Lots Of Stress And Grief While Starting New Life

[John9]

24 minutes ago, KayC said:

I need to cancel her phone service today.

I had to keep my friends phone service so I could receive messages from "creditors" and it actually got cancelled 2 months ago because someone wanted new service at address. You might want to make sure if you will be able to receive that, I know that the estate is now in the same situation I have been in. No money coming in and only going out so I understand trying to cancel the phone. I am just wanting to make sure that it is the right thing at this time. Maybe hold off or discuss it with Mick. Not trying to insert myself into the decisions just saying what I had to do.

[KayC]

Mick is in charge of the estate, he's done this before, he can forward her mail and contact the companies!

[John9]

KayC,

That is good, hopefully much less stress for you. I hope you and Kodie are holding up well under the circumstances.

[tnd]

On 4/3/2022 at 3:39 PM, tnd said:

Hopefully my internet problem will be solved with my purchase of a new phone instead of having to rely on someone else (and their internet line) for access. Anyways, I may go dark again, possibly a few days but I will be back. Thanks everyone! I hope KayC is doing alright coping with the loss of her dear sister Peggy. Her plate is full... 

Wonderful news! I have a new phone that has it's own internet service on it! You will have to excuse me if that sounds stupid. Up until recently I have never had a mobile phone before. I will still need to use Fran's internet (Wi Fi) for a little longer on my laptop because it's easier on my eyes and I need to download and print some tax forms. Hhopefully my printer will work. I'm glad I didn't put it into storage. I was going to tell you a little back story about what has been going on here but sorry, that will have to wait. Everything is ok at the moment. These past couple of days have been doozies tho! But I think I've come out of it unscathed and on-top of things. 

[Gail 8588]

Tnd, 

Glad you are feeling that things are a bit better for now.  

Still praying for you to get into your own place. 

Hugs,

Gail

 

[KayC]

tnd, I join Gail, also praying for you to get your own place!  To eat what you want, be up whatever hours you want, on the internet/phone when you want and not "have" to do anything you don't want to or can't!  It will seem like total freedom when you get there.

Stay strong!

[tnd]

GOOD news!  I will be turning in my application for the apt tomorrow! I don't know if I am only being waitlisted but it's a step in the right direction.                                                                                                                      These past few days have been stressful, downright awful. But then in the middle of it, I managed to see an opportunity to make myself feel better and I helped someone. It really doesn't matter who I helped and with what but after all the dark bad stuff that was going on, being able to help someone made  me feel so good. The person I helped was not expecting it and was relieved but I actually thanked them for letting me.                                                                                                 Perhaps on days when our grief and pain consumes us, we had better look for opportunities to make someone happy by helping them with their own troubles. 

[John9]

tnd,

I am happy that you are hopefully getting closer to being in your own place. I am also glad that you feel better by being able to help someone.

[tnd]

3 hours ago, John9 said:

I am happy that you are hopefully getting closer to being in your own place.

John9:  Thanks! Fran is suppose to take me back over there tomorrow but you know how that goes....I think once I am in my own place she's going to find out that she shouldn't screw with me. Nothing new, just her usual games today. 

Whoa! I really messed up my previous post. I typed it using my phone. All those little numbers and letters are hard for me and I have fat fingers. That's why I prefer to use my laptop for posting. Funny thing...I checked and Fran's Wi Fi in the house hasn't gone down since me and her 2 sons got our own phones w/internet. See what I mean? Games! But I will have something in store for her a little later on after I get my own place. 

[KayC]

I've had a mysterious throat issue with inflamed tongue glands since Christmas 2020, couldn't get a doctor to look at or biopsy it.  Am canceling it as:
1) The white spots disappeared after all this time, may need time for glands to settle down

2) Lady on FB Oakridge Chat (where we share town news) posted asking where to get CBD infused coffee...said she went to Eugene Gastroenterology and they tore her esophagus in two places, didn't give her anything for pain, didn't tell her what to do!  That's where I was scheduled.  In all these years I've never seen a post like that, the timing was uncanny!

3) Snow starting tonight through at least a week!  45 years here, it's never snowed past April 7!

I don't believe in that many coincidences, I need to heed the warnings that are screaming at me!

