Loss of an Adult Child

[shorty16]

I also saw the Walsh family interview and thought the same thing - this grief is a life sentence.  Their son has been gone a long time and still the pain in the Mother and Father's face is so evident.  I did not know how the boy disappeared until last night.  That poor Mom lets her son play in an arcade (which I have also done) and he ends up dead.  What a horrible guilt she must feel, even though it is not her fault.

My family leaves Saturday (Dec. 20th) for our Christmas in Florida.  This is totally different then anything we have ever done and that is the point.

I will be thinking of all my BI friends when I spread some of my son's ashes in the Atlantic Ocean.  My mother also died this year (2-7-08) and we will be spreading some of her ashes in the Ocean too.

Take care of yourselves - our kids will be with us on Christmas - I know it

Colleen  Brian's Mother Forever

 

[lolynbo]

AMANDA,

AS COLD AS IT WAS I WAS NOT COLD TIL IT WAS ALMOST OVER...I NOTICED IT WHEN MY HUBBY WAS SNUGGLED IN BEHIND ME, HE WAS SHIVVERING AND I THOUGHT , "ITS NOT THAT COLD" I DIDNT REALIZE HOW COLD I WAS TIL I GOT IN MY CAR TO GO HOME...I GUESS THE ANGELS KEPT US WARM..

THE ADAM WALSH STORY IS SO SAD, IVE THOUGHT 10000 TIMES HOW DO THOSE PARENTS MAKE IT DAY TO DAY....NOW I KNOW...     MY SISTERINLAW JUST GOT DONE TEELLING ME THAT WHAT HAPPENED TO KOURTNEYS AUNT WAS NOT BIBLICAL.....SO I GUESS THE DEVIL WAS COLD THAT NIGHT....I GET SO TIRED OF PPL TELLING ME IF "SHE VISITS ITS THE DEVIL" I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS THAT THOUGHTFUL...

I THINK FROM NOW ON I WILL KEEP THINGS LIKE THAT TO MYSELF...(I CAN SHARE W YALL) BUT FAMILY AND FRIENDS THEY DONT UNDERSTAND,BECAUSE WE DONT UNDERSTAND

[arc4ever]

Wow, I thought the devil had it pretty warm all the time! Our children's spirits are with us and they will always be with us.  If we or someone we know receives comfort from these signs, then that is our business.  You are right, sometimes it is best to keep things from those who just don't get it.  Those who haven't suffered this terrible loss can't understand, no matter how hard they try.  Terrie - Adam's mom

[mpsmom]

Amanda, we did our candlelighting in 'small scale' with another family who lost their baby girl on the same day in the same hospital we lost our precious daughter, we lit our candles out by this little girls playhouse in their backyard, the wind came in and made most beautiful music on the wind chimes they had hanging on the playhouse porch.  Our girls were there.

Bonnie, I am so sorry going to Virginia brought so many memories that brought on the tears, I am sure Jason is happy his friend drives his truck now, Boys ( no matter how old) love their trucks.    We are leaving Chritmas eve for Sedona, Arizona, it is a beautful place that we never went to with Bethany, will stay in a hotel at the edge of the redrock canyons, she will love joining us there for Christmas, and there should be snow. 

Colleen, we will also take a small bit of Bethanys ashes with us to Sedona, it is a very very spiritual place -- certainly filled with spirits and angels. I agree, our kids will positively be with us no matter where we are at Christmas.

Lorri, it was nice talking to you last night, hang in there, I am here whenever you need a voice at the end of the phone. 

Terri, I agree with your comment , I am learning who to share 'visits' and signs with, some people just dont understand. 

Enid, I know you are busy with your Mom visiting, write when you can, I am happy your family put up your Christmas tree, and that Ethan guided you through it.  I hope your husband is doing better, mine has his good days and bad days, I worry about him as well, luckily he is strong when i am falling apart, I he falls apart when I am strong. This must be Gods way, to help us handle this tragedy. 

My prayers and thoughts are with you all, you have become my lifeline and my new family, We will all get through this together. 

WARM HUGS, Marcia , Bethany's Mom

 

 

[ericasmom]

Hi Everyone,

Colleen, I do hope that your trip is filled with signs of love and hope as you actively pursue a new way to mark the holiday. Have you ever read, Traveling Mercies, by Anne Lamott? she is my favorite, or one of my favorite authors, and she too spread ashes in the ocean in this book. Peace to you.

Bonnie, glad you had time in Virginia, and that you had time with Jay's friends. I know what you mean about certain visual cues to our tears, I see an old gold Caddie, and I get teary as that was ERi's beat up car.

As far as the shivering up the spine as though someone lovely was next to her in bed, it happened to me more than once in the last 5.5 years of Eri being gone, and each time, I knew it was she. A lovely knowing, a wonderful visit, and certainly not a devil or evil of any kind. How ridiculous that that woman said this to you Lorri. Why can't folks understand that their way isn't everyone's way?

OOn the Candle day it was 5 years 5 months since ERi left and I wrote a letter that I used to write monthly, but now as time has gotten us here, I write it about 3 or 4 times per year. The first 2 years maybe 2.5, I wrote each month adn the recipients are ERica's frinds and cousins, and aunties, as well as my husband and my good friends. So about 30 or so people receive it. Well this year, one of her great friends wrote back and said that earlier in the day, before I wrote, she was sitting thinking about Eri, she said ERi popped into her head and she began looking at photos, and the drawing she made while we spent those days at the hospital. She said she was amazed by the flood of emotion that over took her and that she felt happy to be able to go there because she worried that she may forget some of the details, but realized in her ache, that she had not, and then as the tears ended, all of her memories of Eri and She came forth and she was laughing, she was joyous. She noted all of this to me in a response which I feel honored to have. She went on to tell me that while she was never a candle person, she found an old candle and for reasons she did not understand, felt compelled to sit and look at the flickering light. It was at about 7:45 that I wrote to everyone, during the candle time, and there she was, unknowingly lighting a candle. She wrote, " Dee, I now know why I was directed to light a candle, it was Erica, sharing in the day with me, and sharing the light."

They are indeed always with us.

Dee

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

You make me smile!  I guess the "devil was cold that night" ..... ;-))

I too deal with folks who have different beliefs and just have to try to convert every chance they get.

Why would she think it was the devil?  For petes sake!!  And why would you tell a grieving Mom who trys to grasp every sign possible that her child is near ..... why would you even want to interrupt that comforting thought process?

Geez!!

I for one, BELIEVE!

Bonnie

[shorty16]

Lolynbo

Our children do visit us and are with us.  I am in awe that your sister-in-law (I think) said that to you.  You have much more restraint then I do.  I would have yelled at her and told her that my son is with me all the time.  My daughter comments how she "feels" Brian in our home. 

I will think about Brian or say something in my head to Brian and I swear he is answering me!!  I can remember about 3 months after the accident, I stood in the back yard and asked Brian how he could car-surf and end up dead - Before I finished the sentence I heard in my head "But, Mom, I did not think Mike would drive that fast"  It floored me.  I really believe he answered me that afternoon.

It is true, our BI friends really, really understand how we feel.  I am forever greatful that I found this website. 

Together, we will survive this, we will be changed, but we will survive.

Colleen  Brian's Mother Forever

[mpsmom]

Colleen, I talk to my daughter when I am making myself have 'quiet time' , mostly I try to stay busy, it has only been almost 3 months now, so quiet time doesnt help me much...but when I talk to Bethany, I hear her answer ' in my head' with the words she would use, I tell myself this is really her responding back to me, trying to comfort me and let me know "YES SHE IS OK"....  Our kids were all so special they are all together 'telling their stories' to each other......My prayers are with you,

Marcia,  Bethany's Mom

 

[lolynbo]

MAYBE THATS WHERE IM MESSIN UP...I DONT TALK TO KOURTNEY...I CRY FOR HER BUT I DONT SIT AND VISIT W HER...I WILL GIVE IT A TRY...HER DAD (SCOTT) SAID HE TALKS TO HER ALLTHE TIME AND THEY LAUGH...COURSE I JUST THINK HE HAS LOST IT..HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN ON THE EDGE...THATS Y HE IS AN XXXXXX..

BUT I SERIUOSLY WILL TRY IT

[daniellemom]

Bonnie,

Glad you made it back home, and that you had a nice trip. How did the cookie exchange go last week?

Lorri,

So glad that Kourtney's aunt had a visit. Not sure why people feel the need to say anything sometimes. But people will be people I guess.

To all that are going away for Christmas, I hope you have a nice time and when you spread ashes I hope you feel your loved ones arms around you.

Dee

How is Michael and Jon?

My prayers are with you all!

Sonya

[lolynbo]

OK I GET HOME AND THERE IS THIS POEM ON MY MYSPACE PAGE FROM A FRIEND:

A Whisper From Heaven

They say that life is fleeting

I know that this is true

I left this world so quickly

With no goodbye to you.

I know how much you miss me

Your tears fall ever light

The pillow where you lay your head

Is wet with them at night.

I know your heart is hurting

The words we left, unsaid

I love you’s, left unspoken

Are spinning in your head.

The strength that I have carried

That served to make you whole

Remains to make you stronger

Within your grieving soul.

For you see, while you were weeping

On the day I passed away

At the gravesite near the flowers

Where my loved ones knelt to pray.

An angel came to see me

She took me by the hand

She led me to a kingdom

In a very distant land.

As I look down from heaven

And see you standing there

Your heart so ever burdened

With more grief than it can bear.

I long to bring you comfort

I long to give you peace

I long to hold you closely

Cause all your tears to cease.

The joy I’ve found in heaven

Goes far beyond compare

The love that’s so elusive

Can be found here everywhere.

The light is softly shining

There’s no storm clouds here or rain

There’s no teardrops found in heaven

There’s no suffering, there’s no pain.

You needn’t be so troubled

Stay close to God and pray

That someday we’ll be together

One bright and glorious day.

So my love, you shouldn’t question

My dear you need not cry

I’ve gone to be with Jesus

I really didn’t die.

I THINK I NEEDED THAT TODAY

[ericasmom]

Someone sent me that poem after ERi died, it is pretty isn't it?

Sonya, thanks, Michael is still home which is so very nice for him. He is feeling beat up he said, but just hoping to get healthy enough to try the stem cell transplant. Tomorrow, Jon will take him for an outpatient visit, to check his numbers and such, and then if all is good, perhaps they will look at a time period in which to try the stem cell transplant. They still do not have a great match, his sister, but she was heavily radiated 3 or so years ago and so the stem cells will be affected, weakened I guess. I can't pretend that I get it, some of it I simply don't get. So thanks for the continued prayers, they are needed and appreciated. I told Michael last week that people from all around the globe were praying for him and he sounded tearful in his thanks.

My heart to you all, peace,

Dee

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - Our cyberspace is a safe welcoming place isn't it.   I am off today to a meeting of a newly formed Compassionate Friends Group in our town.  The organiser lost a son in a car accident 5yrs ago.  The flowers on the road out of town are always fresh. 

My husband attended his accident.  He also attended the sons of others that will be there today. 

I am taking the DVD and 'Empty Chair' with me to share.  Two of the ladies attending have only just begun their journey......I am also taking my angelstar worry stone, thanks Kathy.

I know I will be talking about all of my 'extended' circle from BI, seems natural. 

Lorri - many will tell you that to see, hear or feel your childs presence is the work of the devil.  Well, I guess you need to believe in the devil to begin with.  Me I believe Mike let me know he is okay - Mike and only Mike.....

Take Care

[mikesmum]

Just watched the Adam Walsh footage.  There is truth to the idea that we physically change after losing our child.  The pain etched on the parents faces says it all.......

[cameronsmom1]

Great news guys! Remember how I was complaining about my job the other day? Well I got offered another position so starting December 29th I will be a Chickasaw Nation Housing Specialist!! And I will be getting paid $2.50 more an hour!!! I'm so excited to get out of here! Just wanted to share the good news.

Amanda

[heartbeataway]

Hi Sonya,

The Cookie Exchange was fun!  I don't decorate for Christmas and one of my friends said something to me to the effect of how can you have a Christmas Cookie Exchange and no decorations.....

So, that played on my mind.  I went and bought several poinsettias and sat those around. Then I went to Hobby Lobby and bought 10 large baskets.  One for every baker to have to take their cookies home in.  I put a bow made of ribbon and raffia on each one and a small ornament.  Then I put a red and white tea towel in the bottom.  I also sat those around.

I had a green with white polka dot tablecloth and napkins.

So, it was as festive as I could make it!

The cookies were amazing!  And most were clever in how they presented them.  Some were divided already and others were on platters.

Some brought the right amount and others were painfully short .... but, you know, it didn't matter.

Everyone took home dozens of cookies and we had a nice lunch and lots of chit chat.

I had never hosted a cookie exchange before, but, I would definitely do it again.

Thanks for asking!

Bonnie

[briansdad]

I came home from work the other day and there was a plate of cookies in the kitchen with a card on it that said In memory of Brian. What a lift to my day. It was from another bereaved parent who sends them to all the bereaved parents that are listed in our St Louis group. Awsome people is all I can say.

Greg

Miss ya B

[mikesmomrs]

Greg:  What a sweet and thoughtful thing for your friend to do.  I know it brought a smile to you, and they are so precious to all of us.

Bonnie:  I am so glad your trip to VA went well, and the cookie exchange sounds wonderful.  I am so glad you dressed up the baskets, I am sure it made it festive, and maybe next year you might to be able to go a little further…or not, whichever you find yourself able to do at the time.   I certainly, as we all do, understand your falling apart when seeing Jason’s jeep; especially so since it is so closely associated with the last time you saw Jason.  Yes, I agree, “Grief really is a life sentence.”    I am so glad that Sarah bought a new car after Mike passed, and the van he drove he gave to his sister before that.  It hurt so much to go to their apartment after he died that I couldn’t do it very often, but she moved to a new place eventually and that has helped.  Seeing his stuff around sometimes is comforting, and sometimes tormenting.  I was babysitting at her apartment last night, and was rinsing some dishes.  When I went to put them in the strainer, a cup that was already in there tipped over.  I turned it over and saw that it had a picture on it…of Mike, sitting in the recliner, with Sarah holding Damon over the arm of the chair…it was taken the last day that he was able to be out of bed.  My heart broke and tears fell, but as usual, we have to pull ourselves together to do the next thing…which at the time was preparing Damon’s dinner.   

I am sorry I haven’t been on for a while…though I have been reading, as we all sometimes do.  Things have been kind of bumpy here…I found out today that I very possibly may have shingles…just as I was preparing to spend tonight and tomorrow putting up our tree---a monumental effort in itself, as you all know---and now I need to keep my right arm practically glued to my side, as it hurts to lift or move it.  Some of the blisters are under my arm and moving it just aggravates them.   I haven’t read up on shingles much yet, but I’ve known people who have had them, and it can be different for everyone and just plain awful.  I so hope I am one of those who can fight it off and not let it destroy my next month or two.  I will likely find out for sure over the next few days, though the doctor seemed fairly certain of his diagnosis.  I am a fairly positive person about such things, and I think that always helps with these situations…hopefully it will with this one as well. 

Anyway, I have been reading (Lorri, you really are a joy to read!), and following along with everyone’s days…Dee:  I am so glad to hear that Michael is home, and do so hope that he builds up his strength enough to do the next trial.  He and Jon are in my prayers, always.

Lorri:  How despicable of that woman to say that to you…just so heartbreaking that she would not even try to understand.  And even if she didn't think it weren’t so, (but we all know differently, don’t we…) she still should have recognized that it was bringing comfort to you to think about it.  I repeat what Bonnie said “why would you tell a grieving Mom who trys to grasp every sign possible that her child is near ..... why would you even want to interrupt that comforting thought process?”   The picture of Kourtney in bed, with her puppy, so precious to you, and so heartbreaking at the same time. We have similar ones of Mike…can only look at them in rare moments.  I am always reminded of how much at that time I was screaming to God to let me take his place.  Mike had a kitten who snuggled up to him all the time, sat in the crook between his knees. 

Trudi:  I wish you well with the newly formed group…may you all bring comfort to each other and find comfort for yourselves in the giving. 

Amanda:  Great news about the job…good luck!

Kathy:  So glad to hear that your hubby is seeming to open up some…reading your post about it warmed my heart at the same time it brought forth the tears.  Tavian’s comment about his mommy and Christmas was heartbreaking. 

Mamabets so glad to see your post…was concerned about you, and feel so badly about your sweet little doxie.  Another time to try to let memories carry us forward, but this will take time, as well.  Love to you, sweet lady.

The hardest part about all of this shingles stuff is that we hadn’t even started putting up the tree, and the kids will be here this weekend and so disappointed if it’s not up.  I might just get the tree up with the lights, and let them do the decorating.  I am posting a picture of Damon that we took the other night…had him out and picked up this shirt…put it on him, and when we got home, his mommy came down to the car to get him.  He opened his coat and held his arms out to her and said “Mommy’s Favorite Present!  ME!”  She was so tickled and he was so proud. 

love and peace to all, carol  mikesmomrs

  

[summergirl]

Hello to all - Thank you to all for the encouraging words for Barry and I - we did have a nice weekend but am not letting him off the hook that easily - we still have a ways to go but we WILL fet there!!

Dee - funny you should mention me taking time for myself - I have joined the gym and will be starting in January!! I am so very excited as I have missed it very much - used to go before Jessica left us. I will be going right after work, three days a week and I will work off my stress and get fit at the same time!!  It is hard to seperate myself from Tavian as I love spending so time with him but he also needs to spend time with pop- pop and this will give them the opportunity to do just that and me the time I need for myself - so thans - I am going to give myself a break!!

Finished putting up the tree last night - tears stayed deep inside as it was Tavian time. So hard to bring out all of the decorations from years past and so many memories of Jessica - all of the the ones she made throughout the early school years, special ones she bought for her and Tavian and all of the ones I bought special for her!!!  The whole time we were putting it together I was tearing it apart in my mind and throwing it out the door!!  Harder this year than last!!!

I too watched the John Walsh interview and was brought to tears by the look on their faces - such proof of how we all change and the pain always remains.

Greg - love that you got the cookies!!!

Trudi - glad the worrystone brought you a little light!! Maybe you will get some warmer weather!!!

Carol - yes Tavian sobbing over never having another Christmas with his mommy is something that I will never forget - my heart broke "once again" and I am sure it will break alot more as the years pass. Too little to have such pain.

Lorri - you are an exceptional woman - you bring laughter and tears to this family here at BI - my thoughts are with you often as you pass each new first on this journey. I remember the "why get out of bed - what for" and there are times I still would love to do that but life has a way of continuing on and we ride the waves and now and then we crash hard.  So happy for your Kody - he is much comfort to you!!

Amanda - So happy for you - new job more money!!  Dreams sometimes come true.

I will say good night to all as Tavian needs to go to bed and we must read first. I am feeling force of missing my Jess and just want to have a good cry - later I guess.

Peace and Love - Kathy 

[daveydow1]

Lorrie,  ....... Kimberly is indeed a lovely girl.  Thanks for sharing the poem.

       It says so much to an aching heart. Your tree is beautiful. Oh,....about

      the lady who interrupted at the ceremony for Kourtney.....if she was too

     cold, she  could have just quietly left, and perhaps called you at a later time.

    No tact at all, in interrupting.

Terrie,  You are right-----it is best to just not tell some people how we feel, as

            there's no way they can understand unless they are on the same road

            as we are.  I just keep my feelings to myself for the most part--except

            for here at BI.  Thank God for my BI family.

Amanda,   Great news---getting a new job offer !  Congrats.  Also, thanks for

               the poem.

                                          Daveysmom,    Sherry  

[lolynbo]

JUST WENT TO WALMART TO GET STOCKING STUFFERS THOUGHT ID GET IT OVER WITH...GOT A ELECTRIC ROAZOR FOR KODY (YOU KNOW CUZ HE SHAVES NOW USUALLY IN MY CAR LOL) AND A COUPLE OF GIRT CARDS FOR KIMBERLY AND KODY, BATH SALTS FOR KIMBERLY, A RED AND BLACK FLANNEL SHIRT FOR KIMBERLY ( THINK SHE WANTS TO BE A LUMBER JACK, SHE WANTED ONE) AND A FEW MORE ODDS AND ENDS....BUT WHAT DO I DO FOR KOURTNEYS STOCKING...I WAS IN TEARS WHEN I LEFT WALMART...IVE NEVER NOT GOT HER ANYTHING...WHAT DO I DO FOR HER....IT IS SO GONNA SUCK CHRISTMAS MORNING AND SHE ISNT HERE TO SET WITH US AND OPEN WHAT GIFTS THERE ARE AND NOTHING IN HER "KOURTNEY" STOCKING....

WHAT DO YALL DO? HOW DO I DO THIS?

MY HUBBY HAS NO ANSWERS FOR ME...

AND I KNOW IF YOU COULD HAVE TRADED PLACES WITH MIKE YOU WOULD HAVE...I ASKED GOD SEVERAL TIMES TO LET IT BE ME, MY WHOLE FAMILY ASKED TO TRADE PLACES WITH OUR SWEET KOURTNEY LYNN

[daveydow1]

Dee,.......I'm glad to hear that Michael is holding his own, and hopefully

             his tests will enable him to proceed with the treatments. I will

            continue to pray for him, and all your family.

Marcia,.......Talking to our beloved children who have passed over is a

              good thing, I believe.  After my son passed away, I visited my

              family Dr. who was old, and very compassionate. He said to me--

             "Talk to David, it will help".  I took his advice, and he was right.

Bonnie,.....Your cookie exchange went very well, and your decorations & the

               baskets were a lovely idea.

Carol,.....Oh, dear friend....I'm so sorry to hear you may have shingles. My

              dear Dad had them when he was also ill with cancer (he died 14

              yrs. ago).  He didn't have too much trouble with the shingles though.

              I guess it depends on the person as to the degree of severity with

              them. At any rate, they are NO FUN. Get well soon.

      PEACE TO ALL HERE AT BI.

          I MISS YOU DAVEY.

                                                                    SHERRY

                              

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

This is exactly why I can't even unpack the stockings!

I did hear someone talk about everyone writing a note and putting it in the stocking. And then reading them as a group.

I don't know how you make this easier ....

I'm sorry.  I know this is hard for you.

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

There's no tragedy in life like the loss of a child.  Things never get back to the way they were.

Dwight Eisenhower

[mikesmum]

Just back from meeting my Compassionate Friends.  It could have been all of us around that table.  One mum had lost 2 children.  She is in her late 60's.  Her daughter died 27yrs ago, her son 4 yrs ago.  Her son, a policeofficer died in a car accident with this wife (also a policeperson). 

Some had been on this journey 8yrs, 4 yrs and one lady who lost her son in May this year.  Being in a country town, three of the young men that lost their lives in accidents were attended by Mal.  But as we all know, time is irrelevant on this journey. 

Bonnie - I took the DVD and book with the idea that I would 'pay it forward'.  I took the liberty of placing the 'Random act of Kindness' card in the dvd.   I wrote Micheal's name on the back and asked that as each member received the dvd they note their childs name as well.  I wrote on the back cover in pencil the same thing........Jasons random act of kindness has travelled around the world!

Carol - Ohhhh, itchy, shingles (poop)!  Cammomile tea bags, calamine lotion is about all I cant think of for shingles.  There was a vaccine if caught early, but not sure where you are with yours.  Either way, long baths with soothing lavendar or cammomile might help....

Lorri - I always get to that part where I think I have covered everyone in the gift thing, but there is someone playing on my mind that I have forgotten.....Micheal.  This year we are having a candle lighting before we sit down to dinner....a thought from those who want to share is also part of the plan......Hope your boy gets used to shaving in the house, might be hard after mastering the 'in car shave'!

Take Care Trudi

 

 

[mikesmomrs]

Lorri:  I know what you mean about the stocking.  Mike was SUCH a "stocking" guy.  He was SO upset the year that we decided as a family to open our stockings later in the day, after Christmas dinner, as kind of a "wrap up" to Christmas day.  But, he acquiesced, though not quietly!  He was out-voted! The first year he was gone, we all wrote notes (Bonnie mentioned this earlier)...some came in through email as well, for those who couldn't be there and I just printed them out and those of us here took turns reading them, learning even more about his life than even we his family knew.  After dinner, when we opened stockings, we did his last...some of us cried or course, but crying, while sad, is healing, and we all shared our love for him---sharing thoughts he'd shared with us, from the sublime to the wise, to the humorous, including some of the "dark humor" he so loved.  I still have those notes, and those from the second Christmas; we will be burning them and putting them in the ocean when we travel out west this spring, hopefully. 

I don't think there is anything any of us can do to make this time of the year "easier," but try to live each moment in remembrance of our child.  The traditions of old are no more...never will be again, but our hearts and love for our child will lead us to new ones, and the time when that happens cannot be predicted or planned, and likely will evolve, slowly. 

Perhaps as it draws closer, we could share some pictures of our kids, from Christmases past, and in so doing, share the love and joy we once knew and still hold so dearly and firmly in our hearts. 

love and peace to all, carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Lovely thoughts Carol, of the notes and the stockings and the call to live our moments as best we can. I cannot go into the boxes of ornaments yet, stockings too. Eri loved her stocking, as did Jon. But maybe this year, I will hang a stocking here for Jon, and give him some of what he remembers back. I love the idea of sharing ;photos of our christmases past, and present.

Bonnie, love that quote, as we all celebrate those that understand what this means.

My heart is filled with all of you, a bigger family than ever before, and I am thankful for my moments with all of you. Today when the staff and teachers get up and sing to the school children, we are singing; And So This Is Christmas...I will indeed look like Rudolph when we are done.

Peace

Dee

[4everjoeysmom]

Greg, How awesome--the plate of cookies waiting at home for you, in remembrance of Brian. Such a heartwarming affirmation that people out there really do care!

Carol, my friend, I am so sorry to hear that Shingles may be present. Our Ecuadorian ministry partner had shingles through the summertime mission season, and he was so miserable. His wife helped to cover him where he couldn't reach with anti-itch solutions--like Caldryl lotion or corticosteroid anti-itch creams. He also had taken some kind of injections here, but some medicines available here are not available in the States. I know it was months before he felt better. I'll be hoping and praying that whatever your case may be, that it is gentle with your body. The spirit is so tender right now...

My hubby took me to the mall in the city yesterday. I was thoroughly pooped afterwards, but we had a nice time there together. We did some shopping, as well, for finishing touches on the Christmas gift baskets for the poor families, buying small jars of instant coffee, cookies and sweets.

I look forward to all of us sharing Christmas memories of past and photos. We did that last year too, and it was so comforting--sad, but comforting at the same time.

Much love to you all! ~Claudia

[heartbeataway]

Hey guys,

Good Morning!

It's a miserable here in Texas.  It's overcast and we had freezing fog earlier. Just plain yuck!

Trudi,

It's sweet to know that something related to Jay is perhaps comforting someone else. I personally liked the DVD but didn't gain too much from the book. Thank you!

Bets,

I'm sorry the economy has taken your husbands job!  But, it's so good to see your postings!

Lorri,

Did you get any ideas for dealing with the stocking stuffing for Kourtney?  No easy way around it..... but you're a creative person and I'm sure you'll come up with something.

Another idea might be to put little things in it that would remind the others of her and let them have the items when the stockings are done.  For instance, Jay always had Chapstick in his pocket.  He always carried a pocket knife.  He wore white t-shirts. He loved sweet potatoes and Sunkist Orange soda.

Carol,

Bless your heart!  You did not need anything else to deal with and especially not shingles!

Wishing you well!

Dee,

My heart will be with you today.  I already have the song playing in my mind and I know what you mean about Rudolf.  Blessings ......

Jason's friend called this morning.  He's definitely getting married April 28th.  The day that Jason died.  He wants to add something happy to a sad day.  I like the idea.  I just hope there's not too much mention of Jason.  I would have a hard time being happy if that happens.  He's somehow including us in things.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see.......... might be easy, could be hard.

I'm going to try and make it a good day ....... you do the same.

Love to all!

[cameronsmom1]

Bonnie,

Where at in Texas do you live?

[lolynbo]

JUST WOKE UP THE MOST WONDERFULIST WAY..

KODY HAD NO SCHOOL TODAY (BUT HE DOES TOM FOR TESTS??)

ANYWAY IM SLEEPING WITH ONE OF THE 4 DOGS AND KODY COMES IN AND PETS THE DOG AND COMES TO MY SIDE OF THE BED AND SAYS WITH A HUGE SMILE "GOOD MORNING MOMMY" AND KISSES ME AND HUGS ME...WHAT A GREAT WAY TO WAKE UP TO A GLOOMY DAY..

THEN HE SAYS "LETS GO FOR A WALK" SO WE BUNDLED UP AND WALKD AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD...I AM STILL TRUELY BLESSED.

I THINK WE WILL TELL OUR FAVORITE STORIES OF KOURTNEY FOR CHRISTMAS MORNING...WHO EVER IS HOLDING HER STOCKING GETS TO TALK ABOUT HER...

[heartbeataway]

North of Dallas, near Lewisville Lake.  The city of Highland Village.

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

Very sweet way to wake up!  Kody gently reminds you that you're blessed and so is he.

What I wouldn't give to take a walk with my son.

Bonnie

[cameronsmom1]

Well I had a great dream last night! I wrote about it and wanted to share it with you guys.

[align=center]My Dream

You came to visit me last night; I woke up to your cry

I looked around for Cameron but it was you right by my side

I picked you up so gently, and held you oh so close

It seems you come to visit just when I need you most

I carried you to the living room so that we could play

I wanted Cameron to wake up; I wondered what he’d say

You showed me that you learned to crawl and sit up by yourself

And just like your big brother you went straight to the movie shelf

I got on my computer to show you pictures of everyone

You pointed and yelled bubba every time you saw Cameron

My heart just melted I can tell you love him very much

I took you to his room so that he could feel your touch

He was snuggled to the teddy bear you left behind for him

You kissed him on the cheek over and over again

We went back to the bedroom and I knew our time was through

So I laid down and wrapped my arms so tightly around you

I know I was only dreaming but I love how real it seems

At least I get to see you even if only in my dreams[/align]

 

[lostwoher]

I truely enjoy how you are able to write into a poem of your dream. How sweet to have a dream so real. One day soon I hope to have one but im sure my girl is very busy reaching out to so many of her friends who are missing her as well.

I miss you so much my angel. Im here and ready for you when you are able.

[lolynbo]

I NO BONNIE, AND I STARTED NOT TO SHARE BECAUSE OF THE SONS THAT ARE NOT HERE...BUT ME BEING ON THE OTHER HAND LOVE TO HEAR WHAT DAUGHTERS ARE DOING AND SAYING AND HELPING MOMMA GET THROUGH THIS...

KODY HAS LOTS OF LOVE I WILL GET BIG BEAR HUG FROM HIM FOR YALL...IM SORRY IF I HURT ANYONES FEELINGS, I WOULDNT DO IT FOR THE WORLD..

I WISH I COULD DREAM OF KOURTNEY LIKE THAT AMANDA...HOW SWEET...I DREAMED OF KODY WHEN I WAS PREG WITH HIM AND I SAW HIS FACE, AND TOLD MONTY IT WAS A BOY WITH BLONDISH HAIR AND LIL DIMPILES...AND HE WAS...

GOT YOUR HUG FOR YOU....HE SAID LOVE YOU...AH YOUR CHOCKING ME...

 

A heart of gold stopped beating

Two shining eyes at rest

God broke our hearts to prove to us

He only takes the best

[cameronsmom1]

Thank you! I still remember the first dream I had about 5 months after he was stillborn. We were able to go through the whole birth again but this time he was alive when he was born and we were able to spend a whole day with him. It seemed so real and when I woke up I felt so much closure because I was able to do the one thing I wanted to do most. Hold my baby. I hope that your daughter will visit you soon and bring you so much comfort.

Amanda

[mpsmom]

My heart goes out to all here, thank you for being helping me though this and I hope in some way I help some of you as well.  I have to share a happy moment with you all, I hope something that will bring a small smile to all.  We live in a suburb of Las Vegas, as many of you may have seen on the national news, we got snow last night, not just a 'dusting' but in my area ---they say 6 to 8 inches......Well first of all a 'medium' person we spoke with a couple weeks ago, told us that Bethany said we would have snow, we insisted we NEVER got snow where we live, she insisted Bethany said it would snow.... so I had to go the the High School yesterday and meet with the teacher who is working of the yearbook, and give her pictures for Bethany's "baby page" a thing that you can do for you graduating senior.  I texted Bethany's best friend early in the day and invited her to Starbucks, she could meet me in this teachers classroom right after school..... I left the house at around 1:00 and the snow had just started, very light..not sticking....by the time school was out, they had cancelled all the school buses....I grabbed her girlfrieind and we headed for Starbucks....after about an hour of solid snow, we decided we would all go home and meet up right after dark to go to the HIgh School and build a snowman just for Bethany.  Two of her good friends that make sure I meet them for 'coffee and stories' every Tuesday joined us at the high school field.  My husband, myself and 3 of her closest friends played in the deep snow ( for us) and made the most magnificent "snowgirl" just  for her, we used golf balls from her HS team golf bag ( sprayed black) and some purple ribbons from her "services flowers" I will try to attach the picture..... I submitted it to the newspaper, we'll see if they pick it up.......I had a bad cold and it was soooo cold outside, but she would have loved seeing us all out there playing in the snow --- I know she was there with us, everyday I try to honor her memory----this is how we did it yeterday......afterwards we all headed back for more Starbucks coffee  and many many "Bethany" stories..... it was a GREAT night...............Thank you all for listening......

Warm Hugs, Marcia      Bethany's Mom

[lolynbo]

HOW NEAT IS THAT.....LOVE THE SNOW GIRL...LOOKS ALOT LIKE LIL BETHANY...IF SHE WERE A SNOWGIRL...ID LOVE TO TALK TO A MEDIUM....COURSE I COULDNT SHARE IT W ANYONE...

SO GLAD YOU HAD A GOOD DAY...YOU ALL SO OOOOODESERVE IT

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

You didn't hurt my feelings, you touched my heart.

I would give anything to take a walk with my son and I bet you would give anything to take a walk with your Kourtney....... right?

I love hearing stories like yours. I know that in the midst of so much pain you have joy and comfort in a son named Kody.

That's what we all want for each other ....... comfort and whatever joy we can find.

Don't stop sharing your sweet stories.  That would hurt!

Love!

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Marcia,

How sweet it is!  I love Bethany's snowman!  Thanks for sharing!

I hope you're feeling better .......

Bonnie

[arc4ever]

What a wonderful thing you have done.  Hopefully the paper will print it.  In the midst of your pain you found a moment of happiness.  That is a beautiful thing, we have to try to find those moments however fleeting that we can have a moment of happiness and know our children are smiling there with us.  You are a wonderful mother.

[daniellemom]

Great snow women(girl)(your baby)!! I thought of you this morning when the news told us about the snow.

Carol, Sorry to hear about the shingles. My Dad had them a few years ago, he didn't have that many problems with him and they only lasted about 2 weeks where they hurt bad.

I love reading all the stories. Thanks for sharing.

We finally got our tree up last night and we talked a lot about Danielle. I enjoyed that. All of her homemade things.

I will be praying for you all!!

Sonya

[cameronsmom1]

I just wanted to say that I hope ya'll have a great weekend. I probably won't get to get on much I have a pretty busy weekend. I have to try and finish making 3 picture quilts that i'm making for our parents for christmas. They have pictures of me, my husband, and son on them. I will try to post pictures when they are finished. Then I have to go to my mother in laws to help her make cookies that she sends out to her family every year for christmas and then sunday I have to go and do dirty santa and make candy with some of my stepmothers family. So I have a pretty busy schedule. I will be thinking of you all. Have a great weekend!

Amanda

[daniellemom]

Amanda,

Congrats on your new job!!! That's great news!

[heartbeataway]

Amanda,

Have a great weekend.  Loved the poem you wrote after you dream. Precious!

What in the world is "dirty santa" ???

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

For those of you doing stocking notes.  I was just watching Oprah and if you go to her website, she had templates of three different notecards.  The one that I really liked was:

What I Love About You ....

You can print and then cut and wa-lah, you have pretty notecards to add sentiment to and stuff the stocking...

Bonnie

[cameronsmom1]

LOL Dirty Santa is where everyone brings a gift (usually with a price limit of 10-15 dollars) and you all draw numbers. Whoever has number one picks a gift first, any gift they want and opens it. Then number two has the option of taking number ones gift or picking another one. If number two picks number ones gift then number one has to pick another gift. And it goes from there. It's good to be last because you can choose out of all the gifts. It's a really fun game but sucks if the gift you want gets taken!

[daveydow1]

Amanda,

Lovely dream you had........and also the way you put it into words

in the poem.  Thanks.

 

Carol,

Oh..........I heard once that if you put Listerine mouthwash (the amber color one),

on shingles, that it relieves the pain & itching. It could be worth a try. Hope

you don't have them too bad.  They can be dreadful, I've heard.

Take care.                        Sherry

[4everjoeysmom]

Amanda, I've gone to a party before that had that kind of gift exchange. We called it White Elephant gift exchange. Dirty Santa.... people not knowing what that is could take it any old way, huh? LOL!