Loss of an Adult Child

[4everjoeysmom]

Lorri, I missed all that about Amanda. I had to go back to your older posts to find it. Wow!! Is this the same Amanda that told you she has a brain tumor? That girl needs to be saved from herself. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. HUGS!!!

[shellbellsmom]

Good sunny afternoon everyone.  What a joy to have the sun shining, the snow melting, and the birds singing.  Lifts the spirits sooooooo.

Carol great news about the tickets for opening day...now need to pray the weather will be decent for the big day. 

Dee love the poem and the video....and Susannah was right 7 is a good number and very spiritual....but yes, I agree it sure does seem like a long time to go without seeing your daughters smiling face. 

Lorrie, I am confused and maybe missed one of your posts about your friend Amanda..whats up with her.  Didn't see have a tumor ?  The cross is beautiful. 

Sherry, I too read the Shack and found it to be a good read...its not a true story but one that sure makes you think about life, God and tragedy.  It's wonderful what your sister has done for herself with her dyslexia...it must have been so hard for her to teach herself. My son's best friend is dyslexic and my son (very gifted) took on the role as his tutor ever since he met him in the 5th grade all the way up through college.  My son had a way of teaching him and was very patience with him....if it wasn't for my son he probably wouldn't be where he was today (which is in the Navy overseas serving our country)...my son always would stop kids from making fun of his poor reading skills, and made sure they all understand his disability....he did this all on his own.  Many of this his teachers praised him for his dedication.  He got special help from school but having a peer help him on the side gave him the confidence he needed to make it in the world.  So proud of my boy!!!!

Today I went to a relaxation fair....it was nice to do something for myself for a change and relax and recharge. 

Yesterday I was in my daughters room and came across a VHS tape I have seen laying around but never knew what it was...I found a player and put it in...I was so surprised to see an old rap video she and some of her friends made at their senior "All Night Party" on her graduation night....What a wonderful gift I got...seeing her so full of life, smiling, laughing and shakin' her bootie.  Sure made my day.  Here is the video....she is the girl on left at first (Elvis hair I think in the first part, and the fur and leather jacket) .  Man I miss that dancing girl...  

Take Care everyone, Sue

[Guest]

Dee - This June or July will be Erica's 7 yr angelversary.  Of course the number 7 is bothering you.  I'm sorry.  I didn't get it.  I just maybe you were seeing the number 7 and it was bothering you.  Had no idea why...I'm a bit slow.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[summergirl]

Claudia - thank you, I know everyone here is behind me...just sure wish we were all gathered together right now holding hands....I told my husband that I have my girls at work (co-workers) to protect me, him to protect me at home and all of you to protect me with your posts and prayers...I love him so much but can not fix him, his habit or his life...he knows that I love him but he has never had to do without my help before so it will be some time before he actually realizes that I mean what I say.

Lorrie- glad you got some new socks to go with your "old" sneakers   Signs from our babies so good for the heart.  That Amanda really needs some physc care..it is kind of scarey when someone behaves that way....

Have to go get dinner from the oven....not really hungry but my big man husband is.

Talk later, love all.....Kathy

[lolynbo]

LONGGG STORY ABOUT AMANDA ..BUT THE ONLY THING SHE EVER PROB TOLD ME WAS TRUE WAS HER TUMOR...NO HUBBY NO KID NO CRAK NO DEAD SIISTER IN LAW...ALL LIES...U NAME IT SHE SAID IT AND I OF COURSE BELIEVE PPL WHEN THEY SAY PPL DIE OR PPL HAVE PROB THATS JUST ME....LIFE IS HARD ENOUGH WITHOUT LYING...BUT YA SHE HAS NOTHING LIKE SHE SAID ALLLLLLLLLL LIES....HER MOM WAS FLOORD AND IM SURE EMBARRASED...

AND I AM DYSLEXIC (SP) TOO BUT WE ARE AMUNG FRIENDS AND YAL DONT CARE...

LOVE YAL

[zachysmom]

We had a new addition to our family to day a big blue maine coon cat. His owner had to give him up and we were chosen to adopt him. He is home resting and relaxing. Blue and Houdini get a long great. I will post pictures after I get his coat brushed out and unfortunatly I have to shave under his neck the owner had a collar on him and his fur is matted. Thankfully he loves being groomed.

Below is a picture of a maine coon cat he is only a little smaller than this one. and greyish.