Decided to make the trek in to town yesterday to get groceries!  Came home and it was 80 with the fire going and windows open, this was not predicted!  Crazy weather.  Will clean out the wood stove today and build a fire, high of 46 today.  This is crazy!

Another kink: Have to go for blood draw and requested insulin resistance test, doctor hadn't heard of it and doesn't know much about Diabetes, wants to have a phone visit April 19 so II can explain to him why.  Brushed up on Dr. Ben Bikman (scientist) on Insulin Resistance, took notes.

Never a dull moment!  I'd like one!

Haven't heard from brother since he said he'd "take it from here."  Don't know if he's forwarding her mail, hope he's thought of it, but I can't drive 20 miles/day to check it when it's snowing and gas costs this much so I hope so!  Snow starts tonight.

[John9]

5 minutes ago, KayC said:

Haven't heard from brother since he said he'd "take it from here."  Don't know if he's forwarding her mail, hope he's thought of it, but I can't drive 20 miles/day to check it when it's snowing and gas costs this much so I hope so!  Snow starts tonight.

I'm not sure if you can sign up to check her mail on the Post Office website under the Informed delivery, since it is only supposed to be the "responsible" party. If you can then it would make it easier to know what mail is there and if it is worth the trip. I think in your case, let Mick handle it and deal with any issues unless he asks for help. I am still trying to learn that lesson, I keep getting in trouble when I do things I wasn't "supposed" to. I am not trying to cause any issues for you or add any more stress.

I am hoping that the medical issue you had is better, because I am sure you were concerned. I hope that the person who posted the comment recovers too.

15 minutes ago, KayC said:

I don't believe in that many coincidences, I need to heed the warnings that are screaming at me!

Maybe, George is looking out for you again.☺️

[KayC]

Legally I can't, she has no email address.  My brother will be able to once he's granted executor which gives you POA.

[John9]

KayC,

I thought you probably couldn't but was hoping you wouldn't need to drive to check the mail. I had to create an email for my friend because he never believed in any of that, he didn't use a computer. Hopefully Mick can at least fill out a change of address before the Court issues the legal paperwork, when I did it for my friend when he died I did it the day he died. Before the Court was even involved but I had the will listing me Personal Representative, no legal paper though. Again just making a comment and hoping it may help someone deal with some of the headaches I went through. As I had told you, I read all comments and may or may not act on them but I read them and maybe in the future it will click and help me. Trying to do the same.

[tnd]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

Never a dull moment!  I'd like one!

KayC:  No dull moments for me today, either. Yeah, riiiight!  I've been going non-stop today. I need a nap now! 😴 Those white spots might be Thrush. Have you used any steroid inhalers lately? Maybe try a warm salt water gargle or Chloraseptic Spray. If only white spots but no sore throat then you are probably okay. Stay away from anything that causes mucus (dairy) for a while. 

As for being insulin-resistant, my husband always feared that. He saw an Endocrinologist for his Diabetes and he got his insulin for $30 a vial at Walmart, the "N". t. No prescription needed. He got the "R" for daytime and the nitetime one, the "N". The nitetime one lasts through the nite to handle any peaks. People who are insulin-resistant don't necessarily get any warning of if/when they might need insulin or peaking and that is dangerous. He was always good about checking his blood sugar and taking his Insulin but every once in a while, he'd suddenly feel "the crash" coming on and wondered why his body hadn't alerted him. Can be scary. Anyways, hope you can see an Endocrinologist because they will know what you are talking about. 

Yeah, crazy weather is right! Probably a good thing you cleaned your fireplace in case you need it for the weekend. Otherwise, you are all set for next Fall/Winter! And try not to stress too much over Peggy's mail. I use Informed Delivery from the Postal Service. It emails me images of mail that is coming about a day or two in advance of my actual receiving it. There might be a one-time charge to set it up but is cheap (otherwise I wouldn't be using it). If your brother has put in a change of address to have her mail go to him, then no sweat, I'd let it go to him. The more duties that can be delegated out, the better for you! I know you don't mind handling Peggy's stuff but you have a lot on your plate and also, you need to take care of YOU now! Let others do what they can and if they don't know what to do or offer, then don't be afraid to delegate the stuff and assign it. Do this for your health and future. It's time "KayC" thinks about "KayC"! 

