Loss of an Adult Child

August 12, 2009

Lynn, Thinking of you and sweet Kayla today...

Hearts that bind

never find

time of separation.

It's merely mind

that unwinds

deep in desperation.

Hold fast to your heart and hers... It's where you forever remain together.

Love & Hugs!

Claudia

August 12, 2009

Betsy,

Thank you!

That's exactly what I need! Why didn't I think of that? ;-)

I'm gonna get right on it!

Bonnie

August 12, 2009

That would kick butt for sure, that recipe. I drink cider vinegar with water whey I have some throat conditions, and when the sinus is dripping to the back of the throat, you likely need sudafed or something. One of Eri's friends had strep recently. We used to get it every month as kids, me and my sisters. My kids also had it pretty often. Ick, but certainly responds well to meds. Let us know how you are.

Betsy I love the quote about home.

dee

August 12, 2009

Kayla, please let you mom know that you are surrounding her with your sweet spirit, and holding her close, as she breathes her way through this day...

love and peace, Carol mikesmomrs

August 12, 2009

Bets, I love the "recipe" and the quote, as well. I have always thought of "home" that way...especially when I was little...

Bon: I so hope you get better and the doctor gives you a miracle cure that works immediately... saying prayers for healing...

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

August 12, 2009

[align=center]Kayla,

like a rainbow

arch over your Momma today

and grace her with your beauty

granting her a sense

of the presence of her

Kayla

[/align]

August 12, 2009

AMANDA HAD A DREAM ABOUT KOURTNEY AND BRENT THE OTHER NIGHT I HOPE SHE DONT MIND IF I SHARE IT WITH YAL...HERE IT IS:

I had a dream about Kourtney the other day. It had to do with Brent renewing his vowels to her at the cemetary with a whole lot of people there to celebrate with them. I'm not really sure what it meant but it was a beautiful dream.

HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT...WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS???

KAYLA THINKING OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY TODAY...FLY HIGH..SWEET ANGEL

August 12, 2009

Kayla, Kayla, Kayla

Say their name, Say their name.

We will, we will - always

Colleen

August 12, 2009

Carol – Love the pictures of Mike so happy.

Betsy and Greg – Prayers for our families; now that’s a subject. I prayed a lot for angels to protect Danielle while driving and growing up just not Danielle but all of my children. I hope this makes sense to you. I feel that God answered my prayers.

Amanda – I can only imagine how you must be feeling please take it easy on yourself and know that my prayers are with you. I so agree with what Dee and everyone else is saying.

Collleen – You have not taken 10 steps back! I agree with Dee that I don’t think it would be any different given the entire sentence. Please know that Mike will live with knowing that he had a hand in Brian’s death. My prayers are with you and your family! Brian is so very proud of you! How is your brother-in-law doing?

Lynn – My thoughts and prayers are with you today. May your memories of Kayla be very near today.

Bonnie – Hope the doctor fixes you right up so you will be able to travel to the reunion.

Dee – Your words always seem to give me just what I need. Thank you so much!

Kathy – Love the hearts! I like the idea of the necklace. It would be beautiful.

James is moving back to college on Saturday, he is excited, I’m not so excited. But it’s something we have to do so I’m going to put a big smile on my face and take him Saturday morning.

Lorri – Glad you had a nice dream of Kourtney. I have not had but 1 dream of Danielle. I guess I’m not ready yet.

Dan – The pictures of our kids you put on this site is so very thoughtful and beautiful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for remembering each person’s dates! You are the man!

Sonya – Danielle’s Mom

August 12, 2009

Sonya, I know taking James back to school is not easy, couldn't be, but as you said, you will put that smile on your face and take him anyway. Give him a head tossel and hug from me. What a nice young man.Yep, I know what you mean as far as asking God to look after our Kids. They are looked after, those here, and those not here as they used to be.

Those of you going to Minnesota, we will not arrive till sometime in the afternoon on Friday, so do not hold up or wait to do stuff please, we will catch up with each other. I am thinking I will be there by 3:00 but if we arrive earlier, I will call you all.

Love and happy travel,

dee

August 12, 2009

Marcia, it is now 6:00 PM EST. Amanda's post reads 8:30 ish PM, Aug 12. I took a double take and checked my dates. Yes, something is funny here today.

Hope you are having a good day Marcia. I hear you !

Betsey, I hear you too! And I listen.

More later, seeing as it is almost 9 Pm, i need a coffee.

Dee, my maiden name is Baldwin. My sister and I use to get a kick out of the Baldwin sisters when we watched the show.

August 12, 2009

Odd time stamp on Amanda's post...I posted following hers I thought, and her stamp is later but her location is earlier than here...

August 12, 2009

Betsy Baldwin, cute name.

Hey the time stamp is what I just wrote about as did you adn look we both are under Amanda's earlier post. What the hey?

August 12, 2009

Amanda needs a lot of support these days. So, BI lifted her up Dee !

August 12, 2009

Lynn----Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers today.....

Beautiful Kayla's Angel Day. May the glow of her

beaming smile, and little white soul,shine down and warm

your heart.

Daveysmom, Sherry

August 12, 2009

Right On Betsy, we are holding you up Amanda, just rest in us.

Isn't it amazing that 40 years ago Woodstock happened. I was 12 or so, wishing so hard that my big brother and his friends who were 20, would take me with them. As it turned out, NO! I was already into all of the music, wanting so much to become a part of the moretoriums against the Vietnam war, the fests...just a bit too young for the going and taking part. We watched a special on Jimmy Hendrix the other night, and we probably will watch Woodstock this eve. Amazing times we are lucky to have been a part of. Those of you younger than this, I know you heard this from your parents. Anyhow, what an anniversary of that time.

Peace love and understanding-

dee

August 12, 2009

Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words. I'm really trying to stay positive sometimes I just feel like i'm doing this all by myself. My husband seems like he doesn't want to talk about anything so I just don't. I'm sure he has all the same feelings going on. I know that everyone is praying for me and I have a lot of support so I should be ok. I really appreciate everyone for being there for me.

Amanda

August 12, 2009

KAYLA, KAYLA, KAYLA - SAY IT LOUD, SAY IT PROUD - A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL!! Thinking of you Lynn on this day - may your Kayla wrap you in her Angel Wings and you feel her love.

Thank you all for your comments on the pics - yes I am going to have the beach glass made into a necklace - so right Dee - a stone, glass and shell all from my Jessica - she always did have a way of making her presence known, all she had to do was walk through a door!!!

I know, I am sad about MN but am so very happy for those who are going - there is a reason for everything right?? I have already began to put money away for the next get together. Thanks for making me feel better!!! You always do.

I have not had a good past few days, alot of tears and just feeling down....maybe it is the it is August and I hate the thought of summer coming to an end and having to face the winter months again - I love being outside with the sun on my face, my hands in the garden, sitting by the fish pond listening to the waterfall. Oh well, I do love the change of seasons so I really do not know what it is - life goes on.

Will talk tomorrow - am reading a good book and need to have some down time. Love and peace to all - Kathy

August 12, 2009

Going to try to post this - didn't work last night

August 12, 2009

Love this!!

August 12, 2009

love this one too!!

August 12, 2009

Kathy, love the photos, the colors in the beach stones are beautiful, like Jess, and like Jess's Momma. yes, we get down after an outing too. You were away for a week, with women, and old friends at that. Those are folks that maybe all knew Jess? You were able to let your hair down so to speak. Also, as you said, seasonal change, while still a ways away, it is getting darker earlier, (my hardest part) and school is going to start soon, and so these changes bring us all up short. AHHH< remembering our own days of parenting our young to school, to long summer days getting shorter, all of this brings up so many things, not the least of which is just plain MISSING OUR BABIES. But here we are, and we do have things to do that are important and I ask our Angels to help us to tackle everything we decide to undertake, with flair and pizazz! Help us make you proud.

Love to all,

dee

August 12, 2009

My BI friends

this crazy lady named Trudi came knocking on my door at the Radisson in minn.

I opened the door, was so excited, that I locked myself out of my room!!!

We are Here!!!!!!!

Colleen and Trudi

August 12, 2009

Hey!! Yes its true you have been invaded!! I'm here!!

Bonnie hope you're feeling better, Marcia will see you tomorrow!!

Kathy - save those pennies, if I don't get locked up this trip I will be there!!

Lynn - You know your beautiful Kayla is around you, I know your heart is heavy around this time, but know also that you are not alone....

Well I'm working with the 'tour guide' from WI at trying to see heaps before the serious stuff starts (lol)

Lori - Love the new avatar...

Thinking of you all - you are all with us here in our hearts - Trudi

August 12, 2009

Col and Trudi, have a blast tonight and tomorrow and beyond. I will see you guys on Friday afternoon at some point. I think it is just grand that Trudi came knocking on your door Colleen. What fun. Crazy Aussie Lady that she is.

Thanks for letting us know you are both there. Continue laughing,

dee

August 13, 2009

Wow, I can feel the vibes of joy all the way from MN to New Hampshire! Yes, that must have been fun, having Trudi come a-knockin'...have fun, ladies, tomorrow and early on on Friday, then we will meet up at the airport when you guys come to pick up Bonnie and me. Can't wait! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kathy, I love the rocks formed into your beautiful Jess' name...how lovely...yes, she surely sent those hearts to you, and how clever of her to choose three different mediums to do so...the rock, the glass and the shell! I loved the photos, especially that last sunset one that you posted, with the huge orb on the right side! A sweet and beautiful visitor to your heart while you were snapping that picture, for sure!

We went to the Red Sox game tonight for Mike's birthday... (which isn't til the 20th) we had a great time...my daughter, Cathi, her oldest boy, Mike's two oldest boys, and Mike's best friend, Denis. Earlier in the afternoon, Denis had come over to watch some episodes of MASH with Mike's dad...the boys were already here. Mike's oldest, Chandler, was lying on the sofa, just like Mike used to do. Denis came to us in the kitchen, (hubby and I), and all choked up, said "It is really creeping me out how I look over my shoulder at the sofa and see Chandler lying there, just like his dad used to do, and looking so much like his dad...he started to tear up then and leaned his head against the wall. I went over and talked to him and we just shared a few words about how much both of the older boys look like Mike, but each in different ways. It is nice to have that reminder, though sometimes it can catch your breath and you feel your heart cracking a little, yet again. Later, after the game, which was terrific, and they won, we found that the garage where we had parked our car had moved the car to outside the garage, to a spot in the parking lot surrounding the garage. The attendant didn't know quite where it was, so we set about looking for it...just as we walked up over the hill, there it was, having been backed into the parking space so it's headlights were facing us, and it almost seemed like it was smiling (dumb, I know...but...), as I recognized that it was in the very same space that Mike and I had parked in on his last ballgame attended...September 29, 2006! We've been parking in that garage and sometimes the outside lot now for almost four years, and that is the first time they have had to move our car to outside the garage...my heart actually jumped!

love and peace, Carol mikesmomrs

here's a pic of the happy birthday message for Mike at Fenway Park tonight:

August 13, 2009

Carol...The birthday message on the board is really really great.

August 13, 2009

I am still working out a few bugs on this but I have created a "chat room" for those that are interested. Figure this way if you have time or just need to see if anyone is around to talk to you can pop in and do whatever you want.

You can see it here: http://neverlosefaith.com/chat There is a password for it and it is: nlf

Just type whatever and click on "shout" or you can just hit the "enter" key and it will show up.

If you click on the little "+" button next to shout it will give you little smilies etc to use. You can even click on "Pop-Up Shoutbox" and it will open it in a little window all by itself and then you can just minimize it.

If you are actually typing back and forth then you don't have to click on "refresh" it will refresh on it's own after you type something.

August 13, 2009

Oh Beautiful job Carol, how very special. He is grinning so huge.

thanks Dan, what a nice addition to our talking.

love,

dee

August 13, 2009

Dan, cool.

Dee, have a nice day.

Lynn, how are you?

woke up from a drean feeling PO'ed. hate when it hangs on.

Have a nice day all

August 13, 2009

Thanks for lifting me up Betsy!!! It is true I really do need it!!

I took Cameron to his first day of kindergarten today. He didn't really want to go but when he started coloring I left and cried like a little baby all the way to work!!! My little boy is growing up too fast. It was so sad because when I woke him up this morning and was telling him that he is getting too big and that next year he will be in first grade, then second, and before you know it he will be moving out. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes and said, "I have to move out?" LOL I cried with him and told him that he never has to leave, he can stay with me forever. Then when we were going to school there was a little girl in front of us holding her mom and dads hand and he asked me, why didn't my dad come and I told him he was at work but really wanted to be here. So yeah it was a very hard morning for me, very emotional. But I can't wait till I get off so I can go pick him up. It's funny because you think, I can't wait till he starts school and then you don't want to let him go. The lovely world of motherhood!!! My co-worker told me now I really don't want to have kids!! LOL

I have been doing a lot better because Cameron has really started to get into this pregnancy. He has been talking to him and saying can I hug my baby and gets excited when I tell him he is moving and runs over to feel it!! So that really helps me out. Thanks to everyone for your support!

Colleen, I'm so jealous!! I really wish I was there with everyone. I hope ya'll have a great time and give everyone a hug for me!

Amanda

August 13, 2009

Thank you family for the dear kind words. I knew I could count on you to be there for me. I tried keeping myself as busy as I could with cleaning and what not but everytime I took a break it was a sombering one. All in all, not too terribly bad but not one I care to repeat. Had a decent turnout for the balloon release last nite. Nasty stomach/bowel flu going around the area so a couple had to pull out but delivered their balloons to me to release. It was so touching and a gorgeous evening. I didnt even mind all the gnats or other critters biting us the entire time. I took my laptop and we all viewd photos of times gone bye. Such memories.

Lots of reading to do so I can catch up with everybody. Thats what happens even after not reading for 8 hours- geez- busy busy busy.

Love n hugs to ALL.

Dear Angels, thank you all so very much in helping Kayla recieve the balloons. You all took them so fast we didnt even realize they were gone, but a picture did get taken of my beautiful Angel. Im sure you all had a hand in that happening.

THANK YOU ANGELS!!!!

Lynn

August 13, 2009

hopefully my tattoo pic will post:

August 13, 2009

Beautiful pic of the ballons being let go. When we let Anthony's go on is 18th birthday, I didn't see myself what was in the pictures, but, if you look up on toward the top right hand corner, you can see a face of Anthony wearing a baseball hat, also you can see a big smile...two eyes and a mouth.

I will post and hopefully you can see it. I have another. I was having a really bad day, asked Anthony for a sign and within minutes the clouds formed a heart.

Love my Anthony and miss you so much.

August 13, 2009

here is heart

August 13, 2009

pic

August 13, 2009

Lynn,

It's a beautiful picture......

I may be out there but I see her face in the pink "orb".

Wow!

What did you see?

What a picture perfect night!

Bonnie

August 13, 2009

Getting packed and ready for the airplane ride, I am so looking forward to meeting everyone. Those of you who arent coming this time, I hope this is something we can continue to do every year and we will see you next year... Dan , very cool that you set up a chat room, I will try it when I get back from MN. Carol, story about the ball game was so nice, see you in 24 hours. Bonnie , glad to hear you are feeling better. Dee please drive carefully, take all of our cell numbers and let us know as you get close to the hotel. Kathy your camping trip on the beach looked amazing, the heart shapes that Jess put out for you, such a confirmation of our children always around us. Betsy, I undertand about waking up in a foul mood, it is hard for me to shake when that happens. Lorrie, will be thinking of you in our crazy escapades in MN. To everyone else, I will take you all in my heart on the plane ride and on to Minneapolis. Love, Marcia Bethanys Mom Forever

August 13, 2009

Have a safe happy trip everybody.

Love, orbs, snapshots,shells and any form possible of our angels.

Thinking and holding you all close at heart.

Lynn

August 13, 2009

I really really hope this picture posts. Its during the balloon release last nite. Im still kinda in shock after seeing it for the first time. Tell me what you all see...

August 13, 2009

Just got home - what a day - first I was driving to do an errand on my lunch hour and the brakes felt weird and realized I had a broken brake line!!! So dropped the car to the station, Barry picked me up, went and got his truck and then off to clean a house, then remembered I had been invited to a "jewlery party" so went to that (didn't buy a thing) and finally I am home at 9:15!!! Crazy at work too but at least I can say my day has been busy if not great!!

Oh my gosh - Trudi is in MN!!!! I am so excited for everyone who is there and those who will be there shortly - I am not so depressed about it now - had a few moments in the day thinking "I should be on my way right about now", "I should be landing in MN right about now" !!! and then I just let it go - too happy for those who are there and wishing them so much happiness - can't wait to see the pics!!!

Yes Dee - it is diffacult after having a week too myself with friends who knew and loved Jessica - such a let down when you come home and the silenc slams you. Tavian will be going into 2nd grade on Sept 9th and I am looking forward to it but also a part of me that doesn't want to walk him through that door on his first day - so many memories of walking Jessica through the same door - but so bittersweet that he is attending the same school where his mommy went - alot of the teachers remember her and talk about her. I will be stong.

Yes Jessica was certainly showing herself to me on my camping outing - the orbs, the hearts - my heart fills with love and joy but so much sorrow as I want so badly to walk the beach with her - my summer girl. I am missing her so much as always, harder some days than others so I keep as busy as possible, Barry always says "can you just sit and relax for a moment" and I always say "soon" -

Going out with the girls tomorrow night for a few cocktails - I will be driving so no worries - make sure all others get home ok. My favorite restaurant is closing after Labor Day for good and I am so upset about it - I will take pics of it and you will know why - have been going there for about 7 years, on the water with the most beautiful sunsets, great people, I will miss it soooooo.

Going to read for a bit and then try to sleep - sleep has been eluding me these past nights, after midnight before I turn out the lights and then lay there with too many thoughts going round and rouns until exhaustion takes over and my body and mind give in.

My love and hugs to all and I promise to try to get back into the "groove".

Going to keep chcking U-Tube for our friends in MN - hee hee.'

LOL to all - Kathy

August 13, 2009

THINKING OF ALL YAL FLYING DRIVING OR JUST GOING TO THIS WEKENDS EVENT...SOOOOOOO FREAKIN JEALOUS BUT LEAST OUR FAMILIES WILL BE TOGETHER IN EVERY WAY....EVENNIF WE ARE NOT THERE...ALL OF YAL BE SAFE AND KEEP IT LEGAL AND HAVE FUN

August 13, 2009

KAT, LOVE THE PHOTO OF THE HEART SHAPED CLOUD. aNTHONY LET YOU KNOW OF HIS CONSTANT LOVE AND SUPPORT. What day was Anthony's birthday?

Lynn, my goodness, that photo was/is amazing, see a beautiful pink aura around either the moon or the balloon, enveloped by Kayla I think. The sun is shooting rays out of the cloud formng a criss-cross of energy, and a rainbow effect around the rays. What a wonder that Kayla is, knowing what a hard day it must be for her Momma, and sending you this magic of hers. Our angels are out there folks, they hold us as we hold them.

See you Marcia, fly happily, they are speaking of very humid and rain possible, warm, but not compared to your warm.

See you tomorrow.

Greg, I have my camera, so i wll take photos, I even brought my charger.

TO all, my love and my heart.

dee

August 13, 2009

Lynn,

Nice tat! Did you design it yourself?

katant,

The heart of clouds ...... very pretty!

Carol,

See you tomorrow ...... and yes, you will "soar"....... all week-end!

Shelly,

I've had you on my mind today. Hope your spirits are up and you're okay.

Mary Ann?

No more computer access until I get home. Not taking my computer.

Love to all!

Bonnie

August 13, 2009

August 13, 2009

Matt -- thinking of you and your family tonight from Minneapolis, soar with our angels.

Hugs, Marcia Bethanys Mom Forever

August 14, 2009

Anthony's birthday is January 7, 1989. He turns 21 this January...so it's 3 years December 15th, then his Birthday I have the end of this year.

It's been a hard few months. Tired alot but feeling okay. The pain is a dull pain, some days it hits hard but it's good I guess.

xoxo

August 14, 2009

Kat, Anthony looks like he has a wise spirit, an old soul perhaps? His eyes seem to say a great deal. I know that the dull ache is something I learned to live with, another heartbeat to set my steps to. I am at 6 years now, seasonal changes get to me, some holidays, some days just cause, and then that dull ache that hangs back there in ones heart lettng us know, we walk carrying the life and light of another, then that ache turns into something lovely to carry, it turns into the beat and rhythm of two hearts in one body.

Love to you,

dee

Mary Ann, are you okay?

Kay, same question?

Val, I just want to know if you are out there.

August 14, 2009