Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest]

Hello Indigo family,

I got choked up this evening as I scrolled through all the pictures of your loved one's.  Knowing they aren't with us anymore breaks my heart for all of us.  I honor them....thank you for sharing them with us (me).

The judge granted a continuance.  He'll hear the disposition on the 18th of December. 

My ex son in law's girlfriend is the perpetrator, who is in jail with felony charges for child abuse, physically and sexually, who was also "pretending" to be their mother while they hid them from us for over a year, who lost her children at the same time my grandchildren were taken.  It is one case.  Her losing her children and my grandchildren.  The continuance is on her behalf. 

This has been going on for nine months now and it's a joke.  But, today I didn't feel the hate that has consumed me every time I've had to sit in a room with her.  Today, I refused to allow her any space in my brain.

So far, everything they've done has worked in our favor...so, perhaps this too. 

The judge will hear the final disposition on the 18th of December.  The criminal trial begins January 4th.  The kids have to testify.  The DA begins prepping them on the 14, 15 and 16 of December.

This is our first holidays without Stephanie....I may have to have surgery....we are fighting for custody of our grandchildren and then the criminal trial.

I'm up for it!

I still believe!!  Sometimes I mutter, "I hope you know what you're doin'."  But, I still believe. 

Stephanie's mom!!

[mikesmum]

Marcia - so sorry this upset you.  You know my heart, your life with the beautiful Bethany a precious gift you honoured me by sharing in MN. 

I guess for me it was about finding away to reconnect and appreciate at another level the things I still have in my life and 'not' saying goodbye as much.

Amanda - finger crossed for the tests - study hard (lol)

Trudi

[rlolheiser]

Susannah, sure glad your grands are still with you, I thank God for that and pray he leaves them with you.  It sounds like they have been through the works and my heart goes out to them.  Just give them all the love you can, and show the courts your working on making them better, (if they need doctoring, counciling.. whatever will show the courts your making a future for these babies)...  just my thoughts. ..thanks for your prayers, they mean a lot.

I feel so much for everybody's losses, all our angels, the tragedies and the joys we go through.  Happy we have a place like this to go to

[summergirl]

Just a quick note to say thank you to all for your prayers. The info about meth is overwhelming and scares me beyond words. Being in Iowa, farm country, makes it very easy to have Meth Labs. I pray that Bj is not into it but time will tell. All I can do is pray and be strong.  My son, my son I pray you find your way, find the person I know who lives inside of you, sweet, funny, a great big heart that drugs have hidden from the world, your family and mostly yourself.

I am just too tired tonight to post - stess, emptiness and that black hole has taken hold of me but I am determined to stand strong.

Greg - beautiful words, beautiful song - thank you for sharing - I am going to buy the CD tomorrow.

To all - sleep well, stay strong and thanks for giving me the freedom to speak from my heart, the one that is broken so badly.

Love to all my indigo family - Kathy

[mikesmomrs]

Amanda:  thanks so much for keeping us posted on this awesome event…the birth of your sweet Ashton…we know that you are in good hands when you tell us of all the doctor is doing to make sure everything is being done right…he/she seems to be right on top of things…know that we are all thinking of you and holding you close as you travel this road to a new life in your family…

Trudi:  I love the new avatar of Mike, and yes, I know the "doing something right before the pic is snapped" no matter what their ages...makes the pics all that more special tho'...  the song…couldn’t listen to all of it, finally did…tears when she stopped the car and came back to say goodbye…

Sue:  I wish you a peaceful time with your support group...sounds like a nice group of people, supporting each other and sharing...your fund raising efforts on behalf of Michelle are just wonderful...she is proud of you...

Lorri:  Good luck with your meeting...try to remember that Kourtney is proud of you

(by the way, beautiful pic of your beautiful girl), and always will be. 

Colleen and Betsy:  so great about what you are doing...the troops will be overjoyed, and the little boy will also.  Before I retired, the office I worked for "adopted" a family through the State at Christmas time, and we were limited to "two boxes per child, wrapped."  Well, thank heavens there were no limits on the sizes of the boxes!  We would wrap all their gifts and put them in two boxes for each child with their name on them.  We usually picked one family, but the last few years, we had three.  It was always so much fun to do that---the shopping, wrapping, etc.  On Christmas morning, I would stop and think about those kids and just smile to myself.  It is such a difficult time of year for kids that don't have anything, and for their parents as well. 

Dee:  I hope that you had a wonderful time on your class trip and that the kids got to really enjoy their adventure...I know you've mentioned how "active" your little ones are, so I hope they were able to hold still long enough to see the show!

Sherry:  My Mike was the same age as Trudi's Mike and your Davey, also, 31, but mine was born the same year as Trudi's Mike, 1975...Bonnie's Jason was also 31...they are likely all living it up together, each showing the other new things and ideas... 

Kathy: your post was coming on as I was posting, so I am editing mine to tell you that I am so sorry that you have to deal with this worry about your son...I pray that he will come to terms with his addictions and get help and find his way bck to the life that he has inside of him...I pray that you receive the guidance that you need in dealing with this painful part of your journey with your son...

I have been trying to find some pics to post of our area, but only found a couple them...one of the Nubble point lighthouse, I loved being there, which is about 10 minutes from where we used to live before we built our house...it is now about 40 minutes from where we live.  

This is a conservation area, about 15 minutes down the road, this is coming over the bridge that runs over it, around dusk...

Also, I found these of one of my favorite close places...Boston.  I was born there, and am so glad I live only a little over 50 miles from there, and of course, right in the middle of it is Fenway Park...another of my favorite places to be! 

same place, at night, seen from a different angle

this was one of Mike's favorite places in Boston (running a close second of course, to Fenway Park!)...the Skagin Bridge, built in the last 5 years, it is on the way to Fenway Park...he LOVED driving over it...we would loop around and then come under it...weird...

These pics of Boston are not ones that I took, but found them on the internet...most of my "scenic" pics are still packed.

I hope everyone has a peace-filled night, and a happy tomorrow. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

 

[mikesmomrs]

 

susannah   keeping you in thought and prayer for strength for you to travel through these steps to assure that your precious grandchildren remain in your custody...prayers for you and for them...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[Guest]

Kathy - keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.

Everyone who matters in this case has already voted to waive reunification with the dad/step dad and allow my husband and I to adopt them.  We're just waiting for the judge to hear the recommendation and make a decision. 

What we learned today is, if a judgement has not been made by the one year mark, 2/20/10, the state is legally obligated to terminate the parent's rights. 

Gosh, with the way this case is going, ex son in law may just lose by forfeit. 

This case has not gone public, yet.  We are grateful for that because of our grandchildren.  But, it's horrific and the perpetrator is a woman and I'm sure the press (at least local) will have a field day with it.

I've promised the state it WOULD go public.  The when and how is up to them.  Until then, I'm keeping my mouth shut.

That five year old little girl who was killed?  That could have been my grandchildren.  Except for the grace of God, they lived.

[ericasmom]

I have not posted since this morning and look how busy you all have been today. I can't write for long as I am so tired, but suffice it to say that I am thinking of you all as you face the trials and tribulations that sometimes seems like MORE THAN ENOUGH< THANK YOU. I wish you healthy babies, healing hearts, healing foot,granchildren to stay where they are safe and loved, wondrous memories, and continued photos of the Children we so love along with the places they loved.

The play was fabulous, maybe the best play I have seen for Children. Oh, I have seen many starting with the many productions I took my own kids to see, and now for 15 years of teaching. I have seen some not great theater, and I have seen some excellent work, and today, we saw a wonderful rendition of a great book. The whole thing was great, simply fabulous. Costumes, songs, timing and pacing, humor, and the sadness of loss along with the sadness of bullying and isolation. So many great conversations will come from today's experience. The kids did a fantastic job too. Sat still and clapped when they were supposed to. No one, not one said they were bored.

Jon is up and down, please send  a positive note into the sky tonight or tomorrow that in this day he finds a bit of peace.

Love,

dee

[shellbellsmom]

Dee will definitely send prayers Jon’s way for peace in his heart, and for your son Kathy too that he finds his way back to himself and his family. Prayers also for everyone else who needs them for work issues, repair issues, strength to get through another day or for whatever reason that you need them for. 

Susannah so pleased the grandbabies will be safe in your hands a little longer.  This video was posted on one of my friends fb pages for her son Ethan’s birthday in heaven today.   She’s one of us…and lost her 13 son to brain cancer just over a year ago.  I think it speaks to a lot of us in different circumstances we have experienced….it tells us we aren’t every alone.  Hope you enjoy it.  

 

The memorial program was nice.  The adults decorated a memory ornament reflecting different aspects of our child with colors.  I suck at crafts and ended up writing my message up side down on it…..I did get a laugh out of it because it was probably Michelle behind me messing it up, she loved screwing with me.  So even though it looks like crap I will hang it up on her memorial palm tree we still have up since 2 Christmas’s ago.  

 

After the program a young couple who are new to our group (lost 13 daughter 3 months ago) asked my husband and I along with a few other couples to come over to their house next Wednesday night since we didn’t have group.  I accepted…this is their first holiday and they just wanted our support to get through it.  When we got to the car my husband said there is no way he is going.  He said he had a terrible time and never wanted to do that again.  He said he just agreed to go tonight in a weak moment.  I was so pissed off and told him he’s not supporting me.  We are so different in the way we are functioning.  I need to share, talk and be around others that get me, he wants to work, work and pretend it didn’t happen.  To see and be  with others in our same situation is too depressing for him…..like our life isn’t these days.  I  am going to work on him….he’s a softy but I am still angry he won’t be supportive of this couple who needs some friends right now. 

 

Carol loved the Boston pics….never been there before but its on my travel bucket list. 

 

I watched the Michael W Smith video...I don’t want to think about my shattered dreams now….living just in the present these days.  Too much hurt to think about the future.  But it was a nice video.

 

Peaceful dreams everyone…till next time.  Sue

 

[mikesmum]

Sue -  A wise counsellor pointed out to me once that we all grieve in different ways.  He also told me that while I had an expectation of how we can help each other along this journey, not everyone can or will agree with me.  While I understand this in my head in my heart I am still angry at some level that my other half "doesn't get it".  That includes me still posting here after 2yrs.....I do however understand that he may never get it....

The youtube link is brilliant - thanks.

Sorry for upsetting so many of you.....it was never my intention to increase your pain. 

I guess posting the video in this forum was misguided.  For me it was more than just Mikes memory. 

Seeing the pics of Melissa and Steven reminded me that they have moved on in their lives.....

I hope for those times when they 'look back' and remember those days that bought them to where they are now & smile.

Sorry.  :?

[mpsmom]

"Sorry for upsetting so many of you.....it was never my intention to increase your pain.  I guess posting the video in this forum was misguided.  For me it was more than just Mikes memory. "

Trudi, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE we have a rule here......never aplogize for anything you say or post.....  I just could not watch the video, it looked very nice, but not for me..... no apologies are EVER required !!!!!

Love you !!!!! Marcia Bethanys Mom Forever

 

[nicksdad]

Trudi...I thought the video was beautiful, and you can tell it was written from such a caring person....

I am sure Melissa and Steven will never forget those days....

Got a letter in the mail last week about "vaults"...kind of crazy I know...But then last night get a call from a male representing the cemetery asking if we are interested in "pre-purchasing" vaults seeing that we

have plots...I am thinking how crazy is that. First, they do their 50% sale with big signs and now calling people. I am thinking of seeing the lady that runs the place and telling her what I think. Of course she is not the one calling but she is responsible in my eyes. And ohhh of course the sales pitch last nite that was given  to my "daughter" who answered the phone....how nice

[Guest]

Good morning Indigo Family...

I woke at 3am thinking of the court proceedings today and imagining the criminal trial that is about to begin.  Two completely different legal proceedings.  Both Huge.  Both happening at the same time....

My thoughts drifted to Stephanie at once.  Actually, my thoughts never leave Stephanie....but, this morning, I forced myself to pull them away from her.  Instead I am choosing to either believe or imagine that she is okay, happy and busy.  I cannot think about her being gone from our lives on earth and remain in control.  And, right now remaining in control is a must. 

My heart is breaking for my grandchildren.  I am so sad and mad that they have to testify again!  They won't let me or my husband in the courtroom with them.  Their perpetrator sits there, looking at them. 

I have discovered a couple of changes about myself since Stephanie died.  I have this need to be told I'm okay.  I don't trust myself as strongly as I did before August 9th.  And, then there are times I am truly amazed that I'm holding up as well as I am.  Aren't I?  (oh, I crack myself up!!)

My grandkids and I will purposefully watch the slide show (to "I hope you dance") from Stephanie's funeral just to help us cry.  Christian music (her favorite) brings the tears much faster.  There are times I need a good cry and then there are times I say "what's the use?  Nothing's going to make this feel better."

I so love all of you sharing your pictures, music and video's so openly.  I know and understand the love and gentleness that went into making them.  Sitting on my bed, pictures strewn about my bedspread, with tears running down my cheeks, I gently touched each picture to be used in the slide-show.

Each holds a meaning.  Each tells a story of a different time.  In my daughter's adult years, all of those stories (most of those stories) are not of happier days.  Crystal Meth does that to a family. 

I have promised myself I WILL go back and watch the video's posted and shared so freely when I have better control over my emotions, or at least when I don't have to meet with the attorney, a state employee or a doctor.  Sheese!  It's always somethin'. 

Sending you much love and light.

Stephanie's mom/  I still believe!

[briansdad]

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

Lynn - here is another link for this song. 

 

If it doesn't work go to youtube and type "How to day goodbye, Michael W Smith".

Sherry - Mike was born 4th June 1975, just 16 days shy of my 20th birthday.....Gorgeous child with dark brown eyes.

Hot as here today.......

trudi,

The song speaks volumes.

Our candle light for BP USA is coming up the 1st of Dec and then the angel of hope the 6th. I have mixed feelings about this time of year. But now my whole life is that way so I guess I should get used to it.:?

[mysonrich]

My dream this morning..

My dream. I'm under a pavilion with many other people. There are picnic tables with backpacks and assorted personal belongings place about on the picnic tables. I don't know who these people are except my uncle. he is there and in real life, poor health. We seem to be having a good time, but then 3 people arrive that are very bad people. One was very dark. dark hair, dark beard, kind of life a pirate, very mean He said that we had to leave and he and his 2 cohorts started to destroy our belongings. He also stabbed me, not in the heart but the cox area. ( could have been sleeping in a strange position) I was in a lot of pain and there were others wounded all around me. Though I was bleeding badly an emergency worker came and fixed me up to drive. For some reason I had to drive all these people back to a bus station. My uncle had to sit in the back so he could be comfortable on a long seat.

I have had dreams in which I am driving and Rich is sitting in the front next to me a a passenger, he was here in this dream.

I said "Rich, I don't know how to get there. Can you show me which way to go"? Rich said, ( not his voice this time) " I know how to get there, turn here and follow the road "

The road took us to a Marina of sorts. The road turned into a dock, the kind you walk on to get to a boat in a slip. The thing was, it was not a smooth ride, the docks were actually small, descending steps, I said out loud " this is going to hurt"

I drove down the docks and around corners and curves and we came to the last step.

Rich said ," this one is really going to be bad"

I looked down and the step was very high, in this case the van? I was driving was going to have to be driven down front wheels first, into the water, it was going to be a long drop.

On the other side I saw a park employee. She had on a type of uniform and was watching us drive. On the other side there was a door , the way out.

She told me that some of the people would have to ge out because we would never make it down that step unless the van/bus was lighter. Some people got out. I drove the van down, through the water and on the other side, another set of steps, this time also a big first step. I managed to drive up the steps and the park employee lady, who was of Spanish decent  for whatever reason . said " good, you made it"

I was opening the door for the way out and yelled, in pain. I yelled out loud and woke myself up.

So now, I have to make coffee and go to work. My thoughts are that this dream included you, Indigo People. except my uncle.

Thanks for listening. It was unsettling.

.

 

 

 

[shorty16]

Sue said:

 I need to share, talk and be around others that get me, he wants to work, work and pretend it didn’t happen. 

Colleen said: (Obviously I have not figured out how to pull quotes from posts)

If that is not me and my husband.  It hurts Scott to talk about it.  To be around others, etc.  So I went myself.  I have made some awesome friends through this.  Scott and I talk about the times I have.  He lives them through me, but in his protective space.

I am sorry this is happening, but this is really normal.  Men and women grieve so differently.  In your heart, you know your husband is hurting and he has to hurt in his own way.  Just like you have to hurt in your own way.

Go anyway, by yourself. If only for an hour or so.  Say "My husband is just not ready."  It is the truth and the conversation about him will stop there.

Let me know what you decide

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

 

Colleen, Betsy and Suzzanah you are up early and thanks for posting and inspiring me one more day. 

 

 Betsy your dream sounded very intense.  I am glad Rich was there with you.  Really wish I could dream of Stephen!! 

 

Suzzanah /Stephenie'smom  I agree browsing thru pictures of past, beautiful days is painful but so enriching.  Prayers for your peace. 

 

Sue  I do believe that everyone grieves differently.  Glad you found us here and your grief group.  I found sharing with those who are in the same place helps.  Your husband will grieve in his own way.

 

Dee Love the idea of the play and I am sure it will provoke lively discussion.  You must tell us!!

 

Carol.  Great pictures   Boston and the Light house and Fennway Park  are wonderful places to see. My sister lived in Boston for many years and I have fond memories of that City.

 

Leah You are right I find I am changed.  Grief has changed me and I do not expect to return to the old me.  Each morning I awaken and strive to  do what I need to do with Compassion and love.

 

Trudi  I loved the Video  It brought me back to my own wedding day and my  wonderful father.  I remember turning as I left and seeing tears in my Dad's  eyes.  I also did return  for one last good by.  I shed happy tears with that one.

 

The early pictures of your 3 little angels were touching and you were/are a very beautiful young women!!

 

Terrie, Sherry, Kathy, Mary Ann and Beth    Please   Take care of yourselves

 

Have a Blessed Day everyone 

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Love the picture, Carol, of the Nubble Light. I went on a wonderful trip to New England several years back with a dear friend of mine, and Ogunquit was one of the places we visited. Great scenery and the best lobster roll EVER at Barnacle Bill's!!!

Working on our annual Christmas Basket project, trying to catch up with bookkeeping from our recent travels, and scraping all the info I can for a tentative lawsuit we may be entering against the one who stole and sold our car and has literally forced us off of our ministry-owned property (back in July). Our transition has been swift and fairly good, but WOW! So much happening, I sometimes feel I am barely hanging on. Last night I did find the paper trail that describes in great detail our purchase of the vehicle, (so we can now prove we owned it and not the man whose name was on the title as a "trustee" and once trusted friend and partner), including e-mail from March 2006. I am so VERY thankful for that!!! Not looking forward to the challenge, but we came under such fierce attack that we have to stand-up and fight. Hopefully we'll be able to replace our transportation for starters. The land issue, a whole other matter and HUGE! We haven't had a car since it was taken in August, but have had the blessing of a loaner till come-January. I haven't shared too much about all of this, but it has been an extremely serious situation--one that could also use prayer.... It's a very sad world when people go out to help others and get attacked in the way we have these past 5 months....literally stripped of almost all major assets we had. It has been major upheaval, and sometimes I ask "is it still worth it?". But the answer is always YES... Someone out here always has it worse than I.

So many here hurting and in need of prayer....All I can do is pray...and I am....For now, prayers for my BI family and friends... xoxoxo

~Claudia

[arc4ever]

My husband had a friend who owns a t-shirt printing business make this banner.  We hung it on our split-rail fence in front of our house. 

It is Compassionate Friends worldwide candlelighting day.  I was so proud of him for having this made.  Maybe someone driving by will notice and remember...

Love to all. Terrie (Adam's mom)

[briansdad]

[user=16030]4everjoeysmom[/user] wrote:

Love the picture, Carol, of the Nubble Light. I went on a wonderful trip to New England several years back with a dear friend of mine, and Ogunquit was one of the places we visited. Great scenery and the best lobster roll EVER at Barnacle Bill's!!!

Working on our annual Christmas Basket project, trying to catch up with bookkeeping from our recent travels, and scraping all the info I can for a tentative lawsuit we may be entering against the one who stole and sold our car and has literally forced us off of our ministry-owned property (back in July). Our transition has been swift and fairly good, but WOW! So much happening, I sometimes feel I am barely hanging on. Last night I did find the paper trail that describes in great detail our purchase of the vehicle, (so we can now prove we owned it and not the man whose name was on the title as a "trustee" and once trusted friend and partner), including e-mail from March 2006. I am so VERY thankful for that!!! Not looking forward to the challenge, but we came under such fierce attack that we have to stand-up and fight. Hopefully we'll be able to replace our transportation for starters. The land issue, a whole other matter and HUGE! We haven't had a car since it was taken in August, but have had the blessing of a loaner till come-January. I haven't shared too much about all of this, but it has been an extremely serious situation--one that could also use prayer.... It's a very sad world when people go out to help others and get attacked in the way we have these past 5 months....literally stripped of almost all major assets we had. It has been major upheaval, and sometimes I ask "is it still worth it?". But the answer is always YES... Someone out here always has it worse than I.

So many here hurting and in need of prayer....All I can do is pray...and I am....For now, prayers for my BI family and friends... xoxoxo

~Claudia

Claudia,

You know if you give up ( I know you won't ) when the lowlifes of this world get you down. Then they have won. I admire your detemination.

A wonderful friend of mine once told me. If you meet someone who trusts no one it's best not to trust them. This advice has proven priceless over the years. I have been a very trusting soul unless someone shows me otherwise.

Greg

[hotsauce]

TERRIE, that is a great sign, i only wish there were more.

 

good morning to everyone here, try and have a good day.

 

mary ann(hotsauce)

BRIAN'S momdukes

[shorty16]

[align=center]Saints and Sinners[/align]

[align=center] [/align]

When some fellow yields to temptation

And breaks a conventional law,

We look for not good in his makeup

Oh Lord, how we look for the flaw!

No one asks “Who did the tempting?”

Nor allows for the battles he’s fought.

His name becomes food for the jackals,

The saints who have never been caught.

I’m a sinner, Oh Lord, and I know it.

I am weak, and I blinder and fail.

I am tossed on life’s stormy ocean

Like a ship that is caught in a gale.

I am willing to trust in Thy mercy,

To keep the commandments You taught.

But deliver me, Lord from the judgment

Of the saints who have never been caught.

 

Barbara Johnson from Fresh Elastic for Stretched-Out Moms

 

Colleen

[shellbellsmom]

Colleen sounds like our spouses are grieving similarly…I do give him tons of space and never expect him to attend my support groups.  I guess I blew up because this Saturday we are attending a wedding of one of his co-workers daughter, who I have never met before.  I know the mother and father but that’s it.  Weddings aren’t my favorite anymore since my daughter will never have one…yet I am putting myself in a situation for him that will be terrible for me.  I just hope know one at our table asks about our children.  (Small talk).  So, I think he kind of owes me.  Love the poem too. Thanks for sharing this. 

Claudia I will add you to my prayers that you find some justice for the evil you have being dealing with...hopefully the car and land issues will get resolved without a lengthy ordeal.

Terrie, what a nice banner your friend did for you.  If you don't mind I would like to post the picture on my fb page on that day so others will join us in remembering all the children in the world who have died way too soon. 

Betsy what an emotional dream...one thing I learned from "kind of" studying dreams is to write down your dream like you did and then look closely at the words that are being said/thought, and each situation,  as crazy as they may sound.   Separate the situations and the words.  My thoughts are your dream was playing out your life right now and the other people very well could be some of us on BI.  Here is my favorite website for dream  interpreting. http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/ 

I was in a lot of pain and there were others wounded all around me –

Telling of your pain as well as others around you  (BI group, and family) .  

He said that we had to leave and he and his 2 cohorts started to destroy our belongings.

 We have to leave our old lives...and their death has destroyed part of us. 

The thing was, it was not a smooth ride, the docks were actually small, descending steps, I said out loud “this is going to hurt".

These words say it all….

Taken from the dream website;To see a pirate in your dream, signifies that some person or situation is adding chaos to your emotional life.

To dream that you are driving a vehicle, signifies your life's journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life.

I don't know how to get there. Can you show me which way to go-

asking Rich to help guide you on your new life's journey. 

I drove down the docks and around corners and curves and we came to the last step. Rich said ," this one is really going to be bad" 

Describing the intense pain of his death on you. 

I was driving was going to have to be driven down front wheels first, into the water, it was going to be a long drop.

Spanish decent  for whatever reason said "good, you made it"

Telling yourself you will make it, and you will get through this rough ride...and finally letting you know that Rich is right there with  you. 

Wishing everyone a peaceful day today....wish we didn't need to come here, but so glad there is a place to share our thoughts.  Peace, Sue

 

[shellbellsmom]

Susannah meant to post this thought too.  I too have changed and one way is not trusting myself anymore.  I typically made most of the final decisions and were comfortable with them….not so much anymore.  As regards to have others tell me “I’m all right” well I don’t like to hear that.  People see my cheerful facade but they can’t see inside what truly is happening to me…my heart is crushed and they see me smiling and laughing with them.  I am not “all right”, I am surviving and getting closer to peace everyday… but I don’t want others to tell me how I am doing- I already know. 

[cameronsmom1]

Well everything was fine today. Induction is set for November 30th but he still wants to do another ultrasound monday to see how big he is. Maybe I will just be lucky and go into labor.

 

[hotrod]

Colleen

Love the Poem 

I am one of those sinners wo needs the Lord's Mercy. 

I do know many Saints who have never been caught.

Amanda  Praying for you and that all is well

Betty

Stephen'smom

[mikesmomrs]

Claudia:  So sorry that you are having to go through this...as I read your post, I couldn't help but think back to Sue's utube video..."He is With Us" and I know that this is how you are handling it and how you are able to handle it.  Prayers to you for all you are going through.

And, speaking of uTube videos, Trudi, as Marcia said, you never have to apologize here; we are all doing this the best we can, we are sharing our ideas, our journey, and we all know that what we see/read here, we either take something from it because it is something we find help from, or we leave it for someone else, because it is not something we find help from at the time---how would we have so many things, so many roads to choose from, so many ideas put before us, if we all didn't share our own road and what we've chosen (or what has chosen us) to make it down those roads?  Please, share whatever is moving you that day---it may help someone else to move that day, also, or not, and someone else will share something that will help them move, and it goes on...sharing, moving, stopping for pause, spreading, gathering...we are all holding hands through this. 

Sue:  I am glad that the gathering of your group went well, and I am sorry about your hubby not wanting to partake.   As others have said, we each grieve differently, and I guess it can even be different between a husband and wife.  Thank you for sharing the video you posted...it was really beautiful.   The translation of Betsy's dream seemed to be really right on...

Betsy:  I agree about the idea of writing your dreams down as you did...sometimes you can go back later and find meaning in a many parts of them. 

Col:  The poem you posted was so right on...Mike's beliefs were just that...many of us are saints that haven't been caught.  He would have put himself at the top of the list.  Thank you for sharing.

Amanda:  Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...thanks for keeping us posted.  I know your life right now is likely a shower of emotions, all day, all night.  Try to relax, sweetie, you will need your strength for those 2 am feedings and rockings! 

Terri:  I love the banner...we may go to the one around here this year...it is about an hour away, and it is difficult to get the kids together (Mike's older boys wanted to go), as they live another 50 minutes in the opposite direction, and of course they have school the next day.  We did it in our own yard the first year.  If we go, it will depend on the weather as my husband can't be out in the cold night air if it is also damp.  If we don't go, then we will just do it here again.  I think it is a terrific idea, though, and so glad someone started it. 

Sussanah:  I know what you mean about listening to music to make you cry...sometimes I need to cry so badly, and I've been holding it in behind my "mask" for so long, that it takes listening to an emotional song to open the floodgates.  Mike requested that his sister sing "I Will Remember You" at his services, which she did.  She didn't think she would be able to get through it though, so she and a friend who plays the guitar for her and accompanies her sometimes, recorded it at a studio a few days before Mike passed.  The good part of that was that he got to listen to it before he passed.  We all sat around him as it played, and I don't think I've ever used so much strength to hold the tears back as I did then, but of course, being Mike, he made some joke about it being great to be able to pick your own funeral music and hear it, and then told Cathi that she did a really good job.  Then we all went outside and fell apart.  I wish you well with your court hearings/attendance...my prayers will be with you for strength, and with your grandbabies for strength for them to get through having to sit in the same room as this evil person.

Got to go...need to get some things done.. paperwork.... UGH!  I think it multiplies as it sits there! 

take care everyone, and I hope you all have a nice afternoon.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[rlolheiser]

Just wanted to wish everybody a good day.  I enjoy looking at the pictures and wish i had some to share.  I have to figure out how to get them off another computer, if I can, somedays I am not to computer literate.

I wish I could play the utube, and songs.  I have dial up since I am in the middle of nowhere.  Some day  I hope to get satelite at least but I have to wait for ship to come in, unfortunately somebody keeps sinking it just as it comes around the bend

 :-)

Betty: I feel so many changes of late, compassion is important to me, but sometimes I wish I had a little less. 

I can't complain though, today I am actually thinking of all things and actually getting some housework done.

The best to all of you

Leah

 

[arc4ever]

Leah, i read your posts regarding getting photos from your computer.  I have offered this advice before, but will post again.  After Adam passed I was, of course, freaked out a bit about the photos that are on our computer but have never been printed.  I was at Cord Camera and they suggested a cd called  Clickfree DVD Photo Backup.  All you do is put it into your disc drive and it automatically finds every image on your computer and copies it to the disc.  The three disc set is $10.00 or so.  There is also a CVD called PhotoSaver about the same price.  Believe me I am clueless on the computer, but the Clickfree DVD was soo simple.  I don't know where you would purchase in your area, but I believe any good photo store could tell you, or I know you can purchase online.

Sue, feel free to use a copy of the photo of banner for the candle lighting.  The more people that are aware, the better.

And by the way, it was my husband's idea - he deserves all the credit.

Take care everyone, and be easy on yourself today. 

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[4everjoeysmom]

Thank you, Carol, Sue & Greg. And Greg, THAT is some absolutely solid advice. I still trust in humanity overall. It gets easier after a while to recognize those without honor, and those I certainly don't trust. We've been burned a few good times in our past almost-4-years here. But that is never stronger than our desire to continue reaching out to those who are truly in need. To be here... to see these beautiful faces... to have an inner-desire of wanting so much to help... It's teaching me LOVE of the greatest kind: One that may not be rewarded in this lifetime, but it's OK. And I do feel Joey has helped me along with that.

[lolynbo]

"NO MORE MR NICE GUY" NOMORE......

WELL YESTERDAY I CONFRONTED A GUY THAT WROTE A CHEKC AND IT BOUNCED WHILE WE WERE IN THE HOSP WITH KOURTNEY...OVER 500$ SO ITS A FELONY....SO I TOLD HIM "I GUESS U NO THERE IS A WARRANT FOR YOUR ARREST AND I INTEND ON MAKING SURE YOU GET CAUGHT"..HE SAID "WELL SOME OF THE MATERIAL I BOUGHT WAS NO GOOD

...I SAID "WELL YOU SHOULD AHVE SAID SOMTHING 2 YRS AGO....SO MY COP FRIEND PICKED HIM UP....

SO I THINK THAT DEED IS DONE...

AND WE HAD OUR MEETING YESTERDAY...AND THE VICE PRES..HAD/HAS A CHIP ON HER LARGE SHOULDERS AND NEVER HEARD A WORD WE SAID...THERE IS 7 MEMBERS...ONLY 3 WORK DOWN THERE...ONE OF THE OTHER 4 HAS GRACED US WITH 2 OUTTA 5 MEETINGS...ONE OF THE OTHERS WANTS OFF THE BOARD CUZ "SHE APPOLOGIZES FOR NOT BEING INVOLVED"...THE OTHER ONE ONLY COME TO MEETINGS...SO NONE OF THE 4 HAVE EVER WORKED FOR EVEN AN HOUR AND WE HAVE BEEN OPEN A YR....OH AND THE LAST ONE OF THE 4 , IS THE ONE THAT WANT S TO SPEND SPEND SPEND..BUT "DONT LIKE TO SORT OR HANG..THATS NOT MY THING" (WHO THE HELL DOES) BUT I DO FOR KOURTNEY AND THE KIDS

SO WHEN US 3 COMPLAIN ABOUT :

1. BE A LITTLE MORE SELECTIVE WHEN YOU GO GET DONATIONS...ASK IF "THEY ARE KIDS CLOTHES OR GRANNYS CLOTHES"...IF THEY ARE GRANNYS CLOTHES WE CANT USE THEM DONT WASTE MY TIME.

2. IF WE NEED SOMETHING IT WILL BE ON THE LIST OF ITEMS WE NEED..AND ONLY WHAT WE NEED.

3. AND HAVE A SPENDING LIMIT NO MORE THEN $250. A MONTH OF THINGS WE NEED FROM LIST...IF IT GOES OVER THE $250. THEN WE NEED TO HAVE SMALL MEETING OF HOW MUCH MORE WE WILL GO..

DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND LIKE TOO MUCH???

ALSO ID LIKE FOR ANYONE ON THE BOARD TO AT LEAST WORK 4 HOURS A MONTH...DOING SOMETHING...

AND IF YOU DONT WORK DONT TELL ME HOW THE HELL TO DO MY VOLUNTEERING TIME.

IF WE CANT SETTLE THIS BY NEXT MEETING , IM TELLING THEM TO TAKE ME OFF THE BOARD AND I WILL JUST WORK WHEN I WANT AND BE THE MOTHER OF THE GIRL THAT SUFFERED AND DIED FOR THIS....

[daveydow1]

Carol---Thanks for the pics of Boston.....another city I's love to visit !  My

Davey was about 4 yrs. older than your Mike, Trudi's Mike, and older than

Bonnie's Jason (not sure by how many yrs.)...It just struck me, as I came on

BI and more people joined and stated that their child was 31 yrs. old when

they passed over.

Susannah---Prayers for you & the grandchildren. I think it will work out to your

favor. The children are lucky to have you in their corner, and I'm sure you feel

the same about them. Peace & tranquility to all.

Sue----Lovely Memorial on UTube. Thanks.

Betsy----Thanks for sharing your dream. Rich was with you all the while, to help

and reassure you.

Colleen.....Sue,...  Yes, men do grieve so differently. My husbnd and I do not

really relate too well on grief. I know he is hurting terribly, though, so I just let

him go. We do have some good talks sometimes. I guess they open up when

they feel they can. It can be hard for us, (and a bit lonely) though, huh?

Amanda----Best of luck to you and the upcoming birth of your precious little

baby boy. Peace & comfort to you, friend.

Hi Dee...., Terrie,....Maryann...Lorrie....Leah......Thanks to all the BI Family.

                Daveysmom, Sherry   

[ericasmom]

Hi All,

I have had some busy days and tired nights and feel rather out of the loop but I am reading and learning how everyone is. Carol, I know, the paperwork is a growing concern of mine, it piles up and i care very little.

Just enjoying the cozy  house tonight, I feel a bit insulated and my nerves needed it. The sound level at school today, not just my class, was huge and constant. A new moon and boy, it sure felt full. Many sick teachers too, so a lot of subs in the building.

Lorri, doesn't sound like too much to me, makes sense I think. Love that you got the guy on the bad check.

Sue and Sherri and others that commented about men adn women grieving differently...very true. NOw my husband is my Kid's stepdad, and we were not married 6 years before ERi was killed, they were not as close as Jonathan and he have become. But Eri's and Jon's Dad, Mike definitely grieved differently than me. He was always a solitary man, few friends and no talking personal with them. He was going to go to therapy to get help but he became ill. I talk to Mike and ask he and Eri to bless Jon with their peace, let him feel the love they have and the hope they have for him to move on without guilt and fear and anxiety. It does put a strain on married couples though and I am sorry for those feeling lonely in thier grief.

Sue the event sounds like a good and connected time, and I commend you for reaching out to the couple. I too would go on my own if you feel comfortable. I love the advice, (forgot who said it) to say that your husband just isn't ready to share openly. perfect.

Prayers please for Alison, a young 7th grader who was once my third grade student as was her big brother. Alison has been in the hospital since July, chrones disease with complications. Please God and Angels, bless Ali with the strength to heal, and the drive to walk those halls at school again. Please let her return to her friends and family. Let her live a long strong life, please.

Hi Maryanne, hope that you are doing okay. Terrie, Bonnie, Trudi, Claudia, Kathy, Betty, and Betsy...Greg and Dan too. Amanda, pat the baby for me, and Marcia, pat the cast.Deneace thinking of you as well and Joboa's Grandmom, hi hon, hang in there.

Love to Everyone,

dee

[rlolheiser]

hello everyone,

Dee, my prayers are going out for your loved ones and for the young Alison, I hope she gets strong and back with her friends and family soon... and please God let her live a long life.  

Sherry, My husband too, grief is just something he doesn't deal with.  Not even with his mom's, he just treats everything like it never happened, but I can tell the strain on h im especially with the time of year coinciding with our losses. Hugs to you

Lorri, Wow you got it down good, wish I could stand up to people like that.  You make a lot of sense.

Claudia, I wish Iknew when not to trust, or when to let my good sense jump in.  It seems I know I shouldn't trust but I am such a soft touch on a good story, I get had everytime.

Terrie, Thanks for the information on pictures, I will have to give it a try, I have my old computer down in storage, I hope it still works and hopefully with your advice I will have my pictures back and I think it will make me happier.

I got a lot done today, it feels good to be out of the despair I had fallen into, it was starting to scare me, I have a lot of past that I have to overcome and sometimes it frightens me you all have helped me so much to get a perspective I gotta tell you thanks for being there and letting me be a part of your group

hugs and prayers

Leah

[summergirl]

Hello to all,

I too Dee have been feeling out of the loop so to speak. Very tired, feeling as though I want to just be in my house, not see anyone or talk to anyone. Want to curl up in the recliner with a fuzzy blanket in my comfy clothes and watch movies.  I went to get my nails done tonight as I do every other week, it is about 30 miles to where I go......get my nails done, go to "Wally World", get a little dinner and head home. I always take Jessica with me as her and I went for 5 years together - it was our night out, just the 2 of us......... on the way home I had a total meltdown, trying to drive in the dark with tears blinding me.........screaming Jessica's name, begging her to come back to me, beating my fist on the steering wheel........good thing it was dark because if someone had seen me I am sure they would have called the police about the crazy woman......WELL, I am a crazy woman sometimes, crazy with this grief that still comsumes my being. The holidays coming at us does not help......feeling sorry for myself.........

I am making an appointment for Tavian with his heart doctor. He has to go once a year for a test even though they tested him for ARVD..........but now I am worried and probably for no reason but this is what happened.....he told me that his heart hurt at school so he told his teacher and she told him it was just a "growth spurt" !!!! He thought that was "cool" and said he thinks he grew an inch..........I asked him what it felt like and he said "like my heart was hitting my bones"........so now I am concerned so will call tomorrow and set up an appointment..........am I over-reacting??? Maybe, but I do not care......he is going.

Even though we are "not supposed to say we are sorry here" - I am sorry that I am not responding to all as I want too - I will get through this "black hole" I am in and catch up with all. I think about all of you each day and you are always in my prayers.

Dan - pre-purchasing vaults - how nice !!!  Yeah, I think I would have a talk with the lady who runs the place too - and I probably would not show my nice side!!!   About 2 weeks after Jessica left us we received a letter addressed to her from the hospital where she was pronounced - it was a survey for her to fill out letting them know "how her stay was while there" !!!!!!  I could not believe it - how do you not have a record on file so this kind of letter is NOT sent out.....I sent it back with a very NOT NICE response......no apology was returned.    

Lorrie - Not too much at all - you have every right to request the items you posted, do not back down - you are a strong woman and will not let these people take you down.......Kourtney will be by your side and all of us too.

Very tired and am going to try to get some rest, sleep has been eluding me for the past few nights so maybe I can catch up tonight.

Love you all - Kathy

[4everjoeysmom]

I stumbled onto this book title earlier and wanted to share. I checked reviews on Amazon and they were VERY good.

Life After the Death of My Son: What I'm Learning (Paperback)

~ Dennis L. Apple (Author)

Wish it would be easy for me to get a copy of this...maybe check into an e-book version..., but wanted to share in case anyone else wants to check it out...

[heartbeataway]

Sherry,

Jason was 31 when he died.  He would have been 32 October 27th.  He would have been married October 13th ..... maybe. ;-)

I had a hair appointment this afternoon.  The place was buzzing with talk of the holidays and family. I'm still looking for my fast forward button!

I'm not sure how many of you heard about the shooting accident in Ferrum, Virginia.

A hunter was on private property illegally deer hunting. He shot at what he thought was a deer and hit a 19 year old college senior and her friend who were out walking.

She died instantly.

She is from our town and her family and friends ..... well, we all know, don't we?

Pray for strength for them. It's such a tragic senseless loss.

Thanks!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, the hunting accident is awful, oh my goodness. Prayers for the family and friends, and for you as you find a perspective that allows you to cope. Each time we hear of a loss so sudden, or an illness that takes a young one, we wonder how will they ever get through it. Then we look in the mirror. We only wish that nobody ever had to go through what we have and do each day.

Live Strong,

dee

Sonya, doing okay?

[mikesmum]

Bonnie, I wish for you a mute button so that being in the midst of the holiday 'chatter' you can have your time.

Kathy - the meltdowns come from within and come with no warning.   To ask for our kids to come back and our lives to return to a 'simpler time' is a wish whispered/shouted by us all.

Thoughts and prayers for your past student Dee and to the parents of the young girl 'out walking' without a care in the world.

There is no rhyme or reason that can bring peace to the heart of a parent who has lost their child.  There will come a time though when knowing you are not alone will be the greatest comfort.

We have Ambulance helicopters overhead.......that noise stops the heart.

Trudi

[rlolheiser]

Morning all

How awful about the hunting accident, my prayers go out to friends and family of this young girl.  I can't wait til the hunting season is over.  I understand that hunting is needed to keep animal and bird population down, but I really think that there has to be more patrols out for these hunters.  I see them around my house all the time, I hear the gunshots and always wonder when one of the bullets will come in to the house.  I have chased hunters off the road, when they decide they are to lazy to walk into the fields.  I am terrified to let my little guy outside when hunters are anywhere around.  My husband thinks I am too protective, I don't think so... I don't know maybe.. but I would rather do what I can

Just had to put my 2 cents in....   Have a good day everyone

Leah

[Guest]

Hello Indigo’s!

I tried, again, to scroll through each post and reply to each person.  But, I forget what I’ve read as soon as I’ve read it.  I don’t mean to dishonor any of you.  I so want my brain back!

So sad about the hunting accident.  So sad!

I felt your pain, Kathy, as you drove home in the pouring rain, crying for your daughter.  I wish none of us had to know that pain.

Trudi, I found your responses warm and wise.  As are everyone’s.  What I find interesting about the sound of sirens upsetting all of us (in my family) is none of us were there, at the scene.  None of us actually heard the sirens.  But, when they pass, the sirens, invariably, someone will  comment or we all grow very quiet.

Well, I’m going to live.  There is nothing wrong with my thyroid and the cyst on my ovary is very small.  If the blood work comes back normal, we’re just going to watch it to make sure it doesn’t grow.

Turns out, though, I’m depressed.  Who knew!?  I was actually surprised when the doctor diagnosed me as depressed.  “You really think so?”  I ask him.

“I know so.”  He said with confidence.

So, I was given some happy pills…anti-depressants.   I told him I didn’t want to cover up my grief with a pill.  But, it would be nice to be able to function again.  I’ll let you know how it works out.

Wishing you all the best possible day under the worst possible circumstances!

Susannah/Stephanie’s mom

[shorty16]

Sue - Your posts make me laugh everyday.  Keep it up.  I exspecially like the one where you were not going to give even a little bit of brain-space to the other women who hurt you - I love that.  NO BRAIN SPACE FOR PEOPLE WHO HURT US.

Carol - Hows the paperwork coming?  Those constant interuptions from friends and family keep you from your favorite task (HAHA).

Kathy - Boy can I relate to the car-ride-melt-down.  I used to love the holiday season and now I am just so sad that our children will not be at the table.  Hang in there baby!

Marcia - How are you?  Hope the ankle is healing quickly.

Dee - Thinking of you as you teach our youth and our future.  My neighbor to the South.

Bonnie - Hope your problems are becoming smaller and an end to the process is near.  I am praying for you.

Is anyone here a San Fransico 49er's fan? (Cindy)  Scott and I are going to the Green Bay vs 49er's game in Lambeau Field on Sunday.  It has been several years since I went to a game.  The weather will be mid 50's; perfect football weather.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

[align=center]Shopping List[/align]

It’s time to go shopping again.

   All of a sudden I’ve noticed that I’m completely out of generosity—I must look for some.

   I also want to exchange the self-satisfaction I picked up the other day for some real humility.  I’ve heard it wears better.

   And I mustn’t forget to look for some tolerance, it’s a good substitute when you’re low on indulgence, and the last time I was shopping I saw some interesting samples of kindness I want to look at again.

  Oh, I almost forgot—I must try to get some patience, too.  I saw some on a friend yesterday, and it was very becoming.

   Come to think of it, I must also remember to get my sense of humor mended, and keep my eyes open for some goodness—it’s surprising how quickly one’s stock of goodness becomes depleted.

    Since there are several items on my list, I might as well make a day of it and indulge in a real shopping spree.

    It would be a good idea for me to check to see if there is a special being offered on charity, optimism and love—things a person should never risk running out of.

   Yes, it’s time to go shopping again.  With such a long list, I’m sure glad the store is open all hours of the day and night, and that the Shopkeeper is so understanding.  Otherwise, my negligence in letting these supplies run down so low could cost me dearly.  As it is, the only price I’ll have to pay will be faith.

                Yes, God, it’s time to go shopping again.

 

Barbara Johnson from Fresh Elastic for Stretched Out Moms

 

Colleen

[mikesmomrs]

Where I used to live before moving to this house last November, was really in the woods, compared to this house.  There were hunters around... on my way to work, I would see them walking along the road, rifle in hand...see their trucks and cars lining the edges of the trees...I used to be terrified a bullet would come crashing through my windshield, as I had to drive along that same road where their vehicles would be parked.  Sometimes at home when I would be on the back deck I could hear them...we've had a couple of nasty accidents around here.  I too know that the animal population must be controlled, but when hunters ignore the boundaries, people pay the price, not animals.  I am so sorry for the family of this young girl, as we all know what they are going through.  The girl who was with her must be having horrendous nightmares!

Dee:  I hope you were able to get some rest last night, it sounded like you really needed it.  I will keep your former student in my prayers---I know exactly what her family is going through, and I am so very sorry that their young daughter is having to go through this at such a young age.  My oldest daughter has Crohn's disease...had it for over ten years, living miserably as she had fistulas along with it, and then finally they had to do surgery as the Crohn's had worsened and the fistulas had thinned out the wall so much that they were afraid of internal infection.  She finally had an ileostomy...which means they take out the large intestine and the rectum.  In the few days after the surgery, (she was in the hospital for over a  month) they had to put a drain tube into her stomach; the surgery was considered a "success," but she kept vomiting (she was still in the hosp) and she came very close to dying because they put it in too far, and didn't realize it until she was damned near death from the "over draining" that was happening right in front of them...fortunately I noticed that they seemed to be emptying it very often, and asked them about the frequency of this having to be done.  The next thing I knew, they had her back in the OR, and “fixed it.”  They had had to empty the drain pot every hour instead of every six or so hours like it normally would be, so how come no one noticed it til I pointed it out?  Had we not been there visiting, I shudder to think what might have happened!!!  (We had driven down there [VA] and had only been there a couple of days when this happened.  I was sleeping in the room with her.)  When she finally got to go home, she had to have IV and other bags hooked up to her for another month, and then still couldn't get out of bed for another month and a half.  She was out of bed finally near the end of May, three months after her surgery, and three weeks before Mike was diagnosed with brain cancer.  (Since her recovery, Kim has been doing very well, thank God, and is so happy that she had it done.) 

Dear Lord, please wrap all of these people in your arms and give them strength to wake up, to walk, to think.  Help them to be able to console each other and to be there for each other, one family as they put their precious daughter to rest, and the other as they keep watch over their precious daughter as she works her way through the nightmares she must be having, having watched her friend be shot, right beside her.  Please also watch over Dee's young former student as she struggles with this horrendous illness, and also her family, as they support her, love her and worry about her. 

Sussanah:  Good to hear that the doctor cleared you physically, and I hope very much that the anti-depressants help with the depression; I know that many of us take something, and even though we don’t want to mask the pain, it does help us to function through it.  As for scrolling through and forgetting what you’ve read before you can reply to each, it really isn’t necessary to reply to everyone all the time…we all have been where you are, new to this site, and over time, you will absorb the names and make the connections.  I always do my post in word first so I can check back to what I want to reply to…I know that Kathy used to print out the pages of the recent posts…I think she still does, and keeps them in a notebook.  Sometimes, I will take a sheet of paper and make “bullet notes” as I read, if I don’t want to forget something.  I no longer have the ability to “retain” information like I used to…if it wasn’t for pen and paper, I would know and remember nothing! 

Kathy:  I too hear your screams and feel the pain that finds you pounding your fists on the steering wheel…I will keep you in my prayers, Kathy, that you will soon be able to find the strength to climb into the sunlight again, and the screams and fist pounding can be put away for a while.  Screaming and pounding the steering wheel helped me to survive that first year after Mike passed... people used to ask me if I had a cold or sore throat or something, because I sounded hoarse.  I finally got so that I would tell them why I was hoarse, as it was the only way that anyone would allow me to say Mike’s name…(other than my husband or younger daughter, of course.)  I still resort to it sometimes, as I am sure many of us, if not all, do.    Kathy, I will keep sweet Tavian in my prayers, also, that the doctors will do a thorough workup and will find everything okay.  I can feel your fear and anxiety over this...I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, along with everything else. 

Lorri:  YAY for your standing up for yourself…I also agree that what you’ve said is not overboard…merely what should be done for the shop to run smoothly and accomplish its purpose…helping those in need.  Kourt is applauding you, Lorri, for sure!

Leah:  I am so glad to hear that you are climbing into the sunlight again...thank you for letting us know. 

We have our 11 yo grandson Jamie today, as there is a teacher’s meeting…and he is “bored” already…it’s only 9:50 in the morning!  We met him and his mom for dinner last night, as he had gotten a wonderful report card, and she wanted to celebrate it with him.  He has had some problems in school last year, and seems to be working them out.  For now, I think I will find some chores for him…lol!  I was planning on taking him to the playground, but it is pouring out!  Maybe we will go to Goodwill and look for books, he really likes to do that. 

Later today I am meeting my daughter Cathi for a "girl's night out" which we haven't done in a long time...dinner and a movie, "The Time Traveler's Wife."  We have about two hours for the dinner, so plenty of talk time. 

Love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

ps:  for your viewing pleasure, this is Jamie...

 

[arc4ever]

Susannah,

First, Glad your going to live!

As far as the sirens, I really don't think it matters whether we heard them or not or were at our child's accident (if that was the case) or not.  I believe it is the fact that we know what CAN be at the the site where the sirens are  heading.  And that is a bad, very bad thing.  So besides the fact that we are freaked out for ourselves, we are sympathetic for those who may be involved.  Just my diagnosis (as if i'm in any way qualified!)

Love Terrie, (Adam's mom)

[shorty16]

Terrie, Susannah

My issue is helicopters.  We could hear flight-for-life coming when we arrived at the accident scene.

I have heard it about 3X since then and everytime my stomach just sinks for the family involved. 

Brian never even made it onto the helicopter; they pronounced him at the scene.  We were at the hospital waiting for flight-for-life to return.  It returned empty.  Just like our hearts.  The physical feeling that came over my body when they told us Brian had died -- is undescribable.  I new my life was over as I knew it.  I could not breath and my skin hurt, I could not stand anyone to touch me.  I was screeming at the flight nurses "How could a 16 year old die"  "That is your job to save them"

It was ugly.

I am just so sad lately.  Missing my life as it was.  Having to work at every step I take now.  I know this group knows the feeling.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

 

[Guest]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

Terrie, Susannah

My issue is helicopters.  We could hear flight-for-life coming when we arrived at the accident scene.

I have heard it about 3X since then and everytime my stomach just sinks for the family involved. 

Brian never even made it onto the helicopter; they pronounced him at the scene.  We were at the hospital waiting for flight-for-life to return.  It returned empty.  Just like our hearts.  The physical feeling that came over my body when they told us Brian had died -- is undescribable.  I new my life was over as I knew it.  I could not breath and my skin hurt, I could not stand anyone to touch me.  I was screeming at the flight nurses "How could a 16 year old die"  "That is your job to save them"

It was ugly.

I am just so sad lately.  Missing my life as it was.  Having to work at every step I take now.  I know this group knows the feeling.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

 

Colleen - an empty helicopter.  I'm so sorry!!  It is ugly.  And, so sad! 

[ericasmom]

My skin hurt too Col, and when folks touched me it was an irritant. I could not stand anything else that was stimulating including touch.

Oh the pain of loss is so far reaching isn't it? The holidays magnify things but the fact that we can find ways to help someone out is a blessing. A way to honor our Child through good acts to help those down on thier luck.

Peace today and tomorrow

dee

[briansdad]

I find Highway Patrol vehicles make my skin crawl.I remember not being able to catch my breath.If I looked out my door today and saw a Highway Patrol vehicle I'd lose my mind.

[shellbellsmom]

Boy I remember that too that I didn't want anyone to touch me...and Dee you described the pain to a tee.  My sister came over to hug me and I wanted nothing but her to leave me alone.  I didn't want to talk with anyone, ,make any discussions, or even live.  For me seeing a ventilator on someone can send me into a panic mode, its a horrible feeling...I automatically think they are going to died.  If I see one on tv I have to close my eyes till the scene is over.