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, I was a couple of years into tough love with Joey when he passed. Actually, the second year was easier, and he really was making a push on his own to turn it all around...was getting excellent grades, not asking for money anymore, and such. The first year was very hard--lots of anger on his part toward me...tore me up. He was still a little hard with me the 2nd year, but we were working through it. Part of me felt guilty about that for a while, for obvious reasons. But truthfully, when he left this world, his character was much improved, he had honor and self respect, and he had a brighter future. I can't change what ultimately happened. But what I could change was the enabling that would have made his remaining time here on Earth much more tragic. I am thankful for that, as much as it hurts. Your BJ will only have a fighting chance if he can come to that place within himself to want to change it or be forced to change it--whichever comes first. But enabling will never be his answer to being free. I know you don't want to lose him. But dear friend you must be strong and remember that he is already lost, and the only way he will find his way back is if you let him go so that he can work it out. He won't be able to do that if you don't stay strong. Sometimes loving someone the best that we can means removing ourselves from their circumstance. That doesn't mean abandon emotionally. But you cannot allow yourself to be put in a vulnerable situation. If you can't stop yourself from answering your phone, change your number. He WILL get it after a while. But right now he is very convinced that he can break you. And so far, he has been right on target. I know you've had plenty of people telling you much the same thing from experience. Take it to heart. It really comes with a lot of wisdom and love... xoxoxo Hugs & Prayers for this tough journey... ~C

[ericasmom]

Beth, I think you are kidding me, though I am unsure. WOW! If that is a cat, I would hate to see your dog.

Susannah, no worries, yes 7 represents the number of years that ERi has been gone, almost. Come July. The number that is significant in Eri's life is 4. Born 4-4-84 and dying on 7-14-03, there are 4 4's in her numbers, and according to some ancient chinese and many native families, 4 is a holy number in that it is the number of cardinal directions, it is the number of seasons, the number that tells how many kinds of animals are on earth; swimming, two legged, four legged, and flying, so her 4connection is strong.

Kathy, you made it through a tough week, so I am happy for you though understand the wear  and tear on your spirit. I do agree with what has been offered here, that supporting now has to be your not answering that phone, not giving him any money, but what a hard situation that is. Keep holding the hands of those around you, and ours here, so that yoyu can use your tough love skills to the best.

Blessings,

dee

marcia, kaye, val, mary, hoping you are well. Also to those new to this place, to this journey, remember that we have left our footfalls in the dirt for you so that you can follow along some days when figuring this whole thing out is overwhelming. We are here for a reason, hold on to our hands.

[mikesmum]

Carol - I can feel your excitement from here!  I swear Mike is now working in the booking office at Fenway!   Send me the dates and I will wear my Red Sox shirt...confusing people here, but hey what the heck!

The first time I heard that poem was in the movie "Four Wedding and a Funeral".  Very funny movie but that moment when its read out at a funeral......well you guys know.

Kathy - Ahhhh you have that beautiful hair you passed on to Jess! You look so comfortable cradeling that baby boy.....stay strong, you have a world of support holding you tight.

Lynn - You MIA in Chicago this weekend?  If so have a great time....if not, have a great time....

Sue - Love the Video...precious footage.  Love the idea of a relaxation fair...we have a Mind Body and Spirit fair.  Been to that a few times trying to learn how to 'relax'

Dee - Love your words...from the heart of many I'm sure.  Have seen that poem before.  I seems at times the world only sees the first half not waiting long enough  to see how it could be.   Ah yes the old Steak Tar Tar...still can't get my head around it being a delicacy.

Colleen - Filet would have had me thinking fish...6yrs of french wouldn't have given me any clue as to what Mignon was either....

Sherry - Pictures from long ago that have been hidden in the back of our mind bring such warms and smiles.  Enjoy the grandies.

Beth - a little smaller than the one pictured still means he's one LARGE cat!!!!  Love it.

Zak's birthday today.  He is 8.  All the grandies together for a morning tea in their new house.....the memories of a new generation build.  

Melbourne was hit with the worst storm in 100yrs.  Hail, wind and rain.  We are about 40mins out and best we got was rain.  The destruction was enormous.  Steve and Kellys outdoor area was flooded.  It seems their drainage is about 40yrs old and needs replacing.  Good thing he is a plumber......he couldn't afford to hire one

Take care all my indigos.......your Spring thaw is about to begin! 

[ericasmom]

MEERKATS! The biggest storm in 100 years? Holy cow, glad that you are safe adn hope that everyone else is as well. And Zack being 8, well that is a fine age and a morning birthday tea sounds perfect! What does one wear to a tea?

Love to you Trudi, the comments you make to everyone are a delight.

Love,

dee

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos 

 

It is 50 degrees and sunny here in NYC  So glad to feel the  warm spring breeze and hear the birds .  It feels as if winter is finally on the way out.  Thank goodness.  I know Mary Ann and Betsy will be overjoyed. There is a new "Gangster Museum" opening in a former speakeasy not far from my home . I will be venturing there today.   I think that only in NY would we be honoring Gangsters but then  if you have been following our political picture for the past year it is understandable:)

 

Trudie I am so glad you were spared the storm and am sorry about the flood at Stevens .  A tea party for the children how special  Enjoy.

