Loss of an Adult Child

[rhonda68]

Stu that is awesome that you are trying to help other kids there is nobody that knows like someone who's been there. I keep trying to think what i can do but I am in so much pain yet I cant come up with an idea. I really feel the need to do somehting special in memory of my son.

Richards Mom

[enufalreddy]

Dear Stu...keep up the good works. You have managed to salvage something positive from the negative. Bless you. I still cry every day...buckets of tears. Not all day but for a time.Seems to be like a pressure release valve for my heart and brain. Am enjoying all the posts and being among others who know how I feel and what I am experiencing. May God grace you with peace and strength.My son was an alcoholic/addict too Stu...which contributed to his death. It was so hard seeing him go downhill for years and now he's gone. But he is not a tortured soul anymore.If only he could have overcome his addictions and accepted a different way of life. Too late for him now.So unnecessary.I feel frustrated and lost. But I picture him smiling like when he was a little boy and flying with the angels and it makes the pain just slightly more tolerable for a minute or two.......God help us all..Erma

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Rhonda68,

It took almost two years from the deaths of my two children before I was able to talk to others about it. You will think of something in time, dont push yourself, you have enough on your mind at the moment.

Dear Enufalreddy,

It dosent get any easier, I still cry each day, and will for the rest of my miserable life..

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[kirksdad]

Stu, it is really great that you are able to help others by sharing your kids with them. It is a hard thing to do and I know you will have the strength. Great way to keep their lives in the minds of others.

[heartbrokendad]

Hi Kirksdad,

That was the main reason I started this, to keep my kids memories alive, I also play a tape of Carrie singing, and I know she is there with me when I do it.

[debi149]

Hello I'm new here and am not sure how the message board works, so I am hoping that I am posting this message correct...

My name is Debi and I'm from Texas.... I lost my daughter Michelle December 31, 2004 at the age os 28.... She left behind two boy's 6 and 7...

I am so lost... I am not sure what to do with the feelings I am having... This has been the hardest 6 months of my life... My daughter was one of the biggest parts of my life and now she's gone and I'm not sure how to deal with it....

I have no one to talk to about this... No one can understand how I feel or why I'm always so sad and cry all the time...

It feels like I can't breathe or that everyone around me is not really there...

When I get my grandkids on the weekends I don't want them to go home... They are the only thing I have left of her...

They are to young to understand what's going on or why mommy is no longer here...

I am hoping to be able to find people I can talk with...

God Bless

May the Lord help each of us find peace...

Debi

[julsmom]

Debi, my name is Lynda and my 27 y/o daughter died in an auto accident 10/13/03. I am so sorry for your loss. This is good place to come. If you can you should try to get grief counseling or go to Compassionate Friends meeting(for parents whose children have died), they have a website too. Remember you only have to breathe for the next 30 seconds. Let the feelings come, cry, scream, be angry. The feelings cannot be denied and you must let them out. Take good care of yourself so that you can take good care of those grandchildren. May we all find peace on this journey. Lynda

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Debi,

I'm so sorry for your pain, loss, and suffering, I lost my daughter Carrie Ann in 2002,Nov 3rd, and my son July 16th 2003.I know how bad you feel, and I want you to write me if you want...my email address is swalton@mah.harvard.edu.

Write and maybe I can help you by listening, and telling you how I have been dealing with this horror.

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[Artina]

Debi,

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that the parent's here on Beyond Indigo are compassionate and understanding. I lost my son Jan 4, 2002, and I have been part of Beyond Indigo for a little over three years. We share our grief, we offer support, and we help each other through this maze as we deal with the loss of our children.

Peace to you, Tina

[debi149]

Thank you so much everyone... With each passing day it seems more like time is standing still... I pray God would help take way the pain... I will pray for peace for all that has lost a loved one

God Bless

Debi

[Mazey2]

Stu, I am so happy to hear you...you sound better than you ever have, and what you are doing is wonderful. I think it helps you and it certainly will help others.

Deb, so sorry for you loss. You have found a site that has helped so many of us begin and follow this horrible journey. It is in sharing and caring with each other that there is some comfort. NO ONE knows the pain until we have had to be there. I hope there are things here that may ease your pain a little.....day at a time, and certainly as recent as your loss, it is an hour at a time!

NOW!!!! My only living child, my daughter had her first baby Sun. morning!! A little girl who is so sweet...Avery Leigh. But, of course, the way our life goes, we had to have a scary episode! They basically couldn't hear a heart beat for awhile during her labor, everyone running around trying everything....it was awful, once we have gone thru a significant loss (of our kids)I find I am not near as strong to trauma.....it is I guess like 'post traumatic syndrome', anyway, my daughter kicked into Mommy Mode and started talking to her baby. "come on Peanut, come on and perk up here..." and her little heart beat picked up. She had a couple more brief episodes and they did an emergency

c-section. All is well. THANKS to God, and her own personal ANGEL, her Uncle Chad. So, it is a very joyful time, but it is another one of those big events when we miss him so MUCH....can't stand it. Hate it! But, she weighed 7lbs13oz and Chad'd birthday was 7/13. Christa said it was a sign! Why not????

Sharing, Linda

[kathy714]

Hi Debi,welcome to this site ,i am very sorry for the loss of your daughter,my heart goes out to you and your grandchildren.This site is a great place to come and share your feelings,Ilose my son Nathan Jan 31,2005 on his 21st birthday,a month after you loss your daughter,so we probaly are close to the same stages of the grief process,that they say you go through.Iam missing my son so much and i find i am crying more and more every passing day,the emotions seem to be getting stronger,not less.Iguess with each passing day you realize more and more that they are not comming back.Ihope you can find some comfort from comming to this site.Everyone is in my prayer T/C Kathy

[brin3d]

Hi Debi

I too lost my only daughter on July 8th, 2003 (at the age of 23), which is coming up on an anniversary in a couple weeks. She too left behind a daughter that was 16 months old when she died. The tragedy of all this mess is that the children have lost the most important person in their young lives. The person that was supposed to watch them grow up and see all their accomplishments from walking, talking, the first day of school, prom night, graduation, marriage, and grandkids. These children for the most part have little or no memories of their own of their parent. That is very sad. I can share all my memories but it isn't the same. I have my granddaughter to raise which is the greatest gift my daughter could have ever left to me.

I have lost my best friend when I lost my daughter. I still have bad days, and I cry for my lost child at least daily, even two years later. Does it get easier? I can't say that it has yet. I still miss her voice, her walk, her hugs, etc. I can however find things in life that still fill me with awe. I guess I am still alive somewhere deep inside and I must move forward and live life not only for my grandchild and my two sons, but for my daughter and myself.

I am sorry you have to be part of this website. But to repeat everyone else's statements, we are here for each other.

Barb

[Artina]

Dear friends,

My heart weights heavy... two more families have lost a child. This last weekend, two 19 year old boys from our community died from injuries sustained in a vehicle accident. Their jeep went down a 800 foot cliff as they tried to make a u-turn. Two out of the three kids in the vehicle died. My heart goes out to their parents. As you know, my son was 19 years old when he died from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident~ he died on the same mountain they died. My heart feels like it is going to burst~ I have become very paranoid over the last week. My neighbor's husband (44 years old) was stung by a bee and died. They have two young children. Sadness everywhere. It makes me feel paranoid... I don't want my 16 year old son to go anywhere- and when he does I feel like I am consumed with his safe arrival. These are struggles that I have a difficult time with. It's so hard dealing with loss and life after loss.

Peace to all, Tina

Today I pray for the families of Nick Garcia and Tom Melbye.

[debi149]

Hello again to all....

Today was a so so day... If I had my grandchilden here I might be able to deal with this in a different away.... I fear for the safety of them and on top of everything else Ih of just et so depressed... I pray that each of you can find peace as I hope I can... God Bless each of you..

[julsmom]

Tina, you and the families will be in my continued prayers. So sad when lives are so soon ended. I understand about your feelings for your 16 y/o. Our son will be 31 later this summer, but lives in another state. I worry about his safety consistantly. And I am sure the fact that those 2 boys died on the same mountain where you son died, has a tremendous effect on your wellbeing. I hate seeing car crashes on TV even though Julie's took place away from her. All of this just reminds us of the losses in our own lives.

debi149 - please hold fast. You seem to have faith in God. I would recommend you read Psalms of Lament by Ann Weems. She wrote them after the loss of her son.

To all who have grandchildren - hold them tight. I wish I had a gift like that from Julie to hold on to.

Peace to all, Lynda

[enufalreddy]

Another day ......some of them seem endless.I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping.Which is not a new problem for me but has become much worse since Walt's death. My dreams are confused and crazy which makes me dread sleep at times. But after 2 or 3 days with only 2 hours of sleep a night I can't think or cope. I did get a nap yesterday and managed to sleep about 4 hours last night. The tears keep coming.So many of them are for my grandaughter Sarah who adored her father and now must grow up without him.At least I have a piece of my son left here in her. And I thank God I am on good terms with her mother.Walt and Julie stayed together until the last 6 months but never did marry.But I've always considered her part of the family. The last few months Walt's addictions made him paranoid and unpredictable and Julie and Sarah moved in with her parents.I am grateful that Sarah was not at home with Walter or visiting when he died. I hate drugs and alcohol now with all my heart and soul.They rob you of everything you have physically,emotionally and spiritually.They stripped him of all that and left him with overwhelming regret and anxiety...but he just could not stop.I pray his tortured soul is now at peace and joyous in the presence of the Lord. Reading the posts here is helping me to at least know that I have people to talk to who understand exactly how I feel.Today I will put one foot in front of the other and do my best to carry on. Thank you all for being here....Erma

[Artina]

Thanks Lynda for your prayers.

Tina

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Erma,

Your right about what drugs will do to you, once they get into your system, its like another person evolves from it. Opiates are the most addictive, and wont let go of their hold on us. I know the person I saw on the couch in Carries apartment, wasnt my little girl....

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[rmcaggiano]

Hello, again, I have only written once a few weeks back. I lost my son to Heroin on Mother's Day in May. My Nicholas is only 21. Today is day 47 that he's been taken from me. I know he wasn't a user of this drug, he had met some very bad person at college and tried it, and he never woke up. I miss Nicholas so much it's Gutwrenching, I can not accept that I am not ever going to see him again, i'm not sure if it's pain but, it's too much to bear. I only know if I could turn back the clock I would have been there and I would still have him and never let him go, never. He is so beautiful and loving. I know now that he does lives in my grandson, which is Nicholas' son. It seems very common to me now that God takes a child everyday, it was something that I thought was rare to loose a child of our own, but, it seems God takes one everyday. I'm not sure what is happening.

[heartbrokendad]

Hi rccaggiano,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I also have lost children to drugs, my daughter, and my son. She was a heroin user, and therefore an addict, he was trying to get off of them when a blood clot took his life...know that I am thinking of you, and if you want to talk email me at swalton@mah.harvard.edu

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[jahrynsmom]

I lost my 20 year old son on Dec.13, 2004 to a jobsite accident. He was the light of my life. I have 2 other childrenthat I adore, but Jahryn was my special one. He was a handful from the day he was born and my husband and I had to put alot of extra work into him. The other 2 were very easy to get along with always and caused us no stress. Jahryn made us work for the parenthood badge. He was 15 the last time he got into trouble and that was the turning point for him. He turned around and became an awesome young man. He had just moved out on his own 6 months before he died. He called me every night and always came for supper every Sunday. He gave the best hugs and had the biggest smile. I miss everything about him. I'm so angry that he doesn't get the chance to grow old and we won't get to see what his life could have been. When will I be able to breathe again? I'm having a hard time letting go of the anger at his death. The company he worked for is now saying that he had a drug problem, which isn't true. He died because they didn't ensure that the equipment was properly guarded. I think that makes me angriest. In Canada, Alberta at least, you can't sue the company for accidents. That is so wrong. Maybe if companys had to face parents and loved ones they would be more accountable. Thanks for listening! I needed to get this off my chest.

[enufalreddy]

Jahrynsmom and all.........I'm so sorry for our loss.I don't know if it really makes a difference what the cause of our loss is...it's the sudden unbearable finality of it that rips my heart into my throat every time I think of my son.The loss of future experiences and no way to make contact seem maddening at times. Touching him when he was cold and stiff was one of the worst experiences of my life. I will never be the same. Life goes on but I will never be the same.My heart is broken and fragile and I miss him so. Coming here I know that I am not alone in my pain. God help us all.........Erma

[Artina]

Enufalreddy,

You are so right... it is a life changing loss.

Peace to you, Tina

[kathy714]

I have not been on the last couple of days and there seems so much i can relate to in the postings. I am having such a hard time missing Nathan so,i think it's because as time passes theres so many things i realize we did together,like today i went to the beach for the first time since Nathan passad ,and he would always go with me,i only stayed a short time,cried almost the whole way home ,stopped at his site ,cried so more,this pain just gets harder every day.Nathan was also a handful growing up ,always in trouble and was on home confinement for 2 years,when he was in his teens,and that was what made us so close to him,even after he was off he still never went anywhere,and was in the habit of hanging with my husband and i.I would joke about how i couldn't go to the store wihout Nathan saying "i'll go with you .I would do anything to hear that again.I feel for everyone on this site ,this is so sad that so many lose their children. I pray for everyone here to find the courage and strength to get through this... T/C

[rhonda68]

Hi kathy I can so relate to the pain your feeling. We had just moved to a nice place by the lake and for the first time in my life it felt like all was right with the world. My world came to a crashing hault on Feruary 23.2005. Richard and I had planned to do many things this summer and it hurts so bad. I also took a walk along the lake it felt peaceful but it was a reminder that Richard would not get to enjoy the lake with me. Richard and I had many talks of the things we were going to do we couldn't wait to be sitting in the backyard by the fire pit and it hurts so bad to sit alone at that fire pit. My mind feels shot I only hope that I can get threw this most of the time the pain is unbareable.

Richards Mom

[shanesmom]

I, do not post on here to often, any-more, but do read all your posts, i feel so for all of you,,some of you the journey has just started, others alittle longer down the road, may god be with each of you, as you take this horrible walk down the road, time does help, my living son and his wife are expecting twins in november, that has been such wonder-full news to us, my husband has advanced prostrate cancer, he is only 55, shane our son would had been 34 on june 16th, he will be gone 7 yrs this oct. life is full of all sorts of dates, and things that happen , may each find some peace.

[griffinsmom]

Im sorry for everyones loss here. To make a long story short- I am having a real hard time imagining my life without Griffin. Its almost to the six month mark- and when I think of him truly not being here- I get very panicked. Any suggestions or words of encouragement? Griffin was/is so much more than just my son- he is also my very best friend in the world- please help, if possible. Griffins website- www.memory-of.com, type in Griffin Schwartz- to read the whole story. I hope someone can give me some good advice as to how to continue on- surely theres someone out there who has felt this way and moved through it.

My son is now 18. I usually post on the Loss of a Teenager forum.....guess I'm uncharacteristically needy right now. Thx

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Griffinsmom,m

I lost my youngest,and oldest child due to drugs, and the result of useing them. Its almost two years since Matthew died, and 2 years 8 months since Carrie died.

I also found it very hard to go on, and still do, but if I'm gone, who will tell people about my children, we need to stick around to continue telling others of our wondeful kids.

I ahve also started speaking at schools and town meetings on drug abuse..maybe you could also get involved in some kind of project at some time in the future, I know its still early in your journey down this bumpy road, but it does tend to get a little easier as the road gets a bit smoother.

Peace to you and yours

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[rhonda68]

Dear Grifffins Mom I lost my son to a trajic car accident 4 months ago I have been devastated and most of the time I don't want to be here. This is so very hard and I know how you feel. I was very close to my son as well. It just about kills me to think of the future so I try to ignore it and breath minute to minute and I find that has helped.

Richards Mom

[griffinsmom]

Well- not really a spiritual lift- but an interesting victim impact statement, which has come out in a poetic format. I thought Id see what you thought. WWW.Memory-of.com - type in Griffin Schwartz, you can get more background if you're interested.

No second chances here.

I raised Griffin by myself. For 17.5 years, every move I made was tied to Griffins well being. Just the mundane things-

dinner, lunch money, when to take a shower, rides, did I get him his....to do ....does he have.......do I need to.....homework?

How has my life been affected by this?

Nothing is promised = expect nothing

My life stopped Jan 1, 2005.

Everything, everyone around me is moving- yet here I stand-

stunned and mortified

at the reality I have yet to accept.

My daughter has lost a brother.

My husband has lost his wife.

My son? He lost his life.

And what about the Mom? The wife?

Here was Griffin- markedly intelligent, full of love and life-

he made a mistake, too.

But, no second chances here.

The driver of the car is one of Griffins best friends- somehow he thinks he's leaving for college in the fall. His parents seem to think that, too. I KNOW BETTER, AS THE STATE IS CHARGING HIM WITH VEHICULAR HOMICIDE. i THINK HE SHOULD PAY- THEN HE CAN MOVE ON. wE HAVE COME TO AN AGREEMENT (ME AND THE sTATE) AS TO "FAIR" PUNISHMENT"...I only hope they accept the very genenrous offer in my sons case.- Here in Palm Beach Cnty, FL- a senior in HS drove wrecklessly- no drugs or alcohol- killed a passenger- another kid- and is getting 9-15 yrs in prison. The child who died was a police officers daughter- this case went to trial- as opposed to a plea deal, which we are offering. This is why I say no second chances for Griffin- his friend gets a second chance at life- I dont get a second chance, either. Trial is ugly. anyway- what a mess-hope someone gets something out of this post. Plz excuse the caps.

[rmcaggiano]

To Griffin's mom. I too am so sorry, I'm not even sure if that's what I am suppose to say, I do know what and how you feel. I lost my son Nicholas on May 8, 2005, it was Mother's Day morning when I got the call. I know my life too has stopped, something or some part of me is gone. Today is 51 days that he has been gone. Life is so aweful, I miss him so much. I don't feel anything, I feel numb. My biggest hope is that one morning I will wake up and Nicholas will come back, and life will go on. Nicholas is only 21. As each day goes on I sometimes feel like I'm just going to fall to pieces because the days are going on longer and longer and longer without me seeing him. I don't care about doing anything anymore except what I have to, if I didn't have to do anything I would just crawl somewhere and fall asleep, and just dream of Nicholas and eventually be with him again, somehow. For a few weeks now I have been looking for someone or something to try and talk with and get some kind of help or something, I'm not sure what it is I need. Everyone on here has responded so great, thank you to all of you. I do know now, this anguish that we all feel MUST be what Hell is. Rosie

[heartbrokendad]

Dear friends,

I have been posting notes here to try and help others, since nooen seems to want to answer these notes, I can only assume that you are getting help, and dont need mine.

I will just read them from now on...

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[griffinsmom]

Carrie and Matthews Dad-

I felt frustrated on the other teenage loss forum- I felt I wasnt getting the support I needed, and was going to hang it up. Then, I came here, and got more support- sorry I didnot respond to your note- thanks for giving me your time. I think everyone is so self absorbed with their grief tha it is hard to adequately respond to others- at least, thats my rational mind. My irrational says its personal, its just Im not as important....I think everyone needs your input. Im not ready to do public speaking- I know that. But I really needed the input. Thanks

[jahrynsmom]

I'm so sorry that everyone is here. It's is comforting to know that others are going through the same thing as my family. It helps me to know that my feelings are not odd, but valid. People who don't live our days have no idea, although they do try. Thanks again for sharing your stories. As sad as they are, it is a help.

[Mazey2]

Stu, I understand your feeling. We all want to know at least our post showed up!! I email a couple other parents from here that also felt "ignored?". I don't know that there is any way for us to respond as often as we should. I know I come and go here for various reasons. I am glad I have met a few people here that I still "share" with by email. I know when I first came here over 3 years ago now, I felt immediate connection with the other parents with new losses, but I think sometimes the ones I gained the most from were parents who had been able to take a few steps on this journey and still survive, and look for a positive way to deal with our painful losses. Kirks Dad was a little ahead of me, and I know I just loved hearing there would be some relief?/future?/life.....without my child. There isn't a good word to describe what happens to us. I often think I should post a Thanks to him every so often and I just don't. Artina, I listen, share and feel better after reading her.

I have been here for all of your loss Stu, and feel such admiration that you have been able to live with the loss of 2 of your kids. Kathy, 2 losses.....I just can't even think about the pain you have had to bear.

We all have felt the awful pain and continue to want relief.....Sometimes, just posting here and getting it OUT....helps. Other times we post and NEED some response. I think I have posted over the years and NEEDED a response and didn't recieve it, then just carried on......feeling like you are now. I think it helps to know we are read....maybe, some posts are read and help, others ignored! But, maybe if something helps some times, that's a good thing. I've often thought, maybe if it is something we NEED a response to, we can try asking for some one to please, respond. Just know you are read, and I believe I did post to you a few days ago that you sound better than you ever have, and I think you are helping alot of people by speaking to them. I know after I post several times without anything back, I just back off for awhile. I get to thinking maybe I am no help....AND, now I have that Grand daughter to keep me busy! Sharing, Always, Linda

[rhonda68]

Dear Stu please don't leave us you have helped me alot and I am sure alot of other people as well. I am so proud of you trying to reach out to people. Take Care and Hang in there!

Richards mom

[daveydow1]

Hello to everyone---

I haven't been on for awhile. I guess I feel as some of the

others do---that sometimes I just need to back off a bit when

I feel like I'm losing ground. Am so sorry to see new people

coming to the site, and pray they can somehow, in some way,

find even a little bit of comfort. It has been 2 yrs. since

my son, Davey, passed and the pain and longing can be so very

unbearable. I relate to those of you who say that sometimes it

seems like you can't breathe. I feel the same.

Stu, I wish that I could do something like you are doing--speaking

to people at schools etc. If I were ever able to, I would speak

on the dangers of driving while sleepy. However, I doubt that I

would ever be able to initiate approaching anyone about it. Every-

one talks about drunk driving--a clear disaster---but sleepy driving

is seldom mentioned. It is just as deadly. Thanks for letting me

vent a bit. Always appreciate your posts. Peace be with all of us.

[julsmom]

Stu, please continue to read and answer posts! I echo what others have said. Your insights and your own courage to speak to others about your tragedy helps the rest of us keep going some days. Do not think that your counsel is not appreciated. Sometimes words do not come easy.

Daaveydow1 - I have similar feelings to yours about speaking about the accident. My daughter was distracted (cell phone perhaps?) and didn't seeing traffic slowing. No drunk driver, no drugs, just a one car crash. May we all find peace.

Lynda

[Mazey2]

Rhonda, good to see you here. You are sounding a little better....I am so glad. I was worried about you. How futile it feels.

julsmom,isn't it so very hard talking about "it"?

davyedow1,

[Mazey2]

daveydow1, sorry, i hit post by mistake!!

[heartbrokendad]

Dear friends,

Thanks for the replies, it does mean a lot to know that people are listening. Its not the same as speaking to people in public, you can see their reactions, tears, laughter at times, and interest in what I am saying. It was missing here. Thanks for the positive feedback.

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[julsmom]

Mazey2 - it is very hard to talk about "it". I should add that my husband feels it was a mechanical failure on the part of the car. Julie had the car, a 2002, only one month (it was brand new despite buying in 2003) and the make had previous problems. I think I would rather talk about what a great woman she had become focusing on her life, rather than focusing on her death. Peace to all. Lynda

[julsmom]

Stu, good morning, seems there are 2 early birds. Good to see you back on line. Lynda

[kathy714]

Dear Rhonda,it seems we have a lot in common,besides losing our sons at the same time.I also live on a lake.It was good to hear from you,you sound like your doing a little better,not that going through this gets any better,but it does help coming to this site and talking with others .Hang in there ,and thanks for responding to my posting.T/C Kathy

[rhonda68]

Help I need some advice the tention around this house is nuts and I don't know where to turn. My son has been acting out and being very hard to cooperate with. My boyfriend gets really mad and screams at me and him and I am scared this is going to end up in a brawl because when he yells at me my son wants to hit him. I am thinking maybe its time to leave but the money thing is so hard dont know if i can do it on my own and I am so weak right now from my loss. I hate my life why couldn't it have been me. I also have been dealing with MS and have to take injections I just feel like a pathetic loser. I think I will give up on men they all seem to treat you like dirt. Does anyone else here have this stupid situation?

[ellswest]

Rhonda- Is there anywhere you can go to get away from this situation for a while? How old is your son? I know it is very common for the remaining siblings to act out in anger, my younger son was 15 when his brother died and changed from a cooperative teenager to a sullen angry one. How long have you been with your boyfriend? From reading your posts, I know you lost your son Richard only a few months ago, so you are still very vulnerable and need support. Have you heard of Compassionate Friends? If you can get to any meetings, you will find some support there. Where do you live? If you want to email me directly, I'm at

ellswest@cox.net

Stu- please keep posting, just because we don't always answer or respond, doesn't mean we don't listen, just that sometimes we are not able to. I think what you doing speaking out in public against drinking, drugs, driving and everything is a wonderful way to honor your children and will make a difference somehow.....Bobby's mom, Mary

[rhonda68]

Hello Ellswest and thanks for responding. My son is at lovely age of 15 and I have seen alot of anger in him as there dad has had nothing to do with them Richard kind of was taking on that roll for Travis him and his brother were getting so close. My boyfriend seemed to be an nice supportive guy until now I think there is way to much tention right now. But men always seem to have a way of fooling me I am so sick of myself. Just wish I could go be with Richard I have had it! Why did God take one of the most important things in my life I dont think I can go on without him. I live in Canada and was wondering about compassionat friends is there anything in this area?

[hurting2]

Rhonda...I'm so sorry. It must be such a confusing and difficult time. Maybe it's time to just stop and take care of you and your son. You need to focus on him and help him heal. As hard as it is you will find that if you help him to heal you will heal, too. Pray. God hears our prayers always. Trust. Trust that God will help if you let Him. "LET GO AND LET GOD!" Ronda..you can do this. Don't give up. Give in to the idea of only focusing on healing your son and you will follow in the process. God Bless.

[shanesmom]

This is for stu, some-times we just need to know we are being heard, people are so busy now days, that they let some things slip, I to slacked off writing on here, un-til lately, for the same reason, also for not being under stood, some times things just come -out wrong.