Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Thanks again to all that have mentioned our Grandboy. He is a pretty babyman. I had fun as usual with Erica today, hubby adn I took her to the park so I can relate Laurie, she has always had a high energy as well, being outdoors is the best thing for our little Pumpkin. We played and then went home where we play some more, her routines here are dear. She goes into my office, and we open the closet for her to gather the things she likes to play with, her old baby seat, an old doll from Big Erica's young days, blankets to wrap in, and various stuffed animals to pile into small spaces. So funny. Yesterday we went to a different park where she played good and hard for a long while before dinner. So we are lucky to have this time with our Girl as Mom gets some needed rest when Baby boy is sleeping.

Thanks for your good thoughts.

 

Laurie, I hope that the webinar is fulfilling and that she takes your question. Let us know. How are your parents doing and how is your Sister?

 

Shannon, how are you these days?

 

Lora, have your parents had any nibbles on the sale of their home? I am so glad for Jared as he works for the people who need him most.

 

Colleen, what a fun weekend for you.

 

Sandy, how are you today? I am praying that you get some good visiting time with the girls.

 

Kate, what you said in your last post is absolutely right. We hope that in our lives we matter and we are able to leave our mark.

 

Has anyone heard from Debbie?

[shorty16]

Kate,

I agree with you. Most people are scared and uneasy about death.

For us, death has stared us right in the face.

For me, I have a completely different view on death. The death of an 80 year old should be a celebration of life. Losing a son at 16 is a cosmic mistake!

Poor example, but Brian's dog is 13. He is a Golden. A tumor is consuming him. He can barely move.

My daughter is having a very difficult time. She feels Copper is our last link to Brian. I told her Brian is all around us and Copper has a very good life. This is a tough situation.

I am rambling. Too early in the morning

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[Jeff's Mom]

Colleen, losing our special friend two months ago was so very hard. Yet we knew she was now with her pal. She too was a huge link to Jeff for us. It is hard to have to let go. I do have faith that we will all be reunited again in time. I just have to have patience. You do become so attached to them.

 

I woke up this morning and started to count the number of people that I personally have watched die. It was a long and hard process. Very few die quickly. I feel that a young person has been robbed of the opportunity to live a full life. That is what makes it so very difficult to handle. I also feel that no matter the age of a person....when they are loved by us and have impacted our lives in a good and loving way that regardless if they are eighty or whatever...it is so hard to let them go. We are pleased to see that they are relieved of their bodily suffering...but their absence in our lives is felt with deep impact and they are missed tremendously.  

 

I remembered the name of the seafood restaurant in Madison. The Blue Marlin, I believe.

 

I had a message from my friend this morning and they are keeping her MIL comfortable as possible and on morphine. I am just about to head into the city to see her. Her husband is not back from the States until tomorrow night. Which may be too late.

 

Have a decent day everyone. Kate

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo’s

 

My daughter Sarah is in town this weekend for a bridal shower. Her friend, Sara, ( yes. The year for the Sarah's/Sara's) is tying the knot in a couple of months. Sarah is hosting the shower and after texting the other night I told her to relax and enjoy. I will attend the wedding but refrain from other activities. I remember the day that Rich came home and asked me if I knew a Sara D. I told him that we certainly did. Come to find out that Rich was in the same graduating class as Dan, Sara D's brother. They were never close friends but Rich thought it was pretty cool that they met through sisters.

 

Carol, as far as visiting cemeteries. It's just what we do. I used to go along with my mother. Most of our family is resting in one location throughout . My Mother knew where our relatives were buried. Great Aunts/Uncles etc...I didn't always pay attention and some sites are forgotten now. The cemetery goes back to the Revolutionary War. I often wonder about the people there as well.

 

Kate, I think of you often. One of my dream vacations is the Rocky Mountaineer Train Journey. I stumbled upon the site years ago. When you describe Jeff's memorial site I see beauty and peace. When I have an extra 10k, I'll go.

After several attempts at controlling my BP, I am finally on the drug that works. After Rich passed my health was in serious decline. Happy to say test results are all good except the BP, until now. My insurance will not cover the drug. They changed their formulary. As discussed with my Dr., a Rx to a Canada pharmacy is probably the way to go at half the price as in the states. MY sil, in Maine, passed along a reputable pharmacy so that looks like my route as of now.

 

Susan, I understand the snapshot dream. I can't say that I have had a real visit. Shorty after Rich died I believe he came to give me an important message. HE was OK. Not long ago I shared a dream with Sarah. I don't do this often. Still very careful with my first born. In this dream I was gazing out a window which had lace curtains fluttering in the breeze.. Much like looking through the lens of a camera. Gazing out onto the landscape when Rich leans over and pops into view on the fringe of the window. seen through the lace, looking at me with a big smile on his face. Sarah laughed at this and thought that yes, this would be something Rich would do.

 

My SIL, Laura. She died in 2012 from Breast cancer. Young 55 YO. She was Patrick’s step-mother. She told me that she received a phone call from Patrick one day. This was after Pat died. She said that he was very far away but let her know he was fine. I believe this.

 

Sherry, my Uncle was a farmer. Not a large farm and it certainly didn't pay the bills. He was an electrician by trade and worked the farm in all waking hours between. When you write of your farm I recall the many hours of hard work it takes to keep things afloat. When my Uncle died his son read a verse at his fathers service. I was never one to recall bible verse, not in a grand way. This; “Well done good and faithful servant! ...stays with me.

 The old barn. The large pole barn is out of view to the left;

 

Laurie, I'll watch for the RED GREEN show. Sounds interesting. And thank you for the links to articles. They are helpful .

 

Someone mentioned a medium in the Philadelphia area? Funny. Before I read your post I was looking up a location on Maps.com or Google and listed right alongside the markers of national and sate monuments, places of interest, was the name of a medium. I imagine many people are looking for that address.

 

The last couple of weeks of August I had planned on a trip to the shore and other places. Right before my planned vaca time I lifted an object that in my mind should have weighed 20 pounds. It weighed a lot more and lifting with my left hand/arm, my weaker side, I pulled and hurt myself. It took a couple of days for the pain to really set in. I don't cry easily in pain but that morning I woke and just sat and cried. I couldn’t figure out why I was in such a state until the conscious mind said, “ uh Betsy. You're hurt” So off to the doctor I went and have sprained Trapezius. Neck, shoulder,back. No road trips just nursing myself back to health.

