Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

Tess....what I have learned on this grief journey is that it doesn't matter if your child was 2 hours old...2 days old...or 42 years old..(that was the age of my John David).....they are still your child...and your grief journey will be as unique as your child was unique....

   it is the same love...that super human love for our child that we have...I, too, am a GRANDmother....and when our child hurts....we hurt....when they celebrate....we celebrate....just like we can have a circle of love....we can also have a circle of grief....Great Grandparents...GRANDparents...parents...siblings...aunts..uncles...when that child passes....

  it is like a bike wheel....the spokes go in different directions/angles...but at the center from which they come...is pure love.

 

and when it comes that a Mother..or GRANDparent has to watch their child hurt and grieve...and they carry their grief....it can be a heavy labor of love...as to what they can do to bring comfort...I guess it would be to blanket them with your love, care, concern and consideration....maybe doing all those small things...to help with living the daily life.

 

Cherry....just as for me....I could not 'see' what would happen to my John David....read all the posts on this site...we all 'wish' we could have seen 'the WHAT' in what happened...none of us have that kind of power in this earth home...you and your Mom join hands on this grief journey and find your way....in our family....little girls are hard to come by...I so understand that link with that 'pink' little girl baby.

[Kalikama]

Went and saw the medium, Thursday.  Ethan "came through"!!!  She got some really specific things right--like his cell phone--he said he was sorry about that; mac n cheese, his signature dish; and that his brother met him when he transitioned and they are hanging out at "THE" beach--not "a" beach.   The beach is where Bobby collapsed and a tree was planted in his memory and we also put some of Ethan's ashes there.  We moved into this neighborhood to be near Bobby, as we felt him more here than at the cemetery.   (We had a lot of friends here and had been celebrating the 4th of July here for years, so there are lots of happy memories for them).  I am going to schedule a private session, but it may take 6 months to get in.  I like that she didn't take credit cards or last names so she can't "google" you.  But there were 30 people in the room, so you'd really have to have a good memory to google anyone.   She also asked if I wanted to know the manner of death and I said yes.  She said it was a homicide (which I wasn't surprised about) and that 2 people were involved and the woman (Sonya) was the one we were to pray that would "crack".  It was a comforting couple of hours and for $50, it was worth it.  I am looking forward to a private session to ask about my dad and my brother who has dementia and is kind of between both worlds.  I still haven't had a dream visit from him, but she said we need to get our vibrational energy up to get those.  She did some education and a reading on each person in the room.  So pray the police find Aaron Cox and that Sonya cracks and will tell the police what happened.  Have a neighborhood corn roast to get ready for.  Will try to come back and read more later.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Tess, I know my mom struggles with watching me in my grief...she is about the only one I share my deepest feelings of grief with in "real life"... love is strong, and you are sharing strength with your child as only a mom can...wishing you gentleness on this journey....

 

Cherry, I too had thought about your little girl Kylie..wondered how you were getting along...I agree with Susan's kind words to you...and Kate's...

 

Susan, thanks for sharing about your son...he sure has a busy life...I think what he does with released convicts is necessary...only a certain kind of person can work with those who have made their mistakes and wish to start a different kind of life...he is a good man...

 

Dee, I do not know why they hold school even in those kind of conditions...I hope you did not get heat sickness yourself...the administrators just don't have any common sense..

 

Kate, I too like the story of paint in your hair...hope your husband got a chuckle out of it...

 

Sherry, the elderly lady, Esther is  now passed away...she was a wonderful person...agreed to host a huge ladies get together at her home when she was 94...was the most popular turnout we had..

 

Think of so many who have posted here...Wanda, Gretchen, Mary Ann, Wade, Ted, Greg, Surreal, Debbie, Lora,...wonder how you all are getting along...

 

**************************

 

Just been really depressed lately...hard to start my day...always some mental gymnastics that happen just to get out of bed....run through the day...and then just fall into bed exhausted...still focused on what I have to do, and do not go much beyond that...

 

...for my personality though I need so much time for reflection...whatever one finds to help I believe is their best course...perhaps the pain is not as raw now...but a trigger can send me off...grief is what it is... 

 

**************************

 

Kalik, I am glad that your Ethan came through, sent prayers he would....thanks for sharing your reading...

,

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate...thanks for sharing....I will re-tell your hair paint story....a girl thing for sure....I guess guys just can't understand what a 'high light' can do for a woman's happiness...

 

Kalik....oh my....I can only hope that when I go to a medium....I shall have that kind of connection...I pray.

 

Dee....the guy that helped me when I was in Real Estate...(doing home repairs for my sellers) told me that if a home felt warm...even with air conditioning....(and when you show a home or have a Open House..you want the home to be comfortable)...to get one of those floor circular fans...I will try to find a photo of one....he said they moved more air and in the right direction to cool a room....I know though when one has so much humidity...it is like fanning a wet towel....and now when we start school in the middle of August....instead of after Labor Day.....what do they think will happen ? The seasons won't change because school started.....it has been a long debate in Texas for the budgets of the schools to open in August...more $$$ to be spent on utilities than education....the tourist economy really went down...for now...sports start at the first of August....so our summer time is cut short....I do believe our fore fathers knew to start school after Labor Day for a good reason....

