Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

WE let balloons go each July for ERi, and all of her friends and cousins write notes adn attach them to the balloons.One of my cousins's children wrote on the balloon note, I see your picture on the refrigerator everyday. Say hi to Grandma. It is cathartic.Wildlife folks get mad at the helium balloon thing, but...

Dan's family released monarchs or painted ladies, but you will need a spring or summer day to do this. We have two trees at two different local parks with a plaque that says Erica Eileen Reith- her dates and a short saying. These living memorials might go a long way for the kids. Many of the trees in our area are in the parks that surround the schools which is quite nice for those in the schools to know that their Mom, Dad, neighbor's tree is outside. We have three kids at our school whose parent died adn have a tree, and several neighborhood people who also are represented there, including my daughter, ERi. She went to the school I teach, she and Jon, though I did not teach there then.Each year in April, we decorate ERi's tree for her birthday. It means an awful lot to my heart.

Nice day to you Each

dee

[heartbeataway]

This is how we include Jason in our holidays. I have a holiday appropriate frame that I put his poem in. 

I haven't been strong enough for a sit down meal, we do buffets. That could change, I don't know.

[align=center]Always Remembered

I know I am still with you

in your prayers, your thoughts, your heart.

And though you cannot see me,

I will always be a part

of life's sweet celebrations

in those times when you reflect

on how, though things are different,

through our love, we still connect.

We'll see each other someday

when our spirits all are free.

Until then, I am with you

Because you remember me.[/align][align=center]

[/align]

One small way to make balloon releases a little more "green" would be to use raffia instead of ribbon. We released sky lanterns for Jason's birthday.  The ones we used were bio-degradable.

Whatever is done in memory of and to honor our children, will be perfect ...

[4everjoeysmom]

Carol, I LOVE that photo, and I too am SO happy that Sara and Damon are in a beautiful new home that is safer. I pray they find much peace and happiness there. I know you are proud of her. Though I don't know her but through you, I am too.

Bonnie, I love that frame and poem... breaks my heart again and again, because it's such a familiar theme here...replacements that will never do. HUGS!!!!

[mpsmom]

Carol, what a wonderful story about your daughter in law, you must be very proud of her for working so hard. 

Bonnie, I love the poem, did you write it?   Trudi, Mutley certainly should have won a blue ribbon in the dog show.  Lorri , love the 'hooters' girls.   Dee I love the idea of decorting Erica's tree every yer for her birthday---new memories-- we must make them.    Betsy, I too want to know exactly what made Bethanys heart stop -- - you are right there really is NO answer, even her cardiologist cnnot give me an answer- no apparent reason for electrical mal-function.  Makes it so hard to understand.

Colleen, hope you are doing well and the remodeling project is almost finished,

The sun is out today, but it is very cold ( for our part of the country) Not looking forwrd to Thansgiving Day, another marker of my Bethany not being here with us. 

Hugs & wishes for a peaceful day to everyone, Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[mikesmum]

I wanted to find out exactly what took my son and why.  My clinical knowledge is not lacking yet now after almost 3yrs, coroners findings, medical board outcomes, research and hours of sleepless nights my emotional brain still searches for the words that will heal my heart and ease my mind.......there are none.

Betsy - I was one who 'never needed anybody'.  I could cope with any crisis and support those who needed it without raising a sweat.  Even when Mike died, counselling was a 'process' for me.  It wasn't till April that year I guess I spun out of control trying to 'hold it together'.  I get the ripping the bandaid off and the wash of nightmares that follow.  Eventually they subside as each piece of this shattered puzzle is put to rest.  They don't leave ever leave, they are just understood a little better.  Thankfully I am under the care of an amazing therapist who's speciality is PTSD. 

My heart to you all...off again.  Weary after long long day with grandbabies. 

 

[lolynbo]

WELL DO YAL REMEMBER ME TELLIN YOU ABOUT THE FORD MUSTANG KOURTNEYS CUZIN HAD AND IT WAS FOR SALE AND I MISSED OUT ON IT...WELL THE GIRL THAT BOUGHT IT HER DAD DIED AND SHE GOT HIS TRK AND NEEDS TO SELL SOMETHING...SO SHE WILL SELL THE MUSTANG...IVE EMAILED MY BANKER AND SHE SAID YA...SO HOPEFULLY THE GIRL HASNT SOLD IT..IM SO EXCEITED.ITS A

94 MUSTANG GT CONVERTABLE WHITE WITH BLACK TOP ONE OWNER - THE 3 MONTH OWNER....

KOURTNEY AND KIMBERLY AND I ALWASY WOULD BARROW IT AN TOOL AROUND...SO IT HAS MEMORIES FOR ME ...PRAY IT ALL WORKS OUT ...THE BOYS HAVE THEIR RACE CAR NOW I WILL HAVE MINE

[ericasmom]

Hold onto your hats folks, Lorri is going to (hopefully) cut through town in a hot mustang. I hope it all works for you Lorri, the memories make it very dear.

OH< love the Baby Girl photo. she is beautiful as is her name.

It is a quiet place today, both here at BI and at home. I took a pre-cooking dinner walk, to stretch my sit on my bum grading bones,and caught the gorgeous sunset. It was 54 here today, maybe a bit warmer. I sat on the deck to grade for a while. A very warm week or two, a blessing before the cold. What pretty colors the sky offers in November, and tonight, high in the sky a silver crescent moon.

I bought an 18.5 pound turkey today. Had a 10.00 off coupon and ended up paying 9.00 for an 18 pound bird. Love when that happens, especially when a loaf of good bread is 3.00 or more.

Well, check in later on to see if everyone stayed rather quiet, oh, loved that poem Bonnie, and I love that you have frames in which to place it at holiday time. Yep Marcia, new traditions in order to make them part of this new life. As hard as it is to do, building on some new ideas can sometimes go a long way to helping you find new joy.

Love to you all,

dee

[daveydow1]

Betsey----Such a cute name...."Spaz"....for your kitty. That could have been

my Brownie's name when she was a tiny kitten. She was so energetic and

mischevious all the time....a bit spastic.  She drove me batty for the first yr.

Now, of course, at age 13 she is the "grand old dame" who rules the house.

Trudi---Thanks for the lovely poem. We will ALWAYS remember them, won't we?

Dee----Lovely writing about the  rising moon into the night sky.

Peace & comfort to each and everyone at BEYOND INDIGO.

      Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[shellbellsmom]

Carol it must be a comforting feeling knowing Sarah and Damon are doing well despite all the changes in their life….with Mike’s passing and Sarah working hard just to survive, getting a degree and make a better life for her and Damon.  Mike is probably a big part of her success. Love the picture of the three of them. 

Bonnie what a beautiful poem to display on the empty chair at your holiday events. I purposely set a empty place/chair on our first Thanksgiving (candle rather than poem) but my son was very upset by it….and removed the plate setting and made sure someone sat there.  It was too much for him….so we just light a candle now and serve her favorite dish in a beautiful bowl with butterflies and flowers on it that I purchased especially for this. 

We have also wrote messages on balloons and sent them into the heavens…my sister does it too for her children for their cousins (my daughters) birthday.   At her celebration of life party (1^st years angel date) a group of us sent 22 pick ones (her age) and 1 white one (1 year in heaven) and then all the rest were all different colors representing all the colors of the rainbow… up up and away.  We wrote messages for her.  So Susannah though it will be hard to do….I think your grandchild will enjoy this way of remembering and honoring their mother.  Here is a link; http://michelle-lunn.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=13167&page_no=6

Dee as always you have a gift with words…always love to read your posts, and can’t wait for your book.It was nice here too....got out and went to the cemetery for a quick visit.  Our turkey was $8 too- It's the cheapest part of the meal. 

Marcia…what’s with the cool weather in Las Vegas?  I love your city…and usually go once a year on a girls trip.  LV is one place my daughter always wanted to go.  She and her boyfriend had planned on going with his family the year they both turned 21 but his father suffered a heart attack and the trip was cancelled.  She was planning on going with us on the girl’s trip the following year but never got the chance too.  It was terrible the first year I went without her….this year was a bit easier on me, I went in September for my 50^th Birthday. (temps were in the 100’s.)  I have family who live in Henderson…and my brother in law and his wife are there this week- his birthday is today.  He’s probably happy with the cooler temps.  Wish my girl could have gone at least once. 

Trudi it haunts me too what really took my daughter’s life…..she did have cancer but there was some problems at the hospital (with legionella) and some other leukemia patients died within a short period- she would have been one of the first.  They were doing construction and think it was in growing the pipes.  People with her type of cancer have NO IMUNE System and this can kill them. We didn’t find out until   3 weeks later when it was reported on the news on another case (similar death complications) but this person had an autopsy and we didn’t.  I just want to know DID SHE OR DIDN’T SHE.  I have gone to psychic to see if they can tell me, and I still have so many unanswered questions.  She was very sick- and did have others problems too but this would might explain the rapid sepsis condition she developed.  Anyways we have talked with attorneys and without digging up her body (which we will not do) we will never know for sure.  She would probably get a kick out of it as CSI was her favorite TV show.  So I totally understand how you feel, and I too am back going to another therapist that deals with PTSD….hopefully this time I can get some relief. 

Lorri God sure blessed your g-niece with a beautiful baby……and your Kourney sure did the Hooters shirt proud.  Hope all goes well with getting your hands on the mustang,

Wishing everyone a good week…and a easy time getting through Thanksgiving (for those who celebrate this)  Take time out for yourself and relax.  Me, I am going to light a candle, and watch it glow and dance in the air and imagine its my precious child wishing me happiness tonight. Sue

[nicksdad]

Carol...I think it's great that Sarah is getting things together for her and Damon...I can imagine how much she appreciates having you part of her life.

Been busy working and have not been able to be online as much as I would like. Got Nick's car back Friday so started putting it back together for our daughter....She said she would like to drive it so we shall see.

Was doing a job Friday and this guy who use to be my neighbor says "so how is Mary"...I said "pretty good"..His response was "is she still depressed"....I said well she still is upset but I would not say depressed..His answer was "why there was nothing you all could do".... I had to sit for a minute and just stared at him, I think he realized it was stupid to say and all I could up with is "Really".....I got up and left....I would of just a soon he didn't ask at all.

[summergirl]

Lorrie - can see you in my mind racing around town, top down (the car) with the wind blowing your hair - that car belongs to you !!

Terri - your pond sounds beautiful. I built mine the summer after Jessica left us, it is "Jessie's Garden", I have many plants, flowers surrounding it along with a waterfall I built, some slate with alot of beach rocks.  I have lillies in the pond also. I guess maybe the fact that I have had the fish since I built "Jessie's Garden" is why it upsets me so much - something taken from me.......

Bonnie - I love the poem in the frame to put up at holidays - do you mind if I borrow the idea......we light a candle and leave it lit until time to go home......but would love to add the poem next to it.......

Carol - so happy for Sarah and Damon....moving to a big, nice place with room to grow and love is so wonderful. I can just imagine how happy they are. Sarah seems to be quite the young woman and I am proud of her......it is not easy to overcome the saddness and the hard times......she has accomplished what many would not be able to.      Did you say the Damon's SS check is $536.00 a month ???? That is crazy...I guess it goes by where you live huh..........Tavian's check is 832.00 a month and it is hard for me to believe that every place is different - why is one child different then any other........there should be a set amount for each child throughout the US........:X   I know my sister-in-law, who lives in Iowa only gets about $500.00 a month for Micheal (my brother's son, passed in 2002) - I think it is terrible.

A VERY lazy day here today - never even got out of my "jammies" and I do not care. Have been surfing the internet for Christmas ideas for Tavian. He wants a laptop and have been looking at the mini-laptop but it has no place for a CD/DVD.....so guess we may as well get him a regular laptop......just wish they were not so expensive....found one in best buy...a Toshiba for $449.00 so will probably go with that but will still look more before I buy one.  He is NOT a toy child, the only real toy he plays with are lego's (me too) and anything that is electronic he loves, also science things..........so there are plenty to choose from that will entertain him and also learn.......however, I would take some idea's from anyone who chooses to give me some;)   

Yes, the little ones can say the darndest things and suprise you, make you laugh, smile and cry..........I told Tavian the other night that "he was the best thing that ever happened to me" and he replied "no mi-mi, you are the best thing that ever happened to me"..........I wanted to cry but smiled and hugged him instead.  I love the story about the dinosaur Heaven.....they sure have imaginations.  Tavian also tells me that he is never moving out, he is going to live here forever and we can not leave him and go to Heaven without him!!!!!!!!!!!!! That part is hard...........

I had a great parent-teacher conference on Friday......Tavian is top in his class, doing 4th grade reading and math and loves science class. His teacher said he is very smart and the only thing she sees with him is that he is a "social butterfly", I told her he gets that from his mommy.........but he is a very good listener and everyone wants to be his friend...........I came out of the conference beeming and thanking my Jess for helping me with him so much.   The only other thing was as I was waiting outside the classroom I looked at the poster board outside the door and each child had written a paragraph about a chapter story the teacher is reading to them........in the story a child loses a friend (dies).............I read Tavian's and although I cannot remember every word the part that got me was this "I was really sad when (little boy) lost his friend because my mommy passed away but I have my mi-mi and pop-pop and Grandma to love me".............I wanted to rip it off the wall and take it home.  The teacher asked me if I had read it and was it alright that she had hung it up......I told her absolutely, if Tavian can say something about his mommy in writting than that is a good thing and I encourage it...........she said that she was so nervous I would be upset that she went and talked to his teacher from last year..........so glad that Tavian has a teacher who thinks like that...........she must know Dee;)

Well, I guess I have talked enough tonight...........my hugs and love to all of you.

[summergirl]

Dan - the STUPID things people say that rip our insides out all over again.......I always say the same thing.........I would rather they say nothing at all.  What is it with people that they just DO NOT GET IT..........I know they do not walk in our shoes so they cannot possibly understand but I remember when my friend lost her son in a car accident, we worked side by side each day and I looked at her one day about a month later and said "I do not know how you do this" and she replied "faith my friend, faith"...........it never crossed my mind to ever say anything to her like people have said to me...........when I lost Jessica she came up to me at the cemetery and said "faith my friend, faith..........I will never forget that.   Hang in there:(

[lolynbo]

WELL I DONT DRIVE FAST I HAD A RAM AIR TRANS AM AND PROB NEVER WENT OVER 75....IM  A GRANNY GRUNT...BUT IF I GET IT I WILL TAKE MY TOP DOWN...(ON THE CAR)...

LAS VEGAS IS THE LAST PLACE I WENT WITH KOURTNEY, IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE HER AND IZ 21ST BDAY TRIP...BUT BRENT WANTED TO GO THEN HIS ASSSWHOLE OF PARANTS WANTED GO...AND WE DID REALL WELLL THE FIRST FEW DAYS, (SHE WAS HAVING HEADACHES) AND WE WENT TO THE STRATOPHERE SO THEY COULD RIDE THE RIDES...AND I WAS GAMBLING, AND I TOLD HER I WOULD MEET THEM AT THE STAIRS WHEN THEY WERE DONE..(I NO IVE TOLD YAL THIS IM SORRY)..AND I WAITED THERE FOR 2 HOURS FOR THEM..I WAS HOTTTTTTTTTTTT...I THINK PPL THOUGHT I WAS A PROSITUTE..(COURSE I WAS DRESSED APPRO..BUT YA NO)...AND MY CELLY WAS DEAD SO I CLDNT CALL HER....I TORE HER UP (FD OUT THEY WENT TO FIND BRENTS PARANTS FIRST)....I TOLD HER I WOULD NEVER GO ON VACATION WITH HER AGAIN...

AND I NEVER DID...THAT WAS JULY 07'.....SHE GOT SICK NOV 07'

IF I CLD JUST TAKE IT BACK:(

[summergirl]

Jessie's Garden - not a great pic but one I took last year.

[arc4ever]

Went to my husband's nephew's fiance's bridal shower today (that was a mouthful).  Sat down and she came over and sat beside me to say hello, and I fell apart.  I had to get up and go  hide in some stranger's bedroom and cry.  The poor woman who hosted the shower had no idea who I was and came into her room to find me standing there sobbing.  She was kind enough to bring me a box of kleenex, I told her I would be okay and stayed in there until I got myself together.  Manged to come back out and make it thru the shower until it was time for the goodbyes and then again the tears came.  I hope I can manage to hold it together at least somewhat for the wedding.  And my husband is doing a reading at the wedding on December 19th.  Wish us both luck!

Lorri - great news on the car, we need a photo when of you in it once the deal is done.

I'm thinking convertible for our next car.  I'm a junker kind of car owner - as long as it gets me from point A to point B that's what matters.  We just had to salvage a 1994 Saturn that I bought from a coworker for $800 it blew up a couple of weeks ago, but it lasted 50,000 miles and 3 1/2 years so not a bad deal.  I'm driving a 1999 Elantra now that I bought from a friend 2 years ago for $500.00 (I'm cheap, can you tell?)  But we do have the 2008 Harley Street Glide, splurged on that one!  But the next car a little nicer, a little newer and probably a convertible.  The wind in my  hair (like on the bike) seems to be good for me (and my husband to).

Take care all and sleep well,

Love, Terrie (Adam's mom)

 

[arc4ever]

Also today I took my sister, the one who adopted the baby a christmas tree.  I bought the artificial tree just after Christmas 2007 because ours had seen better days.  Got a pre-lit 6 1/2 tree for $30.00 so I bought it.  It has been in our garage since and I know I will never use it.  Sad but true.  My sister and her husband and the baby will make good use of it so I took it to her and dropped it off.  I wish them many, many, many a blessed Christmas.

Love, Terrie (Adam's Mom)

[summergirl]

Oh Lorrie, you never have to say your sorry for "repeating yourself".... I have done it many times.......Sweetie, your Kourtney forgave you before the day was over and there was really nothing to forgive.......yelling at our children when we are angry is part of life and let me tell you Jessica slammed her bedroom door alot when she was a teenager......how does that song go "I AM GLAD I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WAY IT ALL WOULD GO, OUR LIVES ARE BETTER LEFT TO CHANCE, I COULD HAVE MISSED THE PAIN BUT THEN I WOULD HAVE MISSED THE DANCE............." LOVE YA.....

[lolynbo]

THANK KATHY...I JUST CRY EVERYTIME I THINK OF THAT TRIP...I NO SHE S OVER IT....BUT IM NOT...WHEN I GO TO VEGAS AGAIN..(MARCIA) I WILL DO SOMETHING SPECAIL TO MAKE VEGAS A HAPPIER PLACE IN MY MEMORY...IM SURE WITH MARCIA INVOLVED IT WOULD BE SPECIAL

LOVE THE JESSICA GARDEN....IF U GET BORED COME DO ME ONE,..I HAVE PLANS BUT CANT SEEM TO EVER GET THEM DONE

[arc4ever]

Lorri, please don't beat yourself up over that one conversation.  It is our job as parents to "parent" and just because we went a little overboard in our anger with them, believe me I did but thankfully I can only remember a couple of times.  Our children know we love them with every ounce of our being. 

Faith my friends, faith it is how I do it also.  It is the only way I can.

Love to all,

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[Guest]

Terri - no words.  Just sending a hug. 

Dan - I'm sorry for your friend's ignorance.  A friend of mine said to me, "none of us get out of here alive."  Steph had been dead one week.  I just stared at him. 

It's way too soon for the anti-depressants to be working, but I swear they're working.  Anyway, I'm not crying 24-7.  I even remembered if I had fed the dog or not and if I put conditioner on my hair or not today.

Thanks for the tips, Sue, and the link to Michelle's memorial.  I'll visit her memorial after I've put the kids to bed. 

Sending you all love and peace.....

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[rlolheiser]

Dee, I sure love your descriptions of your walks, I feel like I am there :-) we aren't blessed with the greatest scenery unless you like hay.  There is an old creek that runs down below the house I love to watch it rise, but then it also puts fear into me when the kids are out and about.  I probably wouldn't worry about the house, but the social worker for mom will be coming the first week in December so I gotta make an attempt.

Carol, I think I understand what you feel with being disconnected in our lives.  I am so happy that I have someplace to go when I am so miserably alone and afraid.  I can come and go as I have to and everybody understands.  I am thrilled for Mike's wife and Damon, it is a tough world out there and I am glad their's got a little nicer.

Kathy, sorry to hear about your fish. I bet it is quiet around there without Tavian, sometimes Iwish I had somebody to take my little guy, but I am afraid I would go crazy without him :-) (or crazier)...  I am glad your taking him in for a check up, I would definitely do the same.

Betsy, Hey it would be great if you could get to ND..  it is just flat land, but I guess it is home.  I always wanted to travel, but it seems there isn't much of that for me. Thank you for caring

Susannah, since our JaBoa passed away baloon ceremonies have been a  must for all the kids.  Her cousins, and sister.. they write her letters on the baloons.  At her burial we had well over 100 baloons and it was just the neatest thing... we let them go and it was like the sky opened up and took them, they just disappeared.  All the kids there were excited cause they were so sure JaBoa took them to play with.  So in her memory we all let baloons go on her birthday and her day of passing.

Bonnie, what a beautiful poem and it is displayed so nice.

Lorri, good luck with the car, I hope you get it.  I have always wanted a convertable, I doubt I will ever see it :-) 

Sue, I wish you peace, It is so hard when there are unanswered questions.  My son and I lit a candle last night and talked of JaBoa.  He was amazed because the flame would jump really high, and then go back down where it belonged.  I think she was with us and made us laugh which is good, laughter comes hard for me.

Daniel (nicksdad) A lot of people don't think before opening their mouth, Sometimes silence is golden if you can't be supportive around people.

Well gang, I have to go cuddle a little guy, I hope you all have good nights and those of you not sleeping I wish you sleep... I wish me sleep..   I always heard the older you get the less sleep you need but this is ridiculous.. I am not that old!!:-)

 

[cameronsmom1]

Well I get my last ultrasound tomorrow to see how big he is now, hoping for 9lbs so they will just go ahead an induce. My back is killing me!! But if not just one more week and he will be here!!! I can't wait. The countdown is on!!

Amanda

[ericasmom]

HOOORAY Amanda, may He be 9 lbs of joy.

Kathy, the garden is lovely, really pretty. Thanks for sharing.

Terrie, faith is also how I do it, and I love Kathy, that your friend said that.

Leah, I like hay. I live just outside Chicago, so I am in the flat lands as well, but not as rural as your area. I am in a busy suburb that has a forest preserve within its borders, which I am very grateful for. I love the plains, the flat greens and golds and browns lie for hundreds and thousands of acres and then suddenly meet the sky. I think this area, this region holds a more barren but lovely view. Sounds pretty where you are, with a stream nearby. I do hope that you have a smooth visit with the folks that come out to check on things. Give that little Dude a hug from me.

Susannah, I think that for some the drugs get busy quicker than for others. Good for you, and boy do I know what you mean. The brain drain that occurs when we are hit with shock adn grief is amazing. I know all too well the double conditioner thing, I looked, on more than one occasion to have a prince-valiant hair style due to too much conditioner. That coupled with the onset of menopause, well let's just say I should start leaving myself notes...

Dan, so sorry that you were hit with the insensitivity of that man. He probably thought that he was being supportive. I know that it is hard for those who don't know where we are to know just what is appropriate. I guess I wish they would simply say that they are thinking of us, and remembering Eri and Michael.

Lorri, I know that I wish I could take back words, but really, I agree with Terrie and Kathy, those words were forgotten and forgiven immediately. You were angered by waiting, how many of us have had similar stories. Most if not all. YOur Girl is shaking her pretty head adn saying, Momma, no worries 'cause' I love you beyond any one moment, I love you for all moments.

I did get a hoot out of you going to Vegas with the whole damn troop though.

Sleep Well as Leah says, and Leah, I hope that you will sleep deeply tonight.

peace out,

dee

[hotsauce]

hello to everyone here that BI

could not sleep, so i thought i would check to see if anyone had that problem. guess not.

i want to wish lorismom PATRICIA , many happy signs from your angel LORI ANN today on her birthday. it's been a while since we heard from you, but i wanted to let you know, i am thinking about you.

i hope everyone has a good week and that you all have a good or at least  a fair Thanksgiving.  i am going to volunteer on that day.  that is something BRIAN and i did before he got sick.  i will do it in honor of him.  that way i will at least be with people.

well i am all up to date on all the post, so i guess it is time to turn in.  i hope you all have a good day.

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[mikesmum]

Lorri - Top down (?) the way to go.  Reliving the memories of our times with our kids with hindsight sometimes leaves us with a heavy heart ~ truth be told, we have been blessed by just having them in our lives.

Went to see my shrink.  Lately I have been emotionally 'floating'.  No longer angry, no longer sad just being.  The other half says I'm depressed (no **** sherlock). 

My PTSD expert begs to differ. I may be depressed but given the circumstances its part of the package.  We talked about the past years with all the fallout from Mikes death.  The on going struggle between the 'emotional brain' & the 'intelligent brain'. 

Well it would seem they have come to an understanding.  My son has died and no words, no medical board finding, no anger will change that.   What has changed is me and given the love for the child a parent has, that change is normal.

His asked me, what's wrong with just being?  Find your bliss where you can.  If its making cakes with grandies than that's what you do when you can.  If its walking Muttley, sitting still on a beach for hours or sleeping at odd hours, wearing jimmy jams all day then thats what you do.  Others might find it strange, they haven't lost their child, you have.

I love this guy.  He hasn't lost a child, but has seen enough in his chosen practice to know what the new reality for me is and for that I am truly greatful.

Kathy - love that pond.  Good luck with the laptop.  Em is getting a DSi and even that is $$'s.

Dee - I'll walk with you but I draw the line at stuffing turkeys.  Hope Jon is stringing some sunshine together in his day.

Bonnie - the empty chair accompained by your words, Jay is so with you always.  

Terrie - wish you strength for the wedding, emotional triggers everywhere.  Best advice, extra Kleenex.

Amanda - Back rubs from afar.  Thinking about you and your 9lb bundle of joy.

Sue - I do the candle thing and concentrate on Mike.  Its calming and though tears fall, I feel its my time with him.  Balloon release is part my connection to him.  Jan and Jun, summer and winter, birth and release.

Betsey - Oh yeah Spaz is a great name.  Caleb tells me his cat has Spaz Attacks!!

Dan - Dumbass is a worldwide sport and there are many many Gold medal winners.

Late afternoon, jimmy jams on puppy snoozing at my feet.......at this minute, life is okay

 

[hotsauce]

i want to a "Holiday Hope" grief support and remembrance at the christiana hilton to day and we were told it is ok not to do the holiday even if our families would not like it.  we were told to choose, communicate, compromise, and commemorate.

here is an excerpts from "In Celebration of You" by James Kavanaughi

I have tried to imagine my world without you:                                                              

Soaring geese in formation, moutain peaks hidden in snow,

The splendor of fall along a country road,

And know that none of it will be the same without you.

 

But most of all,

I could never replace your smile, your eyes,

Your gentleness and giving, our loyalty and caring.

The memories we've filled, the secrets we've shared,

The love that is forever there despite time or distance.

 

So, today I celebrate your very existence.

Thank all of life for your life,

Express my deepest gratitude that

Of the millions of people and possibilities,

Our lives were destined to be intermingled.

And as I celebrate your being,

I want you to know, clearly and forever,

That my world would never be the same,

Without you.

 

with that i say good night/good morning

mary ann

Brian's momdukes

i was crying so hard i couldn't get BRIAN's cangle to light

[mikesmomrs]

 Dan:  I think maybe we should all get together and write a book called "what not to say..."  Sometimes it would definitely be better for people to say nothing than some of the things they come out with.  I had a woman tell me one time that she is very uncomfortable around someone who has lost a loved one because she never knows what to say... I said you can just say "I am so sorry for your loss," or if you are just not comfortable saying something, then perhaps you could put your hand gently on their arm, make an eye connection with them, and they will know what you are saying/thinking...you will have made that connection of caring and they will know. 

yes, Dee, and Susannah, and others who feel the same way, faith is a huge component of grief; faith that they know we are honoring and remembering them; faith that we feel them still with us through their signs, and most importantly, faith that we will see our child again.  I had an encounter/reminder of faith not too long after Mike passed.  I have written the story about it on Mike's web site, if anyone would like to read it.  This is the link to the page the story is on, about one third the way down the page, the section is titled "Faith."  http://www.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=8228&page_no=9   it may take a few seconds to load. 

Lorri, I agree with the others, that Kourtney has long ago forgiven your words, and though I know it can be terribly difficult, it is important for us to move past that guilt, in order to continue to move through our grief.  As for the car, Kourt is cheering you on...

Bonnie:  I love the poem, and ask if you mind if I take your idea of the frame on the table at a holiday?  We've had a picture of Mike, and also a candle with his picture on the outside, that we keep on the table, but I so love this poem and the whole idea of having it there.  Thank you so much for sharing. 

Mary ann:  thank you for sharing the poem...the words ring true with each of us. 

Amanda:  thinking of you on Monday...

Trudi:  Your therapist must be a twin to mine...that is exactly what he has told me...go with what is for the moment.  If you feel like tears, then let them fall.  If you feel like making a cake, make a cake, sitting doing nothing, then sit and do nothing.  Go with the feelings that you have at the moment....we've earned the right.

Mike's dad was looking through some papers today that he has in a box, and came across this card that Mike made for his b'day in '99... (one week later, Mike had his first seizure) ...it is so sad that Mike's joke about his "not ever getting grey hair" was so unknowlingly true...  Bittersweet though they are, I know we are all so glad we have these memories and mementos...

(the card reads:  "I suppose the best pres[ent] I could manage is a job to get out of your receding greys (which I'll never get).  Thank you (& mom) for all  your help.  It helped show me what it means, however thankless or difficult, to be a parrent."

  

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[nicksdad]

Jessie's Gardent is great looking. Looks like alot of work but I would enjoy sitting there. Wife talked about making one but plan on getting rid of the house when the economy turns so can't really see doing it at this location.

Momdukes...That is very sweet of you to do for Thanksgiving and that you and Brian did it together.

[4everjoeysmom]

I so agree that all of us here could put together a pretty "fat book" on WHAT NOT TO SAY, because as much as I want to give people the benefit of the doubt "that they just don't know", a portion of the issue is that people are selfish. They want to protect themselves from facing a hard reality "That it could happen to them". They get "uncomfortable". God forbid THEY should be uncomfortable... etc...

Mary Ann, I tried to post last night after I read that poem you posted, but my internet was acting screwy. Still is this morning, but I reset everything...hopefully it will work better. That poem moved me to tears.... I don't doubt that I would have reacted the same way had I sat there and tried to fill in Joey's name. I STILL can't even read the poem I wrote for the wedding out loud...first few words, and I break down.

I've been having a pretty rough patch of lows myself lately... Maybe still trying to reconcile in my heart all of the events of the past couple of months. It feels like I should be moving on, but I'm just stuck.

I'm having really irregular issues and hormonal fluxes that make me realize that menopause is beginning to set in for me...the peri-phase has been for the past couple of years. I am dealing right now with cramps the like of NO medicine I have ever taken (that usually works) can cover...coupled with migraine-like headache. I laid on bed this morning (at 5-ish) for a good hour balled up in pain. I got up and tried to find some magnets that I had that I used to use now and then for cramps, because I had taken so much medicine at 1:00AM before I went to bed, and it literally feels like that ate a hole in my stomach. SO I knew I wouldn't be able to take anything else until I could eat something. Before I got my dogs up out of their crates and everything I usually do for my morning routine, I went downstairs to fetch myself a cup of coffee and a roll. (Hubby, mind you, never got up or asked if I needed anything that whole time I tossed and turned, got up frantically searching with a flashlight through half our bedroom, etc.) We had enough left-over espresso to make one cup of coffee, so I did that and thought "good, I'll be able to lie back down after I take a pill... Balanced my coffee and my plate with the roll on it, turned to close the door, took an opposite turn to begin my journey back upstairs, twisted my ankle on the slight grade of concrete to dirt that is in front of the door and fell. I landed on my hand and forearm, against some large rocks there for landscaping, coffee all over myself, roll on the ground (a nice unexpected treat for our Akita who stared as the whole event unfolded), and was so shocked and stunned, and HURT. Some people had just walked by, so I don't know if they heard or saw me fall, but I sat there on those rocks and bawled. After a couple minutes I got myself back together and went back into the kitchen to start all over again--bawling the whole time...even as I waited for the coffee to brew. I guess FINALLY I had made such a racket, hubby decided to get out of bed, get the pups up and come downstairs. (BTW--Our downstairs is not connected to upstairs indoors. We go outside and down some stairs to get to our downstairs--set up for possible apartment scenario, I guess.) So, hubby walks in and asks "what's wrong?" If I had a frying pan in my hand at that moment.... All I said, through my tears, "Why ask? You obviously don't recognize human pain and suffering..." NOT a good response, and definitely NOT a good way to start the day..................UGH.

So, here I am, recovering, aching ankle, sticky and stained from wearing my first cup of coffee, and thinking "Lord, Why???" And then my heart sinks, and I just wish sometimes life didn't have to be so painful............

Anyway, Hope y'all are having a slightly better start to your day than I just did... I just "stopped by for a little help from my friends"... Love you all, and wishing for you this day moments of peace as we continue our journey onward........... xoxoxo ~Claudia

[Guest]

Claudia - So sorry your morning was so rough.  How's your ankle?  The loss of a child is so hard on a marriage.  My husband is great at helping with the grandkids and whatever else, but he doesn't handle my pain well at all.  He feels so helpless.  He's a fixer.  And, this isn't something he can fix.  I think that frustrates him.  Maybe it's a man thing?

[Guest]

Good morning Indigo Family,

Just stopping by, quickly, to send love and peace.

Susannah

Stephanie's mom

[4everjoeysmom]

Oh, Leah, Thank you! I'm over the "man thing" part. It was a fleeting moment. LOL! The ankle is sore. Maybe it was God's way of hubling my physical body and spirit to empathize more with Marcia and her broken ankle & leg.

After I read what I had posted, hubby and I had a pretty good laugh--especially at the part where Mani (our Akita) got her unexpected surprise as she took in my adventure for the morning.

[heartbeataway]

Mary Ann,

Love the poem!  Really love the poem!  Thank you!

Carol,

What a sweet card!  They almost mean more now than the day they were received, eh?  We ran across a Christmas Card from Jason not too long ago. It was “oohy, mushy” in his words. ;-)  

Claudia, sorry you had a tough morning.  Sleep is so important especially when we’re not feeling well.  I have to admit, I would never sleep if I drank Espresso!  

I sent an email yesterday to find out about starting a Bereaved Parents Chapter in our area. I’m curious what will be involved and if I can pull it together.  

I’m involved in a group associated with foster parenting.  Black Friday & Saturday, we are setting up a table at a local KMart.  The group is called Families Reaching Out Group or FROG.

I volunteered to make the FROG’s for the tree.  It’s a FROG tree vs an Angel Tree. ;-)

I have been cutting out FROG’s in my sleep!  ;-)  It’s a frog with legs wrapped around a christmas ornament and he has a Santa hat on.  

The purpose of the drive  is to give foster children, “the gift of giving”.  We are gathering appropriate gifts so that they will have something to give their bio family members.

So, I hope that even with the economy, we have a good response. 

The poem we put on holiday tables is one that my sister in law sent us.  I did not write it and I'm sure it would be okay if you want to use it.

Strength for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[rlolheiser]

Amanda, good luck with the ultra sound, Even though it has been forever for me, I remember the back pain, a Thanksgiving baby would be so nice :-)

Dee, wow, like having a forest for your backyard.:-) I have to admit, it can look pretty out here when we don't have the drought anyway...  it was a good year, just a little greens left but the fields are all golden yellow.  Waiting on that first  snow that hangs around.  We see deer cross our roads in the morning, but the friendly neighborhood dog barks at them and they don't hang around long.  My guy is officially hugged, he looked at me and said who?  I think it will be ok with my visit.  I have kept her area pretty well cleaned, it is a necessity, I guess I do better taking care of everybody elses area than mine.  I have to work on that sleep thing.. it just slips away :-)

Carol, I am glad you have somebody who you can talk to.  It makes a lot of sense, I am slowly learning to live with the ups and downs, the bliss as you call it and then the total withdraw...  I thought I was the only one who felt this way..  it is confusing sometimes at least for me, and frustrating.  I get to thinking "I am just on a rollercoaster of life and I can't get off"  but there are a lot of us riders and it is ok to get upset.  I don't know if I am saying this right...  It is just all a mixed up feeling and there is no right or wrong when it comes to our emotions.  hugs

Mary Ann, that was a touching poem, thank you for sharing it.

Claudia, I am glad you didn't get hurt but sorry to hear about the start to your day, I hope the next cup of coffee gets to the inside.

Bonnie, that is so wonderful that your group is working for these foster kids.  I wish I didn't know, but I do know what it means to the kids.  It's a wonderful thing your doing, I hope it gets good response too.

I guess I better get something done, mom isn't up yet, so I need to check on her.  Usually I hear from her by now (I just spend a lot of time in excess worry) I am sure she is ok. 

Hope all of you at BI have a day that will bring you a smile, Thinking of you all

Leah 

[shorty16]

Hello BI friends!!!

The GB Packer's Game was awesome.  Beautiful weather, great company - and we won.

I have a comment for Kathy and Terrie's sister - where a heron ate their fish in their ponds.  My Dad has a beautiful back yard.  Gold fish in a small pond leading to a larger pond.  A heron ate every one of the gold fish and then took a big dump on his porch.

Not funny then, but I still laugh about it.  He gave up the Gold fish.  Good luck with the net, Kathy.  I see alot of those in our area.

Roilheiser - I do still like Brett Favre.  He is a good guy who just likes to play football.  Don't know if you are a Vikings fan from MN, but MN will always have a special place in my heart.  I met 5 of my best friends there. 

Dee - you are a Hoot-----but not a hooter - (HAHA) stupid, I know.  I love the description of the large tree slowly decomposing, but even in death it brings life.

Terrie - I will pray that you husband can read for his nephews wedding.  Stronger man than I.  I pray that the wonderful relationship you have with his nephew will (just for a second) overshadow the loss of Adam. (if just for a second).  I love Adams face and that huge smile. Luv the red hair.

Sue - How sad that a person be-friends you in the hospital and then steals your purse.  Karma - It is true.

I think alot about those here that had to go through the hospital thing - only to loss your babies.  I only spent enough time in the hospital for them to tell us Brian was dead - then had no reason to stay.

Thinking about all of you all the time.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[lolynbo]

WELL MONTY AND I TALKED ABOUT THE CAR...IM NOT GETTING IT...PPL OWE US 33 THOUSAND..AND ARE PAYING SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SLOWWWWWWWWWWWWLY...AND WE ARE HAVING OUR 08 TAXES DONE FROM WHEN KOURTNEY WAS IN HOSP..SO JUST TOO MUCH GOING ON...I GUESS IM NOT MENT TO HAVE THIS CAR THIS IS THE 3RD TIME OR SO ITS OUTTA MY HANDS...OH WELL....

IT IS FOGGY HERE TODAY GLAD MY BABY BOY DIDNT HAVE TO DRIVE IN IT ....NO SCHOOL FOR A WEEK FOR KODY WAYNE.....HES SO BIG YAL 223PDS....AND HES A GREAT KID...(LIL LAZY) ITS HARD TO GET HIM TO EVEN TAKE A SHOWER..I DONT NO WHY HE WONT SHOWER...YOUD THINK WITH A GIRLFRIEND HE'S SHOWER ALL THE TIME...NOT MY BOY,....THATS MY MAIN COMPLAINT ABOUT HIM IS LACK OF SHOWERIN....YOU DO SOME BOYS DO THIS??

[mikesmomrs]

Lorri:  sorry about the car, but as you said, it must not be meant to be...   As for the "showering," yes, they do go through stages of that...There was a short time when we couldn't get Mike into the shower unless we threatened him with no supper, and then there came the time when he wouldn't go out the door unless he was squeaky clean...usually the change comes once they start having a girlfriend, so maybe the switch will happen with him real soon...hope so, for y'all's sake.  (hmm, that "y'all" slipped in there; hubby is a southerner [Miss] and has been talking to his brother really frequently lately, and is y'all'ing me all over the place...his accent gets stronger and stronger the older he gets...i guess it's true---you can take the man out of the south, but you can't take the south out of the man! )

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs  

[arc4ever]

Claudia!  I swear I could visualize you doing this, I saw you fall in my brain as you described it and the crying and falling apart after.  Hurt, covered in coffee and feeling so very alone. I'm sorry honey.  What a seriously sucky way to start the day. I hope you are not hurt (physically) too badly. 

And yes, grief is hard on a marriage both in so much pain it is difficult to be helpful to the other at times just because we can barely manage to take care of ourselves.  Hopefully the spouses (both sides) understand there are moments when we just lash out.

I too was up at midnight.  I made the mistake of dozing off about 8 and slept until 9 then woke up and of course couldn't go back to sleep so sat and watched movies until about 2am.

We are ignoring the Thanksgiving holiday, just me and the husband at home hanging out. 

Informal pole:  What are everyone else's plans for Thanksgiving, if you don't mind I ask?

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[heartbeataway]

Terrie,

Our Thanksgiving will be just Rich and I and our three pups. We had a couple of invitations but I am not strong enough to be part of someone else's happy at this point.

It may not make any sense but I'm okay in our house but I can't go to someone else's.

We had Thanksgiving at our house with lots of people the first two years after Jason's death and it was okay.  There were moments but perhaps the busy of the preparation, etc.... helped.

I just cannot bring myself to go to someone else's house ..... I can't even explain why.

There's historic hotel in downtown that is serving Thanksgiving dinner and we are going there.

Not very exciting ..... but it's just a day.

I have a question too ...... do any of you have trouble feeling thankful? 

[mikesmomrs]

Claudia:  I meant to address you in my earlier post...I also am so sorry that you had to start your day that way...I think all of us can relate to the pain/discomfort seeming so much worse just because of what is going on inside our hearts, so you know that you have much empathy coming your way, and many, many wishes that we could have been there to help you.  I hope you don't have any lingering effects from the twisted ankle.   I am so glad that you and Michael were able to laugh about it; perhaps his laughter combined with yours to provide a soothing balm to your hurt body and psyche.   (I can't imagine having to go outside to get inside to the kitchen; hubby would never make it---he would be stumbling down the stairs, and you can believe that I would NOT be able to sleep through it---he would make sure of that!  lol!   

Terri:  re your ? about T-day:  it is difficult to decide which holiday meant more to Mike; Thanksgiving or Christmas.  He absolutely LOVED thanksgiving, and it wasn't t-day without butternut squash, mashed, with a pat of butter floating on top.  Dinner had to be followed with a huge slice of pumpkin pie, and he epitomized the ad that used to be on TV where the guy would practically empty out the Cool Whip dish as it was passed around the table!!!  Even if I had to sit here by myself, I would have to still have T-day in his honor...but, fortunately, I don't have to do that...hubby, daughter Cathi and her two (Davis 24 and Jamie 11) will be joining us.  Mike's picture, and now Bonnie's poem also, will be in a prominent place on the table, and we all will "talk" to him for a minute at the beginning of the meal, likely shedding a few tears in the process, thanking God for the time that we had Mike with us.  Then, I will force myself NOT to get up and go in the bathroom and cry, but the tears will be filling my heart in spite of myself.  We've had a family tradition for a long time that after dinner and everyone is settled, we watch old family movies.  We haven't been able to do that since Mike passed, but perhaps this year we could try.  One of the movies shows Mike on the day he learned to walk...I cry everytime I see it, even before he left us. 

Thanks for asking---a good topic to address, and share.  Will be thinking of all of my BI sisters and brothers on that day, more than usual.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie:  we must have posted at about the same time.  We had also thought about going out, but everyone said they just couldn't do it...it would be just too difficult to not acknowledge the day at home, with the usual traditions.---the coming back home would be the hardest.   As for having trouble being thankful...yes, I have found it difficult at times, but for the most part, I try to remember those good times, and I use my "shove the pain to the background" mechanism to get through those times when we need to express the thanks out loud---that mask, you know, that we all have stored in the back of our minds to pull out when necessary...sometimes it's even necessary to pull out for ourselves. 

I hope that you and Rich have a nice dinner, and feel Jason's presence throughout the day, even more than usual.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[cameronsmom1]

Well the ultrasound went great, he looks wonderful. He is now measuring at 8lbs 13oz and they are still shooting for the 30th so I guess one more week to go!! I'm sure with thanksgiving and everything it will go by fast!! I can't wait to hold him. Mostly I can't wait to see my husband hold him. He regrets so much not holding Brayden but is so excited and ready for this one. I pray it all goes well and will keep you all updated!!

[arc4ever]

Wonderful news Amanda!

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[hotrod]

Hello Indigos

Great news Amanda  Please keep us updated. 

 

I have been way down lately.  I have been here late at night reading, smiling praying and cheering you alll on but I could not post!!Thanks for being here and sharing your thoughts and journey.  Just wanted to answer Terrie;s Ole and say I will be staying h ome for Thanksgiving and probably eating Italian take out!!! Like Bonnie I cannot share other families warmtha nd joy at this time  It is just too painful.  Claudia I know how you felt this AM and how the tears just are so close to the surface.  

Green Bay game was great as was the Giant's win Football is one thing I can truly loose myself in. 

Carol, Trudi, Dee, Kathy MaryAnn (loved the poem, Lorri (sorrry about the car) Dan, Greg Betsy, Colleen thinkin of everyone and praying your day is Blessed

Betty

Stephen's Mom

[shellbellsmom]

Today my son Matthew is 22 years, 8 months, and 12 days old….that is the exact number of days my daughter Michelle lived on this earth.  Tomorrow he will have lived longer than she did.  I am not sure if he knows this….several weeks ago we discussed this date, but since he’s in school all day I didn’t want to remind him.  I hope his sis sends him one heck of a sign letting him know she’s around.  It’ll have to be ENORMOUS as he doesn’t really believe it this stuff…So Michelle- MAKE IT BIG- FOR YOUR BRO.

Claudia so sorry about your morning…I hope you ankle heals quickly and the day starts to turn around for you. 

Carol, loved the cartoon and the caption- and I did visit you page with the signs.  Sounds like you got some real great ones.  Thanks for sharing them- we too got one from a license plate, and one of my daughters favorite restaurants was Chinese.  I too feel guilty over things I did/didn’t and things I wish I wouldn’t have done…that is one of the topics I am working on with my therapist- getting over the guilt- even of the small little things. 

Colleen the stealing of the purse at the hospital was in a dream of mine.  I felt I was trusting this person and then they let me down…a lot like I feel about my life, and with SOME of the medical staff we had.

Terrie I did the same thing going to a shower last year.  It was a baby shower though, and for my daughter’s best friend.  She was having a hard time getting pregnant and shortly after my daughter passed she conceived. My daughter would have been so happy for her….anyways I went as I felt I needed to and ended up going into the bathroom every so often to catch my breath and to cry without others seeing me.  There were whispers….”oh that lady is Michelle’s mom….” And then they would secretly stare at me.  Too much for me.  I did better at the wedding reception, but we left early on and way before the alcohol could get me even more depressed. 

Lorrie I have a big boy too…about 6’ 3” and probably 250.  He does shower most days, but yesterday he had no plans so took a day off from it.  He’s not shaving though…..he said it was “No Shave November” whatever that is.  He doesn’t brush his hair which is fine when it’s short but when it’s too long….it drives me crazy.  He’s a slob though….always leaves a mess, clothes on his floor, his bathroom is gross, but I just love the heck out of my big messy son. 

Bonnie I think starting a bereavement group is a great idea….It will probably take lots of hard work but will benefit so many parents that need it.  I also love the idea of the Frog tree….

Amanda hang in there.  Your precious little one will be here in no time. 

As for what we are doing for Thanksgiving; My parents and 2 siblings (I have a total of 6) are coming over and 2 nieces and nephew to our house.  My mom stated laying the guilt on me a few weeks ago and said they decided to just go out to dinner instead of stressing me out about doing it.  I have to feed my son so I would have to do it anyways, they might as well join us.  Then my husband and I were kidding with my mother about changing things up a bit this year after watching so many “Food Network” shows (making crazy new dishes)….She didn’t seem real excited and said- “you know we are happy with all the old ways and traditions we have all celebrated, why changed things we might not like.” I wanted to scream “HELLO- WHAT ABOUT OUR LIVES- DON’T YOU THINK WE HAD TO CHANGE EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR LIVES SINCE MICHELLE DIED. I didn’t though…no reason to get her all upset. 

Slept really late today...must have needed it so now I got stuff on my list to do...Have a peaceful day everyone…Sue

[shellbellsmom]

Just had to share this; So you remember that today both my children have lived exactly the same number of days- My daughter always being older....so I just got the mail and this is what was in it,  an envelope addressed to both of them- See Matt's name is now ahead of hers...like her saying its ok mom- its his turn now.    The strange thing about this letter is we haven't subscribed to Nat'l Geograpfic in over 10-12 years - why now?  And I don't remember ever receiving mail for the both of them before. 

My son probably will have some logically explanation for this....but I think this one was for me- as just minutes after my last post I asked her for one, and one for her brother too- Then the mail arrived.  I believe in signs- and this one was for me and my husband believed it too. 

[nicksdad]

Bonnie....quite the question you asked:

"I have a question too ...... do any of you have trouble feeling thankful?"

I was just on the phone with my mother last night and before I hung up she said "well if we don't talk again have a nice Thanksgiving"...I said alright..you too.

Then she followed up with "You know you do have alot of things to be thankful for".

So last nite i'm talking to my sister (lost her son Aaron) and told her the conversation and her comment was "Yes, we do have things to be thankful for"....

So of course that was on my mind all evening and I guess I came to the conclusion that "Yes, have thing to be thankful for" but, "not as thankful as before".. If any of that makes any sense....

[ericasmom]

Wow Sue, that is a moment for sure, that your Boy will have lived longer than your Girl, his Big Sis. I agree, telling him in the midst of his school day, and because he does not appreciate that mind set that we have,( feeling her presence, dreams about her), so I would let it go with prayers to Shell to do just as you have. Perhaps one day, Brother will be able to sit back and discuss his loss. Right now he cannot. You are a good MOmma. Never doubt that.

Claudia, I do hope your day takes a turn for the better.

Bonnie, I do feel grateful, but I am many years ahead of you on this path. I guess my biggest gratefulness, is to have been blessed as a parent in the first place, and to have found my purpose before Eri died,(teaching) and to be able to continue with it, and to be able to come here for both help and to give help, another purpose. I am grateful for those people in that make a difference in this world as well as the folks that make a difference in my own little world. I am grateful for so many things, I just am, always have been. I remember being pretty badly abused and being thankful that I still get to go to school adn have friends. That the abuse didn't take that away. so i think my disposition is one I was born with. Bonnie, your last year has been filled with so much adversity, being grateful would be something not coming naturally. One day. Your THANKSGIVING plans sound sweet adn quiet.

Ours are quiet too, John husband, Jonathan and his Girl, and me. John's aunt and uncle from Detroit are going to be staying with us from Wed,-Sat or Sun, but they will feast with their Child and grandchildren not far from us. They like staying with us, Child-free zone, much quieter, good wine and cheeses at the ready, and visits with their favorite nephew.

I am ready for some quiet too, when the kids were little, we would prepare the turkey and put her in the oven and then the kids and I would go to Brookfield Zoo for a few hours. We would go tell the animals that we were thankful for them, just be outside and then go home and finish up cooking. I miss those days, very much.

Love you All,

dee

[ericasmom]

WOOOOOHOA! THAT IS A SIGN FOR SURE SUE< So fine of Michelle to do this for her MOMMA>

[Guest]

I believe it was a sign, too, Sue!  Thanks for sharing.  It gives me hope, too.

Nick's dad---A lot of times I think and talk in analogies.  It can be quite annoying.  I was thinking, and I don't mean to sound morbid, but my gratitude is similar to the prisoners of the nazi concentration camps when world war 2 ended.  Grateful the war is over, but now they have no homes and their families did not survive.  Maybe I'm a bit over dramatic.....but, I doubt they did a lot of celebrating.  I'm sure they did a lot of crying and grieving amidst their questions of why and how did this happen in the first place.

I certainly don't mean to compare my suffering and loss to theirs.  It's just a dramatic example.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom