Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest]

Hello again.  I just felt like "talking".

Since Stephanie died, people always ask how I'm doing.  Some are sincere and really want to know, and some people are just being polite by asking.  It's hard to tell the difference sometimes.

I do tell most people though, "I'm okay right now, but that's subject to change without notice.  If I burst into tears just let it go."

I'm not a crier.  I've always been the tough one.  Steph's death has changed that.  For the most part, my friends and family are very understanding.  But, it's only been a few months. 

I didn't "find" Beyond Indigo.  My sister did.  She found several blogging sites for me to join because she was worried about how I was isolating.  I checked some of them out, but didn't want to join.  I kept coming back and reading your posts on Indigo, though.  In my arrogance, however, I thought I wasn't like you.  I would be able to rise above my pain shortly and get on with my life.

I tried to.  I honestly did.  I tried to rely on my spiritual beliefs.  I tried to be myself again.  I tried to be the person I always have been.  But, this grief was bigger than any other I had ever experienced.  I couldn't rise above.  I couldn't sidestep.  I was sinking faster and faster.

Then, about two weeks ago, I crashed.  I couldn't stop crying.  I went to bed and stayed there.  I came back to this site realizing this was something I couldn't do aloneand hoping to be accepted.  Today I know I'm one of you.  I'm so sorry any of us have to be here.  And, I'm so grateful there are others to help hold me up.  And, I hope something I have to offer (which is so little) will help hold someone else up.

Today, I am grateful for each of you.

Much love, Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

[heartbeataway]

Wow!  This is proving to be a traumatic year for so many!

Trudi, 

Your husband doesn't know what a gem he has.  We have room in our house but you have to bring the grandbabies with you! 

Claudia,

Try to keep your spirits up ..... somethings have no understanding.  Pictures are not worth losing a relationship. Sorry you're dealing with this!

Dee,

You are my hero!  Love the writing.  You have such a gift!

To everyone, old and new, may your broken hearts find a place for gratitude today. I will always be grateful for the happy years that included shopping, baking, cooking, trips to the airport to pick up loved ones, real centerpieces, lighted candles, too much food, cool whip and the love, laughter and hugs of family and friends.

I can still be grateful because I was and continue to be blessed ......

Blessings!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[Guest]

I just felt Stephanie smile.

I was sitting outside, smoking, and I said, "Happy Thanksgiving, Steph."

I swear this thought came immediately, "It's always Thanksgiving, here, Mom."

Susannah/Stephanies' mom

[lolynbo]

I just felt Stephanie smile.

I was sitting outside, smoking, and I said, "Happy Thanksgiving, Steph."

I swear this thought came immediately, "It's always Thanksgiving, here, Mom."

THANKS STEPHANIE WE NEEDED THAT..

THE YR WE WERE IN THE HOSP WITH KOURTNEY AT TG...A GROUP OF YOUNG GIRLS CAME IN (COLLEGE FRESH OR SO)..AND SAID "WE HAVE PREPARED A MEAL FOR ALL YAL HERE IN THE WAITING ROOM, EVERYTHING WAS MADE BY SCRATCH...PLEASE EAT IT"...

WE HAD ALREADY EARLIER ATE WITH OUR FAMILY AND OTHER INVITED HOSP PPL (OUR FAMILIES ALL MADE THE TG DINNER) AND WE ATE IN THE SCARRY CAFETERIA (EVERTIME I WNT THERE SEEMS LIKE KOURTNEY WOULD TAKE A TURN FOR THE WORSE)...

BUT I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT WHAT SWEET PRECIOUS GIRLS THESE ARE TO HAVE DONE THIS FOR US AND THE OTHERS...

JUST WANTED TO SHARE SAD/GOOD MEMORIES

[daveydow1]

Annie----I understand your pain on this holiday....and all days. I think we

all have had people tell us that "it's time to move on with your life....blah

blah...blah..".  Easy enough for them to say if they've never lost a beloved

child. Don't worry about not being able to remember all names & stories of

the Indigo family. I do, however, think that the site needs a bit of 'fine tuning'.

One thing that would be nice would be a space under each of our avatars for

the name, dates, and maybe a little other info. Just 2 or 3 short lines--right

along with the avatar. Then we could tell at a glance, & recall. Maybe they will

change the format someday since there are a lot more sad souls her on BI than

there used to be when I joined 6 yrs. ago.  Prayers for your husband's health.

MaryAnn---Good to see your post this a.m. Hope your Thanksgiving Day is good.

Susannah----So nice that you heard Stephanie's sweet voice----a message from

a dear angel, for sure.

Dee---Sorry...I must have missed your post about speaking out, and others who

backed you up. Could you give me a 'capsule' update ?   on that post, if you

get a chance?  Thanks.

 PEACE & BLESSINGS TO ALL IN THE BI FAMILY THIS THANKSGIVING DAY. 

[ericasmom]

Sherry, Happy Thanksgiving,

I love your idea about the avitar and some notes right under it. We can ask that they do this.

Oh my rant yesterday was about testing and how the district I work in used to be considered one of Illinois' best school districts due to the innovative and open thinking. In the last five years it has changed dramatically, causing so much strife. The superintendent that was brought in 5 years ago brought with her some really inept folks, which shows how inept she is. They are all about testing adn cutting programs and hiring more highly paid paper pushers. It is sad. So I went off on two of the administrators in a room full of hard working teachers during an institute day yesterday. I basically walked to the door of the room adn excused mysellf and any upset I may be causing, gave my name and spoke my mind. I left the room, my fellow teachers applauded my effort and from there made sure the presentation, which had been a big waste of time, was made applicable. I do have tenure, so I am protected, but they could make life dicey if they choose. What they don't get is this, I, like all of you here, am surviving beyond the biggest and saddest loss and so if they want to see me dance on glass... I am expert at it already. HA!

Thanks STEPHANIE, for letting your Momma know that you are happy, and in turn, thanks Suzannah for sharing your Girl's message.

Bonnie has room for you as do we Trudi. Always. Hey it is summer break coming up for you, bring Em and hang out in America. What an education she would have both by having that time with you and by seeing the many wondrous areas of America. You have a BI house in many states. Really, unlimited time here is fine and dandy. Thanks Bonnie for your kind words. HOw goes the frogging? ribbbbbbit. A frog side note. I have two fire belly toads in a tank at school with two tree frogs. The first year that I had them, I hadn't known that tree frogs make a sound that is similar to a chiuahha (chi-wah-wah) barking. So I was teaching a lesson and we were fully engaged in it when this barking errupted. Nobody knew who was making it. I walked to its source, the tank, and saw the two blowing up their necks and releasing this small dog sound. We laughed and laughed. Still do each time.

Lorri, what a pretty outreach those girls provided, wonder if they know they are being thought of today. Think today of all those children whose lives have been made better by the outreach that you do in Kourtney's honor. Ahh, it is what giving thanks is all about.

Love You All

Dee

[arc4ever]

My husband and I made Adam's wreath today and took it to the cemetery.  I'm gonna try to post a picture.  (I can never seem to get the sizes small enough!)

Wishes all a blessed day,

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[arc4ever]

Hey, it worked!

Notice Adam's smiling face in the background?

Okay, I'll try one more, here is the front of the monument.

Have a blessed day everyone,

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[mikesmum]

Terrie - Love the wreath, a true reflection of Adam...did I read somewhere this boy was going to be brave enough to wear 'the mullet'!!  Hope you and your husband have a great Thanksgiving.

Bonnie, Dee & Colleen - Thanks for the offer, might just take you all up on that!  Bonnie, Emily has already been pitching to go on the all time road trip with her granma!

As for the other half, well today we have been married 3yrs.  As he says, three of the most tumultous years anyone could have.  The offer for 3 months travelling, well that's his olive branch. Its for us.  It came on the back of booking dinner for two tonight at a restaurant overlooking the bay.   

I guess when he doesn't know what to do he does nothing and I feel hurt and lost so I detach and hide.  Its not who we were, but then nothing is like it was.

We are off now for breakfast out with Muttley.  The weather here is dark and stormy...love it!!

 

[ericasmom]

Terrie, love the wreath, it really feels like a personal tribute. HOw very sweet, and I hope a cathartic process.

thanks for sharing.

Trudi, well enjoy the dinner by the sea, I hope that this evening, this day, turns things in a direction that feels right for you. I love you.

dee

[4everjoeysmom]

Terrie, I too LOVE the wreath!!

Trudi, glad today is a better day, even with the dark & stormy weather. I'll take the storms of a season over this never ending life-storm any day.

Annie, welcome back. I'm sorry the past months have been such a struggle, and am glad to hear the radiation leveled things out. I know what you mean about not wanting to continue on with these holidays...

Dee, You inspire me!!

Carol, Leah, Betty and everyone else, thanks so much for your kind supporting words and thoughts. I got belted with yet an even nastier multi-page rant from hell this morning, first thing...accusing me of calling my son spineless and other worse comments. What is there to gain by this?? The motive?? SO, I finally decided, though I didn't want to, to forward it to Patrick and essentially requested that he ask her to STOP badgering me. It's just so unnecessary and hurtful, and today of all days.... I think he's taken a vow of silence to talking to me.... very sad...

Roasted a chicken today, made noodles, corn pudding and fried green beans. A little red wine, and it turned out to be nice--just me, hubby and the pups. Sometimes we both must feel we are married to Jeckyl & Hyde. Trudi, you probably understand that, given your past few days... LOL!

Love to you all!! I think the evening calls for a movie and simple rest... xoxoxo ~Claudia

[lolynbo]

TERRI LOVE THE WREATH ALSO...BUT WHEN U CAN , CAN U TAKE A PIC OF THE HEADSTONE UP CLOSE SO MY BLIND ARSE CAN SEE IT...I WANNA IMAGINE IT AS IT IS...BUT IT SURE LOOKS NICE....VERY GOOD JOB ON THE WREATH LOVE THE FINGER SKATEBOARD...HEADPHONES....ALL THE THINGS A GUY NEEDS...

WE HAVENT SEEN (OR I HAVENT) AVERYS PIC ON HERE LATELY ANYONE KNOW WHATS GOING ON THERE???JUST LOVE SEEIN HIS SMILING FACE

OH AND WHILE WE WERE AT MONTYS SISSY HOUSE...SHE IS GETTTING A NEW FLOOR SO THE OLD ONE WAS TORN OUT, SHE WANTED US ALL TO SIGN THE OLD FLOOR...SO I OF COURSE WROTE SOMETHING ABOUT KOURTNEY..AND WHEN I WENT TO CALL THE KIDS AND MONTY I SAID

"HEY KIMBERLY, KOURTNEY, KODY, CODY AND DAD COME SIGN THE FLOOR"....AND I THOUGHT HEY WHAT DID I JUST SAY....AND REWOUND IT IN MY MIND....HUH...JUST CAME OUT...I LIKE THAT...JUST STILL NATURAL TO JUST "SAY HER NAME"...

AND MONTYS MOM CALLED KIMBERLY "KOURTNEY 3XS TODAY..AND KIMBERLY THOUGHT...HUH...WHOS CALLING KOURTNEY?,....OH GRANNY WANTS ME...I DONT THINK GRANNY EVER CAUGHT ON...BUT KOURTNEY WAS MENTIONED SEVERAL TIMES TODAY..

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Lorri, I am SO HAPPY for you that Kourtney's name was said out loud MANY times today. I only hear Joey's name when I say it, or when y'all say it here. I've gotten kind of used to it... And am REALLY glad I named my dog Jo-Jo!!!

[lolynbo]

JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY JOEY......U ARE ALWAYS ON OUR LIPS JOEY.....JOEY....JOEY.....

[Guest]

"It's always Thanksgiving, here, Mom".........rang through my thoughts as I prepared Thanksgiving dinner for my family.  We were a tad bit more gentle with one another today.  We all ate too much. 

As we sat around the dining room table, it was not Stephanie's absence that was acknowledged, but rather, her presence.  "She's here, too" her older sister remarked. 

It was then I realized there were also four other people present at the table we had not counted on.....Stephanie's three children and my son's first born son which he had not had a holiday with before.  Before last February, none of us knew when we would see Stephanie's children again and until a few months ago, we had all but given up on Curtis being allowed to have Brayden for any length of time.  A lot has changed in just a few month's time.

Yes. We had much to give thanks for.

I loved Adam's wreath and headstone.  Smiled at the pack of gum! 

I echo Joey's name in remembrance and respect!

Keeping Amanda in my thoughts as she prepares to usher a new little life into this world. 

Thinking of Trudy and praying for the best with you and your husband.

Dee - I am so glad there are teachers like you out there!  I applaud you, too! 

Praying for comfort for Annie and everyone here at Indigo. 

[summergirl]

Hello all Indigo's - sort of tired and a bit down but needed to stop by and say hello.

Annie - I am gald/sad to see you here....I am not sure I remember much of your situation but I sure remember the name Cait.....I am sorry, I try hard to remember all but the mind is not what it used to be....Yeah, very tired of people trying to tell us how to "live" our lives now....as though they should know anything about the path we are on.  Blah, Blah, Blah......that is what I hear when people say things like that to me.  I am coming up on 4 years in February and am dreading it, it cannot possibly be 4 years since I last hugged my girl Jessica.    Bless you and hope you stick with us, we need all the help we can get.

JOEY, JOEY, JOEY - BEAUTIFUL NAME TO SAY......JOEY

Trudi - sounds like a good start to me and I am hoping for the best for you and Mal.

Dee - as always your strength and wisdom shine through for me.

Terri - beautiful wreath, done with love and heartbreak.....tears as I look and imagine the hands of love that made it....

Bonnie - I copied the "Always Remembered" that you had posted. Put it in my scrapbook factory and wrote it, put a butterfly on the bottom....it was beautiful. Today I took it to my mother-in-laws for Thanksgiving....the two candles were lit, one for Jessica and one for my father-in-law...I put the framed saying on the stand...not one person said anything about it all day...at 7 p.m. as we were getting ready to leave I took it and set it next to the candles and said "mom, would you mind keeping this with the candles, we will bring them out at the next holiday" - the response was "oh, I read it but didn't know it was to be left here, yes I will keep it with the candles" - end of conversation.............talk about my heart breaking...I just kept 'waiting for someone, anyone to acknowledge it, say something, anything.....lets talk a little bit about Jessica and dad, we don't have to be sad and cry but let's just say something about them, they lived and now they are gone.........oh well, why am I not used to these things by now?????????????  Just mad me so upset but I know that dad and Jessica understood and that is all that matters.

I love you all and hope that your Thanksgiving was peaceful. Kathy

[lostwoher]

 Happy Thanksgiving!  Hugs all around.

 Lynn

[heartbeataway]

Terrie,

Love Adams wreath ... very unique, very special and very Adam.  Good job Mom & Dad!

Trudi,

Glad things turned around and you had a nice, what sounds to be, romantic evening together.

Kathy,

I think I would have taken the poem home with me  ......... so sorry honey. 

Today was one of the quietest holidays we've ever had.  It wasn't bad, just quiet.  We went to the historic George Washington Hotel for Thanksgiving dinner.  Four courses and dessert bar. Choices were like Cream of parship and pear with roasted pumpkin soup and

Confit beets, herbed chevre, apple chips and watercress with lemon vinegarette for salad.

I normally cook a "southwesterny" Thanksgiving dinner. Cornbread jalapeno stuffing, Brandied chipotle cranberry sauce, we smoke the turkey on the grill, etc ...

I also make traditional stuffing and other dishes. 

So, needless to say this was quite a switch for us.  It wasn't bad, just different.

I guess today was just different in more ways than one ...... not bad, just different.

Tomorrow is FROG day ..... it's suppose to be cold and gusty with a chance of snow flurries.  We will be outside a local Kmart solicitiing gifts for foster children to give to the adults in their life.  Hopefully no one will freeze and we get all the things we need quickly so we can go home! 

Love for the journey,

bonnie, Jason's Mom

[arc4ever]

Lorri, Okay gonna try some closeups of the monument.

At the top of the oval is an etching of the Holy Family.  Engraved around the etching it says "Jesus Mary and Joseph Pray for Us".

The etching of the three of us is just below center and it says:

"Lord I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed"  This is the Catholic prayers said right before receiving communion.  My husband always cried when he said this and Adam would place an arm on my husband's back comforting him.

On each sie we have an etching.  My said (left when you look at the monument has an angel) My husband's side (right) has a cross and a rosary.

The back we have also had an etching done.  Here is a copy:

I have fought the good fight, 

I have finished the race

I have kept the faith.

       2 Timothy 4:7

We just taped a photo of Adam running above this etching.  The verse said a lot to us.  Adam would fight you to the end no matter what, he was like a dog with a bone and wouldn't let it go.  The finishing the race was just that to us, Adam finished what he started.  Even if he didn't want to do a project he finished it.  And Adam kept his faith always.

Thanks for letting me share, Hopefully they all turn out, as I said I'm not the most provicient on the compter.

Love, Terrie (Adam's Mom) 

[arc4ever]

Here is our etching:

 

[arc4ever]

And the back of the monument.

 

[ericasmom]

Claudia, I am sorry that this woman is splicing the connections between you and Stephen, it is not right, but I do feel your Son will prevail one day. Still blinded by the changes in his life, and very possibly not seeing the manipulation. she is a control freak sounds like, I have known far too many. And if he is aware of her ploy, he is in the middle of two strong women and is unsure of what to do. I have my prayers going, my hope is strong.

For your listening pleasure, say these sweet words aloud; JOEY JOE JOSEPH JOEY JOEY-JOY

Terri, the stone is gorgeous, simply a lovely dedication.

Susannah, great that you were with the kids all under one roof, with STEPH making herself known.

Peace on this night and I like Bonnies words, peace for the journey

dee

[jobaby]

I am very new at this.  I lost my son last December 3rd.  He was 20  I am just trying not to bother my family or friends anymore so any advice would be helpful.  I realized when I said new I was not clear.  I am new with the talking to people I don't know on the internet thing so I am just a little bit slow on how ya'll communicate. 

[k8smum]

i made chili for dinner today as it's danny's favorite. no football games or parades on television...nothing to make it seem like anything other than a normal day and not a holiday. i am going to do a turkey dinner for my son mick's birthday (no. 25) on december 7; he hasn't been home the past couple of years and he's only now wanting to begin celebrating it again being so close to losing caitie.

it's now 3am. i have tortured myself all day with the '4 yrs ago right this moment i still had her' thots. i could go on til 8:30 in the morning, but i am going to go into denial mode: she's just off at school. i don't do it often, but when i just cannot stand walking thru the fire of grief it works. i just make myself think that, thrusting all the other out of my head.

i have felt so alone. bill is very caring and good. i am the one who tends to withdraw. i talk to strangers about her all the time, but try to protect bill from the brunt of my pain. he wants to 'fix' it all for me. he is angry and asks why all the time. i just miss her so terribly. she became my best friend all the months we spent in hospital over the 5 yrs she fought the leukemia. she is my soul mate. i had wanted her since i knew i would grow up to be a mom. i had only brothers and wanted a girl so badly. and she was the perfect daughter for me. it's as if she winnowed out the chaff whilst inside me and took only the good parts of me to be her own. she is my hero.

