Loss of an Adult Child

[TearsInHeaven]

On 12/11/2014 at 9:33 AM, Suzie1228 said:

Well as Christmas approaches I just do my very best to stay positive and get through one day, really one hour at a time. Brad has now been gone from his physical body for 3 months now. His birthday is Dec. 28 so not only am I facing  Christmas but the 1st birthday I will not be able to  hold him close and give him a birthday hug and kiss. I guess some of you will think I am bonkers but ever since his death I seem to receive messages from him. His name keeps coming up on my sisters cell phone and when my good friend who knew Brad almost since birth came to visit me on Thanksgiving, the minute her car pulled into the driveway her phone beeps and the message said, Hi, Brad changed his facebook page and his picture came up on her phone. No one else received this message and his facbook page showed no signs of foul play. Maybe its is just wishful thinking on my part but there have been other  things as well. It actually lifts my spirits and I don't feel afraid or alone. Has anyone else had these kind of experiences? Please tell me I am not crazy. I have started a journal telling the story of my life with Brad. It seems to help and sometimes makes me laugh at all the crazy things we did together. It keeps him alive in my heart. We were a mother and son who had great love, respect and friendship with each other.

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky, I am so sorry for the outcome of this all....it is absolutely insane. I am sending you a hug...

 

If I am reading this right, it seems like if you were to proceed in court further, there would be a high risk of jail...I think what you are battling is a heavy prejudice and extreme incompetence in your local court system. I do not think the outcome would be good (or change) since as long as the case remains under the auspices of your crazy county courthouse it may be the same. I wonder if the judge is related or friends with this lady (or her family) in question or whether there is an element of racial attitude coming through...if it is the first case, he should recuse himself for obvious bias. (...I live in a community where there are many "ties" between the courthouse "so-and-so's" and the general public which is why stuff like this can get skewed to the obvious advantage of the certain family/friendly relationships).

 

I wish it were so different for you and your family, but I would urge extreme caution on this as the person that would pay the highest price at this point would be your daughter if things failed.

 

Again, I am so sorry....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Tearsinheaven, I am sorry for the loss of your dear son, Michael...I do believe that the events you mentioned regarding your son's death have been been experienced by many bereaved parents. I found Carol Kearns, who was mentored as a grief counselor under Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, to be very helpful to me especially in the first very raw moments. She lost her little girl, Krissie, to a drowning.

 

http://www.carolkearns.com/kristens-legacy/ch_believe.html

 

Sending you gentleness for the days ahead...

[ericasmom]

Becky I am so saddened by the latest news from your corner of the world. How sad that once again, we protect those that do harm but as we know in the news lately, it is the way things are right now. I do agree with Laurie in this, pursuing this further could potentially continue to heap more pain and undo angst upon you all and so it might be best to let this go now. Not that it is at all okay, nope, stopping the process is not saying it is okay, it is saying that justice will not be found in this situation and so finding some kind of goodness in which to put your energy is next. Maybe you guys can start a clearing house of sorts for those who the law has not helped...class action kinds of things so that the numbers of people complaining can voice and be united by a family that knows the extent of poor justice system. Your Daughter might be a leader for those who have lost someone close or maybe she needs to go away from this topic as best she can in order to find some sort of direction that she can follow. It is hard putting down the gauntlet, it is hard to say We are done, many feel saying that is surrender, is letting your Boy down. It isn't though, and Jared is anything but let down by your actions. You have helped raise awareness in his memory, his light has helped you lead to the changes that have been made. Bigger changes may come later but for now, letting the fight be over for now sounds like the best thing for everyone in your family.

Yep Susan, they got punched and the wind got knocked out, we feel it so you Becky must be so tired of it all.

Now show yourselves and Jared that the world still spins and you will find your direction in his honor.

[daveydow1]

Suzy1228----I believe that your dear Brad is spiritually connecting with you, in

the ways that you described.  I do not  think that you are bonkers----definitely not.

I think that all of us parents here have had experiences along these same lines,

and at the time.....we may wonder if it is only wishful thinking that we could somehow

have a sign or a communication from our beloved children who have passed on

into eternity.  But,  no one...who may not believe it---can prove that it is not a connection

from the other realm where our dear children are.  I say----let others think what they may.

We can experience that wonderful warm feeling deep in our souls, that they are still

with us. By believing, we can let the second guessing go, and just find the connection

or sign warm our hearts.

 

Becky----So sorry about the court hearing.  I can feel your frustration and heartache

over all this trouble, and also the way your dear daughter must be feeling.....your

whole family's pain over this.  In my own case, I have found that there was to be no

justice and only minor restitution.  For myself & my husband.....we had to let it all go.

Of course,  you & your family must do whatever you think is best. Peace to you.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, I am so sorry that this has happened to your family. I am thinking of you and wishing you peace in the midst of this storm.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

From George Anderson's FB page:

 

Every once in a while a client will come along and ask a question that makes me look back at my life of listening to the souls, and brings me to such an incredible place of understanding of not only bereavement, but of the very essence of faith and hope. I was asked a rather simple question: “What were the most beautiful words you’ve ever heard from the souls?” I had to think about it-- but th...e answer was spoken to me before I could even think of it, and it rang in my head and caused me to go backward through nearly 50 years of communication like an epic movie in the space of a few seconds. I realized the woman was still in front of me and waiting for an answer, so I told her--”They’re the three most simple words ever spoken.”

No, not those words--“I love you” is far too easy. These three simple words are so profound and important to the souls that they have the power to change everything we thought about the loss of our loved ones and our need to find hope. I thought back to the hundreds and perhaps thousands of times they have been said by the souls, and how poignant and beautiful they really are. The words are these:
“I was there.”