 

 

Laurie....I have ALWAYS...had September Blues....even when I was very young....my Dad believed in having a 'Good bye to Summer' event on Labor Day.....it would be on Sunday....we would have a large gathering at the beach house...he would take as many in our beach hoopey...and others would drive to the beach, too...and we would go for that last dip in the ocean...and say good-bye to the waves...blow kisses....and say thanks for a great summer....on Monday we would be gathering stuff up...putting stuff away ...getting the cabin ready for a long absence...for with the beginning of school was also the beginning of High School football...A&M football season...the start of a brand new school year....new adventures...we usually wouldn't be back til December....(in Texas that is some good fishing weather)....I did not start going to the beach cabin in the winter til I was about 12....my parents did not think I would be able to enjoy myself til that age....and then...I could cuddle in all the blankets and read books all day long....I also discovered that shelling on the beach in winter brought many exotic shells....so....every since then....I get September Blues...I guess it is in my DNA to love the summer....many around me love the Fall and the decorating ....not me...although I do decorate for Fall....but not until late October...I actually have friends that have it all done now...and it is still 98....

   now....having grief with September Blues....it brings me to a standstill....a pause...catching that brief place in the circle of the Seasons....like the circle of life...

[daveydow1]

Tess63-----I am sorry for your loss of your newborn grandson, and for the other

losses you have suffered.  While no one ever wants to be on a grief site such

as this, all are welcome to come here and share their loss with others who truly

understand.  Peace & comfort to you,.....and please come back.

 

 

Susan----

Thanks for your story of your memories of the "goodbye to summer"

gathering that your family/friends had to mark the end of summer. Sounds so

nice to just be at the cabin, walk the beach, and even a last little 'dip' in the ocean.

 

Kalik----I'm glad that your visit to the medium was a positive one.

 

Kate----Your morning sounds so relaxing with a good cup of new coffee.  I had

to laugh about the tree trimmers asking if you had done some painting when

they saw the highlights in your hair.   I hope they enjoyed the coffee and

muffins that you kindly provided.

 

Dee-----Oh...yikes.....so sorry that the classroom was so unbearably  sultry.

It's no wonder the kids were feeling ill.  Are you able to recuperate today?

It's terrible that the administration can't provide some measure of relief

for you and the kids for this heat streak  .  I hope that it cools off before Monday.

It has cooled off here, after a hot & humid Friday.

 

WISHING    PEACE    AND   A  GOOD  AND   RESTFUL  NIGHT  FOR  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

  

[Jeff's Mom]

I would ask that you keep my friends MIL in your prayers tonight. She passed away at 10:00 this morning. She fought a long hard fight. Also, another shock...a friend that had been diagnosed with cancer this July died last week. Always puts a downer on the mood in the house. I know Ross is scared and yet tries to appear calm. Life is so fragile. I feel as if we are living with this huge thing over our head. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

[Angel Boy of Mine]

 

 

In my thoughts, in my heart, and in everything I see... I think of you, I feel you, I see you... I love you!

[Steve s mom]

That's beautiful Becky

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...our Warrior Mom....what you created for your Beloved...Beautiful Boy...is awesome....

and with that....are you resting and healing...healing and resting.....you have our prayers for you....that health shall be yours soon...

[ericasmom]

I love your Medium story Kalik. Wow, sounds like a truly cosmic time, I am so glad that you went. Your Son came through so well. Wonderful news.

 

Becky, what a gorgeous photo of your boy and the background so great.

 

Kate, prayers are being sent to your friend and for you as you learn of another friend's passing. I know that you and your Husband hold on to the beauty in each day and the goodness all around you but it does shake us when we learn of a contemporary passing away when we ourselves are struggling with health issues.

Sounds like wonderful weather Kate, we are getting a taste of some cooler temps today too. Going down into the 60's tonight, a welcome change.

I went to a baby shower about an hour away today for a great nephew and his girl. Hung out with my sisters and some of my nieces and great nieces. It was nice but on the way home, I got stuck in some kind of horrid traffic and sat for nearly an hour inching along only to find the ramp I needed  blocked off by police.

 

 

Laurie and Susan and Sherry, administrators are not always this horrendous, but this guy is a JERK. I can't believe he gets away with what he does, but under his threatening tone, we don't speak up for fear of being fired. He is like the idiot Great and Mighty Oz. I want to pull back the curtain to reveal the ass that he really is.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....as I mentioned before....one of my friends who is an amazing teacher...said.."I can teach any child...I just can't teach under some Administrations"......she had some problems years ago....to me....teaching is a passion...not just a paycheck...

[katibug98]

I'm having a hard time.  The weeks are long and hard.  I'm tired and panicky most days.  I start out panicky and then by the time I get home from work, I'm thoroughly exhausted.  My house is a disaster and I have no umph to get it cleaned.  My oldest daughter won't talk about Cora.  I told her last night that it's like trying to push a ball under the water; you can only keep it under the water for so long, and eventually it will come popping out of the water.  She feels guilty that I was with her in the hospital and not home with Cora.  I told her that it was by NO means her fault.  It's not my fault either.  It's not possible to be in two places at once.  She told me that she is having a hard time remembering what her voice sounded like...she hates it...she doesn't understand why...WHY it had to be Cora.  Why it has to be ANY child...four years wasn't long enough....all from my 11 year old.

 

I wish I could take her pain. 

 

It's been 4 months.  It was officially 4 months yesterday.  I miss my Cora. 

 

And tomorrow...I need to be in court.  I'm praying that this all can be finished with a consent decree.  I'm tired of that too.  And that my children have seen their dad 1x in a month.

[Mermaid Tears]

Of course you are having a hard time....Katie.....you have been on this grief journey for just 4 months....you have your heavy grief...deep mourning....two young children to care for....and going through a divorce...if you take the three in separate issues....it is daunting...each by themselves...and you have a full time job....and a house/yard to care for....

   first....grief is exhausting...I found that grief is a very physical thing....that is why...we tell 'new ones' to self care....it is very important to take care of yourself....and since you have two children to care for...it is even more important that you care for yourself FIRST....for you cannot care for them...unless you are cared for....

   second.....I think you should not 'rush' your daughter to 'talk' about her grief...just yet....just be patient and listen to anything she wants to talk about....in time...she will open up.....it is still a very dark mystery to her....her little persona is protecting her now.....it is a way we survive....I could not 'talk' about John David without a severe meltdown...for several months.....even now....it is a hit or miss thing....if I can or not....

      I hope your day in court goes in a positive way....

Can you get 'help' in cleaning your home for maybe two months....if you can't afford it....can you talk it over with a friend or family member and tell them you are having a hard time 'holding it all together'....and maybe you and them can 'clean together' for about 2 hours twice a week....not a Spring cleaning...but just enough for you to have a home that isn't cluttered and needs a cleaning....

    People don't realize that those 'small things' make such a difference to a grieving family....washing dishes...a load of laundry...mowing the yard....vacuuming and picking things up.....

    I know for myself....I went through a long...long time period of ...'What is the use?'......I would not have drug a dead cat out of my house.....

    This is not the time to be a super person....you are a grieving Mom.....ask for help.

[Mermaid Tears]

[Kalikama]

5 month "angelversary" for Ethan, today.  Glad it was sunny.  Seems like yesterday and a lifetime  

[Mermaid Tears]

a 5 month angelversary.....a 5 year angelversary.....a 10 year angelversary.....

   if you ask the parents....they will always tell you.....gee....it seems like yesterday....for that is how they carry it....formulate it...into their daily lives....

    not to be a downer....not to be a pessimist....

it is simply how they carry it....

   it does get softer....that is how they describe the evolution of their grief....

 

it gets softer.....

it is as real....it still is an empty space...it is just as hard to believe...and digest....

 

it is simply....softer.....

 

I am not in that soft place...yet.....

[daveydow1]

Becky----Beautiful tribute to your dear son, JD.

 

Kati----I'm so sorry that you're having such a terrible time. It is so

very early for you on this rough & bumpy road of grief.  Sending thoughts & prayers.

 

 

Susan-----

thanks for posting the beautiful & inspiring writings.

 

 

Kalik------

I agree that the grief makes us feel like our loss was only yesterday & a lifetime.

As far as the pain, sorrow, regret, and longing goes....it seems like yesterday....while the

time that has gone by since you had your sweet little Cora in your arms,...it feels like a lifetime ago.  I'm sorry.

 

Dee-----Oh,...I do understand about your administrator, and how he must be just so

insensitive to the conditions that the teachers & students must endure.  He needs

a good swift kick in the pants.     Glad that you are getting some cooler temps to relieve

the hot classrooms.

 

 

Kate----

Sorry to hear of the death of your friend's MIL, and your friend's passing away. May

they rest in peace.

I agree....life is so fragile, and we must try to enjoy each day.....even when it seems to be a

difficult task. Each day that goes by....we are that much closer to seeing our beloved children.

Peace & prayers for all.

 

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry

[daveydow1]

Sunflower in our garden.