i am thankful for the 19 years we had her in our lives. it wasn't enough, but has to be. i am thankful for my husband, my son, his son. i am thankful for the 3 times i have seen her since she passed. i am thankful for the morning i was having my coffee and suddenly discovered her classring, which i wore on my right hand, instead on my left above my wedding band.

i am thankful for this site. i have felt more love the past days than from my family in 4 years. we didn't have a funeral as they were a couple hundred miles away and 'couldn't' come. none of my brothers sent flowers; just our landlord. friends had distanced themselves as they tend to do when one's child has a likely/possibly terminal illness as it is a reminder of what can happen to them. all my close friends were nurses or moms whose children had either already passed or were fighting for their lives whom i'd met at hospital.

cait didn't want to be buried so i promised her we'd keep her ashes. when it's my time i want my ashes to be mixed with hers. then i don't care what happens to them.

the guilt has risen it's ugly head today: i should have fought harder to keep her in hospital. i should have gone into b!tch mode and not let them convince me otherwise but i was so tired and still in shock that she'd relapsed again only 9 months after the bone-marrow transplant. i wish i'd waited before turning off the life support. they gave me no help and i was on my own. the only saving grace to it is that i acted with caitlin only in my mind and heart. she hated being stared at, she was so bright that any loss due to brain damage would have devastated her and she had been messed with so effing much. i wanted her free!

if only it were possible to go back and snatch seconds in our hands and change them around so we could do things differently. just rearrange little bits that would enable us to act calmly during the terrible storm...

love to us all,

annie

http://caitlin-mayes.memory-of.com

[hotsauce]

ANNIE,

 

on this angel day of your angel CAITLIN, i hope she shows you so many signs of her love.

best of luck with alot of hugs,

 

mary ann (hotsauce)

BRIAN's momdukes

[hotsauce]

TO ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE GROUP:

i hope your yesterday all went well.  if any one if going black friday shopping, please take care and be safe.

 

TERRIE,  your monument for ADAM, is beautiful, i do like the wreath.

i just finished making 10 xmas baskets for  my family to put at their graves, just have to keep and eye on them since people here do steal from the graves.  so sad.

to ALL have a great (good) day

 

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

 

hugs to ALL

[hotsauce]

dear JOBABY,

welcome to the group, even thought no one really wants to be here.

my name is mary ann, i lost my only child BRIAN, may 1, 09 to leukemia, (ALL) he was 22 years old.  this is a great bunch of people in the group, they and i will help in any way possible.  i am sorry for the lost of your son.

 

mary ann (hotsauce)

BRIAN'S momdukes 

 

[heartbeataway]

jobaby,

You're in the right place.  You dont have to worry about how you say the words, ramble if you need too .....  we're all in the same boat and we all understand.

I'm Bonnie, our son Jason (Jay) died April 28th, 07.  He had ARVD/C which is a genetic disease of the heart.  His first manifestation was sudden death.  He was 31 and engaged to be married in October.  He was my only child, our only son. 

If and when you can, introduce us to your son.

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[Guest]

Jobaby - I'm glad you found us. 

My name is Susannah.  My 28 yr old daughter was killed in an ATV accident on August 9, 2009. 

Stephanie's mom

[mysonrich]

Terri, that is a really nice stone. I never thought of placing verse on the back of the stone and for the kids here that have this, so much more to say of a good fight.And thanks for the enlargement, squinting as I do it helped.

 

Dee, I wandered over and around the mountains to get to the Pocono Mnts. I took the "old" road, stayed off the interstate. Sometimes the scenes around me are a blur, point A to point B. What I did do was play the radio this time. For some reason music has grated at me since Rich died. Yesterday I was able to listen. Like the church bells around, 3 bell towers in this small town, just too much stimuli I think.

 

Claudia, I feel for you, I really do. I understand the manipulation and the wedge that comes between people. i try to keep my daughter close. Yesterday she had dinner at Rich's g/f with her dad. Fine. Most of my underlying anger is directed at those two and I think I scare the g/f a bit. Don't blame her, she heard my voice as the processed girl in the Exorcist, but that was pain. Keep your son close Claudia. Our kids know the score .

 

Rich died in the house that my daughter. at dinner at yesterday. Last I visited and even hours after Rich died it was no longer his home, He wasn't there. It  felt like an empty shell of a house. Since I didn't travel far from home yesterday I asked my daughter to buy some flowers and take them over. I told her not to tell the g/f that they were for Rich. I asked her to tell Rich, while looking to the sky, tell him these are from Mom. She said OK. Covert operation hopefully a success. Giving the g/f , the woman my son loved some credit, as if, I know she wouldn't have thrown them in the trash but some things she can keep her nose out of.

 

Mary Ann, no shopping. I'm not doing much of that this year. Today its off to work I go.

 

Annie, sorry that you are here or back but also good that you have a place to come to.

 

Marcia, hope You are felling better physically, your leg on the mend and that your trip al owes for quiet, peaceful reflection.

 

Lorri, I also received a email from a friend that tried to TELL ME THAT SHE KNEW HOW IT WAS. SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT THAT LOT'S OF KIDS DIE AND I WASN'T ALONE IN THIS AND THAT MY SON'S LIFE AND DEATH WAS SOMEHOW LESS IMPORTANT THEN ANOTHER CHILD'S. i CALMLY WROTE HER BACK, FROM THE HEART. YOU SEE, AFTER SPENDING MONTHS WITH BI, I KNOW EACH LIFE AND DEATH AS INDIVIDUAL. NOT A MASS LUMPING AS SHE SUGGESTED AND THE PAIN AND ALONESS IS REAL, NO MATTER WHO IS AROUND. SHE REPLIED THAT SHE GOT IT, BUT I KNOW SHE REALLY DIDN'T.

 

 

Betty, I thought of you and Stephen while watching part of the parade.

 

I'm going to be late. To all that I have missed, peace.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[lolynbo]

JOBABY, SORRY U HAVE TO BE HERE, BUT I COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT IT...SO GLAD U FOUND US...MY DAUGHTER KOURTNEY DIED FROM A BRAIN TUMOR SHE HAD JUST GOT MARRIED SHE WAS 21, AND WAS IN HOSP AND NURSING HOMES FOR 7 MONTHS AND 2DAYS HER TUMOR BURST AND SHE NEVER SPOKE AGAIN AFTER NOV 15TH 2007...SHE DIED JUNE 17 2008...SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND WE WORKED TOGETHER WE WERE INSEPERABLE...I HAVE KIMBERLY 25 AND KODY 17 WHOM I LOVE WITH THE REST OF MY HEART...BUT NOTHING FILLS KOURTNEYS EMPTY SPACE...WE ARE HERE FOR YOU

TERRI THANK YOU FOR THE CLOSEUPS IT IS AS BEAUTIFUL AS I WAS IMAGINING IT TO BE..I LOVE THE PIC OF THE 3 OF YOU...AND MY BROTHER THAT PASSED AWAY FROM DIABETES AT 42 ALWAYS SAID "FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT"....HE AND KOURTNEY DID...

MY SISTER IS ON HER WAY HERE THANK GOD I MAY HAVE A FEW GOOD DAYS...IF IM BIZZY AND "ENTERTAINED" I DO BETTER...

SAYING SOME NAMES TODAY.....BRIAN. BRIAN, BRAIN, JESSICA, JESSICA, JESSICA, BETHANY, BETHANY, BETHANY, JOEY JOEY JOEY, STEPHANIE, STEPHANIE, STEPHANIE, ERI, ERI, ERI, MIKE, MIKE, MIKE, MIKE,ADAM, ADAM,ADAM, KAYLA, KAYLA,KAYLA , RICH, RICH, RICH, JASON, JASON, JASON,KOURTNEY, KOURTNEY, KOURTNEY,  WE MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 

[ericasmom]

Hey good morning  Indigos,

We also said Eri fought the good fight. She did. Annie, only to have a few seconds to change a lifetime, indeed. Betsy, glad that you were able to listen to music, music is always an important component to the day for me, has been before adn through, but as far as too much stimuli, I get that. Some things are, sometimes too loud of voices, or certain sounds that grate on my nerves. I hope then that music will help float you through the days with a peace. Love the flowers to Rich. JOBABY, my deep sadness that you lost your Boy. When you are able, we would love to learn who he is, and all about the Man/Boy you love so dearly. Just come whenever you want Sweetie, as you approach your one year mark, Lord knows, and so do all of us, what it is you wrestle. My girl, Erica, (ERI) was 19 when she was killed at a broken train crossing in Kalamazoo, Michigan. THis happened in 2003, so I am one of the 'oldies' here. We live just outside of Chicago, my Daughter and Son were kind of going to school in Michigan when she was killed. So we are at every stage of grief here from early on in loss to longer on this road, one thing certain, we all belong here and have deep regard for each who joins this group, this family. And so welcome, and take your time with names, no tests or quizzes, it takes a long while to learn us each  and who we miss. Just come and let us take care of you as best we can.

MaryAnne, I will be careful thank you very much. I won't shop much but may do a bit. I will hope that on this day, you feel your sweet Boy smiling on your deep abiding love.

Speaking of Chicago, I am walking to the train in a few minutes, a sunny November morning. I will go downtown to watch the Lions that stand guard at the ARTINSTITUE receive their necklaces of wreaths. It is a long-standing tradition, and for me, one I started attending on my own after Eri died. Starting new traditions has been a big step in living the best life I can live in the ligth of My Daughter.

Love Ya,

Dee

[4everjoeysmom]

I love you all so much!! DON'T know what I would do so often without you....

Annie, YOU are definitely loved and understood here. And through all the pain, anger, guilt, one thing does ring true... Your baby girl Caitlin is FREE!!!! She is ALIVE in a realm you cannot see, but you can FEEL it.... Reach out through your heart and you will feel her there...

Jobaby-- I am so sorry for your loss. Just do and say whatever you feel up to in whatever way you need to. We care so much.....

Daily power outages/country-wide rationing...today 11-2. Gotta run for now. xoxoxo ~Claudia

[summergirl]

Hello to all my wonderful Indigo's.

Bonnie - thanks, yes I probably should have taken it home with me....guess by leaving it there I thought maybe mother-in-law would re-read it when we were gone and perhaps give it some more thought.....I will make sure it is brought out again on Christmas Eve.  We try don't we?????

Annie - hold tight my friend, we do so wish that we could go back and change things, small things, big things but we know in our hearts our children are free, it is we who are imprisoned in our grief. I pray that you find some peace in the coming days.

Jobaby - welcome to BI....a place of warmth, understanding, love, compassion and the "free to be who we are" site....  I lost my beautiful 26 year old daughter Jessica on February 18, 2006 from ARVD - sudden death. She left behind a 4 year old son, Tavian, whom my husband and I have custody of, he will be 8 February 11.  I am so sorry about the loss of your son, please share him with us when you can, we are here to help and be helped. I became a member July of 2007 and have been here ever since........those here are my life line to reality, here I do not have to wear a mask, I can talk about my feelings without someone telling me to feel otherwise. I pray that you find here what the rest of us have found. Bless you.

Cloudy, rainy, cold and windy here in New York today......have cleaned the house and now sitting in my "comfy clothes" and just watched the movie "Twilight", oh my Jessica would have LOVED it......

Peace to all today and good thoughts........Am going Christmas shopping tomorrow with my friend Linda --- have to take care of Tavian or he will be upset with Santa Claus.......if not for him I would pass it by.

Love, Kathy

[shellbellsmom]

Good afternoon everyone.  Looks like I missed a lot not being on here yesterday.  Yesterday was one of the longest days in a while….first person showed up at noon for the traditional “watch the Lions lose” on Thanksgiving game, and then last group left well into Black Friday. My husband and I actually went to bed before all our guest left.  Now, I am stressing out about Christmas because we will be having more of the same, with even more relatives…I just want it all over with - and soon.

I framed Bonnie’s poem (she shared on BI) along with a picture of my daughter and had it setting on a table next to a lit candle.  I (like you Kathy) waited all day for someone to say something about it...NOTHING.  Everyone was too concerned about letting everyone know what they wanted for Christmas, , or were busy with other crap.  My neice got on my computer and did a slideshow of all my family pictures- many with my daughter in them and never once said anything about her…just commented on how dorky she looked when she was 10, 11, 12, etc.  I couldn’t even look because it was ripping my heart in two missing her so much.  All my nephews- her age and my son were playing “apples to apples” (her game) and she should have been there playing with them.  Yesterday was way too hard ~ and this is my 3^rd one since her death. 

Today my husband set up the Christmas Tree – leaving the ornaments for me- if it was up to me we wouldn’t have any tree or decorations up but my son told me today to quit being “all depressed” and asked me to stop wanting to chance all our traditions.  I just asked him if he’d prefer to open gifts on Christmas Eve rather do it in the morning…(the mornings are killer for me now).  So, I need to start acting all festive I guess.  The ornaments may not make it up for weeks though- That was mine and my daughter’s job.  She loved to mess with me and would put them on all goofy looking- in clusters and just do it for a reaction from me.  She said I had to have them all perfect like.  We joked around with them….man I miss that. 

Terrie, your son Adams monument is so beautiful and a lovely dedication to his life.  The picture of you three is so moving….you can just see the love you had for him in your huge smile. 

I want to welcome Jobaby to this site…share as much as you wish and take in all you can that might help you with your lose. 

Annie, I have visited your daughter  Caitlin’s memorial site and think you did a wonderful job with it…I lit a candle for her yesterday if you wondered who Sue Lunn was…that’s me.   My daughter died from ALL too.  My daughter was 22 when she died, (same as MaryAnn’s Brian).  We had a short fight- only 38 days from her diagnosis as she developed a complication when her immune system was comprised.  I am so sorry for you pain, your lose and for you having to deal with a death of a child like the rest of us on here.  In other words…you are not alone in your grief.  My daughters site: http://michelle-lunn.virtual-memorials.com/

I am so exhausted but a friend of mine is taking me out for some drinks….I need many right now.  Sorry I haven’t commented on many posting but I did read and feel everyone’s posts.  Peace everyone.  Sue

[mysonrich]

Holy, holy, holy! Lord, God Almighty!

Early in the morning our song shall rise to the:

Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty,

God in three persons, blessed Trinity.

Holy, holy, holy! Though the darkness hide thee,

Though the eye of sinful man thy glory may not see,

Only thou art holy; There is none beside thee,

Perfect in power, in love, and purity.

Holy, holy, holy! Lord God Almighty!

All thy works shall praise thy name in earth, and sky, and sea;

Holy, holy, holy! Merciful and mighty,

God in three persons, blessed Trinity.

 

 heard this hymn while sitting on the deck. One of my favorites .The Church at the end of my road, there are 2, played this. Not really bells any longer are they? Still searching the night sky and spotting a star that I'm still not sure is a star. It twinkles a lot.

When I travel this Christmas, when I go back to my home state, Rich's home state, things, feelings start all over again. Being away I don;t have the sights and sounds that are my son. one foot in front of another.

I will put up my Christmas tree this year. Rich picked it out and carried it home for me. Last year I wasn't home so I didn't decorate.

 

Thinking of you all .

[heartbeataway]

Pretty song Betsy ..... must have been beautiful floating through the air for you to hear!

Sounds like you'll be taking a lot of deep breaths with your visit home .....

Try to smile as you put up your tree ......

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

"FROG" day was interesting.  I was there for the start. The donations were few and folks would not even look at us for the most part. It rained a little and the wind got pretty gusty.

Hope it went better after I left!

[ericasmom]

Sue, sorry that Michelle's photo and the poem was not mentioned. I do believe we are the ones in most situations that have to do the initial mentioning. I hate that you felt your heart breaking as your niece made comments on the photos. For her, it was her way of connecting to Shell maybe.

I met some folks from Michigan today, gathered around the lions at the ARt Museum. There hundreds stood under a once again, (4 years or 5 in a row) of blue, blue skies. It was a beauty of a day, I spent it alone from 9:00 walking to the train, until 4:15 when I was walking back from the train. I loved this day, it held me along with my memories, and all the beautiful scenes I walked amongst.

I can hear that song Betsy, ringing out in the clear air, echoing against the trees and buildings, notes springing from a steeple down the road.

Bonnie, I thought of you with your frogs, and I am sorry that they did not bring more support, but I smile at the thought of your effort. Ever lovely Woman.

Love,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Sue:  Yesterday was a very long day for us, also.  I am so sorry that no one mentioned Michelle’s name…perhaps your niece, in making the slideshow and making those comments, found that that was the only way she could say Michelle’s name, in the abstract.  It is just so heartbreaking, and you don’t want to spoil everyone’s day, so you don’t say anything.  But you want to scream!!   We also put Bonnie’s poem in a frame, trimmed the frame with a couple of fall leaves, and a small pic of Mike attached to one corner.  No one mentioned it, but then Davis, who sat right by it, noticed that Mike’s candle (we have one with his pic and name on the outside) was not lit, and asked his mom to “get the lighter for Mike’s candle” and our daughter said Mike’s name as she lit it.   Hubby and I went to visit Mike’s site and the day matched my mood…dark, dreary, cold, unfriendly.  The cemetery was deserted of course, and looked so bare with all the leaves down off the trees.  As we got out of the car, we noticed a new grave, right by the side of the road; I almost stepped on it getting out of the car---it was maybe 18 inches from the road.  When I looked down, I saw the name, and stopped in my tracks…it was the grave of my grandson Davis’ friend, who died in a fire two weeks ago.  Davis had gone to the service, but not the funeral, as he had to get back to work, and he knew it was going to be at the cemetery where Mike is, and couldn’t go there.  This is a boy named Chaz, 20, who died in a house fire.  Everyone else got out, but they couldn’t get to him.  I still feel chills when I think of it… His grave is the second plot over from Mike’s.   Another life cut too short, and another family in pain.  Please keep them in your prayers.  I may try to give the mom a call in a few days.

Terrie:  Adam’s stone is really beautiful…a wonderful tribute to your precious son.  I love the pic of all of you…it speaks volumes.  I also love the wreath you so lovingly put together with you husband.  We did a “spray” of evergreen similar to that last year for Mike…we had things on it that were a part of him, also…I so like the hat with the earphones and iPod.  I will have to remember that this year.  I remember when I started making it, my husband was very standoffish, actually asking why I was doing it.  As I progressed over the next couple of days, he finally seemed to understand and actually offered a couple of suggestions and helped me to finish it up.  Hopefully, this year it will be a non-issue. 

Jobaby…I wish we never had to welcome anyone else to this site…I wish there was no reason for this site to even exist…but we are here, and now you are.  I am so very sorry for your loss…please tell us about your son as you are able.  Here on BI, you will never be told that you need to “move on,” or “get over it” or any such cruel remark, no matter how “well-intentioned” those who give such advice feel.  You will receive support, caring, and much understanding, and most importantly, no judgment.  We lost our son on Oct 14, 2006, at the age of 31, after he fought brain cancer for 17 months.  He left three young boys behind, who keep us going into the future, one day at a time. 

Claudia:  Oh, the words that cut…it is so sad that this person is tormenting you so…Patrick is likely feeling that he must stand by her as they are just married…but hopefully, he will see your pain and open his ears to your feelings.  I am so very sorry that this is happening.  You are in my prayers for some peace and understanding from your son. 

Annie:  I so very much understand your feelings of guilt and regret about decisions made in the midst of chaos and pain… I often wonder what would have happened had they told us about Mike’s “brain lesion” sooner than they did (they knew of its presence some 6 years before there were symptoms other than seizures).  We also made other decisions during his illness that many times I wish I had time to make them over again.  But time doesn’t allow us to “go back,” and we must hold on to the decisions and choices that helped, and completely forget about those we feel guilty about--- at least that’s what I am told…by those who have not had to travel this road.  I am glad that you have felt some love and understanding over the last few days from BI.   I visited your beautiful Cait’s site and lit a candle.  You are in my prayers along with all of the “Indigos” here…

Mary ann:  I am so very sorry that you have so many at the cemetery to make baskets for…you carry a lot of pain, and I am glad that you can come here and find some relief and caring.  It is very kind of you to make all those baskets---I hope they remain in place for the holidays. 

Betsy:  I am glad that your daughter was able to deliver the flowers for you, and I can understand why you don’t want to be in that house.  I am glad that you were able to listen to music…it has been hard for us, also, especially music that Mike particularly liked.   I went to catholic high school, I know well the song you shared…brought back pleasant memories…they don’t sing those old ones much in our church anymore, usually just new ones, which are nice, but I notice that when they sing an older one, EVERYONE joins in…should give them a hint…

Kathy:  I feel the same way when I see a movie that I know Mike would have loved…or some other event.   Mike was a real “PHISH HEAD” and also, of course, a rabid Red Sox fan…I know that he was sitting up on the corner of the score board on the day, two summers ago, that PHISH played…at Fenway…never did before and likely will not again…he would have LOVED sharing it with his friends.  I think even I would have gone with him for that!   I hope when you visit your mil's at Christmas, you walk in to see the poem already on display for Jessica. 

Bonnie:  Your dinner sounds interesting…but I hope that next year you are able to do the traditional stuff that lies in your heart from years past…  I too am sorry that Frog Day started out poorly and hope that people became more willing to open their hearts and their pocketbooks as the day wore on. 

Trudi:  good news…great news…when did you say it will be?   I hope you had a nice dinner, and a nice anniversary---congratulations.  Yes, you’ve had a tumultuous 3 years, all around, and I hope that hubby continues to show that he may be finally understanding…

Sussanah:  I love the message from  your daughter, and also that her sister so readily said that “she is here” and I am glad that you had the additional loved ones at your table to be thankful for. 

Lorri:  Kourtney found ways to say hello to you…so glad that you felt it was natural to say her name along with the others…

Dee: I am glad that your walk went well to see the lions crowned in their wreaths of Christmas splendor…such a nice tradition you created…I know that Eri was standing there by your side as you watched and walked.

Amanda:  Thinking of you as you await your beautiful new child...

well, hubby is complaining that he's hungry...I think I will go in and tell him that I'm hungry too, and ask him when is he fixing supper?  I'll let you all know how that works out...

love and peace to all of our Indigos...Marcia, how did your day go?  Dan?  Greg?  the rest of us?

Carol  mikesmomrs 

[summergirl]

OMG - what is is with people - why is it so damn hard to "mention" our child's name...I do not care how uncomfortable it makes them...I am sick of the excuses.

My father-in-law passed away Labor Day of last year and here we are at his house for Thanksgiving and have 2 candles lit (which was started by my sister-in-law Jen) and I set the poem there in it's frame and I hear nothing, not a word !!!  But you know what...I was proud that I did it and dad and Jessica know it was there and it came from my heart (from Bonnie) and that is all that matters....

OK, feel better now.....just need to get it out.

Yes, the Christmas tree, Jessica always came to our house to decorate, she was the picky one, I swear she used to put the tinsel on one piece at a time.....I have a pic of her when she was little doing it...I will sownload and post it.   As I said before I would pass Christmas right by if not for Tavian.....his smile and those bright eyes help me get through the rough times.

Love to all and peaceful dreams and restful sleep. Kathy

[shorty16]

WOW

I had to go back 4 pages.  We are still awaiting the new of Amanda's baby - Ashton.

Hope everybody filled their bellies.  Weather was really bad here Thursday, but Beautiful today - go figure.

We went to watch AJ wrestle today.  5 schools involved, he wrested 5X.  Pinned 3, won in points on the 4th and lost the 5th.  The Hollnagels were there.  They are really into wrestling.  We just stayed for 1 of AJ's matches.  Meet was 5 hours long.

Love you all

Colleen

[daveydow1]

Dee---Thanks for the update on the school thing. I think you were brave

to speak out. I imagine that the others were glad that someone would

represent & say how they feel.

Bonnie---Your southwesterly dinner sounds good. Wish I could eat that

type of food......I like it, but it doesn't like me....not anymore.

Terrie---Love the wreath, and the headstone.

Jobaby-----I'm so sorry for your loss. Please come back to BI. Everyone

here knows, firsthand, all your pain and grief.  My son, Dave, died in a car

crash (sleepy driver hit him) in 6/2003. He was 31.You don't have to worry about

your posting etc. Just come to BI and read/post whenever you want to. Peace

& comfort to you.

               Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry 

[lolynbo]

well kimberly just got ran off the road (OH SORRY I WASNT HOLLERN).SHE IS FINE..JUST SHAKN ..HER CAR IS NOT TOTALED BUT I THINK MY WALLET MAY BE...IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING SOME KIND OF DRAMA .....I REALLY NEED TO GIVE THAT A REST...BUT IT KEEPS COMING UP IF KIMBERLY IS INVOLVED....GOOD LORD

JUST WATCHED GRAND TORINO AGAIN...ITS A GOOD MOVIE...SAD:(

OK IM DONE NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD TO CHAT....HOPE EVERYONE IS AS PLEASENT AS CAN BE..

[4everjoeysmom]

So glad you posted Colleen! I was missing seeing Brian's face.

[lolynbo]

I JUST WANT TO SAY WHY DO PPL HAVE TO BE SO DAMNN HAPPY...IM ALREADY SICK OF THEM.....ON FB..."I WENT SHOPPIN".."IM MAKING THIS" "WERE DECORATING THE TREE"...

WELL HALLA FN LUA TO U......SORRY I FEEL BETTER..HADA GET IT OUT

[rlolheiser]

I guess one down, and one to go...  yesterday was just so unfeeling.  I went to my brother-in-law's house.  I didn't want to go, but my husband did as there wasw relatives visiting he hadn't seen for awhile.  I ended up leaving him there with the little guy for them to bring home.  Mom was in one of her cruel moods and together with visiting, I was on my last nerve.  I was so glad to come home.  No phone calls from the family.

Terrie, your wreath is beautiful, Adam's monument is also, I hope one day to get one put on JaBoa's grave. 

Jobaby, I am sorry for your loss, as for the internet or computer thing, I hear you, I am not to great at this yet.  But coming to Indigo has helped me a lot.  I lost my  grandaughter JaBoa, three years ago, Oct. 30, my father that January.  Holidays are tough but it has helped so much more since I have started posting.

I have to go to Williston, the town my JaBoa is buried in, we are going tomorrow, I hate driving there, I have to pass by the accident site and it hurts so much.  I drive by the spot that I dropped her off with her mother, my last hug and kiss.... I wish I would have known it was my last.. I would have never let her go..... and then I have to go by where my daughter rolled the van, I wish there was another way there..  I dread the drive, somebody else was killed on the road last week.  I pray God give us traveling mercies...Once there I will gp to visit her grave, I miss being able to go there to talk with her.  I like to place little trinkets with her, though people take them away, I have already gone through 2 wind chimes... sorry I ramble.....  I miss her....  Mom wants to go to church on sunday so we will stay the night, the last time we were at the church was for the service... I don't know if I can do it... I don't know why mom feels she has to go, she has no memories of the burial as she just had a pass from the hospital and was on pain relievers...  I don't mean to deny her.. I just don't know how much I can take..

I will catch up to you all when I get back.. thanks again for all the support.. I really need it :-(

sorry I am a downer today...  hugs

Leah

[arc4ever]

Tell AJ great job.  Many many years ago while was in high school.  I was one of the girls who kept score and threw out the towels (can't remember what they caused us , something nasty behind our back hahah, but to our face I believe just scorekeepers)

It was my funest experience in high school.  I still enjoy watching wresting.  Strange how you have to be a particiular school at a particular time when a sport is the "it" sport, when I was in high school it was wrestling at our school.  Ad Adam's school, it was football, then basketball, then girls volleyball, girls basketball, then cross country, then wresling.  (Adam's sport was low n the totum pole, but he enjoyed it and he stuck with it.  I think he didn't like being on a team, he enjoyed competing against himself in running)

Tell AJ I send warm thoughts for a successful wresting season, keep us up to date on his matches.

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[arc4ever]

My husband and I made a very nice roast for dinner last night.  roast and mashed potatoes and french cut green beans.  They were very yummy.  Slow cooked the roast til it fell apart.  Put the rest in the fridge and today we made hommade vegetable soup that is out of this world.  I think my husband may become a cook.  He is doing great.  I've always had a bit of a control issue (not just with cooking, but with everything to be perfectly honest).  I'm trying to let go a little and let him do some things to help.  It makes him feel better about contributing something to our homelife.

Other than that the only thing we managed to last two days was to eat, drink a little wine and sleep.  Not the healthiest way to life but it is gettting us thru these difficult days. 

We also went thru somepictures we had developed from a long time ago and never looked at, they have been in our fire proof safe.  Found some really cute ones of Adam.  A couple I might share doubles to the parents of the other kids in the pictures. 

Also ound a picture of the three of us in Monmouth Cave taken when Adam was in I believe 4th grade.  Hopefully you can see it, it is a cellphone picture of the actual picture that I then posted to my email and then am posting onto here.  Let's see if it works.

Get some sleep tonight folks. are angels are in God's arms he is keeping them safe for us until we meet again.

Love Terrie, (Adams's Mom)

[arc4ever]

Got a nice afterthanksgiving gift.   (Or early Christmas gift, and this is the only gift I want - that I am able to get but you all understand what I mean!)  Finally after several months of waiting, the motorcycle magazine that did an interview for our ARC Angel Run finally ran the article.  They did a great job.  Nice article, nice pictures.  Almost an entire page.  Hopefully people will see we are doing good things and trying to help others so the fund has a chance to grow each year.

I'm going to try to attempt to post the picture, I do not believe it will work, it is large, but who knows.

Love to all, goodnight (Adam's mom & dad!)

[ericasmom]

Terrie, what fantastic photos both of long ago vacations, and of the wonderful article from the ARC ride. Great news, the article. I love the photo of you and your two men. Your husband and Adam seem to share the same shape face. Something in Adam's smile looks like you Terrie. Hey, you are getting good at posting photos and I still stink. One day, I will take the time to either do photo bucket or picassa. Thanks for sharing your good news, and I am happy that all you two have done is eat, sleep, and have a little wine. That is not a bad thing after so many sleepless weeks. The soup sounds marvelous. Post a recipe?

Leah, is there anyone else that can take your Mom to church? Can you just go visit the cemetery while she is at church? Just seems that if it feels like it might be more than you can handle, then it is. You need to take care of YOU. I know the accident site must be hard, myprayers as you travel. By the way, traveling mercies is the name of one of my all-time favorite books by Anne Lamott. Very irreverant woman with a deep spiritual sensibility.

Carol dear, thanks so much for the good thoughts. I love the way you phrase things, so how did it go when you suggested to the husband that you were hungry too? Was there a frying pan waiting? Funny. I am glad that your Grandson noticed that the candle for Mike was not lit. Good for him. And I am terribly sorry that he suffered a loss of a friend, and so tragically. Goodness knows he has had a lot to face at a young age. Prayers for your Grandboy and for all of your Grandies, as well as for the family of Chaz. Deep prayers of peace.

Col, good to hear that AJ had a good wrestling day. I know it is hard for you to see  Mike's family. Sorry. Yep, a beauty of a day here too, and suppose to have more tomorrow.I saw roses blooming today all along the avenue. While it is pretty, it isn't a good sign. The plants were tricked by the warmth into blossoming again, and this late in the season could leave the bushes and plants open for a problem come the frost.

Peaceful sleep to All,

dee