christmas without my Nathan,i hope we all have a little bit of peace today...Idon't know how i would survive without all of you. DEAR MAMABETS..My husband is doing ok, he is having PET scan this week,thank you for asking ....T/C KATHY,Nates mom

[jasonsdad]

Thank You and Merry Christmas to all of you brave people out there

that have shown real courage in the face of anyone's most unbearable tragedy.

Remember the Dungy family today. His Son James lived just 10 miles from us.

May God bless us and keep our children in his hands until that day when He wipes the tears from our eyes and We will be with them again. Amen. Dan

[mamabets]

For Jasonsdad- Peace with you today and always- I must know... Do you live in Florida?? My son Danny was a huge Tampa Bay Bucs fan and LOVED Tony Dungee... He followed his carrer closely while he coaced them. Apparently, this young man had attended Gaither High School-Oh, and by the way...You have been blessed with a wonderful name and you have touched me in a profound way this morning with this post- Thank you, and it is my honor to meet you- I go on rolls with posting, as my grief comes in waves, and I tend to shut down at times. My Danny left this world in June of 2004- He stood in the middle of a highway in Florida and was hit by a semi truck. He did, however, save 5 lives in organ donation. Know that your Jason is showing us that he is VERY near.... I have no doubt!! I have often said.."There are no coincidences when it comes to losing a child- Feel free to e-mail me at any time too at huntross4@aol.com. I am so proud of the men that reach out here too- That takes courage, for men tend to grieve differently than women, statistically, and the men that have reached out with Beyond Indigo are real men among men, as I call them. Tell me all about your Jason? How did he pass? Are you a Bucs fan? xoxomamabets

[ameliasmom]

Hello to everyone. My name is Peggy. My daughter Amelia died in a car accident on November 13th. She has been gone for 6 weeks today. She was/is my only child. I was divorced when she was 5 years old and I never remarried. I have been on this site and read your emails. I just wasn't ready to write until today. I must admit I am suprised I chose today. I have been dreading this day since she died. I wanted to sleep though it or be in a coma, anything but be here. I am with a lot of family and it really helps. They are loving and supportive and I know they hurt too. I feel and have felt like I am not all here. I feel as though part of me is existing on this earth and part of me is elsewhere but I don't know where. I know if I feel everything there is to feel, I would die too. It is so painful. Someone had mentioned the deep, dark pit on this website not long ago. I can so relate as I had mentioned that feeling numerous times before I had read it here. I feel like I could go on forever sometimes when I start writing. I want to share so many things with those of you who can understand my pain but I also know that it is a help to listen too. I want to tell you about a gift I received today for Christmas. My sister (also Amelia's godmother) bought me a necklace. It was made from Amelia's actual thumbprint. It is such a beautiful gift. Thank you all so much for listening and for caring. Peggy

[julsmom]

Peggy, I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain. This is a safe place for those of us whose children have gone before us. My 27 y/o daughter died in a one car crash on 10/13/03. Even though this is the 3rd Christmas without Julie it is still very hard to celebrate without her. Sometimes it is better to be in the pit, because when you come out of the numbness and the reality sets in the dull ache sometimes is too much too bear. I am thankful for you that you have loving and supportive family. May you eventually find peace. Lynda

[Artina]

Peggy,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is a very difficult path that we are all on... please know that we are here for you in any way that we can help. I lost my son almost four years ago this Jan 4. It has been difficult, but with time I have learned to live my life side by side with my grief. I am glad that you have a supportive family- for every bit of love helps heal our hearts. I'm sure today is a very difficult day for you and many others who are just starting their journey. It does get a little better, but it will never be the same.

Peace to you, Tina

[mamabets]

For Ameliasmom- It is so sad to see you here with all of us, Peggy- My son Danny died in June of 2004- He was hit by a semi truck and while my life is over in one way, I know that he is at forever peace where he is. He likes being in this place that I refer to as here, there and everywhere! Early on, I became acutely aware that the biggest part of me went with Danny, and that earth no longer felt familiar to me. It is still that way today, and I have come to know all that I have always believed in. He shows me signs on a very regular basis that he is with me always and I know that all of our angels are together. I admire you for reaching out to us, and know that we are here for you always. There are the most beautiful people here at Beyond Indigo... We all know your pain and we are walking your walk with you. xoxomamabets

[rhonda68]

Dear Peggy I am so sorry about your loss. I am here to listen if you need an ear. I lost my son Richard in February 23,2005 it has been a very long journey dont know what I would have done without these people from this site as it has helped alot just to know someone out there understands. Hugs to you on this especially hard day.

Love,

Richards Mom

[mamabets]

For Rhonda68- It is so awesome to see you and all others that are soooo new to this walk, yet so willing to help others- February will be here before we know it, and we will carry you too, should it be particularly difficult- It may not be- This holiday has brought many gifts my way, the heartfelt gifts... The best kind of all. Somehow I was able to coast right through it and be thankful for so much at the same time. There definately comes a point where this does get easier. I promise you. xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Artina- Know that as January 4 approaches, I hope that my love for you can help to heal your heart... You are a true inspiration!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Mom2angels- Roslyn, where are you?? Are you OK and how is our Jonathan?? xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Kirksdad- I have been thinking of you, as I have visited some of the other forums- I feel your struggle and I hope that once this holiday is behind us, you can rest a little easier... I love you, Jim and am thinking about you alot!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Julsmom- Is the pit not one of the safest places here on earth?? But, you know what- I was telling my mother in law tonight that that time of total blur is a place that I will never forget, and NEVER want to go back to. Some progress is being made here and I am so wrapped up in the love that I get here, that I would rather be in the real world here than that land of make believe where it was only a matter of time before I had to get through the time where I constantly felt like something was hitting me upside my head- I have survived that time, and that cruelty has decided to go elsewhere, I guess. It seems that it can't be avoided, but my hope is that if we can warn our newcomers of it, perhaps they can be aware of it, and therefore knock it down. Teamwork, it is all about teamwork!! I love you-xoxomamabets

[mom2angels]

{{{Peggy}}} I'm so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful daughter, Amelia. It is good that you are reaching out to our group now, as we understand what you are feeling. And the feelings you describe are quite normal, especially only 6 short weeks after your tragic loss. You write as much as you want to write, Peggy, because it will help you, and we will listen, and we will understand. Your darling daughter's thumbprint -- what a loving, thoughtful gift. I'm very glad for you that you have understanding and supportive family members. That means so much when you are going through such intense shock and pain. I will pray for your peace and comfort daily, as I do for all who visit here in their sorrow. Blessings to you, Peggy~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[danielsmom]

Peggy,I am so sorry for your loss.I lost my son Daniel on April 17,2005,this is also our first Christmas. I have found this site to be very helpful,I can relate to so much of what is written here,it makes me feel so much less alone. Everyone here knows exactly how I feel.I hope everyone had a peaceful Christmas.

Wendy

[mom2angels]

{{{Mamabets}}}

Thank you so much for asking about me and Jonathan. We are fine, and I am just so grateful to have Jonathan here at home and well this Christmas. We have been showering him with attention and gifts, so I have been quite busy. We wanted to make this the best Christmas possible for Jonathan, as last year he was in ICU and extremely ill, and the previous year, he had just lost his dear brother, Michael. And in prior years, Michael was always ill on the special days it seemed.

So, this year, I have vested myself in doing Christmas...decorating and cheerfully singing carols for Jon. Instead of buying gifts for our friends and family, we told everyone that this year we were donating the money we would have spent on their gifts to charities serving persons with disabilities and animals stranded by Katrina. I committed to relaxing and focusing on Jon, embracing the spirit of Michael, who surrounds us constantly, and rejoicing in the true meaning of this holiday.

As a result, we have enjoyed a peaceful time leading up to today, as well as a pleasant day today. Our weather was gorgeous today. It beckoned me to walk farther than the green belt behind our house, so our dog and I took a brief trot and drank in every drop of God's beauty in nature. Michael and I had a lovely chat as we walked, and he showed me hearts in the clouds as my Christmas gift.

Michael has visited me every night in my dreams for the past week, and it has been glorious to hold him and be near him. I think I've found a key to increasing his visits in my dreams. Reducing stress. I made an absolute commitment to reduce my stress this holiday, and I succeeded. In being more relaxed, I feel that I was more open to receiving him.

As time goes by, I find peace in knowing that Michael is at peace. The tears still fall, and my heart and arms still ache to hold him. I miss him more than any words could ever convey. But wherever he is, Michael is happy. He has no pain, he suffers no more. He is surrounded by grace and light and love. When it hurts so much that he isn't here, I find comfort in knowing that he is there. And he is here. He is, as you often say, Betsy, everywhere.

Thinking of you and your dear angel Danny tonight. God Bless You and thank you again for thinking of me, and for being here for every one of us~ You're an angel too~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

PS~ You asked elsewhere~ Michael was 32 years old when he crossed over on May 30, 2003. He had septic pneumonia among many other infections, and an intractable seizure disorder of 22 years duration. Jonathan is 36 years old (he and Michael are 1 year/4 days apart in age). In Aug. 2004, Jon had a permanent colostomy after emergency surgery on his sigmoid colon which was gangrenous as it had twisted on itself. Last Christmas, Jon was in ICU with pneumonia and a broken hip from undiagnosed osteoporosis. He was hospitalized for 3 weeks. His health has declined since Michael's passing. Both of my sons were born with an undiagnosed progressive neuromuscular disease, and they have both outlived the dire predictions of dozens of physicians. Jon and Michael have always lived at home with me. I was a single working mother throughout my sons adolescence (10 to 22), and met my current husband, who adopted my sons as his and has been their careprovider with me for the past 13 years. My husband is an angel for sure. And so are my children. Most definitely!

[mamabets]

For Mom2angels- And, so are you an angel, Ros, so are you!!! How do you do this, with such optimisim?? I suppose it is because you know, without question, where Michael is- I KNOW where Danny is- He was, and therefore is, so awaesome- An incredible person. His Liana said to me tonight- "I don't know how you write the way that you do- isaid to her "I write all that Danny was". He brings out in me the ability to hit it right on the head, time after time. Oh yes, I suffer the tortures of hell, because I know that as long as I am here, he will not be. But, Liana and I discussed tonight- If a genie came and said to us "Do you want him back, or do you want to leave him where he is?" We would both leave him where he is- That is how CLEAR he has made it to me that he LOVES where he is. And,as I wrote earlier, he is in his land of make believe come true. My husband, who is not their father {nor is their father- he is an idiot and he bullied Danny to death- He now is suing the poor truck driver who hit Danny . Danny was in the middle of a very dark highway- Sadly enough, he took himself there and did not make any attempt to move} is VERY tired of hearing about Danny and he is very angry with him that he did this. Danny adored him, and Dean loved Danny, but it is putting a tremendous strain on our relationship. Dean communicates not one bit- As in, not a word- about his feelings. I have to just leave it alone and wonder about what he thinks 98%of the time- He is a gentle man, most of the time, but I get all of my hugs from my doggies, and I communicate with the likes of you and all of my friends here. I am amazed at your strength... Is your hub just a jewel??? Mine is, don't get me wrong- Just soooooooo quiet... Any advice?? He thinks that my signs are nothing more than whatevers... It hurts!! Please hug Jonathan- His prognosis, you know, is peaceful, for you are his guide and he will forever be safe and warm in your loving care. You are amazing- Are you with him all day??? xoxomamabets

[enufalreddy]

Wishing blessings to all throughout this holiday season whatever way you celebrate or not...bless you all and May you know peace. It's not been easy here. Not easy for any of us in this terrible situation. But we must be grateful for what is still left in our lives and good.I think my girls feel left out in a way. As if Walt gets all the attention and all my love now.I have to make sure that doesn't continue or become a wall in our relationships. We are all we have left. Thank you all for being here and helping me and each other to get through this pit of pain. Erma

[missingchris]

To All at BI,

I hope you all found at least one moment to smile over this weekend of our Lord's birth. Our children must have had the most spectacular day. We got through Christmas again, for the second time. The days leading up to it were awful, but we had a good C. Eve and Day. (Thank you Chris!!!!)

The Kimbrew's

[nicksmom21]

Thanks for the posting of the site HopefromBeyond....I really am facinated with all the information they have.....

[kathy714]

Dear Peggy,i am so sorry for the recent loss of your daughter,this must be such a differcult time for you,thank god you have a supportive family.Iloss my son Nathan last Jan 31st on his 21st birthday,so this is my first Christmas without him here.How old was your daughter?,Everyone here is so kind and understanding,because we are all on the same journey.After the loss of a child your world gets turned upside down,an unfortunaly until it happens,others don't really understand your pain,but you will find,everyone here does.This website has saved my life at times.You will be in my prayers,Kathy Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,my husband isn't much of a talker either,he has lost many family members and never talks about his feelings,although Christmas eve he did breakdown and cried a little bit,and told me how much he misses Nathan.Every holiday we have a moment where we hug,cry,say how we miss Nate,and then we can go on with the day,.This holiday i kept myself really busy and i think it helped,plus i really felt Nathan with me a lot,i really can't explain it ,but i think ,i think of him so much that i actually feel like i spend time with him.plus those pennies keep showing up at the right times.Nathan's birthday and 1st year angel date is Jan 31st,i hope God and Nate give me the strength to get through it...Well i hope you made it through Christmas and was able to find a little peace..You,Danny,and everyone here at B.I. ARE IN MY PRAYERS, T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[mamabets]

For kathy714- My husband has never been much of a talker, but lately it has had a "mean" twist to it. unfortunately. If I never mentioned Danny's name, he never would. That really hurts. An old childhood friend of his called yesterday {a friend of Dean's}, and I answered the phone. In talking to him, come to find out, he didn't even know that Danny had died. Dean talks to him on a fairly regular basis. Dean is a one word answer kind of person, and you know what?? I need alot more than that and he just flat out is not showing up. Plus, he drinks alot of wine, I drink nothing, and that hurts too. He is married to wine and his job... He is clearly inconvenienced by my Danny's death and it is so sad, because Danny thought that Dean was such a great guy. There is no doubt in my mind that he is a bit dissapointed in him right about now. I thank God every day for the love and support here, and I cuddle my dogs to bits and thank them too!!! Let me know on the pet scan- Oh, and by the way EVERYONE- A MIRACULOUS figure appeared in the sky this morning- I just took lots of picturesxoxo xoxomamabets

[enufalreddy]

I liked the poem about the pennies but never gave it any credibility until yesterday. Was having an awfully depressed day yesterday. I kept moping around.Not getting dressed. Not eating or taking my meds.Just feeling sorry for myself.Kept going back to the couch. Then I grabbed my coat to go out for a smoke and on my hat underneath my coat was a brand new shiny penny...............I was flabbergasted to say the least. I had a good cry and a much better rest of the day.Will keep my eyes peeled now for those pennies!!!!!!!!...Love ya' all.......Erma

[danielsmom]

I also find pennies when I am feeling very down.I have found pennies on my birthday and also on our daughters wedding day. The last penny I found was two weeks ago,Daniel was a huge Montreal Canadiens fan,and we would always go to a few games a year with him.I won two tickets to a game,I'm sure Daniel had something to do with that.My husband and I went to the game,not an easy thing to do without Daniel.After the game when we were walking in front of the arena,I looked down on the ground and found a penny and I know that was a big HELLO form Daniel.Finding a penny alwys makes me smile.

Take care everybody.

Wendy

[Mazey2]

Peggy, heartfelt caring to you....continue to visit, it is a place you can just read, or write what you are feeling. We, here, understand....we've been there. You will find different time spans in our losses but the feelings that you have now are sincerely shared by all of us.

mamabets, my heart ached for you reading your post re: your husband. I related to your post so closely....I think they care about our feelings but just choose to not "touch" them cuz it is much more than they can maybe "deal" with. I think mine is often scared of the river of tears that'll come. This does not make their lack of responses "right" but that's the way it is....I have posted before, I just have to take care of my "business" alone alot, cuz he just don't know how to help me. AND, my daughter who is a doll would be sympathetic but I don't want to open HER pain....I think in many instances, we must "deal" on our own....cuz quite honestly, unless you have felt this pain, who can relate entirely? And, sorry guys, there are alot of men who can't respond to a Mom's feeling, this is not criticism but often fact. Men and women are different in responses to everything. Although,most of the men posting here are sensitive and compassionate. I am touched by their posts....and admire them so much. I just have never had a significant man who could share like that "in" my life.

Am glad the Christmas weekend is past, now New Year's is not that bad usually, I just don't do the song at midnight...!!! the first couple were worse.

Artina, thinking of you as your son's anniversary date comes...

I really have to start recognizing the penny "thing"..... My number "thing" happens ALLLLLLL the time, and I love it!

Sharing, Linda

[mamabets]

For Danielsmom- It was so wonderful to see your post this morning- My Danny Boy was a Daniel, obviously, and I needed to see you this morning... Our Daniel's are together, I am sure... I am happy that you found a penny- HOW AWESOME!!! Be well, keep in touch and take your meds- I, too, am on meds- How do you do? I have battled this for quite sometime... When I found out that my Danny was on steroids, not only did my ex and his wife know about it, they lied to me about it for a very long time, AND made up more lies to add to it, I had my first breakdown...Provoked breakdowns after that, always.Had two after Danny passed- Anyway, you have a friend in me should you need to talk about "meds"-!!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Mazey2- Thank you for all of your heartfelt feelings this morning- It is almost as if Dean has just about had it with my heartbreak, when in reality I have done miraculously well!! He is remarkable when it comes to just "moving on"- So, I figure, maybe he will be the one to take doggies when their time comes to cross over- I am not morbid, trust me, but one has just been diagnosed with a heart murmur- They range in age from 8-13. While there is plenty of "life" in all of them, it seems, as they frolic around here, I don't even want to think about the possibilities... They have been my salvation for so long, all 4 of them, and I can't imagine... xoxo Thanks again and tell me some number stories- A beautiful figure appeared in the sky this morning- I took LOTS of pictures!!! Take good care of yourself!! mamabets

[christysmom]

Ameliasmom -- It's so hard for me to read that you lost your daughter, Amelia, on November 13. I lost my daughter, Christy, in a one-car automobile accident on November 11. Look for signs and accept them when they appear. One of the hardest tasks that faced me was taking my daughter's Christmas gifts from the closet. I had them laying on a bed in the guest room while I struggled with what I should do. Finally, I decided I would wrap them and give them to her sister. When I went to the door of the bedroom to get the gifts, there was a rainbow...in the bedroom...over the bed. I was unable to go into the room but I called my husband to come see the rainbow. For the moment, my heart was calmed; I know Christy was smiling.

[ameliasmom]

Thanks to all of your for your kind words. I know at this time, I don't have much to offer anyone but maybe one day I will be able to do for others what you are doing for me. I am not a selfish person but I have not been able to do anything for anyone. It has been a tough morning. I saw my cell phone bill from the night Amelia died (November 13th). I am dwelling on the last calls I made to her and her to me. I did see Amelia the night she died. She left the house very late and told me she was leaving. I had fallen asleep. I didn't tell her all the usual things I would go through. I never wanted her to go out, especially late, I would always worry. I kind of had this routine of all the things I would say to her. Don't drink and drive. Wear your seatbelt. No speeding. No talking on the phone while driving...... It even became a joke between us. Anyway, she said she was leaving and she said that she loved me, I said I love you too. She walked into the other room and said she loved me again and I said again, I love you too. Those were the last words we spoke to each other. I am so glad but I still have so much more to tell her. Why didn't I get up to hug her? I have so many regrets. I still want her to come home. I know she is not. I still feel as though I am in denial. I just can't take it all in now, I just can't. My heart aches for her. It just doesn't seem real. When does it become real? Is that the worst time when it actually sinks in or is it now? I am not sure why I am asking you all this question. I know it is different for people. I guess I am just wondering how much worse does it get and when? I feel so sad. I miss her. It all seems so unreal. Thanks again for listening. Peggy

[ameliasmom]

Christysmom, I meant to ask you how old was your daughter Christy when she died in the car accident? Was it this year, November 11th?

[mom2angels]

{{{Mamabets}}} Betsy~ I’m so sorry that Dean isn’t more responsive, communicative, and helpful to you in coping with your grief. If he’s always been a one word kind of guy, then that’s unlikely to change with Danny’s passing; in fact, he might have just turned his grief inward more.

You mentioned that he is angry with Danny for doing this, which could be a large part of his reaction(s). Of course, anger is a major part of grief, and if we don’t get past it, we don’t move forward in the process. To me, it sounds as though Dean may be stuck in that angry place.

The wine may be his self medication. Drink enough and then you don’t have to feel anything…

Not everyone is receptive to miracles, to the concept of life after death, to after life communication, and it sounds as though Dean is one of those people. While the signs that you receive are irrefutable to you, to him they may just represent a vivid imagination by you to make you feel better. You can’t make someone believe what seems supernatural, of course. Even when it is staring him right in the face.

I wish that I had some great advice for you. I’m sure that you have tried everything I could suggest, such as telling him that his lack of communication and comfort of you is hurting you, or seeking counseling for both of you.

I think the death of a child can either bring a couple closer together or push them farther apart.

In my marriage, we are even closer now. My husband, Jim, and I have spent nearly 24 hours of every day together for the last 13 years, caring for Jonathan and Michael. (In answer to your other question…yes, I am with Jon all day, all night, 365 days a year…my husband and I sleep in shifts, so that I can get about 5-6 hours of sleep a night. Jim sleeps in the morning/day, while I tend to Jon, maintain our home, and fight the medical system for his needs. Of course, we maintained the same schedule when we were caring for Michael. )

Jim is a jewel, and I think a rare jewel. How many men do you know, who would take on the responsibility of caring for two adult men with severe disabilities, including changing diapers, managing a Gtube, a colostomy, administering oxygen, breathing treatments, sitting at their hospital bedside from midnight to 7 a.m.? Yes, he is special.

Maybe my man should have a chat with your man. ;-)

As for my optimism, it is solely based on a sound faith and a well founded belief in life after life. Whenever I selfishly long to hold my precious Michael one more time, I think about his pain and suffering in this life, and the beauty, love and freedom he experiences now. I could never want him back here for my sake. Just as you feel about your sweet Danny.

I am praying that Danny will open up Dean’s heart, so that he can soften and forgive, and so that he can comfort the woman he loves. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to do that, Betsy. He needs your angel to guide him. Let’s pray for that and ask Danny to intervene if he possibly can.

For Christmas my husband gave me an assortment of candles, which I use for prayer. I just lit one for you, Dean, and Danny, and I will pray for Danny’s biological dad as well.

You know where your comfort is, Betsy. Danny provides it for you all of the time, just like he did this morning when you looked up at the sky.

Take good care of yourself. Blessings to you~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[mamabets]

For Mom2angels- Bless your heart... In reading all that you wrote, I was so reminded of how i can't believe how I forgot to tell one key fact here... My Dean is a Viet Nam vet, and he was awarded a purple heart, as he was shot. I tend to forget the obvious, from time to time, and I need to be more aware of thais. I always have been in the past, it just leaves me from time to time now. In bringing his anger out in the open, I too have become angry, and we have discussed how in doing so, perhaps it will give us the ability to somehow build on something... There was life before Danny's passing, and there must be life once again. Dean has, in all fairness to him, been a very caring man, for many, many years and this is just more than anybody knows what to do with!!! As for Danny's biological father, please know that he is an extremely evil man. He is suing the poor man that hit Danny...It was a terrible accident, and he was on his way to work, when Danny walked into the middle of a black highway... These are the painful facts, and Danny's father continues to drive drunk, and got a DUI not long ago. He is and extremely abusive man and my daughter has divorced herself from him since Danny's passing. I could write the book, but I have lived it, so wouldn't. He used to call Danny "brain dead" for forgetting to put gas in his car, and every other time he felt like it, and his wife used to call Danny dummy... Here we are, and Danny passed from severe brain injuries. This is a guy that turns the miles back on cars before selling them- Sleezy, pure and simple and my Danny is well rid of him. Save your breath, my dear friend, as this guy needs 10 lifetimes to even begin to make a dent, unfortunately. I love you!!! xoxoxomamabets

[daveydow1]

For Peggy,

I am so sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Amelia.

I will pray for you and hope that you may find some peace

on this journey you have so recently started. We, here at

BI will be here for you whenever you need us.

[daveydow1]

Mom2Angels,

The love and devotion of you & your husband in caring

for Michael and Jonathan is truly inspirational. As a

healthcare provider (at one time), I know how people

who care for the disabled/ill can get so very exhausted.

It is easy to see that yours is a labor of much love.

My son, David, died just 2 wks. after your Michael in

2003 (he crossed over June 14, 2003), from a highway

crash. So, I think that our sons are friends in heaven.

I am praying for you, Jim, and Jonathan. Peace to all

of you.

[daveydow1]

Betsy,

My husband is also a man of few words. Our Davey was his

only son, while I have an older son from a previous marriage.

Sometimes my husband's anger also comes out in an unpleasant

way, in being a bit jealous that I still have a son left. I

have tried to explain things to him, and if he is in the right

mood, he will try to understand that I am hurting too. He

sometimes seems to want to hold his grief to himself, as though

it is his alone, and no one else could hurt as bad as he does.

It has not caused much of a rift between us, as we have been

through this before, when our baby girl died at 6 mo. of age

quite a few yrs. ago. It caused more problems then. I guess we

have mellowed out with age. Your writings are so helpful and

give us a boost when we need it most. Bless your little dogs. Pets

are a big comfort, aren't they? (I have a nice companion cat, Brownie).

I will pray that you and Dean may come to a better understanding

of each other's pain. I just go it alone, except for a nice councelor

and all of the kind people here at BI. You are all in my prayers. Peace.