Loss of an Adult Child

[Artina]

Ashleysmom,

It sounds like a great turnout. I'm glad that there was a lot of support there for you!

Peace to you,

Tina

[kirksdad]

Dottie, that is so wonderful that the walk-a-thon was a success. Knowing others care makes such a different.

[julsmom]

to all - I found a penny today, head side up. The thought is that pennies are from our loved ones. My husband took me for a ride today since I have been so depressed. We ended up at an amusement park, just a silly little one, and as we went in just to walk around, the was the penny. I hold on to the thought that it is from Julie. Peace, Lynda

[Artina]

Lynda,

The best gifts are all about the "thought"!

Peace to you, Tina

[kathy714]

well i hope everyone made through the holiday,i was really dreading it,but it turned out ok.It started by watching the movie PAY IT BACK which really hit home,after having a good cry,the rest of the day was not to bad,my husband made me a cross out of wood,painted it white and put Nathans name and memorial card with his picture on it so i can have something a his site until his stone is done.Icouldn't stand not having anything there so i feel better about that.My older son Kevin gave me a memorial stone with the Tears could build stairways,verse on it to place in my garden.Not your typical Mothers Day presents,but they meant a lot to me. hope everyone made through ok not only moms but dads to.

[daveydow1]

Mazy2,

Your feelings are very well expressed in your post. I too

believe that we have a forever connection to our children--

whether they are here with us or passed over, no matter how

long it has been. To give an example, when I worked as a nurse,

taking care of the elderly,in their own homes. One very elderly lady told me once

not to use the good china when getting her a snack. She told

me that they were given to her by her son & must be kept for

special occaisions. I later learned that her son was killed in

WWII. This lady suffered from Alzheimer's disease. We all have

an unbreakable connection to our children. I wish everyone

peace.

[daveydow1]

Hello to all,

I have been having a bad week. What a life we are all living

now. I pray for all of us to find comfort somehow. Peace to all.

[jscmom]

Hi Daveydow, a bad week... I am terribly sorry. Your are right what a life we are all living in!!!! i just can not see it getting better, do you or anyone else?

Yesterday was my daughters 28th BD we took her to dinner on Thursday night..still having a hard time on these certain days when we were a complete family.

On Sunday went to John's site, washed and waxed his marker, while his music played.

I have a question for all of you who knows or cares to respond. I hear and read that we will have signs of of children is this true? Any experinces anyone would like to share?

I would like to tell you what happend to us at dinner last Thursday, birthdays were always the big deal for my children, they always had a choice in restraunts or home cooked meals with all relatives.

As they became young adults they with bills to pay they choose restraunts of their choice. Any while waiting for dinner, "Forever young began playing on the speaker and the next song was Uptown girl" these were 2 of the songs that were played and Johns Celebration of Life.

As the tears flowed down my face my daughter looked at me and said "Mom Johnny's here, I knew he would not miss my birthday he never did."

She did believe that John was telling us he was there with us, I don't know what to think. May I ask anyone what they think?

I love him so much never thought I'd miss him as much as loving him. As all of us we never dreamed we would be living this world.

I have not felt him here with me, so I am guessing he is in Iowa with Shannon.

Does any have dreams that let you know our children are happy, safe and loved?I feel so lost as I know all of us do and I do pray for all.

Just wondering and hoping.

Johnny's mom foever 22

[kathy714]

dear jscmom, ido believe our loved ones are with us and you really have to be open for signs,i also have had a bad week ,missing my son terriably.We went to a wedding shower sat night and Nathan was suppose to be in this wedding,all night all i could think of was him and then the band played rolling in my sweet baby's arms ,i'm going to miss you when your gone,ilooked at my husband and started to cry .Ihad to leave.I do feel and see signs almost everyday,i've had one dream about Nathan, that he came in my room and was smiling,i told him "i knew you would be back" then we started talking,like we were catching up on things. that is the only dream i wish i would have more. Ido agree with you ,what a life we are living,iknow my life will never be the same. T/C Kathy

[rhonda68]

I am feeling so awful its so hard to go on everything is an effort. I miss my boy terribly I just want to tell him I Love him and give him a big hug like I use too. The picture of the accident keeps rolling in my mind all I think about is him it is so hard to live. My son found alot of things funny so every once in awhile I can just hear and see him laughing about something. I have gotten a couple of different batches of roses they have been opening up so nice and living for 2 weeks I have never had a rose do that before to me that feels like a sign from my son that he is in a place where the roses never fade. I am so sick of peoples lack of understanding to the way that I feel anyone else feel like this?

[julsmom]

jscmom, yes I do feel there are "signs" occassionally from my daughter in the form of pennies. Pennies found are supposed to be from our loved ones. The first one I found was when we moved our son back to Cincinnati. We were walking in a section where the 4 of us had been together the year before for his graduation and I found a penny. Most recently I found one on MOther's Day when my husband and I stopped at a little amusement park near us just to walk around. Julie had never been there with us.

To rhonda68 yes some people are just clueless. I have started to avoid them in fear I may just tell them what I really think about them.

Peace to all. Lynda

[briansdad]

Yes I have been lucky enough to have a dream about Brian.The family was at Table Rock Lake in southern Missouri.We went there twice a year every year since the kids were born.I was in our cabin and couldn't figure out where Brian was.I walked around the corner and there he was!I said BRIAN WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!He smiled his sneaky smile he had and said I've been taking care of a few things.I felt better the next day.I wish the feeling would last longer.The other sign I had , my wife, myself and my daughter went out to where he died on the road. I put a white cross out there as many people do. We went to put a birthday balloon on the cross. The Road is out in the country so except for some auto traffic it's pretty quiet. We tied the balloon on the cross and we were just standing there reflecting on months that have passed without Brian, when in the pasture across the road a big stallion came running up to the fence and just stopped and stared at us. Then about five other horses came trotting up to the fence and did the same. It was so eire. They just stared, didn't move, didn't do anything but stare for what seemed like five minutes. Now I have been out there by myself many times and they never gave me a second glance. It was like they were paying tribute or were seeing something they had never seen before. Maybe they saw Brian, I don't know. All I know is as soon as we walked away and got in the car they went on about their business.

God bless you

Brian's Dad - I miss ya B

[brin3d]

I would like to share some unique experiences with you as well. Approximately on my daughter's year anniversary I was having a really hard time emotionally. I had a dream, it was the only time I had a dream since her death. Her and I were sitting in a Pink Convertible Cadillac (she hated pink so it was kind of funny) and we laughed about it....She was telling me that she was given this time to tell me that she was alright and was doing her time for all the things that she did during her life that was less than good. She said that she would be back with me soon but she just wanted to let me know she was alright and that she wanted me to feel better. She looked great, just like I remembered her but without pain. She was happy and almost child-like in her spirit again.

A couple weeks ago I got up in the middle of the night and found her daughter's blocks on the stairs. No one had put them there....The next morning the wind chime with the butterfly that was a gift I had given her the year before her death was all tangled and one of the strings was untied. It is in my house hanging too high for anyone to hit it or reach it and there was no wind to tangle it. I took it down and it took me a half hour to untangle the strings.

On Mother's day two yellow tulips bloomed in my front yard. A first. My daughter always bought me a yellow rose on Mother's Day. They have sinced closed and not re-opened.

I would have to say that she is with me and her family. She is sharing our days though not in any way she ever imagined. She also knows that I am trying very hard to have some type of normalcy to my life again and by being near she is in a large way helping me to enjoy the simple things once more.

I love you my child as only a parent can!!

[jscmom]

Thank you all for your words of hope. I truely appreciate the stories. It may give me some hope. I will begin looking for signs. Maybe his music being played at my daughter birthday was a sign.

I was told as long as I hurt as I do Johnny won't come around. I really can't see the pain going away so that statement haunts me. And if true.... nothing until I die.... unbearable.

Rhonda68, I have found in this new life that people are darn right mean and the ones you least expect are the worse ones. I have made my mind up to keep away from these people. I can't handle anymore hurt. Family is now redefined and separate but I have been blessed by my friends and I am very thankful for this.

I know what you mean about one more hug, hearing the laughter, seeing that beautiful face and kissing him over and over again. I can't get John's broken body out of my mind!!!! He never woke up I can't get over that either. Machines and tubes everywhere.

I want so much to lay next to him again, hold him again, tell him how much I love him....guess God had a different plan., and it better have been a greater one!

What if we had put it off one more day I would have had him that much longer. The the truth was he wasn't going to wake up in this life............

God Bless you son, peace and prayes with all.

[seekingsolace]

With the deepest of respect for this group, I place this submission. I would like to offer my heart and my help. I must tell you up front that I haven't lost a child. But I do know about the Other Side [3 near death experiences]

jscmom ...YES ..The music was most probably a sign. I can't say 100% but it is the sort of way that people contact us once they have passed. There is a great book that explains the "how" further called "hello from heaven". I can't remember the authors but it's a great read and goes through account after account of how they can contact us. [no ..I am not the author nor am I trying to sell anything ..It's just a book that is really helpful]

Once people have passed, they still maintain a connection to us [unless we don't want that ...They will respect that]. They check in to let us know that they are there, or to tell us something. They also want to make sure that we are ok. They haven't gone anywhere ... just their body has. It's like they've moved overseas for the rest of their life and all you have now is the phone ...They are still alive, you just can't touch their body right now. But you can still feel them ... their heart.

If any of you are ever wondering .."I wonder if that is [my son/daughter]" ...The answer is YES. If you are wondering, YES ..it IS them.

I could go on and on but I'm not sure if this material is anything this group would find helpful. Please let me know.

From my heart to yours.

[daveydow1]

To all who come to this site:

I know how you feel about people being insensitive (or just plain

unfeeling). I had a "friend" of 40 yrs. who was very rude & unfeeling

to me when my son died. I had called & supported him when his wife,

one of my best friends, died suddenly several years ago. Athough he

had said that he appreciated this friendship so much, he evidently

did not think it was necessary to even acknowlege, in any way, the

sad death of my son. I had posted here, at that time, and asked what

anyone thought I should do. Everyone who replied said to just forget

him, and this hurtful incident. I took their advice, and I do still

appreciate your input. I believe it was the right thing to do.

Re: Messages from our children.

I firmly believe that they do contact us in many ways, including

dreams, sights and appearances of things etc. How else could we

explain some of these things? I hope & pray for a dream or a contact

from David, but have not had anything for quite some time. I don't

give up hope though. I know it will happen sometime--probably when

I least expect it. Peace to all.

[Mazey2]

Oh, yes I do very much think they give us signs. The music at the Birthday party had to have been!! Has anyone ready John Edwards books. In one he says 'nothing is coincidence....' I think this is true, at least most of the time. Artina use to talk about seeing her Son's Football #, ?42 I think, alot. It got me paying attention to a number Chad used alot,'37'. My daughter and I see it ALL the time now,it is just uncanny how much we see it!! We'll buy lunch and the bill will be $12.37. Look at the clock '37'. License plates 37!!

Lots and lots of times......must be a little part of him showing thru. Now we like to use 37. We feel "close" to him using it!! silly, but makes us feel good. Feelings that he is "laughing" at us or about something, happens often, and he laughed alot. Listen to these things......observe and believe if you want, cuz it really could be their communication, and how awful if we didn't listen.....or ignored it!!! Take any pieces of "them" that we can. Yes, I like to believe his spirit is right by me.....'Hello from Heaven' is a great book, I have the authors names if anyone wants them.

Those insensitive people are all around us....they don't have a clue. I believe some just really don't get it, some get it and don't know what to do about it, some get it and choose not to try!! Then, THANK God there are those who get it 'a little' and try their hardest to care for us, but even then they can't do for us. I never really knew what to do for people I knew who had lost a child. Care, listen, follow their lead....

Take care all.....Sharing, Linda (Still no Grandbaby.....soon, tho!)

Kathy (Micheal's & Caroline's Mom) Are you still here?

[kathy714]

hi ,isaw John Edwards right after my son passed away,and i thought he was very good.He spent a lot of time explaining how to comunicate with our loved ones and how to be open to signs. The whole time i was there i felt the energy in the room,even though he did not address me i still felt the signs while i was there and i still felt like i got what i needed that night. It's been 4 monthes now since Nathan has passed and i'm finding it very differcult,i find myself calling everyone Nathan by mistake, and i notice they look at me ,like oh,oh is she losing it? Idon't know sometimes i think maybe i am,i'm the type of person that tries to hold everything back and tries to be strong on the outside ,then cries when alone, mainly in my car when certain songs come on. I'm just really missing my son right now,i think it's the reality of it sinking in and that Nathan,like many others loved this time of year,everybody starts coming out of the house after the long winter and i miss the sound of him and his friends in the backyard,where they would all meet after working all day,different friends would always stop by,i miss all that. T/C everyone,your in my prayers

[Mazey2]

Oh, Kathy....those things and most everyday things are just heartbreaking. You are so fresh in your loss, it is unbearable pain you feel. I still hear songs on the radio, while I am driving and cry, cry cry.... I do know that the early pain and loss ease. I am never sure if that is the best word to describe it, ease??? The best way I can compare it, is to a cut or if you have had surgery ya know that pain at first that hurts so bad for awhile, then it does start to "ease" some. There are days it hurts as bad, but not every minute like it does early on. We are never to "feel" the same. And, it sucks. We continue to live....and must have some way of tolerating the loss and pain, but we do survive. Yesterday, I heard a song(and sometimes I connect to words in my own way) Leane Rhimes? ...."maybe I wouldn't be this way" I know I am different now, after Chad's loss.....not necissarily different in a bad way, just different!

My daughter and I went to see John Edwards also, it was okay, but a little disappointing. He spent so much time trying to make a connection with some people who couldn't think of ANY connection, and most of them were for connections w/ Grandparents who have been gone for decades!! Of course, to us, we wanted him to hurry up and get to us!!! hahaha Selfish wished! But, I do like some of the stuff he writes about. Hopeful to me, I guess. And, I'll take any hope, joy I can find! Right or wrong! 'all in the eyes of the beholder...' Take care, SHARING..Linda

[biadmin]

Make a Buddy Connection

Feeling all alone? Wish you could talk one on one to a person who has suffered the same type of loss as you? Or maybe you are ready to move one with life and meet people in your area who have similar interests? Find a Buddy that understands your loss.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/buddyfind/index.html

[rhonda68]

Hi kathy,

This is very painful indeed it will be 3 months since my son passed away still having trouble saying that even. He was 19 and to me he feels like an innocent baby. Oh how I miss him I miss everything his laugh his jokes his kindness. I truly feel as if though I am going mental. I cry,laugh,I am so irratable at times and so angry. I should have been the one that died because I feel like I died ever since that phone call but I have to try and still live.

[daveydow1]

Kathy714 and Rhonda68,

I'm so sorry for you. These very early months are

exceptionally difficult. It is so hard to just meet

each day, knowing that it will probably just be a

repeat of the day before----more sorrow, and missing

your son. My "angel day" will be coming up June 14.

It will be 2 yrs. Sometimes I think I am making progress

and then I have many periods of feeling I am backsliding.

I hope & pray that you are able to find some comfort,

somehow, in this sorrowful time. We all feel so helpless

on this sad & lonely road we are on. I wish you peace.

[Artina]

I have to chime in on this conversation. First of all- Mazey2, I am amazed that you remembered my son’s football number. It brought a big smile to my face to see that number on the screen and to also know that my way of knowing my son was saying “hi”, brought you a tool. That’s what this forum is all about! Once I became open to the process…. It has happened over and over and continues to this day.

I have had so many signs from my son… starting with his football number, which is the easiest way to receive a “hello” from him. Then there are the subtle messages, like the purple flowers I received on my doorstep after admiring some in a field that I saw on a camping trip three hours away. It turned out that his best friend picked them from their field and brought them to me… he didn’t know that I seen those flowers and wanted to pick them. We drove up on Mother’s Day (three years ago) and there they were, sitting on my front porch! A definite hello and Mother’s Day gift.

On my son’s birthday, about two years ago, we celebrated it without him physically, yet in spirit. We bought his favorite pizza and cake. My husband went in and paid for the pizza and they gave him a claim check- which was claim check #42 (my son’s football number). Then when we picked up the pizza, they had written #42 all over the pizza box, where they have always written our last name. We have gone to this hometown pizza parlor for over 25 years and the system has always been the same. Yet, that day they put our claim ticket number on the pizza box, which just happen to be my son’s football number. Coincidence? I think not. I could go on and on… but there are way too many.

Also… my husband, living son (Mike), and I went to see John Edward in Seattle, Washington. We were lucky enough to have a reading. It was a quick surprise. Our brains were totally empty. He came to us by saying,

“I am with this row, with the man in the yellow shirt, and I am hearing “R”, “T”. My husband’s name is Art… “R”+ “T” =ART. He then asked if we had lost a son… and talked about a Christmas incident at a children’s Christmas party. We were all blank. I even had notes, but couldn't read them. I can see why people sit there looking at John like he has the wrong family. He hit our family right on the head… we just had to validate a few things after we left the show. Anyway, the reading was amazing.

We have also had a reading by Robert Brown, which was an amazing one hour reading. I won’t go into details, but he knew information that couldn’t be known by anybody… NOT ANYBODY! I was a true skeptic! Until John and Robert.

My son has come to me in my sleep… twice in three years. My husband has only had one visit. He doesn’t say much, we just know he is okay. His visits are more about the way it “feels” when we see him. It’s like the feeling expresses the words; “I’m okay”. My husband struggled with a visit until he got a massage and “opened” his chakras. I know that sounds new age… but it makes since to us; he got a visit that night from our son.

My son was 19 years old when he crossed over from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. My life was, and has been, forever altered. I know I will see him again and hang onto that hope everyday. I miss him more than life itself.

Peace to you, Tina

[jscmom]

Good evening all, thanks again for your stories of signs from our children. John's number must be 22, date of birth 22, he died at 22, where he rests is 22, didn't know this when picking out his place. All documents dated 22 on different months and a few more things.

I have found things in our home that I had been looking for since last year, the other day a ring. In a drawer was a post a note saying I love you mama. Our cat meows at nothing we can see.

Just before Easter I was not wanting to have Easter, we had to fly out of state for court I was feeling bad because our grandaughters egg hunt was always here and this was going to be the 1st time were we not going to be here, feling so guilty for not wanting to celebrate Easter and almost thankful we had to out of state. The day befoe we were going to leave I had to get some papers from a box of Johns legal box and when I opened it there was a picture of John on Easter 6 years eariler holding our grandaughter while she was reaching for her egg. Was that a sign he was going to be with the girls and it was OK for us to leave? John was going to be there for "his babies" as he called them now I know it was!!!!

Solace I would like to know more if you don't mind.

May we all have dreams of our children

Loving and missing Johnny forever 22

[jscmom]

I would like to know more please. Maybe it will help us. JSCMOM

With the deepest of respect for this group, I place this submission. I would like to offer my heart and my help. I must tell you up front that I haven't lost a child. But I do know about the Other Side [2 near death experiences as a child + 1 at 19]

jscmom ...YES ..The music was most probably a sign. I can't say 100% but it is the sort of way that people contact us once they have passed. There is a great book that explains the "how" further called "hello from heaven". I can't remember the authors but it's a great read and goes through account after account of how they can contact us. [no ..I am not the author nor am I trying to sell anything ..It's just a book that is really helpful]

Once people have passed, they still maintain a connection to us [unless we don't want that ...They will respect that]. They check in to let us know that they are there, or to tell us something. They also want to make sure that we are ok. They haven't gone anywhere ... just their body has. It's like they've moved overseas for the rest of their life and all you have now is the phone ...They are still alive, you just can't touch their body right now. But you can still feel them ... their heart.

If any of you are ever wondering .."I wonder if that is [my son/daughter]" ...The answer is YES. If you are wondering, YES ..it IS them.

I could go on and on but I'm not sure if this material is anything this group would find helpful. Please let me know.

From my heart to yours.

[donosmom]

When Matthew died, before we left him at the hospital, I kissed his forehead and told him how much I loved him and asked, no begged for him to give me a sign. I kissed him one more time and left.

Well about 2 months earlier there had been this little yellow kitten hanging around and Jennifer and Matthew would bring the kitten in the house and he would sleep on Matthews lap while he played computer. Now this kitten wasn't exactly healthy, he always had a crusty runny nose but Matthew said he was special because he had an M marking on his head and what Matt called an alien face between his shoulders. When the kitten was about 2 months old the neihbors gave him away. So for 2 months we didn't see this kitten. On the day of Matthews funeral we got home and had just changed close when our kids heard something at the door. Of course we had people coming and going so they thought it was someone coming to see us but when they opened the door all taht was there was this yellow kitten with a crusty nose, M marking on his head and an alien face between his shoulders. We have 4 dogs, a Mini Pincher, Lab and 2 Jack Russells one who hates cats. This kitten walked in went into the living room layed down and stretched out on the floor and started purring. The dogs came up to him sniffed him and walked away. The cat has never left.

To this day we still have this cat that Matthew called Andy. I believe I got my sign that he is OK.

Matthews Mom

Mary

11/3/1979 -07-13-2003

[briansdad]

Seekingsolace

Tell me what really happend to my son!

[kathy714]

hi rhonda,we are both going through the same feelings i think because you loss your son same time as me. I think of you often, today i just held my son's sweatshirt that he was wearing the night he passed to to feel like i was near him and i won't wash it and tonight i went into a small store near my house and saw this red nike baseball hat and just held it and thought how "Nathan would of loved and how i use to pick these things up for him when i saw them. Idon't know they say time heals but i just can't see it. the other day the detective called to tell me some new information, i thought he was going to tell me they found out something or that someone came foward, butt he really didn't and i think this just stirred up feelings. And about signs and numbers Nathans birrthday and date that he passad is 1/31.One day at the gym i saw this key chain that was just like mine[we hang our keys when we go in and they scan the card]i bought mine in fla last year when Nathan and i was on vacation. Its the kind that has your bithdate on it. when i picked them up and looked ,the date on them was Jan 31,i couldn't believe it, i just looked at them ,and the girl at the desk asked if i couldn't find my keys. itold her ,and she said "tell me thats not a sign" . T/C Kathy

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Briansdad,

I dont think she,nor anyone else, will be able to tell us what happend to our children.

I have been looking for a person who can get in touch with my two children,CarrieAnn, and Matthew.

There really isnt anyone here on this planet who can do that.

We will have much better success trying to communicate with them ourselves.

I'm so sorry for yours and everyone elses loss who comes here.

Keep looking for your own signs..you will see them.

Peace to you and yours

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[missingchris]

My Dearest Christopher,

What do I say to you one week before your 18th birthday? I waited for this day for so many years, awaiting the culmination of 18 years of love, sweat and tears, to see a glimpse of the man you would be, the husband, the father.....

Now, I have to look back instead of forward, to see the beginnings of who you would have become. I have to now find the strength to accept that what I have in memories will be enough to make your death bearable. I dreamed of watching you walk across that stage, throw up your cap...... To watch you walk into the house, blushing and smiling, with the woman you love, and allow us to share your joy. ...... To watch your eyes widen as you watch your bride coming down the isle ......To watch the tears of wonderment and the purest love fill your eyes and heart as you gazed at your firstborn child...... To support you as trials accosted you , and share in the happiness you'd find as life passed. I cry as I watch your little brother come out the door of his school, and watch as he looks for you in vain, as the reality sinks in, that once again you didn't show up as you'd promised. You missed him learning to ride his bike without training wheels, his first gymnastics recital, the loss of his first tooth, the moment when he learned to do that flip on the trampoline that you tried so hard to teach him. He's going to be graduating from Kindergarten in 10 days..... and it will bittersweet for all of us, because no matter what we accomplish in this first year without you, the fact that you're gone overshadows the joy. He made a garden beside the house in memory of you, and has an angel in his room the lights up in so many colors, and he says it makes him feel closer to you in heaven.

Chris, what do we do on the day that should have been such a celebration of your life? Because we had so many reasons to do so. The people that you touched in your short time here with us miss you in some way every day. Your Dad and I ache to the core of our souls knowing you will never walk through our door again. To never hear your voice, to never see your face, Do you understand at all how much we miss you?????? Your best friend Shane is trying so hard to be strong. Everyone else is trying to put your memory in a quiet place, only to be brought out and viewed in a private moment. I will try........ try so hard on May 30th to let you know you're birthday wasn't forgotten. Through our agony, I hope you can feel our pride in you, our undying love. I want to thank you for the rainbow you sent your brother to let him know his balloon reached you that day. He was so peaceful that night, the first time in many, many months.

I love you Crash. Hold onto and keep safe the part of my soul that you took with you when you died. Know I loved you with all that I had. And will never forget the years I was blessed to be your Mom.

Happy Birthday Christopher.......... We love you

[julsmom]

missingchris - my heart and my prayers are with you and your family. May you all find the peace which we all need. Lynda

[ericasmom]

Hello Everyone,

It has been some time since i have been here,Ups, downs, you know the dance we do. Anyhow, my girl would have turned 21 on 4-4-05 and this was hard of course. It is 22 months now since ERica left. Missingchris, on the first and second birthday after Eri's death, we had a gathering. The first year we had an evening gathering, many of her friends came, my friends and family, my son's friends. Friends of both Erica and JOn came in to Oak Park Illinois from Kalamazoo, Michigan where they had been living together and with friends when the accident occured in 2003. JOn moved back home after that but all of the kids still hang out and still gather in her name. This year, our second birthday without our girl was a bit more upbeat as the friends of Eri are moving on with their lives. We try to keep it fairly upbeat though when we toast ERica, i break right down (as i do most days in private mostly but sometimes not). Because my girl was a donor, and because we had to take her off of life support, her major organs could not be used but so much else was, adn so at the last toast, I was able to share the good news that Eri allowed 63 people a better life so far. So much of her bone was donated that doctors have performed 61 operations using her bone, and two operations giving sight to two people right after her death when her corneas were placed in the eyes of two non-sighted people. And so in her death rise the lives of others. NO this fact does not stop my tears, but it does make me smile, and it makes me proud that Eri could help out so many even in her death.

I know one thing missingchris, however you want to spend the day you should. each year I saved her actual day to be alone, while the day before her birthday was the gathering. There are no right or wrong ways to do this. Eri's birthday will always be sacred to me, always be one of two most special days.

Last year when the calendar marked 1 year since her death, we had a big commeeration gathering in the yard, July 18th. That date was the day of her funeral. We had about 100 people over, nice day, lot's of food adn cold drinks. we had her favorite music playing on the speakers outside, we let 19 white and pink balloons go with messages of love from her buddies attached to the ribbons. Forever 19, my girl. I know the ache in your soul, I know the pictures you envisioned of all he would someday do...and you are so right to know that now the memories are what you have to let you know what a fine young man he is.

I have those too, with my Erica Eileen.

Bless you, and know that he is smiling on you each day,

dee

[jscmom]

March 22 John would have been 23, but forever 22 he is. On his day myself, his aunt, and 2 very close friends went to be with John. We had 22 yellow balloons and 1 balloon saying I love you Johnny. We knew yhat John was roaring as he watched us trying to untangle the balloons without sissors, we almost could hear him laughing clutching his stomach as he continued listening to every story that was said about something we remembered about his sense of humor or something he did.

I know he was laughing with tears in his eyeys as he watched some of the balloons get stuck in the tall pine trees and begin popping. Seven balloons in the trees a few popped the others went to heaven and the 1 remaining balloon in the tree was the last to go. This wasn't we planned but Johnny would of.

Someone told me as long as I hurt John won't come to me. Well I still hurt and he has come but I beleive from prayer and from me asking John myself.

The first sign of John was a dream that I still have the sky is a starry night summer night a letter is floating in the sky as it approaches me it turns and the return address reads "Johnny" and where it is addressed it reads "I love you".

In the beginning I had terrible dreams horrifing nightmares. I have asked God to stop these nightmares and bring John to me, it took awhile but now they are gone. The nighmares are in my head watching him die.

Dear Solace, John never woke up did he know I was there? That is my prayer every night I ask that God tells me Johnny knew I was there. I am angry with God as most of you know because he made me make the decesion to remove the life support instead of him just taking him and why 2 weeks of additional hell. Johnny was to be a donor but he was to infected to help save anyone else. I know asking God for John while I am still fuming seems wrong, again stuck into two worlds.

Loving Johnny forever 22

[missingchris]

Thank you for listening........ and understanding........

Chris's Mom

[heartbrokendad]

Dear Seekingsolace,

I talk to them each and every day, I go to thier grave everyday, sit there and talk to them.

I have only felt their presence once, that was in a place in Concord Ma, and I have detailed this encounter in previous postings.

I have been to mediums, both in a group session, (the worst), and one on one. (almost as bad). The impression I get, is that these mediums are trying to help/con/fool/ or otherwise take the money from people who are seeking their parents, most of these mediums never even think that there are people here who have lost a child, or as in my case, TWO.

The last one I went to spoke to each person there, or at least almost every person there, except for myself, and another grieving parent who had brought me there. She used what I call the shotgun method, she would say she had a person there and then go on to describe what they looked like, and wait for someone to say something like,"oh thats my aunt Bessy", or " oh thats my mother" After the session, as I was leaving, I had turned around to see if my friend was comming, and the medium, evidentley thinking I had forgotten something, assked me if I had lost something....I responded with yes, my two children, and had hopped to hear from them...she didnt know what to say...

I could go on and on about the ones I have seen, but I dont want to bore you to sleep..

There are two books I would recomend to all of you, "Journey of Souls", and "Destiny of Souls" Author is Michael Newton PHD. It is very well written, and will make you think, and maybe cry with happieness..

Peace and love to all of you who are on this bumpy road...

Stu

Carrie and Matthews dad

[heartbrokendad]

Dearest missingchris,

You really said it best....

[energygrrl]

I just lost(may 12, 2005) my 21 year old son Ephraim David to a very untimely death. His father and I (we are divorced) are devastated to say it lightly. I am a travel nurse living out of town and drove back for the wake and funeral with Ephraims brother. I always considered myself on a spiritual path and a self growth guru. But nothing in life has prepared me for this. I drove back to Raleigh and even though I know that there are people here who love me yet no one has truly known me for a long time and no one knew my son.On one hand I feel numb, dead, like part of me has died and on the other hand I am in so much pain. I dont want to do anything. Yet I know realistically I must go back to work. I feel so alone, needy and vulnerable. I do not have a partner and indeed this last year also went through a break up (not my wish) with someone. I also lost my former pastor to an untimely death while she was in Egypt. I honestly cannot take any more pain or loss!

I must be honest when I say that with all my belief systems and philosphies and as much as I have read ... right now I feel as if I dont know anything at all! I as Ephraims mom, NEED to KNOW WHERE MY SON IS AND IF HE IS OK AND WHAT IS HE DOING? I want to know if he can hear me and see me and his brother and father?

I feel as if I have lost my best friend and hope for a future of harmony and peace with him. I am in sooo much pain right now and my body is holding all the tension within it. I need my son.If someone can please help me. I feel so vulnerable and needy right now. I have always been strong but I just cant seem to do it anymore.

energygrrl

[julsmom]

energygrrl - I am sorry for your recent loss. As a nurse you are well aware that you are very early in the grieving process. I identified with you because we had only been living were we are for 3 mos. when our 27 y/o daughter died in an auto accident. I would urge you to find a counselor or a bereavement group, some folks like compassionate friends, to help you along this journey your are just beginning.

To All - about signs from our loved ones. The postings have said be open, well I was open, and what did I get but email from her boyfried and a call from the president of the school where my husband did his grad studies that the benches in her name have been installed. Not the kind of sign I wanted.

Peace to all Lynda

[julsmom]

I don't think I shared this before: It has been said that "time heals all wounds." I do not agree. The wound remains. In time, the mind (protecting its sanity) covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. A quote from Rose Kennedy, a woman who had many tragedies in her life. I hope that some one will find peace through this quote. Lynda

[ericasmom]

Dearest Energygirl,

Oh I am so sorry for the incredible loss, the pain and ache that your whole self harbors. We all know it well, but you are so new with this hurt and I commend you for finding a place so quickly to help you take these first steps through grief. I want you to know that everyones steps are a bit different, no wrong ways, just ways to get through. As you said the reality is, you have to work, most of us also found oursleves wondering how the hell to do the job we did before our lives changed. It sounds like you are in a rewarding career as far as helping others so perhaps there will be some comfort there. If it is all too much, please talk to your supervisor to see if you could alter your work schedule or take a leave if you need it. I know this does not always work. I teach and my daughter ERica was killed in July of 03, and i did not think that i would be able to return, was unsure ofmy energy level, my ability to do anything without sobbing...but i went back and to my delight, it was the best thing for me because i was able to spend 7 hours a day devoted to others, making sure of their learning, designing lessons and having fun with children again and I was also able to get energy form the wonderful children as we traveled through the days. I talked about Erica to my students so that they knew they could ask me anything they wanted, and i told them that some days i may have to just have to have a substitute and go home because some days are harder than others. I talk about my girl to many people, here, at school, in therapy. I am married but not to ERi's dad and he and I are just heartbroken, our son is mending as best he can, at 23 he has lost his dear buddy. They lived together in another state when she was hit by a train. He moved back soon after. We all do our best to get by, but do not hold it all in if you can help it. Find a group or a private therapist so that you can talk freely about your beautiful boy on a regular basis. Your spiritual struggle is one many of us have gone through as the death of our babies shakes all that we have counted on and believed, but at some point you will find where your beliefs rest again, and I shall pray for you dear lady.

my heart,

dee

[jscmom]

Dear Engerygirl, I am so very sorry for your loss. I agree with Ericas' mom, talk about your son and don't stop. Counseling has help me and friends. Writing helps and this sight helps. I am sorry.

[kathy714]

Dear Engerygirl, i am very sorry about the loss of your son,i to loss my son Nathan on his 21st birthday and i know you are going through a very differcult. It's been 4 months since my son passed away,and the reality of it is just now setting in. I am also a nurse in the ER,and i am still out of work ,also some is because my husband is also sick and on chemo. Iam planning to return to work in a couple of weeks,and i'm still having some anxiety about it,right now you are still in shock and you should try to take a little time off becauseyou will need time to process all this..maybe you can look into TDI,and i'm sure your boss would understand if tou needed a little extra time.I have also been going to counseling,and i find this site helps,i come on everynight before i go to bed ,i have learned a lot by comming here and everyone truely understands.T/C and you'll be in my prayers..

[jasonsdad]

On Oct 14th 2003, a parents worst nightmare became a reality. It was 2:00

am and our son Brad came running up the stairs sobbing Jason is in the hospital in the er. Waking and trying to get it together, I remember wanting this so much to be a dream like it should have been, and being so angry that it was not. I called the hospital and the nurse gave me directions, but the last thing she said was take your time. I knew he was gone, but drove over 100 mph on a freeway to a hospital 40 miles away. All the time my poor wife crying out to God not to take her baby. Jason was 27 and the laughter in our life. He had just come off of a long bad relationship and was going to visit his ex's Mother. These are the sad facts as we have pieced them together. His ex's sister invites him over her house to watch Monday football.

These people were trailer trash. Someone spiked a joint with crack and Jason went into heart arrythmia. He was in terrible distress and they were only 1 mile from the hospital, but because 2 of them were wanted by the cops, they didn't call 911. They callled the Mother and she drove 10 miles

to the house. They probably told her he was having a panic attack and she gave him a xanax. This may have been what killed him, because he then went into convulsion, threw up and passed out. They tried resuscitation,

and finally called 911, here according to the bill, they worked on him for 30 munutes to no avail.

I almost committed suicide, but could not do that to my wife and other son. I was in the mental ward for 8 days. He is in my thoughts almost every second and I don't think I will ever come to grips, because it was a needless tragedy. I just hope that God is in control and there will be a time when we will all see our loved ones again. I too have seen way too much death in my life. My Mother died when I was 24, 3 months before I was to be married. My older brother died of cancer at 48.

Another brother died suddenly of an aneurysm. etc. etc.

God bless you all and if someone needs to talk, I am a good listener.

dgugs0@lycos.com

[julsmom]

Jasonsdad - I am so sorry for your loss. My 27 y/o daughter died October 13, 2003 in a one car crash. There are no words to describe this pain. My your family find peace. Lynda

[jasonsdad]

To Julsmom and Seeking Solace. Julsmom. thank you for your kind words. Our children died 1 day apart. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they were together.

Seeking Solace, I was raised with many conflicting beliefs. I would love to believe that our children are somewhere spiritually. I am grieving so hard and long that I am afraid if he is aware, that I am hindering my Son's progress. My quasi Christian belief is that he is not aware, but someday will be. I believe that all will be saved in due time. I must be truthful and say that maybe there is a spitit that is fooling you, but then again I hope that you are right. I feel that you are a very kind person and just telling us what you have experienced. I would hate to think that God would let you be decieved. Regardless, it seems you are not self-serving and have a compassion

for the people on this thread that are suffering, and for that I thank you and

am not closeminded enough to disregard you. God Bless both of you.

[daveydow1]

Kathy714,

I am glad that you told of not washing your son's

sweatshirt. I thought that I might be a little crazy

and have told no one except my husband, but after my

son, Davey's, death 6/14/03, I washed most of his

clothes, but there were 2 pr. of jeans that I have

not washed. I just never wanted to be "finished" with

his clothes. They are still laying folded in the

basement. I am sorry for your loss, and truly hope

you can find solace. Peace.

[daveydow1]

Jasonsdad,

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your son. I

understand your agonizing feelings. The pain is

so unbearable and we must bear it anyhow. It does

change a parent forever to endure this. Peace to you.

[daveydow1]

Energygrrl,

My heart aches for you in this very early stage of

your terrible loss. I hope you can just take each

day at a time and be very kind to yourself in this

sorrowful road. Peace & prayers.

[julsmom]

Jasonsdad - I would like to think Julie and your son know each other. I have these little conversations with her and ask if she has met all the children we speak of and others. I hear her saying Mom, that's a lot of people and I can't possible get to know all. But she would. She never met a stranger. Julie had a strong Christian faith which she put into action while here. She was in Peace Corps, worked for churches as a youth director and went into teaching in response to her faith. Peace to all. Lynda

[Mazey2]

To the parents with new losses, I am sorry. But, this site has helped so many of us. (Ironic, there are 3 Nurses that have posted on this day. I also am a Nurse!)

It is so frequent I read another parent speak of their children as strong Christians while here, with deep belief. That they are sensitive, open, friendly,loving and so kind. I think they are close up there.....'up there' why do I call it up there...?????? Just there is sufficient.

Last night I was sitting outside and talking to the Full Moon and God & Chad and wondered why we are drawn to the sky when we think heaven.....????? when I talk to God or Chad, I am not usually looking to the sky, cuz I will talk where ever I am and feel like it, but I must say I feel "closer" when I am outside, in the quiet. Any thoughts on that?

Also, I am curious what Seekingsolace feels his afterlife experience was, you seem anxious to share this info. How do others feel about this? Sharing, Linda