 

Becky, Dee, Lora, katibug98, Colleen, Stevesmom, I read and try to reach out. Mostly I am on the dreaded mobile device and can't always answer. And Pic's? Fuhgeddabouit . I pull out the glasses and in my mind acknowledge. Know that you all are.

 

2011. A day to remember Rich. I guess at the time the bench said it all. We do evolve

[mysonrich]

Dee, what a cutie. Lots of hair .

[ericasmom]

Yes Betsy, Michael has a head of hair that is silky and dark. I love it, his big sis on the other-hand is sparse of hair though it is slowly coming in and has a little curl to it in the back. I am heading over there soon to assist.

I am sorry to hear of your injury, OW! That will take some healing time for sure and having had chronic back stuff, boy I do know of the pain. How nice that you get to hang with Sarah as she readies for the wedding of Sara. Yes, there were many girls named Sarah/Sara in the generation of our kids. Classic names never wear out.

[Sholl1955]

Hello all

I just wrote a long message and it disappeared into cyberspace!   Will try again a bit later.   Wishing a peaceful Labor Day weekend to everyone.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Sandy, I know it takes so much energy from you when a post disappears. If you are able, let us know how you are doing.

[karenthiemermann]

Hello all. It's been awhile since I've been here and somehow I regret that. I've been reading through posts and must say that I miss being here and need to come more often.

 

Dee: congrats on your new grandbaby! What a delight to hold that new life in your arms!

 

All week I've been distracting myself with all these new creative ideas that seem to be flooding my mind; yet somehow, I just haven't felt "quite right". This morning, I opened FB and saw a post Chuck wrote to Michelle on her page and I was overcome with sadness and despair. Here is what he wrote:

 

 

 

 

Chuck Balmos‎Michelle Lynn Balmos Reser

6 hrs · 

Been nearly 2 months, and I was struck with remembrance. How you talked me into a joyride in Aunt Pattie's car...smoking Mom's cigarettes...introducing me to your friends...the time you broke your arm.

Little blinks thru the eyes of life. I've missed you for a long time...now, more so than ever. You were quirky, and fun. You also had no trouble in asserting yourself you didnt want to be trifled with. You were courageous n bold. And above all, we shared a love unlike other siblings, never giving in to society's standard of having to differentiate we were "half" brother n sister. Although I will never be whole again with you gone, my love will never falter. To quote one of your favorite songs, "wish you were here..."

 

Unlike

 

How in the world does a mother go on? While I'm missing my girl so much, I read this from her brother and realize how much he is grieving and it just breaks my heart! All I can think is how much I want her back! I never got the chance to teach her how to bake bread; she asked me a few years ago to send her all my recipes and I never did.

 

Now, there are so many new things I've learned that I want to teach her and share with her and I can't. I feel deprived. And yes, how selfish of me--right? I just can't help it, though.

 

I had a nice meal planned for today for Achim and myself: BBQ chicken, Greek pasta salad, Italian bread and strawberry ice cream pie; trying to bring back some type of tradition as it is Labor Day. But I feel sick again; grief has re-visited and dumped it's proverbial truckload of bricks and I feel so helpless. Sitting here crying all alone this morning, I can barely look at her picture and I'm at a loss for what to do.

 

I "should" get dressed and exercise and start my bread; take care of my plants; console my son. I can't find the strength to do anything right now.

 

Her birthday is next Sunday. Michael is coming up for dinner and cake and some sort of celebration. I didn't want it to be sad; I wanted to celebrate her life, but I don't know how I can get in that frame of mind.

 

How does a mother go on without her child? I know you all are doing it and I draw some strength from knowing that, but the harder I try to "be strong", the weaker I feel. A week goes by and by the weekend, I feel torn down again.

 

My sister wrote yesterday and said we have to trust that God will re-unite us all one day. I've been trying to do just that, but I struggle. I pray for comfort, yet I don't feel comforted.

 

Thank you all for taking the time to read this; I know you are suffering, too. But I come here to ask you to hold my hand. I don't think there's anything I can say here that would "surprise" any of you and that in itself is comforting. I'm not sure I would get that anywhere else.

 

I hope all of you have a blessed day. We are about to welcome in a new season and I hope it will be a "gift" of sorts. New seasons mean change and change is good.

 

Peace and Love to you all!!

 

Karen 

[Sholl1955]

Hello All,

I am going to try this again and hope it doesn't disappear.  I am sure it is the operator making it happen :-)   My hubby is doing so much better pain wise.  The physical therapy is really helping him and the constant severe pain is gone.  He still has pain but it is managed with over the counter meds.   He is still very unsteady on his feet and probably always will be  due to the permanent damage left from waiting too long for the surgery,  but uses a cane.  He has a home health aide while I am at work.  I am so very thankful that the severe constant pain is gone.  Even though he is unsteady on his feet he is more mobile and since his thinking is not up to par (dementia)  he keeps me on my toes.   Just Saturday I was ready to clobber him!  (Yes, caregivers do feel like doing that sometimes:-)   But would rather have him ornery than in pain.   Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers for him.

 

Karen, you are so new to this journey and the feelings of loss, hopelessness and pain are so hard.  I remember in those early months wondering if I would survive.  As hard as it is to believe right now, it will get softer.   We will never get over it, and will travel a roller coaster full of hills and valleys until we are with them again, but it will get easier to look at her pictures and take joy in the memories but not for quite awhile.  I am just beginning to be able to do that.

 

Yesterday I was able for the first time to go to Sarah's FB page and read it clear back to when she joined in 2008.   There was so much that I had forgotten, some good and some very bad.  But, I was able to remember those times and the good ones were very good.  I even was able to view a video and heard her voice and her beautiful laugh,  It was almost like I had a visit with her.   As I read it was so obvious what a wonderful wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend she was.  It confirms that it is time to celebrate her Birthday/Life.  I am working on the plans.  My Rachel has told me she will not be coming.  She thinks it will feel more like a funeral than a party.   I have told her that it is going to be a happy occasion, but since she has not dealt with her grief she can't imagine that.   She has moved to a new state, had another baby and is involved in a lot of things and will not even talk about her pain.    She will have to deal with it in her own time, and I will be here for her, but I still feel it is time to celebrate Sarah.   I don't know if my son in law will bring the girls or not.  I hope so.  They crave hearing stories and seeing pictures of their mama and last year they were with us on her birthday and Maddie wanted to have a party for her so we went and bought a cake, flowers and decorations and hubby, I and the 2 girls had a party..  So I know the party would be good for them.   I talked with my son in law.   I don't know if it was helpful.   I learned as we talked that he grills those little girls when they go home about what is said and done when they are here.   There is not nor ever has been any issues when we have them, we lived with them for 2 years.  But I believe that due to the disrespect for woman that he has been taught from his father, that he has taken his grief and anger and directed them towards me.    He did let us see the girls this week after nearly 3 weeks of not seeing them.  They were both subdued and careful at what they said.    I need to keep things as light and carefree for them as I can. 

