Loss of an Adult Child

[heartbeataway]

Amanda,

I've actually done this game but never heard it called Dirty Santa.  That is funny!

You're right, it's fun.  Especially if your number is late in the game.

Bonnie

[summergirl]

Helo to all - cold and snow for tomorrow which Tavian is looling forward to!!

So wonderful that you could have a dream of your child and write such a beautiful poem about it!!  I wait patiently for my Jessica to come to me but................

Trudi - your meeting sounds like it was good for the heart and soul, especially this time of year when all seem so happy, running around shopping and all of the lights that surround people's houses wherever you go. So sad to think of all those on this journey through out this world - wonder if they have ever tried to find a place like this and if they could how much of a difference it would make to them - I am lost without my friends here and the comfort and strength I gain from all - seems like each and every person should be on here.    I heard on the news today that an average of 500 teenagers will lose their life over the course of this holiday and I was brought to tears to hear that number!!!!!

I have been down and cannot seem to find the way to the top - I think it is all of the decorating we have done, all of Jessica's ornaments we have used - all for Tavian and I just want to put everything away and pass right over it but cannot. I need to get myself together or I will truely lose it.         I like the idea of everyone writing something and putting it in the stocking or as Lorri said, have everyone say something about her Kourtney!!  Unfortuntley that won't happen in this family as they never mention Jessica any time let alone the holiday so maybe Barry, I and Tavian could do something special Christmas morning - hard to say how Tavian will react so need to think on it.

So sorry to hear about the case of shingles!! my heart goes out to you.

So right - no matter what we do nothing will ever be right again.

Love the idea of sharing Christmas past pics with all!!!

Time to get Tavian to bed so good night to all. I think of each and everyone of you all of the time. Kathy

 

[mikesmomrs]

Up in this neck of the woods, it's called "Yankee Swap."  We played it a little differently this year at the neighborhood children's Christmas party...everyone went in order of the number they had drawn, and then when all had a gift, a time was turned on and it was like musical chairs, only this was musical gifts.  Whatever gift you had at the end was yours.  I kind of like the older version, but this was good for a change. 

Amanda, yes, you have a busy weekend coming up...good luck.  The poem was really beautiful , and most beautiful was the reason it was created.  You were blessed.

Thank you all for your good wishes and advice on the shingles.  Today was a rough day...I had to do some shopping and also had to mail my pakcages to my daughter and granddaughters, and all afternoon my coat made my shirt feel like sandpaper across an open wound on my back.  Fortunately, no new ones have popped up yet.  Sherry, I will have to keep the Listerine in mind.  The itching part isn't awful yet, just very annoying. 

Good news, though!  We finally got a tree.  We chose to have a live one this year, because it is our first year in our new home.  The decorating will be another story...

I will post a pic when done.  I am doing Mike's marker spray tomorrow, also.  Got some things that will tie it into his life...a red punch buggy, of course, to begin with.  and a beautiful red heart for the middle part.  And a tiny stocking...he would want a stocking on it...

love and peace,   carol  mikesmomrs

[mpsmom]

Carol, I have a suggestion for your shingles, my husband is a chiropractor and we hear about shingles all the time.... if you have vitamin store nearby this is worth a try, it works for some and not for others,   GNC carries this product we keep it in the cupboard... the product is called  "Lysine" . My sweet daughter also took it whenver a 'cold sore' peeked it's ugly little head, knocked it out in a day, but sometimes the product works for the outbreak of shingles as well.....I hope you are one it works for.

Hugs to all , Marcia

 

[heartbeataway]

Carol,

Just a thought, I have a grand-neice that tested positive for MRSA. If she were older, they would have considered shingles.  Did your doctor consider MRSA?

I saw an idea that was unique and for those doing grave blankets and other grave decor, I thought I would pass it along.  They took small frames and put pictures of family in them and attached them to a wreath.  The pictures were black and white printer copies. The frames were "sealed" with a clue gun and attached to the greenery with either wire or glue depending on how the frame was made.

I thought this would be a sweet idea on a grave blanket.  It could also be just various Christmas pictures.

We had a tradition of putting our Christmas picture in a frame every year.  Those would be displayed together every year. It was my favorite decoration.  Christmas through the years ........

Until later,

Bonnie

[mpsmom]

Bonnie, It is so nice that your son's friend wants to get married on his best friends birthday.. what an honor to Jason.   Our kids friends are so very attached to them, I almost think the younger people in my daughters life more understand our loss than the 'older relatives' that are part of our lives.. .. none of the younger ones have ever said to me "are you over it yet??"

Warm Hugs, Marcia

[ericasmom]

Yes, I was going to say lysene, I take several tabs per day every day as I am susceptible to cold sores which are a herpes as are shingles. You can not get sick from lysene, so try that. Basically, they have to run thier course once they are activated, but lysene may lessen the severity. Goodness knows you don't need to battle feeling poorly. My thoughts are with you Carol.

I agree with you about the devotion and expectation from our Children's friends. They don't have unreasonable expectations like so many older folks do, because as I tell my students, children are more open and honest in thier heart, in thier beliefs, in thier communications. We need to learn to listen to them.

Peace in all you do,

Dee

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie:  thank you for the suggestion....I see my PCP for a follow-up tomorrow and will ask him about it.  I had a MRSA infection a couple of years ago, that occurred in the wound of some surgery I had...what a mess!  I had to have additional surgery to "clean it out" and then wear an infection vacuum machine for a couple of weeks.  I wore it slung over my shoulder, like a purse, and since the hose was attached to my butt cheek, which is where the infection occurred, it wasn't really noticed until every now and then, it would "burp" and embarrass the daylights out of me!  Marcia: I will also keep the Lysine in mind...Too bad about the Aveeno soak, though, Claudia, we don't have a working bathtub right now...just showers.  Planning on correcting that in the spring...hopefully I won't be dealing with this by then!  lol!

Bonnie, I love the idea of the pictures for the cemetary spray---what a nice idea.  I am currently working on framing some pictures of Mike from over his lifetime, in some Christmas-type small frames I picked up, and then some of him with each of us and his kids and Sarah, and putting them all on one small tree, dedicated to all the Christmases past, where he was here with us physically, to now honor his spiritual presence with us.  One of his very favorite movies was "It's a Wonderful Life"  (yes, right up there with "Kill Bill," etc.) and we had gotten him replicas of the buildings from that movie...the big old house, the bank, the bar, and the drug store.  He just loved them!  we bought them right after his surgery in '05 (they were in a leftover Christmas clearance bin in the drugstore!), and when Christmas came, he and Sarah had just moved into their new apartment and they didn't have room to put them out.  Then, of course, he was gone by Christmas of '06.  I will put them around, under that small "picture" tree, on a cotton blanket of snow.  He never got to have them out, so I know he will smile when he sees it completed...

Kathy:  perhaps you could initiate some sort of candle lighting cremony for Jessica on Christmas eve or morning, with yourself, Barry and Tavian.  Maybe if you enlist Tavian's help in planning it and doing it, he will find it comforting...just a thought.  I know it is so hard to know what is the right thing to do at that age for them, as we have the same problem with Damon, except that Damon doesn't remember his daddy, so it makes it more difficult.  How did Tavian react to the ornaments of Jessicas when they were brought out?    Damon loves to play with his daddy's toys, and has said "why did my daddy put all these toys in a box to give me later?" on more than one occasion, but there is not any "missing" as there is with Tavian, because he doesn't remember.  It truly breaks my heart, but there is nothing I can do about it, except try to ensure he learns of his dad's life as he grows older. 

Cold and snow for tomorrow here, as well, and my hubby's first full day of retirement...he is so happy, he can finally say "Hmmm, I don't think I will go out in this today" and get away with it!  

Wishing a good night's sleep to all, peac, and perhaps, dreams of our sweet ones...

love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

Carol,

The infection isn't funny but the burping butt cheek got a laugh!

The photo tree sounds charming.  My favorite Christmas movie is, "It's A Wonderful Life".

I had trouble watching it this year.  Wierd!

I had the Christmas Village also.  The one I had was sold by Target stores.

I wish you well!

Marcia,

I saw the snow in Vegas on the news tonight.  I thought about your little girl snow person. I bet it's growing with all the snow!

Bonnie

[lostwoher]

Since I work in a pharmacy I can vouch that the lysine works for most people. I hope you can find relief from those awful things. Best wishes.

Oh my, I almost forgot how much Kayla liked to make snow angels. We have plenty of snow to do that in here. Mostly freezing rain which is making for dreadful driving this evening. Maybe I too can continue her tradition tomorrow and write her name on it

Thanks for sharing the different ideas for chistmas and being able to 'remember' our loved ones. I have to work that day but I would really enjoy having some time set aside just for her.

Got some aweful news at work this week. Looks like my lil buddy aka Kayla has been stealing from the pharmacy. She was arrested while working on tues. It just tears my heart to hear of this. I trained her and we were good friends. We associated outside of work. She went to school with my Kayla and they were friends as well. This is the 3rd person in one year that this has happened to. Im besides myself and dont know what to think anymore. Why her????

[cameronsmom1]

I need some ideas please!!! I start my picture quilts tonight. We have 9 squares each including a picture from the family pictures we took. I'm trying to find a way to include Brayden in this but don't know what would work. Any ideas? I don't want it to be something that when they look at it they will be sad but I do want a little something on there to represent him.

[ericasmom]

Hi All,

Poor Jonathan came over for a moment last evening, he'd been at the hospital all day while Michael had some tests, the cancer is back, he has lumps on his shoulder adn on his legs, Jon looked so sad, so defeated. My poor little boy, and poor Michael. today they go back for more tests, a biopsy of the lumps, and blood work, we are hoping he can remain at home for a few more days. Unsure at this point.\\

Prayers my friends, with my gratitude,

dee

[heartbeataway]

Amanda,

What about the letter B?  Or, the letter B with wings?

Just a thought ....

These sound interesting! 

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

And you wonder how much one soul can take ......

Michael knowing that his most sacred journey is just around the corner, ready or not.

And Jonathan saying good-bye to yet another loved one.

And you Dee, trying to grasp and comfort at the same time.

My warmest thoughts of strength and hardiest prayers.  I don't know what else to do.

Love!

Bonnie

[lolynbo]

POOR JON THE ROLLERCOASTER AND FLOOD OF EMOTIONS, I SOOOOOOO NO HOW THAT IS....AND POOR YOU HAVING TO WATCH YOUR BABY GO THROUGH IT AND HURT..IM PRAYING FOR ALL OF YALL..

THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING AMANDA, A CLOUD WITH WINGS OR , SEPERATE A CLOUD THEN WINGS...

IM SUPPOSE TO GO GET MY HAIR COLORED TODAY...THE GIRL THAT ALWAYS DID MINE MOVED TO TEXAS AND THE GUY THAT WAS DOING MINE WHEN I HAD TIME WHILE KOURTNEY WAS SICK, DIED IN SEPT...(RIP JOHNATHAN) SO IM SCARIED TO GO TO THIS NEW GIRL AND JUST DONT FEEL LIKE IT..MAYBE I WILL JUST WEAR A HAT...

WHEN YALL POST AND IT GOES TO A RANDOM PAGE , DO YOU SOMETIMES READ WHAT IS ON THAT PAGE...THERE IS ONE LITTLE GIRL THAT ALWAYS IS ON WHEN MY POST GETS POSTED, SHE JUST HAUNTS (SP) ME, I NO NOTHING OF HER AND HER MOTHER/DAD DOESNT POST ANYMORE, I JUST WONDER ABOUT HER...AND THEN THERE IS A BOY THAT POPS UP I WORRY BOUT HIM TOO....I NO IM JUST WANTING TO WORRY I GUESS.

WELL HAVE A BLESSED DAY...

[mpsmom]

Dee, My prayers are with you, I have tried my best to follow along with your postings, I am so sorry for all that you are going through.....I think I have gathered you are a teacher, and a wonderful one it seems, Bless you !!!!!!!!!!!! 

Thank you for helping us all in your time of grief, I only hope we can help with your grief as well. ALL my heart goes out to you and your family,

Marcia   Bethany's Mom.

[cameronsmom1]

Thanks for the ideas. I looked on my clip art and found a heart that had wings and I put Braydens name in the heart and am going to put it somewhere on each quilt once its finished. Thanks for the help!

[mikesmum]

Dee - With Bonnie on this.....how much can one soul bare?  If these are lifes lessons that serve to make us stronger, you Jon and Michael share such a bond, such a strenth.....

My thoughts, prayers are with you all as you continue on this journey of twists and turns.  I hope Michael is able to stay home over the holidays.  A time to build memories, to re visit better times. We all know to change lifes course isn't always possible, so remember while you are many things to many people, take care of yourself.

Christmas is approaching like a frieght train in the night.  I hear its rumble and brace myself. 

Trudi

[ericasmom]

Bless you all for the kindness you share so readily. Love the snow and the angel for Bethany, love and hold close all of the prayers from you all. My heart is full from each of You.

Christmas is coming like a freight train and I brace myself..

I am there with you.

Love,

Dee

[lostwoher]

Thoughts and prayers to you ALL. Such trials and stipulations we must endure. Be strong.

I am SO grateful to everyone here and share your pain as well as your happiness.

Lynn

Im going thru your hopechest Kayla. You have soooo many memories in there and I cherish each and everyone of them. Wish ya could have kept the cats out tho lol- so much cat hair makes my nose itchy. Love ya bunches,

Mom

[daveydow1]

Dee,

Oh, friend, I am so sorry that Michael's cancer is back. My heart goes

out to you also, along with everyone here at BI.  I too wish that there

was something to say, with all my heart.  I continue to pray for Michael,

and you, and your poor dear son, Jon.  Bless all your hearts.

                                                               Sherry

 

Amanda,

The heart with wings, and Brayden's name on the heart sounds so very

nice.  Don't worry about making other people sad. You are doing something

to honor your sweet little angel, and others will know this when they see it.

                                                     Daveysmom,  Sherry

[daveydow1]

To all,

I too have noticed that younger people seem to have more compassion

than many older people. I don't know why........maybe it's just me, but

older people seem to have a stolid, straight-laced attitude about death.

Could be that it was the way they were raised. I guess that was just

their way of coping. Everyone has to deal the best way they can, but

being told to "get over it",  "time to move on", etc. does not help at all

I believe.  Anyone else have any thoughts on this subject ??

                                              Daveysmom,    Sherry 

[summergirl]

Oh Dee - my heart goes out to you - repeat - how much more can one take!!  You are a strong woman but I can only imagine how painful it is for you to see Jonathan hurting so badly and Micheal facing what he is. You hold strong and my arms embrace you from afar.

Carol - thank you so much - I really like the idea of the candle lighting ceremony. I will talk to Tavian and see what he would like to do.  As for his reaction to the "Jessica ornaments", well he held one up to me and I said "oh, I remember when you made that, I think it was when you were in daycare" and he looked at me and said "look at the back mi-mi" and when I did there was Jessica written on it - (tears) then I looked at him and said "oh yeah, mommy made that one when she was your age so now we have two of them, one from mommy and one from you", he liked that idea but then as we came across a few that Jessica had made special for her and Tavian he handed them to me and said "I can't put these on the tree mi-mi, you have to do it" - so I asked him if he would rather keep them in the box and he said no he wanted them on the tree he just didn't want to put them on. Sooooooooo - it is hard to know what to do.    I feel your pain about Damon - but I have to say there are times when I almost wish that Tavian didn't remember as much as he does as it is so painful for me to have to be so strong all of the time but on the other hand there is you who wishes so much that Damon did remember. As he grows you will fill him with the love his dad had for him and he will come to know him through all of your memories, pictures, journals etc - he will know how much he was wanted and loved. Bless you.

Bonnie - love the idea of the pics in little frames and put on the grave blanket!! I love new ideas.

Lorrie - it is amazing that you asked the question you did because every time I come on to read and post it seems as though I always come up to the same page and the strangest thing is this - it is always a poem - the one you shared the other night!! It haunts me each time - you wrote:

A heart of gold stopped beating, two shinning eyes at rest, God broke our hearts to prove to us he only takes the best.      It is the same one that comes on to my screen and there is no pic but I have often thought of it!!   Amazing things happen here at BI!!

Am going to go watch a movie with Tavian - it snowed today and he got out of school early so we went out and built a snowman - he had so much fun.   When he was in the shower after I looked at my husband and the tears fell as I said "I miss my girl so much, she would have been here tonight all bundled up on the couch coloring and eating popcorn and watching movies with us and I would be waiting on her as she was just to comfy to get off the couch"   It was a good pain releiving cry!!

Jessica my girl - somewhere out there tonight someone is making an Angel in the snow because you loved to do that. As I was playing with Tavian and building the snowman I smiled when I thought of that time when he was just a little one and we didn't have a sled so we put him in his little plastic bathtub, tied rope to it and pulled him all over the yard!! Remember how much he laughed!!  I love you and miss you with every breath I take - mom

 

 

 

 

 

[lostwoher]

Im not sure how or why but I totally agree that the younger ones are so much more compasionate than most adults. I have found that they too like to talk about my daugter. The adults act as if nothing has changed and Im the same person I have always been. Of course there is the exception of my wonderful BI friends who know the truth. Not one day goes by that one of my co-workers will hug me just to let me know they care ( all are in their early 20's ). There are a few adults who show thier dispare for me but nothing like the young ones. Maybe it has something to do with their innocense. I have no idea. Family members are a whole other issue. If I bring up the subject of Kayla they will respond but not enough to keep the convesation going nor will they start the conversation.

[summergirl]

OK - I just posted about the poem and sent it and guess what page came up!!  page 696 and there it was!!  it was Jan 2, 2005 and written by momofJustin!!  I cried all over again.

How right you are about the young ones understanding sooooo much more than the "adults" - all of Jessica's friends still call and keep in touch though phone calls and her MySpace page.     Same here, I will bring up Jessica to the family but they always find a way to shut it down so I have given up even bothering. My sister is my lifeline when I cannot come here - she knows the minute she hears my voice what is wrong and she is just lets me ramble and cry for as long as I need to. Thank God for BI, my Jessica's friends and my sister. God Bless all of you.  Kathy

[mpsmom]

I am very happy , the local newspaper just called to ask me to identify the people in the picture of Bethany's snowgirl that I sent in to them ( i posted it here a couple days ago) ... they are going to run it in our small local paper... Her friends were so great to come out and build it for her.....she would have been there with us... but then I guess there wouldnt be a 'story'... nevertheless, I am happy to honor my sweet baby girl....may she never be forgotten.  This was a nice 'hold me up' (pick me up) for the 3 month anniversary which has haunted me all day.

Hugs to all,   Marcia   Bethany's mom

[lolynbo]

I'D LIKE TO JOIN JESSICAS MYSPACE..PAGE IF YOU'D GIVE ME THE ADDRESS

MINE ARE

LORRI BOATRIGHT

KOURTNEY CARGAL

GODS NEW ANGEL (KOURTNEYS MEMORIAL PAGE)

THAT WAY WE CAN GET TO KNOW THE KIDS BETTER

[mikesmum]

My youngest has just left.  He installed my dishwasher, a pre christmas gift for having 17 for a sit down traditional Christmas Dinner.

As he was waiting for the cycle to run thru he wandered into "My Place".  Its where the computer is located, many family pictures and treasures.

He was standing in front of the pictures of Micheal shaking his head.  I caught him as the tears fell.  "He looks so alive mum".....best I could offer....."I know Steve I know".

 

[lostwoher]

I feel the pain of looking at the momentos and photos, I 'cleaned' Kayla's hope chest out this evening. So many memories stashed with so much garbage lol. Its her garbage but now my treasure.

Woohoo- a dishwasher! Niiiice

[lolynbo]

WELL ON MY DAILY VISIT TO THE CEMETARY WHEN ENTERING, WE ALWAYS TURN OFF THE STEREO....WE JUST THINK IT IS RESPECTFUL...BUT TODAY WHEN I GOT TO KOURTNEYS, I ROLLED THE WINDOWS DOWN AND CRANKED IT UP ON THE NEW BRITNEY SPEARS CD...(HER MYSPACE PAGE IS BRITNEY AND I WILL NEVER CHANGE IT) WE SANG AND LAUGHED (ME AND KOURTNEY, CUZ SHE ALWAYS LAUGHED AT MY SINGING)....I PUT OUT NEW BIGGER CHECKERED FLAGS AND TALKED ABOUT WHEN WE WENT TO THE CHRISTINA AUGLARA (SP) CONCERT AND THE TED NUGENT CONCERT....AND I TOLD HER KIMBERLY AND I AND MY SISTER ARE GOING TO GO SEE BRITNEY IN DALLAS MARCH 31ST, AND I KNOW SHE WILL GO WITH US, SHE CAN SIT ON MY LAP...

I TOLD HER WE WOULD SING AGAIN TOMARROW, AND LEFT FEELING PRETTY GOOD..

I EVEN TOLD A LITTLE 9 YR OLD BURIED BY KOURTNEY SHE COULD LISTEN TO BRITNEY WITH US...HER NAME IS NAOMI, SHE WENT TO THE ER WITH A COLD AND WAS SENT HOME, SHE DIED LATER THAT DAY FROM PNUMONIA.(YEP THATS OUR HOSP)

[4everjoeysmom]

Marcia, what wonderful news that your local media will be running the story of "Snowgirl". I had written in to ask the local paper in Joey's hometown to consider a story a couple of months after Joey passed. Joey and his dad had "framed" a new horse barn over the summer out at his dad's ranch. Five of Joey's friends got together one weekend in late September '06, along with Joey's dad and step-brother, to help with the "raising" (construction) of the barn. Joey's setp-mom took pictures that day, and it truly was touching. I thought it might be an uplifting community events piece for their local paper... but they never responded. It's ok, though. I have amazing photos of Joey's friends coming together to help Joey's dad in memory of Joey...and it doesn't get much sweeter than that!

A couple of days ago a few mentioned the Shingles, Lysene, the Herpes Virus, etc... It's kind of ironic, because a few days ago my lips became very raw and chapped from eating mangos. Yeah! Mangos!! I love them, but the way to eat them is primarily to bite off part of the skin, and using teeth to soften the fruit inside, you suck out the juice and fruit of the mango. It has a pit in the middle, but it's kind of a strange consistency. This is the "popular" way to eat the fruit. Anyway, the acid from the fruit tore my lips up. I use Abreva ointment when I get cold sores, so I began to use that a bit, but the tingling sensation of the "active" virus began to take over and it was too late. My entire mouth is covered with blisters and I am still fighting the spread of more. It's horrible. Looks like I've been punched in the mouth a few times. One of the drugs I used to take (antibiotic) for this virus when active (fever blisters on occasion since I was a kid) is called Acyclovir. But I can't get it here. So I have my Abreva and am waiting for the dry-out to begin. I just found it ironic that the discussion of Lysene and remedies came up for this varied type of virus, and here I am with the worst outbreak of my life.. (sigh)

[cameronsmom1]

Lorri,

It sounds like you and Kourtney had a great time i'm so happy for you. And I'm even happier to hear that Kourtney and Naomi are beside each other that is so awesome! I worked with Naomi's dad and I was so sad to hear that that happened. It took everyone by surprise but never did it cross me and Jakki's mind that that could happen to us. First Jakki lost Eli a year ago this month, then I lost Brayden in April. It has definitely given us a different outlook on life. What cemetery are they at? I'm sure Kourtney would love to sit on your lap and sing along with you to Brittney!! 

I went to visit Brayden yesterday and guess what!!! His headstone is finally there!! I will take my camera today and take a picture for you guys to see. Hope everyone is doing well.

Amanda

[ericasmom]

Marcia, fabulous news that the newspaper will run the story, how sweet and warming. She lives on Marcia, in the once in alifetime snow, in the morning light, in the laughter and hearts of her friends, each beat of your heart, she lives on. Always.

Claudia, can you get lysene where you are? If not shall I send some. I used to get herpes, cold sores and fever blisters all my life until a friend said, try lysene. Truly in the last 17 years, I probably have had only 3 cold sores where as I would get one every month or so. They took so long to get rid of too and they hurt and make you feel icky. So I take daily doses of lysene and my chiroprater who is also a homeopathic doc says you can take a lot of lysene without any worry. It is an amino acid. I hope that you will heal up quickly. Some say it is activated by a virus that lies in our bodies, while I know sometimes they are activated by nerves and lack of rest. You have been very busy with the outreach work for Christmas, so I hope that yo will have some big relax time coming.

Sherri, Bonnie, Kay, Carol, Kathy, Greg, Betts, Lorri, Amanda, thanks so very much for the kind and wonderful prayers for Michael, he is still home after tests yesterday. I did not ask Jon what the results were, he was simply happy to be having dinner with his Pops and that was a gift in itself. A smile in his voice.

The holiday sing was really amazing and as I told my students, their first song, which we found out yesterday was from Nigeria, (we were unsure of its orgin) a lulabye, was a 5 tissue song. It had 7 didfferent instrument parts all played by 3rd graders and it was simply beautiful. Their second song, Grown-up Christmas List was gorgeous, and both talked about once being small and when I grow up ...so as you can well imagine, I wept.

We are led into pathways by our instincts and by our hearts, and I am most grateful for having followed my heart into this place with you.

Dee

[lolynbo]

KOURTNEY IS IN THE BIG ONE...ROSE HILL SHE IS IN THE MIDDLE OF 9 SPOTS..LARGE AREA...ON ROAD 17, NOT QUIT TO THE MCDOGALLS BUT ALMOST , JUST DOWN FROM NAOMI A BIT...

I THINK KOURTNEY HAS ONE OF THE NICEST SPOTS OUT THERE...HER HEADSTONE IS ALSO IN THE STATES, IT CAME FROM OVER SEAS...NOW IT IS AT THE LASER PLACE GETTING THE PICS PUT IN IT, WE SHOULD HAVE IT IN OKLA AROUND JAN OR FEB...HERS IS AS LARGE AS I COULD GET FOR A SINGLE....MONTY AND I WILL OF COURSE BE PUT ON EACH SIDE OF HER, AND WE JOKE THAT HERS WILL BE SO LARGE THAT MINE WILL SAY "MA" AND HIS WILL SAY "PA" BECAUSE WE TOOK UP MOST OUR ROOM....CHECK OUT HER BENCH TOO. I PUT PICS UP WHEN WE WENT TO GO SET IT (WE ALL WENT)

THE FRONT SAYS:

"EVERYONES GIRL"

AND THE BACK SAYS:

"I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, THINK OF ME IN EVERY FLOWER THAT BLOOMS"

AND THE TOP:

HAS TWO LARGE MONARCH BUTTERFLIES AND THEN SAYS

KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL

ITS BLACK AND ARCHED A LITTLE BIT..

WAS EXPENSIVE BUT WHAT ELSE AM I EVER GOING TO BUY HER??

MISS YOU MY KOURTNEY LYNN AKA SKINNY LYNNIE, SHORTY, TATER SKIN..

[cameronsmom1]

Wow! Brayden is right next to the rose hill cemetery in griffins. He is in Babyland. When I go out there today I will run by and visit Kourtney too! Can't wait to see the new headstone it sounds beautiful!

Amanda

[heartbeataway]

This is our Christmas picture this year ......

So,

[align=center]Bailey Boy, Jay's Jackson and Zoey Love wish you and yours Happy Holidays!

HO, Ho, ho

[/align]

[lolynbo]

NOW THATS A CHRISTMAS CARD...POOR LIL BIG ONE LOOKS SO SAD

WELL JUST WHEN YOU THINK THE REST OF THE WORLD HAS FORGOTEN YOU..THE MAIL COMES..YES A CHRISTMAS CARD, BUT 2 VERY IMPORTANT ONES..

THE FIRST ONE IS FROM THE COUNCELOR AT KODYS SCHOOL (SHE ALSO WAS HIS 4YR OLD PROGRAM TEACHER) HER CARD WAS VERY HEART FELT, AND SAID PLEASE CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING...SHE WAS TRUELY THINKING OF US.

THE NEXT CARD CAME FROM KODYS FRIENDS MOM, (SHE LOST 2 KIDS IN A CAR WRECK 5 YRS AGO, A DAUGHTER 15 AND A SON 9) KODYS FRIEND WAS DISTRAUGHT. AND KODY HELPED HIM THROUGH IT...BUT THE MOM JUST MAILED ME A  CARD AND IT SAID...

"HOPE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS. IM SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED,KODY TOLD GABRIEL, THEN BY THAT TIME WE WERE MOVING, I ENCLOSED A POEM I HOPE IT HELPS, IT DID ME A LITTLE".. (SHE MENT WELL)

HERES THE POEM:

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM HEAVEN

I STILL HEAR THE SONGS

I STILL SEE THE LIGHTS

I STILL FEEL YOUR LOVE,

ON ACOLD WINTRY NIGHTS

I STILL SHARE YOUR HOPES

AND ALL OF YOUR CARES

I"LL EVEN REMIND YOU

TO PLEASE SAY YOUR PRAYERS

I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU

YOU STILL MAKE ME PROUD

YOU STAND HEAD AND SOULDERS

ABOVE THE CROWD

KEEP TRYING EACH MOMENT

TO STAY IN HIS GRACE

I CAME HERE BEFORE YOU

TO HELP SET YOUR PLACE

YOU DONT HAVE TO BE

PERFECT ALL THE TIME

HE FORGIVES YOU THE SLIP

IF YOU CONTINUE THE CLIMB

TO MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

PLEASE BE THANKFUL TODAY

IM STILL CLOSE BESIDE YOU

IN A NEW SPECIAL WAY

I LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY

NOW DONT SHED A TEAR

CAUSE IM SPENDING MY

CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS THIS YEAR.

 

BOY DI IT MAKE ME CRY, BECAUSE SHE IS WITH JESUS AND SPENDING HIS BIRTHDAY WITH HIM...

[daveydow1]

Amanda,

Our little angel, Lisa, who died at 6 mo. of age years ago is also

buried in a section of the cemetery called  'Babyland'. It is for babies

age 2 or under. Our son, David, is buried in another section of the same

cemetery. My Husband and I will have a place on either side of his grave.

Peace & comfort to you, friend.

                                   Sherry

[daveydow1]

Lorrie,

The headstone sounds very beautiful, with the butterflies and writings.

 

Kathy,

Jessica is surely smiling down on you and Tavian as you go about

making  his Christmas a happy and memorable one.

 

Bonnie,

GREAT pic of the dogs at Christmas. Sooooooo very cute !

      Best Wishes to All at BI.

       Sherry

                        

                 

 

[ericasmom]

Bonnie,

beautiful card, love the three dogs, three wise dogs. You are a creative person.

Peace

[ericasmom]

Lynn and Trudi, I did not add your names in my last note of thanks, silly me, I am so not-good with names, so forgive me, and thank you for your constant support. I am making dinner for Michael later and he let me know that on Tuesday, he will be having a bone marrow scan. Poor Man, poked an proded beyond belief. My hope is that he keeps feeling strong in his convictions as he pushes forward.

Dee

[lostwoher]

Dee & others, Please please, no forgivness is needed for leaving out my name. Goodness- Im the worse at remembering names or recalling who exactly said what when it comes time to relpy to anything. Its all good for me. My thoughts and well wishes go to everyone here at BI.

Very cute pic of the 3 wise-dogs. I miss not being able to have pets.

Beautiful poem. I cried too while reading it. Think I may add it to Kayla's myspace page.

The cemetarys sound so lovely. I bet the headstones for your loved ones are just as elegant as your loved ones. Im leaning towards getting Kayla a bench as well. She always wanted the one I had in the yard ( even tho she broke it ) lol. Unfortunately she is laid to rest about 1/2 hour drive from here so I dont get to visit her there as often as I would like. I take it some of you here live close by each other?

Let me know if you need lysine. Im at the drug store 5 days/nights a week. Its no problem!

Have a great nght everyone. Peace and good health to all

Lynn

[mamabets]

For ALL~ I love you, I love you, I love you...xoxoxo

That's all we need, one baby step at a time is love, love and more love~ I hope this can help to bring a smile to us all!!!!!

My grandbabies...Sweet Julia, now nine, once sat vigil once upon her little time...Little Caroline has been magically touched by the magic of Danny~

She grew to love him before she came here to love us~

My babies are your babies...

LOVE

mamabets

[tanmanmymagicman]

3 wonderful blessings for your family;  I try and count mine now and do not take anything for granted;  I have had a blessed life; until I lost my Tanner;  It has awoken me to realize how much I have taken for granted in this lifetime;

Merry Christmas to everyone on this site; I wish I knew everyone more; I wish everyone knew me more;  I wish I wrote more;  I honestly come here everyday to remember I am not alone in loss;  God  continues to Bless me everyday;

 Cindy; Tanner's mom.

[cameronsmom1]

Sherry, It never even crossed my mind when I buried Brayden about me and my husband being by him. I just knew I wanted him with the other babies. So now i've been looking and I think there is some spots right by babyland that I am going to look into. Hopefully it will work out but either way I know I will be with him no matter where i'm buried.

Amanda

[mamabets]

For tanmanmymagicman~ Please try to remember, from one mother to another who happen to be on this journey, by heart...

This speaks for all of our GOOD dads too...

YOU have not taken life for granted...LIFE has taken from you....

This happens to be the way that it is, and if we remember of all of the joy that our angels have brought to us, never once during those moments were we thinking "I am taking this for granted..."

No, we were just surrounded by the mere joy that they brought to us, and therefore still do...

LIFE is very cruel..LIFE still trys to help us along, by the same token...

We are now, teaching life how to do life...

LOVE

mamabets

 

 

[mikesmum]

Dee - not to be mentioned by name......not an issue.  To know that the thoughts, prayers and energies from BI surround you with each new 'hurdle' is enough for me.  Eri is round you too picking up the pieces with each new challenge.  Hope the dinner for Michael goes well.  Probed proded scanned and pin pricked....most definitely not a choice anyone would make for the holidays........

Mammabets - gentle wise soul that you are. You & your Danny have been here with me on this journey for so long.  Life does take us places and teaches us much on this journey.  I hope that there is a positive for you soon.  The picture of your beautiful grandbabies warms the heart. 

Bonnie - The three wise dogs....While I love the Christmas pic with you all in your PJ's, I think this new 'family'Christmas pic works just as well.  Jays dog seems to have that enduring smile his breed is famous for. 

Cindy - Its amazing how none of us have actually met, yet through the postings and the shared journey we come to know ourselves and others more than we could have imagined.

I had an epiphany around 4am today.  I was looking at the family pictures I have around my house, thinking of the cards sent with "our family" pictures enclosed. 

You know before Mike left that would have been me.  I wanted to show the world my family, my sons, my daughter and the beautiful grandbabies. I had been blessed, I was so proud.  I didn't stop and think about how such an image might be received by someone who had lost a child.

Having lost a part of the 'magic' those pictures bought, I don't think I could begrudge anyone who hasn't been touched by the loss of a child their desire to show the world their family.......no one should have to endure this journey.

As hard as it might be for me to see, I know in my heart if Mike were here the group shot would be proudly shared around.  The latest 'family portrait' sits behind me, it reflects the closeness of my babies. The ever present gap where Mike and Harmony should be tugs at my heart but I would be even more devestated without it.

So when you get one of these cards with all the news of the world attatched be thankful there is at least one family that hasn't been touched as we have been here at BI.

I see a light at the end of the tunnel.......OMG its a frieght train with tinsel!!!!!!

[cameronsmom1]

Hopefully this works but here is a pic of Braydens Head Stone

[ericasmom]

Freight train with tinsel; not the Polar Express exactly but nevertheless, a knowing that we are moving forward no matter what and Christmas will come and pass, and the day after some of the anxiety will have passed along with it. I do feel some of the beauty of Christmas, adn Jonathan was actually looking forward to the possibility of looking at old ornaments, but we are tempered again with the worry about Michael. Believe me, I do know that nobody here is looking to be thanked, but I just want you to know that I read your posts and am very grateful for the support. I cried when I read yours Trudi, about Steven looking at the photo of his Brother and remarking that he looks so alive. I am happy that he can give voice to these emotions as they come forward.

Betts, the Children are lovely and thank you for sharing thier sweetness with us. I know your heart must set an extra beat when you see them. And Danny pours his love right into them.

Today I walked for a long while, slowly through the woods, it was slippery and beautiful. All sorts of animal prints in the snow. duck feet on the ice covered slough, rabbit prints in the forest edge, and deer prints everywhere. It snowed lightly while I was out and I walked along quite emotional, missing my Girl as I walked along. I thought of all the times we walked alongside one another, leaving our footprints in the snow. I continued on and heard the shouts of joy as I got closer to the hill where both of my Children enjoyed hours of sledding. There on the hill were many Dads and Moms and thier Children in brightly colored coats and gear. I smiled and felt the joy they shared in the day. I am lucky to know that joy. It was a perfect day for sledding and ice skating. NOw the wind is getting very strong, it is whistling and whipping and tomorrow the wind chill may be -30. Tomorrow, not a bird will be heard as the weather will keep every living thing in hiding. In that silence and cold, I will remember the sounds of today, and the sounds of days long gone to sustain me.

The headstone is lovely Amanda. April 5th? Erica is April 4th. 4-4-84. Soon after Erica died my niece Katie found she was pregnant. She was thrilled and the whole family was joyous, as the message of new life did invigorate us, lifted us. As Kate's pregnancy went forward the ultra sounds proved a worry, and then a tragic turn. Her fetus had something very wrong, Trisome 18. The baby would probably not live beyond a day if he went full term, and so she made the decision to deliver him at 5 months. The doctor petitoned the hospital board to allow this procedure. WE all were there with she and her husband most of the night as she had to deliver him. Her strength amazed us and she said that when the doctors told her that he was coming, she silently asked Erica to take him to heaven with her, that now Eri had a baby to love and she pictured herself giving him over to Eri's outstretched arms. She explained that that was how she got through the sadness. Happily, one year later, she delivered a most beautiful Daughter, Nayeli Erica, who is almost 4. And now she has a Son, Xavier.

May miracles like snow in Las Vegas help us realize that our Angels are always with us, weather they leave prints in the snow or not.

Peace out-Dee

[4everjoeysmom]

Dee, I felt like I was on that walk in the forest with you... It made me think back to a time when Joey and I went up to my uncle's cabin near Tawas City, MI. The national Forest line ran along his property. We would walk through the trees and see all of those animal tracks..even a bear's. Precious time spent up there... Thanks for sharing and bringing that sweet memory to my heart.

Thanks for the Lysine offer, as well. I am asking the team leader coming on mission next month to bring me a big jar of it. I'm glad you all were discussing it, so that it reminded me to put that on my "wish list".

I have been silently praying for you, for Jon, for Michael especially, and for all of the BI parents here who are (like I am) managing to come through this holiday season. Love, Claudia