[Mermaid Tears]

I don't know what kind of soil you and Shannon have Sherry.....amazing sunflowers....I will try to grow some next Spring...don't know if they will grow that tall....

   my back yard is 'ok'....I wish I had asked my Grama's more about gardening...my Mom's idea of gardening was to snip the flowers and put them in a vase....she never...ever worked in the yard.....and I am good....but not a passionate gardener...I have planted Essie's favorite rose...Mrs. B.R. Cant......I have some pretty flowers....not a variety....recently....Jesse brought me a Night Blooming Jasmine....it is now huge and getting ready to bloom....you can smell it all over the yard when it blooms...they open at night....it grows wild in La......I think if I had more time I would create a plan and then work toward having a really pretty yard.....I do want to plant more vegetables...always something to learn....

[Kalikama]

Mermaid Tears--I think softer is a good way of explaining it.  I look back to the day I received the call and the month after that.  I just wanted to die, plain and simple , to be with him.  I was drinking more than I've ever drank in my life--daily and up to 7 beers a day, while on Xanax.  I did not do this with Bobby.  I am still in my "shock suit" and feel without it and the medication, I would already have already joined him.  Still can't say, for sure, that I might never make that decision.  I know, though, that I have to stay alive to see the man responsible go to jail.  Then my life will be complete.

[Mermaid Tears]

Kalik.....you have lost two sons.....I cannot even wrap my thoughts around that....losing one has been the hardest journey I have ever been on in this earth home...and we can't get off the path....we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other...

   the 'shock suit' is what we wear for survival....it is the way....we 'don't bleed' our sadness into our selves all at once...we would drown in our mourning...

   you are also dealing with the homicide issues....which is very devastating...

but I am so glad that the medium came through with facts and a message for you....I think the private session shall be very healing for you....

 

I can only hope when I go to a medium...I shall have a break through and a connection to my John David....I pray.

[Sailormom]

5 month "angelversary" for Ethan, today.  Glad it was sunny.  Seems like yesterday and a lifetime  

oh these anniversaries are hard but we will get through one step and day at a time

[Kalikama]

Mermaid Tears--I agree these anniversaries suck.  I know if it had been a rainy day, I would've just thrown myself a pity party.  I'm pretty sure we are going to have to retire to someplace with more sun than Michigan if I am to survive.  

 

I pray that you find a medium who will help you connect to John David.  I'm not so much a skeptic, but KNOW there are scammers out there.  Find one that does NOT ask your last name or for a credit card.  Check out the "ratings" from people.  Find one that will not do a reading a month or ask for money for anything else. Find one that takes cash and not a check because your full name is on the check.  If possible, use a friend's cell phone to make the call so they can't try to check up on that.  It is okay to ask questions--they don't read YOUR mind, they are reading the person on the other side.  The only thing I don't like about mine is that she doesn't allow recordings because she had issues with it before.  I have a SWAT team member down the street that I might see if he can wire me up.  LOL!  She DOES allow notes, but sometimes things come so fast that it is hard to write it all down.  When they know the things that they couldn't know by going online, then you know.  That is why I went to a public session first because it is cheaper and I could write it off as a night of entertainment if nothing happened.  I have scheduled a private session for later this month.  I could ask her if she knows anyone reputable around where you live.  Let me know if you want a name.

[Mermaid Tears]

Kalik....I found it very interesting that she did not allow checks or credit cards...only cash....she did not want to know 'names' at all....in fact I never thought of that....but then again....I am still about 2 inches off the ground...my feet are not planted...I am better than I was....but I am not the deep 'planning and thinking' person I was....I am improving. I live in Brenham, Texas...exactly half way between Austin and Houston.....if she has anyone she can refer....I would appreciate it.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Haven't been on much my internet is down at my house...have to go out to get on the internet....been reading along...

 

Wishing all a peaceful day...

[wgreenlee]

Well, I tried to take a break from death but only took a break from life.  I've missed you all.  I guess I'm just still all messed up.  Thought I had it figured out for a while, but those curve balls just keep coming.  Can't hit them like Brooks always did.  I am so sorry I missed so many important dates and wasn't here to comfort.  I am also so sorry I wasn't here to meet those of you new on this journey.  It's just such a hard and long journey, but I have found hope lately by being back at school, and the comfort of Brooks' friends.  Renea also got a job as a corrections officer so she's in a better place right now.  I also decided to immerse myself in exercise...two to three hours a day...healthy, but maybe not so healthy...but it's keeping me sane.  Thank you for still thinking of me.

 

Much love to my Indigo friends.

 

Happy Angelversary, Brooks

 

The way I miss you is different now

I don't think about forever

I just don't know how

I miss your face, your laugh and your smile

It seems like a lifetime

Though it’s just been a while

 

It’s been a year since I heard the news

That Oh so terrible day

I never thought I’d lose you

Now just in my dreams I still hear you say

I love you, Dad, and I would say…you too

 

I miss you so much

There's a hole in my heart

I just wish we could have lived our lives

Not ever having to be apart

I've given up wishing you'd come back to fill that hole

But I gratefully know God has taken your soul

 

I know you’re gone

I just wish I'd known

So that the last time I spoke with you

I could have kept you on the phone

I'd have told you even more how much I loved you

And how forever I'd know your smile

And how I didn't think I could live without you…not even for a while

 

Although you’re gone and out of sight

You’re definitely not out of mind

You've flown away and not through choice

You left us all behind

 

I hope you can see me

Always sitting at your grave

Knowing you are now free

For God’s love he did you save

 

But like I said it's been a year

And it’s ever safe to say

A year of heartache…many a tear

But now my death I do not fear

For you will be waiting

With arms open wide

And our lives will begin anew

 

[ericasmom]

BROOKS-

May your heart be at ease and your spirit full as you glide through the heavens on a song and a rhythm all your own. You are loved by so many so make sure that you let them know that you are near, we know you are near.

 

PEACE one day Wade, can't tell you how glad I was to see you today, to know you are out there finding your way through the thickets.

[Jeff's Mom]

Brooks...surround your Mom and Dad today with your love and support.

 

Wade, we have thought of you often and how you both have been coping. Glad to hear you have that support of friends at school, etc. The exercise program is a really healthy way to burn off stress. Also, so pleased that Renea has found a position. Take care.

[Mermaid Tears]

a 5 month angelversary.....a 5 year angelversary.....a 10 year angelversary.....

   if you ask the parents....they will always tell you.....gee....it seems like yesterday....for that is how they carry it....formulate it...into their daily lives....

    not to be a downer....not to be a pessimist....

it is simply how they carry it....

   it does get softer....that is how they describe the evolution of their grief....

 

it gets softer.....

it is as real....it still is an empty space...it is just as hard to believe...and digest....

 

it is simply....softer.....

 

I am not in that soft place...yet.....

 

 

Wade....I wrote this the other day.....so today...I am re-posting it for you and Renea.....wishing you both a 'Soft Place to Fall'...and this Angelversary....of your beautiful..beloved boy....

    we have missed you on the site....but we know....that we travel forward...we simply have to...or we become so mired down in the sorrow place....we will never get our heads up.....love those photos....the love comes through the screen....

[johngeoffdoug]

Mermaid Tears ...

that was beautiful, and hits the nail on the head. It has been so long since I've been back to this sight, but today I am feeling the need. The 9th of August was our Angelversary. It was a day that I didn't know if I could make it through. I decided that we needed to celebrate his life, and not let his memory fade. I ordered butterflies and we released 2 dozen of them at Geoffrey's graveside. It was truly a spectacular sight. The people closest to Geoffrey were invited to join us. What was truly amazing is that the very last butterfly to be released flew right to my right shoulder, and landed on the tattoo I have there .. which just happens to be a mother/child tattoo. It was so surreal ... like Geoff was right there with us. Every day is still a struggle .. there have been some "better" days, but there isn't a day that I don't have a moment of such pain and loss, like I am going to drown in it. I have read so many books on death and near death experiences, and feel better for a while, because I know how happy he is in Heaven. I used to be afraid of death, but no longer. I am not wishing my life away as we have two other sons and a wonderful grandson .. but I am not longer afraid. Our son was deployed on Aug 30th to Afghanistan, and I ask Geoff every day to watch over his brother, to bring him home safely to us. I know that my prayer will not go unanswered, Geoff won't let that happen, he knows how much we need to have him return home to us. So, as we go on every day, I am so thankful and grateful for the short 22 1/2 years we had with Geoff. I wish I could turn back the clock and change the outcome of that day, but I know that isn't possible... so I try to hang on to the memory of his genuine smile and love that filled his heart. There are still days that I have so much anger, but I know he doesn't want me to let that drag me down. He is looking down on me and saying, "really Karen" .. because he would sometimes call me by my first name to get me going .... boy, I sure do miss that. Miss everything, miss him....

[johngeoffdoug]

Wade,

I know how difficult today is for you .. as it is that first anniversary. We just had ours a month ago. I have to say, we made it through it .. not sure, but somehow we all do. Please know that my heart is aching for you today especially.

[Mermaid Tears]

Karen.....we don't 'know' each other....but there is a special bond with parents who have lost a child....because we hold hands on this journey of grief....and we don't have to explain ourselves away with descriptive words....we know how hard this journey is....

  I, like you, will have that moment in the day....where the 'loss' will knock the wind out of me.....there will be that moment I 'just want him back'.....there is the clarity that.....he isn't coming back....and we know we have 'no choice' but to keep going...for we do have family...children...GRANDchildren....that need us...and look to us....to lead the way....I have found myself in the last month looking for the way that God/Mother/Father of the Universe is touching me....with gifts of Grace and Mercy....

they will be small....small touchings or messages....

 

I simply love your butterfly story......and with all I have read on this site....it seems as if Mother Nature will be the messenger..

God/Mother/Father of the Universe can and will use Mother Nature to give us that sign....the wind hugging us....the spray from the ocean....or rain....to kiss our cheek....a butterfly to visit us when we are so empty....

 

I ,too, have asked John David to watch out for his siblings...nieces and nephews.....while we are in this earth home....I do believe he is......love doesn't ever end....

[Guest]

Wade, I don't come here much but remembered today was Brooks Angelversary.  A hard day, thinking of you and your family.

 

Always thinking of you all and your beautiful children, you are so much a part of my everyday life.

 

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....that is an amazing tribute to Brooks and his parents....for all of us know that place they are at on this day....

   the 'day' that began the grief journey...

that 'day' that began the 'that was then....this is now'....

   when we began keeping 'time' in a different way....

'when' they were here....'when' they were not here

we can hear a song and think....they were alive when that song came out...

we go to an event....that they will not experience...

 

but it brings us along...and when we have hit the wall for the trillionth time...it starts to dawn on us...the essence of our child..and how to honor our child....how to bring them along with us...as Dee says....we learn to stand in their light...it is a new kind of school and lesson....a hard lesson for sure....

[daveydow1]

BROOKS.......BROOKS....BROOKS.......SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOU, ....ANGEL IN HEAVEN.

 

Wade----Thinking of you today, and knowing  the  heartache that goes along with it. May

your wonderful memories of your dear son help mend your broken hearts. Thanks for pics.

 

Karen----Good to see your post.  Your memorial for your son, Geoffrey, was a beautiful tribute.

The butterfly release was lovely, and so touching that the butterfly lit on your shoulder and

chose the one with the mother & child tattoo.  Geoffrey surely smiled down with love.

 

 

Laurie----

Hope that you get your internet back soon......computer problems are so baffling

and aggravating to deal with  , I know.

 

Susan-----Our soil here is so very fertile......everything grows like crazy.  It is not at all like the

soil at the house we used to live at a few years ago.  My husband loves to garden, and it is

his great hobby.  The soil at the other place was mostly clay soil, and required so much

work to add something to aerate it, or the clay would just choke the roots until they died.

We had a lot of disappointments with plants there.  So, our soil here is a blessing......anything that is

planted usually grows very well.  Your night-blooming jasmine must be just heavenly with

all that lovely fragrance wafting across the yard.  We had a jasmine in a pot that did ok for

a few years, but last winter's severe low temps killed it. (we kept it in the garage each winter,

and it survived well, .....but not this last winter  ).   I agree.....this rough and harrowing

journey does become 'softer'.....maybe just a wee bit easier to navigate as time goes by.

Of course, no one will ever expect the hurt & sorrow to go away completely.....that's for sure.

But,  I'm grateful that it does get somewhat  'softer'.  Thanks for your post.....so well said.

 

 

WISHING    PEACE    AND    COMFORT    TO   ALL    INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry 

 

 

[shorty16]

Brooks, Brooks, Brooks,

Saying your name loud and clear.

Wade,

I think you may still be expecting too much from yourself at the 1 year mark. This grief journey is very, very slow. Painfully slow. Rushing the process only prolongs the pain.

It is ok to have triggers everywhere you look. You have come a long way in 1 year. You reached out to the parents of the boy that killed your son. That is incredible.

We are here for you. We all come here on different roads, but find ourselves in the same place.

Love to you

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade....I ditto all that Colleen says about how hard this grief journey is....and also....not to expect too much of yourself...

 

Thanks to all the 'spirit guides' on this site.....the ones that have been on the journey for years...the ones that threw out the life raft to me when my human boat was going down...down...down.....and told me over and over....it's ok not to move forward...sometimes we just have to 'stop and stay' where we are for awhile....this is not a race....nor are there any prizes for grieving 'well'......it is pretty messy at times.....and that is normal.....and there is no finishing line....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wade, sending prayers of comfort for you and Renea on this difficult day...

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....that is amazing...

but then again....coming from you....we are not amazed....

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Wade,

I was so glad to see your post today and I know others were as well. I have wanted to log on all day and let you know I'm thinking of you and of Brooks. It's just been one of those days for me and I couldn't get time to do it. I just want you to know that you and Renea and Brooks were in my thoughts all day.

Brooks... I said your name out loud today to honor you. You touched so many in your life. We get to hear those stories through your Dad and so you continue to touch lives now. Keep shining your light and wrapping your family and friends in your love.

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon.....how are things going in your part of the world? Zak like his schedule ? The twins...Hunter Bear and Taylor are Juniors this year....but.....Tay is going to graduate THIS year....(she has one of those amazing minds that can do that out of the stratosphere kind of math...)....she has also been taking college courses....the counselor asked if she didn't want to graduate with her class....??....she said 'no'.....she came for a 5 hour visit on Saturday and we had a long talk about it all...and I have all the confidence in her that she is making a wise decision. Of course....we wish the twins would graduate together.....

[Mermaid Tears]

“My son died by suicide on March 31st of this year. I have been told by other grieving parents that you will lose friends after your child dies as they won't stick around. I didn't believe this until I lost my best friend recently. She flat out told me never to contact her again. Has this happened to other parents and how do they deal with losing friendships too?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

This question was posted on the CF FB page.....so many on this site has had to suffer not only the grief...but betrayal..

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kate, today it only reached 50 degrees where we are, I was wondering if your temperatures are starting to drop....it was very cold for a day in Sept here...

 

Shannon, continuing to send prayers for strength your way...

 

Lora, that was a very touching poem you found for Wade...

 

Geoff's mom, totally understand what you wrote in the post...today was one of my harder days...I too read a lot of near death stories, mostly from nderf.org...it doesn't make up for all of the missing but does take a bit of the edge off....

 

Colleen, "We all come here on different roads, but find ourselves in the same place.", very well said...

 

Becky, thinking of you tonight...

 

Dee, hope your administrator will keep the building warm this winter and not go from roasting kids and teachers in the beginning of the year to freezing them in the middle of it...with administration, it always amazes me who rises to the top...

 

Wishing everyone a good night....

 

[ericasmom]

Hi Gang,

so busy with school and Grandies that I am not here that much but know that I say your names alongside your Child's names in my prayers and in my hopes. I am thinking of you all as you come up on dates that bring you to your knees, or as you struggle with situations borne out of your loss...and I stand by to tell you that you are not weak, remember that...anyone living one day beyond their Child cannot be weak. We are the strength of two souls, ours and theirs.

 

I am excited for the weather change, it was so hot and muggy in our classrooms today, but the cool winds are blowing and the high tomorrow is 63. So I am doing the dance of Autumnal delight.

[Jeff's Mom]

I too have been reading, but not posting. Life is busy and it is amazing how quickly the days fly by. We are now in full fall mode. The weather took a true downward spiral this past week and we are experiencing real cool temps. Last night they called for a touch of frost. I covered my flowers as best as possible, but it appears that it did not actually happen. I spoke to my son the past two days and they had a winter storm in Calgary that was unusual even for them. Far too early...but who knows these days the way things are going. They had a full foot and a half of snow. On the weekend it was 28C and then dropped to -1 the following day. Just amazing even for them. The geese are flocking and trees turning lovely shades of orange and yellow. Still can't quite get my head wrapped around the concept of another winter fast approaching. I love the change of seasons but not the extremes we have been experiencing of late.

 

I think of everyone and hope that your days are as good as possible under the circumstances. Sending love to all. Kate

[katibug98]

“My son died by suicide on March 31st of this year. I have been told by other grieving parents that you will lose friends after your child dies as they won't stick around. I didn't believe this until I lost my best friend recently. She flat out told me never to contact her again. Has this happened to other parents and how do they deal with losing friendships too?”

 

I haven't lost any friends.  If anything...they have rallied around me.  I know at times, they don't know what to say or how to comfort me, but I know that they are there for me.  My two closest friends here are both moving though.  One is just moving an hour or so away.  The other?  Still up in the air.  Her husband's distribution center is being closed, thus he's in need of a new job.  They are hoping to move out of state.  So yeah, not having them 'down the street' will be tough.  The one that's moving an hour away is moving the weekend of my birthday. 

[katibug98]

This week has been chaotic and hard.  Court went well.  I mean, it was a whole 15 minutes in and out.  I'm hoping to see a consent decree from his lawyer and be done.  On the same day as court, I had stopped at Cora's site, and the things I had placed there...were either missing or moved.  All that was left out of the 3 things that I had there, was the one solar butterfly light.  I talked to the cemetery superintendent and he wasn't sure why stuff was missing/broken.  I know the light couldn't have been broken because I have the same ones at the house and they've held up to heavy hail here.  I also told him that I was waiting on the headstone and that I wanted to be there when they placed it.  I didn't expect her stone until next week, but got a call from the mortuary Monday afternoon *court day*. 

 

My class is challenging to say the least.  I'm so thankful that it's Thursday and that it's my last day with the kids.  And to top things off, my younger daughter's teacher hasn't returned a note or a phone call in regards to the note that I sent in on Monday.  Since she has a doctor's appointment for a med check this coming Monday, I'd like to get things sorted out with the teacher.  These 6-8 page packets that are coming home for her to work on are ridiculous and could easily take HOURS to complete with my child.  With that said, I'm taking her to school today and I'm going to have a chat with her teacher.

 

Drive by posting.  I'll try and come back later today.

 

Hugs and love!

[Angel Boy of Mine]

3 days after the terrorist's attack on the World Trade Centers in NYC, and the Pentagon, and in a field in Pennsylvania; my husband, Jerry, was deployed as a result. I remember taking this photo of him saying goodbye to our children, headed for a 14 month deployment. Our son, Jared, was only 5 years old at the time, and I remember so clearly his question to me, "will Daddy be home before time for me to get my driver's license"? I laughed and said "he sure will", not knowing that 10 years and 22 days after this attack, we would lose Jared, our youngest child, 5 months before he would have been old enough for his driver's license. My heart goes out to all the families affected by this terrible event, as I know your pain, the senseless death of a loved one is something you never 'get over', but continue to remember, and pray to God for comfort and learn to trust in Him.

Let nothing destroy your faith in God, protect that relationship, which is all that separates us from the heartless enemy of our country, and the enemy of our souls.

 

 

 

[Kalikama]

“My son died by suicide on March 31st of this year. I have been told by other grieving parents that you will lose friends after your child dies as they won't stick around. I didn't believe this until I lost my best friend recently. She flat out told me never to contact her again. Has this happened to other parents and how do they deal with losing friendships too?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It happens, but not right away.  It takes at least 6 months, to see the "fallout".  When Bobby died, 15 years ago, we belonged to a very supportive church.  But after awhile--maybe because our view of the world gets a little more bitter--we felt uncomfortable there.   Our good friends always stayed around.  They "got" it as they were all there when he was in hospice, etc. and our faith was stronger.  We knew that God had choreographed the previous year's dance just for us.  We felt blessed to have had him 14 years longer than predicted.  But when you go through this kind of pain, it changes you.  How can it not?  You become a different person than before.  Your eyes don't light up as much, your laugh isn't as hearty, most of life feels like "going through the motions".  People resent that you are different.  You have grown and they have not.  Just know that they were put in your life at the time you needed them and when God takes them out, don't go chasing after them.  

 

When my father died 3 1/2 years ago, I "lost" my sisters.  The grief from their betrayal and behavior was far greater than the grief of losing my dad. So, I started "building a new family"--nourishing the relationships I had and renewing some old ones.   And then in April of this year, Ethan died.  I STILL don't know if I will survive it.  But I have survived, so far.  My work on all my other relationships paid off in spades!!  I had friends flying in from all over the country between April and August.  I had people there almost immediately when we found out.  My husbands nieces and nephews (well, mine too, but my bio nieces and nephews don't communicate) came over while we were in Louisville to get Ethan and cleaned the house.  We were "love bombed" in the truest sense of the word.

 

Now it is 5 months later.  My besties have hung in there.  We are all going through similar issues with our surviving mothers and me with my bro with Alzeihmers.  One thing I hate is when people say, "Call me and we can go out to lunch".  Well, hell, I'm not going to call anyone.  I'm still medicated and still find it difficult to get out of my jammies.  I still sleep 10-12 hours a night, but no naps anymore!  If people call me, it gives me something to look forward to, so I CAN get out of my jammies, do my hair, put on makeup and go out.  This is the part of grief most people don't "get".  WE ARE HEALING.  Treat us like we had a traumatic brain injury that IS curable, but will take a VERY long time to heal and we will NOT be the same person on the other side of healing.  EVER.  Sometimes, I know I can be a bit negative towards the world and after awhile people, I'm sure, get sick of that.  I tend to take that out on Facebook, when people post platitudes about death and grief.  My favorite one was "You can say God needed another angel in heaven because it wasn't YOUR angel he chose to take".  

 

It is best to be very choosy in whom you decide to hang out with, especially after the first few months.  You need people who are positive, who understand any morbid humor you might have about your child, who can banter it back with you and make you laugh and who won't get irritated by the sobbing you will have.  Having many different people that are like that are most important.  Don't just put all your grief on one friend.  If you don't have many people join a grief group or a counselor.    It is stressful as a friend to always hear the negative.  If you are a friend of someone who has lost someone, make sure YOU make dates with them for lunch, shopping, movies, ANYTHING . Especially if they are at home all day.  Even more so if they are home alone.  

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....please tell your husband how much we appreciate and honor his service....and as we all know...'one' may be deployed....but really....the whole family is in that deployment....and I hope this bitter-sweet memory of your J.D. will allow you to hold it close to your heart...and at the same time....enjoy it....I think it is so 'like a little boy' to want to know if his Dad will be there to teach him to drive and get his license...what a smart forward thinking boy....what a memory maker...

 

Dee...was thinking of you....here in Texas...I am still swimming at night...it is hot..hot...hot....no one here will be doing a 'Fall dance'...but am so glad you are.....and that your classroom can cool off....and that will allow the teaching/learning go better...and yes....it is amazing how 'one tiny' baby can ratchet up 'to do list' and the 'get it done' during the day...and then one also has the 'night duty' to attend to.....am so glad you are so close....so those small moments are yours.

 

Kate....I am so on the same page as you.....gee....it seems as if it was just a couple of weeks ago I was reading about all the snow piled up in your yard.....

   am wondering....is there a perfect 'in between' spot....between you and me.....we have 1,000's of Snowbirds to come to south Texas in the winter....it really helps the economy in many of our favorite tourist places on the coast...