 

Dee, your grandson is so beautiful.   You will have fun days ahead with both of your sweet babies.

Well, this has gotten really long so I had better go before it disappears.   Thinking of everyone.  Have a good day.

Sandy

[Mermaid Tears]

Sandy....am glad to hear some positive news about your husband's pain issues....I know it means a lighter load for you...and am always glad to hear of a parent that can 'read' about their child...some new news...or some new fact....can be a blessing...I think when we get to that part in the grief journey when we reach a path where we want and can celebrate our child is a milestone....

   I have said many times....this heavy grief I have is hard to carry....but I will carry it for the gift of having John David...

 

What a tight rope your son-in-law makes you walk....just because you love your daughter's girls...your GRANDdaughters...

yes...keep it light and happy.....the girls know what their Dad is like....and in time....they will embrace your love and example...and they will gain courage from watching you handle adversity...

   they have one that teaches them 'how not to be'

and they have you teaching them 'love with grace'....

 

Waiting for the Karma to kick in.....

 

 

 

Karen...ditto what Sandy has said.....you have just started this grief journey....and do not be so hard on yourself....

   and as parents ..it is hard to see the siblings grieve....but it is nice to have someone to hold hands with on this uncharted grief journey....

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

 

this is so much how I start my day...

 

when I wake I think...'what will I do without John David ?'

 

 

as the day progresses...I think..'what can I do for John David?"

[shorty16]

Karen,

Please be kind to yourself.

2 months is really not long. We have to learn how to live without our child. Some never do, but most find ways to take their child with them into our future.

This is a very long process. Years..

Consider yourself hugged.

[ericasmom]

Sandy, I agree with everything Susan has posted regarding your husband and his level of pain. I hope that it continues to be a non-issue for a long while. As far as the Son-in-law, I just don't get it. How can he have you guys live there for two years to assist as your Daughter was ill and into the kids lives after losing Sarah, and then just cut so many ties and make the girls have to be cautious? I don't get how love works that way and while I understand bitterness, why is turned on you guys? I wish he could take a breath and realize what it is he is doing and start undoing the damage.

I am very happy that you are going ahead with a celebration of Sarah's life. It sounds to me that you are perfectly ready to create a good day in which to mark her Birthday, and I would guess that your beautiful Daughter is smiling on your efforts and your hopes.

 

Karen, it is very hard to find out what to do with oneself while grieving. Ideas pop into your head like popcorn and just as quickly can fizzle and seem like the last thing you would want to do. We are scrambled when we lose a Child. Scrambled and unable to find a place in which to light. You will. And as Colleen said, you will likely find a way to carry your Michelle into your days as you go along, but it does take time. The first year is a very hard place to live, but live you shall and you will find out who you have become in this new world.

[cburgdoff]

On December 8 2006 was the last time I was able to see my 8 year daughter get ready for school. My friend from work picked Patty up to spend the weekend with her best friend Justin. Before going to their house, they went to get something to eat, as they were pulling out of the parking lot, a SUV speed through the red like and hit the car. My daughter was killed on impact, Justin and his step dad were seriously hurt and my friend was driving and was not hurt.

 

It will be 8 years this December and I am still as emotional as it happened yesterday. How do you find your new normal and control your emotions? My emotions happen over silly things at work, it is like I have loss everything I was before the accident.  

 

Cindi

 

 

[ericasmom]

Cindi, I am sorry that you lost your little Girl in such a harsh and brutal way. Sometimes folks don't move forward in a way that allows them to find joy again and so I would ask; did you go to therapy or join a group earlier on in your grief? Did you and do you have a support system around you in friends and family?

Sometimes, people stay at that early stage of grief because moving forward poses too many issues that lay deep inside. I wonder if you have held yourself responsible for her dying. I hope I am not being too bold or but I would love to see you find ways to get through this time so that you can find days that let you see the sunshine again, and in it, the love that is forever from your Daughter. Coming here is a great step, right there I feel you must be looking to feel differently. I hope that we can help you get to that next step.

[Mermaid Tears]

Cindi....I am at the 2 year mark....and I don't think for any parent there is anything as a marker....

in other words....

we are never held what our grieving mark should be...or ever be....

not when you have lost a child....

it is ok for you to grieve..when...and as you should...

there simply is not a marker...

when...you should be over your grieve...

simply....your grief journey shall be as unique as your child was unique...

it is that simple....

and your child was that unique....

[ericasmom]

Cindi, certainly your facing the 8 year mark of time has to be very emotional since she was 8 years old when she died. Facing the fact that she is gone as long as she lived...well it just bends us in ways that we can't imagine. Prayers and hope to you.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I've been reading and thinking of everyone. It's been really hard for awhile. I've wanted so badly at times to just take my boys and disappear, feeling so weak and incapable of dealing with all this head on. But I have dealt with it head on. My Grams did come to stay a few days and my sis and the kids for a night. My gramma was here for the worst part. I had a panic attack that lasted days. For most if it I suffered in silence trying to talk myself through but finally had to talk about it. It was so bad I was considering going to the ER just to get something to make it stop. It finally did stop. The boys and I are back to our routine and it's just us. We are all doing ok. My anxiety is still high but it will be while I go through all the steps to come. I feel strong on my decision though to separate from my husband's illness as long as he's choosing to stay sick and refusing to take steps to help himself. I feel like I went through a very painful transformation over the past week or so. Like I was pushed to the edge and had to choose weather to fall or fly. Yesterday was 15 months since I lost Trista. Losing her broke me. I was left completely shattered. Over the past 15 months I've tried to start picking up the pieces. My grief work includes examining and reexamining each of those pieces. Deciding what still is part of me and what no longer is. I am changed. Forever. My goals, dreams, priorities, my beliefs and values... Everything has changed. This is part of a process that takes place internally after this devastating loss. It is a process that takes place so deep inside that people on the outside may not even know it's happening but it is. Grief work is soul work and it is intense. Then there is the time needed to just focus on Trista, on her life, my loss, the missing, the wondering, the gut wrenching pain and the time needed just to allow the tears to flow. In the past 15 months I've had so little time to do any of that. Every time I try to pick up some of the pieces, to take time to just miss and honor my Girl, I've been knocked back down to my knees. I've been put in a place over and over of having to pick up someone else's pieces, clean up their mess. I've allowed that too long and I guess in some ways it took me being in a place where I just cannot do it any more to be a catalyst for change. It took me knowing that to do what I've always done will destroy me and cause more pain for my boys. I do feel my Girl beside me as I make the choices necessary to provide a life for my Boys and Myself.

