Realization

[Gail 8588]

John,

I am so sorry this treatment is going so badly. Prayers that these issues are resolved quickly and you feel better soon. 

Gail 

[KayC]

Oh John, my heart breaks as I learn of this development, I am so sorry!  They should be able to give you the same thing the hospital did!  Please keep us informed as to what they do about this, totally not acceptable, I'm so sorry. 

[April Ballou]

@John9 my prayers are with you 

[Sparky1]

John, my prayers are with you brother. Try to get any nutrition you can, hopefully it will give your body strength to get better. 

[John9]

Hello all, 

I had an appointment with my Primary Doctor today to discuss all that is going on. We talked about various issues, but when I reminded her that we discussed my internal bleeding from the tumor, she checked my blood levels and sent me to the ER. She was concerned that if the levels were too low that I would be unable to start my treatments next week. The ER ran tests and did a CT scan to check for active bleeding and after 6 hours all tests came back and they released me because they believe I am stable enough to have my treatments. As I have said before all I can do is what they ask of me, and try my hardest to keep going until this is finally over. Take care, John

[Gail 8588]

John, 

Glad the tests at the ER showed that you are stable and that you can move forward with your treatment.

Prayers for you will keep coming. 

Gail

[KayC]

John, you have so many of us praying for you, and our prayers go with you as you begin your treatment.  I'm so glad you did get checked out and are able to move forward. 

[movingon]

Good news john9 that they released you and you can have your treatments. That is a relief. I hope you're feeling better since the mishap with the nurse. 

[John9]

Hello all,

My Doctor wanted me to start on liquid iron, but my insurance says it is an over the counter product and they don't cover it. And of course even though it was supposed to be an OTC product nobody carries it. Our Sons friend works for a company that supplies drugs for nursing home patients and he was able to get me some, not in the correct strength, but their Pharmacist did a conversion for me, hopefully that will help the low iron levels. Also my Doctor put me on a fentanyl patch for my pain and I am supposed to change it every 3 days, it seems to be working, even thouh it says it may take 24-72 hours to reach the full effect. So far so good as far as it helping. Take care, John

[movingon]

Good news john9, so very happy you are getting some relief. We are all praying for you !

[KayC]

Oh John, I am so glad for the relief it's bringing and thank God your son has a connection that is helping you out!  One day at a time, my friend, and you're getting through this one. 

[Gail 8588]

John,

I am so glad they are now giving you some effective pain medication.  That's a good first step.  The iron should also help. So glad your son's friend could access some for you.  

You are being a real champ pushing through all these hardships as best you can.

Praying for things to get better for you. 

Gail

[foreverhis]

@John9 I am glad to hear you are at least getting some pain relief. And it sounds like your regular doctor is more involved in managing everything than the specialists are. We have a very good internist who helped “oversee” John’s care.  It helped to have someone who knows us be there.

You know we are all keeping you in our hearts and prayers. Rest as much as you can so you can be ready to start treatment. I will be thinking about you today and asking for you to be comforted and healed.

[Gail 8588]

@foreverhis

Glad you made it through the floods of last week.  Looks like another rain train is coming but perhaps a bit south of you.  I sure hope you get a break in this series of flood events.

From what I have read there are a lot of roads closed.

You and Cosi take care. 

Gail

[John9]

Hello all,

I have not been doing well with the feeding tube, many issues with the toilet. I had my first Radiation treatment today and I am feeling nauseous from that. Tomorrow is supposed to be the first chemotherapy also, I don't know if my body is going to make it through this. I have taken something before the Radiation and just took something else that the Oncologist prescribed, hopefully they will take the edge off. I really need this to end. Take care, John

[movingon]

Oh John, I am so sorry for all of this you are going through. I hope all these after effects will ease and that your treatments will be effective. Rest, try to stay strong and we will be here with all of our prayers and thoughts.

[foreverhis]

On 3/21/2023 at 9:40 AM, Gail 8588 said:

@foreverhis

Glad you made it through the floods of last week.  Looks like another rain train is coming but perhaps a bit south of you.  I sure hope you get a break in this series of flood events.

From what I have read there are a lot of roads closed.

You and Cosi take care. 

Gail

Thank you, Gail.  We were in a 4 hour lull.  We're currently in a wind, hail, heavy rain front.  The south is forecast to get a harder hit because the storm front is coming up from a southerly track.

The storm started just after midnight and by 9 am we'd had nearly an inch.  Originally, this was to be a "normal" storm and end early tomorrow.  No such luck.  The forecast is now for about 2 inches more and for rain to continue through tomorrow evening.  Everyone in town, including me, took advantage of the break to run quick errands, walk the dog, or just get outside.

We were supposed to have 10-12 days of no rain after this, but the new forecast is for a 3 day storm starting early next week.  Cosi and I will snuggle together, regardless of the weather.  Every day, little by little, she believes me when I tell her she's home forever.  She still wants to be wherever I am, which is good most of the time, except when I need to do my PT in the cat-free room or home maintenance where she could get in the way or be hurt.

I discovered this morning that the little one has too much pudge.  She was about a pound underweight when I adopted her at 8 lb.  As a Bengal she is very active and needs about 10% more calories than average house cats, so I let her have it the first month.  I switched up her food a few weeks ago to more wet (nutrient dense for the number of calories) and less kibble (good fiber and veg for digestion).  This morning after I weighed myself (woo hoo, down another pound this month; 21 to go), I picked her up:  10.1 lb.  The reason, I realized?  The little cutie has been conning me out of two-three extra kibble portions every day for 3 weeks!  Nope, not going to have either of us unhealthy and too chubby.  Of course, she looks at me with the pathetic face and, "I'm soooo starving.  You haven't fed me for hours."  I'm sure she'll manage.  I only buy her the best food and she's not a picky eater.  I do not give her people food at all, except 1 tsp cream twice right after I adopted her and was easing her in to her new home.

Raleigh's dad and I did the first visual introduction with Cosi on Sunday.  I rigged up a temporary screen at the top of the landing.  That's what's recommended for the visual phase.  They're well through the smelling and hearing each other phases, even sharing blankets back and forth to really integrate their scents.  Raleigh and her dad were at the foot of the stairs with treats and Cosi and I were on the landing, also with treats. 

I knew Raleigh would be fine--she has lived with cats her whole life and is pretty chill.  Cosi did really well too.  She didn't freak out or get aggressive or hiss or run away.  After eating her treats while listening to Raleigh's dad (whom she adores) talk to her and watching Raleigh, she was more curious than anything else and wanted to get through the screen.  But we're not ready for that yet, so after 10 minutes, I took her back to the bedroom.  We'll do that again during visits for a few weeks and then remove the screen if all goes well.

She's an adventure and a sometimes frustrating, loving joy every day.

On 3/15/2023 at 3:31 AM, KayC said:

Annie, I tried to find out something about the area you're living in but not much to go by with "central coast" as the predictions were okay, so glad you were spared the worst, but that is still a lot of rain for the ground to absorb.

The Central Coast does span a pretty broad range.  Morro Bay weather reports are the closest to me.  I don't think our community makes the national weather service.  Inland is our county seat of San Luis Obispo.  North on the coast are Cambria and San Simeon; south on the coast are Pismo Beach and what's called "The Five Cities"; inland north has Paso Robles and Atascadero, world renown wine appellations.  Avila beach and the Diablo Nuclear Power Plant are between Morro Bay and Pismo.  Inland from San Luis Obispo is Edna Valley, another world renown wine appellation and where our friends have their award winning small winery.  The north end of the Central Coast is Monterey Bay and the south end is Santa Barbara.  Our county is smack dab in between them.  We're the central Central Coast.

[foreverhis]

John, my heart is hurting for you today.  One thing after another, piling on challenges to your already challenging life.  I know this time would be immeasurably better with your loving wife by your side and wish so much that we were all closer to each other.

Please take care as best you can and know that we are all with you in spirit.

[KayC]

John, Continuing to pray for you!  You will get through even this, though there may be days you wonder.  Iris did, she gets her port out Friday...the worst day for travel is Friday and Saturday (will be getting tons of snow).

I hope you have a ride to/from chemo, too hard to drive yourself, imo.

[John9]

13 hours ago, KayC said:

I hope you have a ride to/from chemo, too hard to drive yourself, imo.

KayC,

Yes our Son has been driving me and his friend says he will drive me when our Son can't. I had my first chemotherapy today and immediately had a reaction and they had to stop it and give me something to counteract the effect. It felt like my face was on fire. Luckily the Nurses and technicians were able to restart the drugs just at a slower rate. That did make our Son have to reschedule some of his clients, which he had done already in order to take me. Hopefully next time I will be able to do it quicker. But now I have to "pass" the blood testing each week and hope my numbers are good enough to have the chemotherapy. The drugs that they gave today seem to have worked so far to keep me "normal" .

 And yes I am fearful of attempting to drive myself, because most of the driving is on the freeway. And if something were to happen the police would wonder if the drugs were a cause. I don't feel like there is anything different, but how many "drunks" have said they are fine to drive and then cause an accident or harm someone. I just don't want to be a burden on anyone. Take care, John

[John9]

On 3/21/2023 at 7:18 PM, foreverhis said:

John, my heart is hurting for you today.  One thing after another, piling on challenges to your already challenging life.  I know this time would be immeasurably better with your loving wife by your side and wish so much that we were all closer to each other.

Please take care as best you can and know that we are all with you in spirit.

foreverhis,

Thank you for the comments. All I can do is try my hardest to do what they ask of me. And yes if my loving wife was still here, maybe I wouldn't even be having these issues right now. I know the grief and stress caused many of my issues and probably at least contributed to the cancer. At least some of the Nurses and Doctors agree with me. Take care, John

On 3/21/2023 at 6:13 PM, Gator M said:

John,

Prayers for your comfort, your healing, and your spirit.

Gator M,

Thank you. John

[movingon]

@John9 my husband had a reaction that sounds exactly as yours did when he was going through immunotherapy. But it only happened the once thankfully. So I'm hoping and praying that it will be the same for you. Please keep your spirits up and keep us all in your thoughts as well...we're all praying the best for you John.

[Gail 8588]

John,

I am glad you were able to complete the first chemotherapy. I hope it will go more smoothly with the rest of the treatments.

You are in my prayers every day. 

Gail

[KayC]

Chemo is brutal, no doubt.  I've watched my friend Iris go through this every step of the way. She was fortunate to get rides as it's about 140 mile round trip to the cancer center from here.  Her husband had long haulers Covid and her cancer, they were fortunate his daughter came and took care of them (from another state no less!) and when she had to leave, another daughter came, it was amazing...my kids can't help me so I'm thankful to have not had to face this, but even with all the support in the world, it's tough.  I am committed to praying for you, John, I know this is not a picnic.  I'm sorry you had that bad reaction right off the bat.   I'm glad they cut it back and it went more tolerable after that.  So glad for your son and his friend!

 

[John9]

KayC,

I have to say that there is nothing easy about any of this. The feeding tube was supposed to make it easier for me in case I can't continue to eat or drink and it has not been working correctly, and I am losing weight. I spoke to the dietician and the Radiation Oncologist this morning and they are going to try to change the formula to one with less fiber, because they think with the issues I had the fiber is causing the diarrhea because it is acting as an irritant. All I can do is keep trying to follow their instruction. I feel okay-ish, just tired more than anything. Luckily I don't have too much to try to do, just make it to my treatments. Hopefully the next chemotherapy will go better since they say my body should recognize the drugs. I had no issues when I got back to the house as far as the nausea goes, because they gave me many anti-nausea drugs. I joked today that they should give them to me everyday. I take Zofran before the Radiation, but it tastes like "crap". I am very thankful for our Son and his friend and hopefully they won't get sick of helping me. Take care, John

[John9]

4 hours ago, Gator M said:

John,

My brother, I'm praying for you.  To go through this, in addition to your grief is truly awful.  

Prayers for healing, comfort, blessings, and peace.  We're pulling for you. 

Gator M,

Thank you and I am not sure if I ever expressed my condolences for the loss of your wife, if I didn't I am now and if I did, I am again. Grief is a terrible thing and then when there are other things happening without that special person, it really hits home, how much we miss them. Take care, John

[John9]

12 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

John,

I am glad you were able to complete the first chemotherapy. I hope it will go more smoothly with the rest of the treatments.

You are in my prayers every day. 

Gail

Gail 8588,

Thank you and I too hope that the treatments get easier or at least not any worse. Take care, John

[KayC]

41 minutes ago, John9 said:

hopefully they won't get sick of helping me.

I doubt they will.  And I'm glad they gave you anti-nausea drugs!

[Alone. Again.]

I echo SIM7079's words and I'm thinking of you. You are in all of our thoughts John. Thank you for keeping us in the loop. We care. 

[Sparky1]

John, every day I check this topic and hope and pray that I read good news regarding your treatment. Hang in there brother, we're all here rooting for you and hopefully you'll get better.

[foreverhis]

You're in my thoughts today and every day, John.  I so hope that things start to turn around for you and soon.  It's a bit of a relief knowing your son and his friend are there to help you.  I think it's unlikely they'll get sick of helping you, though I wouldn't be surprised if one or both of them need short breaks from time to time.  It won't mean they're sick of you or don't want to be there.  It will simply mean that they need a little time to "recharge" and take care of themselves.  Fortunately, with two of them there, they'll be able to help each other as well.  Believe me, they love you and want to help you through this.

 

I feel almost guilty or selfish with my own health news.  The day before my follow up ultrasound, I got a call from the radiology department.  The radiologist was reviewing images for the next day's patients and decided to call in a second doctor.  They compared my images from 2 years and 4 years ago to the current one, taking into account that I've lost 25 lb in the interim.  It seems my prominent pectoral muscles got more "squished" into the one view and what looked like a lucency was actually a shadow.  The other view did not show anything abnormal at all.

The upshot is that I do not need an ultrasound right now and my classification was changed to "benign findings" with recommendation for a follow up mammogram in 6 months to be on the safe side and advice to not skip years in the future.  I suppose everyone here can understand why I just didn't care overly much in 2019 and 2021.  I knew I needed to do my best to be here for our daughter and granddaughter, but sometimes it was really difficult mentally to follow through. 

It sounds ridiculous when I say it, but I look at Cosi, this beautiful, smart, feisty, slightly crazy, silly, loving girl, and know I need to try to stick around for her sake.  It's just the two of us really and I promised her that I'd love and care for her for life.   So there it is:  I need to stay as healthy as possible for a cat.  Of course, I already have multiple, non-life threatening medical conditions, but they only affect my ability to do certain things and not my ability to be her forever human family.

[Gail 8588]

@foreverhis

I am glad the doctor came to the conclusion you suspected all along.

Cosi is so lucky to have you, and you are right to do what you can to live up to your commitment to her.   Our fur babies are members of our family.  They give so much of themselves to us 

I hope the storms have cleared out in your area. 

Gail

 

[KayC]

12 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I look at Cosi, this beautiful, smart, feisty, slightly crazy, silly, loving girl, and know I need to try to stick around for her sake.

Not ridiculous at all!  I can't bear the thought of leaving Kodie or even Panther, I know Panther would survive as he always has, yet he would miss his family...and Kodie, all he has known is being my companion, here in this home in this neighborhood, and loving Jazzy...change any of that, it'd be really hard for him.  He is my incentive to keep going.  It's for him I shoveled 13" of heavy wet sludge yesterday and will again today...hoping for a little less today please!

I am glad the mammogram didn't display anything heinous and also am glad they'll just keep an eye out in the future, the sooner we can catch something the better.  But I'd go on with my life in between, it could be nothing...

8 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I hope the storms have cleared out in your area. 

Yes, how is this going?  Haven't heard much this week...

And @John9 Thinking of you and hoping the feeding is going better.  My friend Iris got her port out yesterday but is very distraught over learning her best friend is dying...I hope it doesn't waylay her desire/will to go on.  So important to keep going and give it time to see what good can be left for us, yet I also understand that enough is enough sometimes...my dear friend is going through so much.  She's an amazing person and I want to see her full of life.  Physically she's years behind me, I've aged so much this year.  But I keep going, doing what I can do.  You are going through so much right now and my prayers continue for/with you!

[SSC]

I have been a quiet reader of this thread but have always had you all in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for what you are going through, John.  I cannot help but think our long term grief affects our health in ways we can’t determine.

 I think of Tnd and know all the stress she was under ….but she literally had no one.

Life is so hard especially as we are getting older and it’s so difficult to pull ourselves out of the darkness when we don’t have the one person we need to lean on during the times when we need them the most.  But it is a testament to you as a father that your son wants to help you during your illness!  You raised him right!  It’s obvious he loves you.  I am sure your wife is so proud of him and so grateful he is taking care of you!

[Sparky1]

12 hours ago, SSC said:

I think of Tnd and know all the stress she was under ….but she literally had no one.

I also think of tnd and just fear of what might have happened to her. No one knows if she's okay or not, and we can only hope and pray that she is okay. It's not like her though to not post, even when she was in rough shape she posted. 

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

It's not like her though to not post, even when she was in rough shape she posted. 

I'm thinking she maybe passed, she never would have gone this long, and that concerns me esp. with the environment she was living in.  No way to know.

 

[Roxeanne]

I don't dare to say that but i think you sadly say the truth Kay...😔

[KayC]

That's my only consolation about tnd, but what became of her cats?  We'll never know, they may have put them in a shelter/rescue.  I hope they ended up in a good home. 

[Roxeanne]

20 minutes ago, KayC said:

but what became of her cats?  We'll never know, they may have put them in a shelter/rescue.  I hope they ended up in a good home. 

I hope so...she loved her cats...but i don't trust that family! 🤦‍♂️

[John9]

Hello all just a quick note I’m back in the hospital at the hasn’t been a good couple days. The chemo and radiation is really kicking my butt and a I don’t know what’s going on. I’m nauseous and lightheaded. I feel like I’m being cut in half. I just want to thank everybody for the concern and I’ll try to keep you posted. Take care, John.

[movingon]

Oh John, have they paused the chemo and radiation until they might figure out what is going on? Can they give you something to make you more comfortable? I'm so sorry you are going through all this, we all really hope for some good news, we're all here praying for you. 

[KayC]

John, I am so sorry.  I know it was really rough on Iris, I can't imagine anything worse.  Do let us know what you find out.

5 hours ago, Roxeanne said:

i don't trust that family!

Me neither.  I went back and read her last week's post (June 4-11) and it seems their usual drama, the husband had told her she needed to leave, the son came back home, more yelling, drama...anything could have happened.

[Gail 8588]

@John9

Oh John, I am so sorry it has been so rough.  My BIL has had a few set backs like that.  They change up his treatment plan and try again with a new combination of  chemo, radiation, and infusion therapies.  The combo he is currently on is better, more tolerable, than earlier plans.  

Anyway my seeing what my BIL is going through makes me feel so bad for what you are going through too.

Know you are in my prayers for strength and healing every day.  I wish there was more I could do. 

Gail

[foreverhis]

11 hours ago, Roxeanne said:

I don't dare to say that but i think you sadly say the truth Kay...😔

I fear so as well.  I'm afraid we'll never know.

I think of her strength and determination in the face of no support and being duped by that family into what was, IMO, a dangerous situation.  Then I remind myself how lucky I am to have what I do.

[Shinka]

John, I haven't written here before, so you don't know me, but I have followed your journey from the beginning, and I just wanted to let you know you've been and still are in my prayers. I sincerely hope the hospital team will be able to make you more comfortable, at least as much as is possible in your situation. 

[Shinka]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

4 hours ago, KayC said:

Me neither.  I went back and read her last week's post (June 4-11) and it seems their usual drama, the husband had told her she needed to leave, the son came back home, more yelling, drama...anything could have happened.

 

I have the feeling her heart simply gave up. One cannot have those low oxygen levels she had regularly, combined with the amount of stress she was experiencing, without seriously damaging  it. I'm just sad that it had to happen in such a toxic environment. That sucks. 

[John9]

Hello I’m just checking in letting you know that I’m still in the hospital. They tried to do a feeling today and it went right through me as well. They’re trying to get me strong enough so I can get my treatments but I did not have a treatment today because I’m in a different hospital. Take care John.

[Gail 8588]

Thanks for the update John. 

Praying tomorrow will be better. 

Gail

[KayC]

Hoping today goes better for you, John. My heart goes out to you with all you have going on. 

[John9]

Hello all,

 I’m still in the hospital, I was told this morning that I was being discharged today, and yet I am still waiting 12 hours later. The Doctors want me out so I am able to have my treatments. The Oncologist’s office called me today and said I don’t have any chemotherapy this week, but still have radiation treatments. Hopefully they will figure something out that works better for me. Take care, John