 

Beth that is a huge cat   Cannot wait to see pictures of yours  A new pet is very up lifting.

Speaking of pictures, Sue I really loved the video How alive and happy your angel was.   

 

Sherry Yes finding an old photo that they truly reflect your precious angel is priceless.  I am glad your sister forwarded the one of Davey to you.  

 

 Kathy   the picture of Tavian you and Jess is priceless.  Such a happy time.  I understand about the sadness I see it always when I look in the mirror or at any picture taken after the loss of Stephen.   It feels as if a "light" has gone out within me.  I guess it has!!!

 

Carol you are such a fan  I am so glad you got the tickets  Mike is definitely pulling strings.

 

Dee I too loved the steak Ta Tar story as well as Claudia's whole Lobster and Colleen Filet Mignon one .    I am sure I have many just like them but have not had the time to remember. Thanks for the smile.

 

Lynn Hope the weather is good for your trip, Marcia, Leah, Susannah, Dan, Greg, Kim, Amy, Rosie  have a day filled with warm thoughts of your angels.

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

[ericasmom]

Hi Betty, I know that you feel the light has left your eyes, your heart, but I do believe it is making its way back, not the same way it used to  be, but a light that honors your life adn your Boy's life. The reason I say this is because you share your light in your words.

Ok Sue, I just watched your Daughter dance her little butt off with her friends, and I am laughing. How wonderful to have a captured joyous time. Thanks for sharing.

dee

[zachysmom]

Here is Blue doing what Blue does best.

[mysonrich]

Hello indigo’s, a little time off.

Susannah, I’ve been seeing 3’s every since Rich died. 333,444, 555 o’clock, If I’m at the check- out I now resist the urge to buy a pack of gum if the total sale is $6.66. Since Rich died that number doesn’t bother me as much.

3 Represents the Father, Son. Holy Spirit....

3 Steps to Salvation. Repentence, Baptism and God will fill you with the Holy Spirit

3 Omniscience, Omnipresence , Omnipotence

3 Past . Present . Future.

Sherry, I didn’t know that about skunks re; mating season. She did have a special glow about her J also, does this ring a bell, “ Do you like my hat”?

Betty, I’ve been thinking of the shore. The sun is out and my thoughts are placing me in the ocean, floating on the rollers.

Trudi, I don’t think the skunk means anything significant except stay clear and don’t startle ! Stay safe

Ray’s Mom, I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. Hope you are ok.

Dee, 7 years. I don’t know what to say here. How about a hug (((Dee)))

I helped move a box spring/mattress this morning, I have concluded I’m to old for this chit. J

BBL

Betsy,mysonRich

　

[mikesmum]

Betsy - I too have found I'm 'too old' for that shite....Its nice to see Rich's face again.

The storms here are to continue today.  Its rained non stop for the past two days here with minimal damage. 

Tonight we are too see Diana Krall (Mal's birthday present) in the vineyards, but I have a feeling thats being cancelled.  Tom Jones was last night.

Tomorrow I will be transversing this 'wide brown land' by air to Perth for 10 days of disconnect - reconnect.  The frenetic energy of 'cleaning' packing, rechecking everything began at around 4 this morning.

I hope to find that pocket of energy that comes from being someplace where no one knows my name. 

Love the size and fluffiness (not a word? is now) of that big blue cat....huggable

Take care of each other - Miss Dee that includes you...

 

[Guest]

Betsy - "Go Dog Go" 

Beth - are those cats regular, domisticated pets?  They're huge! 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[andrewsmother]

Hey Indigos...I just had to share this...my son the actor...

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=9697402

[andrewsmother]

Here's one more I just found...Andrew is the one on the right corner...their Ghost video.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=36574241

[lolynbo]

KODY HELPED AT KOURTNEYS KLOSET WHILE BEING ASKED NOT TO COME TO SCHOOL THURSDAY...THIS IS HIM WITH A DONATION HE WAS SINGING "MR. BLUEBIRD IS ON MY SHOULDER"...YA HE'S SILLY BUT WE LOVE HIM...

[zachysmom]

Yes they are domesticated cats. My hubby wanted one for years but you can hardly find them up for adoption. To out right buy one from a breeder is expensive. His fur is very soft almost like cashmere but in my opinion softer. All he does is eat and sleep. He loves to be pet and is very tolerant doesn't even mind me shaving his neck.

