Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

HOLY CRAP Susannah, My son, Jonathan, was at the STurgess not as a rider, none of us ride, but he was the guy that ran the fight ring. He set the whole thing up, made sure there was a doctor, made sure everyone competing had a place to stay, he had a great learning experience from running that. How cool! Wow! YOU are a Beauty. Your Grandkids are real lookers too.There are several of you who ride, so that is a nice connection.

Lyn, yes, sleep is a very good thing for a cold or flu. Sorry you had to get out of the jammies, but glad that you did stay in for a good portion of the day. Yes, the sunlight was good. Cold here in Chicagoland. Real windy tonight. Love that photo of Kayla opening a CareBear. Eri loved those too.

Today I walked to the train and went down to the hospital in the city to have a diagnostic mammogram. I have had some issues in the past and a lump showed up a few weeks ago so I was able to get in. (sorry men) So I was nervous, had about 12 slides done and an ultrasound by the radiologist to determine if we should continue to be afraid...it is a cyst. I have had many and the Breast Specialist that I see takes care of them. This guy said I don't need to follow up with my doctor that it will go away on its own, but I think I will call my doctor tomorrow to see what he suggests. I have an appointment for Monday with him. I would love to not take a day off however, so if he thinks this is fine, I would rather wait until winter break. I had a half day sub today, she seemed really nice but this is a very hectic time of year to leave.

So I returned at around 5:00 and stayed for what is called the "Hungry Minds Dinner" It is a dinner served by the fifth graders. Food is donated from restaurants all over our town, Oak Park, and the money, 6.00 per person, goes to 4 different charities chosen through deep research by each of the 4 5th grades. So one class chose Hiefer to send their portion of tonights fund raising. I know that one is going to a local food pantry...Isn't that a great outreach? I love that. I saw many of my former students, growing up, sophmores in highschool, juniors too. And I sat with some teachers and a student that is currently in my class, Layla. I have a warm feeling in my soul. I have a grateful prayer on my lips.

Thank you Thank you Thank you for letting me be part of this goodness.

Carol adn Greg, two great examples of being led to help another. I fully agree with you both on this and I am so glad that you were where you were when you were. Again the prayers for the beauty of timing and of purpose...thank you angels for the direction you help us find.

Prayers and hope,

dee

[summergirl]

Hello my Indigo friends....rough night with Tavian tonight so just a quick post to say I am thinking of you all and I am so grateful for all the support you are giving me where Tavian and his grandmother are concerned.      Dee - please always feel free to speak your mind to me, being a teacher, I believe gives one much more insight....I am so close to the situation that I sometimes cannot think clearly so any advice from BI is well received.  I am going to contact a lawyer friend to look over the final custody papers for me to see where we stand as I know she will fight us.....all I know is this is about Tavian and what is best for him......it is not about what she wants or how she feels.......

I love all of the pics....time to get some new ones on.

Greg - I love that you shop for Brian.....I remember you talking about it last year and I was in tears.....this year I am blessed to know you, the strength you have and all from a man of little words that says so much.   Some sweet child will be very happy this Christmas.

Very tired and as someone said (sorry, memory not great) I to am in that "this is not real mode", she is just away and will be back" ..........

Love and peace to all, Kathy

JESSICA, JESSICA, JESSICA............GUIDE ME MY SWEET SWEET DAUGHTER, I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU WITH EVERY BEAT OF WHAT IS LEFT OF MY HEART......

[ericasmom]

OH HELL, I ask myself why I have chenille patterns in my arms for a full half hour after I get up, that is the loss of elasticity. Oh well, I am a bit pully these days.

Bonnie I am crying along with Carol, I posted to Susannah before I read all the posts because of the STurgess connection. I think that we may do it too. We were going to get a tree last year thinking that it was time to re-introduce our old traditions and maybe it would boost Jon's spirits as well, but Michael got so bad at the holidays last year that we nixed that idea. I just didn't want to. This is our 7th without ERica Eileen (Betsy, Eileen is Eri's middle name), and I think that it might be time. I was looking at some trees this week in the lots around town. I did not actively look but found instead, that when stopped at a red light, I was replaying so many times Eri and Jon and I went looking for a tree. We never ever had a tree more than 8 days before the big day, we would buy it and put in the stand, adn the next night decorate it. What joy. I always took it down either before NEW YEARS or on. I hate decorations too early and beyond the actual holiday. Weird of me, its not at all that I am a neat person, I AM NOT, but it makes it special when it is brief I think. anyhow Bonnie, what a nice talk it turned out to be.

Love Dee

[lolynbo]

WELL IM SO FAR BEHIND I WILL NEVER GET CAUGHT UP..

KOURTNEY LYNN, KOURTNEY LYNN, KOURTNEY LYNN.....THATS MY GIRLS NAME...MISSIN HER IS MY GAME..

I DID DO ALITTLE SHOPPING TODAY GOT KODYS GF A GIFT CARD TOTHE BUCKLE FOR 250$ (WONT BUY MUCH THERE MAYBE 1 PAIR OF PANTS AND SHIRT)...

GOT AN ORNAMENT FOR THE TREE SHAPED AS AN ANGEL I HAVE DECIDED TO GET KOURTNEY AN ORNAMENT EVERY YR..AND PUT THEM ON THE TREE..

I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A BLESSED DAY...LOVE TO ALL YAL

THIS IS HARLEIGH AND HER BROTHER BRAYDON INFRONT OF THEIR TREE TAKEN TODAY...SORRY I JUST CAN POST KOURTNEY YET

[Guest]

Dee - What year was Jonathon in Sturgis?  We can take about two hours of Sturgis, itself.  Enough time to buy shirts, look at bikes and eat a greasy brawt.  Mostly we ride the black hills.  We've missed the last two years. 

That's quite a trip for your son.  We only live four hours away.

 

[lolynbo]

Oh, I'm not so hot.  That picture was a few years ago.  I've aged at least 10 yrs since then.  Just today Jonathon asked me how come I have wrinkles.  :?   And why my skin is so lose.  

IM JUST BLEW SNOT ON MY COMPUTER READING THIS...THANKS..FOR THE LAUGH

AND YES MY NOSE IS RUNNY

 

[ericasmom]

just a winter photo from long long ago, makes my heart feel so glad to have had this time.

[ericasmom]

OOOOOPS< WRONG PHOTO< BUT FOR SOME REASON< MY LONG AGO ONES WON"T LET ME MAKE SMALL...

[ericasmom]

One very cold morning, the house was being repaired and painted, and lo and behold, the furnace was dead on Christmas morning, it was -10. Eri still managed to mug for the camera, in her new jammies and robe.

[ericasmom]

[lolynbo]

CUTE ERI...SPORTN THE ROBE

[ericasmom]

[lostwoher]

 Kayla's middle name is Dawn. My mother chose it. She was named after her 2 aunts- Kay ( dad's sister ) and Carla ( my sister ). Most think she was named after a lady on the soap Days of Our Lives. I thought I came up with a name   nobody else would have haha.

This was taken April 07 me & my girl

[ericasmom]

You share the beautiful light in your eyes with your Girl Lyn, such happy women together. She rests in you, she is proud of you. Always your Girl.

[ericasmom]

Eri is the dark headed angel near the Star of Bethlehem.  Eri was a beautiful angel at the Christmas pageant when she was small and a gorgeous one now. This was at Pilgrim Congregational Church where about 15 years later, Eri's pink casket lay in the same vicinity that she stood.

[ericasmom]

Jonathan is skating away from the camera, niece Kate, (mom of 2 now) facing camera, two nephews, Mike and Kelly, (both dads) are skating too. Eri is in yellow, as am I.This is behind my Sister Eileen's old home, the swampy prairie edge used to freeze adn we would take our skates there and skate all day.

[ericasmom]

Jonathan Michael and Erica Eileen, one Christmas morning many years ago.

[4everjoeysmom]

No tree here...maybe a string of lights or 2, but don't even have that at the moment. But I do have Gingy!

Joseph Scott - First name after my maternal grandfather, middle name Joey's biological father (who he never met). I wrote to him a few months after to tell him and I think he was genuinely sad. Said he had always hoped that Joey would look him up some day... He's not a bad guy--probably opposite, really. Just so many years passed, and Joey had such a good daddy. Joey didn't miss out on not knowing him, but I actually was sad for him that he never got to meet the beautiful boy we made together...

[heartbeataway]

Betsey,

Jason Michael ...... his middle name is Michael.  He was called Sonny by me until he was teased and asked me not too. Jay was what he was called the most.

Dee,

I almost ordered a tree tonight.  It's so much money!  We were going to buy a real tree and then plant it in the yard but the tree farm said you can only use them inside for three or four days.  The trees will lose their dormancy and it damages them.

What to do ....... what to do .......

Carol,

Thanks ...... words of encouragement. Love you!

Trudi,

Doing okay?

Lorri,

Make sure you clean the computer.  Snot is gross!!  :?

Lynn,

Wishing you well my friend!

Marcia,

My hobbled friend ..... hope today was a good one!

LOVE ALL THE PICTURES!

Susannah,

It was like meeting you to see your picture.  Your grandchildren are beautiful.

Kathy,

You are amazing!  Jessica is so blessed to have you to watch out for her boy! <3! 

We are so chatty, it's hard to keep up with everyone.  Until later.

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[ericasmom]

must of missed the blowing of snot on the keyboard, Bonnie's note made me go back. Good one Lorri.

Love and sweet dreams, visits if we are lucky.

Bonnie, you will figure out what to do tomorrow, (scarlett o'hara) I was thinking the very thing today, that maybe we could get a tree that we later plant. Could we buy a big enough tree that is planted in a drum and plant it in the spring?

I want fresh but not necessarily cut down. Though a cut tree is nice for birds after its use in the house is done, tie seed/suet to its branches for a long winter feed and shelter tree.

love you,

dee

[ericasmom]

I believe Jon was in Sturgis 3 years ago. Funny hu? He loves to drive so it was fun for him.

On Tuesday he is leaving for a trip to meet friends in Colorado for some snowboarding, must want him to have a blast, to renew his faith in the beauty of the world around him, to let him go adn come back refreshed, safe, and ready to make each day special.

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie/Dee:  Jason's sunshine smile is just spreading that warmth all around...I am glad that you, also, are thinking of putting up a tree.  Eri is cheering, right along with Jason...they are dancing to the music of your plans.   I know that there are some who just aren't ready yet, and that is okay, too.  In time, in your own time, that is what is important.  You will find the path, you will follow it, but in your own time...  We did a tree the first year, but only because of Mike's boys and the other grandkids...last year, we did a small, separate tree for Mike...the difference was amazing...everyone came in and looked at it, read the notes attached to the branches, wanted to leave something either on the tree or under it...it was just a small tree, about 2 1/2 feet or so...we left it intact, wrapped it and put it away as it came to be...with a little bit of love and tears from everyone...we will have it up again this year.  "Don't die because I do, mom."  I'm trying not to, Mike, I'm trying...

Dee:  Love all the pics...so glad you are looking at them, too...

Mike at 2, with the bearded guy..

Damon; (Mike's youngest) birth announcement, born 12 12 05

Mike, Sarah and Damon...Christmas, 2004

love and peace   carol  Mikesmomrs  (James Michael Johnston) 

[mikesmum]

Wow INDIGO'S what a great days posting...

I love all the pictures.  I get the feeling we are on to something here.  There have been a number of Christmases past the have been pushed back by the thoughts of Christmases lost.....bring them forward, they tell the story of our kids... 

Susannah - Stephanie and a 'bunch' of beautiful babies a picture to hold in your heart forever.  Wish I had the confidence to a) ride a bike & be fit enough to look that good in leathers at any age!!

Lyn - Carebears - yet another memory.  They were a toy given with Mac Donalds once upon a time, Mike would eat kids meals so Miss Em could collect them.  That was his story anyway.  Dawn, what a lovely name, happens to be my middle name after an aunt that lived in Iowa after marrying a US Navy guy back in WWII.

Carol - Love the pics, the many faces of Mike.  Did you get your Christmas lights up?

Dee - OMG you have not changed one bit!!!!  Love the pose in the dressing gown and slippers.  Peace of mind comes with asking and getting answers, just check with your own MD.

Snow - Wow, we are in Summer here over Christmas, yet we will still honour the European traditions of Roast dinners with all the trimmings no matter how hot it is......!

Went to get check out for Carpal Tunnel.  Its been a pain (lol) for over 2yrs but never really bothered about it till now... Fitted with a support brace to see if that will correct it, if not Surgery in Feb. 

As fits with the 'no idea' brain I now have was 4hrs early for my appointment so taking a leaf out of Dees book I went to Melbourne. 

Will post some pics to show off Melbourne to you all.........

Take Care....Trudi

[jobaby]

Just seeing if anyone was still awake.  today was 1 year since I lost Charlie.  I thought I was doing pretty good.  But now home and it just sucks.  I miss my son so bad.  I thought I would be in a much better place a year later but really am not.  It feels like it just happened.  Why??? People tell me you never get over it but you will get thru it.  Really!!!  My son was by far my best friend which is probably why I was not to good with rules with him.  I just miss him

[mikesmum]

[user=39981]jobaby[/user] wrote:

Just seeing if anyone was still awake.  today was 1 year since I lost Charlie.  I thought I was doing pretty good.  But now home and it just sucks.  I miss my son so bad.  I thought I would be in a much better place a year later but really am not.  It feels like it just happened.  Why??? People tell me you never get over it but you will get thru it.  Really!!!  My son was by far my best friend which is probably why I was not to good with rules with him.  I just miss him

Hey Jo - I'm not still up its just 7.20pm here in Aus.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  I gave myself 4 weeks to 'get back to normal'.  No such animal any more.  Missing him just shows how much you loved him and don't beat yourself up about not being good with the rules - its all irrelevant in the bigger scheme.  Hope you can get some rest and drift off with a gentle warm memory of Charlie.....Trudi

[jobaby]

Trudi,  the time change works great for me.  Even tho I work days I don't sleep a whole lot at nite.  Trust me I have bags under my eyes I could sell to Gucci or Samsonite as luggage.  Was doing well til got home, listened to messages, emails, etc.  Just still trying to understand.  I wonder why God took him instead of me?  I am only 38 but he was just 20 he had sooo much more to do.  He really did not have a chance to have a life.  My mother says Charlie could tell more tall tales than a senior citizen.  He was most definately very creative.  I miss his little "stories".  How are you? Goodness I am being selfish.  I saw about your carpel tunnel.  Not fun.. Been there, did not have surgery but I had brace for several years.  Ugh!  Hope it works out for the best.

[mikesmum]

Had to take this.  This guy makes these and was sitting in lunchtime traffic on the edge of the CBD. 

This Collins Street one of the main streets in the CBD. Trams run throughout the city and inner city

We are known as Victoria - the Garden state.  The Floral Clock in the gardens opp the arts district.

One of the many walking paths through and around the CBD gardens

This is the National Gallery of Victoria.  Its been around a long time.  The front window is a water wall.  My first date was here.  We were moved along by security after leaning on the water wall and splashing!!

Voila - The Water Wall - Security in place!  I did take the grandies here recently and did the same....out ran security.

It was a wonderful day just walking through the parks of my youth and reconnecting. 

Bonnie - I know how hard it is to make that decision to celebrate Christmas.  I don't think Jason would ever be disappointed in you or Rich, but I do think he would want you to be happy again.....any boy that wears those PJ's and lets his mom take a picture wants her to smile at those memories and make more.

Carol - Its partly for the Grandies isn't it?  But this year its also for our Mikes.  Another couple of guys that would want to see their mum's smile again.

 "Don't die because I do, mom."  I'm trying not to, Mike, I'm trying...

I guess that applies to all INDIGO'S.

Well I have posted enough....off to sit with the Muttley.  Exhausting day. 

[Guest]

Loving the pictures, Indigo's!

Last night I drifted off to sleep thinking about this forum and how grateful I am to have found you guys!  I sure hope I can start remembering all the names and which child they go with soon!

This weekend Gary is going to haul all the boxes of Christmas decorations in from the garage.  That, in itself, is a chore.  The kids are very excited. 

I just want to tell everyone I read your posts and keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.  I don't always comment on what everyone says because I can't remember your names.  I don't have the patience, yet, to open a different window to type or to use word and transfer it. 

Wishing you all the best day possible!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Indigos

After scoring 13 points against the other wrestler, Aaron pinned him.  Went the full 6 minutes.

What a great job he did. 

WOW some of those boys are big!

Colleen

[mikesmomrs]

Dee:  I agree with Trudi, peace of mind comes from answers, and I too would check with my own MD.  Prayers to you, my sweet friend.  When I spoke of your pics that you posted, I meant to say that the ice skating was my favorite...fun is just jumping off the page, and yes, you have NOT changed one bit, one can see that heartwarming smile even though you are pictured only from the side...if I saw you on the pond, I would want to get to know you...so glad I don't have to go out onto a pond---I already do know you, and I am blessed for the knowing.   I love your idea about the tree being a home and feeder stand for the birds after Christmas...we will do that...

Colleen:  way to go, AJ!  So glad you were able to do the night, Col, I know that AJ is a stronger person with you around...

Trud:  the pics are just great...what is it in the truck...it looks like a pig standing up, with his front hooves on the roof of the truck...are my eyes that bad?    I am assuming that CBD means central business district?  I love the "cbd" of Boston...one of my favorite reasons for going to a game at Fenway---my favorite of course being going to the game!  The skyline mesmerizes me, day or night.  I was lucky enough to work downtown for 2-3 years...the skyline has changed much since then, but Boston is Boston and was just as beautiful then to me as it is now.   I also love your comment about "bringing forward Christmases past that have been pushed back by Christmases lost..."  I believe that they will help us celebrate Christmases present, which I believe is what our kids want us to do...but, again,  the "right time" to do that is different for everyone...

This is a pic of Mike skating on the Frog Pond in Boston...Mike's friend, Eric, took him there, along with some of Eric's friends from Puerto Rico who were visiting during the summer...Mike of course in the Red Sox jacket and weird head gear, Eric in the wierd blue hat.   There are Swan Boat rides on the pond iin summer...it is in the middle of "Boston Commons," much like the picture you posted of the tree-lined area in Melbourne...if you look closely, you can see the look of pure fear on Mike's face...this was the first and only time he ever was on ice skates!  Some of old Boston is in the background...just about 4 blocks from Fenway, btw...!

love you, Indigos all, and hope everyone has a nice day today...we will finish with the outside lights...very close to done, and go to get Mike's wreath and decorate it today to bring to his memorial site.  The sweet mixed with the bitter...

Mary ann...you okay? 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos 

I am back and missed you all.  I do not have much to add today but  just changed Stephen's Picture and am not sure if it changed correctly

Colleen I am glad AJ did so well.  Carol I too loved Ice Stating with Stephen Love the picture of Mike skating and with Santa, Trudi your pictures continue to impress me and I do so want to visit.

I too am struggling with the tree idea but I have taken out all my decorations and will attempt to get there this year.

Have a great day everyone

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[shellbellsmom]

Woke up this morning to 10 inches of snow- first of the season.  We are expecting a few more during the day.  I guess I can’t pretend it’s not that time of year anymore. 

Bonnie yes they can’t speak to us but I do believe they give us “mind messages” that are intended for us to act on.  Your intuition might just be Jason planting a thought for you to ponder on.  Sounds like you hear him when you decided to do some of the Christmas things you used to enjoy.  A dream I had this week started me thinking.  It was me living like I was dead…sounds awful but I woke up with a peaceful feeling.  I was watching familiar friends and family at a gathering and was right there with them…actually walking right through them (right out of ghost whisperer/Medium) and knew everything they were saying. I knew I was dead but wasn’t sad about it, I was living with them, seeing everything they did, and felt like I was part of the event they were attending.  So when I woke I felt like I was supposed to see how they feel.  Maybe we are suppose to do the same things as before knowing that they are with us, seeing us and wanting us to be happy during a special celebration so they can share it with us.  This feeling hasn’t left me yet….I am trying to find some holiday spirit- if not for me, for others and possibly even for my daughter. 

Betsy love Rich’s new avatar picture.  What a smile…you can see his personality shining through. 

Michelle “MARIE”.  I wanted her name to be Jacqueline and my husband wanted it to be Jeanette.  Neither of us could agree and after the 3rd day the nurse came in and said “I need a name” and I said isn’t Michelle the feminine name for Michael (her father) and she said I think so, I said “Michelle Marie”.  A few minutes later the nurse ran into my husband in the hallway near the holding room and told him that Michelle was with her mother now.  He said “Who’s Michelle? 

Lynn what an adorable picture of you and your Kayla.  You can tell you two were very close. 

Dee love the pictures….Erica were a beautiful angel then and is even more beautiful today.  The skating ones brings me back to my days of being a kid…

Claudia it is sad for Scott not to have had Joey in his life…or even ever meeting him.

Susannah my daughters little dog is named Scruffy- I posted some pictures of him down below.   Nice photo of you and your man and your daughter and her babies…and you are way hotter than I have ever been. 

Nice photos Carol. 

Get better Carol, Marsia, Lynn, and Trudi (and anyone else under the weather).

Jo wish I could send you a virtual cheer up pill that would make all your pain go away today.  Look for signs from Charlie.  They are out there I know. 

Way to go Aaron.  Colleen hope you enjoyed your proud parent moment. 

MaryAnn….do a little at a time with the decorations.  Mine is up and decorated- still doesn’t feel great but it’s a start. 

Here is what I woke to this morning for all you fair weather friends especially Trudi since she's into the summer months now. 

[align=center][/align][align=center]Back yard view[/align][align=center][/align][align=center]Front yard looking out my front door. [/align][align=center]

[/align][align=center]Our dog Scuffy- he turns 13 in two days. 

[/align][align=center]

[/align][align=center]Scruffy favorite new spot under our tree[/align][align=center]

[/align][align=center]More to come later today....I guess my solar lights won't be shining tonight.

[/align][align=left]Wishing everyone a very peaceful relaxing day.  Sue

[/align][align=left]

[/align]

[hotsauce]

SUE, the snow is beautiful, i just don't want it.

BETTY, welcome back, hope your trip was good.

BESTY, good picture of RICH.

CAROL, i am ok.

MARCIA, miss seeing BETHANY.

BONNIE, how is you father?

to everyone else i hope you all have a good weekend.

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

 

p.s.  love all the new pictures, just wish i knew how you do them.

 

[lolynbo]

LOVE THE SNOW ANGEL...I LIKE SNOW I GREW UP IN NEW HAMPSHIRE (NASHUA) LOVED THE SNOW AND ICE AS A KID BUT NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOT SO MUCH NOW..

BUT THE PICS ARE BEAUTIFUL...

[lostwoher]

  Sue, I live in Illinois and we havent had snow like that for a couple of years. Hope we dont ever get it again lol. Its very pretty in the beginning but the next day- Look Out! Had some flurries but thats the extent of it.

Still feeling blah today but trying to find some energy to use for my shift later this afternoon. Guess its about time to break down and buy something for these symptoms. Im zapped!

Have a great day and keep those pictures coming,

Lynn aka Travis & Kayla's mom then, now & later

[lolynbo]

WOW..IT JUST NEVER GETS BETTER NEVER STOPS...MONTY JUST CALLED CRYIN HIS FRIEND BILL HAS FELL AND HIT HIS HEAD AND HAS 2 SCKULL (SP) FRACTURES AND IS WAITING FOR AMBULANCE TO TAKE HIM TO OU MED..MONTY WANTS TO GO ...SO DONT NO IF IM STRONGE ENOUGH TO GO....PRAY ALL WILL WORK OUT AND FOR GOD TO GIVE US STRENGHTH    THIS IS WHERE WE SPENT ALMOST 7MONTHS WITH OUR BABY GIRL AND LIVED IN ICU ...

[ericasmom]

Oh Dear Lorri, I sure hope that your husband's friend will pull through this hardship, this accident. Monty will need to lean heavily on you through this. My prayers. Thanks for the thumbs up on Eri's pose in her robe. Pink of course.

Trudi, love those photos, the town center looks grand. I love what you said, the way you put it, just as Carol does, about Christmas being found again among the Christmas' lost. Perfect. You are one smart little cookie.

Carol, love that Mike's friends took him skating. I love that pond they are on, the swan boat pond. My students just finished reading Make Way for Ducklings. In order to wrap up that story I had them do a rip art project. They could only use construction paper and ripping to create their favorite part of the story. No cutting, no drawing. Beautiful pieces of art were created. Love that pond. Thanks for the warm words, I rescheduled my appointment to 12-21 with the specialist I see. I sure love to skate, so I love that photo that found us all out there skating. We laughed so hard that day, I remember it as though it was just a week or so ago. Odd hu? That is why so many of you thinking of making an effort to find Christmas again, or to find some semblance of tradition or make a new one inspires me. Thanks Bonnie and everyone else that really moved my heart off the mark to actually envision doing the old fashioned Christmas again. I think that it is time and Sue what you said, about the dream, perfection. I think you were given that view for a reason. I think that Shell wants to be present while you decorate, while her brother opens gifts, while you make Christmas breakfast. Yes it is bittersweet, but it is what she loved and still loves and misses. Same here fo rEri. Same thing. WOW Sue, what an amazing snowfall, I know that you are just across the lake but jeesh, we have a mere dusting. I am jealous, but most of the folks I know are glad it is you and not them. Now that is a lot for this early in the season, so hang tight. Your yard and land look so beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

MaryAnne, how will you spend the holdiays? Will you have a holiday meal with anyone? Are you still attending that group that met before Thanksgiving? I hope that you are doing some things that make your days feel purpose filled. I know that yoru outreach to help feed the hungry made many people happy so I wonder if you plan to do that again.

Betty, glad that you are back, that you are well.

Sherry, when is move day?

Kaye, if you are out there reading, know that I think of you and Johnny often, missing your presence, praying for your heart.

[ericasmom]

GO AARON, how fabulous Col, you must be so happy for him as he finds his talents and his desires through the hard times. that is great, and that you were able to be there with the other family, super great. YOur Brian must be grinning ear to ear.

dee

[mpsmom]

Hello Indigos, just checkingin to read, and I have to say....it is so busy here, it is hard for me to keep up, I am trying to read posts from the newbies and get to know their kids, and I am mixing eveyone up... too much free time on my hands is making me crazy, we down to the Las Vegas Strip last night to meet friends who were in from out of town, had a nice dinner, but getting ready and getting there wore me out.

We have tickets for the NFR ( National Finals Rodeo) for tonight, one of Larrys patients always gives us at least one nite of tickets, I am stillunsure if I will try to go, it is a ton of stairs and a ton of walking...dont know if I can do it on crutches.....will have to see how I feel this evening, it is nice to get out of the house but dont know whether I can handle it two nights in a row. 

I love all the pictures everyone has been posting of Christmas's past and the scenery in Australia is fabulous.  We will not have a tree this year..not ready yet...maybe another year farther down the road.

Sue, I have to ask about the pictures you posted, in the picture ( i think it is looking out your front door) is that an angel covered in snow ( made of snow??) in the lower right hand side of the picture ??? Looks like an angel in a gown holding a horn to her mouth maybe>>>// or maybe I have lost my mind?? Is it there, or am I the only one who sees it??

I hope to be able to jump back in and 'particiapte soon, I am in charge of our Compassioane Friends candle lighting and that alone is taking so much of my time. ...

Love and Warm wishes to everyone..... I Love you all........Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[daniellemom]

Hello my BI friends.

I have missed you all so much. I need to say I’m sorry I’ve been away for what seems like for so long. I don’t know why either. I think of you all a lot and miss talking to everyone. This time of year really seems to get me down I can’t get out a soak up the sun. Maybe I need to become a snowbird and fly south for the winters. It’s dark when I get home and I stay tied all the time. But I have made myself a promise. I’m going to get ready for Christmas and clean the house and put up a tree before James comes home for the holiday and poor little Mattie goes crazy because she is the only person in the world that doesn’t have a tree up yet.

I’m trying to catch up on the post but there are a lot so I may never catch up but wanted to say I’ve enjoyed looking at all the pictures and I’m so glad that you got the snow and we didn’t!!

Sonya (Danielle’s Mom)

[zachysmom]

Hi all sorry I haven't been around the holidays have been hard. The upcoming one I know is gonna be even worse. I'm trying to get in the spirit by driving around looking at the ho-ho lights ( that's what Zachy called them). Found some cool solar lights at walmart they are snowman faces. Zachy would of loved them. We put them at Zachys gsite. They are really bright.

My health stinks but am going to the dr as I used to make my angel do. People don't believe me when I tell them I aged 30 years that night but even my health shows it. My eyes are horrendous, been diagnosed with diabetes and ovarian cysts. When it rains it pours in our lives doesn't it.

Zachy I miss you so much. Mommy loves you angel.

[shellbellsmom]

Marcia you are right its an angel.  Only outside decorations up are that and one tree (weeping Cherry) covered in all pink lights in memory of my daughter.  We hadn't had much sun today so the angel is still covered.  Total today is 12-13 inches and still snowing a bit. I am with most of you- think its pretty but wish it on others and not me.  Saw your town LV (my favorite vacation spot) on Good Morning America today.  Everyone was wearing heavy coats and I bet it was like 50 out.  Hope your cast comes off before you leave for your trip and that your candle lighting ceremony goes well.  Our CF chapter is regrouping so none this year.  But I post a link to it on FB and tell all my friends to join in and light one for our children. 

Tonight I am going out with two friends (also parents who have lost children) for a bit.  We are going to a place that is known for its outlandish Christmas decorating, and light display.   Not my idea but maybe being there with others might get me more into the Christmas mood.

Have a safe and relaxing weekend.  Sue

I wish that I could hold you now... I wish that I could touch you now... I wish that I could talk to you... be with you somehow. 

[Guest]

Hi Sonya.  I'm Susannah, Stephanie's mom.  Your Sonya is beautiful!  I'm new, but just wanted to say hello to you.

Zachy's mom - I understand about aging since losing your child.  It seems a stranger is looking back at me when I look in the mirror.  I hope you get a sign that your little Zachy still enjoys the "ho ho lights".  What a view he must have now!

Marcia - I grew up in Vegas.  Graduated from Rancho High in 76.  We moved to Wyoming when Stephanie was 1 1/2.  27 yrs ago. 

Saying I'm glad to meet anyone on this site seems so wrong.  Saying "I'm so sorry to meet" you seems more appropriate, but rude.

So, just hello to everyone!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmum]

Yes Carol that is a pig with its hooves up on the cab and a cattle dog just in the lower right hand corner.  The guy actually makes these 'artifical' animals.  Was just too good to miss (lol).  I'm with Mike, little thin blades holding me up on hard cold rock solid ice.....nah!

The city mesmerises me too.  I worked for a few years in Melbourne.  I could be hypnotised by the buildings the sights and at night the light show. Still am.

Sue - Oh you sure that isn't a postcard!  It looks beautiful.  No I dont think solar lights will handle that kind of blanketing.

Sonya - good luck with the tree.  Hard for the young ones to understand why anything should be different...

Colleen - one proud mom I'm sure.  Aaron showed more than just physical strength in his match.  Brian might have been coaching - you never know.

Suzanna - Hauling out the decorations is only part of the job.  Hope the kids enjoy the day.

Lorri - hope your husbands friend is okay.  Know how hard it is to be back where you spent so much time with Kourntey.....strengths to you.