Dee, congratulations on that new precious little one. Your heart must be so full.

Cindi, I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. I am just in year two after the loss of my 17 year old daughter, Trista. There are others here farther along. What you said is so true. We will never be what we were before.

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....I...and I am sure many....have been thinking of you...and praying for you....

    I spent a lot of time in thought 'over your life...and all that has happened' since you lost your Trista girl...and then...this latest episode...(I do not mean to make light of it by calling it an episode)....

 

I spent a lot of time wondering what I would do if I 'were in your shoes'....for we all know how splattered and shattered we are when we lost our child...

  and you have had some very hard situations coming at you from different people...and directions...that would stagger a person that was not dealing with the deep grief....

    You say you have had your Grama and Sister there....that is good....and you have your therapist...and I believe you said you had a good relationship with your step Father in law.....for he knows what is going on with your husband....don't know if his Mom will be in your corner....(when I filed for divorce from my husband...his Mom turned on me...I was more hurt by losing her than him...I truly loved and respected and needed her...and she knew what he had done...so that may not be a surprise)...

   you have certainly tried to dot all the 'i's' and cross all the 't's'....and you have also been doing the work/job of and for others...

   and all the while...trying to do the hardest work...the mourning and grieving ....and keeping your boy's head above the water....you have done a great job...you have my applause...I just want you to know you have my 100% respect for the way you have conducted this 'chaos'...

   I, too, believe your Trista girl has been beside you...giving your spirit a cushion of confidence to make it through...

[shorty16]

Shannon

Please know I am thinking of you.

Like others have said...I thought about what I would do in your situation.

No comparison to your situation, but I have had to let friends go, because they could not/would not help me to live again. I tried to surround myself with positive people. Others, I had to let go.

I, for one, will support you, help you, and offer anything else I can do to help. Our kids were in the same grade when they died.

Thanks for sharing with us. Hugs to you

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[daveydow1]

Cindi----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear little daughter.  This site is active,

and is a good place to come to.  I've been here, along with Dee, for 11 yrs.,

and it has been a lifeline for me.  Please come back and read/post as you feel

you can.  Peace to you.

 

 

Shannon-----

I'm sorry for the panic attacks you have recently suffered.  Maybe

it is your body's way of letting you know that you were carrying too heavy a

load....trying to help solve other's problems and messes.  I am praying that

you can get some serious rest and relief in your decision to just let others

handle their problems.  As we all know.....grief cannot be pushed down....

it will come back to the surface one way or another. Hoping you can just

spend time with your boys, and your dear memories of sweet Trista. Peace & comfort.

 

Sandy------Glad to hear that your husband is getting relief from his pain.

Sending prayers for Rachel as she continues to deal with her grief of her

dear sister Sarah.

 

Betsy----Thanks for the pics , and for telling about your uncle's farm.  Sorry

about your injury ....yikes.  Take good care of yourself, and get better.  Good

to see Rich's smiling face.

 

Kate----Sorry that your friend is dealing with the dying of her MIL.  I agree...

the fear of death is universal, for the unknown and the unexpected.  I guess

that it effects everyone in life.

 

 

Dee-----

Thanks for  the pics of little grandson, Michael.....he's just a beautiful

baby.  ERi must be looking down & smiling for her little niece & nephew.

 

 

Susan----

thanks for posting the writings.  It's true.....grief definitely changes

a person. Somehow we must go on, and deal with all the sea changes that

take place.

 

 

Colleen-----

So nice that you & your husband are enjoying Madison. Thanks for the pic.

 

 

Karen---

Good to see your post.  Siblings grieve in different ways. Sorry your son

is struggling with his grief.  Sending prayers.

 

 

WISHING  PEACE  AND   COMFORT   TO ALL  INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Here I am....another September....this is the 3rd September....I have to say good by to Summer....and this 3rd September without John David...more later....about all that....the traditions...and memories.....

 

I guess that is why parents that have lost a child could really do just fine with a 2 year stretch.....without a holiday on the calendar....

[Mermaid Tears]

[ericasmom]

Shannon, you are the strength of many winds and the beauty in many rainbows. You will not only survive, you will thrive again under the protection and guidance of YOU. Your instincts to protect the boys is good, and you know in order to do so, you must take care of you. Not any of these upheavels have been easy, but they have been nevertheless and so you move forward as best you can knowing that you cannot, as you have said, clean up the messes that others have.

We are holding your hands and we are cheering you on.

 

Thanks Sherry, he is a sweetieboy indeed.

[Jeff's Mom]

Quickly stopping by to say that I am thinking of everyone and all of the daily issues that you are carrying along with the added loss of your child. Life can be so unfair and difficult.

 

My friends MIL is still holding her own. Poor dear old gal. She is fighting tooth and nail to stay. She has always had a strong disposition. At least her son is now back home and sitting with her.

 

We are now experiencing the first full days of autumn. The signs are all around. The leaves have just a hint of yellow appearing and the green is a slightly lighter shade. NUTS! I hate winter. As much as I love the colours of autumn...I also know fully what is quickly following on its heels. I lay in bed last night listening to the sounds of acorns dropping on the deck. The squirrels are in full mode busily running around storing up for winter. We have a family of chipmunks that are living under my garden shed. I made the huge mistake of putting some peanuts out on a small decorative rock in a garden close by and now we have become friends. I know better than to feed them...but they are so cute.

 

I woke up this weekend listening to the guns going off north of here. Hunting season has begun and it turns even the most sane man into an idiot. Everywhere I go they are talking about their hunting exploits. Fishing season has once again started as it is closed for the summer months. To allow the fish to develop and also the water was too warm.

