Members daveydow1 Posted September 17, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 17, 2014 Colleen-----Oh, I'm so sorry to learn of Enid's daughter dying. So young...such a shame. Myheart goes out to Enid in her great sorrow......grieving for the loss of Ethan, and now forher daughter too. Sending up prayers for Enid and her family. Peace to all. Becky----Love the way you have done the family plot with the solar lights.....it looksbeautiful. I'm sure it was a labor of love for you and your family, to honor the memoryof dear J.D. Dee----Well, I think I am about done canning, after doing the grape juice......unless Idecide to do some applesauce. Working on getting all the potatoes dug. When I dosit down.....then something else comes up ....always busy. With the cooling weather,I hope that your classrooms are getting more comfortable. PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted September 17, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 17, 2014 Colleen, sending condolences to Enid...it is hard enough to deal with one child loss without a second...she is in my prayers... Greg, that was a beautiful writing about your son Brian.....would you mind if I re-posted it in the Poems, and Writings thread? Becky, excellent job on the flowers for Jared...it is a labor of love...I just replaced Jesse's...for some reason for me it is getting harder and harder to go up there by the gravesite... Shannon, wondering how you are doing... Wanda...it was good to see your post...it is unbelievable that this much time has passed since our child left...at times it seems like yesterday and now it is feeling like just too long...time has become so non-relevant for me....just measured in before and after.... Wade...I am sorry to hear that there has been so many fellow classmates that have passed from Brook's class, too many too young... Kate, how are things up there with you? Sherry, we usually would make baked potato with the fixin's from the garden potatoes...sounds like you had a nice harvest... Dee...how is baby boy doing? Is Erica getting used to all the changes? Susan, I didn't notice anything now...but it looks like someone posted to Konnie on the Need Help Section... My internet went down again yesterday and part of today...waiting for another fix... Also, my sister told me on Dr. Oz tomorrow he will be having a segment on Near death experiences and Friday there will be a segment on angels... Wishing all a peaceful evening... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 Laurie....I can understand why it gets harder....for the veil has some rips in it....and one knows...that this is going to be the 'this is now'.....and there is no choice...no re-do.....this is the course....and will remain.... and even though those 'thinking thoughts' are not in front of our daily living out loud...they are being tunneled in...and we may not acknowledge them with words or phrases....it is felt in our soul and spirit....'this is the way' we will go forward....and it is in this....hard grief journey...we learn to survive and move forward...a white knuckle grip for sure on this reality.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 Testing here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 Okay, I am going to bed so very tired but wanted to say that I also had the bad screen ATTACK like Susan, all day and tonight my husband thought he cleared it up and I wrote to you all and it would not post and the attack screen came back. So he worked a bit more to find out if it was worrisome and determined it not so I am able to post again. I have missed you all. Col, this is the third time posting this: I am sorry for the sad news about Enid's daughter. I will add her into my prayers. The agony my goodness. Wade, sorry to hear of another of Brooks friends passing away. Such high numbers for one group but they sure are in good company. Sherry, your canning is a full time job for a few weeks out of the year. Won't you be glad when you are enjoying some fresh goodness in mid-January? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 this is what I have been getting trying to get on this site...now....it says the website does not exists.... strange...and weird....had to go to History and find a 'place' where I had got on this afternoon....will report to Modkonnie...but I think some'one'....is really trashing up our site....what a creep...and a loser....and also...such a no nothing kind of person.....geez....how can we spell...'serial-loser'.....??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 this is what I have been getting trying to get on this site...now....it says the website does not exists.... strange...and weird....had to go to History and find a 'place' where I had got on this afternoon....will report to Modkonnie...but I think some'one'....is really trashing up our site....what a creep...and a loser....and also...such a no nothing kind of person.....geez....how can we spell...'serial-loser'.....??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 this is what I have been getting trying to get on this site...now....it says the website does not exists.... strange...and weird....had to go to History and find a 'place' where I had got on this afternoon....will report to Modkonnie...but I think some'one'....is really trashing up our site....what a creep...and a loser....and also...such a no nothing kind of person.....geez....how can we spell...'serial-loser'.....??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 this is what I have been getting trying to get on this site...now....it says the website does not exists.... strange...and weird....had to go to History and find a 'place' where I had got on this afternoon....will report to Modkonnie...but I think some'one'....is really trashing up our site....what a creep...and a loser....and also...such a no nothing kind of person.....geez....how can we spell...'serial-loser'.....??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 Colleen, sending condolences to Enid...it is hard enough to deal with one child loss without a second...she is in my prayers... Greg, that was a beautiful writing about your son Brian.....would you mind if I re-posted it in the Poems, and Writings thread? Becky, excellent job on the flowers for Jared...it is a labor of love...I just replaced Jesse's...for some reason for me it is getting harder and harder to go up there by the gravesite... Shannon, wondering how you are doing... Wanda...it was good to see your post...it is unbelievable that this much time has passed since our child left...at times it seems like yesterday and now it is feeling like just too long...time has become so non-relevant for me....just measured in before and after.... Wade...I am sorry to hear that there has been so many fellow classmates that have passed from Brook's class, too many too young... Kate, how are things up there with you? Sherry, we usually would make baked potato with the fixin's from the garden potatoes...sounds like you had a nice harvest... Dee...how is baby boy doing? Is Erica getting used to all the changes? Susan, I didn't notice anything now...but it looks like someone posted to Konnie on the Need Help Section... My internet went down again yesterday and part of today...waiting for another fix... Also, my sister told me on Dr. Oz tomorrow he will be having a segment on Near death experiences and Friday there will be a segment on angels... Wishing all a peaceful evening...have been having many problems with the site.....I am only going on 'random' trying to post....if you get this...my e-mail is ..sbddws@sbcglobal.net...to get in touch....the only e-mail I have is Dee's.....hope all will be ok soon.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 trying.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=4610658201881&set=pcb.4610659201906&type=1 Last night, we celebrated my dad's 86th birthday! My hair is pulled back, because my mother doesn't think women past 40 should wear their hair long, and mine is now half way my back! Once you click the link, open the 'back to album link on top left, then click on individual pics to see info on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 testing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted September 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 I too have been having problems today. Thanks to the Mods for correcting this! I am reading and thinking of everyone and sending love to all. Anxious to see the results of the vote in Scotland. Hang in there everyone. Love, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Testing....or being tested..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Thank you Modkonnie....I think we are back on track..... thank you, Dee....and Becky for the info and support.....xoxoxoxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sailormom Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Awsome Pics Becky.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Found this blog post today...so true to the emotions especially early on...I have seen myself reflected here... ********************************************************http://deeincollingo.wordpress.com/2014/05/29/thats-the-woman-who-lost-her-daughter/ That’s The Woman Who Lost Her Daughter… Posted at 9:30 pm by deeincollingo, on May 29, 2014 Many posts on my blog have addressed how most days I have no idea who I am anymore. Yet, I am finding that others know exactly how to define who I am now — that’s the woman who lost her daughter. No longer am I just “Dee” or a mother, wife, aunt, daughter, friend, sister because what happened almost 10 months ago is how people refer to me now. About 7 weeks after we lost Amy, my husband and I attended a 13 week grieving class — Grief Share. One of the classes addressed how our identity had changed since we lost our loved one. Many, including Amy and I, agreed that Amy was a mini-me. We looked alike and shared the same sensitive, caring heart. She also knew my heart better than anyone else on the face of this earth. No one will ever love me as much as Amy loved me. Of course, I am blessed to have many other people love me, but not the way Amy did (or should I say does when I am able to honor the beautiful and clever signs she sends me which confirms that she is still with me, just not the way she was before). Let’s face it though, our “sign” language is just not enough to fill the hole in my heart and life. My life was so intertwined with Amy’s life. Although she wanted to get her own place, she was still living at home. Although the worst day that could happen already happened, even now, I have an irrational association with Sundays. Devastation Day! Hard as I try, I find it difficult to live in my own home on Sundays without retracing the footsteps and events that transpired here on August 4, 2013. Yet, on most days of the week, there is a sense of Amy’s energy which exists here and gives me an element of comfort. I can’t bring myself to wear the robe I had on that day. Silly connection, but I can’t help it. Yet, then I remember she sat next to me that morning and maybe she touched my robe and I should keep it forever. I will never throw out the top I had on the day she passed because I wore it the last time I hugged her. We drove to work together and worked a few blocks away from each other. I cannot look at her building or park in the same parking garage where the guys would ask me where she was if she was taking the day off or had to come to work earlier than I. I feel like I see her everywhere as I make my way around the city because she was everywhere. I get off of the elevator at the end of the day and expect her to be standing in my lobby waiting for me — all dressed in her gym clothes. Amy does send me beautiful signs – my friends always remind me of that – but I want her to be here engaged in my world instead of using our secret “sign” language. I pray for a sign; she answers me. I am grateful for that communication. I am truly grateful. But as I have said before, which one of your kids would you want to live without or communicate with in Spirit “sign” language? Please think of that before you judge me for my inability to get over the loss of my precious, sweet daughter or before you whisper about me. Amy is a healer. I believe she puts certain people in my path because she has the clarity to see from her dimension who can help me as I struggle to find my way without her. There is just no way that some of the people who remain in my life now are here by coincidence. It takes a special kind of person to be able to support me during this emotional roller coaster. I am raw, sensitive, scared, oblivious, angry and even irrational at times, yet they still stick around. As I have also said many times, I remain eternally grateful to the other grieving Moms who I have connected with and who share their hearts and help me to feel less singled out. When I arrived at work today, much to my surprise there was a Origami crane on my desk. After reading a post and seeing the cranes from a blog which I reposted from another grieving Mom, my thoughtful friend decided that we need to make these cranes for Amy. Imagine my surprise when I later went to our Cafe for lunch and saw my friends all sitting at the lunch table learning to how to make these cranes. These wonderful friends see me struggle; they want to help. They all know what touches my heart is anything that is done in memory of my girl. 1,000 cranes is their goal. (Thank you, Mira, if you read this, for sharing your beautiful gift to your beautiful daughter on your blog which planted a seed with my friends.) My heart overflows with gratitude to these caring ladies. I am so broken, but I am not a martyr; I am the woman who lost her daughter. I am a “believer” that life goes on when we die. I HAVE to believe! Because I have to believe I will see her again. Non believers must keep their thoughts to themselves because the idea of never seeing Amy again is beyond devastating so I must believe. But the bottom line is that I don’t want to live without my daughter. I miss her and just want to see her again. Not a photo, but my Amy, the mini-me as many called her. I want her back. Yes, that’s me — the woman who lost her daughter. You don’t have to tell me — I get it. I live it. Just do me a favor and try to be more careful when you refer to me that way as it hurts to be reminded of what I already know. **************************** End of Post ********************************** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Laurie....I was just crawling with a load of tired last night but...I finally got to get on the site and read...thanks for sharing that blog....I read it...very raw...very true...very real....and she must be reading all of our hearts....I will surely read more of what she has written....how did her daughter die ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ptlhal063 Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Hi everyone,I was wondering if you could give me your opinion.I recently received our retouched baby angel pics of my precious grandson. They did an absolutely beautiful job.I was considering having one put on a fleece blanket for my son & daughter in law. Is this a good idea? Or will it make their pain worse or refresh it? I see them trying to move forward and I don't want to hamper their progress. I know they're still hurting. They just put on a brave front.Would this be something good for them to "hold on to" when that grief takes hold?I haven't even shown them the baby angel pics yet. I just don't know what to do.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Hi Everyone, I was crawling to bed last eve too Susan, so did not read the whole story that Laurie sent us. I have now and she is quite a good writer, hitting the key points on our journeys. Laurie,Thanks for your ever-reaching-heart. Kate are you back on or are you having more difficulties with the site? Our school just had an ice bucket challenge on the playground to raise awareness among our students of ALS. I was one of the voluteers along with about 16 other teachers and staff. Our students watched as we doused ourselves with large LARGE buckets of ice and water. Wow! a real eye opener. So I am changed now and warming up. Lovely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Tess,I would like to respond to the picture quilt question. Also, my answer is only mine..and please do not consider this to be correct for you.In my opinion, it is too soon to get a quilt with his picture on it. After Brian died, I just wanted to talk about my son to anyone who would listen. I did not need the tangible gift, but I needed a shoulder to cry on. Also, if I said crazy things like "I cannot and do not want to live without my son", you will not judge me.Looking at pictures for Brian this soon after his death was torture for me. 6 years later, I finally ordered 2 quilts made of Brian's T-shirts and bandanas. We will get them mid 2015. It took me that long to get happiness from Brian's tangible things.This is only my opinion and may not work for you.Prayers to you TessColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Dee...applause for you and others taking the 'Ice Bucket Challenge'....ALS is simply a horrific slow death....and the family can only stand and watch and pray and cry and die a little each day.....a beautiful family in our small town had twins...fraternal twins...(like my Hunter Bear and Tay)....we watched them grow...he was a lively person...like his parents...he became a patrolman..and then..it hit...a member of the family told me he would beg them to 'unplug him' at the end....one can only pray that with the money that has been donated...a 'miracle' can happen in finding a cure for this. So glad the site is back up...I woke up today with more energy than I have had since September started....I have had more 'sad' days....I hope to get my engine started so I can move forward...I guess I have the 'Three Year Blues'....can't believe I am starting on the three year marker...at least I know I am not alone on this journey... Shannon....if all you can do is read....we are ALL thinking of you....let us hear how your journey is going...we know it has been pretty rough... Lora....thinking of you, too.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Tess....what an amazing gift....but ....I, too, will agree with Colleen....not about what a gift from the heart...but...maybe the timing is just a little too soon... I can tell your heart is just bursting with love....and also your grief....and it is hard to watch your child..hurt...all of you are in a circle of grief..holding hands. this is just my thoughts....grieving families need those 'small' things done....a load of laundry...a home made meal...or some that are frozen and can be easy to fix....running errands....yard work need to be done ? A trip to the Post Office...or a trip to the Grocery ? You....being there....for those 'small things' now....and in that....you will be healing your grief, too....by being helpful and busy.... I would think that maybe around the coming holidays....you could give it to them with a note saying you wanted them to have something to 'hold'...instead of just the memory....for that child will never ...ever be forgotten. They are so blessed to have you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 Dang it...forgot to watch Dr. Oz...have been so busy...Laurie...did you see it ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 From Susan, "Dang it...forgot to watch Dr. Oz...have been so busy...Laurie...did you see it ?" Here are the links A Dr. Oz Investigation: What Happens When You DieDr. Oz is joined by Judy Bachrach, an investigative journalist who interviewed almost 100 people who died and came back to life with new memories http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/dr-oz-investigation-what-happens-when-you-die?video_id=3786348552001 http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/dr-oz-investigation-what-happens-when-you-die?video_id=3790264100001 **************************************************************************** Tess, it is so very thoughtful of you and one of the parent's fears is their child will become forgotten ...my opinion...I would probably just give them the pictures in a closed box first. I would let them know before opening what is inside so they may have the option of opening it up when they feel ready...it may be right away or not...the blanket....I would have a hard time myself with seeing such a large image of my son... But if you gave the photos first you could ask if they wish to have something like that....try and find out what is going to help them...the first few months are so raw...I was totally a mess... However, I am thinking about going back to the studio who did my son's graduation photos to see if they still have the other images stored...if they do I will be buying the full package which I did not do when he was 18... Sending you warm thoughts... ************************************************************************ Dee, I hope you are warmed up by now...that sounds very cold...yesterday wasn't very warm, at least not around here... *********************************************************************** Colleen, thanks for your valued input and willingness to continue helping others along this journey... I know I said it before....Thank you to all who have been with me the last two years...I was thinking how I calculate time is a bit different.... from Jesse's passing to the the first date is like year zero to me, every day I could think back and have a memory from the previous year before of what we did on a particular day... from that year to the next is like year 1.... and now I feel like I am entering year 2..... Maybe it is because I do not have any real memories in year zero... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2014 thanks Laurie...I bought 'Glimpses of Heaven' on my kindle....I do love 'books'...and I have my 'best friends' always around me....sometimes I will buy the book because I can give it to someone else....since I downsized...I simply do not have the room anymore for books...and books and books....it just isn't the same to 'hold' the kindle... I do hope they still have the photos of Jesse David...with digital....maybe so.... you are so right....when we enter that 1 year marker....we still have those footprints...after that...it is ghost footprints and memory... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ptlhal063 Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 Thank you all for your opinions. There's just no "right" way to do this and you're insight is priceless to me. Thank you.I think I will give them the pictures in a box or something, as suggested. Let them look at them when they feel they can.They don't like to talk much or discuss what happened at all. It's too painful for them. I respect that. But I kind of feel like I'm wrong because I do like to talk about him. I feel like I need to talk about Baby Brian, but I have nobody to talk with about him. I did order a blanket BUT the reason I did so was because the 50% off coupon code was expiring. I won't give it to them. I'll just tuck it away until (if ever) the time is right. I just needed to know if it would be too much for them right now. I don't want to cause them any more pain. So again, I thank you for your replies.Can someone give some insight as to if they aren't talking, and are up to doing chores, etc. How do I help?? I don't want to impose, and at the same time I don't want them to think I don't care. That couldn't be further from the truth. I still cry every single day. I light a candle by Baby Brian's picture with little Angels around the frame. The kids have one also. I gave them baby Angels for next to the frame as well. I was glad to see that another friend sent an Angel too. So now they have one to represent each baby they've lost. (The first two were miscarriages early in the pregnancies.)I just don't how to tell if something would comfort or help them. I feel helpless and useless. Maybe I reflect their pain and it's just too much to handle?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kalikama Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 Laurie--my son graduated in 2008 and when the photographer heard he'd died (we have a mutual friend) this year, she sent me a CD with all the pictures she took of him during the "shoot". With both my sons, I wanted to see ANY picture or video. I have already planned to get a quilt made of Ethan's clothes, but I have to go through the clothes and pick them. I haven't washed his dirty ones because they still have his 'scent' and I'm not willing to let that go, just yet. When I am, then I will probably get the quilt made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 Before I lost John David....I saw a quilt at the Washington County Fair on display...it was made from clothing of loved ones..and the woman who created this quilt took a photo of the item of clothing and wrote a little story of the person who the clothing belonged to and a photo of that person...she put it all in a scrapbook....I was touched by the love that was in every stitch.... I have clothing of my Essie..(Grama)....Mom ..Dad...children...now...I have John David's....I am thinking of making small throws for my children...and sister...so each would have something...this is a very time consuming labor of love...I will also make some fabric/photo squares... I am reminded of my two Grandmother's....if they were sitting down...they always had some 'sewing' to do...embroidery..or mending....some kind of needle work....they both took it upon themselves to teach me embroidery...it is very soothing/healing to work with your hands.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 I know Dee is a walker....and I found this interesting....so am sharing this....I feel as if I am getting 'stuck'....'mired down' on my grief journey.....and I need to start a walking program to help me move forward/heal ....just to get my mental clarity...as many on this site knows.....we develop a kind of 'mind fog'....after losing a child/loved one...some days the fog is thicker than others.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 My dear Tess,There is no wrong way to grieve unless you hurt yourselves or others.I too just wanted to talk about my Brian. My husband could not. I joined this group and shared my Brian here. How about you ask them what you can do for them? I would have loved to have help with cleaning the house. I did not care if my house was dirty.Sometimes, no words at all are what we need. Just a hug. Sometime people just want to be alone.Please remember, these are just suggestions from someone 6 years down the road. Consider yourself huggedColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ptlhal063 Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 Thank you Colleen. I'll take your advice and ask again. My son is one who is always doing. He said he hopes if he keeps busy long enough, it'll go away. They do know I'm here if they need anything at all.If I may ask...how has anyone addressed their child's room or nursery? How utterly crippling the thought of that is... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 Yes Tess....that is a heartbreaker for sure....to face that 'room'....many parents have left their child's room for years...many parents have to go and clean out an apartment...a house...for it was rented.... I think this is as individual as the grieving parents...whatever suits them...is the way it should be...there simply is no rules on this subject... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 TessBrian's room will stay as long as Brian's parents want it to stay. Some keep their kids room just like it was...for years. Others have to clean out.We had to take my Brian's bed apart. That room became a haven for my other son and his friends.Please be kind to yourself. You too have been through a terrible loss.Love to youColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 Thanks Dee, I am back on and mostly reading these days. We have settled into a comfortable cocooning mode now that fall has arrived. The leaves are just spectacular in their fall colours. Tess, each of us goes about dealing with our child's things in our own personal way. It is a very difficult task to deal with. I personally cleaned out my son's clothes, etc. quite soon after he died. The reason being that I wanted to give his clothes to those in need. I did keep his most cherished things for my own satisfaction and still have them in his room. I did however paint the room and change the décor somewhat. I take comfort now after all of this time in touching and remembering special times associated with particular items. Go about it when you are ready and don't let anyone hurry you into doing something you are not comfortable with. It's your call. I placed the order for the Christmas tree on Thursday for the Healing Garden at the hospital. I found out that he had already ordered it. He knew it had become a yearly tradition. I will say that walking back to the car had me thinking that it could not be five years already coming up! How the years fly by. I have been in a time warp for several of them trying to adjust to his death and that of my MIL and husband's illness. Life does indeed continue after all....like it or not. I am about as strong as I am going to get after losing Jeff. Life is altered and I am continuing on trying to put my best foot forward. As many will tell you...happiness will again find its way back into your life. There will always be that underlying sadness...but you will be able to enjoy things again. Love to all, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted September 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 Hello everyone,I have missed everyone here so much and am very sorry that I haven't been here for so long. Not really sure what has been happening. I think that everything caught up with me. Had a little meltdown and it all hit me at once. All the dispair, anger and pain. I have so much to say and not a lot of energy to do it. I am trying to catch up with everyone and get to know the new parents here. Tomorrow at 4:01 am it will be exactly a year since Sam left us. I'm not really sure how I feel right now. Dread anxiety fear of something, my head tells me nothing has changed but my heart aches. Have a family gathering planned. I am so sorry that I haven't been here for everyone else the last few months. I know that it helps to be here and I already feel the familiar comfort of this place.Hopefully after tomorrow, I will be able to read more and catch up. The picture was taken one year ago tonight with Sam's friends.DebbieLove you Sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 Debbie, it is so good to hear from you. I know that tomorrow will be a hard day. I hope that the gathering will help to give you support. I am glad that you feel a sense of comfort in coming here to talk. We will be thinking of you tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 Debbie, what a good thing to see you here tonight. You never need apologize to us for taking a break from here, it happens to us all. I am honestly just glad you are out there, finding your way. Right now it may not feel as though you are, or as though you have progressed, but I assure you, you have. You are reaching a terrible anniversary marking Sam's leaving, but you are still standing my Friend, and Sam must be smiling on you for your strength in doing so. You are living and standing where he no longer can. I am glad that family will be with you tomorrow, good that you'll have some support. Have you been on the road or have you been able to stay in one place for a bit?I know it will be hard to face this date, but the harder part were all the days of this year leading up to it. Tess, you hang on to us here and know that somehow, your kids will find their way through this mountain of grief and you will too. I am praying for you all as you try to find your way in the dark narrow caverns of grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 SAM...surround your Mom with your loving spirit today. Debbie, I am thinking of you... and I hope that all of the beautiful memories that you hold so close to your heart will help to give you comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 . I have been in a time warp for several of them trying to adjust to his death and that of my MIL and husband's illness. Life does indeed continue after all....like it or not. I am about as strong as I am going to get after losing Jeff. Life is altered and I am continuing on trying to put my best foot forward. As many will tell you...happiness will again find its way back into your life. There will always be that underlying sadness...but you will be able to enjoy things again. Love to all, Kate Thank you, Kate....I know now....what the term 'time warp' means.....time and the definition of time....has been changed for me, also.....'that was then....this is now'.......one foot in a earth home when John David was with me.....another foot in this earth home with out him.... and many on this site that wave to us....'you will survive this'..... I feel as if I am coming into my 'surrender phase'....how can I not ?? I find that there are so many 'sides' to my grief...so many 'colors' of my grief...and so many 'rooms' of my grief.....I walk from room to room....one room is dark and deep with grief....another room allows me to sit and rest.....another room allows me to see a window and light comes in...I can come up for 'air'.....another room allows me the grace to study and contain my grief...this is the learning room.....one day I will connect all the rooms...and I will find a 'home' for my grief.....and we will live together...forever...friends with my grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 Debbie....we were so concerned for you.....but glad to hear from you.....this is a very hard day and we all know it on this site....am glad you will have family around you.....wishing you a moment where you can be still...and breathe...and feel your Sam with his heart of love near you..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 SAM SAM SAMBless all that gather in your name today, letting them feel your absolute love and the peace you have found. Let them know that you are still present in their lives and always will be. Love is the waves of the ocean, constant and forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 _Sam ___| _Sam ___| _Sam ___| _Sam Stairway to Heaven!!!! Thinking of you, Debbie, and your beautiful, precious son....all day! Rooting for Kansas City today in your honor, Sam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 Love that stairway Wade, you are so clever and creative. Shannon how are you? How are the boys today? Laurie, the ice bucket was chilling to say the least but we had 60 degrees and sun so not as bad as it sometimes is. It was fun and I changed right away. Kate, just went for a walk to enjoy the fall temps today, there are a lot of acorns and leaves down. Tuesday will be our first full day of autumn and today marks world peace day. If only the world knew. Susan, I began walking through my blues when I was a little girl, not really fully grasping that I felt better after walks, and mom never drove so we walked everywhere or took public transportation. When I was 12, I knew i needed walks and have been walking nearly daily since then. Now at 58 I am not as fast as I used to be, but the effects are the same, the endorphins are released through walking and I am left to let my mind wander which it needs to do, it is almost like yoga for my spirit. I get to be outside and fill my day with fresh air and the vitamin d from the sunlight is wonderful. It is my medicine and my joy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 A story written years ago in response to grief: by Dee Messages Church bells sound and she is sure it has nothing to do with the time of day, rather to do with a message. She knew it was a communication from the girl, the one that vanished without another word. And now she felt in a frenzy since the loss. Most days the woman wandered into the girl’s bedroom to drink in the purple walls, the clothing still hung askew on hangers in the closet; the yellow satin prom dress they had picked out together two weeks before the senior prom. The white graduation gown hung next to the yellow one, purchased the same day, like partners joined in ending the girl’s high school years. Reminders of that time two years prior, when so many celebrations marked the start of the girl’s adult life. The woman gathered the gowns into her and breathed the memories of their shopping together; the memories of the girl trying the dresses on again once home, looking into her full-length mirror. Broad smile crinkled blue-green eyes framed with dark arched brows, dread locks cascading, and that sprinkle of freckles across creamy skin. The woman missed seeing her face, missed holding her large hands, ached for her loud and explosive laugh. “I miss you so much.” Tears welled and made the Magnolia blossoms outside the window look like a Monet painting. The woman opened the door to the little balcony and looked down at the neighbor’s garden. The sprinkler was spinning, keeping time on the always-green lawn next door. This was the view her girl had from this little protected nest. She ducked out here to talk on her telephone and smoke cigarettes and reefer. She was not supposed to smoke anything out here or anywhere else, but she did. Inside, above the nightstand remains the bulletin board filled with photos of friends and notes with telephone numbers on them. There were concert tickets tucked into the corners, keepsakes for the girl that was no longer and now keepsakes for the woman. Those tickets, those pictures…all of it testimony that she did live, it was not just a dream. There once was a girl. “My girl,” the woman whispers, “help me to do good things please, in your light, help direct me won’t you?” It was then that the church bells rang out and the woman was grateful for the knowing of her girl calling, letting her know that she was well, that she was present in her new way. The bells gave her energy and she walked to do her many errands. Shopping, bills to the post office, and along the way she spoke to each neighbor and stranger she meets, appearing normal to the townspeople but really just expert at this role now. She knew that when it first happened, the people whispered once she was out of earshot, she could sense it. She knew too, that some people were so uncomfortable around her now that they went inside when they saw her walking down the street, so sure that her misfortune would somehow rub off on them. As though the walls of their home could protect them from what they read about in the newspaper each day. She felt sad for them, and at times she felt she could go crazy, ring their long playing doorbells and chimes and scream through the manicured lawns: “ SAY HER NAME DAMNIT, SHE IS STILL MY DAUGHTER!” It was the sound of bells that saved her; the sound of her daughter checking in, it was the sound of her breath, her laugh, her cry, her poetry. It was the sound of her peace. Once back home the woman stood in her chilly garden where hope blossoms and prevails, she is a piece of the garden and stands in the very spot that she last saw her girl. The girl left that spot as a gift, she figures. It is a depression in the ground, in the winter, the snow gathers there first, and in the spring the rain pools there. Today she stands there and slips her feet into the girl’s footsteps, next to the early spring Columbines and Wild Phlox. Soon the Asian Lilies would be half her height and they would blossom into brilliant red-orange reminders of magic. And soon the Bee Balm would tower over the garden in fuscia and red, and the yellow Coreopsis would work all summer long to produce. But for now it was early spring, it was a sunny and cool day and filled with promise, as much promise as ache, which was plenty. The woman smiled across the fence to her neighbors and once again the church bells sounded. The neighbor asked if the woman knew which church was ringing bells. The woman nodded no, and smiled deeply, “ “aren’t they lovely though?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted September 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2014 Sam, Sam, Sam -- Shouting your name out loud today....may your momma feel your love close to her heart today... Sending prayers for you Debbie... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2014 Dee.....thank you for sharing your 'early grief writing'.....I just wish I had been present in your life then....but it brings me in focus to your 'heavy grief'.....when you were just new on the grief journey....and now you bring us all a message...it is a message learned from deep grief.... I know I will have to learn to make grief my 'friend'....that has a strange sound to it....it is just I hope I can have grief and grace....and sit between them both.... I know for sure now.....that there is healing in Mother Nature...and in using the life energy of our body to help us move forward... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2014 Susan, my pleasure sharing that piece. I remember writing it and feeling that it hit the note of my heart at that time. I was reminded of it while reading the woman that Laurie posted. There are many rooms in grief Susan, I like the way you worded that, and in all of these rooms we find a place in which to fit ourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now