Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Georgina, I am terribly saddened by your loss, knowing what it is you must travel. We that are a bit ahead of you on the road have left our footsteps for you, not that it will ease your ache and despair, but it will let you know that this road has hands to hold, shoulders to cry upon, hearts and minds so open to you, and we are ready to wrap you in our blanket, woven by our stories and tears, and we will add yours to it. We add everyone's story here because these stories matter. We will always be their Moms and Dads, they will always be our Children.

 

Marsha, it sounds as though your family is working hard to keep the communication open, three cheers for that. So many families cannot, so I applaud you and the kids for this. I am sending you hope, for it is in hope that we find the way.

 

Sherry, good luck getting this done before the insurance changes. No, not a lot of pain really, I cannot take most kinds of pain meds so I did fine on a non-narcotic pain reliever and only took those two days, motrin following that, if needed. It is just a weird sensation to have this missing tooth.

[Steve s mom]

This poem from another site reminds me of how those here longer help the newer members on their way.

 

 

 

Together We Walk the Stepping Stones
by Barb Williams

Come, take my hand, the road is long.
We must travel by stepping stones.
No, you're not alone. I've been there.
Don't fear the darkness. I'll be with you.

We must take one step at a time.
But remember, we may have to stop awhile.
It's a long way to the other side
And there are many obstacles.

We have many stones to cross.
Some are bigger than others.
Shock, denial, and anger to start.
Then comes guilt, despair, and loneliness.

It's a hard road to travel, but it must be done.
It's the only way to reach the other side.

Come, slip your hand in mind.
What? Oh, yes, it's strong.
I've held so many hands like yours.
Yes, mine was once small and weak like yours.

Once, you see, I had to take someone's hand
In order to take the first step.
Oops! You've stumbled. Go ahead and cry.
Don't be ashamed. I understand.

Let's wait here awhile so that you can get your breath.
When you're stronger, we'll go on, one step at a time.
There's no need to hurry.

Say, it's nice to hear you laugh.
Yes, I agree, the memories you shared are good.
Look, we're halfway there now.

I can see the other side.
It looks so warm and sunny.
On, have you noticed? We're nearing the last stone
And you're standing alone.
And look, your hand, you've let go of mine.
We've reached the other side.

But wait, look back, someone is standing there.
They are alone and want to cross the stepping stones.
I'd better go. They need my help.
What? Are you sure?
Why, yes, go ahead. I'll wait.

You know the way.
You've been there.
Yes, I agree. It's your turn, my friend . . .
To help someone else cross the stepping stones

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you Maryanne.....that poem nails it.....that is just how we are on this site....when I found this site I called the parents that had been on here for a long time our 'Spirit Guides' for we get no map or compass when we start this grief journey...and yes....sometimes we simply can't go on....so we 'rest' on the journey....until we can get some healing to find our way...

 

Thank you so much for sharing that.....I think it is amazing....how we hold hands with just the sharing of our words...

[ericasmom]

And Maryanne, your poem was your hand, made stronger by what you have learned and by who you grieve. What a great poem, I'd never seen it before. Thanks.

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen.....love those 'cherubs in pink'.....and what better way to get a reading on the success of a birthday party than to have had so much fun....and celebration....it wore them out. Love this.

 

 

 

I have never taken any medications for depression/anxiety/panic attacks..etc......but I have friends that have....years ago..in the late 70's...a friend of mine went through a divorce...(her divorce was like a walk in the park compared to mine)...but she started sleeping 'all week-end'....then....she would miss work...(she had a fantastic job)....her boss was very agreeable and caring....but I and other friends and parents became concerned....long story short....she was very depressed and started medication....and she got better. She had balance.

     Years later another friend started anti depressants....and she became a walking Zombie....it took years and many Dr.'s to get her the right treatment/meds....

 

It is such a maze....for each person has their own unique chemistry....and can take a long time and many different meds to find the right 'cocktail' for that unique balance...

 

I am so very happy that 'something' is working for you...you have such an amazing spirit ....your words craft a very deep and profound persona....it would be a shame to blanket it all because of chemical imbalance....my Dr. son is the one that told me it was just so hard to get the right 'meds' for each individual....to achieve that 'right balance'...

 

So....for me....the 'shock suit' is around my feet.....and I, like you, have some light coming through the cracks in our hearts...you and I both know....our boys would expect us to be the 'Mom' we had always been for them...they would not expect any less...(for we know if we had had to leave this earth home first...we want our children to carry on)....

    and I am searching for that balance....I want acceptance with grace.....not surrender with stoic.....

I am seeking that niche to be between Grief and Grace.....

   I, too , am still trying to figure it all out....

 

Dr. Phil said something that I have always remembered...'Some one has to be the hero in the room'.....your 'forgiving' and doing the right thing expands and that is how we rise above it all....I think you will give many a lonely person a very fine Thanksgiving....having fellowship feeds them better than turkey and dressing.....

[Guest]

...

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....I did not know you became an instant 'Grama' when your son got married....a 5 year old little girl is so much fun to shop for....am sure you remember when Cara was that age.....our Pibby is now 11......she is the youngest GRANDdaughter...I have only young GRANDsons to buy for....

  About this time of year....when John David would call or come home....he would tell Daniel...'Don't let Mom spend all the money on those Grandkids'.......

and then he would out spend me on those nieces and nephews....

it is good to have some happy memories at this time of year...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sandy, that is so good to hear that your beautiful daughter now has a marker for remembrance.

 

Lora, sounds like you are still caretaking your parents a lot. I was down at my mom's starting this spring about every other week for awhile. I hope your dad gets the right medication combination.

 

Mary Ann, thanks for sharing the poem. One step at a time is about all I can manage right now.

 

Next Trial date is next month, the day after my wedding anniversary...Dec 17th.

[ericasmom]

Lora, I would love to find you in the city again, walk the avenues and the lakefront. I hope you are well. It is hard I would think, to take care of your parents and try to get them what they need. You carry a great deal on your shoulders. Make sure you have some time to breathe and listen to music once in a while. How exciting that your Son will be graduating this summer.

[ericasmom]

Laurie, may this winter offer some hope and some rest for you. You have had an awful lot to carry as well and now the date for the trial. Let there be hope and may there be grace.

Our wedding anniversary is also in December, the 27th. It will be our 16th, both of us in our second marriages.

 

Sandy, I read what Lora said to you and I went back a page or two to find your message. I did not see it originally. Good news that the stone is finally in place, that there is acknowledgement of your Sweet Girl. I wonder what your SIL struggled with in getting this completed, maybe dealing with the finality??? But oh how glad I am that you find peace with this. How are your roads? You had some snow right? You be careful and let us know how things are going with you, Husband, and Grandkids. Thinking of you in every season.

[flocicero]

I'm leaving for Wisconsin tomorrow morning; spending thanksgiving with all my family. I will also be visiting Michaels grave for the first time since we buried him on Oct 6th. We moved to indiana almost 2 years ago for new jobs but Wiconsin will always be home for us. I'm not sure how I will handle this; I will probably fall apart. I almost don't want to do this but I have to.

Maryann thank you for the poem.....everyone here is holding my hand......

Georgina, I will be thinking of you & your son James on his birthday tomorrow - god bless

Francesca- mikes mom forever

[Steve s mom]

Thanksgiving wishes to all of you as we remember the beautiful children we are are so grateful to had had in our lives ,even if just for a little while.

[ericasmom]

Thank you Maryanne, I give thanks for the fortitude and open hearts found here in this place that nurtures us all.

 

Francesca, it will be hard to take this step this weekend, to go through a holiday is difficult and to visit the gravesite compounds it. I hope then that you will feel Mike's peace.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you Maryanne.....

 

 

 

Francesca...I am glad that you will be surrounded by 'hometown' and family...they will give you a support when those knees go weak.....and really...it is ok to be so hurt....that you are knocked down to your knees.....I have spent a lot of time on my knees....either from the pain....or for prayers....we will wish that Mother Nature send you a hug from your sweet boy by a soft wind...

[dAd]

At my side of the world, it is now Thanksgiving, our family is not American but we always liked to join in with this tradition, especially we like to express gratitude to each other and to friends. I 'd like to share my sense of Thanksgiving in regards to my precious daughter who suddenly passed away last year. My wife and I are so grateful that our daughter came to us and loved us, touched our lives and enriched us. We continue to love her, treasure the moments we had with her and remember her words and life.  We have hope and look beyond these earthly moments. From a book I recently read, I thought to share the words of a father who also lost his daughter, his words truly resonate in our souls:

“We are reminded that life is a gift, every last particle of it, and that the way to handle a gift is to be grateful. We treat gifts differently than we do possessions...every life is on loan, and will return to the Lender.And I am here to testify this is the only way down from the Mountain of Loss. I do not mean to say that such a perspective makes things easy, for it does not. But at least it makes things bearable when I remember that Laura Lue was a gift, pure and simple, something I neither earned nor deserved nor had a right to. And when I remember that the appropriate response to a gift, even when it is taken away, is gratitude, then I am better able to try and thank God that I was ever given her in the first place. Even though it is very, very hard, I am doing my best to learn this discipline now. Everywhere I turn I am surrounded by reminders of her – things we did together, things she said, things she loved. And in the presence of the reminders, I have two alternatives: dwelling on the fact that she has been taken away, I can dissolve in remorse that all of this is gone forever; or, focusing on the wonder that she was given to us at all, I can learn to be grateful that we shared life, even for an all-too-short ten years.” - From Philip Yancey's book  "The Question that Never Goes Away: What is God up to in a world of such tragedy and pain?"

 

I continue to be grateful also for all of you, mums and dads, that come to this forum and share. 

[Mermaid Tears]

and our gratitude dAd......at this time of the year.....all parents that read that will have a slice of solace for their heart...and can be reminded that .....yes...our children are gifts....I remember...something that went like this...'Your children are not your children'....I will have to look that up.....am sure some parents on this site know what poem I am talking about....

 

I wrote recently that I had a very hard time with wrestling with my grief....going deep into it....and looking around at all my blessings....

   but....I knew instinctively that is was 'my grief' and I owned it.......it was simply my time to grieve and mourn and weep and cry...

 

 

I was having a very 'bad tiny meltdown'.....and then...Hunter Bear called and asked ..'Nonnie...do you have some food?'...

(I didn't think I would see Hunter Bear because George and Randa are home...school was out today....but I knew the football team had practice...and I usually 'feed the boys' when Mom and Dad are working).....

 

Hooray.....for hungry boys....that got me spinning in the kitchen....

 

Hunter Bear is so much like John David....

   John David was always rounding up 'strays' and bringing them to me to feed....

[Jeff's Mom]

I have not been posting much lately. It is now coming up to the five year mark. My life has taken on a new direction. There have been many twists and turns on this road to healing. My one wish for everyone on this eve of the American Thanksgiving is to echo what others have stated earlier. We are so lucky to have had the opportunity to have had the great gift of being parents to our children. And it is a gift! How lucky we were to have shared their lives for such a short time. We ache for their loss...and that is understandable. But oh, what joy they brought to us...and worry!!! Yes, they were kids... with all their silly antics. Those antics made us love them more! And so between the tears and bittersweet memories...embrace the  deep and never ending love that they have left to us. I wish everyone a day filled with peace and comfort. Love to all, Kate

[shorty16]

Happy Thanksgiving to all my indigo pals.

I do realize the "empty-chair" may be huge this year, it will not always be that way.

I have been on this road for more than 6 years, and yes, I miss my Brian every second of every day.

But, I have learned to enjoy the moment and give grief it's time later. Grief will not be denied. I have learned to make grief my friend. We share time in my brain. But sometimes, I can ask grief to step aside.

You too will learn to compromise with your new friend, grief.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

[ericasmom]

May this Thanksgiving be gentle to your souls. Like Colleen, I learned to make grief a part of me, it is a daily piece and always will be of my heart and spirit, and it is home next to the goodness and gratitude in my heart and soul. It's a thin line as they say. I will later post a poem that was inspired by my first set of holidays without Erica, long time gone now. Still there is an empty chair but the laughter she shared with us fills me and reminds me of what you all are saying; That we are lucky to have had the time we did with our Kids. dAd you spoke so well about your precious Daughter, and I wish you and all those new to this, the sense of your Child's peace. They smile on us and love us from every view.

[ericasmom]

Missing From the Table

 

Warm lights pour  outdoors

From the well lit dining room within where they gather-

Around a large table,

Laughter is heard

And everyone is smiling-

I am a voyeur.

And from the wet pavement

I walk with my memories-

Remembering our warm lights and the clatter of silverware-

The faces and the laughter

Around our large family –

 

But now a void,

an empty chair,

She is missing from the table.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you Dee for re-posting your 'heart poem' for your girl....and than you, Colleen....for once again reminding us that the journey is a hard and long one....but....it can be traveled....

 

 

And all the ones that have been on this site for such a long time....thank you for keeping up the stamina to 'stay'....I guess there was something that 'told' you....you would be needed to help the 'new parents' putting their feet on this foreign path...

 

You let us know...'we can survive'.....if even surviving means we can get out of bed and make baby steps...

 

This was a hard one.....but then again....I guess I say that about them all....

[Angel Boy of Mine]

 

 

Still a gaping hole in our hearts and in our lives, but thankful for the many

who continue to lift us up in prayer!

 

 

[flocicero]

It was good to be with family the past few days. Visiting Michael was so hard & yes I did fall to my knees on that cold, frozen ground. There is a cross there with his name as a marker, first time Ive seen it... so hard to bear the knowledge of him under that frozen ground..my baby should be in my arms, safe & warm...

[tobyfreefoot]

hope everyone found a soft warm moment yesterday. we had two of forest's friends with us. had to glance over towards the place where ashlie sat at my mom's dining hall. sorry that wasthe only one we had. it was also the last one we had with my dad. all in all it was nice. this pic was a our friend's next to last thanksgiving with forest before ash was part of the group.forest is standing in the back, logan just below me marshall in the middle allison the only girl as always. my friend and i raised our kids together (one of her boys was gone in this pic) her 4 boys my 3 and allison. we even lived with them when i got divorced

[daveydow1]

Hello to all Indigos.....Hoping that everyone was able to make it through

the Thanksgiving holiday. It is so difficult....that's for sure, but the small

steps taken and the deep breaths that are necessary....along with the

tears that will fall, help to make the next baby step possible.  Peace to all.

 

 

                          As one gets older, losses in life become more common.

                          Loss of parents becomes almost inevitable.

                          Loss of a spouse, if one was married.

                          Loss of friends, neighbors, .....even pets.

                          But if one does not have to count the death of a child,

                          then they will escape the sorrow that will last a lifetime.

                    

                                                          author unknown

 

   

WISHING  COMFORT  TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky ....our Warrior Mom....I do hope you are finding some rest and healing.....it is still a hard grief journey....

 

 

Mike's Mom....it is quite a sight....to see the place where your 'child' is ......but....I hope that you do know...he is not there...but right there in and around you....

 

Gretchen....I love that..'Once Upon A Thanksgiving'.....by the way....I re-read that story....'You need a Physicist to Talk at your Funeral'......

    the more I read....hear....research....the more believable it is....our children are just in another 'form'....that is why we have orbs  ?? Fascinating.....

 

Sherry ...I copied that poem....and will frame it and put it somewhere close so I can read it....and others....very profound..and true....thanks for sharing....who better to share that than someone who has lost 'two'....??

[tobyfreefoot]

susan~i absolutely have clung to science above all else.  as it is something i can believe in with little or no faith and though it doesn't give the same comfort as belief in heaven perhaps, it gives me some peace and reassurance that all our kids undoubtedly go on and the repercussions of their lives are unending in so many ways. perhaps our atoms are entangled and most likely they transferred some of their dna in utero therefore they truly are always with us. i read lots of things on quantum physics, astronomy, string theory and m theory.  i am not able to come close to understanding it all but grasp enough for my non scientific needs. i don't know your age but you may remember the lyric from woodstock  "we are stardust~we are golden"  and so it appears as we learn more about the cosmos, which somehow let's me know things are as they should be i suppose.  though some days it breaks my heart  more often lately i feel it is ok, overwhelmed by how absolutely beautiful and amazing it is that things combined the way they did and the possibilities are not exhausted but just unknown. so many strange synchronicities in life make me think maybe our lives are interwoven through space and time.

 

there are some detailed sites about this that i haven't read but here is a brief item on a subject brought to my attention recently by a boy my kids know.

 

http://www.engadget.com/2014/06/24/simulating-time-travel-with-photons/

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, I love the way it feels to blend the  sciences with the holy...after-all, the fibonacci sequence in nature is holy and seen in so many aspects of the natural world- the golden spiral and the spiral of so many galaxies---the simple number patterns in flowers and seeds...it is all there in the science and the holy. I take comfort in this, somehow always feeling that when we are done here there is a new kind of being to be, some kind of energy that is filled by peace and purpose.

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh yes Dee and Gretchen.....even before I lost John David....I became a believer that we are all 'stardust'.....all that is in the tree....is me....we are all connected.....

 

and Gretchen....just as you.....I may not 'understand' it all from where some stand.....but I can believe....

 

Dee...when I saw the fibonacci sequence on TV......then I knew....we were all connected and a part of all the universe...

 

now....how does it all happen ? how did it all begin ?

 

I don't know....

 

We were given 'emotions' for a reason....high happiness....deep love....and deep grief....

 

was thinking the other day.....without that Super Human Love a parent has for that child....how would that child survive....a human infant is the most vulnerable in nature....

 

I watched the birds building nests under my patio....and then busy..busy..busy feeding those baby birds....and I thought that birds take care of their young better than some human parents.....a Mama cat will move 'every one' of those babies to a safe place...

[tobyfreefoot]

the man that made forest's memorial is very into sacred geometry. he sent me a video and told me the last was most beautiful. i took a bath and was begging forest for a sign. so i got out forwarded the video a ways and started it.  it was silent then burst into these beautiful mandelas with moonlight sonata  in the background~which we played at the end of the picture montage at his funeral.

[Margo60]

I'm wishing everyone a belated Thanksgiving.  It's been a rough ride for me since last Sunday in anticipation of Thanksgiving.  I've been cycling through crying, agitation, panic attacks to feel like I'm going to lose my mind to just wanting to die because I can no longer handle the agony.  I have my aunt to help me through the rough patches.  She's lost two adult children herself. 

 

He's been gone 4 months and I feel like some people around me are just tired of me and think I should get over it.  Oh and I moved his ashes from my nightstand to the closet.  I somehow felt I need to not have his urn in front of me.  Am I wrong to feel this way?

[tobyfreefoot]

margo60 nothing you feel is wrong. i'm sorry you are having a year of firsts.  the anxiety that comes with them is immense. people don't have any idea what you are going through.  you are not going to get over it but will learn to live a new way.  we understand and will not grow tired of you. this is the only place i feel free anymore to share my feelings.

[Margo60]

Thank Gretchen Forest's Mom for your response.  Right now, I feel like it's been 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.   I can't believe he's gone.  I remember so clearly what he was doing last year at this time. I'm having the flashbacks now.  I do believe I was in shock the first 2 months, which is why I went back to work so quikcly.   Now the reality of his death is sinking in and I'm a mess!  Sorry to vent.

[Mermaid Tears]

Margo....you are not going crazy....you are simply in deep mourning....and for many....the 'shock suit' fits very tight the first couple of years.....I do believe that is Mother Nature's way....and our human body defense to protect us...it is like a 'shell'...for if everything came in at once.....we would dissolve into a pool ...and drown in our tears...

   and I think all parents have some very high anxiety before holidays...our child's birthday...our child's angelversary...and that is normal.....

   for we don't come with a map or compass when we are put on this grief journey....and it is like a foreign land...

for we have not had to live on this earth home without our child....so we have to learn a 'new normal' and we simply are not the same person as before...

   Dee says it well....'we have to change to make room for the loss'.....and we really do...

I think it is normal for a grieving parent to 'be a mess'.....and your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique...I do believe that you should do anything you can to bring yourself solace.....anything but harm to yourself or others.....

for me.....I bought every book written by Elisabeth Kubler Ross......and I had to 'cocoon'.....I stopped all civic and social activities.....

   Grief is so heavy...and dark....and grief is also a very physical experience.....it was hard for me to breathe at times....and I had to 'come up for air' it felt like....

   we tell new parents to 'self care'.....for grief can cause many emotional and physical health issues....try to drink lots of fluids...go and walk in the sunshine...Mother Nature still has the most healing powers....insomnia is very common...so try to nap if you can......

   you say you went back to work....I do hope your employer is very considerate....if you should have a melt-down...out of the blue.....or ....if you just need some flexible time for awhile....

    I lost my SONshine boy, John David in 2012.....I don't really know how I survived...but...as Dee says, too....'we are the bravest of people to live one day more pass our children'....

and when I say 'child'....it does not matter if your child lived 2 hours....2 years....10 years....50 years....they are still your child....

     you will find many supportive parents on this site.....many have been on this site for years....I call them our 'Spirit Guides'....they have been on the grief journey for many years.....and they wave to us....they are a little ahead of us on this path....they let us know they survived.....and we can, too.....

    they will reach out their hands and hearts to all new parents....we may not have any answers....but we are here to hear you....please tell us about your boy.....and you.....

[Margo60]

Thank you Mermaid Tears.   I've had anxiety (GAD/Panic) for 30+ years.   During  rough patches, generally striggered by stress, I developed coping strategies and eventually would get my anxiety level under control.   My son's death ripped the lid right open.   My old "normal" is gone.  I have to find a new normal.  New ways of coping.   You are absolutely correct.  Grieving is a dark place.  It's a lonely place as well.

 

I've scaled back my activities.   My employer lets me work from home 3 days a week - the other 2 days I have to deal with horrific traffic.  Also, If I don't feel like doing something, I don't.  However, I'm getting concerned with becoming too isolated.  At what point do I push myself through this horrible pain?

 

My son was a combat veteran of the US Army.  Too many deployments over several years took it's toll.   He unfortunately developed an addiction to painkillers and alcohol.  He went to rehab a few times but relapsed so quickly.  VA wasn't very helpful.   He accidently overdosed on Oxcontyn and Vicodin 4 months ago.  I got his autopsy and toxicology the week before last.  I had a delayed reaction - then I spun out last Sunday and with Thanksgiving I'm sitting here like a big blob of a mess.  He would've been 33 next month.

 

My son was intelligent, funny, hardworking, dedicated to his family and friends.  He loved football and had lots of girlfriends.  He was full of life, but the war brought in lots of mental demons that he couldn't cope with. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Margo....I wrote this some time ago....and I have posted it on this site....I am re-posting it for you....this is something I do believe....

 

my son, John David would not have left me unless he had to.....and this is how I have come to believe....

[ericasmom]

Nicely said Susan. Thank you.

 

Margo, I am terribly sorry for the loss of your Sweet Son. I can only offer my hand, my heart, my footsteps for you. I wish I could help you feel less lonely, but it is so, grief is a lonely place, especially the first months. Hitting that 4 month mark is like someone pulls all of the bandaids off at once. The shock that shed itself leaves you raw and on thin ice. It is not a matter of going crazy, it is a matter of finding a place to rest and take on the business of grieving. It demands our attention when we lose one so special. THe first month or two is spent getting all that has to be done, the shock we have protects us enough to get these tasks done for the most part...but it is quite different when the reality of loss comes clear and your heart breaks over and over. We know and we get it. Hang with us and we will be here for your tears, for your stories, and for your worries, as well as for your joys. There will be joys again, Not for a while but eventually. All things have changed right now, but in that change two things remain a constant: your love for your Boy and His for you.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....I hope the Holiday gave you lots of time to wrap those babies in lots of hugs...

 

well......now we have December staring in our face....

 

I took Pibby, Travis and Kate last week to the Angel tree....it has 'stars' with the first names and ages of Foster children and what they want for Christmas printed on the star.....I let them pick 2 stars each.....I always pick a child that wants a bike..(now they have to include a helmet)....

    I have done this with Austin, Hunter Bear and Taylor when they were Pibby's age....I took Pibby and Travis shopping on Tuesday evening so they could pick out the gifts....Kate could not go but her Mom is taking her....now we have them ready to take back to the Angel Tree....

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

And that Susan, is how Christmas and the spirit of our Kids at Christmas carries on and through the lives of others. Always with us. I always have adopted a family with my kids when they were little. To the question of, " why can't santa make toys for kids who have hard lives..."

Well, Santa needs our help because there are so many kids in the world. THis is our way of helping spread his cheer, his hope. And since then we have taken stars off the tree at Whole Foods and my class adopts a family. We have spent over 300.00 on the family of 3 and the kids picked it all out, well with some of my editing. This is what December says to us, while we feel we are in a long hollow hallway at times, the good we provide allows music and joy in the lives of others.

 

Today, just a bit ago, walking in what promises to be the warmest day of November this year, I saw a penny on the ground. I never intentionally pass by a coin, and this penny was old looking from my view. I picked her up and held her tight between my thumbs, praying my wish aloud, a full block or more of prayer. Then I stopped to look at the date, daring to hope it was 1984...it was. And I stood thanking Erica for her reminders, for her gifts of hope and celebration. The penny is sitting near me on the windowsill of my very cluttered office, alongside many Erica mementos including another 1984 penny. Oh thank you Sweetest Angel Daughter.

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh Dee.....'how' we come to believe that even death cannot separate a Mama/Daddy from their child....thanks for sharing...it is those small things we come to know are the big things....

 

I did not finish my post...had to get up and attend to something...

 

'Giving and Doing' have been a big part of my family...and yes....I learned from example....watching GRANDparents..Parents..Aunts..Uncles....and for sure....we need to teach 'the children' the art of giving....and I should know that you would have that be a part of your class....and I think children that 'give' as a group...a unit.....begin to understand that when you unite with others....so much more can be done....wish I lived close enough to be your Class Helper...we need to hear stories like that ....gives our heart a hug....

 

I think for some reason....I was so emotional about the Angel Tree and gifts....this year.....I am guessing when one has had such a great loss....and then the heart gets somewhat thawed out....we have another layer of empathy....we see 'with a third eye'.....

 

I went into more detail this year about Foster children with the kids.....as you know....you can't dump a lot of info on kids until they get to the age of how to take it in and register the facts.

 

[ericasmom]

Susan, Boy would I love it if you were my helper in class. We would cry and laugh each day with the stories we tell and hear with the kids. I can tell you  that over the years as a third grade teacher and adopting a family with the students has brought so much joy to our lives. It also has taught them lessons beyond any other kind of teaching I can do. When we put the shopping cart up on the big screen so the kids can view what they have all added to the family's possible gifts, we vote for what seems most important and gage that with price and how much we have collected...a great lesson in needs and wants and we always point out that we want to satisfy the needs first and make sure there is enough for some of the wants. The kids also see then that as a group bound together in this positive way, they know that if ever they are in need that there are folks willing to help. Outreach and Reach-out.

 

I love that you help your Grandies know about the kids in need. I do believe that when we widen the world a bit to allow a view that is different than our own, we help create a sense of purpose in our Young Ones.

[daveydow1]

Susan---Thanks for your kind words. I, too, keep the poem handy, so I can

read it.

 

Dee---I agree...there are so many designs in nature that are so exquisite and

beautiful to see.  I saw an exhibit at a gallery about a year ago that was based

on that theory.... about all the intricate ways that nature puts things together.  It was

difficult to understand....really....(the scientific explanations that they noted)....but was

nonetheless so interesting  & lovely to see).  One did not necessarily need to

'understand'  the scientific explanation to thoroughly enjoy the exhibit.

 

Gretchen----I so remember the words  "we are stardust ~we  are golden" from

the song Woodstock by Joni Mitchell.  The picture montage that was shown

at Forest's funeral must have been so beautiful.....a wonderful way to honor

your beloved son.

 

Margo60----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son.  You are so very new on this

road, and many parents here have had the experience of other people wanting us to

just 'get over it'...and move on.  You must navigate this sorrowful journey at your

own personal pace. In time, the grief does soften, but at this early point of only

4 mo......there is no way to 'get over it'.  Grief must be lived and felt... other people

cannot understand the magnitude of the pain, loss, sorrow, and yearning that

befalls one who loses a beloved child.  Be kind to yourself, and don't concern

yourself with what  way others seem to think you should progress. They don't

understand.....can't understand.  I hope you can continue to come to this site.

Everyone here does understand.  Peace to you, friend.

 

WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[ericasmom]

Sherry, so good to see you today. How was Thanksgiving? Is your Mom doing okay? Did you see the kids for the holidays?

 

Kate, how is Ross doing? And you?

 

Carol, Betsy, Betty, Leah, Trudi, and Shannon how are you all doing?

 

I wonder about Brenda and all those who once shared space here and for reasons only they know, had to go.

 

[tobyfreefoot]

leslie let me choose apiece ofgranite for a flat stone to mark the head of forest's grave.  i asked marshall to help pic a quote for it yesterday. here is what he chose, the beauty of the granite is lost here but . . .

[Mermaid Tears]

beautiful stone...and 'golden words'.....good choice, Gretchen...

[ericasmom]

 

Wonderful Gretchen, beautiful words and stone.

 

I have many pretty cards hanging on my door at school, one of which states: We are made of stars.

[ericasmom]

Carl Sagan > Quotes > Quotable Quote

“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.”

[Mermaid Tears]

I remember Carl Sagan would come on TV....I 'think' on Sunday nights....in the early 80's...and I would make all my kids watch the show.....

 

 

later.....in the movie called 'Contact'.....there is that scene where she (Jodie Foster) seems to be on some effervescent beach on some star.....and she sees her Daddy walking up to her....

    and with all my memories of me and my Daddy at Matagorda beach....I decided when I die...that is just how I would like for my Daddy to greet me....

 

Dee....thank you for the song....it will be in my head for days....

 

Gretchen....I watched some 'Sacred Geometry' on youtube yesterday......too bad that is not how my Geometry teacher taught..

[ericasmom]

Well thanks to Gretchen, that song will play in all of our heads and hearts. Good dreams to you All.

 

Oh Rhonda, are you out there?

[Mermaid Tears]

We have December 1st today......

for some parents....they lost their child in December....

for other parents....December is a hard month to navigate with all the music...cheer....lights....Christmas trees...

and MEMORIES.....

 

some parents have small children living at home that have those stars in their eyes....

some parents have grown children that still need all the traditions to be carried out...and GRANDchildren that need those memory makers....

 

Many of us will feel like we have been burned out...and feel hollow all inside...some will take baby steps to shape a theme around how to honor our child....

many will decide to leave....go someplace new....where their eyes can rest on something that does not trigger a memory meltdown...

some will decide not to do anything at all.....for they are so exhausted with the job of grieving...

Lora will go to the movies with her son....

 

I think one should follow their instincts....love is a verb....and this is a time to 'love' yourself...as Dee has said...'we are so brave to live one day past when our child has passed'....

I do believe each of you...and me....are so courageous....even if we have tears streaming down our face....even when we are knocked to our knees....be kind and gentle to yourselves this December....give yourself some pats on the back...