[mikesmum]

[user=41012]andrewsmother[/user] wrote:

Here's one more I just found...Andrew is the one on the right corner...their Ghost video.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=36574241

I love these - talented in many ways.  Had to laugh at the disclaimer for the drug treatment.....saw many ads like that when I was in the states last year...

Footage of your son - precious beyond all.

[daveydow1]

Sue---It was so kind of your dear son to help his friend who had dyslexia...

especially sticking up for him when others were unkind about his reading

difficulty. My sister's school was NO help. She was just passed on. Needliess

to say, it caused difficulty in most other studies. Oh,...the video of Michelle and

her buddies dancing to the rap music is great, and you must have felt like you

discovered 'buried treasure' whenever you found it.

Beth----Wow......that's a CAT!!  (Blue). Very beautiful. It's good he likes being

groomed. My old cat, Brownie, hates being groomed and just grudgingly endures

it, and tries to get away every chance she gets. She is a shorthair, though, so

does not need combed/brushed as often as a longhaired cat.

Trudi---Hope you have a very nice and restful time in Perth, and that you can

come back home feeling refreshed and reenergized. Yes, we were so glad to

get the pic of Dave from my sister. It brightened our day....althought brought

a tear also. I'm sure you know how that goes.

Betty----Sounds like your weather in NYC is about like ours today. Nice  & sunny...

snow melting. Man, I sure hope that spring is just around the corner. I think we

are ALL very weary of winter this year.

Betsy----YIKES----moving mattresses!  I can see why you would not want to do

that again anytime soon...When we move (in a couple weeks), the movers will

take all the heavy stuff. My bones are too old for heavy stuff anymore .  I

must be dumb or something.......didn't quite get  "How do you like my hat"?

Peace & comfort to you----p.s.( Hope Mrs. Skunk doesn't present you with a "family"

in the coming weeks.   :?.

           PEACE &TRANQUILITY TO ALL HERE AT BI.

                  Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry   

[mikesmomrs]

Trudi:  Just wanted to pop in and send my good wishes for a wonderful journey for you and Mal...may you both reconnect in a way that most benefits each of you and both of you together, at the same time.  Safe travels, and no worries. 

love to you,

Carol 

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

 

I am back from the Gangster Museum  Should have saved my money but did see a hidden room where everyone hide to drink, a safe that held 1 million dollars and a large bar..      The lecture was very good but I left and went to the park with a huge dog run and just enjoyed being outside and watching the large dogs play.  I thought of my virtual pet, Mutley and of you, Trudi and how much joy you must have on your walks with him.

 

 

 Speaking of pets my Goodness Beth that Coon Cat is wonderful.  Soft, and gentle and Blue.  It is just what you and hubby need  I am glad you were able to get him.  

 

Betsy Yes it is great to see Rich and read your humor again .  Your thoughts about the number 3 were thought provoking and I always smile at your humor!!!  I agree  with you and Sherry about not being up to "moving heavy stuff any more".  I honestly do not know  when that happened  It just did. I am also thinking about the beach and sand and surf.   It is getting to that time.

 

Rosie and Lorrie I loved the video and pictures.  Thanks for posting

 

Dee 7 years is a long, long time to be without your angel Eri.  I know that she walks with you daily and you share your words and love but I do understand the Missing .  Thank you for your kind words to me on this journey. 

 

I read this today and thought of you and all the  Indigos

 

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” Washington Irving

 

Trudie I do hope you and Mal really  enjoy the trip .

 

Going to watch the Oscars tonight. I  hope all my Indigo Family has a Blessed Evening

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[lolynbo]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BETHANY BETHANY BETHANYS DADDY LARRY.....YOU ANGEL IS WITH YOU LARRY...ALWAYS A DADDYS GIRL..

[summergirl]

Claudia - thank you so much for sharing your story of Joey with me....I read it and read it again...then read it out loud. The strength I am gaining from all of you is very uplifting and I know it comes from your hearts (and some from experience). Yes, it is so very hard as each time the phone rings my stomach drops and I get that anxious feeling but with all of the support from here and those around me I am going to make it.  I pray hard for Bj and I am leaving it in God's hands. I still cannot get it through my head what makes someone WANT to live the way he is and why I have been enabeling him for so long, that is the reason I am going to go to the meeting, I am hoping it will help me to understand where we both are and hopefully meet people who are in the same situation as me...I know there are plenty of them.  I have talked of changing my cell phone number but have not done it yet, the number I have was Jessica's number and I do not want to give it up but as my husband says It is just a number and Jessica will understand.  Bless you my friend.

Trudi - am thinking of you as you head off on your adventure...very exciting for you and Mal.  Wow - big storm...thought they only had rain, wind and hail like that in Iowa.....I remember the tornado's, always had the weather station on as you never knew when you had to head to the basement...very scary.   No, I do not have my Jessica's hair...she got that from her dad...I think I may have curled it that day...I have wavy hair but nothing like my Jessica. Barry has beautiful blond curls like Tavian, I get my color from my hairdresser...haha

To all my wonderful BI friends I am always keeping you all close to my heart and in my prayers...take care each and every one...Love you all, Kathy

[ericasmom]

To all,

have a great evening, watching the Oscars with my boyfriend, STeve Martin, love him. Anyhow, need to wish you well Trudi dearest, to have a most lovely time traveling across your fair country/continent. May the time bring gifts of many variety, quiet and calm, laughter and communication, and joyous communion with nature and your Mike.

Meerkats each dawn, and deep sleep each night. Traveling Mercies.

My heart,

dee

[aim630]

Rosie-Loved the videos.

Beth-Blue is a beautiful cat. Ashley once found a Maine Coon kitten at her soccer game, we have no idea where it came from. My mom kept it & now my brother still has him (12 years later). I "rescued" 3 kittens, was only supposed to keep one but of course got attached to all 3.

Went through some of Ashley's stuff tonight, it is so hard. I really hate this...it's just not fair.

Here is a picture of Ashley when she was about 3.

[ericasmom]

Beautiful little Girl Amy, she always will be your beautiful Daughter. There is nothing fair about losing our Children Amy, and going through the tangible items from Her life is a very hard task. Be careful not to push to hard, it does not all have to be done in one day.

Rosie, That Andrew, loving the camera adn the camera loving him. He is such a funny young Man, so comfortable in front of the lens. Thanks for sharing your Boy with us.

[heartbeataway]

Betty,

Love the quote ...... thank you sweet lady!

Trudi,

My adventurous friend from downunder ..... enjoy your getaway!

Kathy,

I send you virtual hugs! 

Ashley's Mom,  what a beautiful child!  I love the beads in the picture ......

It's Monday ..... oh, is it ever Monday .....

Strength for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I hope all are doing OK and taking special care of yourselves. 

Amy I really loved the picture of Ashley as a small child  Such very special memories. Thanks for posting your heart.

Sue Sherry pointed out how special your son was to help out his friend who had a learning problem.  I did reflect on thatvery thought  when you shared it but neglected to note it when I was responding.  That was a poerful thing he did and he is a kind special young man.  

Betsy  I do hope you are not moving too many heavy things:) and that  you stop tempting the wild life around you with your charming ways  .

Lynn and Trudie  Thinking of you on your special trips. 

Dee I know you and your students will be enjoying this day after a week of testing.

You asked about my friend who lost her son.  She has not come here nor has she been able to do much  She is in a terrible place.  Dan set up a Memorial for her on his "Never Lose Faith" site .  She is so very grateful for that and visits there daily.  It is a start.

MaryAnn  I hope the weather there is improving as it has in NYC 

I stayed up late watching the Oscars so I am a bit out of it today.  I loved that Sandra Bullock finally was recognized.  I have always enjoyed her performances.  Always like to see the fashions and see if they select the movies I liked  I did find the" Hurt Locker "was a remarkable film and although I thought Avatar and the others were quite good I wanted Hurt Locker to win. 

Today as Bonnie said is a Monday and it is always hard to begin the week.  Bonnie I really loved seeing your post and Jason's handsome  face this AM 

  Claudia, Kathy, Leah, Beth, Sonya, Kim, Rosie, Greg, Carol, Susannah, and all Indigos thinking of you this day.

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[ericasmom]

Betty, love the quote as well. Thanks for sharing it.

Yesterday Jonathan and Shannon arrived home after the trip out west. Shan and he came to dinner adn it was so damn good to see them. Jon said that his friend Will's Dad would soon die, actually we thought that he would die two months ago, but he rallied and by last night was very close again, on hospice at home. Jon loves his friend Will and told him he would be there for him, knowing how hard this is. Well, last night Will's dad passed on from his cancer, he lived fighting it about as long as Jon's daddy did last year. Jon called me at midnight very upset but needed to talk, which was fine with me. This will certainly be poignant and heart wrenching for him as his Dad's anniversary is March 31. One year. Will lives in Michigan, he is a really nice young man with a very supportive family, who supported my Son in his grief both with Eri's leaving and Michaels'. So prayers for Will and his family, mom Bonnie, and his sister named Erica too. His Dad was a really good man, easy going, friendly.

As far as Mondays, I ususally love them, usually have a good deal of energy for them, but I stayed up too late, though did not make it to the end of the awards show, but still, and then lost some sleep in the night. So I am tired. But i still like Mondays, I like the start of something new each week. A new chance.

How come I don't get the Hat reference Betsy? I am not real quick.

I could no more move a matrress than do a cartwheel, which I have never done in my entire life.

My back is not great still, so going back for a redo.

Love to all,

dee

[shellbellsmom]

Trudi, be safe and may you  find some peace on your journey.

Rosie, what a wonderful video treasure you have forever...love watching them, and got a real chuckle out of all side effects of the drug, and the actor doctor who talks about getting rich while drinking out of a plastic cup....too cute.  If you are like me, still doesn't seem real that they aren't alive anymore when they are so full of life on the screen. 

Betty wonderful quote....one to save for sure.

Amy beautiful girl your Ashley........precious smile to cherish forever, and love the beads. 

Dee sending prayers for Jon's friend Will and his family.  Enjoy your Monday. 

Off to therapy.....my goal is to accept and learn to live with my grief and not let it take over my life...

Peaceful thoughts and memories everyone.  Sue

[lostwoher]

 Got back home around 5:30 sunday. The trip went well except for Michelle being ill and cutting our day short as far as doing much. Made it to the top of Sears tower only to make me queezy. I DO NOT do well with heights. I saw the new boxes with the see thru floor and about lost my cookies. I stayed about 15 feet away. It was a bit nippy with overcast but not too bad. We walked and walked and walked. The rain came as we were leaving so it was a decent trip.

Overcast dreary Monday here so just catching up on my laundry before working the midnite shift.

Be well All,

Lynn 

[andrewsmother]

Hello my friends....I've been away for a while just because I just don't have much time, although I do try to read the posts most days from my blackberry. Just touching base with everyone and stopping to say hello. I missed Stephen's birthday...I am so sorry...Happy Belated Birthday Stephen. I'm home today not feeling too well. Still in a bad place, unable to come to grips with this horrible loss. I find myself with an overwhelming sadness that I cannot lift. I shared a couple of videos that were posted on facebook yesterday which I hadn't seen. My son was really a "ham". Anyway...just a quick note to you all...wishing everyone well, or as well as can be expected under the circumstances. Love to all...Rosie, Andrew's mom

[hotsauce]

hello to everyone here at BI

BETTY, thanks for asking, the weather here is beautiful, i just can't seem to enjoy it.

can anyone tell me why the pain of losing my son BRIAN, seems to be getting worst instead of easier?  i know you all miss your angels, but can you tell me how to get out of the hole i am in?  thanks for hearing me out.  any help will do.

love and hugs

mary ann

Brian's momdukes

[lolynbo]

MARYANN I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IT GETS WORSE THEN EASES UP SOME THEN WHAM...IT HITS YOU LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY....

ALL I KNOW IS WE MISS OUR KIDS DAILY AND NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT....SOME DAYS ARE GOOD SOME ARE BAD...

FOR ME IF I HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO "HELPS"..(VACATION, RACES, SOMETHING NEW??)...AND ALSO THE WEATHER...RAINING WE DONT HAVE A CHANCE...IF THE SUN IS SHINNING AND YOU CAN HEAR THE BIRDS SINGING IT GIVES US A GLIMMER OF HOPE AND LIFE....(AS WE KNOW IT NOW)..

RIGHT NOW THE ONLY THING KEEPN ME GOING IS KODY , KIMBERLY (WHEN SHE CAN)..AND KOURTNEYS KLOSET, MONTY , FAMILY AND OUR REUNION AND HOPEFULLY A CRUISE....AND THE RACES FIXIN TO START....OTHER THEN THAT...IM DONE...DOWN AND OUT...GONE..

[ericasmom]

Rosie, love the videos of Andrew, they made me smile like Michelle's did. Eri was very much like them both too, laughing and dancing and hamming it up.

You are new to this, it is an awful place to be, hang on though, it won't always feel this sore.

Mary Ann, same to you, this is just a very hard time, when the sound of the birds and the blue sky don't delight you it is because there is so much sadness in the way, like so much clutter in the way of beauty. I am sorr fo rthat to be the case, but it won't always be so. You will benefit maybe from forcing yourself out to walk each day to release endorphins, the naturally occurring hormone or enzyme or whatever that we release when we use our bodies. Walk for 20-30 minutes to release these, then you may begin to physically cause yourself to feel a bit better. Bicycle or any 20 minute exercise should beging the release and then maybe increase it to increase the amount of endorphins in your system. Are you eating healthy? Are you volunteering anywhere? Not that you have to do that, but it may make you feel better as far as a form to your week. THese are just some of the ways that I worked ot begin feeling better in my days many years ago. They are still some of the ways that I use. I hope MaryAnn, that you know we have all been in the place where the beauty of the sky and the new season only serve to make us more sad, it can be that the seasons are changing to throw us into sadness, One more season changing without our Child. So be kind to your heart, keep posting.

