Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Colleen, get out there and enjoy that party! Everything is going to be fine. It will be hard to see how the kids have grown and not revisit memory lane... it is so nice to be included in their gathering. Have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 Colleen....I would think that his friends need to see you....and your husband....for they need that connection to your Brian...grief touches everyone...old and young....they don't want to forget him, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 25, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2014 I hope Colleen, that you have a far better time of it than you are feeling as you prepare to go. May you find Brian in the room.We too are going to an annual Halloween party that we have attended every year almost, for 25 years, one of Eri's best friends' mom. So after we babysit a bit we will head over there to Susannah's mom and dad's home. When the kids were little, this was ERi's second home. She loved it there. I love it there too, because she will be beside us all, joining in the hijinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted October 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Hello Everyone it has been months since my last post here. I am not doing so well. Today is my birthday and I am missing Nick and his great birthday jokes and things, he always made them so good for me. Sorry to see so many more new people here also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted October 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Hello my friends,The Halloween party was awesome.Not too many kids there and I will never look at a clown the same again.Thanks so much for your support. Brians name was brought up with love and tears.I really do think Brian has a lasting image on those people.That makes me smile.Colleen, Brians Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TED! It is good to hear from you...however, I am sorry to see that you are having a difficult time. How is your wife these days? I know you have a lot to carry on your plate. I am sure that Nick will walk alongside you today... as you celebrate your special day. I still remember the effort you went to restore his motorbike. It looked great in those pictures. I hope you have had the opportunity to get out and take it for many pleasant rides. Dee & Colleen...glad to hear that last evening was a hoot! It is good to see those that are further along this journey beginning to pick up the pieces and enjoy life again. That is so important when you come right down to it. Our kids would want us to be happy. I watched the news the other night and in an interview with a person... he mentioned that while he came from a modest community...they enjoyed life. They chose to appreciate what they had rather than focusing on what they did not have. I'm certainly hoping that one day I will once again be able to listen to Christmas Carols and not be overcome with sadness. I do however put up a tree and decorations. A huge effort, but one needed for everyone else. As we have said many times. This scenario changes our life dramatically. Nothing is constant and sometimes those new traditions are quite nice and comforting. Sandy, hope you can get out today and enjoy an outing with Kelly. The weather still is holding for us. Each day is a bonus. We usually have our first dusting of snow by Halloween. Sending warm thoughts for all today. Love, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Ted...Happy Birthday.....and all of us parents have those 'marker days'....that seem to make the 'missing' even harder...and the passing of time is marked....and only we know of those dates. I think for us....a 'marker day' that should carry lots of celebration is a time of reflection....on the days in the past where we did celebrate....and the day we have now...where our child is missing. Hang on with both hands....for I have learned that those real hard days will pass....your Nick will only want you to carry forward and do whatever you can to be good to and for yourself. You are doing a stand up job of standing in his light and honoring him. Love never...ever dies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 26, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2014 Ted, your Boy is cheering you on and hoping that you can find a way to know he is with you just in a different way. Oh I know it is not the way we ever dreamed of, but he is there and loving you for all of time. Have you been down since we last talked with you or up and down? Birthdays without our KIds really put a fine light on missing, we question why we have a birthday when they cannot. We are still here, we need to find their light to stand in, to work in, to help reflect for others. We are their moons, rotating round them to shine the light they have left for us. Colleen, the night was filled by Brian's love. So glad that you went. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Happy birthday Ted, I understand h ow hard a birthday is without your child there to celebrate. I lost my son September 27th just 4 weeks ago & my birthday was Oct 4th. Life will never be the same. It helps to read how everyone is doing & Coping- hope you have aBetter day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted October 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Yes I have struggled to live with this. I have gone riding and done things they just don't seem as fun as they were before. The wife gets less mobile with the passing days. There is only one first left for me and that is the 11-14-2014 the end of one year without Nick. I am going to carve a pumpkin for Nick and place it at the road side cross with a candle in it for him on halloween he loved that holiday. So my life goes on and I don't know where it will take me this road is lonely and difficult to travel along. I am sorry that I sit here and feel sorry for myself when you all are going through your own hard times also. I will keep you all in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Ted, we are all here telling our story. Our stories change as we do, you are feeling the weight of so much loss, why would you not be speaking of this. And as you approach that one year mark, that sense of coming apart at the seams is inevitable, the anxiety is extreme. We are all holding your hands, grateful to know you are out there, and hoping to keep you tethered to something that feels a bit like family. Nobody looks to the date without foreboding, talk and talk and retell your stories here, we know that these stories matter. We know that our Children matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted October 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Thank you Dee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Ted.....I think we are all on the same page when it comes to Halloween....a fun favorite in our family....and I was 'decorating' for Halloween and I thought...'here I am 67 years old....I wonder when I will stop decorating for Halloween?' of course...our Pibby is 11.....and I had her and 2 little friends painting pumpkins....etc....and you have your GRANDdaughter...Nick's child...and I know he would want you to put some 'swoosh..and magic' in her Halloween....just as you did for Nick.... and I have all those memories tumbling around my head as I do it all....and I have all the photos...and John David and his friends mapping out their course of where to go....and me buying the toilet paper....(they didn't know it but I would call the parents ahead of time to 'warn' them...that the boys were going to 'wrap' their houses.....but it was sorta like a popularity contest....for the girls to get their houses wrapped....and then when Jeremy was born....the older brothers had so much fun making his Halloween extra 'spooky'.... You have your 'one year' marker coming up...and all of us have had the same feelings....anxiety and dread...to face that date....it is hard.....we will all be here for you....for we understand the deep sadness of that day for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Ted, I agree with the others that the first couple of years are particularly difficult as you try to wrap your head around what has happened. Rebuilding your life to conform to a new you takes ages. Filling that space that is leaving a huge hole in your heart does not happen overnight. The pain remains, but it somehow softens with time and patience. You do certainly have those on this forum to understand and help you through these difficult down times. Hold on. We are here to listen. Susan, I laughed when I read about the toilet paper issue. That was hilarious. I found when we lived in the city that Gate Night was the night to watch for pranks. I remember vividly waking one morning and looking out to see our neighbours across the street had their giant spruce tree totally enveloped in paper! It could only have happened with a cherry picker. No kid could possibly have reached the top on their own. And there was this total masterpiece perfectly wrapped and tied with a bow! You had to know this couple...very prim and proper. It was a wonderful sight to see. How we did not hear them was a wonder. What a terrible waste of paper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted October 27, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 Ted,My Steve passed away the same day as your son but in 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 I have always been intrigued about the 'dates' on this site.....for me....my 'marker' dates are the same as others....different years....but the same.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Connected in so many ways with one another. Prayers and hope for the community near Seattle as a school and town try to understand the violence that took the lives/changed the lives in a burst. A once peaceful and well-loved kid capable of this kind of mayhem. Deep prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Yes Dee...after losing my John David....I seem to rise to another level of prayers for people I don't even know....it seems I can pray and have a connection and an empathy that I did not have before.....probably because I know the dark days ahead for the family and friends ....and just as I would cry 'WHY'......once again.....I cry 'WHY'.....and can go through so many heart sick emotions. It is as if in all this grief journey.....I find we are all connected....by an invisible thread of love and Grace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Hello to all my Indigo friends. I haven't been able to be on here too much lately.I've been so busy with all the necessary procedures in getting my mom (age 94)into a nursing home. So much to do......meetings, forms to sign, phone calls to make, appointments to keep, plus cleaning out her apartment....which must becompleted by the end of this month. Anyhow.....I'm thinking of everyone, and sending prayers. Ted-----It's understandable that this is such a sorrowful time for you and your wife.We, here at BI do not think that you are feeling sorry for yourself.......just that yourare so sad, and in pain with the loss of your dear son. Wishing you peace andsending prayers. Take care. PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 28, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thinking of everyone, and sending love and prayers. Sherry...good luck with your efforts. A lot to deal with at this time. Ted & Gretchen... thinking of you today. Sending wishes for a better tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 29, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 I am in a continual prayer for all the parents on this site....and Dee.....I guess you have gone through the periods of parents coming on and then....going on...and that is good for them...that they felt they got what they needed to carry on...and then there are those of us....that have a feeling....that we can help some of the new ones....I am still hurting....am in pain...I am moving on....for I feel him around me in ways that I didn't when my 'shock suit' was on so tight....he really gets closer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 29, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sherry, you do what you have to do knowing that we are holding your hand with some of these difficult changes to your family. It takes a lot of energy to get through those tasks, the emotions cannot be denied. Susan, indeed, you are feeling your Son get closer as you move forward in each phase of grief and loss. I am happy for you to have found this spot in which to rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 29, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 Thinking of everyone tonight and sending prayers. Added this song on another post today, just close your eyes and think of your loved one Click for other post: http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/6290-grief-poems-writings-songs-on-loss-of-a-child/#entry120982 (((HUGS))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 29, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 thank you for that song, Laurie.....music speaks for our hearts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 29, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted October 29, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 Hello to all ~I have been having a rough time. I feel so empty all the time. I constantly feel tightness in my chest. I am such a wreck. I feel guilty for taking my little girl for granted that she would always be here. I am just having one of those really bad days. I felt I can share here. I feel better being able to talk to people who understand. My two dogs have been helping me. They give me a reason to get out of bed everyday. Thanks for listening! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 29, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 Hang in there. We are holding you close. Those down days can be so difficult and heart wrenching. I am glad you have your two faithful friends to keep you company. My own sweet black lab stayed at my side during those first very difficult months. Hold on with both hands and know we are here to listen and support you. Love, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Dee and Kate------thanks for your kind words of encouragement. It isa lot of work....getting all of my mother's care details worked out, and cleaning out her apartment,meetings, forms, etc., but my sister and I think that it should all level outpretty soon. Susan-----Your words and postings of poems, writings, etc. are so kind andhelpful......even though I know that your heart is broken, and you miss yourdear son, John David, so much...... ......you are still hereto share everyone's grief, and this makes the load a bit lighter. Thanks. ....Peace to you. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Thank you Kate! Animals are amazing and sense when we need them. I'm glad your black lab was there for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mandy's Mom...a devoted pet can give us unconditional love. They sense when we are in need of comfort. They also give us a reason to focus on something other than our pain. When Jeff first died I was in shock. I could hardly focus on daily needs. I had to force myself to keep going for many reasons. But Annie was one of the main reasons I got up in the morning. She needed me. Those daily walks helped me to lose myself in nature. I desperately wanted to escape and hide. But in a way I found peace and solace in my quiet walks with my girl. These are early days for you. Be patient and kind to yourself. This is not easy and will take a long time to slowly adjust too. You can and will be able to move forward when you are ready. For now...just try to breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 I am so sad tonight, i just cant stop crying; i don't want to live in this reality; i want to hold my baby one more time, i want feel his hugs and see the smile he always had for me. his love was so intense and i so miss that; i can't do this, i just cant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Just breathe ... I like that. I Have the attitude of getting thru one day at a time. The hardest time for me is overnight. She passed sometime overnight . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mandy's Mom, hang on please, I know, we all do, how much you would rather not be here in this world, but you are here, and so finding a way to breathe and maintain your life even in this sadness and brokenness. Life will not always feel so desolate, but it will take time and plenty of strength. By the way, if you are feeling you are weak or unable, look what you have already done???anyone who lives a day beyond their Child is damn strong. Not what we ever wanted to find out, but since we all did, we might as well realize that we are strong. We are still here and so our lives go on. Hang on to us, keep telling us aobut Mandy and about your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mike's mom - you and I are going thru this together. I lost Mandy 2 days before you lost your precious son. We need to be strong. They wouldn't want to see us like this. I'm praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Ericasmom - thank you thank you thank you!!! Mandy was a beautiful girl with the best smile. She was my little hero. She had a spinal fusion in May 2013 and was such a trooper. She had a great year plus of being comfortable. Prior to surgery she had severe scoliosis. I am grateful she was in my life and thank god that I had the privilege of being her mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mandy's mom- Im sorry that you are also having such a hard day & you are right ,we are going through this together having lost our babies almost 5 weeks ago. I have 3 little bichons that are my loves & constantly by my side. I also have my younger son Chris that needs me to be strong. We will share this grief journey together. I want to get to a point where this isnt so unbearable- not there yet.LoveFrancesca- mikes mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Hi Francesca - I had a neighbor who had 3 bichons. They are adorable dogs. I am sure they are sensing you need them. I also have a younger son - he's 17. He needs me and I am trying to make his life somewhat normal. Not easy to do with all the tears! Have you tried going to a support group? I went to one last night. That really helps me. I was able to share pictures of Mandy. I have to figure out how to post her picture on here. Embrace Chris. I have been getting lots of hugs from my son Tom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mandy's Mom...Mike's Mom....it is true....the fact that we lived one day after we lost 'that child' is testament to how brave we are.....and both of you have a younger son that needs you....one of my son's..Jesse said..'We all knew that if Mom could make it...we could, too'.... We know that doesn't take the pain and heartache away....we know that feeling of not being able to breathe for the crushing load of sorrow....we know how hard it is to simply stand upright...and the nights are long and dark....and there are days it is hard for the sunshine to come through the cracks in your shattered heart.... This kind of grief is not for sissies....no maam... Support groups are so good....you will hold a human hand....and all there will be walking in your shoes....this is another shade of grief......to lose a child is like no other kind of grief.... We on this site have no answers....we are just parents that have lost a child....some have lost two....a new parent posted that she lost her son and Dad in an airplane crash....beyond sad.... I can offer what I have done....I followed my instinct....I ordered every book written by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross....but I am such a book lover....of course, I would turn to my 'best friends' for comfort....the other instinct I had was to 'cocoon'.....I did not drop out of life....I simply did not attend social or community activities....I had to give myself time to retain my mental and physical balance.....I found this site by accident...I was looking something else up on the internet...and I felt like I was guided here.....and I discovered I wasn't going crazy....I was simply in mourning....I found so many parents on this site that offered me their hand and a life jacket to keep me from drowning in my tears.... it helped me to talk about what I was feeling...hurting...crashing down...sad..angry...bitter...I could run 1,000 emotions in a couple of hours....I was a wreck.....and I was changing....and it was Dee that said...'we must change to make room for the loss'......of course....know that we are here to hear you..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Sherry.....to clean out your parent's home is a very emotional chore....my Daddy died 8 months after my Mama....and me, being the oldest, was the chosen one to take care of the 'everything'.....so many little loose strings and papers and detail...a mountain of paper work... John David stayed with me after everyone went home..back to school...back to work....he got an extra 2 weeks leave...he was stationed at Whidby Island...in the Navy at the time.....his Commanding Officer was so very kind....now I treasure that space in time with him right by me....he was a 'Mimi and Boompa Baby'....(that was my Mom and Dad's grandparents name)...my brother lived in the same town....but he was in such a total shock....he was not any help.....but he never had been...so that was not a new revelation to me..... not only their stuff....but my Dad's family....and my Mom's family 'stuff'.....I knew where and what the antiques went...that is etched in stone in our family....all the 'good' jewelery is passed only to daughter's and GRANDdaughter's....so that was easy....their will spelled out a lot of other designations....it took me 3 months....I felt like I had scaled Mt. Everest by the time Ifinished....so....take care of yourself and give yourself lots of pats on the back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Mermaid tears - thank you.Also I have been thinking of you wondering if you had any test results yet?Praying all is going well for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 Susan-----You have said so many of the emotions that I have gone through....withthe cleaning out of your father's last home, and all the paperwork that goes with it.Also.....what to do with all the items. ( we gave a lot to charity). Your time with your sonduring your task of taking care of 'everything' must have been so very special. As you say....itcan all be overwhelming at times. My sister has been so much help.....along withher husband who moved furniture and all......twice.....once only a year ago whenmy mom moved from her 2-story home to a Senior apartment.....and again thismonth from apartment to nursing home. Our other siblings all live out of state.It is, indeed, an emotional experience too,...when we realize that the parent willnever again need this item, or that item etc. Especially sad, may be a hobby thatthey always enjoyed, but can no longer do. My mom crocheted a lot, and due toarthritic hands....is unable to do much of it anymore. But she recently asked meto bring some of the yarn & needles to her at the nursing home, so that she cando a little crochet. I was encouraged by this. I think that your dear father smilesdown on you....along with dear John David......and feels the love you carry for them, always.Peace to you, friend. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 I am sorry not to relate our news.....the surgeon asked for our daughter/son-in-law and Taylor to come in for a consultation on Wed.....the tests showed a negative....which we are on our knees in gratitude....but....the place of the surgery/incision is swollen...red...hard.....and still painful.....so another round of antibiotics were prescribed...we are in limbo.....we 'thought' the surgery to remove the infected lymph nodes would take care of the infection....the surgeon is baffled....'maybe' she started 'blowing and going' too soon ? What 'else' is causing the infection..?? I told Tay to come to my house this week-end...put 'hot compresses' on the place...(that is what the Dr. said)....take it easy....I told her I would treat her to Netflix...favorite dishes and wait on her hand and foot......she needs to slow down from 80 Miles and hour......to maybe 55 miles and hour. We do not have 'that other kind of fear' now. Sherry....even if she cannot crochet....she can hold the needles and the yarn....and that is what is familiar...isn't it ironic....when we are working..busy...we think...if only I could just sit and do nothing....then we find.....the 'work and busy' were the real joys of the journey... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rlolheiser Posted October 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 30, 2014 I looked back at all the posts of all the parents who have angels, and it is so unbelievable the amount of newbies and members this site has accumulated. It is only a small portion of life as we know it, I think the saddest moment in life anybody goes through is the loss of their child, no matter the age, the reason, it just plains hurts us to the deepest of our insides. If I offend anybody I apologize I am just thinking throughout the years, the readings, the sharing, the tears that have come and gone. I know I am not one of the wise members of this site,I am not even the mom, just the grandma. I have seen the pain my daughter has gone through, and have been able to understand it more thanks to you here. You have helped me to quietly be able to see life in a new light. It hasn't been a pleasant journey, because life doesn't stand still until your able to catch up, we just have to learn how to build again. I have so enjoyed your angels, and I may come back from time to time just to read and pray, I pray for and with so many of you, your kind of like a family that we really don't know. I am ready to go on, My angel turned 8 today... she would have been 18 and beautiful, but she remained that 10 year old cherub that fills my heart with love. I have lots of ups and downs that I have gone through, and more to come. I guess that is my job to finish. I pray that the trials I encounter will be easier, but I know there is no guarantee, we just aren't given that. So my friends I think 8 years is long enough for me on this site, I hope that all the new people that come here will see what I saw. I saw Angels... our children and you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 31, 2014 Leah, what a lovely post. You will be missed tremendously. We have all come to this place to be understood and share our pain with those that can relate to the loss of a child. We are all the wiser for having shared our experiences and hopefully we have gained some strength along the way to move forward. I agree...our children would want us to be happy and to find joy again in life. I wish you days filled with beautiful memories and surrounded by love as you so deserve. Susan...wishing only the best outcome for your girl! TLC works wonders. Good luck this coming weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members katibug98 Posted October 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 31, 2014 It's been an eternity since I wrote. I'm just tired from everything lately. Work is beyond stressful and I usually come home and crash. Tomorrow is my first true holiday that my Cora wouldn't be here for and I'm not handling well AT ALL. I've been able to push it out of my head all the while asking the kids at school what they were going to be. I don't even know what Cora would have wanted to have been. Her stone was placed a couple of weeks ago and it's beautiful. It's a good thing my boyfriend is here because I'm not wanting to carve pumpkins either.Cora's gravestone My girls on Halloween last year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 31, 2014 Leah, I for one, will miss you. Even in your longer absences, I am always cheered to see you visit and fill us in. I can't believe it has been 8 years since JaBoa left this place. Please never say 'Just the Grandma' about yourself and the grief you have...the Grandma watches her own child suffer when the grandchild dies, and then has her own heart broken again for the absolute pure love of that Grandchild. Double loss I think. I am praying for you all, that your life and lives there in your home are healthy and full, that the strength in that light left to you continue to help you get up each day and see what is good, to know that your heart is good.JABOA will always be your Precious Angel. Mandy's Mom, I am glad to know that you made it through a hard hard night...we are here. And like Susan says, we are here to hear your story. Susan, good news from the doctors, hoping the weekend of rest with Grandmom will help the lump go down. Sherry, it is so nice that your Mom wants her crochet needles and some yarn, the way they might feel in her hands, the memory of what she has created. I hope you get some good rest to reboot your energy while going through all of this. Cora's Mom, the stone for your Girl is beautiful indeed. Facing Halloween or any of the holidays is daunting, the first of the firsts. I know that it is not easy, nothing has been since she left but hang on and know that you can always tell us how you are and what is new with your life since you were last here, or just come and read to know that you are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissKylie Posted October 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 31, 2014 Hello BI friends, preparing to go to Kylie. If there's only a way to feel numb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 31, 2014 Leah.....I, too, am a GRANDmother....I have 14 GRANDchildren......and I 'shudder'....to think the 'what if'....what if....one of my children lose a child ? I would lose a GRANDchild....and yes....as a parent you stand over your child that is hurting and in so much pain....and you have the grief also....it is simply heartbreaking. It is such a hard....dark...grief journey. When I lost my John David that is one of the knee jerk reactions that came to me....I tried to 'look back' to find someone in my family that had lost a child....to give me a 'road map'....(what did they do...how did they go through it...how did they survive?)....there was no one.... So....I am the one that is standing in his light....carving out a road map....a trail....(hoping no one will ever have to use it)....if in the future...there is that 'what if'....came to be. I do try to be a torch ....but really....I am as lost as anyone can possibly be....am just finding my way...day by day... I need this site....for just the understanding and no explanations are needed....I do not have to describe any pain in detail..or use an analogy.....for someone to nod their head in agreement.... I do not have to comb my hair....put on make-up....paint my fingernails.....can wear jammies....jeans.....skirt or dress....shoes or be barefoot.....and come here and put it all out there.....a new revelation...or another dark day filled with memories and tears.....having a breakdown or a breakthrough..... and all on this site knows....how I am missing my John David....how I long for him....care for him...'just want him back'....all on this site know there are many days I am simply 'crawling' on this grief journey.....days I can 'whip' an army.....other days I am whimpering about seeing Hunter Bear on the football field.....some days I can handle the pain....other days...I wince if I hear a 'John David song'..... I need the understanding I receive here.....as I have said....I do not have a circle of friends who have lost a child....I need a circle of parents that have.....to keep the sanity and balance I have now.....and I have fought very hard to have just a cup of that 'Grace'..... I, too, wish you the gift of good days....and I am so happy....that through me....you 'see' my John David....thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 31, 2014 Cherry.....how are you doing ? How is that baby boy ? We are here for you. Yes....we all wish there was a magic pill to take to absorb some of the pain..... am thinking that 'Love' is the only medicine we can take to make it through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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