 

Not much else to say except that we are holding our own. Quietly working in the yard and going for our nature walks. I have started a new yoga class which proves to be challenging. A slightly higher level. I had a good laugh during my first class. This should prove interesting. These old bones do not twist and turn as easily as they once did. Heck, some of the women were a lot older than I am and they were really good at it. Guess practice makes perfect.    Love to all, Kate 

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....is your classroom any cooler ? Knowing how the young ones fidget a lot at the beginning of school...was going to tell you about the twins..Hunter Bear and Taylor when they were born...she had no hair...he had a head of rich chestnut dark brown hair....as they grew....Hunter Bear's hair was thick...wavy...grew fast...and Tay's hair was ...well....the only word to describe it was 'fritzey'.....sparse...blondish...and grew very slow.....am going to try and find a photo in my k-zillion photos to show you....Randa agonized over this.....finally....when she turned 4....it started growing....we were very happy that she would have hair like her twin.....

 

Kate...good luck with the yoga...I wish I could get myself into some kind of routine like I had before I lost John David...I am great with my business.....but cannot find a rhythm for my 'day life'....I am erratic....scattered....I have good intentions...

 

 

I am wondering about Wade....? I know he gave his e-mail out to some....can anyone contact him and find out if he is ok....

as for Debbie....I just hope the abusive people around her did not do something to her....they were both on the first year of their grief journey....and there is nothing normal about that....for sure...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Cindi, I am sorry for the loss of your sweet little girl...I agree with Dee, perhaps with it being 8 years since your girl's passing, it may be more of an emotional trigger...I would recommend Carol Kearns web site to you...she also lost her 8 year girl to a drowning...many years later she wrote a book on her loss and it was still very emotional at the core...Carol is a professional grief counselor who was mentored under Elisabeth Kubler-Ross after she lost her girl Krissie...she also writes for Compassionate Friends...

 

http://www.carolkearns.com/

 

 

Shannon, "Losing her broke me. I was left completely shattered. Over the past 15 months I've tried to start picking up the pieces. My grief work includes examining and reexamining each of those pieces. Deciding what still is part of me and what no longer is. I am changed. Forever. My goals, dreams, priorities, my beliefs and values... Everything has changed. This is part of a process that takes place internally after this devastating loss. It is a process that takes place so deep inside that people on the outside may not even know it's happening but it is. Grief work is soul work and it is intense."

 

This passage from your last post spoke to my heart deeply...I have learned to put on a better face in public...but no one but those who lost their beloved child can really understand...

 

I am sorry to  hear with your husband...sending prayers and strength...

 

Kate, did prayer for your friend's MIL and your involvement, it was so gracious of you to go over and offer support to the family these twilight moments of her life...

 

Karen, the early days are hard, full of unexpected emotions, thoughts and it is just draining...take care...

 

Sherry, enjoy your posts are usual,thanks for still being here to encourage newcomers...did your mom make it to a nursing home facility, I thought you mentioned she was changing to one...

 

Susan, thinking of you today...it is getting near the 2 year mark for me as well...somehow the permanence of this situation is sinking in....it takes a while for your "heart" to know what your "head" already does...

 

Colleen, there were those I had to let go some 'friends' too....it definitely has made me re-think who I want to keep in my life and who to let go...

 

Dee, wishing your first days back at school to be good, our school here started yesterday....my granddaughter is in four year old kindergarden, it is good for her...

 

*************************

 

Today, I received a call from my friend at church who wanted information on grief, (book recommendations, articles, etc) for her SIL, JoAnn. Joanne and her husband lost their adult daughter about 3 years ago in an automobile accident. She said how JoAnn was starting a grief group at her church for bereaved parents. I am going to send her some materials for this...any best materials that any of you have found? I plan on recommending the CF facebook page as a resource as Susan uses this...

 

She mentioned to how Jesse's passing and who he was may be used to help these others that are struggling along...I think he would like that...

 

Dee, would it be okay to use some of your poems?

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....you have an Angelversary coming up next month....Oct. 10th

 

and it gave me a 'pause'....for October 10th has been such a 'date' in my life....

 

it was October 10, 1974.....I had just come home from the hospital...having Jesse on October 4th...C-Section....my MIL had to come and pick him and me up from the hospital....to bring us home....my husband could not be 'found'....she also had to take me to the hospital...but that is another story....

    the pastor from our church was there...and some friends...and he gently broke the news that Essie..Grama had died...

 

one of my thoughts at the time was: if Essie can die...we can all die....

 

Of course, that date would bring a lot of sadness each year.....

 

then....October 10, 1997.....our twins...Hunter Bear and Taylor Houston were born....

   it was as if the God/Mother/Father of the Universe told me....'ok...you have had a lot of sadness with Essie passing...now  I am giving you a double gift to rejoice on this day....

 

I would think the Universe is giving you a path to honor Jesse....when you can reach out with all the research /resources/information you have gathered....to help others on their grief path....Jesse was a 'searcher', too....from what I gather...and he would want you to 'search' for him and use what you have discovered to bring some comfort and healing and I do believe our children 'guide' us in some way for us to move forward and survive...

[Steve s mom]

I emailed Wade.

[daveydow1]

Hello to all indigos......I've been so busy with finishing up the garden for the season....

canning tomatoes, and digging potatoes....picking peppers, also washing windows. Took

time off to go to the county fair a couple days.

 

 

 

 

Susan----

Love your story of your twins when they were babies.......one with hair.........one without.

Glad that Taylor's hair grew at age 4.    I, too, worried that my youngest ( Becky) would ever

have any hair.  She was a preemie, and had a birth defect in her bowel, so had a scalp shunt

infusion in order to get nourishment to her. To cut down on possible infections, her head was

shaved every other day.  This went on for 4 mo. in hospital. When she was over her surgeries and sent

home (without the shunt),  I worried that she would be a bald baby.  She grew hair very quickly,

and has always had  lovely, thick and wavy brown hair.  Thanks for your wise and compassionate

words to Laurie.....so true and inspiring.  I, too,  have wondered about Wade, and if he is doing

ok.  After these 11 eleven years on this site,  many people come & go, and perhaps he has found

the needed strength to move on and leave the site.....and I like to think that this is the case whenever

anyone leaves BI.  Hopefully he is doing ok.

 

Laurie----Thanks for your kind words.  We are all 'newcomers' in the beginning on our rough

journey of grief after the loss of a child.  I remember  some of the parents who were on this site

when I first came on, and grief was so very raw.  They gave me hope and comfort, and I am so

grateful to them.  Most are not here anymore, and I guess they have found a new place in their

lives where the grief has become softer, and they have eased into the changed person they

have become.   My mom is still in her apartment.  She has said (several times) that she wants to go to an assisted

living facility, but when it comes down to the wire,......she then changes her mind and won't go. 

She is holding her own, and my sis and I just take it day-to-day. Thanks for asking.

 

Kate-----Glad that your friend's MIL has her son by her side. It, no doubt, is a great comfort to her

in her final time her on earth, and will ease her departure.  Peace to her & her family.  The yoga class

you are attending must be beneficial.  I haven't taken yoga, but my sis in Calif. is taking a class,

and says she finds it relaxing. Your yard work and walks will be good memories when the snow flies.

 

 

Dee-----

I hope that your classroom is cooling off.  With cooler nights,  it should cool down soon  

What does little Erica think of her new brother?    . We planted a trumpet vine, and

a silver lace vine recently. Also a couple small mums.  Summer sure is winding down now.

Still have the 'owl serenade'  most evenings.

 

 

WISHING PEACE  AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry   

      

[Sholl1955]

Thinking tonight of the parents of the journalists.   How incredibly hard this must be for them.  It is so hard to lose our children but those circumstances are unbelievable.

 

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Sandy, I so agree, the horror of these young reporters being executed on camera, knowing that their Mom and Dad and siblings will see the last moments before the violent act of an evil man. I send prayers that the parents of these men can one day find the light that their child left them to help shine for others.

 

Susan, such good words and heartfelt thoughts for Laurie today. Love the twin hair story too.

 

Laurie, thanks, little Erica is having issues relating to this new baby in the house. She is too young to reason with, and so she does end up getting frustrated and a bit of those big cries are happening more often lately.

 

Shannon, taking those elements of  your story out to examine and reexamine are the pieces that matter most. We have to revisit them and when we do we sometimes view them differently than the first or second time of examination. Keep up the hard work Shannon, it is leading you to a better spot in this time.

 

Sherry, sounds like you have been busy with the last of the crops. So nice that you got away for a bit. wonderful. Tomorrow it is to be heat index of 100 and the parents are all piling into the building tomorrow night for open house. Maybe then those who find it appalling will rattle the cage of our superintendent. We need parents to speak loudly. Not a lot of learning can go on in heat such as that. And I simply feel all wrung out after just an hour or two in it. We have kids coughing already, the germs spread quickly in the heat. And while the evenings have been somewhat cooler, the days heat up  like crazy. Looking forward to Saturday where it is not supposed to go above 71.

 

Kate, even this far south of you we are seeing some leaf changes. I think due to the cool summer and the rainy season spring and early summer, all things are a bit off their mark. Acorns are everywhere, in fact I have to wait for dawn to walk so that I can see where the nuts are so that I don't roll an ankle. Enjoy the colors.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, thanks for your kind words yesterday...yes, dates can have so many memories and events tied to them, both sad and happy...what does your Jesse do for a living? Does he live close?

 

Dee, I had no idea that it was that hot in your classrooms...that is simply awful...you must have kids that get sick from that kind of heat...

 

Kate, it is good to hear that the son of the friend's MIL is able to be at her side...I hope your exercise class goes well...yoga is really good for keeping the muscles stretched...

 

Mary Ann, thanks for keeping in touch...hope all is as okay as it can be...

 

Sherry, we used to do a big garden too...now it is just something small...my husband came in with a bunch of green beans the other day...I am amazed your mom is still on her own...we knew a lady, (Esther) like that in her ninetie's and was still in her home farm place...she was still burning her oldtime woodstove during the cold months..of course , her son would come and check on her to make sure it was doing okay (he lived right next door)...she had so many great stories...how when in the 1930's the main mode of transportation between towns up here was a train...the highway was a  mere mud track between the town's at that time...when Jesse was in middle school he had been given an assignment to interview someone of interest to write about...he choose her...we spent the afternoon by her woodstove eating goodies she had listening to her stories of times past...

 

Carol, thinking of you today and your situation with your grandson...

 

Well, I am out of time...but wishing all a peaceful day as possible...

[Kalikama]

Dee-- things pop into my head--usually while I'm lying in bed--of all the things I could do "tomorrow", but tomorrow comes and I don't want to leave the house, much less do any of the things I thought I could do at 3 a.m. LOL!

 

Yesterday, I spent most of the day in ICU with my s-i-l and her 28 y.o. daughter who is non-verbal and autistic.  She had a rare reaction to a an antipsychotic drug.  It is called NMS and for 20-30% of the people who get it , it is fatal. But, when I left and thought about the day, I thought, "Maybe I CAN go back to my private practice, working with autistic kids."  Today my confidence is not as high.

 

TODAY, I go to the Medium's seminar (only 30 people).  I am anxious and afraid that Ethan won't "show up". So today I am weepy.   I have had many people tell me their dreams about him and how happy he is and I thank them, but honestly, I do have a bit of jealousy and resentment that THEY are getting those dreams and experiences and not me!! I'm pretty sure it is the "shock suit" as someone here, so eloquently put it that is keeping me from feeling him and "hearing" him. I need to hear that he is okay from  him or someone else who has passed.  

 

I have to go the credit union to get the cash for the seminar. (They don't take checks or credit cards or ask for last names--so they can't "google you). Then I have to mapquest the directions.  As easy as that sounds, it feels like trudging through quicksand.

 

I still haven't found a nursing home for my brother with dementia.  It is not as easy as finding assisted living.  I HAVE started the process of becoming his conservator and have a court date on the 17th.  It just seems like life is one task after another, with just a little fun in between, these days.  

[Mermaid Tears]

Kalik....I think we can be so 'deep in inner chaos'....that we can put up a 'force' around us....I had a rough two years in my first marriage..I called it the years  of 'No New Music' coming through...when I lost my John David...once again...I had to resign...drop out...cocoon....and that shock suit was tight....and that is our way of surviving...at least...that is what I do to survive...

   I think the 'way' your boy passed has left such a traumatic footprint....and you are dealing with that...plus grief...it is all interwoven...I think the messages from your friends and family from him in dreams are his way of letting you know he is 'ok'....he may know he just can't get through that force field of deep mourning and grief....

     I do hope your 'gathering' at the medium's place is a positive one...and I , too, hope your boy comes through...will pray.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kalik,

I'm hoping the experience with the medium is a good one. I have had the same feeling when others share their dreams of Tris with me. I have had some dreams... one last night actually, if that's what it was. It was so short. But they are far between and sometimes it seems when my mind is in turmoil (which is much of the time) and the shock is so strong... I think maybe there is a reason. I also have thought, my pain is so strong and if I had that dream right now what would I do? I would never want to wake up. I would want to stay in that place with her and how would it be for me to have to let her go again on waking? Maybe she and the Creator know best. She would not want that for me. I am always glad to hear 'messages' from her through others but yes, there is that twinge of jealousy.

I just wanted to say thank you to all who offered support. It's amazing at times how we who, many of us, have never met each other face to face, can touch each other's lives so much. Thank you.

Last night, I was in that place between awake and asleep, I was starting to dream, I guess but not quite asleep. I was talking about our puppy, I think to Zak. I said, She was so sick when we got her home. Who knows what would have happened to her. It still seems like divine guidance how she came to us. (This is a conversation Zak and I have had). Then I heard Trista's voice answering me. She said, Yes. But I couldn't take care of her. You can. I turned so quickly and there she was. It was her. Very real, not fuzzy or dreamlike. Every detail. Sitting backwards in the overstuffed chair looking at me with a smile. I jolted awake with my heart pounding. I wish I wouldn't have so I could have talked with her longer.

MaryAnn, Please let us know if you hear from Wade.

I've been wondering about Debbie too. If you read at all please know we think of you and hope you are ok.

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...our Jesse lives about 2 hours away...in Texas...we describe mileage in hours...he lives in League City....he reminds me a little of me and a lot like my Grampa....Jesse would rather work 200 hours a week for himself...than 40 hours a week for someone else.....he has his own Landscaping/Stonework business...also another Computer/Sales/Repair business....his degree was in Geology....but one summer he worked for a landscaping business owned by a very charismatic man...and that became his passion...and both go hand in hand...he worked very hard those first years....but has all paid off...he doesn't even advertise...he gets that much referral work....he has trucks and many employees..am always in awe of how he juggles it all...but his family comes first and it shows. He and Heather welcomed our 'new little man' in December 2012..this year..Josh has started LSU...Bailey started her freshman year in High School....and they moved into their new home in Feb. 2012...the back yard is all stone work..landscaping...and the neatest pool..no yard or grass...and then....they found out 'they' were pregnant...so...now Jesse is planning on another house...for Wyatt John will need a place to run and play....'the best laid plans of mice and men'.....???? Heather inherited a house from her Aunt...they decided it would be a Half Way Home for men that had got out of prison..men that had felonies and needed a place to adjust...(I was not in favor of this)....Jesse works with their parole officers...counselors...he can even give these men a job...the house is in a different town..not far away...close enough for easy travel...and it has been a success ...I would say a 90% of the men that have lived there...they are screened by the prison system before they come there....I don't know much about all that....and really it is more a community outreach...for Jesse cannot do it alone...there is a strong support system there...and that is what these men need to walk away from their past environment..and into a fulfilling life where they can have a quality life. I am glad I was wrong about not wanting them to have that...and can see the win/win for all.

[MissKylie]

Good evening everyone..Sorry, it's been a long time since I last posted.. But I keep on reading all your posts. Cry and say your children's name... It's a rough journey. Lately, I found consolation in having friends who will bring me far far away from home or office ...and have time to breathe away from the hustle of the city. I can't find ways to pull myself together as I always go back to messy crying and wishing I also moved to the other side.

 

Yesterday, my husband got our daughter's yearbook, a year book that could have been an amazing book to read with her. And to say congratulations to her for being a diligent and hardworking student.  Sometimes I feel like I was so irresponsible to have not been able to detect the signs of her cancer...

 

And Shannon, love the dream about Trista.

 

To Kalik, it would help you to get a dream message from your child if you take a moment to keep on focusing the good memories with him. Am not an expert. But my friends told me that I will only receive messages if I focus on the love spent with my 5-year old girl. I really had a good visitation and it wasn't a dream. I had the chance to see her smiling at me for a brief second. Which afterwards made me felt like I woke up in a dream and felt my heart was pounding hard...

 

Susan, good story about the community work for the people that had got out of prison. It is surprising that kindness is still possible for people who have experienced loss, just like in the case of your family. We exert effort to be good people inspite of what happened.

 

 

Good night...I don't know how long I can sustain the pretend that my daughter never really left us behind...I keep on telling my husband to hold on...As we still have a son who just turned 1 year old last month. I just miss Kylie so so much

 

 

Thanks for letting me share and have a great weekend ahead,

 

Mommy Cherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Cherry....good to hear from you...and you are doing as good as it gets....just keep putting one foot in front of the other...how is your Mom doing? My heart goes out to her in a special way....for like she baby-sat Kylie....I baby-sat Pibby...my daughter decided to go back to school to become a nurse...(she already had a degree in journalism)...and my son-in-law is an American Airlines pilot....so when he is gone...he is gone....but I would pick her up from Pre-school...and then the twins would walk to my house...and I would have to take Austin here and there...but...what special times I had with her....Pibby is now 11...but I can really empathize with your Mom....it is so hard to grieve and take care of a little one....for they need the attention..care and love...and lots of energy....and grief can be so exhausting...

[MissKylie]

My mom has changed a lot. She cared less of herself, no more shopping. Her heart bleeds when she sees me crying and hurts more when she remembers all the love she shared with Kylie. Mama seldom carry my boy, as all her grand kids are boys and Kylie is the only girl. That makes her more extra special... We are all scared of New Year's day ... Lost of Kylie robbed us the right to be happy every New Year... But I still have faith that one day, we will see Kylie again...and there will be no more tears

[Jeff's Mom]

Cherry, it is good to see you. I was wondering how you have been getting along. I know how hard the first couple of years are. You must never feel that you have to pretend about how you are actually feeling...not with anyone... not ever. It has not been long since Kylie has been gone and NO you are not responsible for not recognizing the signs of her cancer. I too missed so many signs in my husband. Looking back...as we all do...it was there. But it could also have been something else. We all feel that it won't happen to us. You have proven yourself to be so strong from reading your posts in the past. Sometimes it is more than OK and even necessary to let go and just let it out. Cry, rant, rave. Do whatever you need to do at the time... as long as it is safe. Hang on...you can do this....and yes, you will see Kylie again. Never, ever lose sight of that fact. HUGS, Kate

[daveydow1]

Cherry----Good to see your post, and Kylie's sweet smile.

 

 

Shannon-----

thanks for telling us about your visit from Trista.

 

 

Laurie----

I love your story of the elderly lady, Esther, and all the wonderful

stories that she told of how things were in the old days. Has she passed

on now?  I can get my mom to tell old stories, IF I can get her off her

complaints  . She has some good stories. Your green beans sound so

good....ours are all finished now.  Each year my husband says that next

year the garden will be smaller, but then he gets into buying all the seeds

and plants, and the garden ends up big again.

 

 

Dee----

I hope that the parents will get the supt. motivated to do something

about the sweltering classrooms. Kids can't really concentrate when it's

so hot.  I went to a 1-room  country school with no indoor plumbing, and

a large stove in the middle of the room. ( four grades in one room). 

School was out for the summer in mid-May, so we didn't have to endure the heat. My mom

and grandfather also went to the same school. It closed about 2 yrs. after

I attended there.

 

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND  TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[ptlhal063]

Hi,

I'm a newbie...sort of. I've been here in the past. Now I'm here trying to cope with the loss of my newborn grandson. :'(

I didn't know to post here. My story is listed under Loss of Newborn Grandson.

I'm just trying to ride this roller coaster of grief.

Thanks for reading this.

[Jeff's Mom]

Tess, I am glad to see you. We all understand the feelings associated with your loss. How are you holding up yourself? I know it can be so difficult when you are trying to be supportive and caregiver to close family. It can take quite a toll on your own health. There are others here who will relate to your loss in a very close way. Losing a child at any age is the hardest thing we can be asked to carry. Somehow along the road we find the strength to carry on. It takes a long time to begin to find our way again. But it will happen in time with patience and faith. Thinking of you. Kate

[ericasmom]

Cherry, I echo what Kate has said here, you can grieve, it is okay to grieve, it is in fact, necessary. Your Mom's grief has to come out too, so you are noticing it in her, and she grieves for you too, her little Girl who has lost so much. If you recognize this grief in each other and accept it as the natural course for a loss so large, you will find your way back to the new normal. You will create new ways to celebrate happy events and you will find ways to honor your Daughter as you go along. You will take her into each day and she will tuck you in each night, all of you.

 

I am so sorry to the Grandmom who lost a new grandchild. You are welcome to be here with us, though our losses are mostly of older children some were just little too. Tell us about your Grandboy knowing that telling his story/your story is a very healthy way to help you grieve. We are here.

 

 

 

Today was the absolute worst day to be in our school. It was so humid and beastly hot, worse than ever. It was unhealthy and many kids felt ill. Where is the sense in this?

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Cherry,

It was good to see your post. I know sometimes it's hard to post but I'm glad you come and read. I think of you and your precious Kylie often.

Tess,

Welcome to the group. We do all understand the devastating grief after the loss of a Child. People, circumstances, and relationships, are all different but we all know this pain and come together here to hold out our hands to each other in understanding and compassion.

Cherry you talked about your Mom and her grief, and Tess, you are a Grandma. My own Grandmother (who raised me so is like a Mom to me) has been my strongest support. We both know our grief and the ways we handle it are very different but we both lost our beautiful Trista. For her, as Dee said, She lost Tris, my little Girl, but I am her little Girl. She must try to handle her own grief while watching me grieve. I know at times, she feels helpless. She's stayed by my side, sometimes jumping in and actively helping me when I need it, sometimes just being a silent presence so I don't feel so alone. We have our times that we are sharing space but feel so disconnected. With each of us trying not to burden the other with our own grief or feelings. There are times she wants to reach out to me but I am not in a place to be able to put into words where I am. It's such a deep grief and pain and even when it feels like I am completely alone in this I know deep down I'm not so I am so thankful for that.

Dee, I'm sorry it's so miserable at school. Maybe the weather will break soon. Zak and Aiden have both been struggling with sinus/allergy/cold symptoms. They are prone to this every late summer/fall when the weather gets damp.

[Jeff's Mom]

Shannon, I am glad you have such a strong support in your gram. I also know those deep dark days of pain you are feeling. Hold on.

 

Dee, sorry to hear that the weather is creating such discomfort for the kids. Perhaps with any luck you will get some of our cool breezes heading your way.

 

Distraction. That is what has given me my greatest support along with my husband. Keeping busy with every day routine. Case in point...we were quite busy yesterday afternoon. We headed into the city to run some errands and I had my hair done. I decided to have him toss some highlights in for a pick me up. The day went well as we ran around picking up various things from select shops. One stop is a great coffee roasting house that sells a million types of coffee. We looked forward to trying a new flavor in the morning. As we arrived back home we headed to our local post office. We do not have our mail delivered and we have to pick it up at a small spot not far from our home. I spotted a woman wearing a camouflage rain suit and walking slowly down the gravel road. Clearly she was pleased as punch with her latest purchase from Cabela's....must be the latest in fall for fashion for the little missus that hunts. It had to be hot as I could almost see the steam coming off of her head. There was no messing with her as she wore her hair in the shape of a football helmet. I thought to comment but thought better of it.

 

This morning the air was crisp and clear. I rose early to prepare the coffee and was looking forward to sitting back comfortably and relaxing while sipping my coffee slowly and gazing out at the lake. It has to be something in the air at this time of year. Men act odd. Odder then usual. An old beat up red pick up truck pulled into our driveway and it was the dreaded tree trimmers! So much for peace and quiet. The latest look...the must have look, the only look is a plaid shirt or shirt jac complete with sweat stained ball cap. They were pleased as punch! Hubby scurries to dress and joins the "guys". A polite request is given to prepare a huge pot of freshly brewed coffee...my new flavor and the bran muffins I just baked are carefully taken outside while they stand talking about their upcoming hunting adventures. I go out to ask if they need anything and one man says to my husband...as if I am not even there..."Wife painting these days?" She's got some paint in her hair! That was enough for me. That was my carefully placed highlights. Life does provide it's distractions. 

 

Thinking of everyone today and hoping you find some peace in your day. Love to all, Kate

[shorty16]

Kate

My husband and I laughed out loud when the tree-trimmer said you have paint in your hair.

That is too funny.

My Mom was a hairdresser for 40 years. Brings back memories.

Thanks for making me laugh today.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[shorty16]

Tess

Thanks for joining us. We too are riding the roller coaster of grief.

However, some of us are farther down this road and have developed coping skills.

It has been 6 years since I heard my son, Brian's laugh. Looked into his eyes and saw my future.

Over the years, I have learned to live in this new life without my Brian. It is not easy, but the physical pain you feel right now will subside and turn into a soft ache.

Dee, beautiful weather here in South Eastern Wisconsin...North East Illinois should be about the same. Enjoy your day.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever