Members Suzie1228 Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 I did go to the grief support group yesterday and there were so many sad stories but also some folks there who had been helping the group for over 30 years and they shared things they did and their experience in living with the heartbreak and coming through it. One lady had both of her children commit suicide with in 6 months of each other and I just can't imagine her loss. Last night seemed fine until about 1:00 this morning, couldn't sleep and the pain hit me hard. Just trying hard to get some things completed around the house, one chore at a time. Even if it takes all day to do small things I feel that I have accomplished something which is must for me to get through the day. I concentrate on BRAD is in peace and although not in my world, he does live on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 Suzie, it sounds like the grief group may work for you. I have never been in a face-to-face group but can imagine the emotions may be even more intense sharing like that, yet also the potential for meeting people to share your journey is there...wishing you gentleness in the days ahead. Becky, what a beautiful remembrance to your Jared. I know how it must of warmed your heart to see those JW initials on the helmets of the team. Debbie, sounds like the moving to Montana might be exactly what you need. I have a friend whose cousin lost their son due to an auto accident. They too moved to Montana to have a different place to process their emotions. It seemed to help them some. Dee, thanks for posting the music videos. I have never heard of them before. Susan, how are things with you? ******************************************* Thinking of everyone today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 Suzie.....sometimes....and this is just what I think.....I can 'see' the hand of God/Mother/Father of the Universe reaching out and touching us in this earth home....I 'think' it is our children wanting to comfort us..... and I see that phone call from that sweet man....calling you....just one of those 'touching moments'.... I call the parents that have been on this site for years...our 'Spirit Guides'...they are the ones that have been on this grief journey for so long.....and they are ahead of us on this path.....and they wave to us...they show some light on this dark journey....letting us know....they have survived this heavy grief....and that we can, too....they show us we have some common ground with each other.....but....they know our journey will be as unique as our child is unique... If I had had a phone call and 'invite' from a group to join them....I would have....for there would be kindred spirits there.....for I have discovered that losing a child is a very dark and heavy grief...unlike any other kind of grief....and I need to be with others that understand. You were 'invited' and I think you will find others that can relate and understand just where you are at....I am so glad you will have a human group....to give you some support and solace..... for me....I am not so 'alone'....for I have a daughter and 4 sons...and 14 GRANDchildren....for me....this site gives me enough clearing space and enough hands and hearts to hold on to.... waking in the middle of the night....insomnia....is part of this grief....and feeling as if you are physically hit...is common, too....just do whatever you feel is right for you...except to do harm to yourself of others.....if you want to sit on the couch all day in your panties and cry....do it....if you feel like walking for miles...do it.....eating ice cream....working in the yard.....taking a long ride in the car.....do whatever you feel will bring you some comfort.....this is not the time to be stoic...and we get no rewards for holding back the tears..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 Jared's last year of Pee Wee football, quarterback/older lighter age 12. Here he is the following year playing Middle School football. Thank you for your comments, it was special for this current Pee Wee team to remember Jared, and I am glad I was able to go, although I found myself thinking I wish I could go back to when I was there, and physically felt good, and of course that my boy was still there as well. Laurie, I am so sorry I missed your JD's angeldate! I have been so out of it since my JD's 3rd angeldate came round, & health is still not good. I am going to have to relent and schedule the shoulder surgery, just can't take the pain anymore, but worried about getting around and doing the day to day things for myself. Jerry works all day, and Jasmine is enrolled in cosmetology, gone all day as well... I also didn't mention how happy I am that your son's killer will be brought to justice. We know it won't bring our boys back, but the TRUTH, that is what has always been important to me. I still await the day for that satisfaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 Becky....thank you for sharing with us that very special day....I think we just will never know how our child is thought of and remembered by friends and family.....surely they are.....I hear a special word are am sent an e-mail or remark on FB...that let's me know John David is thought of...it warms my heart.... I think many people shrink from saying something...for they don't want to 'remind' you....(now I was the same way BEFORE....now I know different)....or bring up a sadness....but all those boys were front row and center for your boy...and they showed you in a very unique way....how your boy is still in their young hearts....a blessing. I hope your health issues will be resolved soon....and you will be own your way to recovery and restoration.... I made the statement....that I wished the woman responsible for running over your boy could share the same cell as the one who ran over Jesse David.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Suzie1228 Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 Having no failmy except for my dear sister has been hard. I know she is also experiencing great grief and hopefullly I don't take her for granted, I try not too do that. Brad was only 10 years younger than her, the same age difference between me and my sister so he was like a little brother and as she got older a child to her and she loved him so much too. Sometimes they didn't get along very well and she has experienced guilt from that. Just like a child learning to walk and talk I am having to learn to live my life new all over again. Just now learning ow to crawl and hoping each day will somehow get better. Blessing to you all who have lost children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 Laurie....you and I are now on the 3rd year of the grief journey....I know where I want to be....balanced between grief and grace.... I am not there, yet....Instead of having a breakdown....I want a breakthrough... Debbie....wow...Montana.....I do believe you have had a prayer answered....for I remember in some of your past posts that you wish you could stop traveling and find a spot/way/place to restore your balance..find a spot to get some sure footing..and find a way to wrap all those loose strings in a way to get a grip on the heavy grief....what better place than under that Big Sky...?? Mother Nature is in her element there...where those mountains and sky touch each other....for some reason I think this is going to be a very healing place for you.....there are always pros vs. cons with any endeavor....for some reason the God's That Be ...never gives us a 'new thing' without 'nagging doubts and worry'.....and once again...I THINK that our child has had some part in how God/Mother/Father of the Universe gives us what we 'need'...not so much what we want... maybe it is too mystical or magical thinking...but I believe your Sam has had a part in placing you in a place where you may find some healing...for it seems to be a place where he would love to be.... another thing to share....my Uncle Pudd....a very influential man about town in our community....very wealthy...he wore many hats and wore them well.....gave me some advice years ago in the late 70's....."Every time you get something....you have to give up something"......now....I did not believe it at the time....I was still in the thinking that one could eat their cake and have it, too..... years later....I found that to be true....you say you don't like 'change'....but Uncle Pudd also told me that 'change is the only thing you can count on'.... but we can all understand that when one is wrapped in this kind of grief....it is hard to change our underwear some days...hard to even go outside and fetch the newspaper.... even harder to change the kind of milk we buy.... so....you will have to give up the 'habit of traveling' for this new place and new work....you will carry your grief with you...for we can't outrun the work of grieving or mourning....but I am excited for you....in the way that I think you will also find some new avenues for healing...and will find new ways to honor and remember your Sam... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 Dee....you have given me the gift of 'new music' so many times....and once again....thank you for those songs...I went through a very bad and rocky road of my life years ago...I called it the 'time when no new music came in'.....I so appreciate new music coming in.... Gretchen....what does your partner...(is he your husband or boyfriend)....mean when he says he is ready to move on...??I think for many not having any energy or stamina in the first years of this kind of grief is very normal....it is like we simply have to fold our wings til we can fly again....grief is exhausting. if he doesn't understand now....he will never....you just can't whip a dead horse to death... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2014 Susie------I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son, Brad. This is such an early timefor you on this grief road. Your loss is so very deep. My son, David, was born in1971 and died at age 31 in a highway wreck caused by a sleeping driver. My baby,Lisa, was born in 1970...the same year as your son, Brad. She died 6 months later.This journey is the hardest thing any parent could ever go through, and the pain,and sorrow are indescribable. I hope that you will continue to come to BI (formerlycalled Beyond Indigo). Everyone here understands. Peace and comfort to you. Becky-----What a lovely tribute to your dear son, JD. Thanks for posting all thenice sports pics. Laurie----Thanks for the lovely poem....so true. Kate----Yes, I agree......traditions do change throughout the years, and though it'sdifficult to carry on, I guess we just do. Hope you had a nice holiday. Dee----I had not heard too much about Anoushka Shankar, but had just discoveredthe great music by Norah Jones in recent years. They are both so talented. Thanks for the songs. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you Laurie for that gorgeous candle and saying. It is so very true. Thanks Susan, I am glad that you like the music, you too Sherry. Two sisters who share so much talent each with a special serenity to them. One raised in NYC i think, the other in India. Suszi, knowing what it is you have to do in a day to feel productive is important. We all deal differently. Some of us stayed home for months and others of us went back to work, some because we had to, others because it was imperative to have a purpose each day to satisfy. Learning who you have and will become is what you will do along the way, you may find that hobbies you used to enjoy are no longer something that interests you while others return to the hobbies they had before the terrible loss. Just know that your pace and the ways you grieve are all fine, no matter what others may say or offer, we are here to say that as long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else, you grieve as you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Hello all,I just miss my Brian.Usually, I can "change the channel " in my brain and think about good things. However, lately it has been hard and I know why. We are invited to a Halloween party by Kory, the mom for one of Brian's friends. I know some of those kids will be there. I have done a good job of staying away from "triggers" that bring me pain. Seeing Brians friends is a big trigger for me. They have all grown so much, I hardly recognize them.I have to stop hiding. Luckily, this party is at a bar. Therefore, I can leave if it becomes too much.I came here, because those that have not been through this do not realize it never ends, just changes over time.With your help, We will get through this too.Colleen, Brians Mom foreve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Double post....sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Gretchen,Just found out that we are headed to Vegas in a few days. Going through the panhandle of Texas and would love to stop by the rest area and check it out. I would like to leave a plant or some flowers in memory of Forrest if it's ok. I just can't remember the exit. Let me know as soon as possible. I'm going to catch up on my reading. More later. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Suzie1228 Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Today has been one month since my baby boy, Brad passed away. Yes he was 43 but will always be my baby. I look at some of the other post and wonder how in the world do we all get through his. I am lucky that I have a wonderful support group of good friends but just wonder how long they are going to put up with hearing my story. I am a talker and it help me so much to talk and talk and talk. I just don't want to make my friends sick of listening to me. I am so drawn to this site because other share my kind of grief and I feel like I can say what I am feeling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Suzie,I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Brad. Things for me in the first year were in one week increments... I hated Mondays, then it was the months, and now the years. Someone said once, it may have been me, that it was like what we do when we are first parents and mark time in the lives of our children in measures of weeks and months, and now so it is again, but instead of marking the progression of acomplishments or age, we are now marking our accomplishments along this path of grief, and look back to measure how far we have come, and now it is we that wish to please our lost one in how proud they would be of us. We lived for them, we thought we could not survive without them, and now we live to honor them. Colleen,I will be praying for you that you will know that Brian sees this step you are taking foward, to know that he is proud of how far you have come, and is right beside you every step. Thank you for every time you have reached out to me, even beyond this list, to find me and pick me up during this year in which I have been so sick, so weak, that I began to think I would soon die... but even though I am less physically than I was a year ago, I am still here, and must find my path to continue to honor my son. So it is for each of us. We have to hold on to that, it is what will carry us forward into that light, their light, that will ultimately lead us back to them, and a blessed reunion. Susan, I saw your post where you wished my son's killer could join with Jesse David's in the same cell! I laughed at that. It just goes to show how well we know each other's pain, and hold each other up. I so appreciate all of you! Debbie, I hope you hear from Gretchen in time, that would be so nice.. do let us hear! Beautiful poem and candle, Laurie, so very true, and lovely songs, Dee! Hi to Kate, Sherry, Lora, Wade, Carol, Wanda, Sandy, Mary Ann, all the new parents here, and anyone my failing memory left out! Love to all. May God richly bless us all, and give us the strength to keep moving... Saw this today... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 you know Colleen....if you are invited....that means your son is not forgotten....maybe...(and they can be like me before I lost my John David)....they just don't know what to do...or not to do....I think...as long as your 'son' ...or 'daughter' is remembered....to please acknowledge.. their remembering...their memories....and what ever feeble or momentous....times they have had with your child... we and they are not 'poets' of it all....'we are simply the workers of it all....we are just working through it all.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Suzie...tell your story...your son's story...you and Brad...or Brad and you...or you...or Brad...as many times as you want on this site... you and your story or your son or you...or you and your boy...will never...ever...get tired on this site...me and my John David are here....to hear you.... that is the name of my son, John David....no one gets tired of his name...or my story....and we will not get tired of you and your Brad.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 I have reported this last poster, they have put this same ad material under every type of loss in this forum. Sickening. bolateli has posted 8 times, hopefully will be removed as a user! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Dee....how is that 'new boy' in your life doing ? Has big sister warmed up to him ? Pibby..(GRANDdaughter) and Travis..(he is the son of one of Randa's best friends) come to my house after school Mon - Wed.....today...Kate..(one of my oldest friends GRANDdaughter...also Ran's best friend's daughter) is coming.....we are going to the thrift store for clothes for a scarecrow...and will paint pumpkins for my front yard....will start decorating with all my Halloween decor and lights... Many on this site...like me....may not have the 'heart' to continue with all the traditional things because we have so many memories that sneak into the moment...and seem to crash our momentum....our intentions are good....but those sweet memories have a way of pulling us down. I think for me I need to give in to the memories washing over and down....stay with them for as long as I need....and then I remember and know John David would want me to continue to be the Nonnie I have always been.....my kids and GRANDkids have had just as much fun decorating for Halloween as Trick-r-Treating and costumes..... Just thought I would put this out there today.....I know many probably are in the same place as I am....caught between the past and today.... Jesse sent these photos of our 'new little man'.....getting ready for Halloween.....I think 2 hours away is too far for this Nonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Susan,I love those pictures. He looks like a little cherub. I also wanted to tell you that I really appreciate what you wrote about change. At first I couldn't stand anything being different. This may be TMI but the thought of changing my nail polish from what I had on when it happened just about sent me over the edge. Little things were hard enough. It is a little better now and I have enough faith too know that this will be a good one even if it doesn't always feel that way. In between, so true. I often feel like I'm in some other deminsion. Connecting but disconnected. I agree that Sam would love to see me under Big Sky, soaking it up, feeling his love. Colleen,Thinking of you today. I have learned to always leave myself an "out". Just to know I have that choice lessens the anxiety. I know in my heart Brian will be there with you. Suzie,I can't believe that it has been long enough since I lost my baby that I can read your post and look back and think "oh my gosh I remember feeling that way." Sometimes I still do, but not as often now. I remember coming here and just writing everything that came to my head. Words, sentences, pain, anxiety. This was my only outlet, still is and having this saved my life. I know the fear of burning people out. I have shut down and find that when I do, I become a walking suicidal time bomb. So you keep talking. We all understand. We all want to know all about Brad. We keep us alive and our children alive here.Laurie,Thank you for the candle. How are you? Sherry,It is always good to see Davy's smile when I come here. Has anyone heard from Wade?Does anyone know how to get a hold of Gretchen. We are leaving tonight and should be by the site tomorrow. I don't know if we will come back that way or not and I don't want to miss the opportunity. Carol, Dee, Sandy, Mary Ann, Cherry, Shannon Jenn, Kate....thinking of you all. What about Ted? Anyone heard from him lately. I missed a lot there for awhile.Becky,Thank you for sharing more pictures. They made me smile. I thought of when Sam played little league. He must have been about 10 when I ran up after the game and gave him my usual good job hug. He kind of shrugged me off. Later he told me that he liked hugs but "not in front of the guys mom". Good thing he grew out of that. Hope everyone has a peaceful day. Love you, miss you more than ever my Sam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Debbie....just wanted you to know that my daughter 'cannot' stand change....I don't know where this 'feeling' comes from...George..(her husband) and I had to join together to get her bedroom re-decorated...and just the other day.....I suggested something different for Thanksgiving....she and her family volunteer at the Community Center to feed lower income families on Thanksgiving...so that means we don't gather until 3....so that means a very late sitting.....so I suggested we gather the night before Thanksgiving...you would think I told her to walk down the street buck naked........so....I told her we would have a Thanksgiving Dinner....sitting at 6:30..... also....I do believe your Sam knows you will find some healing and peace under that Big Sky... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Posted Yesterday, 08:06 PMGretchen,Just found out that we are headed to Vegas in a few days. Going through the panhandle of Texas and would love to stop by the rest area and check it out. I would like to leave a plant or some flowers in memory of Forrest if it's ok. I just can't remember the exit. Let me know as soon as possible.I'm going to catch up on my reading. More later.Debbie ******************************** Here is what I found on the accident of Forest Dayne Sharp VEGA, TEXAS — A Norman man and a Las Vegas, Nev., woman died in an early-morning crash Sunday on Interstate 40, Texas Department of Public Safety officials said. Passenger Forest Dayne Sharp, 28, of Norman, and driver Ashlie Janae Johnson, 19, of Las Vegas, Nev., were on Interstate 40, about three miles west of Vega in Oldham County, officials said. Troopers said Johnson was driving a Honda Fit west on I-40.... I believe the roadside memorial is at the rest stop which is very awkwardly located on this stretch of road. http://newsok.com/norman-man-dies-in-texas-crash/article/3582790 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Laurie....once again....you come up with research and resources.....I do believe you are one smart woman....you are ourLibrarian and Historian..... how are things going around your home....how was the angelversary ?? I am reading 'The Map to Heaven'.... I can only say 'that I pray and hope and wish that my boy is there'....if he can't be with me....then with my Mother's heart...I pray he is at home there....last night as I was reading...I put the book aside and imagined he would be somewhere in Heaven's Mountains..forest...streams...he so loved Whidby Island....he only came back to Texas to be with family....family was always first in his heart....he loved the ocean....but did not like the heat and humidity in our part of Texas....he loved the Fall and Winter....I loved the hot summer.... when will 'she' be in court again ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2014 Susan, In Eben Alexander's book there were some letters that people sent him in Chapter 2. It is interesting how people will find a way to tell their story to him and others who have had experiences like this. The first time I heard of someone's NDE was from a co-worker's husband. He had a heart attack and was trying to make it to the hospital. When he got there, he "left" for awhile (his body) and went somewhere else. He said he didn't want to come back because of the peacefulness of being there but told me not to tell his wife because it would upset her. That was the first time I had heard a story like that and the man didn't know what a NDE was, but was just relating his experience to me. Things are okay here, had a bad morning today though... The pictures of your grandson are really cute, the pumpkin is almost half his size. Becky, thanks for sharing the writing. What you said about marking time is so true. This afternoon I went to the local gas station and saw Jesse's best friend there. He did not see me. But I could see the difference two years made in his appearance. I don't know but it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I just feel like I walk a few steps without stumbling and then I am flat on my face again. Suzie, I echo the other's, we share our children here and everyone gets it. Sherry, thanks for your continued help along this journey. Hope you have your garden tucked away for the winter. We had a giant woodchuck that keep digging around our barn. Very old and stately looking. And always eating. Colleen, wishing you well on this outing with the friends. It is good they invite you, but I know it is hard to go and attend these events sometimes. Dee, how are the grandkids? Cherry, thanks for sending me a remembrance for Jesse's angelversary. It helps that people remember. Kate, how are you and Ross doing? I think of so many who have been here and just want you all to know I think of you...Lora, Wanda, Mary Ann, Carol, Wade, Sailorsmom, Jenn, Shannon, and all those who post...I know the journey is hard and there are not many who understand like another bereaved parent. ...wishing you all a peaceful evening... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 Yes Laurie.....'time' stopped when we lost that child.....and we can see the passing of time when we see their friends growing and moving forward..... As it should be...I so find comfort in the postings of parents who relate their child's friends visits....being invited to weddings....seeing the new baby..... I sit in the bleachers and see Hunter Bear...on the football field...I missing John David sitting beside me...giving me a play by play lecture of all going on on the field.....Hunter Bear missing that Uncle ....who always had his back... and Jesse missing his brother and having him share with the raising and care of Wyatt John...us knowing Wyatt will never really know the essence of his Uncle... I keep wondering why all the 'evil and mean' ones are left....and the sweet..big hearted ones have to go... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 I love hanging out with Erica's oldest and dearest friends. I find it very comforting though indeed bittersweet too. We are invited to a wedding on NYEve of one of Eri's closest buddies, Karolyn. We have been invited to at least three weddings and several baby showers of her friends. I do believe as others have said Colleen, that the invitation is a way of keeping you included, as a parent that raised your kids alongside these other parents. I would also say that if it is causing you too much anxiety as you come closer to the date, send your apologies and skip it. Nothing is worth the anxiety that sometimes comes with anticipation of seeing folks you are not prepared to see. I wish you great peace in your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 Dee....I have always thought it 'one small big thing' that Eri's friends have stayed in touch...but more...they still want and need you in their circle.....and I think of the 'example' you are teaching them....surviving....and don't think for a moment that when some bad times or things happen in their life....they use you as their 'touchstone'.... just as I see and need you on this site... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted October 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 Laurie,Thank you as always for your awesome research. We are on our way. Should be there in a few hours. I'm going to stop and pick up some flowers. I wish I had more notice and time and I could have planned something nicer. Also might have been able to stop in Norman to see Gretchen. We should have one more load out of vegas ti kansas city and then headed to Montana. Susan,I can so identify with Randa's change anxiety. Neither one of my sisters are that way at all. It seems to have gotten worse since Sam's accident.I have so much more but duty calls. It will be wonderful to have more time to focus and not have to answer for all my time. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted October 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 Hello my friends,Scott and I went to Halloween Express last night.We bought masks for the Halloween party we are invited to. It amazes me that such a little thing as a party can bring such anxiety after the death of our child.Dee, you are amazing. Scott and I know that these events are coming for Brians friends. I went to a baby shower for Desie, Brians good friend. I cried...no sobbed the entire 15 minutes I was there. It was then, That I needed to avoid Brians friends baby showers for a while.But a Halloween party at a public location should be ok.Thanks my friends for helping me.Colleen, Brians Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted October 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 15, 2014 Today the weather was unusually warm for this time of year, but raining, making me feel particularly blue, and very stiff and sore as well. Nothing to look at outside, leaves blowing all over, the pool cover on, the ducks all flown away.... This was the pool last week, after the last duck flew the coop.. Now the cover is on, and it quickly has filled with leaves all over the top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Shannon...from top to bottom...all on this site are for you....and with you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Shannon, it does my heart good to see you here tonight, a knowing that although the road is terribly rough right now for you, that you continue on, you persevere in the face of it all. How awful to think that your safe place here was compromised. I hope someday you can explain what happened that made the depositions such a disappointment. I remember how extremely hard these were for us but due to the lawyer from the other side, yours sounds much more personal. I am sorry Dear One. Yes, it is getting to be that time of year that so many of our kids loved. She is walking alongside you and her Brothers.The poem is lovely, it is very much the picture of Trista: She is everything she was and more. Becky, those ducks have flown off but they will return next year to have their babies. You take care and rest when you can. Colleen, we are all different just like our kids are. I wish you a good time at the party, much better than you ever thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Hello,This is my first post. My daughter Mandy passed away on September 25th. She was 21. Her birthday is this Sunday. it has been so hard. She died in her sleep. I was looking for a support group and found this group. I am glad I found you. I have been going between being numb to extreme sadness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Hi Mandy's Mom, so glad you found us, but so very sorry for your reason to be here, but know you are in a wonderful group of parents that truly understand your pain. I hope you will come back and share with us as much as you want and need to. I lost my 15 year old son, Jared (J.D.), three years ago on October 3rd, 2011. He was hit from behind by a (IMO) impaired/distracted driver while riding his skateboard home, less than 1/4 mile from our driveway. I still cry for him, and miss him everyday, but there are those here that have been on this journey many many years, and they share with us their stories, and it helps to know we are not alone. Shannon, good to hear from you, but sorry you are down. I can hear it in your words. Someone has broken your trust and taken another piece of your heart. I know that pain so well. I don't know if you remember, but a boy that was supposed to be Jared's best friend, came here to our home about a year after loosing Jared, and stole his playstation game out of his room and then sold it! We figured it out, but when questioned about it, he lied and lied and lied some more. We had to cut him loose. It wasn't that he wanted something of Jared's to keep, as I would have given it to him, but that it was for $$. For me, after Jared was gone, I wanted to hurt anyone that had hurt him in anyway... ever! Since then, his 'not so good of a friend' has been locked up for burgulary. Karma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ldressle Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Hi Mandy's Mom, I am so sorry for you loss. It sounds like it was unexpected and sudden. I lost my only son, Benjamin on Fathers Day - this year. My dad was also killed. It has been only four months but it feels like yesterday. I am still in shock and feel sad all the time. I do find comfort in reading threads/chats in these rooms. I do hope that you can find some support and understanding in here. Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Hi Lisa, So sorry for both your losses. I haven't lost my dad yet, but he is 85 and has not been well in the last few years, but the loss of a son, I know that pain all too well. How old was your Benjamin? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Mandys mom,I'm so glad you found us and so very sorry you had to come looking. This place has been a lifesaver for many of us. A place to talk about our children, a place where we find understanding and compassion. Tell us your story when you can. Everyone here is like family and understands. Shannon,I'm so glad to see you. I'm very sorry your trust was so violated. I know that feeling very well. When Sam's dad stabbed me in the back the way he did it set me reeling. Know that you the boys and Trista are on my heart and in my prayers. The poem was so full of emotion. I could feel the words so deeply. Thank you for sharing that. Please take care of yourselfBecky,Thank you for sharing the ducks. I find that animals, nature, soothe my soul.I am so looking forward to getting settled. I can hang my pictures of all my kids, Sam especially, have a place for his urn instead of in a Rubbermaid box on my bunk. I want to be able grieve not just react to all the craziness.Today is been busy and eventful. I will try to post more later. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Lisa,I think you're post must have came through while I was writting mine. I just wanted to tell you that this is a wonderful place where you can get incredible support. I'm so sorry about your Benjamin. I lost my son a year ago also. Please tell us about both of them when you can. Losing a child is so unbelievably horrible. As I said before this place literally saved my life. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Hi JD's mom. Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss of Jared. I appreciate you sharing your story. Hi Lisa. I am so sorry for your double loss. I am glad you are finding comfort here. I already have on day 1 of being here. Tomorrow morning will be 3 weeks and I know how you feel about it feeling like yesterday. SamDsmom - Thank you! I look forward to chatting with you in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mkltexas Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 At what point does life feel livable again? I was raising my niece because her mom, my sister, picked the man who was molesting her over her daughter. I lost her to suicide September 28 this year. Can't bear the thought of the rest of my life without her. Life seems a chore to be endured now. And I have so much anger towards my sister. She walked in while Breanna was being molested and stayed with that man and had a child with him. Bre never got over that. I feel either angry, sad or dead inside all the time now. I lost a partner to cancer 9years ago and thought I knew grief, but this just feels unbearable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 MklTexas......so very sorry to hear about your 'girl'....I do think grief in losing a child is so very different than other grief...don't get me wrong...all grief is very heavy. Grief is exhausting. Your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique...and when I say 'child'....it doesn't matter if they were 2 or 10 or 16 or 50....they are still your child. Why wasn't this man arrested and locked up ? When it comes to molestation....there is a hard line drawn in the sand...I, too, am from Texas.....how did he get away with that ? Pretty sick to let this man walk around....for if they do it to one child...they will do it to others....and I can certainly see why you have anger toward your sister...she has to be as sick as he is. Many parents on this site have lost their child to suicide...and the eternal 'why' will be another heavy load to carry while you mourn. None of us on this site has answers...all we have are our hands and hearts to reach out to help each other on this grief journey. Many on this site have been here for years....I call them our 'Spirit Guides'....they are a little farther along the grief path....and they wave to us....and let us know we can survive this journey. Lisa....how horrific....to lose your Dad and son ...at the same time.....sometimes...it is hard for me to wrap my mind around such loss....please tell us more about you and your Dad and Sonshine boy.... Mandy.....so sorry to hear about your daughter dying in her sleep....had she been ill ? And now you are faced with her birthday coming up....we know how hard it is to face those 'dates' .... You will have a 'shock suit' on for a long time....and yes...life seems unbearable....and we tell new ones to 'self care'...do whatever you think will bring you comfort...if you want to sit on the couch in your panties and cry....do it....if you feel like taking a long walk....do it....this is not a time to be stoic....for we get no rewards for not crying... Grief is a very heavy and physical emotion.....and you may think you are going crazy...but you aren't, you are simply in mourning....there is no right or wrong way....there is no bell that will go off and tell you that grief time is over....take all the time you want..... I lost my John David in August of 2012......the stabbing pain is not so acute....insomnia is still there...erratic for sure...and the meltdowns are not 24/7.....I still feel like I have one foot in one world....the other foot in another world...there is still that part in each day when 'I just want him back'...... I 'cocooned'.....I took myself out of social and community activities....until I could gain control again.....some days I have more control than others.....some days are bad....some days are good..... Please tell us about yourself and your child....and how things are going.....if you are having specific problems...there are many on this site that can maybe help you with them.....it takes one that has lost a child....to know what you are going through....it is so very hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ldressle Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 My son Benjamin was a beautiful kid. He was gentle and kind. He was interested in so many things - math, drama, league of legends (video game), magic tricks, card tricks especially. He loved to play chess with his Auntie and father. He loved movies and playing basketball. He was funny and most of all just a fun kid to be around. He is my only child, my one and only son who has passed on. I miss him so much, it hurts so much, I never thought this would happen. It defies the natural order of life. Children should not die before their parents. It makes no sense. It is illogical and defies reason. My head hurts from crying so much. I feel like my life is forever changed. I don't care about most things and can barely get through each day. The only things that help in this unpredictable grief, for me, are trying to rest (although sleep is difficult), prayer, candles, prayer and being outside in my garden or walking outside. This website has helped as well. I try to remember how much my son Benjamin loved life. I try to remember how much he loved his Mom and Dad and how positive a person he was. I know he is watching over me right now as I write these words. I miss my Dad - I know this sounds strange, but I really miss him when I am so sad about my son's death, because I want to talk to him about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Tay in the purple dress... my twins...Tay and Hunter Bear Mom..my daughter and Tay our Tay.. If you have a moment...please say a prayer for our Taylor..... Tay started having pain in her groin area....found out her inguinal lymph nodes were swollen....she has been to 4 different Dr.'s.....it is a long story....the ultra sound was given to a Radiologist...who referred her to a surgeon...he ordered another round of antibiotics...(that was her third round)....the appt. yesterday with the surgeon did not go as we expected....the lymph nodes are larger...he is bypassing the biopsy...and going to perform surgery today to remove the swollen ones...we don't know how many...yet....and then they will be sent to a lab...of course. The silver lining is she is vital and vibrant...we are hoping and praying that this is simply a mass of bad infection the antibiotics could not budge. My daughter is taking this very, very hard....I will go to College Station for the surgery today...it will be at 12:45....then come back to take care of Pibby after school and have dinner for the football players after practice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Lisa...you are right...it will never make sense....and yes...our lives are changed forever....I hope you read the post I wrote to you and the new ones...we will hold your hand....and cry all you want....tears are such a blessed relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mkltexas Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Mermaid tears, praying for your beautiful Taylor, and for the medical staff taking care of her for clarity and compassion in taking care of her today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Susan, I will be praying for your beautiful Taylor today. My Jasmine has had a couple of boughts of pains in her groin, other than monthly cramps, but it usually subsides in less than 24 hours, and she has thought it just stress, and didn't want to see a doctor, but maybe I need to insist. My dad, now 85, and a survivor of heart surgery with 5 bypasses, has just completed a month of radiation for a cancerous tumor on his throat, waiting to hear if it was successful, as he is not a good candidate for surgery. The last surgery he had, which was the removal of the same vertebrae and two disks as I had in 2012, they took him off his pradaxa a few days prior to, and he had a stroke very soon after the surgery. He was still in the hospital when Jared was killed,got out in time for the funeral, which was three years ago today. Three years ago today, October 16th, 2011, we held Jared's service. Here is the link to that service.People thought we were so very strong, but what we were was in deep deep shock.It lasted for months. You do the things you have to do on a daily basis,but your mind and your heart cannot absorb the reality.When that shock wears away, that's when the real walk of grief normally begins;but our walk included an extra layer as we sought truth and justice for Jared.Truth is known, & where men fail, Justice is now in the hands of God.Remembering you today, Jared. We love U and miss U so much!http://webcasts.lifetributes.com/253797You can forward to 4:53 to see the boys that grew up with Jared, talking about their memories,and at 11:20 is a song by his sister, Jasmine, and at 40:00 is my song,and at 59:33 is Jared's world view being read by the pastor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 16, 2014 Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2014 Susan, huge and many prayers are being sent to Sweet Tay, your lovely Grandgirl. How old is she? I know that your heart is in your throat and that you will be on auto-pilot today, i am holding you and wishing for only good news. I did have a cyst or benign tumor taken from my groin area a few years ago, the waiting for the biopsy was hard, two days. The recovery time was short as far as being able to walk and get up and down. Prayers. Lisa and Mandy's Mom, I will inevitably mix you up for a while until your stories are clear in my head and heart, we often receive two and sometimes three newbies at one time. I am so sorry for the losses of your precious ones. NOTHING is harder, we can all attest to that and we all would also remind you that this process is very tiring and depleting. Please try to take your vitamins and get outside when you can and drink a lot of water to replace the fluids lost in crying and in stress. Be very kind to yourselves.I am 11 years on this road, my girl was 19 when an AMTRAK hit her car at a broken crossing, a fuse was blown for 11 months apparently, and so my Daughter was the reason that that area is now safe in Kalamaoo, Michigan.. NObody and nothing can replace my girl, but one day, a long way from now but hold onto it, one day you will feel happy again, the sad piece will always be there, your heart will grow in order to hold the grief right next to the joy, and you will learn over time how best to honor your Dear Child.Missing a parent is a normal feeling when your loss is so huge, one normally goes to a parent in life to find comfort, but when that is gone too, and so close to the loss of your Child, it is very hard to find any footing.My parents disowned me and Mom died the year before my girl did, so when My Daughter died, I made sure that my father was not allowed to be at the funeral or services. He was a giant negative in our lives and he did not know my girl because I had to protect her from his sickness.(pedophile). Please come here whenever and however often you like and tell and retell your stories. It is important to the process to know you are being listened to and held, even if it is virtually. Becky, I sure know that feeling of I CAN"T BELIEVE THAT ON THIS DATE...we buried our Child. The whole aspect of this kind of loss is otherworldly and abstract. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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