Love,

dee

[shorty16]

Indigo's

I saw my first Robin and heard my first Sandhill Crane of the Spring.

Spring is here...    

In WI, Mother Nature is not done with us yet.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Beth

Love the cats.  I never grew up with cats, my parents did not like them.  Then I met Scott.  His family always had cats.

Now we have 3 cats - Iggy Ross (grey/white linky-guy), Cloe Belle (black & beautiful, the princess of them all), and Tootsie, a 6-toed, tortouse shell, old lady (10 yrs).

We also have a 100lb Golden named Copper.  The cats cannot pet him, so he has no use for them.

LOVE ANIMALS (so did Brian)

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[daveydow1]

Amy----Such a beautiful child is sweet Ashley. She looks so lovely in her blue

outfit, and has such beautiful hair & eyes too. Thanks for posting the pic.

MaryAnn---So very sorry that you are in the 'black hole' of sadness. As Dee

said......it can come on you at any time, and many times is out of the blue.

I would try to use exercise....in the form of walking, usually, and look & look

at nature around me...trees, birds, animals, people's pets, and blossoms &

flowers when in season. I would read a lot, paint, and for myself.......movies

on t.v.  Then, for the endorphins to be released.....CRY whenever you need to,

and heaven knows we need to. Crying also releases the endorphins---hormones

that act like a natural pain reliever. Talking with a trusted friend may help.

 Of course, these are only suggestions, and you may find other things to help you.

 Peace & prayers, friend.

Rosie---Nice to see Andrew's sweet smile.

Lynn----I'm like you......not crazy about heights. I, too, went to the Sears Tower

years back, and was a bit dizzy up so high----was much-relieved whenever I got

back down to the ground level .

Dee---Prayers for Will and his family.....sorry to learn of another good person's

passing.  Glad that Jon & Shannon had a nice time on the trip out West.

           Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Mary Ann, The old saying, "Time..." Time is needed for certain aspects of healing. This is true. But so often when we are in pain, it seems that time stands still. And if time is standing still, how will we ever get healing? Sometimes the monotony of the daily routine just isn't enough to get us through--work schedule, etc. Lorri wrote that it helps to have things to look forward to. This us true. But generally is a temporary band aid. We must learn how to hold onto the feelings of good that come our way, making them more permanent instead of fleeting by in the moment. The only way I have been able to find this is by putting my focus into something bigger than me and my pain. It hasn't been easy, but it is helping me to find healing in a more fixed way instead of transient meaning. I don't know what kinds of things are available in your area, and I don't know what kind of schedule you have. But maybe consider volunteering in some way. Lorri has Kourtney's Kloset, which has been a huge healing blessing for her. I have our outreach, which is amazingly helpful. Others here do various things as an outlet for their pain, a release from the pit. Is there a children's hospital near you where you could read stories for an hour every other weekend? I don;t know what your schedule and energy allow. But what I do know is that when we do incorporate something to look forward to into our life routine, (as opposed to just a one-time thing), it helps so much. And if you don;t have the time or energy for that, reading good, uplifting books, poetry and meditations is helpful. Or plan a trip to get away and make it all about YOU. Pamper yourself. (You're always welcome to visit me!!

Just a few random thoughts and ideas... I'm sure others here have some thoughts to share. HUGS!!!! Love, Claudia

[heartbeataway]

Mary Ann,

This journey is very non-linear. Not that it will help but what you're experiencing is completely normal.

The ebb and flow ......

Sending you strength for the journey ........

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[mysonrich]

Go Dog Go..............

 

Do you like my hat?

Yes, I do! I do like your party hat!"

"Good-bye!"

"Good-Bye

Susannah got it !

[summergirl]

Amy - your Ashley is so beautiful, what a smile...love the pic.

Rosie - good to see that handsome face of Andrew.

Maryann - oh dear friend, if only I had a magic wand to make us all feel the pain less, but this journey we walk does not come with magic wands and it is not an illusion. The ups and downs on this walk come and go like the tides of the sea...we can go for days and suddenly the tsunami hits us and we are on our knees.  It is so much worse on some days, there is no rhyme or reason...it is a part of the grieving process we must go through, the baby steps we take each day, 3 steps forward and 6 steps backwards.  It will get softer with time, the pain will always remain, the tears always be there, the overwhelming loss will overtake us but it will become softer. There is no time set on this journey...I have just passed the 4 year mark and there are days when I cannot function but most days I am living the life my Jessica would want me to live, keeping her memory alive, taking care of Tavian and myself. Stay with us, we are here, living proof that life does begin again....I would never have said that in the biginning...I was so wrapped in my grief I was positive I would never smile again but I do and I am and so will you....bless you.

Lorrie - how right you are...when we have something to look forward to it does help us and our young one makes it worth moving forward....Tavian loves NASCAR racing, he likes Tony Stewart..

Bonnie - thanks for the virtual hug.....hugs are the best.

Made my appointment today to see someone who will give me the information I need for meetings with others who are dealing with what I am with my son....I am anxious about it but know that I need to go....need to see the faces of others, hear their stories and how they live with it.  I will let you know.

Beautiful day today, almost 60, sunshine, spring is on the way and I am so in need of it.....it has been one of the worst winters I can remember so I pray for a good spring and summer so we can do lots with Tavian.

To all indigo's....sleep well, rest and sweet dreams. Kathy

[zachysmom]

I know the other pics of blue didn't really show how big he is so here is a pic of hubby holding him. Hubby is not a small guy.

[zachysmom]

This is blue giving himself a bath

[heartbeataway]

Beth,

Blue is fascinating to me!

Kathy,

Try not to be anxious about the meeting.  I think it will be a good thing for you .... and you so deserve something good in this situation.

<3 for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Dee I am glad Jon and Shannon had a good time on their trip.  Jon will be such a comfort to his friend now that he has lost his dad.

Colleen I have been seeing many many Robins myself these mornings. It is a great feeling.  I think Sherry pointed out that The angels here all seemed to like animals and Brian loving animals makes him part of a wonderful group.

Beth I agree with Bonnie "Blue" Is fascinating!!! He looks as if he is feeling very happy , safe and loved. Keep sharing those pictures

Betsy  Your humor is enriching  Thanks

Rosie  I am so glad to see Andrews handsome face.  Ths is a difficult journey  It does help coming here knowing that you are not alone and that others are with you really helps. 

Leah and Kathy thinking of you both and hope that you both receive the answers you deserve.

MaryAnn everyone has given you many helpful suggestions to help in the sadness.  I found that once I accepted that I would never be "happy" like I once was and that was alright, I stopped fighting the sadness and could walk with it.  Walking with the grief enabled me to be able to feel happy and peaceful at the same time as sad.  It appears that slowly, the grief then lesssened .  As everyone has spoken, it is a slow journey and walking with others certainly helps.

I am going to tackle some spring cleaning, wash the windows and curtains today and then to reward myself, I will go shopping for a new dress that I need for a wedding the end of this month.. 

 I hope Trudie is having a great time and weather and that all Indigos have a safe Blessed day. 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[mikesmomrs]

Good morning Indigos:  Today is another day of bright sunshine...can't believe it...it is our fourth day of such beauty! 

Mary ann:  As Betty said, others have given many thoughts of their own on dealing with this journey we have been put on, and I think the common thread here is that we eventually do learn to "walk with both the sadness and a sense of peace," though it does take time...and that "time element" is different for all of us.  I pray you find that way soon, but know that it doesn't happen suddenly, it is something that we notice, over time. 

Beth:  Blue is truly beautiful.  I used to work for a couple who have a Maine Coon cat, and he was gray, truly beautiful, and so very huge, just like Blue.

Dee:  SO very glad that Jon and Shannon had a good trip, though sad that he is now dealing with another loss, as well as sad for his friend.  It is good, though, that Jon's friend will have Jon for support as he travels this road of sadness and loss...perhaps Jon and he will help each other find that peace that sometimes eludes us after we lose someone we love so much.  I found your love of Monday's encouraging; that is something I was never able to come to grips with...Monday was a return to the "busy" stuff of work...though I did like what I did for a living, I still preferred to be home.  Good for you!  You are such a good influence on those of us lucky enough to know you!  Your students are so very blessed, also.  Thinking of the little one who passed, that you mentioned.  Holding his family close in prayer, asking for prayers for a family hewre in our town, who also lost a little one...a four year old named Aiden, slipped under the ice this weekend, as his parents watched in horror, unable to do anything to help. 

Kathy:  Keeping you close in prayer...

Sue:  Hope your therapy goes well...

Lynn: so glad you enjoyed your trip..I'm with you on the heights thing...

Amy:  Ashley's picture, Ashley...beautiful.  thank you for sharing.

Rosie:  The videos...what a gift for you, and for us, to watch...thank you.

Susannah:  Hope you are okay...

Betsy, Claudia, Lorri, Bonnie, Marcia...sending love to you and all our indigos...Trudi...enjoy your journey with Mal...

Everyone...have a good day today...I have to bring my daughter in law's mom to some appts today...will get to see Damon...40 lbs of true sunshine! 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs