Loss of an Adult Child

[cameronsmom1]

So....when are we planning the next reunion? It looked like you all had so much fun now i'm ready to start planning for us all to get together!!! LOL

[nicksdad]

Figured it might be easier if people wanted to use an icon showing that they are in chat so others would know.

Once you are in chat you can actually click on the little "+" button and then click on "Pop-Up Shoutbox" that will open just the chat program in a little window and then you can minimize it or whatever you want.

If you want to put an icon to show you are in chat you can just go in the forums like you are going to put a regular post. You would click on "Reply". Then when the box opens to type you will see all the little boxes at the top that you can pick font color etc. One of them on the far right is for "Insert Image". If you click that a box will open and all you have to do is paste this in the box:

http://neverlosefaith.com/online/chat.jpg (Then Click on Ok)

It will look like this:

[heartbeataway]

Hi Dan,

You know what might be helpful is if our moderator could add a banner post at the beginning of our Adult Child postings with the link to the chat room and the icon link. 

That way when someone wants to be in the chat room we don't have to scroll back through old posts to find the link .... that could get discouraging.

Thanks for putting this together ...... !!

Bonnie, JaysMom

[lolynbo]

WOW WHAT A GREAT TIME...I SEE ALOT OF SLOUCHING, PROB THE ALCOHOL...JK...GREAT PICS WE MISSED A GOOD TIME FOR SURE...SO GLAD YAL ENJOYED IT...AND HOW HOTT IS JOHN....AND DEE WOWIEE ...ALL OF YAL ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND SEEM SO HAPPY JUST TO BE IN THE ARMS OF FRIENDS THAT KNOW OUR PAIN...THAT NEVER ENDS...I WILL BE THER NEXT YR, IF I HAVE TO START DRIVING NOW...(I DONT FLY) BUT I WILL BE THERE...LOVE ME SOME ROAD TRIPS

GOING TO GET MY HAIR DONE TODAY..4 MORE DAYS AND WE ARE GONE..EXCEITED SAD ALL IN THE SAME TIME...

I WAS TANNING THE OTHER DAY AND HAD TO GET OUT OF THE BED THINKING OF KOURTNEY AND ALL SHE WENT THROUGH..HER LAST MOMENTS OF BEING ABLE TO TALK AND COMMUNICATE, JUST OVER WHELMD ME AND I COULDNT BREATH....SO SAD...I KNOW SHE WOULDNT WANT ME TO THINK OF IT...I JUST CANT HELP IT , IT IS THE LAST TIME I HEARD HER SWEET VOICE, NEVER ASKING FOR ANTHING HAPPY WITH ALL SHE HAD...

[pknight]

Thank you Dee I don't want to be political but without the government & trial Kenny would have not lived long enough for his insurance company to start screwing him!

[4everjoeysmom]

Bonnie & All,

Once you get to the Chat that Dan set up on NeverLosefaith, just add it to your "Bookmarks" from your browser bookmark setting. Then all you will have to do is click on your bookmark in your bookmark bar and voila! You'll be there in a blink. I have all my important sites bookmarked. That way you never have to type in the URL, and it goes directly to that page, so no need to sort through the Home page of the site you want.

~Claudia

[hotsauce]

Dee

thank you for thinking about me, i'm not sure how i feel anymore.  day and night is all the same.  can't seem to get moving  to do  things around the house.  i miss Brian so much.  i just pray that he is ok.

thank you,

mary ann

[hotsauce]

Claudia,

you are so kind and  a very  helpful person.

i would love to met you in person someday.

thank youmary ann

[mpsmom]

Mary Ann, you are so new of this journey, please dont expect too much of yourself, the things around the house that 'need' to be done can wait.  Take care of yourself, drink lots of water, remember to eat, and sleep when you are tired, dont worry about what time of day it is, if you CAN take a nap in the middle of the day--do so.

I promise, the pain gets softer, it takes time... alot of time.

Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

[hotsauce]

Marcia, thank you for the kind words.  i just feel guilty for not doing anything.

mary ann

[mpsmom]

"IT" can all wait, take care of "YOU"

[pknight]

I am so glad to have found y'all & look forward to getting to know you as well as you seem to know each other! I have a lot of hard feelings about all the dealings with the private care & insurance that drove us into poverty & treated him without dignity! I don't want to say anymore as when I did my nephew called me a Marxist & undeserving of compassion. He hastily spoken to me since a week after Kenny died!

[4everjoeysmom]

Mary Ann, I'm with Marcia on "the things can wait". 3-1/2 years later I am STILL in search of the motivation I once had. But I believe I am beginning to realize it's never going to be like that again. I think it's OK to "slow down". And it's certainly OK to take time out for you in order to allow your heart, body, mind and soul to recover a little bit. It's a huge blow to everything we knew as our world. You know how when we move and pack everything up in boxes, we have to make do with what we haven't packed yet. And when it's all packed up, we have to eat out or with a plastic fork from the can of beans. It isn't a 5-star experience, eating from a can. But it still provides sustenance, and the world keeps turning. Take time for you!! And stop feeling guilty about it, because it is something we all go through and something we must all allow ourselves in order to move through the grief. There are times when I keep myself really busy, but then my heart generally catches up there's no avoiding it....only prolonging it.

I get things done now, but still at a much slower pace than I used to. It isn't an excuse to be lazy. It just is what it is. My body and mind don't function at the level I used to. And if people can't accept that of me...well, so be it. It's hard for me still to accept sometimes that Joey isn't here. My "acceptance issue" far outweighs what someone else thinks of my "speed and tenacity". They'll just have to get over it...just like they think I should "get over it" and get moving. The irony of it all... And the worst is that we place so much guilt on ourselves for this and that. IT IS NOT OUR FAULT that life happened to us like this. We are doing the best we can. And if the best today is a cup of hot tea in my robe and slippers at noon, then so be it. "After all, tomorrow is another day.."

Pam, I'm going through something right now that has knocked us back a bit financially, and it's something we did not cause nor that we have any control over at the moment. When that happens, it's so hard not to have hard feelings. I'm working so hard on trying to forgive the ones that did this to us... UGH! We're all a "work in progress", so try not to be so hard on yourself. And as for your nephew...when he gains as many more years as you have now (and hopefully a bit more wisdom with that), and God forbid he should ever experience something painful and devastating as you have, the he may earn the right to call you a Marxist. But as for now, I guess I just see that as ignorant words from a punk kid. I am not calling your nephew a punk. Please don't misunderstand. I'm basically just saying that we can't allow ourselves to "receive as legitimate" the things people say to us out of their own ignorance. Thank God for the ignorance, because that at least means they haven't a clue of what pain we carry. I wouldn't wish it on an ignorant soul or my worst enemy. In time you'll learn to let comments like that roll off your back. Maybe you'll even be able to say "It's OK. I realize you just don't get it. But I love you anyway."

Bless you moms new to this road. So glad you found us!!! HUGS! ~Claudia

[daniellemom]

Hi everyone, Glad everyone is back from a great trip to MN (all but Trudi, the world traveler). It sounds like a great time. Bonnie and Dee love the pictures. I have a picture of Danielle that she is also showing her crocked middle fingers. A likely story!! LOL.

[katant]

Claudia,

Lately I have been very depressed again.  I hide it from my family the best I can. But sometimes they take it as I am being "bitchy".  I say, are you kidding me.  Do people, even family not get it.  Not try to get it.  The complete devestation that my heart and soul has been through and now it's all gone.

The life I knew just 2 years and 8 months ago, as I knew it for 39 years is gone.  As I still wrangle with legal issues, mental, exhaustion, depression, lack of motivation and the one main thing lately is...."why bother".  "What's the point." "Nothing really matters anymore"  "I just really don't care about many things."

I am tired all the time again.  Going to the gym and working per diem which is okay, but again, what's the point.

My parents are 60 and 62.  The talk around the house is taking care of them as they get older.  As a surgical tech working in the field, I will not put them in a nursing home unless I cannot take care of them.  But then I say to them, Anthony is gone, who is going to take care of me when I am older?  I am not married.  I really don't want to have a boyfriend.  I muddle through work for a paycheck to pay bills.  I like my job, I don't love it like I used to.  I think as I am coming up on 3 years without Anthony, I am realing.  I am very, very sad.  I don't think I have been to the movies, or out to dinner with friends in 2 years.  I take care of myself I guess for me because I have always eaten well, gone to the gym because of the way it makes my body feel.  I don't do it for any other reason.  Most days I go to the gym because I am bored.

So I sit here, at 3:40pm beating myself up to go to the gym, but I really don't want to.  So why bother.  Yes I will feel better after but for what.  Sleep.....i guess.

So the other thing with per diem work is you work when they need you, so I don't have a set schedule to keep myself busy.  I worked 4 days last week and this week I am only working thursday.  Makes me not even want to bother going in.  Yeah it's 6 or so hours of pay but that's about it.

Guess i needed to get that out.  Not sure what to do but play pogo.com....pathetic

((hugs))   kathy

[ericasmom]

WOW! I think that the steeple that got damaged might be in one of my photos, I will try to post later. I hope that the pretty city we were just in is safe. Hold on Colleen, the storms are heading to you and then us.

Peace,

dee

Tornado reported in Minneapolis Updated document.write(niceDate('8/19/2009 4:37 PM'));32m ago |  Comment    |  Recommend 1 E-mail | Save | Print |

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Yahoo! Buzz Digg Newsvine Reddit FacebookWhat's this?

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — Powerful winds near the heart of downtown Minneapolis on Wednesday, toppling trees and part of a church's 90-year-old metal steeple and blowing away a convention's outdoor tents. The National Weather Service issued a tornado warning based on radar observations for the counties that include Minneapolis and St. Paul. People also reported seeing a tornado just north of downtown Minneapolis.

LOCAL COVERAGE: KARE-TV, Minneapolis-St. Paul Central Lutheran Church, near the Minneapolis Convention Center, was hit by strong winds around 2 p.m., church spokesman Joe Bjordal said. The winds tore off part of an old steeple and scattered chairs and tables that had been set up outdoors for the national Evangelical Lutheran Church in America convention next door.

The winds also blew two large tents into the street that were set up outside to serve breakfast to convention guests, Bjordal said. About 120 people were in the church at the time and headed to the basement but no one was hurt, he said.

[mpsmom]

OMG, we were right there... when my shuttle driver picked me up , we continued to the Hyatt to pick a fare up, the driver was early so he drovev around a bit, and told me all about the church, and the Lutheran convention that was in town, the fare was running late as well so we drove over to the convention center and picked her up there.  Dee and Colleen hang on , I had no idea tornados hit that part of the country.

Hugs, Marcia    Bethanys Mom Forever

[ericasmom]

Hey Marcia,

is this it? This is the one I think that they are talking about, and by the way, tornado action is pretty great in the great lakes area adn the plains, but usually never touching the city proper, needing room to gather strength.

[shorty16]

All

Scott has not fixed the windshield yet.

Before Brian was killed, a chip in my windshield (after I had just replaced the windshield for a 2' crack) would really bother me.  Now, I say, no big deal - it can be fixed and good as new.

That Beast is really fun to drive.

Funny story From Minnesota:

Trudi and I were on our way to the airport to pick-up Marcia.  My phone GPS took us an alternaltive route than I had drove from the airport to the Radisson - I figured "Why not".  As we were driving very close to the airport, we both hear a plane landing and the plane is getting louder and LOUDER  and LOUDER.  We both look up and see the wing of a plane through the open sun-roof of the Suburban.  WE COULD COUNT THE RIVETS IN THE WING.

We both are screaming and laughing and Trudi is literally on the floor of the truck.  After gathering ourselves, we found Marcia making friends at the baggage pick-up. Too funny.

Colleen

 

[ericasmom]

Kat, I feel so sad that you are receiving negative feedback from family, but sadly, many here have experienced similar reactions. Some have not had communication with siblings and or parents just because they cannot get next to the loss themselves and feel uncomfortable that we are there in that loss. Many here have had family members not be able to speak the name of their child and so they stop seeing those that can't seem to remember the importance of that Child's life. Sad as it is, we go on finding out who in this world aligns to our new lives. That is why this place is so highly regarded by all of us, we are cradled here and encouraged to say Anthony, Anthony did this, when Anthony was little he...We want to get to know each Child, we encourage the stories and the memories. Our Children Lived, and they live on in us and through us and through all the people that they love. How do we honor our Beloved Kids if we don't say their names. Anthony is a lovely name. did you ever call him Tony or has he always been Anthony?

Claudia, super that you get to have some visit time. Super. I didn't know that you lived in NC before moving to SA. I thought you went straight from Michigan. Maybe I was mixed up, didn't you live in Michigan for a time? Where in Illinois is your family living? Will your Son and future bride live in NC once married?

Storming here now.

Pam, I think that had my former husband been able to qualify for the trial, (too sick to enter it), he may have extended his life, but the kind of Leukemia he had,AML, is pretty much going to end a life. He was being prepped for a bone marrow transplant, but no one had exactly the right amount of likenesses. He died on March 31, 2009. He fought hard. Sounds like your Boy and Mary Ann's Boy went through an awful lot, and I am so sorry for the pain and suffering they endured, and therefore you had endure as well. Isabelle Allende wrote a book about the illness of her daughter, Paula. It is an astounding and well written memoir of that time in her life that found her praying constantly over her dying daughter. Now it does not sound uplifting, but what it does is, it let's you know again that you may feel alone in your loss, but there are others that really get it. She is one of them. She is an amazing writer, and since reading that one, she has written another called, The Sum of our Days. It too is a memoir, written to let Paula know how she has coped, how she has changed, and how she keeps her Daughter alive in their lives. I find her magical. Sometimes when you read, and you find yourself shaking your head in agreement with the author, you realize that in between those pages is a story similar to our stories here, and you see evidence that this life will get softer. I promise it will.

My heart to all,

dee

Lori Dear, thanks I will tell my garden-nome that he is a cutie. You know that you are going to have a great time on the cruise? yOu are, I can feel it. Loved the comment about big from the ears down. Now those photos might be fun to show. GOodness knows I was HUGE.

 I swear I was showing my crooked fingers, and that was before the wine.

[mpsmom]

Dee, I cant tell from the picture the driver took me right next to it, so we were looking straight up at it.... right by the convention center, he said the area was alot like Central Park.....

 

[ericasmom]

I think this is it, John and I stayed near the convention center, across the street, and I took a walk and snapped this.

How are you feeling? Sore throat? How bout you Carol?

My friend Kristine and I loaded our bikes on her carrier and drove downtown this morning for a lakefront ride. It is so beautiful, and last year we went three times, this was our first lakefront this year, due to weather and her schedule of travel. So it was asunny and breezy and the lake was wavy and so very blue looking. We knew it would storm later and felt blessed to have the morning and afternoon to ride. We went about 28 miles. I could not do the 38 of last summer, but maybe in a few weeks.

So school starts soon and I will be here  a bit less, though still will be on daily. I will have a hard time not being here as often in a day. Everywhere I go, I take you all with me, and I speak to your Sweeties too.

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Dee:  my throat is very itchy and scratchy, raw feelign, but I do think this is more of an allergy thing, for some strange reason...my allergies don't usually act this way in August...but I don't have any fever, just the throat, eyes and ears itching like crazy.  I am so glad you got to go for your bike ride...it sounds really nice, and I am glad you had the lake to ride around. 

Kat:  I haven't been posting much since our return from MN, as my allergies/and/or some bug have been keeping me low and sleepy...but I just wanted to let you know, as Dee and others have done, that I am so sorry that your family has not come forward with support for you for your loss of your precious Anthony...I have the same problem...as many of us here do...and it is truly heartbreaking.  The reasons vary, none make sense sometimes, but I guess I do understand that it is hard to know what to say, but at least they could say his name...ANTHONY, ANTHONY, ---MIKE, MIKE....I am so glad that you are here, though wish you never had a reason to be here, but I know that you will find support and comfort here, and most of all, true understanding.

Pam: I am so sorry that you are having to endure this pain, this loss, this heartbreak...the pain of helping our son through his last days is still fresh in my memory, even though Mike's days on this plane ended on October 14, 2006, almost three years ago.  Mike had brain cancer, and spent his last two months here at our house, in hospice.  The last two weeks were spent confined to bed.  Mike had started a clinical trial in August, but after only a couple of weeks, it was decided that his quality of life was deteriorating too rapidly and he only had a month or so left.   It is so very painful to watch our children leave, and know there is nothing we can do to change things...we all know that we would trade places in a heartbeat, but that was not to be...for those who got "the call," the pain is just as great...our child is gone from this earth...our hearts are forever altered, never again to find that same form as they did before this terrible event in our lives...the loss of our child.  I will keep you in my prayers for comfort, Pam, as I do everyone here.

Mary ann:  I am sorry you are having a difficult time right now...just hang in there, keep posting, keep reading, we are here for you, always.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[lolynbo]

FUNNNIEIIEIEI. STORY OF THE AIRPLANE IN THE SUNROOF...I BET IT WAS LOUD...HOW FUNNY..

GOT MY HAIR DONE ITS DARK SO SHE IS FIXIN IT TOM, I DONT LIKE DARK ON ME I LOOK DEPRESSED AND I SURE AS HELLLLL DONT NEED THAT.

IM NOT TAKEN ANY LAPTOP OR CELLY ON MY TRIP...SO AFTER SAT I WONT TALK TO YAL TIL I GET HOME...BUT WHO CHATS ON VACATION....AH KOURTNEY LYNN DOES THATS WHO, WHEN WE WENT ON OUR 06 CRUISE SHE HAD TO HAVE INTERNET TIME TO CHAT WITH HER NEW MAN "BRENT" WHO IS THIS GUY...THE ONE SHE GOT TO MARRY JUST 6 MONTHS LATER... 

KOURTNEY AND HALIE AT HALIES WEDDING SHOWER, JUST 2 YRS AGO THIS MONTH

[4everjoeysmom]

Dee, SUPER, Indeed! It was Joey who lived 2 summers up in Kalamazoo. I have family up in Clio, and vacationed in Tawas. I love Michigan! Joey did too. And I saw that pic of the "two birds". Didn't look very crooked to me!!

Colleen, another great story! Keep 'em coming girl. You and Trudi could probably write a little memoir on just the escapades you both had alone. Too funny!!

Kat-- I AM SO SORRY that you are in such a rut right now. I think it will pass. But you seem to be surrounded by things that bring you down...all the elder-care talk by your folks, the wacky work schedule, and all. I know exercise makes us feel better, but I can totally understand where you are with "what for?". Just make it "for you" for now. And don't give up! Change your surroundings again if you have to. I understand the not getting out much. I sat for a long time not wanting to do much. Even when I was home for 7 weeks almost 2 years ago--a time when I could have visited with a lot of folks--I sat around at my folks and a my son's. I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere. It's different now. I'm out more, making an effort more, just because after a while I realized that the more I shut-in, the more comfortable that isolation gets. And that scared me. I could become an agoraphobic easy, I think, if I let myself. Sounds strange. I know. Because what I do for a living is "social". But I somehow am able to "divide" myself for that and from the kind of social that causes me to have to be more personal with my own life, with people who know me. But I am finding that after time, it feels good to get out. I'm still to myself a lot about my personal feelings when it comes to going out and seeing people. But I'm not as uneasy as I was when I first started getting out.

Has anyone else here gone through that? Shutting in and finding comfort in that to the point of not wanting to get out and do things or see people anymore? Is that some kind of social anxiety I experience? I can network on a pc all day long, but as soon as I have to face people..ugh! It's getting better, but wow I struggled with that for a long time.

SO Kat, do you have Facebook or any other social network program besides visiting BI? That is occupying me some too, and I really like that I am finding people I went to all levels of school with and others I haven't seen in decades. Fun! It just sounds like you're so lonely. And I know that no one can fill Anthony's spot in your life...No one! But there's lots of other spots to share that you don't have to surrender the sacred places that are his. What about hobbies? What do you like to do? Grieving for a long time sometimes takes us into a place where we forget that we still have unique individuality of our own--before becoming graduates, wives, moms, dads, etc. We stored some of that individuality away when we had to share and sacrifice our lives for others and other causes. But it stays with us. We just have to search for it a bit harder after so long. Is there a special place you've always wanted to go and visit, but haven't yet? I WISH SO MUCH THAT I COULD OFFER SOME HELP!!!! I am reaching!!! And I feel like I'm just going to keep falling short. But hey! Write me if you want, or get on Skype or Facebook, and let's chat. I'm game!! And I miss you girlfriend! Wish I lived closer to you... SENDING LOVE & HUGS!!! ~C

[daveydow1]

Carol-----Hope your sore/scratchy throat  is improving.

To all my friends who met in Minn.----GREAT PHOTOS. Everyone looks

so nice.

Kat-----Sorry that your family has not been very supporting in your time

of sadness. As Dee said......unfortunately this is the case all too often.

We often find that we are trudging this road pretty  much alone. Come

here to BI where we are here to help if we can. Peace to you.

Daveysmom,  Sherry

 

[katant]

Hey all,

Thanks for your supportive words.  It helps so much.  I don't think my family is not being supportive, but that they just don't get it.  Many don't get it. 

I work with a wonderful woman, her name is Nan.  She lost her daughter about 3 years ago, cancer.  Her and I work together often, and we just seem to know...all we have to do is look at each other, we both have teared filled eyes and we just go on with our day.  It's a warm feeling knowing I have someone to look to for guidance.  It's not easy for either of us but she seems to be much wiser than me.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE......the crazy weather.  Global warming.  I am in Rhode Island so we have been watching hurricance Bill...which may clip Cap Cod but that's it.

Hope everyone was safe from any tornadoes....love u guys and happy i have somewhere to go when I am very depressed and sad.

Sleep well all....kathy   Anthony was always Anthony...lol....his best friend Anthony is also an Anthony.  Sometimes I just called him Ant.

[katant]

I am on facebook.  Kathleen Gemma, warwick, ri

I think this week is hard for me with two meetings coming up....can't talk about because of the "scumbag lawyers" who copy my posts and paste them to their liking.  Once a bottomdweller, always a bottomdweller...lol

 

[arc4ever]

Love the pics from MN, you all are beautiful and wonderful people.

Hopefully we can make it next year, just couldn't swing it this time.

I think of you all every day, but haven't been up to posting much, I try to get online and read, but been extra busy at work lately and trying to catch up on the posts.

Love to all and I know I have missed some important dates, so sorry.

Another trip next week riding the bike all the way around Lake Erie (and maybe a jaunt up to Lake Ontario), can't remember - is anyone in the vicinity? 

I will take you all and your beautiful angels along with us.

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

 

[ericasmom]

Terrie, so good to see that smiling Red-head. I was wondering about you today as I rode my bike, thinking of you taking your motorized bikes all over the country. How is your Husband? Is he feeling any better these days? I think your trip sounds fabulous. Have a blast.

Deneace, are you out there????

Kat, I like that you called him Ant sometimes. I called ERica, Eri adn Erz. I called her so many names, names I will always love. I hope that the bottomfeedingcreeps find nothing but what sinks to the bottom...

[pknight]

What a gift each and every one of you are! That seems almost horrible to say considering how we got here.:(

[arc4ever]

Dee, thanks yeah I'm around but lurking in the backgrounds.

Thanks for asking about my husband, he has has a bad few weeks and is still off work on disability.  It is so hard to watch him in so much pain, but I will tell him you asked and he does appreciate the concern.

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[ericasmom]

Not horrible at all Pam, you are a gift to us too, we are here, no matter which way our Babies left the Earth, we are here because we know we fit in with one another adn because we recognize we need companions on this journey and because we understand that our years in may assist another who is new to this road. WE all help each other over the large boulders adn deep holes in the path, and we all find ways to live again. I am blessed time and again by all of the people here.

Blessings,

dee

[mysonrich]

Dee, I was going through some things today. I found Riches little hand impression in a plaster pie plate. Do kids still make those in school?

 

I'm sorting again. I just have stuff, generational stuff, some of it. I want some order to this stuff. did anyone else ever feel the need to lighten their load after their child died? Like, what do I need all this stuff for anyway?!

 

Betsy,myson,Rich

[mpsmom]

Betsy, I have been going thru and getting rid of stuff in barrellfuls, not Bethanys things but just the stuff you acquire year after year... so easy to let go of it all now, cuz  'nothing means anything' anymore..... except for her things...my thought is : the more of my 'stuff' i can get rid of the more of her things I can find a place to keep.  Someday I will weed through her things but right now they give me a great deal of comfort....

Hugs, Marcia   Bethanys Mom forever

[mysonrich]

not that this has anything to do with anything but I have to stop watching the BBQ University Guy. I want to go there!

[summergirl]

Pam - not horrible at all, this is a beautiful site with beautiful people, understanding, heartwarming and full of wisdom - so many times I have been "saved" by this place. I wish none of us ever had to be here but I sure am glad I found all of you - the light in my darkest hours.

Kat - Go ahead and be bitchy - depression comes out in many different ways and if your family "thinks" your being bitchy than so be it - they do not get it, will never get it so we learn to accept what we cannot change although the anger at them sometimes drives us to the point of "giving a good smack down" - goodness knows we have all felt that way at one time or another whether it be family or friends!!!  Lack of motivation - not something I went through - I was totally opposite and went crazy, never sitting down, cleaning till my fingers were raw, wrote in my journal till I couldn't see, read books that had no real meaning - I thought if I sat still I would surely end up fading away into the darkness. I did not however want to leave my house, it became my safe zone - my link to my Jessica.  I have come a long way. I am proud of you that you continue to go to the gym and eat healthy - that is something that we all need to do.  I hope and pray that you find some peace and maybe look up a friend and try going to a movie or out for appitizers and a chat - so hard I know but as we all say "little steps, baby steps but necessary steps. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I love all of the pics - they are amazing. Need ink for my printer so will print them out as soon as I change it.  You all look as if you have known each other forever, there is a peaceful look on all your faces - our Angels brought you together and I am so happy for all of you.    Trudi - hope you are having a great time - missing you.

Mar-c-ah - Love it and yes I have always said Marsha too - but love how it is really pronounced. I hope you are feeling better.  How right you are, get rid of all the stuff you do not need just makes more room for Bethany!!  You are so strong my friend.

Dee - Love the "fingers"!!!!

Sure hope hurricane "Bill" stays away from Long Island - I have been through tornados since I lived in Iowa but I am terrified of hurricanes!!!!

I talked to Valinda tonight - I was so very excited that she called me, I missed her call so called her back and we chatted for about 20 minutes. Not sure I helped her but ...... I told her about BI and I e-mailed her the address so you all may be meeting her soon, I sure hope so.

Bonnie - what a nightmare you went through - I am so glad you saw the heart shaped lake and took comfort from it!!  You are a brave woman!!

I think of all of you so often and am so ready for things to start moving for the next reunion / non-reunion - whatever it may be.

Sleep well my friends - Kathy

[4everjoeysmom]

Betsy, I love that random post.

[summergirl]

Lorri - sure hope they fix your hair - need to look good for that cruise. You are going to have such a great time but we will miss you - funny you - sweet you.

[mpsmom]

Dee, Bonnie, Trudi, Carol and Colleen, I want to tell you Thank You so much for letting me share Bethanys life video with you all, watching it makes me realize that she had such a happy and full life in her short 17 years.  Larry has a difficult time watching it , so we don't , and it is hard for me to watch it all alone....the first part with the dolphins gets me.  So again, thank you so much for allowing me to share her with you all. 

Love, Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

[heartbeataway]

Marcia,

It was my pleasure to watch Bethany swim with the dolphins!  I couldn't even bring any of Jay ...... so, I totally understand.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful girl with us!

Love!

Bonnie

I sure hope you're feeling better!  

[briansdad]

Here goes!!! Here is the video.Good job ladies.  I love trudi's accent

http://s8.photobucket.com/albums/a36/MichelleJackson/?action=view&current=cf4265b3.pbr

[mpsmom]

Greg, wonderful job, I so wish we knew the volume was not going to be so wonderful, we could have re-shot some of the video.... thank you so very much for putting it together. Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[4everjoeysmom]

Though I have "hi-speed" now, IT IS hi-speed according to Ecuador standards. The Photobucket video is NOT working out for me. Is there any way to U-Tube it?

[ericasmom]

Love the random posts too, what the heck is BBQ university?

Greg, I am going to watch the video, I thank you in advance for your amazing support.

love,

dee

[ericasmom]

Thanks Greg, I am so glad that you were able to post this. We felt a strong sense of Everyone's Child as we spoke their names. We did have a hard time finding faces with the glare, kind of funny, and of course now, I am beating myself that I didn't say Monty's name, Sorry Monty, nor did I say Davey's Dad's name, sorry. I got tongue tied, but for the most part, we set out to speak the names of our lovely Children, and we did.

Sleep well and may the storms settle down for a peaceful night. Peace in this time.

dee

[hotrod]

Greg

Thank You so much for posting the Video  It made me feel as if I was present with the wonderful group who gathered together and took the time to remember all of our angels

Praying for all our peace..

 

 

[mysonrich]

Greg, thank you.

 

Dee, I watch this show and feel like I should jump up and run to the grocery store, receipes in hand !

 

 

Third, How Do I Learn How to Barbecue? Check out the Barbecue University. ;-) In May, 2003, Raichlen's TV show, Barbecue University with Steven Raichlen, debuts on Public Television. Filmed on location at Raichlen's Barbecue University at the luxurious Greenbrier resort in the Allegheny Mountains of West Virginia, the 13 part series is the first show ever to focus on the techniques of barbecuing and grilling. The show covers everything, from all time favorites, like Kansas City-style ribs and Texas brisket, to envelop-pushing dishes that include grilled gazpacho, grilled pizza, and even smoke-roasted pears.*

[homeschoolmom]

OK, it's 2:00 and I am still NOT sleepy. I used to look forward to nights so I could escape the pain of the days, now I stay up all night, just so I can sleep in in the mornings so half the day is gone...just when we have begun school! Hmmm.

BTW, what is the easiest way to shrink pics for posting?

My fingerprints still aren't back, so more waiting here for the adoption processing.

My daughter, Bree, had got a pony from my Granddad, and he's ready to come home, but doesn't exactly have a home to come to.  Our house is on a slope, so tomorrow, a couple guys are coming over to help us prepare the site, build up the area, and get Rocky's stall going. I'm hoping that the place she will do riding lessons here will also "break in" Rocky. We will have to get some kind of a trailer for him though... Anyone with horses?

I had to get downright radical- the kids were fighting now more than ever before.  I think Bree was a little jealous because her best friend is gone (Rohan) but Karyn and Akiem, both 5, still have each other. I cut out all TV, video games, computer time etc., and required them to play together, or read in their spare time. It's only until the end of the month, but after seeing a big improvement, I'm tempted to go back to our no TV/video games during the school week rule. I also have our family rules posted, one of which says "Family First." Don't know what else to do, and honestly, it's hard to think that in grieving the loss of one, you aren't as present in the lives of the others...

Blessings and peace to all,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[homeschoolmom]

I just watched the vid...you guys are awesome!! Thank you, Bonnie... Rohan's captured my heart too, and refuses to let go, which is just fine by me. Thanks again and much love,

Shelly