“I was there when you got the awful call. I was there when the police came to the door grim faced, and you felt as if all the air was punched out of you. I was there beside the wreck, and I was there when you found me. I was there when you were asked my name and age, and for a minute you couldn’t even think of my age. I was there when you had to identify me and I was there when you tried not to scream when they warned you to brace yourself."

“I was there when the seconds felt like hours, and I was there when people babbled incoherently about “God’s will.” I was there when you picked my favorite suit and I was there when you pulled out my prom dress. I was there when the funeral director knew he’d lost your attention, and I was there when the pastor tried to gather information for a eulogy. I was there when you couldn’t find the will to close my casket, and I was there when you had to say goodbye to my physical body.”

“I was there when everyone was gone and the house was so still. I was there when you watched the clock all night, and I was there when you saw the sun rise and wondered how you could continue living. I was there when nothing and nobody mattered to you anymore, and I was there when you bargained with God for just a small sign from me. I was there when you started finding your faith again, and I was there when you made the decision to continue living for me.”

“I was there the first time you laughed in spite of yourself. I was there when you went back to work, and saw a movie, and tended to the garden. I was there when you started reaching out to others in the same boat, and I was there when you wished me a happy birthday, or a happy anniversary, or even a happy Tuesday. I was even there the day you first realized you found hope, and the first time you could feel my hand on your heart.”

“I was there when you planted the tree, when you created the scholarship, and when you donated your time and money in my name. I was there when you pulled another mother, father, husband, wife, brother, sister or grandparent aside to tell them you understand and it will be ok in time. I was there when you found a way to continue my work, and I was there when you honored me with your service to others. I was there when you ran the marathon, when you graduated, when you married, and when you retired. No milestone went unnoticed by me because whether you knew it or not, I was there.”

“I’ll be there when it’s time for the portal to open for you, and I’ll be there when your body takes its last breath. I’ll be there to be the first person to smile at you and I’ll be there to explain that at long last, your journey is done. I’ll be there when you say goodbye to the earth, and I’ll be there to teach you how to be there for those you’ll leave behind. I’ll be there, because I’ve been there.”

As I’ve said many times over the years, we are loved well beyond our comprehension, and we are never alone on the earth when we have a loved one in the hereafter. The souls have always been there for us, and until the day we see them again in a world of joy, they will always be there.

[ericasmom]

Laurie, the words you copied for us today are so very touching, so well said, so genuine. I love your timing Laurie, you reach out quotes and words that open a door for many. So many new to this place and those words helped them today beyond measure. and helped me too as it serves as reminder of the power of those amazing souls.I have long felt that Erica is here, sitting on my shoulder in some cases, riding along and helping guide her old Momma.

 

Tears, 12 days is just so early and yet a lifetime ago in many ways too. I am so impressed that you found this place early on as you have, many of you have come right after the terrible loss of your Beloved Child. It was 6 months before I even wondered about grief online. That was 11.5 years ago and I have been coming here ever since, first like you and the others, finding ways to be a part of a group that really understood where I was, and then later, to help those newer to grief than I.

Like the others have said, nope, not crazy at all. I have felt very lucky in that I have felt Erica around and have had signs from her all along this journey. I am very grateful to feel her presence or to see her signs. Always with us, we will always be their Parent.

 

Sherry, how are you? How is Mom? Sister? Grandies? I am thinking of you as we near the holidays. Busy indeed. The house will be filled tomorrow after school as the staff begins to pull up for the Holiday party. SO it is here this year and while we don't decorate much, we have some shiny things for the party. Report cards go home tomorrow too, so the last few weeks have been very busy getting it all together.

[ericasmom]

A young 5th grade girl from our school passed away this evening, brain cancer. She was ill last year, but always seemed to rally and even though we all knew she would become sicker still, that she would not make it, we all gasped when we heard today that she was going to go soon. Then she did.

God Bless Isabelle, may she see the incredible light from all of our Angels and may they help her find her path heavenward.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....so sorry to hear of the passing of the sweet child.....we know there are dark days ahead for this family...will pray for them to find Mercy and Healing....and that they have a circle of caring, concerned and considerate family and friends to circle the wagons around them.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you, Laurie. I always appreciate reading your words.

 

Dee, my heart and prayers go out to the family and friends of that dear little girl.

 

This is such a hard time of the year to lose a child. Not that any time of the year is a better one. Christmas seems to be such a magical time and supposedly filled with much joy and family gatherings. A time that almost stands still while we throw ourselves into all of the hustle and bustle. When we are hit with such a loss we are left on our knees wondering how this could possibly happen.  When Jeff died I simply did not feel as if I would ever want to be able to enjoy any special occasions again. It somehow did not seem appropriate to me. After a couple of years I felt pulled towards joining the human race again. Isolating myself no longer was an option. It was not what he would have wanted. He loved Christmas and so we determined to get back into some form of acknowledging the season. But it had changed. And so we incorporated new traditions into our daily lives to make it special and to take Jeff along with us through the special times. I determined that when he died my heart was torn in two.He held the one half...and I the other. That when we were reunited we would again be whole. I have been given the gift of knowing he is at peace. It gives me a huge sense of comfort. While I still want him back in the physical sense... I will always have him with me in spirit. And that spirit just shines. And today a full five years since losing him I can honestly say we are now at peace.

 

My sincere wish for everyone that is new to this journey is to tell you that the days will not always be as painful and hard as they are today It takes ages to slowly work through this process. We all have our ups and downs. We change and we learn more about ourselves than we ever could have imagined. Time is a great healer. Embrace it as your friend. Sending love to all, Kate

 

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

 

 

Thinking of you Kate on this fifth Angelversary of Jeff. Hugs.

[Margo60]

I haven't been around here since 12/1.  I landed up in the hospital from a "breakdown" primarily triggered by my addiction to alcohol.  I came to the realization that I can't grieve in a healthy way (if that's possible ) unless I remove alcohol from my daily use.  My breakdown was triggered by the Thanksgiving holiday.  I was having panic attacks several times a day, to the point I could no longer function.  I was drowning in grief, depression, alcohol and panic attacks.  I cried and screamed "I want my son back!!".   I just wanted to die.   

 

 

My son struggled with his addiction to painkillers and alcohol.  He went In and out of detox and programs, especially the last 4 years.  We all thought he nailed it earlier this year. Unfortunately, he lost his fight this summer. 

 

I'm 13 days sober, in AA and have a sponsor.  I have a long road ahead of me with maintaining sobriety and grieving.

 

Thanks for reading my post.

 

 

[daveydow1]

JEFF......SAYING YOUR NAME, AND REMEMBERING YOU.....AN ANGEL IN HEAVEN.

 

Kate-----Thinking of you & Ross  today, and wishing you peace & comfort as your

memories of your beloved son warm your hearts.

 

 

 

 

Dee-----Oh, I'm so sorry to hear of the death of little Isabelle, who was a student

at your school. Prayers go out for this little angel, and for her grieving family.

I guess it's always busy this time of year, isn't it? My mom is holding her own,

and the rest of the family is doing ok.....I'm grateful for this.  Soon your school

will be recessed for the holidays, and I hope you are able to get in some rest

along with all the festivities going on.  Shopping for the grandbabies will be

fun, too.  We got those giant, soft,  toys (bear and elephant) that kids take to bed or watch t.v.

with, for the grandies 8 and 10 yrs. old. We're very happy that they still want

these 'basic' type Christmas toys.....we indulge them (of course  ) .....they're

only little for such a short time it seems.  Not much decorating at our house.

A few things put out....wreaths on the doors....candelabra lights in the window.

That's about it. No tree this year, due to a very overly-exuberant kitten who

wouldn't leave a tree alone, I just know already.  

 

Laurie---thank you for posting the writing.  Such true and inspiring words.

 

Margo---I'm sorry for all your troubles.  Please come back to this site, where

everyone truly understands your heartache & despair.  Peace & comfort to you, friend.

 

WISHING  PEACE   AND  TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh gosh, Margo...my heart goes out to you as I read your post. Please try to take good care of yourself. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate...it is late....more tomorrow....just want you to know that I have not forgot your 'Jeff'.....never...ever....

[ericasmom]

JEFF Sweet JEFF

Sitting near your Momma and Pop and filling them with your undeniable spirit, loving them in all you do just as they are loving you. Five years Sweet Boy...give all of our Angels a hug and know that we love you.

[ericasmom]

Margo, I am so proud of your getting the help you need to take care of yourself and to find your steps all the way to today. 13 days sober is a big step, and with each day we are rooting you on as is your Sweet Son.

Be well and keep on letting us know how you are.

 

Thanks to you all who are sending hope and prayers for Isabelle's family. God bless her and all of the kids at school who wept openly today along with teachers. Grandmom has mostly been her caretaker, her world is a different place now...prayers for she and the rest of the family. Isabelle no longer hurts.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts yesterday on Jeff's fifth anniversary. It turned out to e a lovely day. We had the opportunity to walk into the site and place some flowers on his bench. The weather continues to be warm and perfect for me. A huge change from the winter from hell last year. We then headed into the hospital to take some goodies to the maintenance men for putting up the tree in the Healing Garden for us. it is a real beauty and looks wonderful lit up in blue lights at night. Jeff would have loved it! What a different place we are in from this time five years ago. Proof positive that the pain does change and soften with time.Iit has been a challenge for sure...but we are getting there. 

 

I am enclosing a picture of my three year old granddaughter on skis. Love the yellow shirt. It is almost as big as she is! Sure to put a smile on your face as she always does on mine. Love her to bits. Also a pic of a Memoriam we placed in our local paper. Unfortunately the pictures of Jeff turned out pretty red as they were taken from old photos.

 

Thinking of everyone today and hoping your weekend is filled with peace.  

 

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....I call the parents that have been on this site for years...our 'Spirit Guides'....but I could also call each of you our Cheerleaders....who clap and cheer us on....yelling...'Yes You Can'.....

     I know we have these marker days....on the calendar...that mark our place in time.....but I know that we think of our child just as much on the other days...

    Surely your Jeff has been a large part in your healing process....I love the stories you share...to let us know our children are near.....just as he was yesterday....and today....putting a layer of love and healing for you and Ross.

 

 

Love that photo....our Pibby is so sick..burning up with fever....but so many of her friends are, too...

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Kate, I wanted to let you know that I had You, Ross, and Jeff in my heart yesterday. I wanted to post but things get so hectic lately. I hope you were able to feel Jeff's love with you and find a place of comfort in your sweet memories. Love the picture of your beautiful little yellow skier. It did bring a smile. The memorial for the paper of Jeff is beautiful. Such a handsome young man and he has ‘kind eyes’.

 

 

Susan, I hope your Girl gets feeling better soon.

 

 

Margo, 13 days is a big step. I just know your Son is smiling on you and lending you strength and support. We are here to listen. 

 

Dee, I am also sending prayers to the family of sweet Isabelle. 

 

Laurie, I loved the writing by George Anderson that you shared. I needed that. Thank you.

 

 

Becky, My heart and prayers are with you and Jasmine and your family. I don’t even have the words to express how wrong this all is.

 

 

Suzie and TearsInHeaven, Thank you both for sharing your experience. I have also had those gentle signs and ‘nudges’ that I know in my heart are from my Girl.

 

 

Trying to catch up a little today. The story of my life lately… Always a day late and a dollar short as my Grandpa used to say.

 

 

The approaching holiday is heavy. I can see it in the posts from others as well. I am missing my Girl so much. Her excitement about the holidays was contagious. We basically started celebrating around Halloween and continued through to the New Year. The Winter Solstice is approaching and Tris and I celebrated the return of the sun. She loved exploring different cultures and their traditions especially if they related to our family in some way. My ancestry is Irish / Celtic and she loved those traditions. The Solstice falls on the 21^st typically which is the exact half way mark to Trista’s Birthday. She was born on June 21^st… The Summer Solstice. So, besides being the Winter Solstice it was also what Tris called her Half Birthday which meant she should get a small gift that day. She was ok with her brothers also getting a small gift to celebrate her Half Birthday. I

just miss her so much.

 

I took the boys to see the lights at a place called the The Christmas Ranch. I’m trying to do things that will be fun for them. Even Zak enjoyed it and got his picture taken with Santa although instead of sitting on his lap they stood and ‘struck a pose’. I wore Trista’s owl mittens. I do things like to ‘bring her along’. I bought them for her on our last Christmas together. She loved owls. As we were walking through the Christmas tree displays there was one tree that was completely decorated with owls. I had to smile and know that Tris would love that tree and think that maybe she guided me to that one.

 

 

I had a really hard night the other night. My cousin’s daughter was in a car accident. I won’t go into detail but it was bad and the force of the impact caused her to fly from the front driver’s seat out through the trunk. She wasn’t wearing her seat belt. They think she may have either been texting or reading a text. My cousin called me from the ambulance. Of course, I immediately went to tears and also immediately began to pray to God and to Trista to please be with Tay and to let her be ok. It seemed like forever to hear but eventually we found out that she would be fine. Just some scrapes and bruises and a few stitches. I was so relieved and thankful that she would be okay and I just hoped that this could be an eye opener for her to be safe behind the wheel. Also in the aftermath come the questions. The ones that are hard to voice to anyone because I don’t want to ever sound like I’m not so happy and grateful that everything turned out ok…. The ‘ Why my Child?’ My Sister called me later that night and asked if I was ok. I’m glad she sort of instinctively knew how it would all be for me. No one else seemed to and it wasn’t about me so I didn’t want to make it that way. I started to say something to her and she stopped me and said, “I know. Don’t feel bad. I had the same thoughts and I think it’s only natural.” That helped.

 

I used to ask that question… Why? WHY????... Every minute of every hour of every day. I asked and asked and screamed it at the sky. After a while, when no answer came, I pushed it out of my head as much as possible. I tried to come to terms with the realization that there will be no answer here and now but sometimes… when something like that happens… it brings the question right back to the surface and my soul starts screaming again.

 

My mother in law (of my first husband) sent me a text with a link to a song last night. I hadn’t talked to her about Tay’s accident but being a small town, I’m sure she heard. She didn’t say anything about it… just sent me this song. She also lost her Son, my first husband, Terry. We both grieved for him but so differently and I just didn’t understand her at that time. Now, I understand so much and am so thankful for the ways she reaches out to me. Now she has lost a Son and a Granddaughter. Here is the song she sent me. 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

All, I am glad the writing helped a bit that was posted the other day...I find myself in a place where I do a lot of reading...it helps me to cope some with the depression and pain and missing...

 

Shannon, thanks for posting the song....I am glad that your niece was okay...we all have those big "why" questions, part of the earthly sojourn...I too have read testimonies of people who were in motorcyle accidents, and hit with a force much greater than my son, yet they were spared...I have found myself realizing it is okay to say, "I just don't know"...not that the missing stops...I had one person suggest to me to write letters to Jesse...one of the most practical suggestions that was given...

 

Dee, prayers said for the family and transition of Isabelle, who passed away...

 

Sherry, always good to see your message...someone I recently met is from your state...told me the topic of many conversations is "Corn"...I can see that as we were quite involved with the farm community before Jesse's passing...

 

Kate, very cute picture of grandaughter whose shirt is "wearing her"

 

Susan, hopefully your grandaughter's flu clears up soon...bad time of year to be sick...

 

Have to go...my grandson just dumped his lunch on the floor...sigh...

[Angel Boy of Mine]

 

Thank you to all that responded to my last post about court. We still have not decided what to do moving forward, but I so appreciate all of your support!!

[Jeff's Mom]

Just returned from the city.  The fog was thick as pea soup and so the drive was a slow one. We managed to go to the Assiniboine Park Conservatory to see their Christmas display. Just beautiful. Will try to read and get caught up before responding. Glad to see all of you!

 

Let the love you hold close to your heart for your child be your strength. Kate

[ericasmom]

Becky, the sign about impaired driving is excellent. How are you guys doing in the face of your latest news?

 

Kate, I am glad to read about how you feel the sadness and loss in a new way, that it is softer and you and Ross have found your way to this point, you have worked hard the two of you, with Jeff always cheering you on. Glad  you saw the beautiful flowers today, it sounds lovely.

[Jeff's Mom]

Shannon, it was so good to hear from you. I think of you often and wonder how you and the boys are doing. I do know how hard this time of year is for everyone going through a loss such as ours. We do our best. That is all we can possibly ask of ourselves. I have missed your posts and the pictures of the kids. I can relate to you wearing Trista's mitts. Having something close that can connect to our child gives a huge sense of comfort. I am sitting here with a Minnesota Vikes blanket warmly wrapped around my legs. Jeff's must have as he watched his games. Yes, he did have a kind heart and a generosity of spirit. Despite his size...he filled the net with his goalie equipment that it was almost impossible to get by him. He was a huge kid from birth. A real football player build. And he could toss a football that almost broke my hand he had such strength...at least 50 to 60 yards. Yet deep within he was such a softie. Heck, I miss him.

 

He always loved the Charlie Brown Christmas tree...i.e. branch. At the hospital this year we found his tree to be perfectly shaped. It is just lovely...however, we noticed that it is on a huge angle. Not standing straight. Seemed odd. We looked at each other and decided that Jeff would have loved it on that angle. Not perfect, but proudly there for all to see. So glad that your niece was ok.It must have given you all such a fright. The music is really touching. Thank you for posting.

 

Laurie, hope you have finished cleaning up lunch from your grandson.  Thanks again, for the lovely tribute to Jeff.

 

Margo, I hope that each passing day finds you feeling a bit stronger in coping with things. Good luck.

 

 

Susan, hope you escape this flu bug. Sorry to hear about Pibby. Take good care of yourselves.

[ericasmom]

Susan, my thoughts with Pibby, the flu is just knocking everyone on their keesters. I hope she gets through it quickly.

 

Shannon, so good to see those photos of the boys. I love that you wear Trista's mittens, she is honored by this act I believe. I love wearing the gloves I gave Erica that last winter holiday of 2003. They are pink fuzzy gloves, with a contrasting red cuff along the top and a Japanese name on them, a snowboarding company I think. I wear them a few times each winter. I wear the crystal necklace that hung in her room when we cleaned  it out. I had given it to her that same holiday season. I wear that often.

Your boys both resemble their big Sis so much. Are you getting any assistance from your inlaws?

I am very glad that your niece is going to be fine. You must have been jolted with that news. Good that Sis knew you might need to talk after that.

 

The other day when the fifth graders learned of their friend dying the night before, one girl, a sister of one of my students was crying pretty hard in the hallway. I said, come here Maya, and she fell in my arms and wept. She kept saying what so many of us have said. "why, why, why did she have to die?"
Please Lord and Erica and All of our Dear Angels, wrap Isabella in your ever-loving warmth and show her around her new home. Help her to send her energy to those who miss her so deeply so that can feel her peace. No more pain, no more illness.

[flocicero]

My husband & I have been talking about seeing a medium psychic & I've started to do some research ; does anyone have any suggestions & has anyone else done this? Laurie thank you for posting that message from George Anderson; I just want it all to be true. I've been busy with some Christmas shopping; I've decided to give family members a beautiful angel ornament with a message from Michael including his angel date.

Margo, I'm sorry you've been struggling so much & I wish you well. My son also lost his struggle with addiction to painkillers this fall; we thought he had nailed it as well, he was so much better.

Love & peace to everyone

[Mermaid Tears]

Mike's Mom.....I decided early on the grief journey...I will seek out a medium....I will know when I am ready...

 

Margo.....sometimes the simple facts are overlooked because.....they are so simple.....and people sometimes think all answers should be complex....

    It takes one who is a recovered alcoholic to help another alcoholic....fellowship feeds the soul....and spirit.

It takes someone who knows how to crochet....to help another how to crochet...

It takes someone who knows how to build a house....to help another how to build a house...

It takes someone who knows how to read....to help another how to read...

    those things are not innate....

Just as on this site....it takes a parent who has lost a child....to help another parent on this grief journey...

      I am surprised that there are not more parents tearing their hair out and drinking from dawn to dusk....after the loss of a child....

     You are very courageous for 'telling the world' you have an addiction to alcohol....now...I would think that would be a helping step in your brave way to confronting this disease and getting help. Peace and prayers for you.

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh my, Dee...how can any person make sense of the death of a young person? It simply does not follow the normal course of events. My heart goes out to her family and friends.  My first brush with death that impacted me deeply was my best friend Michele Desjardins that died at the young age of twelve. She suffered from at that time an inoperable heart issue. They knew she only had a little time and so her parents bought her up to the lake to be with her friends for her last summer. We took an old wagon that had a back on it and lined it with pillows and soft blankets. We pulled her everywhere we went. In those days it was long before the TV fascination and computers. We were outside exploring and making our own fun on a daily basis. We watched her changing weekly. Bad colour and her lips turning blue as we tried to do fun things to make her laugh. She too died just before Christmas. December 5th. I will always remember that day as it seemed almost impossible to believe. The psychological impact hit hard on us. She was not a grandparent age and it did not seem fair. Why her? She faced her death with such courage and strength. And also great faith in the hereafter. The day of her funeral will live with me for the rest of my days. We walked beside her coffin carrying white silk ribbons with silk flowers attached. We were honorary pallbearers. The walk down the aisle seemed forever. It was held in the then St. Boniface Basilica. Her father was a politician and the humungus cathedral was packed to the brim. There we were a group of us standing in shock... as this was our good friend. It did not seem possible that she lay inside that white coffin as lovely as it was. I miss her and think of her every year at this time. I also know that she would most definitely be in a wonderful place free of her worldly pain and suffering. There simply are no answers to give a child looking for an explanation as to why it happened. We knew the how... but the why was another issue. Your little friend at school will slowly adjust to this shock as all of us do. And thank heaven for the resilience of a child. All you can do is listen, hold her, and give her support.

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....thank you for sharing those photos....I, too, have missed seeing your handsome boys....both are growing and growing.....

       'I Miss My Girl'......your ever running chant....because we know it is every 24/7.....I know there hasn't been an hour that hasn't had a thought of John David.....like a ticker tape that revolves around and around....sometimes fast...sometimes slow...sometimes it is a stabbing pain......other times...a whimper.

     Thank you for sharing that song....I have never heard it...your ex MIL must know how you are hurting...for I do believe it doesn't matter if your child was 2 days old...or 50...they are still your child....and she is grieving for her son and GRANDdaughter....wow....that is heavy....it really made me sit up and have that 'What If' kind of fear rise up in me...that kind of 'What If' fear can take off and make my heart race or dissolve me. There are places my mind can go to...and I really have to say 'STOP'....and discipline myself to change my thoughts. It is almost masochistic to have those 'What If' kind of thoughts...but am sure all parents go there after the chaos and grief they experience.

 

And the 'WHY' that runs across our thoughts....no matter the 'HOW' our child died...we all ask..'WHY MINE'....

    when I think of my John David....and then I can name 20 of 'others' that never did any good...any kindness...turn their backs on their children...child molesters...evil to the bone kind.....and I wonder why they are left on this earth home...for they will never do any kind of the goodwill John David did or could do....

       Your 'questions' are normal....and there is nothing wrong in asking God/Mother/Father of the Universe questions...they are expected.....do not feel guilty.....for really the questions come from your deep grief....your broken heart.....not your good heart.

     I wrote this some time ago....I really have no answers....this is something I wrote for myself and will re-post it....for this is all I can come up with to help me with the 'WHY'.....

[Jeff's Mom]

Shannon, a couple of pics for the kids. We walked into the site again today and took some oiled sunflower seeds to feed the chickadees. They are very tame and followed us all the way to the bench.

 

Susan, hope Pibby is feeling a bit better today.

 

 

[Steve s mom]

Lighting a candle for Steve and all our angels tonight.

May their light shine on us always.

[ericasmom]

Maryanne, thanks for lighting a candle for the Angels. I imagine that the lights look like spun silver to our Babies. A beautiful sight.

 

Kate, yes, the story of your friend does seem like what many will take with them into their lives, an early sadness. I love that you kids lined the wagon with blankets so that she could go with you. What joy you all provided her as she spent her last weeks here. Isabella came to school sporadically this year, and was in school just a week to the day before she died. Blessings.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi I haven't been able to post recently but I get such hope and comfort from reading on here. I thank you all for that. HELP I'm scared we have the inquest coming up and the police come round and do what they call a ' disclosure' it's to prepare us for the inquest. I'm so scared I can hardly breath. You see my angel was killed and none knew why he had pulled over and got out the car where he did and the lorry driver just hit him hit him at 60 mph visibility was good it was sunny and clear so why why why

I'm so sorry I just can't cope my son in law has asked me to be stronger that I'm too quiet and slow as my daughters, who's expecting, is worried and it's not good for her. All this stress plus loosing her brother on top. But I can't be any different. We always made Christmas special as we always struggled throughout the year. James my angle was the life and soul he kept us going with his lovely caring bright outlook on life his warm beautiful smile. I miss him more than ever and I thank God for my son.

Love to you all I lit a candle at 7 pm and felt comfort that I wasn't alone doing this. Xx

[Mermaid Tears]

[Guest]

.

[Jeff's Mom]

InHeavensKeeping...I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful son James. it sounds as if you are a very close family. We all react differently to the loss of a child, sibling, etc. Each one of us has our own personal coping skills that we slowly develop. The initial period is filled with days and weeks of a hazy fog and disbelief. Waiting for the ' report is an extremely tense period. We dread the results yet desperately need to know the details as hard as they may be to hear. It sounds as if James was the light of your life and was taken suddenly. I can understand your son in law and his concern for you and for his wife. Finding a place to be safe and quiet is very common. We all seek support and comfort in our way. I will be thinking of you this next period. Please post if you feel you are up to it. It does help to be able to talk to those that are going through this as well. Just wondering if maybe he got out of his car to perhaps make or take a call on his mobile? Sending prayers your way. Kate

 

Susan, thanks for posting your photo. Your daily support is appreciated by us more than you can know.

 

Dee, yes losing my friend impacted me psychologically for the rest of my life. We talked at length about her feelings about dying at that time. In the movie Stand By Me the kids hung out together and talked about everything. We did the same thing at that time. Long before computers, and other technical devices.  As young as we were we knew it would happen, but when it actually did...because we were so young... it was a real nightmare for us. Just awful.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

I lit candles too last night. It love that we think of and include the other Angel's here. I 'see' our kids all together, smiling that we have come together to help each other.

 

Susan and Lora, I love your 'space' with John David's picture and Cara’s picture. I have the top of my piano set up as a space for Trista, with her picture and candles.

 

Lora,

It’s nice that Jared is able to bring his friend home and that the young man will have people to spend the holiday with. It was really sweet of you to include him. It made my heart warm to hear how Cara is still being remembered and honored. It shows what an impact she made on the hearts and lives of those around her.

 

Susan,

Thank you for sharing your writing. We do have a super human love. If I could have protected Trista, traded my life for hers, anything, I would have. I know we all share that.

 

Kate,

Thanks for sharing the pictures of the birds. I showed Aiden and now he wants to go outside and see if a bird will sit in his hand. With all our cats running around I don't think it will happen but he thought it was 'really cool'. The story you shared of your friend and that early loss was so touching. I'm so glad that you were all there for her in that way. I'm sure that was so good for her and even though it was so sad... you were a part of that sacred time for her. I also lost a very close friend... at 15 years old. It was devastating. I was close with her and her brothers. Everyone drifted apart after that. I think it was just more than anyone could process at that age. Her death was sudden, a car accident. I smiled when I read about Jeff’s crooked tree. In the beginning everything hurt so much all the time. It still does but now when I see something that reminds me of Trista or something I know she would love, or laugh at… it still brings tears but I can also smile and think of her smile, her laugh, or what she would say.

 

InHeavensKeeping,

I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember those first days and weeks of waiting for answers and reports. It’s so hard. Your son, James sounds like such a beautiful person. Please keep sharing as your able and know we are here.

Mike’s Mom,

I love the idea of the angel ornaments for friends and family. I’m sure they will treasure them. I went to see a medium. It was a good experience for me.

 

Dee,

I was really scared when I got that call. It’s a panic that sets and of course I relate it all to my experience and can’t help but fear the worst. She is doing fine but very shaken up. I love that you wear Erica’s gloves and her necklace. I know we all have these things we do. At holidays I wear Trista’s socks. Sounds funny but she had all these festive holiday themed socks she loved to wear. My Gramma will borrow her earrings. She also loved to wear holiday themed earrings. My ears aren’t pierced so that is my Gramma’s ‘special Trista thing’. I used to wear her blue flannel sometimes. It disappeared from my closet awhile back and I panicked. Then I saw Zak had it and wears it just about every day over his t-shirts. I guess we all find our ways of holding them close. 

[daveydow1]

Lora---- Nice that the school has the Cara Day Memorial Tournament.....honoring

your dear daughter's memory.   So kind of you to open your home to Jared's

co-worker for the holidays. It will be an enjoyable time for your household, though

bittersweet, ..I know. Peace to you.

 

 

Susan----

Thanks for the pic of John David in the lovely setting  for the holidays.

He'll be smiling down on all of you.

 

 

Georgina----

I, so, understand your stress and anxiety concerning the upcoming

inquest.  My husband and I were nervous wrecks when we faced that same

scenario 11 years ago.  Wish there were more words to say to ease your pain.

Sending thoughts & prayers.

 

 

MaryAnn---

I, too, would like to thank you for lighting candles in memory of

all our angels.

 

 

Kate----

Such cute pics of the chickadees eating out of your hand. They are the

cutest birds.  They come to our feeders, but we haven't had any eating from

our hands.  

 

 

Laurie----

Yes...corn & soybeans are the main crop around here.  There are also

grains....although less acreage devoted to that, it seems.  Hay and silage are

harvested all summer and fall by the dairy farms nearby. Pretty quiet around

here by now....as I imagine it is also in Wisconsin.

 

Shannon---Good to see your post.  Yep---the holidays seem to bring out even

more sadness, and yearning for our dear angels....I agree.  Thanks for the

lovely song.  Peace and comfort to you, friend.

 

 

Dee----

I feel so sad for the family of little Isabella, who passed into heaven recently.

It will be so very difficult for them...and so close to the holidays.  Almost too much

for them to even bear. Sending up prayers. My husband and I recently took decoration

to Davey's, Lisa's, and my dad's graves. So cold & windy that day.  How is your dental treatments coming along?

I go tomorrow to have the root canal repair,...then next week for a tooth that recently cracked .  

As the old saying goes..."when it rains,...it pours", but it could be worse.  

 

 

 

PEACE    AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

 

 

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry    

[Jeff's Mom]

I hope that this will not be inappropriate but I read this in our paper over the weekend and found it interesting. Thought I would share. Truth is we have forgotten the true spirit of Christmas songs... and so each day for the next five days I will list one of the all time favourite holiday tunes starting with number 5 today.

 

 

  5- Silent Night

 

According to legend, hungry mice chowed down on the bellows of the organ at St. Nicholas Church in the small Austrian village of Oberndorf bei Salzurg in 1818. Faced with the very real prospect of a silent night on Christmas Eve, the story says the priest was hastily forced to scribble the lyrics for a new carol and asked the church organist to compose a melody that could be accompanied by guitar alone, thereby giving birth to a classic that brings comfort and joy to people all over the world. In reality, nobody knows if anything was actually wrong with the organ or not. What we do know is the German words for the original six stanzas were composed by Joseph Mohr in 1816 when he was a young priest in Mariapfarr, Austria. He transferred to Oberndorf in 1817, where he became an assistant to the village priest. Early on Christmas Eve in 1818, he went to the home of his friend Franz Xaver Gruber, the choir director, and a schoolteacher in nearby Arnsdorf, and asked him to add a melody and guitar accompaniment for his poem. At Midnight Mass, the congregation listened in awe as Mohr, who was playing guitar, and Gruber sang Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht for the first time. This peaceful classic lives on in hundreds of languages. Tomorrow I will post number 4.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

This is my small candle lighting area I keep in the kitchen since I spend a lot time there:

 

 

This is my remembrance area I keep for Jesse upstairs:

 

 

************************************************************************

 

In Heaven's Keeping, I would say when you get the reports it may be a good idea to pick a quiet, uninterrupted spot. I did this the first time I had to read the EMS report....

 

.....the emotions hit hard and furious....

 

***********************************************************************

 

Here is a picture of my grandson in his bear costume and husband, Bob (not in costume)

 

Benton sleeping in his highchair

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Laurie, those pictures of your grandchild are precious. I like the areas you have set aside for the candles. We all need that place to find some comfort. Benton looks so cute in his chair. I imagine that Christmas will be a really special time in his household.

 

I am having a lazy day today. The weather turned in cooler last night and the roads are extremely icy and dangerous for driving.

 

Sherry, good luck tomorrow with the dental work. You definitely want to be able to enjoy your Christmas meal.

 

Shannon, I agree. It was hard at the time to lose her. But now after so many years I too laugh at all of the silly antics we got up to. It was the time of our lives. Michelle was a real handful for sure. We called her Mitch the witch.

 

Margo...how are you getting along?

 

Lora, how nice that they held a special day to honour your special girl! What a wonderful and moving way to remember her by. It sounds like you will have an enjoyable Christmas with the kids around.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Kate, I thought the writing on Silent Night, one of my favorites also, was really interesting and I think sharing your favorite seasonal songs is a nice idea.

I'm learning to play Frosty the Snowman on the piano. Silly. I haven't played since I was 8 years old. I have a space for Trista on the piano. I sat down there the other night. I had her candles lit and it looked so pretty. I was missing her so much. Aiden was watching Frosty and singing along and I realized we have this beautiful instrument sitting here that no one ever plays. Sad. So I pulled up a YouTube video and started teaching myself Frosty for Aiden. I kinda felt like Tris would be proud of me. Even for such a small thing. I'm pushing myself a little to try new things... For Tris and for Zak and Aiden. And even myself. I know it would break Trista's heart to see that I'd given up, was just going through the motions. I've been experimenting with cooking and baking, learned to knit, and now Frosty on the piano. All of these things help with my anxiety/panic too.

Laurie, the special places you've created are beautiful. Here is my space for Tris on the piano. Our living/dining area is all open and the piano sits between them so it's like giving her a presence wherever we are. I change it do the seasons and holidays. Love the pictures of your Grandson! So sweet.

Here is my space for Tris...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, agree with the picture attachment to your post...before I wake up every morning, at times there is a lag time before my eyes open, that maybe this isn't really my life, then it hits again...I too wonder the why...

 

Shannon, reposted your song here...http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/6290-grief-poems-writings-songs-on-loss-of-a-child/#entry122279 along with a poem so it will be available to others later...

 

Kate, thanks for sharing the Christmas song and history...I have found the Hymn , "It is well with my soul" to be of meaning to me...it was written by Horatio Spafford in honor of his four young daughters who passed, the family went on to create an organization dedicated to peace and humanitarian issues in the middle east still in existence today.

 

Sherry, sorry to hear about your dental problems...one morning after a night session of teeth grinding, I could feel the one tooth break apart....so that is the one I had the root canal done on...I still have more dental work...procrastinating on that though...

[Guest]

..

[ericasmom]

Kate, love that story of the silent night in church, so cool. I too love that song, it usually brings tears. I will have to think of my favorites but truly my most favorite is quite a recent song, written in the early 1990's I think, by my favorite rock woman, or one of them: Chrissy Hynde. I know I have put the utube up before but I will look for it again and play it. This is the song that was dedicated to my Daughter at the first Holiday Sing at our school after my Erica died. I had asked for third grade to sing this song prior to the summer that Erica died. My music director asked me to get him a copy of it and he would see...well then school was out for summer (2003) and Eri died that summer and Mr. Jacobsen taught the song to over 100 children on the sly to be sung with Eri in mind. One boy from my room who was/is a genius in all areas, wrote his own violin part to the song. There was not a dry eye in the house. The song is entitled: 2000 miles.

 

Laurie, what a lovely area for your candles and artifacts of your Boy. And what an adorable Grandboy.

 

Sherry, yes today I had my stitches checked and he wants them to stay in for another week but said that it looks very good in there. Okay, if you say so I said. I wish you  a fairly pain-free experience.

 

Shannon, love that you are playing piano and knitting too. Lovely ways to move forward as you learn new things.

 

Lora, wonderful that the game is named in honor of Cara Day. So dear to have her name and efforts live on like this. Have fun with Jared and his friend. I hope you have a bit of time off when he is in town. Get some rest when you can.

[ericasmom]

https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A0LEVvDrro9UW20AJJMPxQt.;_ylu=X3oDMTBsa3ZzMnBvBHNlYwNzYwRjb2xvA2JmMQR2dGlkAw--?p=2000+miles+pretenders+youtube&tnr=21&vid=18C2DA213F6DE267A1B618C2DA213F6DE267A1B6&l=227&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DUN.608028702199972111%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D1SkWIqQ3oLY&sigr=11a6l7jr8&tt=b&tit=The+Pretenders+-+2000+miles&sigt=10rf1bkp8&back=https%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fyhs%2Fsearch%3Fp%3D2000%2Bmiles%2Bpretenders%2Byoutube%26ei%3DUTF-8%26hsimp%3Dyhs-001%26hspart%3Dmozilla&sigb=139aff6r0&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-001

 

 

 

So listen to this lovely song, this is my number 1.

 

I went to the wake for Isabelle this evening. How sad to be there, same room that the wake for Erica was, and to see her friends, 10 adn 11 year olds talking to her in the casket, touching her, connecting with her earthly self one more time...

[Tbearw58]

I wrote this and put it on my face book page 11/14/2014 I have been lost for over a year now. Struggling to find myself and my grief. There are so many of us it is sad to see how the loss of a child is the most difficult thing.  I don't see how I will make it some of you are longer down this road and maybe someday I will be also. For now there is no light at the end of this tunnel for me only darkness but I keep moving in the direction I think I am suppose to be going. 

 

 

Tonight it will be a year gone by

Since I stood in the street on a cold fall night

Standing there under a bright street light 

I placed my hand on your chest and heart it did not beat

I looked into your eyes and saw they could not see 

You had left us to live our lives without you

how can I how can I how can I 

 

I started to cry

With my hand on your chest and

I whispered out loud

Please go and rest 

In heaven you'll go 

now go be with God

 

I know you'll be waiting for me there in that place

when my time has come and and I leave this place

then once more I will see your beautiful face

 

But for now life for me goes on as

I know you can see and

I struggle to find what life now has for me

 

I will always remember and never forget

My son Nick 

 

Love you forever

Dad

[Jeff's Mom]

Ted, thanks for sharing your beautiful words about Nick. Hang on...I know this is hard...you can and will somehow see a light at the end of all of this. There will always be that aching loss...how could it be otherwise...yet life will once gain take on meaning. Be kind to yourself and know that we walk this walk with you. You are not alone.

 

Dee, thank you for sharing that song. I agree that it is just lovely. Sending prayers to Isabelle's family and friends for strength.

 

Sherry, thinking of you and hoping the visit to the dentist went ok. Take it easy.