 

[tnd]

Well dang!  I'm glad that apartment office isn't far because we got there and they are CLOSED today! 😭 I just can't win, can I?!    Grrrrr.......😡 

So we try again Monday on Fran's lunch break. Sheesh. If I ever finally get my own place and if I could drink, I'd probably open a bottle of bubbly. 🍷 

Going for that nap now. I think. 💤

[John9]

3 hours ago, tnd said:

Well dang!  I'm glad that apartment office isn't far because we got there and they are CLOSED today! 😭 I just can't win, can I?!    Grrrrr.......😡 

So we try again Monday on Fran's lunch break. Sheesh. If I ever finally get my own place and if I could drink, I'd probably open a bottle of bubbly. 🍷 

Going for that nap now. I think. 💤

tnd,

I am so sorry, you are right it doesn't seem like you can win. Hang in there, it will feel so good when you finally get that place of your own (and the cats)

[KayC]

On 4/8/2022 at 6:38 AM, John9 said:

I thought you probably couldn't but was hoping you wouldn't need to drive to check the mail.

I drove down there yesterday and no mail in the mailbox so he already got it or had it forwarded, I haven't had a response to my text or email to him earlier this week so I guess he truly meant "I'll take it from here."  Okay!  So hard to let go of "taking care of her" as I've been used to doing it for so long, but my brother is vastly different from her, she put everything off and placated people with no intent behind it, he's a go-getter like the rest of us and gets things done!  I noticed two gas cans gone so assume the yard guy came and got them but he hasn't mowed her lawn for 3 1/2 weeks and it needs it, he's paid ahead with her van but I guess he figures that debt is canceled?  Haven't had time to call him yet.  It's been insane here lately, hasn't been two weeks yet and so much on my plate.

This morning I lost all of the Diabetes bookmarks I've collected over two years...hundreds of them!  That was in Firefox.  Somehow in trying to import from Chrome it didn't restore right, put all bookmarks in one place lumped together and un-editable.  Kept trying and in the process lost all of them in Chrome!  I was really panicked then!  I kept reading online and nothing was working, FINALLY got them back in Firefox, then managed to import into Chrome, deleted duplicates, oh my gosh, what a lot of frantic work!  I keep wanting to go in and LOOK at them just relish seeing them there!    So happy I didn't have to take my PC to a gru.  My son has a computer engineering degree and had a computer business when he was a teenager for about 5-6 years but he's way too far away and always busy.  And with the snows coming in I can't drive there anyway.  

Okay, now, not to touch anything!  These hands/fingers just don't work, I'm dangerous on a computer!

18 hours ago, tnd said:

Probably a good thing you cleaned your fireplace in case you need it for the weekend.

It is my only source of heat so it runs continually until late Spring, regulating with door/windows open, it's tricky.
Someone posted this in my diabetic group today...I'd personally like less challenges and a little boredom might not hurt right about now either!

[KayC]

18 hours ago, tnd said:

Those white spots might be Thrush.

I've been off inhalers 13 months now.  I was treated for Thrush doubly twice, nope!  And thrush goes away within a couple of weeks if untreated, so that's not it.  Allergies can mimic it so I went to an allergy specialist, all tests came back negative (for the first time in my life!)  I know I have allergies but not ones they tested me for.  Like pollen, grass, molds, mites.  But the food ones appear to have healed after 38+ years.  I've tried doing the elimination diet but it can take forever and so far, nothing.  I've looked up all meds and even had conversations with the USDA (grrr!!!) the feds aren't very forthcoming or helpful.  More guarded and secretive. 

18 hours ago, tnd said:

hope you can see an Endocrinologist because they will know what you are talking about. 

Not necessarily, I've made it my  life cause to learn all I can about diabetes, the conventional recommendations keep us sick and on Rxs, worsening diabetes rather than helping it.  I listen to videos from doctors and scientists who SPECIALIZE in the truth about diabetes and have learned exactly why their doing what they're doing with us has not worked!  Doctors have many misconceptions about the whole thing, and not their fault either, it's all they're taught.   I am absolutely PASSIONATE about this as one of my life purposes (in edition to grief) I want so much to help others going through this!  I am very happy with the results I've seen so far and just want the science/evidence (insulin resistance test) to show the reversal that is taking place. 

18 hours ago, tnd said:

I use Informed Delivery from the Postal Service.

I use it for myself but Peggy doesn't have an email address and I can't legally create one for her, my brother will have to do it.  Mostly what she gets are catalogs, EOBs, and junk mail.  Her bill are paid automatically through her M/C and it only requires a transfer once a month.  I could have easily done all this as Executor but do NOT want the legal aspect John is dealing with!  My brother volunteered for it as he did it for my mom and already knows the route...which, BTW, I must say everything involved with gov't has only worsened since my mom died in 2014.  It seems to me they use Covid as an excuse to not do their jobs timely or at all!

18 hours ago, tnd said:

they are CLOSED today! 😭

Oh no!!!  Can you do it tomorrow?  I got a postcard from the city to pick up my air filters, they listed their hours, went there, CLOSED!!    What,they don't know their own hours when they send out postcards to thousands of people?!!!

And I'll toast to you when you get moved in!  (And I don't even drink!   )

[John9]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Okay, now, not to touch anything!  These hands/fingers just don't work, I'm dangerous on a computer!

KayC,

Glad you were able to recover the bookmarks, I say I know enough about computers to be dangerous. I accidentally deleted some texts on my phone and they were not recoverable because of how the phone backs up information, I tried though. I understand the feeling that you commented about taking care of her for so long, I am lost and seemingly without purpose with all of the deaths of the ones I was caring for and the legal issues I don't have any say in because that is why I hired a Lawyer. I agree with you about everyone using Covid as an excuse. But thinking back over the last 2+ years everything that has gone wrong has been because of Covid and the after effects. Delays in treatments, closures, lack of staffing, Postal service issues, all due to Covid in some aspect or another. I am in no way defending the people who are just saying Covid because they don't care to do their jobs, but we will all deal with this mess forever. I hope I am wrong but I seem to be right about the wrong things and this is definitely wrong what is happening to all of us with the various issues we deal with, not the same issues but issues nonetheless.

[KayC]

I know you understand, John.  As I do you.

I woke up to it snowing/sticking, now they predict up to 25" by Wednesday!  Looks like I won't be going anywhere this week.

[tnd]

I think I need a styless. My fat fingers make it hard to type or hilite quotes on my phone. By the time I get it right I am wore out. Lol

 

[John9]

7 minutes ago, tnd said:

I think I need a styless. My fat fingers make it hard to type or hilite quotes on my phone. By the time I get it right I am wore out. Lol

tnd,

That is one of the reasons, I will always try for my computers. I am too old to see and my fingers make a mess of things on the tiny keys. Hope you are doing okay.

[tnd]

9 hours ago, John9 said:

That is one of the reasons, I will always try for my computers

Once I get moved I will get separate internet service for my TV and that's when I'll be able to regularly use my laptop. Meanwhile, I might try to figure out how to "tether" my laptop to a WiFi hot spot created by my phone. Thought I read this so might give it a try. 

[tnd]

Ha! I have to babysit tomorrow starting at 6am. Since I have to pay $600 in rent (no discounts for being on a low fixed income) I wonder if I should start charging for babysitting.😁

[tnd]

Have I mentioned that I think Fran is Bipolar or has Schizophrenia? I asked one of her sons and he said yes and that it runs in the family. I don't know if he meant on her side or the immediate family (she and her sons). I also think she takes medicine for it but not every day like she should, which may explain the calm nice side of her and the next day the mean wickedness. It's almost too much for me to handle right now but seeing how she is and what she is capable of, I don't think I will be bringing this up with her anytime soon. 😪

[John9]

5 hours ago, tnd said:

Have I mentioned that I think Fran is Bipolar or has Schizophrenia? I asked one of her sons and he said yes and that it runs in the family. I don't know if he meant on her side or the immediate family (she and her sons). I also think she takes medicine for it but not every day like she should, which may explain the calm nice side of her and the next day the mean wickedness. It's almost too much for me to handle right now but seeing how she is and what she is capable of, I don't think I will be bringing this up with her anytime soon. 😪

tnd,

This is sadly all the more reason you really need to get your own place soon. I know that you are aware of this and we are all pulling for you, but that added stress you don't need. I hope you can get that apartment very soon.

[KayC]

19 hours ago, tnd said:

I think I need a styless. My fat fingers make it hard to type or hilite quotes on my phone. By the time I get it right I am wore out. Lol

 

I know the feeling!  My hands do not work since my 11 injuries.  Hence I lost all my Diabetes bookmarks in Firefox and Chrome!  (hundreds, 27 months work!)  It took me hours to get them back!  It seems my hands/fingers are now my enemy. 

7 hours ago, tnd said:

I think Fran is Bipolar or has Schizophrenia

These were my mom's test results...(I sympathize with you!)
 

[tnd]

Yay me!!!!!  I am now on the waiting list for an apartment!  Fran took me. The office worker I've dealt with the most was there and she happens to be the nicest. It is still a 3-6 month wait but being that I want to have positive thoughts, I am glad to be on the list. I will try to be back on here later. Thanks to all of you for helping me thru this. My husband would be glad that I have a support system like you guys. Even if I only move an inch forward, it is still in the right direction but need your help. Thank you! 

[KayC]

Oh Hon, we are so glad for you, there's a light at the end of the tunnel that you can look towards!  We all need hope, even if just a glimmer.  

[Roxeanne]

21 hours ago, tnd said:

Yay me!!!!!  I am now on the waiting list for an apartment! 

I'm so glad for you Tnd...

"fusse che fusse la volta bona"...it's a mantra in some south italian dialect! It brings luck...

I keep my fingers crossed...

 

[LMR]

@tnd I am so pleased for you. I saw in your other post that you have your own phone now and you sounded so much happier. Having control helps.

Hugs

[tnd]

3 hours ago, LMR said:

you sounded so much happier. Having control helps.

You hit the proverbial nail on the head, LMR. I very much dislike having to rely on others or being a bother to them. Being in control over my own life gives me a sense of freedom and strength, especially at a time when I am already limited. I've also learned that there are some people that will take advantage of you if they think you cannot do for yourself. That is a bad position to be in so any little thing I can do for myself sends a message and the safer I will be from those types. 

[KayC]

5 hours ago, tnd said:

Being in control over my own life gives me a sense of freedom and strength, especially at a time when I am already limited. I've also learned that there are some people that will take advantage of you if they think you cannot do for yourself. That is a bad position to be in so any little thing I can do for myself sends a message and the safer I will be from those types. 

Yes, I agree with your entire post!

[KayC]

I got as call from the electric company, Peggy's M/C was canceled by the bank so all of her autopays will not go through.  They were very nice when I explained the situation, told them my brother is seeing an attorney Tuesday so he can have things switched to him and there's plenty of $ as soon as it can be accessed they will be paid.  I canceled three accounts already, her homeowners ins. will cancel if not paid this month but will be reinstated as soon as it is, we need to see if they'll let us do monthly instead of annually.  We may not need it that long.  

I got Peggy's death cert. it lists respiratory arrest (which always leads to cardiac arrest) but the breathing stopped before the heart did so I doubt if she suffered much if at all.  Just the way she always wanted to go.  I still don't know if she pressed her medic alert or if she fell and it was set off.

[John9]

KayC,

When MIL died I called her Homeowners Insurance and they did switch from Annual to Monthly payments. I also thought it wouldn't be too long but it is dragging out because I can't sell the house and the papers to put it in our sons name haven't been signed yet. Another of the many issues with the Attorney and the Court system. When I received MIL's Death Certificate they didn't list Diabetes as a secondary cause even though she had it and it was a major factor over the last few years. But once it is official it is very hard to get it changed at least here in Michigan. I noticed that there were omissions on my loving wife's also but again my broken brain was in too much shock to deal with. Nothing will bring them back and I have to pick my battles which has been hard to accept.

[KayC]

My daughter's divorce will have to start over, the court filed dismissal 4/1 because no response to the mail they didn't get 2/4, this after the courts did nothing for two years!  If Don hadn't left right when he did it could be over with right now.  We don't have his new address so it's impossible to start over without some cooperation from him!  My heart is sick for her.

We can't access Peggy's bank account but are required to pay the elec. bill and homeowners, both past due now, how're we supposed to do that?  Neither my brother and I stand to inherit anything.  We have to get signatures from everyone in the family, including my XH, we've been divorced for 22 years, that should be challenging.  This is not an easy or even reasonable process!

Peggy's diabetes wasn't listed as contributory but we all know it was.  Diabetes affects everything.

[tnd]

11 hours ago, KayC said:

Peggy's diabetes wasn't listed as contributory but we all know it was.  Diabetes affects everything.

Diabetes does affect everything but they have to be more specific on the death cert. Her heart may have been affected or her cardiovascular system or her kidneys. If she went into respiratory arrest, chances are she didn't feel much. As your O2 drops into the danger zone you feel a little funny, almost like being drunk. There really isn't much coughing or choking or pain going on. If the person goes in their sleep, it's usually because the heart has stopped along with our breathing being more shallow while sleeping. I can almost assure you that she didn't suffer. Your sister's body was probably very tired and decided it was time to rest. She's at peace. This was the only thing to comfort me when my husband passed. For several months he suffered thru great pain so his body was definitely tired out. 

 

[John9]

23 hours ago, KayC said:

Peggy's diabetes wasn't listed as contributory but we all know it was.  Diabetes affects everything.

KayC,

Same thing with MIL, she was a diabetic since early teens, it is like everything else we talk about nobody really understands even the co called experts. I am sorry that your Daughter has to start over, I know it was a fear of yours. I don't know what the answer for Peggy's bills are for you, I had to pay until the Court approved and money was available and then reimbursed myself from MIL's estate account also same for my friend. It is another reason not to be P.R. for an estate. I am not saying that is how Peggy's estate will work because as I said each State seems to have different rules. I just know Probate adds to the stresses, at least it is for me. My friends estate is going on way more than a year and who knows how long MIL will continue because IRS will cause a delay as long as the refund isn't processed so I can't close bank account and can't close estate and.......

[John9]

11 hours ago, tnd said:

Diabetes does affect everything but they have to be more specific on the death cert.

tnd,

I have found that the Death Certificate in Michigan really doesn't always reflect what fully happened. It may be because of the true lack of Information given, or that there is too many deaths and too much paperwork. But I can state that my loving wife and MIL was lacking Information and I can't dispute it, only a Doctor can challenge and it requires more paperwork and more money. I looked into it. The biggest issue is that I wasn't asked anything or shown anything until it was "Officially" filed and then it is too late. I know if there was suspicious death and the police were involved they might change the causes but there wasn't and they didn't. It doesn't change the fact that my loving wife and MIL are dead and won't bring them back. But it hurts nonetheless that again someone didn't do their job correctly. And that seems to be like a broken record, just endlessly repeating over and over. I have had to deal with so many that just can't or won't do the job they are supposed to.

[KayC]

13 hours ago, tnd said:

As your O2 drops into the danger zone you feel a little funny, almost like being drunk.

She was asleep when she stopped breathing, but what I've read is she died of respiratory arrest (stopped breathing) and THEN they go into cardiac arrest (affects heart) but she wouldn't have felt that without breathing.  She may have coughed, but it was so quick, I doubt she felt anything, which is a blessing.

[KayC]

2 hours ago, John9 said:

I am sorry that your Daughter has to start over

My paralegal friend filed the forms to stop their dismissal, so keeping our fingers crossed it's not too late, if they take as long as everything else they do it shouldn't be too late!  Unless the process things THEY file a helluva lot quicker than the things WE file! It's been three weeks today since they filed dismissal, it took them two YEARS to respond to the divorce!  She got the forms done yesterday, would have the day before but their website wasn't working.

2 hours ago, John9 said:

I had to pay until the Court approved and money was available and then reimbursed myself from MIL's estate account also same for my friend.

What does one do if they haven't got it?!  They ordered her homeowners ins. paid and also the electricity but the bank account can't be accessed for MONTHS!  What a system.

Thankfully Peggy had just gotten her pittance of an IRS and state refunds back so I deposited them into her bank account (they'll take $ but just won't give it out).  Thank God!  Also her vehicles are gotten rid of and she'd just gotten rid of Bert's guns the night before she died (15)!  That cash is what we used to pay for her cremation (over $2,000), it cost $950 when I paid for Bert's cremation 1 1/2 years ago but the sheriff didn't consult with the family about where we wanted her taken to, so we got stuck with exorbitant pricing.

[John9]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

My paralegal friend filed the forms to stop their dismissal, so keeping our fingers crossed it's not too late, if they take as long as everything else they do it shouldn't be too late!  Unless the process things THEY file a helluva lot quicker than the things WE file! It's been three weeks today since they filed dismissal, it took them two YEARS to respond to the divorce!  She got the forms done yesterday, would have the day before but their website wasn't working.

KayC,

I have said the system doesn't really understand what it is like on the other side. They see no issues because as far as they are concerned it works.

 

[John9]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

What does one do if they haven't got it?!  They ordered her homeowners ins. paid and also the electricity but the bank account can't be accessed for MONTHS!  What a system.

Thankfully Peggy had just gotten her pittance of an IRS and state refunds back so I deposited them into her bank account (they'll take $ but just won't give it out).  Thank God!  Also her vehicles are gotten rid of and she'd just gotten rid of Bert's guns the night before she died (15)!  That cash is what we used to pay for her cremation (over $2,000), it cost $950 when I paid for Bert's cremation 1 1/2 years ago but the sheriff didn't consult with the family about where we wanted her taken to, so we got stuck with exorbitant pricing.

KayC,

I won't tell you how much each of the 3 cremations cost me (plus my prepaid) but also each had to include embalming for reasons I stated before. And yes another thing that people don't seem to understand how can you do something that you aren't legally allowed to do. MIL was actually turned over to collection agency by the Hospital over her copay because I told them she died AND was waiting for Court approval. So I told the Attorney to earn their money and fight it because they handled it wrong. I will pay if I have to but the Hospital told me not to worry they would work with me and then as soon as Probate Court opened case the collection agency was there to file a claim against the estate. I figured they can't ruin her credit so go ahead. Same thing with my late wife and the Air Ambulance, they said don't worry and then threatened her credit.It was okay though because I want no credit in her name anymore, so if a bad mark keeps anyone from opening any credit that is good. And yes most banks will be more than happy to accept money, which is how some banking errors happen not related to death. The lack of understanding by the officials in regards to how a death actually affects people and what we go through is truly amazing and partly what we have discussed before. Things won't change because they see no problem and you can't talk to anyone who can actually help. All I can offer is a general statement that if anyone is reading this, find out how to give access to bank accounts after you die. P.O.D. or joint or whatever so someone isn't stuck in this situation. Don't be like my friend who kept telling me he didn't care, because he would be dead. I told him he was causing me a headache, just wasn't aware of how big of one. Sorry just venting and trying to help also.

[KayC]

Yes, and I just have to let go of all the things I cannot change, my BP can't take the stress..  I would think the bill collectors could get that our hands are tied at this time!  Now I'm getting calls about selling her house!  A little too soon for that.

[John9]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Yes, and I just have to let go of all the things I cannot change, my BP can't take the stress..  I would think the bill collectors could get that our hands are tied at this time!  Now I'm getting calls about selling her house!  A little too soon for that.

KayC,

I understand the first part of the comment, that is one of the things I can't seem to do. I have tried but I keep getting dragged in and down by everything. If the "system" works the same where you are, as soon as the Court papers are filed they crawl out of the woodwork trying to take advantage of the situation. Here they have even contacted me about selling my house because MIL was living with us. I have no desire to sell because it will go to our son when I die. As far as bill collectors go, they have a job but some have no empathy. It is a tricky situation for the person/people handling the estate. I hate what is required to be done and have said before that in this day and age it should be so much easier and faster to get things done. But what do I know, laws are written by Lawyers and they want money and they don't care how they hurt people at the worst time of their lives. Again you might notice I am not a fan of the system right now.

[KayC]

22 hours ago, John9 said:

But what do I know, laws are written by Lawyers and they want money

It seems everything is a drain, the courts/laws/system bleeds us!  Nothing is simple!  At a time when our brains are at our worst and we're depleted, they make so many demands and we can't even grasp them.  I have to start letting the answering machine pick up more but when your utility company calls you don't know if it'll be for you or her...or if her neighbor calls, are they calling to offer condolences or want something!

 

[John9]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

It seems everything is a drain, the courts/laws/system bleeds us!  Nothing is simple!  At a time when our brains are at our worst and we're depleted, they make so many demands and we can't even grasp them.  I have to start letting the answering machine pick up more but when your utility company calls you don't know if it'll be for you or her...or if her neighbor calls, are they calling to offer condolences or want something!

 

KayC,

I have had so many scam/spam calls I had to years ago get a phone that allows me to screen. My loving wife hated when the phone rang because she was afraid it was something bad. Since she died and my friend and MIL and I am P.R. most are trying to "help" me, sell the properties, buy the properties, handle the whatever needs handling. Now I don't answer the phone unless I know who they are and IF I feel like talking to them. I always told my loving wife when she called anyone to leave a message, if she wanted a return call. That is pretty much my mantra now, no message no return call. And if I google the number and there is no information, then I block them. It doesn't work 100 percent of the time but it stops some from repeat calls. I accept the legitimate calls but I don't sit and wait for them either, because of how slow everything is I would be just waiting seemingly forever. I have said that grief brain/broken brain is real and we know it is but again the professional don't seem to understand it. It is well over 13 months for me since my loving wife died and 15 months since my friend died and my brain is still unable to process simple tasks sometimes. Let alone the more complex or complicated things like paperwork and taxes.

[KayC]

I will personally be so relieved for you when the whole estates thing is settled, I can't imagine one on my back, but TWO??!  I am so sorry.  You must be a helluva man to take this on...or should be locked up, one or the other!    Seriously, I commend you!!

[John9]

51 minutes ago, KayC said:

I will personally be so relieved for you when the whole estates thing is settled, I can't imagine one on my back, but TWO??!  I am so sorry.  You must be a helluva man to take this on...or should be locked up, one or the other!    Seriously, I commend you!!

KayC,

I used to joke whenever a Siren would pass by that they were coming to arrest me, and I said that I could use the rest. Maybe I am locked up and I am in a rubber room, and this is all an hallucination from the drugs that have me on. I don't know if I am strong or just trying to make sure our son doesn't have the messes I have but I sure would like this all to be over. I hope that Peggy's estate is much easier for all of your Family. I think it is such a terrible thing we have to have all of the added stress and pain from Court, especially when it is so drawn out. There will never be closure while thing hang over us, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Was it done right, was it on time, did I find everything, did I hire the right people....ALL too much for a broken brain and a broken heart.

[KayC]

On 4/24/2022 at 7:36 AM, John9 said:

I hope that Peggy's estate is much easier for all of your Family.

It's not looking to start out that way!  Nothing about this is easy, it's a mess.  We can't take care of things and put them behind us because we're stuck with "the system."

Last night I got an email from nosy neighbor Wanita...Wanita is a neighbor far removed from Peggy but she includes Peggy's neighborhood in her swath and her tongue doesn't quit.  She said Peggy quit taking her meds the last 1 1/2 years.  No, she did not, she assumed it.  Peggy was on pain meds after her fall, a long time ago, they caused her to vomit up her food and meds, so she didn't take them.  Marquis never dealt with anything right, instead of talking to her doctor about it, they just kept giving her the meds and food and going on about their day.  When I got Peggy home I got her to wean off the pain meds and she began holding food down and resumed taking her regular meds.  It makes me wonder if Wanita told the sheriff and that is part of why he thought that? (I'd had to tell Marquis AND the hospital to not tell Wanita anything as they'd broken hippa laws with her!).  I'd assured the sheriff that she was most certainly taking all her meds and the reason she her Rxs were prescribed by her previous doctor was because the pharmacy had her on auto fill, every two months, a three month supply, so she didn't NEED a new Rx yet from her new Dr!  She was afraid she'd forget to call them in if left to her so she had it on auto fill.  

It makes me wonder how many people Wanita has told this to, filled them with her poison, leading others to think Peggy died of slow suicide when she did not.  Peggy had gone off her antidepressants of 28 years (under a doctor's care) with no visible side effects or change in her outlook/temperament!  I think that speaks to her positive state of mind.  I knew her.  She was very optimistic, sometimes too much so, not seeing what she didn't want to, but very cheerful.  But she also felt the wistfulness that comes with grief, of missing her husband.  I know, we talked every single day about everything.  How she felt, what she did that day, who came by or called, everything.

 Wanita also told me Peggy didn't go to the doctor.  Yes, she did....I took her.

Why do we have to deal with people like this on top of everything else we're dealing with!