Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest]

Gotta say it......I like the anger.    We should kick some butt.  

However, my comments leave even my face to face friends speechless.  Today, a dear friend told me he was obsessing over an old flame.  My reply,  "Well, keep thinking about it."

I need to think softer and nicer.  :?

[mpsmom]

Good Afternoon Indigos,

Went to the orthopedic surgeon today to have my pink cast removed, had new X-rays and even though I have not put one ounce of weight on this leg for 4+ weeks, they put another cast back on.......The doctor came in and reveiwed the new Xrays with (me &) Larry and gave me the bad news, once he left the room I started crying like I have not cried in a long time .............how can this be???   I am going crazy...........i held on this last week by telling myself.."only 6 more days, only 5 more days, only 4 more days..."    On top of all of that my cell phone started doing wierd things yesterday, this is the cell phone that has all of my texts from Bethany ......I talked to the phone company and they said i can forward these to an email address, I guess tht will have to be good enough....    , funny how the simplest of things keep our kids close to us.   I am sorry for unloading here about this stupid brpken leg, I know you all understand.....

We re spending Thanksgiving with some friends that we met at our first Compassioante Friends meetings, they lost their 3.5 yer old daughter the same day at the same hospital that Bethany was taken to when she died... we have established a friendhip from this meeting, they are sweet people and we enjoy being around them.  I may have mentioned it, Larry taught their 17 year old son how to drive a stick shift a couple weekends ago. 

I see the doctor a couple days before Christmas again, hopefully it will be better news then.  They wanted me to come back in on XMAS eve and I said 'that doesnt work for me"  we are planning on getting away in the motorhome for 9 days from the 24th until the 3rd,  we are going no matter what.....so I wasnt going to wait until the very last minute to know how this would affect our plans... as well the bracing company would not be able to fit a brace on XMAS eve, so now  I will go in the week before XMAS.    I thoroughly have enjoyed all the pictures and the memories I have been reading over the last few weeks, I apologize for not contributing like I used to do, I guess this is a phase we have all been through.  You are all in my prayers and thoughts every day. 

Amanda< i am getting a new phone either this evening or tommorrow , so i am waiting for tht text......I am still 'your delivery contact".  

HUGS to you all  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

GO get em! 

I love that your classroom is adopting a family and you're involving the children in the shopping.

Our "pay it forward" this year is going towards foster children.

Trudi,

The guy in the foreground is Tom, Rich's big brother.  The girl is Teresa, one of my sisters.  That Thanksgiving seems so long ago.  I was looking at the picture and we have nothing in that picture now other than than the china in the china closet!  And two of the people ( Jason & Gene) are no longer on this earth.

I like that you're having the memory makers back this year ..... the smell of pine, etc...

Yes, Lorri is a hoot!  I love the conversation with Marcia!

Marcia,

Heal!

Have a good evening guys!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

Our Christmas picture for last year ........ Jay's Jackson, Bailey Boy & Zoey Love

[arc4ever]

Marcia, so sorry about the bad news from the dr today.

As far as the cellphone is concerned, double check to see if you have a sim card (if so, the messages should be saved on there and you can just insert the sim card into a new phone).  Otherwise, if you don't have a sim card (I didn't in my old phone).  Yes, you SHOULD be able to forward Bethany's texts to your email, just do a forward and then instead of a cellphone number put in the email address you are sending to (make sure you use the @ and the . everything in the email address).  If that doesn't work (which I have had some troubles with sending some txts to my email), then this is what we did when we had to get new phones.  I forwarded Adam's texts to my husband's phone, then I got my new phone activated, then I forwarded the same texts from my husbands phone to my new phone.  I know it sounds weird and complicated, but it worked.  (If you explain at the phone store they should be able to help. I fell apart trying to explain why the txts were so important to keep and they helped me thru the process).  The only thing is when I look at the txts it shows that they came from my husband, but the message is Adam's and the signature at the bottom is Adam's.

Take care of yourself and I really am sorry about the leg, it will  heal.  Bones heal - broken hearts well, maybe not.  But we can always hope they get a little better, right?

Love, Terrie  (Adam's mom)

[daveydow1]

Trudi---Such a darling pix of Mike, Melissa, and Steven at the beach.

Easy to see that they were having so much fun. Thanks.

Colleen---I understand so well, that you can't bring yourself to have a

Christmas tree.  We didn't put one up for several years after Dave passed.

In fact, we gave our two artificial trees away. We did put one up last yr., but

we won't this yr, probably. I don't care much about decorating anymore.Too

sad, I think. As you said.......too many memories of the way it used to be, and

is no more. Wish I could "get with it", but don't think I can this yr. Like you,.....

I will just observe the true meaning of Christmas.

Dee-----Your ERi loved Christmas just like Davey. He was the first one to get

his shopping done. Loved shopping......disliked wrapping. He'd always ask me

for wrapping paper, tape, tags, etc. then go off & wrap til he was finished. He

seemed to have a child-like wonder for the holidays. Our angels must be so

happy celebrating in heaven.

Betty----Thanks for kind wishes.... What a drag it is to move,, but it will be nice

when we finally get done. The house we bought needs some work---mostly

cosmetic, so it may be awhile before we get into it. Then, will just settle in until

spring, and gardening. My husband found the perfect spot for Davey&Lisa's

garden. Plans on doing herbs & perrenials, and a few annuals. He'll be studying

the seed catalogs when the snow flies this winter.

Thanks to ALL for the lovely pics. Makes me want to go to each and every place.

Bonnie----Great pic of the family Thanksgiving dinner, and Jason looks so happy,

along with everyone else.

   I hope everyone on BI sleeps like a baby tonight !   Peace to all.

                          Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Ok so total meltdown tonight after I got home from work.....sitting at the table talking to Barry and the tears started.....he looked at me and said "why are you so upset??".....well, talk about having a frying pan in your hand - I was thinking sledge hammer at that point ....... sometimes he just does not get it and I know he is not a mind reader but come on.....what do you think is wrong with me.....I broke a finger nail or something.........aaarrrggghhh.........I just gave him "the look" and told him to go to his firehouse meeting early so he didn't have to stay here and watch me have a meltdown because goodness knows I would not want to upset him !!!!  Ok, I feel better now that I got that out.

Sue - I love the palm tree and all that it represents.....just love it.

Amanda - I am so excited for you and hopefully that little boy will be here this weekend and we can all be thankful.....just to exciting for words......can't wait to see a pic.......

Bonnie - I love the pic of the family at the Thanksgiving Past.  Wow, you do have alot on your plate my friend....your dad, husband's job, the EKG tests and the legal battle...you are a strong woman but we sure get tired of being strong sometimes and just want to let it all go, hide somewhere, take off on a plane and go to some exotic place.....would be so easy but we all know that we are never going to do that because it is not in our nature......the loss of a child changes us forever but it also makes us so much more aware of just how fragile life is, how fragile we are but together we stand strong.....we are Indigo's and when one hurts we all hurt so we are here for you......sometimes I look out at the stars and moon and wonder what all my Indigo friends are doing at the same moment.......brings me peace.  Stay strong, we are all holding you tight.  Thank you for the thought of sending me something for Jessie's Garden.....take your time.

Trudi - what a beautiful picture - makes me want to hop a plane and get there fast. I too want a cabin there.... I also want to do the Great Ocean Road walk with you.  I am a scorpion, love the hot weather, hate the cold, love the beach, the waves and the peace that surrounds me as I walk along the sand or sit with my feet in the water.....

Lorrie - so totally agree....SHUT UP STUPID PEOPLE.....enough already....Today an older friend of mine came to the senior center, he asked how I was doing and I said it was diffacult and he said "life goes on, you have to be thankful for what you have" - wanted to give him a smack down....yes life goes on but you have your family intact, you have not lost a child so just go ahead and be HAPPY but keep your comments to yourself thank you very much !!!!!!!

Dee - yes, there are some teachers who should NOT BE teachers.....we had one in the school where Tavian goes... they moved her every year to a different grade because no one wanted her for a teacher for their children....she just was a horrible person......I could never understand that as it takes a very special person to be able to teach children........patience, love, commitment, non-racist and the love of children and so very much more.  I am in awe of anyone who can be a teacher to children and I sure wish you were Tavian's teacher but you are mine so that is ok with me.

To all Indigo's I think of you each day.......Kathy

[summergirl]

Marcia - I am sooooooo sorry - counting down the days only to have to put a cast back on !!!    I am so glad you are getting away in your motorhome...you can use the time away.   I feel so bad for you and am thinking happy, happy thoughts and hope they find their way to you.           I have Jessica's cell phone, if there is a sim card in it can I retrieve what is on there ????? 

[ericasmom]

Sooo sorry for the melting time, I think it is inherent with the times, holidays and hype...so much on Tv and radio having to do with holidays, it is impossible to not go there in our hearts, in our souls. Ingrained in our fiber is absolutely each holiday we shared with our Babies. And so it goes.

Marcia, OH MY GOODNESS, I am sorry for th eset back, but it will get better, it will heal. We simply do not heal as we once did. I am holding you and pushing you in a wheelchair around town to get you outside. Prayers Sweetie, and please, why wouldn't you let it out here. Where better?

Kathy, that is the sweetest thing to say, and I too would love to be Tavian's teacher, and never doubt how much each of you have taught me as well.

Bonnie, it is great joy to do this, have been doing it for 3 years now, adopting the families with the kids. No, 5 years. I have done this for 24 years with my own kids, always a great way to show Eri and JOn how to always reach outward, but truly involving a whole classroom is quite a wonderment. Super wonderful conversations that take place during their shop time. The long lasting affects of this outreach are amazing. Good times.

Loving you and keep the photos coming, the warmth from them is beyond anything else.

dee

[briansdad]

Here is another song for us.

 

Greg

[ericasmom]

Greg, thanks so much, your musical messages are pretty great. Happy Thanksgiving Sir, will Alyssa spend it with you guys?

Bonnie, I love the frog idea of yours, and paying it forward we go. In each ribbon you tie, each smile you bring, each tear that drops, Jason is there smiling with his deep dimples, his smiling eyes, so much his Momma's Son.

Peace,

dee

[mikesmum]

I was told to count my blessings I did and I came up one short......:?

Seems stupid people come in all shapes and size over a myriad of professions. 

Dee - Silly slapping is an appropriate reality check.  I can be on a plane in 24hrs. Just offering my services. 

Greg - beautiful words....one day

Marcia - so sorry the countdown was such a let down.  I hope the 9 days away will bring you some joy.

Kathy - I know that we all have our ways of grieving, just wish when a spouse, family member or friend sees us meltdown they go with a hug and silence.

My spouse and I have been disconnected for sometime now.  We have both been under psychologists trying to find common ground to reconnect.  Mine suggested breaking the cycle and getting to know each other again, so today I asked if we might be able to take time, a break.

He has about 18 months long service up his sleeve.   I suggested a roadtrip of sorts to explore this great land and maybe catch a glimpse of who we were before all this.

His solution - we sell our home and buy something closer to my kids where I can live.  He will stay here to be closer to his job......is it just me or did I just get dumped for a white truck and flashing lights.....:?

I live in another world from the one he is in and he  doesnt like to travel....

 

[Guest]

Mikesmum - You were one of the first to welcome me and I can't remember your name.  I'm sorry.

My heart dropped when I read your husband's reaction to your road trip.  I wish I were there to give you a hug! 

I woke up thinking about Donny Osmond winning Dancing with the Stars, of all things!  I don't care who won dances with the stars!  But, I did!  At 2:20 this morning I woke up thinking about it. 

Now, I'm glad I did, because maybe you're still online -- if you need to talk.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[briansdad]

[user=7435]ericasmom[/user] wrote:

Greg, thanks so much, your musical messages are pretty great. Happy Thanksgiving Sir, will Alyssa spend it with you guys?

Peace,

dee

We won't get her Thursday but probably Fri. thru Sun. I'm having withdrawal symptoms. I haven't seen her for a couple of weeks.

Greg

[Guest]

Good morning, Indigo's,

I'm going shopping for Thanksgiving dinner this morning.  I put it off to the last possible minute. 

It will be a bittersweet gathering.  Our first holiday with the grandchildren in years and our first without their mother ever.  I am keeping the meal simple.  Turkey and the trimmings for sure, but it will be very relaxed.

On Friday, as a family, we are going to release balloons at the crash site where Stephanie died.  This is more for the children's benefit than the adults, but I think we will all benefit from it.

Thinking of each of you this morning!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[heartbeataway]

Trudi,

I send you love! 

This is going to be a very "froggy" day for me.  Finishing touches .....

What an odd year at our house.  No shopping, no cooking, no centerpieces or table settings.  And it's okay .......

If you're traveling, please travel safely.

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[shorty16]

Kathy,

My husband has also looked at me when I am crying and said "What is wrong?"  I too just gave him THE LOOK.  Like Come-on MAN.

That is funny.

Lately, it is Scott who sits with a smile up-side-down.  I give him the look of "I totally understand how you are feeling."

Colleen

[shorty16]

Dee

I cannot believe the ignorance of some people.  When we lived in Utah, one of my best friends was Iranian.  We used to joke about her Iranian-English.

Our son, Aaron has really opened our eyes as far as color-of-the-skin goes.  My parents and grandparents are racist.  My grandma used the "N" word openly.  This is how I grew up.

My son Aaron has a melting-pot of friends.  Especially African-American.  They are wonderful kids with wonderful families.  Scott and I talked that some day Aaron may bring home a black girl-friend and we both agreed that would be OK as long as Aaron is happy - we are happy.

I am trying to break the mold that was placed around me during my childhood.  I look at people for their qualities in stead of their colors.

Colleen

 

[lolynbo]

AAAAAAAHHHH PPL. NEVER FAIL ME...WHAT A NON SURPRISE...I JUST LOVE WHEN PPL ARE RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE...BUT GUESS THATS THEIR NATURE...OH WELL

IM GOING TO RUN A FEW ERRANDS TODAY..AND GET SOME COPIES OF SOME PIC..MADE... THEN TONIGHT KIMMY AND CODY ARE COMING IN AND SHE WANTS HER BROCC CHEESE CASS (YUKO) SO GUESS SINCE I DONT THINK ABOUT HER OR LOVE HER I WILL MAKE  IT (UNDERLINING SARCASUM THERE)...AND KODY DONT CARE HE JUST WANT TO EAT... WELL HELL I WILL JUST SHARE WITH YOU WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT..

I GOT AN EMAIL AND THIS IS WHAT IT SAID..

Lorri,

 

I feel that it is only fair that you have the facts about me before you call me STUPID! Yes, I do FN know what it is like to lose a loved one, or loved ones. I've lost several in my life.

I've lost a child that I carried and never got to hold or watch grow up. I have a baby in heaven! I also have two on earth.

I lost my first husband, my oldest son's father, when my son was only 5 years old. I've lost my father when I was young. I've lost a neice who was only 1 year old who was precious to me. So I know what grief is! I know how heartbreaking it is. I know what it's like to miss them everyday.

My comment on your myspace wasn't just about the holidays bringing you to a crash landing. It was from seeing your posts, over and over again...you hardly ever mention your other daughter.  And since I'm watching my daughter-in-law feeling like she lost her mother when her brother died several years ago...I feel like I FN know what the children go through when they have lost a sibling.

My daughter-in-law's brother died several years ago from a motorcycle wreck at the age of 15. She misses him everyday, but she also misses her mother. Her other brother who is still living sometimes wishes he would have died instead, because he feels like he is not enough to bring his mother some happiness. All I was trying to do is get you to think about how your other children might be feeling when you focus so much on losing Kourtney. I wasn't saying not to feel sadness, or to miss your daughter!

I pray for God to bring healing to your heart and soul, but even if He did, I'm not sure you would accept it.

With all that being said...I have nothing more to say to you.

 

SO AS U NOTICE SHE STILL HAS NO IDEA WHAT WE WENT THROUGH WITH KOURTNEY AND THE LOSS WE HAD..I TOO LOST A CHILD...BUT TO ME (I MAY BE DIFF) IT DOESNT COMPARE TO WHAT IM GOING THROUGH WITH LOSING KOURTNEY...AND HOW WE LOST KOURTNEY..

 

IM GLAD I HAVE YAL THAT UNDERSTAND...

 

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Trudi, Marcia, Lorri and Bonnie,  I am so sorry for the extra pain that has been  added to your journey.This time of the year  is just so  hard for each of us. 

Since Stephen's passing I do believe I have become very indifferent to others.  What they think of me is really, really unimportant so  I pray that we can use this forum and thoughts of our angels to get us thru any pain caused by others who think they understand.

Have a Blessed Thanksgiving Every Indigo. 

 I will hold you and all our Angels close that day and every day

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

Delete the email and try not to think about the hurtful words it contained .....

I am so sorry! 

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

I forgot to tell you to block her on Facebook too!  Unbelievable!

[shorty16]

Wow Lorri - what a slap to reality - her reality.

How can we not be different people?  How could we ever be the same?

I do not understand her motive other than to get the last word in?!?!

Your friend always, Colleen

[Guest]

So sorry about your relative, Lorri!  To tell the truth, I've wondered that about myself, thinking something must be wrong with me.  Coming here, with all of your validation, has helped me know I'm completely normal, given the circumstances. 

I don't love my surviving children less.  I don't underestimate the need my family still has on me.  Yet, there is a gaping wound created by Stephanie's death.  It would not be any less for any one of them.  My sister describes it as having a limb ripped off and having to pretend it's still there.  I describe it as trying to function in the midst of a major heart attack. 

It is rape in the fullest extent.  It is a violation spiritually, emotionally and physically.  We will never be the same.  Yet, we look the same.  The world still functions the same.  It is ignorance for others to think we can just snap out of it and be who we once were.  We never will be. 

In so many respects, we are stronger.  We have endured (are enduring) our worst fear. 

It's only been a few months for me, this new life.  It was someone on this site who reminded me we're in the midst of surviving.  This is when we truly begin our journey through the shadow of death.

It's so ironic.  I love more and care less.  I am more gentle and bold and insecure and stronger all at the same time.

Well, that's my take on things so early in my journey through Stephanie's death.  I hope I haven't offended anyone. 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Good for AAron, Eri did have an African American boyfriend when she was a teen, and both my kids have always had a myriad of multi-cultured friends, as it should be. Seems simple to me, that all humans share more than they don't, so why let cuture or color get in the way of one's heart?

[lolynbo]

I DONT MIND BEING CRAZY OR ABNORMAL AS LONG AS IM ABNORAMALLY CRAZY WITH YAL....SO WE ARE ALL OK...SHES GOT THE PROB...GOOD TO NO

OH AND IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT I SHOULDNT TYPE WITH ALL CAPS....THE REASONS I DO ARE THESE.

1. I CANT SEE

2. IM LAZY

3. IDONT GIVE A SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

[briansdad]

[user=22932]lolynbo[/user] wrote:

I DONT MIND BEING CRAZY OR ABNORMAL AS LONG AS IM ABNORAMALLY CRAZY WITH YAL....SO WE ARE ALL OK...SHES GOT THE PROB...GOOD TO NO

OH AND IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT I SHOULDNT TYPE WITH ALL CAPS....THE REASONS I DO ARE THESE.

1. I CANT SEE

2. IM LAZY

3. IDONT GIVE A SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

THAT WORKS FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[shellbellsmom]

Good day to everyone.  Tonight my husband and I will be going to dinner with two couples who will be celebrating their 1^st Thanksgiving without one of their children.  My husband isn’t crazy about going but I told me he owes me.  I think they asked us because they feel safe with us…safe to get emotional if the tears start to flow and they know we’ve gone through it before and have survived it.  I hope we can be somewhat helpful and comforting to them.

 

Marcia sorry you don’t get the cast off just yet. Amanda hang in there….and whenever the little guy decides its time, wishing you an easy delivery.  Susannah enjoy your day with the grandchildren and let the balloons soar just like your daughter has…  Kathy we all have those meltdowns…I have learned to go do it privately so I don’t have to give my hubby…”The Look”- when he asks “What’s wrong” .  Trudi and everyone else needing one  ~ sending you lots of {{HUGS}.  Bonnie absolutely LOVE last year’s Christmas Card- your dogs are so adorable. Glad you are OK with just a relaxing day without all the fuss of the holidays .  Dee I wish you would have told the teacher off….what makes her feel that she is higher on the totem pole then anyone else here on this earth. 

Lorrie be as abnormally crazy as you want here....I agree with what Bonnie said about the email- delete it, block her, and then forget about her…you don’t need any more added pain and thoughts from someone who truly “doesn’t get it”.  And you have every right to say what you want and let your feelings flow ...no need for apologies….and I’m OK with the caps here too.  

Greg thanks again for the video, here is one of my new favorites-

For everyone here whether it’s our 1^st Thanksgiving or your 7^th one without your child/children/granddaughter wishing you some peace tomorrow to get you through the day and a day stuffed with good memories of our angels. 

Light a Candle

Light a candle, see it glow,

watch it dance, when you feel low.

Think of me, think of light,

I'll always be here, day or night.

A candle flickers, out of sight,

but in your heart, I still burn bright.

Think not of sadness, that I'm not near,

Think of gladness, and joyous cheer.

I have not left, I am not gone,

I'm here to stay my precious one.

So when you light a candle ,and you see it glow

and you watch it dance, in your heart you'll know

that I would never leave you , even when you feel so blue

I'm sitting up here with the Lord, and now watching over you .

Peace, Sue

[arc4ever]

Lorri:

WOW, seriously WOW what an email!  How completely clueless this person is.  I'm sorry he/she decided to take it upon themselves to attempt to educate you (notice my sarcasm!)   I agree, delete, ignore and unfriend this person, if they think they are helping, they are not and they do not deserve your time or energy. (How about you give us ALL their fb name and we can send them a nasty little note and reality check! hahaha!).

Love, Terrie (Adam's mom)

[arc4ever]

I went to the store today early afternoon to buy enough food to last us a few days so we don't have to go out.  I made the mistake last year of not having any food in our house on thanksgiving, and try as we might to stay home, we had to go find something to eat and ended up at Rubey Tuesdays for dinner.  So today I bought enough to last until sunday.

Anyway, my husband and I want to do a wreath ourselves for Adam.  Last year the cemetery sent a notice asking if we wanted them to place a wreath, which they did, but it was too plain so we wanted to make our own this year - more personalized.  So I am walking down the Christmas ornament isle trying to find a little something to add to the wreath along with our other stuff we picked more personal.  I am standing at an end cap and they have these pewter Christmas ornaments one said "SON.  There is no greater gift than the love of a son"  I fell apart and stood there sobbing.  Some lady stopped and asked "are you okay?"  I answered "no, but thank you for asking".  At least she asked instead of just walking by and ignoring.  A little kindness from a stranger today.

Take care everyone and do what you can do, and if you aren't up for it - don't do it!

Love, Terrie (Adam's mom)

[ericasmom]

OK< one reason why I don't have Face Book is folks like her Lorri. I think I would reach my hand in the screen and strangle that nut-wad. I am sorry for her though, that she felt she needed to set the world straight for you. That she has the right receipe for you to know how to include your other children. HOLY COW! As far as caps, I don't give a rat's a_s. By the way, if ever I meet you all, (some of you know this already) I will apologize now for the many times I say the absolute worst swears. I am a swearing woman and today...well let's say that after that teacher who infuriates me no end said what she did yesterday, and today we had a district (12 schools) institute day... I used a great deal of composure to not swear when I stood before 25 other teachers during a very poor presentation by two of the top paid administrators of our district. The reason? Well since ERi died, I have had an even harder time with folks wasting my time, time can't be given back so I am offended by it being wasted. These two were ten minutes into their presentation whcih amounted to them reading their friggin overhead to us about testing and differentiation. I looked at two of my partner teachers adn said, oh guys no way...I stood, excused myself and said," I am so sorry everyone to make you uncomfortable, my name is Diane Conmy in case you need to report me, andI am sorry I cannot stay here in a room full of hard working teachers on the day before Thanksgiving and pretend that I care about what you are saying. A presentation should not be two ppl reading the pages they scanned from the interenet. This district used to be the gold standard for others, everyone wanting to come to see how we do what we do, but in the last 5 years ( that is when they were hired with the new superintendent, don't even get me started on her...)I have seen this once gem of a district turn into a rigid, test driven box. I am sad (my voice broke and a tear came down the old cheek) and I simply cannot stay in this room and be part of this problem." I turned, there was applause and afterwards I was told that because of this they insisted on making the two stop their presentation and answer some questions and address some of our issues. HOOORAY. So I guess I am a bit impatient when it comes to stupidity like that, but oh gotta go, my husband's auntie and uncle are here.

dee

[summergirl]

Greg and Sue - thank you so much for sharing the video's - OMG - they are so beautiful, I saved them to my favorites......

Greg - know what you mean about the withdrawal....Tavian has been at Grandma's since last Thursday - 1 week - and will not be home until Monday.....I am missing him. He texted me last night and told me he was fine and having fun and would see me after turkey day.....I laughed and cried at the same time.

Trudi - well, that was a short and hurtful answer from your other half - wow, guess he has everything figured out.....hate to say it but it does sound like you got dumped for a white truck with flashing lights !!!!  I am sorry, I wish so much that Mal would have looked at you, took you in his arms and said "let's go on that roadtrip".  Yes, you do live in a totally different world than he does and I am proud to have you as part of my world.....

Colleen - yep, that is the way it goes.....I know hubby feels bad about it but after a while you would think he would just "not say anything at all" - if he cannot hold me without trying to fix me, if he cannot let my tears fall on his shoulder than just do not say anything to me at all............I love him but sometimes I could just...well, I don't know what I could do..........

Susannah - I am so happy that you are having a "first" thanksgiving with your grandchildren but so sorry that it is your "first" without Stephanie....all the firsts, seconds, they never end and each year I seem to find another reason to hate an upcoming holiday, anniversary, etc......It does get softer my friend but the sorrow never goes away.  Let those balloons fly and take a pic if you can.

Well Ms. Diane Conmy I guess you certainly told them and I wish I could be with you right now to have a glass of wine and celebrate with you - what a brave person you are to stand up and say what you felt as opposed to just sitting there - HOORAY in deed, you are magical:D

On the "racist" postings - I have a friend who is extremely racist, a brother-in-law who is extremely racist and it DRIVES ME CRAZY !!!  My Jessica dated an african american for 4 years, his name was Keon, he was a wonderful person, did not drink, smoke, had a great job, loved sports......it just did not work out with them and they parted as friends.....when I was going through some of Jessica's stuff I found a box filled with every note, card and small item that he had ever given her......I still have them and have thought of calling him to see if he wanted them but not sure if I should.  He came to the wake but not the funeral, said he just could not...I understand.    I have many friends of different race along with gay and lesbien friends and I love them all.........I make sure Tavian understands there is no difference in people because of color or where they come from.

LORRIE - I JUST LOVE CAPS DON'T YOU:D  I AM WITH THE OTHER'S - DELETE, REMOVE HER AND MOVE PAST HER "STUPID" COMMENT - SHE IS IGNORANT OF WHAT WE HAVE GONE THROUGH AND HAS NO IDEA OF WHAT IT IS LIKE TO GET UP EVERYDAY AND WALK THIS JOURNEY AS WE DO.........I AM ON FACE BOOK SO I WOULD NOT MIND TELLING HER WHAT I THINK OF HER FN (YES I SWEAR) RECEIPE.        MY, MY SHE MUST BE SOME KIND OF THERAPIST.....WONDER WHAT SHE WOULD THINK OF THIS SITE:D     LET'S FACE IT, SHE IS JUST NOT WORTH YOUR TIME OR MINE.........LOVE YOU MY SISTER AND KEEP THEM CAPS COMING !!!!!

Need to go check out the internet for a few things. Love to all and have a sweet dreams night..........Kathy

[rlolheiser]

Wow...  started sinking into the depths of depression again, and I am happy to say that I am somewhat stable again.  I know it is the holidays.. all the feelings that overcome me.  I see it in so many of you here at BI..  I know that I am not alone and my feelings are just that .. feelings... something we are allowed to have, something that doesn't come with directions, and something that is neither right nor wrong, we just have and nobody here in this site will chide us for what we feel, I am thankful for that my friends.

Dee, thank you for your words, hugs! Glad to find out that all the exasperating teachers aren't in ND :-)  I am having a fight here with one that made my granddaughter shower cause she said she smelled.  Ok I can live with smelling, but stay out of the shower, this teacher washed her back... OMG..  I have beeing fighting for the last year trying to get her kicked out, but I am still given the runaround.  I don't think it was right, I could get into so much how I feel but I better shut up. I admire the teaching profession, I still remember special teachers I had,  but I think there are limits.  by the way.. way to go!  Thant meeting!You have got grace and taste and I applaud you too...  I would like to be like you

Last night I had a phone call from one of my nieces, I don't talk to her very much as we were never very close.  She called me reaching out to me concerning JaBoa's death.  Could have knocked me over with a feather.  She is 22, and had visited me the same weekend that was JaBoa's last with me.  She told me of the guilt she carried because she wasn't close to the family.  I told her that there was nothing in the world she could have done.. we all have some guilt we feel, but yes I know it is just the depression that works on us.  I told her I love her, and she told me she would try to come visit for Thanksgiving.  I almost hope she doesn't make it as I am just not up to company, I guess if she shows I will have to handle it.

The holidays are tough, I keep remembering my dad, he was so sick... 4 years ago, and I was running back and forth taking care of him.  Christmas was so sad, we took turns going to his room to see him and give him our presents which we knew he would never use. He died early January...  I guess the memories of the last one with him, and the one without my baby JaBoa.. both in the same year..  it just make me weak, make me not a good person.  I have been so short tempered today.  I yelled at my little guy and felt so bad, I had to go tell him I was sorry..  For being only  6 he sure seems to understand, he knows I miss her. I heard from her mother again today, though it was to borrow money..  I sure worry about her..

Pictures are great to see everybody.. I love them, it makes me feel so good to feel a part of this group.  I love to read about everybody's familys, about the children about our special angels, I never tire... I even like to go back to read them over sometimes so I can remember you and all the specialness that makes you all you.  Ok... I am getting tired....  I hope you all find some peace.. a smile.. God Bless you all.. (I can't name you all) My thoughts and prayers are with you throughout the day tomorrow and for all time...  Great Big Hugs all around!!!

[arc4ever]

DEE: :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D!

Very well done!  Totally understand the impatience with wasting your time.  wish I could stand up in a crowd and do what you did, maybe someday (I always start to cry then you can't understand what I'm saying!)

But as I have shared, I have become "crazy letter writing lady" and I sign on and post comments to news articles. 

In our area, we just had two young ladies involved in an automobile accident a few days ago, one died, the other is struggling.  There, of course, were some stupid comments in the news articles and irresponsible and inaccurate reporting by the media. - I swear, could they just wait until they know the facts or maybe bother to fact-check some things before they just print willy nilly to grab your attention.

KEEP UP WITH THE CAPS LORRI, DON'T MIND A BIT !

Trudi:  I'm so sorry your husband isn't being more supportive, understanding, compassionate (insert appropriate word here_____).  Men are such different creatures, but I too wish he would have just hugged and said "okay, let's just go together"  My prayers are with all who have having difficulties with the spouses.  The loss of a child does so many things to us, including changing our relationships with others, even our loved ones. 

You all help me so much just to be able to "talk", thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love, Terrie (Adam's mom)

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Well, it sounds like we're all having a rip-roaring great Thanksgiving... and people wonder why we have such trouble getting through the holidays...

Trudi, SO MUCH love and hugs to you, dear friend. You can borrow my frying pan if you want. I have told my husband before to be careful what he says if he values sleeping safely and soundly...LOL. Men!!!

ROCK ON DEE!!! I shouldn't, but at times I swear too. Maybe sounds ugly, but sometimes life is pretty ugly. Sounds like the system needed a wake-up call, and you sure gave it to them. LOL!! I am applauding you to no end for that.

Lorri, you gotta not let that gal and others get to you so much. Life is too short to worry what the heck they think anyway.

I got a nice and snippy e-mail from my new daughter-in-law today. My son hasn't spoken to me in 16 days. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving...and...oh, well... She's being a spoiled little princess (stating it as kindly as I can) about their wedding photos, and has pretty much made such a big deal out of me wanting to and sharing some of the tasteful ones that it's just become a huge soap box drama. IF THIS is what I have to look forward to for the rest for my life regarding the one kid I have left, it's going to suck. Someone shoot me now! They've been married just over a month and already she's creating division with her self-centered gift of manipulation. I basically wrote her back and said if she makes a big deal out of everything we disagree on, she's going to end up not liking me much, and that I will not be manipulated. Unfortunately my son already is....and I've tried hard to look the other way and give the benefit of the doubt. But wow has the tone ever changed since they said "I Do". Ad I'm just sitting here going, "WTF?" Yeah! Seriously.... So, on the outs with my son, missing the other one like crazy, and thinking I really hate holidays anymore...

So, on that note, wishing you all momentum to get through yours, and sending love and hugs to everyone here!! ~Claudia

[lolynbo]

THANKS YAL..IDK WHERE ID BE WITH OUT YAL...JUST HAD ME A NOVEMBER MELT DOWN....WITH MONTY...MAYBE I CAN LAST TIL DEC NOW..

KIMMY AND CODY ON THEIR WAY....MONTY MADE "KOURTNEYS PIES" BUT FOR THE 2ND PIE (HE WANTED TO COOK SEPERATE) THE TIMER AND OVEN GOT TURNED OFF???? SO IT GOT DONE JUST A LIL DARKER THEN THE FIRST PIE...(WONDER WHO JACKED WITH THE TIMER AND OVEN??)...REMEBER LAST YR HE DIDNT ADD SUGAR....WONDER WHO DID THAT...

OK ALLS I GOT LEFT TO SAY IS EVER BODY BE BLESSED AND BLESS TOMORROW AND WE ALL PRAY WE ALL MAKE IT THRU..AND

IS IT MARCH YET???????????????????????????

[daveydow1]

Sue---Forgot to say in my last post that I, too, LOVE the palm Christmas

tree.  It's beautiful.

Dee---I understand your frustration & anger at the teacher who made the

remarks about the display window at school. He/she certainly does not set a good

example for the children in the classroom. I guess that a lot of people make

"blanket" judgements about people. That only perpetuates misunderstanding

and prejudices, making things worse---not better. I don't know the answers to

such problems---only that one should just not be drawn in, and speak out against

ignorance. Sometimes it seems like an overwhelmingly uphill climb.

Marcia----Oh, I'm so sorry about your setback with your leg, and having to have

another cast put on. (the PITS:().....But, I think that your planned trip will be so

beneficial for you and Larry. I hope you have a very nice time away. You certainly

deserve a break. Take care, friend.  

Prayers for all INDIGOS for a nice Thanksgiving Day.

               Daveysmom,  Sherry

[daveydow1]

Lorrie----Sorry that you received that hurtful message from the person

on Facebook. Things like that is one reason I don't go on there. That

was a particularly unkind message to send to you. Can't really see the

reason behind it (her message to you). Oh well, I guess it takes all kinds

of people to make a world . Take care, and hope you have a good day

tomorrow.

         Daveysmom, Sherry

 

[k8smum]

well, it's been a long time, but we are out of the boonies and back on the 'net. all my help had the flu so our son mick and i moved us...i quickly found out i am too old for that job description.

bill had a bout of prostate cancer over the summer, went thru radiation treatment and seems to be alright now. it was 8 weeks of 5/days a week treatments and they took a toll on him but he's getting stronger finally.

mick's ex-significant other is persuing custody of their 4 yr old, danny. it's gonna get messy and nasty. he's been with us a year now, is happy and doing wonderfully. we're in ny state and she' in arizona, where she ran with her parents taking danny w/o mick's permission. it's going to be a long, long heartbreaking scenario.

i am leery to start posting much again as my memory is like a sieve and i do not want to ignore or forget anyone's posts. i read them all but have a hard time putting the posts to names etc. i could take notes, but my patience level is even lower than my memory level.

the wee hours tomorrow nite, going from the 26th to the 27th will be the 4th anniversary of losing our caitie. middle of the nite, mick calling me telling me she'd collapsed, calling 911, her last coherent words: 'i'm scared momma'. 'why, baby?' 'am I going to die?' 'no, baby, you're just dehydrated' knowing i was lying to her...being asked in the ambulance 'how much do you want done for her?' watching the do cpr, being told she's gone, no wait there's a pulse...what do you want to do? end life support? we don't know re: brain damage...omg. how do we stand it????

i've relived that effing conversation every nite for 4 years now. if only the dr had listened, kept her in hospital after the intense chemo, given her platelets that where needed OR AT LEAST HAD THE DECENCY TO SAY HE WAS SORRY FOR NOT DOING THAT!!!!

i honestly don't know how many more of these anniversaries i can go thru. between the 5 years she fought the leukemia and the 4 forced to live with a broken heart it's been almost a decade in hell. i miss her every single effing day. my sister-in-law once emailed me telling me that cait's memorial page was nothing but a wallowing in self pity and it was time that bill and i stopped feeling sorry for ourselves and were just grateful that cait was with Jesus now. this from a woman who had supposedly lost a child herself at one time.

my 2 remaining brothers whom i saw over the summer for the first time since we lost cait never even mentioned her name. i am sick and tired of hearing that people just don't know what to say, that our grief makes them uncomfortable. try walking in our shoes if they want uncomfortable! one told me that i need to (how i hate this phrase) 'get on with living' as if the fact that i love my husband, son, and grandson, get out of bed everyday, take care of what needs doing all the while running on a heart with a gaping hole in it isn't enough. neverminding that he can go home and call his daughter and be happy it's me and not him.

there are still days i just want to die. or rather i don't care if i go on living. i see her laffing face in my mind and the pain is so terrible i cannot breath. i miss the feel of her, the smell of her, her voice.

forgive me. i know everyone here is in deep, deep pain. there is just nowhere else to put all this.

love to you all.

annie

 http://caitlin-mayes.memory-of.com/

 

[lostwoher]

Dee, I tip my cup to you ( coffee )! Thats so admirable of you to do and say what you did. Sounds as if everyone was standing behind you. Kudos my friend.

Such sorrow for everyone having these holiday feelings. Im right along with you. It hurts clear to the core. I think last year I was still in the fog but this year is a bit more clear and I ache even more. Going to push myself so I can make a decent dinner for my family.

Had a wisdom tooth pulled today then worked 8 hours. Im so pooped but still gotta get poppin. Some days I think its just best if I dont stop so I dont have my mind driving me crazy and other days all I want to do is sit and stare blankly at the wall with my thoughts. Not sure which is more exhausting.

Wanted to stop in to wish everyone a 'Happy' Thanksgiving. I will have a candle lit for ALL our Angels.

Love and hugs to ALL my Indigo Family,

Lynn

[briansdad]

Lorrie, and everyone else I guess. The one thing I've learned here and dealing with the people in our group is no one should be told how to be regarding the loss of their child. There as as many ways as there are snow flakes. No way is ever wrong.The best tact to take is listen. THAT more than anything is what we need.This is a good place for that.I'd tell that gal to stick it in her ear and not let it bother you ever again. She is just a misguided person and we should feel sorry for her.

Greg

[ericasmom]

Annie, so so sorry that you are feeling so sad, thought it is so very understandable. I do hope that your husband is able to heal completely. What a hard road for you guys. A long illness for your beautiful Girl and then a mishandling of her health by those in the profession, oh I am very sorry. I hope though, that you never fear coming here to dump out your anger, to speak of your memories, to join us in conversation. We all dump out the icky stuff, there is plenty of it and we need to get that out. I really do not thaink that I would be able to think straight at all if I was unable to visit with everyone and say what is laying in my heart. I cry often when I am here as I read. I also laugh often from some of you guys. Blessings to you annie, you have a lot going on and we are hanging out anyway.

Sue, forgot to tell you to have fun this eve and to ask you who wrote the poem you posted? Is it one of yours? Lovely.

Trudi dear, I am sorry that Mal behaved as he did. He just cannot handle life as it is now can he? Sheeeesh! I agree with Kathy, I am happy to know you, as you feel like a sister to me, filled with great stories, great love, and a great capacity to soothe ones hurts.

Oh Leah, I cry at cotton commercials so indeed I cry when I speakabout something passionate. I had some tears, my voice was very shaky too, so I stopped talking before it became out of hand.

I am off to bed as my eyes are slamming,

Peace one and all,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Well, I came on much earlier in the day to post, and after I was just about done, I hit control “B” to bold something, but accidently hit control “V” and lost the whole danged post!   GRRRR!  What makes me even madder at myself is that I normally always write my post in word and then paste it to BI….but, I was in a hurry, and just went ahead into reply, like an idiot!  Oh well, I am here now, that’s what counts…

Lorri:  I am so sorry about your “friend”….man, does she have an agenda or what?!  She may have lost people in her life, but evidently she’s just perfect and has handled it in such a way as to not hurt anyone else, not be a “different” person after her losses, etc…..she thinks.  I agree with Bonnie…delete the post and block her…  

Trud:  I am really, really sorry my sweet friend about how things are going for you…I know that you have said before that your husband is not a traveler, but I do hope that he realizes how necessary this is and sets it in his mind that perhaps it IS a good idea…but I pray that whatever will be best for you in the long run is what comes about…sending you love and understanding. 

Sue:  thanks for the poem, it is really beautiful.  I hope that you had a nice dinner with the people from your group, and that if tears fell, you all felt comfortable sharing and understanding.  I am sure that being with you tonight was a blessing for them. 

Sussanah:  “It's so ironic.  I love more and care less.  I am more gentle and bold and insecure and stronger all at the same time.”  You couldn’t have said it better…there is irony in how we are now…and we seem to contradict ourselves at every turn…love more, care less, be more gentle yet more bold, more insecure, yet stronger…our lives have taken a road that is not on any map, there are no guideposts…just the words and love shown by people like the people here at BI…words of support, caring, understanding…

Terrie:  I am so thankful for the kindness of your stranger today at the store…it is not often that people are willing to come out of their comfort zone enough to reach out in a public place…I am sorry that you had a reason to respond to the ornament in that way, I am sorry that you have to make a wreath to take to the cemetery for your son…my heart goes out to you.

Dee: Bravissima!  You go, girl!!!!  It was obvious these “people” needed to be told that they were idiots and  you told them so…and got people to listen and to wake up and demand to be heard and given some answers.   I cry at cotton commercials, too, Dee.  And those Folger’s coffee commercials they have during the holidays…just saw one tonight where the son comes home from Africa after being gone a while and his sister is so proud of him and they are all so happy he is home, and I am sitting on the chair, tears falling….

Annie:  I am also so very sorry that you are feeling low, and that your hubby has had to go through so much these past months.  I pray he is on the mend.  As Dee said, this is the place to come when we need support and need to let out some of our pain and grief…we are always here…

Claudia:  Oh, how awful things can be sometimes, can’t they…I so hope your new dil smartens up and realizes that life is too short for making such a big deal out of something that really is not a big deal at all…I can only imagine how hurt you feel, and the frustration at being so far away and only being able to address things by email and not face to face.   I truly hope that things smooth out soon and you find yourself on a good basis with her.   Sarah and I have had some truly difficult times, while Mike was here and after he left, but thankfully things have settled some and I don’t feel as though I am walking on eggs quite so much as before.  Plus, she is doing such a terrific job with Damon that I have to try to overlook the things that make me bristle.  Sorry to say that I likely wouldn’t have been so tolerant and ready to turn the other cheek had Damon not been in the picture…but I felt it was so important to try, and over time, we’ve come to know our limits with each other….though the danger is always there. 

I had one of those “are you going to cry?” times today.  We were sitting at the dining room table, deciding on the rest of the details for dinner tomorrow, and I was telling hubby that I wanted to go to the store to get some supplies for the centerpiece.  He asked why we couldn’t just “put something together “ with what we already had, we’ve only got Cathi coming, with the boys.   I looked at him and said that I just wanted to try to make it special for Cathi and her kids because they deserve that extra attention, and “what we had” would not fill the bill.  I instantly remembered back to that last Thanksgiving with Mike, when I was laid up with my back.  It was the worst three months of my life, physical-pain wise, and I could barely walk that day.  But, I knew Mike was coming over and I wanted the table to look really special because it was likely his last T-day here on earth, so hubby helped me get around enough to put together a centerpiece and get the tablecloth ready, etc.  I started telling him about how I was remembering that day, and how glad I was that I took that time to do that, and of course, my eyes were getting red, and filling up, and he looked at me and said “are you going to cry now and get yourself all upset?”  His voice had what seemed to be an equal amount of concern and annoyance…is there such a thing as that type of balance?  I just looked at him and said “What if I am?”  He just looked at me and said, well, I just didn’t want you to get yourself upset…I said “well, I think I have a reason and the right to, don’t you?”  Needless to say, that was the end of that conversation.  And, guys, I gotta tell you, he is usually SO supportive…except for the crying…he just can’t take it.  He will offer his empathy, he will ask if I need anything, but he has that same mentality of “I need to fix this and I can’t” so I have to make it stop or go away.  I truly thank God for him, but there are days and times……

To all our Indigos… I have a pie to take out…so just want to wish everyone a day of peace, a day where sweet memories will come and rest in your heart, easing the missing somewhat.

Love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[hotrod]

Happy Thanksgiving Day all my Indigo Friends

 

Carol I smailed when I read how your post disappeared.  That has happened to me often so about a month ago I read your post and you said that you type in word and then copy and that is what I do since.  Your posts are always so wrms and tocuhing  I feel as if i am in your house just sitting chatting,  Hope your Thanksgiving is special Hope there will be pictures!!  

 

Annie it was a wonderful surprise to see Caitlin's beautiful face when I signed on today.  Yes a great deal is going on in your life.  I hope that your husband continues to improve and can relate to all pain you expressed.  You are right we are all getting on with our lives , however we are doing it with a HUGE hole in our hearts .  That is so true.

 

Dee I agree you handled that situation with great dignity.  I cannot tolerate wasting my time any longer either.  Glad the others backed you.

 

Terrie  Glad you stocked up on food and understand the tears over the Christmas ornament.  I agree the love of a son is most precious.

 

Lorri I agree with Sherry and Dan and the others : these petty people are not worth your energy  After what you have endured putting up with  STUPID PPL. is not required. 

 

Trudi    The man I have been seeing for over 20 years  also lives in another world.  I cannot go there any longer and he cannot enter my world anymore. It is hard I pray that what is best for you will wpork out.

 

Claudia  Wow it never ends!!!Praying for your peace.

 

Sue  The poem was lovely.  Hope dinner went well!! 

   

Sussanah  I am also very glad to be part of this Indigo family.  It is the only place on this planet that I feel safe, heard, understood and accepted. 

 

Praying that each and every Angel reaches out and lets you know that  they are with each of you on this special day

 

Betty

Stephen's mom

[mikesmum]

Go POTTY MOUTH!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvlXrkziqlk&feature=related

Dee - Like they say in Steele Magnolias, 'ya know I love ya more than my luggage'.  I remember your 'disclaimer' on meeting you in MN.  I believe you swear alot, cry without much provocation and fall down when you laugh too much.  Most of all you are "Dee the compassionate" protector of the heart.  I would have loved to witnessed your address, hoping it effects a change in the thinking for your school district.

Terrie - want to eat at Rubey Tuesdays.....sounds like a great place.  We get struck down by the simple things that when our kids were with us would have made us smile.   I have become "crazy letter writing lady" as well.  It ranges from news stories to powers that be.  Keeps me off the streets and in some way might just change the simplest thing for the better.

Susannah - My name is Trudi - she of the downunder world.  I believe my son Mike bought me here in the middle of the night in April 07.  

Annie - I remember you telling me the story of that last night at home with Cait, still breaks my heart to hear it now.  Your life certainly challenges the spirit, I only hope you are able to find the strength for those challenges facing you and your family now.  Know we are all with you.

Claudia - Ah the challenge of the young to the matriach.  (I hate the words child and crone).  Have struggled with similar these past yrs. Even the simplest of tasks, checking what the grandies need for birthdays or Christmas is a major diplomatic task. Sounds odd, or at least it did to me, there a theory that the connection between a son and a mum poses a perceived threat to the new bride.  Hard part is our boys get put in the middle.  As you say, he's my only son now, something she might not get.

Carol - You either hug 'em or whack em'. Its like you had nothing better to do so, hey I think I'll get myself all upset, that should take up some time (lol).

High points from yesterday and today

Caught up with youngest son for coffee yesterday outside his trade school, he is completing his last week.  My heart literally skips a beat when I see this grown man walking towards me.  A huge smile and a 'how ya doin mum' does wonders for my soul.  My response "all the better for seeing you my son my son".   He is now a qualified Plumber!! How far he has come, how I love  him so.

I have hit a wall trying to get in touch with his partner to ask about upcoming holidays, birthdays etc.  Giving up I went shopping at the local mall.  In the middle they have a childrens play area with little Merry Go Round.  Through the chaos of the lunchtime crowd a little voice "granma granma granma". Tears as this little browneyed girl with pigtails bolted to me for the bestest ever hugs.  She was shopping with her mum and other grandparents.  Ahh my heart can takes heaps of this.

Mal's youngest arrived here this morning.  Nothing like being in a silent 'war' and having to play nice.  He hasn't had work and wanted to search the internet for possible jobs.  Finding one and scoring an interview he wanted help preparing.  It hit me that  Mal struggles with anything outside his comfort zone of 'saving lives'.  He couldn't work out what Anthony needed! 

After Anthony left Mal asked if I had any plans - I snapped 'do you'????????'  I think I might have been just a little edgey from only having 4hrs sleep over the past two days.  From nowhere he said, "well I thought I might take 3 months long service, fit the car out and travel across Australia in Feb next year, would that be okay?"..........just when you have them figured out and lined up in your sights they change direction...And they say women are hard to workout (apologies to Greg, Dan and any other dads here).

More good news, Anthony got the job.  Good thing, the baby is due Monday week. 

To my "Northern Hemisphere Indigos" 

Happy Thanksgiving  ..thank you for being here

[mysonrich]

[align=center][/align]

[align=center][/align]

[align=center] [/align]

[align=center]Betsy, Rich and Sarah, mysonRich[/align]

[hotsauce]

good morning to all and happy thanksgiving.

hope everyone has a safe and fun filled day.

mary ann

Brian's momdukes

[rlolheiser]

Well it is Thanksgiving, and I give thanks for everything I have, and miss what I don't, I lift my heart up to Jaboa and all her angel friends.  I was trying to think of how I found this site.  I really think she guided me, as it was very accidental.  It does help to just pour out the words, especially when nobody else around you listens.  Heck, even if I never got read, at least I get out the things that fester in my heart and that eases the burden a great deal.

Terrie, I have recently been reading our local paper on the net and some of the things I see in print really get to me.  There are so many half trues, and no whole stories going on.  Since I have been here at BI I have even posted to a few articles, something I have never done.

Claudia, it is sad to hear your daughter-in-law is so manipulative, I have the same problem with my so called son-in-law.  He has made so JaBoa's mother and I can't talk, he won't permit her to feel sorrow, she is not allowed to grieve for JaBoa..  my heart is breaking as not only is it turkey day, her birthday is the 28th.  I am not used to being on the outs with my daughter and it sure causes pain.

Annie, my heart goes out to you, It sounds like you have seen and felt more than your share of pain.  I hope and pray you keep strong through you ordeals, write when you have to, because I think it helps.. and know your  not alone.

Carol, I lose my information on my computer often, I even do it in e-mails but thankfully they save from time to time.  You always seems so strong, though I know you go through your pain, you are always there for everyone.  I hope that your day with Cathi and the boys will be filled with happy memories.

I wish I could remember everyone's name, you are all deserving to be addressed by name alone with each of your angels.  Have the best day you can!

[Guest]

Hello Indigo Family!

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving seems to distasteful.  So, I'm just saying, "Happy Effing Thanksgiving!" 

Annie - I'll probably remember your name because that's my nickname.  But, I make no promises.  I agree, I don't have the patience to make notes or even open a separate window to remember everyone's names right now.  Besides, I forget as soon as I look and then I have to looke again and then I forget what I wanted to say.

I SO understand your pain.  And, I'm so glad you shared it here.  I wish I had more to say, but there are no words.

Sending you all love. 

[ericasmom]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING DAY Everyone, even to those who live in places far from this holiday and its meaning, I give thanks to everyone here in hopes that we all feel the connection and the hope beating between the miles. Giving thanks each day for each of you.

NEVER worry about names Leah, and anyone else new or not at this site. We are a large group and it will take months of posting to discern one member from another and to remember the person's name and circumstances of the great loss. We are all pretty patient as we know what it takes to remember things now, and also we know what it takes to come here in the first place. We are shadows in the beginning, shadow people seeking out others who know.  And we do. I was brought here in 2004, about 5 months after Eri died. I was sitting here and wondering if there were such things as online grief sites. HOLY COW> there were a ton, and this is the one that fit my needs best. Thank you Sweet Eri for leading me here.

Thanks for the thumbs up everyone, my mouthy nature is troublesome at times, but really, I never just speak without it having to do with some sort of injustice.

Claudia, sorry that the pretty bride would like to be the main woman in your Boy's life, one day she may realize, if she is lucky, that Momma's and Sons and Daughters are the center, and from that center all things are made possible. Your connection with your Boy is forever, just as it is with JOE.

Trudi, explain please. What does it mean that Mal is taking three months, three months with you or three months to go away? My fingers are crossed.

Loving you all on this day of thanks and each day,

dee

[ericasmom]

TRUDI, I am laughing, laughing at the sound effects. Thank you very much. Funny, just Tuesday, I put on a cd for the kids to listen and it was a live concert so the beginning was applause and yelling. I pretended that it was for me and the kids got a good chuckle out of it.

You are a hoot.

Betsy, laughing again, at the joke you posted, soooo great. Thanks, and my thoughts to you as you wander the November skies spying an angel smiling at you.

Lynn, I am praying tthat on this day, you feel Kayla's presence in a warm and lasting way.

Carol, I know the day will unfold with great memories, some tears, and new wonders from the children. WE will always miss those that used to fill the chairs, fill the space with boisterous laughter, but we will always have them and they will always have us.

[ericasmom]

Light

Washed in the morning light,

a privilege to bathe in that which

 opens the curtains to a new day.

And no matter the weather,

 I trudge forward.

The morning soaks its hope

 and energy into me,

causing me to feel

 the holiness at the altar of the day.

I am washed in forgiveness,

in quiet splendor,

in passion and compassion,

and blessed anew in the promise that lies

in the light.

Dee