Lots Of Stress And Grief While Starting New Life

[DWS]

1 hour ago, tnd said:

 And if this isn't enough, Fran says her husband wants me out ASAP. I think Fran wants me our too but is letting her hubby be the baddie. Anyways, she says not to worry ....and I just got told I need to get out?? How can I not worry? She said her husband is checking out assisted living facilities. And then she said I may have to consider one that won't make me happy (as in beggars can't be choosers). OH REALLY!? I'm not to worry but have no place to live now.

Fingers are crossed that her husband is just having a fit of frustration and things get calmer. I really wish there was something the rest of us here could do for you or that somebody or something out of the blue brings a positive into your world. 

[KayC]

tnd, I am praying God makes this priority for you to get the apt. asap!  You need this!  Rents are insane in the Eugene/Springfield area (my daughter lives in Eugene), most $2,000/month.  Her soon to be ex is on the lease so she can qualify, if he takes himself off...scary.  She ran into that before when he'd left.  She was going to move in with her friend a few years ago but last minute her friend decided her mom could stay there...she's afraid to trust her for that anymore.

It's so wrong!  They need to address the affordable housing situation!  How I wish I had a solution for you.  We can pray and that we do.

[Sparky1]

Affordable housing doesn't exist in my area. Young people can't afford to rent an apartment or condo because the rates are so crazy. Three to four thousand a month for something decent. Housing is insane, the prices have quadrupled in the last few years. Plus, where is a young couple going to get $200k for a downpayment? Our taxes should be used to building affordable housing for those that need it; unfortunately the money disappears into a black hole.

[steveb]

Agree, rent and home prices are crazy in Florida. It’s amazing how a home built in the late 90s for a bit over a 100k can go for almost 400k now.  I simply don’t know  how young couples can manage it. Then, they have to pay another 5 to 10 grand for decent health insurance on top of housing.  It ain’t right. 

[foreverhis]

1 hour ago, steveb said:

Agree, rent and home prices are crazy in Florida. It’s amazing how a home built in the late 90s for a bit over a 100k can go for almost 400k now.  I simply don’t know  how young couples can manage it. Then, they have to pay another 5 to 10 grand for decent health insurance on top of housing.  It ain’t right. 

It's insane.  Where we are in California isn't the highest cost, but it's prime coastal, wine, and agricultural location.  Prices are nowhere near the Bay Area or LA regions and yet we are stunned at the increases.  We bought our small original 1965/partial remodel 1990 home in 1996 when housing prices had gone down to their lowest in 15 years.  Though we could have qualified for bigger and/or newer, we didn't want to be "house poor."  The location sold it for us as we'd rather have a modest home near nature and the ocean and with lovely views than some big McMansion elsewhere.

Over the years, we've had a fair amount of maintenance and upgrades, but nothing fancy.  We paid off our mortgage with the proceeds from my parents' modest mobile home nearby.  In 2016, we needed to have a number of expensive (to us) projects done, so we decided to take a small first mortgage again because interest rates were excellent and we didn't want to use our savings.  When the appraisal came back, John opened the document and looked stunned.  He handed it to me and asked, "Would you pay that much for this house?"  Well, no I wouldn't pay nearly 4 times what we paid--we couldn't have paid anywhere near that much!  Our next door neighbor purchased her place 2 years ago after saving for 20+ years and living modestly.  It's somewhat newer than ours, but on the same small "coastal area" lot (100' x 40').  I, being slightly nosy, looked in our county assessor's website and found out that she paid about 4 times what it had been worth in the late 1990s.  Fortunately, she makes a good, stable income and doesn't live a fancy lifestyle.

Things were already getting out of control in the early 2000s, but in our area in the prime locations and the small popular city, affordable new homes are listed as "Starting from the low $500s (and even up to $700s)."  Rents deemed affordable start at $1,500/month for a tiny studio.  Pardon my swearing, but affordable my ass!

[Jemiga70]

@tnd  I echo others' sentiments here.  I'm so sorry you have to go through this new stress along with the stress of grief and the health and sleep challenges. Keep on praying for you that God will hear and deliver what you need quickly.  You really need a break.

[KayC]

15 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

Our taxes should be used to building affordable housing for those that need it; unfortunately the money disappears into a black hole.

I agree!  A person can be put on a low income list but even so it sometimes takes two years to wait for an opening and even then they require you make too much, no matter you've demonstrated you can do it.

14 hours ago, steveb said:

home built in the late 90s for a bit over a 100k can go for almost 400k now.

My place actually went DOWN in value because it's a 44 old mobile home, but it's been kept up, only needs new flooring.  The carport/storage is separate and I need to replace the back of it as it was built on dirt, I was quoted $2,500 just before Covid, but by summer it raised to $20,000!  No can do, still waiting for prices to come down and praying it doesn't collapse in the meantime.

I don't get how the property went down in value, forested, has a year around creek, beautiful property!  If I sold this place I couldn't get another for that value.  I'd likely end up in a trailer court (I don't like apartments).  I need a fenced yard for my Kodie!  I love my neighbors and the beauty of the scenery/wildlife, peace and quiet so I continue on, shoveling snow in the winter, picking up branches from storms...

5 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

Keep on praying for you that God will hear and deliver what you need quickly.  You really need a break.

Amen!  My prayer also.

[John9]

9 minutes ago, KayC said:

My place actually went DOWN in value because it's a 44 old mobile home, but it's been kept up, only needs new flooring. 

KayC,

I am not sure how things work where you live, BUT you might be very lucky on paper at least. As I had stated when MIL died and I wanted/attempted to sell her house I couldn't because the value was too high and offer too low. Nobody would listen and Son is close to being able to get rid of it, if it goes through. But since taxes here are based on value, if it had gone down as it should have MIL wouldn't have had to pay as much as she did. Of course what the value says and what someone will pay is where the real issue is. I know you aren't looking or wanting to sell but you might be surprised what your property is worth. But I agree with everyone about what should be done about affordable housing for everyone but especially the older people who are on limited fixed income.

[Gail 8588]

Tnd, 

I am so sorry you are in this impossible situation.  I would contact the subsidized  apartment manager and let them know how very urgent your need is.  Beg for help.

If they can't get you in an apartment right away, I'd call around to churches and agencies to try to get some transitional housing for 3 months or so to bridge the gap from Fran's to the subsidized apartment.

I agree with you it is unlikely you will get into an assisted living  facility due to the high costs.   

Call women's shelters. I think you can make a good claim of being in a violent and abusive home.  It doesn't have to be violent and abusive 24/7.  It's the random, unpredictably violence that most people have to deal with.  Fran's bursting into your room with a gun asking you to be ready to call 911 is a great example. I am sure you have many others. I'd have 3 or 4 examples ready.  Having your food locked out (you locked in) is another good one.  The fact that you lost so much weight because they did not make food available to you.  You live with great food insecurity.  Not because you can't afford food, but because in this house you are denied access to food you bought (they eat it).

I wish I could make these calls on your behalf to advocate for you to get a new living arrangement. 

Thinking of you often and praying you get better housing very soon!

Gail

 

 

[John9]

12 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said:

I wish I could make these calls on your behalf to advocate for you to get a new living arrangement. 

Thinking of you often and praying you get better housing very soon!

Gail 8588,

I agree with everything you state. And this is just another example of the people who need help not being able to receive it. And not enough help available either or enough resources for those in need.

[Gail 8588]

I agree John, the need for subsidized housing far exceeds what is available. 

I also believe that the squeaky wheel, or folks who have strong advocates, often get the limited resources ahead of those who patiently follow the rules and wait. 

Tnd's need is really at a critically high level (and has been for a long time).  I just wish we could somehow help advocate for her to get placed sooner. 

I'll keep praying though. 

Gail

 

[tnd]

Spent yesterday just resting. My anxiety is through the roof. I agreed to babysit today, thinking Fran's cute 5yr old granddaughter will be a good distraction from the stress. Children have a way of bringing some light to your day. I'm exhausted but what the heck...

I do not know what Fran and her husband have planned for me. I think once they check out prices of assisted living they will see that I wasn't joking about that. Those places are way out of my price range. I wish that they'd just hold on until that apartment has one available. I really don't know why her husband wants me out of here, he will be 2 feet from me and won't talk, not even to say hello. He's been like that since day one. Strange. I remember on Christmas morning I told him "Merry Christmas" but he didn't even look at me and just walked right past me as if I wasn't there. Later at dinnertime, he filled his plate and went back to his bedroom. Never came out to talk to the adults or play with the grandkids. It was just very strange. Anyways, since they had 3 families (their adult kids and their children) all living here during the pandemic and then the son who had been away on the streets for 4 years with a drug addiction move back in about 6 months before I  came along, it might be that he and Fran would like the house finally to themselves. 

I hate being in this stinking situation. But I've got no choice now. Fran told me to not worry but yet also says I need to move out. WTH? Where can I go? Well, like I said, maybe babysitting today (later, it's only 142am here) will help me calm down. Keep wishing this is all just been a bad dream and that I will wake up with my husband at my side. 

[KayC]

22 hours ago, John9 said:

But since taxes here are based on value

Oh but my taxes are as high as my sister's house valued four times as high, in same town!  Go figure.

6 hours ago, tnd said:

on Christmas morning I told him "Merry Christmas" but he didn't even look at me and just walked right past me as if I wasn't there.

Sounds like my DIL. 

6 hours ago, tnd said:

Keep wishing this is all just been a bad dream and that I will wake up with my husband at my side. 

Oh Hon, I wish that for us all.  If only...only only isn't. 

21 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

 

I also believe that the squeaky wheel, or folks who have strong advocates, often get the limited resources ahead of those who patiently follow the rules and wait. 

I agree, sadly.

 

Yesterday I made an appt for my mysterious throat/tongue condition I've had 1 1/2 years, for a gastroenterologist, I have to wait 3 months for a consultation with a nurse practitioner!  THEN another three months for a scope/biopsy...that puts me in December/snow, same reason I had to cancel in April when I had over four feet (normally it's over with by then but this year I got snow until 3 weeks ago).  They refused to do a tentative appt for it so I could get in earlier, didn't care about my situation.  That puts me at TWO YEARS living with this pain and not knowing what it is I'm dealing with!  Meanwhile I've had three PCPs in this time and not a one would look in my throat "due to Covid."  I'm angry that doctors only care about Covid, not our other conditions!  So tired of fighting it, the pain, it's raised my platelets and blood sugar, they'll chew me out about that but don't give a ___ enough to try to figure out WHAT is causing it!!!  No answers.  Believe me, if Dr. Google knew, he'd have told me by now.

[John9]

16 minutes ago, KayC said:

Oh but my taxes are as high as my sister's house valued four times as high, in same town!  Go figure.

KayC,

I wasn't sure whether it was an accurate basis since all States/Counties/Cities seem to have their own rules. I know I tried to argue with the City about ours and lost every time because they said so.

20 minutes ago, KayC said:

Yesterday I made an appt for my mysterious throat/tongue condition I've had 1 1/2 years, for a gastroenterologist, I have to wait 3 months for a consultation with a nurse practitioner! 

I am sorry that you are still having an issue, even getting to see a Dr. or anyone that can help you and I agree that Covid as an excuse is wearing thin. By now the medical field should have figured out how to safely treat patients. But we have discussed before that Covid as an excuse will be with us for many years, and people will suffer for it. I just hope you can finally resolve this and get whatever treatment you need. It just seems like nobody is listening to what you are saying, and we have discussed that issue too about many things.

[tnd]

On 6/6/2022 at 9:30 AM, KayC said:

I don't get how the property went down in value, forested, has a year around creek, beautiful property!  If I sold this place I couldn't get another for that value.

My husband was an appraiser. Then an appraisal auditor and then we were laid off and he went back to appraising for another company. I worked as a mortgage underwriter, underwriting instructor and then underwriting auditor. I'm mentioning this to give you an idea of our backgrounds.  

A home's appraised value is based on age of home, condition, square footage and gla (gross living area/rooms), market area and at least 3 comparibles that are similiar and preferably in the same area. Your trees and creek may help to sell it but are not given a dollar value. 

BTW, we are definitely seeing a "housing bubble" again. And when it bursts, especially in this baaad economy, it is going to be very bad. What goes up must come down. How far it goes down and for how long will determine if we are in a recession. I've seen this movie before and fear the worst. 

[tnd]

So far today hasn't gone too bad. I had to deal with my oxygen provider wanting my current prescription for O2 so had to be on the phone. The little girl I am babysitting doesn't have a lot of patience...Otherwise the day is going okay. I think. Thanks all for your caring and kind words. If I can't find anywhere to live I guess there is always the "funny farm". 

[John9]

14 minutes ago, tnd said:

A home's appraised value is based on age of home, condition, square footage and gla (gross living area/rooms), market area and at least 3 comparibles that are similiar and preferably in the same area. Your trees and creek may help to sell it but are not given a dollar value. 

BTW, we are definitely seeing a "housing bubble" again. And when it bursts, especially in this baaad economy, it is going to be very bad. What goes up must come down. How far it goes down and for how long will determine if we are in a recession. I've seen this movie before and fear the worst. 

tnd,

That was why I lost my attempts to lower assessed valuation, there are no comparable houses in the area. We have a 2.7 acre lot with a house and there is nothing near us to compare it with and they couldn't check any boxes. Yes this economy will hurt many more people when it all hits the fan again.

13 minutes ago, tnd said:

If I can't find anywhere to live I guess there is always the "funny farm". 

I have questioned why if I haven't died yet, why am I not in a rubber room or maybe I am and just don't know it. Thinking of you and hoping that you are able to make it through until the Apartment opens up. I hope whatever is happening with Fran and her Husband calms down and you get some sort of a break, because you deserve it.

[Gail 8588]

We are all living in a time of great uncertainty.  It is very stressful. 

In the US our political systems seem on the brink of disaster. The global economy is on shakey ground. Putin's war on Ukraine is destabilizing so many things. North Korea is unpredictable, as is China. Climate change is impacting everything from ocean currents to drought, flood, acid in the ocean, to unbearable heat. Gun violence is rampant. My 8 month old grandson is having to give up bottle feedings because we can't find formula to buy. Covid is on the rise again.

A housing bubble almost seems like the least of our troubles.

I honestly don't know how any of this is going to turn out, but it makes me glad I'm old. I feel sorry for the young people. 

Gail

 

[tnd]

9 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

My 8 month old grandson is having to give up bottle feedings because we can't find formula to buy

This just kills me that there is a shortage of baby formula. I don't think it's being addressed like it should be. "They" say it's being given priority but I'm not feeling it. I hope your baby grandson will get some soon. 

[tnd]

10 hours ago, John9 said:

I have questioned why if I haven't died yet,

While I am  very glad that you are alive, I wonder how and why I'm still alive too. Especially with what we are being put through. I know I have a conscience and wouldn't want to die and leave my cats to be dumped at a shelter but the biggest concern is reuniting with my husband. No doubt you feel that way about your wife. 

[KayC]

13 hours ago, tnd said:

Your trees and creek may help to sell it but are not given a dollar value. 

I had it appraised and he said it being a year around creek does make a difference, as does my forest.  People who clearcut devalue their property.  The county hasn't been out and seen how well cared for it's been in more years than I can count.  If they're relying on google maps aerial view it doesn't give the full picture of the home itself!  The roofs I paid for, the painting that was done, the upkeep, etc.  Nor will they notice when I have the back of the garage done although my bank account surely will!

12 hours ago, John9 said:

there are no comparable houses in the area

I have the same, there are other mobile homes but not cared for the same and each person's property is unique here.  They're shaped differently, some on a hill, some flat, some have the creek, some do not.  My friend/neighbor's has a waterfall and gorge on it!

All just another thing to deal with...alone.  I do my best, all any of us can do.

12 hours ago, John9 said:

I hope whatever is happening with Fran and her Husband calms down and you get some sort of a break, because you deserve it.

Yep, me too!

12 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I honestly don't know how any of this is going to turn out, but it makes me glad I'm old.

Only that we don't have as long to do this...but for those of us who can no longer work, dependent on Soc. Sec. and Medicare, it's frightening when they keep threatening they're running out of $!  What do they want us to do, all live in a homeless camp?  A friend who watches the alternate news (conspiracy theorist) said a lot of stuff last night that didn't help my anxiety level.  Didn't sleep much at all.

12 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I feel sorry for the young people. 

Me too...our grandchildren!

12 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

My 8 month old grandson is having to give up bottle feedings because we can't find formula to buy.

I read in the newspaper yesterday that they're starting the US company back up again, too late for your grandson though.

2 hours ago, tnd said:

the biggest concern is reuniting with my husband.

Oh Hon, that should be the least of your concerns, once we get there it'll be great, you will be with him again!  
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

[John9]

7 hours ago, tnd said:

While I am  very glad that you are alive, I wonder how and why I'm still alive too. Especially with what we are being put through. I know I have a conscience and wouldn't want to die and leave my cats to be dumped at a shelter but the biggest concern is reuniting with my husband. No doubt you feel that way about your wife. 

tnd,

I have similar thoughts but hopefully our Son will take care of my loving wife's cats when I finally die. I hope you are doing okay today as I see it is 1 year since your Husband died. I don't want to add to your problems but it did help when everyone mentioned the date for my loving wife. And only one of her relatives mentioned it. Take care today and everyday as I am sure you are doing. John

[tnd]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

I had it appraised and he said it being a year around creek does make a difference, as does my forest. 

No doubt you have a superior view and that will always help to sell a property. I think it really says something about your will and strength to have managed taking care of everything there on your own. I would love to be able to wake up to that every morning! Some people seem to use their home as a cash card while others like me and you make a house "a home" . 

My husband had the house long before we married. We did just a little updating. Our plan was to stay in it until we retired and then downsize. Instead, we were laid off. We tried hanging on to it but Cobra insurance and everything else cost too much. We knew we had to sell so did. We would have had the mortgage paid off in less than 6 years. It was painful. 

[tnd]

3 hours ago, John9 said:

I hope you are doing okay today as I see it is 1 year since your Husband died

Thanks, John9. I'm doing alright. A few tears. Got about 3 hours of sleep, which is more than I've been getting so that helps. I think babysitting yesterday wore me out but served as a good distraction or deterent from the anxiety. Breathing normal right now instead of that hyperventilating action I've had. I'm in a lot of pain tho. I don't understand why the pain has worsened these past few weeks but it's a little more than I can handle. I have a doctors appointment on Friday.

Hard to believe it's been a year since my husband passed. Still seems so very strange to be without him. I question why I'm still here. You'd think my illness alone would have killed me by now. You'd think the stress would have done me in. My heart is broken from missing my husband but...I am still here! I don't understand it. 

[John9]

5 minutes ago, tnd said:

You'd think the stress would have done me in. My heart is broken from missing my husband but...I am still here! I don't understand it. 

tnd,

That question/thought goes through my broken brain every morning when I wake up (if I have slept) and all day long. I still say it will be a broken heart that gets me, just not as fast as I had thought. I know that in the past whenever I was extra tired from whatever, it helped me sleep. Now all of the physical pain supersedes the tiredness, so no real restful sleep.

[tnd]

16 minutes ago, John9 said:

Now all of the physical pain supersedes the tiredness, so no real restful sleep.

There is pain and then there is PAIN. Last nite was one of the worst. I woke myself up screaming at 2am. I dreamt that I was laying here in bed when a bomb landed in the house. For the first few seconds I felt the Shockwave and then saw debris flying at me and I was screaming from the impact. It was a terrible terrible nitemare and so realistic. Felt shaken after that. And in a lot of pain. Finally fell back to sleep around 6am for nearly 3 hours and woke up breathing near normal. In fact, that's what woke me up! My O2 level was in the high 90's! Such a relief. Of course I'm still in pain but not as bad as it was. 

I sometimes want to scream "come back, come home!" But I know my husband is where he should be. It is me that is in the wrong place right now. Well, emotionally and spiritually that is. I just don’t get why or how I'm still alive or why I'm even here. Guess my story isn't done yet. 

[John9]

tnd,

I am sorry that you have all of that to deal with. Mine isn't anywhere near as bad as you have it, I just am unable to stay in one position for more than about 2 hours, and the pain causes me to wake up when I move and sometimes I hear myself moaning and making loud noises. Sometimes it scares the cats, probably why they don't let me sleep in.

[tnd]

45 minutes ago, John9 said:

Sometimes it scares the cats, probably why they don't let me sleep in.

You mean cats let people sleep in?? Yeah, mine don't either. Use to have a Manx that would stomp across our chests every morning. And he was no lightweight. Surprisingly, my husband liked him best. That cat was real independent, did what he what he wanted. Sort of like my husband. But he was also a big baby too. I did a lot of little things for him that he could've done himself but he either didn't like to or else he'd say a I did it just a little better than him. For instance, he didn't iron his shirts, I did that. He didn't like packing for a business trip, so I did that. Same went for cooking. Just little things like that. I never really kept track because he'd do things too and so together things got done. 

Thank God I have my good memories but now I have to live with the bad memory of my husband's death. And it's only been a year so it's not something in my distant past. Nope, it's right here in front of me every waking moment. 

I think about memories and some do make me laugh and feel better. We were homebodies, the two of us. We made our own entertainment. Played a lot Scrabble. Listened to a lot of old music. Competed with the male toads who were calling to attract a mate out on the back patio at nite. We easily amused ourselves. Never had so much stupid fun before until I met him. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. It's not like I'm going to have that again. He really was one in a million, as I'm sure you say the same about your wife. 

 

 

 

[John9]

3 minutes ago, tnd said:

You mean cats let people sleep in?? Yeah, mine don't either.

tnd,

One of the biggest issues with my loving wife's cats is that they like to be up high. My loving wife wanted these cats for that reason, they climb. So we put up shelves for them and have a bed for them on top of the headboard on my side of the bed. A very large percentage of the time when one or both of them decide to get down, guess where they land. Yup on me and many times in a very sensitive area. Yes, I would have to say that my loving wife was one in a million too. Memories are good until they aren't, mine turn sad really quickly. But I am here until it is my time to go and somehow I have to figure it all out.

[tnd]

4 minutes ago, John9 said:

But I am here until it is my time to go and somehow I have to figure it all out.

And somehow I think we will. 

I'm sitting here listening to what I think is a nest of Cardinals near my window. Probably just one or two, which is about all they have. I've been seeing their momma come and go but not the daddy yet. They both tend to the babies. Cardinals had special meaning for my husband and I. Ha..guess they still do. Tell me that's not the reason why you haven't relocated that cat shelf..

[John9]

tnd,

Honestly not much has been moved since my loving wife died. The cats like thing how they are, and I just don't have any desire for change. Probably also as you say things still have a meaning for "us".

[foreverhis]

6 hours ago, tnd said:

Hard to believe it's been a year since my husband passed. Still seems so very strange to be without him. I question why I'm still here. You'd think my illness alone would have killed me by now. You'd think the stress would have done me in. My heart is broken from missing my husband but...I am still here! I don't understand it. 

I just wanted to check in and say you're in my thoughts today.  The first anniversary of "the day" can be so difficult. For me the days leading up to it were actually worse because I worried myself into a frenzy and was extra worn out by the time I woke up that morning.  Still, it seemed unreal.  My shattered heart felt the same as the moment my love took his last breath.  It took until well into my second year before I slowly started building some strength, layer by thin layer.  Each year is different, just as our grief journeys are different. 

I used to ask the "Why" questions, but never got any answer.  Finally I figured that I will not get them in this world, but maybe in the next.  Or maybe in the next everything will become clear and I won't need those answers.  I don't know why you or I are still here.  There must be a reason, even if we can't see it.

Your fortitude amazes me.  I suppose we are all stronger inside than we think or we wouldn't be here now. I pray that your second year brings you peace, quiet, and a place of your own--as soon as possible.  You deserve it.((HUGS))

[tnd]

1 hour ago, foreverhis said:

I just wanted to check in and say you're in my thoughts today.  The first anniversary of "the day" can be so difficult. For me the days leading up to it were actually worse because I worried myself into a frenzy and was extra worn out by the time I woke up that morning.  Still, it seemed unreal

Thank you. It was kind of the same way with me: the days prior were a bit harder. Pretty much had a quiet day. John9 helped too. That is why I come on here. I know this is where I will find a friend and some support. My anxiety was more manageable today, thank you. I tensed up a bit after Fran and her husband came home from work so I need to work on that. But as I was alone I just rested and tried not to think of anything stressful or sad. Except for wondering why/how could it be that I'm still alive, I tried to just think of   positive things and happy memories. Gee, maybe sometimes it's actually good to intentionally ignore or set aside the bad stressful and sad stuff. 

AND....just as I wrote this, the adult son Fran kicked out showed up at the door and they proceeded to have a shouting match. Too much drama here. 

[KayC]

17 hours ago, tnd said:

That cat was real independent, did what he what he wanted. Sort of like my husband.

Maybe that is why he liked him, he related to him.  Just like I related to Kitty, we'd both been abandoned, repeatedly.  I promised her a forever home and gave it to her.  She took me up on it, living to 25 1/2.

tnd, sorry you had such a vivid nightmare, I hate that!  Usually have a hard time getting back to sleep, it gets your adrenaline going!

Keep on keeping on, what else can we do!

[tnd]

On 6/6/2022 at 10:47 AM, Gail 8588 said:

the need for subsidized housing far exceeds what is available. 

I never would have imagined I'd ever need low income housing but here I am, begging for it. It's largely my own fault, tho. I didn't plan and prepare enough during my working days. I'd start to but in my own defense, my first husband was always quitting a job. I've also endured not one, not two but three layoffs. Because of that I had to change careers and move, starting over each time. Was maddening. And every time just as it seemed I was getting back on my feet, some other crisis would set me back. I had to take care of my mother. It was always something. I could go on but my point is, my whole life has basically been sucky. I am 58 and don't know if I have it in me to start over again. I'm sick, I'm tired and I mourn my husband. And here I am, worried about whether or not and how soon can I get into a cheap, rundown, roach-infested dump. Anything else? Anyone else wanting to pile it on me?? Go right ahead. Death is knocking at my door anyways. 

I've got an appt with my lung doctor today...if he wants to put me in the hospital I'll welcome it. The last time I felt this way was three years ago and I was very sick. He made me take a ride in an ambulance. It was so good to breath the oxygen they gave me. I had been turning blue ...

Being in a hospital isn't always so bad. The ICU treated me well. And at some point I was fed three square meals a day that were actually delicious. I was hungry. Within a few days they had me feeling better than I had in a long time. The fact that it's been three years isn't such a bad record. Some people have to go more often than that, so I'm lucky in that regard. If I have to go to the hospital I won't argue. With the way I feel right now, something has got to give. Really not doing so well and just yesterday I thought I was. Nope. By yesterday afternoon it's been all downhill. I'm just praying I have the strength to shower before my appt today. Really. 

Lotsa stress! Honey where are you, please come back! 

[steveb]

You are an exceptional human being tnd.  I pray that your situation improves soon, very soon. 
 

Hugs coming your way, Steve 

[KayC]

Would Francine take care of your cats while you're hospitalized?  I have no one to take care of Kodie so that is scary to me.  My mysterious throat/tongue issue has gone on 1 1/2 years now, now it's red and swollen with white patches, yet no doctor will look at it, all so worried about Covid, it's not Covid!  Can't get a scope until winter.  So here I am in pain and scared, alone...

I, like you, haven't had the best of luck...starting over many times, layoffs, husbands abandoning me...I never dreamed I'd still have a mortgage on a 44 year old mobile home that I can ill afford, but here I am...and alone in it.  Never dreamed we'd be hit with a pandemic and a war that is destroying our economy, the country divided about political issues and so much more.  The one bright spot in my life is Kodie.

Hold on for your cats, they are what breathe life into you while you struggle to survive.  Please let us know what your lung doctor says...

[John9]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Would Francine take care of your cats while you're hospitalized? 

KayC,

That was a thought of mine as well. There are other thoughts but I will not pile on to tnd's mental stress. I will continue to hope that the Apartment comes through soon and she can have some peace of mind which I believe will do her a world of good.

[tnd]

20 hours ago, steveb said:

Hugs coming your way, Steve 

Thanks so very much, Steve. Real world or virtual, hugs always makes a person feel good. 

[tnd]

19 hours ago, KayC said:

Would Francine take care of your cats while you're hospitalized?  I have no one to take care of Kodie so that is scary to me. 

I don't honestly know if she would take care of my cats or not. I think so but I could see her husband telling her to get rid of them. 

As for your baby, Kodie, it would be hard not to worry. Some shelters will temporarily house a pet if you contact them about it. I've seen it in the news here that shelters have temporarily cared for pets belonging to the homeless or people who had to be in the hospital or waiting for a new job. Too bad I'm not a cute scrappy terrier...

[tnd]

19 hours ago, KayC said:

I, like you, haven't had the best of luck...starting over many times, layoffs, husbands abandoning me...I never dreamed I'd still have a mortgage on a 44 year old mobile home that I can ill afford, but here I am...and alone in it. 

I'm sorry. I know it sucks. We can still have a good attitude and fight the fight and keep on keeping on but, it doesn't change the fact that we got the short end of the stick and it sucks. 

[tnd]

18 hours ago, John9 said:

KayC,

That was a thought of mine as well. There are other thoughts but I will not pile on to tnd's mental stress. I will continue to hope that the Apartment comes through soon and she can have some peace of mind which I believe will do her a world of good.

Thanks, John9. I agree, I do think having my own place would do me some good. Physically and mentally. There is so much drama here that sometimes I can hardly hear myself think. Constantly on pins and needles. I'm not use to this environment. My husband and I really were the quiet, calm type. And nobody had to go grab a gun.  No yelling, no intense moments. I knew I had married the right man but he really was pretty terrific. I don't know that anyone here (in this house or family) can say that about each other. Kind of sad. But at least I know I was loved and wanted. 

[tnd]

I am home and okay. Will post more later. 

[KayC]

3 hours ago, tnd said:

Some shelters will temporarily house a pet if you contact them about it.

There is nothing like that here.  And the neighbors all have dogs that would tear him apart.  If you have a medical emergency and an ambulance is on the way and you have no one, what do you do about your animal/s?  I'd probably call my next door neighbors who have two small dogs and hope they all get along...

3 hours ago, tnd said:

at least I know I was loved and wanted. 

Yep, me too.

 

[KayC]

2 hours ago, tnd said:

I am home and okay. Will post more later. 

This is a relief...will wait for your update!

[Gail 8588]

On 6/11/2022 at 5:57 AM, tnd said:

I am home and okay. Will post more later. 

Thinking about you and hoping you are well and safe.

Gail

[KayC]

Are you okay?  It's been a few days and with what you've been going through, we can't help but worry...

[foreverhis]

@tnd Ditto to what Gail and Kay wrote. Please check in when you can.

[John9]

I also agree and I do worry when nobody posts anything. But sometimes things get a little more overwhelming and it is all you can do just to keep going. that is from my personal experiences only.

[foreverhis]

@John9 I am most worried about her potentially dangerous living situation and her health concerns. Isn’t it amazing how much we all care about each other?