Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

STEVE

Handsome man, loving Son and Friend to many, may you live on in the good acts from those who love you, shining your light for all to bathe in.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was sent to me by one of my friends....and I wanted to share it with all on this site.....Mother Nature....the true artist....

also....it seems to touch the heavens and earth....and my heart.

[tobyfreefoot]

maryann--i'm a day late but i had you in my heart yesterday, hoping you had some closeness with your boy.

[tobyfreefoot]

Sherry you have been a help to me so often.  always want to remember your loss long before i met you that surely cut as deep.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

 

For Sherry's little baby girl in heaven...

 

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa...Saying your name out loud today for your momma...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Suzie, Susan08, Toby's Mom, Marsha, Mike's mom, Mandy's Mom...thinking of you all in the beginning of this very rough time...

 

HulaChris, what a lovely picture of your beautiful little girl, Emma...thanks for sharing....

 

Gretchen, nice to see your posts again. It does get harder as time goes on to have other's remember our child, going through that myself...

 

Lora, always good to see your Cara's face...

 

Becky, sending warm thoughts your way...how is your shoulder?

 

Shannon, how are you doing?

 

Susan, I did watch the video you posted last night of the woman's nde...it helped redirect some of my thoughts before bed...usually night is hard with a lot of nightmares...

 

We are coming up on the trial of the girl who ran over my son next month...found out they petitioned the state patrol guy who did not do a very good job at evidence collecting, but not the accident reconstruction expert we hired who teaches the state patrol reconstruction science...we do not have a good feeling about this....

[Tbearw58]

Thank you all for you thoughts and prayers The day went ok not to bad. Steves mom we have the same date 11/14 so I am sorry that I did not say Steve Steve Steve .

[daveydow1]

Hello to all my dear friends here at Beyond Indigo.....Thank you, for the kind sentiments

for baby Lisa's Angel Day.  My husband & I went to the cemetery and placed pink & white

carnations on her headstone, and said a prayer.  We always remark about how much time

has gone by since she left this world at only 6 months of age......44 years today. We still

miss her....always.

 

 

Susan----

Thanks for the writings that you posted....they are, indeed, so true.  As stated:

"We don't wish to pretend that our child never existed"......."we want to go back".

 

 

Laurie----

Thanks for the beautiful graphic for Lisa.  I sincerely hope that there will be justice for Jesse.

This is so  heart-wrenching for you, I know....I'm sorry. 

 

Thanks to  you.....Gretchen, Susan, Dee, Lora, and Laurie.  Your messages mean so much

to me, because after all these years ,  no one else remembers Lisa's angel day....only

here at BI, .....so a special thanks to all.

 

WISHING   PEACE,  COMFORT,   AND   A  GOOD   NIGHT'S   REST   FOR  ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

 

 

[1020314_alwaysmyloves]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a NDE from a lady named Reinee Pasarow....thought it was very detailed....she was a teen-ager when she 'died'....thought I would share it with the parents  on this site.....peace to you....

 

THANK YOU Susan (mermaid tears) for posting this video.... I watched the whole video ..I have never heard of it nor even thought of trying to find out but I guess that's because I have never lost someone that was that close to me ever...such as the loss of my own child . again thank YOU...it brings some comfort to me and reiterates some things for me in my own life.... it's been a long quiet day off for me too many hours to think even as I try to catch up on things at home. I send you all hugs ...I know the nights are hard on each one of us...it's just a reminder that the day is come to an end and for me personally I can't kiss my son on his forehead goodnight..

[Mermaid Tears]

To our 'new parents'......many have just put a foot on the grief journey....and some have just found this site....

 

none of us have 'answers'.....but some of us have started a journey of learning....and I think..(for myself)....of learning outside the 'box'.....like coloring outside the lines....I was reading some about NDE's before I lost my John David....but now...it has taken on another kind of classroom for me.....and with my personal experience of my 'signs'....my 'dreams'...my history...with losing my GRANDparents....parents...friends.....and I have stories to tell and share with all of them...now....they seem to have another meaning and are for REAL....I can do this now.....

   at the beginning of my grief journey....for two years....I did good to brush my teeth.....

 

we come to this site to help all the parents....what you want to say is 'sacred' to us here....there is no judgement...we know the hell and high water of those first years....

 

this is not a time to be 'stoic'....I think for me.....my breaking down into grief....was the best thing that could happen to me...with my personality....there is a time to fold your wings and this is that time....this is the time to cry....not fly.

 

Night time is a hard time.....that is when it is good to have a good book or an old movie....and wrap yourself in a warm blanket...

[flocicero]

Last night I watched a video of Dr Mary Neals NDE. It really touched me & I felt the need to reconnect with a church. Today I visited a luthern church (im catholic but havent been thrilled with that). Its been quite some time since ive gone to church; Ive always believed that church, God is everywhere & not in a building. I didnt care for the service tonight, I didnt walk away with feeling that my heart was touched. I feel the bible readings that I heard tonight make God out to be an angry punishing being & that is not how I imagine him at all. I believe in a God that is overflowing with love & forgiveness not vengeful. Tomorrow I will visit the local catholic church in hopes of finding the peace I seek. I dont mean to offend anyones religious beliefs; im just trying to figure out where I belong.

[ericasmom]

Mike's Mom, I am sure that we all understand your search, nobody will be offended. I tried Lutheran with my kids when they were quite small, I gave it three months to see, it was not for me, a lot about God-fearing which just goes against my relationship with God, the feelings I have always had were peaceful adn kind. I was brought up psuedo-Catholic, Dad a Catholic but Mom never baptized and so was told she would float in Limbo if she died. That is what went through my thoughts everyday if I heard sirens while at school, that mom might have died adn now she would float around in Limbo forever. Sad thought.

Finally, when my kids were about 4.5 and 7 I went to a congregational church. Almost all of those who belonged were one-time Catholics, Lutherans, and what have you. It was the kindest place to have my young children, and each Sunday I was moved to tears by the words s;poken. Eventually, I had to work each Sunday back then, waitressing adn trying to raiise my kids and keep my house, (divorced). I had to stop going to church in order to work, but for 3 years or so, it was the perfect fit for us.

[katibug98]

Morning indigos.

 

I went to bed late and am up early.  The pain has gotten so much worse that I went to the ER Thursday night/Friday morning.  Hydrocodone and lidocaine patches.  And yet, here I sit in pain...radiating into my cheek/eye/ear.  They told me to follow up with my regular doctor, but I couldn't get in until Friday.  I'm not sure how I'm supposed to function teaching preschool in this kind of pain or on hydrocodone. 

 

My heart hurts to see new 'faces' here.  I'm trying to help my oldest cope with her grief.  She is handling it very much like an adult and I guess maybe I should have expected that, but...

 

I think of you all often.  Peace and hugs to all!

[Mermaid Tears]

Katie....I hope you find some relief soon for your pain....ear infection ??

 

 

 

 

Mike's Mom.....my Essie...my GRANDmother....my mother's mother.....had a very rare insight into religion...I don't have time to tell her story......but......

   we would go out on their ranch....a special place she and I would pick pecans every Fall....one day.....she told me to look in the distance to a huge stand of pecan and oak trees......and she said....' You will never find a Cathedral built by man prettier than that'......

 

with that said......you may find your 'peace' in a non-denomination kind of church....we have a church here called 'Cowboy Church'....it is not Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Catholic..etc.....just people coming together.....also....recently I attended a funeral of one of my friends here....she is black....I went to the funeral and I was the only white person there.....but...I came away feeling so uplifted with the message and the songs.....I think what we are seeking is a connection....a place where we can hold hands and come together....

   Essie also believed that all we do on this earth home is for service....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Francesca - Mike's Mom - For me, I have had to re-evaluate many of my faith belief's since the passing of my son. My daughter now attends a church close to her work that had offered grief counseling group. The pastor had very good recommendations including by a local professional counselor. That was important to me that wherever she attends that it is a safe, loving environment with kind, responsible individuals. It took a while for her to find something that fit. I stayed with the original church that helped us, but I do not adhere to all of their belief's nor do I feel the need to. My story and Jesse's made me realize that there will always be shortcomings because we live here in a physical world. I do not feel the need to share all my inner belief's with those of my everyday life because some things just don 't translate. Unless someone has walked this path, they just don't know. Wishing you the best with this, like I said, it took my daughter awhile to find something.

 

You might find this link to Mary Neal's site to be of interest http://drmaryneal.com/faq.html

 

*************************************************

Katibug, sending ((HUGS)). It is hard.

 

Sherry thanks for your note to me. When I made that graphic I thought of how I wanted to feel with Taylor, my infant son on his passing...never really processed all that.

 

Dee and Susan, thanks for sharing all you do....

[tobyfreefoot]

if anyone is interested, i belong to the baha'i faith.  it is very inclusive and allows for all faiths and independent thought.  there is no clergy, their scriptures were written directly by their prophet. i have to admit to being the most skeptical of people when it comes to the belief in god. this religion is the only thing i felt comfortable taking my children to.

 

this is from http://info.bahai.org/article-1-4-5-2.html

 

The soul does not die; it endures everlastingly. When the human body dies, the soul is freed from ties with the physical body and the surrounding physical world and begins its progress through the spiritual world. Bahá'ís understand the spiritual world to be a timeless and placeless extension of our own universe--and not some physically remote or removed place.

 

Entry into the next life has the potential to bring great joy. Bahá'u'lláh likened death to the process of birth.

He explains: "The world beyond is as different from this world as this world is different from that of the child while still in the womb of its mother."

 

this link lists the basic tenets of the faith.

 

http://info.bahai.org/bahaullah-basic-teachings.htm.  

[daveydow1]

Laurie----The graphic you posted was very beautiful and inspirational....thank you.  Your little son,

Taylor, and my Lisa are surely experiencing heaven.....sweet and peaceful realm for all our angels.

 

Dee-----I agree.....that church is a building......spirituality is in the soul. Feeling

the spirituality can be in church; ... or out of church...as being in the midst of nature.

I am a member of a Catholic church, and contribute regularly, but for the past

several years, I have been somewhat  'adrift'  as to a real connection to any church.

I'm not against it, but not really feeling a strong connection.  Not too sure why.

In the meantime, ......I like to see  & feel the wonders of the natural world....at parks,

seashore, seeing delight in the eyes of babies & children,....or right in my own backyard. This is just me.

 

PEACE   AND  COMFORT   TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry   

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen....has that helped you in your walk on the grief journey.....? Since there are no clergy....did the people from the Baha'i faith come and support you ?

   Do you still go to their gatherings ?

 

I personally believe many 'religions' stifle the spirit.

[Mandy's mom]

Mike's mom - I hope you found peace going to your Catholic Church today.

Katibug98. - I hope you get some relief and feel better soon.

[Mandy's mom]

Today we had a memorial service. I felt we had to do this for Mandy. I am at peace and very sad missing her. I felt bad seeing my son so sad. Here is a picture of Mandy Mother's Day 2013.

[Mermaid Tears]

Mandy's Mom.....so happy for your family in having the ceremony..

[ericasmom]

Mandy's Mom, I too am so glad that you had the service for your Girl. I hope that you felt her golden love all around you. I know how you grieve the loss of your Daughter and the loss your Son is dealing with as well.

 

Katibug, forgive me but I forgot or didn't know why you are hurting as you are? I am saying a prayer that your pain subsides and that you are able to feel your body heal as you go along. It must be very hard to have the energy to take care of the young ones while grieving and also dealing with illness. My thoughts are with you.

 

Subzero wind chills hitting here in the morning and hanging on for several days. YIKES.

 

Today I went to a shower for one of Eri's dearest friends. While there she opened the card from me, the gift too of course. Well she began to cry from what I wrote on the card and then all 5 of Eri's friends that I sat with began to cry not even knowing what I wrote, I said I was sorry to everyone, it was laughter through tears, and I said no worries, Eri is in the room. Just as I said that Bob Marley came on the sound system at the restaurant. We all knew then, that Erica was definitely in the room. She really shows up. Karolyn told me one day, Dee, I think I am ready to meet the right boy to fall in love with. I said okay, I will have a talk with Eri. She thanked me. Sure enough about two weeks later she met her man. They will be married on NYE.

Once again, Nice work Erica Eileen.

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....I really needed to hear that 'Eri Story'....thanks for sharing....stay warm......we are having winter weather in South Texas....it will be at the freezing point for two days......we never have this kind of weather before Thanksgiving....I need some 'cool weather' clothing.....or I may have to safety pin a quilt around me.....

[ericasmom]

Susan, it was so inspiring to me and to the Girls...Erica my little wonder-girl. I am so glad that you too were inspired.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sharing this song.....

   I do not shop on Sundays....(that is an Essie story).....but yesterday....I had a new tenant moving in...she was coming from San Antonio with her 'stuff'...and lots of family to help her move in......she was supposed to move in on Sept. 16th...but my tenants living in the apartment had a horrific problem.....they had  bought an acre of land with a house on it that needed to be renovated....the contractor did not finish the job.....my tenant the Mom....had a miscarriage at 5 months...I think due to the stress.....they have two children...a girl that is the same age as Pibby...and in her class....a little boy in the 1st grade...a very sweet and hard working family.....I could not put them out....so I called the new tenant and explained the problem...telling her I would return her holding deposit she had given me in June.....but she said she wanted to live at my apartments...and was very gracious in understanding the issues. My real estate background and knowledge has helped me and others so much....so I went to the mortgage company with them....then I went with them to a real estate lawyer here in town....helping them with legal issues and now they are suing the contractor....they hired a new one and he got the house livable for them to move into.

   I went to HEB to buy some flowers to put in the apartment with a card expressing my gratitude for her understanding about the delayed move in....on Sunday.....they had a baby grand piano set up and when I walked in a beautiful teen age girl started singing this song....wow....talk about controlling a big meltdown....I got through it and then after the song I expressed my thanks to the girl singing and the piano player.....this song touched my Mother's heart....I think I was supposed to hear it.....this is an emotional time for all parents on the grief journey....and here I am on the 3rd year of the grief journey....and I can still have a breakdown in a nano second.

[Mandy's mom]

Susan and Dee - Thank you for your kind words.  I am feeling so much more at peace today.  Yesterday was so beautiful and my little girl is not forgotten!

 

Susan what a beautiful song - this was my first time hearing it.  Thank you for sharing your story.

[Mermaid Tears]

Mandy's Mom....I do believe that having a Memorial service does many good things to a parent's heart....you know your child was and still is 'So Special' and your child 'Is Remembered'....am so glad you liked the song....and...Sunday was the first time I had heard it....

[daveydow1]

Mandysmom-----So nice that you had the memorial service for dear sweet, Mandy.

I agree that memorial services can help soothe an aching heart.....a heart that

holds the beloved child so close.

 

Dee----Erica was surely there with you & all her friends.  She wouldn't be left

out of that occasion....would she?  

 

Susan-----It was so nice of you to help the tenants who had such a bad experience

with the house they were to move into......and for helping the new tenant, too.  No

doubt your real estate experience was a good advantage in knowing where to start...

who to contact etc.  Thanks for the beautiful song.  It must have been inspiring to

hear the young lady sing it.

 

PEACE   AND    TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry   

[ericasmom]

Yes Sherry, she really joined in and it felt so nice to have her nearby, and for the others to feel her too. Lovely.

HOw are you in these cold days? We are going down to 10 degrees tonight actual temps. Yikes. Too cold for walks as the wind is strong too making the wind chill below zero. Bundle up Kiddo.

 

[katibug98]

Dee~I've been dealing with pain since June.  My dentist figured it was in part because I was grinding my teeth.  So, I had a night guard made.  He also suspected TMJ, but never had any x-rays done.  He suggested if it got bad to take 4 ibuprofen and 2 tylenol...I'm a redhead...semi-resistant to pain meds, but also have a high threshold for pain.  I've started low dose therapy for depression and also have xanax for panic attacks.  The pain has increased though over the last couple of weeks.  It radiates down my neck and up into my face, my ear, around my eye and up into my forehead.  I've also been seeing my chiropractor.  Thursday night, I had taken the 4 ibuprofen and 2 tylenol and within a couple of hours, the pain was so bad, I was in tears.  A heating pad wasn't working either.  So, my boyfriend took me to the ER where all they did was give me two prescriptions--one for lidocaine patches and the other for hydrocodone.  They gave me two hydrocodone before I left the ER and I was out by the time we got ready to pick up the prescriptions.  I'm supposed to follow-up with my regular doctor who couldn't get me in until Friday. I called around and no one would see me or couldn't see me.  I managed to take 4 ibuprofen today before class and it held through.  The pain is ramping up tonight.   

[ericasmom]

Could you have nuerelgia, a nerve that is part of the tri-something nerve system? I sure hope you get some help with this soon, it is a very painful condition. And whatever it is must be so frustrating for you.

[tobyfreefoot]

susan--i moved way out in the country, 55 miles from the closest baha'i center and 35 miles from the closest baha'i community 10 years ago but i do remember them being very supportive to me when i got divorced and a few weeks before i moved i attended a funeral for a young baha'i man who committed suicide, then a week or so later i attended a memorial for him at the center.  it was loaded with food and crammed with people that got up and spoke.  some teenage friends played some outrageously sacrilegious music that screamed f  god over and over and everyone was so very tolerant  knowing that they were so disillusioned and broken hearted.  when they left the stage people just hugged them.  i was stunned to see such love and leeway for these grieving boys.

 

i recently ran into an old baha'i friend who told me new baha'is had moved in a mile down from me.  i haven't gone down there yet but was thinking i would.  they as new baha's would probably like the support and i think it would be very therapeutic for me. unfortunately i didn't find the baha's until my children had attended a friend's church  where they told my 7 year old daughter she was born with a dirty soul.  i took the kids to the fair and ran into a baha'i display.  funny they said they are there every year but i had never seen them.  just in time i started taking them but they were like 3-13 years old.  my oldest was the most staunch atheist (though they all claim to be) (forest was very influential) however once i heard him tell a friend on the phone "my mom has a bombass religion LOL.  anyway my youngest has started asking me if i know where he can go to learn more about the faith so who knows.  i do know they all liked it and don't complain about me having an interest in it and BELIEVE me they would tell me if they did!! haha. 

 

here is a picture of an eagles' nest down the road from my house.  my co worker that lives near here said he watched them raise an eaglet this summer.  he also saw one of them standing in the road eating an armadillo.  his son died about 10 years ago. he told me he has always loved eagles and one visited him at his son's grave so this is a special thing for him

[Mermaid Tears]

Love the eagle's nest.....so neat that you are so in touch with Mother Nature....and so close to Her....

 

 

 

 

My Essie....always....always said that it wasn't so much the 'church name or specific religion...it was the people'    and here I am 68 years old and that truth has so come home to rest....you can go to 4 different churches...same religion....and get a feeling of 'acceptance and caring' or a feeling of 'isolation and strict rules'.....

   my sister has always attended the Church of Christ....I would visit her church with her and could never get any deep message or feeling......then.....4 years ago....her beloved and amazing husband died.....she lives in SA....and they had the Memorial service at the church.....when I walked into that church...I had this zinging feeling of 'unconditional love'.....it is hard to describe....but it was so real....it touched my heart and spirit. As a result of that....I do not 'worry' about my baby sister living there....for she has her 'church family' that is there for her in every way. She is head of the Children's Ministry...volunteer job ...she never wanted or had children....for 'music' was her child....she is a pianist..can play every instrument....all of my children are 'her' children....she has always doted on each one.....and she and John David had a very close relationship.

   But she and I have many deep discussions and she agrees with 'Essie' that it is truly the people...that make up the 'body' of the church....

     I do believe that all of us seek a connection.....like we do on this site.....I need the connection with parents that has lost a child so someone will understand my deep sorrow....or understand I am having a good day or week.....how I falter or how I get stuck on the grief journey......I can't go out and about here and start talking about my bad grief day at the football game or Pibby's soccer game.....or to my tenants....or having a cup of coffee with friends....I think I would just make them uncomfortable.......and my children or GRANDchildren don't need to hear how I DREAD the holidays. But....all the parents on this site understand.....I am not being depressing....I am just being REAL. I miss my John David.

[Angel Boy of Mine]

OMG, Jared, even at 13 years old, you saw the sad shape our world was in... and it's only grown worse. There are days when I am happy you are in the arms of Jesus, and can't wait to be reunited... what a glorious day that will be for all of us!

 

 

 

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Mandy's mom, how important and precious are those ceremonies of remembrance to a mother's heart. When Jesse first passed, I immediately wanted to scream his name to every one I knew and say "MY SON LIVED"...it was good that you could be surrounded by loved ones and friends to remember Mandy.

 

Dee, so glad that  you had that special experience with your Erica...those moments are treasured for sure and held close to our hearts....

 

Kati, I am sorry to hear you are having such pain. Will they order a MRI to check everything? I had that done when I was getting chronic pain and they could not determine why. Xanax is a good anxiety drug...I took it for awhile...

 

Gretchen, thank you for sharing the pictures of the eagles nest. It seems like birds are often used as signs...I remember the first grave site visit I had with my daughter to Jesse, a flock of swans flew directly overhead and sang their song to heaven, a few weeks later while feeling low, some more swans flew directly over my house...I have never seen them before this in our area, and have not seen them since.

 

Susan, thank you for the note on the other thread...it is good you find some measure of comfort from the things that are posted I know all of you have helped me in some measure as well....I do not have anyone really to talk about these things with....some of my experiences with Jesse would be misunderstood by those who have not walked this path of hell...to have one's very soul ripped away...

 

......not many understand how this is. Then to have to "walk" through life, being pushed forward, whether one likes it or not...this grief journey is not for sissies....

 

I am glad that your sister found such a caring, supportive church after her husband passed.

 

Becky, thank you for sharing Jared's writings. Some thoughts...it struck me almost immediately how deeply he felt about justice, fairness and the law supporting those basic principles that indeed make us a decent person, being civil and kind to others; and to be able to let go of the material things of this world that are so transitory and without any real lasting value...for you, and your family, it was ironically injustice and uncaring that caused so much destruction, the horrible cross to bear...I think about this deeply as well for Jesse shared many of those same values, I believe our next court date will not be good as they called the incompetent sheriff instead of the expert reconstructionist, I have pondered in my own heart how such injustice has come to be....

 

If you want, I can add that image of his writing to my other thread...let me know.

[Angel Boy of Mine]

Laurie, you may add it anywhere you like. Thank you, wish I could be there with you for court. I will be in spirit!

 

My daughter took me for my MRI of left shoulder yesterday, just waiting for them to call to schedule the followup appointment to find out what's wrong. The tech asked me what music, and I said Celine, and the first song that comes on is "My heart will go on", which Jasmine sang at Jared's funeral. 

[Sholl1955]

Katie,

Have your doctors said anything about the possibility of shingles?

Sandy

[Steve s mom]

Katie,

Your pain sounds neuropathic have you tried neurontin,lyrica or cymbalta yet

[katibug98]

Laurie~I'm not sure what they'll do.  They have been so hands off, it has made things difficult.

 

Sandy~No, they haven't said anything about shingles.

 

Steve's Mom-No, I have tried those.  I will have to wait until Friday and hope for a better game plan from there on out.

 

Thank you all for the well wishes!  It is much appreciated.

[Mermaid Tears]

Katiebug....I will confer with my Dr son...who is an Emergency Room Trauma Surgeon....with your symptoms....will hope you find answers....

[katibug98]

Mermaid Tears~Thank you!  I iced my jaw last night *against my better wishes since I'm afraid to ice it and have it feel worse*.  It felt better last night, but it is already hurting this morning.  It is far worse than the last couple of mornings.  It also let out a loud crunch/crack this morning when I opened my mouth to take a sip of coffee.  Boy did that hurt!  I'm afraid of what today will bring since I need to go to work today.  I have a chiropractor appointment later today as well.  Oih!

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....'out of the mouths of babes'.....comes the true truth......thank you for sharing.....sometimes I think our children come into the world as 'old souls'......they seem to have a wisdom beyond their years.....and have a grasp on the 'right and wrong' in the world.....they have an integrity and character of justice tucked away in their little body frames. Your Jared was an 'old soul'....for sure.

 

 

Katiebug....yikes....have you been to the dentist to see if you have an infection in your jawbone? Now...that question just comes out of the blue of my mind/thinking...will call Aaron today...so sorry you cannot stay home with your pain...and nurse yourself. Do take care. Let us hear for sure....gee....you can't see the Dr. til Friday...this is only Wednesday.

[Mermaid Tears]

I am sending out an update on GRANDdaughter Taylor (TayTay)......the last antibiotic worked....slow....but worked....and we had to 'nag' our gorgeous girl to apply the moist heat paks.....very frequently....and as you know....teen-agers don't like to be still for long.....but she is blowing and going again.....we have deep gratitude in our hearts.

1st photo is my daughter, Randa...TayTay and Pibby...

2nd photo is TayTay

3rd photo is GRANDson Hunter Bear...in the middle....Trey is to the left and Ricky is to the right....

 

Randa and George have opened their arms, hearts and home to Trey and Ricky....

Hunter Bear and Trey are on the Varsity football team and going to play-off games....yea !!!

Ricky is on the JV team....(because of his grades last year) but he is doing great this year....

 

I am doing lots more cooking.....when Ran works her 3 days a week...she is a nurse...and George flies....I host dinner for all after football practice....and feed Hunter Bear lunch Tues.-Thurs.....he takes college courses on those days and has a long lunch break.....and I have Pibby and Travis after school.....

 

I haven't done this much cooking since I had all 6 kids at home....

John David is smiling down on me....I feel him in the kitchen....

[Sailormom]

Katiebug,

 

Maybe you are grinding your teeth at nite in your sleep and have TMJ.  

 

Sorry, I seen you already been to the dentist. LOL..      Have you seen a ENT yet?   There is something in the ear canal that will cause a similar pain. 

[flocicero]

So tired, not sure I can do this, my husband goes to bed early every night & I can hear him crying. I can't go to bed at all & I just try to read everything I can find about life after death. We're going on 8 weeks since we lost Michael. I hate life right now, nothing is making this better; how can something like this ever get better! It was our 37th anniversary yesterday, it was just another empty day. The Christmas commercials are starting to make me sick. I don't care about anyone or anything anymore; I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I use to take pride in my appearance & my health; I look worse than a homeless person but I feel like I have no home without out my Michael.

[ericasmom]

Francesca, I wrote this poem soon after my Daughter Erica died, over 11 years ago. I felt as you do now, as though the shards of my life were scattered and never would they fit together again. Each family member is alone to an extent with the loss, grieving the only way they can, not feeling the importance of other people and events, holidays creating more anxiety to add to that which is inherent in the loss. Hang on is all I can say, we get it, we know and yet we urge you to hang on because it does get better but not for a long while. Now at 8 weeks it is just awful, dreadful, there are no good moments really. We felt like zombies, removed from all things familiar, removed from the life we knew and thrown into one that nobody wants. Please know, we get it.

 

Homeless

 

A relentless stream, torrent really

of tears

salt and sting-

sounds finding their way up from deep soul,

like animals wildly searching for a place to be

but unable to rest,

crazy with grief.

 

Home is missing

you are not here

and so my home is missing.

And I circle and cross my own path

all traces of what was-

are gone.

[dAd]

Francesca, our thoughts are with you. I cried every evening and could not sleep at all, only now is getting better. Yes, the pain is taking a huge toll on us, mentally, physically, can't function, can't concentrate, think of anything and anyone except our dear previous loved one. It seems that we don't care anymore but that will gradually change. You are grieving and what you feel and sense is a 'normal' and we share same path, pain and anguish. But we do have hope, there is no easy answer, medicine or recipe but I do share an eternal hope. Don't worry about external things and people now. Our prayers are with you and your husband, the family here at this forum understand and share your pain and journey. 

[katibug98]

Sailormom~ I am for sure grinding my teeth and have a mouth guard for at night.  That's when it's the worst.  I haven't tried an ENT yet, but will see what my regular doc says Friday.

 

Mermaid Tears~I have been to the dentist but he only felt the outside of my jaw.  Like I said, no x-rays...nothing.  And yes, the soonest I could get in with my doctor when I called last Friday was tomorrow.  Kind of crazy considering the amount of pain I've been in.  Also...love, love, love the pictures!  Thank you for sharing!

 

Francesca~I'm so sorry.  Great big hugs!  Even as another mother who has lost a child...I'm at a loss.  {{hugs}}

 

Dee~Your poem is truth.

 

I went to my chiropractor last night.  I had a massage first and then he adjusted me.  He wants an MRI.  But, I'm not sure if insurance will cover it all unless my regular doctor asks for it.  So...I'm going to let my regular doctor know that my chiropractor wants it and hopefully he'll get me hooked up with the right people.  The chiropractor had me in tears last night.  He was pressing on a spot inside my mouth in the jaw area.  Holy smokes!  He did say that there is a delay between each side of my jaw.  They're not working together.  *shrugging*  Wait and see I guess.

[Steve s mom]

TIME DOES NOT BRING RELIEF
By Edna Saint Vincent Millay

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go - so with his memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, 'There is no memory of him here!'
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

[tobyfreefoot]

Francesca  your life is so newly ruined i don't think there is any other way you could feel.  i don't mean to speak for everyone else but i am pretty sure we all were about in the same boat this early on.  my husband is not my child's father but my middle boy lived with forest and his girlfriend when they died.  he had to move in with his sister.  she told me she would hear him crying every night.  i, like you tried reading everything i could on life after death and nde's.  i wanted to recommend deepak chopra's book "life after death" it had some parts that really made me feel hopeful.  i read how you were in the other room not aware your boy was dying. i felt so sad when i read that. though mine was in another state in a car accident i had that similar thought, what? i was just sleeping and didn't even know he was dying? how could i just sleep while he was dying?  i will forever feel the guilt of being a mom whose child died.  even though unpreventable it is that mothers dedicate their lives to their children and making sure they are safe and well and happy and having a child die i think makes us feel like failures--how could i let my child die? my whole job from the moment of conception was to take good care.  i had to explain this to my mom who kept saying..it's not your fault. it isn't our fault but that didn't change that feeling in me that i failed to keep my baby alive.

 

Maryanne i have that poem on the wall in front of my desk.  i love ms. millay more than almost any other poet.