Well - the world might have stopped - Stevens partner is letting me have both grandies tonight!!!! Spur of the moment thing but hey I'm not complaining...

Take Care All -  Trudi

[hotsauce]

DEE, the group i was going to is over, now only TCF and my private counsler.

if there is somewhere to volunteer for xmas, i will be there. been invited to a few places, but they all have kids, not going to any of them. by myself most likely.  me and the pit bulls (three) BRIAN'S babies.

to keep my mind busy, i am making xmas bells.  have no xmas feel, but just someting to do.

thanks for asking. 

TCF candle lighting on the 13th, big event....

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

 

p/s/ good to see all the smiling faces of your angels.

[briansdad]

one more reminder. Now don't be shy. I'm going to the angel of hope candlelight this Sunday and the give out the book the Christmas Box . I will get anyone who wants one, a copy just PM me your address.

Greg

Ps  And no you won't get any junk mail from Me

[mikesmum]

Greg - Brian is wearing a headset in the avatar, is he on a two way or something?

This is Christmas 1978.  Steven 10 months, Melissa 2 and Mike is 3.  The bike was a 'shared' Santa present.  It was supposed to be so Mike could ride with Melissa or Steven in the back.  I think Melissa went straight on and without a fuss Mike just sat in the back..all smiles.  It was a hot summer and we had been in our 'new house' about a year.

The toy on Mikes lap is a Fisher Price pull-a-long phone for Steven to 'call' my folks who lived 3hrs away. 

Mike, thanks for the love, the smiles and the memories.  Thirty one years of my life spent with you in my life, never enough.......love you my son my son.

[mpsmom]

[user=22932]lolynbo[/user] wrote:

WOW..IT JUST NEVER GETS BETTER NEVER STOPS...MONTY JUST CALLED CRYIN HIS FRIEND BILL HAS FELL AND HIT HIS HEAD AND HAS 2 SCKULL (SP) FRACTURES AND IS WAITING FOR AMBULANCE TO TAKE HIM TO OU MED..MONTY WANTS TO GO ...SO DONT NO IF IM STRONGE ENOUGH TO GO....PRAY ALL WILL WORK OUT AND FOR GOD TO GIVE US STRENGHTH    THIS IS WHERE WE SPENT ALMOST 7MONTHS WITH OUR BABY GIRL AND LIVED IN ICU ...

Indigos, please keep Lorri in your prayers, she is at the same ER where they spent 7 months with Kourtney.  It seems Bill MAY be alright, they are waiting for a neuro consult, but it doesnt look as bad as was first thought it was.  Lorri is hanging in there for Monty, he and BIll have been freinds since they were 15 years old.

Hugs, marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

 

[briansdad]

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

Greg - Brian is wearing a headset in the avatar, is he on a two way or something?

This is Christmas 1978.  Steven 10 months, Melissa 2 and Mike is 3.  The bike was a 'shared' Santa present.  It was supposed to be so Mike could ride with Melissa or Steven in the back.  I think Melissa went straight on and without a fuss Mike just sat in the back..all smiles.  It was a hot summer and we had been in our 'new house' about a year.

The toy on Mikes lap is a Fisher Price pull-a-long phone for Steven to 'call' my folks who lived 3hrs away. 

Mike, thanks for the love, the smiles and the memories.  Thirty one years of my life spent with you in my life, never enough.......love you my son my son.

nope it was something for a game.

[Guest]

Sending prayers for Lorri, Bill and Monty!

I just spent over a few hours going over posts since I joined this site on 11/13/09.  I think I got most of the names matched up with child and their names.  I tried to read about each child. 

There are so many.  So many different ages.  So many different ways they were taken. 

The result, the pain, the grief.........no matter how old our child was or how they died is the same. 

It seems the process is the same for each of us.....within about the same time frame.  I find that interesting because it is such an intimate, lonely, painful and personal process.  Yet, we are not alone. 

Each one of us would have gladly died in our child's place.  And, yet, here we are.  Still living in spite of ourselves.  So many of us.  Hurting together, yet separately. 

I have no answers.  No great words of wisdom.  Not even any words of comfort.  There is just this nagging thought somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind that maybe, just maybe this is where we're supposed to be. 

It doesn't make sense.  It doesn't seem fair. 

I also have the deep sense that our children still live.  Their personalities remain.  Their love continues.  Their energy.  Their very presence still exists on a plain we don't understand.  But, our lack of understanding doesn't make it any less real. 

Okay.  I get a bit deep sometimes.  Just my way of trying to make some sense out of all the senseless losses on this board..........senseless to me.....but, maybe not.........to a greater power....because, they still live.

Night

Susannah/Stephanie's mom